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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 WWW.MY-SUBS.CO 1 00:00:00,510 --> 00:00:03,170 back we are dating robin and i had this running joke. 2 00:00:03,180 --> 00:00:05,700 we were the only two people in the world who found it funny 3 00:00:05,710 --> 00:00:07,040 no way. 4 00:00:07,050 --> 00:00:08,910 march does not have 31 days. 5 00:00:08,920 --> 00:00:09,940 yes, it does. 6 00:00:09,950 --> 00:00:11,280 everyone knows that. 7 00:00:11,290 --> 00:00:13,010 it's like general knowledge. 8 00:00:13,020 --> 00:00:15,280 general knowledge. general knowledge. 9 00:00:15,290 --> 00:00:16,750 and we did it all the time. 10 00:00:16,760 --> 00:00:18,120 isn't it sad? 11 00:00:18,130 --> 00:00:19,690 i mean in 2007, 12 00:00:19,700 --> 00:00:22,860 some countries actually still condone corporal punishment. 13 00:00:22,870 --> 00:00:24,620 corporal punishment. corporal punishment. 14 00:00:24,630 --> 00:00:26,130 because once you start 15 00:00:26,140 --> 00:00:27,890 it's surprisingly hard to stop 16 00:00:27,900 --> 00:00:30,730 oh, man, i got a kernel stuck in my teeth. 17 00:00:30,740 --> 00:00:33,230 colonel stuck-in-my-teeth. 18 00:00:33,240 --> 00:00:34,970 please stop! i hate you!you're killing me! 19 00:00:34,980 --> 00:00:37,500 but now, we were broken up,so when marshall said... 20 00:00:37,510 --> 00:00:40,440 but after the first year,i get a major pay raise. 21 00:00:40,450 --> 00:00:42,980 we just let it slide. 22 00:00:42,990 --> 00:00:44,580 you see, on the surface,robin and i looked like 23 00:00:44,590 --> 00:00:45,580 we were doing great. 24 00:00:45,590 --> 00:00:47,480 but the truth is, 25 00:00:47,490 --> 00:00:48,750 trying to be friends with your ex 26 00:00:48,760 --> 00:00:50,180 is a lot harder than it looks 27 00:00:50,190 --> 00:00:52,050 you can't be as candid as you used to be 28 00:00:52,060 --> 00:00:54,120 so then this hot intern leans over my desk, 29 00:00:54,130 --> 00:00:56,990 i can totally see she has a pierced... 30 00:00:57,000 --> 00:00:58,460 brosnan. 31 00:00:58,470 --> 00:01:01,160 pierce brosnan is my favorite of all the bonds. 32 00:01:01,170 --> 00:01:04,630 but most importantly, you can never, ever be alone together. 33 00:01:04,640 --> 00:01:06,030 i gotta go. 34 00:01:06,040 --> 00:01:09,710 -i'm gonna go pay. -peeing. 35 00:01:12,680 --> 00:01:13,970 i'm gonna help marshall pay. 36 00:01:13,980 --> 00:01:17,250 i'm gonna help lily pee. 37 00:01:28,960 --> 00:01:30,960 all right,we have a turkey. 38 00:01:30,970 --> 00:01:32,320 yeah, we do. 39 00:01:32,330 --> 00:01:33,660 isn't this exciting? 40 00:01:33,670 --> 00:01:36,030 our first thanksgiving together as a group. 41 00:01:36,040 --> 00:01:38,330 yeah, this is gonna be the best slapsgiving ever. 42 00:01:38,340 --> 00:01:39,330 what? 43 00:01:39,340 --> 00:01:40,730 i said this is going to be 44 00:01:40,740 --> 00:01:42,600 the best thanksgiving ever 45 00:01:42,610 --> 00:01:44,270 yeah, this is going to be great. 46 00:01:44,280 --> 00:01:46,240 just the five of us, right? 47 00:01:46,250 --> 00:01:47,710 oh, uh, that reminds me: i invited bob. 48 00:01:47,720 --> 00:01:49,040 bob? 49 00:01:49,050 --> 00:01:51,040 you've been on, like,three dates with that guy. 50 00:01:51,050 --> 00:01:52,540 we haven't even met him. 51 00:01:52,550 --> 00:01:54,850 well, he didn't have anywhere else to go, 52 00:01:54,860 --> 00:01:56,280 and i didn't know what to say. 53 00:01:56,290 --> 00:01:57,880 is it really that big a deal? 54 00:01:57,890 --> 00:01:58,850 yes. 55 00:01:58,860 --> 00:02:00,420 this is our first thanksgiving. 56 00:02:00,430 --> 00:02:02,720 30 years from now, we're going to look at the photos 57 00:02:02,730 --> 00:02:07,190 and say, "oh, there's the four people i love most in the world. 58 00:02:07,200 --> 00:02:08,730 and bob." 59 00:02:08,740 --> 00:02:10,360 i'm sorry,sometimes i forget 60 00:02:10,370 --> 00:02:12,700 how seriously you guys take american thanksgiving. 61 00:02:12,710 --> 00:02:14,730 real thanksgiving happened over a month ago. 62 00:02:14,740 --> 00:02:16,740 i'm sorry. 63 00:02:16,750 --> 00:02:19,370 did you just say canadian thanksgiving was 64 00:02:19,380 --> 00:02:22,240 and i'm quoting,"the real thanksgiving"? 65 00:02:22,250 --> 00:02:26,750 what do canadians even have to celebrate about? 66 00:02:26,760 --> 00:02:28,610 canadian thanksgiving 67 00:02:28,620 --> 00:02:31,380 celebrates explorer martin frobisher's valiant 68 00:02:31,390 --> 00:02:33,790 yet ultimately unsuccessful attempt 69 00:02:33,800 --> 00:02:35,550 to find the northwest passage. 70 00:02:35,560 --> 00:02:38,190 why are you guys even a country? 71 00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:39,630 oh, hey, by the way, 72 00:02:39,640 --> 00:02:41,260 if anyone wants to come over early thursday, 73 00:02:41,270 --> 00:02:42,960 we can watch the slapsgiving day parade. 74 00:02:42,970 --> 00:02:44,600 well,there,you said it again. 75 00:02:44,610 --> 00:02:45,300 said what? 76 00:02:45,310 --> 00:02:46,270 slapsgiving. 77 00:02:46,280 --> 00:02:48,400 oh, i guess i did. 78 00:02:48,410 --> 00:02:52,400 you know why? i've invented a new holiday: slapsgiving. 79 00:02:52,410 --> 00:02:53,940 it's the one day we set aside each year 80 00:02:53,950 --> 00:02:56,980 to gather together and give slaps. 81 00:02:56,990 --> 00:02:58,280 i should explain 82 00:02:58,290 --> 00:03:00,010 kids, you remember the slap bet 83 00:03:00,020 --> 00:03:02,550 a year earlier, marshall made a bet with barney 84 00:03:02,560 --> 00:03:04,620 and won the right to slap him five times 85 00:03:04,630 --> 00:03:07,350 he had already used the first 86 00:03:07,360 --> 00:03:09,990 and the second. 87 00:03:10,000 --> 00:03:12,690 but marshall had something special in store for the third 88 00:03:12,700 --> 00:03:14,090 slapcountdown.com. 89 00:03:14,100 --> 00:03:15,860 no. 90 00:03:15,870 --> 00:03:16,830 no, no. 91 00:03:16,840 --> 00:03:19,300 the countdown ends at 3:00 p.m. 92 00:03:19,310 --> 00:03:20,800 the day after thanksgiving. 93 00:03:20,810 --> 00:03:22,000 i counted it out. 94 00:03:22,010 --> 00:03:23,640 how many days are in october? 95 00:03:23,650 --> 00:03:25,800 uh, thirty. 96 00:03:25,810 --> 00:03:29,310 dude, i thought we cleared this up last year. 97 00:03:29,320 --> 00:03:32,010 i like halloween very much. 98 00:03:32,020 --> 00:03:34,110 is nice. 99 00:03:34,120 --> 00:03:35,480 is also tomorrow. 100 00:03:35,490 --> 00:03:38,160 damn it! 101 00:03:38,390 --> 00:03:41,150 wait, you're gonna slap me on thanksgiving? 102 00:03:41,160 --> 00:03:42,050 slapsgiving. 103 00:03:42,060 --> 00:03:43,820 that's not allowed. 104 00:03:43,830 --> 00:03:46,530 lily, you're the slap bet commissioner, is that allowed? 105 00:03:46,540 --> 00:03:48,990 the hostess in me who's using her wedding china 106 00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:51,430 for the first time wants to say hell, no, 107 00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:53,630 but yeah,i'm going to allow it. 108 00:03:53,640 --> 00:03:55,330 well, you know what? 109 00:03:55,340 --> 00:03:57,100 if you're trying to freak me out 110 00:03:57,110 --> 00:03:58,270 about spending thanksgiving... 111 00:03:58,280 --> 00:03:59,270 slapsgiving. 112 00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:01,510 at your place, then you failed. 113 00:04:01,520 --> 00:04:03,480 truth is, i'm not scared. 114 00:04:03,490 --> 00:04:05,710 -really?-right.cause you blew it. 115 00:04:05,720 --> 00:04:07,550 hmm.the worst part about getting slapped 116 00:04:07,560 --> 00:04:09,250 is not knowing when it's going to happen. 117 00:04:09,260 --> 00:04:11,550 but now i know exactly when i'm gonna get slapped. 118 00:04:11,560 --> 00:04:13,850 so, you took all the suspense out. 119 00:04:13,860 --> 00:04:16,120 you showed your hand. 120 00:04:16,130 --> 00:04:18,560 and thursday at 3:01 p.m., 121 00:04:18,570 --> 00:04:23,000 your face is going to show my hand. 122 00:04:23,010 --> 00:04:24,700 oh, there's bob! 123 00:04:24,710 --> 00:04:26,230 by the way, heads up, he's a little bit older than us. 124 00:04:26,240 --> 00:04:27,130 how old is he? 125 00:04:27,140 --> 00:04:28,300 he's forty-one. 126 00:04:28,310 --> 00:04:29,130 hey, bob! 127 00:04:29,140 --> 00:04:31,040 over here! 128 00:04:31,050 --> 00:04:33,840 okay, kids, the truth is,bob probably looked like this. 129 00:04:33,850 --> 00:04:36,540 -hey, sweetie.-hi. 130 00:04:36,550 --> 00:04:38,440 but when your ex is dating someone new 131 00:04:38,450 --> 00:04:40,910 your mind tends to accentuate their flaws. 132 00:04:40,920 --> 00:04:42,510 this is how i saw bob. 133 00:04:42,520 --> 00:04:44,750 hey, dudes,what's crackin'?. 134 00:04:44,760 --> 00:04:46,090 -hey -hey, man, how are you? 135 00:04:46,100 --> 00:04:46,920 good to meet you. 136 00:04:46,930 --> 00:04:48,120 sorry i'm late. 137 00:04:48,130 --> 00:04:49,660 i just got off the phone with my parents. 138 00:04:49,670 --> 00:04:50,960 parents? 139 00:04:50,970 --> 00:04:52,690 they were totally on my case: 140 00:04:52,700 --> 00:04:54,430 "what are you gonna do with your life? you're forty-one." 141 00:04:54,440 --> 00:04:58,960 and i'm like, "chillax,snowboarding is a legit career. 142 00:04:58,970 --> 00:05:02,030 you ought to be stoked i found my bliss." 143 00:05:02,040 --> 00:05:06,550 and speaking of bliss,sugar me, baby. 144 00:05:07,220 --> 00:05:09,850 let's go get a drink. 145 00:05:12,820 --> 00:05:14,210 unbelievable. 146 00:05:14,220 --> 00:05:17,450 robin is dating orville redenbacher. 147 00:05:17,460 --> 00:05:19,490 what are you talking about? 148 00:05:19,500 --> 00:05:21,820 he's forty-one.he looks great. 149 00:05:21,830 --> 00:05:23,190 yeah, du he's in pretty good shape. 150 00:05:23,200 --> 00:05:24,490 he could kick your ass. 151 00:05:24,500 --> 00:05:26,230 how are you guys not seeing this? 152 00:05:26,240 --> 00:05:28,230 he's 150; robin's 27. 153 00:05:28,240 --> 00:05:29,730 barney, come on,what do you got? 154 00:05:29,740 --> 00:05:32,100 nothing but respect for that man. 155 00:05:32,110 --> 00:05:35,530 oh, by the way, we're all baking pies at robin's tomorrow. 156 00:05:35,540 --> 00:05:38,970 marshall can't be trusted in the apartment with pies overnight. 157 00:05:38,980 --> 00:05:40,740 for the millionth time, 158 00:05:40,750 --> 00:05:46,750 sleep-eating is a very serious and delicious medical condition. 159 00:05:46,760 --> 00:05:48,750 hey, uh, what time are you guys going to robin's? 160 00:05:48,760 --> 00:05:49,820 7:30. 161 00:05:49,830 --> 00:05:51,380 perfect. 162 00:05:51,390 --> 00:05:54,660 just to be safe,i'll get there like 8:00, 8:30. 163 00:05:55,200 --> 00:05:56,590 sorry i'm late. 164 00:05:56,600 --> 00:05:57,560 where are marshall and lily? 165 00:05:57,570 --> 00:05:59,190 uh, they just called. 166 00:05:59,200 --> 00:06:02,940 they're both super swamped preparing for tomorrow. 167 00:06:08,640 --> 00:06:10,140 is bob coming? 168 00:06:10,150 --> 00:06:12,040 no, he went to see green day. 169 00:06:13,720 --> 00:06:15,040 so it's... 170 00:06:15,050 --> 00:06:16,410 -...just the two of us. -...just the two of us. 171 00:06:16,420 --> 00:06:18,010 making pies. 172 00:06:18,020 --> 00:06:19,380 pies. they're things that friends make together. 173 00:06:19,390 --> 00:06:21,650 yeah, they do. 174 00:06:21,660 --> 00:06:22,980 -great. -yeah. 175 00:06:22,990 --> 00:06:24,420 great. well, this is great. 176 00:06:24,430 --> 00:06:28,800 -it'll give us a chance to catch up. -yeah. 177 00:06:30,330 --> 00:06:33,970 -i'm going to make a phone call. -i'll put it in the oven. 178 00:06:34,540 --> 00:06:36,160 hey, it's me. 179 00:06:36,170 --> 00:06:38,130 listen, you have to come over here and make pies. 180 00:06:38,140 --> 00:06:40,130 yeah, i'll be there, absolutely. 181 00:06:40,140 --> 00:06:41,630 oh, awesome, you're a lifesaver. 182 00:06:41,640 --> 00:06:43,540 it's still kind of weird being alone with robin, 183 00:06:43,550 --> 00:06:44,940 but if you were here... 184 00:06:44,950 --> 00:06:46,310 hey, say no more. 185 00:06:46,320 --> 00:06:47,670 i mean, when i pulled 186 00:06:47,680 --> 00:06:49,340 you out of that burning wreckage, 187 00:06:49,350 --> 00:06:51,040 i wasn't doing it to have a battleship named after me. 188 00:06:51,050 --> 00:06:52,540 but if you insist, 189 00:06:52,550 --> 00:06:54,580 yes, i'll be there for the christening. 190 00:06:54,590 --> 00:06:57,120 you're hitting on someone right now, aren't you? 191 00:06:57,130 --> 00:06:59,220 no, i'm not going to wear the medal of honor. 192 00:06:59,230 --> 00:07:01,420 that would just be tacky. 193 00:07:01,430 --> 00:07:02,660 so you're not coming to make pies. 194 00:07:02,670 --> 00:07:03,920 no, no. 195 00:07:03,930 --> 00:07:05,420 thank you, mr. president. 196 00:07:05,430 --> 00:07:07,530 sorry. 197 00:07:07,540 --> 00:07:10,630 after a very long night, it was finally the big holiday. 198 00:07:10,640 --> 00:07:12,730 sorry, the two big holidays. 199 00:07:12,740 --> 00:07:13,870 oh, marshall, 200 00:07:13,880 --> 00:07:15,530 are you working on the cranberry sauce? 201 00:07:15,540 --> 00:07:18,540 in a minute, baby. i've only got so many hands. 202 00:07:18,550 --> 00:07:20,570 you see what i got going on here? 203 00:07:20,580 --> 00:07:22,370 they're turkeys, but they're also hands, 204 00:07:22,380 --> 00:07:24,840 because later, we're going to eat turkey... 205 00:07:24,850 --> 00:07:27,380 and then i'm going to slap you in your face. 206 00:07:27,390 --> 00:07:30,950 please, you took out all the suspense. 207 00:07:30,960 --> 00:07:32,750 in a horror movie, 208 00:07:32,760 --> 00:07:34,290 the killer does not grab a bullhorn and announce, 209 00:07:34,300 --> 00:07:37,360 "attention unsupervised teens here at the lake house: 210 00:07:37,370 --> 00:07:38,890 "at precisely 3:00 a.m., 211 00:07:38,900 --> 00:07:41,090 "i'm gonna jump out of that closet right there 212 00:07:41,100 --> 00:07:42,800 "and hack you all up with a machete. 213 00:07:42,810 --> 00:07:46,240 p.s. fire is my one weakness." 214 00:07:49,380 --> 00:07:51,140 hey, ted. 215 00:07:51,150 --> 00:07:52,810 -hey, happy thanksgiving. -you, too. 216 00:07:52,820 --> 00:07:54,210 is lily in the kitchen? 217 00:07:54,220 --> 00:07:56,950 -yep. -great. 218 00:07:58,150 --> 00:07:59,180 -marshall? -lily? 219 00:07:59,190 --> 00:08:00,780 -yeah? -uh-huh? 220 00:08:00,790 --> 00:08:04,930 something really weird happened last night. 221 00:08:05,240 --> 00:08:07,200 what do you mean something weird happened last night? 222 00:08:07,210 --> 00:08:08,800 you may not realize this, but since we broke up, 223 00:08:08,810 --> 00:08:11,030 robin and i have never really been alone together. 224 00:08:11,040 --> 00:08:12,500 so we're in the kitchen, 225 00:08:12,510 --> 00:08:14,570 starting on the pies, and we realize, 226 00:08:14,580 --> 00:08:16,640 we don't have a damn thing to say to each other. 227 00:08:16,650 --> 00:08:18,210 i mean, you can't talk about 228 00:08:18,220 --> 00:08:19,840 how close you used to be. 229 00:08:19,850 --> 00:08:21,080 you can't talk about how close 230 00:08:21,090 --> 00:08:22,650 you're not now. 231 00:08:22,660 --> 00:08:24,010 you just feel like everything you say 232 00:08:24,020 --> 00:08:25,350 is gonna make things worse. 233 00:08:25,360 --> 00:08:27,520 exactly. and you know why? 234 00:08:27,530 --> 00:08:29,920 because you don't want to hurt someone you really care about, 235 00:08:29,930 --> 00:08:31,590 especially around the holidays. 236 00:08:31,600 --> 00:08:34,220 i mean, what decent human being would want to cause 237 00:08:34,230 --> 00:08:36,890 any kind of emotional or physical pain... 238 00:08:36,900 --> 00:08:39,340 you're still getting slapped. 239 00:08:39,470 --> 00:08:40,860 i wanted to leave, but i couldn't stick her 240 00:08:40,870 --> 00:08:42,530 with making all the pies by herself. 241 00:08:42,540 --> 00:08:44,230 she was exhausted. 242 00:08:44,240 --> 00:08:46,900 i yawned like a million times trying to get him to leave. 243 00:08:46,910 --> 00:08:49,270 yeah, some people just can't take a hint. 244 00:08:49,280 --> 00:08:51,070 by the way, i'm really swamped in here. 245 00:08:51,080 --> 00:08:52,710 i kept looking at the clock and sighing-- 246 00:08:52,720 --> 00:08:54,410 totally clueless. 247 00:08:54,420 --> 00:08:55,880 uh-huh. i'm not sure i have time to mash 248 00:08:55,890 --> 00:08:58,080 those potatoes, you're standing right next to. 249 00:08:58,090 --> 00:08:59,850 and then ted does the thing that he always does 250 00:08:59,860 --> 00:09:01,380 when there's an awkward silence. 251 00:09:01,390 --> 00:09:02,920 yep. masher's right there, next to the pot. 252 00:09:02,930 --> 00:09:05,990 he panics and says the first thing that pops into his head. 253 00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:07,790 hey, did you know that 254 00:09:07,800 --> 00:09:12,670 the first pies in recorded history came from ancient egypt? 255 00:09:13,270 --> 00:09:15,770 remember last year's thanksgiving, 256 00:09:15,780 --> 00:09:19,740 when we had sex seven times? 257 00:09:19,910 --> 00:09:21,900 -ooh. terrible. -what?! 258 00:09:21,910 --> 00:09:23,570 i thought it would break the ice. 259 00:09:23,580 --> 00:09:25,880 i'd already broken the ice with my cool pie fact. 260 00:09:25,890 --> 00:09:28,680 then he makes it ten times more awkward. 261 00:09:28,690 --> 00:09:31,150 how do you respond to something like that? 262 00:09:31,160 --> 00:09:34,380 did you know that the egyptian pyramids can be seen from space? 263 00:09:34,390 --> 00:09:37,050 probably? 264 00:09:37,060 --> 00:09:39,490 ooh, the oven's pre-heated! 265 00:09:39,500 --> 00:09:40,890 okay, um... 266 00:09:40,900 --> 00:09:43,490 the pecan pie is gonna take the longest. 267 00:09:43,500 --> 00:09:45,560 why don't we put that one in first? 268 00:09:45,570 --> 00:09:47,700 pecan pie? why are we making that? 269 00:09:47,710 --> 00:09:49,500 um, it's my favorite. 270 00:09:49,510 --> 00:09:51,170 you're allergic. 271 00:09:51,180 --> 00:09:53,640 i know. i just like smelling it. 272 00:09:53,650 --> 00:09:55,540 it's like eating with your nose. 273 00:09:55,550 --> 00:10:00,490 so we're making a pie for bob. 274 00:10:00,790 --> 00:10:02,310 yeah. 275 00:10:02,320 --> 00:10:04,910 she's got you making pies for this guy? 276 00:10:04,920 --> 00:10:06,580 yeah. 277 00:10:06,590 --> 00:10:10,200 that is a real slap in the face. 278 00:10:10,530 --> 00:10:13,160 you know, you could have just told me it was for bob. 279 00:10:13,170 --> 00:10:15,560 yeah, i-i just thought it might upset you. 280 00:10:15,570 --> 00:10:17,460 upset me? wait a second. 281 00:10:17,470 --> 00:10:20,340 do you think that... 282 00:10:20,410 --> 00:10:23,900 ...do you think that i'm jealous of bob? 283 00:10:23,910 --> 00:10:25,370 i don't know. 284 00:10:25,380 --> 00:10:27,240 is it so ridiculous to think that you might be? 285 00:10:27,250 --> 00:10:29,070 -yes. -why? 286 00:10:29,080 --> 00:10:31,310 because he's a thousand years old. 287 00:10:31,320 --> 00:10:34,110 no, ted, what are you doing? 288 00:10:34,120 --> 00:10:35,480 right? 289 00:10:35,490 --> 00:10:36,880 the only reason i'm jealous of bob 290 00:10:36,890 --> 00:10:38,480 is that we can only talk about the first thanksgiving, 291 00:10:38,490 --> 00:10:39,880 but he was actually there. 292 00:10:39,890 --> 00:10:40,780 come on. 293 00:10:40,790 --> 00:10:41,780 the only reason 294 00:10:41,790 --> 00:10:43,190 i'm jealous of bob is because 295 00:10:43,200 --> 00:10:44,720 i heard noah gave him shotgun in the ark. 296 00:10:44,730 --> 00:10:45,420 ted... 297 00:10:45,430 --> 00:10:46,360 the only reason 298 00:10:46,370 --> 00:10:47,760 i'm jealous of bob 299 00:10:47,770 --> 00:10:49,790 is that i'm just an architect, but he discovered fire. 300 00:10:49,800 --> 00:10:51,160 how do you top that? 301 00:10:51,170 --> 00:10:54,230 he's 41! why are you bashing on him so hard? 302 00:10:54,240 --> 00:10:56,070 i'm not. i'm just joking around. 303 00:10:56,080 --> 00:10:58,000 that's what friends do. 304 00:10:58,010 --> 00:10:59,540 it's mean. 305 00:10:59,550 --> 00:11:01,440 well, how come we're all allowed to bust on barney 306 00:11:01,450 --> 00:11:03,110 when he dates some skanktron, 307 00:11:03,120 --> 00:11:04,870 but when you sleep with the crypt keeper's dad, 308 00:11:04,880 --> 00:11:06,480 i'm not allowed to say a word? 309 00:11:06,490 --> 00:11:09,280 first of all, bob and i are not sleeping together. 310 00:11:09,290 --> 00:11:10,650 we're just dating. 311 00:11:10,660 --> 00:11:12,250 secondly, have i said one word 312 00:11:12,260 --> 00:11:14,450 about the parade of dubious conquests 313 00:11:14,460 --> 00:11:16,320 you've been marching past me the last few months? 314 00:11:16,330 --> 00:11:18,690 one of whom got you a butterfly tattoo? 315 00:11:18,700 --> 00:11:20,820 -hey, that is...-and if you and i are such good friends... 316 00:11:20,830 --> 00:11:23,630 why is baking a pie for bob so weird? 317 00:11:23,640 --> 00:11:25,260 yeah, if you and i are such good friends, 318 00:11:25,270 --> 00:11:28,230 why couldn't you just tell me that's what we were doing? 319 00:11:28,240 --> 00:11:30,570 okay, maybe we should talk about this later. 320 00:11:30,580 --> 00:11:33,200 i-i should get going. 321 00:11:33,210 --> 00:11:35,770 well, what are we doing?it's thanksgiving. 322 00:11:35,780 --> 00:11:36,870 i don't know. i'm sorry. 323 00:11:36,880 --> 00:11:38,070 this is stupid. 324 00:11:38,080 --> 00:11:39,240 i'm sorry, too. 325 00:11:39,250 --> 00:11:40,240 of course we're friends. 326 00:11:40,250 --> 00:11:41,380 i'm glad we're friends. 327 00:11:41,390 --> 00:11:43,920 me, too. 328 00:11:51,770 --> 00:11:54,100 you guys slept together last night? 329 00:11:54,110 --> 00:11:56,130 that is a terrible idea! 330 00:11:56,140 --> 00:11:57,840 horrible idea. 331 00:11:57,850 --> 00:11:59,900 relapse five! 332 00:11:59,910 --> 00:12:01,370 that's where we high-five, 333 00:12:01,380 --> 00:12:03,910 then it's awkward for a little bit... 334 00:12:03,920 --> 00:12:06,180 and then we high-five again! 335 00:12:06,190 --> 00:12:07,480 what the hell were you doing? 336 00:12:07,490 --> 00:12:08,650 let's review: 337 00:12:08,660 --> 00:12:10,880 you and ted broke up six months ago 338 00:12:10,890 --> 00:12:12,650 -yep -you're dating another man... 339 00:12:12,660 --> 00:12:14,320 you are correct, sir. 340 00:12:14,330 --> 00:12:15,650 ...who's coming to my thanksgiving today... 341 00:12:15,660 --> 00:12:17,150 that is a truth-fact. 342 00:12:17,160 --> 00:12:19,520 -..an event ted is also attending.-ka-blammo. 343 00:12:19,530 --> 00:12:22,160 why are you trying to destroy american thanksgiving?! 344 00:12:22,170 --> 00:12:24,000 oh, lily, it's not as bad as it sounds. 345 00:12:24,010 --> 00:12:25,630 bob and i aren't that serious, 346 00:12:25,640 --> 00:12:28,630 and what happened last night with ted was a fluke. 347 00:12:28,640 --> 00:12:32,680 well, did you guys at least talk about it? 348 00:12:35,350 --> 00:12:38,940 -there's office material...-i hear something burning... 349 00:12:38,950 --> 00:12:40,680 clearly, we need to ignore this. 350 00:12:40,690 --> 00:12:43,210 clearly, we need to talk about this. 351 00:12:43,220 --> 00:12:47,090 you know? to save the friendship. 352 00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:49,750 -we need to talk.-stuffed mushroom? 353 00:12:49,760 --> 00:12:51,560 we need to talk about last night. 354 00:12:51,570 --> 00:12:54,060 did you know that some mushrooms are carnivorous? 355 00:12:54,070 --> 00:12:56,960 probably... not? 356 00:12:56,970 --> 00:12:59,800 ted, can we please just deal with this? 357 00:12:59,810 --> 00:13:01,600 look, i'm not mad. 358 00:13:01,610 --> 00:13:02,800 -i just think...-wait, wait, wait, wait. 359 00:13:02,810 --> 00:13:04,640 why would you be mad-- you started it? 360 00:13:04,650 --> 00:13:06,240 what?! you're crazy! 361 00:13:06,250 --> 00:13:08,110 we called a truce, we hugged, 362 00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:10,610 and when i tried to pull away, you kept your hand on my neck. 363 00:13:10,620 --> 00:13:12,740 only because your hand was still around my waist. 364 00:13:12,750 --> 00:13:14,710 oh, come on! you leaned into it. 365 00:13:14,720 --> 00:13:16,880 -i... leaned into it?-yeah. 366 00:13:16,890 --> 00:13:18,780 you're like the crappy kid in little league 367 00:13:18,790 --> 00:13:20,020 who knows he's not going to make contact, 368 00:13:20,030 --> 00:13:22,390 so he just..."oops, i got hit by the pitch. 369 00:13:22,400 --> 00:13:24,120 better take my base." 370 00:13:24,130 --> 00:13:25,620 oh, that was you in little league, wasn't it? 371 00:13:25,630 --> 00:13:28,900 my on-base percentage was off the charts! 372 00:13:29,170 --> 00:13:30,390 oh, no! 373 00:13:30,400 --> 00:13:32,530 the slap-petizers. 374 00:13:32,540 --> 00:13:34,170 you know what? that's it! 375 00:13:34,180 --> 00:13:37,070 this is thanksgiving. solve this right now. 376 00:13:37,080 --> 00:13:41,470 and if you have sex again, neither of you gets dessert! 377 00:13:41,480 --> 00:13:45,210 oh, what the hell kind of thanksgiving is this anyway? 378 00:13:45,220 --> 00:13:47,040 um, most thanksgivings. 379 00:13:47,050 --> 00:13:48,350 don't stress, baby. 380 00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:49,850 i'll try to find us something relaxing. 381 00:13:49,860 --> 00:13:51,720 thanks, baby. 382 00:13:51,730 --> 00:13:54,390 ooh, some classical music, maybe. 383 00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:56,490 oh, my! 384 00:13:56,500 --> 00:13:57,860 look at that. 385 00:13:57,870 --> 00:14:00,590 that means we're in the final hour of the countdown. 386 00:14:00,600 --> 00:14:03,090 i'm not scared. 387 00:14:03,100 --> 00:14:05,330 then why is your right cheek twitching? 388 00:14:05,340 --> 00:14:07,030 it's not... 389 00:14:07,040 --> 00:14:10,070 maybe it's because future me slaps future you so hard, 390 00:14:10,080 --> 00:14:11,970 it reverberates back to the present, 391 00:14:11,980 --> 00:14:14,140 shattering the time-slap continuum. 392 00:14:14,150 --> 00:14:15,910 please don't slap me. 393 00:14:15,920 --> 00:14:17,410 i'm sorry, what? 394 00:14:17,420 --> 00:14:18,580 oh, god! don't slap me again! 395 00:14:18,590 --> 00:14:20,210 i don't want to get slapped again, 396 00:14:20,220 --> 00:14:22,050 and the first two times hurt so bad, i don't like it! 397 00:14:22,060 --> 00:14:24,850 i don't like it one bit! 398 00:14:24,860 --> 00:14:27,950 i thought i ruined it by putting a clock on it, barney? 399 00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:30,190 well, you didn't ruin it; you made it so much worse! 400 00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:31,490 i can't eat. 401 00:14:31,500 --> 00:14:32,990 i can't sleep. 402 00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:35,290 i've lost ten pounds; my suits are wearing me. 403 00:14:35,300 --> 00:14:37,230 you know what?i'm outta here. 404 00:14:37,240 --> 00:14:38,930 well, no, no, no. you can't leave. 405 00:14:38,940 --> 00:14:40,670 why can't i?! 406 00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:42,300 nowhere in the rules does it say that i have to sit 407 00:14:42,310 --> 00:14:43,930 through sort of mental torture! 408 00:14:43,940 --> 00:14:45,570 you are allowed to slap my face, sir, 409 00:14:45,580 --> 00:14:47,200 but you are not allowed to slap my mind! 410 00:14:47,210 --> 00:14:48,770 good day! 411 00:14:48,780 --> 00:14:50,940 -but it's slapsgiving.-no!it's not! 412 00:14:50,950 --> 00:14:53,540 it's thanksgiving! 413 00:14:53,550 --> 00:14:55,450 our first one as a married couple, 414 00:14:55,460 --> 00:14:57,180 as grownups-- 415 00:14:57,190 --> 00:14:59,280 and you're not even trying to be a part of it! 416 00:14:59,290 --> 00:15:01,020 none of you are! 417 00:15:01,030 --> 00:15:03,220 so... 418 00:15:03,230 --> 00:15:05,260 as slap bet commissioner,i'm issuing a ruling. 419 00:15:05,270 --> 00:15:07,260 thanksgiving is a day of peace. 420 00:15:07,270 --> 00:15:08,860 there will be no slaps today! 421 00:15:08,870 --> 00:15:10,830 -what?!-yes! 422 00:15:10,840 --> 00:15:12,400 in your face! 423 00:15:12,410 --> 00:15:14,730 not my face... your face! 424 00:15:14,740 --> 00:15:16,630 -what's up, dudes? - all:hey, bob. 425 00:15:16,640 --> 00:15:18,040 -baby,please... -no! 426 00:15:18,050 --> 00:15:20,040 the slap bet commissioner's word is final, 427 00:15:20,050 --> 00:15:23,340 so get in the kitchen and mash some potatoes, now. 428 00:15:23,350 --> 00:15:26,040 and for the rest of the day, 429 00:15:26,050 --> 00:15:30,350 we are going to enjoy a civilized, grownup holiday. 430 00:15:30,360 --> 00:15:31,950 not too grownup. 431 00:15:31,960 --> 00:15:33,320 i made jell-o shots. 432 00:15:33,330 --> 00:15:37,400 we's gonna get silly, bitches. 433 00:15:37,730 --> 00:15:39,690 look at us! 434 00:15:39,700 --> 00:15:42,660 we can't be alone together, can we? 435 00:15:42,670 --> 00:15:44,930 apparently not. 436 00:15:44,940 --> 00:15:47,330 what does that mean? 437 00:15:47,340 --> 00:15:50,470 we're supposed to be friends. 438 00:15:50,480 --> 00:15:53,270 we aren't friends, are we? 439 00:15:53,280 --> 00:15:55,070 not really. 440 00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:56,770 we avoid each other. 441 00:15:56,780 --> 00:15:59,740 we smile politely. 442 00:15:59,750 --> 00:16:01,310 we're two people who pretend to be friends 443 00:16:01,320 --> 00:16:05,390 because it would be inconvenient not to. 444 00:16:06,030 --> 00:16:08,920 well, maybe we should stop pretending. 445 00:16:08,930 --> 00:16:13,400 maybe we should. 446 00:16:18,240 --> 00:16:20,260 so... 447 00:16:20,270 --> 00:16:22,430 oh, what do we do now? 448 00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:25,300 i suppose... 449 00:16:25,310 --> 00:16:27,240 we eat dinner. 450 00:16:27,250 --> 00:16:29,440 yeah. 451 00:16:29,450 --> 00:16:33,580 and then that's it. 452 00:16:33,590 --> 00:16:38,620 okay. 453 00:16:49,070 --> 00:16:52,610 happy thanksgiving. 454 00:16:54,610 --> 00:16:56,530 so we sat down to our first thanksgiving 455 00:16:56,540 --> 00:16:58,840 together as a group...and, apparently, our last. 456 00:16:58,850 --> 00:17:00,840 marshall,you're not eating. 457 00:17:00,850 --> 00:17:02,740 did something spoil 458 00:17:02,750 --> 00:17:06,050 your slap-petite? 459 00:17:06,490 --> 00:17:09,050 no, i just thought...before we eat, 460 00:17:09,060 --> 00:17:10,880 maybe the chef would like to say a few words. 461 00:17:10,890 --> 00:17:15,290 nope. this sucks.eat up and leave. 462 00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:20,660 well, then, i'd like to say something. 463 00:17:20,670 --> 00:17:22,060 if that's cool? 464 00:17:22,070 --> 00:17:26,530 um... today,lily did something great. 465 00:17:26,540 --> 00:17:29,300 not only did she gather us all here together 466 00:17:29,310 --> 00:17:31,000 and cook a delicious meal, 467 00:17:31,010 --> 00:17:33,240 but she also started a new tradition. 468 00:17:33,250 --> 00:17:35,610 we're gonna do this again next year, 469 00:17:35,620 --> 00:17:38,580 and the year after that-- maybe for the rest of our lives. 470 00:17:38,590 --> 00:17:41,080 i think that's pretty amazing if you think about it. 471 00:17:41,090 --> 00:17:44,520 and it's all thanks to you,lily. 472 00:17:44,530 --> 00:17:46,880 i love you. 473 00:17:46,890 --> 00:17:50,100 so, to the first of many thanksgivings together. 474 00:17:55,870 --> 00:17:57,660 this is rad! 475 00:17:57,670 --> 00:18:02,030 a nice, small,simple thanksgiving. 476 00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:03,630 i'm the youngest of ten in my family, 477 00:18:03,640 --> 00:18:07,100 so our thanksgiving is a mess. 478 00:18:07,110 --> 00:18:09,070 all the yelling and the screaming... 479 00:18:09,080 --> 00:18:11,710 and then a funny thing happened... 480 00:18:11,720 --> 00:18:14,310 it's really a major buzz-kill. 481 00:18:14,320 --> 00:18:17,220 -major buzz-kill.-major buzz-kill. 482 00:18:19,830 --> 00:18:21,120 oh, no... 483 00:18:21,130 --> 00:18:24,160 i thought we were done with that? 484 00:18:24,170 --> 00:18:26,090 i guess we're not. 485 00:18:26,100 --> 00:18:29,990 guess we're not. 486 00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:33,560 you see kids, friendship is an involuntary reflex-- 487 00:18:33,570 --> 00:18:35,830 it just happens,you can't help it. 488 00:18:35,840 --> 00:18:38,640 that first thanksgiving turned out to be a wonderful dinner 489 00:18:38,650 --> 00:18:41,040 with the four people i love most in the world... 490 00:18:41,050 --> 00:18:43,310 and bob 491 00:18:43,320 --> 00:18:44,780 and it did become a tradition. 492 00:18:44,790 --> 00:18:46,380 that's why every year,we go to aunt lily 493 00:18:46,390 --> 00:18:48,150 and uncle marshall's for thanksgiving. 494 00:18:48,160 --> 00:18:49,810 hey, check it out! 495 00:18:49,820 --> 00:18:51,150 we're in the last 20 seconds 496 00:18:51,160 --> 00:18:53,680 of marshall's countdown to nothing. 497 00:18:53,690 --> 00:18:55,390 barney, put it away. 498 00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:57,920 how does it feel, marshall,to sit there, impotently-- 499 00:18:57,930 --> 00:19:01,430 your large, flaccid hand,just dangling in the wind? 500 00:19:01,440 --> 00:19:04,300 the slap will occur in ten.. 501 00:19:04,310 --> 00:19:06,030 ooh, classy touch, dude. 502 00:19:06,040 --> 00:19:07,300 too bad! 503 00:19:07,310 --> 00:19:08,570 barney, put it away. ...six... 504 00:19:08,580 --> 00:19:10,740 -i will in... five...-five, four... 505 00:19:10,750 --> 00:19:11,870 -you can slap him.-...three... 506 00:19:11,880 --> 00:19:13,100 -what?! wait, you...-two... 507 00:19:13,110 --> 00:19:15,440 ...one. 508 00:19:15,450 --> 00:19:17,980 that's three! 509 00:19:18,720 --> 00:19:20,180 thanks, baby, you're the best. 510 00:19:20,190 --> 00:19:22,080 and as a special, added bonus,i've composed a song 511 00:19:22,090 --> 00:19:23,450 just for this occasion. 512 00:19:23,460 --> 00:19:25,990 ted, lights! 513 00:19:37,840 --> 00:19:41,170 what is this feelin' 514 00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:44,840 that's put you in your place 515 00:19:45,710 --> 00:19:50,710 a hot, red burnin' on the side of your face 516 00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:54,710 you feel the blood rush to your cheek 517 00:19:54,720 --> 00:19:58,180 tears start to fill your eyes 518 00:19:58,190 --> 00:19:59,680 and your lips are tremblin' 519 00:19:59,690 --> 00:20:02,950 but you can't speak,you're tryin' 520 00:20:02,960 --> 00:20:04,120 oh, you're tryin' 521 00:20:04,130 --> 00:20:07,020 not to cry! 522 00:20:07,030 --> 00:20:11,230 -you just got sla-apped-oh, oh! 523 00:20:11,240 --> 00:20:14,230 -across the face,my friend-oh, oh, oh 524 00:20:14,240 --> 00:20:15,900 you just got slapped 525 00:20:15,910 --> 00:20:17,840 yes,that really 526 00:20:17,850 --> 00:20:21,310 just happened 527 00:20:21,320 --> 00:20:24,180 everybody saw it 528 00:20:24,190 --> 00:20:27,980 and everybody laughed and clapped 529 00:20:27,990 --> 00:20:29,710 it was awesome 530 00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:32,550 wait,you just got... 531 00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:35,330 slapped. 532 00:20:46,640 --> 00:20:50,080 happy slapsgiving, everybody. 533 00:20:52,640 --> 00:20:55,030 well,guys have fun 534 00:20:55,040 --> 00:20:57,630 this is gonna be majoy cleaner 535 00:20:57,640 --> 00:20:59,930 major cleaner 536 00:20:59,940 --> 00:21:04,240 oh man,we're gonna be doing this all the time,now aren't we 537 00:21:02,740 --> 00:21:04,740 that's the general idea 538 00:21:04,750 --> 00:21:07,240 general idea 37954

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