Original subtitles

Ahem!

Shop!

STARR: Fred! Fred, what's the matter with you?

Hey! Fred, you get in there.

Now you... no, no, you stay.

Look, did you want something?

This is a hotel?

Where's the desk?

Well, if you've got a package to deliver,

you can give it to me.

I haven't got a pa...

I'll have a room... ..please.

You want a room here? Heh-heh!

I'm afraid you've come to the wrong place.

Oh, commercial traveler, are you?

Ling's Temperance Hotel, Finsbury Pavement.

You can't do better.

I don't want to go there.

I'll have a room here,

please, my good man.

Don't you "My good man" me.

Go on, out.

No room available. We're full.

Oh.

I see.

I don't believe you!

Now, look here.

Come on, why don't you go round to Ling's?

It's a very nice hotel, that.

It's clean and a good breakfast.

Or if you want a decent lodging,

Mrs. Barnett in Granville Square:

highly recommended, only £1.06 a night.

Even if we had a room,

you couldn't afford to stay here.

Oh, couldn't I?

I don't suppose that's enough

to be going on?

Now, put it away. We don't want your money.

Oh, my money's as good as

anybody else's.

I never said it wasn't.

Now, I want to see the manager!

Are you the manager?

No, he's not!

That's all right, Starr.

No, I'm afraid I'm not, but can I help you?

Well, I just want a room.

I've told him we're full, my lord.

Oh, you're...

oh, I beg your pardon. My name's Haslemere.

Oh. Stanley parker... Mr. Stanley parker.

How do you do?

Oh, I'm all right, thank you. Heh-heh.

Well, there doesn't seem to be a manager

or a receptionist or anything,

and I keep telling this...

..man I, just want to book a room.

Well, if the Bentinck is full,

I'm sure Starr could suggest somewhere else.

Oh, I don't want anywhere else.

I want to stay here.

But why here particularly?

Well, this is the best hotel

in London.

I want the best.

Ah, here's Mrs. Trotter. This is her hotel.

PARKER: Oh, I see.

Louisa, this gentleman would like a room.

Oh, yes?

I told him we was full up, madam.

Well, you took a lot upon yourself.

Oh, you have got a room,

have you?

I didn't say that,

but you'd be more comfortable somewhere else.

Louisa, Mr. Parker wants to stay

at the best hotel in London,

so he's naturally come here.

You can hardly turn him away, can you?

Unless, of course, you don't think

this is the best hotel.

Besides, you must admit,

there are one or 2 rooms

not occupied.

It ain't exactly

cheap here, you know.

Oh, I can afford to pay.

Very well.

Starr, put the gentleman

in number 11.

Thank you.

If you'll follow me, sir.

How long was you thinking of staying?

I'm not sure.

I'll see how I like it here.

Now, what did you want to go and do that for?

He'll be uncomfortable all the time he's here,

and the staff will despise him.

As long as they don't show it.

They got their own ways of showing it.

I know you meant to be kind,

but it was the cruelest thing

you could have done.

Oh, my dear Louisa, what a fuss.

Look, the dear little man wanted to stay here.

He said he could afford it,

so why shouldn't he?

He probably thinks it's 5 bob a night,

hot bath sixpence extra.

He'll start gabbing away at the guests

and they'll snob him,

and then how will he feel?

I have no idea, and quite honestly,

I don't much care.

STARR: I'll send someone in to light the fire, sir.

PARKER: Yes. It's none too warm.

And people usually write ahead.

Then we have their rooms ready for them.

Oh, yes. Well...

Oh, here.

I'd like to be well-looked-after

while I'm here.

All our guests are well-looked-after, sir.

Oh, yes?

Thank you very much, then.

Oh, just a minute. Where's the key?

Key, sir?

Well, the key of the room.

We don't have keys, sir... not as a rule.

You mean you don't lock the rooms?

It's not considered necessary at the Bentinck.

LOUISA: There.

What do you think of that?

Very pretty.

It's for me mantelpiece.

I told Arthur Shepherd

I was looking for something like this.

He told me it was coming up at Sotheby's.

Told me what to pay for it and all.

Shepherd? Is that the fellow who keeps

that artists' material shop in Bloomsbury?

No. This is his son.

He's going up in the world.

He's a picture dealer.

Good God.

He's opening a new gallery

on Bond Street.

Giving an exhibition of the paintings

by some chap called Knife and Forks.

"Knife and Forks"?

Yeah. Well, something like that.

Arthur says he's an ugly little devil

with dirty fingernails, but he likes his work.

Oh, he's a terrible snob...Arthur.

He knows a good painting

when he sees one.

He must be clever.

Excuse me, Mrs. Trotter.

Captain Hayes says could you spare him

a few moments to discuss the dinner party.

I'll spare him more than a few moments.

He had the cheek to send me down a menu.

Half the things on it were out of season.

The rest I wouldn't serve to a dog.

Yeah, all right, Merriman.

Very good, ma'am.

Here. Chuck this, here, will you?

When are you leaving?

Oh, yes, I was going to tell you:

I'm not going.

You're not? I've never known you

to miss the opening meet.

Usually because I have nothing better to do.

Go on. You love it.

Do I?

I thought Mrs. Tremayne

was going to be there.

Oh, yes, Cora will be there...

And she'll expect me to find a horse for her

in spite of the fact she rides so vilely.

You know, there's nothing worse

than seeing your horses badly ridden

by a woman who thinks that, because

you're in love with her, you won't mind.

Why do I get myself involved

in these stupid intrigues?

I suppose because you've got

nothing better to do.

Exactly.

What's the matter, Charlie?

Oh, I don't know, Louisa.

I've got the hump.

Merriman!

Oh, wake up, can't you?

Fetch us some wine.

Wha...yes.

There. That should soon burn up, now, sir.

Then you'll be a bit more cozy.

Ah, thank you.

Would you like me to...

No! No-no my dear. I'll...

I'll do it myself.

Oh, very good.

Here.

Oh, no, sir. There's no need.

Oh, no, that's too much.

Oh, is it?

Do you want them to think I stole it?

Oh, no, no, of course not.

Just a little something when you leave, sir.

That's all that's necessary.

Oh. Huh.

Well, I expect I'll be...

Seeing you again, hmm?

Oh, yes. I'll be in later to turn down your bed.

Oh, yes, of course.

Have you got everything you need, sir?

Oh, yes. Yes, thank you.

Just ring the bell if you want anything.

Oh, I don't want to be

a bother to anyone.

That's what we're here for.

Oh. All right.

Lady Harpenden's in for luncheon.

Oh, so I saw.

Give her that sauterne.

Sweet as syrup.

Don't chill it too much.

Wet, warm, and sweet...

that's how she likes it.

No taste and no palate.

Don't know why I have her here.

Because she's a countess.

Silly old custard.

Yeah, I suppose you're right.

Happy days, and plenty of them.

Hmm.

I don't know what to do with the ones I've got.

I suppose...

If my father hadn't died when he did,

I might have gone into Parliament.

Oh, Charlie,

you always say the House of Commons

is full of third-raters

who like to talk but never listen.

Well, yes,

but with the 2 big parties breaking up

and people like Winston and Hugh Cecil giving

the old guard hell,

politics has become more interesting.

I wouldn't have minded taking a hand in it myself.

Well, you still can in the House of Lords.

Ugh! Aspic in ermine.

I might as well try and play politics

in Fortnum & Mason.

Everything I do is so bloody useless.

Do you realize that if I died tomorrow,

no one would know or care?

Now, how can you say that?

You would miss me, perhaps...

A handful of my friends.

What about your estates

and all the people who depend on you?

Well, the agent looks after that

a damn sight better than I ever could.

Something in Shakespeare...

"I fill a place. I know it."

Is that enough for a lifetime?

And all the clever things you do:

your music, your painting.

My painting.

And here I thought you was

down in the dumps because of

Mrs. Tremayne.

I've been wanting to try and break

with her for weeks.

It's your painting really, isn't it?

Why do you say that?

You've all them pictures up

from Bishopsleigh,

and then you wouldn't let me

have them put up.

Because they're not worth hanging!

I thought they were, but they're not!

It's ridiculous, isn't it?

When I have enough money to buy pictures,

why should I want to paint them? But I do.

It's the only thing I've ever really

wanted to do.

You know, my father...

Thought artists were like gardeners...

fellows who did the work so that we could enjoy it...

Oh, only not quite as respectable

as gardeners.

More like chorus boys.

When he died...

..and I was able to build myself that studio,

I felt for the first time in my life

as though I had a real place in the world...

..me, not just Charlie Tyrrell

or just Lord Haslemere.

Me.

But as soon as I got the paintings up here

away from the studio,

I knew what daubs they really were.

They're not daubs!

They're beautiful! I'll bet you

I could name you half a dozen

art dealers be only too happy

to have them to sell.

You ask Arthur shepherd.

Go on, ask him.

Oh, my dear Louisa, he wouldn't touch

my paintings with a barge-pole.

There's no harm in letting him

have a look at them, give you an opinion.

No point, either.

I see. It was just a lot of blah,

wasn't it?

What was?

All that about wanting to do

something with your life.

You can think what you like...

But I admire talent too much

to pretend that I have it when I haven't.

Well, you don't know, do you?

So why not find out?

What's the matter? Don't you dare?

He's coming in this evening...

have a drink,

have a look at my piece of Mason.

I'll get him to have a look

at your paintings while he's here,

shall I?

What the devil?

Fred!

Fred, be quiet! Get back in your basket!

Shut that row! Go on!

I was just...

Did you want something? Be quiet!

I was just looking for the lounge.

We don't have a public sitting room.

Oh, oh, I see.

Do I need to book a table in the dining room?

Our guests eat in their rooms.

If you want something,

you just ask the waiter.

I shall be wanting lunch.

I see. What would you like?

Oh, anything.

No. I'll have...

I'll have a nice meal.

What time would you like it?

Oh, half past 12:00.

It will probably take a bit longer than that

to prepare.

Probably be about half past 1:00.

Oh, that's all right. I'm not particular.

Most people here are...

Very particular.

Now, come on, Ethel. Now, bustle about.

That's only the luncheons.

There's plenty to prepare for tonight,

and Mrs. Trotter will be down soon

to see how we're getting on.

Have you chopped that parsley?

Yes, Mrs. Cochrane.

Now, what did I tell you?

I said chop it small.

That's like cabbage leaves.

It should be so fine you wouldn't know

it was parsley but for the color.

It hardly seems worth all the bother

just to sprinkle on potatoes.

You know what Mrs. Trotter says...

there can be just as much perfection

in cooking boiled potatoes

as there can in making a soup.

Don't put any parsley on the bishop's potatoes.

Oh, Lord, no. I quite forgot.

He doesn't like parsley, does he?

Threw the whole dish at me head last time he was here.

Mr. Merriman, he never did...

and him a bishop!

Lucky he wasn't a cricketer. He missed me.

Did you want your dinner now, Mr. Merriman?

No, no. May as well have it afterwards,

sit and enjoy it.

Oh, the new gent in number 11 wants luncheon.

Oh, what a time to tell me.

What does he want?

Mrs. Trotter says give him the blanquette de veau.

He won't like that.

I'm preparing it for Lady Harpenden,

and she won't have any salt in it.

He can put his own salt on afterwards.

Mr. Merriman, Mrs. Trotter never said that.

No, but she winked it.

If you ask me, that gentleman

wouldn't know the difference between

blanquette de veau and stewed rabbit.

What's he doing here insulting our cooking?

Ha ha! You may well ask.

Here's your luncheon, sir.

Oh, yes. Thank you.

Would you care to have it

by the window, sir, or by the fire?

Oh, anywhere.

Uh...

By the fire.

It feels a bit chilly.

By the fire. Very good, sir.

Well, what have we got, then?

Clear soup with custard shapes, sir,

baked haddock with forcemeat,

blanquette de veau,

vanilla pudding.

Will that be satisfactory, sir?

Oh, it's very nice.

Very good, sir.

Here. Where's the wine?

I was not aware that you wished

for wine, sir.

Oh, I'll have some Champagne.

Very good, sir. What mark?

Oh, just plain Champagne.

Plain cham...

very good, sir.

SHEPHERD: Mmm. Interesting.

Unusual handling of light and shade.

CHARLIE: I did that one in Naples

when I was there last year.

Oh.

Unconventional but effective, yes.

Now, now, I think this is an early work.

Yes.

Yes, yes, yes, it has a freshness,

but compared to the others,

there's a lack of technique.

SHEPHERD: Oh.

Oh, yes, yes, yes, this is charming.

Have you ever seen any of the work

of the French painter Monet?

Oh, yes. I bought

one of his paintings in Paris.

Well, well, this... this has something

of the same style about it.

Yes, yes, yes.

Well...

Thank you.

Thank you for letting me see them.

Who's going to have some wine?

CHARLIE: Oh, we all are, I hope.

What a charming room this is.

I was at Camber last week...

delightful house... On the whole.

Lady Arlington wanted my opinion

on a painting that she'd bought,

but do you know, she'd had it hung

in such an ugly little room

that I positively could not judge it,

so I...oh, thank you very much.

So I said to her,

"My dear Lady Arlington, move it.

"Hang it in a railway carriage...anywhere...

"But I positively cannot judge it

"In a poky little room

"surrounded by expensively bad

marquetry furniture!"

So she moved it.

I didn't like the picture.

Oh! Ha ha!

But...

But I do like yours.

There. I said you would.

Well, I hope you're not

allowing yourself to be persuaded

by Mrs. Trotter's friendly partiality.

Oh, no. Louisa... may I?

Oh, yes. Please do.

Louisa's opinion is... is always interesting.

She knows what people like.

That's why she's so successful.

I don't know if Louisa told you

that I'm opening a new gallery.

Oh, yes, she did.

I wish you luck with it.

Oh, it's always a chancy business.

English people don't buy paintings.

They always think they could

do them themselves if only they had the time.

Anyway, I want to start... as I mean to go on...

and I'm going to open

with an exhibition of paintings

by a young polish artist, Tadeusz Svorski.

Well, he...

He paints rather erratically...

not a large output...

and I was hoping to hang the work

of another artist with his.

I should very much like it to be yours,

Lord Haslemere.

Oh, well... I never thought...

if you really think...

I mean, if you think they're good enough.

I should expect the usual commission,

of course, on any that were sold.

Yes, certainly.

But I... I have a problem.

Tadeusz is very talented,

but his work is rough... almost violent...

whereas yours is...

..how can I say...

civilized.

From my point of view, it's a perfect contrast,

but...but I think I should warn you

that your work could suffer as a result of it.

Do you feel like taking the chance?

Ha ha! Well, I will if you will.

Well, that's settled, then.

Oh!

Oh, I beg your pardon, sir.

Oh, it's all right.

I was just having a nap.

Very good. I'll put some coal on the fire,

make the room a bit more cozy.

You...you don't come from

round here, do you?

Oh, no, sir. I come from Wales...

A long time ago now, though.

I suppose you go back there

for holidays, now?

Don't seem to have holidays, sir.

Mrs. Trotter keeps busy, and she keeps us busy, too.

Everyone should have holidays.

I'm in the shipping business.

Oh. Must be exciting, sir.

Yeah.

Ha ha! Oh, yeah.

If you...If you had the choice

of going anywhere in the world,

where would you go?

Hmm.

I...I don't know.

Wales, I think.

Wouldn't you like to go to,

say, Africa?

No, I don't think so.

Bit too foreign for me, that would be.

They say as you sail

towards the coast of Africa,

you notice it has

a special smell to it

quite different from

anywhere in the world.

Daresay it does.

I wouldn't mind going to the Isle of Man.

They say you can get there and back in a day.

I wouldn't like to sleep away from home.

I'll, uh, come back later, sir,

and turn down the bed.

No, no. You can do it now.

I think I'll turn in.

I'm feeling a bit tired.

Out of my way, Fred.

Someone moving out?

No, sir.

Nice pictures, those.

Where are they going?

Not my place to inquire, sir.

Did you want something?

Well...

Yes.

If someone wanted a jolly evening out,

where would he go?

I couldn't say I'm sure, sir.

I've been to the theater

a few times.

Oh, yes, sir.

Saw H.B. Irving and Martin-Harvey,

but they were both playing

the same part... "Hamlet."

Bit disappointing, that.

I've heard the Cafe Royal

was very good.

Thought I might go there tonight.

Have you booked a table, sir?

No.

You have to book a table in good time.

Oh, I see.

Yes. Come in!

Who is it?

Oh.

Mr. Parker.

I hope you don't mind, my lord,

but I heard the piano,

and being very fond of music myself,

I wondered if you would object

if I was to just...

I...I thought this was the music room!

No. I'm afraid

I only play for my own amusement.

Of course. I'm sorry to have disturbed you.

Oh, come in, anyway.

Would you care for a drink?

Oh, well...

No. I don't want to trouble the waiter.

Oh, I see you've got some there.

That's convenient.

I never thought to ask for that.

Well, um...

I'll have a small port, then.

Do you stay here often?

Oh, yes. Yes, I always stay here

when I'm in London.

Oh, well, I expect you've got

one or 2 of your own bits and pieces

to make it more homelike.

Yes, quite a lot of this stuff

is mine.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, that...that's a nice picture there.

That cost you a bauble, too, I'll be bound.

Well, as a matter of fact,

it didn't cost me anything.

I painted it myself.

Nay.

Oh, ha!

Oh, it must be...

it must be grand to have a talent like that.

Yeah, I reckon that's champion.

Have you done any more?

Well, yes, quite a few,

as a matter of fact,

but they've gone to a gallery

for exhibition.

What, you mean to be shown to public?

Oh, I'd like to see that.

I suppose I couldn't buy a ticket, could I?

Well, would you really like to go?

Aye, that I would.

There's a private view tomorrow

if you'd care to have an invitation.

Oh, yes, please.

Thank you. Ah!

"Mr. Parker." Very nice.

Oh, Bond Street, eh?

Well, it's not far from here.

I can walk there.

Well, I shall really look forward to that.

Cheers.

Cheers.

Ah!

My dear Charles!

Mmm! How terribly clever you are...

absolutely too deevie for words.

Well, I'm so glad you like them.

By jove, yes.

Couldn't paint a boiled egg myself,

and you've done all these.

Can't think when you found the time.

Ha ha ha!

Did you frame them yourself?

No, no. Mr. Shepherd did that part.

Ah. Still, the painting's the hard part, isn't it?

Deuced good, I must say.

My dear... excuse me.

My dear Lord Haslemere,

I do hope you're pleased

with the way they're hung.

Oh, yes. Excellent.

Tadeusz's work is quite striking,

isn't it?

Rather undisciplined,

somewhat lacking in finesse.

Oh, they quite make me shudder.

I don't think I'd want to buy one

to hang in my drawing room.

I do know what you mean, my dear Eleanor.

They are rather primitive, don't you think?

Even shameless.

Mr. Shepherd, I do believe you mean to shock us.

Of course, Lady Williams.

I hope I'm succeeding.

Ha ha ha!

As you say, his work

is certainly very striking.

Won't you come and have

a word with him?

I know he'd be highly honored.

Yes, of course. Will you excuse me?

We'll look at all your lovely paintings

while you're gone.

SHEPHERD: Excuse me.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Lord Haslemere, may I introduce Tadeusz Svorski?

Tadeusz, I know you'll be pleased to meet

your fellow artist.

How do you do?

I think your pictures are splendid.

They're not splendid.

They're not good, even,

but the statement they make...

something they be saying.

Well, all paintings do that, surely.

Ha ha! No.

You think maybe, uh...

A camera be making statement?

Forgive me. I just see... Mr. Camperling.

Mr...

But surely to reproduce what we see

in a certain style...

is what a camera does.

Artist should be saying

something more,

something only himself

can be saying,

not nobody else,

or he should not be speaking at all.

I'm sure you're right.

No. You not agree.

Why should you be agreeing?

You paint for pleasure.

I paint to live.

Oh, really, I do think it's too sweet of Charles

to have his little pictures hung here

just as if he were a real painter.

Damn clever of Shepherd.

Be in all the papers, I imagine.

Of course, I suppose he wanted to get us all here

to see the pictures of this Polish fellow.

Can't say I like them myself.

I think I prefer Charles'.

Do you suppose he paid this fellow Shepherd

to have them hung up here?

Well, I don't see why he shouldn't

if he wants to.

It's like Florie paying to have

her poems printed.

ELEANOR: What, don't you remember?

We all had to buy a copy

and pretend to read them.

LADY WILLIAMS: Oh, my dear, do look

at that little man in the blue suit.

Who can he be?

By jove, I do believe dear old Charles

is so proud of his pictures

he's invited his valet to come and see them.

Ha ha ha!

You don't think he could have

heard us, do you?

Oh, my dear, of course not.

We were speaking so quietly.

Morning, Lord Haslemere.

Here they are, then.

Yes.

Let's get you a drink.

Oh.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, I say,

this is doing it in style, isn't it?

You painted all these? Oh!

Well, I'm...I'm proud to know you, my lord.

Did you...did you do that one, too?

Oh, no, no. That one's

by Mr. Svorski.

Ha ha! I thought it weren't one of yours.

I can hardly make out what it's supposed to be.

All smudges and smears.

Not like yours...not like a real painting at all.

Hello. How did it go?

How did you expect?

Did you pay Shepherd

to hang my pictures in his gallery?

No, of course not.

But you did point out what an advantage

it would be to him.

"Just think...all his lordship's rich friends

will come and make your gallery a success."

It wasn't like that at all.

You know what he said about your paintings.

I know what he should have said:

"Very good, my lord, for an amateur."

God! That's what I hate

about my whole life.

I'm an amateur in everything I do,

so it doesn't really matter

whether I do it or not.

You know, I see those little clerks

grinding their way to work

in the city every morning,

and I envy them.

They have to work to live.

That bloody Pole was right.

If I never painted another picture,

it wouldn't make any difference

to anyone...

Except to me.

And now...

Thanks to you, I never shall.

Thank you, Louisa.

Thank you very much for closing

another door in my stupid,

meaningless prison of a life.

Oh, Lord Haslemere,

I wondered where you'd gone to.

I wanted to congratulate you

on the great success of your exhibition.

Your pictures are wonderful...

quite wonderful.

Everyone says so,

and you'll be pleased to know I bought one.

They wanted to keep it there

and put on one of them

bits of red paper to show it was sold,

but I said, "No, thank you.

I paid for it. I'll take it."

They didn't mind, really.

There were several bits of red

on that other chap's paintings.

I can't think why anybody should

want to buy them over yours, now.

I expect they'll all be sold

at the end of the week,

so I thought I better buy one now

while there was still choice.

Be worth a pretty penny,

that will one day, I shouldn't wonder.

You stupid, common little bounder,

what do you know about it?

That wasn't an exhibition. It was a ludicrous farce.

As for that thing, I advise you

to take it away and chop it up

for firewood.

Damn and blast.

Stupid little man.

May I come in?

I know I'm not a gentleman,

but I don't think I'm a bounder.

I know you're not.

I do beg your pardon.

It's all right.

Took too much on meself. I know that.

No, no, it's just that...

well, it's been a bad day for me.

Oh, well, your pictures were grand.

It's very kind of you to say so,

but I'm afraid they weren't.

May I sit down?

Oh, yes.

Sh-shall I ring for a drink?

Oh, no, no. Don't bother. Thank you.

You know, Mr. Parker...

The trouble with being a lord

is that no one tells you the truth.

Mostly it doesn't matter too much,

but when it's something one really cares about,

people shouldn't lie.

No, no, they shouldn't.

I realize now that when it comes to talent

and whether you have it or not,

it's rather like a mortal illness.

No one tells you the truth...

not even the doctors.

Sometimes they do.

Uh, I mean, uh...

I beg your pardon?

Oh, nothing. I was just...

Were you going to say something

about doctors?

No.

Are you ill, Mr. Parker?

No.

Well, that is...

What did they tell you?

Oh, well...

They didn't know exactly

how long it'd be, but, well,

just there was nothing

they could do.

Are you sure they're right?

Oh, yes.

What a poky little room this is.

I can't imagine why Mrs. Trotter

gave you this room.

Oh, it's good enough for me.

I'm only a shipping clerk.

They know that here.

I've...I've spent

all me life sitting on a stool

in an office in Hull

sending other people off to exciting places,

but when I knew I had only

a few months left,

I couldn't bear to die before I'd really lived.

So you came to London? I think if I'd been you,

I'd have gone around the world

on one of your ships.

Oh, thought of that,

but I didn't fancy the idea

of dying abroad.

Bit frightening, that.

Yes.

But I had read about this hotel in papers,

and about Mrs. Trotter

and how she cooked for royalty and...

You decided to try it.

Yes.

I stole the money.

You stole it?

Well, as good as.

I drew out all our savings.

You see, me wife worked till we were married,

and we never had any children,

so we had quite a bit put by.

Me wife...

Doesn't know.

She thinks the shipping company

gave me a free voyage for 25 years' service.

I see.

See, I've...I've been at other people's

beck and call all me life,

and I thought I'd like to be

waited on for a bit

as if I was someone important.

But it doesn't do to pretend to be

what you're not.

Oh, I didn't mean...

You...you won't tell anyone, will you?

I mean, I've always paid me way

and stood on me own feet.

Wouldn't like to think anybody was, well,

feeling sorry for me.

I won't tell anyone. I promise.

Not a soul.

What are these supposed to be?

Guinea fowl?

Look awful to me.

What do they think they're doing,

sending me muck like that?

Ethel, put all them birds back in the hamper

and run them round to Maythers.

Tell them if they can't send me

some with more flesh on them,

they needn't bother to send me no more.

Louisa, may I have a word with you, please?

Now, don't tell me you've got

something to complain about.

I had 20 minutes with the bishop

this morning because there was

a pinch of tarragon in the soup last night.

He swears he could taste it.

What sort of soup

did you serve to Mr. Parker?

Who?

He's one of your guests.

I know he is, thanks to you.

Yes, I'm sorry to have made such a stupid mistake.

I hadn't realized this was the kind of hotel

which had different classes of guests,

just like the railways.

What the devil do you mean by that?

Come on, Louisa... poky little room,

second-class food, third-class service.

Not in my hotel!

No?

Mrs. Trotter thought you might care for

a little claret, sir, this evening.

Oh, yes.

A bit warm, isn't it?

I beg your pardon, sir, but as you know,

a claret is supposed to be at room temperature.

A chambre, however, if I...

No, no, no. It's all right.

Oh, it's very nice.

Yes.

LOUISA: Hello, Mr. Parker.

Tasted me guinea fowl yet?

Your what?

It's me special recipe.

No one else cooks it like I do.

No, sit down.

I'll join you in a glass of wine.

Oh, come on, old Muddleman,

stir your steps.

Fetch me another glass.

Well, how are you enjoying it

here, then?

Usually we leave guests alone

for a day or 2,

let them get settled down,

see if they like us and if I like them.

Mind you, if I don't think

they're our sort,

I make them so uncomfortable

they push off quick.

Oh, yes?

Yeah. Got rid of 2 baronets

and a duke last year.

Oh.

Oh... Ha ha ha!

Oh, Mrs. Trotter.

How do you like it?

I've never tasted anything like it

in me whole life.

Long life and happiness.

Now then, Fred. This is Mr. Parker.

I hope you'll know him when you see him again.

Morning, Fred. Ha ha!

Hello, hello. Are you getting

introduced to Fred?

Well, that's an honor, isn't it, Starr?

Most people don't meet Fred formally

until their second visit.

That's right, me lord.

Me and Fred, we like to keep

ourselves to ourselves,

but we know who we like,

don't we, Fred?

Oh, yes. I know very well

that if I ever fall out of favor with Fred,

I shall have to leave.

Well, Mr. Parker. Ready for our expedition?

All ready, my lord. Oh, uh...

Hat, sir?

Oh, thank you.

Oh, Starr, get us a couple of tickets

for the hippodrome tonight, will you?

Yes, me lord.

Oh, and you better book a table at Romano's.

Make it a table for 6.

I thought I'd ask some friends to join us.

Oh, yes.

Hello. Where are you two

off to, then?

We're just off to my tailor's.

Mr. Parker fancied to get himself

some new evening clothes,

so we got his measurements 'round to Grafton Street,

and we thought we'd see what old Mr. Forster

could do for us.

And I'm getting a new shirt, too,

from...what was the name?

Edouard and Butler.

Edouard and Butler's.

Right.

By the way, Louisa, we'll be out to luncheon.

We thought we'd try the Ritz.

Ha! Good luck to you.

His lordship's always had a soft spot

for lame dogs.

Not as soft as this.

♪ Champagne Charlie is me name ♪

♪ Champagne Charlie is me name ♪

STARR: Yes, I'm coming, me lords.

Hello, Starr!

Oh, Starr!

Good evening, me lord.

It's not good evening!

Ha ha ha!

It's good morning.

Isn't it a good morning, Parkie?!

Ha ha ha!

LOUISA: Oh, it's you.

Uh, just, um, holding old Parkie up.

He's not so steady on his pittance.

Yeah. Somebody needs holding up.

I don't think it's Mr. Parker.

Come on, Starr.

STARR: Are you all right, sir?

Oh, I'm all right.

I can manage all by meself.

You look after his lordship.

He's a good lad,

but he hasn't got a head for drink,

not like those chaps.

HENRY: Let's sing another song.

Where's old Parkie?

LOUISA: He's coming.

HENRY: Come on, let's sing another chorus.

LOUISA: No! You're going to

wake everyone up.

HENRY: Shh!

♪ Champagne Charlie is my name... ♪

Oh, excuse me, sir. I thought I'd better

just make up the fire.

It can feel a bit chilly when you...

Ha ha ha!

Would you like me to take your shoes off, sir?

Oh, what a night.

Oh, what a night.

There were lords and dukes and all sorts,

and there was a lady on a swing...

a red, velvet swing...

and she swung right out over

where we were sitting,

and she threw me... I don't know what

the wife would have said if she'd seen it.

Look! Ha ha ha! Look what she threw me!

Oh!

Ha ha!

You should be ashamed of yourselves.

Had to have a night out, Louisa.

Couldn't let old Parkie die

without having just one good night out.

Die? Come on.

Ugh.

Good morning, sir.

It's a nice, sunny day. I'll just light your fire,

and then I don't suppose you'll care for

too much breakfast this morning,

so shall I send Mr. Benjamin up

with a little pick-you-up?

Mr. Parker?

Are you all right, sir?

Mr. Parker?

For goodness sake, girl,

what's the matter with you?

Oh, Mrs. Cochrane,

I've done something terrible.

You haven't cut your finger again

and put blood on

Mrs. Trotter's souffle?

No. It's much worse than that.

That first night that Parker

gentleman come here,

I...I...

Well?

I put pepper in his soup.

God will strike me dead!

If you ask me, God's got

better things to do.

Go on. Strain them vegetables

for his broth.

That'll make you feel better.

MERRIMAN: I hope Mrs. Trotter is doing

the right thing, keeping him here.

Oh, Mr. Merriman, of course she is.

Poor man. It's the least

we can do.

Death in the hotel is bad for business.

Oh, yes, ruination.

Hasn't he got a family? Take him off home.

That's where he belongs.

Louisa, you have got to send for his wife.

I won't do it!

Why won't Mary pull them curtains

proper in the morning?

Look like a bundle of rags.

She has a right to know.

Yeah, and he has a right

to enjoy himself...

Do what he wants to

with what's left of his life.

I'm not having him upset by some

nagging bitch of a wife!

If he wanted her to know, he'd have told her,

but he didn't.

He chose to come here,

and this is where he belongs.

Louisa...

You are the kindest woman in the world.

Am I?

Yes.

But, my dear, you can't make Parker live

out of the kindness of your heart

any more than you could make me into an artist.

No, but I can give him a home...

a real home,

and that's what I'm going to do.

There.

What do you think of that?

STANLEY: You didn't get that for me.

Yeah. Doctor says you can

get up tomorrow.

Don't want you celebrating the event

in that moth-eaten old thing.

Ha ha!

See, it's nice and warm. It's padded.

Oh, it's too good for me.

Nothing's too good for my guests.

If you're looking for your topper,

Starr took it away to be ironed.

You're going to be needing that.

Lord Haslemere's going to newmarket next week.

He wants you to go with him.

Oh, yes.

That'll be very interesting,

but I really should be going soon.

Oh, you don't want to go yet,

and if you're worried about your bill,

don't worry.

What you need is half a bottle of bubbly

to put the color back in your cheeks.

Oh, Champagne's a bit too expensive

every day.

Don't you worry. If it gets too steep,

we just put it on someone else's bill.

Rob Peter to pay Paul, eh?

Mrs. Trotter, that's not quite

honest, is it?

Well, nobody's complained yet.

Mrs. Parker has arrived.

Eh?

Mr. Parker's wife has turned up

asking to see him.

Oh, no. Where?

Hello, Stanley.

Your trip ended a bit sooner than

you expected, then.

Yes. Yes, it did.

Then I came here for a few days,

but I got taken ill.

Oh, well.

I expect you'll soon be on your feet again.

Makes a nice change for you, this place.

I can see they're looking after you

all right.

Better than I could, I shouldn't wonder.

Not much like Moors End road, is it?

Take me home, Violet.

I don't belong here.

All right, Stan.

Shall we go first-class?

Never done that, have we?

No, Violet.

We won't waste the brass.

You'll need it after I'm gone.

All right, Stan.

I'll just go and take me hat off,

and then I'll come back.

Lunch should be ready soon.

I expect you'd like to have it in here

with Mr. Parker.

Mrs. Trotter is a grand cook, Vi.

Almost as good as you.

You made use of me, Mr. Shepherd.

That was rather unfair.

Yes. Yes, it was.

Tell me one thing... The truth.

If I worked hard, perhaps went and studied

in Italy for a few years,

could I ever meet professional artists

on equal terms?

No.

You have a talent,

but it's the kind of talent

that young ladies

practice with their governesses

and never use again.

I'm sorry, but you wanted the truth.

I felt I owed you that.

Has...has SvorskI a real talent?

Oh, yes, quite remarkable.

He works hard, and he's learning

all the time.

The trouble is, he's penniless.

I'll pay his rent for a year

and make him a small allowance

if you'll show his pictures in your gallery.

That's very generous of you.

Will you split commission with me?

I think not.

You see, I don't really like his work.

Well...

Oh, I nearly forgot.

Some of your pictures were sold.

To my friends.

Not all of them.

A Mr. Parker bought one.

Oh, yes.

Here's the check.

Thank you.

You see, Mr. Shepherd,

I'm not quite an amateur after all.

MARY: Shall I take that, madam?

Oh, thanks very much.

MERRIMAN: I'll put these in the cabinet.

Oh, thank you. Stan...

Oh, that's right.

Just a minute, Vi.

Mary...

Thank you very much

for all you've done for me.

Thank you very much, sir.

It's been a pleasure to have you here.

Good-bye.

Good-bye.

Stanley, you gave her much too much.

My dear, when you're staying in

a place like this,

you have to tip accordingly.

Oh, I see.

STANLEY: Bye-bye, everybody.

Bye-bye, Fred.

Bleeding shame.

Yeah.

If she hadn't arrived,

we could have given him

a bang-up send-off.

I suppose it was Lord Haslemere

who sent for her.

Him and his blooming respectability.

No, ma'am, it wasn't his lordship.

It was me.

I wrote to her.

Oh, did you?

A man's got a right to die at home.