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1 A NETFLIX SERIES

Oh, shit!

Ah! Oh, fuck!

12 HOURS EARLIER

So...

As I was saying,

over the last few days, you know, I've had a chance to take stock.

First, thanks to your nieces, detox, who is by the way, absolutely charming.

I've been able to re-center...

Wow, as I told you, I understand what you're going through.

- For me, my stamps... - Okay. May I interrupt you?

Sure, it's very tiring anyway.

Very tiresome.

So, as you know, after I graduated, I worked in a four-star hotel in Orléans.

Then, I followed my boyfriend at the time to Paris,

where I found this job at the Riviera, which has

made me very happy for three years.

But I'm gonna be straight with you.

I need a new start, and I was thinking, why not a transfer?

I'm young, motivated, competent, I have no ties.

I have no boyfriend, no stupid cat, no children.

I'm asking you. Challenge me, Mr. Blanchard.

Well, Léa, it's been ages since I've seen you this energized. I mean...

You're like me after my third detox.

I'll think about it.

Thank you, Mr. Blanchard.

Thank you.

♪ I get it, I'm hard to follow ♪

♪ Dumped by our fathers We raised ourselves ♪

♪ I'm not one to give it up out of anger ♪

♪ That's why I'm here ♪

♪ To follow our brothers' footsteps ♪

♪ We shed tears when they get locked up ♪

♪ Scribbling lyrics, I couldn't sleep ♪

♪ And today, here I am at Fianso's ♪

♪ I can already hear The audience applauding me ♪

♪ Going back to square one Is what scares me ♪

♪ Look at my mom, so proud That dough won't last ♪

So? Did you rework the verse?

Uh, yeah.

Let's hear it.

- Okay. - Yeah.

♪ Ever since I was a kid ♪

♪ I've been fed up With being compared to others ♪

♪ My sister always made it better Now that she's gone ♪

♪ My life is not the same One day, you're done with grief ♪

♪ Or so they say ♪

♪ Thankfully, my close friends Take my mind off things ♪

♪ Now I will make music Only when I want to sing ♪

♪ Nobody will tell me how to live And the haters are gonna leave ♪

♪ Today is the first day of my new life ♪

So?

- You don't like it? - It's bad.

Of course.

No, girl! I'm kidding!

- It's really cool. - Really?

That, right there, is personal, which means it's universal, it's moving.

- Keep it up. You'll forget... - Yeah.

- ...all about the bad buzz, it's powerful. - Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, you know. I've got time though.

- I'm not gonna rush... - One week.

What do you mean?

They're recording "Into the Circle" women's special.

I will call them and get you on the show.

- For re... - Yeah. You're doing it.

You've been squatting in my den for a reason.

- Yeah. - You show them, girl.

- You think? Are you sure? - Yeah, you're gonna show them.

- You're hot. You're ready, Manon. - I'm hot!

- Come on! - Yeah!

- Oh, fuck. I'm... - Yeah! I see you. Yeah!

- I'm so excited! - No, get back!

- Too soon. - Sorry.

- I'll be with you in a minute. - Hello?

- Yes, Mom! It's me. - How are you, darling?

Um, well, very well. Thanks.

Okay, I just wanted to say, look. Your birthday dinner tomorrow,

I'm gonna take care of everything. I've got it covered.

Really? Are you sure you can do it?

Don't worry. I'll handle everything. Trust me.

- Léa, have you been drinking? - No, I haven't.

- Okay, are you sure? - Yes, I'm pretty sure.

- Since you don't know how to cook... - Well, uh...

Would you like that or not?

- Fuck! I can't even have two minutes! - Go back to the phone! Come on.

- Yes... - And also. I'd be delighted.

You would like that? Oh, well that's great!

I am too. We're two happy women. Amazing! Okay.

Mom. See you tomorrow.

- Take care. Lots of love. - Bye.

- There! - Wait.

That's the new Léa, a responsible woman

- who makes decisions, who takes things in... - All right.

- ...her own hands! - Okay, hit me! Like this!

- Hit me! Dodge! Watch out! - I'm a warrior!

Good, great! Hit again!

- There! That's great, Léa! - Wow!

- Ow. - Oh, sorry about that.

Times are changing.

- Léa's in charge of dinner tomorrow. - Ni hao.

Ni hao.

Ni hao.

- Ni hao. - Hey there, Philippe.

I think I'm going to tell them we're taking a break.

- Oh, you're not starting with that again? - Yes, I am!

You asked me to wait a week to be sure of my decision.

And, well, I can tell you I've never been more sure of anything in 40 years.

But you can't do that to the kids. They'll be devastated.

Quite the opposite!

It's my birthday and I'm going to give them all a firework display!

Ni hao.

Ni hao.

One hundred bucks worth of dead sheep, 40 bucks of cheese rinds,

- it's extortion! - Yes, I know. Come one, come on, come on.

Well, I think you've got everything.

About the wine, I've numbered it, so you know what order to drink it.

Aah.

- You'll be all right? - Totally.

Good, I'm out of here. Later, bye.

Hold on! Wait! Wait!

Uh, can you just help me with the recipe? Please.

I've never opened a cookbook in my life.

Oh, God. Feel like there's a lot of things you've never done in your life.

I know.

- Chicken, please. - Okay. Okay.

- But I can't stay long. - Yes!

- Thank you! Awesome. - Not for long.

TO: SOFIA

SORRY, CAN'T MEET UNTIL 8:30 P.M.

It's beautiful!

They'll never believe I made this. They'll be blown away.

So, tell me, chef, what delights

- are you cooking up for us today? - Well, very simple,

I started with a ratatouille,

next I'm going to make a seven-hour lamb which I'm going to cook for...

- Seven hours? - Exactamente!

To be honest, I thought seven hours was just how old it was.

What a comedian!

- Ha, ha. How we laugh! - Stop!

- Go easy on the salt! - Sorry.

- And you have to taste it first, okay? - I got a little carried away.

So?

Delicious!

I didn't know you cook the old-fashioned way.

- The old-fashioned way? - First, you use a book, not a tutorial.

Then when I say, for example, uh,

"pare the tomatoes" you understand right away.

Well yeah, pare the tomatoes, you peel them.

I didn't know that.

Okay. Let's carry on.

So, as a teenager were you more Kelly from Beverly Hills,

Malcolm from Malcolm in the Middle or Monica from Friends?

Monica from Friends.

- How? - Um...

When I was younger, I was overweight and everybody called me

"Gargantuan."

Nah, I would have never called you Gargantuan. Never.

- Really? Thanks. - Really.

Never.

JUST GOT HERE. WILL YOU BE HERE SOON?

Okay, I really have to go now.

- Mm-hm. - Yeah. Yeah.

You're leaving me alone with the kid?

- He's in good hands. - Totally!

Make sure he brushes his

- teeth and put him to bed. - You got it!

I'll tell him some nice bedtime stories to fall asleep.

And thanks, okay?

ENTER THE CIRCLE

THE LEGENDS OF THE CIRCLE

Hey.

Bernard, are you... are you blowing your nose or crying?

I'm crying, okay?

You're gonna be in the big leagues. I know it.

I... I can feel it. And...

It means a lot to me.

Ooh! Bernie baby.

Oh, I really wish you were my mom, Bernie.

So, I wouldn't have to hear that uh, I'm selfish and I'm abandoning her.

A mom who likes to guilt-trip? That's new.

Ooh, the lady knows what I'm talking about.

- Yours is like that? - No.

But if we're playing Happy Families, I've got the dad.

- Aah. - Mm-hm.

Well, you know, maybe to uh...

Comfort our little wounded hearts...

Mm?

I guess we could kiss.

We could.

Later.

Ah! Motherfucker!

Who is that?

Hello. Can I come in?

- Uh... - I'm not feeling good at all.

I need to talk to someone.

Things are kind of complicated with Mélanie.

Can we talk?

Who's against abortion nowadays, seriously?

Fascists, maybe?

She was already against gluten and she's against vaccines as well.

Looks good, whatever you're making there.

You were always a shitty cook. We just needed a break up for you to learn.

Yeah, because actually, since the detox, I've taken up cooking.

It's really brought me a sense of purpose. It's...

It's liberated me. It's...

Shut up, fuck!

Wow.

You've really changed. For the better, huh?

Yeah, I can tell.

Cheers!

I mean she's really annoying!

You know, I always thought,

you were annoying, but she's the queen I swear.

Compared to her, you were like a lake...

- A freshwater lake. - Totally.

- You loved me for who I am. - Yes.

You know what, Léa?

I've realized...

that I never loved anyone like I loved you.

Yeah, well, you're drunk.

It's not... I mean... phew... You're with Mélanie...

Actually, you know what?

I don't know.

I don't want this child.

- Léa, I don't want it. - I know.

- I don't want to be a father. I swear. - I know.

I don't want to be a father.

Fuck.

Oh, fuck!

I don't want it, Léa!

Léa, I don't want to be a father.

I don't want to be a dad.

He's driving me crazy!

Oh, my god! Oh, fuck!

DAY 23

Oh, god!

Oh, fuck!

Guillaume!

Whoo-hoo, Guillaume!

Guillaume! Come on, wake up. Guillaume!

Guillaume, fuck!

Did I kill him?

No. It's okay. He's okay. Oh, fuck!

What the fuck! The dinner.

Oh, the fucking dinner!

Shit!

Oh, shit! My lamb!

Oh, god!

Oh, no!

God! No!

Shit!

Fuck!

Gagan! Oh, fuck! Oh, fuck, fuck!

It's closed! Fuck!

Like that! Not bad!

Look, I know you don't really believe in my music career. Or in me even.

But this time, Mom. This time, Mom, this is a huge rap show

and I know I found my path and even my voice...

V-O-I-C-E.

- That was crap. - You've got to help me.

Dinner's burned to a crisp,

my family's gonna be here any minute. And worse than that...

- You killed him! - No, I didn't kill him.

- Ah, worse, you banged him! - Yes, I banged him.

- Was it good? - No! Now is not the time for a debrief!

Hello, girls, are you here?

No! No! No!

No, they can't see him here. Because I'll get an earful again.

And I'm supposed to be a new responsible woman!

I know! Calm down, okay?

- Okay. - I'll handle the parents.

- I'll deal with them and go take a shower. - Yeah, okay.

But first. Take a breath.

Come on!

Wow, Mom! Paris twice in one month! Uh... Careful you might end up liking it here.

Ah, absolutely not.

But I have to come here. It's the only way I get to talk to you.

So, here I am.

Ah! I didn't think you'd come just for my birthday.

I did!

Here.

The best bottle just for you. Happy birthday, sis.

Oh, rosé! Amazing! Very original.

I have some very good news for you.

I've decided to expand the restaurant for your return!

- No! - Yes!

- No! No way. - Yes!

You can't do that, Mom, it's...

It's too much!

It's not too much. No. It's too late!

The place next door went bankrupt! So, I bought it!

- Isn't that awesome? - Well, great news!

Aren't you happy?

IF I BECOME AN ASS, ONCE I HAVE MY PHONE BACK: GO PLAY D&D

HELP MS. RAFAÏ, HAVE DINNER WITH THE GIRLS, ASK GAGAN FOR HELP

Change will do you good.

I believe in change!

You know, change is when life happens. In fact, I, myself,

- am about to make a big... - Mireille?

I was just telling Léa, it's crazy

to wanna have a baby after two months, with this Mélanie

but with her after eight years. Nothing.

Now trust me. Your Guillaume is completely off the mark.

Léa, you dodged an idiot!

Do you like it? Look, there's the view. Can you see the view?

Look at this view. Isn't it pretty?

What? I'm fine. I got it under control.

I didn't say anything.

Yes, exactly. It's weird.

It's not weird, Léa.

- You know, things change. - Yes. She's right.

She's right, change. Yeah, of course, change, I mean it's...

It's... there's change everywhere.

Look at our mayor. She's putting bike paths everywhere.

It's like in Beijing. I've never been to Beijing.

I don't know China very well.

Everything I know I learned online.

Amsterdam, on the other hand, I know well.

What about you, Léa? Didn't you go to Copenhagen with Guillaume?

- You need to ask Sonel for the recipe. - Will do.

- The meatball recipe. - Dad? Mom?

- Totally, she's planning something crazy. - Hi.

What's with the shitty outfits? What happened?

Okay. Don't be unpleasant, son, instead, come and say hello.

- And give us a big kiss. Come on. - Uh... Hi.

Wow, you stink, Mom. That's gross.

You got lucky! I spent 15 hours with them and I threw up three times.

Oh! It's not that bad. You guys are such wimps!

- And conformists as well! - Please. Don't even get me started.

Okay, that's enough about us! Mom!

It's your birthday! You're a star!

Happy birthday, Mireille!

- All right, like this. - Like that? Ah, okay, like that.

Wait! What have they got into now?

According to them, they found themselves in the Rasta philosophy of life

which rejects the civilization built on money and materialism.

Oh, no. I'll never get my phone back now.

The truth is, they met some old Rastas at the beach restaurant,

but, like, seriously old, like Grandma's age.

And the waiter thought Dad was the old man's father!

What?

- That sucks. - Yep, so, their whole new thing

is trying to be Rastas to make themselves seen younger.

It's not working at all.

You know, it feels like we've let something go.

- Hello, my darlings! - Happy birthday, Mireille.

- I'm going straight in 'cause he's hungry. - Okay, thanks, Audrey.

- Happy birthday, Mom. - Thank you, darling.

You look beautiful.

Okay, Julien. I need to talk to you.

- I need to tell you something. - It's all about your father...

I've done it. I've taken my paternity leave.

I'm gonna surprise Audrey during dessert.

I know it's your birthday, but... let's share. You don't mind, right?

Uh... No.

It seems we all have something important to announce.

She's going to be over the moon.

I'm gonna need you to help me though.

I'm going to freak out being on my own with the baby.

- Ah, well... - Thanks, Mama.

You're so beautiful.

It'll kill her if I tell her I'm not going to work in the restaurant!

- No, it won't. - She bought another place! Come on!

She must've paid a fortune.

- I can't... I can't do that to her. - You can't what? Choose your own life?

Would you really prefer working with your mom every day,

just because she decided to buy a new place?

Is that what you want?

No.

Okay, so you say, "Mom, your emotional blackmail won't work on me.

Goodbye. I'm going to be a rapper. Peace out."

Okay.

- Let's go! - Okay.

- What are you... - Wait. Let's roll him.

Roll!

- What are you guys up to? - Aah!

We're cleaning before... our moms come for inspection. Because...

- Wow, it was a total mess. - Total mess. I'm really...

- very dirty. - Ah, God!

So, Léa, I'm really sorry

about the other day. I should've seen that you weren't doing well.

- You bought a Tamagotchi. - Ah, pfft.

Forget it.

I mean, I'm not judging you at all. I'm not.

Uh, is it still around?

Who cares? Seriously, I swear. I threw out the Tamagotchi.

But I'm hungry. Really hungry. Aren't you hungry?

- Oh, god. I'm starving. I'm so... - I'm hungry. Okay.

Listen, I'm not really hungry.

Actually...

I don't think I'm doing okay.

- Aah? - Really?

I don't think I'm okay at all. In fact...

I can't stand Julien anymore.

He never takes care of Pablo. And when he does,

he does it badly.

All the time.

I feel lonely.

I feel ugly. I reek of vomit. No one ever thinks about me.

- No. - I never talk to anyone anymore.

And I feel so guilty because...

- ...all I want to do is go back to work. - Hey.

Yes, oh, dear. Come here.

- Three-way hug. - Come on let it out.

- All right. - And it's coming out! It's out!

There you go.

Your brother is so selfish.

I know.

Wouldn't it feel good if we went and told him?

- Yeah! - Yeah. Let's do it.

Come on. Let's go. We're doing it.

You need to verbalize this. You need to get it out.

- There you go. Totally! - You need to say these things.

- Go on! - Mm-hm.

- Yes. - Yeah.

Don't move.

It's really embarrassing that you've done this.

No, it's not embarrassing. It's not at all.

- It's a life philosophy. - Nico, you're white. It's embarrassing.

You know what, forget it. You don't understand.

- Can I have my phone now? - Hey, peace, man! We just got back. Okay?

Don't peace me, Dad.

Where is Manon?

- Hello, am I invisible, huh? - Okay, can I have my phone?

- Mom, come on, my phone. - Dinner is ready!

Ah! Well, you're going to have to wait a little longer.

Because actually, we have a new family rule. Mm-hm.

- No screens at the table! - At the table!

Yeah!

Come on, Lyna.

Ah. I'll take that.

There.

- It's good, right? - Well done.

Nice vegetarian meal! Does that make you happy, Mom?

- For your birthday. - Of course, it makes us happy.

You know, you should all stop eating meat.

- We're vegetarians now. - I don't like it.

- Oh, well there are more and more of them. - Like bicycles!

Right, Lyna? Eat your food.

- But I don't like it. - You don't get dessert then!

- Okay! - Yeah, go!

And no snacks! You're not having a snack either.

We should think about doing a vegan dish at the restaurant.

Speaking of vegan, where's your boyfriend, Léa?

No, it's not vegan. It's Gogan.

No, damn it. It's Gagan and fuck you, okay?

- Oh! - Ooh, someone's pissed about something.

- Did he dump you? - Don't be a smart ass. You'll be next.

- Enough now, please. - Hey, don't talk about my relationship.

I don't think you're in any position to give me advice...

- Because you're in a better position... - Come on, you two.

- ...than me! Is that it? - Cut it out.

Can you guys take a break?

- You're going to ruin your mom's birthday. - Yeah, you're ruining everything.

It's true that sometimes it's good to take a break. Huh, Philippe?

See, you're ruining the mood.

Come on, Manon. Tell everyone the good news.

Mom, wait. Nico and Rime haven't told us about their new white Rasta cult.

- So, you're vegetarian now? - Look...

Animal flesh, sold for human consumption,

is considered poison by the Rastafari movement.

Yeah.

- Ooh! - And if you think about it,

meat, well, it fuels human aggression.

Obesity, global famines, and most diseases.

- Oh, yeah. Of course. - Don't count us in.

- That is all because of meat. - Yeah! It is.

If we just stop eating it, boom, no more problems on Earth.

- You're a pain in the ass! - What? We're only kidding!

Of course. Dr. Life Engineer just has to ridicule everyone!

What's wrong with you? Can't you give people a break for five minutes?

Hang on, what's wrong with you today? You're Miss Mega Pain In The Ass!

Stop it, Julien!

- What? Stop what? - Just leave it. Happiness annoys him.

If I don't have dessert and I leave the table,

can I have my phone?

We need to tell you something.

What now?

Go ahead, darling.

Yeah, go ahead.

Okay, we left your phone at home, so you're going to have to...

- wait a little bit before you get it back. - Are you for real?

- Mm. - I hold up my end of the deal,

- and you don't stick to yours, Mom! - It's not a big deal!

Can't you just wait two more hours?

Manon, come on, tell everyone the good news. It'll lighten the mood.

The different generation...

- I'm not going, Mom. - What did she say? I can't hear.

- What did she say? What did she say? - I don't know what she said.

- Listen. - I'm not going.

- You're not going where? - Corsica!

I'm not going to Corsica!

I'm staying in Paris. All right, I...

I'm not coming home with you, Mom.

- There! Are you happy, Julien? - What?

- What? I didn't do anything! - Yeah, right.

Of course, because you never do anything.

- Hmm? - You never do anything.

You know what? Léa is right.

- You're fucking selfish. - Oh.

You don't look after your son. You work 72 hours a week.

- You don't give a shit about me. - Wh...

- I'm gonna end up leaving you, Julien. - No, wait, don't leave!

Of course, I give a shit about you! All right.

I... I took my paternity leave!

It started today. I wanted to surprise you.

- For real? - Yes, of course, for real, my love!

I'm begging you, stop taking advice from that crazy woman.

- Oh, no! I'm the crazy woman? - Yes, yes, you are!

Hang on, who's the nutcase who took Dad's car and ran over the dog,

then blamed it on the neighbor?

Yeah, that's right, guys!

- Ha! It was him. - No...

- You're the one who killed Maxie? - Let me explain...

- That was you? - Let me explain. It was an accident.

I swear. And it was 15 years ago!

No, Dad! Look what you've done!

- You're so annoying! - Great job. Seriously!

- Great job! You've made dad cry now. - Okay, I've had enough.

- I want my phone... - Hey, calm down!

You get it now!

- Shut the fuck up! - Slut! Bitch!

- Skank! - Bitch, go fuck yourself!

- Shit! Slut! - Come on, bitch!

- Bitch! Shit! Slut! - Whore!

- Slut! Asshole! - Bitch!

- Cocksucker! - Asshole! Son of a bitch!

- Jerk! Asshole! - Aw! Look how cute you all are.

The 15-minute swear-fest.

- What? - Motherfucker!

Dad used to organize this on vacation when we were little.

We could say as many swear words as we like for a few minutes.

- Whatever we wanted, to whoever we wanted. - Awesome.

- God, I really go. - You see, Yacine, how cute dad looks.

What did you expect? Huh?

Mom, stop. You're not going to leave like this.

I'm so stupid! Is that it? Heh?

Good for you. Abandoning me again.

I didn't know how to tell you.

I was looking forward to it.

I'm disappointed in you.

I don't want to work in a restaurant. It's just not for me.

Aah! I guess it's for people like me.

Or your sister. Restaurant work is for hillbillies as everybody knows.

- This lady is an artist, a big star! - Why couldn't I be an artist?

Who said I couldn't be one, Mom?

Fuck!

You always make me feel guilty for not being like her.

It's driving me crazy. I'm not Caro, Mom!

I'm not going to replace her.

Not in the restaurant and not in your life.

Mom, if we lose each other, what else do we have left?

It's just the two of us. You know I've always wanted to do music.

Maybe I'll fail but that's what I want to do.

Best of luck then.

That was for you, Mom!

- Good job, Manon! - Bravo!

You are going to do everything you can to become a huge artist. Okay?

- Okay. - Spit swear?

Spit swear.

I am so hungry!

What the hell is going on?

This is ridiculous. It's gone too far.

Léa, have you lost your mind?

- You kidnapped your ex now? - You've gone too far now, Léa.

You're this close to being put in a care home!

For God's sake!

Did it even occur to you that he was the one who came knocking at my door?

Who turned up drunk last night, crying?

"I don't want this child. You're the one I love."

When three weeks ago, he filed a complaint against me?

- Huh? What? - What do you mean a complaint?

The only thing you do is humiliate me, Guillaume.

I'm done, okay? I don't want to see you again.

And you know what?

It serves you right to have a shitty life with a racist wife and kid.

Wait, you filed a complaint against my sister?

You really are an asshole.

Seriously! Go on, Lyna!

- You piece of shit! - Go on. That's it, honey!

- What are you thinking? - You hurt my daughter?

Sweetheart! There.

Hey!

- Get out! - Get out of here!

- Li... Like this? - Yeah. In that.

Thank you.

You're incorrigible.

You were out of line earlier.

What can I get you?

- Ah, hello, young man. - Hello.

I'll have a bottle of water.

It will be my pleasure, miss.

What, like, he is your type?

Yeah, he is my type. Yeah.

- Absolutely my type. - Who knew?

Okay now. You're gonna listen to me.

First of all, you're done with this.

Completely. As for your restaurant, I have an idea.

I told Philippe I'm not coming back home.

- Huh? - Yeah. We're taking a break.

So you and me,

are going to have our childhood dream.

#WEARENOTPIGEONS

Oh. Oh! Oh, my god!

Oh!

Oh, yes!

- Oh, shit! - What's going on?

Mom, I'm a genius. I'm a genius.

A genius? I think I'd know.

- Well, let me explain. - I'm listening.

I created a whole detox movement

so I was the only one without a phone on vacation.

And it worked! All the schools around did it!

Do you realize? I gained over 5,000 followers.

Even a brand wants me to wear their products.

This is crazy!

I tricked them, Mom.

You can call me the boss.

Or I can call you for dinner.

And don't forget, no screens.

Yes! Yes! Yes!

Dinner!

Finally!

That was the longest date ever.

The opposite actually. The shortest date ever.

I left after five minutes.

I went to my mom's. I needed some comfort.

- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.

Why?

Well, I think I've had enough of dating.

- Really? - Yeah, I've done it all.

Before coupling up, bonobos bond through friendship.

They make offerings to each other,

play together and help each other with small tasks.

What about you? Did the new Léa do good?

Yeah, pretty good, yeah. I think I can move on to something new.

I'm exhausted.

- And the meal was good? - Cut the crap. I completely fucked it up.

It was awful.

- When she feels ready, the female... - Would you like a pistachio?

- ...throws stones to her chosen mate. - No. Right here.

The future couple starts turning around each other in circles,

getting closer and closer.

They groom each other, they touch each other

In the end, just like humans,

they choose each other.