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1 A NETFLIX SERIES

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Ah! So, hot.

Oh!

I'm gonna be late for squash.

DRIKO TAGGED YOU ON A PHOTO 123 PEOPLE LIKED YOUR PHOTO

MY FUTURE STAR WILL BE QUEEN V'S OPENING ACT

MOM

COME BACK TO WORK AT THE RESTAURANT, STOP THAT WHOLE SINGING MADNESS!

HEY, WHAT'S UP?

STOP MESSAGING ME

TO: DRIKO PRODUCER THIS OUTFIT FOR TONIGHT?

NO! I SAID SEXY!

FROM ADRIEN TO GUILLAUME

BEST BUGS BUNNY CHALLENGES

Since when is he into that?

You're not sending that to Guillaume, are you?

No.

- How are you, darling? - Fine.

- Aren't you at the hotel? - No, I'm off today.

- Is that Léa? - Hi, Dad.

So, have you done the latest update on your iPhone?

- Uh, no. - Do it!

Otherwise, your phone won't be performing to its maximum ability.

Really?

- Ah! I'm back on. Take care, darling. - Okay.

Hmm. Your dad can talk. He hasn't done the latest update on his vision.

I had a new haircut two days ago and he still hasn't noticed.

- Mm-hm. - Anyway, the reason for my call is to talk

to you about a dating app that sounds great.

Tindere, do you know it?

Right, it's Tinder. Tinder, Mom, okay. And yes, of course, I know it.

And no, I've already told you, I'm fine. So, stop. I don't need this.

Honestly, Léa, you should try it.

My friend from the gym is having a blast.

She's sleeping with this young man, loads of small asses, big...

Ah, la, la, la! That's just embarrassing, so I'm going to hang up now, Mom.

- Léa, please don't... - See you.

SEARCHING GUILLAUME CACOLET

USER NOT FOUND

Huh?

CAMERA NOT FOUND

What's going on?

WRONG PASSWORD

Oh, shit! What's happening? Goddammit.

- Guillaume has disappeared. - ...this is best served cold. Hello, Léa.

- And so, what I like to do... - Guillaume has disappeared.

- Please, pay attention to me. - No...

Oh, sorry. It's my friend who has a little problem with manners.

Léa, I've told you 15 times, when I'm with a customer, don't bother...

Guillaume disappeared from social media.

Plus, I can't connect to his mailbox anymore.

Why are you hacking your ex's email? What's wrong with you? Who does that?

Well, everybody does that.

- Jesus. - It's fine. I mean, right, ma'am?

- No, we don't. - Yes, everyone does that.

- Really? - See? So, something's wrong with my phone.

Um, I need you to check his Instagram.

Please?

I hope that he's okay.

- I can see him. Yes, I could see him. - You can see him?

Yes, you can. Fuck, that's crazy.

That means the issue really comes from my phone.

So, it's not letting me connect to his profile.

No, Léa. You're phone's fine. He just blocked you.

- What? I don't think so. - Yes.

- Well, no, I know him really well. - He has.

I mean, all those years. No, that's impossible.

He wouldn't do that to me. No, to me? No. No, no.

- Yes. - I don't think so. No, no, no.

He wouldn't do that to me.

No, no!

- Well, clearly he blocked her. Right? - Yeah.

No, no! No!

- Yeah. - Yes!

No! No! No! No!

- No! No! - Ma'am?

- No! No! - Ma'am?

No...

No! No! No! No!

Guillaume!

- Guillaume! I don't believe you block me! - Who is that?

Um, it's, uh... It's nothing.

...that I love you...

Fuck, I cannot believe this chic.

DRIKO PRODUCER WHAT A STAR!

SO PRETTY LOL HER SONG SUCKS

♪ Okay, Shaya! ♪

♪ In the hood, get into the circle Let's do this freestyle ♪

♪ Yes, so much courage ♪

♪ You prefer denial ♪

♪ Fed by cowards you won't even pretend ♪

♪ You'd rather be selfish As long as it pays ♪

♪ Artist of a system That dares the worst ♪

♪ Stop all the crap, your stories Stupid ideas, you wanted music ♪

♪ And exclude me, but I'm stable Don't try to imitate me ♪

♪ I have unlimited cash You want to buy me... ♪

There, that's your meal.

Ah... cool but these are leftovers. Someone else's leftovers.

Ah, no. It would be your diet until you lose that flab on your arm.

It's ugly.

And wear this under your dress.

Mm... a fake butt. Awesome.

What? Are you planning on getting a bigger ass by tonight?

- No. - Right.

See you later.

♪ I hear your name ♪

♪ On all the radio channels ♪

♪ I'm caught in your spell ♪

♪ In your world ♪

♪ But I feel like ♪

♪ There's a problem ♪

♪ I follow my guts even if I love you ♪

♪ I think this is the end ♪

♪ We'd better go long-distance ♪

♪ You're making me spark ♪

- ♪ You make me pretty ♪ - Draw them in. Do something!

They're bored!

♪ You're the only one I think about ♪

- I don't understand. What? - Jump like this!

- What? - Jump like a rock star!

- ♪ Essential... ♪ - Come on, dammit!

- Right now? - Yes! Now.

There's no point doing it tomorrow and you better...

Guys, I've calmed down, all right! This is...

Honestly, this isn't necessary.

There's no need.

Oh, he's so cute.

Guillaume!

Guillaume, I'm here.

Hey, you came for me?

No. I came to file a complaint.

What do you mean?

You told them you knew me at least.

Dammit, Léa. We broke up a year ago! It's clear that I don't love you anymore.

Well... no. That's a weird thing to say.

Wait, why do you spend so much time with my brother if not to see me?

He's been my best friend for 20 years.

I'm not gonna stop seeing him because we had a thing.

A thing? I mean...

- For eight years... - You're completely insane!

I see you prowling around my place.

I can't sleep. I'm always scared, you appear out of nowhere.

What's next, huh? You break into my house, kidnap me?

You make it sound like I'm fit to be locked up.

Yes, that's why I'm here.

Even when we were together,

you spent all your time posting our life on social media.

I can't take it anymore.

I'm done with you harassing me. I'm...

It's over, Léa.

And I blocked all your shitty fake profiles.

Jack-the-doggy, Nighttime surfing, Cyril Coaching too.

Cyril Coaching, that's not even me.

MANON CAPRIANI AND HER FAKE ASS CRASH!

EVEN HER FAKE ASS COULDN'T STAND HER LAME SONGS

VIEWS, COMMENTS

JUMP!

Aw, I want to die.

- Oh, stop it, Manon. - Ooh, what a disaster!

I'll never get married.

That's for sure. It's all over for me.

- Come on, cousin. Look at me. - I'm screwed. Yeah, why not.

- Are you nobodies or not nobodies? - Yes. We are nobodies.

- Louder. - We are nobodies.

There you go!

Aah!

Mm. Bernie!

Keep the shots coming, we're gonna get wasted.

TO GUILLAUME I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU

Oh, no!

MOM INCOMING CALL

No!

SORRY, MY BUGS BUNNY SUCKED

Whoa. Oh, no!

I think we need to put a lot on because it needs to... really take.

- Are you sure that's a good idea? - Let's put some more. Come on.

That's the best idea I've ever had in my entire life.

Do you trust me or not? Am I your cousin or not?

- Does it hurt when I pull it? - No, you're hurting me.

I'm doing it just like in those American movies.

Yup. You'll see you're going to be

- incognito. You look great. - Ah!

- Nobody will recognize you. - But, nobody ever?

Nobody ever.

Baby, I know you're not answering cause you're embarrassed.

I told you this whole thing would end badly.

Tell me when you wanna come home to Corsica. I'll buy your ticket.

- It makes me happy. Okay? - Oh, God.

- Oh, I can't stand it anymore. - Okay. Bye, Patoche.

- She's so exhausting. She tires me. - Ooh, get out.

Whoa, it's mom, I live in Corsica.

Ugh! Stay away.

- Say hi to Patoche. - Stay over there.

No more Patoche.

Do it again.

- It's Mom. No more Mom. - Ugh! Oh, yeah.

- You shouldn't... - Mother. No more mother.

- A problem? Well, not anymore. - No problem.

- Ugh, Driko! - No more Driko.

Why do I push myself to keep this thing in front of my face like this?

Seriously. Why don't we leave it in a small box?

Mm-hm, with miniature key.

I got something better.

Hey, I'm not done yet.

It's done! No more problems!

And no more Guillaume!

No more problems!

No more problems! There.

Take that! Ooh!

Freedom, motherfucker!

I'm the little bird from Twitter.

Oh, fuck.

What time is it?

Oh, no!

No! Fuck, no!

Oh, fuck! No!

Manon!

Oh, fuck!

Léa!

- My hair is green! - Ooh, it looks bad!

- Thanks. It was your idea! - Do you have a clock in here?

Oh, fuck! I'm gonna be late for work!

No! Oh, fuck!

It's 7:48 p.m., we slept all day.

No, it isn't! Calm down. We never set the time on the oven.

Oh, yeah! I need to get that fixed.

- What, the oven? - No, my phone.

- No hang on! Wait, wait. - What? What?

- What? - One second, I'm thinking.

Stop thinking. We're clearly total morons. That's messed up, what we did.

I'm not so sure. Maybe not.

Oh, fuck! Oh, fuck! Maybe it was actually a genius idea.

You're still drunk.

Look at us. Don't you want to start over?

With a clean slate, huh! Reclaim our fucking dignity!

Yeah.

See, yes! We're onto something! I swear we're on the right track.

Actually, we need to do uh, a sort of uh... cure.

Yeah, a cure. You know, like when um...

Like purifying your body, you know, and mind.

- Like some people do. - Who are these people, you say?

- Léa. - Yes?

You can't live your life like this, Léa,

with the sword of Heracles hanging over your head.

It's Damocles, Manon.

- But it's fine. - It's Damocles?

- Yeah, it's Damocles. - I'm an idiot.

I spent my life on the Internet

watching stupid videos when I should read books. You know, I'm uncultured!

No, you're not.

A little, sure. No!

Who cares, you've got other qualities. Okay, anyway, I don't see the connection

- with, this sudden idea of doing a detox. - Detox!

- That's the word! - No!

- That's what we need to do, Léa. - No. Still, no.

- Yes. - No.

Okay.

What if it helps you with Guillaume?

I'm listening.

- If you're off the grid, no more stalking. - Mm. Yeah.

- You leave him alone. - Mm-hm.

Well then maybe Guillaume will agree to withdraw his complaint.

Interesting.

You could start over. Right? You'd be free.

I would. With wonderful goals.

We need to do this detox.

- We're gonna do it. - Of course.

You know why? Because I'm tired of people telling me what to do.

What to say, what to eat, what to think, what to sing.

Guillaume withdrew his complaint. Hold on. Hold on.

- That would mean he regrets. - Maybe!

- Definitely. - And actually, I'm tired.

- Of wearing those tiny dresses... - Of course, yeah.

...squeeze like a tight hog. It doesn't suit me at all. Right?

Oh, Guillaume. He'll invite me to our favorite restaurant.

The small Japanese joint in Belleville.

We'll toast with two glasses of Rosé.

And he'll look at me in the eyes saying,

that he still loves me, that we can start again.

And I'll tell him that I still love him too.

It's going to be crazy, you know. We'll laugh and we'll cry.

We'll be in love for the rest of our lives.

It's great.

I'll get back with my ex.

Okay, I'm with you on this detox!

No. No way you can pull this off, girls. And for a whole month?

Yeah, just like Dry January. It doesn't end on the 15th, does it?

Or try Smokeout, without smoking for a month.

- It's always a month. - The Summer Body challenge.

- Exactly. - I got it.

It makes sense.

So, you want me to look after your stuff, right?

- Yeah. - Okay, that's fine.

I'm... I'm looking forward to it.

Okay. Give me your arm, please.

Don't worry.

Here.

That's... the shop's phone number so people can reach you.

Yeah, exactly. And you, you can use my phone here.

- Aah. - Aah.

Oh, yeah. What a nice guy, quick thinking, smart guy.

What do you want me to say? Don't you agree with me.

Yes? Now, get lost. I have a Tinder date in five minutes.

It's 10:15 a.m.

Poor thing...

Léa, you do know that us grown-ups don't only have sex at night,

right, don't you?

No, I know... that.

It's just that it's been a while since I've done it in the daytime.

- All right. - Right.

- Thanks. - Thank you.

They'll never be able to do this.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

No.

Oh, no!

Wait...

What the fuck are they doing?

- I felt completely... - Naked!

- Yes, completely naked! - Me too! And all those

- unbearable noises... - I feel horrible!

- Why do we do this? - I don't know!

- Plus nobody knows. That's a nightmare. - Shit! Hang on. Let's not panic.

- Audrey! - Yes!

- Let's meet at Audrey's after work. - Yes!

- She'll let everyone know. - Yes. She'll help us.

- So, let's do it. That's great. Call me! - Okay, take care.

- No! You can't call me! - Well, no.

- Fuck it! - What a nightmare.

This is going to be really hard, isn't it?

Oh! I know. I got it!

- Let's schedule. Like in the '90s. - Okay.

I finish at 5:00 p.m, 5:30 p.m. there...

Okay, let's do it.

Ladies and gentlemen, your attention, please.

There'll be a short delay while we wait on a traffic signal. Thank you.

Sorry to bother you, I saw you are on Instagram.

Would you mind searching for Guillaume Cacolet?

- Crazy lady. - C-A-C-O-L-E...

Yeah!

Whoo!

Ladies and gentlemen, due to an accident on the line,

this will be the last stop.

Could all passengers please disembark from the train? Thank you.

Oh, fuck. Where the hell am I?

Where... fuck!

Fuck.

Excuse me. I'm sorry. Could I borrow your phone?

I need to use Maps actually to...

Here. Yes.

Just to let you know, I don't take cards. Where are you going?

Uh, I'm going to Riviera Hotel.

No. I can't do that. It's not far enough.

But where is it?

Oh, okay, all right!

What the fuck have you been doing?

You're unreachable since yesterday, it won't work like that, okay?

Okay. Listen, Driko...

I need to be honest.

Uh... the uh... the truth is I'm... I'm just, I'm getting a little bit fed up.

It's like I'm having a little bit of a clear-out.

- What? - So, I, well I...

I decided to stop everything.

I'm doing a sort of a fast from my phone.

From social media, technology basically. I'm doing a little bit of a... a detox.

Are you completely dumb or what?

No, I've had enough.

I don't wanna see people anymore. They're... they're laughing.

- They're not really laughing at you. - They are!

No, stop acting like a diva!

Your career is taking off! This bad buzz is the chance of your life.

To disappear would be suicide!

We need to post more! Content, content, content! You got it?

And sort your face out, it won't look good for your shooting.

What shooting?

A commercial for some cordon bleu.

Cordon... cordon bleu?

Yeah, you know the breaded thing with the ham and cheese.

They want you to be their new muse.

- Me? - You'll be amazing. Yes, you!

You fell head first, but your career...

...is on!

Really?

Thank you. Thank you so much!

Thank you, sorry, sir.

Thank you.

- A tuk tuk? That's a first. - I know. Yes.

Right, you're super late. Blanchard is gonna kill you.

You can say what you like but this is a dream job.

No, I'm kidding.

I'm on Instagram. My friends are off for the weekend.

I really really wonder where our lives went wrong.

Especially you, because at least I have a boyfriend.

I have a boyfriend.

You know me. I'm honest.

It's Blanchard.

- What? - It's Blanchard.

- Léa? Léa! - What?

Yes, Mr. Blanchard.

You're very late. I'm not happy. You know the drill.

Yes, Mr. Blanchard. On my way.

Hurry up. We're busy.

Ready?

Right. That's your moment.

Okay, smile. Big smile.

And action! Dive!

Come on. Smile, Manon. Smile!

There, bigger smile. Yes, very good.

Come on. Smile, smile.

Okay, great, Manon. More bread crumbs, guys.

Bigger smile, Manon.

No. Cut!

Okay, let's do that again. It's not really good enough.

- Okay, let's get back to position. - Let's do it.

- I think I've got some in my eye. - We need more bread crumbs.

Ah, that's great. You look pretty as a peach.

That's disgusting!

This is your contract.

I got you six commercials a year for five years.

You sign this and bam! Jackpot.

- You'll be Miss French Charcuterie. - What?

This is for you.

- Are you shitting me? - No, it's the latest one.

Yes, you are. I told you earlier I'm doing a phone detox.

You never listen to anything I say.

Yeah. You don't care about what I tell you.

You know what, Driko. I think I'm done.

That's it. I'm tired. Enough!

- What are you doing? - Let me through.

That's it, I'm pissed off! That's enough!

- Calm down a little. - Yeah! Get off my back!

Yes, just lower your voice.

- She's coming back, right? - Yeah. Manon?

Oh, my gosh.

Stop it!

- What's going on today? - What's going on with this look?

- What is it? What happened here? - Upstairs if you don't mind.

- Sure. - The code, please.

I don't know the code.

- Audrey! Julien! - Julien!

- Audrey! Julien! - Audrey!

What?

- Audrey, come downstairs! - Yeah, what for?

- I don't know, just come down. - Yeah, but to do what?

- We'll see, I don't know, come down. - Why though?

Hey just give us the code! I'm tired, please!

- Who ejaculated on your face? - Your dad!

- He's dead. It's 3568. - Thank you.

She doesn't get it.

I wrote down the numbers for the whole family.

- Now give me the shops one. - Here.

But could you tell my mother not to call Gagan's shop every two seconds?

Like whenever she's got crap to tell me.

- No worries. - However,

I don't mind if you tell Guillaume about the detox.

Maybe Julien is seeing him too?

- What? - You never know.

And Audrey, uh, just so I know.

Are we whispering on account of Pablo or because of my selfish brother?

He was on night shift for 48 hours and since his Ph.D. is coming...

Of course he prefers sleeping on the couch,

that way he can easily annoy you.

- All right, let's go. - He pisses me off.

- Thanks for your help. - No worries.

Do you need your towel?

No, don't bother. Keep it. All good.

- Okay. - See you.

Thanks, Audrey.

Bye!

Oh, shit!

HI EVERYONE! LÉA AND MANON ARE GOING ON A DIGITAL DETOX FOR A MONTH.

NO PHONE, NO COMPUTERS.

YOU CAN USE THIS NUMBER TO CALL THEM: 01 90 00 24 48

Yeah, sure.

Cell phone detox? What is this world coming to?

FAMILY 5 NEW MESSAGES

Alarm clock.

- There. - There.

- Notebooks, paper, calendar. - I want this one.

This little one is so cute.

Post-it notes, pens.

Envelopes, because I think that's...

He's right, Pat. They're ridiculous.

And my sister is doing anything to get noticed, as usual.

You okay, sweetheart?

- How much for those two, sir? - Thirty euros.

- A small discount? - No.

Okay.

So, cool.

Do you know how the sardine can was invented?

- Do you know? Me neither. - No, I don't. In Portugal!

Note for the end of your detox.

You're buffoons.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Affirmative, my dear Watson!

Boo!

Well, well, well.

What do we have here?

What is our son up to, my dear Watson?

Well, given that his Google search

and this is a large A4 paper with exactly the same text,

I would say this brat is clearly cheating, Mr. Holmes.

Hmm, you smell that?

- What are you playing at now? - Smells like a harsh punishment.

Caught cheating red-handed.

Catastrophic school report, behavior, whatever.

So, what?

Teachers complaining of unauthorized cell phone use during class.

- It's time for a raid! - Affirmative, my dear Watson.

Cell phone.

Cell phone!

Switch!

- Computer. - Hey! No. Don't take that.

No! Not the PC!

- Enough PC! - No!

Nothing for two weeks at least. Understood.

School vacation's in two days. You can't do this to me, Dad?

Oh, yes, we can.

And you can thank Léa and Manon. Because this detox is a great idea.

Huh?

Can I have my...

Fine!

- Shh! - Move!

♪ I'm checking you out ♪

♪ Huh ♪

♪ Looks like you're checking me out too ♪

- Wow! - Thank you.

Did you say something?

Yes, I was just thinking, uh...

Don't you think it's a good idea, the girls' detox?

Maybe we could do the same.

- At least no screens in bed. - Okay, if you want.

Where are you going?

What? You said no more screens in bed.

DAY 1

Ah, I slept so well.

I don't miss it at all. Not one regret.

Yeah. Same for sure. I guess it's true, the thing about blue light.

- Yes. Of course. - Mm-hm. Don't I look better?

- I've never seen you look so good. - Really? Yeah.

- You too. - Thanks.

Hi!

What the hell? Now they'll never warn us before they visit.

This is an emergency, so be happy I have your keys.

I have two bad news, one for each of you.

Who should I start with?

Manon, your mom is coming this weekend.

Impossible. She'd never close her restaurant for the weekend.

Yes. She called, she's coming for Julien's Ph.D.

What are you talking about? She doesn't give a shit at...

Oh, my God! She's coming for me.

Actually, you're like a giant notification,

you pop up without warning even when no one asked you a thing.

I'm glad you find it funny,

'cause the next one won't be and it's for you.

It's popping up without warning. It's about Julien's Ph.D. presentation.

Guillaume's coming.

With a plus one.

With a plus one?

What does that mean? Who? Who's the plus one?

Who else could it be, if not me? I don't understand.

Who is it? It's a girl?

Which girl?

Okay, who is it, who is it? I don't understand.

Who? Tell me. It must be a really good friend.

No, wait, is it a cat?

It's an animal? It's a pussy cat. Shit, it's a pussy!

Whose pussy is it? Who is it? Tell me who the fucking plus one is!

- No! No! No! - No!

- Léa! Calm down. - Give it to me.

Stop, Léa! Take it!

- Give it to me! - I don't have it.

- Stop it! - Where is it?

No!