Original subtitles

[♪ Smash Mouth: You Are My Number One]

♪ When I'm finally gone I'm gonna be gone without a trace ♪

♪ There's a lot of good times ahead before we're done ♪

♪ And on top of this list of things before I leave this place ♪

♪ You are my number one ♪

♪ You are my number one ♪

♪ Trying to make it clear ♪

♪ Trying to let you know ♪

♪ When you're afraid I'm gonna be there ♪

♪ When I'm finally gone I'm gonna be gone without a trace ♪

♪ You are my number one I said you are my number one ♪

♪ Yeah, you are my number one ♪

MAN: All right!

Give it up for Smash Mouth! Let's hear it, come on!

Hangin' Chad, coming back live

at the KQSF Annual Beach Bash,

winding it up with our special guest,

the stunningly beautiful

Phoebe Halliwell of Ask Phoebe fame.

Okay, so what's your deal? Are you psychic.

- Is that it? - I'm sorry?

I mean, you gotta be, don't you?

Your column has skyrocketed,

all the critics rave about how amazingly insightful your advice is.

How else do you explain it?

I just think I read people really well.

Oh, you do, do you? Can you read me?

[ALL LAUGHING]

I don't know, write a letter and we'll see.

Come on, give it a shot.

You guys wanna see her do it, don't ya, huh?

Oh. All right, all right.

Uh... What do you want advice on?

Okay, let's see.

There's this woman that I like, and I'd like to ask her out.

But I'm afraid she'll say no. What should I do?

Well, why don't you just ask me and find out?

[ALL LAUGH]

Okay, are you out of your mind? What are you doing here?

Freyja sent me. She wants to know what's taking so long.

Freyja? You know, for a mythical character, she sure does worry a lot.

She's not the only one who's worried.

He's an Elder, Chris. How much longer do you really expect us to keep him?

- Don't tell me he's complaining. - Yes, a lot, actually.

I don't believe it! Banish the guy to an island filled with beautiful women

and he still complains. I can't win.

- How much longer? - Until I'm ready.

Look, I'm sorry, but I haven't finished what I came here to do yet.

And I need Leo out of the way until I can.

More importantly, the sisters can't find him

- before I'm ready. Or else... - I know.

We all understand the risks.

I'd never hurt you, Mist. You know that.

You would if you had to.

I know that too.

PIPER: Chris, are you up there?

You better go.

Please... hurry.

Hey, do you have any laundry?

Uh...

No, no. I'm good, thanks.

I'm gonna get your sisters though. We have another demon to vanquish.

Okey-dokey.

[EXHALES]

Hi. I'm sorry if I embarrassed you back there.

I'm just glad it was only on the radio.

I don't know why I answered like that. It was...

It was dead-on. It was exactly what I was feeling.

Nervous about asking you out.

[CHUCKLING] Really? You were?

Then maybe I should ask you out and just take the pressure off.

[CHUCKLES]

I just don't know what's the matter with me!

[CHUCKLES] It's gotta be the heat or something.

Bayview Café, say 1:00?

- I'll be there. - CHRIS: Phoebe.

Chris, what are you doing here?

Um, listen, I gotta get back. Don't be late.

I won't be.

Trok demon... Remember?

Oh Chris, get a life!

- Come on. - [SIGHS]

- Stop! Stop! - [DOGS BARKING]

Please! [SCREAMS] Sit!

Heel!

[PANTING]

Stop!

[HOWLING]

[SIGHS]

I gotta get a real job.

Oh!

Trok demon?

What now? Can't you see I'm working?

[DOG MOANING]

All right, can we get this started because I have to go...

Where did they come from?

He wouldn't let me take 'em back first.

- Back?! - Yeah.

I'm a dog walker.

- The temp agency messed up. - Uh!

Okay, do you guys mind? We have to summon the Trok demon while he's still on our plane. Piper!

Oh Chris, lighten up.

Sending us after all these demons is getting to be a real drag.

Yeah, you're working us like dogs.

I don't see Piper complaining.

No, because Piper doesn't complain about anything anymore.

Ever since Leo left to become an Elder, all she does is walk around the house all chipper.

- So? - PAIGE: So it's unusual.

What's worse, it's not Piper.

I'd love to have a play day.

Maybe we can call Jenny and she can bring baby Josie.

And then I'll bring the juice and maybe bake some muffins,

and... Oh, how cute!

- Okay? - She's getting worse.

- Definitely. - Do you have a spell?

Right out of the Book.

After you summon him, make sure Piper freezes him,

otherwise you'll never get the spell off.

Take these guys up to the attic, they'll be fine there.

- Wait, me? - PAIGE: Yeah, you! Go!

- Whoa! - [DOGS BARK]

- Alrighty, are we ready? - Alrighty.

Phoebe, have I told you how much I love your new do? It's fabulous!

Very chipper. Okay, let's do this.

You take this.

Mmm.

[GROWLS]

Piper, freeze him!

[GROANS]

[GIGGLES]

What did you do that for?

I don't know, I didn't mean to.

[GROWLS]

"From other worlds far and near, let's get him the Trok out of here!"

[MOANS]

- Everybody okay? - Yeah, that was awesome.

♪ I am the son ♪

♪ And the heir ♪

♪ I am human ♪

♪ And I need to be loved ♪

♪ Just like everybody else does ♪

♪ See I've already waited too long ♪

♪ And all my hope is gone ♪

[♪ Balligomingo: New Favorite Thing]

♪ A sight for my sore eyes ♪

♪ A most special attraction ♪

♪ Oh, you saved me ♪

♪ Oh, don't you know? ♪

♪ You're my new favorite thing ♪

♪ Now I don't need anything else ♪

♪ You're my new favorite thing ♪

♪ Makes me feel... ♪

What kind of Whitelighter can't heal?

For the record, you can't heal either.

I'm half Whitelighter! How come you didn't tell us about this before we hired you?

Because you didn't hire me, I was assigned by the Elders.

Any other surprises you'd like to share with us?

No.

Look, I haven't been a Whitelighter very long, okay.

And healing... it's big.

And it takes a while to learn how to do.

Great student-lighter.

Okay, you could have told us about this, like, I don't know, maybe a month ago?

Well, I know one thing for sure.

We're gonna stop all this demon-fighting for a while.

Wait. Why?

PIPER: Can somebody please fold the towels in the dryer when it's done?

That's why.

I put a casserole in the oven,

you can check it in about an hour or so.

I will be at the club if you need me. Have fun!

Oh, my God, she is so sad.

Sad? Where are you getting sad from?

How about this? Three more demons, then we can talk about taking a little break.

Do you have a quota or something?

I've already told you, I know from future knowledge

that a demon is gonna come after Wyatt.

These are all just preemptive strikes.

Okay, look, Chris, we like you a lot.

But we've been doing this a lot longer than you have.

Trust me, you have to pace yourself and you gotta let us have a life.

Ooh, speaking of which, I have to go get ready for my lunch date.

Oh, I didn't know your boss was back in town.

No, it's not with Jason.

It's with Chad, the DJ who I'm not really interested in.

Two demons. How about that? Two?

No, Chris. And especially not until we figure out what's wrong with Piper.

And more importantly, Piper's powers.

I swear, I think Leo did something to her before he left.

Well, you know what? I think it's about time we orb him down here and ask him.

- I don't think that's possible. - Well, then make it possible!

Even if he doesn't care about Piper as his wife,

as an Elder, at the very least, he should care about what happened to her powers.

- I can't. - Yeah, you can.

Just go up there and tell him to get his butt back down here.

That's not why I can't.

Look, I didn't want to tell you this because I didn't want to worry you two, but...

- Leo's missing. - What?

Missing? How long?

Since the last time we saw him.

Anyways, the Elders think he's been... kidnapped.

By whom?

[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]

- Got more wounded. - Go, go!

[SCREAMS]

MAN: They got Kruger!

Who...?

- What the...? - Shhh.

It's all right. You don't have to be afraid.

You're one of the chosen few.

Don't worry.

I promise you'll understand soon enough.

- You're amazing, Piper. - Sorry?

Seriously, I don't know how you do it.

I mean, I could barely take care of myself

when little Darryl was a baby, let alone run a daycare.

Well, nobody was using the club during the day anyway,

and I was running out of room at home with all of Wyatt's playdates.

Well, I think it's great.

Really, I mean, especially with everything you're going through.

What?

Sheila's just been a little concerned about you lately.

You know, with Leo and all.

I can't even imagine how hard it must be for you.

Do you ever even talk to him?

Oh, no, it's probably against the rules.

But, you know, no use crying over spilt milk.

And besides, you know, I just gotta push ahead for Wyatt.

Well, better get these treats to the little ones. Is Darryl Jr. staying late?

- Yeah. - Uh, yeah, yeah.

Super.

Hey, guys. Coming through.

I've gotta get back to the station.

- SHEILA: Hi, guys. - Hi.

Whoa. What's the matter?

Uh... Sorry?

Something's bothering you, I can tell.

- Phoebe? - What? Oh, sorry.

So, you know, Piper's doing fine, huh?

Yeah, but you don't think she is.

Don't mind her, she's just being a little annoying.

Um, would you excuse us for a second?

Yeah, sure.

- See ya later. - Bye.

- What is going on with you? - I know, it's weird.

Lately I've just been feeling a lot of weird vibes. I don't know what it is.

Vibes? Hmm.

Check it out. I can really really only deal with one whacked-out sister at a time.

[CHUCKLES] Got it.

Piper?

Piper, you got a minute?

- Uh, can it wait? - No.

Actually it can't. It's about Leo.

- Oh, did he call? - Not exactly.

There's no easy way to break this to you so I'm just gonna come out and say it.

Leo's missing.

We found out that the Elders haven't heard from him since he left us to join them.

Wow.

So did he happen to say anything to you

the last time you saw him that can potentially help?

No. All I remember him saying

is that he was leaving to become an Elder and I wished him good luck.

That's it? That was your big goodbye?

Yeah, as far as I can remember.

But I wouldn't worry about it too much.

He'll turn up sooner or later. Excuse me.

So much for that shocking her back into reality, huh?

Unfortunately, I think only Leo can do that.

[MEN GROANING, SHOUTING]

[GROANING, SCREAMING]

[SNICKERS]

Greetings, Mist.

You under-rotated. Now watch.

You were gone a while, Mist. I was beginning to worry.

I wanted you to be pleased.

Cute.

But can he fight?

- Like no other. - WOMAN: We'll see.

- Am I in heaven? - Warrior heaven.

Until I see how well you do

against our champion, anyway.

[GROANS]

[WOMEN MURMURING]

- What do you want from me? - We want you to fight.

[SWORD SCRAPES]

[GROWLS]

He fought well enough. Heal him.

Get him into training.

- [MAN GROANS] - Come.

What about me? I don't belong here and you know it!

No? You're an Elder, aren't you?

You have much to teach my warriors.

Where exactly are you trying to find Leo? Jupiter?

When an Elder gets kidnapped, they're probably just not gonna take him to Chinatown, right?

I think everything is game, even the cosmos.

Still, I don't see how the crystal's gonna find him,

especially not without something of his to focus it better.

- I've got one of his plaid shirts. - [PHOEBE LAUGHS]

I was thinking something a little more special than that.

Leo loved those shirts. His entire closet's full of them.

- What's your problem? - Huh?

You're nervous, I can feel it.

Watch your vibes.

I just think you guys should be focusing on helping Piper, not Leo.

Ha! I was right.

Hey, finding Leo could help us with Piper.

Well, then you better find another way because you are not gonna find him.

I mean, you haven't found him yet, have you?

I'm telling you, you just gotta leave it up to the Elders, all right? Just let it go.

Let it go? He's Wyatt's father.

- And our brother-in-law. - Ex-brother-in-law.

I'm trying to get you two to focus on your sister.

That's all. Because with her powers messed up, you guys are all at risk.

He's right.

I know. But if Leo did do something to block Piper's pain,

- how do we unblock it without him? - A magical laxative.

- Okay, ew. - But think about it.

If we can write a spell to help her remember her pain,

I don't know, it could even help us find Leo.

Who are you calling, Spells R Us?

No, I'm calling the Bayview Café.

I'm gonna cancel my lunch date with Chad, which I'm already late for.

WOMAN: Bayview Café.

Hi, can I speak to Chad Carson please?

I was supposed to meet him for...

- He couldn't make it today. - What?

He called and he canceled.

- He canceled? - Yes, he canceled.

Are you sure? 'Cause he didn't even call...

He told us to let you know he's very sorry.

- [PHONE BEEPS OFF] - Huh!

He stood me up!

Wait, weren't you just calling to cancel on him?

Yeah, but I called him, that's canceling.

He called the restaurant, that's standing up!

- Mmm. - Oh.

This doesn't make any sense. I don't understand.

He liked me, he really liked me. I felt it.

Well, um, excuse me, but it didn't even seem like your heart was in it anyway.

- We have a spell to write! - And I have a DJ to grill!

MAN: Right, here you go, Chad.

Thanks, Billy.

Hey. I hear they have hot dogs at the Bayview Café.

Phoebe, what are you doing here?

It's funny, I was about to ask you the same thing.

Listen, I can explain.

That's good, because that's why I'm here.

I was hoping you could help me understand something

that's baffled women since the beginning of time.

Why don't men call after they ask us out?

And why do they cancel at the last minute,

and even worse, stand us up?

Look, I'm sorry, but I had something really important come up.

- Are you intimidated by me? - What?

Because you weren't intimidated by me when you asked me out.

Hold on, you asked me out, remember?

Oh, wait. Are you saying that you didn't want me though?

Because I know you did, I felt it.

Whoa! Wait a minute.

You don't like successful women.

I gotta go.

Wait, are you telling me that everything that I've worked so hard for in my life,

everything I fought to achieve makes me less attractive to men?

Because if that's what you're saying, I just...

Ow!

Just hurts, it hurts so much!

It hurts so much, Mommy!

Don't you think you're overreacting just a little?

No, I don't!

Actually, yeah, I do.

- It hurts so much, Mommy! - I know it does.

[WHIMPERING]

Sir, what does it matter when I bring the dogs home?

Their owners aren't there, that's why I got the job in the first place.

Why don't you go hump a dog? Did you ever think of that?

No, not you, sir.

Look, you know, when I came to the agency,

I really went with the idea

that I would be, you know, helping people, not animals.

And what I really mean to say is that it...

Sir, it is time for me to strike out on my own.

[BARKING]

Yeah, I'll have the dogs back in an hour.

[PHONE BEEPS OFF]

- CHRIS: Piper's home! - Coming.

- [BABY CRYING] - Hey, who's that?

Ask her.

Hi, how's it going?

How's it going? Uh, what are you doing?

- Whose babies are these? - PIPER: Hi.

Well, their mommies couldn't pick them up in time

so I offered to bring them home for a while.

Oh, you did?

Um, what about, you know, Leo?

I don't know, what about him?

Look Wyatt, look who's here.

Another friend for you to play with.

- Is that the memory spell? - Yeah.

And she can stay as long as she likes.

Cast it.

"Powers and emotions tied,

a witch's heart is where it hides.

Help her through her agony, bless her with her memory."

Piper, you okay?

I'm sorry, do I know you?

[CHUCKLING] Very funny.

Oh, cute.

- Yours? - No, yours.

Mine? Well, what do you mean?

Wait. Who am I?

What am I doing here?

Great, Paige, you didn't restore her memory, you erased it.

That's impossible. It's a good spell, I know it.

- [FLY BUZZING] - Unless it interacted badly with Leo's magic.

- [BABIES CRYING] - What happened? How did that happen?

Uh, it's okay.

You're gonna be okay.

Just don't point at anything, okay?

Just keep your hands down, like this, okay?

Can somebody please tell me what's going on?

We're gonna tell you that, just as soon as we know ourselves.

[CHUCKLES] Okay, you come in here,

and you have a seat and take a load off.

Yeah, and keep those arms down. Oh, my goodness.

Okay, don't freak out, 'cause magic got us into this and magic will get us out.

[BABY CRIES]

- Did you see that? - See what?

- Wyatt, he orbed his pacifier. - What?

I think I know how to find Leo.

- Leo? Will you please forget about Leo? - [DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]

Oh, Piper, hi!

You're never gonna believe this! I think I have a new power.

It would certainly explain a lot of my weird behavior lately,

like why I wanted to date Chad and why my advice has been so amazingly accurate.

I know, this is huge, right? Huge!

So, what's my new power, you ask? Well, I'll tell you.

Um, do you remember that empath we helped a couple of years ago?

That guy that could feel what other people were feeling?

- Uh, Phoebe... - Just a sec. I think that's what I am now.

An empath.

I am an empath. That's my new power.

Or at least an advancement of my premonition power, I don't know.

Neither does she, I'm afraid.

Know, that is, anything. Paige erased her memory.

Can you blow things up too?

Oh, boy. Paige!

What did you do to our sister?

Oh, you poor dear. You feel awful about it, don't you?

I'm so sorry.

Thanks... I think.

That's it? That's all the ass-kicking you're gonna dole out?

You're supposed to be sisters!

She's clearly devastated about this.

But you can't let her off the hook! You need enough guilt to fix it.

I think I just fixed it.

PAIGE: I think we just found Leo.

- PHOEBE: We? - PAIGE: Yep.

Wyatt and me.

I mean, nothing's more important to Leo than him, right?

Oh, there you go, big boy.

[EXHALES] Let's go.

Go? Go where? It's pointing to the middle of the Indian Ocean.

- There must be something there. I trust Wyatt. - This is crazy!

Chris, she's feeling really strongly about this.

I have a new power. I'll explain on the way.

Oh, hey, can you take the dogs back for me? The addresses are in the Book.

No, there's no way...

[TOY SQUEAKS]

If anyone should be protecting themselves, it's me from you.

It is so beautiful here, it's like paradise.

But why isn't it on the map?

They obviously don't want anyone to know it exists.

Like the island has some sort of magical camouflage or something.

Well, that's a hell of a lot of magic.

MAN: Over there!

[PANTING]

That was close. I hope they're not looking for us.

- [PHOEBE GROWLS] - [BOTH GROANING]

Are you out of your mind? [GROANS]

[COUGHING]

You're upset about the memory spell, but this is ridiculous!

I'm so sorry. I must have tapped into what they were feeling.

Okay, well, let them kill me, not you.

Let's go look for Leo.

- Anything? - Phoebe, Paige!

- Leo! Oh, my God! - PAIGE: I can't believe it!

I can't tell you how good it is to see you guys. Hey, you cut your hair.

- Yeah, you like it? - Hello, people.

- Oh. - What are you doing in here anyway?

- Somebody put me here. Watch out! - [WOMEN SHOUTING]

[GROANS]

[GROANING]

Oh! Oh, thank you.

Oh. Wow, Leo, I didn't know you had it in you.

I've changed. You need to get out of here before the other Valkyries find you.

If you orbed in here, they've been alerted.

Valkyries? Who are they and what do they want with you?

- You can't orb out from here. It's protected. Go! Run! - [SHOUTING]

We'll be back.

I told you, I don't belong here.

[DOG GROWLING]

You could have been killed, you know that? Huh? What were you thinking?

We were thinking of finding Leo, which we actually did, if that matters to you.

What was up with that skirt he was wearing?

At least the skirt wasn't plaid.

- [LAUGHING] - [DOG GROWLS]

It's like neither of you guys are taking this very seriously.

[DOG BARKS]

Hey, do you mind?

I can't help it if he doesn't like you. You were supposed to take him home.

I tried, but the owners weren't there.

Besides, the dog, he's not my job, he's yours.

I know, don't remind me. Hey!

Oscar, lay down!

[MOANS]

Oh! Look, Paige, I think he likes you.

Yeah, great. Don't tell me you can read his feelings now too?

No, but if I start licking your toes, run.

Where is Piper?

I put her in her room, hoping that it might jog her memory.

Nobody else seems to be trying to.

Here it is.

"Valkyries, a powerful race of demi-goddesses

who scout the battlegrounds for dying warriors..."

"then take their souls to Valhalla where they prepare them for the final world battle."

PAIGE: Valkyries, huh?

Does that mean they're good?

How can they be good if they've got Leo?

And how did they even get Leo?

He's not a dying warrior, he's an Elder.

Look, why don't you guys concentrate on helping Piper.

I'm gonna fill in the Elders and see what they want to do.

We don't have time for that. We have to go back for Leo now.

Why? Doesn't sound like he's in trouble.

He's only stuck in a cage.

They tried to kill us when we saved him.

It's too dangerous. You're not going back.

Wait, let me get this straight.

Are you telling me that you'd rather just let Leo rot there?

- No, but... - He needs our help.

Not to mention he may be the only way we have to save Piper.

[EXHALES] You can't orb into Valhalla undetected.

The only way to get there safely is with a Valkyrie's pendant.

That won't get you close enough to Leo, he's too well-guarded.

How do you know all this?

I've crossed paths with Valkyries before.

In the future.

I can get you the pendants,

but the only way to get close to Leo

is by proving to the Valkyries you're one of them.

How are we supposed to do that?

Easy, just arrive with a warrior's soul.

Oh, easy.

Where are we supposed to find a warrior's soul?

Beats me.

Don't...

- [GUNFIRE] - [GROANS]

It's all right, you don't have to be afraid.

You're a brave warrior. I'll take care of you.

I don't think so Leysa. Not this time.

What are you doing here?

My plans have changed, unfortunately.

The witches found Leo sooner than I would have liked.

That's not my problem. We kept our end of the deal.

I know.

And I'm forever grateful.

But I can't risk them finding out what I'm up to.

I'm truly sorry.

[GASPING]

Forgive me.

Officer down, 8th Avenue sewer. We need an ambulance.

WOMAN ON RADIO: Attention all units, at the 8th Avenue sewer we have an officer down,

I repeat, we have an officer down.

[POLICE SIREN WAILS]

- You ain't got nothing on me. - Yeah. Shut up!

Get in there!

- Wait here! - Yeah, like I'm going anywhere.

Are you out of your mind? What are you doing here?

Darryl, we need your help.

Does this have anything to do with you asking Sheila to watch Wyatt?

- Yes. We don't have a lot of time. - It's about Leo.

- You found him? - Actually, yeah, we did.

We need your help to save him.

Sure, you know that. Just ask. Anything.

Great! We just need to borrow your soul for a couple of hours.

We'll get it right back.

It's perfectly safe. Your body will just slip into a coma,

and as long as we get your soul back in time...

- Which we will. - You'll be fine

Just a little headache, that's all. What do you say?

You're serious, aren't you?

Please, Darryl, it's the only way we can save Leo.

No! I ain't doing it!

- Darryl, please! - No, absolutely not!

I love Leo like a brother,

but, you know, there is a limit to what you can ask a man to do!

This is definitely over the limit!

- Uh, Darryl? - What?

Oh, that's just great.

I hope this works.

Just remember everything I told you and you'll be fine, okay?

Okay, we got the... Oh, my God, what did you do to Piper?

I turned her into a Valkyrie. And convinced her she's one too.

Actually, it wasn't that hard really,

considering the fact that her mind is basically a blank.

- But why? - You might need the Power of Three

to get Leo out of Valhalla.

This is the only way you'll get her into Valhalla.

If Piper ever gets her memory back, she's gonna kill you.

Why?

- Because she hates wearing those costumes as much as we do. - Mm-hmm.

Yeah? Well, in that case, you're gonna kill me too.

Can I help you?

We've brought you a warrior.

- Warrior? - Is there a problem?

How come I don't recognize you?

Perhaps you'll recognize this.

A warrior's spirit, worthy of Valhalla.

Well done.

[GROANS]

Not a bad afterlife, if you ask me.

You're doing great, honey.

What the...?

Okay, I know how we're gonna save Leo, but how are we gonna save Morris?

I have no idea, that's why they call it "winging it."

- What are you two talking about? - Nothing.

What are you waiting for? Attack!

[SCREAMS]

Leo?

What are we gonna do?

It's Piper. Her pain is back, do something.

Uh... kill him!

- Take the fall! - What fall?

Stay down!

[GRUNTS]

What is he doing here? What are we doing here?

Piper, shh!

Ow, do something!

We just wanted to apologize for sending you such a weak warrior.

We can get rid of him for you.

Get rid of him?

Yeah, you know, like, send his spirit onto...

the hereafter, or something.

Very well.

You left me, didn't you?

Potion, potion!

We gotta get out of here.

It's clear!

- I'll open the portal. - [PHOEBE GROANS]

Phoebe...

It's Piper.

Her heart is breaking!

- Piper. - Don't. Stay away from me!

I will explain everything when we get home, but right now we need to go.

Home? We don't have a home. You left us!

Leo, talk to her!

I didn't have a choice.

I became an Elder. It's not something that I wanted,

it's something that just happened.

Yeah, see, I know all of this. Why didn't I remember it?

Because I used my powers so you wouldn't have to.

But your anger almost destroyed a city, and your pain almost destroyed you.

I wanted to help you, so you wouldn't have to deal with it all at once.

So you took my feelings away?

No! Never!

I was gonna reverse the spell slowly so you could feel a little more every day,

but then somebody did this to me, somebody put me here so I couldn't.

I'm sorry.

Look, I don't want to rush you two, but we have to go.

I have to second that.

You bastard.

How dare you do this to me?

To our son?

- Phoebe? - We had a life together,

a family, and you destroyed it. You destroyed me!

You left me alone to raise our son by myself!

How could you do this?

How could you do this?

How could you?

[GRUNTS]

- I don't feel Piper anymore. - [VOICES SHOUTING]

We have to go.

Come on Piper, we gotta go.

- Go? Go where? - Home. Hurry!

[SHOUTING]

We gotta leave her. Come on!

[GROANS]

[ORBING]

- Be careful of Darryl's body. - Thank you.

Is he... I mean, am I still alive?

- Barely. - Barely?

- We gotta go back and get Piper. - How, by force?

She won't come, she's withdrawn.

Besides, we can't go back now.

But we can't just leave her there.

They're not gonna hurt her. They need her to get to us.

Listen, about my body?

Oh, I'm sorry, you can just step right back in.

That's it? I mean, even though I'm solid?

You're still a spirit, trust me.

Okay, we gotta go and figure out what to do. Thanks again.

Don't mention it.

[ORBING]

Great. That's just great!

[SCREAMING]

[GROANS]

Jeez, it's about time, I was starting to get worr...

- Where's Piper? - You son of a bitch!

- Why'd you do it? - Do what?

Leo, stop it!

Leo, enough! This hostility is killing me.

What is wrong? You been playing gladiator too long?

You didn't tell 'em, did you?

PHOEBE: Tell us what?

That he was the last one to see me.

Right afterwards, I was mysteriously trapped in Valhalla.

Oh, so, what, that makes me responsible? Is that what you're saying?

- Why would Chris do that? - Why else? To get rid of me.

- That doesn't make sense. - Doesn't it?

He manipulated things so I'd become an Elder. Forced me out of the house.

So you could save the world.

All right, Leo, I know how upset you are.

And by "know," I mean I literally know.

But you're way off base here.

Chris has been the model Whitelighter since you've been gone, nothing but good.

He sent us after so many demons, if anything, he's been too good.

He's the reason we were able to save you.

- You're welcome. - Where'd you get the pendants?

Leo!

All right. All right, I'll let it go for now.

So where's Wyatt? Can I see him?

No, you can't, he's staying with Sheila until we can figure out how to rescue Piper.

Which is gonna be hard because she doesn't want to be saved.

Well, if we're gonna save her, it's gonna have to be as witches, not as Valkyries.

- Book of Shadows? - Got it.

- Well? - She's Valkyrie.

But it's not pure.

- Deep inside I sense... - Witch?

Yes.

I told you, she came with the other witches, she has to be one too.

But it's very feint. I could barely read it.

Still, she helped them escape with the warrior, didn't she?

Yes, but she didn't escape with them.

- Maybe they left her. - Why would they do that?

They would have been caught if they hadn't.

Either way, she can be of value to us.

She wouldn't be the first witch to convert.

And if she has, then we've gained a powerful sister.

But if it is just a spell and she's not truly one of us,

then we'll use her to lead us to the other two.

After all, we can't have anybody knowing where to find us

and risking what we do, now can we?

What about warriors, aren't you concerned about them being exposed?

They're well-trained. They'll know how to avoid it.

Besides, hopefully, they'll find the witches and take care of the problem for us.

What do you think about that?

I think that if they don't, we will.

[MEN GROANING]

[SCREAMING]

- [STABBING] - [GROANING]

CHRIS: Why don't we just storm the place and find her?

It's not like we don't know where she is.

LEO: They would be expecting it. It would be suicide.

- CHRIS: We go you out safely. - LEO: It cost us Piper.

Okay, you guys, would you knock it off?

I'm still reeling from Piper's emotions, I don't need this!

[CHRIS SIGHS] Sorry.

PHOEBE: So how's it going?

I am almost done. Um, I don't mean to burden you with my emotions,

but I don't quite see how reversing the memory spell is gonna help.

Piper needs to believe she's a Valkyrie because it's too painful for her to be herself.

Way too painful, believe me. I almost passed out back there.

Believing she's a Valkyrie is the perfect option.

To serve the greater good, they're always in control.

They don't deal with pain or loss.

Well, that's why we have to make Piper believe she's Piper again.

If we don't get her back mentally, it won't matter if we get her back physically.

Okay, but Piper wasn't exactly back before the spell either.

What do you mean?

That little magical whammy you performed on her backfired.

Yeah, you see after you left, Piper was really...

Chipper.

Yeah, incessantly, increasingly, annoyingly chipper.

What she said.

I was supposed to make her feel less pain.

I guess, with me not around to pull it back a little bit, she got happier and happier?

Uh, no. Psychotically chipper.

[CHRIS CLAPPING]

Way to go.

- Chris! - What?

Oh, I swear, my new power is gonna drive me crazy!

You'll get the handle of it. Be patient.

Are you sure? Because I remember Prue almost being destroyed

that time that she was an empath.

Well, she wasn't supposed to become one, you are.

Maybe all this with Piper has made it happen a little sooner,

but you can handle it. I know you can.

I just wish I knew how to turn it on and off.

I feel like I'm at the mercy of everyone else's feelings, and it sucks.

Bright side, maybe you can actually find out how Jason feels about you.

Yeah, but what if it's not good news?

Ha, then you dump him before he dumps you.

Uh, I think the spell's finished.

- [DOORBELL RINGS] - [DOG BARKS]

- Oh, great. - You got a dog?

No, I got a career.

Sore subject, don't ask.

All right, I'm coming.

Oh, my God, Darryl, what happened?

I think I just got attacked by Attila the Hun.

Freyja, I need to speak with you.

In private.

You can speak freely.

The warriors who followed the witches... they've killed civilians.

- What? - Innocents?

I don't know, but they turned off their locators.

What does that mean?

They're trained to do that.

When the final battle between good and evil begins.

- We have to stop them. - How can we, we have no way of finding them in the city.

I'm from the city.

I can help you find them.

- Feeling better? - Yeah. Thanks, man.

It's good to have you back.

Thanks for helping me get back.

Ah, don't mention it.

Would you...

How long after we left did the warriors show up?

Not long. Maybe a couple of seconds.

They must have followed us from Valhalla.

Great, that means they're after us now.

Except they didn't hang out long enough to ask me where to find you.

I was looking through swollen eyes, but they just seemed lost and confused.

- They just took off? - Thank goodness they did, because...

We should have never put you in that situation.

Forget it. You know, it worked.

For you. What about the next guy that runs into those warriors? They're trained killers.

[BARKS]

Yeah, but they only kill evil.

- He's not evil. - Chris is right.

Warriors can't always tell the difference between good and evil.

- What do we do? - We need to find them fast.

That shouldn't be hard, they're gonna stand out. Even in San Francisco.

Which is why we need to move fast. If they're exposed, so are the Valkyries.

You're forgiving, considering everything they put you through.

They still have a noble purpose to perform.

Keeping their secret is key to them fulfilling it.

Besides, it's not the Valkyries fault that I ended up there.

Which brings us back to the warriors.

And let's not forget about Piper.

Well, maybe we should split up. You should go to the police station.

- [BEEPER BEEPING] - They'll show up on the radar screen.

My office is paging me anyway.

Make sure you're the first cop on the scene, we might need you to buy us time.

Okay. We'll get 'em.

I should go to the newspaper and do the same thing.

Good idea. Paige?

I should take Oscar home before I get fired.

- You're kidding, right? - I promised the temp agency I'd have him back in the morning,

and this is the morning. Listen, before you say anything,

you've been gone, some things have changed.

And one of those things is that I am determined

to have a life separate from being a witch.

Fine, but now?

Yeah, I've already done the reversal spell, I can't do it without Piper,

and we don't know how to get her, so I just an orb away if you need help.

- Paige... - Let her go.

I might seem silly to you, but it's important to her, I know.

See, it helps to be an empath.

No, it helps to be a sister.

While we're on that subject, we have to come up with a plan to get Piper out of Valhalla.

She's right. Let's go.

But...

LEO: Come on, in here.

- CHRIS: Easy! - MAN: Who goes there?

What's the matter, don't you recognize me?

Leo! But we'd heard that the witches had broken you out.

Disinformation, enemies favorite tactic. Don't fall for it again.

Right, sorry.

Everyone's on edge, especially since the alert has been sounded again.

I know. I caught the intruder.

Where's Freyja? She'll want to question him.

Not here. She went after the warriors in the city.

- The new Valkyrie, where is she? - They took her with them.

All right. Then I'll have to question him myself.

Alone.

What are you doing?

Leo, what's going on?

I'm gonna get the truth out of you one way or another.

No sisters around here to help you this time.

No orbing,

no way out.

Just you... and me.

You're joking, right?

Shouldn't we get back to fill in Phoebe and Paige and find Piper?

I already lost Piper. Pick it up.

You know, this isn't funny anymore!

And this isn't very Elder-like either.

You know, being trapped here for five weeks, fighting for my life has changed me a lot.

Pick it up.

Forget it.

[GROANING]

[GASPING]

I didn't do it!

You... you can't kill me, I'm a Whitelighter.

No? Then why are you sweating?

I'm gonna find out the truth.

I'm gonna find out who did this to me, I promise!

Now, we're gonna go catch up with Phoebe and Paige,

and then have a little chat with the Elders.

[CAR BEEPING]

This is the last place they were,

before they turned off their locators.

Why did they do this? This is not what we're training them for.

Maybe they were confused by all the evil in the city. It's everywhere.

How will we find them before they hurt anybody else?

I could scry for them.

You mean, like a witch can?

- What do you need? - Something of the warriors. The knife.

Anything else?

- [CLANGING] - MAN: Well...

[CHUCKLING] Hell bells, what have we got here?

Is there a Xena convention in town or something?

- On your knees. - Excuse me?

I got a better idea.

How about you get on your knees instead?

[GROANS]

Who are you to speak to us that way!

- Kara... - You don't command us.

We command you!

- How dare you?! - This isn't Valhalla.

You don't have dominion over men here.

Then how do you train them? How do they take orders?

- [POLICE SIREN WAILS] - They don't.

They do what they want.

[ALL CHUCKLING]

You know, I have an idea of how we could blend in better.

[MOTOR REVS]

A motorcycle, Darryl? Are you sure?

That is just so not Piper.

Leo did say that she might be back.

All right. Well, I'll call Paige and you keep an eye...

Oh, my God.

Let me call you back, let me call you back.

Jason! Hi!

- What are you doing here? - Who me? I own the place.

Right. And I work here.

That's why I'm... Mmmm.

Oh. What... what was I saying?

Did you forget I was flying in today?

No!

Of course I didn't forget that you were flying back today.

Just a little scattered, that's all.

Is the air conditioning not working in here or what?

Uh, it feels fine to me.

Phoebe, you look great.

Really. I like your hair.

Thanks. I like yours too.

Uh, listen, I was gonna go home and take a shower,

but, uh, I was hoping that maybe later we could get together and have some dinner?

I know we don't have anything planned officially,

but, you know, I was thinking that...

[MOANING]

I'm gonna take that as a yes then.

Oh, no, no, no, no. No, no! No! No, no!

No? All right, uh...

I just really missed you, Phoebe. I...

Oh, I know. I can tell.

Uh...

It just, uh... It's very hard...

I mean, I mean hard to explain.

That kind of hard, you know, not the other kind of hard,

you know... Am I making any sense?

- Phoebe... - No, no, no.

Don't come any closer, it'll just get harder. Phew!

Oh, God.

Oh, God...

I... I can't... I can't...

[STAMMERING] Pip... Pip... Piper.

[MOANS]

ALL: Aww!

MAN: No! No!

- [BLADE SLICING] - [GROANING]

[MOTORCYCLE ENGINES REVVING]

No, wait! It's me. You're making a mistake.

This is not the final battle.

We've come to take you back to Valhalla.

What do you think?

I think the enemy wears many masks.

Hmm!

[GROWLING]

Well, you're the agency, how could you not know they were leaving town?

They abandoned their dog. That... that is animal cruelty, okay?

No, I can't take care of the dog, I've got responsibilities.

Pressing ones too!

Besides, I need to make a statement to my family. This is not helping here.

- [DISTANT BARKING] - Hello?

Hello?

[BARKING CONTINUES]

- What am I doing? - [BARKING]

Okay, I've just gotta trust the universe, things happen for a reason.

[LOUDER BARKING]

What is going on here?

MALE VOICE: Bad-ass fight, that's what.

- Who said that? - Oh, wait.

You mean you can hear me?

Well, hallelujah. It's about time.

Please don't tell me you're talking to me.

I've been trying to get your attention for two days now. I'm in serious trouble here.

Okay. It's okay, Paige.

You've dealt with weirder things than this.

Maybe... maybe my powers are just advancing. Maybe I can understand animals now.

Oh, please, give me a break.

Until you accepted that there might be a reason you got this job,

you weren't open to helping me.

Help you do what?

Reverse an evil witch's curse, make me human again.

Come on, if I'm evil too, it won't work, you know that.

What have you got to lose?

Well, that's a good point, this day couldn't get much suckier.

Okay, here goes. Uh...

I call upon the Halliwells I call our powers to undo this spell

Make right again, that we must

Reverse the curse that... made this mutt?

Whoo!

That's better. Thanks.

Right, don't mention it,

as long as you don't hump my leg anymore, we'll be cool.

[CLEARS THROAT] Yeah, I'm sorry.

It's just what dogs do when they like someone.

Oh, that's very sweet.

So why did an evil witch turn you into man's best friend anyway?

Well, it's kinda complicated.

Let's just say there are a million reasons.

But let me help you. All those dogs out there,

they're barking 'cause there's serious magic in the air,

the kind of magic that you might be looking for.

[GROANS]

I am so sorry. I didn't mean for that to happen.

Why not? Why are you apologizing, you were unbelievable.

Oh, please don't say it. Just don't.

Well, it wasn't just you, you know.

Oh, yeah, I know.

I just, I, uh... I wasn't myself. That's all.

I don't understand.

Yeah, I know you don't and that's okay.

As long as you stay on that side of the room, everything should be fine. [CHUCKLING]

It's the only way that I really know what I'm feeling.

- Phoebe. - Wha.. Please! Please don't!

Hey.

What's the matter? You can talk to me.

We like each other, Phoebe. You don't have to be afraid of that.

I'm not gonna hurt you.

- Really? - Really.

Come here.

- Oh, no! Not again! - What?

What do you mean, what? Don't think I don't know!

[KNOCKING]

- Hi. - Hi.

- Excuse us. You got a minute? - Yeah.

What is the matter with you? Weren't you supposed...?

You don't have to yell, 'cause I can sense how mad you are.

Just 'cause you can sense doesn't mean I can't vent!

- Where are we going right now? - Find Piper, I hope.

- Do you know where she is? - Yeah, a little doggie told me.

Ah!

[GRUNTING]

No!

No!

Come on, get up.

[GROANING]

[SHOUTING]

Ooh, way to go, Piper! What? She's good!

I'll take care of them.

Reverse the spell, reverse the spell!

PAIGE: All right, uh...

"Spell was cast, now make it pass.

Remove it now, don't ask me how!"

[GROANS]

Well, it serves you right, what kind of spell was that?

Okay, Piper, I know why you would rather be one of them.

It's because you don't want to feel pain.

But you have to feel the pain, because if you can't feel the pain,

then you can't feel the good stuff either, you know?

Right?

[SHRIEKS]

Oh, and that was so much better.

No, no! You...

[TIRES SCREECH]

Police! Drop your weapons!

Piper!

Now do you believe me?

Go, get in.

[GRUNTS]

Piper, let's go.

Piper, don't go!

Hurry!

Please!

There's gotta be a way to get Piper out of there. I know it.

Well, unfortunately, the reversal spell, as you so kindly pointed out,

didn't exactly help Piper remember who she was.

What do the Elders think?

They think it had to be a demon who stuck Leo in Valhalla.

But they're not sure.

Still, it's their leading theory.

Guys, this is about Piper!

Actually, the Elders believe that your new power is key to helping save Piper.

My new power? How did they figure? All it's done is make things worse.

There's a reason you received it and they... we believe it's to help save Piper.

So, what exactly did you feel the last time from her?

[SIGHS] Not much.

You said you felt something familiar, little things?

Well, I mean, obviously I felt pain...

and desire... to help.

She helped Darryl. That wasn't with her Valkyrie powers, that was with her Charm powers.

- The witch within must still be alive. - That's how you'll reach her.

Yeah, but how? I mean, just because I can feel some glimmer of Piper's feelings,

doesn't mean she can. She's completely cut off from them.

Wait. Isn't there a spell in the Book that allows somebody to feel what you feel?

Which in this case would be Piper feeling what you're feeling Piper should be feeling.

Did that make sense?

Um... frighteningly, it did.

What about the spell I used on Cole last year,

the one to make him sense whether or not you loved him?

I could reword it for Piper.

Actually, that's worth a shot.

You still have to get close to her to try it, and that's not gonna be easy.

- Especially with Piper's powers. - LEO: Maybe I can orb you.

No. You're the reason she's in this emotional cocoon.

You need to stay far away from her. No offense.

PAIGE: The question is how do we get close enough

to her without her kicking our butts?

I could use my new power to counteract hers.

CHRIS: How do you figure?

Our powers are emotion-based, right?

If I can channel Piper's feelings,

why can't I channel her powers?

And then use them against her.

[FOOTSTEPS]

What are you doing here?

We're here to take you home.

[GROANS] Why does she always pick on me first?

[GROANS]

[GROANS]

Paige, now!

"Helping Piper's heart to reveal that part which only Phoebe feels,

send it back from whence it came, but don't protect her from the pain."

[GRUNTS]

- No, wait! - Did they harm you?

No... they helped me.

I know what you do here.

I understand its purpose.

So you can trust that your secret is safe.

But I think it's time for me to go home.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

Jason Dean.

- Hi. - Hi, Phoebe.

I was starting to get a little worried. Did you get all my messages?

Yeah, I did. And I'm sorry I didn't call you back, but...

Let me guess, something came up.

You are a mysterious woman, Phoebe.

- Is that a bad thing? - No, it's a good thing.

Except for when I'm trying to figure you out.

Well, if it makes you feel any better, I'm having a hard time figuring myself out these days.

I'm glad. I mean, you know,

not that you're having trouble.

It's just that it's not about me.

It's not about me, is it?

No, it's not about you.

It's just that, uh...

my feelings have been a little mixed up lately.

Long-distance relationships are not easy.

No. They're not.

So am... am I gonna see you again before I leave?

Uh, I want to.

I really do, but I'm not so sure that's a good idea.

I understand.

That's a lie, I don't.

It's just that... my favorite advice columnist once wrote

that it's important for guys to be more understanding.

So how am I doing?

You're doing great. Really great!

[CLEARS THROAT]

So should I call you?

Yeah, you better call me.

Have a safe flight.

Thanks.

- Bye. - Bye.

[PHONE BEEPS]

[PHONE BEEPS]

Hi, Chris. What are you doing?

- Wow, you look amazing. - Thank you.

Um, leave it, I'll help you clean it up tomorrow.

It's okay, I don't mind. It's the least I can do.

What do you mean?

Well, you know, for fighting with Leo and...

He attacked you, don't worry about it.

Yeah, I know. Like I said, it's cool.

- Hi. - Hey.

Guess it didn't go that well with Jason?

I went all the way down there to talk to him

and then I figured maybe it wasn't such a good idea that I even see him.

At least not until I can control my new power.

Judging by how it's been going, it might be just a little bit.

I know, but what am I supposed to do?

I'm gonna have to figure out how to use it sooner or later.

And until then, I'm just gonna stay away from horny men.

Ha, good luck.

At least your new power helped save Piper. That's a good thing.

It won't help her with what she's going through.

But at least she's going through it now.

And that is a good thing.

PAIGE: Well, let's hope.

Well, I'm off to see Oscar.

Whoa, wait.

- Oscar the dog? - Yeah.

He's... having a bit of a tough time adjusting.

I don't want him roaming the streets by himself.

Especially since I'm the one who rescued him.

I was having trouble with the idea of the temp agency thing,

but I'm kinda digging it now. It's all right.

- Wait, about Oscar... - Bye.

[KNOCKING]

- Who is it? - It's me.

Come in.

- Hi. - Hi.

Want to hold him?

Are you kidding?

Oh.

He's gotten so big.

Yeah.

Look out. Oh. Yeah.

Look, Piper, I...

want to say I'm sorry for taking away your feelings.

Leo, you don't have to apologize.

I know that you were just trying to help me. I do.

It wasn't your fault you weren't around to take the spell away.

Well, it's somebody's fault.

And I'm gonna find out whose.

The other Elders want me to stick around until I do.

To make sure nobody is targeting us again.

So, you're still an Elder then.

Yeah.

Um... I need to ask you a favor.

Anything.

I need some space from you.

I mean, who knows? This might actually turn out to be a good thing

for me in the long run.

I might be able to live some semblance of a normal life,

not being married to an angel.

I get why you have to leave, Leo.

And I understand that you can't ignore your calling.

But I do have to deal with it somehow,

with being alone,

with being a single mother.

And I can't really do that with you hanging around the house.

I'm sorry.

Leo, please.

I need this.

I won't be far.

[COOING]

[EXHALES]

You deserve a normal life, Piper.

I really hope you find it.