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1
00:00:02,840 --> 00:00:05,520
It's the first time Shannon's
ever been early for summat.
2
00:00:05,560 --> 00:00:08,920
Apart from when they opened
TGI Fridays in Watford.
3
00:00:08,960 --> 00:00:10,800
She camped out overnight.
4
00:00:10,840 --> 00:00:12,960
Ooh, their Jack Daniel's sauce.
5
00:00:14,040 --> 00:00:16,760
It's like crack cocaine.
THEY LAUGH
6
00:00:16,800 --> 00:00:18,560
I feel like I'm
in the Spice World movie!
7
00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:21,360
You know, when they're rushing
to see their mate give birth,
8
00:00:21,400 --> 00:00:23,360
but they've also got
a gig at the Albert Hall,
9
00:00:23,400 --> 00:00:25,160
and Meatloaf's gone AWOL,
having a shit.
10
00:00:25,200 --> 00:00:26,720
It's my favourite piece of cinema.
11
00:00:26,760 --> 00:00:29,560
Mate, I'm, like, thrilled you
introduced me to that, seriously.
12
00:00:29,600 --> 00:00:31,680
Like, Victoria is, like,
really good in it.
13
00:00:31,720 --> 00:00:33,440
You two are so gay.
14
00:00:33,480 --> 00:00:34,800
PANTING: OK...
15
00:00:34,840 --> 00:00:37,120
THEY ALL WHEEZE
16
00:00:38,760 --> 00:00:40,240
Don't worry.
17
00:00:40,280 --> 00:00:42,840
She's in the best hands.
18
00:00:42,880 --> 00:00:44,080
I know.
19
00:00:45,160 --> 00:00:46,880
I just...
20
00:00:46,920 --> 00:00:48,920
I hate this place.
21
00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:51,840
JACK: When my dad went into a
hospice, we all drove him in.
22
00:00:51,880 --> 00:00:54,480
It was the only bit of the hospital
with free parking.
23
00:00:54,520 --> 00:00:56,560
He was on so much morphine,
24
00:00:56,600 --> 00:00:59,280
only now and then would we get
glimmers of clarity.
25
00:00:59,320 --> 00:01:01,720
I ain't dying in this shithole, OK?
26
00:01:04,400 --> 00:01:07,720
He promised that night he would
drive us home in the cab,
27
00:01:07,760 --> 00:01:10,280
unable to quantify he might not.
28
00:01:10,320 --> 00:01:12,200
I'm gonna take us home, son.
29
00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:15,480
I promise.
30
00:01:22,840 --> 00:01:24,480
I promise.
31
00:01:33,080 --> 00:01:34,840
Hey, listen, love...
32
00:01:35,960 --> 00:01:38,280
I want to talk about your future.
33
00:01:38,320 --> 00:01:40,000
Let's not, Laurie.
34
00:01:40,040 --> 00:01:41,240
I...
35
00:01:41,280 --> 00:01:43,120
..don't always feel I have one.
36
00:01:44,640 --> 00:01:47,880
We've got to sort the will
and the house and...
37
00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:50,240
..funeral plans.
38
00:01:50,280 --> 00:01:52,080
If you meet another bloke... Oh...
39
00:01:52,120 --> 00:01:53,920
No, no. Sh.
40
00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:55,720
I won't mind. Laurie!
41
00:01:55,760 --> 00:01:56,840
And I just...
42
00:01:56,880 --> 00:01:58,440
Make sure he's a good 'un, yeah?
43
00:01:58,480 --> 00:02:02,280
Cos if there is a heaven...
44
00:02:02,320 --> 00:02:04,800
..I'm cracking right on
with Princess Di.
45
00:02:04,840 --> 00:02:07,160
She wouldn't touch you
with a bargepole. Oh, yeah?
46
00:02:07,200 --> 00:02:09,720
Well, I thought I might have
a chance with Toyah Willcox, then.
47
00:02:09,760 --> 00:02:12,120
I'm really sorry, Laurie.
She's still alive.
48
00:02:12,160 --> 00:02:13,560
Is she?
49
00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:15,160
Oh, that's a shame.
50
00:02:16,920 --> 00:02:18,480
Come here.
51
00:02:25,400 --> 00:02:27,200
Listen...
52
00:02:27,240 --> 00:02:29,440
..don't worry about the funeral,
cos...
53
00:02:29,480 --> 00:02:33,080
How many partygoers, or guests,
are we expecting?
54
00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:35,440
I don't know, Shan.
I ain't planning on being there.
55
00:02:35,480 --> 00:02:37,600
Well, will Alan and Shane be there?
56
00:02:37,640 --> 00:02:40,080
Oh, God, I hope not,
cos Shane's now voting BNP.
57
00:02:40,120 --> 00:02:41,840
BOTH: And Alan's a love rat.
58
00:02:41,880 --> 00:02:43,200
Yeah, yeah.
59
00:02:43,240 --> 00:02:46,120
But, you know, even dickheads
want to say their goodbyes.
60
00:02:48,160 --> 00:02:49,520
How are you doing, love?
61
00:02:49,560 --> 00:02:51,120
This is actually quite stressful.
62
00:02:51,160 --> 00:02:52,640
LOUDLY: Hello, Nan.
63
00:02:52,680 --> 00:02:54,880
I'm Tariq. The father.
64
00:02:54,920 --> 00:02:57,040
Please don't talk to me like that.
65
00:02:58,960 --> 00:03:01,200
I'm very glad to be here!
66
00:03:01,240 --> 00:03:03,160
That's not good! No!
67
00:03:03,200 --> 00:03:05,800
Hello, hello! I am Kerry.
And I am Bernie.
68
00:03:05,840 --> 00:03:07,960
Hello, I'm Shannon.
Where's the midwife I know?
69
00:03:08,000 --> 00:03:09,600
Well, you are two weeks early,
70
00:03:09,640 --> 00:03:11,800
and Fatima, she's at her sister's
divorce buffet,
71
00:03:11,840 --> 00:03:13,960
so you are just going to have
to settle for us.
72
00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:15,280
Uh-oh.
73
00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:17,560
A male fucking midwife.
74
00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:19,280
What fucking next?
75
00:03:19,320 --> 00:03:23,000
But, look, we are very excited, cos
this is Ker's first birth here.
76
00:03:23,040 --> 00:03:24,320
Very first.
77
00:03:24,360 --> 00:03:27,000
But don't worry, you know,
luck of the Irish and all that shit.
78
00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:28,640
But I don't know any Irish people.
79
00:03:28,680 --> 00:03:29,840
Your name is Irish.
80
00:03:29,880 --> 00:03:31,440
What? I thought it was Greek.
81
00:03:31,480 --> 00:03:33,120
It's Greek!
82
00:03:33,160 --> 00:03:35,040
You're joking!
83
00:03:35,080 --> 00:03:37,760
We literally have an airport
named after you, you mad thing.
84
00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:39,760
I fucking love Shannon Airport.
85
00:03:39,800 --> 00:03:41,120
First-ever duty free!
86
00:03:41,160 --> 00:03:42,320
Here, smell me.
87
00:03:42,360 --> 00:03:43,840
BERNIE SNIFFS
88
00:03:43,880 --> 00:03:45,160
Oh, God. What's that.
89
00:03:45,200 --> 00:03:47,520
Fantasy, Britney Spears. 19 euro.
90
00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:49,280
Can I...Can I smell it?
91
00:03:49,320 --> 00:03:51,080
Get that nose in there.
92
00:03:52,200 --> 00:03:53,680
SHANNON SNIFFS
93
00:03:53,720 --> 00:03:55,160
That is stunning.
94
00:03:55,200 --> 00:03:57,480
Oh, shit.
The birthing bag's at mine.
95
00:03:57,520 --> 00:03:59,960
Can you hang about for a bit?
I might have to get it.
96
00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:02,440
Of course.
Oh, thanks, Russell.
97
00:04:02,480 --> 00:04:03,880
Sorry.
98
00:04:03,920 --> 00:04:05,160
Ah...
99
00:04:06,600 --> 00:04:08,560
Oh, hi!
100
00:04:08,600 --> 00:04:10,600
He's just a minicab driver.
101
00:04:10,640 --> 00:04:12,080
I've got a minicab here.
102
00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:13,800
Oh.
103
00:04:13,840 --> 00:04:16,000
Why didn't you give him any money,
then?
104
00:04:16,040 --> 00:04:17,640
All right, Jonathan Creek.
105
00:04:17,680 --> 00:04:19,560
Come on, Shan needs us.
106
00:04:19,600 --> 00:04:21,320
All right, T? All right?
107
00:04:21,360 --> 00:04:22,800
Yeah. You OK? Yeah.
108
00:04:24,240 --> 00:04:27,400
Um, so, Jack is quite drunk, so we
just need to sober him up a bit.
109
00:04:27,440 --> 00:04:28,760
Oh, OK, love.
110
00:04:28,800 --> 00:04:30,440
Can you get him some coke?
111
00:04:30,480 --> 00:04:31,680
What?
112
00:04:31,720 --> 00:04:33,360
Well, it always straightens me out.
113
00:04:33,400 --> 00:04:34,960
Do you mean Coca-Cola?
114
00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:36,720
Yes, love. OK.
That and a Wispa bar.
115
00:04:36,760 --> 00:04:38,200
He'll be fine. Sure.
116
00:04:38,240 --> 00:04:40,200
Hi. I'm Tariq, the father.
117
00:04:40,240 --> 00:04:41,880
Hello.
118
00:04:41,920 --> 00:04:43,520
Hi. I'm Tariq, the father.
119
00:04:43,560 --> 00:04:45,040
PHONE TRILLS
120
00:04:45,080 --> 00:04:46,680
Hi. I'm Tariq, the father.
121
00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:47,880
What?
122
00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:50,120
I thought I was the father.
123
00:04:50,160 --> 00:04:52,440
Uh...
124
00:04:52,480 --> 00:04:55,720
I'm joking, mate. It's all right.
Good luck to you, pal.
125
00:04:55,760 --> 00:04:57,120
Hi. I'm...
126
00:04:57,160 --> 00:04:59,000
Aw...
127
00:04:59,040 --> 00:05:00,480
Has that been washed?
128
00:05:00,520 --> 00:05:02,600
Of course it's been washed.
Don't be daft.
129
00:05:02,640 --> 00:05:04,360
I'm here, Shan. Oh.
130
00:05:04,400 --> 00:05:06,320
Oh. You got the birthing bag?
131
00:05:06,360 --> 00:05:08,600
Yeah. Popped in yours en route.
132
00:05:08,640 --> 00:05:09,920
OK.
133
00:05:09,960 --> 00:05:11,440
If there's anything you need.
134
00:05:11,480 --> 00:05:14,240
Oh, I haven't managed to do
my EuroMillions tonight.
135
00:05:14,280 --> 00:05:16,640
So, if you could - 2-4-6-8-10.
136
00:05:16,680 --> 00:05:18,400
Lucky stars - 6 and 9.
137
00:05:18,440 --> 00:05:19,560
Oh.
138
00:05:19,600 --> 00:05:23,040
Ooh, sorry, lads, but there are
way too many people in here.
139
00:05:23,080 --> 00:05:25,360
OK? So, the father can stay, and...
140
00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:27,440
WHISPERS: ..one more.
141
00:05:27,480 --> 00:05:29,640
OK...
142
00:05:29,680 --> 00:05:31,200
Um...
143
00:05:31,240 --> 00:05:33,120
Just one more?
144
00:05:34,240 --> 00:05:35,800
Cheeky bitch!
145
00:05:35,840 --> 00:05:38,640
For six months, I've fed her,
scraped the hard skin off her feet,
146
00:05:38,680 --> 00:05:41,200
prepped her. Tariq's in the room,
she barely knows him.
147
00:05:41,240 --> 00:05:43,120
Of course she's going to want you
in there...
148
00:05:43,160 --> 00:05:45,640
Excuse me, nurse.
Where are the nearest bogs?
149
00:05:46,760 --> 00:05:48,680
Oh. Follow me.
150
00:05:48,720 --> 00:05:50,160
Ooh!
151
00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:53,120
Grindr in hospitals always pops off!
152
00:05:53,160 --> 00:05:55,360
Horny doctors on long shifts.
153
00:05:55,400 --> 00:05:57,800
Overnight patients away
from their wives.
154
00:05:57,840 --> 00:06:00,000
Yemi, you can't have sex
in a hospital.
155
00:06:00,040 --> 00:06:03,080
I've been there, I've done that
and I kept the backless gown.
156
00:06:03,120 --> 00:06:04,760
Jesus Christ.
157
00:06:04,800 --> 00:06:06,480
Hospitals are boring places.
158
00:06:06,520 --> 00:06:08,600
When people are bored,
they need to cum.
159
00:06:08,640 --> 00:06:11,160
All right, come on, treacle.
Let's get you some munch.
160
00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:14,440
Are you OK?
161
00:06:14,480 --> 00:06:16,680
Remember, the last time we were
here was for...
162
00:06:16,720 --> 00:06:19,720
Oh, yeah. No. I'm OK.
163
00:06:19,760 --> 00:06:21,040
Are YOU OK?
164
00:06:22,160 --> 00:06:24,040
The pill hit me very hard.
Yeah.
165
00:06:24,080 --> 00:06:26,000
And right now, I just really
want to get some...
166
00:06:26,040 --> 00:06:28,000
Cockney mothers,
they are my favourite.
167
00:06:28,040 --> 00:06:31,440
Makes me feel like I am
in Call the Midwife!
168
00:06:31,480 --> 00:06:35,280
Sorry, can I just say, you look
absolutely gorgeous tonight.
169
00:06:35,320 --> 00:06:36,600
Do I? Yeah.
170
00:06:36,640 --> 00:06:39,040
I think it's that
medicated shampoo you're using.
171
00:06:39,080 --> 00:06:41,120
It's really
cleared up your scalp a treat.
172
00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:42,880
I mean, I have to say...
Hmm?
173
00:06:42,920 --> 00:06:44,880
..I have dreamt of having a baby
with you.
174
00:06:44,920 --> 00:06:47,520
Well, most people have, Ker.
THEY LAUGH
175
00:06:47,560 --> 00:06:50,280
OK, look, I have to ask you -
are you a four finger or two?
176
00:06:50,320 --> 00:06:51,640
Depends on how dilated she is.
177
00:06:51,680 --> 00:06:54,480
Oh, I meant in a Kit-Kat.
Hey-oh!
178
00:06:54,520 --> 00:06:57,000
You make me laugh, Ber!
179
00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:12,320
Hey, Dad.
180
00:07:30,720 --> 00:07:32,400
Are you all right, mate?
181
00:07:33,440 --> 00:07:35,000
Yeah.
182
00:07:35,040 --> 00:07:36,840
I think I might need
a tactical chunder.
183
00:07:36,880 --> 00:07:38,280
OK. Well...
184
00:07:41,560 --> 00:07:44,280
Oi, Pegs, your minicab driver's
still outside, you know.
185
00:07:44,320 --> 00:07:45,400
Shit!
186
00:07:45,440 --> 00:07:46,840
I forgot.
187
00:07:46,880 --> 00:07:49,400
Call me if anything happens, yeah?
188
00:07:49,440 --> 00:07:51,200
All right, I reckon we can
leave now.
189
00:07:51,240 --> 00:07:53,000
Oh, give over.
Come on, this is fun.
190
00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:54,320
Oh... Look at us.
191
00:07:54,360 --> 00:07:57,240
We're like the three wise men when
Jesus was being born. You know?
192
00:07:57,280 --> 00:07:59,160
I'm bringing...
193
00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:01,080
..Smints.
194
00:08:01,120 --> 00:08:03,120
Here, Shannon. Yeah?
195
00:08:03,160 --> 00:08:05,400
Shall I play some tunes?
Oh, that's a great idea.
196
00:08:05,440 --> 00:08:06,680
It'll help you relax.
197
00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:08,360
OK.
198
00:08:08,400 --> 00:08:09,880
Um, how about...
199
00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:11,600
Lynyrd Skynyrd - Free Bird.
200
00:08:11,640 --> 00:08:15,520
But the full 16-minute Lyve from
Steel Town, Pennsylvania version.
201
00:08:15,560 --> 00:08:18,520
OK. Well, that is drastically going
to push event timings over.
202
00:08:18,560 --> 00:08:21,040
I don't care. You're just going
to have to sit through it all.
203
00:08:21,080 --> 00:08:22,920
God. Right, OK.
204
00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:24,520
What about an intro track, then?
205
00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:28,480
Perfect 10 - Beautiful South.
206
00:08:28,520 --> 00:08:29,880
For my Pegs.
207
00:08:29,920 --> 00:08:32,160
I don't know that one.
Yeah, you do.
208
00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:33,920
No, I don't. You do.
209
00:08:33,960 --> 00:08:35,600
I don't!
210
00:08:37,400 --> 00:08:38,760
Oh… Huh?
211
00:08:38,800 --> 00:08:39,800
LAURIE GROANS
212
00:08:41,080 --> 00:08:44,400
WEAKLY:
213
00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:48,000
214
00:08:48,040 --> 00:08:50,640
215
00:08:50,680 --> 00:08:52,400
216
00:08:52,440 --> 00:08:53,880
Argh!
217
00:08:53,920 --> 00:08:55,040
You bitch!
218
00:08:55,080 --> 00:08:56,640
Oh, Nan, it hurts.
219
00:08:56,680 --> 00:08:57,880
Let it pass.
220
00:08:57,920 --> 00:08:59,920
Breathe...
221
00:08:59,960 --> 00:09:01,280
Breathe... Oh, oh, oh!
222
00:09:01,320 --> 00:09:03,160
We could play Breathe!
223
00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:05,480
By Sean Paul,
featuring Blu Cantrell.
224
00:09:05,520 --> 00:09:08,000
Uh, Breathe is BY Blu Cantrell,
225
00:09:08,040 --> 00:09:09,640
feat Sean Paul.
226
00:09:09,680 --> 00:09:13,160
Please do not erase women when
I'm having our baby, Tariq.
227
00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:15,640
Fuck's sake!
228
00:09:15,680 --> 00:09:19,280
MUSIC: Hope There's Someone by
Antony and the Johnsons and ANOHNI
229
00:09:36,760 --> 00:09:38,720
LAURIE BREATHES HEAVILY
230
00:09:39,960 --> 00:09:41,760
You all right, lad?
231
00:09:41,800 --> 00:09:43,320
Eh? Yeah.
232
00:09:45,040 --> 00:09:46,720
Yeah, I'm OK.
233
00:09:46,760 --> 00:09:49,240
Yeah? Yeah.
234
00:09:49,280 --> 00:09:50,680
Come here.
235
00:09:52,600 --> 00:09:56,320
The first Christmas after
my old man died,
236
00:09:56,360 --> 00:09:58,160
I was 21.
237
00:09:58,200 --> 00:10:00,040
I got wankered down the pub.
238
00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:02,000
LAURIE LAUGHS
239
00:10:02,040 --> 00:10:05,760
I come home on Christmas Day
in a wheelbarrow.
240
00:10:05,800 --> 00:10:08,640
And at the dinner table,
I looked opposite
241
00:10:08,680 --> 00:10:11,280
and there was just this empty plate.
242
00:10:12,840 --> 00:10:14,720
And I was so angry.
243
00:10:18,040 --> 00:10:21,160
But then, as time went on,
you know...
244
00:10:21,200 --> 00:10:23,880
..grief shifts.
245
00:10:23,920 --> 00:10:27,040
I mean, it don't...it don't get any
easier, but...
246
00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:32,640
..people opposite you
start to have baby teeth.
247
00:10:33,960 --> 00:10:35,640
Or false ones.
248
00:10:36,760 --> 00:10:40,840
Soon enough, you don't just see
the empty plate
249
00:10:40,880 --> 00:10:42,600
but all the full ones.
250
00:10:42,640 --> 00:10:44,200
WHISPERS: I promise you that.
251
00:10:45,360 --> 00:10:47,000
OK?
252
00:10:47,040 --> 00:10:49,240
Hey.
253
00:10:49,280 --> 00:10:50,920
I promise.
254
00:10:52,720 --> 00:10:55,880
Now, you just got to make sure your
mum don't run off with some nutter.
255
00:10:55,920 --> 00:10:57,520
Dad.
256
00:10:57,560 --> 00:10:59,800
You can't say nutter.
It's offensive.
257
00:10:59,840 --> 00:11:02,360
What, you think I give a shit?
258
00:11:02,400 --> 00:11:05,240
THEY LAUGH
259
00:11:05,280 --> 00:11:07,320
LAURIE COUGHS
260
00:11:11,120 --> 00:11:13,120
I'm so sorry about tonight.
261
00:11:13,160 --> 00:11:16,160
No, it's fine. It's just nice to
get out of the house, you know?
262
00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:18,160
I had a really nice time, though.
263
00:11:18,200 --> 00:11:19,560
Same.
264
00:11:21,360 --> 00:11:22,840
We'll do it again, yeah?
265
00:11:22,880 --> 00:11:24,320
Yeah, I'd like that.
266
00:11:25,800 --> 00:11:26,960
Bye.
267
00:11:35,920 --> 00:11:38,360
MESSAGE SENT ALERTS
268
00:12:14,240 --> 00:12:17,240
I can't wait for you to have kids.
269
00:12:17,280 --> 00:12:19,680
They're going to be like proper
lads as well, I reckon,
270
00:12:19,720 --> 00:12:21,440
with English accents!
271
00:12:21,480 --> 00:12:23,800
And they'll all just, like,
love Jeremy Clarkson
272
00:12:23,840 --> 00:12:24,960
just to piss you off.
273
00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:26,440
Danny, will you shut up?
274
00:12:27,520 --> 00:12:29,400
All right. Sorry.
275
00:12:29,440 --> 00:12:30,920
Just trying to make convo.
276
00:12:30,960 --> 00:12:32,760
Sorry. I...
277
00:12:32,800 --> 00:12:35,520
I need some air.
278
00:12:35,560 --> 00:12:37,760
They say laughter can speed up
a labour.
279
00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:41,080
So, put your hands together
for County Dublin's
280
00:12:41,120 --> 00:12:43,800
very own Kerry McFall!
281
00:12:43,840 --> 00:12:45,520
Hello, everyone!
282
00:12:45,560 --> 00:12:47,000
Is this thing on?
283
00:12:47,040 --> 00:12:48,640
MIDWIVES LAUGH
284
00:12:48,680 --> 00:12:51,800
OK, so, what should a joke
have in common with a pregnancy?
285
00:12:51,840 --> 00:12:53,280
I don't know.
286
00:12:53,320 --> 00:12:54,960
A good delivery.
287
00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:57,000
I'm a delivery driver,
so I can really....
288
00:12:57,040 --> 00:12:58,240
Sh! Tariq!
289
00:12:58,280 --> 00:12:59,840
Kerry is performing.
290
00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:02,680
What do you call it
when you can't find someone
291
00:13:02,720 --> 00:13:05,160
to help you through your pregnancy?
292
00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:06,800
BOTH: A midwife crisis!
Not you.
293
00:13:06,840 --> 00:13:08,160
Oh, God. Sorry. Just me.
294
00:13:08,200 --> 00:13:10,480
Christ, I need a fag.
295
00:13:11,840 --> 00:13:13,400
Here, let's...let's leave that.
296
00:13:13,440 --> 00:13:14,800
Oh...!
297
00:13:14,840 --> 00:13:16,720
Why is this taking so long?
298
00:13:16,760 --> 00:13:20,040
When I was a delivery boy at the
Raj Tandoori, we'd get pregnant
299
00:13:20,080 --> 00:13:22,520
white women ordering vindaloos
they couldn't handle.
300
00:13:22,560 --> 00:13:24,440
I don't eat spicy food.
301
00:13:24,480 --> 00:13:27,800
Dermatologist on This Morning
warned against it.
302
00:13:33,440 --> 00:13:35,080
NAN: Spicy pork?
303
00:13:35,120 --> 00:13:36,960
ECHOING: Spicy pork! Spicy pork!
304
00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:38,640
VOICES DISTORT
305
00:13:38,680 --> 00:13:40,120
Spicy pork!
306
00:13:40,160 --> 00:13:44,040
That amount of spicy pork
can't be good for a baby.
307
00:13:44,080 --> 00:13:49,320
Get me five black
Peperami Firesticks right now!
308
00:13:49,360 --> 00:13:51,040
SHANNON'S SCREAM ECHOES
309
00:14:01,240 --> 00:14:03,720
You don't have a ciggy
I could pinch, do you?
310
00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:05,920
Oh. Yes...
311
00:14:05,960 --> 00:14:07,520
Thanks.
312
00:14:15,920 --> 00:14:18,840
Uh, how is...how's Shannon getting
on?
313
00:14:18,880 --> 00:14:21,000
Dragging it out, as always.
314
00:14:22,640 --> 00:14:25,920
Months I've been worried she ain't
ready to have a baby.
315
00:14:25,960 --> 00:14:28,920
And, trust me, if you ain't ready,
316
00:14:28,960 --> 00:14:32,680
then having a baby's a fucking
stupid thing to do.
317
00:14:32,720 --> 00:14:34,120
Yeah.
318
00:14:35,640 --> 00:14:39,320
Then, at the same time, you never
know if you're ready.
319
00:14:41,760 --> 00:14:43,160
But tonight...
320
00:14:46,160 --> 00:14:47,840
..I think she is.
321
00:14:47,880 --> 00:14:49,920
I'm not fucking ready!
322
00:14:49,960 --> 00:14:52,320
Well, your baby is!
323
00:14:52,360 --> 00:14:55,560
My nan's having a fag
and Tariq's getting spicy pork!
324
00:14:55,600 --> 00:14:57,680
We're going to start pushing
now, Shannon.
325
00:14:57,720 --> 00:14:59,720
Check they aren't out there, then!
326
00:14:59,760 --> 00:15:02,280
Look, love, I...
327
00:15:02,320 --> 00:15:04,920
I really ain't
going to be there for it.
328
00:15:04,960 --> 00:15:06,400
I know.
329
00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:12,360
I just, you know, I want to make...
330
00:15:18,800 --> 00:15:20,800
Sh...
331
00:15:20,840 --> 00:15:22,360
It's OK.
332
00:15:22,400 --> 00:15:24,800
Listen, you don't need me.
333
00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:27,360
I do.
No, you don't need me.
334
00:15:28,680 --> 00:15:30,200
Cos you're a go-getter, girl.
335
00:15:31,720 --> 00:15:33,800
So you go and get them, all right?
336
00:15:33,840 --> 00:15:35,360
You're beautiful.
337
00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:36,600
Oh...
338
00:15:38,320 --> 00:15:40,040
OK, so...
339
00:15:41,480 --> 00:15:44,120
..what would you prefer,
goujons or nuggets?
340
00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:46,680
SHE STRAINS
341
00:15:46,720 --> 00:15:47,920
Where are you going?
342
00:15:59,240 --> 00:16:01,440
Where is my nan?
343
00:16:01,480 --> 00:16:03,240
I'm sorry, she's not here!
344
00:16:05,320 --> 00:16:07,240
Pepperami!
345
00:16:07,280 --> 00:16:08,400
Pepperami?
346
00:16:08,440 --> 00:16:11,120
Come on, baby girl!
Are you talking to me or the baby?!
347
00:16:11,160 --> 00:16:12,160
MIDWIVES LAUGH
348
00:16:14,040 --> 00:16:17,960
Ow! Fucking hell!
349
00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:21,920
Excuse me, mister.
What's your spiciest Peperami?
350
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:27,640
For so long, I was gutted that
my dad died here
351
00:16:27,680 --> 00:16:29,440
on the side of an A-road,
352
00:16:29,480 --> 00:16:32,440
like a pheasant or something.
353
00:16:32,480 --> 00:16:34,400
That he never got back home.
354
00:16:36,240 --> 00:16:37,520
You OK, love?
355
00:16:40,240 --> 00:16:43,760
I'm still sad we
weren't here the night he went.
356
00:16:44,800 --> 00:16:45,880
I know.
357
00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:48,120
But Nan was.
358
00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:50,480
Here.
359
00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:59,280
When you have kids, your
worst nightmare is to lose them.
360
00:17:01,240 --> 00:17:04,880
And that night, she
needed to cuddle her little boy.
361
00:17:06,120 --> 00:17:08,760
And even when she's
being a right mare, your nan,
362
00:17:08,800 --> 00:17:10,640
I never begrudge her that.
363
00:17:12,160 --> 00:17:16,120
So it's quite right, really,
that she's with Shan
364
00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:18,000
and I've got you.
365
00:17:19,320 --> 00:17:20,800
I think this will be good.
366
00:17:20,840 --> 00:17:23,640
You know, like a new chapter.
367
00:17:26,960 --> 00:17:29,840
Although, my babe,
I do have something to tell you.
368
00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:32,800
Is it the minicab driver?
369
00:17:32,840 --> 00:17:33,840
What?
370
00:17:33,880 --> 00:17:36,200
Mum, we share an iCal.
371
00:17:36,240 --> 00:17:37,720
What's a fucking iCal?
372
00:17:37,760 --> 00:17:40,360
When me and Shannon got
you an iPhone for Christmas,
373
00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:43,520
she synced up all our phones
so I can see when her scans were
374
00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:48,080
and I saw a hot date with Russell
in our shared calendar.
375
00:17:48,120 --> 00:17:50,240
I hate having a smartphone.
376
00:17:51,280 --> 00:17:54,120
I feel like a
fucking phone hacking victim.
377
00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:56,360
Mum, I'm happy if you're happy.
378
00:17:57,640 --> 00:17:59,680
As long as he's not a nonce.
379
00:17:59,720 --> 00:18:02,440
Oh, I hope not.
Yeah.
380
00:18:02,480 --> 00:18:04,760
He is a minicab driver.
You never know.
381
00:18:04,800 --> 00:18:06,560
PHONE BUZZES
382
00:18:09,320 --> 00:18:11,440
Shan's having the baby.
Oh, my gosh.
383
00:18:11,480 --> 00:18:12,640
Oh, my God!
384
00:18:23,800 --> 00:18:26,280
You just go to sleep, my love.
385
00:18:31,760 --> 00:18:32,760
Go to sleep.
386
00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:35,920
387
00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:38,800
388
00:18:38,840 --> 00:18:44,480
389
00:18:44,520 --> 00:18:48,440
390
00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:52,400
391
00:19:43,840 --> 00:19:45,600
Has the baby come out yet?
392
00:19:45,640 --> 00:19:48,720
Uh, yeah. You came out to your mum
last year, didn't you? Oh.
393
00:19:51,880 --> 00:19:54,720
VOICE-OVER: And after I start
worrying all year
394
00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:56,280
about looking after you,
395
00:19:56,320 --> 00:20:00,360
it was you that night who'd
been looking after all of us.
396
00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:03,320
MOANING, BANGS
397
00:20:03,360 --> 00:20:04,840
He is horrendous.
398
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:09,640
Come on.
399
00:20:14,160 --> 00:20:15,680
Peperami!
400
00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:22,760
Oh, my God.
401
00:20:27,040 --> 00:20:28,440
There you go.
402
00:20:28,480 --> 00:20:29,960
Ooh!
403
00:20:35,240 --> 00:20:37,400
I love you, kid.
404
00:20:37,440 --> 00:20:39,200
I love you, Nanny Bingo.
405
00:20:40,600 --> 00:20:41,960
Shan!
406
00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:43,520
You did it!
407
00:20:43,560 --> 00:20:44,720
Thanks, Danny.
408
00:20:45,880 --> 00:20:47,480
I've just had a baby.
409
00:20:47,520 --> 00:20:49,880
Yeah. I know, I was there.
410
00:20:49,920 --> 00:20:52,240
With my ASOS delivery man.
411
00:20:53,280 --> 00:20:55,920
Now I've got all my family
around me.
412
00:20:57,600 --> 00:21:00,400
Do you want to hold, Corinne,
after Tariq?
413
00:21:00,440 --> 00:21:02,000
Might be you one day.
414
00:21:02,040 --> 00:21:03,240
I'm cool.
415
00:21:04,600 --> 00:21:06,720
Yeah. No, I'm good.
416
00:21:06,760 --> 00:21:09,880
Um, right, I'm going
to leave you guys to it.
417
00:21:17,200 --> 00:21:19,480
Corinne, will you just tell me
if something's up?
418
00:21:19,520 --> 00:21:21,080
You've been weird all night.
419
00:21:21,120 --> 00:21:22,400
I just, um...
420
00:21:24,560 --> 00:21:26,280
I don't, uh...
421
00:21:26,320 --> 00:21:27,640
What? Like...
422
00:21:29,520 --> 00:21:35,120
I just... Danny, I find all
of this just a little bit...sad.
423
00:21:36,200 --> 00:21:40,360
You know, and it just reminds me
that I, um...
424
00:21:43,160 --> 00:21:44,480
My, um...
425
00:21:48,280 --> 00:21:49,280
My, um...
426
00:21:50,680 --> 00:21:53,320
My birth mum didn't want me.
427
00:21:53,360 --> 00:21:55,280
And that is fine...
428
00:21:55,320 --> 00:21:58,200
I had... Like, I had no idea.
No, it's fine.
429
00:21:58,240 --> 00:22:00,760
It is fine because, you know,
it was her right
430
00:22:00,800 --> 00:22:02,160
and it was her choice
431
00:22:02,200 --> 00:22:04,320
and I completely respect that.
432
00:22:05,480 --> 00:22:09,400
But, you know, my, um,
my birth doesn't have a story.
433
00:22:10,600 --> 00:22:11,840
And, um...
434
00:22:13,120 --> 00:22:16,160
If I think about her too much
435
00:22:16,200 --> 00:22:18,680
and, like, what
it was like to give me up...
436
00:22:21,440 --> 00:22:24,600
..then I just feel a little bit
on my own.
437
00:22:24,640 --> 00:22:28,840
Oh, mate, OK, listen.
438
00:22:31,800 --> 00:22:37,560
So I've learned this year
that family,
439
00:22:37,600 --> 00:22:40,360
like, it eventually just becomes
the people that you choose
440
00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:42,560
and who choose you back.
That's it.
441
00:22:42,600 --> 00:22:43,720
Yeah.
442
00:22:43,760 --> 00:22:48,800
And, like, Jack and Yemi
and even Peggy,
443
00:22:48,840 --> 00:22:50,800
like, they've become mine.
444
00:22:53,640 --> 00:22:57,560
Well, I will always choose you,
Danny King.
445
00:22:57,600 --> 00:23:00,400
And I'll always choose you,
soppy girl.
446
00:23:09,600 --> 00:23:11,080
Mmm, salty!
447
00:23:14,880 --> 00:23:16,720
So, Shan, any names?
448
00:23:16,760 --> 00:23:22,360
Well, if the baby had been a boy,
I was going to call him Lawrence.
449
00:23:22,400 --> 00:23:24,640
However, she my little baby girl.
450
00:23:24,680 --> 00:23:26,400
Yes, you are!
451
00:23:26,440 --> 00:23:28,520
So instead, right,
452
00:23:28,560 --> 00:23:31,600
I'm going to call her
Lawrensienna.
453
00:23:31,640 --> 00:23:34,680
So it's kind of got Lawrence
in it, type thing.
454
00:23:34,720 --> 00:23:36,680
Tariq, what's your surname?
455
00:23:36,720 --> 00:23:37,720
Milla.
456
00:23:38,840 --> 00:23:40,560
Ooh.
457
00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:43,240
Lawrensienna Milla.
458
00:23:43,280 --> 00:23:47,040
Lawrensienna Milla Papadopoulou,
thank you, Peggy.
459
00:23:47,080 --> 00:23:49,080
I gave birth to her.
460
00:23:49,120 --> 00:23:50,840
This baby is going to be bullied.
461
00:23:54,640 --> 00:23:59,800
And it was in this room that, for
the first time since my dad died,
462
00:23:59,840 --> 00:24:02,600
everything just felt right.
463
00:24:02,640 --> 00:24:05,520
Like everyone
belonged with each other.
464
00:24:05,560 --> 00:24:08,800
And, yeah, the whole room stank
of shit because the baby actually
465
00:24:08,840 --> 00:24:10,760
came out on a
wave of Shannon's turds,
466
00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:15,200
but in this very moment, it felt
like the joy of loving someone new
467
00:24:15,240 --> 00:24:18,760
felt bigger than
the pain of missing someone gone.
468
00:24:20,720 --> 00:24:23,240
MUSIC: Seasons (Waiting on You)
By Future Islands
469
00:24:34,120 --> 00:24:36,240
470
00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:40,560
hard just to soften you
471
00:24:47,320 --> 00:24:49,800
472
00:24:51,000 --> 00:24:54,280
to change for you
473
00:24:58,360 --> 00:25:01,200
474
00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:06,480
475
00:25:06,520 --> 00:25:08,000
Let's go home.
476
00:25:09,120 --> 00:25:10,600
Let's go home.
477
00:25:11,720 --> 00:25:13,200
478
00:25:16,800 --> 00:25:21,480
I've been waiting on you
479
00:25:29,920 --> 00:25:32,760
480
00:25:32,800 --> 00:25:34,760
481
00:25:34,800 --> 00:25:37,800
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