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Brent Uni grew on me as a pretty
cool place to study, but sadly
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00:00:05,200 --> 00:00:08,240
a couple of freshers left
then ended up in the news.
3
00:00:08,280 --> 00:00:10,920
Here I am trying to help the
students with their job interviewing
4
00:00:10,960 --> 00:00:13,520
skills and they keep dropping out
to go and wage holy war.
5
00:00:13,560 --> 00:00:15,920
It's not your fault if people
leave to join Isis, Jules.
6
00:00:15,960 --> 00:00:17,960
It might be. Right!
7
00:00:18,000 --> 00:00:21,600
Jules and Danny, idea is you talk
to camera bigging up the uni.
8
00:00:21,640 --> 00:00:23,840
Jack and I will edit it a treat.
9
00:00:23,880 --> 00:00:25,960
And I get to put
video director on my CV.
10
00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:29,640
Right. Jules, why don't you
kick us off with
11
00:00:29,680 --> 00:00:33,440
what makes Brent Uni unique.
And action!
12
00:00:33,480 --> 00:00:36,240
Hi, I'm Jules Handy.
And I'm Danny King.
13
00:00:36,280 --> 00:00:40,600
I've dedicated the last ten years
of my life to Brent University.
14
00:00:40,640 --> 00:00:42,400
Want to know why?
15
00:00:42,440 --> 00:00:44,320
Stick around and watch till the end.
16
00:00:44,360 --> 00:00:48,440
Now the gym at uni is a little bit
pubey, so when the weather's good,
17
00:00:48,480 --> 00:00:50,600
why not come to our outdoor gym?
18
00:00:50,640 --> 00:00:53,240
But don't come after dark.
19
00:00:53,280 --> 00:00:54,920
Please.
20
00:00:54,960 --> 00:00:56,920
Is that good, Jack?
21
00:00:56,960 --> 00:01:00,680
Jack? Maybe it's your first
time away from Mum and Dad,
22
00:01:00,720 --> 00:01:02,240
but don't worry about that.
23
00:01:02,280 --> 00:01:04,200
We can all be your mum now.
24
00:01:04,240 --> 00:01:08,120
Because here at Brent,
we have these fantastic facilities.
25
00:01:08,160 --> 00:01:11,480
If you need to focus
on your work... Sh!
26
00:01:11,520 --> 00:01:13,280
Or you're a massive dweeb,
27
00:01:13,320 --> 00:01:18,320
then why not come and work in
silence in our university library?
28
00:01:18,360 --> 00:01:19,680
Whoa.
29
00:01:19,720 --> 00:01:21,320
Not... That can't...
Absolutely not!
30
00:01:21,360 --> 00:01:22,720
You're right by the books!
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00:01:22,760 --> 00:01:26,480
Go down to the accessible loo if
you have to do it. Absolutely not.
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00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:29,080
So you've heard from the students.
33
00:01:29,120 --> 00:01:30,680
And the SU.
34
00:01:30,720 --> 00:01:35,280
And now that all remains for us
to say is... BOTH: Get Brent!
35
00:01:35,320 --> 00:01:36,760
And cut!
36
00:01:36,800 --> 00:01:39,720
Surprise!
CHEERING
37
00:01:39,760 --> 00:01:42,360
You remembered.
Yeah, I always remember.
38
00:01:42,400 --> 00:01:44,480
Happy birthday, mate.
39
00:01:44,520 --> 00:01:46,560
Happy birthday.
40
00:01:46,600 --> 00:01:51,080
You going to get a new bloody
birthday suit then, mate, or what?
41
00:01:51,120 --> 00:01:53,080
Sorry, I forgot what it meant.
42
00:01:57,360 --> 00:02:00,720
I'd been dreaming up this surprise
day all year to give you the best
43
00:02:00,760 --> 00:02:02,680
27th B-day ever.
44
00:02:02,720 --> 00:02:06,080
OK, so remember last birthday
when you shat yourself?
45
00:02:06,120 --> 00:02:08,600
Yeah. Sort of drugged us all. Yeah.
46
00:02:08,640 --> 00:02:11,200
Lied to us all that you were taking
medication when you weren't.
47
00:02:11,240 --> 00:02:13,400
Yeah, all right! It's my birthday.
48
00:02:13,440 --> 00:02:17,360
Well, to avoid that, I've planned
a day of all your favourite things.
49
00:02:17,400 --> 00:02:20,680
And to start with, we're going
to your favourite place.
50
00:02:20,720 --> 00:02:23,016
The pervy old man pub on
the ring road that does Thai food?
51
00:02:23,040 --> 00:02:24,760
Your second favourite place?
52
00:02:24,800 --> 00:02:27,320
Fleet services! It's one of
your favourite places.
53
00:02:27,360 --> 00:02:30,960
Look, if it's Pizza Express and a
promo code like it's fine, but...
54
00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:32,040
No!
55
00:02:32,080 --> 00:02:34,000
Is it bingo? Bingo!
56
00:02:34,040 --> 00:02:37,920
Oh, mate! See, I know how much you
miss going with your nan, so...
57
00:02:37,960 --> 00:02:39,640
Oh, f...
58
00:02:39,680 --> 00:02:41,160
Listen, er. Fuck.
59
00:02:41,200 --> 00:02:42,600
My dad's driving up to have lunch.
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00:02:42,640 --> 00:02:44,936
Like, I didn't say anything
because I thought he was going to
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00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:48,160
let me down, but, like,
he's nearly here. OK.
62
00:02:48,200 --> 00:02:49,880
Right. Well, not to panic.
63
00:02:49,920 --> 00:02:52,600
I can ring and add him on.
Will he need parking?
64
00:02:52,640 --> 00:02:54,160
What's his vehicle registration?
65
00:02:54,200 --> 00:02:56,096
I mean, I've been a stranger to
the bloke for years.
66
00:02:56,120 --> 00:02:59,200
Parking's scarce. Hey, I think
we can just bingo another time.
67
00:02:59,240 --> 00:03:01,200
Yes? You go
have a nice lunch with your dad.
68
00:03:01,240 --> 00:03:02,520
Jack, help me edit the film.
69
00:03:02,560 --> 00:03:05,800
And Danny can meet us in the SU
for a drink later. Lovely bubbly.
70
00:03:05,840 --> 00:03:09,000
Um, sorry, guys. To be quite H,
we actually need to get on.
71
00:03:09,040 --> 00:03:13,000
We're asking everyone on campus one
a pivotal question today, aren't we?
72
00:03:13,040 --> 00:03:16,320
Is it white and gold
or is it blue and black?
73
00:03:16,360 --> 00:03:18,960
I'm actually seeing blue and gold.
74
00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:21,400
I can't believe this is
what our tuition fees pay for.
75
00:03:21,440 --> 00:03:23,360
Oh, that's very sweet of you.
Thank you.
76
00:03:23,400 --> 00:03:27,080
I asked my mum and Shannon to get
in a cake for a surprise party,
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00:03:27,120 --> 00:03:31,040
which naturally meant going
to the best bakery in Britain.
78
00:03:31,080 --> 00:03:32,280
Costco.
79
00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:35,600
That bloke's checking you out.
80
00:03:36,880 --> 00:03:41,120
No! Er, that's a bit pervy
when you're eating Italian sausage.
81
00:03:41,160 --> 00:03:43,400
I'm lucky if I get looked at at all.
82
00:03:43,440 --> 00:03:44,600
Come off it!
83
00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:47,720
I keep telling you
to get on the dating apps.
84
00:03:47,760 --> 00:03:50,000
Look, there is no pressure
to meet anyone.
85
00:03:50,040 --> 00:03:52,640
Just a laugh. It's just a laugh.
86
00:03:52,680 --> 00:03:55,080
Not for me, thank you. Why?
87
00:03:55,120 --> 00:03:59,000
I'm sorry, but you keep delaying
suggestions to get meeting blokes,
88
00:03:59,040 --> 00:04:00,600
and I get it, right?
89
00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:03,720
But wouldn't it be nice
for you to have a companion?
90
00:04:03,760 --> 00:04:06,560
Like not be sat here with me
in a taxi eating Frankfurters?
91
00:04:06,600 --> 00:04:08,120
OK, fine.
92
00:04:08,160 --> 00:04:10,640
Look, I've only just worked out
how to send a Twitter.
93
00:04:10,680 --> 00:04:15,480
And Jack absolutely must not
under any circumstance find out.
94
00:04:15,520 --> 00:04:17,360
No, no, no, I know, no, no.
95
00:04:17,400 --> 00:04:20,720
I actually DM'd Cher
earlier on today.
96
00:04:22,080 --> 00:04:23,720
What did you say?
97
00:04:23,760 --> 00:04:25,800
Hello, Cher.
98
00:04:25,840 --> 00:04:27,800
Big fan.
99
00:04:27,840 --> 00:04:29,120
How are you?
100
00:04:29,160 --> 00:04:30,320
Any reply?
101
00:04:30,360 --> 00:04:31,920
No.
102
00:04:31,960 --> 00:04:33,240
What a bitch.
103
00:04:38,520 --> 00:04:40,120
Hello, mate! You all right?
104
00:04:40,160 --> 00:04:42,200
Yeah. You good? Yeah.
105
00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:43,440
Come here.
106
00:04:45,640 --> 00:04:47,120
You all right? Yeah.
107
00:04:47,160 --> 00:04:49,000
Lovely. How was the drive?
108
00:04:49,040 --> 00:04:51,040
Nah, it's all right.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
109
00:04:51,080 --> 00:04:52,200
I hate London, though.
110
00:04:52,240 --> 00:04:53,520
It's just traffic, innit?
111
00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:55,320
Traffic and Pret.
112
00:04:55,360 --> 00:04:56,920
Yeah.
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00:04:56,960 --> 00:04:59,080
I got you something.
114
00:04:59,120 --> 00:05:00,440
Nice one. Yeah.
115
00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:06,560
Oh. I know you like writing,
116
00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:09,760
and you got
your journalism and all that.
117
00:05:09,800 --> 00:05:11,320
Yeah. It's lined.
118
00:05:11,360 --> 00:05:12,920
Right, yeah. Thanks, dad.
119
00:05:12,960 --> 00:05:14,120
Yeah. Well...
120
00:05:17,200 --> 00:05:18,600
Fancy a pint?
121
00:05:18,640 --> 00:05:22,280
Are you having a drink? Yeah, gonna
have a little, little snifter.
122
00:05:22,320 --> 00:05:25,000
Special occasion, isn't it?
All right. Just one though, yeah?
123
00:05:25,040 --> 00:05:28,080
Yeah, just the one? Mm-hm.
Coming up.
124
00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:29,720
Let the dog see the rabbit!
125
00:05:33,880 --> 00:05:36,040
Oh, sorry! You all right?
126
00:05:36,080 --> 00:05:39,560
Yeah. You go to Costco for booze,
you come back with a pram.
127
00:05:39,600 --> 00:05:42,360
Aw. Are you getting excited now?
128
00:05:42,400 --> 00:05:44,200
I really am, actually.
129
00:05:44,240 --> 00:05:47,320
The other day in the shop, right,
there was this little boy,
130
00:05:47,360 --> 00:05:49,840
and he was like, "Oh, mummy, mummy!"
131
00:05:49,880 --> 00:05:54,720
And I just went, "Yeah?"
Just, just to see what it was like!
132
00:05:54,760 --> 00:05:56,800
It turned out he was lost.
133
00:05:56,840 --> 00:05:58,000
That was awful.
134
00:05:58,040 --> 00:06:01,200
And have you talked to Tarik,
the baby daddy?
135
00:06:01,240 --> 00:06:03,960
He texts me every single day
for how I am.
136
00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:07,120
I've had to start sending him other
women's scan pics from Google images
137
00:06:07,160 --> 00:06:08,720
just to get him off my back.
138
00:06:08,760 --> 00:06:10,520
PHONE PINGS Ooh!
139
00:06:10,560 --> 00:06:12,360
I've been matched with John.
140
00:06:12,400 --> 00:06:16,480
Oh, no, no, no, you can't
date a man called John.
141
00:06:16,520 --> 00:06:19,920
That is the most common name
on the UK sex offenders register.
142
00:06:19,960 --> 00:06:21,480
I nearly called Jack John.
143
00:06:21,520 --> 00:06:24,120
Oh, my God!
This woman from Take A Break,
144
00:06:24,160 --> 00:06:27,880
she asked the Metropolitan Police
in a Freedom of Information request.
145
00:06:27,920 --> 00:06:32,320
"I would like to know
the ten most common first names
of sex offenders."
146
00:06:32,360 --> 00:06:34,360
John comes in at number one.
147
00:06:34,400 --> 00:06:38,400
Followed by David, Michael,
Peter and Andy.
148
00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:42,360
Which honestly has really made me
feel weird about Andi Peters.
149
00:06:45,960 --> 00:06:47,320
I liked him before.
150
00:06:51,720 --> 00:06:53,240
You heard from your mum?
151
00:06:53,280 --> 00:06:56,480
Uh, I mean, she sent me
an e-card, if that counts.
152
00:06:56,520 --> 00:06:57,800
Like, we don't really speak.
153
00:06:57,840 --> 00:07:00,120
She don't send me e-cards.
154
00:07:00,160 --> 00:07:02,920
Yeah, it's almost like you're
divorced and you hate each other.
155
00:07:02,960 --> 00:07:04,040
Hah! Wise words.
156
00:07:05,200 --> 00:07:06,360
Well, it's true, actually.
157
00:07:06,400 --> 00:07:09,896
Every time I try and call her,
she's like, "Oh, I can't talk
because of the time difference."
158
00:07:09,920 --> 00:07:12,720
She's in Spain!
Yeah, I know. Not fucking Barbados.
159
00:07:14,640 --> 00:07:17,720
Yeah, well, I don't love
talking to her, to be honest.
160
00:07:17,760 --> 00:07:20,160
I can just hear it in her voice
that she still feels guilty.
161
00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:22,240
And it's just like, I'm done.
162
00:07:22,280 --> 00:07:23,560
Man.
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00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:25,640
That'll happen
if you leave your family.
164
00:07:28,720 --> 00:07:31,160
Well, it's not like you made it
easy for her, is it?
165
00:07:41,280 --> 00:07:42,840
Any news on your nan?
166
00:07:44,800 --> 00:07:46,880
Yeah, she's stable, so...
167
00:07:46,920 --> 00:07:49,040
I suppose at this stage,
it's just...
168
00:07:49,080 --> 00:07:51,080
It's just a waiting game, isn't it?
169
00:07:51,120 --> 00:07:53,040
Yeah, all right, steady on.
170
00:07:53,080 --> 00:07:56,040
Oh, sorry. I...
Fucking hell, I know I...
171
00:07:56,080 --> 00:07:58,600
I'm getting this all wrong, I...
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00:07:58,640 --> 00:08:00,240
It's all right, it's all right.
173
00:08:03,640 --> 00:08:04,960
Shagging anyone?
174
00:08:10,200 --> 00:08:13,280
Honestly, I now have so many
bags for life, I actually believe
175
00:08:13,320 --> 00:08:15,120
many of them will outlive me.
176
00:08:15,160 --> 00:08:17,240
I've still got
Laurie's bag for life.
177
00:08:17,280 --> 00:08:19,400
He always shopped in Budgens.
178
00:08:19,440 --> 00:08:22,400
Oh, I love Budgens.
179
00:08:22,440 --> 00:08:27,640
It's like, not Tesco's,
not Saino's, not Asda,
180
00:08:27,680 --> 00:08:31,880
but like... it's Budgens,
do you know what I mean?
181
00:08:31,920 --> 00:08:33,440
Completely.
182
00:08:33,480 --> 00:08:34,880
Uh, Peggy?
183
00:08:34,920 --> 00:08:38,720
Sorry, babe, but your Tinder
photo has got Laurie in it.
184
00:08:38,760 --> 00:08:42,600
Oh, I know I haven't got any nice
photos without him in them.
185
00:08:42,640 --> 00:08:45,000
Yeah, babe, not being rude
or nothing, but you can't
186
00:08:45,040 --> 00:08:46,920
have your dead husband
in your dating pics.
187
00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:50,160
I tried to crop him out,
but I couldn't.
188
00:08:50,200 --> 00:08:51,800
Aw, Pegs.
189
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:55,760
Let me do the cropping, yeah?
190
00:08:55,800 --> 00:08:59,200
Right, just lean forward a bit
and let me take some new pics.
191
00:08:59,240 --> 00:09:01,200
All right? I can't. Guys!
192
00:09:02,560 --> 00:09:04,040
You've barely set up.
193
00:09:05,120 --> 00:09:07,000
I want Danny to have a great night.
194
00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:09,760
Don't worry. I'm going to make
cheese and pickle sandwiches now.
195
00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:11,200
Cut off the crusts.
196
00:09:11,240 --> 00:09:13,920
He's 27. We just need booze.
197
00:09:13,960 --> 00:09:16,040
I can't even see any plastic cups.
198
00:09:16,080 --> 00:09:19,920
Huh? Well, I got you red plastic
cups because I wanted you to feel
199
00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:22,720
like you were in a crazy
American music video, OK?
200
00:09:22,760 --> 00:09:25,720
Like you were having
some Skins party in LA.
201
00:09:25,760 --> 00:09:27,400
Skins is set in Bristol.
202
00:09:27,440 --> 00:09:29,800
Oh, you are being
a contrary bitch today, Jack.
203
00:09:29,840 --> 00:09:31,720
I am seven months pregnant.
204
00:09:31,760 --> 00:09:35,240
Do you think I give
a fucking shit about Skins?
205
00:09:35,280 --> 00:09:36,640
Agh!
206
00:09:36,680 --> 00:09:40,240
So that night for your surprise
party, I'd invited an odd mishmash
207
00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:44,080
of my family, uni staff and
random girls that you had tagged
208
00:09:44,120 --> 00:09:46,000
in Facebook club night photos with.
209
00:09:46,040 --> 00:09:47,440
I was very stressed.
210
00:09:48,640 --> 00:09:50,240
He's here! He's here, he's here.
211
00:09:50,280 --> 00:09:52,720
OK, everyone get down! Shannon.
212
00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:55,280
What's the food sitch?
Um, there's sandwiches.
213
00:09:55,320 --> 00:09:56,920
Yeah, but there's no allergen info,
214
00:09:56,960 --> 00:09:59,200
and Kelly is sensitive
to wheat gluten.
215
00:09:59,240 --> 00:10:01,480
OK, well, it's bread, isn't it?
216
00:10:01,520 --> 00:10:02,760
Surprise!
217
00:10:04,640 --> 00:10:05,720
Oh, my God.
218
00:10:07,080 --> 00:10:09,840
Oh. Oh, are you Danny's dad?
219
00:10:09,880 --> 00:10:12,960
All right?
Can I just ask you for a quickie?
220
00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:15,040
Yeah, OK. Um, this dress.
221
00:10:15,080 --> 00:10:16,920
What colour, would you say?
222
00:10:25,960 --> 00:10:27,120
Popcorn?
223
00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:30,160
I mean, take your time.
224
00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:31,360
Popcorn?
225
00:10:31,400 --> 00:10:33,800
Jack, just relax, all right?
Popcorn?
226
00:10:33,840 --> 00:10:36,080
Yemi, the empties!
227
00:10:36,120 --> 00:10:37,400
Popcorn, guys?
228
00:10:40,160 --> 00:10:43,720
♪ Don't, don't, don't, don't
229
00:10:43,760 --> 00:10:45,960
♪ Say another sorry today...
230
00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:47,960
Excuse me, mate. Is there any ice?
231
00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:50,920
Does it look like there's any ice?
232
00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:53,080
Shannon, where's the ice?
233
00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:54,800
Oh, um, the ice?
234
00:10:54,840 --> 00:10:57,200
Let me have a think.
Yeah, it's in the shop.
235
00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:58,960
Argh!
236
00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:01,040
Ah. Honestly.
237
00:11:01,080 --> 00:11:02,560
Right, look.
238
00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:06,600
♪ I'm so out of touch
239
00:11:06,640 --> 00:11:08,640
♪ I started to levitate
240
00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:12,800
♪ Now we just hang around... ♪
241
00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:15,440
Shan, I've matched with Russell.
242
00:11:15,480 --> 00:11:16,600
Is he fit?
243
00:11:16,640 --> 00:11:17,800
Well...
244
00:11:17,840 --> 00:11:20,920
He's a minicab driver
with all his own teeth, so.
245
00:11:20,960 --> 00:11:22,000
Wow.
246
00:11:22,040 --> 00:11:24,680
You are kicking off with the tens
there, Pegs. Good stuff.
247
00:11:24,720 --> 00:11:25,960
But what do I do?
248
00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:27,520
Er...
249
00:11:27,560 --> 00:11:28,760
Just chat.
250
00:11:28,800 --> 00:11:31,400
I don't know what to say.
251
00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:34,120
Message him what
you messaged Cher, yeah?
252
00:11:38,720 --> 00:11:40,440
Right. Here we are.
253
00:11:40,480 --> 00:11:44,320
What brought the orgy
to a grinding halt?
254
00:11:45,560 --> 00:11:48,840
Er... No, I wouldn't say
child protection services, no.
255
00:11:48,880 --> 00:11:50,800
Choose a different one if you can.
256
00:11:50,840 --> 00:11:53,280
Er... White privilege?
257
00:11:53,320 --> 00:11:56,000
No, that did not make me laugh.
258
00:11:56,040 --> 00:11:59,520
So basically, I was involved
in major youth tenpin bowling
259
00:11:59,560 --> 00:12:01,160
tournaments around the UK.
260
00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:04,080
I actually won
the Margate regionals.
261
00:12:04,120 --> 00:12:07,960
I've got a photo
of me with my balls.
262
00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:10,200
Holding them, like that.
263
00:12:10,240 --> 00:12:13,080
Go easy on those.
What else have I got?
264
00:12:13,120 --> 00:12:16,560
Some people say I was one
of the most successful under-17...
265
00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:23,120
Jules? I got Kelly a pack of
chicken Fridge Raiders.
266
00:12:23,160 --> 00:12:24,560
It's the best I can do.
267
00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:28,480
Oh. Kelly was just about to
come out to everyone as vegan.
268
00:12:28,520 --> 00:12:29,800
Argh!
269
00:12:31,320 --> 00:12:34,160
Oh. Jack, calm down.
270
00:12:34,200 --> 00:12:36,880
Look, it's going grand.
Yeah, look, I'm having a great time.
271
00:12:36,920 --> 00:12:40,360
Listen, have either of you
spoke to my dad yet? Erm, not yet.
272
00:12:40,400 --> 00:12:41,720
No, I...
273
00:12:41,760 --> 00:12:45,280
nipped out and got some ice
for your straight footy mates.
274
00:12:45,320 --> 00:12:48,200
Oh, no, they're not straight. What?
275
00:12:48,240 --> 00:12:50,656
No, they're a couple of gay fellas
I work out at the gym with.
276
00:12:50,680 --> 00:12:53,136
I was just really rude to them!
You shouldn't be rude to people
277
00:12:53,160 --> 00:12:55,240
just because you think
they're straight, Jack.
278
00:12:55,280 --> 00:12:57,240
Get out of my way. For God's sake!
279
00:13:02,520 --> 00:13:05,080
You having a nice time?
Yeah, no, I am, actually.
280
00:13:05,120 --> 00:13:07,000
And your dad? All going good?
281
00:13:07,040 --> 00:13:08,640
Yeah. Yeah.
282
00:13:09,840 --> 00:13:11,240
OK.
283
00:13:11,280 --> 00:13:12,640
So what did Russell say?
284
00:13:12,680 --> 00:13:15,800
Well, he's also
just started using Tinder.
285
00:13:15,840 --> 00:13:19,640
Oh, no. Red flag, Peggy, red flag.
Flag de rouge.
286
00:13:19,680 --> 00:13:22,760
I bet he's had six dates
on there this month. No!
287
00:13:22,800 --> 00:13:24,680
Yeah. No, he seems nice.
288
00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:28,200
He lives in Wembley
with two dogs called Sue and Mel.
289
00:13:28,240 --> 00:13:31,640
What? We're just
making pleasantries.
290
00:13:31,680 --> 00:13:36,600
OK. Well, make sure you know
what his income is per annum.
291
00:13:36,640 --> 00:13:39,240
Then we can find out if you need
more cleavage in the main pic.
292
00:13:39,280 --> 00:13:41,240
Oh, blimey.
I can't get any more out.
293
00:13:41,280 --> 00:13:43,240
You can, Peggy! You know you can.
294
00:13:47,880 --> 00:13:51,400
Shannon, loads of guys are leaving
to go shop because all the beers
295
00:13:51,440 --> 00:13:53,240
are alcohol-free.
296
00:13:53,280 --> 00:14:00,360
Yes, and? Mum said at Costco
you got 80 cans of Red Stripe beer.
297
00:14:00,400 --> 00:14:02,640
Danny's favourite drink.
298
00:14:02,680 --> 00:14:05,120
Sorry. Are you now annoyed
that the drinks have been drinked?
299
00:14:05,160 --> 00:14:07,360
The clue is in the name Jack.
They're drinks.
300
00:14:07,400 --> 00:14:09,200
People drink drinks, OK?
301
00:14:09,240 --> 00:14:10,920
They are thirsty at parties.
302
00:14:10,960 --> 00:14:14,600
And I'm so sorry
for providing drinks for people!
303
00:14:14,640 --> 00:14:16,520
But these people need drinks.
304
00:14:16,560 --> 00:14:19,240
And, yes, they might have
drunk them all up.
305
00:14:29,600 --> 00:14:31,080
How you doing?
306
00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:32,560
All right. Yeah.
307
00:14:33,840 --> 00:14:36,160
DJ's a bit shit.
308
00:14:36,200 --> 00:14:38,920
This place is a bit of a dive,
isn't it?
309
00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:42,120
There's a massive fucking
Scotland flag on the wall.
310
00:14:42,160 --> 00:14:44,880
Whoopsy-daisy. That's me.
311
00:14:44,920 --> 00:14:46,280
Yeah, Danny got it for me.
312
00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:47,680
All right, Jock?
313
00:14:49,920 --> 00:14:51,800
Your son's amazing, you know?
314
00:14:51,840 --> 00:14:53,280
Leave it out.
315
00:14:53,320 --> 00:14:55,400
He's a f... He's a plum.
316
00:14:55,440 --> 00:14:57,360
Hello, dickheads!
317
00:14:57,400 --> 00:14:59,280
Jack's just gone to get
some more booze,
318
00:14:59,320 --> 00:15:01,160
and he's going to set up
a beer pong table.
319
00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:03,720
But I've never played beer pong.
You're very beer pong.
320
00:15:03,760 --> 00:15:05,960
Do you know what I mean?
321
00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:07,920
I'll go get some balls. All right.
322
00:15:14,120 --> 00:15:16,240
Look, I'm really glad
you came today.
323
00:15:16,280 --> 00:15:18,080
Yeah. Great, mate, yeah.
324
00:15:18,120 --> 00:15:21,400
It's.... It's nice to see you
settled in.
325
00:15:21,440 --> 00:15:24,960
I, um, I did want to
have a chat, though.
326
00:15:27,120 --> 00:15:28,920
Nan's flat.
327
00:15:28,960 --> 00:15:31,040
I think I should take it.
328
00:15:31,080 --> 00:15:33,320
I mean, it's bigger than mine.
329
00:15:33,360 --> 00:15:36,000
It's nearer to town and stuff.
330
00:15:36,040 --> 00:15:37,880
What are you talking about?
331
00:15:37,920 --> 00:15:40,880
I'm going to apply
for succession of the flat.
332
00:15:40,920 --> 00:15:42,320
What do you mean?
333
00:15:42,360 --> 00:15:46,240
Well, I'm after a council flat
swap, and I want Nan's.
334
00:15:46,280 --> 00:15:48,520
No, she doesn't...
She doesn't want you there.
335
00:15:48,560 --> 00:15:50,000
That's... That's our home.
336
00:15:50,040 --> 00:15:52,120
Well, you live here now.
337
00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:54,440
Anyway. Just play along
with the council,
338
00:15:54,480 --> 00:15:56,360
help me out a bit.
339
00:15:56,400 --> 00:15:58,400
Is this why you actually came?
340
00:15:58,440 --> 00:16:00,120
All right, mate,
no need to get arsey.
341
00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:01,960
I could have just
texted you, couldn't I?
342
00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:04,320
You know, technically,
I'm just like a lodger here.
343
00:16:04,360 --> 00:16:07,040
Like I haven't got any tenants
rights. It's a fucking shed, right?
344
00:16:07,080 --> 00:16:08,560
Nan's flat's my flat. OK?
345
00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:10,520
That's mine and Nan's flat.
It's not yours.
346
00:16:10,560 --> 00:16:12,760
Well, I'm next of kin, so...
347
00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:17,400
Guess we'll both
have to apply for it.
348
00:16:17,440 --> 00:16:18,640
She ain't even...
349
00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:23,680
She might need to come back there
one day. Come off it.
350
00:16:23,720 --> 00:16:27,960
We both know she is never
coming back to that flat.
351
00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:30,560
Yeah, I KNOW, all right?
352
00:16:30,600 --> 00:16:32,280
All right, mate.
353
00:16:32,320 --> 00:16:35,720
Slow down. I thought you lot
were supposed to be able
to handle your drink.
354
00:16:35,760 --> 00:16:39,360
Fucking amateurs.
Fuck you. You now what? Fuck you.
355
00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:42,360
I have been grieving Nan
ever since I got here.
356
00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:44,600
You know, this is the reason
that I actually reached out
357
00:16:44,640 --> 00:16:46,240
to you and tried to let you back in.
358
00:16:46,280 --> 00:16:48,080
Because I thought maybe,
just for a second,
359
00:16:48,120 --> 00:16:49,920
he might be
as cut up about this as me.
360
00:16:49,960 --> 00:16:52,040
Well, of course,
I mean, it's sad, isn't it,
361
00:16:52,080 --> 00:16:53,960
yeah, but...
362
00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:55,400
You know.
363
00:16:55,440 --> 00:16:56,840
I mean, look at you.
364
00:16:58,720 --> 00:17:01,480
You're still just looking out
for yourself, aren't you?
365
00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:04,200
This is why you're completely alone.
366
00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:06,880
And do you know what
the worst thing is? So am I.
367
00:17:11,040 --> 00:17:14,760
When she does go, at least I know
I would have sat next to her bed.
368
00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:18,480
How are you going to
fucking live with yourself?
369
00:17:23,520 --> 00:17:25,120
I feel sorry for you, Dennis.
370
00:17:46,920 --> 00:17:50,000
You'd often leave parties
without saying bye.
371
00:17:50,040 --> 00:17:52,600
We'd pretend it's because
you'd pulled some fit girl.
372
00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:55,880
But we all know it's because
something in your head's gone off.
373
00:17:55,920 --> 00:17:57,160
Can we just not!
374
00:17:59,040 --> 00:18:00,560
Sorry.
375
00:18:00,600 --> 00:18:03,440
I just want... Sometimes it's best
if I'm just on my own, OK?
376
00:18:03,480 --> 00:18:04,960
I just. I don't want to...
377
00:18:06,680 --> 00:18:08,880
..like, burden anyone.
378
00:18:08,920 --> 00:18:10,440
You really couldn't burden us, mate.
379
00:18:10,480 --> 00:18:12,920
But I get it.
380
00:18:12,960 --> 00:18:15,560
God, I'm just so sick of...
381
00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:20,720
..like, every time I think it's
going to be different and... Danny.
382
00:18:20,760 --> 00:18:21,760
Are you OK?
383
00:18:23,760 --> 00:18:25,280
Can you come back in, please?
384
00:18:25,320 --> 00:18:27,856
Because they're requesting Candy,
and you're my only white friend
385
00:18:27,880 --> 00:18:30,000
that can do the slide
without me cringing.
386
00:18:30,040 --> 00:18:31,320
Sorry, mate, I just don't...
387
00:18:31,360 --> 00:18:33,880
I just feel a bit embarrassed
by the whole thing.
388
00:18:33,920 --> 00:18:35,160
Danny. I'm sorry about him...
389
00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:37,560
No, no. Look, I get it.
390
00:18:40,840 --> 00:18:44,360
When I was like 15, 16, I started
sneaking into the gay clubs
391
00:18:44,400 --> 00:18:46,160
using someone else's ID.
392
00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:48,840
He was actually Asian,
which is like really bad.
393
00:18:48,880 --> 00:18:51,360
And I was wearing
these horrible sequinned crop tops.
394
00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:52,800
It was a lot.
395
00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:53,840
Anyway...
396
00:18:54,960 --> 00:18:58,240
I pretty soon realised that most
of my mates said they had to find
397
00:18:58,280 --> 00:19:02,480
a chosen family, and that was either
because they couldn't be accepted
398
00:19:02,520 --> 00:19:06,120
by their own or they refused
to accept anything less.
399
00:19:07,800 --> 00:19:10,160
I refuse to accept anything less.
400
00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:12,720
And that isn't because
all my family are homophobes.
401
00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:14,600
They aren't.
402
00:19:14,640 --> 00:19:16,160
But my chosen family...
403
00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:18,000
They love me whatever.
404
00:19:19,920 --> 00:19:21,880
And that shitty shed
405
00:19:21,920 --> 00:19:25,360
is full of people, Danny,
who have chosen you.
406
00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:26,880
So please.
407
00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:28,080
Choose them.
408
00:19:36,880 --> 00:19:38,800
I love you, Yemi.
409
00:19:38,840 --> 00:19:40,520
Of course you do, I'm incredible.
410
00:19:46,120 --> 00:19:47,760
All right.
411
00:19:47,800 --> 00:19:49,720
Shall we go back in? Yeah.
412
00:19:49,760 --> 00:19:51,680
Come on, then.
413
00:19:51,720 --> 00:19:53,880
Come on, then!
414
00:19:53,920 --> 00:19:55,960
Rehearsal. To the right.
415
00:19:57,160 --> 00:19:58,800
To the left. Take it back.
416
00:19:58,840 --> 00:20:01,840
♪ It's nice to hear
your voice again
417
00:20:01,880 --> 00:20:04,280
♪ I've waited all day long
418
00:20:04,320 --> 00:20:06,160
♪ Even wrote a song for you
419
00:20:06,200 --> 00:20:09,160
♪ It's strange
the way you make me feel
420
00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:11,080
♪ With just a word or two... ♪
421
00:20:11,120 --> 00:20:12,280
What?
422
00:20:12,320 --> 00:20:15,800
Oh, babe, I had a right
Jeremy Kyle moment in there.
423
00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:17,000
What happened?
424
00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:22,240
KNOCKING
425
00:20:22,280 --> 00:20:23,440
Are you OK, darl?
426
00:20:23,480 --> 00:20:24,880
Yeah, yeah, I'll be out in a bit.
427
00:20:24,920 --> 00:20:27,760
I'm just... taking a second,
you know?
428
00:20:27,800 --> 00:20:31,400
Well, I wanted to give you
your birthday present.
429
00:20:31,440 --> 00:20:35,480
Because the other day, I came home
and Jack had let himself in,
430
00:20:35,520 --> 00:20:38,880
and I could tell
he'd had a little cry upstairs.
431
00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:42,000
We all still miss Laurie.
432
00:20:43,240 --> 00:20:46,880
Sometimes you just got to
come home and let it all out.
433
00:20:46,920 --> 00:20:49,080
So I wanted to give you this.
434
00:20:51,360 --> 00:20:53,720
That's... That's Laurie's key.
I can't...
435
00:20:53,760 --> 00:20:55,640
It's yours.
436
00:20:55,680 --> 00:20:58,520
It's yours any time
you want to pop round.
437
00:20:58,560 --> 00:21:00,360
Have a bath, a cry.
438
00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:01,760
Raid the fridge.
439
00:21:01,800 --> 00:21:05,240
Use towels that aren't like
pieces of Ryvita.
440
00:21:05,280 --> 00:21:06,360
You come on by.
441
00:21:07,480 --> 00:21:10,440
You know you don't have to do that.
I know. But I want to.
442
00:21:10,480 --> 00:21:14,920
And I promise I'll help you figure
out how to keep your nan's flat, OK?
443
00:21:16,720 --> 00:21:20,440
But for now, you are always welcome
to feel home at mine.
444
00:21:23,560 --> 00:21:24,880
Thanks.
445
00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:31,520
Just make sure that you get
some fabric softener here,
446
00:21:31,560 --> 00:21:34,360
cos them towels in the bathroom,
they're, like, crunchy.
447
00:21:34,400 --> 00:21:35,480
It is suspect.
448
00:21:37,360 --> 00:21:38,440
Yeah.
449
00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:41,240
Does that hurt? Yes!
450
00:21:41,280 --> 00:21:43,960
What about that? Shannon, careful.
451
00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:45,880
What's going on? Danny.
452
00:21:47,800 --> 00:21:49,160
I'm so sorry.
453
00:21:49,200 --> 00:21:52,080
Shan told me what happened,
and I just saw red.
454
00:21:52,120 --> 00:21:54,800
He punched your dad. Hard.
455
00:21:54,840 --> 00:21:56,280
Really? Yeah.
456
00:21:58,240 --> 00:22:00,080
Oh, mate, that's so good.
457
00:22:00,120 --> 00:22:02,920
Ow! Well, what have I taught
you about throwing jabs?
458
00:22:02,960 --> 00:22:05,240
You keep your thumb
out the fist jab.
459
00:22:05,280 --> 00:22:07,640
Right. Get ready, gay boys.
460
00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:09,440
I was editing this for ages.
461
00:22:09,480 --> 00:22:12,280
Oh, come on, I don't think people
want to watch me and Jules
462
00:22:12,320 --> 00:22:13,840
banging on about Brent Uni.
463
00:22:13,880 --> 00:22:15,120
Just watch.
464
00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:18,600
Happy birthday, Danny!
465
00:22:19,920 --> 00:22:21,440
I hope you like this.
466
00:22:21,480 --> 00:22:24,520
BOTH: Happy birthday, Danny!
467
00:22:24,560 --> 00:22:26,240
Danny! Happy birthday.
468
00:22:26,280 --> 00:22:28,080
I think you're older than me.
469
00:22:28,120 --> 00:22:29,240
Happy birthday, Danny.
470
00:22:29,280 --> 00:22:33,160
Love from Jules Hendy, head of
student union and welfare services.
471
00:22:33,200 --> 00:22:36,520
Happy birthday, Danny.
I hope you had the most amazing day.
472
00:22:36,560 --> 00:22:38,040
It took a lot of planning.
473
00:22:38,080 --> 00:22:39,560
I hope you win at bingo.
474
00:22:39,600 --> 00:22:43,120
I hope you did all the pottery
painting as well that I booked.
475
00:22:43,160 --> 00:22:44,560
Happy birthday, Danny.
476
00:22:44,600 --> 00:22:46,760
Stop eating my Special K.
477
00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:48,720
Happy birthday, Danny.
478
00:22:50,720 --> 00:22:51,720
I love you.
479
00:22:52,840 --> 00:22:55,240
I called the care home
and they sent this.
480
00:22:55,280 --> 00:22:58,320
You know, so she wouldn't forget
to wish you a happy birthday.
481
00:23:00,120 --> 00:23:01,320
Jack...
482
00:23:04,040 --> 00:23:06,160
That's not my nan.
483
00:23:06,200 --> 00:23:07,560
What?
484
00:23:07,600 --> 00:23:09,160
I'm only joking. That is.
485
00:23:15,760 --> 00:23:19,200
♪ Won't you hear me at your door
486
00:23:19,240 --> 00:23:22,800
♪ Singing give me some more
487
00:23:22,840 --> 00:23:28,200
♪ Cos you were never empty
488
00:23:29,320 --> 00:23:32,560
♪ And we've been here before
489
00:23:32,600 --> 00:23:35,120
♪ Yes, we've been here before
490
00:23:36,280 --> 00:23:38,840
♪ And that was always plenty... ♪
491
00:23:38,880 --> 00:23:40,720
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