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1
00:00:07,120 --> 00:00:09,560
Oh! Bloody hell.
2
00:00:09,600 --> 00:00:12,200
What's the word for a group
of reindeer?
3
00:00:12,240 --> 00:00:13,680
Uh. An orgy, Nan.
4
00:00:13,720 --> 00:00:15,960
It's an orgy of reindeer.
5
00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:18,440
Oh! We're doing a 12 pubs
of Christmas session.
6
00:00:18,480 --> 00:00:19,800
Although we can only do five pubs
7
00:00:19,840 --> 00:00:22,360
because there's only five pubs in
Kent Mark's not barred from.
8
00:00:22,400 --> 00:00:25,920
Your cousin Mark was the only bloke
in your family you spoke fondly of.
9
00:00:25,960 --> 00:00:27,200
He once went on Tipping Point
10
00:00:27,240 --> 00:00:29,320
and kept calling drop zone 3
a cunt.
11
00:00:29,360 --> 00:00:31,080
The ep was never aired.
12
00:00:31,120 --> 00:00:33,840
Hello, Nan. What's pink and going to
get your head in a spin?
13
00:00:33,880 --> 00:00:36,160
It's not your little knob, is it?
Even better! Yay!
14
00:00:37,600 --> 00:00:40,520
Best Christmas present ever,
Danny boy.
15
00:00:40,560 --> 00:00:42,200
It's quality.
16
00:00:42,240 --> 00:00:44,480
Oi! Boys, boys, just come here a
minute. Come here.
17
00:00:44,520 --> 00:00:47,280
Your dad was a bit of a
Larry loner in Margate.
18
00:00:47,320 --> 00:00:49,760
Mostly because he'd slept
with everyone's missus
19
00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:52,520
and had really shit chat.
20
00:00:52,560 --> 00:00:53,880
The challenge in this pub is
21
00:00:53,920 --> 00:00:55,680
we've got to hold hands
the whole time.
22
00:00:55,720 --> 00:00:57,080
And if you let go even for a second,
23
00:00:57,120 --> 00:00:59,200
then you get the next round in,
right?
24
00:00:59,240 --> 00:01:00,560
Wait, wait, wait.
25
00:01:00,600 --> 00:01:02,360
I'm not... I'm not holding
a bloke's hand.
26
00:01:02,400 --> 00:01:03,560
What?
27
00:01:03,600 --> 00:01:05,760
What about if I need to go
for a piss?
28
00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:08,480
I need to get my dick out to piss.
I don't want you staring at my dick.
29
00:01:08,520 --> 00:01:10,920
Shut up, give us your hand, you
ponce! What's wrong with you?
30
00:01:10,960 --> 00:01:12,880
Right, five, four...
31
00:01:12,920 --> 00:01:14,880
ALL: Three, two, one.
32
00:01:14,920 --> 00:01:17,280
THEY CHEER
33
00:01:17,320 --> 00:01:18,720
Hey!
34
00:01:18,760 --> 00:01:20,640
You all right? All right.
35
00:01:20,680 --> 00:01:22,960
Fucking hell. You look like
a bunch of fucking woofters.
36
00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:25,960
Shut up, Scrooge, you mug!
37
00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:27,000
Scrooge?
38
00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:33,160
Huh.
39
00:01:33,200 --> 00:01:35,160
Give us a kiss.
40
00:01:36,440 --> 00:01:38,320
SHOUTING
41
00:01:40,120 --> 00:01:43,000
GLASSES CRASH
42
00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:48,480
Fag?
43
00:01:48,520 --> 00:01:50,960
No, I'm not.
44
00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:52,760
No! I meant like a smoke.
45
00:01:52,800 --> 00:01:55,440
Oh. Right.
46
00:01:55,480 --> 00:01:58,280
You once told me how Chappy turned
out to be the first gay person
47
00:01:58,320 --> 00:02:00,080
you'd ever met.
48
00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:02,360
He now runs a nail salon
in Gravesend.
49
00:02:02,400 --> 00:02:04,200
50
00:02:04,240 --> 00:02:05,680
51
00:02:05,720 --> 00:02:07,920
been a busy blur
52
00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:10,760
53
00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:14,640
Fuck, he's fit!
54
00:02:14,680 --> 00:02:17,880
Oh, mate, you really need to get
your end away.
55
00:02:17,920 --> 00:02:19,960
I just keep fancying straight guys.
56
00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:21,120
Yeah.
57
00:02:21,160 --> 00:02:23,120
That is going to be an issue.
58
00:02:23,160 --> 00:02:25,440
I'm the exception that proves
the rule, obviously,
59
00:02:25,480 --> 00:02:27,960
but, like, as like a genre of human,
60
00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:29,320
like, we're just the worst.
61
00:02:39,640 --> 00:02:42,040
I don't know. I've always got a bit
of a gay vibe off Tim.
62
00:02:42,080 --> 00:02:43,480
He dresses nice.
63
00:02:43,520 --> 00:02:44,640
Stretching.
64
00:02:44,680 --> 00:02:46,680
Have you ever smelt his hair?
65
00:02:46,720 --> 00:02:49,480
No. Have you?
66
00:02:49,520 --> 00:02:50,800
Yeah.
67
00:02:50,840 --> 00:02:53,960
This one time we were in the gym
together,
68
00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:56,840
and I've looked over at the water
fountain
69
00:02:56,880 --> 00:02:59,160
and there's like, this moment,
70
00:02:59,200 --> 00:03:02,880
but who's going to go first,
you know,
71
00:03:02,920 --> 00:03:04,560
and I've gone in... Did you kiss?
72
00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:06,760
No, but I just went...
HE SNIFFS
73
00:03:08,120 --> 00:03:09,360
HE EXHALES
74
00:03:10,520 --> 00:03:11,840
Lily of the valley.
75
00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:13,400
Oh? Yeah.
76
00:03:13,440 --> 00:03:16,520
I just want to find out
if Tim's gay once and for all.
77
00:03:16,560 --> 00:03:17,880
Yeah. Look.
78
00:03:17,920 --> 00:03:19,520
I'm Facebook friends with him.
79
00:03:19,560 --> 00:03:20,920
Oh. What?
80
00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:23,840
Yeah, he's sort of sympathy-added
me, like, after my wobble last year.
81
00:03:23,880 --> 00:03:26,320
So... Yeah. There'll be some
evidence on there, man.
82
00:03:26,360 --> 00:03:28,400
Sorry. Where is Corinne?
83
00:03:28,440 --> 00:03:31,600
You're pregnant?
It's not ideal, no.
84
00:03:31,640 --> 00:03:32,920
What are you going to do?
85
00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:34,640
Well, second and third year
of uni count.
86
00:03:34,680 --> 00:03:36,040
So if I was to delay by two years,
87
00:03:36,080 --> 00:03:38,600
then I would be delaying my
masters,
88
00:03:38,640 --> 00:03:40,120
which would delay my PhD,
89
00:03:40,160 --> 00:03:43,560
which could delay me making any
30 Under 30s list. So...
90
00:03:43,600 --> 00:03:45,280
Right.
91
00:03:45,320 --> 00:03:47,680
You're joking there, right?
Half joking.
92
00:03:47,720 --> 00:03:50,200
And who's the father?
Spencer, obviously.
93
00:03:50,240 --> 00:03:52,360
Well, I don't know.
We still haven't even met the guy.
94
00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:54,800
I was beginning to wonder
if you'd gone and made him up,
95
00:03:54,840 --> 00:03:57,000
but clearly not.
96
00:03:57,040 --> 00:04:00,200
There's nothing on there
to suggest he's gay or not gay.
97
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:03,240
Right, everyone, today
we will be looking at phone hacking.
98
00:04:03,280 --> 00:04:06,160
Oh, my God, I was once a victim
of phone hacking.
99
00:04:06,200 --> 00:04:08,200
You know what? It was bloody
horrible, actually.
100
00:04:08,240 --> 00:04:10,600
A man in Bogota got into my Facey B
101
00:04:10,640 --> 00:04:14,000
and then my whole wall
became like a retail hub
102
00:04:14,040 --> 00:04:15,440
for Ray-Ban sunglasses.
103
00:04:15,480 --> 00:04:18,240
Right, Jules, you've got 30 seconds
to interrupt this class.
104
00:04:18,280 --> 00:04:21,120
OK, um, we'll just be really
quick, then, for you.
105
00:04:21,160 --> 00:04:22,360
At the end of the week,
106
00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:24,920
it's the second year's
BA Fashion Showcase.
107
00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:26,560
So come on down.
108
00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:29,360
All bottles of cheeky VK £1.50.
109
00:04:29,400 --> 00:04:33,960
And I'll be selling the leftover
Punanis for a pound. Paninis.
110
00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:36,160
I'll take a couple of festive
punanis off you.
111
00:04:36,200 --> 00:04:37,520
Paninis. Yeah. Lovely.
112
00:04:37,560 --> 00:04:39,200
Thank you, Danny and Tim.
113
00:04:39,240 --> 00:04:40,240
Oh, yeah.
114
00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:43,080
Jules has manipulated me
into donating something
115
00:04:43,120 --> 00:04:45,120
for the festive fundraiser.
116
00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:47,600
And, uh, since I'm moving anyway,
117
00:04:47,640 --> 00:04:50,280
I'll be flogging this - £50
donation.
118
00:04:50,320 --> 00:04:52,000
Come and collect it ASAP.
119
00:04:52,040 --> 00:04:55,360
Table tennis. Pretty gay.
120
00:04:55,400 --> 00:05:00,040
MUSIC: Diamond Veins
by French 79
121
00:05:04,400 --> 00:05:07,000
122
00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:10,480
123
00:05:15,640 --> 00:05:17,600
You don't even do sport.
124
00:05:17,640 --> 00:05:19,760
If I buy this, I can go to Tim's
house,
125
00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:23,400
do some investigative journalism
to find out if he's gay.
126
00:05:23,440 --> 00:05:25,240
Anyone? We are literally in a
lecture
127
00:05:25,280 --> 00:05:27,040
about the invasion of privacy. So..
128
00:05:27,080 --> 00:05:28,920
Oh, shut up, Corinne.
129
00:05:28,960 --> 00:05:31,040
Fine. Sold to Jack.
130
00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:34,040
Oh, will you help me collect it?
No. Little creep.
131
00:05:34,080 --> 00:05:37,120
I'm busy tomorrow anyway.
Right. We'll get out of your hair.
132
00:05:37,160 --> 00:05:39,920
Um, we've actually got tickets
to be in the audience
133
00:05:39,960 --> 00:05:41,600
for Harry Hill's TV Burp.
134
00:05:41,640 --> 00:05:43,200
HE SINGS COUNTDOWN THEME
135
00:05:43,240 --> 00:05:45,120
Piss off!
136
00:05:45,160 --> 00:05:47,600
Right, phone hacking.
137
00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:49,840
Some people say it can ruin people's
lives,
138
00:05:49,880 --> 00:05:52,480
and a reasonable misunderstanding of
the legislation around it
139
00:05:52,520 --> 00:05:54,000
can also ruin people's careers.
140
00:05:54,040 --> 00:05:57,520
So I'm going to terminate
the pregnancy tomorrow,
141
00:05:57,560 --> 00:06:00,280
and I don't want to go by myself.
142
00:06:00,320 --> 00:06:02,800
So will you come with me?
143
00:06:02,840 --> 00:06:05,040
Of course, babe.
Thank you.
144
00:06:05,080 --> 00:06:08,120
But why is Spencer not going
with you? I asked Spencer, but...
145
00:06:08,160 --> 00:06:11,560
Babe. I would come, you know,
I would love to come,
146
00:06:11,600 --> 00:06:15,200
but I've got this feminist
poetry podcast tomorrow,
147
00:06:15,240 --> 00:06:18,800
um, talking about toxic masculinity
and outdated notions
148
00:06:18,840 --> 00:06:21,320
of patriarchal superiority.
149
00:06:21,360 --> 00:06:24,560
So I, uh, I can't really come
with you to the borsh.
150
00:06:24,600 --> 00:06:26,440
Your boyfriend sounds like a prick.
151
00:06:26,480 --> 00:06:29,200
I know. But, yes, I shall
come with you.
152
00:06:29,240 --> 00:06:31,560
I just have two days
in which to find a model
153
00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:32,720
for my fashion showcase.
154
00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:36,600
So I may be scouting for talent
on the abortion ward.
155
00:06:36,640 --> 00:06:38,960
Please don't do that.
156
00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:41,520
Babe, every single model
at this university is taken.
157
00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:42,920
I even just had to ask...
158
00:06:42,960 --> 00:06:45,120
Would I have to walk
in a straight line?
159
00:06:45,160 --> 00:06:46,760
Well, yes.
160
00:06:46,800 --> 00:06:48,240
No can do.
161
00:06:48,280 --> 00:06:49,760
Contrary to my confident persona,
162
00:06:49,800 --> 00:06:52,560
I've actually got quite
a nervous disposition.
163
00:06:52,600 --> 00:06:53,720
Right.
164
00:06:55,360 --> 00:06:56,360
Right.
165
00:06:58,080 --> 00:06:59,360
No.
166
00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:11,120
Yay! Hey!
167
00:07:11,160 --> 00:07:12,920
Look who it is! Danny boy!
168
00:07:12,960 --> 00:07:14,120
Merry Christmas.
169
00:07:14,160 --> 00:07:16,400
Hey, listen.
170
00:07:17,560 --> 00:07:19,120
Did you bring a handgun
and ten grand?
171
00:07:19,160 --> 00:07:22,280
Yeah, I'll sneak it to you after
we've had these watery coffees.
172
00:07:22,320 --> 00:07:24,000
All right?
173
00:07:24,040 --> 00:07:26,440
Oh, no. I'm off the caffeine.
What?
174
00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:29,240
Yeah, yeah, I've quit anything
that's remotely a drug.
175
00:07:29,280 --> 00:07:30,960
Finally! If only you'd been
supplying
176
00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:33,960
the people of Margate with arabica
beans instead of dodgy class As.
177
00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:36,360
Yeah, yeah. Any jokes how
we're the only two
178
00:07:36,400 --> 00:07:39,560
that's left Margate and moved up to
London?
179
00:07:39,600 --> 00:07:42,600
I mean, you're in prison, Mark.
180
00:07:42,640 --> 00:07:45,880
Yeah, well, it's a very desirable
West London postcode.
181
00:07:45,920 --> 00:07:47,360
OK. Fair enough.
182
00:07:48,600 --> 00:07:51,720
No, I'm... I'm proper sorting myself
out.
183
00:07:51,760 --> 00:07:53,080
Good, good.
184
00:07:54,360 --> 00:07:57,320
Anyway, to what do I owe
the pleasure of this visit?
185
00:07:57,360 --> 00:08:00,560
Uh, it's, it's my old man.
Is he dead?
186
00:08:00,600 --> 00:08:02,640
No, no, he's just texted me
out of the blue.
187
00:08:02,680 --> 00:08:05,680
He wants to meet up.
Oh, shit.
188
00:08:05,720 --> 00:08:06,960
Even worse.
189
00:08:12,320 --> 00:08:15,320
I knew Tim was my lecturer
and nothing would happen,
190
00:08:15,360 --> 00:08:18,280
but I felt I needed to know
if he was gay,
191
00:08:18,320 --> 00:08:22,040
like Louis Walsh or
the Go Compare Man.
192
00:08:22,080 --> 00:08:25,160
It was one of life's mysteries.
193
00:08:25,200 --> 00:08:26,560
Hey.
194
00:08:26,600 --> 00:08:27,600
Hello, Jack.
195
00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:29,160
The table's just here.
196
00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:30,240
Cool.
197
00:08:30,280 --> 00:08:32,360
I just love tennis...table tennis.
198
00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:36,320
Just don't touch anything.
199
00:08:36,360 --> 00:08:38,560
So, have you not brought
a vehicle with you?
200
00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:39,960
Nah.
201
00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:41,920
So how are you going to get
this home?
202
00:08:41,960 --> 00:08:43,360
Oh, uh, yeah.
203
00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:44,720
I hadn't thought about that.
204
00:08:44,760 --> 00:08:46,600
So who do you live with?
205
00:08:46,640 --> 00:08:47,760
It's just me.
206
00:08:47,800 --> 00:08:50,840
Oh, well, who would you play
table tennis with?
207
00:08:50,880 --> 00:08:53,520
Well, normally I'd fold up one side
208
00:08:53,560 --> 00:08:56,120
and, uh, play solo.
Right.
209
00:08:56,160 --> 00:08:58,800
Maybe I'll start playing
with myself.
210
00:09:00,320 --> 00:09:04,880
You know, Jack, you can play
with yourself as much as you like,
211
00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:07,160
but get a van first.
212
00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:08,880
Oh, she is stunning.
213
00:09:08,920 --> 00:09:10,960
I'm pretty sure that NHS staff
don't want to model
214
00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:13,360
for fashion students.
215
00:09:13,400 --> 00:09:16,000
Are you OK?
You've asked me that eight times.
216
00:09:16,040 --> 00:09:18,680
This is pretty normal stuff. OK?
217
00:09:18,720 --> 00:09:20,240
I just wanted a pal to chat to.
218
00:09:20,280 --> 00:09:21,680
Oh, aye-aye!
219
00:09:21,720 --> 00:09:23,840
Look, it's you.
Oh, my fucking God.
220
00:09:23,880 --> 00:09:26,120
Hello, my dolls.
221
00:09:26,160 --> 00:09:27,800
I'm having my three-month scan.
222
00:09:27,840 --> 00:09:30,240
Oh, wow. Congrats. Can I pinch your
lighter, sweetheart?
223
00:09:30,280 --> 00:09:31,600
Of course you can.
224
00:09:31,640 --> 00:09:33,960
So, what are you two doing here?
I didn't know you smoked.
225
00:09:34,000 --> 00:09:35,680
I'm just a bit stressed.
226
00:09:35,720 --> 00:09:37,680
Um, yeah, because, uh...
227
00:09:37,720 --> 00:09:40,000
Yemi's having his haemorrhoids
removed.
228
00:09:40,040 --> 00:09:41,120
Oh, hon.
229
00:09:41,160 --> 00:09:43,600
What treatment are you having?
230
00:09:43,640 --> 00:09:44,800
I'm not so sure.
231
00:09:44,840 --> 00:09:47,240
OK, they can wrap a rubber band
around a haemorrhoid
232
00:09:47,280 --> 00:09:49,840
to make it drop off, or they can put
an electric current through.
233
00:09:49,880 --> 00:09:52,400
But actually, with mine,
they just used infrared light.
234
00:09:52,440 --> 00:09:55,040
Well, you haven't actually chosen
yet, have you?
235
00:09:55,080 --> 00:09:56,920
It's just a pretty big decision.
236
00:09:56,960 --> 00:09:59,760
Oh, well. It's good to know you have
options, darling.
237
00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:02,280
YEMI: Yes. That's good.
238
00:10:03,840 --> 00:10:05,560
You look ridiculous.
239
00:10:05,600 --> 00:10:09,160
Nan! I need something in between my
fingers to keep the smoking habit.
240
00:10:09,200 --> 00:10:11,360
OK? How many have you had today?
241
00:10:11,400 --> 00:10:12,680
About five.
242
00:10:12,720 --> 00:10:15,920
Well, that amount of spicy pork
can't be good for a baby.
243
00:10:15,960 --> 00:10:16,960
Oh, God.
244
00:10:23,840 --> 00:10:25,520
Hi, boys.
245
00:10:25,560 --> 00:10:27,720
Boys, boys. Boys. Boys.
246
00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:30,920
It's me.
247
00:10:30,960 --> 00:10:32,600
Oh, Tim.
248
00:10:32,640 --> 00:10:34,360
Lush old pad.
249
00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:36,040
Do you know what it's like?
250
00:10:36,080 --> 00:10:37,880
The house on The Apprentice,
isn't it?
251
00:10:37,920 --> 00:10:38,960
Right.
252
00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:41,480
Put the kettle on, then, Tim,
in I come for a cup of tea.
253
00:10:41,520 --> 00:10:43,560
Absolutely not. OK.
MOBILE RINGS
254
00:10:43,600 --> 00:10:46,320
Uh, can you two load and go, please?
I've got to take this phone call.
255
00:10:46,360 --> 00:10:49,360
No, I've just had a tea. It's fine.
256
00:10:49,400 --> 00:10:52,120
OK. Mind your toes.
257
00:10:52,160 --> 00:10:53,400
Um...
258
00:10:53,440 --> 00:10:55,640
Hold on, Jules, I'm just going to
nip to the loo.
259
00:10:55,680 --> 00:10:59,200
Oh, OK. Oh. Um...
Uh, steal me a bog roll. What?
260
00:10:59,240 --> 00:11:02,440
It's what people do at
Buckingham Palace, isn't it?
261
00:11:02,480 --> 00:11:04,560
Um, Mel B has four, apparently...
262
00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:09,080
Well, yeah. You come round around
6.00 tomorrow,
263
00:11:09,120 --> 00:11:10,680
I'll pop open some wine.
264
00:11:10,720 --> 00:11:12,280
We'll just have a lovely evening in,
265
00:11:12,320 --> 00:11:14,160
just us, you know?
266
00:11:14,200 --> 00:11:17,680
Well, if you're lucky,
there'll be some mischief.
267
00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:25,400
I spoke to him briefly on the phone,
but I don't know,
268
00:11:25,440 --> 00:11:27,960
I just... I don't think I'm ready to
let him back in, you know?
269
00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:29,360
Well, I'm not surprised. I mean,
270
00:11:29,400 --> 00:11:32,200
he's been an almighty tosser
most of our lives. Yeah, he has.
271
00:11:33,560 --> 00:11:34,880
But then, you know, so have I.
272
00:11:34,920 --> 00:11:36,760
Because, you know, when I get
out of here, Dan,
273
00:11:36,800 --> 00:11:38,880
I'm going to be asking everyone
for a second chance.
274
00:11:38,920 --> 00:11:40,520
Yeah, but that's different,
isn't it?
275
00:11:40,560 --> 00:11:42,760
He's had his second chance
and his third and his fourth.
276
00:11:42,800 --> 00:11:44,760
What I'm saying is, I suppose
you just don't know
277
00:11:44,800 --> 00:11:48,280
when someone's ready to properly
change. How's Nan doin'?
278
00:11:48,320 --> 00:11:50,240
Yes. Stable.
279
00:11:50,280 --> 00:11:52,600
I mean, she likes her carer a lot.
280
00:11:52,640 --> 00:11:54,960
Yeah, she flashed him last month.
281
00:11:55,000 --> 00:11:58,200
Seriously. I mean, she said it was
an accident, but, you know...
282
00:11:58,240 --> 00:12:00,760
It sounds like her.
283
00:12:02,920 --> 00:12:06,640
Sorry I weren't about when,
you know, when she's gone downhill.
284
00:12:06,680 --> 00:12:09,000
No. It's fine. You know, I mean,
it's the thing.
285
00:12:09,040 --> 00:12:10,600
Neither was Dad, you know?
286
00:12:10,640 --> 00:12:12,440
At least you've got an excuse.
287
00:12:12,480 --> 00:12:15,000
Only you can decide if you want
to forgive him, mate.
288
00:12:15,040 --> 00:12:16,880
There's a lot of time to think
in here.
289
00:12:16,920 --> 00:12:19,080
I mean, mostly, don't get me wrong.
290
00:12:19,120 --> 00:12:20,960
Prison's just shit food, daytime
telly
291
00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:22,880
and slinging one up a sock every
now and then.
292
00:12:22,920 --> 00:12:24,320
Sounds like uni. Yeah? Yeah.
293
00:12:24,360 --> 00:12:26,800
But I think
the hardest thing is the fact
294
00:12:26,840 --> 00:12:28,760
that I might not get to say goodbye
to Nan,
295
00:12:28,800 --> 00:12:31,040
and that's fucking hard, Dan.
That hurts.
296
00:12:32,280 --> 00:12:34,320
Patch things up with your old man.
297
00:12:34,360 --> 00:12:37,160
I'm telling you, you don't want
that regret.
298
00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:43,240
Listen, I didn't manage
to sneak you in any dirty mags,
299
00:12:43,280 --> 00:12:46,160
but I did manage to get you this.
300
00:12:50,760 --> 00:12:52,080
There you go.
301
00:12:52,120 --> 00:12:54,320
Oh, no. You can't give it to me,
mate!
302
00:12:54,360 --> 00:12:56,680
Mate, it's just a spinning bowtie!
303
00:12:56,720 --> 00:12:58,920
It could have concealed drugs
or be used as a blade.
304
00:12:58,960 --> 00:13:01,560
It's a novelty spinning bow tie,
mate. All right? Don't hurt him!
305
00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:03,720
It's all right, Dan. It's all right.
It's all right.
306
00:13:03,760 --> 00:13:06,920
So seeing you was the best present
I could have asked for, mate.
307
00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:12,400
The local abortion clinic was mostly
populated by women
308
00:13:12,440 --> 00:13:15,120
who chose not to go with boyfriends,
309
00:13:15,160 --> 00:13:18,320
but instead with a trusted gay best
friend.
310
00:13:18,360 --> 00:13:22,600
Come 'ere. Can we keep this
termination between us, please?
311
00:13:22,640 --> 00:13:26,240
I'm only telling you as the closest
thing I have to a girlfriend.
312
00:13:26,280 --> 00:13:28,320
Yeah. Thanks, bitch.
313
00:13:28,360 --> 00:13:30,000
Oh, my God!
314
00:13:30,040 --> 00:13:32,480
That just gave me an idea.
What?
315
00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:35,200
Maybe I don't need some other basic
fashion bish to wear my designs.
316
00:13:35,240 --> 00:13:36,680
Here we go.
317
00:13:37,920 --> 00:13:41,080
Maybe... Maybe I pick me.
318
00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:42,920
Oh, OK.
319
00:13:42,960 --> 00:13:45,200
No. To be fair, that's a very good
idea.
320
00:13:45,240 --> 00:13:46,800
Why not be my own model?
321
00:13:46,840 --> 00:13:49,920
Yeah. It feels like something
I should have always done.
322
00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:52,480
You saying you're questioning
your gender?
323
00:13:52,520 --> 00:13:55,160
Corinne, I know you want
a friend of every single letter
324
00:13:55,200 --> 00:13:56,200
of the LGBT umbrella.
325
00:13:56,240 --> 00:13:58,320
I'm just saying that men
can look cute in skirts, no?
326
00:13:58,360 --> 00:14:00,360
You're talking to a Scot, babe.
327
00:14:00,400 --> 00:14:01,920
It's called kilt. Ms Gahamire?
328
00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:05,160
Yes.
329
00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:16,760
What the fuck?
330
00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:19,320
Look, I'm sorry to take over,
but I have to redesign,
331
00:14:19,360 --> 00:14:21,720
alter and expand all of these
garments to fit me.
332
00:14:21,760 --> 00:14:23,080
And I've got 36 hours to do it.
333
00:14:23,120 --> 00:14:25,920
I mean, I used to sew my name into
my PE kit when I was a kid.
334
00:14:25,960 --> 00:14:28,440
Do you want a hand?
Yes, please. Thank you.
335
00:14:28,480 --> 00:14:30,840
Where's Corinne? She could help.
No, no, she's in her room.
336
00:14:30,880 --> 00:14:31,960
She, um...
337
00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:35,280
She's feeling a little bit poorly.
338
00:14:35,320 --> 00:14:37,360
Oh, look who it is.
339
00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:38,840
The stalker.
340
00:14:38,880 --> 00:14:40,400
Any gay Tim info?
341
00:14:40,440 --> 00:14:43,440
No, but I found out he has
a date tomorrow,
342
00:14:43,480 --> 00:14:46,640
so trying to figure out
a way to spy on that.
343
00:14:46,680 --> 00:14:48,880
Jack, you're actually starting
to worry me.
344
00:14:48,920 --> 00:14:50,640
I've just been to see my cousin
in prison,
345
00:14:50,680 --> 00:14:52,960
and you would not last five minutes
in there.
346
00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:57,240
All right, they ain't got Wi-Fi
or tiger bread.
347
00:14:57,280 --> 00:14:59,800
Jack, I'm trying to make my dream
collection.
348
00:14:59,840 --> 00:15:01,520
And your table tennis table is
literally
349
00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:03,160
getting in the way of that.
Literally.
350
00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:04,920
But there's nowhere else it can go.
351
00:15:04,960 --> 00:15:06,760
Then take it back from whence
it came.
352
00:15:06,800 --> 00:15:08,680
This shed has youth club vibes
enough already.
353
00:15:08,720 --> 00:15:11,120
Thank you very much.
354
00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:15,120
Oh, this could give me a reason to
go back to Tim's tomorrow.
355
00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:17,240
You're obsessed.
356
00:15:19,520 --> 00:15:24,040
you don't want to go home tonight
357
00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:29,520
it off when I asked why
358
00:15:29,560 --> 00:15:33,440
somebody hurt you
359
00:15:33,480 --> 00:15:36,160
360
00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:38,760
361
00:15:38,800 --> 00:15:42,840
I was the one in your seat
362
00:15:42,880 --> 00:15:46,800
and they occasionally bleed
363
00:15:46,840 --> 00:15:51,440
somebody hurt me
364
00:15:51,480 --> 00:15:53,720
365
00:15:53,760 --> 00:15:56,880
When you get nervous
366
00:15:56,920 --> 00:16:01,680
Means being unworthy
367
00:16:01,720 --> 00:16:03,680
368
00:16:03,720 --> 00:16:05,960
369
00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:10,400
370
00:16:10,440 --> 00:16:15,120
371
00:16:15,160 --> 00:16:19,160
And there Tim was, having a romantic
meal with a boy.
372
00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:21,920
And her.
373
00:16:30,040 --> 00:16:33,200
Hello. How can I help you, Jack?
374
00:16:33,240 --> 00:16:35,200
Yeah. This table.
375
00:16:35,240 --> 00:16:37,560
Um, yeah. Sadly, it's not for me.
376
00:16:37,600 --> 00:16:39,840
Well, I'm not going to take it back.
OK?
377
00:16:41,240 --> 00:16:43,200
Right. Um...
378
00:16:43,240 --> 00:16:44,400
Fair enough.
379
00:16:45,560 --> 00:16:47,000
Can I use your loo?
380
00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:49,440
Can you not? OK.
381
00:16:49,480 --> 00:16:52,400
And, um...what's going on here?
Goodbye, Jack.
382
00:16:54,520 --> 00:16:56,960
OK. Cool. See ya.
383
00:17:07,120 --> 00:17:08,440
Hey, guys.
384
00:17:10,520 --> 00:17:11,880
Is that Spencer?
385
00:17:11,920 --> 00:17:13,840
Yes, that is Spencer.
386
00:17:13,880 --> 00:17:15,360
She's dumped me!
387
00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:17,680
Nice to meet you, guys.
388
00:17:17,720 --> 00:17:19,400
That's why she's been in her room.
389
00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:21,440
Oh, God. I hate breaking up
with people.
390
00:17:21,480 --> 00:17:23,440
Yeah, it's a lot.
You know, I had to leave my ex
391
00:17:23,480 --> 00:17:25,480
because she was addicted
to online shopping.
392
00:17:25,520 --> 00:17:28,080
I mean, I was down the post office
so much returning her parcels,
393
00:17:28,120 --> 00:17:30,200
I ended up shagging the girl
on the Bureau de Change.
394
00:17:30,240 --> 00:17:31,280
You're so feisty!
395
00:17:36,080 --> 00:17:38,360
Do you understand the English
I speak in this house?
396
00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:39,640
What did I say?
397
00:17:39,680 --> 00:17:41,040
No table.
398
00:17:41,080 --> 00:17:45,440
Look, I just pushed it on a
four-mile round trip to see Tim
399
00:17:45,480 --> 00:17:48,000
with a guy and a girl.
400
00:17:48,040 --> 00:17:50,360
So I still don't know
if he's fucking gay.
401
00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:51,440
Good.
402
00:17:51,480 --> 00:17:53,960
Danny told me about your little
escapade.
403
00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:56,720
So let me tell you something, Jack.
404
00:17:56,760 --> 00:17:59,600
It's actually none of your business
what someone else's sexuality is.
405
00:17:59,640 --> 00:18:01,960
Yeah, I know, but...
There are no buts, Jack.
406
00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:06,080
I was outed by a lady from my church
who just saw me having a drink
407
00:18:06,120 --> 00:18:08,600
with a guy, then ran to go
and tell our pastor.
408
00:18:08,640 --> 00:18:09,880
Oh, yeah.
409
00:18:09,920 --> 00:18:12,240
So, no, we don't go uncovering,
410
00:18:12,280 --> 00:18:15,200
no matter what stupid crushes
we have.
411
00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:17,360
You're right.
It's like me in Year 7,
412
00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:20,080
you know, when I used to chat
up the sixth formers. What?
413
00:18:20,120 --> 00:18:22,320
I think you were going
for someone you knew
414
00:18:22,360 --> 00:18:25,840
you couldn't have so you wouldn't
get hurt, you know?
415
00:18:25,880 --> 00:18:27,160
But you do, right?
416
00:18:29,440 --> 00:18:31,360
Lindsay Hawkins.
417
00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:33,320
OK.
418
00:18:33,360 --> 00:18:34,360
Sorry, Yemi.
419
00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:35,760
The worst part is you've actually
420
00:18:35,800 --> 00:18:37,480
completely upstaged my outfit
reveal.
421
00:18:37,520 --> 00:18:39,120
Oh. Come on. Come on!
422
00:18:43,320 --> 00:18:45,720
423
00:18:45,760 --> 00:18:47,160
Whoa!
424
00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:48,240
Yes!
425
00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:53,800
You look beautiful.
426
00:18:53,840 --> 00:18:56,640
lay down your weapon...
427
00:18:58,240 --> 00:19:01,120
Although maybe
we lose the sunglasses.
428
00:19:02,720 --> 00:19:04,600
Look a bit like Jimmy Saville.
429
00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:16,320
Corinne, Corinne. What?
Hey, Corinne! Oh, Jesus.
430
00:19:18,920 --> 00:19:22,240
I know I fucked up, so I'm here
to show you
431
00:19:22,280 --> 00:19:24,120
that I still believe in us.
432
00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:26,120
Oh, no. He's not going to do
a poem, is he?
433
00:19:26,160 --> 00:19:29,360
I can't watch this.
434
00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:35,200
In this city of chicken bones
and mobile phones
435
00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:40,880
You and me are meant to be
a cacophony of chemistry
436
00:19:40,920 --> 00:19:45,480
I'm sorry, I still see among these
skyscraper lined streets...
437
00:19:45,520 --> 00:19:48,680
Skyscrapers?
We're in fucking Zone 6.
438
00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:50,680
So I plead to thee
439
00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:52,720
That we'll never flee
440
00:19:52,760 --> 00:19:55,200
I don't see you and me condemned
to history...
441
00:19:55,240 --> 00:19:57,600
Spencer... Please believe
in this city...
442
00:19:57,640 --> 00:19:59,760
Spencer. Yes.
443
00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:01,480
Fuck off.
444
00:20:08,120 --> 00:20:11,360
445
00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:14,400
Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!
446
00:20:15,640 --> 00:20:18,680
Are you all right? Yeah.
447
00:20:18,720 --> 00:20:21,320
Oh, I'm going to get in my
jimmy-jams too.
448
00:20:21,360 --> 00:20:22,360
Go on, then, do it.
449
00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:27,000
My mum also got you matching pyjamas
for Christmas
450
00:20:27,040 --> 00:20:30,000
so you could stay and not be on your
tod at your nan's flat.
451
00:20:30,040 --> 00:20:33,480
But you said you had something
you needed to do.
452
00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:38,000
You all right, Dad?
453
00:20:40,880 --> 00:20:42,440
All right, son?
454
00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:45,320
455
00:20:45,360 --> 00:20:48,520
BABY MUSICAL BOX FINISHES MELODY
456
00:20:48,560 --> 00:20:51,120
Whoa!
Hello, hello, hello.
457
00:20:51,160 --> 00:20:52,800
Ah?
458
00:20:52,840 --> 00:20:54,600
I'd give the bathroom five mins
459
00:20:54,640 --> 00:20:56,800
cos a hot bath always makes me want
to go.
460
00:20:56,840 --> 00:20:58,720
Have you moved into my room?
461
00:20:58,760 --> 00:21:01,000
OK, here we go. All right.
462
00:21:01,040 --> 00:21:03,440
Well, listen, me and Nan
kept falling out, OK?
463
00:21:03,480 --> 00:21:04,960
You have fucked off.
464
00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:07,760
And Peggy's quite lonely, so,
ta-da!
465
00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:09,280
I've been here three weeks.
466
00:21:09,320 --> 00:21:12,360
Shannon! We went and bought mum
an iPhone...
467
00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:16,080
WHISPERS: iPhone for Christmas last
Tuesday. You didn't mention it.
468
00:21:16,120 --> 00:21:20,320
I forgot! I've got you a lovely
airbed off the Argos catalogue.
469
00:21:20,360 --> 00:21:22,720
Merry Christmas to you.
470
00:21:22,760 --> 00:21:26,720
But I did want to show you these.
471
00:21:28,960 --> 00:21:30,520
Oh, Shan!
472
00:21:30,560 --> 00:21:32,640
Oh, this is so cool.
473
00:21:32,680 --> 00:21:33,680
Isn't it?
474
00:21:35,280 --> 00:21:38,880
Can you scan those for me
at your fancy uni library,
475
00:21:38,920 --> 00:21:41,240
so I can put them on Facey B in HD?
476
00:21:41,280 --> 00:21:43,200
Sweet.
477
00:21:43,240 --> 00:21:44,600
Oh.
478
00:21:48,840 --> 00:21:51,440
We've recently moved
your grandmother up a floor
479
00:21:51,480 --> 00:21:53,360
as her condition has worsened.
480
00:21:53,400 --> 00:21:55,760
Right.
481
00:21:55,800 --> 00:21:57,080
Is she...?
482
00:21:58,280 --> 00:22:00,320
Merry Christmas to you, too.
483
00:22:00,360 --> 00:22:02,240
484
00:22:02,280 --> 00:22:03,480
Hello, Nan.
485
00:22:03,520 --> 00:22:05,160
486
00:22:06,480 --> 00:22:07,480
It's me.
487
00:22:08,960 --> 00:22:11,640
488
00:22:11,680 --> 00:22:14,400
Look, I've got you some
nice flowers.
489
00:22:14,440 --> 00:22:17,880
490
00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:20,520
491
00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:25,400
Your nighty looks nice, doesn't it?
492
00:22:25,440 --> 00:22:29,280
You ain't got
any porridge down it this time.
493
00:22:29,320 --> 00:22:31,880
It's a start.
494
00:22:31,920 --> 00:22:34,320
495
00:22:37,320 --> 00:22:40,400
and the deeper
496
00:22:40,440 --> 00:22:42,200
497
00:22:42,240 --> 00:22:44,480
I get softer
498
00:22:44,520 --> 00:22:47,160
499
00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:51,640
oh, father, let me go
500
00:22:51,680 --> 00:22:54,720
501
00:22:54,760 --> 00:22:58,280
502
00:22:58,320 --> 00:23:01,760
503
00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:05,640
504
00:23:07,680 --> 00:23:10,000
they can't be wrong
505
00:23:11,840 --> 00:23:15,240
506
00:23:16,880 --> 00:23:20,760
507
00:23:20,800 --> 00:23:24,440
508
00:23:26,800 --> 00:23:29,000
509
00:23:30,600 --> 00:23:32,760
510
00:23:32,800 --> 00:23:35,000
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