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1
00:00:09,512 --> 00:00:10,536
I'm leaving you.
2
00:01:08,138 --> 00:01:10,197
- What's the difference?
- Speed.
3
00:01:11,107 --> 00:01:14,270
This is faster?
4
00:01:18,648 --> 00:01:24,280
Much faster than a wheelchair.
5
00:01:27,590 --> 00:01:28,784
Walking on your knees?
6
00:01:29,993 --> 00:01:31,961
It's faster.
7
00:01:34,330 --> 00:01:37,299
At intersections and stations...
8
00:01:39,335 --> 00:01:46,969
I'm slow, but much faster
than a wheelchair.
9
00:01:47,744 --> 00:01:55,981
GOODBYE CP
10
00:03:20,436 --> 00:03:22,063
I was so scared.
11
00:03:24,440 --> 00:03:25,407
How?
12
00:03:26,776 --> 00:03:29,404
I was afraid it'll turn red.
13
00:03:31,214 --> 00:03:32,909
My life was on the line.
14
00:03:36,719 --> 00:03:40,018
I was desperate.
15
00:03:40,990 --> 00:03:48,590
CP stands for cerebral palsy.
16
00:03:49,399 --> 00:03:56,601
On April 18, 1948, my
first son was born.
17
00:03:56,973 --> 00:04:02,605
He was kept in a hospital
for a week.
18
00:04:05,315 --> 00:04:09,945
He was diagnosed with
Cerebral Palsy...
19
00:04:10,320 --> 00:04:16,623
when he was 18 months old.
20
00:04:17,427 --> 00:04:21,796
We took him to many different
doctors and...
21
00:04:23,499 --> 00:04:26,127
did everything we could.
22
00:04:27,337 --> 00:04:31,296
I even gave up cigarettes
and alcohol...
23
00:04:31,674 --> 00:04:36,805
praying for his recovery.
24
00:04:37,513 --> 00:04:41,813
When I first learned that
my son had CP,
25
00:04:42,185 --> 00:04:48,317
I was shocked and didn't
know what to do.
26
00:04:48,691 --> 00:04:53,321
But I had to do something.
27
00:04:53,696 --> 00:04:58,156
I thought there must be
something I can do for him.
28
00:04:58,534 --> 00:05:01,002
I was determined to do
everything I can do.
29
00:05:01,371 --> 00:05:08,334
My husband and I studied all
about CP at the library.
30
00:05:08,711 --> 00:05:11,339
Some CP patients are
killed at birth or...
31
00:05:11,714 --> 00:05:13,511
become victims of
family suicides.
32
00:05:13,883 --> 00:05:16,852
But I believe it's my duty
as a parent...
33
00:05:17,220 --> 00:05:20,348
to find him a way to survive
in this world.
34
00:05:20,723 --> 00:05:23,521
That's what I believe and
we're continuing to do that...
35
00:05:24,060 --> 00:05:29,521
so that he can live normally
once we're gone.
36
00:05:30,900 --> 00:05:35,360
Like everyone else, I did all
I could, as any parents do...
37
00:05:35,571 --> 00:05:39,029
and tried very hard.
38
00:05:39,409 --> 00:05:42,378
Once I learned that nothing
could be done,
39
00:05:42,745 --> 00:05:47,205
I did everything so that he
could have a happy life.
40
00:05:47,583 --> 00:05:51,542
He was given life.
41
00:05:51,921 --> 00:05:55,220
He deserves everything
a normal person does.
42
00:05:55,591 --> 00:05:58,890
I think that all the time.
43
00:05:59,429 --> 00:06:05,231
I am prepared to do everything
I can do for him.
44
00:06:05,601 --> 00:06:07,899
I mean everything.
45
00:06:08,771 --> 00:06:13,572
Since I had this child,
46
00:06:14,444 --> 00:06:19,074
I've gained a lot of knowledge.
47
00:06:19,449 --> 00:06:24,910
If it wasn't for my son, I would've
been a reclusive mother.
48
00:06:25,288 --> 00:06:26,585
Through my son,
49
00:06:26,956 --> 00:06:33,418
I met many people I would
otherwise not have met.
50
00:06:33,796 --> 00:06:37,425
People from different social
groups in our society.
51
00:06:37,800 --> 00:06:43,261
We don't keep him in the house.
We take him everywhere.
52
00:06:45,975 --> 00:06:49,433
When I see students protesting
and using violence,
53
00:06:49,812 --> 00:06:52,940
I feel very proud of having
my son as he is.
54
00:06:53,983 --> 00:06:58,943
I've always been a little shy...
55
00:07:00,656 --> 00:07:04,615
about having a child with CP.
56
00:07:04,994 --> 00:07:11,126
My husband complained a lot
when he got drunk.
57
00:07:11,501 --> 00:07:15,460
I thought about divorcing him
so many times.
58
00:07:15,838 --> 00:07:18,636
But looking at my child...
59
00:07:19,008 --> 00:07:25,641
gave me the will to move on.
60
00:07:26,015 --> 00:07:31,146
So I tried my best to keep my
family together.
61
00:07:31,521 --> 00:07:34,149
My son...
62
00:07:35,024 --> 00:07:40,326
I'm truly grateful to my son...
63
00:07:42,698 --> 00:07:48,659
for our happiness and keeping
my family together.
64
00:07:50,706 --> 00:07:54,506
I don't treat him differently just
because he is handicapped.
65
00:07:54,877 --> 00:07:58,506
But as a parent,
66
00:07:58,881 --> 00:08:01,179
just like the old saying goes...
67
00:08:02,552 --> 00:08:08,354
''a flawed child is that much
more adorable.''
68
00:08:12,562 --> 00:08:16,225
It's only natural for parents.
I really think so.
69
00:08:17,066 --> 00:08:22,368
Being in a wheelchair is like...
70
00:08:29,912 --> 00:08:37,375
being attended and
protected by angels.
71
00:08:38,754 --> 00:08:40,381
We might...
72
00:08:43,593 --> 00:08:45,220
be killed...
73
00:08:47,763 --> 00:08:50,391
tomorrow.
74
00:08:52,702 --> 00:08:54,727
We want...
75
00:08:56,706 --> 00:08:58,401
to live...
76
00:08:59,942 --> 00:09:01,239
freely...
77
00:09:10,286 --> 00:09:13,744
as human...
78
00:09:15,958 --> 00:09:17,687
beings.
79
00:09:19,228 --> 00:09:23,688
So please support...
80
00:09:32,742 --> 00:09:35,438
The Green Lawn Movement.
81
00:09:41,484 --> 00:09:43,384
The Green Lawn was...
82
00:09:47,757 --> 00:09:54,128
established by the disabled
themselves.
83
00:09:54,497 --> 00:09:57,955
- Why did you donate?
- Just wanted to help.
84
00:09:58,434 --> 00:10:00,629
- Did you donate?
- I gave 00 yen.
85
00:10:04,173 --> 00:10:07,142
I just felt bad.
86
00:10:07,677 --> 00:10:14,139
I'm interested in social problems.
87
00:10:15,785 --> 00:10:18,811
My child felt sorry.
88
00:10:19,689 --> 00:10:23,147
- I felt sorry.
- No special reason.
89
00:10:24,026 --> 00:10:25,994
I just felt bad.
90
00:10:26,529 --> 00:10:29,760
I heard it on the news.
91
00:10:30,199 --> 00:10:32,827
- Why did you donate?
- I don't know.
92
00:10:34,804 --> 00:10:37,671
I drove by earlier and
saw them.
93
00:10:38,040 --> 00:10:44,673
I went out again, so I wanted
to give them something.
94
00:10:48,551 --> 00:10:50,018
I felt sorry.
95
00:10:50,553 --> 00:10:52,521
My friend's child is handicapped.
96
00:10:53,222 --> 00:10:55,782
Some people are unfortunate.
97
00:10:56,959 --> 00:10:59,450
I felt sorry.
98
00:10:59,829 --> 00:11:02,855
- How?
- They're human, like us.
99
00:11:03,232 --> 00:11:07,032
But I wonder why they
are handicapped.
100
00:11:07,903 --> 00:11:12,033
All these problems with
medical practice....
101
00:11:12,408 --> 00:11:16,208
religion, pollution...
102
00:11:16,912 --> 00:11:20,712
and all these heartless problems
of the human race...
103
00:11:21,083 --> 00:11:23,551
sadden me very much.
104
00:11:24,186 --> 00:11:28,555
What the Buddha predicted
500 years ago...
105
00:11:28,924 --> 00:11:31,222
is now starting to happen.
106
00:11:31,594 --> 00:11:33,221
Mankind has lost its soul.
107
00:11:34,597 --> 00:11:39,227
Our society faces problems
and afflictions.
108
00:11:39,602 --> 00:11:45,234
I just wanted to help
people in need.
109
00:11:45,875 --> 00:11:48,070
We're on our way home from
visiting the family grave.
110
00:11:49,445 --> 00:11:50,742
Why did you donate?
111
00:11:51,113 --> 00:11:54,082
Well, the thing is...
112
00:11:55,785 --> 00:11:59,915
they can't work like we do.
113
00:12:00,289 --> 00:12:07,252
So we should at least try to help.
114
00:12:07,963 --> 00:12:12,093
No special reason, but things
must be difficult for them.
115
00:12:18,808 --> 00:12:20,935
That's why I donated.
116
00:12:21,310 --> 00:12:24,871
This is our problem.
It could happen to us.
117
00:12:27,483 --> 00:12:28,609
I don't know.
118
00:12:32,321 --> 00:12:35,119
I felt sorry.
119
00:12:35,825 --> 00:12:37,122
How?
120
00:12:37,493 --> 00:12:42,692
I just imagined if that happened
to one of my children.
121
00:12:43,065 --> 00:12:45,795
I have three of them.
122
00:12:46,168 --> 00:12:47,294
Why did you donate?
123
00:12:48,003 --> 00:12:49,129
I dunno.
124
00:12:50,339 --> 00:12:56,141
Well, my child died
as a result of CP.
125
00:12:57,346 --> 00:12:59,644
So I wanted to help.
126
00:12:59,849 --> 00:13:02,977
I know someone who has CP.
127
00:13:03,352 --> 00:13:04,979
So I felt really bad.
128
00:13:05,788 --> 00:13:07,483
They're helpless.
129
00:13:10,860 --> 00:13:16,992
I wanted do whatever I can.
130
00:13:18,367 --> 00:13:22,326
I've been interested
in such problems.
131
00:13:23,105 --> 00:13:25,164
- I felt sorry.
- Why?
132
00:13:31,380 --> 00:13:32,677
I don't know.
133
00:13:34,984 --> 00:13:36,679
- I felt bad.
- Why?
134
00:13:40,990 --> 00:13:41,957
No reason.
135
00:13:42,324 --> 00:13:43,848
Just wanted to help.
136
00:13:44,226 --> 00:13:47,457
It must be tough for them.
137
00:13:49,398 --> 00:13:52,959
But they do what they can.
138
00:13:55,571 --> 00:13:56,697
Poor thing.
139
00:13:58,007 --> 00:14:00,976
I'm from the countryside.
140
00:14:01,410 --> 00:14:04,868
I've never seen anything
like this before.
141
00:14:05,614 --> 00:14:08,481
I feel so sorry for them.
142
00:14:11,420 --> 00:14:12,387
I feel sorry.
143
00:14:14,590 --> 00:14:20,392
Well...I mean their bodies.
144
00:14:22,832 --> 00:14:26,598
I felt sorry. We're blessed.
145
00:14:28,170 --> 00:14:29,398
I felt sorry.
146
00:14:32,041 --> 00:14:37,138
It must be difficult to do
so many things.
147
00:14:37,947 --> 00:14:39,073
Why did you donate?
148
00:14:39,882 --> 00:14:42,077
My Mom told me to.
149
00:14:43,118 --> 00:14:45,746
Why donate?
Well...
150
00:14:46,856 --> 00:14:49,586
Because my life is stable.
151
00:14:50,993 --> 00:14:52,085
That's it.
152
00:14:53,462 --> 00:14:55,589
Well, I feel sorry for them, too.
153
00:14:58,901 --> 00:15:04,430
We're the same human being.
But they were unlucky.
154
00:15:06,141 --> 00:15:07,267
Isn't that right?
155
00:15:08,210 --> 00:15:09,438
Why did you donate?
156
00:15:11,347 --> 00:15:15,113
I was very much moved...
157
00:15:15,484 --> 00:15:20,717
by their strong desire to live.
158
00:15:22,958 --> 00:15:27,895
Me? My child is in good health,
so I feel blessed.
159
00:15:29,331 --> 00:15:33,233
I want them to be
in good health, too.
160
00:15:33,669 --> 00:15:37,127
I want them to cheer up.
161
00:15:40,109 --> 00:15:41,303
Yes, he's there now.
162
00:15:41,677 --> 00:15:42,974
- At the facility?
- Yes.
163
00:15:43,345 --> 00:15:44,903
You don't want to live together?
164
00:15:45,447 --> 00:15:50,077
Well, it's for my child's future.
165
00:15:51,587 --> 00:15:55,921
- Being at the facility is better?
- Yes, I think so.
166
00:15:56,692 --> 00:15:57,659
For him, it's better.
167
00:15:58,127 --> 00:16:00,994
You think they should be
institutionalized?
168
00:16:01,397 --> 00:16:04,594
My child's been there for 5 years.
169
00:16:06,535 --> 00:16:08,162
It was all for the better.
170
00:16:09,038 --> 00:16:13,338
It's a real struggle for them.
171
00:16:13,709 --> 00:16:18,043
And the government doesn't
do enough.
172
00:16:18,414 --> 00:16:21,178
That's why I wanted to help.
173
00:16:21,550 --> 00:16:23,848
I'm lucky to have what I have.
174
00:16:24,219 --> 00:16:29,680
They would never be cured.
175
00:16:30,059 --> 00:16:33,187
I thought they needed
some money.
176
00:16:36,966 --> 00:16:38,695
In my opinion...
177
00:16:39,401 --> 00:16:42,199
we're the object of pity
for them.
178
00:16:43,572 --> 00:16:48,373
They make their kids
give donations.
179
00:16:49,745 --> 00:16:53,545
That's fine with me.
180
00:16:55,317 --> 00:16:56,215
Besides...
181
00:16:57,753 --> 00:17:00,483
it's better to feel pity...
182
00:17:00,990 --> 00:17:05,359
than not have any...
183
00:17:07,029 --> 00:17:08,223
interests at all.
184
00:17:09,598 --> 00:17:15,059
Giving their kids
money for donations...
185
00:17:18,440 --> 00:17:22,740
out of pity...
186
00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:31,241
makes them feel better,
187
00:17:34,623 --> 00:17:36,853
that's fine with me.
188
00:17:40,963 --> 00:17:43,761
I'd rather quit...
189
00:17:44,633 --> 00:17:47,602
if we're operating under
the principle...
190
00:17:50,239 --> 00:17:54,437
that we are the weak ones.
191
00:17:56,145 --> 00:17:57,271
I would quit.
192
00:17:58,981 --> 00:18:03,111
When I talk to the crowd,
193
00:18:03,485 --> 00:18:05,953
I always think about...
194
00:18:06,488 --> 00:18:13,621
what separates the handicapped
from the healthy ones.
195
00:18:14,163 --> 00:18:18,031
When I hold a microphone...
196
00:18:19,334 --> 00:18:23,464
and talk to the crowd,
197
00:18:23,839 --> 00:18:26,239
I can't help myself...
198
00:18:26,842 --> 00:18:30,869
from feeling that I'm miserable.
199
00:18:40,355 --> 00:18:44,655
How can I say it?
200
00:18:45,861 --> 00:18:50,093
I try to resist the idea...
201
00:18:50,599 --> 00:18:53,329
inside my head.
202
00:18:54,369 --> 00:19:00,399
But I always find myself
asking for sympathy.
203
00:19:02,377 --> 00:19:03,344
Oh, no.
204
00:19:13,322 --> 00:19:16,348
- You must be relieved.
- Yes, I am.
205
00:19:17,126 --> 00:19:19,959
- Did it hurt?
- Of course.
206
00:19:23,732 --> 00:19:25,199
The baby is premature.
207
00:19:26,335 --> 00:19:30,863
00 grams short of normal
weight. A bit too light.
208
00:19:34,143 --> 00:19:36,202
Who does he take after?
209
00:20:06,608 --> 00:20:09,406
He's yawning.
210
00:20:17,953 --> 00:20:20,251
A sweet little boy.
211
00:20:59,828 --> 00:21:03,389
I tried hard,
212
00:21:04,666 --> 00:21:08,466
but catching someone's
eye line...
213
00:21:11,173 --> 00:21:14,973
is very difficult.
214
00:21:16,345 --> 00:21:21,078
When I point a camera at people,
215
00:21:21,450 --> 00:21:23,475
they all look away.
216
00:21:24,019 --> 00:21:27,420
I expected that.
217
00:21:30,125 --> 00:21:33,492
Pointing a camera and...
218
00:21:34,463 --> 00:21:38,991
taking a shot in front of them
was very scary.
219
00:21:40,369 --> 00:21:41,836
I was really scared.
220
00:21:47,042 --> 00:21:50,443
If they are far away,
it's easy.
221
00:21:52,047 --> 00:21:54,515
To get close within 1 meter...
222
00:21:56,885 --> 00:22:00,343
when I walk up to them or...
223
00:22:06,728 --> 00:22:09,595
when they walk down the steps,
224
00:22:14,903 --> 00:22:20,364
I feel this enormous pressure.
225
00:22:23,412 --> 00:22:27,872
When I took shots
at the bus stop,
226
00:22:29,084 --> 00:22:31,985
I was very scared.
227
00:23:10,292 --> 00:23:13,022
I walk slow and look pathetic.
228
00:23:14,963 --> 00:23:18,763
What's wrong with that?
229
00:23:20,035 --> 00:23:23,198
Walking on knees...
230
00:23:24,573 --> 00:23:27,667
doesn't liberate me from
not being able to walk.
231
00:23:29,244 --> 00:23:31,610
We're outsiders.
232
00:23:32,647 --> 00:23:34,547
We really are.
233
00:23:35,751 --> 00:23:37,776
We can never...
234
00:23:38,587 --> 00:23:42,956
be insiders.
235
00:23:44,826 --> 00:23:48,455
Those who think...
236
00:23:49,498 --> 00:23:53,400
they are insiders...
237
00:23:58,340 --> 00:24:00,467
may end up being...
238
00:24:01,510 --> 00:24:03,808
outsiders.
239
00:24:05,680 --> 00:24:11,585
Why don't they realize that?
240
00:24:12,521 --> 00:24:17,151
That's the point we're
trying to make.
241
00:24:17,692 --> 00:24:18,989
No dinner tonight?
242
00:24:19,461 --> 00:24:21,827
We should take tangerines home.
243
00:24:28,970 --> 00:24:29,994
That's a problem.
244
00:24:33,708 --> 00:24:35,175
You dropped it.
245
00:24:35,544 --> 00:24:36,772
You'll do better next time.
246
00:24:37,145 --> 00:24:40,273
- It tastes good.
- That's great.
247
00:24:40,649 --> 00:24:42,173
You're sharing it?
248
00:24:59,000 --> 00:25:01,525
Eating is the most fun.
249
00:25:03,572 --> 00:25:06,473
That's disgusting.
250
00:25:12,013 --> 00:25:13,537
That is scary.
251
00:25:27,696 --> 00:25:29,823
My stomach feels strange.
252
00:25:32,167 --> 00:25:33,725
I ate too much.
253
00:25:45,614 --> 00:25:47,912
They have fish, too.
254
00:25:48,283 --> 00:25:54,017
They have everything.
Tea, fish, fruits.
255
00:25:54,389 --> 00:25:56,755
Fish is no good these days.
256
00:26:00,128 --> 00:26:03,586
- Because of pollution.
- Yes, the pollution.
257
00:26:04,399 --> 00:26:07,698
Industrial sludge is a big problem.
258
00:26:23,818 --> 00:26:25,945
This one is sour.
259
00:26:41,570 --> 00:26:42,730
Sorry.
260
00:26:45,507 --> 00:26:48,635
You have to eat this one
in 40 minutes.
261
00:27:08,530 --> 00:27:09,827
Come over here.
262
00:27:20,375 --> 00:27:21,342
Go ahead.
263
00:27:23,311 --> 00:27:24,437
Eat up.
264
00:28:30,779 --> 00:28:34,875
I started smoking...
265
00:28:36,217 --> 00:28:38,742
when I was 16.
266
00:28:39,120 --> 00:28:45,423
I slept with a woman
when I was 18.
267
00:28:45,794 --> 00:28:48,524
It was then that I realized...
268
00:28:50,465 --> 00:28:52,763
I was a man.
269
00:28:55,470 --> 00:28:58,928
I went...
270
00:29:01,309 --> 00:29:08,442
to a red light district.
I went there.
271
00:29:12,320 --> 00:29:15,448
I kept going for four years.
272
00:29:15,824 --> 00:29:18,122
The first time I went,
273
00:29:19,327 --> 00:29:22,125
How can I put it?
274
00:29:23,998 --> 00:29:28,799
I didn't exactly...
275
00:29:29,838 --> 00:29:32,898
sleep with a woman.
276
00:29:34,676 --> 00:29:38,476
I must say that...
277
00:29:40,682 --> 00:29:45,142
I wasn't able to give them
pleasure at all.
278
00:29:49,524 --> 00:29:54,154
I just...
279
00:29:56,431 --> 00:29:59,923
satisfied myself.
280
00:30:03,872 --> 00:30:07,968
The second time,
281
00:30:14,716 --> 00:30:18,618
I slept...
282
00:30:19,053 --> 00:30:23,854
with a different woman.
283
00:30:24,893 --> 00:30:27,862
This woman...
284
00:30:29,063 --> 00:30:32,294
She was very good.
285
00:30:36,571 --> 00:30:37,799
And she...
286
00:30:38,173 --> 00:30:42,542
made me come with her sighs.
287
00:30:43,178 --> 00:30:47,376
That may be...
288
00:30:48,850 --> 00:30:50,317
because...
289
00:30:50,919 --> 00:30:54,047
I was handicapped.
290
00:30:57,659 --> 00:31:05,794
I've been told to speak
honestly about myself.
291
00:31:06,267 --> 00:31:11,728
I left the facility when I was 16.
292
00:31:12,440 --> 00:31:17,070
With a friend of mine...
293
00:31:19,747 --> 00:31:22,181
from work training program,
294
00:31:22,550 --> 00:31:26,680
I went to a red light district
and lost my virginity.
295
00:31:31,960 --> 00:31:35,919
I kept going there for a while.
296
00:31:36,297 --> 00:31:39,425
When I was twenty,
297
00:31:41,736 --> 00:31:46,435
I fell in love with a woman
who had polio.
298
00:31:47,408 --> 00:31:49,933
She got pregnant.
299
00:31:51,312 --> 00:31:56,545
But her family opposed
and we had to split.
300
00:31:57,151 --> 00:32:00,177
I attempted suicide.
301
00:32:01,422 --> 00:32:04,949
They still didn't want me
to marry her.
302
00:32:05,927 --> 00:32:07,292
Then...
303
00:32:08,162 --> 00:32:13,259
I had a big fight with my friend...
304
00:32:13,835 --> 00:32:15,860
over a woman who later
became my wife.
305
00:32:16,170 --> 00:32:19,298
I did act out of my own ego.
306
00:32:20,475 --> 00:32:24,969
It was a big fight.
307
00:32:25,346 --> 00:32:27,644
I fought as hard...
308
00:32:29,784 --> 00:32:36,485
as any man can.
309
00:32:39,527 --> 00:32:42,928
I felt...
310
00:32:44,699 --> 00:32:47,099
very strongly...
311
00:32:48,202 --> 00:32:55,005
about making her mine.
312
00:32:55,977 --> 00:32:58,343
I think it was...
313
00:32:59,814 --> 00:33:01,782
when I was fourteen.
314
00:33:02,717 --> 00:33:04,446
I had many brothers.
315
00:33:05,553 --> 00:33:07,851
They played a trick on me.
316
00:33:10,224 --> 00:33:12,522
From then on,
317
00:33:13,561 --> 00:33:15,859
I realized this feeling...
318
00:33:17,332 --> 00:33:23,202
that I want to sleep
with a woman.
319
00:33:23,738 --> 00:33:29,540
There was a cute girl...
320
00:33:30,078 --> 00:33:31,705
who lived nearby.
321
00:33:32,246 --> 00:33:35,147
I really wanted to have her.
322
00:33:35,917 --> 00:33:37,942
But she...
323
00:33:40,254 --> 00:33:44,156
totally avoided me.
324
00:33:46,427 --> 00:33:50,056
When I was sixteen,
325
00:33:52,100 --> 00:33:54,728
I joined a gang and...
326
00:33:55,269 --> 00:33:58,238
I raped a girl.
327
00:33:59,273 --> 00:34:01,400
That was the first time...
328
00:34:02,110 --> 00:34:08,071
I fulfilled my sexual desire.
329
00:34:09,150 --> 00:34:15,248
Later, I realized that
I shouldn't have.
330
00:34:18,292 --> 00:34:24,026
Because I suffer from CP...
331
00:34:25,967 --> 00:34:30,404
it never occurred to me...
332
00:34:30,972 --> 00:34:35,272
that I can fulfill my desire
with a normal woman...
333
00:34:36,778 --> 00:34:39,212
That's all I can say.
334
00:34:43,584 --> 00:34:46,451
Nothing more to say.
335
00:34:47,655 --> 00:34:48,781
Stop filming.
336
00:34:51,325 --> 00:34:54,783
I can't say anymore.
337
00:34:56,097 --> 00:34:59,794
I really can't.
338
00:35:00,768 --> 00:35:07,037
I was 8 when I slept
with a woman.
339
00:35:07,842 --> 00:35:10,902
It was much later than others.
340
00:35:11,846 --> 00:35:17,045
She was a year older.
341
00:35:20,855 --> 00:35:24,791
When we tried to do it,
342
00:35:25,626 --> 00:35:27,423
for some reason,
343
00:35:29,363 --> 00:35:32,662
I couldn't get it up.
344
00:35:33,201 --> 00:35:38,662
That's probably because...
345
00:35:41,576 --> 00:35:47,811
I suppressed it for
such a long time.
346
00:35:52,153 --> 00:35:56,351
We tried a few times.
347
00:35:59,894 --> 00:36:02,522
But it didn't work.
348
00:36:03,564 --> 00:36:06,863
I thought I wasn't a man.
349
00:36:09,237 --> 00:36:12,798
I thought I was impotent.
350
00:36:15,743 --> 00:36:18,371
I had no idea...
351
00:36:22,683 --> 00:36:26,119
how or where...
352
00:36:29,590 --> 00:36:31,990
to put it in.
353
00:36:32,693 --> 00:36:35,890
We tried a few more times.
354
00:36:39,934 --> 00:36:43,233
I started to get the hang of it.
355
00:36:43,871 --> 00:36:46,738
It finally worked.
356
00:36:48,776 --> 00:36:53,907
I thought I was OK.
357
00:36:57,885 --> 00:37:02,345
I asked the woman if
I was getting better.
358
00:37:04,125 --> 00:37:05,683
She said...
359
00:37:09,730 --> 00:37:12,255
I could do better.
360
00:37:14,535 --> 00:37:17,766
I was really disappointed.
361
00:37:20,308 --> 00:37:21,775
Really.
362
00:37:23,411 --> 00:37:24,935
For me...
363
00:37:25,813 --> 00:37:32,116
thinking about sex was taboo.
364
00:37:38,759 --> 00:37:42,286
Something I shouldn't think about.
365
00:37:45,166 --> 00:37:49,398
So I didn't dare.
366
00:37:52,006 --> 00:37:55,464
I was told I was not capable...
367
00:37:56,777 --> 00:37:59,143
and I can't get married.
368
00:37:59,513 --> 00:38:03,916
I can be in love with someone,
but no marriages.
369
00:38:04,785 --> 00:38:10,018
People think my body
is not capable...
370
00:38:10,791 --> 00:38:13,157
to have sex.
371
00:38:14,528 --> 00:38:17,156
That's what they think.
372
00:38:18,466 --> 00:38:20,991
My uncle is the same.
373
00:38:21,702 --> 00:38:24,262
When I fall in love,
374
00:38:25,039 --> 00:38:27,337
he tells me I can't.
375
00:38:32,280 --> 00:38:36,182
When I tell him I want
to get married,
376
00:38:37,885 --> 00:38:41,446
he tells me I can be in love,
but I can't get married.
377
00:38:42,823 --> 00:38:47,624
When I tell him I want kids,
378
00:38:49,163 --> 00:38:54,533
he tells me I can get married,
but I can't have kids.
379
00:38:58,239 --> 00:39:00,264
What is he thinking?
380
00:39:01,409 --> 00:39:06,369
I suppose he will tell me...
381
00:39:07,348 --> 00:39:15,551
I can have one kid, but not two.
382
00:39:21,595 --> 00:39:27,727
That's what healthy ones think.
383
00:39:29,103 --> 00:39:33,506
We have to show them that...
384
00:39:33,941 --> 00:39:36,569
we can get married and have kids.
385
00:39:38,112 --> 00:39:39,409
Even then,
386
00:39:40,715 --> 00:39:44,913
they will deny us...
387
00:39:48,622 --> 00:39:52,922
the next step.
388
00:39:54,128 --> 00:39:58,588
My uncle is not a bad person.
389
00:39:59,800 --> 00:40:03,702
He treated me very well.
390
00:40:05,139 --> 00:40:08,438
I'm grateful.
391
00:40:09,410 --> 00:40:16,509
But his behavior typifies the
way healthy ones look at us.
392
00:40:16,884 --> 00:40:19,114
Alcohol is like a friend to CP.
393
00:40:19,487 --> 00:40:23,947
It relaxes muscles and
makes talking easier.
394
00:40:46,680 --> 00:40:55,645
Who is looking up
at the barren sky
395
00:41:00,861 --> 00:41:08,495
What impressed you so
is now a ghost town
396
00:41:09,703 --> 00:41:12,604
After the love has been lost
397
00:41:26,220 --> 00:41:33,683
All that's left
is a song of farewell
398
00:41:38,232 --> 00:41:49,040
As you fly away
across the galaxy
399
00:46:25,853 --> 00:46:30,813
I'm not saying that we should
forget about this film.
400
00:46:31,291 --> 00:46:32,656
I'm saying...
401
00:46:34,528 --> 00:46:36,155
my family...
402
00:46:37,865 --> 00:46:43,167
has a problem.
403
00:46:44,538 --> 00:46:49,498
I shall no longer...
404
00:46:51,044 --> 00:46:55,845
walk on my knees.
405
00:46:58,552 --> 00:47:02,283
I really shouldn't.
406
00:47:03,323 --> 00:47:05,018
No matter what.
407
00:47:08,996 --> 00:47:14,901
If we continue filming like that,
408
00:47:17,905 --> 00:47:20,533
my wife will divorce me.
409
00:47:22,409 --> 00:47:24,468
That's the situation.
410
00:47:25,579 --> 00:47:27,911
She said she will divorce you?
411
00:47:29,183 --> 00:47:31,048
It's not just a threat.
412
00:47:35,088 --> 00:47:36,715
She understands...
413
00:47:38,025 --> 00:47:43,895
what it's like to walk on knees.
414
00:47:47,100 --> 00:47:48,897
She knows...
415
00:47:50,103 --> 00:47:55,063
how miserable it is...
416
00:47:58,111 --> 00:48:00,238
to walk on knees.
417
00:48:04,618 --> 00:48:07,678
She feels miserable...
418
00:48:09,223 --> 00:48:14,092
when she sees me...
419
00:48:17,731 --> 00:48:20,825
walking on my knees.
420
00:48:54,968 --> 00:48:57,630
You're compromising yourself.
421
00:48:58,338 --> 00:49:02,138
How can you resign yourself...
422
00:49:04,845 --> 00:49:07,143
just like that so easily?
423
00:49:09,349 --> 00:49:12,910
You're the man in the family.
424
00:49:13,687 --> 00:49:19,148
You're the one to make rules.
425
00:49:19,860 --> 00:49:23,921
No need to listen to her.
426
00:49:25,198 --> 00:49:30,500
You're the head of the family,
or aren't you?
427
00:49:36,710 --> 00:49:38,177
I was being patient.
428
00:49:43,717 --> 00:49:46,053
If she wants to divorce you
like that so easily,
429
00:49:46,053 --> 00:49:48,954
you should never have married her.
430
00:49:49,489 --> 00:49:50,353
That's right.
431
00:49:50,724 --> 00:49:56,594
I'm sure they took the marriage
seriously and...
432
00:49:57,698 --> 00:50:01,600
it's not going to be that
easy to separate.
433
00:50:03,737 --> 00:50:08,640
We're telling Yokota all this.
434
00:50:09,743 --> 00:50:13,509
But we're convincing
ourselves, too.
435
00:50:17,084 --> 00:50:22,078
We have to consider his place
as well as ours.
436
00:50:28,095 --> 00:50:31,895
You want to abandon this
film project.
437
00:50:33,100 --> 00:50:35,830
But us the Green Lawn,
438
00:50:37,604 --> 00:50:39,834
talking about money again,
439
00:50:41,441 --> 00:50:46,401
we all put money in the film.
440
00:50:46,780 --> 00:50:49,908
But you want to quit for your
personal reasons.
441
00:50:51,785 --> 00:50:57,587
That is what I call...
442
00:50:58,291 --> 00:51:00,589
cheating.
443
00:51:11,805 --> 00:51:12,863
You bastard.
444
00:51:19,646 --> 00:51:20,704
It's the truth.
445
00:51:21,648 --> 00:51:25,880
Go ahead and hit me.
446
00:51:29,322 --> 00:51:30,346
I tried.
447
00:51:31,324 --> 00:51:34,782
I tried my best so far.
448
00:51:38,265 --> 00:51:41,632
We know you did.
449
00:51:45,839 --> 00:51:47,966
Will you please leave?
450
00:51:49,776 --> 00:51:51,801
Yoshiko, shut up.
451
00:51:53,346 --> 00:51:54,313
No one...
452
00:51:55,682 --> 00:51:58,242
can accuse me of cheating.
453
00:52:04,691 --> 00:52:06,818
I mean no one.
454
00:52:15,969 --> 00:52:19,666
How dare you in my house!
455
00:52:24,211 --> 00:52:25,337
This is too much.
456
00:52:26,379 --> 00:52:27,846
I'm calling someone.
457
00:52:34,387 --> 00:52:36,014
How dare you!
458
00:52:52,239 --> 00:52:53,433
How can you!
459
00:52:55,909 --> 00:52:57,706
Please calm down.
460
00:52:59,012 --> 00:53:00,775
This is unlawful entry.
461
00:53:03,717 --> 00:53:05,207
I'll get someone.
462
00:53:09,923 --> 00:53:12,824
How can you behave like this?
463
00:53:16,930 --> 00:53:18,227
Don't hit her.
464
00:53:19,432 --> 00:53:24,233
I don't want Hara
to see us like this.
465
00:53:30,443 --> 00:53:32,570
Let's talk this over.
466
00:53:32,946 --> 00:53:37,906
You went too far.
467
00:53:40,287 --> 00:53:42,585
Mom, you're bleeding.
468
00:53:50,230 --> 00:53:51,595
What do you want?
469
00:53:56,636 --> 00:53:58,365
You're not a woman.
470
00:54:00,073 --> 00:54:02,268
Let me ask you.
471
00:54:03,476 --> 00:54:05,603
I've been so patient.
472
00:54:08,148 --> 00:54:12,278
What about your own family?
473
00:54:12,652 --> 00:54:15,382
I didn't want to bring this up.
474
00:54:16,823 --> 00:54:20,452
How about you, Koyama?
475
00:54:21,428 --> 00:54:28,459
You want to break up a family
to continue this film?
476
00:54:28,835 --> 00:54:32,794
What we're asking...
477
00:54:33,173 --> 00:54:37,132
is why filming should interfere...
478
00:54:37,510 --> 00:54:41,469
with your family life.
479
00:54:57,030 --> 00:54:58,497
Please leave.
480
00:55:00,533 --> 00:55:01,830
Please.
481
00:55:06,039 --> 00:55:07,336
Go away.
482
00:55:41,908 --> 00:55:45,036
Dad, don't come in.
483
00:55:47,113 --> 00:55:49,138
Don't hit your father.
484
00:55:57,590 --> 00:56:00,388
Please call my sister.
485
00:56:45,305 --> 00:56:47,205
You in the middle should stand.
486
00:56:47,640 --> 00:56:51,041
Then another row.
487
00:56:58,418 --> 00:57:00,113
Please hurry.
488
00:57:04,591 --> 00:57:07,788
Over here.
Hurry up.
489
00:57:12,665 --> 00:57:14,929
Running out of time here.
490
00:57:25,845 --> 00:57:27,312
Come over here.
491
00:57:32,852 --> 00:57:35,650
Don't worry about the camera.
492
00:57:40,193 --> 00:57:41,160
Yes, stand over there.
493
00:57:42,629 --> 00:57:44,654
Step up here.
494
00:57:48,868 --> 00:57:49,835
Hurry.
495
00:57:55,375 --> 00:57:56,342
One more time.
496
00:58:33,746 --> 00:58:34,713
That's it.
497
00:58:47,494 --> 00:58:49,724
One hour free time.
498
00:58:56,202 --> 00:58:58,568
Before my child was born,
499
00:58:58,938 --> 00:59:03,170
we talked about if we want
a boy or a girl.
500
00:59:03,877 --> 00:59:06,402
I wanted a girl.
501
00:59:10,116 --> 00:59:12,584
I said I didn't really care.
502
00:59:13,119 --> 00:59:15,178
But I wanted a girl.
503
00:59:20,960 --> 00:59:25,727
Then, I imagined...
504
00:59:28,134 --> 00:59:29,863
my baby girl...
505
00:59:31,804 --> 00:59:34,602
growing up.
506
00:59:38,077 --> 00:59:42,776
But I didn't...
507
00:59:46,753 --> 00:59:50,120
picture her...
508
00:59:53,593 --> 00:59:58,121
with CP.
509
01:00:00,500 --> 01:00:02,730
I just pictured her...
510
01:00:04,737 --> 01:00:06,295
with long hair...
511
01:00:08,608 --> 01:00:10,303
and a mini skirt.
512
01:00:10,677 --> 01:00:12,770
An ordinary cute girl.
513
01:00:14,347 --> 01:00:18,647
That's how I imagined her.
514
01:00:21,120 --> 01:00:26,820
I just couldn't help it.
515
01:00:29,295 --> 01:00:33,322
What I imagined ...
516
01:00:33,700 --> 01:00:37,261
was different from
what we advocate.
517
01:00:43,543 --> 01:00:46,341
Since I was a child,
518
01:00:47,714 --> 01:00:49,682
I was very shy.
519
01:00:53,386 --> 01:00:59,188
I was always scared
of being looked at...
520
01:01:00,326 --> 01:01:02,692
on the streets.
521
01:01:09,902 --> 01:01:13,963
When I felt that I was
being watched,
522
01:01:15,742 --> 01:01:18,370
my body got really tense.
523
01:01:20,079 --> 01:01:23,014
It made walking very difficult.
524
01:01:30,757 --> 01:01:32,384
I developed a phobia
525
01:01:37,030 --> 01:01:40,158
toward normal people.
526
01:01:44,370 --> 01:01:46,838
Everything we do,
527
01:01:47,774 --> 01:01:50,072
we had to be assisted.
528
01:01:51,678 --> 01:01:54,340
We can only be passive.
529
01:01:58,785 --> 01:02:01,379
People ask us questions,
530
01:02:03,623 --> 01:02:06,091
and take pictures of us.
531
01:02:12,065 --> 01:02:15,762
We hardly do anything
ourselves.
532
01:02:16,969 --> 01:02:18,937
I didn't want that.
533
01:02:24,243 --> 01:02:25,608
I thought about...
534
01:02:29,315 --> 01:02:33,775
what I can do.
535
01:02:35,655 --> 01:02:37,384
I wanted to reverse roles.
536
01:02:46,099 --> 01:02:53,028
When I was with Hara, he always
took pictures of me.
537
01:02:55,174 --> 01:02:56,300
Damn him.
538
01:02:56,843 --> 01:02:58,470
Why can't I do that?
539
01:02:58,845 --> 01:03:06,308
Why can't I be the photographer?
540
01:03:07,286 --> 01:03:09,481
So I started taking pictures myself.
541
01:03:18,598 --> 01:03:21,829
The reasons why I take pictures...
542
01:03:25,538 --> 01:03:29,838
stems from the fact...
543
01:03:32,445 --> 01:03:35,608
that I have CP.
544
01:03:36,549 --> 01:03:39,643
But I don't know how...
545
01:03:40,520 --> 01:03:43,546
that relationship has anything
to do with problems of CP.
546
01:03:44,023 --> 01:03:46,514
I don't really care.
547
01:03:49,896 --> 01:03:53,525
This is about my feelings.
548
01:03:57,069 --> 01:04:00,197
I used to try to hide myself...
549
01:04:03,676 --> 01:04:08,375
on the train or on the bus.
550
01:04:09,248 --> 01:04:13,480
I didn't want to be
seen by the public.
551
01:04:16,856 --> 01:04:19,654
The more I tried,
552
01:04:20,593 --> 01:04:24,654
I felt even more exposed.
553
01:04:26,199 --> 01:04:27,996
But having a camera...
554
01:04:31,437 --> 01:04:34,406
I may be exaggerating...
555
01:04:34,640 --> 01:04:36,665
changed my world.
556
01:04:38,444 --> 01:04:43,746
But being behind the camera
is not so easy.
557
01:04:46,285 --> 01:04:48,845
No matter how hard I try,
558
01:04:49,121 --> 01:04:52,750
it doesn't get easy.
559
01:04:55,328 --> 01:04:59,560
It's much more difficult...
560
01:04:59,899 --> 01:05:04,836
than I first expected it to be.
561
01:05:10,543 --> 01:05:13,273
The first time, I was so scared.
562
01:05:18,251 --> 01:05:22,620
My legs were shaking.
My hands, too.
563
01:05:25,591 --> 01:05:30,619
I haven't drunk a drop
of water since last night.
564
01:05:32,598 --> 01:05:38,298
I didn't want to have to
go to the bathroom.
565
01:06:16,309 --> 01:06:23,511
That's what I always do when
I know I have to go out.
566
01:06:26,319 --> 01:06:27,013
How much do you weigh?
567
01:06:28,154 --> 01:06:29,678
Under 40kg.
568
01:06:33,893 --> 01:06:39,695
Just like that anorexic actress.
569
01:06:46,172 --> 01:06:47,662
Your glasses are all scratched.
570
01:06:49,075 --> 01:06:52,135
I drop them too often.
571
01:06:58,117 --> 01:07:00,517
The lenses are really thick.
572
01:07:01,520 --> 01:07:03,147
You can't see anything
without them?
573
01:07:12,198 --> 01:07:14,496
Can you recognize me?
574
01:07:15,434 --> 01:07:16,560
Not at all.
575
01:07:57,476 --> 01:08:02,846
You say people don't
understand what you say.
576
01:08:04,850 --> 01:08:05,942
You really think so?
577
01:08:07,420 --> 01:08:10,583
How can they?
578
01:08:12,825 --> 01:08:18,263
So you'll be doing this
just to satisfy yourself?
579
01:08:19,165 --> 01:08:21,895
No, that's not it.
580
01:08:22,935 --> 01:08:30,740
I think they will understand
something...
581
01:08:32,078 --> 01:08:36,242
even if they don't understand
every single word.
582
01:08:36,615 --> 01:08:37,582
How's that?
583
01:08:38,184 --> 01:08:41,210
They'll wonder what I'm doing.
584
01:08:42,788 --> 01:08:46,246
You don't want them to know
you're reciting your poems.
585
01:08:46,692 --> 01:08:51,254
Well, if they're really listening,
586
01:08:51,530 --> 01:08:53,157
they'll understand.
587
01:08:54,133 --> 01:08:55,191
You think so?
588
01:08:56,769 --> 01:08:58,964
So we don't need to set up?
589
01:09:02,942 --> 01:09:06,901
Should we make a sign that
says Poem Reading?
590
01:09:10,816 --> 01:09:11,942
No need?
591
01:09:16,889 --> 01:09:20,950
Yokota Hiroshi Poem Reading...
592
01:09:24,330 --> 01:09:26,195
Meeting?
593
01:09:27,466 --> 01:09:29,331
Poem Reading Meeting?
594
01:09:29,735 --> 01:09:33,364
I guess not a meeting.
595
01:09:38,410 --> 01:09:42,107
Yokota Hiroshi Reads Poems.
596
01:09:47,987 --> 01:09:49,784
Shinjuku Station
597
01:13:57,669 --> 01:14:01,127
He's going to read poems.
598
01:14:02,841 --> 01:14:06,038
He's reading poems.
599
01:14:08,113 --> 01:14:12,846
Everyone, he is a poet and is going
to read his poems.
600
01:14:14,286 --> 01:14:17,983
Please everyone listen.
601
01:14:34,807 --> 01:14:37,776
''Poem''
602
01:14:41,880 --> 01:14:44,849
''Hiroshi''
603
01:15:12,744 --> 01:15:15,713
''Yokota''
604
01:15:21,320 --> 01:15:26,223
Please listen to my poem.
605
01:15:33,832 --> 01:15:38,235
It's called Legs.
606
01:15:45,444 --> 01:15:50,677
You who stand there
all around me
607
01:15:55,787 --> 01:16:00,247
You have legs
on which to stand
608
01:16:01,793 --> 01:16:03,090
You...
609
01:16:06,932 --> 01:16:13,770
You forbid me to walk
610
01:16:15,307 --> 01:16:18,606
That is how...
611
01:16:20,245 --> 01:16:22,941
you keep your legs
612
01:16:30,088 --> 01:16:31,885
All the people around me
613
01:16:33,825 --> 01:16:35,793
All the legs surrounding me
614
01:16:44,269 --> 01:16:45,463
You
615
01:16:49,107 --> 01:16:51,473
for what reasons
616
01:16:54,947 --> 01:16:59,748
forbid me to walk?
617
01:17:00,586 --> 01:17:01,712
Who is in charge here?
618
01:17:05,924 --> 01:17:07,414
Who is it?
619
01:17:12,197 --> 01:17:14,495
Sure. OK. Fine.
620
01:17:15,033 --> 01:17:16,159
What are you doing?
621
01:17:16,535 --> 01:17:17,502
I'm recording.
622
01:17:18,637 --> 01:17:19,604
Recording what?
623
01:17:20,606 --> 01:17:22,335
You're bothering people.
624
01:17:24,209 --> 01:17:28,339
This is a freak show.
Please stop.
625
01:18:22,934 --> 01:18:26,563
We set out to make this film...
626
01:18:28,940 --> 01:18:31,408
to show that we can't
do anything.
627
01:18:32,477 --> 01:18:34,911
But I was hoping...
628
01:18:35,881 --> 01:18:37,576
I could do something...
629
01:18:40,118 --> 01:18:43,349
to make a different...
630
01:18:44,222 --> 01:18:48,852
kind of film.
631
01:18:49,995 --> 01:18:51,189
That was...
632
01:18:52,397 --> 01:18:54,262
what I...
633
01:18:56,968 --> 01:19:02,702
what I thought.
634
01:19:08,580 --> 01:19:12,243
But while we went through...
635
01:19:14,152 --> 01:19:16,780
the process of making the film,
636
01:19:19,925 --> 01:19:21,222
my hopes...
637
01:19:22,761 --> 01:19:28,222
were completely shattered.
638
01:19:35,941 --> 01:19:37,306
How can I say?
639
01:19:39,177 --> 01:19:40,906
After all...
640
01:19:45,917 --> 01:19:47,817
in many levels...
641
01:19:49,287 --> 01:19:51,152
I require...
642
01:19:52,124 --> 01:19:54,592
some form of protection.
643
01:19:56,228 --> 01:20:01,495
That's the only way...
644
01:20:03,368 --> 01:20:06,997
I can survive.
645
01:20:09,207 --> 01:20:14,611
I could never be on my own.
646
01:20:20,018 --> 01:20:21,952
In that sense,
647
01:20:25,657 --> 01:20:31,357
that realization made me feel...
648
01:20:32,564 --> 01:20:34,964
totally empty.
649
01:20:39,571 --> 01:20:41,630
To be honest,
650
01:20:44,676 --> 01:20:46,541
I'm not sure...
651
01:20:49,748 --> 01:20:52,546
how I can move on.
652
01:20:54,718 --> 01:21:01,146
That's how I feel.
653
01:22:29,514 --> 01:22:32,483
Produced by Shisso Production
654
01:22:32,851 --> 01:22:35,820
With the cooperation of
The Green Lawn and
655
01:22:36,187 --> 01:22:39,156
Japan CP Association
656
01:22:41,026 --> 01:22:44,325
Directed and photographed by
Kazuo Hara
657
01:22:44,696 --> 01:22:47,995
Produced by
Sachiko Kobayashi
43107
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