Original subtitles

OK, OK.

Enough of this.

Let's get on with it.

Playback!

In three.

Action!

If your clothes are rumpled, worn, and dingy...

Dingy.

If you're frugal, thrifty, cheap, or stingy...

Stingy.

Bring your clothes if they're spotted, soiled, or oily...

Cut!

Cut!

What are you doing?

We're doing our routine.

Not on my commercial do you do your routine.

Do it on your own commercial.

Our own commercial?

We don't have anything to sell.

We'll talk about that later.

Now, let's move it.

Time is money.

Are we even getting paid for this?

Did I say that?

Did anybody hear me say that?

I never said that. Did you say that?

I didn't say it. Who said it?

Who said it? No.

Come on, move it, move it. Let's go.

Go! Go!

Go!

Let's go.

Action.

If your clothes are rumpled, worn, and dingy...

Dingy.

If you're frugal, thrifty, cheap, or stingy...

Stingy.

Bring your clothes if they're spotted, soiled, or oily.

Right in here you'll be treated royally.

Royally, royally, royally.

Treated royally.

And a 10% discount if you mention

my name, Harold Schwan...

"King of Clean."

King of sleaze is more like it.

Mm... at least you weren't married to him.

True, he just chased me around the office eight hours a day.

Mm.

What about me?

He treated me like I was his mistress.

You were his mistress.

Almost $7,000... Not bad for a start.

Mm.

I never thought robbing a store would be so easy.

Luckily, Laura took the safe combination when she quit.

Now Harold will probably change the combinations

in all the stores.

No problem.

We'll just get the new combinations when Schwanny

leaves the office today.

Let's see... $7,000 per store and seven stores, that's, uh...

$49,000.

Right.

Which hardly makes up for all the misery

that slime has caused us.

Like Al Pacino says, don't get mad...

Get even.

- Hi. - You ready?

- You bet. - OK.

Let's go.

OK.

You go up down the side of the house.

I'm going to go around toward the alley.

Federal officers!

Open up!

Freeze!

Running can be bad for your health.

Get your hands up.

Get your hands up.

Against the wall.

Against the wall!

Spread your legs.

If you are still alive, put both arms out that window.

Do it!

Come on, get out.

Turn around.

Shut up!

You're under arrest for the sale of an illegal substance.

You have the right to remain silent.

Anything you say can and will be used

against you in a court of law.

All right, it's clear. Let's go.

OK.

Um, excuse me.

Um, could you help me find this room number?

I can't seem to find it.

Sure.

It's, uh, room 217.

I can't seem to find it anywhere.

- 217, you said? - Um...

Oh, you're... you're on the third floor right now.

You want the second floor. - Ah, third floor.

On the left-hand side, there's a stairway.

Take it down to the second floor.

- OK. - Excuse me.

It should be right...

Where is he?

He's not here, Mrs. Schwan.

Ex-Mrs. Schwan.

Oh, you mean the "King of clean" Schwan?

That's who I'm looking for.

My check didn't come this month.

Where is he? Did he skip town?

I want the money he owes me I loaned him $200,

and he never paid me back.

He's supposed to pick

up the mortgage on my house.

The bank called.

The payments are two months behind.

Schwan said the car was mine

and they repossessed it right in front of my house.

And what am I supposed to do about my garden?

My roses are dying.

They said he made the car payment on his car.

Oh, sure.

He's always thinking about himself.

The gardener is going

to turn Harold into mulch.

Look, I... I don't I don't think

I'm responsible for...

I am going to hang him by his shorts

from a flagpole.

Who are you?

Laura?

What... what are you doing in there?

Hi, Barbara.

Uh, Laura...

I don't think you should be in Mr. Schwan's private office

now that you don't work for him anymore.

It's OK.

He wouldn't mind.

Oh, uh... do you want me to leave a message for Mr. Schwan?

Don't bother.

It'll just upset him.

Thanks, Barbara.

Thanks, Barbara.

You're welcome.

Now, now, now... come on you know as well as I do that

as assistant platoon leader you're required

to make the rating reports every six months.

Now, get off my back

Can you believe the rating reports are due again?

Boy, am I glad I'm not assistant platoon leader.

Would you like to practice on being one?

Sir, no sir.

I've got all the fun I can handle, sir.

Your day is coming.

Look, you know what I hate about this rating

report time of the season?

All the men start doing this perverted little fertility

dance of sucking up. Yeah, that's what they do.

They suck up.

They want to do things for you.

They want to leave you gifts.

They give you flashlights.

You know last year I got 25 fruit baskets?

If I get another fruit basket, I'm

having a sex change operation.

Yeah, it's rough at the top.

Down. Let's go.

Come on.

You see... did you see anything?

No, no.

OK, here we go.

OK.

OK.

36.

36.

24.

24.

34.

Oh, how sweet.

What?

Schwanny used my measurements for the combination.

Oh!

Oh.

Feels like another good day...

Could be $9,000-$10,000.

And they say crime doesn't pay.

Hm.

A little snack?

You mean that guy on TV, the "King of Clean"

with the crown and the bimbos?

Yes.

Harold Schwan is your brother-in-law?

We all have our crosses to bear.

Now, I want Hunter on this case...

If you can spare him.

Well, he's in the middle of the rating reports now.

Forget the rating reports!

You're under a lot of pressure at home.

Charlie, Louise is very upset.

She stopped cooking dinners.

She stopped making the beds.

She stopped everything.

Hunter!

Uh, Commander Clayton made a request.

So, can you handle it?

These are caramel custards.

I think you're going to... You're going to like those.

Novak... those ratings reports are all yours.

This is absolutely unbelievable.

$226,045.

This is a lot of money.

No cleaning store makes that kind of money.

Look at these deposit slips...

Different amounts, different banks.

I don't understand.

This is a lot of money.

Harold has been holding out on me.

You know, it's going to take a long time

to spend all this money.

I mean, this is a lot of money.

I know.

I know!

I like it.

I like it.

This is a lot of money.

That bastard!

Isn't there a safe at your house?

If you came in to get your pants cleaned,

Hunter, we're closed for the day.

Yeah, that's pretty funny, Tom.

How you been? - Fine, fine.

Hey, is it true Harold Schwan is Commander

Clayton's brother-in-law? - Yep.

Commander Buttoned-Up

related to the "King of Clean."

Wait 'til the guys hear.

Well, I know I could count on you to blab it around.

Oh, this is Wu Fong.

He manages the store.

Mr. Fong, how are you?

Excuse you, Tom.

Yeah.

Now, Mr. Fong, this is what you found

when you came in this morning?

Ah, did you seen anybody leaving?

Now, what about last night when you closed the place up?

Did you see anybody hanging around

in the front or the back?

Uh, you getting all this, uh, Tom?

Oh, he's just a little shaken up.

Oh, I see.

They came in through the roof, dropped

down on the bags of cleaning.

Scuff marks on the roof indicated

more than one burglar.

They came straight to the safe.

- How you doing, Hunter? - Hey, Lynn.

How you doing? - Doing fine.

I heard Commander Clayton put you on this one.

Isn't it amazing that news spread so fast, Tom?

Yeah, well... they must've known the combinations.

Opened it up and took the money out.

How much did they get?

According to Mr. Schwan, $6,046.32.

He was here when we arrived this morning.

Yeah? Where is he right now?

Oh, he had to go someplace.

Said he'd be back later.

I see.

Well, I'll need to talk to him.

Yes, sir.

Well, there's no sign of vandalism.

Mr. Fong left a portable radio here and a very expensive

briefcase...

They were here this morning.

Hm.

Well, whoever came down through that skylight

was awfully small.

Oh, I figure it was juveniles.

Juveniles, huh, Tom?

Uh, so what do think?

The roof was deluged with six-year-olds?

I gotta make a phone call.

See you later, Linda.

Bye-bye.

Mr. Fong, I'd like to talk to Mr. Schwan.

Thank you.

Royal Court Cleaners corporate offices.

Yeah, this is Sergeant Hunter, LAPD.

I'd like to talk with Mr. Schwan.

Oh, if it's about those parking tickets,

Mr. Schwan said the check is in the mail.

Well, it's not about the parking tickets, Miss.

It's, uh, it's about the robbery of the store last night.

Oh, well, he's out right now, but he'll

be back later this afternoon.

OK.

Tell him Sergeant Hunter from LAPD

called, and I'll be calling him back.

OK.

Thanks a lot.

Mister Fong?

Thanks very much.

I appreciate it.

I don't like to be kept waiting.

I'm sorry, Mr. Monks.

You're sorry?

I just lost a lot of money... $220,00.

Terrible.

Terrible.

The crime in this city is just...

Just out of control.

Cut the crap, Schwan.

Right, Mr. Monks.

You know, I got hurt too.

Some of that money they stole was mine, you know.

His store had $6,000 in the bag.

And change.

Every penny counts when you're in a low-markup business.

Shut up!

I need that money you were laundering, Schwan.

I know that. But I told you, the...

The store was robbed.

Maybe it was.

Maybe it wasn't. - Oh, oh.

Hey, Mr. Monks, come on.

I... I wouldn't do something like that with your money.

What, are you kidding?

I... do you think of me?

I'll tell you what I think.

If I don't get my money by tomorrow,

I'm going to have Breech break every bone in your body.

Including pinkies and every little vertebrate.

Hold it, hold it, hold it.

I... I'll get your money back.

I'll borrow it from the bank.

In fact, I'll go right away.

You do that.

Good luck at the bank, your highness.

Sergeant Hunter.

Barbara, how are you?

Fine.

If you need anything, just let me know.

- I'm fine, thanks. - Coffee?

Nope.

Oh, how about a snack? A piece of fruit, hm?

Nah.

Hey, what is this, Denny's?

Mr. Schwan, pleasure.

Oh.

Come here.

Boy, am I glad to see you.

My brother-in-law told me that you're the best.

Well, I have the highest regard

for the commander as well.

Well, let's forget about him for now, huh?

I was the one that was robbed.

How are you doing?

Did you find him yet?

Uh, not yet, Mr. Schwan.

But we will.

Oh, that's great.

Tell me, exactly how much money did they get?

$6,425.32.

Oh.

I see.

Now as I understand it, you have, what...

Five more stores?

Yeah, my... my old man left me one store in Pacoima.

So I became the "Prince of Pacoima."

Oh.

And today, you're the king.

That's right.

I'm the king.

Now, tell me...

The other managers of your other stores,

do they have the combinations to your safes?

Sergeant, I'm the only one.

It's a Harold Schwan enterprise, and only Harold Schwan

has the combinations.

And it's all locked up in there.

I see.

Um... uh, what about your secretary?

- My secretary? - Yeah, you know.

Your secretary.

No, I...

I trust Barbara.

So, therefore... you're the only

one that has the combinations to all the safes.

Sergeant, are you...

Are you trying to say to me that...

I robbed my own stores?

Well, did you?

Police humor.

Well, we're just considering all

the possibilities, Mr. Schwan.

Well, Sergeant... You'd better start

considering who ripped me off.

OK, look... that'll be enough for now.

Let me ask you a question... if I need to talk to you again,

would you be available?

Uh... yeah.

But right now, I'm a little late.

I... I hate to keep my bankers waiting.

Uh, Mr. Schwan...

Why the bank?

When you lose a lot of money, arrangements have to be made.

Aren't you covered by insurance?

Well, uh... time.

It takes time to collect.

Oh, I see.

Thank you so much, Sergeant, for everything

you've done, really. - Yes sir, Mr. Schwan.

See that he gets everything he wants, huh?

Thanks a million, sergeant.

Thanks, Mr. Schwan, for your time.

You won't believe this, but there are people who

actually don't like Schwanny.

Ah.

You wouldn't happen to have a list of those people,

would you?

Do you have a big piece of paper?

I don't need this grief I'm getting from Schwan.

I get enough being in the meat business.

Everybody's on this cholesterol kick...

Chicken, fish, fish, chicken.

If I ate like that, I'd...

I'd look like him.

Well?

What do you think, Digby?

Is this jerk going to give me my money back?

I don't think so.

He's in debt up to his eyeballs.

The banks aren't going to give him squat.

His sister won't let him sell the business.

He's "tapped city."

What's the matter?

Are you cold?

Yeah.

Can we get out of here?

I mean, why do we always have to meet in here?

And I thought you were my strongest guy.

You want a couple of steaks?

Uh... no thanks.

I don't eat red meat.

Can't have them schnooks out there saying he ripped me off

of $220,000.

Yeah.

Guess who.

Well, did you get the loan?

Absolutely.

Absolutely.

Looks good.

Oh, there's a few minor details, but we'll

ramrod right through them.

You take it easy, Harold.

I know you're trying, and we're looking to work

with you as best we can.

I've got a feeling you would say that.

In fact, Mr. Monks, you've got a heart of gold...

A heart of gold.

Those are my exact words.

All right, we're going to try to make some arrangements.

Uh, maybe you can pay this off in installments.

Installments? Huh.

Uh, I know plenty about those.

Listen, Digby has all the details.

Why don't you, uh, meet him tonight,

uh, at your store on Saticoy.

I know it's out of the way, but that way

nobody will bother you.

Saticoy?

At the store on Saticoy?

OK, we'll... we'll work it out.

About, uh...

10:30.

Heart of gold...

Platinum.

Pure platinum!

Yeah.

Meet Schwan?

To do what?

Kill him.

Yeah.

Oh, sure.

OK, ladies... right this way.

That's it.

There you go.

Right over there, up against the wall.

It would be nice, thank you.

Yeah.

Just fill in here.

Have a seat anywhere.

Thanks.

Mm.

Very good.

OK, if you'll just excuse me one moment, I'll be right back.

You sure you know what you're doing?

Of course I do.

I go in first, hook the bait, and leave.

You and Traci know what to say?

Yeah.

I think so.

Yeah, the amazing thing is that

everyone on his secretary's list... everyone who hated him...

Is a woman.

Except Wu Fong.

But you know the real crazy thing here is, Charlie?

- Wu Fong's a woman? - No.

Well, if he is, he's the ugliest woman you and I have ever seen.

Now, the crazy thing here is, Charlie...

I've dated one of these women on this list.

Ladies, I want to thank you very much for cooperating.

It's a big help to us.

Now, will Miss Laura Rhodes step in, please?

Laura, you look great.

Thank you.

It's great to see you.

How have you been?

Fine.

Yes, fine.

Now, what's this business about you having

to go to a job interview?

Yes, I have to be there now.

OK.

Uh, OK.

Why don't you go now?

We'll talk later.

Well, I thought we'd...

Get a bite later tonight.

A bite?

Yeah.

And talk about Harold.

Oh, Harold.

Oh, absolutely.

Good idea.

You know I can't believe you actually

worked for Harold Schwan.

Oh, well... a girl has to make a living.

But then I realized if that was living, I'd rather be dead.

So you quit?

Uh-huh.

- So... call me after five. - After five.

- Same number. - Same number.

Yeah.

Good.

Miss Rhodes, I want to thank you very much.

Well.

I wonder what that was all about?

Oh, Hunter says that he knows one of these gals from way

back when.

Oh, really?

Uh, well... yes.

Norma Lee?

Although I don't know for sure.

I try not to get involved with my officers' personal affairs.

Interesting choice of words.

You did what?

You... you know.

Your ex-wife, your ex-secretary, and your ex-you know what...

They told me not to bother to tell you they were here.

Forget about them.

Forget about them!

You let them free in my office?

Well... no.

Just Laura.

Laura?

Yeah.

She thought you were hiding in your office.

My office?

Did she get in my desk?

Well, how should I know?

Of course.

You still look fabulous.

What is your secret?

Good foundation cream.

And you still make me laugh.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's good to see you haven't changed very much.

Oh, I don't know.

Some of the things we used to do I've stopped doing.

Oh, no.

That's too bad.

Let me ask you a question... did you,

uh, know any or were you friendly with any of the women

that were there today?

No.

Why?

Oh, I'm just curious.

Rick, I think I know who robbed the stores.

Really, who?

Harold Schwan.

Now, why would you say that?

One, he lives way above his means.

He spends money faster than he makes it.

God knows where it comes from.

Mm-hm.

Two, he would rob the pencils from a blind man

if he were sure the guy wasn't faking it which,

is what Schwanny would do.

And three, the insurance covers the loss to the business.

Well, that's not exactly hard evidence now, is it?

OK.

How about this?

The other night... the night of the robbery...

I called him and he was nowhere to be found.

Why'd you call him?

Why?

Yeah.

I just called him because I wanted to know if I left

my sunglasses at the office.

Oh, the sunglasses.

Yeah.

Oh, well, looks like I better check in to Harold Schwan,

then, shouldn't I?

Right.

You should.

Would you care for some dessert?

Dessert?

Sweet.

Satisfying.

I could use something like that.

And... you, sir?

Oh, I think we're going to have the check.

Hi, Linda.

Let me guess... a broken skylight, more than one

perp, no fingerprints, right?

Yeah, plus one added attraction.

Oh, yeah.

Photographer's already been here.

I think the ME wagon's on its way.

Since you've been on this case,

Hunter, we've gone from penny-ante

burglary to homicide. What's gone on?

I can appreciate your concern, commander,

but I'm on top of it. I have a lead.

I've identified the dead body as one Francis Digby.

Now, he was a one-time CPA...

Served time in Folsom for embezzlement.

Embezzlement?

Also has known direct ties to the mob.

Ties to the mob.

What's a man like that doing in Harold's store?

Well, I think it's safe to say he wasn't there to rob

the safe.

Well, what's that supposed to mean?

Well, look... what it means is I got to talk

to Harold one more time.

Harold... do you think Harold has something

to do with these burglaries?

You think he's involved with embezzlement and the mob?

Look, I don't know about that.

Well, what do you know about?

Well, look... I think Laura Rhodes is involved in this.

Who is Laura Rhodes?

Well, Laura Rhodes is a one-time

employee of Harold's, and I think that is a lead there.

- Well, let's get on it. - Go!

Go!

Yeah.

- Hi. - Oh, yeah.

Hi.

Where were you last night?

Oh, I was out getting a bite.

Well, I'm... actually, I was working.

You know the robbery is now a homicide.

Mm-hm. I called.

I kept getting your machine.

Oh, yeah. I got it.

I got in late.

Oh.

You got home.

Well, that's something.

Uh... how are the rating reports doing?

You dated that woman?

Hunter? - Oh, no.

No, look... wait.

It was such a long, long time ago, really.

You like that look?

What look?

That look.

That... tall... that...

Statuesque.

That cheap...

Cheap.

Statuesque.

Statuesque... excuse me.

You know, that reminds me...

The Venus de Milo was very statuesque.

The only difference is she can't type.

Were you really?

Hey, wait a minute.

Wait a sec... wait a minute.

Wait a second.

I want to talk to you.

Oh my gosh, Schwanny.

You look awful.

I'd invite you in, but I just had the place fumigated.

Very funny. Very funny.

I know what you've been doing.

We've been having a great time since we're rid of you,

that's what we've been doing.

You've been ripping off my stores.

You bagged over $200,000.

Whatever are you talking about?

Last night, they sent a man to see me.

He wanted to kill me, but it didn't work out.

He's dead now.

Oh, my god.

I murdered a man.

I'm capable of doing anything.

I want my money.

Some people get sexy when they're angry.

But not you, Harold.

Hey, we're not playing games here.

I'm warning you...

If you don't go away, I'll call the police

and tell them about your killer connection.

You asked for it.

Your days are numbered.

Oh, my god.

Police is here.

We gotta turn ourselves in.

Come on.

Come on.

Get in the car.

Who is it?

Damn you, Harold.

I've had roaches that were easier to get rid of.

I want you out of my life!

You're coming with me.

Harold, what are you doing?

What is that, a water gun?

I got it for you, Mr. Monks.

I found the money.

You killed Digby.

It was an accident.

I bumped into him and the gun went off.

And besides... if I hadn't killed him, he would've killed me.

Mr. Monks... let me finish Digby's job.

Naw.

Right now, I need the money more than I need Digby.

What are we doing here?

Who are these people?

Hey... who are you?

She and the other girls took the money.

Is that so?

Of course it's so.

I wouldn't be here if it wasn't.

Give it up, sweet cheeks.

Come on.

You don't believe Schwanny, do you?

To start with... break her arms.

Wait!

I don't have the money.

Start with the right one.

If I had the money, I would give it to you.

I like my arms on.

Laura?

Laura!

Harold Schwan is laundering money?

Yeah, over $200,000 distributed

to different banks on different days.

Well, it's a cash business... retail store.

It's the perfect setup for laundering money.

Yeah.

Commander Clayton isn't going like this.

Nope.

I guess you'll have to tell him.

Oh, me tell him? You tell him.

- Me? - Yeah.

Me tell Commander Clayton that his

brother-in-law is a criminal? Get serious.

Wait a minute.

No, no, no, no... this is your case... your evidence.

You tell him. - Wait.

Be reasonable.

Harold Schwan might be the "King of Clean,"

but I am the captain of metro, and you are a sergeant.

That's right, and as a sergeant,

I will complete my detail as assigned.

However, I got to find Laura and that money, Captain.

I think she could be in the middle of this.

As a matter of fact, her life may be in danger.

All right.

You go find Laura, but you're still

going to have to tell Clayton.

Hello?

Who is this?

Who is this?

Never mind who this is.

Say hello to your girlfriend.

I'm OK.

I'm OK.

They're just trying to scare me.

Scare her to death.

Oh, god.

They have Laura.

Who has Laura?

Who are you?

Never mind.

Just get the money...

All of it.

And bring it 8 o'clock tonight to Valleyheart and Stern.

My man will meet you there.

Your man?

Who's your man?

Don't worry about that.

He'll find you.

And if... what's your name, sweet cheeks?

It's Laura.

If you don't show up, Laura's dead.

Wait!

Move that thing or I call the police!

I am the police.

It's him. It's him.

He is the police, remember?

That's right, now listen...

We're in a hurry, Sergeant.

If you have any more questions, we'd

be glad to answer them at another time.

Settle down, now.

I think Laura's life may be in danger.

Have you seen her?

I'm looking for her.

Uh...

What's in that bag?

Yeah... that one.

Can I take a look?

It's... yeah.

It... it... it's OK.

It's all right.

Oh.

Uh... we didn't do the homicide part.

Schwanny did it.

Look, where is Laura?

Some creep said he's going to kill her if we

don't give him this money.

We have to be at Valleyheart and Stern in 20 minutes

to give some guy this money so they'll let Laura live.

You'll make it.

Hold it right there.

LAPD!

Get your hands up.

A little bit more.

Now, very slowly, walk over here.

Now, where's the girl?

I don't know what you're talking about.

Don't be stupid.

Where is she?

I don't know what you're talking about.

You don't know, huh?

Nope.

Stick your head in here from a minute, will ya?

Hey.

What?

Where is she?

Where is she?

Star... Wholesale Meats...

On Jefferson.

Charlie, I wasn't expecting backup.

521's going to back us up.

I'm with you.

What, did you talk to Commander Clayton?

Yeah, that's why I'm here.

Oh, good.

I'm sorry, Laura.

Beg your pardon?

You are?

I'm sorry you're in this mess.

But after all, I've been in a mess all my life, wasn't I?

You really mean that, Schwanny?

I never thought you noticed.

I just want to get out of this alive

so I can apologize to all the people I hurt.

And that includes you, Mr. Monks.

If you can feel it in your platinum heart...

Look, Schwan...

I get my money, it'll be quick.

I don't get my money...

You're going to have a long, painful time to regret it...

Before you die.

I'll have you know that my brother-in-law

is a commander in the LAPD.

They'll never find your body.

I guess being in this business it's easy to get rid

of body parts.

Police!

Hold it right there!

Hold it right there!

Police!

Harold Schwan, right?

Oh... you recognize me from TV, huh?

Yeah.

Oh, thanks for what you're doing.

Hey, would you like an autographed picture of me?

Tell you what, Harold.

You can give me two poses...

One like this... one like this.

Funny guy.

Oh, Clayton... could you do me a favor?

Sure, Harold. What is it?

Listen, when Louise comes on visiting days...

If she could bring the camera, we

still could do the commercials.

Huh?

What do you think, Hunter?

Will I still look this good when I get out?

Honey, if you use a good foundation cream,

you'll be just fine.

I'm proud of my metro officers.

Thanks, Commander.

Unfortunately, this thing affected me, personally.

Oh, good job on those rating reports.

Well, thank you, Commander.

However, it wasn't necessary to rate Sergeant Hunter.

Oh, well, I like to do a complete job.

Mm.

Complete, to say the least.

Was that... was that part true about...

I'm sure it was.

Really?

We'll have to get together and talk about that.

Excuse me, what part was that?

Yeah, we'll have to get together for a bite.

I guess I really did it this time.

You think I did it this time?

Nah.

Oy.