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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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# Terrible Tudors, GorgeousGeorgians
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# Slimy Stuarts, Vile Victorians,
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00:00:05,442 --> 00:00:07,844
# Woeful Wars, Ferocious Fights, Dingy
Castles, Daring Knights
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#Horrors that defy description Cut-
throat Celts, Awful Egyptians,
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# Vicious Vikings, Cruel Crimes all
these from ancient times
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# Romans, rotten rank and ruthless
Cavemen, savage fierce and toothless
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# Groovy Greeks, Brainy Sages,
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# The Measly Middle Ages
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# Gory stories we do that
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# And your host a talking rat
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# The past is no longer a mystery
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# Welcome to....
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# Horrible Histories! #
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When people died in Roman times,
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we had some really funny ideas about
how to give them a good sendoff.
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And above all Messiunas was a wise and
a noble man
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who only ever beat his slaves when it
was absolutely necessary.
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He will be sorely missed by us all.
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But now...for the fight!
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CHEERING
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Yea! Fight! Fight! Fight!
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Go on...fight, fight!
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What on earth's going on?
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Oh, it's a fight!But why?
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Oh, it's the latest Roman thing. You
get your two favourite slaves
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to fight to the death in front of your
graveside.
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Whatever for?It's very noble. The
loser's like a sort of sacrifice
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to the dead man, you know, keep his
soul company?
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The best thing is, it's really good
fun to watch.
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So this is catching on, then?
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Oh, yeah, friend of mine died last
month, had three fights,
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that means three more funerals and
three fights at each one
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that makes nine funerals! It's been
wall-to-wall
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funerals for weeks now. Brilliant!
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Which one was that?
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Um... Marcus.
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We are gathered here today to mark the
passing of Marcus.
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He was a good slave. I can't believe
all this.
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Oh, this is nothing. My uncle,
Centillus,
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had it written into his will that he
wanted a fight to the death
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between two beautiful women.
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Seriously?Yeah.
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His funeral's in ten minutes.
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It's disgust....can I come?Yeah.
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You've got to pretend to be sad until
the fight starts.No problem.
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It's horrible, but it's true!
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Romans loved watching slaves fighting
at funerals.
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In fact, they loved it so much that
someone had the bright idea
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of putting the slaves in stadiums and
calling them gladiators.
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Rat-a-tat-a-ta!
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Gladiators were trained in gladiator
schools, not like your schools,
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but, do you know, it would be funny if
they were.
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Teacher's coming!
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Hail Rome, class! Very good to see you
all working hard,
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but I'm afraid we must push on.
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All right! Someone tell me where we
got to yesterday.
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Sir!Yes, Abacus?
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Maths, Sir, We were counting
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how many criminals heads we could chop
off in one contest.
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Oh, yes, maths. So, if we're to
take...
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Sir! Sir!What is it, Overzealous?
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when do we get to fight in the
Colosseum, Sir?
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Colosseum? The Colosseum is for elite
gladiators, like me,
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masters of the gladitorial arts.
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Which of you will become raging
retiarius, eh?
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With your trident and your net.
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Or a vile venator doing battle with
wild animals.
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You, Overzealous, are not ready for
the Colosseum.
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What did you get in your last Fighting
Wild Animals exam?
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Got a "Bee".
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You got a "Bee".
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Smallest and easiest to fight of all
the animals. But what would you do
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if you were up against a lion in the
arena?
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Speak up, boy!
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Don't know, Sir.
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"Don't know, Sir!"
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Na-na-na-na!
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Exactly!
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Now, where were we?
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Maths, Sir.
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Maths! Good. So, if I was to cut off
four men's heads
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and add them to the ten slaves arms I
cut off the day before
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what would we have?
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Yes?A great afternoon of entertainment
for the people.
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Correct answer. Well done!
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BELL RINGS
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Oh, OK, everyone pack up violently.
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And before you go, before you go, make
sure you hand in your homework.
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GRUMBLING
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All right, all right, thank you! Very
good, very nice work. A+.
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In the First World War
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lots of us soldiers had to fight in
horrible trenches.
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And most of the trenches were full of
lice. Ow!
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Mmm! What's cooking, Soldier? Smells
Good!
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Fried lice, Sir.
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Fried rice? Delicious!
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No, no, fried LICE.
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Billy's been living in his trench for
months without washing,
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he's covered in lice.
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Ooh, aah, it itches!
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Oh, I see.
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So we're frying them...
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..for fun! Ha-ha!
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That's disgusting!
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You think that's disgusting...
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Crumbs! They're different colours!
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Yeah! I picked up the pale ones from
our trench, and the red ones
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from the German trench.
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It's like they're waging war all over
my body, Sir!
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BATTLE CRIES AND GUNFIRE
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It's not looking good, Commandant!
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The British lice have taken
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control of the head and are advancing
South.
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We can't hold onto ze nipples much
longer!
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We must have reinforcements!
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Come on, egg, hatch big! Hatch!
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They are over-running us!
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Take cover in this shell-hole!
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Gerry? We have you surrounded!
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Come out with all your hands up!
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OK! We surrender!
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Gentlemen, this body is ours!
Huzzah!Hooray!Wizard!
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But you German lice can still have
some of it.Oh, ya?
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Yes, you can keep the bottom!
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Ha-ha-ha!
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Life really was horrible in the
trenches...
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for the Germans as well!
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Grub's up! It's Ready Steady Feast!
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Joining us today is a German soldier
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who comes directly from the trenches
of the First World War.
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Please welcome... Paul Bomber!
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APPLAUSE
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Ta...No!
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Thanks for coming, Paul. I see you've
brought
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a bag of food with you.
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Well, yes und no. Zis is ersatz food,
or fake food.
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00:07:32,468 --> 00:07:35,070
It's what we have to eat in the
trenches
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now we have run out of real food.
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00:07:37,191 --> 00:07:39,713
OK. Why don't you show us what you've
got?
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For sure. So, my first ingredient is
ersatz pepper.Pepper?
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No, ersatz pepper. We ran out of real
pepper.
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This is just ashes from ze fire. But
we are glad of it!
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It takes away ze taste of ze bread.
What's wrong with the bread?
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It is made of beans and sawdust.
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00:08:00,289 --> 00:08:02,411
Yuk!
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00:08:02,451 --> 00:08:07,615
And this is ersatz coffee. This we
make by mixing
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00:08:07,655 --> 00:08:10,777
ze nuts with coal tar and sugar.
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00:08:10,817 --> 00:08:12,498
Hm! That sounds terrible!
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00:08:12,538 --> 00:08:16,982
Well, it is not so bad, actually. Then
we ran out of nuts and sugar,
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00:08:17,022 --> 00:08:21,505
so we had to mix coal tar with
turnips.That is horrible!
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00:08:21,545 --> 00:08:26,270
Well, you think that's horrible, you
should try ersatz meat.
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00:08:26,310 --> 00:08:30,031
Zis we make from spinach, potatoes,
und ersatz eggs.
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Ersatz eggs?
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Potatoes.
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So basically it's potatoes with
potatoes!
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That doesn't sound that bad.Oh, no?
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Well, we fry it up using the fat made
from boiled-down rats.
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Disgusting!
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Well maybe I'll have more luck withmy
other guest
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from the First World War. Please
welcome Mick Wall!
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APPLAUSE
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He was a milkman in 1917London. Mick,
what have you got for us?
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I've just brought in some milk,
watered down to make it go further.
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Er, it's illegal, but I thought it was
a good idea,
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what with all the shortages.
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00:09:02,817 --> 00:09:04,459
Nothing wrong with that.
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00:09:04,499 --> 00:09:06,300
Ask him where he found ze water?
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00:09:06,340 --> 00:09:08,222
Where did you get the water from?
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00:09:08,262 --> 00:09:10,303
Oh, I'd rather not say, really.
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00:09:10,343 --> 00:09:13,025
But if you do find any brown bits
floating in there,
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just fish them out. Oh, look!
Sausages!
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RETCHING
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VOMITING
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Mmm, might make it taste nicer!
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Ya, for sure!
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Grub is up!Oh, shut up!
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00:09:29,037 --> 00:09:34,362
Honestly, that's all true. 100% accu-
rat-e! Ha!
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Even the bit about making cooking fat
from boiling down rats...
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00:09:38,646 --> 00:09:42,088
Do you know what? I think I'm going to
get out of here!
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00:09:47,331 --> 00:09:51,655
Pirates terrorised the world's seas
for hundreds of years.
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They were a frightening bunch,
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00:09:53,416 --> 00:09:55,938
but there was one thing that
frightened them...
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being sent The Black Spot!
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00:10:06,627 --> 00:10:10,430
Shiver me timbers! Daggers! Daggers
McCaw!
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00:10:10,470 --> 00:10:13,672
Is that you, you salty sea dog?
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00:10:13,712 --> 00:10:17,236
No! You must be mistaking me for
somebody else.
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00:10:17,276 --> 00:10:20,357
No, I'm not. Why are you wearing a
false beard?
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00:10:20,397 --> 00:10:21,878
Shhh!
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00:10:23,680 --> 00:10:27,643
I'm in disguise. Me life is in danger.
190
00:10:27,682 --> 00:10:29,805
I tried to stage a mutiny on ship,
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00:10:29,845 --> 00:10:32,086
and now Captain Grey's baying for me
blood.
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00:10:32,126 --> 00:10:33,728
But he is a fellow pirate,
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00:10:33,768 --> 00:10:36,890
he wouldn't just kill you, he'd have
to warn you first.
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00:10:36,930 --> 00:10:39,853
By sending you...A LITTLE NOTE!
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00:10:41,453 --> 00:10:43,415
No, I think you mean by sending me...
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00:10:43,455 --> 00:10:46,377
THE BLACK SPOT!
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00:10:46,417 --> 00:10:49,260
Yes, pirate shorthand for...
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00:10:49,300 --> 00:10:51,102
"We're going to kill ya!
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00:10:51,142 --> 00:10:53,783
"If you stick around, you'll be
killed,
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00:10:53,823 --> 00:10:57,146
"if you try and run, you'll be
killed!"
201
00:10:57,186 --> 00:10:59,987
Thank you, that's making me feel so
much better.
202
00:11:00,027 --> 00:11:01,269
But it's fine, isn't it?
203
00:11:01,308 --> 00:11:04,312
Because you haven't actually received
The Black Spot.
204
00:11:04,352 --> 00:11:07,875
Not yet, but now I'm out in the open
it could happen any moment...
205
00:11:07,915 --> 00:11:10,196
Argh! The Black Spot!
206
00:11:10,236 --> 00:11:13,559
No! No, no, no! I was writing my
shopping list earlier
207
00:11:13,599 --> 00:11:16,081
and my quill pen broke, and I spilt
some ink.
208
00:11:16,121 --> 00:11:18,603
It's not The Black Spot! Ha-ha!
209
00:11:18,643 --> 00:11:21,524
Right! Oh, my goodness, that's a
relief!
210
00:11:21,564 --> 00:11:23,245
For a moment I did think...
211
00:11:23,285 --> 00:11:25,768
The Black Spot! That's a black spot!
212
00:11:25,808 --> 00:11:29,370
No! No, no, no! I was having squid in
ink for me dinner,
213
00:11:29,410 --> 00:11:31,732
and a bit must have splashed on my
sleeve.
214
00:11:31,772 --> 00:11:37,177
Right! Because for a moment I thought
that was actually...
215
00:11:37,217 --> 00:11:39,098
The Black Spot! The Black Spot!
216
00:11:39,138 --> 00:11:42,781
That's warty Wendy, she was born like
that.
217
00:11:42,821 --> 00:11:44,422
She's got another one...
218
00:11:44,462 --> 00:11:47,144
It's a black spot! It's a black spot!
219
00:11:47,185 --> 00:11:49,626
It's a black spot! It's a black spot!
220
00:11:49,666 --> 00:11:51,947
It's a black spot! It's a black spot!
221
00:11:51,987 --> 00:11:53,110
It's a black spot!
222
00:11:53,150 --> 00:11:54,630
This could take some time...
223
00:11:54,670 --> 00:11:58,553
It's a black spot!Daggers! It's a
black spot!Calm down.
224
00:11:58,593 --> 00:12:02,436
Look, you're not going to get killed
unless you receive a note
225
00:12:02,476 --> 00:12:06,840
with The Black Spot on it. And I think
if that was going to happen,
226
00:12:06,880 --> 00:12:10,963
it would have happened by now. Yeah, I
suppose you're right.
227
00:12:11,003 --> 00:12:14,526
Thanks for setting me straight, mate.
Anyway, best be off.
228
00:12:16,608 --> 00:12:19,409
Night, Daggers!Night.
229
00:12:19,449 --> 00:12:21,892
Well, what he doesn't know can't hurt
him!
230
00:12:21,932 --> 00:12:23,653
DOOR SLAMS
231
00:12:23,693 --> 00:12:25,895
GUNFIRE
232
00:12:25,935 --> 00:12:28,896
Oh, I stand corrected!
233
00:12:44,108 --> 00:12:45,989
The answer is...
234
00:12:46,029 --> 00:12:48,031
B. The pirate cut off his ears
235
00:12:48,071 --> 00:12:52,394
and made him eat them sprinkled with
salt.
236
00:12:52,434 --> 00:12:55,997
And some pirate behaviour was even
more surprising than that.
237
00:12:59,881 --> 00:13:04,044
All right, all right! Listen up, you
scurvy scum!
238
00:13:04,084 --> 00:13:10,088
It's been many moons since I've had
fresh blood aboard my ship.
239
00:13:10,128 --> 00:13:14,251
Now you all know me by reputation.
240
00:13:14,291 --> 00:13:21,096
Black Bart, the most bloodthirsty
pirate ever to sail the seven seas.
241
00:13:21,136 --> 00:13:27,942
But I don't know any of you, see, so
to avoid any misunderstandings
242
00:13:27,982 --> 00:13:33,026
I'm gonna tell you how I runs things
on my boat.
243
00:13:33,066 --> 00:13:35,348
LAUGHTER
244
00:13:35,388 --> 00:13:36,789
Bones! The rule book.
245
00:13:38,991 --> 00:13:40,993
RULE ONE! Fighting...
246
00:13:41,033 --> 00:13:42,993
Ah-ha!A-ha!
247
00:13:43,033 --> 00:13:47,077
No fighting! It's anti-social,
248
00:13:47,117 --> 00:13:50,360
and it's a good way to lose an eye,
isn't it, Mulligan? Hmm?
249
00:13:50,400 --> 00:13:52,882
So they'll be none of that. If you
have a quarrel
250
00:13:52,921 --> 00:13:57,445
you settle it on shore like gentlemen.
Is that clear?
251
00:13:57,485 --> 00:14:00,887
RULE TWO! Games!
252
00:14:00,928 --> 00:14:03,089
Ha-ha!Ha-ha!
253
00:14:03,129 --> 00:14:07,453
They'll be no games. I don't want to
see any gambling on my ship.
254
00:14:07,493 --> 00:14:10,735
Save your money for a rainy day,
people.
255
00:14:10,775 --> 00:14:13,578
After all, if you look after your
pieces of eight,
256
00:14:13,618 --> 00:14:18,181
your doubloons will look after
themselves, won't they, gents? OK.
257
00:14:18,221 --> 00:14:22,144
RULE THREE! We settle everything
democratically.
258
00:14:22,184 --> 00:14:27,308
We take a little vote, and if you
don't want to do it, we won't do it!
259
00:14:27,348 --> 00:14:31,111
No-one's going to force you. As for
treasure, we divide that up equally.
260
00:14:31,151 --> 00:14:34,835
No squabbling about treasure, boys,
come, come.
261
00:14:34,875 --> 00:14:39,437
RULE FOUR! Bedtime is 8 o' clock
sharp.
262
00:14:39,477 --> 00:14:41,999
Busy day pirate-ing the next day,
263
00:14:42,039 --> 00:14:46,604
and I don't want to see any of you
lads over-tired. All right?
264
00:14:46,644 --> 00:14:47,924
What?
265
00:14:47,964 --> 00:14:50,806
What if we breaks any of those them
rules?
266
00:14:50,846 --> 00:14:54,609
Do we get sent to bed early with a
smacked botty? Ha-ha!
267
00:14:54,649 --> 00:15:00,174
No! We maroons you on a desert island.
268
00:15:00,214 --> 00:15:07,138
We leaves you there with no water to
drink, no fruit to eat,
269
00:15:07,178 --> 00:15:12,302
no animals to kill, no trees for
shade.
270
00:15:12,342 --> 00:15:15,385
We leaves you with a bottle of rum and
a loaded pistol.
271
00:15:15,425 --> 00:15:17,547
Now the choice is yours.
272
00:15:17,587 --> 00:15:20,830
You can starve to death, slowly,
273
00:15:20,870 --> 00:15:26,554
or you can end it all, swiftly...
BANG!
274
00:15:26,594 --> 00:15:31,518
Well, that's more like it! Ha-ha!
275
00:15:31,558 --> 00:15:34,239
Wonderful! I'm glad you're all having
so much fun.
276
00:15:34,279 --> 00:15:39,724
This is great, but it is five to
eight, guys, so beddy-byes!
277
00:15:43,127 --> 00:15:49,652
Ah, 'tis all true! Ah-ha! 'Tis 100%
accu-rat-e! Ha-ha-ha!
278
00:15:49,692 --> 00:15:52,934
Many pirate rules weren't as tough as
you'd expect,
279
00:15:52,974 --> 00:15:56,817
oh, no, in many ways they were just
great big cissies! Though, actually,
280
00:15:56,857 --> 00:16:00,060
I wouldn't recommend saying that to a
pirate's face! Ha-ha!
281
00:16:04,262 --> 00:16:09,827
Guess what we used for tools in the
Stone Age, eh? Give up?
282
00:16:09,867 --> 00:16:13,190
Stones! It was the Stone Age,
283
00:16:13,230 --> 00:16:16,353
and it's amazing what you can do with
a stone.
284
00:16:17,394 --> 00:16:20,956
New from Stone Age tools comes a brand
new set of Stone Age tools.
285
00:16:20,995 --> 00:16:23,358
Yes, it's the all-purpose Stone Age
tool set
286
00:16:23,398 --> 00:16:26,600
for all those Stone Age tasks that
need doing around the cave.
287
00:16:26,640 --> 00:16:28,322
Including...sharp stone,
288
00:16:28,362 --> 00:16:30,844
useful for cutting, and...
289
00:16:30,884 --> 00:16:34,967
sharp stone, good for slicing. Plus...
290
00:16:35,007 --> 00:16:38,169
sharp stone, for chopping.
291
00:16:39,411 --> 00:16:40,531
And now...
292
00:16:40,571 --> 00:16:42,332
introducing blunt stone,
293
00:16:42,372 --> 00:16:44,495
great for hammering!
294
00:16:44,534 --> 00:16:49,738
And that's not all, because order
today and get this sharp stone...
295
00:16:49,778 --> 00:16:52,180
absolutely free! Be the sharpest
296
00:16:52,220 --> 00:16:55,583
tool in the box, buy the all-purpose
Stone Age tool set, today!
297
00:16:55,623 --> 00:16:58,825
Warning! Sharp stone is sharp and can
cause injury.
298
00:16:58,865 --> 00:17:00,627
Aargh!
299
00:17:00,667 --> 00:17:04,109
Sharp stones and...blunt stones!
300
00:17:06,832 --> 00:17:08,232
Yeah!
301
00:17:08,272 --> 00:17:11,996
Sharp stones, and blunt stones, were
all the tools humans had
302
00:17:12,036 --> 00:17:16,279
for two million years, until some
clever-clogs discovered metal in...
303
00:17:16,319 --> 00:17:19,921
wait for it...yes, the Bronze Age! Ha-
ha-ha!
304
00:17:19,961 --> 00:17:22,683
Imagine coming third before the Bronze
Age, eh?
305
00:17:22,723 --> 00:17:25,406
All you'd have got is a stone medal!
Ha-ha-ha!
306
00:17:40,057 --> 00:17:42,499
The answer is...
307
00:17:44,500 --> 00:17:47,783
We find out much of what we know about
Stone Age man
308
00:17:47,823 --> 00:17:50,344
from what has been found in Stone Age
graves.
309
00:17:50,384 --> 00:17:53,587
Here's what we think Stone Age burials
were like.
310
00:17:54,228 --> 00:17:58,192
'You join us on this, the saddest of
days.
311
00:17:58,232 --> 00:18:01,353
'The great chief of our Stone Age
tribe is dead.
312
00:18:01,393 --> 00:18:04,116
'And so with all due reverential pomp
and ceremony,
313
00:18:04,156 --> 00:18:06,277
'his body is laid to rest...
314
00:18:06,317 --> 00:18:07,999
'in a ditch.
315
00:18:08,039 --> 00:18:12,321
'His adoring wife, there, clearly
upset by the tragic occasion,
316
00:18:12,361 --> 00:18:16,085
'as well she might be. She is going to
be buried with him.'
317
00:18:16,125 --> 00:18:17,926
SCREAMING
318
00:18:17,966 --> 00:18:22,329
'And now the chief's loving son comes
to pay his respects
319
00:18:22,369 --> 00:18:24,491
'to his late, deceased father.'
320
00:18:24,531 --> 00:18:28,854
Ugh! Like to say, few words...
321
00:18:28,894 --> 00:18:33,058
Ugh only know few words. Father!
322
00:18:33,098 --> 00:18:38,623
You dead! Me now big chief! Ha-ha-ha!
323
00:18:38,663 --> 00:18:43,346
As is traditional on such occasions,
the mourners throw in some objects
324
00:18:43,386 --> 00:18:46,508
that the chief might need in the
afterlife.
325
00:18:46,588 --> 00:18:49,911
His bow and arrows, a necklace of
seashells
326
00:18:49,951 --> 00:18:55,075
and a little extra something to really
confuse the archaeologists
327
00:18:55,115 --> 00:18:59,198
who dig him up in years to come. And
finally we go to the memorial
328
00:18:59,238 --> 00:19:02,680
that commemorates the tragic way the
chief lost his life.
329
00:19:02,720 --> 00:19:05,923
Me push mammoth off cliff! Whee!
330
00:19:05,963 --> 00:19:11,167
Splat! Chief splattered! Ha-ha-ha!
331
00:19:11,207 --> 00:19:15,732
An extra arm really has been found in
a Stone Age burial pit.
332
00:19:15,772 --> 00:19:20,494
So have loads of other weird things
like extra teeth, seashells,
333
00:19:20,534 --> 00:19:24,898
and even a dead cat! Mind you, that's
how I like my cats, dead!
334
00:19:33,265 --> 00:19:35,026
Fight your way through history!
335
00:19:36,827 --> 00:19:41,510
You are a Viking, the most terrifying
warrior the world has ever known.
336
00:19:41,550 --> 00:19:43,913
It's time for you to invade Britain!
337
00:19:47,235 --> 00:19:48,797
'Head-chopping axe,
338
00:19:48,837 --> 00:19:50,358
'skull-crushing hammer,
339
00:19:50,398 --> 00:19:52,359
'gut-slashing sword.
340
00:19:52,399 --> 00:19:54,040
'Selection complete.'
341
00:19:54,080 --> 00:19:58,564
Choose the mightiest British warrior
to fight, or just go to Britain
342
00:19:58,604 --> 00:20:01,047
and butcher some defenceless monks!
343
00:20:01,087 --> 00:20:02,848
'British monk selected.'
344
00:20:02,888 --> 00:20:07,051
Re-create the battles of the brave
Viking warriors.
345
00:20:12,055 --> 00:20:13,736
'Selection complete'.
346
00:20:16,458 --> 00:20:19,781
How many unarmed British monks can you
slaughter?
347
00:20:21,781 --> 00:20:23,503
How much treasure can you steal?
348
00:20:24,785 --> 00:20:27,466
How many British monasteries can you
destroy?
349
00:20:28,988 --> 00:20:30,709
'Select new British monastery.'
350
00:20:30,749 --> 00:20:33,031
But it's not all just kill, kill,
kill!
351
00:20:33,071 --> 00:20:34,913
You take monks as slaves, too.
352
00:20:38,995 --> 00:20:40,677
Warrior!
353
00:20:53,207 --> 00:20:55,768
Being a Viking wasn't all fight,
fight, fight.
354
00:20:55,808 --> 00:20:59,451
We liked to look good, too. And what
you are about to see
355
00:20:59,491 --> 00:21:03,335
are all genuine Viking beauty
treatments.
356
00:21:03,375 --> 00:21:08,058
Historical hairdressers! "Hair", there
and everywhere! He-he!
357
00:21:10,579 --> 00:21:12,621
Oh! What is it with you Vikings
358
00:21:12,661 --> 00:21:15,944
that you're always coming in on a
Saturday?It's tradition.
359
00:21:15,984 --> 00:21:18,826
You know Vikings like to do their
grooming on Saturdays
360
00:21:18,866 --> 00:21:20,948
Look, can I just have a hair wash?
361
00:21:20,988 --> 00:21:22,508
Does it look like I can?
362
00:21:22,548 --> 00:21:26,312
I mean, some of these Vikings made
their appointments weeks ago.
363
00:21:26,352 --> 00:21:27,592
OK, OK. Eyebrow tidy?
364
00:21:27,633 --> 00:21:31,516
No! Shelley's run off her feet
moustache-trimming as it is.
365
00:21:31,556 --> 00:21:35,199
Look, please! I've got a longship raid
for a fortnight from Wednesday,
366
00:21:35,239 --> 00:21:38,401
I just want to look my best. Look, you
know us Vikings
367
00:21:38,441 --> 00:21:40,603
take our grooming very seriously.
368
00:21:40,643 --> 00:21:43,806
Oh, all right, I've got a cancellation
Tuesday morning.
369
00:21:43,846 --> 00:21:46,969
I can fit you in for a hair wash, dye
and a plait then.
370
00:21:47,009 --> 00:21:49,409
I dunno, it's cutting it a bit fine,
Suzanne.
371
00:21:49,449 --> 00:21:52,772
I'll see if Shelley can book you
earwax removal at the same time.
372
00:21:52,812 --> 00:21:54,453
She's got a new Viking ear spoon.
373
00:21:54,493 --> 00:21:57,816
Shelley! Show him your new ear spoon.
374
00:21:57,856 --> 00:22:00,978
Oh, that is brilliant! Cheers,
Suzanne, I'll see you then.
375
00:22:01,018 --> 00:22:02,340
Aah!
376
00:22:02,380 --> 00:22:04,261
Eric, that's you done.
377
00:22:04,301 --> 00:22:06,823
Now, who's next for a hair wash?
378
00:22:06,863 --> 00:22:08,384
I am!
379
00:22:08,424 --> 00:22:11,427
Oh, I hate Saturdays!
380
00:22:13,949 --> 00:22:16,030
Vikings were incredibly clean.
381
00:22:16,070 --> 00:22:20,274
They really did like to wash and groom
themselves every Saturday.
382
00:22:20,314 --> 00:22:23,316
They had earwax spoons and everything.
Ha-ha-ha!
383
00:22:25,317 --> 00:22:27,039
I just stirred my tea with that!
384
00:22:31,401 --> 00:22:35,325
We didn't just have silly wigs in
Georgian times,
385
00:22:35,365 --> 00:22:38,288
we also had some silly tax laws.
386
00:22:39,289 --> 00:22:42,692
And now it's time for our fairy tale
series, where all the stories
387
00:22:42,732 --> 00:22:45,333
are re-told in different historical
settings.
388
00:22:45,373 --> 00:22:46,493
Today...
389
00:22:49,377 --> 00:22:54,980
And the wolf huffed and puffed and
blew the stick house down.
390
00:22:55,020 --> 00:22:57,182
So the little pigs ran as fast
391
00:22:57,222 --> 00:22:59,705
as their little trotters would carry
them,
392
00:22:59,744 --> 00:23:01,906
to their little piggy brother's house
393
00:23:01,946 --> 00:23:05,429
which was made of very strong brick.
394
00:23:05,469 --> 00:23:07,550
But this was Georgian times,
395
00:23:07,590 --> 00:23:12,714
and the little piggy in the brick
househad bricked up all his windows
396
00:23:12,754 --> 00:23:15,916
so he wouldn't have to pay the new
window tax,
397
00:23:15,956 --> 00:23:19,479
which meant he didn't see his little
piggy brothers.
398
00:23:19,520 --> 00:23:23,522
And they were both eaten up by the
big, bad wolf.
399
00:23:23,562 --> 00:23:25,764
The end.
400
00:23:25,804 --> 00:23:31,128
It's true. Many Georgian people
bricked up their windows like this
401
00:23:31,168 --> 00:23:34,852
to avoid the window tax. We Georgians
had silly taxes
402
00:23:34,892 --> 00:23:39,415
because we had stupid politicians and
we had stupid politicians
403
00:23:39,455 --> 00:23:41,697
because we had silly elections.
404
00:23:45,339 --> 00:23:49,662
Number one, turn up at the polling
station.
405
00:23:49,702 --> 00:23:51,745
Number two, go home if you're a woman.
406
00:23:54,186 --> 00:23:58,550
Number three, go home if you don't own
any property.
407
00:23:58,590 --> 00:24:00,191
I own property!
408
00:24:00,231 --> 00:24:04,434
Yes, but you're still a woman and
therefore feeble-minded. Go home!
409
00:24:06,115 --> 00:24:09,198
Number four, check that one of the
candidates
410
00:24:09,238 --> 00:24:12,641
is the lord of the manor's son. Are
you the lord of the manor's son?
411
00:24:12,681 --> 00:24:15,323
Daddy, am I the Lord... Yes, you are.
412
00:24:15,363 --> 00:24:16,363
Yes, I am.
413
00:24:16,403 --> 00:24:19,686
Number five, vote for the lord of the
manor's son.
414
00:24:19,726 --> 00:24:21,367
But what if I don't want to?
415
00:24:21,407 --> 00:24:23,690
You have to, there are no other
candidates.
416
00:24:30,134 --> 00:24:33,697
Hang on, isn't voting supposed to be
secret?Certainly not,
417
00:24:33,737 --> 00:24:37,220
we have to make sure you voted for my
son.
418
00:24:37,260 --> 00:24:42,184
And finally, congratulate your new
member of parliament.
419
00:24:42,224 --> 00:24:43,745
Congratulations.
420
00:24:43,785 --> 00:24:47,388
Thank you. Now give me all your money,
I've just put the taxes up.
421
00:24:50,470 --> 00:24:53,272
Ha-ha! That's my boy!
422
00:24:56,834 --> 00:25:01,798
Georgian elections really were very
corrupt and members of parliament
423
00:25:01,838 --> 00:25:05,762
weren't paid, so only rich men could
afford to become one.
424
00:25:05,802 --> 00:25:08,243
And who would they stick up for in
parliament?
425
00:25:08,283 --> 00:25:14,209
Well, their rich friends, of course.
That stinks! And not in a good way.
426
00:25:16,610 --> 00:25:19,132
Please welcome to Horrible Histories
427
00:25:19,172 --> 00:25:22,974
the four King Georges of the Georgian
era with Born 2 Rule.
428
00:25:26,337 --> 00:25:31,102
# I took the throne of England just
cos I was protestant
429
00:25:31,142 --> 00:25:35,825
# A German, a prince whose English
stank, King George number one
430
00:25:35,865 --> 00:25:41,428
# I like to argue, now that's clear,
especially with my father, here
431
00:25:41,468 --> 00:25:45,993
# And when he died of diarrhoea I
fought with my son
432
00:25:46,033 --> 00:25:51,636
# I broke records with my 60 year
reign
433
00:25:51,676 --> 00:25:56,800
# And I broke the scales with my giant
frame, ha
434
00:25:56,841 --> 00:26:01,365
TOGETHER: # Born to rule over you
435
00:26:01,405 --> 00:26:03,886
# King George Four...
436
00:26:03,926 --> 00:26:05,207
# Three,One,
437
00:26:05,248 --> 00:26:06,648
# AndTwo,
438
00:26:06,688 --> 00:26:11,572
TOGETHER: # You had to do what we told
you to
439
00:26:11,612 --> 00:26:16,417
# Just because our blood was blue
440
00:26:20,539 --> 00:26:23,062
# I was a hunk, girls adored me
441
00:26:23,102 --> 00:26:25,062
# Ladies all swooned before me
442
00:26:25,102 --> 00:26:31,308
# They would do anything for me or I'd
have their husbands killed
443
00:26:31,348 --> 00:26:33,350
# Had a war with Prince Charles,
Bonnie
444
00:26:33,390 --> 00:26:35,671
# Everyone said that I was f-f-funny
445
00:26:35,711 --> 00:26:37,872
# I spent everyone's money
446
00:26:37,912 --> 00:26:40,915
# Our subjects were not thrilled
447
00:26:40,955 --> 00:26:42,436
# I was the sad one
448
00:26:42,476 --> 00:26:45,198
# And I was the bad one
449
00:26:45,238 --> 00:26:47,239
# I was the mad one
450
00:26:47,279 --> 00:26:49,562
# And I was the fat one
451
00:26:49,602 --> 00:26:55,007
TOGETHER: # We were born to rule over
you
452
00:26:55,047 --> 00:26:57,688
# Georges one,
453
00:26:57,728 --> 00:27:00,210
# Three,fourand two
454
00:27:00,250 --> 00:27:04,933
TOGETHER: # England's kings, though we
were German, too
455
00:27:04,974 --> 00:27:06,174
# Him,
456
00:27:06,215 --> 00:27:07,496
# Then him,
457
00:27:07,536 --> 00:27:09,136
# Then me,
458
00:27:09,177 --> 00:27:10,858
TOGETHER: # Then you
459
00:27:10,898 --> 00:27:11,779
# We were born...
460
00:27:11,819 --> 00:27:14,581
TOGETHER: # To rule over you
461
00:27:14,621 --> 00:27:16,142
# Born to rule
462
00:27:16,182 --> 00:27:20,346
#Gorged on fruit then I died on the
loo
463
00:27:20,386 --> 00:27:23,388
# People hated us...
464
00:27:23,428 --> 00:27:25,510
TOGETHER: # And we hated them, too
465
00:27:25,550 --> 00:27:30,113
# Born to rule over you
466
00:27:30,153 --> 00:27:34,155
# Born to rule over you
467
00:27:34,195 --> 00:27:39,159
# Me, I was as batty as a bonkers
kangaroo
468
00:27:39,199 --> 00:27:44,884
# Me, I would have been more at home
in a zoo
469
00:27:44,924 --> 00:27:52,371
TOGETHER: # Now, now our song is
through, yeah
470
00:27:52,411 --> 00:27:56,854
# Georges! #
471
00:28:05,100 --> 00:28:08,103
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