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Citizens of Callingwood,

I have, uh,

Some very important announcements...

Now I'm going to be honest with you like I always am.

I'm not going to pull any punches.

I never do.

We are in a heck of a god-damn situation.

We've known for the last 6 weeks

that the source of contamination was our water.

But we don't know is just how all this happened.

And without that part, you know, it's damn hard

to know what we need to do here.

But I'll tell you what we do know.

16 people have died.

123 people are very sick.

And we've identified Cryptosporidium, E. coli, and one case,

believe me, of Cholera.

So, we are going to take the following extraordinary steps.

To protect the people of Callingwood.

As of 8 P.M. this evening,

I'm calling on the complete civilian evactuation of the town.

Now any clothes or shoes,

anything that is contaminated, you're going to put it in a garbage bag

and you're going to leave it outside your door.

Your front door.

Please. On your front porch if you have one.

And, the federal government will be arriving today with several agencies.

That means the H.I.C., the provincial Health Board, the Civilain Corp.

They can assist you in your departure.

You Jack?

What?

I'm Phil Prosser.

Mind if I have a word?

I'm Jack.

I'm Septic Man.

Mind lending me that again?

You an inspector Mr. Prosser?

No

I'm not an inspector.

Yeah well.

The town knows better than to bother me anyway.

I don't break bylaws Mr. Prosser.

I'm a civic minded shit sucker.

So what brings you all the way out here to the edge of town?

Well there's a water crisis.

My company's trying to figure out what's going on.

What about you?

You can say that I'm doing the same thing.

Your pipe's making noises.

Well, those are results Phil.

Would it be possible to take a moment.

It's really a rather serious matter.

Jesus.

That's a first.

You know the town's being evacuated tonight?

What?

When the hell did that happen?

The situation's far worse than the mayor

or the municipal workers will divulge.

The army is being called in.

The World Health Organization and the CDC are snooping around.

Quarantine's the word that I've been hearing.

CDC?

Is that American or something?

Is that your van Jack?

Maybe I could, catch a ride

and we could have a little chat on the way?

Yacob kreutzer.

Guinea worm.

Necrotizing fasciitis.

Things we've never even seen before.

All concentrated, here.

First it was just, young people.

Then the elderly and pregnant women.

Now the entire town is at severe risk.

Frankly I'm surprised you're still upright considering your working conditions.

Is it the treatment plant?

No, that's a world-class facility.

And it sparkles.

Which is why I've been authorized to come out into the wild so to speak.

I thought that you,

are the person that i should talk to, Jack.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Authorized by who?

Put it this way,

A consortium of interested parties

who want this matter dealt with quickly.

And quietly.

Consortium?

Come on this is Callingwood.

We don't have a consortium.

Collingwood's been an exercise in perfections since 1996.

The Town council isn't actually in control.

So we have three suspected cases of Typhus.

My best guess is old infrastructure and that's you Jack.

That's me what?

Your old infrastructure. You've already saved this town once before.

You rerouted the baseline pipes along the the road in 1999

Nobody knows it of course, but that

was brilliant. That was art of war brilliant.

All right, Prosser.

Come on.

How do you know so fucking much about me?

The town will be empty by midnight.

The consortium want you to remain here and find out exactly what's happened.

Call it covert.

Or operating underground.

Or whatever you'd like. No one must know.

This case has $20,000 in it.

Down payment.

You stay behind, fix the problem, and welcome

the town back, and act like a hero.

And you'll get $180,000 more.

And a municipal desk job where you have to do

bugger all for life.

Come on, Jack.

Your wife properly smells shit every time you fuck her.

Hey.

My wife's pregnant.

Don't make me pop you.

And do you really want her giving birth in this cesspool of a place?

And how many

contagious diseases have you been exposed to?

Think about it.

I don't fucking like you, buddy.

I don't give a shit.

You have to listen to what I'm offering you.

Then you have to say yes.

Hey, Prosser, Prosser.

What's the consorting?

Results Jack.

Now they are going to be delivering

MRE's, steril gowns, and anticeptic wipes

People, they will find out what the problem is.

And once the water is restored,

we'll immediately begin returning folks to their home.

That's the important thing.

Looting is not going to be tolerated.

Now my hope, is that the FEDS

Can solve this problem.

In a timely manner.

And life in Callingwood,

will return to normalcy.

The world is watching us, folks.

We need to be the best

that we can be.

I'm going to ask that each of you

to say silent for

those who have perished.

And if you can just do it now.

God, save us.

We need a miracle lord.

Thank god you're home.

You alright? What's going on?

What's going on?

We're being told to evacuate.

You been under a rock all day?

A matter of fact I have.

Okay.

Well, let me get you up to speed.

We have to pack and go

to the curling arena

where buses are taking everybody over town to...

I wrote it down. God damn it.

Jack

we gotta keep our heads on.

It's in the dining room.

Whyvale .

We go to Whyvale.

From there I think

we'll go to my mom's?

What's that?

The down payment.

They're gonna pay me to stay.

To stay.

There's a lot more in it for me.

All right?

More money.

Better job.

All I gotta do

is going to

All you gotta do is what Jack?

Figure this out and fix the problem.

This is not our responsibility.

Your responsibility is to me and our baby.

Well maybe that's why I have to do this then.

Every man should provide for his family.

You okay?

You okay?

What's wrong you're sick?

You see the doc?

It's morning sickness.

I'm fine.

Is that what the doctor said? You go today?

She's gone.

Just like i'm going to be in about five minutes.

Are you coming Jack?

I can make things better here.

I can give us a better life.

Goodbye Jack.

Shelley.

I'm going now.

Because I want to save our baby.

I'm pretty sure that's the right thing for me to do.

Shelley please come on.

Well, buddy?

What now.

Maybe you are old infrastructure, Jackie boy.

Old infrastructure.

Old infrastructure.

This strains Tank A

What does this do?

Is this the old main line? Or the new main line?

Who are you kidding? Who are you kidding, Jack.

You are just a field man.

That ain't right.

Why the fuck aren't you empty?

All I got to do is drain this shit valve.

Shake hands with the mayor.

What do we got here?

Oh my god.

Bingo, Mr. Prosser.

This has got to be the place.

No, no, no, no.

Hey!

Hey!

Somebody!

Ah! Hey!

[Groans]

What the fuck?

What is this shit?

Uh, what the fuck?

The fuck is going on?

Jesus.

What the fuck is going on?

What the fuck is happening? Shut it off!

Hey! Shut it off!

Somebody!

Shit!

Oh, what the fuck?

Come on you son of a bitch.

Come on!

Fuck!

Son of a bitch!

That's your fucking problem right there, Prosser.

Something's backin' up the water supply.

There ain't no way out of this place.

There ain't no fucking way out of here.

What is this?

Oh no, no. No, No!

Hey!

Get me out of here!

Somebody! Help me!

Somebody!

God damn it.

Hey can you help me?

Help me!

Help me!

Oh.

What the hell you doing down there?

I fell.

Help!

Look, I opened the valve over there.

I fixed everything.

Did you kill those people?

No! No.

No, I didn't kill anybody.

Just help me out of here!

Hey! Hey buddy!

Okay.

Hang on.

Hey, let me out of here!

Get a rope or something.

Let me out! Come on, help!

Help!

All right. I got a chain.

Secured it up here.

Throw it down.

Throw it down to me.

Come on. Send it down.

Keep it coming.

Hey come on! Come on.

There you go.

There you go.

Oh!

You ready up there?

Here I come.

This mother fucker's stupid.

Sorry.

That's it! You got it.

Steady...

Steady....

Almost there.

That's it!

Okay.

Almost there!

Oh.

[Humming]

[Growls]

Prosser here.

What do you mean how many tests?

How many locations?

I don't care it's not going to clear immediately.

Does anybody know why treated water is suddenly appearing in the system.

Okay we're not out of the woods yet. Keep testing.

You out there Jack?

[Mumbling]

[Muffled Talking]

[Muffled talking]

Hey! I'm down here you mother fuckers!

I'm still alive!

Come and get me!

Is that all you got?

I'm still here!

Come on!

Hello folks.

Well as you can see I'm, uh,

back in the mayor's office

And uh,

happy to tell you that as of

2 P.M. this afternoon I've sounded the all clear.

So we can get you all back in your homes.

There is an ongoing investigation

some precautions are going to

have to remain the time being and uh

We want you to

check the town's website for that.

Now there's also

a number of

ongoing missing persons files

that will remain open in town.

Right now,

let's get you home!

What kind of sick shit is this?

Okay. Okay!

[Moaning]

Hey.

You alive?

[Crying]

Lord Auch bit me.

[Crying]

I'm sorry!

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'll get you out of here.

You'll find a way out.

You're free now.

You're free now.

You'll find a way out.

Septic Man?

Septic Man?

Septic Man?

Septic Man?

Are you down there?

Can you hear me?

I'm here, buddy. I'm here.

I'm sorry I stabbed you.

That's okay don't worry about that.

We're friends now.

It's Lord Auch.

He told me to kill you.

Who is Lord Auch?

He's my brother.

He is very angry.

I got a wife.

She's going to have a baby.

Please help me!

Please help me!

Hey!

I have your van!

Forget the van.

Keep the van.

Hey!

Shh.

Shh.

He's coming.

I have to go. I have to go.

No no no no no no no no no don't go.

Hey!

Fuck.

Prosser here.

Hello?

You're him. Aren't you?

Who is this?

Shelley.

Am Jack's wife.

You're the guy

who paid Jack to stay.

You're right.

I am.

Where are you?

I'm home.

Where's Jack?

Where's my husband, Mr. Prosser?

I don't know, Shelley.

Have you had the baby yet?

How do you know about that.

Where did you send him?

I'm looking for him too.

Listen.

I can't talk a lot about this but your husband was a hero.

I've got a lot of money to give to you.

I don't want your money, I want my husband.

Hello?

Don't you hang up on me you asshole.

I'm hungry.

Are you hungry?

I think it's a good sign.

Means, I'm getting stronger.

You wanna see something?

Hurts. But feels good.

How long you think we're gonna be down here?

I don't know.

I can't read those blueprints.

I can tell you that.

Think we can find a way out of here?

We can find an overflow pipe?

No.

One is supposed to go to the river.

We've got no rope.

Can't climb out of here

cause it's too slippery.

It's too slimey.

What day do you think it is?

You think it's Wednesday?

Feels like Wednesday.

Hump day.

Shh.

Stay quiet.

You still there?

You alive?

Hey! Hello.

We are gonna send boats soon. They think.

Lord Auch is mad because I didn't kill you.

He will kill me soon.

I can't do anything about it.

I'm sorry.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I'm sorry, too.

Will you help me?

How am I going to help you?

If I can get you out,

I can't get him myself.

He's too quick.

He's too fast.

But maybe the two of us.

Yes?

Yeah.

Yes.

Oh god bless you.

God bless you.

I'll be coming back.

You need water?

No.

Okay.

When he comes back,

wake me up. Okay?

[Humming]

Prosser?

What are you doing?

What are you doin' down here?

Let me out!

[Mumbling]

Open the door!

Prosser, snap out of.

Open the fucking door.

Come on old man!

You gotta get us out of here!

Hey!

You gotta get me out of here!

I gotta get out of here! I got a wife!

Fuck!

I'm gonna have a baby! Come on!

Prosser!

Prosser!

Prosser!

Prosser.

Oh, fuck.

I'm sorry, Shelley.

This is all your fault.

I'm sorry.

It's all your fault!

Oh, fuck.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Shelley.

It's all your fault, Prosser.

It's all your fault.

He's coming.

Where's Jack?

Are you out there Jack?

Jack. Wake up.

Jack! Jack!

Jack.

Shelley. Shelley!

Jack! The baby.

Jack.

Shelley! I'm coming!

Jack! Help me!

Wake up.

Open the door Shelley!

Jack you're alive.

Oh Jack! There's somebody down here!

Prosser I thought you were dead.

Shelley!

What are you doing down here?

Ah. Jack!

I knew where you were Jack.

Soon as the evacuation was lifted.

I came looking for you.

Shelley.

Shelley.

What are you doing down here?

I slipped and fell in just like you did.

What about those two guys up there?

They're brothers.

They're fucking crazy.

No. You've got it wrong.

Pull yourself together.

They killed each other years ago.

What?

What about Shelley?

She's fine.

Prosser.

How do I look?

You'll clean up.

Now let's get the fuck out of here.

These all flow to the river.

Some jerky

Eat.

Get your strength.

And I'll try and figure things out.

It's difficult to remember.

I've seen the blueprints. They're in the records.

That one.

There.

Beneath this tank,

there's a whole maze of pipes.

You know that, right?

It's the second a hole.

But the third pipe.

It's complicated.

There's got to be a way out of here somehow.

That the overflow pipe.

I've already been down there.

There's nothing but a gate.

Yes.

That's right.

You trying to get me killed?

It's the way out.

Prosser just tell me the way out.

Tell me how to get out of here.

Time, Jack.

Time and pressure.

What the fuck does that mean?

What the fuck does that mean?

Prosser.

Prosser.

Prosser.

Prosser.

I promise.

Don't leave me down here.

Don't leave me down here, Prosser.

Please.

I found a way out.

Oh, fuck this place!

Lights out, Jack.

Light's out.

No!

[Moaning]

Who's in here?

Somebody in here?

Jack?

Jack?

Shelley?

Jack, I'm going to have this baby!

Jack!

[Screaming]

Come on, baby. You can do it.

Push, baby. Come on.

Push!

[Screaming]

What is this?

[Screams]

It's too late.

He's gonna kill me.

It's time.

I'll help you out, if you help me kill Lord Auck.

Help!

Help. Help. Help.

He's coming. He's coming.

He's here.

He's here.

Oh! Oh no. He's gonna kill me.

Oh, he's gonna kill me.

Oh yeah? Be careful.

You can come down now, big guy.

Thanks big guy.

Come down here.

[Inaudible]

[Inaudible]

[Inaudible]

Come down here.

I'm waiting.

[Inaudible]

Look out.

This way.

What are you?

[Inaudible]

Hello? Is anybody in there?

Hey Jack?

You hear that?

Jack?

Jack?

Jack where are you?

Jack?

Jack?

Jack? Jack!

Jack?

Shelley?

Jack?

Jack?

What happened to you?

Jack. Please talk to me.

Jack, I love you.

I love you.

Please. Whatever happened...

Whatever you did. I don't care.

I just want to get you home, Jack.

I just want to get you to a hospital.

Jack, please talk to me.

I am home.

Jack is home!

You fuckin' little bitch.

Get out of here!

Get out of my house!

No...

This is Jack's house!

Get out of my house!

You little bitch.

Get out of here!

Jack.

What are you?

[Crying]

I am Septic Man!

I'm sorry Jack.

Oh god, Jack...

I'm sorry Jack.

[Screams]

Hello folks.

I want you to go,

Pour yourself a nice glass of sparkling water

I want you to fill your kiddie pools

Fill your swimming pool.

Have a nice bath.

That's right.

It's over!

The worst chapter in the the history of our town

is over!

the worst chapter in the history of my life

is officially over!

And, where's the septic man?

That's what I want to know.

Where's Jack?

Where's the Septic Man?

♪Hey, are you alive?♪

♪Lord Auch bit me.♪

♪Oh Jack saw his town underground♪

♪As a kingdom of the pipes♪

♪And he worked them for the money♪

♪brought it home, to his wife♪

♪It's a long, long day, when you're down deep, deep♪

♪down deep, deep down in the hole♪

♪but baby's is coming home soon♪

♪so you dive down like a mole♪

♪With an aching, Jack was called by the powers that be♪

♪the dying son, you're only one, we know to set us free♪

♪he fell down 40 feet♪

♪to the droppings way below♪

♪and he hit ground zero♪

♪in the heavy yellow flow♪

♪Septic Man♪

♪Septic Man♪

♪you're the crown of the creek♪

♪Septic Man♪

♪Septic Man♪

♪Livin' in the creek♪

♪Waist deep in waste♪

♪with fresh blood in his eyes♪

♪the stage was set, and Jack you got an awful surprise♪

♪the people stuffed down there♪

♪and not one was alive♪

♪production in the guts♪

♪of old thing number 5♪

♪so he pulled on their hands♪

♪and he holed on their feet♪

♪above all the demons♪

♪he's destined to meet♪

♪he's in the snake pit, with no way out♪

♪with only killer's ears♪

♪to hear him shout♪

♪bodies fill his new home♪

♪E. coli fills his guts♪

♪He dribbles, dribbles down♪

♪to brown deep below♪

♪a sanctum in the piping♪

♪of the whole damn town♪

♪You should feel a danger coming♪

♪Septic Man♪

♪Septic Man♪

♪he's the Creme de la Creme♪

♪Septic Man♪

♪Septic Man♪

♪He's living♪

♪up the creek♪

♪from a brimming place♪

♪and you like you're hereos, with some loaf upon their face♪

♪and call now to the bowl♪

♪with a resonating howl♪

♪vengeance reeks♪

♪and stings, and by god♪

♪it's foul♪

♪tell him their witnesses♪

♪we love him, and we care♪

♪Septic Manl?♪

♪He stands tall♪

♪in the fresh country air♪

♪When there's too much brown stuck in the ground♪

♪and all that fussing's got you down♪

♪there's only one man to flush those blues away♪

♪if a snake get's stuck down in the tank♪

♪your whole house has got the stank♪

♪this man we know will save the day ♪

♪Call the Septic Man♪

♪Call the Septic Man♪

♪Septic Man♪

♪tides will rise, if you go to scream♪

♪oh Septic Man♪

♪Will rise♪

♪rusted, busted, musted, crusted, fusted♪

♪nutted, putted, done it♪

♪dirty, nitty gritty♪

♪oh I'm just saying♪

♪Septic Man♪

♪Septic Man♪

♪Oh Septic Man♪

♪Septic Man♪

♪Septic Man♪

♪Man in the pipe drain♪

♪Oh yeah♪

♪I'm sorry♪