Original subtitles

. >> Announcer: AND NOW, A MESSAGE FROM FORMER PRESIDENT TRUMP.

>> Announcer: AND NOW, A MESSAGE FROM FORMER PRESIDENT TRUMP. >>> HELLO.

FROM FORMER PRESIDENT TRUMP. >>> HELLO. THANK YOU.

>>> HELLO. THANK YOU. IT'S ME.

THANK YOU. IT'S ME. HI.

IT'S ME. HI. I'M THE PROBLEM.

HI. I'M THE PROBLEM. IT'S ME.

I'M THE PROBLEM. IT'S ME. WELL, FOLKS, IT HAPPENED.

IT'S ME. WELL, FOLKS, IT HAPPENED. I GOT INDICTED, OR AS I SPELL

WELL, FOLKS, IT HAPPENED. I GOT INDICTED, OR AS I SPELL IT, INDICATED.

I GOT INDICTED, OR AS I SPELL IT, INDICATED. AND FRANKLY, IT'S TIME THAT I

IT, INDICATED. AND FRANKLY, IT'S TIME THAT I COME CLEAN, ADMIT THAT I BROKE

AND FRANKLY, IT'S TIME THAT I COME CLEAN, ADMIT THAT I BROKE THE LAW, AND GO QUIETLY TO

COME CLEAN, ADMIT THAT I BROKE THE LAW, AND GO QUIETLY TO PRISON.

THE LAW, AND GO QUIETLY TO PRISON. APRIL FOOLS!

PRISON. APRIL FOOLS! THAT WAS A PRANK.

APRIL FOOLS! THAT WAS A PRANK. I WAS DOING A JIM FROM OFFICE.

THAT WAS A PRANK. I WAS DOING A JIM FROM OFFICE. BUT MAKE NO MISTAKE, WHAT THE

I WAS DOING A JIM FROM OFFICE. BUT MAKE NO MISTAKE, WHAT THE RADICAL LEFT DEMOCRATS ARE DOING

BUT MAKE NO MISTAKE, WHAT THE RADICAL LEFT DEMOCRATS ARE DOING TO ME IS WORSE THAN ANY CRIME

RADICAL LEFT DEMOCRATS ARE DOING TO ME IS WORSE THAN ANY CRIME I'VE EVER COMMITTED, AND I'VE

TO ME IS WORSE THAN ANY CRIME I'VE EVER COMMITTED, AND I'VE COMMITTED A LOT, CLOSE TO 34.

I'VE EVER COMMITTED, AND I'VE COMMITTED A LOT, CLOSE TO 34. SOME ARE SAY I'M GOING TO USE

COMMITTED A LOT, CLOSE TO 34. SOME ARE SAY I'M GOING TO USE THIS INDICTMENT TO RILE UP MY

SOME ARE SAY I'M GOING TO USE THIS INDICTMENT TO RILE UP MY BASE SO THAT THEY GIVE ME MORE

THIS INDICTMENT TO RILE UP MY BASE SO THAT THEY GIVE ME MORE MONEY.

BASE SO THAT THEY GIVE ME MORE MONEY. NOT TRUE.

MONEY. NOT TRUE. NOT TRUE.

NOT TRUE. NOT TRUE. I DON'T WANT ANYTHING FROM MY

NOT TRUE. I DON'T WANT ANYTHING FROM MY BASE EXCEPT THEIR LOVE, THEIR

I DON'T WANT ANYTHING FROM MY BASE EXCEPT THEIR LOVE, THEIR VOTES, PERHAPS THEIR MONEY.

BASE EXCEPT THEIR LOVE, THEIR VOTES, PERHAPS THEIR MONEY. AND I NEED THEIR MONEY MORE THAN

VOTES, PERHAPS THEIR MONEY. AND I NEED THEIR MONEY MORE THAN EVER.

AND I NEED THEIR MONEY MORE THAN EVER. NOW YOU MAY HAVE SEEN I'VE BEEN

EVER. NOW YOU MAY HAVE SEEN I'VE BEEN OPENING MY RALLIES WITH MY

NOW YOU MAY HAVE SEEN I'VE BEEN OPENING MY RALLIES WITH MY WONDERFUL SONG, "JUSTICE FOR

OPENING MY RALLIES WITH MY WONDERFUL SONG, "JUSTICE FOR ALL" WHICH I PERFORMED WITH THE

WONDERFUL SONG, "JUSTICE FOR ALL" WHICH I PERFORMED WITH THE J-6 CHOIR.

ALL" WHICH I PERFORMED WITH THE J-6 CHOIR. THAT'S A REAL THING.

J-6 CHOIR. THAT'S A REAL THING. VERY DISTURBING.

THAT'S A REAL THING. VERY DISTURBING. IT WAS THE NUMBER ONE DOWNLOADED

VERY DISTURBING. IT WAS THE NUMBER ONE DOWNLOADED SONG.

IT WAS THE NUMBER ONE DOWNLOADED SONG. WE BEAT "FLOWERS" BY MILEY,

SONG. WE BEAT "FLOWERS" BY MILEY, WHICH AS WE ALL KNOW IS ABOUT

WE BEAT "FLOWERS" BY MILEY, WHICH AS WE ALL KNOW IS ABOUT LIAM.

WHICH AS WE ALL KNOW IS ABOUT LIAM. BUT MY SONG RAKED IN SO MUCH

LIAM. BUT MY SONG RAKED IN SO MUCH CASH, I THOUGHT WHY STOP THERE.

BUT MY SONG RAKED IN SO MUCH CASH, I THOUGHT WHY STOP THERE. THAT'S WHY I'M PUTTING OUT MY

CASH, I THOUGHT WHY STOP THERE. THAT'S WHY I'M PUTTING OUT MY NEW ALBUM, "NOW THAT'S WHAT I

THAT'S WHY I'M PUTTING OUT MY NEW ALBUM, "NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL MY LEGAL DEFENSE FUND",

NEW ALBUM, "NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL MY LEGAL DEFENSE FUND", AKA, TRUMP BOPS, AND I'M

CALL MY LEGAL DEFENSE FUND", AKA, TRUMP BOPS, AND I'M BRINGING ALL THE THINGS

AKA, TRUMP BOPS, AND I'M BRINGING ALL THE THINGS ♪ THAT AIN'T NOTHING, BUT

BRINGING ALL THE THINGS ♪ THAT AIN'T NOTHING, BUT DRUGSTORE LOVING ♪

♪ THAT AIN'T NOTHING, BUT DRUGSTORE LOVING ♪ ♪ HEY, LITTLE THINGS, LET ME

DRUGSTORE LOVING ♪ ♪ HEY, LITTLE THINGS, LET ME LIGHT YOUR CANDLE ♪

♪ HEY, LITTLE THINGS, LET ME LIGHT YOUR CANDLE ♪ WOW, WHAT A DEAL.

LIGHT YOUR CANDLE ♪ WOW, WHAT A DEAL. JUST 30 CLASSIC OTHERS, ALL

WOW, WHAT A DEAL. JUST 30 CLASSIC OTHERS, ALL HORRIBLE.

JUST 30 CLASSIC OTHERS, ALL HORRIBLE. SUNG BY YOUR FAVORITE PRESIDENT

HORRIBLE. SUNG BY YOUR FAVORITE PRESIDENT TO DEFEND OUR MOVEMENT, AND

SUNG BY YOUR FAVORITE PRESIDENT TO DEFEND OUR MOVEMENT, AND MOSTLY MYSELF, FROM THE EVIL

TO DEFEND OUR MOVEMENT, AND MOSTLY MYSELF, FROM THE EVIL MANHATTAN DA.

MOSTLY MYSELF, FROM THE EVIL MANHATTAN DA. THAT MEANS DISTRICT ATTORNEY.

MANHATTAN DA. THAT MEANS DISTRICT ATTORNEY. BUT I'M A FIGHTER, AND SPEAKING

THAT MEANS DISTRICT ATTORNEY. BUT I'M A FIGHTER, AND SPEAKING OF FIGHTING AND TAKING ADVANTAGE

BUT I'M A FIGHTER, AND SPEAKING OF FIGHTING AND TAKING ADVANTAGE OF FIGHTERS, HERE'S MY FRIEND

OF FIGHTING AND TAKING ADVANTAGE OF FIGHTERS, HERE'S MY FRIEND DON KING.

OF FIGHTERS, HERE'S MY FRIEND DON KING. >> HEY, EVERYBODY.

DON KING. >> HEY, EVERYBODY. WHAT Y'ALL DOING TO THIS MAN IS

>> HEY, EVERYBODY. WHAT Y'ALL DOING TO THIS MAN IS A TRAGEDY.

WHAT Y'ALL DOING TO THIS MAN IS A TRAGEDY. >> SOMEBODY WITH THE BIG HAIR

A TRAGEDY. >> SOMEBODY WITH THE BIG HAIR MURDERED A GUY.

>> SOMEBODY WITH THE BIG HAIR MURDERED A GUY. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT.

MURDERED A GUY. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT. ♪ ISLANDS IN THE STREAM, THAT IS

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT. ♪ ISLANDS IN THE STREAM, THAT IS WHAT WE ARE, NO ONE IN BETWEEN,

♪ ISLANDS IN THE STREAM, THAT IS WHAT WE ARE, NO ONE IN BETWEEN, HOW CAN WE BE WRONG ♪

WHAT WE ARE, NO ONE IN BETWEEN, HOW CAN WE BE WRONG ♪ WE'RE NOT WRONG.

HOW CAN WE BE WRONG ♪ WE'RE NOT WRONG. I'VE NEVER BEEN WRONG.

WE'RE NOT WRONG. I'VE NEVER BEEN WRONG. ♪ MAKING LOVE TO EACH OTHER,

I'VE NEVER BEEN WRONG. ♪ MAKING LOVE TO EACH OTHER, UH-HUH♪

♪ MAKING LOVE TO EACH OTHER, UH-HUH♪ DON NG, EVERYBODY.

UH-HUH♪ DON NG, EVERYBODY. SPEAKINGF LOVE, ME AND THE

DON NG, EVERYBODY. SPEAKINGF LOVE, ME AND THE FIRST LADY, MELANIA, ARE IN HIGH

SPEAKINGF LOVE, ME AND THE FIRST LADY, MELANIA, ARE IN HIGH SPIRITS.

FIRST LADY, MELANIA, ARE IN HIGH SPIRITS. SINCE THE NEWS OF MY POSSIBLE

SPIRITS. SINCE THE NEWS OF MY POSSIBLE IMPRISONMENT, I'VE NEVER SEEN

SINCE THE NEWS OF MY POSSIBLE IMPRISONMENT, I'VE NEVER SEEN MELANIA HAPPIER.

IMPRISONMENT, I'VE NEVER SEEN MELANIA HAPPIER. SHE'S THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN

MELANIA HAPPIER. SHE'S THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN THE WORLD, SECOND ONLY TO

SHE'S THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN THE WORLD, SECOND ONLY TO PERHAPS MANY YOUNGER, HOTTER

IN THE WORLD, SECOND ONLY TO PERHAPS MANY YOUNGER, HOTTER WOMEN.

PERHAPS MANY YOUNGER, HOTTER WOMEN. BUT WE LIKE HER.

WOMEN. BUT WE LIKE HER. ALSO JUST TO SET THE RECORD

BUT WE LIKE HER. ALSO JUST TO SET THE RECORD STRAIGHT, I DIDN'T EVEN SLEEP

ALSO JUST TO SET THE RECORD STRAIGHT, I DIDN'T EVEN SLEEP WITH STORMY DANIELS, BUT IN MANY

STRAIGHT, I DIDN'T EVEN SLEEP WITH STORMY DANIELS, BUT IN MANY WAYS, I DID.

WITH STORMY DANIELS, BUT IN MANY WAYS, I DID. ISN'T IT IRONIC THE FIRST TIME I

WAYS, I DID. ISN'T IT IRONIC THE FIRST TIME I PAY SOMEONE, THEY TRY TO SEND ME

ISN'T IT IRONIC THE FIRST TIME I PAY SOMEONE, THEY TRY TO SEND ME TO JAIL.

PAY SOMEONE, THEY TRY TO SEND ME TO JAIL. THAT'S WHY YOU DON'T PAY PEOPLE,

TO JAIL. THAT'S WHY YOU DON'T PAY PEOPLE, FOLKS.

THAT'S WHY YOU DON'T PAY PEOPLE, FOLKS. YOU NEVER PAY PEOPLE.

FOLKS. YOU NEVER PAY PEOPLE. PRETTY IRONIC.

YOU NEVER PAY PEOPLE. PRETTY IRONIC. ♪ IT'S LIKE RAIN ON YOUR WEDDING

PRETTY IRONIC. ♪ IT'S LIKE RAIN ON YOUR WEDDING DAY, WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT, IT

♪ IT'S LIKE RAIN ON YOUR WEDDING DAY, WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT, IT FIGURES ♪

DAY, WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT, IT FIGURES ♪ AND FOLKS, IF THEY CAN COME FOR

FIGURES ♪ AND FOLKS, IF THEY CAN COME FOR ME, THEY CAN COME FOR YOU TOO.

AND FOLKS, IF THEY CAN COME FOR ME, THEY CAN COME FOR YOU TOO. OR IN THE CASE OF JANUARY 6th,

ME, THEY CAN COME FOR YOU TOO. OR IN THE CASE OF JANUARY 6th, THEY CAN COME FOR YOU AND NOT

OR IN THE CASE OF JANUARY 6th, THEY CAN COME FOR YOU AND NOT FOR ME.

THEY CAN COME FOR YOU AND NOT FOR ME. I LIKE THAT ONE A LITTLE BIT

FOR ME. I LIKE THAT ONE A LITTLE BIT BETTER.

I LIKE THAT ONE A LITTLE BIT BETTER. BECAUSE I REALLY DON'T WANT TO

BETTER. BECAUSE I REALLY DON'T WANT TO GO TO JAIL, BUT WHEN I THINK

BECAUSE I REALLY DON'T WANT TO GO TO JAIL, BUT WHEN I THINK ABOUT HOW SHREDDED I MIGHT GET,

GO TO JAIL, BUT WHEN I THINK ABOUT HOW SHREDDED I MIGHT GET, IT'S AWFULLY TEMPTING.

ABOUT HOW SHREDDED I MIGHT GET, IT'S AWFULLY TEMPTING. CAN YOU IMAGINE ME PUMPING IRON

IT'S AWFULLY TEMPTING. CAN YOU IMAGINE ME PUMPING IRON IN THE JAIL YARD WITH THE

CAN YOU IMAGINE ME PUMPING IRON IN THE JAIL YARD WITH THE HOMIES?

IN THE JAIL YARD WITH THE HOMIES? GETTING REAL BIG ON TOP, LITTLE

HOMIES? GETTING REAL BIG ON TOP, LITTLE ON BOTTOM.

GETTING REAL BIG ON TOP, LITTLE ON BOTTOM. TOTALLY PRISON YOLKED, LOOKING

ON BOTTOM. TOTALLY PRISON YOLKED, LOOKING LIKE A CANDY APPLE.

TOTALLY PRISON YOLKED, LOOKING LIKE A CANDY APPLE. PERHAPS I MIGHT EVEN BECOME

LIKE A CANDY APPLE. PERHAPS I MIGHT EVEN BECOME RECEPTIVE TO THE TEACHINGS OF

PERHAPS I MIGHT EVEN BECOME RECEPTIVE TO THE TEACHINGS OF THE PROFIT MUHAMMAD.

RECEPTIVE TO THE TEACHINGS OF THE PROFIT MUHAMMAD. ALTHOUGH WITH, I'VE NEVER SEEN

THE PROFIT MUHAMMAD. ALTHOUGH WITH, I'VE NEVER SEEN ANY PICTURES OF HIM.

ALTHOUGH WITH, I'VE NEVER SEEN ANY PICTURES OF HIM. KIND OF SUS.

ANY PICTURES OF HIM. KIND OF SUS. UH-OH, WHO'S THIS?

KIND OF SUS. UH-OH, WHO'S THIS? IT'S A MAN WHO, LIKEME, WAS

UH-OH, WHO'S THIS? IT'S A MAN WHO, LIKEME, WAS ILLEGALLY RAIDED, AND HE'S

IT'S A MAN WHO, LIKEME, WAS ILLEGALLY RAIDED, AND HE'S TURNING IT INTO BIG BUCKS.

ILLEGALLY RAIDED, AND HE'S TURNING IT INTO BIG BUCKS. AFRO MAN.

TURNING IT INTO BIG BUCKS. AFRO MAN. ♪ I WAS GOING TO GO TO CLASS,

AFRO MAN. ♪ I WAS GOING TO GO TO CLASS, BUT THEN I GOT HIGH ♪

♪ I WAS GOING TO GO TO CLASS, BUT THEN I GOT HIGH ♪ DRUGS ARE KILLING OUR CHILDREN.

BUT THEN I GOT HIGH ♪ DRUGS ARE KILLING OUR CHILDREN. ♪

DRUGS ARE KILLING OUR CHILDREN. ♪ I COULD HAVE CHEATED, BUT I

♪ I COULD HAVE CHEATED, BUT I PASSED, AND THEN I GOT HIGH ♪

I COULD HAVE CHEATED, BUT I PASSED, AND THEN I GOT HIGH ♪ REAL SHAME.

PASSED, AND THEN I GOT HIGH ♪ REAL SHAME. ♪ BECAUSE I GOT HIGH, BECAUSE I

REAL SHAME. ♪ BECAUSE I GOT HIGH, BECAUSE I GOT HIGH, BECAUSE I GOT HIGH ♪

♪ BECAUSE I GOT HIGH, BECAUSE I GOT HIGH, BECAUSE I GOT HIGH ♪ WE NEED TO BE EXECUTING OUR DRUG

GOT HIGH, BECAUSE I GOT HIGH ♪ WE NEED TO BE EXECUTING OUR DRUG DEALERS.

WE NEED TO BE EXECUTING OUR DRUG DEALERS. THANK YOU, AFRO MAN.

DEALERS. THANK YOU, AFRO MAN. FOLKS, FOLKS, YOUR HARD-EARNED

THANK YOU, AFRO MAN. FOLKS, FOLKS, YOUR HARD-EARNED MONEY IS IMPORTANT.

FOLKS, FOLKS, YOUR HARD-EARNED MONEY IS IMPORTANT. IF I GO TO JAIL, I WILL NEED

MONEY IS IMPORTANT. IF I GO TO JAIL, I WILL NEED MONEY FOR COMMISSARY SNACKS.

IF I GO TO JAIL, I WILL NEED MONEY FOR COMMISSARY SNACKS. I WILL NEED A SUPPLY OF RAMONS

MONEY FOR COMMISSARY SNACKS. I WILL NEED A SUPPLY OF RAMONS TO SUCCESSF BARTER WITH A

I WILL NEED A SUPPLY OF RAMONS TO SUCCESSF BARTER WITH A MAN NAMED LIZARD.

TO SUCCESSF BARTER WITH A MAN NAMED LIZARD. AND NOW MY MOST LOYAL SUPPORTER,

MAN NAMED LIZARD. AND NOW MY MOST LOYAL SUPPORTER, I WISH HE WOULD GO AWAY.

AND NOW MY MOST LOYAL SUPPORTER, I WISH HE WOULD GO AWAY. HE'S MY KENDALL ROY.

I WISH HE WOULD GO AWAY. HE'S MY KENDALL ROY. IT'S DON JR.

HE'S MY KENDALL ROY. IT'S DON JR. >> WOW, DAD, THIS IS REALLY

IT'S DON JR. >> WOW, DAD, THIS IS REALLY EMOTIONAL.

>> WOW, DAD, THIS IS REALLY EMOTIONAL. IT MIGHT BE THE LAST TIME I SEE

EMOTIONAL. IT MIGHT BE THE LAST TIME I SEE YOU.

IT MIGHT BE THE LAST TIME I SEE YOU. >> FROM YOUR MOUTH TO GOD'S

YOU. >> FROM YOUR MOUTH TO GOD'S EARS.

>> FROM YOUR MOUTH TO GOD'S EARS. ♪ THE BOY'S A LIAR, THE BOY'S A

EARS. ♪ THE BOY'S A LIAR, THE BOY'S A LIAR, HE DOESN'T SEE YA, YOU'RE

♪ THE BOY'S A LIAR, THE BOY'S A LIAR, HE DOESN'T SEE YA, YOU'RE NOT LOOKING AT ME, BOY ♪

LIAR, HE DOESN'T SEE YA, YOU'RE NOT LOOKING AT ME, BOY ♪ YEAH!

NOT LOOKING AT ME, BOY ♪ YEAH! VERY STRANGE ENERGY, MY SON.

YEAH! VERY STRANGE ENERGY, MY SON. DON'T LIKE IT.

VERY STRANGE ENERGY, MY SON. DON'T LIKE IT. HE'S SAYING THAT I'M GOOD

DON'T LIKE IT. HE'S SAYING THAT I'M GOOD ENOUGH, GRABBING MY DRRR, WE

HE'S SAYING THAT I'M GOOD ENOUGH, GRABBING MY DRRR, WE LOVE ICE SPICE, DON'T WE?

ENOUGH, GRABBING MY DRRR, WE LOVE ICE SPICE, DON'T WE? ICE SPICE.

LOVE ICE SPICE, DON'T WE? ICE SPICE. LOOK AT THIS BEAUTIFUL HAIR.

ICE SPICE. LOOK AT THIS BEAUTIFUL HAIR. MANHATTAN, I'LL SEE YOU ON

LOOK AT THIS BEAUTIFUL HAIR. MANHATTAN, I'LL SEE YOU ON TUESDAY.

MANHATTAN, I'LL SEE YOU ON TUESDAY. WE'LL BE WILD.

TUESDAY. WE'LL BE WILD. AND LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S

WE'LL BE WILD. AND LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!

AND LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT! >> Announcer: IT'S "SATURDAY

SATURDAY NIGHT! >> Announcer: IT'S "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE" WITH --

FEATURING --

MUSICAL GUEST, LIL YACHTY. AND YOUR HOST, QUINTA BRUNSON. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, QUINTA

AND YOUR HOST, QUINTA BRUNSON. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, QUINTA BRUNSON.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, QUINTA BRUNSON. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

BRUNSON. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >>> THANK YOU.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >>> THANK YOU. THANK YOU!

>>> THANK YOU. THANK YOU! THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH.

THANK YOU! THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH. MY NAME IS QUINTA BRUNSON, AND

THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH. MY NAME IS QUINTA BRUNSON, AND LET ME JUST FIRST SAY, I AM SO

MY NAME IS QUINTA BRUNSON, AND LET ME JUST FIRST SAY, I AM SO EXCITED TO BE HERE.

LET ME JUST FIRST SAY, I AM SO EXCITED TO BE HERE. I HAVE BEEN DREAMING ABOUT THIS

EXCITED TO BE HERE. I HAVE BEEN DREAMING ABOUT THIS SINCE I WAS A KID.

I HAVE BEEN DREAMING ABOUT THIS SINCE I WAS A KID. I ACTUALLY -- I WANTED TO BE ON

SINCE I WAS A KID. I ACTUALLY -- I WANTED TO BE ON SNL BACK IN THE DAY.

I ACTUALLY -- I WANTED TO BE ON SNL BACK IN THE DAY. BUT THE AUDITION PROCESS SEEMED

SNL BACK IN THE DAY. BUT THE AUDITION PROCESS SEEMED WELL, LONG.

BUT THE AUDITION PROCESS SEEMED WELL, LONG. SO INSTEAD, I JUST CREATED MY

WELL, LONG. SO INSTEAD, I JUST CREATED MY OWN TV SHOW, MADE SURE IT BECAME

SO INSTEAD, I JUST CREATED MY OWN TV SHOW, MADE SURE IT BECAME REALLY POPULAR, WON A BUNCH OF

OWN TV SHOW, MADE SURE IT BECAME REALLY POPULAR, WON A BUNCH OF EMMYS, AND THEN GOT ASKED TO

REALLY POPULAR, WON A BUNCH OF EMMYS, AND THEN GOT ASKED TO HOST.

EMMYS, AND THEN GOT ASKED TO HOST. SO MUCH EASIER.

HOST. SO MUCH EASIER. I HAVE A SHOW CALLED ABBOTT

SO MUCH EASIER. I HAVE A SHOW CALLED ABBOTT ELEMENTARY.

I HAVE A SHOW CALLED ABBOTT ELEMENTARY. AND IT'S KIND OF UNIQUE.

ELEMENTARY. AND IT'S KIND OF UNIQUE. IT'S A STREAMING SHOW -- IT'

AND IT'S KIND OF UNIQUE. IT'S A STREAMING SHOW -- IT' NOT A STREAMING SHOW.

IT'S A STREAMING SHOW -- IT' NOT A STREAMING SHOW. IT'S A NETWORK SITCOM, LIKE

NOT A STREAMING SHOW. IT'S A NETWORK SITCOM, LIKE FRIENDS EXCEPT INSTEAD OF BEING

IT'S A NETWORK SITCOM, LIKE FRIENDS EXCEPT INSTEAD OF BEING ABOUT A GROUP OF FRIENDS, IT'S

FRIENDS EXCEPT INSTEAD OF BEING ABOUT A GROUP OF FRIENDS, IT'S ABOUT A GROUP OF TEACHERS.

ABOUT A GROUP OF FRIENDS, IT'S ABOUT A GROUP OF TEACHERS. AND INSTEAD OF NEW YORK, IT'S IN

ABOUT A GROUP OF TEACHERS. AND INSTEAD OF NEW YORK, IT'S IN PHILADELPHIA, AND INSTEAD OF NOT

AND INSTEAD OF NEW YORK, IT'S IN PHILADELPHIA, AND INSTEAD OF NOT HAVING BLACK PEOPLE, IT DOES.

PHILADELPHIA, AND INSTEAD OF NOT HAVING BLACK PEOPLE, IT DOES. I GREW UP IN PHILLY, AND MY MOM

HAVING BLACK PEOPLE, IT DOES. I GREW UP IN PHILLY, AND MY MOM WAS A TEACHER THERE, SO CREATING

I GREW UP IN PHILLY, AND MY MOM WAS A TEACHER THERE, SO CREATING A SHOW ABOUT TEACHERS HAS BEEN

WAS A TEACHER THERE, SO CREATING A SHOW ABOUT TEACHERS HAS BEEN REALLY SPECIAL.

A SHOW ABOUT TEACHERS HAS BEEN REALLY SPECIAL. NOW, EVERY TIME THERE'S AN ISSUE

REALLY SPECIAL. NOW, EVERY TIME THERE'S AN ISSUE WITH THE PUBLIC SCHOOL SYSTEM,

NOW, EVERY TIME THERE'S AN ISSUE WITH THE PUBLIC SCHOOL SYSTEM, PEOPLE EXPECT ME TO SOLVE IT.

WITH THE PUBLIC SCHOOL SYSTEM, PEOPLE EXPECT ME TO SOLVE IT. AND THAT'S NOT FAIR.

PEOPLE EXPECT ME TO SOLVE IT. AND THAT'S NOT FAIR. LAST WEEK WHEN THAT BANK

AND THAT'S NOT FAIR. LAST WEEK WHEN THAT BANK COLLAPSED, NO ONE WANTED TO GO

LAST WEEK WHEN THAT BANK COLLAPSED, NO ONE WANTED TO GO UP TO THE CAST OF SUCCESSION

COLLAPSED, NO ONE WANTED TO GO UP TO THE CAST OF SUCCESSION LIKE HOW DO WE FIX THIS?

UP TO THE CAST OF SUCCESSION LIKE HOW DO WE FIX THIS? DON'T GET ME WRONG, I LOVE THAT

LIKE HOW DO WE FIX THIS? DON'T GET ME WRONG, I LOVE THAT PEOPLE ARE ENJOYING ABBOTT, BUT

DON'T GET ME WRONG, I LOVE THAT PEOPLE ARE ENJOYING ABBOTT, BUT I WISH THEY DIDN'T EXPECT ME TO

PEOPLE ARE ENJOYING ABBOTT, BUT I WISH THEY DIDN'T EXPECT ME TO BE LIKE MY CHARACTER ALL THE

I WISH THEY DIDN'T EXPECT ME TO BE LIKE MY CHARACTER ALL THE TIME.

BE LIKE MY CHARACTER ALL THE TIME. JANINE TEAGUES IS A CARING

TIME. JANINE TEAGUES IS A CARING SECOND GRADE TEACHER WHO IS GOOD

JANINE TEAGUES IS A CARING SECOND GRADE TEACHER WHO IS GOOD AND WHOLESOME, AND I'M THE

SECOND GRADE TEACHER WHO IS GOOD AND WHOLESOME, AND I'M THE OPPOSITE.

AND WHOLESOME, AND I'M THE OPPOSITE. I'M NOT A FILTHY WHORE, BUT I

OPPOSITE. I'M NOT A FILTHY WHORE, BUT I LIKE TO HAVE FUN.

I'M NOT A FILTHY WHORE, BUT I LIKE TO HAVE FUN. I NEED TO LIVE MY LIFE WITHOUT

LIKE TO HAVE FUN. I NEED TO LIVE MY LIFE WITHOUT SOMEONE SAYING, DAMN,

I NEED TO LIVE MY LIFE WITHOUT SOMEONE SAYING, DAMN,

SOMEONE SAYING, DAMN,

MS. TEAGUES IS OUT HERE GETTING

MS. TEAGUES IS OUT HERE GETTING WASTED AT UNIVERSAL STUDIOS.

MS. TEAGUES IS OUT HERE GETTING WASTED AT UNIVERSAL STUDIOS. I JUST WANT PEOPLE TO LOWER

WASTED AT UNIVERSAL STUDIOS. I JUST WANT PEOPLE TO LOWER THEIR EXPECTATIONS OF ME.

I JUST WANT PEOPLE TO LOWER THEIR EXPECTATIONS OF ME. I'M STILL YOUNG, FIGURING THINGS

THEIR EXPECTATIONS OF ME. I'M STILL YOUNG, FIGURING THINGS OUT.

I'M STILL YOUNG, FIGURING THINGS OUT. I'VE HAD TO START LYING TO MY

OUT. I'VE HAD TO START LYING TO MY MOM ABOUT WHO I'M HANGING OUT

I'VE HAD TO START LYING TO MY MOM ABOUT WHO I'M HANGING OUT WITH.

MOM ABOUT WHO I'M HANGING OUT WITH. I'M LIKE, I'M GOING TO CHILL

WITH. I'M LIKE, I'M GOING TO CHILL WITH MY FRIEND IN HER GARDEN,

I'M LIKE, I'M GOING TO CHILL WITH MY FRIEND IN HER GARDEN, AND I DON'T TELL HER IT'S

WITH MY FRIEND IN HER GARDEN, AND I DON'T TELL HER IT'S OPRAH'S GARDEN.

AND I DON'T TELL HER IT'S OPRAH'S GARDEN. OR WHEN I TELL HER I'M GOING OUT

OPRAH'S GARDEN. OR WHEN I TELL HER I'M GOING OUT TO DINNER BUT NOT WITH WHO.

OR WHEN I TELL HER I'M GOING OUT TO DINNER BUT NOT WITH WHO. >> I'M HAVING DINNER WITH YOUR

TO DINNER BUT NOT WITH WHO. >> I'M HAVING DINNER WITH YOUR DAUGHTER HERE.

>> I'M HAVING DINNER WITH YOUR DAUGHTER HERE. WE'RE SO PROUD OF HER, BUT WE'RE

DAUGHTER HERE. WE'RE SO PROUD OF HER, BUT WE'RE ALSO PROUD OF YOU NOT ONLY

WE'RE SO PROUD OF HER, BUT WE'RE ALSO PROUD OF YOU NOT ONLY BECAUSE YOU'RE A GREAT MOM BUT

ALSO PROUD OF YOU NOT ONLY BECAUSE YOU'RE A GREAT MOM BUT BECAUSE YOU ARE A TEACHER.

BECAUSE YOU'RE A GREAT MOM BUT BECAUSE YOU ARE A TEACHER. MOST IMPORTANT JOB THERE IS.

BECAUSE YOU ARE A TEACHER. MOST IMPORTANT JOB THERE IS. >> AS MY FRIEND BARACK SAID -- I

MOST IMPORTANT JOB THERE IS. >> AS MY FRIEND BARACK SAID -- I CALL HIM BARACK NOW.

>> AS MY FRIEND BARACK SAID -- I CALL HIM BARACK NOW. MY MOM REALLY WAS AN AMAZING

CALL HIM BARACK NOW. MY MOM REALLY WAS AN AMAZING TEACHER, AND I'M SO PROUD OF

MY MOM REALLY WAS AN AMAZING TEACHER, AND I'M SO PROUD OF HER.

TEACHER, AND I'M SO PROUD OF HER. BUT I ALSO NO FIRSTHAND THAT

HER. BUT I ALSO NO FIRSTHAND THAT TEACHERS GET TAKEN FOR GRANTED.

BUT I ALSO NO FIRSTHAND THAT TEACHERS GET TAKEN FOR GRANTED. LIKE I'VE ALWAYS HAD A

TEACHERS GET TAKEN FOR GRANTED. LIKE I'VE ALWAYS HAD A DISHWASHER.

LIKE I'VE ALWAYS HAD A DISHWASHER. NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT IT, LOADED

DISHWASHER. NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT IT, LOADED IT UP, KICKED IT SHUT, WENT TO

NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT IT, LOADED IT UP, KICKED IT SHUT, WENT TO BED WASTED.

IT UP, KICKED IT SHUT, WENT TO BED WASTED. BUT THEN MY HUSBAND AND I MOVED

BED WASTED. BUT THEN MY HUSBAND AND I MOVED INTO AN APARTMENT THAT DIDN'T

BUT THEN MY HUSBAND AND I MOVED INTO AN APARTMENT THAT DIDN'T HAVE A DISHWASHER, AND AFTER ONE

INTO AN APARTMENT THAT DIDN'T HAVE A DISHWASHER, AND AFTER ONE DAY, I WAS LIKE, WE GOT TO GET

HAVE A DISHWASHER, AND AFTER ONE DAY, I WAS LIKE, WE GOT TO GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE.

DAY, I WAS LIKE, WE GOT TO GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE. THAT'S HOW PARENTS FEEL WHEN

THE HELL OUT OF HERE. THAT'S HOW PARENTS FEEL WHEN THEY DON'T HAVE A TEACHER DURING

THAT'S HOW PARENTS FEEL WHEN THEY DON'T HAVE A TEACHER DURING THE PANDEMIC.

THEY DON'T HAVE A TEACHER DURING THE PANDEMIC. SUDDENLY PARENTS ARE LIKE, WE

THE PANDEMIC. SUDDENLY PARENTS ARE LIKE, WE HAVE TO TEACH THESE DISHES NOW?

SUDDENLY PARENTS ARE LIKE, WE HAVE TO TEACH THESE DISHES NOW? FEED THESE DISHES NOW?

HAVE TO TEACH THESE DISHES NOW? FEED THESE DISHES NOW? WHY DID I HAVE SO MANY DISHES?

FEED THESE DISHES NOW? WHY DID I HAVE SO MANY DISHES? THAT LAST DISH WAS A MISTAKE.

WHY DID I HAVE SO MANY DISHES? THAT LAST DISH WAS A MISTAKE. SERIOUSLY, TEACHERS ARE PEOPLE,

THAT LAST DISH WAS A MISTAKE. SERIOUSLY, TEACHERS ARE PEOPLE, NOT APPLIANCES.

SERIOUSLY, TEACHERS ARE PEOPLE, NOT APPLIANCES. SO PLEASE, REMEMBER HOW

NOT APPLIANCES. SO PLEASE, REMEMBER HOW IMPORTANT TEACHERS ARE.

SO PLEASE, REMEMBER HOW IMPORTANT TEACHERS ARE. ACKNOWLEDGE THE WORK THEY DO

IMPORTANT TEACHERS ARE. ACKNOWLEDGE THE WORK THEY DO EVERY DAY, AND FOR THE LOVE OF

ACKNOWLEDGE THE WORK THEY DO EVERY DAY, AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PAY THEM THE MONEY THEY

EVERY DAY, AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PAY THEM THE MONEY THEY DESERVE.

GOD, PAY THEM THE MONEY THEY DESERVE. WE GOT A GREATHOW FOR YOU

DESERVE. WE GOT A GREATHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.

WE GOT A GREATHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT. LIL YACHTY

TONIGHT. LIL YACHTY >>> DUDE, I THOUGHT THIS CLUB

LIL YACHTY >>> DUDE, I THOUGHT THIS CLUB WAS A LITTLE SKETCHY AT FIRST,

>>> DUDE, I THOUGHT THIS CLUB WAS A LITTLE SKETCHY AT FIRST, BUT THE GIRLS HERE ARE INSANE.

WAS A LITTLE SKETCHY AT FIRST, BUT THE GIRLS HERE ARE INSANE. >> I KNOW.

BUT THE GIRLS HERE ARE INSANE. >> I KNOW. I ALREADY GOT LIKE THREE PHONE

>> I KNOW. I ALREADY GOT LIKE THREE PHONE NUMBERS.

I ALREADY GOT LIKE THREE PHONE NUMBERS. >> THE ONLY THING THAT WOULD

NUMBERS. >> THE ONLY THING THAT WOULD MAKE THIS NIGHT MORE PERFECT IS

>> THE ONLY THING THAT WOULD MAKE THIS NIGHT MORE PERFECT IS IF WE COULD SCORE A LITTLE

MAKE THIS NIGHT MORE PERFECT IS IF WE COULD SCORE A LITTLE SOMETHING.

IF WE COULD SCORE A LITTLE SOMETHING. >> YOU MEAN LIKE COKE?

SOMETHING. >> YOU MEAN LIKE COKE? >> YEAH, MAN.

>> YOU MEAN LIKE COKE? >> YEAH, MAN. >> I DON'T KNOW.

>> YEAH, MAN. >> I DON'T KNOW. >> WHY NOT?

>> I DON'T KNOW. >> WHY NOT? WE'RE ON VACATION, RIGHT?

>> WHY NOT? WE'RE ON VACATION, RIGHT? >> ALL RIGHT.

WE'RE ON VACATION, RIGHT? >> ALL RIGHT. AS LONG AS WE CAN FIND SOMETHING

>> ALL RIGHT. AS LONG AS WE CAN FIND SOMETHING THAT'S PURE.

AS LONG AS WE CAN FIND SOMETHING THAT'S PURE. THERE'S A LOT OF GARBAGE GOING

THAT'S PURE. THERE'S A LOT OF GARBAGE GOING AROUND RIGHT NOW.

THERE'S A LOT OF GARBAGE GOING AROUND RIGHT NOW. >> HEY.

AROUND RIGHT NOW. >> HEY. YOU GUYS LOOKING FOR SOME

>> HEY. YOU GUYS LOOKING FOR SOME COCAINE?

YOU GUYS LOOKING FOR SOME COCAINE? >> WHAT?

COCAINE? >> WHAT? >> I SAID, DO YOU WANT TO GET

>> WHAT? >> I SAID, DO YOU WANT TO GET HIGH?

>> I SAID, DO YOU WANT TO GET HIGH? BECAUSE I CAN MAKE THAT HAPPEN.

HIGH? BECAUSE I CAN MAKE THAT HAPPEN. >> WAIT, SERIOUSLY?

BECAUSE I CAN MAKE THAT HAPPEN. >> WAIT, SERIOUSLY? >> I MEAN, IS IT PURE?

>> WAIT, SERIOUSLY? >> I MEAN, IS IT PURE? >> IS IT PURE?

>> I MEAN, IS IT PURE? >> IS IT PURE? DON'T INSULT ME, MAN.

>> IS IT PURE? DON'T INSULT ME, MAN. MY PRODUCT IS SO PURE WHITE,

DON'T INSULT ME, MAN. MY PRODUCT IS SO PURE WHITE, IT'S LIKE A BUNNY RABBIT MAKING

MY PRODUCT IS SO PURE WHITE, IT'S LIKE A BUNNY RABBIT MAKING SNOW ANGELS ON A CLOUD.

IT'S LIKE A BUNNY RABBIT MAKING SNOW ANGELS ON A CLOUD. >> SOUNDS GOOD TO ME.

SNOW ANGELS ON A CLOUD. >> SOUNDS GOOD TO ME. >> HEY.

>> SOUNDS GOOD TO ME. >> HEY. YOU GUYS LOOKING FOR COCAINE?

>> HEY. YOU GUYS LOOKING FOR COCAINE? >> OH, I THINK WE FOUND SOME

YOU GUYS LOOKING FOR COCAINE? >> OH, I THINK WE FOUND SOME ALREADY.

>> OH, I THINK WE FOUND SOME ALREADY. >> YEAH.

ALREADY. >> YEAH. THEY ALREADY FOUND SOME.

>> YEAH. THEY ALREADY FOUND SOME. GET LOST.

THEY ALREADY FOUND SOME. GET LOST. >> WELL, MY STUFF IS SO WHITE,

GET LOST. >> WELL, MY STUFF IS SO WHITE, IT'S LIKE GWENYTH PALTROW SKIING

>> WELL, MY STUFF IS SO WHITE, IT'S LIKE GWENYTH PALTROW SKIING IN UTAH.

IT'S LIKE GWENYTH PALTROW SKIING IN UTAH. >> OKAY.

IN UTAH. >> OKAY. >> DAMN.

>> OKAY. >> DAMN. I'M SOLD.

>> DAMN. I'M SOLD. HOW MUCH FOR THAT?

I'M SOLD. HOW MUCH FOR THAT? >> WAIT A MINUTE.

HOW MUCH FOR THAT? >> WAIT A MINUTE. MY COCAINE IS SO PURE WHITE,

>> WAIT A MINUTE. MY COCAINE IS SO PURE WHITE, IT'S LIKE THE GUY THAT'S SUING

MY COCAINE IS SO PURE WHITE, IT'S LIKE THE GUY THAT'S SUING GWENYTH PALTROW BECAUSE HE CAN'T

IT'S LIKE THE GUY THAT'S SUING GWENYTH PALTROW BECAUSE HE CAN'T ENJOY WINE TASTINGS ANYMORE.

GWENYTH PALTROW BECAUSE HE CAN'T ENJOY WINE TASTINGS ANYMORE. >> Y'ALL LOOKING FOR SOME

ENJOY WINE TASTINGS ANYMORE. >> Y'ALL LOOKING FOR SOME COCAINE?

>> Y'ALL LOOKING FOR SOME COCAINE? >> NO.

COCAINE? >> NO. >> T ALREADY DECIDED, MAN.

>> NO. >> T ALREADY DECIDED, MAN. >> WELL, NO, WE HAVEN'T.

>> T ALREADY DECIDED, MAN. >> WELL, NO, WE HAVEN'T. WE'RE JUST TRYING TO MAKE SURE

>> WELL, NO, WE HAVEN'T. WE'RE JUST TRYING TO MAKE SURE IT'S PURE.

WE'RE JUST TRYING TO MAKE SURE IT'S PURE. >> LET ME TELL YOU THIS, MAN,

IT'S PURE. >> LET ME TELL YOU THIS, MAN, THE COKE I GOT IS SO WHITE, ITS

>> LET ME TELL YOU THIS, MAN, THE COKE I GOT IS SO WHITE, ITS DAD SENDS IT MONEY EVERY MONTH

THE COKE I GOT IS SO WHITE, ITS DAD SENDS IT MONEY EVERY MONTH FOR THE RENT.

DAD SENDS IT MONEY EVERY MONTH FOR THE RENT. >> OKAY.

FOR THE RENT. >> OKAY. I THINK I WANT THAT ONE.

>> OKAY. I THINK I WANT THAT ONE. >> NO, NO, NO.

I THINK I WANT THAT ONE. >> NO, NO, NO. THAT IS JUNK.

>> NO, NO, NO. THAT IS JUNK. THIS STUFF RIGHT HERE IS SO

THAT IS JUNK. THIS STUFF RIGHT HERE IS SO WHITE, IT TAKES ITS SHOES AND

THIS STUFF RIGHT HERE IS SO WHITE, IT TAKES ITS SHOES AND SOCKS OFF ON A PLANE.

WHITE, IT TAKES ITS SHOES AND SOCKS OFF ON A PLANE. >> NO, NO, NO.

SOCKS OFF ON A PLANE. >> NO, NO, NO. YOU DON'T WANT THAT.

>> NO, NO, NO. YOU DON'T WANT THAT. THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT, MAN.

YOU DON'T WANT THAT. THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT, MAN. THIS COKE RIGHT HERE IS WHITER

THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT, MAN. THIS COKE RIGHT HERE IS WHITER THAN SEASON TWO OF "THE WIRE."

THIS COKE RIGHT HERE IS WHITER THAN SEASON TWO OF "THE WIRE." >> OH, YEAH?

THAN SEASON TWO OF "THE WIRE." >> OH, YEAH? WELL, MY COKE IS LIKE --

>> OH, YEAH? WELL, MY COKE IS LIKE -- ♪ CUT MY LIFE INTO PIECES, THIS

WELL, MY COKE IS LIKE -- ♪ CUT MY LIFE INTO PIECES, THIS IS MY LAST RESORT ♪

♪ CUT MY LIFE INTO PIECES, THIS IS MY LAST RESORT ♪ >> MINE IS LIKE --

IS MY LAST RESORT ♪ >> MINE IS LIKE -- ♪ I CHIMED IN WITH A HAVEN'T YOU

>> MINE IS LIKE -- ♪ I CHIMED IN WITH A HAVEN'T YOU PEOPLE EVER HEARD OF CLOSING THE

♪ I CHIMED IN WITH A HAVEN'T YOU PEOPLE EVER HEARD OF CLOSING THE GOD DAMN DOOR ♪

PEOPLE EVER HEARD OF CLOSING THE GOD DAMN DOOR ♪ >> THAIS WHITE, YEAH.

GOD DAMN DOOR ♪ >> THAIS WHITE, YEAH. >> HEY.

>> THAIS WHITE, YEAH. >> HEY. YOU GUYS LOOKING FOR SOME

>> HEY. YOU GUYS LOOKING FOR SOME COCAINE?

YOU GUYS LOOKING FOR SOME COCAINE? >> WE GOOD.

COCAINE? >> WE GOOD. >> THEY'RE ALL SET, MAN.

>> WE GOOD. >> THEY'RE ALL SET, MAN. >> WE'RE LOOKING FOR COKE THAT'S

>> THEY'RE ALL SET, MAN. >> WE'RE LOOKING FOR COKE THAT'S SO PURE WHITE, IT GOT A LITTLE

>> WE'RE LOOKING FOR COKE THAT'S SO PURE WHITE, IT GOT A LITTLE BOTTLE OPENER ON ITS FLIP FLOPS.

SO PURE WHITE, IT GOT A LITTLE BOTTLE OPENER ON ITS FLIP FLOPS. >> MY COKE IS SO PURE, IT WAS

BOTTLE OPENER ON ITS FLIP FLOPS. >> MY COKE IS SO PURE, IT WAS WRITTEN AND DIRECTED BY NOAH

>> MY COKE IS SO PURE, IT WAS WRITTEN AND DIRECTED BY NOAH BAUMBACH.

WRITTEN AND DIRECTED BY NOAH BAUMBACH. >> WHO THE HELL IS NOAH

BAUMBACH. >> WHO THE HELL IS NOAH BAUMBACH?

>> WHO THE HELL IS NOAH BAUMBACH? >> A POET.

BAUMBACH? >> A POET. >> MAN, THAT'S NOTHING.

>> A POET. >> MAN, THAT'S NOTHING. THIS COCAINE I GOT SAYS STUFF

>> MAN, THAT'S NOTHING. THIS COCAINE I GOT SAYS STUFF LIKE, OOP, LET ME SCOOT RIGHT BY

THIS COCAINE I GOT SAYS STUFF LIKE, OOP, LET ME SCOOT RIGHT BY YOU.

LIKE, OOP, LET ME SCOOT RIGHT BY YOU. >> NO, NO, NO.

YOU. >> NO, NO, NO. THIS COCAINE IS SO WHITE --

>> NO, NO, NO. THIS COCAINE IS SO WHITE -- >> OH, SORRY.

THIS COCAINE IS SO WHITE -- >> OH, SORRY. HOW WHITE IS IT?

>> OH, SORRY. HOW WHITE IS IT? >> THANK YOU.

HOW WHITE IS IT? >> THANK YOU. IT'S SO WHITE, IT STANDS LIKE

>> THANK YOU. IT'S SO WHITE, IT STANDS LIKE THIS ADMIRING ITS LAWN.

IT'S SO WHITE, IT STANDS LIKE THIS ADMIRING ITS LAWN. >> MY COKE IS SO WHITE --

THIS ADMIRING ITS LAWN. >> MY COKE IS SO WHITE -- >> LET ME JUST SCOOT BY YOU

>> MY COKE IS SO WHITE -- >> LET ME JUST SCOOT BY YOU THERE.

>> LET ME JUST SCOOT BY YOU THERE. OKAY.

THERE. OKAY. TOODLES.

OKAY. TOODLES. >> IT'S THAT WHITE.

TOODLES. >> IT'S THAT WHITE. >> I ALREADY SAID THAT ONE.

>> IT'S THAT WHITE. >> I ALREADY SAID THAT ONE. >> ALL RIGHT, MAN.

>> I ALREADY SAID THAT ONE. >> ALL RIGHT, MAN. SO WHAT DO YOU THINK?

>> ALL RIGHT, MAN. SO WHAT DO YOU THINK? >> HUH, I DON'T KNOW.

SO WHAT DO YOU THINK? >> HUH, I DON'T KNOW. I STILL CAN'T DECIDE.

>> HUH, I DON'T KNOW. I STILL CAN'T DECIDE. >> HEY.

I STILL CAN'T DECIDE. >> HEY. YOU GUYS LOOKING FOR SOME BLACK

>> HEY. YOU GUYS LOOKING FOR SOME BLACK TAR HEROIN?

YOU GUYS LOOKING FOR SOME BLACK TAR HEROIN? >> WHAT?

TAR HEROIN? >> WHAT? NO.

>> WHAT? NO. >> OH, TOO BAD BECAUSE I'VE GOT

NO. >> OH, TOO BAD BECAUSE I'VE GOT SOME BLACK TAR HEROIN THAT'S SO

>> OH, TOO BAD BECAUSE I'VE GOT SOME BLACK TAR HEROIN THAT'S SO BLACK, IT'S -- YOU KNOW WHAT,

SOME BLACK TAR HEROIN THAT'S SO BLACK, IT'S -- YOU KNOW WHAT, MAYBE I SHOULDN'T SAY.

BLACK, IT'S -- YOU KNOW WHAT, MAYBE I SHOULDN'T SAY. >> NO, NO, NO.

MAYBE I SHOULDN'T SAY. >> NO, NO, NO. WANT TO HEAR IT.

>> NO, NO, NO. WANT TO HEAR IT. GO AHEAD.

WANT TO HEAR IT. GO AHEAD. >> PLEASE TELL US.

GO AHEAD. >> PLEASE TELL US. >> I WAS GOING TO SAY IT'S SO

>> PLEASE TELL US. >> I WAS GOING TO SAY IT'S SO BLACK THAT IT'S STRONG AND

>> I WAS GOING TO SAY IT'S SO BLACK THAT IT'S STRONG AND EQUAL.

BLACK THAT IT'S STRONG AND EQUAL. AND WE SHOULD ALL REALLY GIVE IT

EQUAL. AND WE SHOULD ALL REALLY GIVE IT A CHANCE.

AND WE SHOULD ALL REALLY GIVE IT A CHANCE. YOU KNOW, I'M NOT EVEN HERE.

A CHANCE. YOU KNOW, I'M NOT EVEN HERE. >> THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.

YOU KNOW, I'M NOT EVEN HERE. >> THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT. LIKE I SAID, THIS COKE IS SO

>> THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT. LIKE I SAID, THIS COKE IS SO WHITE, IT LIKES TO SAY IT'S FROM

LIKE I SAID, THIS COKE IS SO WHITE, IT LIKES TO SAY IT'S FROM CHICAGO, BUT IT'S FROM A SUBURB

WHITE, IT LIKES TO SAY IT'S FROM CHICAGO, BUT IT'S FROM A SUBURB OUTSIDE OF CHICAGO.

CHICAGO, BUT IT'S FROM A SUBURB OUTSIDE OF CHICAGO. >> MY COKE IS 20 PAIRS OF YEEZY

OUTSIDE OF CHICAGO. >> MY COKE IS 20 PAIRS OF YEEZY SNEAKERS.

>> MY COKE IS 20 PAIRS OF YEEZY SNEAKERS. >> THAT DOESN'T SOUND WHITE.

SNEAKERS. >> THAT DOESN'T SOUND WHITE. >> THEY'RE ALL DIRTY.

>> THAT DOESN'T SOUND WHITE. >> THEY'RE ALL DIRTY. >> THAT'S WHITE.

>> THEY'RE ALL DIRTY. >> THAT'S WHITE. >> THAT'S ENOUGH.

>> THAT'S WHITE. >> THAT'S ENOUGH. THOSE ALL SOUND VERY WHITE AND

>> THAT'S ENOUGH. THOSE ALL SOUND VERY WHITE AND PURE.

THOSE ALL SOUND VERY WHITE AND PURE. I CAN'T DECIDE.

PURE. I CAN'T DECIDE. SO I GUESS WE'LL TAKE ONE FROM

I CAN'T DECIDE. SO I GUESS WE'LL TAKE ONE FROM EACH.

SO I GUESS WE'LL TAKE ONE FROM EACH. >> OKAY.

EACH. >> OKAY. >> ALL RIGHT.

>> OKAY. >> ALL RIGHT. >> AND YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY SURE

>> ALL RIGHT. >> AND YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY SURE THERE IS NO FENTANYL IN THIS,

>> AND YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY SURE THERE IS NO FENTANYL IN THIS, RIGHT?

THERE IS NO FENTANYL IN THIS, RIGHT? >> NOBODY SAID --

RIGHT? >> NOBODY SAID -- >> WELL --

>>> IT ALL STARTED WITH A BOX ON MY DOORSTEP. >> AND A NOTE WITH A QUESTION.

MY DOORSTEP. >> AND A NOTE WITH A QUESTION. >> I JUST GOT THIS FEELING THAT

>> AND A NOTE WITH A QUESTION. >> I JUST GOT THIS FEELING THAT IT WASN'T THE KIND OF QUESTION

>> I JUST GOT THIS FEELING THAT IT WASN'T THE KIND OF QUESTION YOU COULD SAY NO TO.

IT WASN'T THE KIND OF QUESTION YOU COULD SAY NO TO. >> WILL YOU --

YOU COULD SAY NO TO. >> WILL YOU -- >> BE MY --

>> WILL YOU -- >> BE MY -- >> BRIDESMAID.

>> BE MY -- >> BRIDESMAID. >> FROM THE PEOPLE WHO BROUGHT

>> BRIDESMAID. >> FROM THE PEOPLE WHO BROUGHT YOU KEEP SWEET, WILD WILD

>> FROM THE PEOPLE WHO BROUGHT YOU KEEP SWEET, WILD WILD COUNTRY, AND THE DOCUMENTARY

YOU KEEP SWEET, WILD WILD COUNTRY, AND THE DOCUMENTARY COMES A NEW STORY, I WAS A

COUNTRY, AND THE DOCUMENTARY COMES A NEW STORY, I WAS A BRIDESMAID.

COMES A NEW STORY, I WAS A BRIDESMAID. >> EACH YEAR, MORE THAN 6

BRIDESMAID. >> EACH YEAR, MORE THAN 6 MILLION WOMEN FALL INTO THIS

>> EACH YEAR, MORE THAN 6 MILLION WOMEN FALL INTO THIS TYPE OF CULT.

MILLION WOMEN FALL INTO THIS TYPE OF CULT. THEY PREY ON COLLEGE ROOMMATES

TYPE OF CULT. THEY PREY ON COLLEGE ROOMMATES AND SISTERS IN LAW.

THEY PREY ON COLLEGE ROOMMATES AND SISTERS IN LAW. >> THEY SELL YOU ON A ONE DAY.

AND SISTERS IN LAW. >> THEY SELL YOU ON A ONE DAY. THE BUT FOR 18 MONTHS, I WAS

>> THEY SELL YOU ON A ONE DAY. THE BUT FOR 18 MONTHS, I WAS FULLY SUCKED IN.

THE BUT FOR 18 MONTHS, I WAS FULLY SUCKED IN. >> THERE WAS AN EMAIL CHAIN,

FULLY SUCKED IN. >> THERE WAS AN EMAIL CHAIN, GROUP TEXTS, DM, A WHOLE

>> THERE WAS AN EMAIL CHAIN, GROUP TEXTS, DM, A WHOLE CONVERSATION AND VENMO.

GROUP TEXTS, DM, A WHOLE CONVERSATION AND VENMO. >> GOT PULLED INTO A 200

CONVERSATION AND VENMO. >> GOT PULLED INTO A 200 QUESTION POLL ABOUT CUSTOMIZED

>> GOT PULLED INTO A 200 QUESTION POLL ABOUT CUSTOMIZED SHIRTS.

QUESTION POLL ABOUT CUSTOMIZED SHIRTS. WE ENDED UP GOING WITH BRIDE

SHIRTS. WE ENDED UP GOING WITH BRIDE TRIBE.

WE ENDED UP GOING WITH BRIDE TRIBE. >> THEY ALSO TARGET ANOTHER

TRIBE. >> THEY ALSO TARGET ANOTHER VULNERABLE GROUP, OUTGOING GAY

>> THEY ALSO TARGET ANOTHER VULNERABLE GROUP, OUTGOING GAY MEN.

VULNERABLE GROUP, OUTGOING GAY MEN. >> I HAVE BEEN A BRIDESMAID AT

MEN. >> I HAVE BEEN A BRIDESMAID AT NINE WEDDINGS THIS YEAR.

>> I HAVE BEEN A BRIDESMAID AT NINE WEDDINGS THIS YEAR. WHENEVER A GIRL STARTS CALLING

NINE WEDDINGS THIS YEAR. WHENEVER A GIRL STARTS CALLING ME SIS, I KNOW I'M IN TROUBLE.

WHENEVER A GIRL STARTS CALLING ME SIS, I KNOW I'M IN TROUBLE. >> THE BACHELORETTE PARTY IS THE

ME SIS, I KNOW I'M IN TROUBLE. >> THE BACHELORETTE PARTY IS THE FIRST MAJOR RITUAL, ALMOST

>> THE BACHELORETTE PARTY IS THE FIRST MAJOR RITUAL, ALMOST ALWAYS IN NASHVILLE.

FIRST MAJOR RITUAL, ALMOST ALWAYS IN NASHVILLE. >> I TRY TODAY SAY I COULDN'T GO

ALWAYS IN NASHVILLE. >> I TRY TODAY SAY I COULDN'T GO BECAUSE OF MY STUDENT LOANS.

>> I TRY TODAY SAY I COULDN'T GO BECAUSE OF MY STUDENT LOANS. THE MAID OF HONOR TEXTED BACK,

BECAUSE OF MY STUDENT LOANS. THE MAID OF HONOR TEXTED BACK, NO WORRIES WITH A SPARKLE EMOJI.

THE MAID OF HONOR TEXTED BACK, NO WORRIES WITH A SPARKLE EMOJI. I KNEW WHAT THAT MEANT.

NO WORRIES WITH A SPARKLE EMOJI. I KNEW WHAT THAT MEANT. >> AT FIRST, I THOUGHT IT WAS

I KNEW WHAT THAT MEANT. >> AT FIRST, I THOUGHT IT WAS THE BRIDE IN CHARGE, BUT IT WAS

>> AT FIRST, I THOUGHT IT WAS THE BRIDE IN CHARGE, BUT IT WAS THE WOMAN UNDER HER, MICHELLE.

THE BRIDE IN CHARGE, BUT IT WAS THE WOMAN UNDER HER, MICHELLE. >> MICHELLE WAS A SOCIOPATH.

THE WOMAN UNDER HER, MICHELLE. >> MICHELLE WAS A SOCIOPATH. >> FIRST, WE'RE GOING TO BE

>> MICHELLE WAS A SOCIOPATH. >> FIRST, WE'RE GOING TO BE GETTING UP AT 6:00 A.M. FOR A

>> FIRST, WE'RE GOING TO BE GETTING UP AT 6:00 A.M. FOR A POLL DANCE FITNESS CLASS.

GETTING UP AT 6:00 A.M. FOR A POLL DANCE FITNESS CLASS. WE'RE GOING TO BE RUNNING A NINE

POLL DANCE FITNESS CLASS. WE'RE GOING TO BE RUNNING A NINE BIKE PERSON, AND DRINKING,

WE'RE GOING TO BE RUNNING A NINE BIKE PERSON, AND DRINKING, DRINKING, DRINKING.

BIKE PERSON, AND DRINKING, DRINKING, DRINKING. >> I'M NOT FEELING SO GOOD, SO

DRINKING, DRINKING. >> I'M NOT FEELING SO GOOD, SO I'M GOING TO MEET YOU GUYS

>> I'M NOT FEELING SO GOOD, SO I'M GOING TO MEET YOU GUYS LATER.

I'M GOING TO MEET YOU GUYS LATER. >> OH, THAT'S OKAY.

LATER. >> OH, THAT'S OKAY. HEY, BRITTANY, CAN WE TALK FOR A

>> OH, THAT'S OKAY. HEY, BRITTANY, CAN WE TALK FOR A SEC?

HEY, BRITTANY, CAN WE TALK FOR A SEC? >> I DON'T HAVE MANY MEMORIES

SEC? >> I DON'T HAVE MANY MEMORIES FROM THE BACHELORETTE TRIP

>> I DON'T HAVE MANY MEMORIES FROM THE BACHELORETTE TRIP BECAUSE I WAS DRUGGED BY MYSELF.

FROM THE BACHELORETTE TRIP BECAUSE I WAS DRUGGED BY MYSELF. I HAD NO CHOICE.

BECAUSE I WAS DRUGGED BY MYSELF. I HAD NO CHOICE. THESE WOMEN WERE TERRORIZING

I HAD NO CHOICE. THESE WOMEN WERE TERRORIZING EVERY GAY BAR IN TOWN.

THESE WOMEN WERE TERRORIZING EVERY GAY BAR IN TOWN. >> AS WITH ALL CULTS, THERE IS A

EVERY GAY BAR IN TOWN. >> AS WITH ALL CULTS, THERE IS A FINANCIAL ELEMENT.

>> AS WITH ALL CULTS, THERE IS A FINANCIAL ELEMENT. >> I SPENT $300 ON A BRIDESMAID

FINANCIAL ELEMENT. >> I SPENT $300 ON A BRIDESMAID DRESS.

>> I SPENT $300 ON A BRIDESMAID DRESS. THE BRIDES I'VE TRIED OTHER

DRESS. THE BRIDES I'VE TRIED OTHER TIMES TO WEAR IT.

THE BRIDES I'VE TRIED OTHER TIMES TO WEAR IT. WHERE AM I GOING THAT CALLS FOR

TIMES TO WEAR IT. WHERE AM I GOING THAT CALLS FOR A BLUE CHIFFON GOWN?

WHERE AM I GOING THAT CALLS FOR A BLUE CHIFFON GOWN? >> MORE MONEY, MORE GIFTS, THERE

A BLUE CHIFFON GOWN? >> MORE MONEY, MORE GIFTS, THERE WAS ALL THIS PENIS STUFF,

>> MORE MONEY, MORE GIFTS, THERE WAS ALL THIS PENIS STUFF, SASHES, STRAWS, EVERYONE ACTED

WAS ALL THIS PENIS STUFF, SASHES, STRAWS, EVERYONE ACTED LIKE IT WAS HILARIOUS.

SASHES, STRAWS, EVERYONE ACTED LIKE IT WAS HILARIOUS. I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND.

LIKE IT WAS HILARIOUS. I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND. >> THE PENIS STUFF IS VERY

I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND. >> THE PENIS STUFF IS VERY FUNNY.

>> THE PENIS STUFF IS VERY FUNNY. I WILL SAY THAT.

FUNNY. I WILL SAY THAT. >> AND FINALLY, IT WAS TIME FOR

I WILL SAY THAT. >> AND FINALLY, IT WAS TIME FOR THE BIG DAY.

>> AND FINALLY, IT WAS TIME FOR THE BIG DAY. >> I WAS SEPARATED FROM MY

THE BIG DAY. >> I WAS SEPARATED FROM MY BOYFRIEND AND GIVEN A NEW

>> I WAS SEPARATED FROM MY BOYFRIEND AND GIVEN A NEW PARTNER, THE GROOM'S COUSIN

BOYFRIEND AND GIVEN A NEW PARTNER, THE GROOM'S COUSIN DONNY, WHO WAS INEXPLICABLY 61.

PARTNER, THE GROOM'S COUSIN DONNY, WHO WAS INEXPLICABLY 61. >> FINAL RITUAL WAS THE MOST

DONNY, WHO WAS INEXPLICABLY 61. >> FINAL RITUAL WAS THE MOST DEMEANING.

>> FINAL RITUAL WAS THE MOST DEMEANING. WE HAD TO WRITE AND PERFORM

DEMEANING. WE HAD TO WRITE AND PERFORM ORIGINAL LYRICS TO FRESH PRINCE

WE HAD TO WRITE AND PERFORM ORIGINAL LYRICS TO FRESH PRINCE OF BELAIR.

ORIGINAL LYRICS TO FRESH PRINCE OF BELAIR. >> AND THEN, ALL OF A SUDDEN, IT

OF BELAIR. >> AND THEN, ALL OF A SUDDEN, IT WAS OVER.

>> AND THEN, ALL OF A SUDDEN, IT WAS OVER. BUT I JUST GOT ENGAGED.

WAS OVER. BUT I JUST GOT ENGAGED. DON'T WORRY.

BUT I JUST GOT ENGAGED. DON'T WORRY. I'M GOING TO BE SUCH A CHILL

DON'T WORRY. I'M GOING TO BE SUCH A CHILL BRIDE.

I'M GOING TO BE SUCH A CHILL BRIDE. >>> IT'S TIME FOR COUPLE WARS

BRIDE. >>> IT'S TIME FOR COUPLE WARS WITH YOUR HOST, BOB DABILDA.

>>> IT'S TIME FOR COUPLE WARS WITH YOUR HOST, BOB DABILDA. >> WELCOME TO COUPLE GOALS.

WITH YOUR HOST, BOB DABILDA. >> WELCOME TO COUPLE GOALS. LET'S MEET TODAY'S CONTESTANTS.

>> WELCOME TO COUPLE GOALS. LET'S MEET TODAY'S CONTESTANTS. THEY RECENTLY CELEBRATED THEIR

LET'S MEET TODAY'S CONTESTANTS. THEY RECENTLY CELEBRATED THEIR TEN-YEAR ANNIVERSARY, IT'S

THEY RECENTLY CELEBRATED THEIR TEN-YEAR ANNIVERSARY, IT'S THOMAS AND MIA ANDERSON.

TEN-YEAR ANNIVERSARY, IT'S THOMAS AND MIA ANDERSON. AND THEY LIVED ACROSS FROM EACH

THOMAS AND MIA ANDERSON. AND THEY LIVED ACROSS FROM EACH OTHER DURING THE PANDEMIC, IT'S

AND THEY LIVED ACROSS FROM EACH OTHER DURING THE PANDEMIC, IT'S JOHN AND LINDA CRONIN.

OTHER DURING THE PANDEMIC, IT'S JOHN AND LINDA CRONIN. LET'S GET STARTED.

JOHN AND LINDA CRONIN. LET'S GET STARTED. AS YOU KNOW, YOUR SPOUSES

LET'S GET STARTED. AS YOU KNOW, YOUR SPOUSES ANSWERED A SERIES OF QUESTIONS

AS YOU KNOW, YOUR SPOUSES ANSWERED A SERIES OF QUESTIONS BEFORE THE SHOW, AND IT'S UP TO

ANSWERED A SERIES OF QUESTIONS BEFORE THE SHOW, AND IT'S UP TO YOU TO GUESS WHAT THEY SAID.

BEFORE THE SHOW, AND IT'S UP TO YOU TO GUESS WHAT THEY SAID. QUESTION ONE, WHAT WAS YOUR

YOU TO GUESS WHAT THEY SAID. QUESTION ONE, WHAT WAS YOUR WIFE'S FAVORITE FOOD?

QUESTION ONE, WHAT WAS YOUR WIFE'S FAVORITE FOOD? >> COME ON, BOB, THAT'S EASY.

WIFE'S FAVORITE FOOD? >> COME ON, BOB, THAT'S EASY. SHE'S THE QUEEN OF BURGERS.

>> COME ON, BOB, THAT'S EASY. SHE'S THE QUEEN OF BURGERS. >> LET'S SEE WHAT MIA SAID.

SHE'S THE QUEEN OF BURGERS. >> LET'S SEE WHAT MIA SAID. >> BURGERS.

>> LET'S SEE WHAT MIA SAID. >> BURGERS. I'M THE BURGER QUEEN.

>> BURGERS. I'M THE BURGER QUEEN. >> ALL RIGHT.

I'M THE BURGER QUEEN. >> ALL RIGHT. THE ANDERSONS ARE ON THE BOARD.

>> ALL RIGHT. THE ANDERSONS ARE ON THE BOARD. LET'S GO TO THE CRONINS, JOHN.

THE ANDERSONS ARE ON THE BOARD. LET'S GO TO THE CRONINS, JOHN. >> I'M GOING TO GO WITH MY GUT

LET'S GO TO THE CRONINS, JOHN. >> I'M GOING TO GO WITH MY GUT HERE AND SAY CREPES.

>> I'M GOING TO GO WITH MY GUT HERE AND SAY CREPES. >> OH, NO, I SAID FISH STICKS.

HERE AND SAY CREPES. >> OH, NO, I SAID FISH STICKS. WE'LL GET THEM NEXT TIME, BABE.

>> OH, NO, I SAID FISH STICKS. WE'LL GET THEM NEXT TIME, BABE. >> QUESTION TWO.

WE'LL GET THEM NEXT TIME, BABE. >> QUESTION TWO. WHAT IS YOUR HUSBAND'S GREATEST

>> QUESTION TWO. WHAT IS YOUR HUSBAND'S GREATEST FEAR?

WHAT IS YOUR HUSBAND'S GREATEST FEAR? >> I'VE SEEN THIS MAN IN THE

FEAR? >> I'VE SEEN THIS MAN IN THE GARAGE, ANDND TRUST ME, THE ANSR

>> I'VE SEEN THIS MAN IN THE GARAGE, ANDND TRUST ME, THE ANSR IS SPIDERS.

GARAGE, ANDND TRUST ME, THE ANSR IS SPIDERS. >> ALL RIGHT.

IS SPIDERS. >> ALL RIGHT. MIA SAID SPIDERS, AND THOMAS

>> ALL RIGHT. MIA SAID SPIDERS, AND THOMAS SAID HIS GREATEST FEAR IS --

MIA SAID SPIDERS, AND THOMAS SAID HIS GREATEST FEAR IS -- THAT YOU'LL FALL DOWN THE STAIRS

SAID HIS GREATEST FEAR IS -- THAT YOU'LL FALL DOWN THE STAIRS AND GET HURT SO BAD THAT I HAVE

THAT YOU'LL FALL DOWN THE STAIRS AND GET HURT SO BAD THAT I HAVE TO GIVE UP MY DREAMS AND SPEND

AND GET HURT SO BAD THAT I HAVE TO GIVE UP MY DREAMS AND SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE CARING FOR

TO GIVE UP MY DREAMS AND SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE CARING FOR YOU.

THE REST OF MY LIFE CARING FOR YOU. WOW.

YOU. WOW. SO NO POINTS ON THAT ONE.

WOW. SO NO POINTS ON THAT ONE. >> THAT'S YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?

SO NO POINTS ON THAT ONE. >> THAT'S YOUR BIGGEST FEAR? >> SPIDERS, YEAH.

>> THAT'S YOUR BIGGEST FEAR? >> SPIDERS, YEAH. SHOULD HAVE SAID SPIDERS.

>> SPIDERS, YEAH. SHOULD HAVE SAID SPIDERS. >> OKAY.

SHOULD HAVE SAID SPIDERS. >> OKAY. MOVING ON TO THE CRONINS.

>> OKAY. MOVING ON TO THE CRONINS. LINDA, WHAT IS YOUR HUSBAND'S

MOVING ON TO THE CRONINS. LINDA, WHAT IS YOUR HUSBAND'S GREATEST FEAR?

LINDA, WHAT IS YOUR HUSBAND'S GREATEST FEAR? >> OH, I GOT THIS.

GREATEST FEAR? >> OH, I GOT THIS. IT'S AIRPLANES.

>> OH, I GOT THIS. IT'S AIRPLANES. >> NO, HONEY.

IT'S AIRPLANES. >> NO, HONEY. IT'S SNAKES.

>> NO, HONEY. IT'S SNAKES. REMEMBER?

IT'S SNAKES. REMEMBER? >> OH.

REMEMBER? >> OH. SO CLOSE.

>> OH. SO CLOSE. >> WAS IT, THOUGH?

SO CLOSE. >> WAS IT, THOUGH? WAS IT?

>> WAS IT, THOUGH? WAS IT? >> OKAY.

WAS IT? >> OKAY. NEXT QUESTION.

>> OKAY. NEXT QUESTION. WHAT'S SOMETHING YOU DO IN BED

NEXT QUESTION. WHAT'S SOMETHING YOU DO IN BED THAT YOUR HUSBAND DOES NOT LIKE.

WHAT'S SOMETHING YOU DO IN BED THAT YOUR HUSBAND DOES NOT LIKE. MIA?

THAT YOUR HUSBAND DOES NOT LIKE. MIA?

MIA?

>> WELL, THIS IS EMBARRASSING,

>> WELL, THIS IS EMBARRASSING, BUT KISSING HIM BEFORE I BRUSH

>> WELL, THIS IS EMBARRASSING, BUT KISSING HIM BEFORE I BRUSH MY TEETH.

BUT KISSING HIM BEFORE I BRUSH MY TEETH. >> AND THOMAS SAID, SLEEP TOO

MY TEETH. >> AND THOMAS SAID, SLEEP TOO CLOSE TO THE EDGE.

>> AND THOMAS SAID, SLEEP TOO CLOSE TO THE EDGE. >> THOMAS, YOU THINK I'M GOING

CLOSE TO THE EDGE. >> THOMAS, YOU THINK I'M GOING TO FALL OUT OF BED AND BREAK MY

>> THOMAS, YOU THINK I'M GOING TO FALL OUT OF BED AND BREAK MY NECK?

TO FALL OUT OF BED AND BREAK MY NECK? >> WHAT'S THE NEXT QUESTION,

NECK? >> WHAT'S THE NEXT QUESTION, MAN?

>> WHAT'S THE NEXT QUESTION, MAN? >> OVER TO LINDA.

MAN? >> OVER TO LINDA. WHAT'S ONE THING YOU DO IN BED

>> OVER TO LINDA. WHAT'S ONE THING YOU DO IN BED THAT YOUR HUSBAND DOES NOT LIKE?

WHAT'S ONE THING YOU DO IN BED THAT YOUR HUSBAND DOES NOT LIKE? >> I WOULD HAVE TO SAY GET ON

THAT YOUR HUSBAND DOES NOT LIKE? >> I WOULD HAVE TO SAY GET ON TOP.

>> I WOULD HAVE TO SAY GET ON TOP. >> OKAY.

TOP. >> OKAY. AND JOHN SAID --

>> OKAY. AND JOHN SAID -- >> HOG THE SHEETS, BABE.

AND JOHN SAID -- >> HOG THE SHEETS, BABE. >> ONCE AGAIN, THE CRONINS ARE

>> HOG THE SHEETS, BABE. >> ONCE AGAIN, THE CRONINS ARE NOT REMOTELY ON THE SAME PAGE.

>> ONCE AGAIN, THE CRONINS ARE NOT REMOTELY ON THE SAME PAGE. NEXT QUESTION FOR THE ANDERSONS.

NOT REMOTELY ON THE SAME PAGE. NEXT QUESTION FOR THE ANDERSONS. WHAT WAS YOUR BIGGEST FIGHT

NEXT QUESTION FOR THE ANDERSONS. WHAT WAS YOUR BIGGEST FIGHT ABOUT?

WHAT WAS YOUR BIGGEST FIGHT ABOUT? >> OH, I KNOW THIS ONE.

ABOUT? >> OH, I KNOW THIS ONE. THAT WOULD BE THE BASKETBALL

>> OH, I KNOW THIS ONE. THAT WOULD BE THE BASKETBALL GAME INCIDENT.

THAT WOULD BE THE BASKETBALL GAME INCIDENT. >> OKAY.

GAME INCIDENT. >> OKAY. THOMAS SAYS THE BASKETBALL GAME

>> OKAY. THOMAS SAYS THE BASKETBALL GAME INCIDENT, AND MIA SAYS -- THE

THOMAS SAYS THE BASKETBALL GAME INCIDENT, AND MIA SAYS -- THE TIME I HIT A HALF COURT SHOT AT

INCIDENT, AND MIA SAYS -- THE TIME I HIT A HALF COURT SHOT AT A BASKETBALL GAME AND THEY GAVE

TIME I HIT A HALF COURT SHOT AT A BASKETBALL GAME AND THEY GAVE ME FREE ROCK CLIMBING LESSONS

A BASKETBALL GAME AND THEY GAVE ME FREE ROCK CLIMBING LESSONS FOR LIFE, AND YOU RAN AND

ME FREE ROCK CLIMBING LESSONS FOR LIFE, AND YOU RAN AND RIPPED UP THE CERTIFICATE IN

FOR LIFE, AND YOU RAN AND RIPPED UP THE CERTIFICATE IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE STADIUM.

RIPPED UP THE CERTIFICATE IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE STADIUM. FIVE POINTS FOR THE ANDERSONS.

FRONT OF THE WHOLE STADIUM. FIVE POINTS FOR THE ANDERSONS. >> WE RUNNINGY IT NOW,

FIVE POINTS FOR THE ANDERSONS. >> WE RUNNINGY IT NOW, HUH, BABY?

>> WE RUNNINGY IT NOW, HUH, BABY? >> THAT SOUND MEANS IT'S TIME

HUH, BABY? >> THAT SOUND MEANS IT'S TIME FOR A BONUS QUESTION.

>> THAT SOUND MEANS IT'S TIME FOR A BONUS QUESTION. WHO HAS HAD THE BIGGEST

FOR A BONUS QUESTION. WHO HAS HAD THE BIGGEST INFLUENCE ON YOUR HUSBAND'S

WHO HAS HAD THE BIGGEST INFLUENCE ON YOUR HUSBAND'S LIFE?

INFLUENCE ON YOUR HUSBAND'S LIFE? >> HIS FATHER.

LIFE? >> HIS FATHER. >> YEP.

>> HIS FATHER. >> YEP. MY DAD.

>> YEP. MY DAD. MY PARENTS ARE ACTUALLY HERE

MY DAD. MY PARENTS ARE ACTUALLY HERE TODAY.

MY PARENTS ARE ACTUALLY HERE TODAY. HOW AM I DOING, DAD?

TODAY. HOW AM I DOING, DAD? >> YOU'RE DOING GREAT, SON.

HOW AM I DOING, DAD? >> YOU'RE DOING GREAT, SON. >> BACK TO LINDA.

>> YOU'RE DOING GREAT, SON. >> BACK TO LINDA. WHAT IS YOUR HUSBAND'S DREAM

>> BACK TO LINDA. WHAT IS YOUR HUSBAND'S DREAM VACATION?

WHAT IS YOUR HUSBAND'S DREAM VACATION? >> I DON'T KNOW.

VACATION? >> I DON'T KNOW. >> YEAH.RLD?

>> I DON'T KNOW. >> YEAH.RLD? WORLD.

>> YEAH.RLD? WORLD. NO, YOU IDIOT.

WORLD. NO, YOU IDIOT. I JUST SAID I DON'T LIKE SNAKES.

NO, YOU IDIOT. I JUST SAID I DON'T LIKE SNAKES. >> OOH, CALLING YOUR SPOUSE AN

I JUST SAID I DON'T LIKE SNAKES. >> OOH, CALLING YOUR SPOUSE AN IDIOT AND LOSE A TURN.

>> OOH, CALLING YOUR SPOUSE AN IDIOT AND LOSE A TURN. ALL RIGHT.

IDIOT AND LOSE A TURN. ALL RIGHT. MIA, WHAT'S YOUR HUSBAND'S DREAM

ALL RIGHT. MIA, WHAT'S YOUR HUSBAND'S DREAM VACATION.

MIA, WHAT'S YOUR HUSBAND'S DREAM VACATION. >> AT THIS POINT, WHO KNOWS, BUT

VACATION. >> AT THIS POINT, WHO KNOWS, BUT HE ALWAYS SAID ARUBA.

>> AT THIS POINT, WHO KNOWS, BUT HE ALWAYS SAID ARUBA. >> YES.

HE ALWAYS SAID ARUBA. >> YES. YES, BABY.

>> YES. YES, BABY. >> FINALLY.

YES, BABY. >> FINALLY. THERE'S THE MAN I MARRIED.

>> FINALLY. THERE'S THE MAN I MARRIED. >> UH-HUH.

THERE'S THE MAN I MARRIED. >> UH-HUH. AND WHAT'S THAT LITTLE ASHTRAY?

>> UH-HUH. AND WHAT'S THAT LITTLE ASHTRAY? >> OH, THAT'S JUST THIS.

AND WHAT'S THAT LITTLE ASHTRAY? >> OH, THAT'S JUST THIS. >> AS LONG AS YOU'RE STILL

>> OH, THAT'S JUST THIS. >> AS LONG AS YOU'RE STILL HEALTHY.

>> AS LONG AS YOU'RE STILL HEALTHY. IF NOT, THEN BIG SURF WITH YOUR

HEALTHY. IF NOT, THEN BIG SURF WITH YOUR SISTER.

IF NOT, THEN BIG SURF WITH YOUR SISTER. AFTER YEARS OF CARING FOR YOU

SISTER. AFTER YEARS OF CARING FOR YOU TOGETHER, WE WILL HAVE GROWN

AFTER YEARS OF CARING FOR YOU TOGETHER, WE WILL HAVE GROWN CLOSE IN A WAY WE NEVER

TOGETHER, WE WILL HAVE GROWN CLOSE IN A WAY WE NEVER EXPECTED, AND WHEN WE FINALLY

CLOSE IN A WAY WE NEVER EXPECTED, AND WHEN WE FINALLY CLIMAX TOGETHER UNDER THE

EXPECTED, AND WHEN WE FINALLY CLIMAX TOGETHER UNDER THE REDWOODS, WE'LL HOLD EACH OTHER

CLIMAX TOGETHER UNDER THE REDWOODS, WE'LL HOLD EACH OTHER AND WEEP, NOT JUST BECAUSE THE

REDWOODS, WE'LL HOLD EACH OTHER AND WEEP, NOT JUST BECAUSE THE PLEASURE IS SO INTENSE BUT

AND WEEP, NOT JUST BECAUSE THE PLEASURE IS SO INTENSE BUT BECAUSE WE FINALLY FEEL RELIEF

PLEASURE IS SO INTENSE BUT BECAUSE WE FINALLY FEEL RELIEF FROM OUR TRAGICALLY SHARED

BECAUSE WE FINALLY FEEL RELIEF FROM OUR TRAGICALLY SHARED BURDEN.

FROM OUR TRAGICALLY SHARED BURDEN. WELL, YOU BOTH SAID ARUBA, THAT

BURDEN. WELL, YOU BOTH SAID ARUBA, THAT FIVE POINTS PUTS YOU OVER THE

WELL, YOU BOTH SAID ARUBA, THAT FIVE POINTS PUTS YOU OVER THE TOP.

FIVE POINTS PUTS YOU OVER THE TOP. ANDERSONS, YOU HAVE WON OUR

TOP. ANDERSONS, YOU HAVE WON OUR GRAND PRIZE.

ANDERSONS, YOU HAVE WON OUR GRAND PRIZE. >> WAIT, WE DID?

GRAND PRIZE. >> WAIT, WE DID? >> WE WON, BABY.

>> WAIT, WE DID? >> WE WON, BABY. >> AND THAT IS AN ALL EXPENSES

>> WE WON, BABY. >> AND THAT IS AN ALL EXPENSES PAID TRIP TO BALI'S TEMPLE OF A

>> AND THAT IS AN ALL EXPENSES PAID TRIP TO BALI'S TEMPLE OF A THOUSAND STEPS.

PAID TRIP TO BALI'S TEMPLE OF A THOUSAND STEPS. >> NO!

SHE ALMOST PLOWED INTO US. LUNATIC. >> OH, MY GOD, DAD, DON'T BE SO

LUNATIC. >> OH, MY GOD, DAD, DON'T BE SO AWKWARD.

>> OH, MY GOD, DAD, DON'T BE SO AWKWARD. >> SHE ALMOST CAUSED AN ACCIDENT

AWKWARD. >> SHE ALMOST CAUSED AN ACCIDENT JUST TO SIT THERE IN BUMPER TO

>> SHE ALMOST CAUSED AN ACCIDENT JUST TO SIT THERE IN BUMPER TO BUMPER TRAFFIC.

JUST TO SIT THERE IN BUMPER TO BUMPER TRAFFIC. HEY!

BUMPER TRAFFIC. HEY! HELLO?

HEY! HELLO? HEY!

HELLO? HEY! HEY!

HEY! HEY! >> WHAT?

HEY! >> WHAT? >> YOU CUT ME OFF.

>> WHAT? >> YOU CUT ME OFF. YOU DRIVE CRAZY.

>> YOU CUT ME OFF. YOU DRIVE CRAZY. >> YOU KNOW WHAT?

YOU DRIVE CRAZY. >> YOU KNOW WHAT? EAT -- EAT ME.

>> YOU KNOW WHAT? EAT -- EAT ME. EAT ME.

EAT -- EAT ME. EAT ME. I HAD MY BLINKER ON.

EAT ME. I HAD MY BLINKER ON. >> THAT'S A LIE.

I HAD MY BLINKER ON. >> THAT'S A LIE. YOU LIE.

>> THAT'S A LIE. YOU LIE. SHAME ON YOU.

YOU LIE. SHAME ON YOU. >> OKAY.

SHAME ON YOU. >> OKAY. EAT -- EAT MY BUTT.

>> OKAY. EAT -- EAT MY BUTT. THIS, ALL OF THIS.

EAT -- EAT MY BUTT. THIS, ALL OF THIS. >> YOU, YOU ARE A SAD WOMAN.

THIS, ALL OF THIS. >> YOU, YOU ARE A SAD WOMAN. YOU, SAD WOMAN.

>> YOU, YOU ARE A SAD WOMAN. YOU, SAD WOMAN. >> OKAY.

YOU, SAD WOMAN. >> OKAY. WELL, WHY DON'T YOU ROLL DOWN

>> OKAY. WELL, WHY DON'T YOU ROLL DOWN YOUR WINDOW AND SAY THAT TO MY

WELL, WHY DON'T YOU ROLL DOWN YOUR WINDOW AND SAY THAT TO MY FACE?

YOUR WINDOW AND SAY THAT TO MY FACE? >> WHY DID YOU MIME A CRANK?

FACE? >> WHY DID YOU MIME A CRANK? NO CARS HAVE THOSE WINDOWS.

>> WHY DID YOU MIME A CRANK? NO CARS HAVE THOSE WINDOWS. POWER WINDOWS NOW.

NO CARS HAVE THOSE WINDOWS. POWER WINDOWS NOW. DO THIS.

POWER WINDOWS NOW. DO THIS. BOOM.

DO THIS. BOOM. THAT'S GOOD.

BOOM. THAT'S GOOD. BOOM.

THAT'S GOOD. BOOM. >> NO.

BOOM. >> NO. NO.

>> NO. NO. THIS IS TOO SMALL.

NO. THIS IS TOO SMALL. IT WOULDN'T READ.

THIS IS TOO SMALL. IT WOULDN'T READ. >> I GUESS.

IT WOULDN'T READ. >> I GUESS. I GUESS.

>> I GUESS. I GUESS. >> YOU -- YOU ARE SCARED BECAUSE

I GUESS. >> YOU -- YOU ARE SCARED BECAUSE YOU AREN'T A MAN.

>> YOU -- YOU ARE SCARED BECAUSE YOU AREN'T A MAN. YOU'RE NOT A BIG MAN.

YOU AREN'T A MAN. YOU'RE NOT A BIG MAN. >> SHUT UP.

YOU'RE NOT A BIG MAN. >> SHUT UP. SHUT UP.

>> SHUT UP. SHUT UP. I AM A MAN.

SHUT UP. I AM A MAN. I'M A VERY STRONG MAN!

I AM A MAN. I'M A VERY STRONG MAN! >> NO, NO.

I'M A VERY STRONG MAN! >> NO, NO. YOU ARE A LITTLE BITCH.

>> NO, NO. YOU ARE A LITTLE BITCH. YOU'RE A LITTLE BITCH.

YOU ARE A LITTLE BITCH. YOU'RE A LITTLE BITCH. >> IS SHE -- IS SHE USING YOU

YOU'RE A LITTLE BITCH. >> IS SHE -- IS SHE USING YOU FOR THE WORD BITCH?

>> IS SHE -- IS SHE USING YOU FOR THE WORD BITCH? >> THAT IS SO MESSED UP.

FOR THE WORD BITCH? >> THAT IS SO MESSED UP. YOU SUCK.

>> THAT IS SO MESSED UP. YOU SUCK. YOU SUCK!

YOU SUCK. YOU SUCK! >> HEY, DON'T -- DON'T DO THAT!

YOU SUCK! >> HEY, DON'T -- DON'T DO THAT! FIRST OF ALL, I DON'T LOVE THAT

>> HEY, DON'T -- DON'T DO THAT! FIRST OF ALL, I DON'T LOVE THAT YOU USED TWO HANDS.

FIRST OF ALL, I DON'T LOVE THAT YOU USED TWO HANDS. SECOND OF ALL, JUST DON'T DO IT.

YOU USED TWO HANDS. SECOND OF ALL, JUST DON'T DO IT. YOU KNOW WHAT?

SECOND OF ALL, JUST DON'T DO IT. YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU KNOW WHAT, BYE.

YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU KNOW WHAT, BYE. BYE.

YOU KNOW WHAT, BYE. BYE. YOU, NOT WORTH MY TIME.

BYE. YOU, NOT WORTH MY TIME. >> BYE.

YOU, NOT WORTH MY TIME. >> BYE. YOU ARE A GIANT -- THAT'S RIGHT.

>> BYE. YOU ARE A GIANT -- THAT'S RIGHT. >> WHAT WOULD YOUR MOTHER SAY IF

YOU ARE A GIANT -- THAT'S RIGHT. >> WHAT WOULD YOUR MOTHER SAY IF SHE SAW YOU DO THAT?

>> WHAT WOULD YOUR MOTHER SAY IF SHE SAW YOU DO THAT? >> MY MOM TOLD ME TO DO IT.

SHE SAW YOU DO THAT? >> MY MOM TOLD ME TO DO IT. >> SHAME ON YOU.

>> MY MOM TOLD ME TO DO IT. >> SHAME ON YOU. THAT WAS RACIST.

>> SHAME ON YOU. THAT WAS RACIST. >> NO.

THAT WAS RACIST. >> NO. DON'T HATE ALL WHITE PEOPLE,

>> NO. DON'T HATE ALL WHITE PEOPLE, JUST YOU.

DON'T HATE ALL WHITE PEOPLE, JUST YOU. >> BRAVO.

JUST YOU. >> BRAVO. BRAVO.

>> BRAVO. BRAVO. YOU, BAD PERSON.

BRAVO. YOU, BAD PERSON. I FEEL BAD FOR YOUR HUSBAND.

YOU, BAD PERSON. I FEEL BAD FOR YOUR HUSBAND. >> NO HUSBAND.

I FEEL BAD FOR YOUR HUSBAND. >> NO HUSBAND. HE WENT BYE BYE.

>> NO HUSBAND. HE WENT BYE BYE. WE SPLIT UP.

HE WENT BYE BYE. WE SPLIT UP. >> OH.

WE SPLIT UP. >> OH. ME TOO.

>> OH. ME TOO. WIFE LEFT.

ME TOO. WIFE LEFT. BUT IT'S GOOD.

WIFE LEFT. BUT IT'S GOOD. SHE WAS A BITCH.

BUT IT'S GOOD. SHE WAS A BITCH. >> DAD!

SHE WAS A BITCH. >> DAD! >> RESPECT, RESPECT.

>> DAD! >> RESPECT, RESPECT. HEY, THIS MIGHT BE CRAZY.

>> RESPECT, RESPECT. HEY, THIS MIGHT BE CRAZY. BUT ARE YOU HUNGRY?

HEY, THIS MIGHT BE CRAZY. BUT ARE YOU HUNGRY? >> YEAH.

BUT ARE YOU HUNGRY? >> YEAH. I COULD EAT.

>> YEAH. I COULD EAT. >> DO YOU MAYBE WANT TO EAT THIS

I COULD EAT. >> DO YOU MAYBE WANT TO EAT THIS BUTT?

>> DO YOU MAYBE WANT TO EAT THIS BUTT? HUH?

BUTT? HUH? EAT THE BUTT.

HUH? EAT THE BUTT. >> SHAME ON YOU.

EAT THE BUTT. >> SHAME ON YOU. SHAME ON YOU.

>> SHAME ON YOU. SHAME ON YOU. >> YOU SUCK!

SHAME ON YOU. >> YOU SUCK! >> STOP DOING THAT!

>> YOU SUCK! >> STOP DOING THAT! STOP IT!

>>> LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, LIL YACHTY. ♪

YACHTY. ♪ ♪ SEX SYMBOL

♪ ♪ SEX SYMBOL THE BLACK SEMINOLE

♪ SEX SYMBOL THE BLACK SEMINOLE A SEX SYMBOL

THE BLACK SEMINOLE A SEX SYMBOL THE BLACK SEMINOLE ♪

A SEX SYMBOL THE BLACK SEMINOLE ♪ ♪ AFRICAN RAMBO

THE BLACK SEMINOLE ♪ ♪ AFRICAN RAMBO WITH MORE AMMO

♪ AFRICAN RAMBO WITH MORE AMMO CAN'T BE ESCAPED

WITH MORE AMMO CAN'T BE ESCAPED I'M ON EVERY CHANNEL ♪

CAN'T BE ESCAPED I'M ON EVERY CHANNEL ♪ ♪ WHAT'S WRONG

I'M ON EVERY CHANNEL ♪ ♪ WHAT'S WRONG WHAT'S WRONG

♪ WHAT'S WRONG WHAT'S WRONG MR. MAN ♪

WHAT'S WRONG MR. MAN ♪ ♪ YOUR EYES ARE LOW

MR. MAN ♪ ♪ YOUR EYES ARE LOW AND YOU'RE WALKING

♪ YOUR EYES ARE LOW AND YOU'RE WALKING WITH BOTH HANDS

AND YOU'RE WALKING WITH BOTH HANDS ON YOUR HEAD ♪

WITH BOTH HANDS ON YOUR HEAD ♪ ♪ HIS RESPONSE

ON YOUR HEAD ♪ ♪ HIS RESPONSE HE'S ON A CLEAN

♪ HIS RESPONSE HE'S ON A CLEAN CLEAN HIGH♪

HE'S ON A CLEAN CLEAN HIGH♪ ♪ BOTH FEET

CLEAN HIGH♪ ♪ BOTH FEET UP ON THE GROUND

♪ BOTH FEET UP ON THE GROUND BUT HIS HEAD'S

UP ON THE GROUND BUT HIS HEAD'S WAY WAY WAY IN THE SKY ♪

BUT HIS HEAD'S WAY WAY WAY IN THE SKY ♪ ♪

WAY WAY WAY IN THE SKY ♪ ♪ ♪ THE BLACK SEMINOLE

♪ ♪ THE BLACK SEMINOLE A HEAD GENERAL

♪ THE BLACK SEMINOLE A HEAD GENERAL DISTANT CONNECTIONS

A HEAD GENERAL DISTANT CONNECTIONS A LARGE INTERVAL ♪

DISTANT CONNECTIONS A LARGE INTERVAL ♪ ♪ A BLACK MAN WITH

A LARGE INTERVAL ♪ ♪ A BLACK MAN WITH MOUTHS TO FEED

♪ A BLACK MAN WITH MOUTHS TO FEED EMBRACING EQUALITY

MOUTHS TO FEED EMBRACING EQUALITY THROUGHOUT GREED ♪

EMBRACING EQUALITY THROUGHOUT GREED ♪ ♪ NO TIME TO JOKE AROUND

THROUGHOUT GREED ♪ ♪ NO TIME TO JOKE AROUND THE KID IS NOW A MAN

♪ NO TIME TO JOKE AROUND THE KID IS NOW A MAN AND THE SILENCE IS FILLED

THE KID IS NOW A MAN AND THE SILENCE IS FILLED WI REMARKABLE SOUNDS ♪

AND THE SILENCE IS FILLED WI REMARKABLE SOUNDS ♪ ♪ THIS PART

WI REMARKABLE SOUNDS ♪ ♪ THIS PART I'VE SEEN IN MY DREAMS ♪

♪ THIS PART I'VE SEEN IN MY DREAMS ♪ ♪ LOVE IS NOT A LIE

I'VE SEEN IN MY DREAMS ♪ ♪ LOVE IS NOT A LIE IT JUST FEELS LIKE

♪ LOVE IS NOT A LIE IT JUST FEELS LIKE A TARANTINO MOVIE SCENE ♪

IT JUST FEELS LIKE A TARANTINO MOVIE SCENE ♪ ♪

A TARANTINO MOVIE SCENE ♪ ♪ ♪

♪ ♪ ♪ EXACTLY ♪

♪ ♪ EXACTLY ♪ ♪

♪ EXACTLY ♪ ♪ ♪ NOW

♪ ♪ NOW OH OHH

♪ NOW OH OHH OHH OHH-OH ♪

OH OHH OHH OHH-OH ♪ ♪ OHH OHH OH-OH

OHH OHH-OH ♪ ♪ OHH OHH OH-OH OHH OHH-OH OHH-OH OHH-OH

♪ OHH OHH OH-OH OHH OHH-OH OHH-OH OHH-OH OHH-OHH-OHH OHHH ♪

OHH OHH-OH OHH-OH OHH-OH OHH-OHH-OHH OHHH ♪ ♪ EE-HEE EE-HEE

OHH-OHH-OHH OHHH ♪ ♪ EE-HEE EE-HEE OHH-OHH-OHH OHHH ♪

♪ EE-HEE EE-HEE OHH-OHH-OHH OHHH ♪ ♪ EE-HEE EE-HEE

OHH-OHH-OHH OHHH ♪ ♪ EE-HEE EE-HEE OHH-OH ♪

♪ EE-HEE EE-HEE OHH-OH ♪ ♪ MM-MM MM

OHH-OH ♪ ♪ MM-MM MM MM-HMM MM

♪ MM-MM MM MM-HMM MM MM-HM MM

MM-HMM MM MM-HM MM MM-MM-HM ♪

MM-HM MM MM-MM-HM ♪ ♪ YEAH-AH

MM-MM-HM ♪ ♪ YEAH-AH YEAH-AH-AHH

♪ YEAH-AH YEAH-AH-AHH YEAH YEAH-HEE ♪

YEAH-AH-AHH YEAH YEAH-HEE ♪ ♪ YEAH-AH

YEAH YEAH-HEE ♪ ♪ YEAH-AH OHH ♪

>> Announcer: IT'S "WEEKEND UPDATE" WITH COLIN JOST AND MICHAEL CHE.

UPDATE" WITH COLIN JOST AND MICHAEL CHE. >>> THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

MICHAEL CHE. >>> THANK YOU VERY MUCH. GOOD EVENING, EVERYONE.

>>> THANK YOU VERY MUCH. GOOD EVENING, EVERYONE. >> WELCOME TO "WEEKEND UPDATE."

GOOD EVENING, EVERYONE. >> WELCOME TO "WEEKEND UPDATE." I'M MICHAEL CHE.

>> WELCOME TO "WEEKEND UPDATE." I'M MICHAEL CHE. >> I'M COLIN JOST.

I'M MICHAEL CHE. >> I'M COLIN JOST. NEW YORK IS FINALLY CRACKING

>> I'M COLIN JOST. NEW YORK IS FINALLY CRACKING DOWN ON CRIME.

NEW YORK IS FINALLY CRACKING DOWN ON CRIME. FORMER PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP

DOWN ON CRIME. FORMER PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP WAS INDICTED IN HIS ROLE IN

FORMER PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP WAS INDICTED IN HIS ROLE IN PAYING HUSH MONEY TO STORMY

WAS INDICTED IN HIS ROLE IN PAYING HUSH MONEY TO STORMY DANIELS, AND THE TRIAL WILL BE

PAYING HUSH MONEY TO STORMY DANIELS, AND THE TRIAL WILL BE LIKE A STORMY DANIELS MOVIE,

DANIELS, AND THE TRIAL WILL BE LIKE A STORMY DANIELS MOVIE, BECAUSE I'M DEEPLY ASHAMED AT

LIKE A STORMY DANIELS MOVIE, BECAUSE I'M DEEPLY ASHAMED AT HOW EXCITED I AM TO WATCH IT.

BECAUSE I'M DEEPLY ASHAMED AT HOW EXCITED I AM TO WATCH IT. HIS LAWYER, JOE, WHO HE CALLED

HOW EXCITED I AM TO WATCH IT. HIS LAWYER, JOE, WHO HE CALLED JOE TAPIOCA SAID HE WILL NOT BE

HIS LAWYER, JOE, WHO HE CALLED JOE TAPIOCA SAID HE WILL NOT BE PUT IN HAND CUFFS, THOUGH HE

JOE TAPIOCA SAID HE WILL NOT BE PUT IN HAND CUFFS, THOUGH HE WILL WEAR BARACK AWAY HAND CUFF

PUT IN HAND CUFFS, THOUGH HE WILL WEAR BARACK AWAY HAND CUFF AND A SUPERMAN T-SHIRT.

WILL WEAR BARACK AWAY HAND CUFF AND A SUPERMAN T-SHIRT. I'M SURE HE'S HOPING HIS MUG

AND A SUPERMAN T-SHIRT. I'M SURE HE'S HOPING HIS MUG SHOT WILL LOOK COOL LIKE FRANK

I'M SURE HE'S HOPING HIS MUG SHOT WILL LOOK COOL LIKE FRANK

SHOT WILL LOOK COOL LIKE FRANK

SINATRA'S.

SINATRA'S. >> TRUMP WILL BE ALSO CHARGED

SINATRA'S. >> TRUMP WILL BE ALSO CHARGED WITH FRAUD.

>> TRUMP WILL BE ALSO CHARGED WITH FRAUD. PRESIDENT BIDEN ON FRIDAY TOLD

WITH FRAUD. PRESIDENT BIDEN ON FRIDAY TOLD REPORTERS HE HADOMME

PRESIDENT BIDEN ON FRIDAY TOLD REPORTERS HE HADOMME TRUMP'S INDICTMENT, ANDHEN HE

REPORTERS HE HADOMME TRUMP'S INDICTMENT, ANDHEN HE DANCED AWAY LILAGS GUY.

TRUMP'S INDICTMENT, ANDHEN HE DANCED AWAY LILAGS GUY. >> I THINK IN GENERAL, THE

DANCED AWAY LILAGS GUY. >> I THINK IN GENERAL, THE PEOPLE MIGHT BE OVERREACTING TO

>> I THINK IN GENERAL, THE PEOPLE MIGHT BE OVERREACTING TO THIS INDICTMENT.

PEOPLE MIGHT BE OVERREACTING TO THIS INDICTMENT. LIKE AN ACTUAL INDICTMENT ON CNN

THIS INDICTMENT. LIKE AN ACTUAL INDICTMENT ON CNN YESTERDAY WAS NOTHING IN

LIKE AN ACTUAL INDICTMENT ON CNN YESTERDAY WAS NOTHING IN AMERICAN HISTORY APPROACHES THE

YESTERDAY WAS NOTHING IN AMERICAN HISTORY APPROACHES THE CHARGES AND POSSIBLE TRIAL AND

AMERICAN HISTORY APPROACHES THE CHARGES AND POSSIBLE TRIAL AND CONVICTION OF A FORMER

CHARGES AND POSSIBLE TRIAL AND CONVICTION OF A FORMER PRESIDENT.

CONVICTION OF A FORMER PRESIDENT. A MORE ACCURATE HEADLINE WOULD

PRESIDENT. A MORE ACCURATE HEADLINE WOULD BE, MAN WE ALL KNEW WAS CRIMINAL

A MORE ACCURATE HEADLINE WOULD BE, MAN WE ALL KNEW WAS CRIMINAL IS CRIMINAL.

BE, MAN WE ALL KNEW WAS CRIMINAL IS CRIMINAL. I WENT DOWN TO THE COURTHOUSE

IS CRIMINAL. I WENT DOWN TO THE COURTHOUSE TODAY, AND I WAS THE ONLY

I WENT DOWN TO THE COURTHOUSE TODAY, AND I WAS THE ONLY PROTESTOR THERE.

TODAY, AND I WAS THE ONLY PROTESTOR THERE. >> I TOLD THEM NOT TO LAUGH AT

PROTESTOR THERE. >> I TOLD THEM NOT TO LAUGH AT YOU.

>> I TOLD THEM NOT TO LAUGH AT YOU. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

YOU. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> AM I NOT MICCED?

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> AM I NOT MICCED? THEN I WAS LIKE, OH, I JUST

>> AM I NOT MICCED? THEN I WAS LIKE, OH, I JUST SUCK.

THEN I WAS LIKE, OH, I JUST SUCK. >> MOVING RIGHT ALONG --

SUCK. >> MOVING RIGHT ALONG -- >> YOU'RE EVIL.

>> MOVING RIGHT ALONG -- >> YOU'RE EVIL. >> MARJORIE TAYLOR GREEN PLANS

>> YOU'RE EVIL. >> MARJORIE TAYLOR GREEN PLANS TO COME TO NEW YORK ON TUESDAY

>> MARJORIE TAYLOR GREEN PLANS TO COME TO NEW YORK ON TUESDAY TO PROTEST TRUMP'S INDICTMENT,

TO COME TO NEW YORK ON TUESDAY TO PROTEST TRUMP'S INDICTMENT, BECAUSE APPARENTLY IT TAKES HER

TO PROTEST TRUMP'S INDICTMENT, BECAUSE APPARENTLY IT TAKES HER THREE DAYS TO PUT ON HER JOKER

BECAUSE APPARENTLY IT TAKES HER THREE DAYS TO PUT ON HER JOKER MAKEUP.

THREE DAYS TO PUT ON HER JOKER MAKEUP. THEY'LL PROBABLY LAUGH AT THIS

MAKEUP. THEY'LL PROBABLY LAUGH AT THIS NEXT ONE.

THEY'LL PROBABLY LAUGH AT THIS NEXT ONE. >> THAT'S THE MEANEST THING

NEXT ONE. >> THAT'S THE MEANEST THING YOU'VE EVER DONE TO ME.

>> THAT'S THE MEANEST THING YOU'VE EVER DONE TO ME. I'M COVERED IN SWEAT.

YOU'VE EVER DONE TO ME. I'M COVERED IN SWEAT. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

I'M COVERED IN SWEAT. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] DON'T EVEN DARE!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] DON'T EVEN DARE! DON'T YOU EVEN DARE TRY NOW.

DON'T EVEN DARE! DON'T YOU EVEN DARE TRY NOW. FLORIDA GOVERNOR RON DeSANTIS

DON'T YOU EVEN DARE TRY NOW. FLORIDA GOVERNOR RON DeSANTIS WHO THINKS HE'S GASTON, BUT,

FLORIDA GOVERNOR RON DeSANTIS WHO THINKS HE'S GASTON, BUT, GIRL, YOU LeFOU.

WHO THINKS HE'S GASTON, BUT, GIRL, YOU LeFOU. RON DE -- I'M SHAKING.

GIRL, YOU LeFOU. RON DE -- I'M SHAKING. RON DeSANTIS SAID FLORIDA

RON DE -- I'M SHAKING. RON DeSANTIS SAID FLORIDA OFFICIALS WOULD NOT HELP

RON DeSANTIS SAID FLORIDA OFFICIALS WOULD NOT HELP EXTRADITE TRUMP BACK TO NEW YORK

OFFICIALS WOULD NOT HELP EXTRADITE TRUMP BACK TO NEW YORK UNLESS OF COURSE HE AGREES TO

EXTRADITE TRUMP BACK TO NEW YORK UNLESS OF COURSE HE AGREES TO TAKE A BUS LOAD OF MIGRANTS WITH

UNLESS OF COURSE HE AGREES TO TAKE A BUS LOAD OF MIGRANTS WITH HIM.

TAKE A BUS LOAD OF MIGRANTS WITH HIM. >> IN THE WAKE OF THE NATIONAL

HIM. >> IN THE WAKE OF THE NATIONAL SHOOTING, PRESIDENT BIDEN ONCE

>> IN THE WAKE OF THE NATIONAL SHOOTING, PRESIDENT BIDEN ONCE AGAIN CALLED ON CONGRESS TO PASS

SHOOTING, PRESIDENT BIDEN ONCE AGAIN CALLED ON CONGRESS TO PASS AN ASSAULT WEAPONS BAN, OR, HEAR

AGAIN CALLED ON CONGRESS TO PASS AN ASSAULT WEAPONS BAN, OR, HEAR ME OUT, STOP AND FRISK FOR

AN ASSAULT WEAPONS BAN, OR, HEAR ME OUT, STOP AND FRISK FOR WHITES.

ME OUT, STOP AND FRISK FOR WHITES. HOW LONG BEFORE THESE KIDS EARN

WHITES. HOW LONG BEFORE THESE KIDS EARN A STEREO TYPE?

HOW LONG BEFORE THESE KIDS EARN A STEREO TYPE? >> CONGRESSMAN ANDY OGLES WHO

A STEREO TYPE? >> CONGRESSMAN ANDY OGLES WHO RESPECTS THE DISTRICT WHERE THE

>> CONGRESSMAN ANDY OGLES WHO RESPECTS THE DISTRICT WHERE THE NASHVILLE SHOOTING TOOK PLACE IS

RESPECTS THE DISTRICT WHERE THE NASHVILLE SHOOTING TOOK PLACE IS BEING CRITICIZED FOR A CHRISTMAS

NASHVILLE SHOOTING TOOK PLACE IS BEING CRITICIZED FOR A CHRISTMAS CARD WHERE HE AND HIS FAMILY ARE

BEING CRITICIZED FOR A CHRISTMAS CARD WHERE HE AND HIS FAMILY ARE HOLDING ASSAULT RIFLES.

CARD WHERE HE AND HIS FAMILY ARE HOLDING ASSAULT RIFLES. WHO ARE YOU PSYCHOS SENDING

HOLDING ASSAULT RIFLES. WHO ARE YOU PSYCHOS SENDING THESE CARDS TO?

WHO ARE YOU PSYCHOS SENDING THESE CARDS TO? IF I RECEIVED THAT IN THE MAIL,

THESE CARDS TO? IF I RECEIVED THAT IN THE MAIL, I WOULD MOVE.

IF I RECEIVED THAT IN THE MAIL, I WOULD MOVE. ALL THIS CARD TELLS YOU IS I AM

I WOULD MOVE. ALL THIS CARD TELLS YOU IS I AM ARMED, I HAVE TERRIBLE JUDGMENT,

ALL THIS CARD TELLS YOU IS I AM ARMED, I HAVE TERRIBLE JUDGMENT, AND I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE.

ARMED, I HAVE TERRIBLE JUDGMENT, AND I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE. >> DEMOCRATIC REPRESENTATIVE

AND I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE. >> DEMOCRATIC REPRESENTATIVE JAMAL BOWMAN AND THOMAS MASSEY

>> DEMOCRATIC REPRESENTATIVE JAMAL BOWMAN AND THOMAS MASSEY GOT IN A SCREAMING MATCH ON

JAMAL BOWMAN AND THOMAS MASSEY GOT IN A SCREAMING MATCH ON CAPITOL HILL AFTER HE CALLED

GOT IN A SCREAMING MATCH ON CAPITOL HILL AFTER HE CALLED THEM COWARDS FOR OPPOSING GUN

CAPITOL HILL AFTER HE CALLED THEM COWARDS FOR OPPOSING GUN CONTROL.

THEM COWARDS FOR OPPOSING GUN CONTROL. IF THERE'S ONE THING REPUBLICANS

CONTROL. IF THERE'S ONE THING REPUBLICANS HAVE, IT'S BIG OLD GUTS.

IF THERE'S ONE THING REPUBLICANS HAVE, IT'S BIG OLD GUTS. >> TRUMP HAS ALSO BEEN PROMOTING

HAVE, IT'S BIG OLD GUTS. >> TRUMP HAS ALSO BEEN PROMOTING A SONG CALLED JUSTICE FOR ALL,

>> TRUMP HAS ALSO BEEN PROMOTING A SONG CALLED JUSTICE FOR ALL, WHICH FEATURES HIMSELF AND A

A SONG CALLED JUSTICE FOR ALL, WHICH FEATURES HIMSELF AND A CHOIR OF MEN JAILED FOR THEIR

WHICH FEATURES HIMSELF AND A CHOIR OF MEN JAILED FOR THEIR ROLES IN THE JANUARY 6th ATTACK.

CHOIR OF MEN JAILED FOR THEIR ROLES IN THE JANUARY 6th ATTACK. I FEEL BAD FOR THE JANUARY 6th

ROLES IN THE JANUARY 6th ATTACK. I FEEL BAD FOR THE JANUARY 6th SINGERS BECAUSE YOU KNOW JAIL

I FEEL BAD FOR THE JANUARY 6th SINGERS BECAUSE YOU KNOW JAIL GETS MUCH WORSE WHEN THE OTHER

SINGERS BECAUSE YOU KNOW JAIL GETS MUCH WORSE WHEN THE OTHER PRISONERS FIND OUT YOU'RE IN AN

GETS MUCH WORSE WHEN THE OTHER PRISONERS FIND OUT YOU'RE IN AN ACAPELLA GROUP.

PRISONERS FIND OUT YOU'RE IN AN ACAPELLA GROUP. >> LAST WREAK, A FLORIDA

ACAPELLA GROUP. >> LAST WREAK, A FLORIDA PRINCIPAL WAS FORCED TO RESIGN

>> LAST WREAK, A FLORIDA PRINCIPAL WAS FORCED TO RESIGN WHEN PARENTS WERE OUTRAGED WHEN

PRINCIPAL WAS FORCED TO RESIGN WHEN PARENTS WERE OUTRAGED WHEN MICHAEL ANGLO'S STATUE WAS

WHEN PARENTS WERE OUTRAGED WHEN MICHAEL ANGLO'S STATUE WAS REVEALED.

MICHAEL ANGLO'S STATUE WAS REVEALED. HERE TO COMMENT, MICHAEL

REVEALED. HERE TO COMMENT, MICHAEL ANGELO'S DAVID.

HERE TO COMMENT, MICHAEL ANGELO'S DAVID. >> HEY.

ANGELO'S DAVID. >> HEY.

>> HEY.

THANKS FOR HAVING ME.

THANKS FOR HAVING ME. >> MICHAEL ANGELO'S DAVID.

THANKS FOR HAVING ME. >> MICHAEL ANGELO'S DAVID. I'M SORRY.

>> MICHAEL ANGELO'S DAVID. I'M SORRY. I'M OVER HERE.

I'M SORRY. I'M OVER HERE. CAN YOU NOT TURN YOUR HEAD?

I'M OVER HERE. CAN YOU NOT TURN YOUR HEAD? >> I'VE ACTUALLY NEVER TRIED.

CAN YOU NOT TURN YOUR HEAD? >> I'VE ACTUALLY NEVER TRIED. LET'S FIND OUT.

>> I'VE ACTUALLY NEVER TRIED. LET'S FIND OUT. AHH!

LET'S FIND OUT. AHH! THAT HURT LIKE HELL.

AHH! THAT HURT LIKE HELL. >> SO DAVID, HOW ARE YOU DEALING

THAT HURT LIKE HELL. >> SO DAVID, HOW ARE YOU DEALING WITH THIS FLORIDA CONTROVERSY?

>> SO DAVID, HOW ARE YOU DEALING WITH THIS FLORIDA CONTROVERSY? THOSE PARENTS ARE PRETTY UPSET.

WITH THIS FLORIDA CONTROVERSY? THOSE PARENTS ARE PRETTY UPSET. >> THOSE PARENTS ARE IGNORANT

THOSE PARENTS ARE PRETTY UPSET. >> THOSE PARENTS ARE IGNORANT PRUDES.

>> THOSE PARENTS ARE IGNORANT PRUDES. I'M THE WORLD'S GREATEST

PRUDES. I'M THE WORLD'S GREATEST SCULPTURE, AND I'M A VERY PRETTY

I'M THE WORLD'S GREATEST SCULPTURE, AND I'M A VERY PRETTY BOY.

SCULPTURE, AND I'M A VERY PRETTY BOY. >> SOUNDS LIKE THE PARENTS

BOY. >> SOUNDS LIKE THE PARENTS DIDN'T WANT THE KIDS TO SEE YOUR

>> SOUNDS LIKE THE PARENTS DIDN'T WANT THE KIDS TO SEE YOUR PRIVATES.

DIDN'T WANT THE KIDS TO SEE YOUR PRIVATES. >> I'M PROUD OF MY TINY PENIS

PRIVATES. >> I'M PROUD OF MY TINY PENIS AND BIG STONED PRUNED.

>> I'M PROUD OF MY TINY PENIS AND BIG STONED PRUNED. I'M BEAUTIFUL, AND I THINK YOUR

AND BIG STONED PRUNED. I'M BEAUTIFUL, AND I THINK YOUR AUDIENCE DESERVES TO SEE THAT.

I'M BEAUTIFUL, AND I THINK YOUR AUDIENCE DESERVES TO SEE THAT. >> NO, YOU CAN'T DO THAT.

AUDIENCE DESERVES TO SEE THAT. >> NO, YOU CAN'T DO THAT. WHEREAS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

>> NO, YOU CAN'T DO THAT. WHEREAS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? >> WHY?

WHEREAS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? >> WHY? I WANT TO DO THAT.

>> WHY? I WANT TO DO THAT. >> YOU CAN'T SHOW THAT.

I WANT TO DO THAT. >> YOU CAN'T SHOW THAT. ONE PARENT SAID IT WAS

>> YOU CAN'T SHOW THAT. ONE PARENT SAID IT WAS PORNOGRAPHIC.

ONE PARENT SAID IT WAS PORNOGRAPHIC. >> IT'S ART.

PORNOGRAPHIC. >> IT'S ART. IT'S NOT PORNOGRAPHY.

>> IT'S ART. IT'S NOT PORNOGRAPHY. OKAY, WELL, RIGHT NOW, IT'S

IT'S NOT PORNOGRAPHY. OKAY, WELL, RIGHT NOW, IT'S PORNOGRAPHY.

OKAY, WELL, RIGHT NOW, IT'S PORNOGRAPHY. I'LL TELL YOU WHEN IT'S ART

PORNOGRAPHY. I'LL TELL YOU WHEN IT'S ART AGAIN.

I'LL TELL YOU WHEN IT'S ART AGAIN. >> THAT'S FINE.

AGAIN. >> THAT'S FINE. IF PEOPLE WANT TO SEE IT, THEY

>> THAT'S FINE. IF PEOPLE WANT TO SEE IT, THEY CAN GO TO A MUSEUM IN ITALY OR

IF PEOPLE WANT TO SEE IT, THEY CAN GO TO A MUSEUM IN ITALY OR LOOK AT IT ONLINE.

CAN GO TO A MUSEUM IN ITALY OR LOOK AT IT ONLINE. >> OH, YOU'RE ONE OF THOSE GUYS.

LOOK AT IT ONLINE. >> OH, YOU'RE ONE OF THOSE GUYS. I CAN SEE WHATEVER I NEED TO

>> OH, YOU'RE ONE OF THOSE GUYS. I CAN SEE WHATEVER I NEED TO ONLINE.

I CAN SEE WHATEVER I NEED TO ONLINE. THAT'S SAD.

ONLINE. THAT'S SAD. LOOK, I AM FROM THE BIBLE, OKAY?

THAT'S SAD. LOOK, I AM FROM THE BIBLE, OKAY? I KILLED GOLIATH WITH A TINY

LOOK, I AM FROM THE BIBLE, OKAY? I KILLED GOLIATH WITH A TINY ROCK AND MY TINY DONG OUT.

I KILLED GOLIATH WITH A TINY ROCK AND MY TINY DONG OUT. YOU EVER BEEN IN A FIGHT WITH

ROCK AND MY TINY DONG OUT. YOU EVER BEEN IN A FIGHT WITH YOUR DONG OUT?

YOU EVER BEEN IN A FIGHT WITH YOUR DONG OUT? >> NO.

YOUR DONG OUT? >> NO. >> ANSWER ME.

>> NO. >> ANSWER ME. >> I DID ANSWER YOU.

>> ANSWER ME. >> I DID ANSWER YOU. I SAID NO.

>> I DID ANSWER YOU. I SAID NO. >> I'M SERIOUS, CHE.

I SAID NO. >> I'M SERIOUS, CHE. FIGHT WITH YOUR DONG OUT, YES OR

>> I'M SERIOUS, CHE. FIGHT WITH YOUR DONG OUT, YES OR NO?

FIGHT WITH YOUR DONG OUT, YES OR NO? >> NO.

NO? >> NO. >> WELL, YOU SHOULD TRY IT.

>> NO. >> WELL, YOU SHOULD TRY IT. IT REALLY DISTRACTS THE OTHER

>> WELL, YOU SHOULD TRY IT. IT REALLY DISTRACTS THE OTHER GUY.

IT REALLY DISTRACTS THE OTHER GUY. QUITE A BIT, YOU KNOW WHAT I

GUY. QUITE A BIT, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

QUITE A BIT, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? >> NO.

MEAN? >> NO. >> YOU KNOW WHAT?

>> NO. >> YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M JUST GOING TO SHOW IT.

>> YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M JUST GOING TO SHOW IT. I'LL JUST SHOW IT.

I'M JUST GOING TO SHOW IT. I'LL JUST SHOW IT. >> PLEASE DON'T, MAN.

I'LL JUST SHOW IT. >> PLEASE DON'T, MAN. >> COME ON!

>> PLEASE DON'T, MAN. >> COME ON! WHAT ARE YOU SCARED OF?

>> COME ON! WHAT ARE YOU SCARED OF? ALL THE BEST ART IS NUDE.

WHAT ARE YOU SCARED OF? ALL THE BEST ART IS NUDE. ME, NUDE, VENUS DeMILO, NUDE,

ALL THE BEST ART IS NUDE. ME, NUDE, VENUS DeMILO, NUDE, STATUE OF LIBERTY, SHOWS FEET.

ME, NUDE, VENUS DeMILO, NUDE, STATUE OF LIBERTY, SHOWS FEET. >> WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

STATUE OF LIBERTY, SHOWS FEET. >> WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? >> YOU HAVE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL

>> WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? >> YOU HAVE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PIECE OF ART IN THE WORLD NEXT

>> YOU HAVE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PIECE OF ART IN THE WORLD NEXT TO YOU AND YOU DON'T WANT TO

PIECE OF ART IN THE WORLD NEXT TO YOU AND YOU DON'T WANT TO LOOK AT IT.

TO YOU AND YOU DON'T WANT TO LOOK AT IT. >> I CAN SEE IT NOW.

LOOK AT IT. >> I CAN SEE IT NOW. >> AND.

>> I CAN SEE IT NOW. >> AND. >> I'M NO EXPERT, BUT IT'S KIND

>> AND. >> I'M NO EXPERT, BUT IT'S KIND OF SMALL.

>> I'M NO EXPERT, BUT IT'S KIND OF SMALL. >> WELL, MOST PEOPLE SEE IT FROM

OF SMALL. >> WELL, MOST PEOPLE SEE IT FROM BELOW.

>> WELL, MOST PEOPLE SEE IT FROM BELOW. DO YOU WANT TO COME UNDER AND

BELOW. DO YOU WANT TO COME UNDER AND SEE IT FROM BELOW?

DO YOU WANT TO COME UNDER AND SEE IT FROM BELOW? >> NO, I DO NOT.

SEE IT FROM BELOW? >> NO, I DO NOT. >> WELL, WHILE YOU'RE LOOKING AT

>> NO, I DO NOT. >> WELL, WHILE YOU'RE LOOKING AT IT, DO YOU NOTICE HOW THE HAIR

>> WELL, WHILE YOU'RE LOOKING AT IT, DO YOU NOTICE HOW THE HAIR UP HERE IS THE SAME DOWN HERE?

IT, DO YOU NOTICE HOW THE HAIR UP HERE IS THE SAME DOWN HERE? THAT'S NOT LIKE RIGHT, RIGHT?

UP HERE IS THE SAME DOWN HERE? THAT'S NOT LIKE RIGHT, RIGHT? IT'S TOO THICK.

THAT'S NOT LIKE RIGHT, RIGHT? IT'S TOO THICK. IT'S LIKE ROCKS, LOOK.

IT'S TOO THICK. IT'S LIKE ROCKS, LOOK. >> DUDE, NO.

IT'S LIKE ROCKS, LOOK. >> DUDE, NO. DON'T SHOW THAT, PLEASE.

>> DUDE, NO. DON'T SHOW THAT, PLEASE. >> IT'S JUST ROCKS.

DON'T SHOW THAT, PLEASE. >> IT'S JUST ROCKS. GOD, AMERICANS ARE UPTIGHT.

>> IT'S JUST ROCKS. GOD, AMERICANS ARE UPTIGHT. DID YOU KNOW IN THE ITALIAN

GOD, AMERICANS ARE UPTIGHT. DID YOU KNOW IN THE ITALIAN VERSION OF SNL YOU CAN SHOW FULL

DID YOU KNOW IN THE ITALIAN VERSION OF SNL YOU CAN SHOW FULL PENETRATION?

VERSION OF SNL YOU CAN SHOW FULL PENETRATION? >> WHAT?

PENETRATION? >> WHAT?

>> WHAT?

YOU KNOW WHAT, IF YOU WANT TO

YOU KNOW WHAT, IF YOU WANT TO SHOW IT SO BAD, JUST SHOW IT.

YOU KNOW WHAT, IF YOU WANT TO SHOW IT SO BAD, JUST SHOW IT. WE'RE ALL WATCHING.

SHOW IT SO BAD, JUST SHOW IT. WE'RE ALL WATCHING. >> WELL, NOW I'M SHY.

WE'RE ALL WATCHING. >> WELL, NOW I'M SHY. >> MICHAEL ANGELO'S DAVID,

>> WELL, NOW I'M SHY. >> MICHAEL ANGELO'S DAVID, EVERYBODY.

>> MICHAEL ANGELO'S DAVID, EVERYBODY. GET OUT OF HERE!

EVERYBODY. GET OUT OF HERE! >> APPLE HAS LAUNCHED A NEW

GET OUT OF HERE! >> APPLE HAS LAUNCHED A NEW FEATURE CALLED PAY LATER THAT

>> APPLE HAS LAUNCHED A NEW FEATURE CALLED PAY LATER THAT LETS USERS SPREAD OUT PAYMENTS

FEATURE CALLED PAY LATER THAT LETS USERS SPREAD OUT PAYMENTS FOR APPS OVER THE COURSE OF SIX

LETS USERS SPREAD OUT PAYMENTS FOR APPS OVER THE COURSE OF SIX WEEKS.

FOR APPS OVER THE COURSE OF SIX WEEKS. THIS HAS ALSO LAUNCHED MY NEW

WEEKS. THIS HAS ALSO LAUNCHED MY NEW FAVORITE INSULT, YO MAMA IS SO

THIS HAS ALSO LAUNCHED MY NEW FAVORITE INSULT, YO MAMA IS SO POOR, SHE PUT CANDY CRUSH ON LA

FAVORITE INSULT, YO MAMA IS SO POOR, SHE PUT CANDY CRUSH ON LA AWAY.

POOR, SHE PUT CANDY CRUSH ON LA AWAY. >> AFTER A RECENT CHEMICAL SPILL

AWAY. >> AFTER A RECENT CHEMICAL SPILL IN THE DELAWARE RIVER,

>> AFTER A RECENT CHEMICAL SPILL IN THE DELAWARE RIVER, PHILADELPHIA OFFICIALS SAY THE

IN THE DELAWARE RIVER, PHILADELPHIA OFFICIALS SAY THE CITY'S DRINKING WATER IS FINALLY

PHILADELPHIA OFFICIALS SAY THE CITY'S DRINKING WATER IS FINALLY SAFE, UNLESS IT'S BEING HANDED

CITY'S DRINKING WATER IS FINALLY SAFE, UNLESS IT'S BEING HANDED TO YOU BY THIS PHILADELPHIAN.

SAFE, UNLESS IT'S BEING HANDED TO YOU BY THIS PHILADELPHIAN. YOU GUYS DON'T LIKE SAFETY

TO YOU BY THIS PHILADELPHIAN. YOU GUYS DON'T LIKE SAFETY PRECAUTIONS?

YOU GUYS DON'T LIKE SAFETY PRECAUTIONS? CUP NOODLES HAS INTRODUCED A

PRECAUTIONS? CUP NOODLES HAS INTRODUCED A BREAKFAST VERSION OF THEIR

CUP NOODLES HAS INTRODUCED A BREAKFAST VERSION OF THEIR INSTANT RAMON.

BREAKFAST VERSION OF THEIR INSTANT RAMON. THE FLAVOR WILL BE CALLED, "MOM

INSTANT RAMON. THE FLAVOR WILL BE CALLED, "MOM LEFT."

THE FLAVOR WILL BE CALLED, "MOM LEFT." I LIKE THIS CROWD A LOT, MAN.

LEFT." I LIKE THIS CROWD A LOT, MAN. >> YEAH.

I LIKE THIS CROWD A LOT, MAN. >> YEAH. YEAH, ME TOO.

>> YEAH. YEAH, ME TOO. AGREED.

YEAH, ME TOO. AGREED. AN 89-YEAR-OLD JAPANESE MAN HAS

AGREED. AN 89-YEAR-OLD JAPANESE MAN HAS BEEN RECOGNIZED AS THE OLDEST

AN 89-YEAR-OLD JAPANESE MAN HAS BEEN RECOGNIZED AS THE OLDEST MALE SURFER EVER.

BEEN RECOGNIZED AS THE OLDEST MALE SURFER EVER. HE TRULY EMBODIES THE SURFING

MALE SURFER EVER. HE TRULY EMBODIES THE SURFING LIFESTYLE BECAUSE EVERY PART OF

HE TRULY EMBODIES THE SURFING LIFESTYLE BECAUSE EVERY PART OF HIS BODY HANGS LOOSE.

LIFESTYLE BECAUSE EVERY PART OF HIS BODY HANGS LOOSE. NEW YORK CITY IS EXPECTED TO END

HIS BODY HANGS LOOSE. NEW YORK CITY IS EXPECTED TO END THE WINTER WITH THE LOWEST

NEW YORK CITY IS EXPECTED TO END THE WINTER WITH THE LOWEST SNOWFALL ON RECORD.

THE WINTER WITH THE LOWEST SNOWFALL ON RECORD. YOU LYING SON OF A BITCH.

SNOWFALL ON RECORD. YOU LYING SON OF A BITCH. >> NEW YORK CITY FIRE DEPARTMENT

YOU LYING SON OF A BITCH. >> NEW YORK CITY FIRE DEPARTMENT RESCUED FIVE CHILDREN WHO GOT

>> NEW YORK CITY FIRE DEPARTMENT RESCUED FIVE CHILDREN WHO GOT THEMSELVES LOST IN THE STATEN

RESCUED FIVE CHILDREN WHO GOT THEMSELVES LOST IN THE STATEN ISLAND SUER SYSTEM.

THEMSELVES LOST IN THE STATEN ISLAND SUER SYSTEM. IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE A PLACE

ISLAND SUER SYSTEM. IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE A PLACE THAT FILTHY AND DISGUSTING HAS A

IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE A PLACE THAT FILTHY AND DISGUSTING HAS A SUER SYSTEM.

THAT FILTHY AND DISGUSTING HAS A SUER SYSTEM. BUILD A BEAR HAS INTRODUCED A

SUER SYSTEM. BUILD A BEAR HAS INTRODUCED A NEW RUE PAUL DOLL.

BUILD A BEAR HAS INTRODUCED A NEW RUE PAUL DOLL. AND HONESTLY, AFTER A FEW BEERS,

NEW RUE PAUL DOLL. AND HONESTLY, AFTER A FEW BEERS, I WOULD.

AND HONESTLY, AFTER A FEW BEERS, I WOULD. >> NEW YORK CITY OFFICIALS

I WOULD. >> NEW YORK CITY OFFICIALS ANNOUNCED THEY WILL STOP CALLING

>> NEW YORK CITY OFFICIALS ANNOUNCED THEY WILL STOP CALLING THE CITY'S PARK BATHROOMS

ANNOUNCED THEY WILL STOP CALLING THE CITY'S PARK BATHROOMS COMFORT STATIONS AND WILL

THE CITY'S PARK BATHROOMS COMFORT STATIONS AND WILL INSTEAD CALL THEM THE MORE

COMFORT STATIONS AND WILL INSTEAD CALL THEM THE MORE ACCURATE STANK SHACKS.

INSTEAD CALL THEM THE MORE ACCURATE STANK SHACKS. SAVED A MAN AFTER HE INSERTED A

ACCURATE STANK SHACKS. SAVED A MAN AFTER HE INSERTED A WATER GLASS INTO HIS RECTUM FOR

SAVED A MAN AFTER HE INSERTED A WATER GLASS INTO HIS RECTUM FOR SEXUAL GRATIFICATION, AND IT GOT

WATER GLASS INTO HIS RECTUM FOR SEXUAL GRATIFICATION, AND IT GOT STUFF.

SEXUAL GRATIFICATION, AND IT GOT STUFF. I THINK HE FELT POSITIVE ABOUT

STUFF. I THINK HE FELT POSITIVE ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE BECAUSE HE SAID

I THINK HE FELT POSITIVE ABOUT THE EXPERIENCE BECAUSE HE SAID THE GLASS WAS HALF FULL.

THE EXPERIENCE BECAUSE HE SAID THE GLASS WAS HALF FULL. >> THE FIRST MARIJUANA

THE GLASS WAS HALF FULL. >> THE FIRST MARIJUANA DISPENSARY OWNED BY A WOMAN HAS

>> THE FIRST MARIJUANA DISPENSARY OWNED BY A WOMAN HAS OPENED IN QUEENS NEW YORK.

DISPENSARY OWNED BY A WOMAN HAS OPENED IN QUEENS NEW YORK. UNFORTUNATELY, THEY HAD TO SHUT

OPENED IN QUEENS NEW YORK. UNFORTUNATELY, THEY HAD TO SHUT DOWN BECAUSE SHE COULDN'T OPEN

UNFORTUNATELY, THEY HAD TO SHUT DOWN BECAUSE SHE COULDN'T OPEN THE WEED JARS ON HER OWN.

DOWN BECAUSE SHE COULDN'T OPEN THE WEED JARS ON HER OWN. >> SIMMER DOWN.

THE WEED JARS ON HER OWN. >> SIMMER DOWN. A SPERM DONOR IN THE NETHERLANDS

>> SIMMER DOWN. A SPERM DONOR IN THE NETHERLANDS WHO ALLEGEDLY FATHERED MORE THAN

A SPERM DONOR IN THE NETHERLANDS WHO ALLEGEDLY FATHERED MORE THAN 500 CHILDREN IS BEING SUED FOR

WHO ALLEGEDLY FATHERED MORE THAN 500 CHILDREN IS BEING SUED FOR INCREASING THE RISK OF

500 CHILDREN IS BEING SUED FOR INCREASING THE RISK OF ACCIDENTAL INCEST AMONG THE

INCREASING THE RISK OF ACCIDENTAL INCEST AMONG THE KIDS.

ACCIDENTAL INCEST AMONG THE KIDS. ACCIDENTAL INCEST IS ALSO THE

KIDS. ACCIDENTAL INCEST IS ALSO THE TITLE OF THE WORST AMERICAN PIE

ACCIDENTAL INCEST IS ALSO THE TITLE OF THE WORST AMERICAN PIE SEQUEL.

TITLE OF THE WORST AMERICAN PIE SEQUEL. WELL, GUYS, IT'S APRIL, AND THAT

SEQUEL. WELL, GUYS, IT'S APRIL, AND THAT CAN ONLY MEAN ONE THING, THE

WELL, GUYS, IT'S APRIL, AND THAT CAN ONLY MEAN ONE THING, THE CELEBRATION OF SHORT MEN THAT

CAN ONLY MEAN ONE THING, THE CELEBRATION OF SHORT MEN THAT THE INTERNET HAS DUBBED SHORT

CELEBRATION OF SHORT MEN THAT THE INTERNET HAS DUBBED SHORT KING SPRING.

THE INTERNET HAS DUBBED SHORT KING SPRING. HERE TO COMMENT IS OUR VERY OWN

KING SPRING. HERE TO COMMENT IS OUR VERY OWN SHORT KING, MARCELLO HERNANDEZ.

HERE TO COMMENT IS OUR VERY OWN SHORT KING, MARCELLO HERNANDEZ. >> HEY, COLIN.

SHORT KING, MARCELLO HERNANDEZ. >> HEY, COLIN. IT'S GREAT TO BE HERE.

>> HEY, COLIN. IT'S GREAT TO BE HERE. >> HEY, MARCELLO.

IT'S GREAT TO BE HERE. >> HEY, MARCELLO. THANKS FOR BEING HERE.

>> HEY, MARCELLO. THANKS FOR BEING HERE. CAN YOU WALK US THROUGH WHAT IT

THANKS FOR BEING HERE. CAN YOU WALK US THROUGH WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A SHORT KING?

CAN YOU WALK US THROUGH WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A SHORT KING? >> COLIN, IT'S BASICALLY

MEANS TO BE A SHORT KING? >> COLIN, IT'S BASICALLY SOMETHING WOMEN SAY AS IF IT'S A

>> COLIN, IT'S BASICALLY SOMETHING WOMEN SAY AS IF IT'S A COMPLIMENT.

SOMETHING WOMEN SAY AS IF IT'S A COMPLIMENT. BUT IT'S KIND OF CONDESCENDING.

COMPLIMENT. BUT IT'S KIND OF CONDESCENDING. >> WELL, IF IT HELPS, I NEVER

BUT IT'S KIND OF CONDESCENDING. >> WELL, IF IT HELPS, I NEVER THOUGHT OF YOU AS A SHORT MAN,

>> WELL, IF IT HELPS, I NEVER THOUGHT OF YOU AS A SHORT MAN, AND YOU'RE WELCOME FOR THAT.

THOUGHT OF YOU AS A SHORT MAN, AND YOU'RE WELCOME FOR THAT. >> I KNOW I'M SHORT.

AND YOU'RE WELCOME FOR THAT. >> I KNOW I'M SHORT. WHEN I LIE ABOUT MY HEIGHT, I

>> I KNOW I'M SHORT. WHEN I LIE ABOUT MY HEIGHT, I SAY I'M 5'9", WHICH MEANS I'M

WHEN I LIE ABOUT MY HEIGHT, I SAY I'M 5'9", WHICH MEANS I'M REALLY 5'7" 1/2, AND I'M LYING

SAY I'M 5'9", WHICH MEANS I'M REALLY 5'7" 1/2, AND I'M LYING ABOUT THE HALF.

REALLY 5'7" 1/2, AND I'M LYING ABOUT THE HALF. WHAT HEIGHT DO YOU SAY, COLIN?

ABOUT THE HALF. WHAT HEIGHT DO YOU SAY, COLIN? >> I'M 6 FEET.

WHAT HEIGHT DO YOU SAY, COLIN? >> I'M 6 FEET. >> SO YOU'RE 5'9"?

>> I'M 6 FEET. >> SO YOU'RE 5'9"? >> NO, I'M 6 FEET.

>> SO YOU'RE 5'9"? >> NO, I'M 6 FEET. >> IF YOU WERE 6 FEET, YOU WOULD

>> NO, I'M 6 FEET. >> IF YOU WERE 6 FEET, YOU WOULD SAY 6'2".

>> IF YOU WERE 6 FEET, YOU WOULD SAY 6'2". >> I'M EXACTLY 6 FEET.

SAY 6'2". >> I'M EXACTLY 6 FEET. >> THEN LET'S STAND BACK TO

>> I'M EXACTLY 6 FEET. >> THEN LET'S STAND BACK TO BACK.

>> THEN LET'S STAND BACK TO BACK. >> I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT.

BACK. >> I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT. >> INTERESTING.

>> I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT. >> INTERESTING. COLIN, SHORT INC. CANS LIKE US

>> INTERESTING. COLIN, SHORT INC. CANS LIKE US SHOULD BE PROUD OF OUR HERITAGE.

COLIN, SHORT INC. CANS LIKE US SHOULD BE PROUD OF OUR HERITAGE. WE COME FROM A LONG LINE OF

SHOULD BE PROUD OF OUR HERITAGE. WE COME FROM A LONG LINE OF GREATS, KEVIN HART, BRUNO MARS,

WE COME FROM A LONG LINE OF GREATS, KEVIN HART, BRUNO MARS, PRINCE, THE MINIONS, AL PACINO,

GREATS, KEVIN HART, BRUNO MARS, PRINCE, THE MINIONS, AL PACINO, MARK WAHLBERG, JACK BLACK, YODA,

PRINCE, THE MINIONS, AL PACINO, MARK WAHLBERG, JACK BLACK, YODA, TOM HOLLAND, LIL WANE, RIGHT

MARK WAHLBERG, JACK BLACK, YODA, TOM HOLLAND, LIL WANE, RIGHT THERE IN THE NAME, MARTIN SHORT,

TOM HOLLAND, LIL WANE, RIGHT THERE IN THE NAME, MARTIN SHORT, AGAIN, RIGHT THERE IN THE NAME.

THERE IN THE NAME, MARTIN SHORT, AGAIN, RIGHT THERE IN THE NAME. BEETHOVEN, THE COMPOSER, WAS

AGAIN, RIGHT THERE IN THE NAME. BEETHOVEN, THE COMPOSER, WAS 5'6", AND THE DOG WAS EVEN

BEETHOVEN, THE COMPOSER, WAS 5'6", AND THE DOG WAS EVEN SHORTER.

5'6", AND THE DOG WAS EVEN SHORTER. >> GREAT TO KNOW.

SHORTER. >> GREAT TO KNOW. I THINK WE GET IT.

>> GREAT TO KNOW. I THINK WE GET IT. >> NOW LET'S THINK OF SOME TALL

I THINK WE GET IT. >> NOW LET'S THINK OF SOME TALL GUYS.

>> NOW LET'S THINK OF SOME TALL GUYS. OSAMA BIN LADEN IS 6'4", ARMIE

GUYS. OSAMA BIN LADEN IS 6'4", ARMIE HAMMER, 7'3".

OSAMA BIN LADEN IS 6'4", ARMIE HAMMER, 7'3". >> ARMIE HAMMER IS NOT 7'3".

HAMMER, 7'3". >> ARMIE HAMMER IS NOT 7'3". >> OKAY.

>> ARMIE HAMMER IS NOT 7'3". >> OKAY. SORRY, I FORGOT YOU TWO WERE

>> OKAY. SORRY, I FORGOT YOU TWO WERE FRIENDS.

SORRY, I FORGOT YOU TWO WERE FRIENDS. >> WE'RE FRIENDLY.

FRIENDS. >> WE'RE FRIENDLY. >> YOU KNOW, THE WORST THING

>> WE'RE FRIENDLY. >> YOU KNOW, THE WORST THING ABOUT TALL MEN IS WHEN THEY SAY

>> YOU KNOW, THE WORST THING ABOUT TALL MEN IS WHEN THEY SAY HELLO TO US PETITE PRINCES.

ABOUT TALL MEN IS WHEN THEY SAY HELLO TO US PETITE PRINCES. THEY GO LOW AND USE A BABY

HELLO TO US PETITE PRINCES. THEY GO LOW AND USE A BABY VOICE.

THEY GO LOW AND USE A BABY VOICE. THEY GO, HEY, MAN, EVERYTHING

VOICE. THEY GO, HEY, MAN, EVERYTHING GOOD DOWN THERE.

THEY GO, HEY, MAN, EVERYTHING GOOD DOWN THERE. AND WHEN THEY' DONE TALKING TO

GOOD DOWN THERE. AND WHEN THEY' DONE TALKING TO YOU, IT FEELS LIKE THEY SAY IT,

AND WHEN THEY' DONE TALKING TO YOU, IT FEELS LIKE THEY SAY IT, WHEN THEY'RE DONE TALKING, THEY

YOU, IT FEELS LIKE THEY SAY IT, WHEN THEY'RE DONE TALKING, THEY GO, ALL RIGHT, I GOT TO GO BACK

WHEN THEY'RE DONE TALKING, THEY GO, ALL RIGHT, I GOT TO GO BACK UP.

GO, ALL RIGHT, I GOT TO GO BACK UP. COLIN, WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY IS

UP. COLIN, WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY IS US TINY TITANS, WE GOT TO

COLIN, WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY IS US TINY TITANS, WE GOT TO STICK --

US TINY TITANS, WE GOT TO STICK -- >> STOP SAYING US.

STICK -- >> STOP SAYING US. >> THEN STAND BACK TO BACK WITH

>> STOP SAYING US. >> THEN STAND BACK TO BACK WITH ME.

>> THEN STAND BACK TO BACK WITH ME. >> NO.

ME. >> NO. >> OKAY.

>> NO. >> OKAY. WELL, LOOK, SHORT KINGS, WE WERE

>> OKAY. WELL, LOOK, SHORT KINGS, WE WERE BORN KINGS.

WELL, LOOK, SHORT KINGS, WE WERE BORN KINGS. WE'VE BECOME KINGS.

BORN KINGS. WE'VE BECOME KINGS. WE'VE DONE THE WORK.

WE'VE BECOME KINGS. WE'VE DONE THE WORK. WE LEARNED HOW TO DANCE, NOT

WE'VE DONE THE WORK. WE LEARNED HOW TO DANCE, NOT BECAUSE WE WANTED TO BUT BECAUSE

WE LEARNED HOW TO DANCE, NOT BECAUSE WE WANTED TO BUT BECAUSE WE HAD TO.

BECAUSE WE WANTED TO BUT BECAUSE WE HAD TO. TALL GUYS LIKE MICHAEL CHE DON'T

WE HAD TO. TALL GUYS LIKE MICHAEL CHE DON'T GOT TO LEARN HOW TO DANCE.

TALL GUYS LIKE MICHAEL CHE DON'T GOT TO LEARN HOW TO DANCE. THEY STAND AT THE BACK OF THE

GOT TO LEARN HOW TO DANCE. THEY STAND AT THE BACK OF THE PARTY LIKE -- MEANWHILE, YOU AND

THEY STAND AT THE BACK OF THE PARTY LIKE -- MEANWHILE, YOU AND ME ARE ON THE DANCE FLOOR

PARTY LIKE -- MEANWHILE, YOU AND ME ARE ON THE DANCE FLOOR WORKING, COLIN.

ME ARE ON THE DANCE FLOOR WORKING, COLIN. NOT BECAUSE WE WANT TO BUT

WORKING, COLIN. NOT BECAUSE WE WANT TO BUT BECAUSE WE HAD TO.

NOT BECAUSE WE WANT TO BUT BECAUSE WE HAD TO. >> AGAIN, I'M 6 FEET TALL.

BECAUSE WE HAD TO. >> AGAIN, I'M 6 FEET TALL. >> YEAH, YOU'RE A TOWER.

>> AGAIN, I'M 6 FEET TALL. >> YEAH, YOU'RE A TOWER. ANYWAY.

>> YEAH, YOU'RE A TOWER. ANYWAY. FOR ALL MY SHORT KINGS WATCHING

ANYWAY. FOR ALL MY SHORT KINGS WATCHING AT HOME, STAY STRONG, LIVE

FOR ALL MY SHORT KINGS WATCHING AT HOME, STAY STRONG, LIVE LARGE, AND BE PROUD OF THE TINY

AT HOME, STAY STRONG, LIVE LARGE, AND BE PROUD OF THE TINY LITTLE PERSON THAT YOU ARE.

LARGE, AND BE PROUD OF THE TINY LITTLE PERSON THAT YOU ARE. SO LET'S SHOW THEM, COLIN.

LITTLE PERSON THAT YOU ARE. SO LET'S SHOW THEM, COLIN. STAND UP AND GO BACK TO BACK

SO LET'S SHOW THEM, COLIN. STAND UP AND GO BACK TO BACK WITH ME.

STAND UP AND GO BACK TO BACK WITH ME. >> FOR THE LAST TIME, I CAN'T DO

WITH ME. >> FOR THE LAST TIME, I CAN'T DO THAT.

>> FOR THE LAST TIME, I CAN'T DO THAT. >> WHY NOT?

THAT. >> WHY NOT? >> BECAUSE, MARCELLO, I'M

>> WHY NOT? >> BECAUSE, MARCELLO, I'M ALREADY STANDING.

>> BECAUSE, MARCELLO, I'M ALREADY STANDING. >> I KNEW IT!

ALREADY STANDING. >> I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT!

>> I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT! >> MARCELLO SHORT KING

I KNEW IT! >> MARCELLO SHORT KING HERNANDEZ.

>> MARCELLO SHORT KING HERNANDEZ. I'M COLIN JOST.

HERNANDEZ. I'M COLIN JOST. >> I'M

>>> OKAY, MRS. MURPHY, YOUR CONTRACTIONS ARE 30 SECONDS APART.

CONTRACTIONS ARE 30 SECONDS APART. THIS BABY IS COMING.

APART. THIS BABY IS COMING. >> BUT I'M NOT DUE FOR ANOTHER

THIS BABY IS COMING. >> BUT I'M NOT DUE FOR ANOTHER TWO WEEKS.

>> BUT I'M NOT DUE FOR ANOTHER TWO WEEKS. >> I KNOW IT'S SCARY, BUT LISTEN

TWO WEEKS. >> I KNOW IT'S SCARY, BUT LISTEN TO ME AND BREATHE.

>> I KNOW IT'S SCARY, BUT LISTEN TO ME AND BREATHE. >> WHAT ABOUT MY MIDWIFE?

TO ME AND BREATHE. >> WHAT ABOUT MY MIDWIFE? >> HE'S ON HIS WAY.

>> WHAT ABOUT MY MIDWIFE? >> HE'S ON HIS WAY. >> I NEED HIM HERE!

>> HE'S ON HIS WAY. >> I NEED HIM HERE! >> CLEAR A PATH, CLEAR A PATH.

>> I NEED HIM HERE! >> CLEAR A PATH, CLEAR A PATH. I'M THE MIDWIFE.

>> CLEAR A PATH, CLEAR A PATH. I'M THE MIDWIFE. >> BARRY, THANK GOD.

I'M THE MIDWIFE. >> BARRY, THANK GOD.

>> BARRY, THANK GOD.

THIS IS MY MIDWIFE BARRY.

THIS IS MY MIDWIFE BARRY. >> NICE TO MEET YOU, BARRY.

THIS IS MY MIDWIFE BARRY. >> NICE TO MEET YOU, BARRY. >> ACTUALLY, WE'VE MET.

>> NICE TO MEET YOU, BARRY. >> ACTUALLY, WE'VE MET. >> I'M SORRY.

>> ACTUALLY, WE'VE MET. >> I'M SORRY. OF COURSE.

>> I'M SORRY. OF COURSE. IT IS NICE TO SEE YOU.

OF COURSE. IT IS NICE TO SEE YOU. SO SHE'S ALREADY DILATED 10

IT IS NICE TO SEE YOU. SO SHE'S ALREADY DILATED 10 CENTIMETERS, WE'VE GOT TO MOVE

SO SHE'S ALREADY DILATED 10 CENTIMETERS, WE'VE GOT TO MOVE FAST.

CENTIMETERS, WE'VE GOT TO MOVE FAST. >> DO YOU REALLY NOT REMEMBER

FAST. >> DO YOU REALLY NOT REMEMBER ME?

>> DO YOU REALLY NOT REMEMBER ME? >> SHE'S CROWNING.

ME? >> SHE'S CROWNING. >> WE MET AT DANIELLE'S

>> SHE'S CROWNING. >> WE MET AT DANIELLE'S BARBECUE.

>> WE MET AT DANIELLE'S BARBECUE. >> CAN YOU ASK HER ABOUT THIS

BARBECUE. >> CAN YOU ASK HER ABOUT THIS LATER?

>> CAN YOU ASK HER ABOUT THIS LATER? >> FOR SURE.

LATER? >> FOR SURE. IT WAS THE BARBECUE BEFORE THE

>> FOR SURE. IT WAS THE BARBECUE BEFORE THE MACKLEMORE CONCERT?

IT WAS THE BARBECUE BEFORE THE MACKLEMORE CONCERT? >> SO WE MET IN 2012 ONE TIME?

MACKLEMORE CONCERT? >> SO WE MET IN 2012 ONE TIME? I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS ONE TIME?

>> SO WE MET IN 2012 ONE TIME? I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS ONE TIME? >> REALLY?

I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS ONE TIME? >> REALLY? HOW COME WHILE YOU WERE BEING

>> REALLY? HOW COME WHILE YOU WERE BEING DEFENSIVE, I WAS DELIVERING THIS

HOW COME WHILE YOU WERE BEING DEFENSIVE, I WAS DELIVERING THIS BABY?

DEFENSIVE, I WAS DELIVERING THIS BABY? >> PUSH, MRS. SULLIVAN, PUSH.

BABY? >> PUSH, MRS. SULLIVAN, PUSH. >> IS MY MIDWIFE HERE YET?

>> PUSH, MRS. SULLIVAN, PUSH. >> IS MY MIDWIFE HERE YET? >> CLEAR A PATH.

>> IS MY MIDWIFE HERE YET? >> CLEAR A PATH. IT'S BARRY, THE MIDWIFE.

>> CLEAR A PATH. IT'S BARRY, THE MIDWIFE. >> THAT'S HIM.

IT'S BARRY, THE MIDWIFE. >> THAT'S HIM. THANK GOD.

>> THAT'S HIM. THANK GOD. >> BARRY, IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU

THANK GOD. >> BARRY, IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

>> BARRY, IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN. >> AGAIN?

AGAIN. >> AGAIN? OH, HAVE WE MET?

>> AGAIN? OH, HAVE WE MET? >> ARE YOU SERIOUS?

OH, HAVE WE MET? >> ARE YOU SERIOUS? >> YEAH.

>> ARE YOU SERIOUS? >> YEAH. NEVER SEEN YOU BEFORE IN MY

>> YEAH. NEVER SEEN YOU BEFORE IN MY LIFE.

NEVER SEEN YOU BEFORE IN MY LIFE. >> I PROMISE YOU HAVE.

LIFE. >> I PROMISE YOU HAVE. WE MET AT THIS HOSPITAL IN THIS

>> I PROMISE YOU HAVE. WE MET AT THIS HOSPITAL IN THIS EXACT ROOM.

WE MET AT THIS HOSPITAL IN THIS EXACT ROOM. >> WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF THIS?

EXACT ROOM. >> WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF THIS? TO EMBARRASS ME?

>> WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF THIS? TO EMBARRASS ME? WE'VE NEVER MET.

TO EMBARRASS ME? WE'VE NEVER MET. GIRL, RESPECT YOURSELF.

WE'VE NEVER MET. GIRL, RESPECT YOURSELF. >> WHAT'S GOING ON?

GIRL, RESPECT YOURSELF. >> WHAT'S GOING ON? >> DON'T WORRY.

>> WHAT'S GOING ON? >> DON'T WORRY. I'LL EXPLAIN.

>> DON'T WORRY. I'LL EXPLAIN. BARRY IS PRETENDING NOT TO

I'LL EXPLAIN. BARRY IS PRETENDING NOT TO REMEMBER DR. ROGERS BECAUSE

BARRY IS PRETENDING NOT TO REMEMBER DR. ROGERS BECAUSE THREE YEARS AGO SHE DIDN'T

REMEMBER DR. ROGERS BECAUSE THREE YEARS AGO SHE DIDN'T REMEMBER MEETING HIM AT A

THREE YEARS AGO SHE DIDN'T REMEMBER MEETING HIM AT A BARBECUE.

REMEMBER MEETING HIM AT A BARBECUE. >> BEFORE A MACKLEMORE CONCERT.

BARBECUE. >> BEFORE A MACKLEMORE CONCERT. >> MACKLEMORE?

>> BEFORE A MACKLEMORE CONCERT. >> MACKLEMORE? YOU REALLY REMEMBER ME.

>> MACKLEMORE? YOU REALLY REMEMBER ME. I'M CURIOUS AS TO WHY.

YOU REALLY REMEMBER ME. I'M CURIOUS AS TO WHY. ANYWAY, WHILE YOU WERE BEING

I'M CURIOUS AS TO WHY. ANYWAY, WHILE YOU WERE BEING DR. GASLIGHT, I WAS DELIVERING

ANYWAY, WHILE YOU WERE BEING DR. GASLIGHT, I WAS DELIVERING THIS BABY.

DR. GASLIGHT, I WAS DELIVERING THIS BABY. >> THANKS FOR HAVING US AT YOUR

THIS BABY. >> THANKS FOR HAVING US AT YOUR BARBECUE, DANIELLE.

>> THANKS FOR HAVING US AT YOUR BARBECUE, DANIELLE. >> NO PROBLEM.

BARBECUE, DANIELLE. >> NO PROBLEM. I WISH YOU COULD COME TO THE

>> NO PROBLEM. I WISH YOU COULD COME TO THE MACKLEMORE CONCERT LATER.

I WISH YOU COULD COME TO THE MACKLEMORE CONCERT LATER. >> I CAN'T.

MACKLEMORE CONCERT LATER. >> I CAN'T. I HAVE WORK.

>> I CAN'T. I HAVE WORK. THAT'S WHY I'M DRESSED LIKE

I HAVE WORK. THAT'S WHY I'M DRESSED LIKE THIS.

THAT'S WHY I'M DRESSED LIKE THIS. >> CLEAR A PATH FOR BARRY THE

THIS. >> CLEAR A PATH FOR BARRY THE HUNGRY MIDWIFE.

>> CLEAR A PATH FOR BARRY THE HUNGRY MIDWIFE. >> HI, I'M JILL.

HUNGRY MIDWIFE. >> HI, I'M JILL. IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU.

>> HI, I'M JILL. IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU. >> IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU TOO.

IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU. >> IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU TOO. WOW, YOU LOVE YOUR HAIR.

>> IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU TOO. WOW, YOU LOVE YOUR HAIR. I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO LONG.

WOW, YOU LOVE YOUR HAIR. I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO LONG. >> REALLY?

I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO LONG. >> REALLY? I DON'T THINK THAT'S A GOOD

>> REALLY? I DON'T THINK THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.

I DON'T THINK THAT'S A GOOD IDEA. I WOULDN'T RECOGNIZE YOU IF I

IDEA. I WOULDN'T RECOGNIZE YOU IF I SAW YOU AGAIN IN THE FUTURE.

I WOULDN'T RECOGNIZE YOU IF I SAW YOU AGAIN IN THE FUTURE. >> IS THAT A THREAT?

SAW YOU AGAIN IN THE FUTURE. >> IS THAT A THREAT? >> MRS. MURPHY, LONG TIME NO

>> IS THAT A THREAT? >> MRS. MURPHY, LONG TIME NO SEE.

>> MRS. MURPHY, LONG TIME NO SEE. I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS BABY

SEE. I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS BABY NUMBER TWO.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS BABY NUMBER TWO. >> I KNOW.

NUMBER TWO. >> I KNOW. LIFE HAPPENS SO FAST.

>> I KNOW. LIFE HAPPENS SO FAST. OH, AND THIS IS MY MIDWIFE.

LIFE HAPPENS SO FAST. OH, AND THIS IS MY MIDWIFE. YOU GUYS REMEMBER EACH OTHER,

OH, AND THIS IS MY MIDWIFE. YOU GUYS REMEMBER EACH OTHER, RIGHT?

YOU GUYS REMEMBER EACH OTHER, RIGHT? >> ACTUALLY, WE DO.

RIGHT? >> ACTUALLY, WE DO. I'M SO SORRY, DR. ROGERS.

>> ACTUALLY, WE DO. I'M SO SORRY, DR. ROGERS. I OWE YOU AN APOLL.

I'M SO SORRY, DR. ROGERS. I OWE YOU AN APOLL. I PRETENDED NOT TO REMEMBER YOU

I OWE YOU AN APOLL. I PRETENDED NOT TO REMEMBER YOU BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T REMEMBER ME,

I PRETENDED NOT TO REMEMBER YOU BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T REMEMBER ME, AND IT MADE ME SO FURIOUS.

BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T REMEMBER ME, AND IT MADE ME SO FURIOUS. >> I'M SORRY, BARRY.

AND IT MADE ME SO FURIOUS. >> I'M SORRY, BARRY. I FELT SO BAD THAT I DIDN'T

>> I'M SORRY, BARRY. I FELT SO BAD THAT I DIDN'T REMEMBER YOU, IT MADE ME FEEL

I FELT SO BAD THAT I DIDN'T REMEMBER YOU, IT MADE ME FEEL EMBARRASSED.

REMEMBER YOU, IT MADE ME FEEL EMBARRASSED. >> ARE YOU SERIOUS?

EMBARRASSED. >> ARE YOU SERIOUS? I WAS BEING AN EMOTIONAL JERK.

>> ARE YOU SERIOUS? I WAS BEING AN EMOTIONAL JERK. >> OH, MY GOD.

I WAS BEING AN EMOTIONAL JERK. >> OH, MY GOD. DID WE MISS IT?

>> OH, MY GOD. DID WE MISS IT? HONEY, WE GOT HERE AS FAST AS WE

DID WE MISS IT? HONEY, WE GOT HERE AS FAST AS WE COULD.

HONEY, WE GOT HERE AS FAST AS WE COULD. >> IT'S OKAY.

COULD. >> IT'S OKAY. THIS IS MY HUSBAND AND MY FIRST

>> IT'S OKAY. THIS IS MY HUSBAND AND MY FIRST DAUGHTER KAYLA, YOU DELIVERED

THIS IS MY HUSBAND AND MY FIRST DAUGHTER KAYLA, YOU DELIVERED HER.

DAUGHTER KAYLA, YOU DELIVERED HER. >> HI, KAYLA!

HER. >> HI, KAYLA! >> NICE TO MEET YOU.

>> HI, KAYLA! >> NICE TO MEET YOU. >> ACTUALLY, WE'VE MET.

>> NICE TO MEET YOU. >> ACTUALLY, WE'VE MET. >> WELL, THEN IT'S NICE TO SEE

>> ACTUALLY, WE'VE MET. >> WELL, THEN IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU, OKAY?

>> WELL, THEN IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU, OKAY? >>> ONCE AGAIN, LIL YACHTY.

YOU, OKAY? >>> ONCE AGAIN, LIL YACHTY. ♪

>>> ONCE AGAIN, LIL YACHTY. ♪ ♪

♪ ♪ ♪

♪ ♪ ♪ IMAGINE LIFE WITHOUT ME

♪ ♪ IMAGINE LIFE WITHOUT ME IT'S A WASTE OF TIME

♪ IMAGINE LIFE WITHOUT ME IT'S A WASTE OF TIME YOU WANT THE KIND OF LOVE

IT'S A WASTE OF TIME YOU WANT THE KIND OF LOVE THAT CAN MAKE A CHILD ♪

YOU WANT THE KIND OF LOVE THAT CAN MAKE A CHILD ♪ ♪ DON'T WANT JUST ANYBODY

THAT CAN MAKE A CHILD ♪ ♪ DON'T WANT JUST ANYBODY MM YEAH ♪

♪ DON'T WANT JUST ANYBODY MM YEAH ♪ ♪ GOOD LOVE FILLS

MM YEAH ♪ ♪ GOOD LOVE FILLS MY BODY UP LIKE A GLASS

♪ GOOD LOVE FILLS MY BODY UP LIKE A GLASS WHEN YOU POUR IT ALL OUT ♪

MY BODY UP LIKE A GLASS WHEN YOU POUR IT ALL OUT ♪ ♪ IF YOU KNOW ME

WHEN YOU POUR IT ALL OUT ♪ ♪ IF YOU KNOW ME YOU KNOW I MIND

♪ IF YOU KNOW ME YOU KNOW I MIND SOMEONE LIKE ME

YOU KNOW I MIND SOMEONE LIKE ME IS HARD TO FIND ♪

SOMEONE LIKE ME IS HARD TO FIND ♪ ♪ NOT MISTAKEN

IS HARD TO FIND ♪ ♪ NOT MISTAKEN IF I'M THERE

♪ NOT MISTAKEN IF I'M THERE WELL AWARE

IF I'M THERE WELL AWARE YOU ARE ALWAYS MINE ♪

WELL AWARE YOU ARE ALWAYS MINE ♪ ♪ AND STILL

YOU ARE ALWAYS MINE ♪ ♪ AND STILL YOU SEEM SO SURPRISED

♪ AND STILL YOU SEEM SO SURPRISED WHEN YOU'RE ALWAYS

YOU SEEM SO SURPRISED WHEN YOU'RE ALWAYS GON' BE MINE ♪

WHEN YOU'RE ALWAYS GON' BE MINE ♪ ♪ I WANNA BE WHERE YOU ARE

GON' BE MINE ♪ ♪ I WANNA BE WHERE YOU ARE I JUST CAN'T WALK AWAY

♪ I WANNA BE WHERE YOU ARE I JUST CAN'T WALK AWAY YOU DRIVE ME CRAZY AH

I JUST CAN'T WALK AWAY YOU DRIVE ME CRAZY AH I LOSE IT LOSE IT ♪

YOU DRIVE ME CRAZY AH I LOSE IT LOSE IT ♪ ♪ AND I WANNA

I LOSE IT LOSE IT ♪ ♪ AND I WANNA BE WHERE YOU ARE

♪ AND I WANNA BE WHERE YOU ARE I JUST CAN'T WALK AWAY ♪

BE WHERE YOU ARE I JUST CAN'T WALK AWAY ♪ ♪ YOU DRIVE ME CRAZY AH

I JUST CAN'T WALK AWAY ♪ ♪ YOU DRIVE ME CRAZY AH I LOSE IT LOSE IT ♪

♪ YOU DRIVE ME CRAZY AH I LOSE IT LOSE IT ♪ ♪ IMAGINE ME

I LOSE IT LOSE IT ♪ ♪ IMAGINE ME CIRCLIN' THROUGH LIFE

♪ IMAGINE ME CIRCLIN' THROUGH LIFE WITHOUT A PIECE OF YOU ♪

CIRCLIN' THROUGH LIFE WITHOUT A PIECE OF YOU ♪ ♪ SEVEN OUT OF SEVEN DAYS

WITHOUT A PIECE OF YOU ♪ ♪ SEVEN OUT OF SEVEN DAYS I'M NEEDIN' YOU

♪ SEVEN OUT OF SEVEN DAYS I'M NEEDIN' YOU YOU BRIN' LIFE

I'M NEEDIN' YOU YOU BRIN' LIFE TO THE PARTY ♪

YOU BRIN' LIFE TO THE PARTY ♪ ♪ MM-MM AH AH AH

TO THE PARTY ♪ ♪ MM-MM AH AH AH GOOD LOVE FEELS LIKE

♪ MM-MM AH AH AH GOOD LOVE FEELS LIKE BUTTERFLIES SUFFOCATIN'

GOOD LOVE FEELS LIKE BUTTERFLIES SUFFOCATIN' YOUR INSIDES ♪

BUTTERFLIES SUFFOCATIN' YOUR INSIDES ♪ ♪ OH IT'S A LATE NIGHT

YOUR INSIDES ♪ ♪ OH IT'S A LATE NIGHT YOU KNOW I TRY

♪ OH IT'S A LATE NIGHT YOU KNOW I TRY I CANNOT PICTURE

YOU KNOW I TRY I CANNOT PICTURE WHEN YOU RIDE ♪

I CANNOT PICTURE WHEN YOU RIDE ♪ ♪ I'M MISTAKEN

WHEN YOU RIDE ♪ ♪ I'M MISTAKEN THINKIN' YOU WERE TAKEN

♪ I'M MISTAKEN THINKIN' YOU WERE TAKEN KNOWIN' NOW

THINKIN' YOU WERE TAKEN KNOWIN' NOW YOU WERE ALWAYS MINE ♪

KNOWIN' NOW YOU WERE ALWAYS MINE ♪ ♪ AND STILL

YOU WERE ALWAYS MINE ♪ ♪ AND STILL YOU SEEM SO SURPRISE ED

♪ AND STILL YOU SEEM SO SURPRISE ED WHEN YOU'RE ALWAYS

YOU SEEM SO SURPRISE ED WHEN YOU'RE ALWAYS GON' BE MINE ♪

WHEN YOU'RE ALWAYS GON' BE MINE ♪ ♪

GON' BE MINE ♪ ♪ ♪ YEAH YEAH YEAH

♪ ♪ YEAH YEAH YEAH MM HMM

♪ YEAH YEAH YEAH MM HMM MM HMM-MM ♪

MM HMM MM HMM-MM ♪ ♪

MM HMM-MM ♪ ♪ ♪ RARELY EVER MISSIN'

♪ ♪ RARELY EVER MISSIN' TALK IS CHEAP

♪ RARELY EVER MISSIN' TALK IS CHEAP AND TIME IS TICKIN' ♪

TALK IS CHEAP AND TIME IS TICKIN' ♪ ♪ RARELY EVER TRICKIN'

AND TIME IS TICKIN' ♪ ♪ RARELY EVER TRICKIN' CATCH ME SLIPPIN'

♪ RARELY EVER TRICKIN' CATCH ME SLIPPIN' ♪ I'M ON MISSION' ♪

CATCH ME SLIPPIN' ♪ I'M ON MISSION' ♪ PAYIN' MILLIONS

♪ I'M ON MISSION' ♪ PAYIN' MILLIONS I'M TAKING YOU OUT TO EAT

PAYIN' MILLIONS I'M TAKING YOU OUT TO EAT OKAY OKAY OKAY ♪

I'M TAKING YOU OUT TO EAT OKAY OKAY OKAY ♪ ♪ OUT LATE NIGHT

OKAY OKAY OKAY ♪ ♪ OUT LATE NIGHT I'M SINNIN'

♪ OUT LATE NIGHT I'M SINNIN' STILL A CHRISTIAN

I'M SINNIN' STILL A CHRISTIAN DON'T TELL MY DEACON ♪

STILL A CHRISTIAN DON'T TELL MY DEACON ♪ ♪ I MEAN PASTOR

DON'T TELL MY DEACON ♪ ♪ I MEAN PASTOR OIL HER DOWN

♪ I MEAN PASTOR OIL HER DOWN NOT TALKIN' CASTOR ♪

OIL HER DOWN NOT TALKIN' CASTOR ♪ ♪ RIDIN' 'ROUND WITH

NOT TALKIN' CASTOR ♪ ♪ RIDIN' 'ROUND WITH SIX-SEVEN WITH NO TINT

♪ RIDIN' 'ROUND WITH SIX-SEVEN WITH NO TINT YOU CAN TELL I'M PIMPIN' ♪

SIX-SEVEN WITH NO TINT YOU CAN TELL I'M PIMPIN' ♪ ♪ BIG FOUR-FIVE ON MY HIP

YOU CAN TELL I'M PIMPIN' ♪ ♪ BIG FOUR-FIVE ON MY HIP LOOK LIKE I'M LIMPIN'

♪ BIG FOUR-FIVE ON MY HIP LOOK LIKE I'M LIMPIN' ALWAYS SIMPIN ♪

LOOK LIKE I'M LIMPIN' ALWAYS SIMPIN ♪ ♪ ONE OF MY COUSINS CRIPPIN'

ALWAYS SIMPIN ♪ ♪ ONE OF MY COUSINS CRIPPIN' ALWAYS GRIPPIN'

♪ ONE OF MY COUSINS CRIPPIN' ALWAYS GRIPPIN' STUFF GET DANGEROUS ♪

ALWAYS GRIPPIN' STUFF GET DANGEROUS ♪ ♪ ALWAYS KEEP IT PLAYER

STUFF GET DANGEROUS ♪ ♪ ALWAYS KEEP IT PLAYER WE CAN SWAP OUT

♪ ALWAYS KEEP IT PLAYER WE CAN SWAP OUT SWAP OUT SWAP OUT SWAP OUT

WE CAN SWAP OUT SWAP OUT SWAP OUT SWAP OUT ♪ OKAY

SWAP OUT SWAP OUT SWAP OUT ♪ OKAY ONLY LOVE MY MOTHER

♪ OKAY ONLY LOVE MY MOTHER MY SISTER MY DAUGHTER ♪

ONLY LOVE MY MOTHER MY SISTER MY DAUGHTER ♪ ♪ ALL Y'ALL GET SLAUGHTERED,

MY SISTER MY DAUGHTER ♪ ♪ ALL Y'ALL GET SLAUGHTERED, CAN'T BE MINE

♪ ALL Y'ALL GET SLAUGHTERED, CAN'T BE MINE PRAY TO THE FATHER ♪

CAN'T BE MINE PRAY TO THE FATHER ♪ ♪ MM HM

PRAY TO THE FATHER ♪ ♪ MM HM MMM HMM

♪ MM HM MMM HMM MM-HM ♪

MMM HMM MM-HM ♪ ♪

MM-HM ♪ ♪ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

♪ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >>> SO, JANET, HOW'S YOUR FIRST

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >>> SO, JANET, HOW'S YOUR FIRST MONTH HERE BEEN?

>>> SO, JANET, HOW'S YOUR FIRST MONTH HERE BEEN? >> IT'S BEEN GREAT.

MONTH HERE BEEN? >> IT'S BEEN GREAT. I'M SO HAPPY TO BE WORKING HERE.

>> IT'S BEEN GREAT. I'M SO HAPPY TO BE WORKING HERE. >> WE'RE LUCKY TO HAVE YOU.

I'M SO HAPPY TO BE WORKING HERE. >> WE'RE LUCKY TO HAVE YOU. >> I DON'T WANT TO MAKE THIS A

>> WE'RE LUCKY TO HAVE YOU. >> I DON'T WANT TO MAKE THIS A BIG DEAL.

>> I DON'T WANT TO MAKE THIS A BIG DEAL. I THINK DANIELS HAS BEEN WEIRD

BIG DEAL. I THINK DANIELS HAS BEEN WEIRD TO ME.

I THINK DANIELS HAS BEEN WEIRD TO ME. >> HE'S ALWAYS BEEN COOL TO ME.

TO ME. >> HE'S ALWAYS BEEN COOL TO ME. >> IT'S PROBABLY NOTHING.

>> HE'S ALWAYS BEEN COOL TO ME. >> IT'S PROBABLY NOTHING. FORGET I SAID ANYTHING.

>> IT'S PROBABLY NOTHING. FORGET I SAID ANYTHING. >> HEY, MURPHY, HOW ARE YOU?

FORGET I SAID ANYTHING. >> HEY, MURPHY, HOW ARE YOU? HOW ARE THE KIDS?

>> HEY, MURPHY, HOW ARE YOU? HOW ARE THE KIDS? >> THEY'RE GOOD.

HOW ARE THE KIDS? >> THEY'RE GOOD. JUST SENT MY OLDEST OFF TO PENN

>> THEY'RE GOOD. JUST SENT MY OLDEST OFF TO PENN STATE.

JUST SENT MY OLDEST OFF TO PENN STATE. >> GOSH, THAT MUST BE HARD -- ON

STATE. >> GOSH, THAT MUST BE HARD -- ON THE OLD BANK ACCOUNT.

>> GOSH, THAT MUST BE HARD -- ON THE OLD BANK ACCOUNT. AND WE HITTING THE LINKS LATER

THE OLD BANK ACCOUNT. AND WE HITTING THE LINKS LATER OR WHAT, BUDDY?

AND WE HITTING THE LINKS LATER OR WHAT, BUDDY? >> 5:00 ON THE DOT, DANIELS.

OR WHAT, BUDDY? >> 5:00 ON THE DOT, DANIELS. >> LOOKING FORWARD TO IT.

>> 5:00 ON THE DOT, DANIELS. >> LOOKING FORWARD TO IT. AND SIMMONS, BIG BUTT, SETTING

>> LOOKING FORWARD TO IT. AND SIMMONS, BIG BUTT, SETTING OFF THE PENIS ALARM.

AND SIMMONS, BIG BUTT, SETTING OFF THE PENIS ALARM. MURPHY, YOU GET THAT REPORT INTO

OFF THE PENIS ALARM. MURPHY, YOU GET THAT REPORT INTO ME BY MONDAY OR WHAT?

MURPHY, YOU GET THAT REPORT INTO ME BY MONDAY OR WHAT? >> ABSOLUTELY.

ME BY MONDAY OR WHAT? >> ABSOLUTELY. >> AND BEFORE I FORGET, WE GOT A

>> ABSOLUTELY. >> AND BEFORE I FORGET, WE GOT A COMPANY WIDE ZOOM MEETING AT

>> AND BEFORE I FORGET, WE GOT A COMPANY WIDE ZOOM MEETING AT 6:00 WHERE I'LL BE ZOOMING IN ON

COMPANY WIDE ZOOM MEETING AT 6:00 WHERE I'LL BE ZOOMING IN ON THOSE BOOBIES.

6:00 WHERE I'LL BE ZOOMING IN ON THOSE BOOBIES. COMPUTER ENHANCE, ENGAGING X-RAY

THOSE BOOBIES. COMPUTER ENHANCE, ENGAGING X-RAY VISION.

COMPUTER ENHANCE, ENGAGING X-RAY VISION. HOUSTON, WE HAVE NIPPLE!

VISION. HOUSTON, WE HAVE NIPPLE! >> MURPHY, LISTEN, THAT TURNER

HOUSTON, WE HAVE NIPPLE! >> MURPHY, LISTEN, THAT TURNER FILE IS NOT GOING TO FILE

>> MURPHY, LISTEN, THAT TURNER FILE IS NOT GOING TO FILE ITSELF, A RIGHT?

FILE IS NOT GOING TO FILE ITSELF, A RIGHT? >> SO YOU GUYS SAW THAT, RIGHT?

ITSELF, A RIGHT? >> SO YOU GUYS SAW THAT, RIGHT? >> SAW WHAT?

>> SO YOU GUYS SAW THAT, RIGHT? >> SAW WHAT? >> DANIELS, WHEN HE TALKED TO

>> SAW WHAT? >> DANIELS, WHEN HE TALKED TO ME, HE DID AN IMPRESSION OF A

>> DANIELS, WHEN HE TALKED TO ME, HE DID AN IMPRESSION OF A SEX COMPUTER.

ME, HE DID AN IMPRESSION OF A SEX COMPUTER. >> I THOUGHT HE WAS BEING GOOFY,

SEX COMPUTER. >> I THOUGHT HE WAS BEING GOOFY, BUT I'M OLD SCHOOL.

>> I THOUGHT HE WAS BEING GOOFY, BUT I'M OLD SCHOOL. >> IF YOU'RE HAVING A PROBLEM

BUT I'M OLD SCHOOL. >> IF YOU'RE HAVING A PROBLEM WITH HIM, YOU CAN ALWAYS TALK TO

>> IF YOU'RE HAVING A PROBLEM WITH HIM, YOU CAN ALWAYS TALK TO BENSON.

WITH HIM, YOU CAN ALWAYS TALK TO BENSON. >> BENSON?

BENSON. >> BENSON? REALLY?

>> BENSON? REALLY? >> TOTALLY.

REALLY? >> TOTALLY. HE'S BEEN HERE FOREVER.

>> TOTALLY. HE'S BEEN HERE FOREVER. HE JUST GETS IT.

HE'S BEEN HERE FOREVER. HE JUST GETS IT. SPEAKING OF THE DEVIL.

HE JUST GETS IT. SPEAKING OF THE DEVIL. >> LOOKY HERE, ALL OF MY

SPEAKING OF THE DEVIL. >> LOOKY HERE, ALL OF MY FAVORITE PEOPLE.

>> LOOKY HERE, ALL OF MY FAVORITE PEOPLE. >> HOW ARE YOU?

FAVORITE PEOPLE. >> HOW ARE YOU? >> I WANT TO THANK YOU AGAIN FOR

>> HOW ARE YOU? >> I WANT TO THANK YOU AGAIN FOR SHOWING UP TO MY GRANDDAUGHTER'S

>> I WANT TO THANK YOU AGAIN FOR SHOWING UP TO MY GRANDDAUGHTER'S FOOD DRIVE.

SHOWING UP TO MY GRANDDAUGHTER'S FOOD DRIVE. IT MEANT THE WORLD.

FOOD DRIVE. IT MEANT THE WORLD. >> ANYTHING FOR YOU, BENSON.

IT MEANT THE WORLD. >> ANYTHING FOR YOU, BENSON. >> WE FED 500 FAMILIES IN NEED

>> ANYTHING FOR YOU, BENSON. >> WE FED 500 FAMILIES IN NEED BECAUSE OF YOU GUYS.

>> WE FED 500 FAMILIES IN NEED BECAUSE OF YOU GUYS. I MEAN, SIMMONS, I KNOW IT MEANT

BECAUSE OF YOU GUYS. I MEAN, SIMMONS, I KNOW IT MEANT THE WORLD TO MY GRANDDAUGHTER

I MEAN, SIMMONS, I KNOW IT MEANT THE WORLD TO MY GRANDDAUGHTER THAT YOU BROUGHT THOSE.

THE WORLD TO MY GRANDDAUGHTER THAT YOU BROUGHT THOSE. >> THOSE WHAT?

THAT YOU BROUGHT THOSE. >> THOSE WHAT? >> WHY, THOSE BIG BUTTERED YAMS,

>> THOSE WHAT? >> WHY, THOSE BIG BUTTERED YAMS, OF COURSE.

>> WHY, THOSE BIG BUTTERED YAMS, OF COURSE. WHAT I WOULD DO TO JUMP OFF A

OF COURSE. WHAT I WOULD DO TO JUMP OFF A DIVING BOARD AND CANNON BALL

WHAT I WOULD DO TO JUMP OFF A DIVING BOARD AND CANNON BALL INTO THAT CLEAVAGE.

DIVING BOARD AND CANNON BALL INTO THAT CLEAVAGE. HELP!

INTO THAT CLEAVAGE. HELP! I'MDROWNING!

HELP! I'MDROWNING! BUT DON'T SAVE I WANT TO DIE

I'MDROWNING! BUT DON'T SAVE I WANT TO DIE IN THERE.

BUT DON'T SAVE I WANT TO DIE IN THERE. ALL RIGHT, TEAM, IF YOU NEED

IN THERE. ALL RIGHT, TEAM, IF YOU NEED ANYTHING AT ALL, GIVE ME A CALL.

ALL RIGHT, TEAM, IF YOU NEED ANYTHING AT ALL, GIVE ME A CALL. I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR YOU

ANYTHING AT ALL, GIVE ME A CALL. I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR YOU GUYS.

I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR YOU GUYS. I WOULD EVEN ADOPT THOSE

GUYS. I WOULD EVEN ADOPT THOSE GORGEOUS TWINS AND RAISE THEM IN

I WOULD EVEN ADOPT THOSE GORGEOUS TWINS AND RAISE THEM IN A HOTEL LIKE ZACK AND CODY.

GORGEOUS TWINS AND RAISE THEM IN A HOTEL LIKE ZACK AND CODY. DUTY CALLS, SEE YOU GUYS LATER.

A HOTEL LIKE ZACK AND CODY. DUTY CALLS, SEE YOU GUYS LATER. LOVE YOU GUYS.

DUTY CALLS, SEE YOU GUYS LATER. LOVE YOU GUYS. >> LOVE YOU, MAN.

LOVE YOU GUYS. >> LOVE YOU, MAN. >> YOU GUYS NOTICED THAT, RIGHT?

>> LOVE YOU, MAN. >> YOU GUYS NOTICED THAT, RIGHT? >> I WANT TO SAY YES SO YOU

>> YOU GUYS NOTICED THAT, RIGHT? >> I WANT TO SAY YES SO YOU DON'T FEEL CRAZY, BUT NO.

>> I WANT TO SAY YES SO YOU DON'T FEEL CRAZY, BUT NO. >> HOW?

DON'T FEEL CRAZY, BUT NO. >> HOW? >> THIS IS INSANE.

>> HOW? >> THIS IS INSANE. >> I'M HEATHER FROM HR, AND IF

>> THIS IS INSANE. >> I'M HEATHER FROM HR, AND IF ANYONE IS MAKING YOU

>> I'M HEATHER FROM HR, AND IF ANYONE IS MAKING YOU UNCOMFORTABLE, WE WILL HANDLE IT

ANYONE IS MAKING YOU UNCOMFORTABLE, WE WILL HANDLE IT RIGHT NOW IN A COMPANY-WIDE

UNCOMFORTABLE, WE WILL HANDLE IT RIGHT NOW IN A COMPANY-WIDE MEETING.

RIGHT NOW IN A COMPANY-WIDE MEETING. >> THANK YOU.

MEETING. >> THANK YOU. >> BUT FIRST, WE HAVE A MUSICAL

>> THANK YOU. >> BUT FIRST, WE HAVE A MUSICAL PERFORMANCE FROM THE PENIS

>> BUT FIRST, WE HAVE A MUSICAL PERFORMANCE FROM THE PENIS BROTHERS.

PERFORMANCE FROM THE PENIS BROTHERS. >> WHAT IS GOING ON?

BROTHERS. >> WHAT IS GOING ON? >> COME ON, Y'ALL.

>> WHAT IS GOING ON? >> COME ON, Y'ALL. THIS ONE GOES OUT TO OUR TWO

>> COME ON, Y'ALL. THIS ONE GOES OUT TO OUR TWO FAVORITE LADIES.

THIS ONE GOES OUT TO OUR TWO FAVORITE LADIES. SIMMONS LEFT, AND SIMMONS RIGHT,

FAVORITE LADIES. SIMMONS LEFT, AND SIMMONS RIGHT, Y'ALL.

SIMMONS LEFT, AND SIMMONS RIGHT, Y'ALL. >> OH, MY GOD, THE PENIS

Y'ALL. >> OH, MY GOD, THE PENIS BROTHERS.

>> OH, MY GOD, THE PENIS BROTHERS. >> THE MOMENT YOU'VE ALL BEEN

BROTHERS. >> THE MOMENT YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR, THE BROTHERS BONGO

>> THE MOMENT YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR, THE BROTHERS BONGO BOOB EXPERIENCE.

WAITING FOR, THE BROTHERS BONGO BOOB EXPERIENCE. ♪

BOOB EXPERIENCE. ♪ >> HOW I IT MAKING THAT SOUND?

♪ >> HOW I IT MAKING THAT SOUND? >> MURPHY, YOU GOT THAT FILE FOR

>> HOW I IT MAKING THAT SOUND? >> MURPHY, YOU GOT THAT FILE FOR ME OR WHAT?

>> MURPHY, YOU GOT THAT FILE FOR ME OR WHAT? >> HEY, I DO, DANIELS.

ME OR WHAT? >> HEY, I DO, DANIELS. BY THE WAY, I GOT AN EMAIL FROM

>> HEY, I DO, DANIELS. BY THE WAY, I GOT AN EMAIL FROM CORPORATE, AND YOU'RE BOTH

BY THE WAY, I GOT AN EMAIL FROM CORPORATE, AND YOU'RE BOTH FIRED.

CORPORATE, AND YOU'RE BOTH FIRED. >>> THIS IS NEW YORK.

FIRED. >>> THIS IS NEW YORK. THE MELTING POT OF OVER THREE

>>> THIS IS NEW YORK. THE MELTING POT OF OVER THREE CULTURES, AND FOOD IS ITS

THE MELTING POT OF OVER THREE CULTURES, AND FOOD IS ITS UNIVERSAL LANGUAGE.

CULTURES, AND FOOD IS ITS UNIVERSAL LANGUAGE. >> MY NAME IS ROCCO.

UNIVERSAL LANGUAGE. >> MY NAME IS ROCCO. >> HEAVY CAT.

>> MY NAME IS ROCCO. >> HEAVY CAT. >> AND MY NAME IS DONALD TRUMP.

>> HEAVY CAT. >> AND MY NAME IS DONALD TRUMP. WE MOVED HERE FOR COLLEGE, AND

>> AND MY NAME IS DONALD TRUMP. WE MOVED HERE FOR COLLEGE, AND WE'VE BEEN HERE EVER SINCE

WE MOVED HERE FOR COLLEGE, AND WE'VE BEEN HERE EVER SINCE EXCEPT FOR COVID.

WE'VE BEEN HERE EVER SINCE EXCEPT FOR COVID. >> TODAY, WE'RE GOING TO SHOW

EXCEPT FOR COVID. >> TODAY, WE'RE GOING TO SHOW YOU OUR NEW YORK, THE REAL NEW

>> TODAY, WE'RE GOING TO SHOW YOU OUR NEW YORK, THE REAL NEW YORK, ONE BITE AT A TIME.

YOU OUR NEW YORK, THE REAL NEW YORK, ONE BITE AT A TIME. >> THIS IS STREET EATS.

YORK, ONE BITE AT A TIME. >> THIS IS STREET EATS. TODAY, WE ARE IN THE MIDDLE OF

>> THIS IS STREET EATS. TODAY, WE ARE IN THE MIDDLE OF JAMAICAN PART OF THE CITY,

TODAY, WE ARE IN THE MIDDLE OF JAMAICAN PART OF THE CITY, JAMAICAN QUEEN, AND WE ARE ON

JAMAICAN PART OF THE CITY, JAMAICAN QUEEN, AND WE ARE ON THE HUNT FOR SOME AUTHENTIC JERK

JAMAICAN QUEEN, AND WE ARE ON THE HUNT FOR SOME AUTHENTIC JERK CHICKEN.

THE HUNT FOR SOME AUTHENTIC JERK CHICKEN. >> AND QUEENS MAKE SOME NOISE!

CHICKEN. >> AND QUEENS MAKE SOME NOISE! >> RICE, THE STINKING MAN'S

>> AND QUEENS MAKE SOME NOISE! >> RICE, THE STINKING MAN'S CHIPS.

>> RICE, THE STINKING MAN'S CHIPS. >> WHAT THE HELL ARE Y'ALL

CHIPS. >> WHAT THE HELL ARE Y'ALL DOING?

>> WHAT THE HELL ARE Y'ALL DOING? >> WE'RE JUST HERE TO FIND OUT

DOING? >> WE'RE JUST HERE TO FIND OUT WHAT JA-MAKES YOUR FOOD SO

>> WE'RE JUST HERE TO FIND OUT WHAT JA-MAKES YOUR FOOD SO SPECIAL.

WHAT JA-MAKES YOUR FOOD SO SPECIAL. >> GOT IT.

SPECIAL. >> GOT IT. SO Y'ALL JUST MOVED HERE FOR

>> GOT IT. SO Y'ALL JUST MOVED HERE FOR CONNECTICUT, RIGHT?

SO Y'ALL JUST MOVED HERE FOR CONNECTICUT, RIGHT? YOU HAVE TO STOP YELLING.

CONNECTICUT, RIGHT? YOU HAVE TO STOP YELLING. >> WELL, I NOTICED YOU WERE

YOU HAVE TO STOP YELLING. >> WELL, I NOTICED YOU WERE SELLING DELICIOUS JAMAICAN FOOD,

>> WELL, I NOTICED YOU WERE SELLING DELICIOUS JAMAICAN FOOD, BUT YOU YOURSELF ARE NOT

SELLING DELICIOUS JAMAICAN FOOD, BUT YOU YOURSELF ARE NOT JAMAICAN.

BUT YOU YOURSELF ARE NOT JAMAICAN. TELL US ABOUT THAT.

JAMAICAN. TELL US ABOUT THAT. >> NO, I'M JAMAICAN.

TELL US ABOUT THAT. >> NO, I'M JAMAICAN. >> HOW WOULD THAT BE --

>> NO, I'M JAMAICAN. >> HOW WOULD THAT BE -- >> SPOTS LIKE THAT ARE EXACTLY

>> HOW WOULD THAT BE -- >> SPOTS LIKE THAT ARE EXACTLY WHAT MAKES NEW YORK SO GREAT.

>> SPOTS LIKE THAT ARE EXACTLY WHAT MAKES NEW YORK SO GREAT. TACO, OH, SPICY.

WHAT MAKES NEW YORK SO GREAT. TACO, OH, SPICY. >> SO YOU WANT JERK CHICKEN WITH

TACO, OH, SPICY. >> SO YOU WANT JERK CHICKEN WITH NO CAYENNE, NO CUMIN, SALT,

>> SO YOU WANT JERK CHICKEN WITH NO CAYENNE, NO CUMIN, SALT, PEPPER?

NO CAYENNE, NO CUMIN, SALT, PEPPER? >> NOPE, CAN'T DO IT.

PEPPER? >> NOPE, CAN'T DO IT. >> SO YOU JUST WANT A BLANK ASS

>> NOPE, CAN'T DO IT. >> SO YOU JUST WANT A BLANK ASS PIECE OF CHICKEN?

>> SO YOU JUST WANT A BLANK ASS PIECE OF CHICKEN? >> WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

PIECE OF CHICKEN? >> WHAT'S GOING ON HERE? >> IN NEW YORK.

>> WHAT'S GOING ON HERE? >> IN NEW YORK. >> NEXT, WE DECIDED TO HIT UP A

>> IN NEW YORK. >> NEXT, WE DECIDED TO HIT UP A NEW YORK STAPLE, SO WE HEADED

>> NEXT, WE DECIDED TO HIT UP A NEW YORK STAPLE, SO WE HEADED ALL THE WAY UP AND WE WALKED

NEW YORK STAPLE, SO WE HEADED ALL THE WAY UP AND WE WALKED HERE BECAUSE WE COULD NOT FIND

ALL THE WAY UP AND WE WALKED HERE BECAUSE WE COULD NOT FIND THE ONE SAY.

HERE BECAUSE WE COULD NOT FIND THE ONE SAY. >> KEEP GOING THIS WAY?

THE ONE SAY. >> KEEP GOING THIS WAY? >> RULE NUMBER ONE, YOU'VE GOT

>> KEEP GOING THIS WAY? >> RULE NUMBER ONE, YOU'VE GOT TO ORDER LIKE A NEW YORKER.

>> RULE NUMBER ONE, YOU'VE GOT TO ORDER LIKE A NEW YORKER. HEY, YO, BOSS, LET ME GET SOME

TO ORDER LIKE A NEW YORKER. HEY, YO, BOSS, LET ME GET SOME MAYO AND BREAD.

HEY, YO, BOSS, LET ME GET SOME MAYO AND BREAD. >> HEY, THERE'S A LINE.

MAYO AND BREAD. >> HEY, THERE'S A LINE. >> I GOT IT.

>> HEY, THERE'S A LINE. >> I GOT IT. HEY, FORGET ABOUT --

>> I GOT IT. HEY, FORGET ABOUT -- >> MY FATHER IS A LAWYER!

HEY, FORGET ABOUT -- >> MY FATHER IS A LAWYER! >> CAN'T CUT THE LINE, MAN.

>> MY FATHER IS A LAWYER! >> CAN'T CUT THE LINE, MAN. WE'VE BEEN WORKING ALL DAY.

>> CAN'T CUT THE LINE, MAN. WE'VE BEEN WORKING ALL DAY. >> WELL, I HOPE THE BUILDING

WE'VE BEEN WORKING ALL DAY. >> WELL, I HOPE THE BUILDING YOU'RE WORKING ON EXPLODES.

>> WELL, I HOPE THE BUILDING YOU'RE WORKING ON EXPLODES. THEY HATED US THERE.

YOU'RE WORKING ON EXPLODES. THEY HATED US THERE. BUT AT LEAST WE HAVE FRIENDS IN

THEY HATED US THERE. BUT AT LEAST WE HAVE FRIENDS IN THAT FAKE JAMAICAN LADY.

BUT AT LEAST WE HAVE FRIENDS IN THAT FAKE JAMAICAN LADY. SHE LOVED US.

THAT FAKE JAMAICAN LADY. SHE LOVED US. >> I HATED THEM, BUT I READ THE

SHE LOVED US. >> I HATED THEM, BUT I READ THE COMMENTS ON THEIR VIDEOS, AND NO

>> I HATED THEM, BUT I READ THE COMMENTS ON THEIR VIDEOS, AND NO ONE SHOULD HAVE TO READ THAT

COMMENTS ON THEIR VIDEOS, AND NO ONE SHOULD HAVE TO READ THAT ABOUT THEMSELVES.

ONE SHOULD HAVE TO READ THAT ABOUT THEMSELVES. THE NICEST ONE I SAW SAID GAY

ABOUT THEMSELVES. THE NICEST ONE I SAW SAID GAY FAIL.

THE NICEST ONE I SAW SAID GAY FAIL. I MADE THEM SOME PLAIN ASS

FAIL. I MADE THEM SOME PLAIN ASS CHICKEN, AND THEY LOVED IT.

I MADE THEM SOME PLAIN ASS CHICKEN, AND THEY LOVED IT. >> AUTHENTIC JERK CHICKEN.

CHICKEN, AND THEY LOVED IT. >> AUTHENTIC JERK CHICKEN. >> WHAT A BEAUTIFUL NEW YORK

>> AUTHENTIC JERK CHICKEN. >> WHAT A BEAUTIFUL NEW YORK DAY.

>> WHAT A BEAUTIFUL NEW YORK DAY. WE HAD SOME CHICKEN.

DAY. WE HAD SOME CHICKEN. NO ONE CAN DO IT LIKE US.

WE HAD SOME CHICKEN. NO ONE CAN DO IT LIKE US. >> NEW YORK!

NO ONE CAN DO IT LIKE US. >> NEW YORK! AND THEIR INCREDIBLE BAND.

>> NEW YORK! AND THEIR INCREDIBLE BAND. I WANT TO SAY THANK YOU TO MY

AND THEIR INCREDIBLE BAND. I WANT TO SAY THANK YOU TO MY ENTIRE CAST THAT DID A

I WANT TO SAY THANK YOU TO MY ENTIRE CAST THAT DID A WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL -- THEY DID

ENTIRE CAST THAT DID A WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL -- THEY DID IT -- WHAT DO YOU CALL IT?

WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL -- THEY DID IT -- WHAT DO YOU CALL IT? PANEL WITHOUT ME TODAY BECAUSE I

IT -- WHAT DO YOU CALL IT? PANEL WITHOUT ME TODAY BECAUSE I WAS HOSTING SNL.

PANEL WITHOUT ME TODAY BECAUSE I WAS HOSTING SNL. I WANT TO THANK EVERYBODY AT

WAS HOSTING SNL. I WANT TO THANK EVERYBODY AT ABBOTT ELEMENTARY FOR HELPING ME

I WANT TO THANK EVERYBODY AT ABBOTT ELEMENTARY FOR HELPING ME GET HERE.

ABBOTT ELEMENTARY FOR HELPING ME GET HERE. THANK YOU TO MY FANS AND FAMILY,

GET HERE. THANK YOU TO MY FANS AND FAMILY, WHO SOME OF THEM ARE HERE

THANK YOU TO MY FANS AND FAMILY, WHO SOME OF THEM ARE HERE TONIGHT.

WHO SOME OF THEM ARE HERE TONIGHT. I WANT TO SAY THANK YOU TO THIS

TONIGHT. I WANT TO SAY THANK YOU TO THIS INCREDIBLE CREW, THE PEOPLE AT

I WANT TO SAY THANK YOU TO THIS INCREDIBLE CREW, THE PEOPLE AT SNL WORK SO HARD, AND THEY ARE

INCREDIBLE CREW, THE PEOPLE AT SNL WORK SO HARD, AND THEY ARE UNREAL, AND THEY DO IT EVERY

SNL WORK SO HARD, AND THEY ARE UNREAL, AND THEY DO IT EVERY WEEK, AND IT'S NUTS, THE CAST,

UNREAL, AND THEY DO IT EVERY WEEK, AND IT'S NUTS, THE CAST, THE EW, IT'S I