All language subtitles for Saturday.Night.Live.S48E16.WEB.x264-TORRENTGALAXY_Track03

.
>> Announcer: AND NOW, A MESSAGE
FROM FORMER PRESIDENT TRUMP.

>> Announcer: AND NOW, A MESSAGE
FROM FORMER PRESIDENT TRUMP.
>>> HELLO.

FROM FORMER PRESIDENT TRUMP.
>>> HELLO.
THANK YOU.

>>> HELLO.
THANK YOU.
IT'S ME.

THANK YOU.
IT'S ME.
HI.

IT'S ME.
HI.
I'M THE PROBLEM.

HI.
I'M THE PROBLEM.
IT'S ME.

I'M THE PROBLEM.
IT'S ME.
WELL, FOLKS, IT HAPPENED.

IT'S ME.
WELL, FOLKS, IT HAPPENED.
I GOT INDICTED, OR AS I SPELL

WELL, FOLKS, IT HAPPENED.
I GOT INDICTED, OR AS I SPELL
IT, INDICATED.

I GOT INDICTED, OR AS I SPELL
IT, INDICATED.
AND FRANKLY, IT'S TIME THAT I

IT, INDICATED.
AND FRANKLY, IT'S TIME THAT I
COME CLEAN, ADMIT THAT I BROKE

AND FRANKLY, IT'S TIME THAT I
COME CLEAN, ADMIT THAT I BROKE
THE LAW, AND GO QUIETLY TO

COME CLEAN, ADMIT THAT I BROKE
THE LAW, AND GO QUIETLY TO
PRISON.

THE LAW, AND GO QUIETLY TO
PRISON.
APRIL FOOLS!

PRISON.
APRIL FOOLS!
THAT WAS A PRANK.

APRIL FOOLS!
THAT WAS A PRANK.
I WAS DOING A JIM FROM OFFICE.

THAT WAS A PRANK.
I WAS DOING A JIM FROM OFFICE.
BUT MAKE NO MISTAKE, WHAT THE

I WAS DOING A JIM FROM OFFICE.
BUT MAKE NO MISTAKE, WHAT THE
RADICAL LEFT DEMOCRATS ARE DOING

BUT MAKE NO MISTAKE, WHAT THE
RADICAL LEFT DEMOCRATS ARE DOING
TO ME IS WORSE THAN ANY CRIME

RADICAL LEFT DEMOCRATS ARE DOING
TO ME IS WORSE THAN ANY CRIME
I'VE EVER COMMITTED, AND I'VE

TO ME IS WORSE THAN ANY CRIME
I'VE EVER COMMITTED, AND I'VE
COMMITTED A LOT, CLOSE TO 34.

I'VE EVER COMMITTED, AND I'VE
COMMITTED A LOT, CLOSE TO 34.
SOME ARE SAY I'M GOING TO USE

COMMITTED A LOT, CLOSE TO 34.
SOME ARE SAY I'M GOING TO USE
THIS INDICTMENT TO RILE UP MY

SOME ARE SAY I'M GOING TO USE
THIS INDICTMENT TO RILE UP MY
BASE SO THAT THEY GIVE ME MORE

THIS INDICTMENT TO RILE UP MY
BASE SO THAT THEY GIVE ME MORE
MONEY.

BASE SO THAT THEY GIVE ME MORE
MONEY.
NOT TRUE.

MONEY.
NOT TRUE.
NOT TRUE.

NOT TRUE.
NOT TRUE.
I DON'T WANT ANYTHING FROM MY

NOT TRUE.
I DON'T WANT ANYTHING FROM MY
BASE EXCEPT THEIR LOVE, THEIR

I DON'T WANT ANYTHING FROM MY
BASE EXCEPT THEIR LOVE, THEIR
VOTES, PERHAPS THEIR MONEY.

BASE EXCEPT THEIR LOVE, THEIR
VOTES, PERHAPS THEIR MONEY.
AND I NEED THEIR MONEY MORE THAN

VOTES, PERHAPS THEIR MONEY.
AND I NEED THEIR MONEY MORE THAN
EVER.

AND I NEED THEIR MONEY MORE THAN
EVER.
NOW YOU MAY HAVE SEEN I'VE BEEN

EVER.
NOW YOU MAY HAVE SEEN I'VE BEEN
OPENING MY RALLIES WITH MY

NOW YOU MAY HAVE SEEN I'VE BEEN
OPENING MY RALLIES WITH MY
WONDERFUL SONG, "JUSTICE FOR

OPENING MY RALLIES WITH MY
WONDERFUL SONG, "JUSTICE FOR
ALL" WHICH I PERFORMED WITH THE

WONDERFUL SONG, "JUSTICE FOR
ALL" WHICH I PERFORMED WITH THE
J-6 CHOIR.

ALL" WHICH I PERFORMED WITH THE
J-6 CHOIR.
THAT'S A REAL THING.

J-6 CHOIR.
THAT'S A REAL THING.
VERY DISTURBING.

THAT'S A REAL THING.
VERY DISTURBING.
IT WAS THE NUMBER ONE DOWNLOADED

VERY DISTURBING.
IT WAS THE NUMBER ONE DOWNLOADED
SONG.

IT WAS THE NUMBER ONE DOWNLOADED
SONG.
WE BEAT "FLOWERS" BY MILEY,

SONG.
WE BEAT "FLOWERS" BY MILEY,
WHICH AS WE ALL KNOW IS ABOUT

WE BEAT "FLOWERS" BY MILEY,
WHICH AS WE ALL KNOW IS ABOUT
LIAM.

WHICH AS WE ALL KNOW IS ABOUT
LIAM.
BUT MY SONG RAKED IN SO MUCH

LIAM.
BUT MY SONG RAKED IN SO MUCH
CASH, I THOUGHT WHY STOP THERE.

BUT MY SONG RAKED IN SO MUCH
CASH, I THOUGHT WHY STOP THERE.
THAT'S WHY I'M PUTTING OUT MY

CASH, I THOUGHT WHY STOP THERE.
THAT'S WHY I'M PUTTING OUT MY
NEW ALBUM, "NOW THAT'S WHAT I

THAT'S WHY I'M PUTTING OUT MY
NEW ALBUM, "NOW THAT'S WHAT I
CALL MY LEGAL DEFENSE FUND",

NEW ALBUM, "NOW THAT'S WHAT I
CALL MY LEGAL DEFENSE FUND",
AKA, TRUMP BOPS, AND I'M

CALL MY LEGAL DEFENSE FUND",
AKA, TRUMP BOPS, AND I'M
BRINGING ALL THE THINGS

AKA, TRUMP BOPS, AND I'M
BRINGING ALL THE THINGS
♪ THAT AIN'T NOTHING, BUT

BRINGING ALL THE THINGS
♪ THAT AIN'T NOTHING, BUT
DRUGSTORE LOVING ♪

♪ THAT AIN'T NOTHING, BUT
DRUGSTORE LOVING ♪
♪ HEY, LITTLE THINGS, LET ME

DRUGSTORE LOVING ♪
♪ HEY, LITTLE THINGS, LET ME
LIGHT YOUR CANDLE ♪

♪ HEY, LITTLE THINGS, LET ME
LIGHT YOUR CANDLE ♪
WOW, WHAT A DEAL.

LIGHT YOUR CANDLE ♪
WOW, WHAT A DEAL.
JUST 30 CLASSIC OTHERS, ALL

WOW, WHAT A DEAL.
JUST 30 CLASSIC OTHERS, ALL
HORRIBLE.

JUST 30 CLASSIC OTHERS, ALL
HORRIBLE.
SUNG BY YOUR FAVORITE PRESIDENT

HORRIBLE.
SUNG BY YOUR FAVORITE PRESIDENT
TO DEFEND OUR MOVEMENT, AND

SUNG BY YOUR FAVORITE PRESIDENT
TO DEFEND OUR MOVEMENT, AND
MOSTLY MYSELF, FROM THE EVIL

TO DEFEND OUR MOVEMENT, AND
MOSTLY MYSELF, FROM THE EVIL
MANHATTAN DA.

MOSTLY MYSELF, FROM THE EVIL
MANHATTAN DA.
THAT MEANS DISTRICT ATTORNEY.

MANHATTAN DA.
THAT MEANS DISTRICT ATTORNEY.
BUT I'M A FIGHTER, AND SPEAKING

THAT MEANS DISTRICT ATTORNEY.
BUT I'M A FIGHTER, AND SPEAKING
OF FIGHTING AND TAKING ADVANTAGE

BUT I'M A FIGHTER, AND SPEAKING
OF FIGHTING AND TAKING ADVANTAGE
OF FIGHTERS, HERE'S MY FRIEND

OF FIGHTING AND TAKING ADVANTAGE
OF FIGHTERS, HERE'S MY FRIEND
DON KING.

OF FIGHTERS, HERE'S MY FRIEND
DON KING.
>> HEY, EVERYBODY.

DON KING.
>> HEY, EVERYBODY.
WHAT Y'ALL DOING TO THIS MAN IS

>> HEY, EVERYBODY.
WHAT Y'ALL DOING TO THIS MAN IS
A TRAGEDY.

WHAT Y'ALL DOING TO THIS MAN IS
A TRAGEDY.
>> SOMEBODY WITH THE BIG HAIR

A TRAGEDY.
>> SOMEBODY WITH THE BIG HAIR
MURDERED A GUY.

>> SOMEBODY WITH THE BIG HAIR
MURDERED A GUY.
CAN YOU BELIEVE IT.

MURDERED A GUY.
CAN YOU BELIEVE IT.
♪ ISLANDS IN THE STREAM, THAT IS

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT.
♪ ISLANDS IN THE STREAM, THAT IS
WHAT WE ARE, NO ONE IN BETWEEN,

♪ ISLANDS IN THE STREAM, THAT IS
WHAT WE ARE, NO ONE IN BETWEEN,
HOW CAN WE BE WRONG ♪

WHAT WE ARE, NO ONE IN BETWEEN,
HOW CAN WE BE WRONG ♪
WE'RE NOT WRONG.

HOW CAN WE BE WRONG ♪
WE'RE NOT WRONG.
I'VE NEVER BEEN WRONG.

WE'RE NOT WRONG.
I'VE NEVER BEEN WRONG.
♪ MAKING LOVE TO EACH OTHER,

I'VE NEVER BEEN WRONG.
♪ MAKING LOVE TO EACH OTHER,
UH-HUH♪

♪ MAKING LOVE TO EACH OTHER,
UH-HUH♪
DON NG, EVERYBODY.

UH-HUH♪
DON NG, EVERYBODY.
SPEAKINGF LOVE, ME AND THE

DON NG, EVERYBODY.
SPEAKINGF LOVE, ME AND THE
FIRST LADY, MELANIA, ARE IN HIGH

SPEAKINGF LOVE, ME AND THE
FIRST LADY, MELANIA, ARE IN HIGH
SPIRITS.

FIRST LADY, MELANIA, ARE IN HIGH
SPIRITS.
SINCE THE NEWS OF MY POSSIBLE

SPIRITS.
SINCE THE NEWS OF MY POSSIBLE
IMPRISONMENT, I'VE NEVER SEEN

SINCE THE NEWS OF MY POSSIBLE
IMPRISONMENT, I'VE NEVER SEEN
MELANIA HAPPIER.

IMPRISONMENT, I'VE NEVER SEEN
MELANIA HAPPIER.
SHE'S THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN

MELANIA HAPPIER.
SHE'S THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN
IN THE WORLD, SECOND ONLY TO

SHE'S THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN
IN THE WORLD, SECOND ONLY TO
PERHAPS MANY YOUNGER, HOTTER

IN THE WORLD, SECOND ONLY TO
PERHAPS MANY YOUNGER, HOTTER
WOMEN.

PERHAPS MANY YOUNGER, HOTTER
WOMEN.
BUT WE LIKE HER.

WOMEN.
BUT WE LIKE HER.
ALSO JUST TO SET THE RECORD

BUT WE LIKE HER.
ALSO JUST TO SET THE RECORD
STRAIGHT, I DIDN'T EVEN SLEEP

ALSO JUST TO SET THE RECORD
STRAIGHT, I DIDN'T EVEN SLEEP
WITH STORMY DANIELS, BUT IN MANY

STRAIGHT, I DIDN'T EVEN SLEEP
WITH STORMY DANIELS, BUT IN MANY
WAYS, I DID.

WITH STORMY DANIELS, BUT IN MANY
WAYS, I DID.
ISN'T IT IRONIC THE FIRST TIME I

WAYS, I DID.
ISN'T IT IRONIC THE FIRST TIME I
PAY SOMEONE, THEY TRY TO SEND ME

ISN'T IT IRONIC THE FIRST TIME I
PAY SOMEONE, THEY TRY TO SEND ME
TO JAIL.

PAY SOMEONE, THEY TRY TO SEND ME
TO JAIL.
THAT'S WHY YOU DON'T PAY PEOPLE,

TO JAIL.
THAT'S WHY YOU DON'T PAY PEOPLE,
FOLKS.

THAT'S WHY YOU DON'T PAY PEOPLE,
FOLKS.
YOU NEVER PAY PEOPLE.

FOLKS.
YOU NEVER PAY PEOPLE.
PRETTY IRONIC.

YOU NEVER PAY PEOPLE.
PRETTY IRONIC.
♪ IT'S LIKE RAIN ON YOUR WEDDING

PRETTY IRONIC.
♪ IT'S LIKE RAIN ON YOUR WEDDING
DAY, WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT, IT

♪ IT'S LIKE RAIN ON YOUR WEDDING
DAY, WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT, IT
FIGURES ♪

DAY, WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT, IT
FIGURES ♪
AND FOLKS, IF THEY CAN COME FOR

FIGURES ♪
AND FOLKS, IF THEY CAN COME FOR
ME, THEY CAN COME FOR YOU TOO.

AND FOLKS, IF THEY CAN COME FOR
ME, THEY CAN COME FOR YOU TOO.
OR IN THE CASE OF JANUARY 6th,

ME, THEY CAN COME FOR YOU TOO.
OR IN THE CASE OF JANUARY 6th,
THEY CAN COME FOR YOU AND NOT

OR IN THE CASE OF JANUARY 6th,
THEY CAN COME FOR YOU AND NOT
FOR ME.

THEY CAN COME FOR YOU AND NOT
FOR ME.
I LIKE THAT ONE A LITTLE BIT

FOR ME.
I LIKE THAT ONE A LITTLE BIT
BETTER.

I LIKE THAT ONE A LITTLE BIT
BETTER.
BECAUSE I REALLY DON'T WANT TO

BETTER.
BECAUSE I REALLY DON'T WANT TO
GO TO JAIL, BUT WHEN I THINK

BECAUSE I REALLY DON'T WANT TO
GO TO JAIL, BUT WHEN I THINK
ABOUT HOW SHREDDED I MIGHT GET,

GO TO JAIL, BUT WHEN I THINK
ABOUT HOW SHREDDED I MIGHT GET,
IT'S AWFULLY TEMPTING.

ABOUT HOW SHREDDED I MIGHT GET,
IT'S AWFULLY TEMPTING.
CAN YOU IMAGINE ME PUMPING IRON

IT'S AWFULLY TEMPTING.
CAN YOU IMAGINE ME PUMPING IRON
IN THE JAIL YARD WITH THE

CAN YOU IMAGINE ME PUMPING IRON
IN THE JAIL YARD WITH THE
HOMIES?

IN THE JAIL YARD WITH THE
HOMIES?
GETTING REAL BIG ON TOP, LITTLE

HOMIES?
GETTING REAL BIG ON TOP, LITTLE
ON BOTTOM.

GETTING REAL BIG ON TOP, LITTLE
ON BOTTOM.
TOTALLY PRISON YOLKED, LOOKING

ON BOTTOM.
TOTALLY PRISON YOLKED, LOOKING
LIKE A CANDY APPLE.

TOTALLY PRISON YOLKED, LOOKING
LIKE A CANDY APPLE.
PERHAPS I MIGHT EVEN BECOME

LIKE A CANDY APPLE.
PERHAPS I MIGHT EVEN BECOME
RECEPTIVE TO THE TEACHINGS OF

PERHAPS I MIGHT EVEN BECOME
RECEPTIVE TO THE TEACHINGS OF
THE PROFIT MUHAMMAD.

RECEPTIVE TO THE TEACHINGS OF
THE PROFIT MUHAMMAD.
ALTHOUGH WITH, I'VE NEVER SEEN

THE PROFIT MUHAMMAD.
ALTHOUGH WITH, I'VE NEVER SEEN
ANY PICTURES OF HIM.

ALTHOUGH WITH, I'VE NEVER SEEN
ANY PICTURES OF HIM.
KIND OF SUS.

ANY PICTURES OF HIM.
KIND OF SUS.
UH-OH, WHO'S THIS?

KIND OF SUS.
UH-OH, WHO'S THIS?
IT'S A MAN WHO, LIKEME, WAS

UH-OH, WHO'S THIS?
IT'S A MAN WHO, LIKEME, WAS
ILLEGALLY RAIDED, AND HE'S

IT'S A MAN WHO, LIKEME, WAS
ILLEGALLY RAIDED, AND HE'S
TURNING IT INTO BIG BUCKS.

ILLEGALLY RAIDED, AND HE'S
TURNING IT INTO BIG BUCKS.
AFRO MAN.

TURNING IT INTO BIG BUCKS.
AFRO MAN.
♪ I WAS GOING TO GO TO CLASS,

AFRO MAN.
♪ I WAS GOING TO GO TO CLASS,
BUT THEN I GOT HIGH ♪

♪ I WAS GOING TO GO TO CLASS,
BUT THEN I GOT HIGH ♪
DRUGS ARE KILLING OUR CHILDREN.

BUT THEN I GOT HIGH ♪
DRUGS ARE KILLING OUR CHILDREN.
♪

DRUGS ARE KILLING OUR CHILDREN.
♪
I COULD HAVE CHEATED, BUT I

♪
I COULD HAVE CHEATED, BUT I
PASSED, AND THEN I GOT HIGH ♪

I COULD HAVE CHEATED, BUT I
PASSED, AND THEN I GOT HIGH ♪
REAL SHAME.

PASSED, AND THEN I GOT HIGH ♪
REAL SHAME.
♪ BECAUSE I GOT HIGH, BECAUSE I

REAL SHAME.
♪ BECAUSE I GOT HIGH, BECAUSE I
GOT HIGH, BECAUSE I GOT HIGH ♪

♪ BECAUSE I GOT HIGH, BECAUSE I
GOT HIGH, BECAUSE I GOT HIGH ♪
WE NEED TO BE EXECUTING OUR DRUG

GOT HIGH, BECAUSE I GOT HIGH ♪
WE NEED TO BE EXECUTING OUR DRUG
DEALERS.

WE NEED TO BE EXECUTING OUR DRUG
DEALERS.
THANK YOU, AFRO MAN.

DEALERS.
THANK YOU, AFRO MAN.
FOLKS, FOLKS, YOUR HARD-EARNED

THANK YOU, AFRO MAN.
FOLKS, FOLKS, YOUR HARD-EARNED
MONEY IS IMPORTANT.

FOLKS, FOLKS, YOUR HARD-EARNED
MONEY IS IMPORTANT.
IF I GO TO JAIL, I WILL NEED

MONEY IS IMPORTANT.
IF I GO TO JAIL, I WILL NEED
MONEY FOR COMMISSARY SNACKS.

IF I GO TO JAIL, I WILL NEED
MONEY FOR COMMISSARY SNACKS.
I WILL NEED A SUPPLY OF RAMONS

MONEY FOR COMMISSARY SNACKS.
I WILL NEED A SUPPLY OF RAMONS
TO SUCCESSF BARTER WITH A

I WILL NEED A SUPPLY OF RAMONS
TO SUCCESSF BARTER WITH A
MAN NAMED LIZARD.

TO SUCCESSF BARTER WITH A
MAN NAMED LIZARD.
AND NOW MY MOST LOYAL SUPPORTER,

MAN NAMED LIZARD.
AND NOW MY MOST LOYAL SUPPORTER,
I WISH HE WOULD GO AWAY.

AND NOW MY MOST LOYAL SUPPORTER,
I WISH HE WOULD GO AWAY.
HE'S MY KENDALL ROY.

I WISH HE WOULD GO AWAY.
HE'S MY KENDALL ROY.
IT'S DON JR.

HE'S MY KENDALL ROY.
IT'S DON JR.
>> WOW, DAD, THIS IS REALLY

IT'S DON JR.
>> WOW, DAD, THIS IS REALLY
EMOTIONAL.

>> WOW, DAD, THIS IS REALLY
EMOTIONAL.
IT MIGHT BE THE LAST TIME I SEE

EMOTIONAL.
IT MIGHT BE THE LAST TIME I SEE
YOU.

IT MIGHT BE THE LAST TIME I SEE
YOU.
>> FROM YOUR MOUTH TO GOD'S

YOU.
>> FROM YOUR MOUTH TO GOD'S
EARS.

>> FROM YOUR MOUTH TO GOD'S
EARS.
♪ THE BOY'S A LIAR, THE BOY'S A

EARS.
♪ THE BOY'S A LIAR, THE BOY'S A
LIAR, HE DOESN'T SEE YA, YOU'RE

♪ THE BOY'S A LIAR, THE BOY'S A
LIAR, HE DOESN'T SEE YA, YOU'RE
NOT LOOKING AT ME, BOY ♪

LIAR, HE DOESN'T SEE YA, YOU'RE
NOT LOOKING AT ME, BOY ♪
YEAH!

NOT LOOKING AT ME, BOY ♪
YEAH!
VERY STRANGE ENERGY, MY SON.

YEAH!
VERY STRANGE ENERGY, MY SON.
DON'T LIKE IT.

VERY STRANGE ENERGY, MY SON.
DON'T LIKE IT.
HE'S SAYING THAT I'M GOOD

DON'T LIKE IT.
HE'S SAYING THAT I'M GOOD
ENOUGH, GRABBING MY DRRR, WE

HE'S SAYING THAT I'M GOOD
ENOUGH, GRABBING MY DRRR, WE
LOVE ICE SPICE, DON'T WE?

ENOUGH, GRABBING MY DRRR, WE
LOVE ICE SPICE, DON'T WE?
ICE SPICE.

LOVE ICE SPICE, DON'T WE?
ICE SPICE.
LOOK AT THIS BEAUTIFUL HAIR.

ICE SPICE.
LOOK AT THIS BEAUTIFUL HAIR.
MANHATTAN, I'LL SEE YOU ON

LOOK AT THIS BEAUTIFUL HAIR.
MANHATTAN, I'LL SEE YOU ON
TUESDAY.

MANHATTAN, I'LL SEE YOU ON
TUESDAY.
WE'LL BE WILD.

TUESDAY.
WE'LL BE WILD.
AND LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S

WE'LL BE WILD.
AND LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
SATURDAY NIGHT!

AND LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S
SATURDAY NIGHT!
>> Announcer: IT'S "SATURDAY

SATURDAY NIGHT!
>> Announcer: IT'S "SATURDAY
NIGHT LIVE" WITH --

FEATURING --

MUSICAL GUEST, LIL YACHTY.
AND YOUR HOST, QUINTA BRUNSON.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, QUINTA

AND YOUR HOST, QUINTA BRUNSON.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, QUINTA
BRUNSON.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, QUINTA
BRUNSON.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

BRUNSON.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>>> THANK YOU.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>>> THANK YOU.
THANK YOU!

>>> THANK YOU.
THANK YOU!
THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH.

THANK YOU!
THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH.
MY NAME IS QUINTA BRUNSON, AND

THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH.
MY NAME IS QUINTA BRUNSON, AND
LET ME JUST FIRST SAY, I AM SO

MY NAME IS QUINTA BRUNSON, AND
LET ME JUST FIRST SAY, I AM SO
EXCITED TO BE HERE.

LET ME JUST FIRST SAY, I AM SO
EXCITED TO BE HERE.
I HAVE BEEN DREAMING ABOUT THIS

EXCITED TO BE HERE.
I HAVE BEEN DREAMING ABOUT THIS
SINCE I WAS A KID.

I HAVE BEEN DREAMING ABOUT THIS
SINCE I WAS A KID.
I ACTUALLY -- I WANTED TO BE ON

SINCE I WAS A KID.
I ACTUALLY -- I WANTED TO BE ON
SNL BACK IN THE DAY.

I ACTUALLY -- I WANTED TO BE ON
SNL BACK IN THE DAY.
BUT THE AUDITION PROCESS SEEMED

SNL BACK IN THE DAY.
BUT THE AUDITION PROCESS SEEMED
WELL, LONG.

BUT THE AUDITION PROCESS SEEMED
WELL, LONG.
SO INSTEAD, I JUST CREATED MY

WELL, LONG.
SO INSTEAD, I JUST CREATED MY
OWN TV SHOW, MADE SURE IT BECAME

SO INSTEAD, I JUST CREATED MY
OWN TV SHOW, MADE SURE IT BECAME
REALLY POPULAR, WON A BUNCH OF

OWN TV SHOW, MADE SURE IT BECAME
REALLY POPULAR, WON A BUNCH OF
EMMYS, AND THEN GOT ASKED TO

REALLY POPULAR, WON A BUNCH OF
EMMYS, AND THEN GOT ASKED TO
HOST.

EMMYS, AND THEN GOT ASKED TO
HOST.
SO MUCH EASIER.

HOST.
SO MUCH EASIER.
I HAVE A SHOW CALLED ABBOTT

SO MUCH EASIER.
I HAVE A SHOW CALLED ABBOTT
ELEMENTARY.

I HAVE A SHOW CALLED ABBOTT
ELEMENTARY.
AND IT'S KIND OF UNIQUE.

ELEMENTARY.
AND IT'S KIND OF UNIQUE.
IT'S A STREAMING SHOW -- IT'

AND IT'S KIND OF UNIQUE.
IT'S A STREAMING SHOW -- IT'
NOT A STREAMING SHOW.

IT'S A STREAMING SHOW -- IT'
NOT A STREAMING SHOW.
IT'S A NETWORK SITCOM, LIKE

NOT A STREAMING SHOW.
IT'S A NETWORK SITCOM, LIKE
FRIENDS EXCEPT INSTEAD OF BEING

IT'S A NETWORK SITCOM, LIKE
FRIENDS EXCEPT INSTEAD OF BEING
ABOUT A GROUP OF FRIENDS, IT'S

FRIENDS EXCEPT INSTEAD OF BEING
ABOUT A GROUP OF FRIENDS, IT'S
ABOUT A GROUP OF TEACHERS.

ABOUT A GROUP OF FRIENDS, IT'S
ABOUT A GROUP OF TEACHERS.
AND INSTEAD OF NEW YORK, IT'S IN

ABOUT A GROUP OF TEACHERS.
AND INSTEAD OF NEW YORK, IT'S IN
PHILADELPHIA, AND INSTEAD OF NOT

AND INSTEAD OF NEW YORK, IT'S IN
PHILADELPHIA, AND INSTEAD OF NOT
HAVING BLACK PEOPLE, IT DOES.

PHILADELPHIA, AND INSTEAD OF NOT
HAVING BLACK PEOPLE, IT DOES.
I GREW UP IN PHILLY, AND MY MOM

HAVING BLACK PEOPLE, IT DOES.
I GREW UP IN PHILLY, AND MY MOM
WAS A TEACHER THERE, SO CREATING

I GREW UP IN PHILLY, AND MY MOM
WAS A TEACHER THERE, SO CREATING
A SHOW ABOUT TEACHERS HAS BEEN

WAS A TEACHER THERE, SO CREATING
A SHOW ABOUT TEACHERS HAS BEEN
REALLY SPECIAL.

A SHOW ABOUT TEACHERS HAS BEEN
REALLY SPECIAL.
NOW, EVERY TIME THERE'S AN ISSUE

REALLY SPECIAL.
NOW, EVERY TIME THERE'S AN ISSUE
WITH THE PUBLIC SCHOOL SYSTEM,

NOW, EVERY TIME THERE'S AN ISSUE
WITH THE PUBLIC SCHOOL SYSTEM,
PEOPLE EXPECT ME TO SOLVE IT.

WITH THE PUBLIC SCHOOL SYSTEM,
PEOPLE EXPECT ME TO SOLVE IT.
AND THAT'S NOT FAIR.

PEOPLE EXPECT ME TO SOLVE IT.
AND THAT'S NOT FAIR.
LAST WEEK WHEN THAT BANK

AND THAT'S NOT FAIR.
LAST WEEK WHEN THAT BANK
COLLAPSED, NO ONE WANTED TO GO

LAST WEEK WHEN THAT BANK
COLLAPSED, NO ONE WANTED TO GO
UP TO THE CAST OF SUCCESSION

COLLAPSED, NO ONE WANTED TO GO
UP TO THE CAST OF SUCCESSION
LIKE HOW DO WE FIX THIS?

UP TO THE CAST OF SUCCESSION
LIKE HOW DO WE FIX THIS?
DON'T GET ME WRONG, I LOVE THAT

LIKE HOW DO WE FIX THIS?
DON'T GET ME WRONG, I LOVE THAT
PEOPLE ARE ENJOYING ABBOTT, BUT

DON'T GET ME WRONG, I LOVE THAT
PEOPLE ARE ENJOYING ABBOTT, BUT
I WISH THEY DIDN'T EXPECT ME TO

PEOPLE ARE ENJOYING ABBOTT, BUT
I WISH THEY DIDN'T EXPECT ME TO
BE LIKE MY CHARACTER ALL THE

I WISH THEY DIDN'T EXPECT ME TO
BE LIKE MY CHARACTER ALL THE
TIME.

BE LIKE MY CHARACTER ALL THE
TIME.
JANINE TEAGUES IS A CARING

TIME.
JANINE TEAGUES IS A CARING
SECOND GRADE TEACHER WHO IS GOOD

JANINE TEAGUES IS A CARING
SECOND GRADE TEACHER WHO IS GOOD
AND WHOLESOME, AND I'M THE

SECOND GRADE TEACHER WHO IS GOOD
AND WHOLESOME, AND I'M THE
OPPOSITE.

AND WHOLESOME, AND I'M THE
OPPOSITE.
I'M NOT A FILTHY WHORE, BUT I

OPPOSITE.
I'M NOT A FILTHY WHORE, BUT I
LIKE TO HAVE FUN.

I'M NOT A FILTHY WHORE, BUT I
LIKE TO HAVE FUN.
I NEED TO LIVE MY LIFE WITHOUT

LIKE TO HAVE FUN.
I NEED TO LIVE MY LIFE WITHOUT
SOMEONE SAYING, DAMN,

I NEED TO LIVE MY LIFE WITHOUT
SOMEONE SAYING, DAMN,

SOMEONE SAYING, DAMN,

MS. TEAGUES IS OUT HERE GETTING
WASTED AT UNIVERSAL STUDIOS.

MS. TEAGUES IS OUT HERE GETTING
WASTED AT UNIVERSAL STUDIOS.
I JUST WANT PEOPLE TO LOWER

WASTED AT UNIVERSAL STUDIOS.
I JUST WANT PEOPLE TO LOWER
THEIR EXPECTATIONS OF ME.

I JUST WANT PEOPLE TO LOWER
THEIR EXPECTATIONS OF ME.
I'M STILL YOUNG, FIGURING THINGS

THEIR EXPECTATIONS OF ME.
I'M STILL YOUNG, FIGURING THINGS
OUT.

I'M STILL YOUNG, FIGURING THINGS
OUT.
I'VE HAD TO START LYING TO MY

OUT.
I'VE HAD TO START LYING TO MY
MOM ABOUT WHO I'M HANGING OUT

I'VE HAD TO START LYING TO MY
MOM ABOUT WHO I'M HANGING OUT
WITH.

MOM ABOUT WHO I'M HANGING OUT
WITH.
I'M LIKE, I'M GOING TO CHILL

WITH.
I'M LIKE, I'M GOING TO CHILL
WITH MY FRIEND IN HER GARDEN,

I'M LIKE, I'M GOING TO CHILL
WITH MY FRIEND IN HER GARDEN,
AND I DON'T TELL HER IT'S

WITH MY FRIEND IN HER GARDEN,
AND I DON'T TELL HER IT'S
OPRAH'S GARDEN.

AND I DON'T TELL HER IT'S
OPRAH'S GARDEN.
OR WHEN I TELL HER I'M GOING OUT

OPRAH'S GARDEN.
OR WHEN I TELL HER I'M GOING OUT
TO DINNER BUT NOT WITH WHO.

OR WHEN I TELL HER I'M GOING OUT
TO DINNER BUT NOT WITH WHO.
>> I'M HAVING DINNER WITH YOUR

TO DINNER BUT NOT WITH WHO.
>> I'M HAVING DINNER WITH YOUR
DAUGHTER HERE.

>> I'M HAVING DINNER WITH YOUR
DAUGHTER HERE.
WE'RE SO PROUD OF HER, BUT WE'RE

DAUGHTER HERE.
WE'RE SO PROUD OF HER, BUT WE'RE
ALSO PROUD OF YOU NOT ONLY

WE'RE SO PROUD OF HER, BUT WE'RE
ALSO PROUD OF YOU NOT ONLY
BECAUSE YOU'RE A GREAT MOM BUT

ALSO PROUD OF YOU NOT ONLY
BECAUSE YOU'RE A GREAT MOM BUT
BECAUSE YOU ARE A TEACHER.

BECAUSE YOU'RE A GREAT MOM BUT
BECAUSE YOU ARE A TEACHER.
MOST IMPORTANT JOB THERE IS.

BECAUSE YOU ARE A TEACHER.
MOST IMPORTANT JOB THERE IS.
>> AS MY FRIEND BARACK SAID -- I

MOST IMPORTANT JOB THERE IS.
>> AS MY FRIEND BARACK SAID -- I
CALL HIM BARACK NOW.

>> AS MY FRIEND BARACK SAID -- I
CALL HIM BARACK NOW.
MY MOM REALLY WAS AN AMAZING

CALL HIM BARACK NOW.
MY MOM REALLY WAS AN AMAZING
TEACHER, AND I'M SO PROUD OF

MY MOM REALLY WAS AN AMAZING
TEACHER, AND I'M SO PROUD OF
HER.

TEACHER, AND I'M SO PROUD OF
HER.
BUT I ALSO NO FIRSTHAND THAT

HER.
BUT I ALSO NO FIRSTHAND THAT
TEACHERS GET TAKEN FOR GRANTED.

BUT I ALSO NO FIRSTHAND THAT
TEACHERS GET TAKEN FOR GRANTED.
LIKE I'VE ALWAYS HAD A

TEACHERS GET TAKEN FOR GRANTED.
LIKE I'VE ALWAYS HAD A
DISHWASHER.

LIKE I'VE ALWAYS HAD A
DISHWASHER.
NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT IT, LOADED

DISHWASHER.
NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT IT, LOADED
IT UP, KICKED IT SHUT, WENT TO

NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT IT, LOADED
IT UP, KICKED IT SHUT, WENT TO
BED WASTED.

IT UP, KICKED IT SHUT, WENT TO
BED WASTED.
BUT THEN MY HUSBAND AND I MOVED

BED WASTED.
BUT THEN MY HUSBAND AND I MOVED
INTO AN APARTMENT THAT DIDN'T

BUT THEN MY HUSBAND AND I MOVED
INTO AN APARTMENT THAT DIDN'T
HAVE A DISHWASHER, AND AFTER ONE

INTO AN APARTMENT THAT DIDN'T
HAVE A DISHWASHER, AND AFTER ONE
DAY, I WAS LIKE, WE GOT TO GET

HAVE A DISHWASHER, AND AFTER ONE
DAY, I WAS LIKE, WE GOT TO GET
THE HELL OUT OF HERE.

DAY, I WAS LIKE, WE GOT TO GET
THE HELL OUT OF HERE.
THAT'S HOW PARENTS FEEL WHEN

THE HELL OUT OF HERE.
THAT'S HOW PARENTS FEEL WHEN
THEY DON'T HAVE A TEACHER DURING

THAT'S HOW PARENTS FEEL WHEN
THEY DON'T HAVE A TEACHER DURING
THE PANDEMIC.

THEY DON'T HAVE A TEACHER DURING
THE PANDEMIC.
SUDDENLY PARENTS ARE LIKE, WE

THE PANDEMIC.
SUDDENLY PARENTS ARE LIKE, WE
HAVE TO TEACH THESE DISHES NOW?

SUDDENLY PARENTS ARE LIKE, WE
HAVE TO TEACH THESE DISHES NOW?
FEED THESE DISHES NOW?

HAVE TO TEACH THESE DISHES NOW?
FEED THESE DISHES NOW?
WHY DID I HAVE SO MANY DISHES?

FEED THESE DISHES NOW?
WHY DID I HAVE SO MANY DISHES?
THAT LAST DISH WAS A MISTAKE.

WHY DID I HAVE SO MANY DISHES?
THAT LAST DISH WAS A MISTAKE.
SERIOUSLY, TEACHERS ARE PEOPLE,

THAT LAST DISH WAS A MISTAKE.
SERIOUSLY, TEACHERS ARE PEOPLE,
NOT APPLIANCES.

SERIOUSLY, TEACHERS ARE PEOPLE,
NOT APPLIANCES.
SO PLEASE, REMEMBER HOW

NOT APPLIANCES.
SO PLEASE, REMEMBER HOW
IMPORTANT TEACHERS ARE.

SO PLEASE, REMEMBER HOW
IMPORTANT TEACHERS ARE.
ACKNOWLEDGE THE WORK THEY DO

IMPORTANT TEACHERS ARE.
ACKNOWLEDGE THE WORK THEY DO
EVERY DAY, AND FOR THE LOVE OF

ACKNOWLEDGE THE WORK THEY DO
EVERY DAY, AND FOR THE LOVE OF
GOD, PAY THEM THE MONEY THEY

EVERY DAY, AND FOR THE LOVE OF
GOD, PAY THEM THE MONEY THEY
DESERVE.

GOD, PAY THEM THE MONEY THEY
DESERVE.
WE GOT A GREATHOW FOR YOU

DESERVE.
WE GOT A GREATHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT.

WE GOT A GREATHOW FOR YOU
TONIGHT.
LIL YACHTY

TONIGHT.
LIL YACHTY
>>> DUDE, I THOUGHT THIS CLUB

LIL YACHTY
>>> DUDE, I THOUGHT THIS CLUB
WAS A LITTLE SKETCHY AT FIRST,

>>> DUDE, I THOUGHT THIS CLUB
WAS A LITTLE SKETCHY AT FIRST,
BUT THE GIRLS HERE ARE INSANE.

WAS A LITTLE SKETCHY AT FIRST,
BUT THE GIRLS HERE ARE INSANE.
>> I KNOW.

BUT THE GIRLS HERE ARE INSANE.
>> I KNOW.
I ALREADY GOT LIKE THREE PHONE

>> I KNOW.
I ALREADY GOT LIKE THREE PHONE
NUMBERS.

I ALREADY GOT LIKE THREE PHONE
NUMBERS.
>> THE ONLY THING THAT WOULD

NUMBERS.
>> THE ONLY THING THAT WOULD
MAKE THIS NIGHT MORE PERFECT IS

>> THE ONLY THING THAT WOULD
MAKE THIS NIGHT MORE PERFECT IS
IF WE COULD SCORE A LITTLE

MAKE THIS NIGHT MORE PERFECT IS
IF WE COULD SCORE A LITTLE
SOMETHING.

IF WE COULD SCORE A LITTLE
SOMETHING.
>> YOU MEAN LIKE COKE?

SOMETHING.
>> YOU MEAN LIKE COKE?
>> YEAH, MAN.

>> YOU MEAN LIKE COKE?
>> YEAH, MAN.
>> I DON'T KNOW.

>> YEAH, MAN.
>> I DON'T KNOW.
>> WHY NOT?

>> I DON'T KNOW.
>> WHY NOT?
WE'RE ON VACATION, RIGHT?

>> WHY NOT?
WE'RE ON VACATION, RIGHT?
>> ALL RIGHT.

WE'RE ON VACATION, RIGHT?
>> ALL RIGHT.
AS LONG AS WE CAN FIND SOMETHING

>> ALL RIGHT.
AS LONG AS WE CAN FIND SOMETHING
THAT'S PURE.

AS LONG AS WE CAN FIND SOMETHING
THAT'S PURE.
THERE'S A LOT OF GARBAGE GOING

THAT'S PURE.
THERE'S A LOT OF GARBAGE GOING
AROUND RIGHT NOW.

THERE'S A LOT OF GARBAGE GOING
AROUND RIGHT NOW.
>> HEY.

AROUND RIGHT NOW.
>> HEY.
YOU GUYS LOOKING FOR SOME

>> HEY.
YOU GUYS LOOKING FOR SOME
COCAINE?

YOU GUYS LOOKING FOR SOME
COCAINE?
>> WHAT?

COCAINE?
>> WHAT?
>> I SAID, DO YOU WANT TO GET

>> WHAT?
>> I SAID, DO YOU WANT TO GET
HIGH?

>> I SAID, DO YOU WANT TO GET
HIGH?
BECAUSE I CAN MAKE THAT HAPPEN.

HIGH?
BECAUSE I CAN MAKE THAT HAPPEN.
>> WAIT, SERIOUSLY?

BECAUSE I CAN MAKE THAT HAPPEN.
>> WAIT, SERIOUSLY?
>> I MEAN, IS IT PURE?

>> WAIT, SERIOUSLY?
>> I MEAN, IS IT PURE?
>> IS IT PURE?

>> I MEAN, IS IT PURE?
>> IS IT PURE?
DON'T INSULT ME, MAN.

>> IS IT PURE?
DON'T INSULT ME, MAN.
MY PRODUCT IS SO PURE WHITE,

DON'T INSULT ME, MAN.
MY PRODUCT IS SO PURE WHITE,
IT'S LIKE A BUNNY RABBIT MAKING

MY PRODUCT IS SO PURE WHITE,
IT'S LIKE A BUNNY RABBIT MAKING
SNOW ANGELS ON A CLOUD.

IT'S LIKE A BUNNY RABBIT MAKING
SNOW ANGELS ON A CLOUD.
>> SOUNDS GOOD TO ME.

SNOW ANGELS ON A CLOUD.
>> SOUNDS GOOD TO ME.
>> HEY.

>> SOUNDS GOOD TO ME.
>> HEY.
YOU GUYS LOOKING FOR COCAINE?

>> HEY.
YOU GUYS LOOKING FOR COCAINE?
>> OH, I THINK WE FOUND SOME

YOU GUYS LOOKING FOR COCAINE?
>> OH, I THINK WE FOUND SOME
ALREADY.

>> OH, I THINK WE FOUND SOME
ALREADY.
>> YEAH.

ALREADY.
>> YEAH.
THEY ALREADY FOUND SOME.

>> YEAH.
THEY ALREADY FOUND SOME.
GET LOST.

THEY ALREADY FOUND SOME.
GET LOST.
>> WELL, MY STUFF IS SO WHITE,

GET LOST.
>> WELL, MY STUFF IS SO WHITE,
IT'S LIKE GWENYTH PALTROW SKIING

>> WELL, MY STUFF IS SO WHITE,
IT'S LIKE GWENYTH PALTROW SKIING
IN UTAH.

IT'S LIKE GWENYTH PALTROW SKIING
IN UTAH.
>> OKAY.

IN UTAH.
>> OKAY.
>> DAMN.

>> OKAY.
>> DAMN.
I'M SOLD.

>> DAMN.
I'M SOLD.
HOW MUCH FOR THAT?

I'M SOLD.
HOW MUCH FOR THAT?
>> WAIT A MINUTE.

HOW MUCH FOR THAT?
>> WAIT A MINUTE.
MY COCAINE IS SO PURE WHITE,

>> WAIT A MINUTE.
MY COCAINE IS SO PURE WHITE,
IT'S LIKE THE GUY THAT'S SUING

MY COCAINE IS SO PURE WHITE,
IT'S LIKE THE GUY THAT'S SUING
GWENYTH PALTROW BECAUSE HE CAN'T

IT'S LIKE THE GUY THAT'S SUING
GWENYTH PALTROW BECAUSE HE CAN'T
ENJOY WINE TASTINGS ANYMORE.

GWENYTH PALTROW BECAUSE HE CAN'T
ENJOY WINE TASTINGS ANYMORE.
>> Y'ALL LOOKING FOR SOME

ENJOY WINE TASTINGS ANYMORE.
>> Y'ALL LOOKING FOR SOME
COCAINE?

>> Y'ALL LOOKING FOR SOME
COCAINE?
>> NO.

COCAINE?
>> NO.
>> T ALREADY DECIDED, MAN.

>> NO.
>> T ALREADY DECIDED, MAN.
>> WELL, NO, WE HAVEN'T.

>> T ALREADY DECIDED, MAN.
>> WELL, NO, WE HAVEN'T.
WE'RE JUST TRYING TO MAKE SURE

>> WELL, NO, WE HAVEN'T.
WE'RE JUST TRYING TO MAKE SURE
IT'S PURE.

WE'RE JUST TRYING TO MAKE SURE
IT'S PURE.
>> LET ME TELL YOU THIS, MAN,

IT'S PURE.
>> LET ME TELL YOU THIS, MAN,
THE COKE I GOT IS SO WHITE, ITS

>> LET ME TELL YOU THIS, MAN,
THE COKE I GOT IS SO WHITE, ITS
DAD SENDS IT MONEY EVERY MONTH

THE COKE I GOT IS SO WHITE, ITS
DAD SENDS IT MONEY EVERY MONTH
FOR THE RENT.

DAD SENDS IT MONEY EVERY MONTH
FOR THE RENT.
>> OKAY.

FOR THE RENT.
>> OKAY.
I THINK I WANT THAT ONE.

>> OKAY.
I THINK I WANT THAT ONE.
>> NO, NO, NO.

I THINK I WANT THAT ONE.
>> NO, NO, NO.
THAT IS JUNK.

>> NO, NO, NO.
THAT IS JUNK.
THIS STUFF RIGHT HERE IS SO

THAT IS JUNK.
THIS STUFF RIGHT HERE IS SO
WHITE, IT TAKES ITS SHOES AND

THIS STUFF RIGHT HERE IS SO
WHITE, IT TAKES ITS SHOES AND
SOCKS OFF ON A PLANE.

WHITE, IT TAKES ITS SHOES AND
SOCKS OFF ON A PLANE.
>> NO, NO, NO.

SOCKS OFF ON A PLANE.
>> NO, NO, NO.
YOU DON'T WANT THAT.

>> NO, NO, NO.
YOU DON'T WANT THAT.
THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT, MAN.

YOU DON'T WANT THAT.
THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT, MAN.
THIS COKE RIGHT HERE IS WHITER

THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT, MAN.
THIS COKE RIGHT HERE IS WHITER
THAN SEASON TWO OF "THE WIRE."

THIS COKE RIGHT HERE IS WHITER
THAN SEASON TWO OF "THE WIRE."
>> OH, YEAH?

THAN SEASON TWO OF "THE WIRE."
>> OH, YEAH?
WELL, MY COKE IS LIKE --

>> OH, YEAH?
WELL, MY COKE IS LIKE --
♪ CUT MY LIFE INTO PIECES, THIS

WELL, MY COKE IS LIKE --
♪ CUT MY LIFE INTO PIECES, THIS
IS MY LAST RESORT ♪

♪ CUT MY LIFE INTO PIECES, THIS
IS MY LAST RESORT ♪
>> MINE IS LIKE --

IS MY LAST RESORT ♪
>> MINE IS LIKE --
♪ I CHIMED IN WITH A HAVEN'T YOU

>> MINE IS LIKE --
♪ I CHIMED IN WITH A HAVEN'T YOU
PEOPLE EVER HEARD OF CLOSING THE

♪ I CHIMED IN WITH A HAVEN'T YOU
PEOPLE EVER HEARD OF CLOSING THE
GOD DAMN DOOR ♪

PEOPLE EVER HEARD OF CLOSING THE
GOD DAMN DOOR ♪
>> THAIS WHITE, YEAH.

GOD DAMN DOOR ♪
>> THAIS WHITE, YEAH.
>> HEY.

>> THAIS WHITE, YEAH.
>> HEY.
YOU GUYS LOOKING FOR SOME

>> HEY.
YOU GUYS LOOKING FOR SOME
COCAINE?

YOU GUYS LOOKING FOR SOME
COCAINE?
>> WE GOOD.

COCAINE?
>> WE GOOD.
>> THEY'RE ALL SET, MAN.

>> WE GOOD.
>> THEY'RE ALL SET, MAN.
>> WE'RE LOOKING FOR COKE THAT'S

>> THEY'RE ALL SET, MAN.
>> WE'RE LOOKING FOR COKE THAT'S
SO PURE WHITE, IT GOT A LITTLE

>> WE'RE LOOKING FOR COKE THAT'S
SO PURE WHITE, IT GOT A LITTLE
BOTTLE OPENER ON ITS FLIP FLOPS.

SO PURE WHITE, IT GOT A LITTLE
BOTTLE OPENER ON ITS FLIP FLOPS.
>> MY COKE IS SO PURE, IT WAS

BOTTLE OPENER ON ITS FLIP FLOPS.
>> MY COKE IS SO PURE, IT WAS
WRITTEN AND DIRECTED BY NOAH

>> MY COKE IS SO PURE, IT WAS
WRITTEN AND DIRECTED BY NOAH
BAUMBACH.

WRITTEN AND DIRECTED BY NOAH
BAUMBACH.
>> WHO THE HELL IS NOAH

BAUMBACH.
>> WHO THE HELL IS NOAH
BAUMBACH?

>> WHO THE HELL IS NOAH
BAUMBACH?
>> A POET.

BAUMBACH?
>> A POET.
>> MAN, THAT'S NOTHING.

>> A POET.
>> MAN, THAT'S NOTHING.
THIS COCAINE I GOT SAYS STUFF

>> MAN, THAT'S NOTHING.
THIS COCAINE I GOT SAYS STUFF
LIKE, OOP, LET ME SCOOT RIGHT BY

THIS COCAINE I GOT SAYS STUFF
LIKE, OOP, LET ME SCOOT RIGHT BY
YOU.

LIKE, OOP, LET ME SCOOT RIGHT BY
YOU.
>> NO, NO, NO.

YOU.
>> NO, NO, NO.
THIS COCAINE IS SO WHITE --

>> NO, NO, NO.
THIS COCAINE IS SO WHITE --
>> OH, SORRY.

THIS COCAINE IS SO WHITE --
>> OH, SORRY.
HOW WHITE IS IT?

>> OH, SORRY.
HOW WHITE IS IT?
>> THANK YOU.

HOW WHITE IS IT?
>> THANK YOU.
IT'S SO WHITE, IT STANDS LIKE

>> THANK YOU.
IT'S SO WHITE, IT STANDS LIKE
THIS ADMIRING ITS LAWN.

IT'S SO WHITE, IT STANDS LIKE
THIS ADMIRING ITS LAWN.
>> MY COKE IS SO WHITE --

THIS ADMIRING ITS LAWN.
>> MY COKE IS SO WHITE --
>> LET ME JUST SCOOT BY YOU

>> MY COKE IS SO WHITE --
>> LET ME JUST SCOOT BY YOU
THERE.

>> LET ME JUST SCOOT BY YOU
THERE.
OKAY.

THERE.
OKAY.
TOODLES.

OKAY.
TOODLES.
>> IT'S THAT WHITE.

TOODLES.
>> IT'S THAT WHITE.
>> I ALREADY SAID THAT ONE.

>> IT'S THAT WHITE.
>> I ALREADY SAID THAT ONE.
>> ALL RIGHT, MAN.

>> I ALREADY SAID THAT ONE.
>> ALL RIGHT, MAN.
SO WHAT DO YOU THINK?

>> ALL RIGHT, MAN.
SO WHAT DO YOU THINK?
>> HUH, I DON'T KNOW.

SO WHAT DO YOU THINK?
>> HUH, I DON'T KNOW.
I STILL CAN'T DECIDE.

>> HUH, I DON'T KNOW.
I STILL CAN'T DECIDE.
>> HEY.

I STILL CAN'T DECIDE.
>> HEY.
YOU GUYS LOOKING FOR SOME BLACK

>> HEY.
YOU GUYS LOOKING FOR SOME BLACK
TAR HEROIN?

YOU GUYS LOOKING FOR SOME BLACK
TAR HEROIN?
>> WHAT?

TAR HEROIN?
>> WHAT?
NO.

>> WHAT?
NO.
>> OH, TOO BAD BECAUSE I'VE GOT

NO.
>> OH, TOO BAD BECAUSE I'VE GOT
SOME BLACK TAR HEROIN THAT'S SO

>> OH, TOO BAD BECAUSE I'VE GOT
SOME BLACK TAR HEROIN THAT'S SO
BLACK, IT'S -- YOU KNOW WHAT,

SOME BLACK TAR HEROIN THAT'S SO
BLACK, IT'S -- YOU KNOW WHAT,
MAYBE I SHOULDN'T SAY.

BLACK, IT'S -- YOU KNOW WHAT,
MAYBE I SHOULDN'T SAY.
>> NO, NO, NO.

MAYBE I SHOULDN'T SAY.
>> NO, NO, NO.
WANT TO HEAR IT.

>> NO, NO, NO.
WANT TO HEAR IT.
GO AHEAD.

WANT TO HEAR IT.
GO AHEAD.
>> PLEASE TELL US.

GO AHEAD.
>> PLEASE TELL US.
>> I WAS GOING TO SAY IT'S SO

>> PLEASE TELL US.
>> I WAS GOING TO SAY IT'S SO
BLACK THAT IT'S STRONG AND

>> I WAS GOING TO SAY IT'S SO
BLACK THAT IT'S STRONG AND
EQUAL.

BLACK THAT IT'S STRONG AND
EQUAL.
AND WE SHOULD ALL REALLY GIVE IT

EQUAL.
AND WE SHOULD ALL REALLY GIVE IT
A CHANCE.

AND WE SHOULD ALL REALLY GIVE IT
A CHANCE.
YOU KNOW, I'M NOT EVEN HERE.

A CHANCE.
YOU KNOW, I'M NOT EVEN HERE.
>> THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.

YOU KNOW, I'M NOT EVEN HERE.
>> THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.
LIKE I SAID, THIS COKE IS SO

>> THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.
LIKE I SAID, THIS COKE IS SO
WHITE, IT LIKES TO SAY IT'S FROM

LIKE I SAID, THIS COKE IS SO
WHITE, IT LIKES TO SAY IT'S FROM
CHICAGO, BUT IT'S FROM A SUBURB

WHITE, IT LIKES TO SAY IT'S FROM
CHICAGO, BUT IT'S FROM A SUBURB
OUTSIDE OF CHICAGO.

CHICAGO, BUT IT'S FROM A SUBURB
OUTSIDE OF CHICAGO.
>> MY COKE IS 20 PAIRS OF YEEZY

OUTSIDE OF CHICAGO.
>> MY COKE IS 20 PAIRS OF YEEZY
SNEAKERS.

>> MY COKE IS 20 PAIRS OF YEEZY
SNEAKERS.
>> THAT DOESN'T SOUND WHITE.

SNEAKERS.
>> THAT DOESN'T SOUND WHITE.
>> THEY'RE ALL DIRTY.

>> THAT DOESN'T SOUND WHITE.
>> THEY'RE ALL DIRTY.
>> THAT'S WHITE.

>> THEY'RE ALL DIRTY.
>> THAT'S WHITE.
>> THAT'S ENOUGH.

>> THAT'S WHITE.
>> THAT'S ENOUGH.
THOSE ALL SOUND VERY WHITE AND

>> THAT'S ENOUGH.
THOSE ALL SOUND VERY WHITE AND
PURE.

THOSE ALL SOUND VERY WHITE AND
PURE.
I CAN'T DECIDE.

PURE.
I CAN'T DECIDE.
SO I GUESS WE'LL TAKE ONE FROM

I CAN'T DECIDE.
SO I GUESS WE'LL TAKE ONE FROM
EACH.

SO I GUESS WE'LL TAKE ONE FROM
EACH.
>> OKAY.

EACH.
>> OKAY.
>> ALL RIGHT.

>> OKAY.
>> ALL RIGHT.
>> AND YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY SURE

>> ALL RIGHT.
>> AND YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY SURE
THERE IS NO FENTANYL IN THIS,

>> AND YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY SURE
THERE IS NO FENTANYL IN THIS,
RIGHT?

THERE IS NO FENTANYL IN THIS,
RIGHT?
>> NOBODY SAID --

RIGHT?
>> NOBODY SAID --
>> WELL --

>>> IT ALL STARTED WITH A BOX ON
MY DOORSTEP.
>> AND A NOTE WITH A QUESTION.

MY DOORSTEP.
>> AND A NOTE WITH A QUESTION.
>> I JUST GOT THIS FEELING THAT

>> AND A NOTE WITH A QUESTION.
>> I JUST GOT THIS FEELING THAT
IT WASN'T THE KIND OF QUESTION

>> I JUST GOT THIS FEELING THAT
IT WASN'T THE KIND OF QUESTION
YOU COULD SAY NO TO.

IT WASN'T THE KIND OF QUESTION
YOU COULD SAY NO TO.
>> WILL YOU --

YOU COULD SAY NO TO.
>> WILL YOU --
>> BE MY --

>> WILL YOU --
>> BE MY --
>> BRIDESMAID.

>> BE MY --
>> BRIDESMAID.
>> FROM THE PEOPLE WHO BROUGHT

>> BRIDESMAID.
>> FROM THE PEOPLE WHO BROUGHT
YOU KEEP SWEET, WILD WILD

>> FROM THE PEOPLE WHO BROUGHT
YOU KEEP SWEET, WILD WILD
COUNTRY, AND THE DOCUMENTARY

YOU KEEP SWEET, WILD WILD
COUNTRY, AND THE DOCUMENTARY
COMES A NEW STORY, I WAS A

COUNTRY, AND THE DOCUMENTARY
COMES A NEW STORY, I WAS A
BRIDESMAID.

COMES A NEW STORY, I WAS A
BRIDESMAID.
>> EACH YEAR, MORE THAN 6

BRIDESMAID.
>> EACH YEAR, MORE THAN 6
MILLION WOMEN FALL INTO THIS

>> EACH YEAR, MORE THAN 6
MILLION WOMEN FALL INTO THIS
TYPE OF CULT.

MILLION WOMEN FALL INTO THIS
TYPE OF CULT.
THEY PREY ON COLLEGE ROOMMATES

TYPE OF CULT.
THEY PREY ON COLLEGE ROOMMATES
AND SISTERS IN LAW.

THEY PREY ON COLLEGE ROOMMATES
AND SISTERS IN LAW.
>> THEY SELL YOU ON A ONE DAY.

AND SISTERS IN LAW.
>> THEY SELL YOU ON A ONE DAY.
THE BUT FOR 18 MONTHS, I WAS

>> THEY SELL YOU ON A ONE DAY.
THE BUT FOR 18 MONTHS, I WAS
FULLY SUCKED IN.

THE BUT FOR 18 MONTHS, I WAS
FULLY SUCKED IN.
>> THERE WAS AN EMAIL CHAIN,

FULLY SUCKED IN.
>> THERE WAS AN EMAIL CHAIN,
GROUP TEXTS, DM, A WHOLE

>> THERE WAS AN EMAIL CHAIN,
GROUP TEXTS, DM, A WHOLE
CONVERSATION AND VENMO.

GROUP TEXTS, DM, A WHOLE
CONVERSATION AND VENMO.
>> GOT PULLED INTO A 200

CONVERSATION AND VENMO.
>> GOT PULLED INTO A 200
QUESTION POLL ABOUT CUSTOMIZED

>> GOT PULLED INTO A 200
QUESTION POLL ABOUT CUSTOMIZED
SHIRTS.

QUESTION POLL ABOUT CUSTOMIZED
SHIRTS.
WE ENDED UP GOING WITH BRIDE

SHIRTS.
WE ENDED UP GOING WITH BRIDE
TRIBE.

WE ENDED UP GOING WITH BRIDE
TRIBE.
>> THEY ALSO TARGET ANOTHER

TRIBE.
>> THEY ALSO TARGET ANOTHER
VULNERABLE GROUP, OUTGOING GAY

>> THEY ALSO TARGET ANOTHER
VULNERABLE GROUP, OUTGOING GAY
MEN.

VULNERABLE GROUP, OUTGOING GAY
MEN.
>> I HAVE BEEN A BRIDESMAID AT

MEN.
>> I HAVE BEEN A BRIDESMAID AT
NINE WEDDINGS THIS YEAR.

>> I HAVE BEEN A BRIDESMAID AT
NINE WEDDINGS THIS YEAR.
WHENEVER A GIRL STARTS CALLING

NINE WEDDINGS THIS YEAR.
WHENEVER A GIRL STARTS CALLING
ME SIS, I KNOW I'M IN TROUBLE.

WHENEVER A GIRL STARTS CALLING
ME SIS, I KNOW I'M IN TROUBLE.
>> THE BACHELORETTE PARTY IS THE

ME SIS, I KNOW I'M IN TROUBLE.
>> THE BACHELORETTE PARTY IS THE
FIRST MAJOR RITUAL, ALMOST

>> THE BACHELORETTE PARTY IS THE
FIRST MAJOR RITUAL, ALMOST
ALWAYS IN NASHVILLE.

FIRST MAJOR RITUAL, ALMOST
ALWAYS IN NASHVILLE.
>> I TRY TODAY SAY I COULDN'T GO

ALWAYS IN NASHVILLE.
>> I TRY TODAY SAY I COULDN'T GO
BECAUSE OF MY STUDENT LOANS.

>> I TRY TODAY SAY I COULDN'T GO
BECAUSE OF MY STUDENT LOANS.
THE MAID OF HONOR TEXTED BACK,

BECAUSE OF MY STUDENT LOANS.
THE MAID OF HONOR TEXTED BACK,
NO WORRIES WITH A SPARKLE EMOJI.

THE MAID OF HONOR TEXTED BACK,
NO WORRIES WITH A SPARKLE EMOJI.
I KNEW WHAT THAT MEANT.

NO WORRIES WITH A SPARKLE EMOJI.
I KNEW WHAT THAT MEANT.
>> AT FIRST, I THOUGHT IT WAS

I KNEW WHAT THAT MEANT.
>> AT FIRST, I THOUGHT IT WAS
THE BRIDE IN CHARGE, BUT IT WAS

>> AT FIRST, I THOUGHT IT WAS
THE BRIDE IN CHARGE, BUT IT WAS
THE WOMAN UNDER HER, MICHELLE.

THE BRIDE IN CHARGE, BUT IT WAS
THE WOMAN UNDER HER, MICHELLE.
>> MICHELLE WAS A SOCIOPATH.

THE WOMAN UNDER HER, MICHELLE.
>> MICHELLE WAS A SOCIOPATH.
>> FIRST, WE'RE GOING TO BE

>> MICHELLE WAS A SOCIOPATH.
>> FIRST, WE'RE GOING TO BE
GETTING UP AT 6:00 A.M. FOR A

>> FIRST, WE'RE GOING TO BE
GETTING UP AT 6:00 A.M. FOR A
POLL DANCE FITNESS CLASS.

GETTING UP AT 6:00 A.M. FOR A
POLL DANCE FITNESS CLASS.
WE'RE GOING TO BE RUNNING A NINE

POLL DANCE FITNESS CLASS.
WE'RE GOING TO BE RUNNING A NINE
BIKE PERSON, AND DRINKING,

WE'RE GOING TO BE RUNNING A NINE
BIKE PERSON, AND DRINKING,
DRINKING, DRINKING.

BIKE PERSON, AND DRINKING,
DRINKING, DRINKING.
>> I'M NOT FEELING SO GOOD, SO

DRINKING, DRINKING.
>> I'M NOT FEELING SO GOOD, SO
I'M GOING TO MEET YOU GUYS

>> I'M NOT FEELING SO GOOD, SO
I'M GOING TO MEET YOU GUYS
LATER.

I'M GOING TO MEET YOU GUYS
LATER.
>> OH, THAT'S OKAY.

LATER.
>> OH, THAT'S OKAY.
HEY, BRITTANY, CAN WE TALK FOR A

>> OH, THAT'S OKAY.
HEY, BRITTANY, CAN WE TALK FOR A
SEC?

HEY, BRITTANY, CAN WE TALK FOR A
SEC?
>> I DON'T HAVE MANY MEMORIES

SEC?
>> I DON'T HAVE MANY MEMORIES
FROM THE BACHELORETTE TRIP

>> I DON'T HAVE MANY MEMORIES
FROM THE BACHELORETTE TRIP
BECAUSE I WAS DRUGGED BY MYSELF.

FROM THE BACHELORETTE TRIP
BECAUSE I WAS DRUGGED BY MYSELF.
I HAD NO CHOICE.

BECAUSE I WAS DRUGGED BY MYSELF.
I HAD NO CHOICE.
THESE WOMEN WERE TERRORIZING

I HAD NO CHOICE.
THESE WOMEN WERE TERRORIZING
EVERY GAY BAR IN TOWN.

THESE WOMEN WERE TERRORIZING
EVERY GAY BAR IN TOWN.
>> AS WITH ALL CULTS, THERE IS A

EVERY GAY BAR IN TOWN.
>> AS WITH ALL CULTS, THERE IS A
FINANCIAL ELEMENT.

>> AS WITH ALL CULTS, THERE IS A
FINANCIAL ELEMENT.
>> I SPENT $300 ON A BRIDESMAID

FINANCIAL ELEMENT.
>> I SPENT $300 ON A BRIDESMAID
DRESS.

>> I SPENT $300 ON A BRIDESMAID
DRESS.
THE BRIDES I'VE TRIED OTHER

DRESS.
THE BRIDES I'VE TRIED OTHER
TIMES TO WEAR IT.

THE BRIDES I'VE TRIED OTHER
TIMES TO WEAR IT.
WHERE AM I GOING THAT CALLS FOR

TIMES TO WEAR IT.
WHERE AM I GOING THAT CALLS FOR
A BLUE CHIFFON GOWN?

WHERE AM I GOING THAT CALLS FOR
A BLUE CHIFFON GOWN?
>> MORE MONEY, MORE GIFTS, THERE

A BLUE CHIFFON GOWN?
>> MORE MONEY, MORE GIFTS, THERE
WAS ALL THIS PENIS STUFF,

>> MORE MONEY, MORE GIFTS, THERE
WAS ALL THIS PENIS STUFF,
SASHES, STRAWS, EVERYONE ACTED

WAS ALL THIS PENIS STUFF,
SASHES, STRAWS, EVERYONE ACTED
LIKE IT WAS HILARIOUS.

SASHES, STRAWS, EVERYONE ACTED
LIKE IT WAS HILARIOUS.
I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND.

LIKE IT WAS HILARIOUS.
I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND.
>> THE PENIS STUFF IS VERY

I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND.
>> THE PENIS STUFF IS VERY
FUNNY.

>> THE PENIS STUFF IS VERY
FUNNY.
I WILL SAY THAT.

FUNNY.
I WILL SAY THAT.
>> AND FINALLY, IT WAS TIME FOR

I WILL SAY THAT.
>> AND FINALLY, IT WAS TIME FOR
THE BIG DAY.

>> AND FINALLY, IT WAS TIME FOR
THE BIG DAY.
>> I WAS SEPARATED FROM MY

THE BIG DAY.
>> I WAS SEPARATED FROM MY
BOYFRIEND AND GIVEN A NEW

>> I WAS SEPARATED FROM MY
BOYFRIEND AND GIVEN A NEW
PARTNER, THE GROOM'S COUSIN

BOYFRIEND AND GIVEN A NEW
PARTNER, THE GROOM'S COUSIN
DONNY, WHO WAS INEXPLICABLY 61.

PARTNER, THE GROOM'S COUSIN
DONNY, WHO WAS INEXPLICABLY 61.
>> FINAL RITUAL WAS THE MOST

DONNY, WHO WAS INEXPLICABLY 61.
>> FINAL RITUAL WAS THE MOST
DEMEANING.

>> FINAL RITUAL WAS THE MOST
DEMEANING.
WE HAD TO WRITE AND PERFORM

DEMEANING.
WE HAD TO WRITE AND PERFORM
ORIGINAL LYRICS TO FRESH PRINCE

WE HAD TO WRITE AND PERFORM
ORIGINAL LYRICS TO FRESH PRINCE
OF BELAIR.

ORIGINAL LYRICS TO FRESH PRINCE
OF BELAIR.
>> AND THEN, ALL OF A SUDDEN, IT

OF BELAIR.
>> AND THEN, ALL OF A SUDDEN, IT
WAS OVER.

>> AND THEN, ALL OF A SUDDEN, IT
WAS OVER.
BUT I JUST GOT ENGAGED.

WAS OVER.
BUT I JUST GOT ENGAGED.
DON'T WORRY.

BUT I JUST GOT ENGAGED.
DON'T WORRY.
I'M GOING TO BE SUCH A CHILL

DON'T WORRY.
I'M GOING TO BE SUCH A CHILL
BRIDE.

I'M GOING TO BE SUCH A CHILL
BRIDE.
>>> IT'S TIME FOR COUPLE WARS

BRIDE.
>>> IT'S TIME FOR COUPLE WARS
WITH YOUR HOST, BOB DABILDA.

>>> IT'S TIME FOR COUPLE WARS
WITH YOUR HOST, BOB DABILDA.
>> WELCOME TO COUPLE GOALS.

WITH YOUR HOST, BOB DABILDA.
>> WELCOME TO COUPLE GOALS.
LET'S MEET TODAY'S CONTESTANTS.

>> WELCOME TO COUPLE GOALS.
LET'S MEET TODAY'S CONTESTANTS.
THEY RECENTLY CELEBRATED THEIR

LET'S MEET TODAY'S CONTESTANTS.
THEY RECENTLY CELEBRATED THEIR
TEN-YEAR ANNIVERSARY, IT'S

THEY RECENTLY CELEBRATED THEIR
TEN-YEAR ANNIVERSARY, IT'S
THOMAS AND MIA ANDERSON.

TEN-YEAR ANNIVERSARY, IT'S
THOMAS AND MIA ANDERSON.
AND THEY LIVED ACROSS FROM EACH

THOMAS AND MIA ANDERSON.
AND THEY LIVED ACROSS FROM EACH
OTHER DURING THE PANDEMIC, IT'S

AND THEY LIVED ACROSS FROM EACH
OTHER DURING THE PANDEMIC, IT'S
JOHN AND LINDA CRONIN.

OTHER DURING THE PANDEMIC, IT'S
JOHN AND LINDA CRONIN.
LET'S GET STARTED.

JOHN AND LINDA CRONIN.
LET'S GET STARTED.
AS YOU KNOW, YOUR SPOUSES

LET'S GET STARTED.
AS YOU KNOW, YOUR SPOUSES
ANSWERED A SERIES OF QUESTIONS

AS YOU KNOW, YOUR SPOUSES
ANSWERED A SERIES OF QUESTIONS
BEFORE THE SHOW, AND IT'S UP TO

ANSWERED A SERIES OF QUESTIONS
BEFORE THE SHOW, AND IT'S UP TO
YOU TO GUESS WHAT THEY SAID.

BEFORE THE SHOW, AND IT'S UP TO
YOU TO GUESS WHAT THEY SAID.
QUESTION ONE, WHAT WAS YOUR

YOU TO GUESS WHAT THEY SAID.
QUESTION ONE, WHAT WAS YOUR
WIFE'S FAVORITE FOOD?

QUESTION ONE, WHAT WAS YOUR
WIFE'S FAVORITE FOOD?
>> COME ON, BOB, THAT'S EASY.

WIFE'S FAVORITE FOOD?
>> COME ON, BOB, THAT'S EASY.
SHE'S THE QUEEN OF BURGERS.

>> COME ON, BOB, THAT'S EASY.
SHE'S THE QUEEN OF BURGERS.
>> LET'S SEE WHAT MIA SAID.

SHE'S THE QUEEN OF BURGERS.
>> LET'S SEE WHAT MIA SAID.
>> BURGERS.

>> LET'S SEE WHAT MIA SAID.
>> BURGERS.
I'M THE BURGER QUEEN.

>> BURGERS.
I'M THE BURGER QUEEN.
>> ALL RIGHT.

I'M THE BURGER QUEEN.
>> ALL RIGHT.
THE ANDERSONS ARE ON THE BOARD.

>> ALL RIGHT.
THE ANDERSONS ARE ON THE BOARD.
LET'S GO TO THE CRONINS, JOHN.

THE ANDERSONS ARE ON THE BOARD.
LET'S GO TO THE CRONINS, JOHN.
>> I'M GOING TO GO WITH MY GUT

LET'S GO TO THE CRONINS, JOHN.
>> I'M GOING TO GO WITH MY GUT
HERE AND SAY CREPES.

>> I'M GOING TO GO WITH MY GUT
HERE AND SAY CREPES.
>> OH, NO, I SAID FISH STICKS.

HERE AND SAY CREPES.
>> OH, NO, I SAID FISH STICKS.
WE'LL GET THEM NEXT TIME, BABE.

>> OH, NO, I SAID FISH STICKS.
WE'LL GET THEM NEXT TIME, BABE.
>> QUESTION TWO.

WE'LL GET THEM NEXT TIME, BABE.
>> QUESTION TWO.
WHAT IS YOUR HUSBAND'S GREATEST

>> QUESTION TWO.
WHAT IS YOUR HUSBAND'S GREATEST
FEAR?

WHAT IS YOUR HUSBAND'S GREATEST
FEAR?
>> I'VE SEEN THIS MAN IN THE

FEAR?
>> I'VE SEEN THIS MAN IN THE
GARAGE, ANDND TRUST ME, THE ANSR

>> I'VE SEEN THIS MAN IN THE
GARAGE, ANDND TRUST ME, THE ANSR
IS SPIDERS.

GARAGE, ANDND TRUST ME, THE ANSR
IS SPIDERS.
>> ALL RIGHT.

IS SPIDERS.
>> ALL RIGHT.
MIA SAID SPIDERS, AND THOMAS

>> ALL RIGHT.
MIA SAID SPIDERS, AND THOMAS
SAID HIS GREATEST FEAR IS --

MIA SAID SPIDERS, AND THOMAS
SAID HIS GREATEST FEAR IS --
THAT YOU'LL FALL DOWN THE STAIRS

SAID HIS GREATEST FEAR IS --
THAT YOU'LL FALL DOWN THE STAIRS
AND GET HURT SO BAD THAT I HAVE

THAT YOU'LL FALL DOWN THE STAIRS
AND GET HURT SO BAD THAT I HAVE
TO GIVE UP MY DREAMS AND SPEND

AND GET HURT SO BAD THAT I HAVE
TO GIVE UP MY DREAMS AND SPEND
THE REST OF MY LIFE CARING FOR

TO GIVE UP MY DREAMS AND SPEND
THE REST OF MY LIFE CARING FOR
YOU.

THE REST OF MY LIFE CARING FOR
YOU.
WOW.

YOU.
WOW.
SO NO POINTS ON THAT ONE.

WOW.
SO NO POINTS ON THAT ONE.
>> THAT'S YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?

SO NO POINTS ON THAT ONE.
>> THAT'S YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
>> SPIDERS, YEAH.

>> THAT'S YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
>> SPIDERS, YEAH.
SHOULD HAVE SAID SPIDERS.

>> SPIDERS, YEAH.
SHOULD HAVE SAID SPIDERS.
>> OKAY.

SHOULD HAVE SAID SPIDERS.
>> OKAY.
MOVING ON TO THE CRONINS.

>> OKAY.
MOVING ON TO THE CRONINS.
LINDA, WHAT IS YOUR HUSBAND'S

MOVING ON TO THE CRONINS.
LINDA, WHAT IS YOUR HUSBAND'S
GREATEST FEAR?

LINDA, WHAT IS YOUR HUSBAND'S
GREATEST FEAR?
>> OH, I GOT THIS.

GREATEST FEAR?
>> OH, I GOT THIS.
IT'S AIRPLANES.

>> OH, I GOT THIS.
IT'S AIRPLANES.
>> NO, HONEY.

IT'S AIRPLANES.
>> NO, HONEY.
IT'S SNAKES.

>> NO, HONEY.
IT'S SNAKES.
REMEMBER?

IT'S SNAKES.
REMEMBER?
>> OH.

REMEMBER?
>> OH.
SO CLOSE.

>> OH.
SO CLOSE.
>> WAS IT, THOUGH?

SO CLOSE.
>> WAS IT, THOUGH?
WAS IT?

>> WAS IT, THOUGH?
WAS IT?
>> OKAY.

WAS IT?
>> OKAY.
NEXT QUESTION.

>> OKAY.
NEXT QUESTION.
WHAT'S SOMETHING YOU DO IN BED

NEXT QUESTION.
WHAT'S SOMETHING YOU DO IN BED
THAT YOUR HUSBAND DOES NOT LIKE.

WHAT'S SOMETHING YOU DO IN BED
THAT YOUR HUSBAND DOES NOT LIKE.
MIA?

THAT YOUR HUSBAND DOES NOT LIKE.
MIA?

MIA?

>> WELL, THIS IS EMBARRASSING,
BUT KISSING HIM BEFORE I BRUSH

>> WELL, THIS IS EMBARRASSING,
BUT KISSING HIM BEFORE I BRUSH
MY TEETH.

BUT KISSING HIM BEFORE I BRUSH
MY TEETH.
>> AND THOMAS SAID, SLEEP TOO

MY TEETH.
>> AND THOMAS SAID, SLEEP TOO
CLOSE TO THE EDGE.

>> AND THOMAS SAID, SLEEP TOO
CLOSE TO THE EDGE.
>> THOMAS, YOU THINK I'M GOING

CLOSE TO THE EDGE.
>> THOMAS, YOU THINK I'M GOING
TO FALL OUT OF BED AND BREAK MY

>> THOMAS, YOU THINK I'M GOING
TO FALL OUT OF BED AND BREAK MY
NECK?

TO FALL OUT OF BED AND BREAK MY
NECK?
>> WHAT'S THE NEXT QUESTION,

NECK?
>> WHAT'S THE NEXT QUESTION,
MAN?

>> WHAT'S THE NEXT QUESTION,
MAN?
>> OVER TO LINDA.

MAN?
>> OVER TO LINDA.
WHAT'S ONE THING YOU DO IN BED

>> OVER TO LINDA.
WHAT'S ONE THING YOU DO IN BED
THAT YOUR HUSBAND DOES NOT LIKE?

WHAT'S ONE THING YOU DO IN BED
THAT YOUR HUSBAND DOES NOT LIKE?
>> I WOULD HAVE TO SAY GET ON

THAT YOUR HUSBAND DOES NOT LIKE?
>> I WOULD HAVE TO SAY GET ON
TOP.

>> I WOULD HAVE TO SAY GET ON
TOP.
>> OKAY.

TOP.
>> OKAY.
AND JOHN SAID --

>> OKAY.
AND JOHN SAID --
>> HOG THE SHEETS, BABE.

AND JOHN SAID --
>> HOG THE SHEETS, BABE.
>> ONCE AGAIN, THE CRONINS ARE

>> HOG THE SHEETS, BABE.
>> ONCE AGAIN, THE CRONINS ARE
NOT REMOTELY ON THE SAME PAGE.

>> ONCE AGAIN, THE CRONINS ARE
NOT REMOTELY ON THE SAME PAGE.
NEXT QUESTION FOR THE ANDERSONS.

NOT REMOTELY ON THE SAME PAGE.
NEXT QUESTION FOR THE ANDERSONS.
WHAT WAS YOUR BIGGEST FIGHT

NEXT QUESTION FOR THE ANDERSONS.
WHAT WAS YOUR BIGGEST FIGHT
ABOUT?

WHAT WAS YOUR BIGGEST FIGHT
ABOUT?
>> OH, I KNOW THIS ONE.

ABOUT?
>> OH, I KNOW THIS ONE.
THAT WOULD BE THE BASKETBALL

>> OH, I KNOW THIS ONE.
THAT WOULD BE THE BASKETBALL
GAME INCIDENT.

THAT WOULD BE THE BASKETBALL
GAME INCIDENT.
>> OKAY.

GAME INCIDENT.
>> OKAY.
THOMAS SAYS THE BASKETBALL GAME

>> OKAY.
THOMAS SAYS THE BASKETBALL GAME
INCIDENT, AND MIA SAYS -- THE

THOMAS SAYS THE BASKETBALL GAME
INCIDENT, AND MIA SAYS -- THE
TIME I HIT A HALF COURT SHOT AT

INCIDENT, AND MIA SAYS -- THE
TIME I HIT A HALF COURT SHOT AT
A BASKETBALL GAME AND THEY GAVE

TIME I HIT A HALF COURT SHOT AT
A BASKETBALL GAME AND THEY GAVE
ME FREE ROCK CLIMBING LESSONS

A BASKETBALL GAME AND THEY GAVE
ME FREE ROCK CLIMBING LESSONS
FOR LIFE, AND YOU RAN AND

ME FREE ROCK CLIMBING LESSONS
FOR LIFE, AND YOU RAN AND
RIPPED UP THE CERTIFICATE IN

FOR LIFE, AND YOU RAN AND
RIPPED UP THE CERTIFICATE IN
FRONT OF THE WHOLE STADIUM.

RIPPED UP THE CERTIFICATE IN
FRONT OF THE WHOLE STADIUM.
FIVE POINTS FOR THE ANDERSONS.

FRONT OF THE WHOLE STADIUM.
FIVE POINTS FOR THE ANDERSONS.
>> WE RUNNINGY IT NOW,

FIVE POINTS FOR THE ANDERSONS.
>> WE RUNNINGY IT NOW,
HUH, BABY?

>> WE RUNNINGY IT NOW,
HUH, BABY?
>> THAT SOUND MEANS IT'S TIME

HUH, BABY?
>> THAT SOUND MEANS IT'S TIME
FOR A BONUS QUESTION.

>> THAT SOUND MEANS IT'S TIME
FOR A BONUS QUESTION.
WHO HAS HAD THE BIGGEST

FOR A BONUS QUESTION.
WHO HAS HAD THE BIGGEST
INFLUENCE ON YOUR HUSBAND'S

WHO HAS HAD THE BIGGEST
INFLUENCE ON YOUR HUSBAND'S
LIFE?

INFLUENCE ON YOUR HUSBAND'S
LIFE?
>> HIS FATHER.

LIFE?
>> HIS FATHER.
>> YEP.

>> HIS FATHER.
>> YEP.
MY DAD.

>> YEP.
MY DAD.
MY PARENTS ARE ACTUALLY HERE

MY DAD.
MY PARENTS ARE ACTUALLY HERE
TODAY.

MY PARENTS ARE ACTUALLY HERE
TODAY.
HOW AM I DOING, DAD?

TODAY.
HOW AM I DOING, DAD?
>> YOU'RE DOING GREAT, SON.

HOW AM I DOING, DAD?
>> YOU'RE DOING GREAT, SON.
>> BACK TO LINDA.

>> YOU'RE DOING GREAT, SON.
>> BACK TO LINDA.
WHAT IS YOUR HUSBAND'S DREAM

>> BACK TO LINDA.
WHAT IS YOUR HUSBAND'S DREAM
VACATION?

WHAT IS YOUR HUSBAND'S DREAM
VACATION?
>> I DON'T KNOW.

VACATION?
>> I DON'T KNOW.
>> YEAH.RLD?

>> I DON'T KNOW.
>> YEAH.RLD?
WORLD.

>> YEAH.RLD?
WORLD.
NO, YOU IDIOT.

WORLD.
NO, YOU IDIOT.
I JUST SAID I DON'T LIKE SNAKES.

NO, YOU IDIOT.
I JUST SAID I DON'T LIKE SNAKES.
>> OOH, CALLING YOUR SPOUSE AN

I JUST SAID I DON'T LIKE SNAKES.
>> OOH, CALLING YOUR SPOUSE AN
IDIOT AND LOSE A TURN.

>> OOH, CALLING YOUR SPOUSE AN
IDIOT AND LOSE A TURN.
ALL RIGHT.

IDIOT AND LOSE A TURN.
ALL RIGHT.
MIA, WHAT'S YOUR HUSBAND'S DREAM

ALL RIGHT.
MIA, WHAT'S YOUR HUSBAND'S DREAM
VACATION.

MIA, WHAT'S YOUR HUSBAND'S DREAM
VACATION.
>> AT THIS POINT, WHO KNOWS, BUT

VACATION.
>> AT THIS POINT, WHO KNOWS, BUT
HE ALWAYS SAID ARUBA.

>> AT THIS POINT, WHO KNOWS, BUT
HE ALWAYS SAID ARUBA.
>> YES.

HE ALWAYS SAID ARUBA.
>> YES.
YES, BABY.

>> YES.
YES, BABY.
>> FINALLY.

YES, BABY.
>> FINALLY.
THERE'S THE MAN I MARRIED.

>> FINALLY.
THERE'S THE MAN I MARRIED.
>> UH-HUH.

THERE'S THE MAN I MARRIED.
>> UH-HUH.
AND WHAT'S THAT LITTLE ASHTRAY?

>> UH-HUH.
AND WHAT'S THAT LITTLE ASHTRAY?
>> OH, THAT'S JUST THIS.

AND WHAT'S THAT LITTLE ASHTRAY?
>> OH, THAT'S JUST THIS.
>> AS LONG AS YOU'RE STILL

>> OH, THAT'S JUST THIS.
>> AS LONG AS YOU'RE STILL
HEALTHY.

>> AS LONG AS YOU'RE STILL
HEALTHY.
IF NOT, THEN BIG SURF WITH YOUR

HEALTHY.
IF NOT, THEN BIG SURF WITH YOUR
SISTER.

IF NOT, THEN BIG SURF WITH YOUR
SISTER.
AFTER YEARS OF CARING FOR YOU

SISTER.
AFTER YEARS OF CARING FOR YOU
TOGETHER, WE WILL HAVE GROWN

AFTER YEARS OF CARING FOR YOU
TOGETHER, WE WILL HAVE GROWN
CLOSE IN A WAY WE NEVER

TOGETHER, WE WILL HAVE GROWN
CLOSE IN A WAY WE NEVER
EXPECTED, AND WHEN WE FINALLY

CLOSE IN A WAY WE NEVER
EXPECTED, AND WHEN WE FINALLY
CLIMAX TOGETHER UNDER THE

EXPECTED, AND WHEN WE FINALLY
CLIMAX TOGETHER UNDER THE
REDWOODS, WE'LL HOLD EACH OTHER

CLIMAX TOGETHER UNDER THE
REDWOODS, WE'LL HOLD EACH OTHER
AND WEEP, NOT JUST BECAUSE THE

REDWOODS, WE'LL HOLD EACH OTHER
AND WEEP, NOT JUST BECAUSE THE
PLEASURE IS SO INTENSE BUT

AND WEEP, NOT JUST BECAUSE THE
PLEASURE IS SO INTENSE BUT
BECAUSE WE FINALLY FEEL RELIEF

PLEASURE IS SO INTENSE BUT
BECAUSE WE FINALLY FEEL RELIEF
FROM OUR TRAGICALLY SHARED

BECAUSE WE FINALLY FEEL RELIEF
FROM OUR TRAGICALLY SHARED
BURDEN.

FROM OUR TRAGICALLY SHARED
BURDEN.
WELL, YOU BOTH SAID ARUBA, THAT

BURDEN.
WELL, YOU BOTH SAID ARUBA, THAT
FIVE POINTS PUTS YOU OVER THE

WELL, YOU BOTH SAID ARUBA, THAT
FIVE POINTS PUTS YOU OVER THE
TOP.

FIVE POINTS PUTS YOU OVER THE
TOP.
ANDERSONS, YOU HAVE WON OUR

TOP.
ANDERSONS, YOU HAVE WON OUR
GRAND PRIZE.

ANDERSONS, YOU HAVE WON OUR
GRAND PRIZE.
>> WAIT, WE DID?

GRAND PRIZE.
>> WAIT, WE DID?
>> WE WON, BABY.

>> WAIT, WE DID?
>> WE WON, BABY.
>> AND THAT IS AN ALL EXPENSES

>> WE WON, BABY.
>> AND THAT IS AN ALL EXPENSES
PAID TRIP TO BALI'S TEMPLE OF A

>> AND THAT IS AN ALL EXPENSES
PAID TRIP TO BALI'S TEMPLE OF A
THOUSAND STEPS.

PAID TRIP TO BALI'S TEMPLE OF A
THOUSAND STEPS.
>> NO!

SHE ALMOST PLOWED INTO US.
LUNATIC.
>> OH, MY GOD, DAD, DON'T BE SO

LUNATIC.
>> OH, MY GOD, DAD, DON'T BE SO
AWKWARD.

>> OH, MY GOD, DAD, DON'T BE SO
AWKWARD.
>> SHE ALMOST CAUSED AN ACCIDENT

AWKWARD.
>> SHE ALMOST CAUSED AN ACCIDENT
JUST TO SIT THERE IN BUMPER TO

>> SHE ALMOST CAUSED AN ACCIDENT
JUST TO SIT THERE IN BUMPER TO
BUMPER TRAFFIC.

JUST TO SIT THERE IN BUMPER TO
BUMPER TRAFFIC.
HEY!

BUMPER TRAFFIC.
HEY!
HELLO?

HEY!
HELLO?
HEY!

HELLO?
HEY!
HEY!

HEY!
HEY!
>> WHAT?

HEY!
>> WHAT?
>> YOU CUT ME OFF.

>> WHAT?
>> YOU CUT ME OFF.
YOU DRIVE CRAZY.

>> YOU CUT ME OFF.
YOU DRIVE CRAZY.
>> YOU KNOW WHAT?

YOU DRIVE CRAZY.
>> YOU KNOW WHAT?
EAT -- EAT ME.

>> YOU KNOW WHAT?
EAT -- EAT ME.
EAT ME.

EAT -- EAT ME.
EAT ME.
I HAD MY BLINKER ON.

EAT ME.
I HAD MY BLINKER ON.
>> THAT'S A LIE.

I HAD MY BLINKER ON.
>> THAT'S A LIE.
YOU LIE.

>> THAT'S A LIE.
YOU LIE.
SHAME ON YOU.

YOU LIE.
SHAME ON YOU.
>> OKAY.

SHAME ON YOU.
>> OKAY.
EAT -- EAT MY BUTT.

>> OKAY.
EAT -- EAT MY BUTT.
THIS, ALL OF THIS.

EAT -- EAT MY BUTT.
THIS, ALL OF THIS.
>> YOU, YOU ARE A SAD WOMAN.

THIS, ALL OF THIS.
>> YOU, YOU ARE A SAD WOMAN.
YOU, SAD WOMAN.

>> YOU, YOU ARE A SAD WOMAN.
YOU, SAD WOMAN.
>> OKAY.

YOU, SAD WOMAN.
>> OKAY.
WELL, WHY DON'T YOU ROLL DOWN

>> OKAY.
WELL, WHY DON'T YOU ROLL DOWN
YOUR WINDOW AND SAY THAT TO MY

WELL, WHY DON'T YOU ROLL DOWN
YOUR WINDOW AND SAY THAT TO MY
FACE?

YOUR WINDOW AND SAY THAT TO MY
FACE?
>> WHY DID YOU MIME A CRANK?

FACE?
>> WHY DID YOU MIME A CRANK?
NO CARS HAVE THOSE WINDOWS.

>> WHY DID YOU MIME A CRANK?
NO CARS HAVE THOSE WINDOWS.
POWER WINDOWS NOW.

NO CARS HAVE THOSE WINDOWS.
POWER WINDOWS NOW.
DO THIS.

POWER WINDOWS NOW.
DO THIS.
BOOM.

DO THIS.
BOOM.
THAT'S GOOD.

BOOM.
THAT'S GOOD.
BOOM.

THAT'S GOOD.
BOOM.
>> NO.

BOOM.
>> NO.
NO.

>> NO.
NO.
THIS IS TOO SMALL.

NO.
THIS IS TOO SMALL.
IT WOULDN'T READ.

THIS IS TOO SMALL.
IT WOULDN'T READ.
>> I GUESS.

IT WOULDN'T READ.
>> I GUESS.
I GUESS.

>> I GUESS.
I GUESS.
>> YOU -- YOU ARE SCARED BECAUSE

I GUESS.
>> YOU -- YOU ARE SCARED BECAUSE
YOU AREN'T A MAN.

>> YOU -- YOU ARE SCARED BECAUSE
YOU AREN'T A MAN.
YOU'RE NOT A BIG MAN.

YOU AREN'T A MAN.
YOU'RE NOT A BIG MAN.
>> SHUT UP.

YOU'RE NOT A BIG MAN.
>> SHUT UP.
SHUT UP.

>> SHUT UP.
SHUT UP.
I AM A MAN.

SHUT UP.
I AM A MAN.
I'M A VERY STRONG MAN!

I AM A MAN.
I'M A VERY STRONG MAN!
>> NO, NO.

I'M A VERY STRONG MAN!
>> NO, NO.
YOU ARE A LITTLE BITCH.

>> NO, NO.
YOU ARE A LITTLE BITCH.
YOU'RE A LITTLE BITCH.

YOU ARE A LITTLE BITCH.
YOU'RE A LITTLE BITCH.
>> IS SHE -- IS SHE USING YOU

YOU'RE A LITTLE BITCH.
>> IS SHE -- IS SHE USING YOU
FOR THE WORD BITCH?

>> IS SHE -- IS SHE USING YOU
FOR THE WORD BITCH?
>> THAT IS SO MESSED UP.

FOR THE WORD BITCH?
>> THAT IS SO MESSED UP.
YOU SUCK.

>> THAT IS SO MESSED UP.
YOU SUCK.
YOU SUCK!

YOU SUCK.
YOU SUCK!
>> HEY, DON'T -- DON'T DO THAT!

YOU SUCK!
>> HEY, DON'T -- DON'T DO THAT!
FIRST OF ALL, I DON'T LOVE THAT

>> HEY, DON'T -- DON'T DO THAT!
FIRST OF ALL, I DON'T LOVE THAT
YOU USED TWO HANDS.

FIRST OF ALL, I DON'T LOVE THAT
YOU USED TWO HANDS.
SECOND OF ALL, JUST DON'T DO IT.

YOU USED TWO HANDS.
SECOND OF ALL, JUST DON'T DO IT.
YOU KNOW WHAT?

SECOND OF ALL, JUST DON'T DO IT.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU KNOW WHAT, BYE.

YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU KNOW WHAT, BYE.
BYE.

YOU KNOW WHAT, BYE.
BYE.
YOU, NOT WORTH MY TIME.

BYE.
YOU, NOT WORTH MY TIME.
>> BYE.

YOU, NOT WORTH MY TIME.
>> BYE.
YOU ARE A GIANT -- THAT'S RIGHT.

>> BYE.
YOU ARE A GIANT -- THAT'S RIGHT.
>> WHAT WOULD YOUR MOTHER SAY IF

YOU ARE A GIANT -- THAT'S RIGHT.
>> WHAT WOULD YOUR MOTHER SAY IF
SHE SAW YOU DO THAT?

>> WHAT WOULD YOUR MOTHER SAY IF
SHE SAW YOU DO THAT?
>> MY MOM TOLD ME TO DO IT.

SHE SAW YOU DO THAT?
>> MY MOM TOLD ME TO DO IT.
>> SHAME ON YOU.

>> MY MOM TOLD ME TO DO IT.
>> SHAME ON YOU.
THAT WAS RACIST.

>> SHAME ON YOU.
THAT WAS RACIST.
>> NO.

THAT WAS RACIST.
>> NO.
DON'T HATE ALL WHITE PEOPLE,

>> NO.
DON'T HATE ALL WHITE PEOPLE,
JUST YOU.

DON'T HATE ALL WHITE PEOPLE,
JUST YOU.
>> BRAVO.

JUST YOU.
>> BRAVO.
BRAVO.

>> BRAVO.
BRAVO.
YOU, BAD PERSON.

BRAVO.
YOU, BAD PERSON.
I FEEL BAD FOR YOUR HUSBAND.

YOU, BAD PERSON.
I FEEL BAD FOR YOUR HUSBAND.
>> NO HUSBAND.

I FEEL BAD FOR YOUR HUSBAND.
>> NO HUSBAND.
HE WENT BYE BYE.

>> NO HUSBAND.
HE WENT BYE BYE.
WE SPLIT UP.

HE WENT BYE BYE.
WE SPLIT UP.
>> OH.

WE SPLIT UP.
>> OH.
ME TOO.

>> OH.
ME TOO.
WIFE LEFT.

ME TOO.
WIFE LEFT.
BUT IT'S GOOD.

WIFE LEFT.
BUT IT'S GOOD.
SHE WAS A BITCH.

BUT IT'S GOOD.
SHE WAS A BITCH.
>> DAD!

SHE WAS A BITCH.
>> DAD!
>> RESPECT, RESPECT.

>> DAD!
>> RESPECT, RESPECT.
HEY, THIS MIGHT BE CRAZY.

>> RESPECT, RESPECT.
HEY, THIS MIGHT BE CRAZY.
BUT ARE YOU HUNGRY?

HEY, THIS MIGHT BE CRAZY.
BUT ARE YOU HUNGRY?
>> YEAH.

BUT ARE YOU HUNGRY?
>> YEAH.
I COULD EAT.

>> YEAH.
I COULD EAT.
>> DO YOU MAYBE WANT TO EAT THIS

I COULD EAT.
>> DO YOU MAYBE WANT TO EAT THIS
BUTT?

>> DO YOU MAYBE WANT TO EAT THIS
BUTT?
HUH?

BUTT?
HUH?
EAT THE BUTT.

HUH?
EAT THE BUTT.
>> SHAME ON YOU.

EAT THE BUTT.
>> SHAME ON YOU.
SHAME ON YOU.

>> SHAME ON YOU.
SHAME ON YOU.
>> YOU SUCK!

SHAME ON YOU.
>> YOU SUCK!
>> STOP DOING THAT!

>> YOU SUCK!
>> STOP DOING THAT!
STOP IT!

>>> LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, LIL
YACHTY.
♪

YACHTY.
♪
♪ SEX SYMBOL

♪
♪ SEX SYMBOL
THE BLACK SEMINOLE

♪ SEX SYMBOL
THE BLACK SEMINOLE
A SEX SYMBOL

THE BLACK SEMINOLE
A SEX SYMBOL
THE BLACK SEMINOLE ♪

A SEX SYMBOL
THE BLACK SEMINOLE ♪
♪ AFRICAN RAMBO

THE BLACK SEMINOLE ♪
♪ AFRICAN RAMBO
WITH MORE AMMO

♪ AFRICAN RAMBO
WITH MORE AMMO
CAN'T BE ESCAPED

WITH MORE AMMO
CAN'T BE ESCAPED
I'M ON EVERY CHANNEL ♪

CAN'T BE ESCAPED
I'M ON EVERY CHANNEL ♪
♪ WHAT'S WRONG

I'M ON EVERY CHANNEL ♪
♪ WHAT'S WRONG
WHAT'S WRONG

♪ WHAT'S WRONG
WHAT'S WRONG
MR. MAN ♪

WHAT'S WRONG
MR. MAN ♪
♪ YOUR EYES ARE LOW

MR. MAN ♪
♪ YOUR EYES ARE LOW
AND YOU'RE WALKING

♪ YOUR EYES ARE LOW
AND YOU'RE WALKING
WITH BOTH HANDS

AND YOU'RE WALKING
WITH BOTH HANDS
ON YOUR HEAD ♪

WITH BOTH HANDS
ON YOUR HEAD ♪
♪ HIS RESPONSE

ON YOUR HEAD ♪
♪ HIS RESPONSE
HE'S ON A CLEAN

♪ HIS RESPONSE
HE'S ON A CLEAN
CLEAN HIGH♪

HE'S ON A CLEAN
CLEAN HIGH♪
♪ BOTH FEET

CLEAN HIGH♪
♪ BOTH FEET
UP ON THE GROUND

♪ BOTH FEET
UP ON THE GROUND
BUT HIS HEAD'S

UP ON THE GROUND
BUT HIS HEAD'S
WAY WAY WAY IN THE SKY ♪

BUT HIS HEAD'S
WAY WAY WAY IN THE SKY ♪
♪

WAY WAY WAY IN THE SKY ♪
♪
♪ THE BLACK SEMINOLE

♪
♪ THE BLACK SEMINOLE
A HEAD GENERAL

♪ THE BLACK SEMINOLE
A HEAD GENERAL
DISTANT CONNECTIONS

A HEAD GENERAL
DISTANT CONNECTIONS
A LARGE INTERVAL ♪

DISTANT CONNECTIONS
A LARGE INTERVAL ♪
♪ A BLACK MAN WITH

A LARGE INTERVAL ♪
♪ A BLACK MAN WITH
MOUTHS TO FEED

♪ A BLACK MAN WITH
MOUTHS TO FEED
EMBRACING EQUALITY

MOUTHS TO FEED
EMBRACING EQUALITY
THROUGHOUT GREED ♪

EMBRACING EQUALITY
THROUGHOUT GREED ♪
♪ NO TIME TO JOKE AROUND

THROUGHOUT GREED ♪
♪ NO TIME TO JOKE AROUND
THE KID IS NOW A MAN

♪ NO TIME TO JOKE AROUND
THE KID IS NOW A MAN
AND THE SILENCE IS FILLED

THE KID IS NOW A MAN
AND THE SILENCE IS FILLED
WI REMARKABLE SOUNDS ♪

AND THE SILENCE IS FILLED
WI REMARKABLE SOUNDS ♪
♪ THIS PART

WI REMARKABLE SOUNDS ♪
♪ THIS PART
I'VE SEEN IN MY DREAMS ♪

♪ THIS PART
I'VE SEEN IN MY DREAMS ♪
♪ LOVE IS NOT A LIE

I'VE SEEN IN MY DREAMS ♪
♪ LOVE IS NOT A LIE
IT JUST FEELS LIKE

♪ LOVE IS NOT A LIE
IT JUST FEELS LIKE
A TARANTINO MOVIE SCENE ♪

IT JUST FEELS LIKE
A TARANTINO MOVIE SCENE ♪
♪

A TARANTINO MOVIE SCENE ♪
♪
♪

♪
♪
♪ EXACTLY ♪

♪
♪ EXACTLY ♪
♪

♪ EXACTLY ♪
♪
♪ NOW

♪
♪ NOW
OH OHH

♪ NOW
OH OHH
OHH OHH-OH ♪

OH OHH
OHH OHH-OH ♪
♪ OHH OHH OH-OH

OHH OHH-OH ♪
♪ OHH OHH OH-OH
OHH OHH-OH OHH-OH OHH-OH

♪ OHH OHH OH-OH
OHH OHH-OH OHH-OH OHH-OH
OHH-OHH-OHH OHHH ♪

OHH OHH-OH OHH-OH OHH-OH
OHH-OHH-OHH OHHH ♪
♪ EE-HEE EE-HEE

OHH-OHH-OHH OHHH ♪
♪ EE-HEE EE-HEE
OHH-OHH-OHH OHHH ♪

♪ EE-HEE EE-HEE
OHH-OHH-OHH OHHH ♪
♪ EE-HEE EE-HEE

OHH-OHH-OHH OHHH ♪
♪ EE-HEE EE-HEE
OHH-OH ♪

♪ EE-HEE EE-HEE
OHH-OH ♪
♪ MM-MM MM

OHH-OH ♪
♪ MM-MM MM
MM-HMM MM

♪ MM-MM MM
MM-HMM MM
MM-HM MM

MM-HMM MM
MM-HM MM
MM-MM-HM ♪

MM-HM MM
MM-MM-HM ♪
♪ YEAH-AH

MM-MM-HM ♪
♪ YEAH-AH
YEAH-AH-AHH

♪ YEAH-AH
YEAH-AH-AHH
YEAH YEAH-HEE ♪

YEAH-AH-AHH
YEAH YEAH-HEE ♪
♪ YEAH-AH

YEAH YEAH-HEE ♪
♪ YEAH-AH
OHH ♪

>> Announcer: IT'S "WEEKEND
UPDATE" WITH COLIN JOST AND
MICHAEL CHE.

UPDATE" WITH COLIN JOST AND
MICHAEL CHE.
>>> THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

MICHAEL CHE.
>>> THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
GOOD EVENING, EVERYONE.

>>> THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
GOOD EVENING, EVERYONE.
>> WELCOME TO "WEEKEND UPDATE."

GOOD EVENING, EVERYONE.
>> WELCOME TO "WEEKEND UPDATE."
I'M MICHAEL CHE.

>> WELCOME TO "WEEKEND UPDATE."
I'M MICHAEL CHE.
>> I'M COLIN JOST.

I'M MICHAEL CHE.
>> I'M COLIN JOST.
NEW YORK IS FINALLY CRACKING

>> I'M COLIN JOST.
NEW YORK IS FINALLY CRACKING
DOWN ON CRIME.

NEW YORK IS FINALLY CRACKING
DOWN ON CRIME.
FORMER PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP

DOWN ON CRIME.
FORMER PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP
WAS INDICTED IN HIS ROLE IN

FORMER PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP
WAS INDICTED IN HIS ROLE IN
PAYING HUSH MONEY TO STORMY

WAS INDICTED IN HIS ROLE IN
PAYING HUSH MONEY TO STORMY
DANIELS, AND THE TRIAL WILL BE

PAYING HUSH MONEY TO STORMY
DANIELS, AND THE TRIAL WILL BE
LIKE A STORMY DANIELS MOVIE,

DANIELS, AND THE TRIAL WILL BE
LIKE A STORMY DANIELS MOVIE,
BECAUSE I'M DEEPLY ASHAMED AT

LIKE A STORMY DANIELS MOVIE,
BECAUSE I'M DEEPLY ASHAMED AT
HOW EXCITED I AM TO WATCH IT.

BECAUSE I'M DEEPLY ASHAMED AT
HOW EXCITED I AM TO WATCH IT.
HIS LAWYER, JOE, WHO HE CALLED

HOW EXCITED I AM TO WATCH IT.
HIS LAWYER, JOE, WHO HE CALLED
JOE TAPIOCA SAID HE WILL NOT BE

HIS LAWYER, JOE, WHO HE CALLED
JOE TAPIOCA SAID HE WILL NOT BE
PUT IN HAND CUFFS, THOUGH HE

JOE TAPIOCA SAID HE WILL NOT BE
PUT IN HAND CUFFS, THOUGH HE
WILL WEAR BARACK AWAY HAND CUFF

PUT IN HAND CUFFS, THOUGH HE
WILL WEAR BARACK AWAY HAND CUFF
AND A SUPERMAN T-SHIRT.

WILL WEAR BARACK AWAY HAND CUFF
AND A SUPERMAN T-SHIRT.
I'M SURE HE'S HOPING HIS MUG

AND A SUPERMAN T-SHIRT.
I'M SURE HE'S HOPING HIS MUG
SHOT WILL LOOK COOL LIKE FRANK

I'M SURE HE'S HOPING HIS MUG
SHOT WILL LOOK COOL LIKE FRANK

SHOT WILL LOOK COOL LIKE FRANK

SINATRA'S.

SINATRA'S.
>> TRUMP WILL BE ALSO CHARGED

SINATRA'S.
>> TRUMP WILL BE ALSO CHARGED
WITH FRAUD.

>> TRUMP WILL BE ALSO CHARGED
WITH FRAUD.
PRESIDENT BIDEN ON FRIDAY TOLD

WITH FRAUD.
PRESIDENT BIDEN ON FRIDAY TOLD
REPORTERS HE HADOMME

PRESIDENT BIDEN ON FRIDAY TOLD
REPORTERS HE HADOMME
TRUMP'S INDICTMENT, ANDHEN HE

REPORTERS HE HADOMME
TRUMP'S INDICTMENT, ANDHEN HE
DANCED AWAY LILAGS GUY.

TRUMP'S INDICTMENT, ANDHEN HE
DANCED AWAY LILAGS GUY.
>> I THINK IN GENERAL, THE

DANCED AWAY LILAGS GUY.
>> I THINK IN GENERAL, THE
PEOPLE MIGHT BE OVERREACTING TO

>> I THINK IN GENERAL, THE
PEOPLE MIGHT BE OVERREACTING TO
THIS INDICTMENT.

PEOPLE MIGHT BE OVERREACTING TO
THIS INDICTMENT.
LIKE AN ACTUAL INDICTMENT ON CNN

THIS INDICTMENT.
LIKE AN ACTUAL INDICTMENT ON CNN
YESTERDAY WAS NOTHING IN

LIKE AN ACTUAL INDICTMENT ON CNN
YESTERDAY WAS NOTHING IN
AMERICAN HISTORY APPROACHES THE

YESTERDAY WAS NOTHING IN
AMERICAN HISTORY APPROACHES THE
CHARGES AND POSSIBLE TRIAL AND

AMERICAN HISTORY APPROACHES THE
CHARGES AND POSSIBLE TRIAL AND
CONVICTION OF A FORMER

CHARGES AND POSSIBLE TRIAL AND
CONVICTION OF A FORMER
PRESIDENT.

CONVICTION OF A FORMER
PRESIDENT.
A MORE ACCURATE HEADLINE WOULD

PRESIDENT.
A MORE ACCURATE HEADLINE WOULD
BE, MAN WE ALL KNEW WAS CRIMINAL

A MORE ACCURATE HEADLINE WOULD
BE, MAN WE ALL KNEW WAS CRIMINAL
IS CRIMINAL.

BE, MAN WE ALL KNEW WAS CRIMINAL
IS CRIMINAL.
I WENT DOWN TO THE COURTHOUSE

IS CRIMINAL.
I WENT DOWN TO THE COURTHOUSE
TODAY, AND I WAS THE ONLY

I WENT DOWN TO THE COURTHOUSE
TODAY, AND I WAS THE ONLY
PROTESTOR THERE.

TODAY, AND I WAS THE ONLY
PROTESTOR THERE.
>> I TOLD THEM NOT TO LAUGH AT

PROTESTOR THERE.
>> I TOLD THEM NOT TO LAUGH AT
YOU.

>> I TOLD THEM NOT TO LAUGH AT
YOU.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

YOU.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> AM I NOT MICCED?

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> AM I NOT MICCED?
THEN I WAS LIKE, OH, I JUST

>> AM I NOT MICCED?
THEN I WAS LIKE, OH, I JUST
SUCK.

THEN I WAS LIKE, OH, I JUST
SUCK.
>> MOVING RIGHT ALONG --

SUCK.
>> MOVING RIGHT ALONG --
>> YOU'RE EVIL.

>> MOVING RIGHT ALONG --
>> YOU'RE EVIL.
>> MARJORIE TAYLOR GREEN PLANS

>> YOU'RE EVIL.
>> MARJORIE TAYLOR GREEN PLANS
TO COME TO NEW YORK ON TUESDAY

>> MARJORIE TAYLOR GREEN PLANS
TO COME TO NEW YORK ON TUESDAY
TO PROTEST TRUMP'S INDICTMENT,

TO COME TO NEW YORK ON TUESDAY
TO PROTEST TRUMP'S INDICTMENT,
BECAUSE APPARENTLY IT TAKES HER

TO PROTEST TRUMP'S INDICTMENT,
BECAUSE APPARENTLY IT TAKES HER
THREE DAYS TO PUT ON HER JOKER

BECAUSE APPARENTLY IT TAKES HER
THREE DAYS TO PUT ON HER JOKER
MAKEUP.

THREE DAYS TO PUT ON HER JOKER
MAKEUP.
THEY'LL PROBABLY LAUGH AT THIS

MAKEUP.
THEY'LL PROBABLY LAUGH AT THIS
NEXT ONE.

THEY'LL PROBABLY LAUGH AT THIS
NEXT ONE.
>> THAT'S THE MEANEST THING

NEXT ONE.
>> THAT'S THE MEANEST THING
YOU'VE EVER DONE TO ME.

>> THAT'S THE MEANEST THING
YOU'VE EVER DONE TO ME.
I'M COVERED IN SWEAT.

YOU'VE EVER DONE TO ME.
I'M COVERED IN SWEAT.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

I'M COVERED IN SWEAT.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
DON'T EVEN DARE!

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
DON'T EVEN DARE!
DON'T YOU EVEN DARE TRY NOW.

DON'T EVEN DARE!
DON'T YOU EVEN DARE TRY NOW.
FLORIDA GOVERNOR RON DeSANTIS

DON'T YOU EVEN DARE TRY NOW.
FLORIDA GOVERNOR RON DeSANTIS
WHO THINKS HE'S GASTON, BUT,

FLORIDA GOVERNOR RON DeSANTIS
WHO THINKS HE'S GASTON, BUT,
GIRL, YOU LeFOU.

WHO THINKS HE'S GASTON, BUT,
GIRL, YOU LeFOU.
RON DE -- I'M SHAKING.

GIRL, YOU LeFOU.
RON DE -- I'M SHAKING.
RON DeSANTIS SAID FLORIDA

RON DE -- I'M SHAKING.
RON DeSANTIS SAID FLORIDA
OFFICIALS WOULD NOT HELP

RON DeSANTIS SAID FLORIDA
OFFICIALS WOULD NOT HELP
EXTRADITE TRUMP BACK TO NEW YORK

OFFICIALS WOULD NOT HELP
EXTRADITE TRUMP BACK TO NEW YORK
UNLESS OF COURSE HE AGREES TO

EXTRADITE TRUMP BACK TO NEW YORK
UNLESS OF COURSE HE AGREES TO
TAKE A BUS LOAD OF MIGRANTS WITH

UNLESS OF COURSE HE AGREES TO
TAKE A BUS LOAD OF MIGRANTS WITH
HIM.

TAKE A BUS LOAD OF MIGRANTS WITH
HIM.
>> IN THE WAKE OF THE NATIONAL

HIM.
>> IN THE WAKE OF THE NATIONAL
SHOOTING, PRESIDENT BIDEN ONCE

>> IN THE WAKE OF THE NATIONAL
SHOOTING, PRESIDENT BIDEN ONCE
AGAIN CALLED ON CONGRESS TO PASS

SHOOTING, PRESIDENT BIDEN ONCE
AGAIN CALLED ON CONGRESS TO PASS
AN ASSAULT WEAPONS BAN, OR, HEAR

AGAIN CALLED ON CONGRESS TO PASS
AN ASSAULT WEAPONS BAN, OR, HEAR
ME OUT, STOP AND FRISK FOR

AN ASSAULT WEAPONS BAN, OR, HEAR
ME OUT, STOP AND FRISK FOR
WHITES.

ME OUT, STOP AND FRISK FOR
WHITES.
HOW LONG BEFORE THESE KIDS EARN

WHITES.
HOW LONG BEFORE THESE KIDS EARN
A STEREO TYPE?

HOW LONG BEFORE THESE KIDS EARN
A STEREO TYPE?
>> CONGRESSMAN ANDY OGLES WHO

A STEREO TYPE?
>> CONGRESSMAN ANDY OGLES WHO
RESPECTS THE DISTRICT WHERE THE

>> CONGRESSMAN ANDY OGLES WHO
RESPECTS THE DISTRICT WHERE THE
NASHVILLE SHOOTING TOOK PLACE IS

RESPECTS THE DISTRICT WHERE THE
NASHVILLE SHOOTING TOOK PLACE IS
BEING CRITICIZED FOR A CHRISTMAS

NASHVILLE SHOOTING TOOK PLACE IS
BEING CRITICIZED FOR A CHRISTMAS
CARD WHERE HE AND HIS FAMILY ARE

BEING CRITICIZED FOR A CHRISTMAS
CARD WHERE HE AND HIS FAMILY ARE
HOLDING ASSAULT RIFLES.

CARD WHERE HE AND HIS FAMILY ARE
HOLDING ASSAULT RIFLES.
WHO ARE YOU PSYCHOS SENDING

HOLDING ASSAULT RIFLES.
WHO ARE YOU PSYCHOS SENDING
THESE CARDS TO?

WHO ARE YOU PSYCHOS SENDING
THESE CARDS TO?
IF I RECEIVED THAT IN THE MAIL,

THESE CARDS TO?
IF I RECEIVED THAT IN THE MAIL,
I WOULD MOVE.

IF I RECEIVED THAT IN THE MAIL,
I WOULD MOVE.
ALL THIS CARD TELLS YOU IS I AM

I WOULD MOVE.
ALL THIS CARD TELLS YOU IS I AM
ARMED, I HAVE TERRIBLE JUDGMENT,

ALL THIS CARD TELLS YOU IS I AM
ARMED, I HAVE TERRIBLE JUDGMENT,
AND I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE.

ARMED, I HAVE TERRIBLE JUDGMENT,
AND I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE.
>> DEMOCRATIC REPRESENTATIVE

AND I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE.
>> DEMOCRATIC REPRESENTATIVE
JAMAL BOWMAN AND THOMAS MASSEY

>> DEMOCRATIC REPRESENTATIVE
JAMAL BOWMAN AND THOMAS MASSEY
GOT IN A SCREAMING MATCH ON

JAMAL BOWMAN AND THOMAS MASSEY
GOT IN A SCREAMING MATCH ON
CAPITOL HILL AFTER HE CALLED

GOT IN A SCREAMING MATCH ON
CAPITOL HILL AFTER HE CALLED
THEM COWARDS FOR OPPOSING GUN

CAPITOL HILL AFTER HE CALLED
THEM COWARDS FOR OPPOSING GUN
CONTROL.

THEM COWARDS FOR OPPOSING GUN
CONTROL.
IF THERE'S ONE THING REPUBLICANS

CONTROL.
IF THERE'S ONE THING REPUBLICANS
HAVE, IT'S BIG OLD GUTS.

IF THERE'S ONE THING REPUBLICANS
HAVE, IT'S BIG OLD GUTS.
>> TRUMP HAS ALSO BEEN PROMOTING

HAVE, IT'S BIG OLD GUTS.
>> TRUMP HAS ALSO BEEN PROMOTING
A SONG CALLED JUSTICE FOR ALL,

>> TRUMP HAS ALSO BEEN PROMOTING
A SONG CALLED JUSTICE FOR ALL,
WHICH FEATURES HIMSELF AND A

A SONG CALLED JUSTICE FOR ALL,
WHICH FEATURES HIMSELF AND A
CHOIR OF MEN JAILED FOR THEIR

WHICH FEATURES HIMSELF AND A
CHOIR OF MEN JAILED FOR THEIR
ROLES IN THE JANUARY 6th ATTACK.

CHOIR OF MEN JAILED FOR THEIR
ROLES IN THE JANUARY 6th ATTACK.
I FEEL BAD FOR THE JANUARY 6th

ROLES IN THE JANUARY 6th ATTACK.
I FEEL BAD FOR THE JANUARY 6th
SINGERS BECAUSE YOU KNOW JAIL

I FEEL BAD FOR THE JANUARY 6th
SINGERS BECAUSE YOU KNOW JAIL
GETS MUCH WORSE WHEN THE OTHER

SINGERS BECAUSE YOU KNOW JAIL
GETS MUCH WORSE WHEN THE OTHER
PRISONERS FIND OUT YOU'RE IN AN

GETS MUCH WORSE WHEN THE OTHER
PRISONERS FIND OUT YOU'RE IN AN
ACAPELLA GROUP.

PRISONERS FIND OUT YOU'RE IN AN
ACAPELLA GROUP.
>> LAST WREAK, A FLORIDA

ACAPELLA GROUP.
>> LAST WREAK, A FLORIDA
PRINCIPAL WAS FORCED TO RESIGN

>> LAST WREAK, A FLORIDA
PRINCIPAL WAS FORCED TO RESIGN
WHEN PARENTS WERE OUTRAGED WHEN

PRINCIPAL WAS FORCED TO RESIGN
WHEN PARENTS WERE OUTRAGED WHEN
MICHAEL ANGLO'S STATUE WAS

WHEN PARENTS WERE OUTRAGED WHEN
MICHAEL ANGLO'S STATUE WAS
REVEALED.

MICHAEL ANGLO'S STATUE WAS
REVEALED.
HERE TO COMMENT, MICHAEL

REVEALED.
HERE TO COMMENT, MICHAEL
ANGELO'S DAVID.

HERE TO COMMENT, MICHAEL
ANGELO'S DAVID.
>> HEY.

ANGELO'S DAVID.
>> HEY.

>> HEY.

THANKS FOR HAVING ME.
>> MICHAEL ANGELO'S DAVID.

THANKS FOR HAVING ME.
>> MICHAEL ANGELO'S DAVID.
I'M SORRY.

>> MICHAEL ANGELO'S DAVID.
I'M SORRY.
I'M OVER HERE.

I'M SORRY.
I'M OVER HERE.
CAN YOU NOT TURN YOUR HEAD?

I'M OVER HERE.
CAN YOU NOT TURN YOUR HEAD?
>> I'VE ACTUALLY NEVER TRIED.

CAN YOU NOT TURN YOUR HEAD?
>> I'VE ACTUALLY NEVER TRIED.
LET'S FIND OUT.

>> I'VE ACTUALLY NEVER TRIED.
LET'S FIND OUT.
AHH!

LET'S FIND OUT.
AHH!
THAT HURT LIKE HELL.

AHH!
THAT HURT LIKE HELL.
>> SO DAVID, HOW ARE YOU DEALING

THAT HURT LIKE HELL.
>> SO DAVID, HOW ARE YOU DEALING
WITH THIS FLORIDA CONTROVERSY?

>> SO DAVID, HOW ARE YOU DEALING
WITH THIS FLORIDA CONTROVERSY?
THOSE PARENTS ARE PRETTY UPSET.

WITH THIS FLORIDA CONTROVERSY?
THOSE PARENTS ARE PRETTY UPSET.
>> THOSE PARENTS ARE IGNORANT

THOSE PARENTS ARE PRETTY UPSET.
>> THOSE PARENTS ARE IGNORANT
PRUDES.

>> THOSE PARENTS ARE IGNORANT
PRUDES.
I'M THE WORLD'S GREATEST

PRUDES.
I'M THE WORLD'S GREATEST
SCULPTURE, AND I'M A VERY PRETTY

I'M THE WORLD'S GREATEST
SCULPTURE, AND I'M A VERY PRETTY
BOY.

SCULPTURE, AND I'M A VERY PRETTY
BOY.
>> SOUNDS LIKE THE PARENTS

BOY.
>> SOUNDS LIKE THE PARENTS
DIDN'T WANT THE KIDS TO SEE YOUR

>> SOUNDS LIKE THE PARENTS
DIDN'T WANT THE KIDS TO SEE YOUR
PRIVATES.

DIDN'T WANT THE KIDS TO SEE YOUR
PRIVATES.
>> I'M PROUD OF MY TINY PENIS

PRIVATES.
>> I'M PROUD OF MY TINY PENIS
AND BIG STONED PRUNED.

>> I'M PROUD OF MY TINY PENIS
AND BIG STONED PRUNED.
I'M BEAUTIFUL, AND I THINK YOUR

AND BIG STONED PRUNED.
I'M BEAUTIFUL, AND I THINK YOUR
AUDIENCE DESERVES TO SEE THAT.

I'M BEAUTIFUL, AND I THINK YOUR
AUDIENCE DESERVES TO SEE THAT.
>> NO, YOU CAN'T DO THAT.

AUDIENCE DESERVES TO SEE THAT.
>> NO, YOU CAN'T DO THAT.
WHEREAS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

>> NO, YOU CAN'T DO THAT.
WHEREAS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?
>> WHY?

WHEREAS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?
>> WHY?
I WANT TO DO THAT.

>> WHY?
I WANT TO DO THAT.
>> YOU CAN'T SHOW THAT.

I WANT TO DO THAT.
>> YOU CAN'T SHOW THAT.
ONE PARENT SAID IT WAS

>> YOU CAN'T SHOW THAT.
ONE PARENT SAID IT WAS
PORNOGRAPHIC.

ONE PARENT SAID IT WAS
PORNOGRAPHIC.
>> IT'S ART.

PORNOGRAPHIC.
>> IT'S ART.
IT'S NOT PORNOGRAPHY.

>> IT'S ART.
IT'S NOT PORNOGRAPHY.
OKAY, WELL, RIGHT NOW, IT'S

IT'S NOT PORNOGRAPHY.
OKAY, WELL, RIGHT NOW, IT'S
PORNOGRAPHY.

OKAY, WELL, RIGHT NOW, IT'S
PORNOGRAPHY.
I'LL TELL YOU WHEN IT'S ART

PORNOGRAPHY.
I'LL TELL YOU WHEN IT'S ART
AGAIN.

I'LL TELL YOU WHEN IT'S ART
AGAIN.
>> THAT'S FINE.

AGAIN.
>> THAT'S FINE.
IF PEOPLE WANT TO SEE IT, THEY

>> THAT'S FINE.
IF PEOPLE WANT TO SEE IT, THEY
CAN GO TO A MUSEUM IN ITALY OR

IF PEOPLE WANT TO SEE IT, THEY
CAN GO TO A MUSEUM IN ITALY OR
LOOK AT IT ONLINE.

CAN GO TO A MUSEUM IN ITALY OR
LOOK AT IT ONLINE.
>> OH, YOU'RE ONE OF THOSE GUYS.

LOOK AT IT ONLINE.
>> OH, YOU'RE ONE OF THOSE GUYS.
I CAN SEE WHATEVER I NEED TO

>> OH, YOU'RE ONE OF THOSE GUYS.
I CAN SEE WHATEVER I NEED TO
ONLINE.

I CAN SEE WHATEVER I NEED TO
ONLINE.
THAT'S SAD.

ONLINE.
THAT'S SAD.
LOOK, I AM FROM THE BIBLE, OKAY?

THAT'S SAD.
LOOK, I AM FROM THE BIBLE, OKAY?
I KILLED GOLIATH WITH A TINY

LOOK, I AM FROM THE BIBLE, OKAY?
I KILLED GOLIATH WITH A TINY
ROCK AND MY TINY DONG OUT.

I KILLED GOLIATH WITH A TINY
ROCK AND MY TINY DONG OUT.
YOU EVER BEEN IN A FIGHT WITH

ROCK AND MY TINY DONG OUT.
YOU EVER BEEN IN A FIGHT WITH
YOUR DONG OUT?

YOU EVER BEEN IN A FIGHT WITH
YOUR DONG OUT?
>> NO.

YOUR DONG OUT?
>> NO.
>> ANSWER ME.

>> NO.
>> ANSWER ME.
>> I DID ANSWER YOU.

>> ANSWER ME.
>> I DID ANSWER YOU.
I SAID NO.

>> I DID ANSWER YOU.
I SAID NO.
>> I'M SERIOUS, CHE.

I SAID NO.
>> I'M SERIOUS, CHE.
FIGHT WITH YOUR DONG OUT, YES OR

>> I'M SERIOUS, CHE.
FIGHT WITH YOUR DONG OUT, YES OR
NO?

FIGHT WITH YOUR DONG OUT, YES OR
NO?
>> NO.

NO?
>> NO.
>> WELL, YOU SHOULD TRY IT.

>> NO.
>> WELL, YOU SHOULD TRY IT.
IT REALLY DISTRACTS THE OTHER

>> WELL, YOU SHOULD TRY IT.
IT REALLY DISTRACTS THE OTHER
GUY.

IT REALLY DISTRACTS THE OTHER
GUY.
QUITE A BIT, YOU KNOW WHAT I

GUY.
QUITE A BIT, YOU KNOW WHAT I
MEAN?

QUITE A BIT, YOU KNOW WHAT I
MEAN?
>> NO.

MEAN?
>> NO.
>> YOU KNOW WHAT?

>> NO.
>> YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M JUST GOING TO SHOW IT.

>> YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M JUST GOING TO SHOW IT.
I'LL JUST SHOW IT.

I'M JUST GOING TO SHOW IT.
I'LL JUST SHOW IT.
>> PLEASE DON'T, MAN.

I'LL JUST SHOW IT.
>> PLEASE DON'T, MAN.
>> COME ON!

>> PLEASE DON'T, MAN.
>> COME ON!
WHAT ARE YOU SCARED OF?

>> COME ON!
WHAT ARE YOU SCARED OF?
ALL THE BEST ART IS NUDE.

WHAT ARE YOU SCARED OF?
ALL THE BEST ART IS NUDE.
ME, NUDE, VENUS DeMILO, NUDE,

ALL THE BEST ART IS NUDE.
ME, NUDE, VENUS DeMILO, NUDE,
STATUE OF LIBERTY, SHOWS FEET.

ME, NUDE, VENUS DeMILO, NUDE,
STATUE OF LIBERTY, SHOWS FEET.
>> WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

STATUE OF LIBERTY, SHOWS FEET.
>> WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
>> YOU HAVE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL

>> WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
>> YOU HAVE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL
PIECE OF ART IN THE WORLD NEXT

>> YOU HAVE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL
PIECE OF ART IN THE WORLD NEXT
TO YOU AND YOU DON'T WANT TO

PIECE OF ART IN THE WORLD NEXT
TO YOU AND YOU DON'T WANT TO
LOOK AT IT.

TO YOU AND YOU DON'T WANT TO
LOOK AT IT.
>> I CAN SEE IT NOW.

LOOK AT IT.
>> I CAN SEE IT NOW.
>> AND.

>> I CAN SEE IT NOW.
>> AND.
>> I'M NO EXPERT, BUT IT'S KIND

>> AND.
>> I'M NO EXPERT, BUT IT'S KIND
OF SMALL.

>> I'M NO EXPERT, BUT IT'S KIND
OF SMALL.
>> WELL, MOST PEOPLE SEE IT FROM

OF SMALL.
>> WELL, MOST PEOPLE SEE IT FROM
BELOW.

>> WELL, MOST PEOPLE SEE IT FROM
BELOW.
DO YOU WANT TO COME UNDER AND

BELOW.
DO YOU WANT TO COME UNDER AND
SEE IT FROM BELOW?

DO YOU WANT TO COME UNDER AND
SEE IT FROM BELOW?
>> NO, I DO NOT.

SEE IT FROM BELOW?
>> NO, I DO NOT.
>> WELL, WHILE YOU'RE LOOKING AT

>> NO, I DO NOT.
>> WELL, WHILE YOU'RE LOOKING AT
IT, DO YOU NOTICE HOW THE HAIR

>> WELL, WHILE YOU'RE LOOKING AT
IT, DO YOU NOTICE HOW THE HAIR
UP HERE IS THE SAME DOWN HERE?

IT, DO YOU NOTICE HOW THE HAIR
UP HERE IS THE SAME DOWN HERE?
THAT'S NOT LIKE RIGHT, RIGHT?

UP HERE IS THE SAME DOWN HERE?
THAT'S NOT LIKE RIGHT, RIGHT?
IT'S TOO THICK.

THAT'S NOT LIKE RIGHT, RIGHT?
IT'S TOO THICK.
IT'S LIKE ROCKS, LOOK.

IT'S TOO THICK.
IT'S LIKE ROCKS, LOOK.
>> DUDE, NO.

IT'S LIKE ROCKS, LOOK.
>> DUDE, NO.
DON'T SHOW THAT, PLEASE.

>> DUDE, NO.
DON'T SHOW THAT, PLEASE.
>> IT'S JUST ROCKS.

DON'T SHOW THAT, PLEASE.
>> IT'S JUST ROCKS.
GOD, AMERICANS ARE UPTIGHT.

>> IT'S JUST ROCKS.
GOD, AMERICANS ARE UPTIGHT.
DID YOU KNOW IN THE ITALIAN

GOD, AMERICANS ARE UPTIGHT.
DID YOU KNOW IN THE ITALIAN
VERSION OF SNL YOU CAN SHOW FULL

DID YOU KNOW IN THE ITALIAN
VERSION OF SNL YOU CAN SHOW FULL
PENETRATION?

VERSION OF SNL YOU CAN SHOW FULL
PENETRATION?
>> WHAT?

PENETRATION?
>> WHAT?

>> WHAT?

YOU KNOW WHAT, IF YOU WANT TO
SHOW IT SO BAD, JUST SHOW IT.

YOU KNOW WHAT, IF YOU WANT TO
SHOW IT SO BAD, JUST SHOW IT.
WE'RE ALL WATCHING.

SHOW IT SO BAD, JUST SHOW IT.
WE'RE ALL WATCHING.
>> WELL, NOW I'M SHY.

WE'RE ALL WATCHING.
>> WELL, NOW I'M SHY.
>> MICHAEL ANGELO'S DAVID,

>> WELL, NOW I'M SHY.
>> MICHAEL ANGELO'S DAVID,
EVERYBODY.

>> MICHAEL ANGELO'S DAVID,
EVERYBODY.
GET OUT OF HERE!

EVERYBODY.
GET OUT OF HERE!
>> APPLE HAS LAUNCHED A NEW

GET OUT OF HERE!
>> APPLE HAS LAUNCHED A NEW
FEATURE CALLED PAY LATER THAT

>> APPLE HAS LAUNCHED A NEW
FEATURE CALLED PAY LATER THAT
LETS USERS SPREAD OUT PAYMENTS

FEATURE CALLED PAY LATER THAT
LETS USERS SPREAD OUT PAYMENTS
FOR APPS OVER THE COURSE OF SIX

LETS USERS SPREAD OUT PAYMENTS
FOR APPS OVER THE COURSE OF SIX
WEEKS.

FOR APPS OVER THE COURSE OF SIX
WEEKS.
THIS HAS ALSO LAUNCHED MY NEW

WEEKS.
THIS HAS ALSO LAUNCHED MY NEW
FAVORITE INSULT, YO MAMA IS SO

THIS HAS ALSO LAUNCHED MY NEW
FAVORITE INSULT, YO MAMA IS SO
POOR, SHE PUT CANDY CRUSH ON LA

FAVORITE INSULT, YO MAMA IS SO
POOR, SHE PUT CANDY CRUSH ON LA
AWAY.

POOR, SHE PUT CANDY CRUSH ON LA
AWAY.
>> AFTER A RECENT CHEMICAL SPILL

AWAY.
>> AFTER A RECENT CHEMICAL SPILL
IN THE DELAWARE RIVER,

>> AFTER A RECENT CHEMICAL SPILL
IN THE DELAWARE RIVER,
PHILADELPHIA OFFICIALS SAY THE

IN THE DELAWARE RIVER,
PHILADELPHIA OFFICIALS SAY THE
CITY'S DRINKING WATER IS FINALLY

PHILADELPHIA OFFICIALS SAY THE
CITY'S DRINKING WATER IS FINALLY
SAFE, UNLESS IT'S BEING HANDED

CITY'S DRINKING WATER IS FINALLY
SAFE, UNLESS IT'S BEING HANDED
TO YOU BY THIS PHILADELPHIAN.

SAFE, UNLESS IT'S BEING HANDED
TO YOU BY THIS PHILADELPHIAN.
YOU GUYS DON'T LIKE SAFETY

TO YOU BY THIS PHILADELPHIAN.
YOU GUYS DON'T LIKE SAFETY
PRECAUTIONS?

YOU GUYS DON'T LIKE SAFETY
PRECAUTIONS?
CUP NOODLES HAS INTRODUCED A

PRECAUTIONS?
CUP NOODLES HAS INTRODUCED A
BREAKFAST VERSION OF THEIR

CUP NOODLES HAS INTRODUCED A
BREAKFAST VERSION OF THEIR
INSTANT RAMON.

BREAKFAST VERSION OF THEIR
INSTANT RAMON.
THE FLAVOR WILL BE CALLED, "MOM

INSTANT RAMON.
THE FLAVOR WILL BE CALLED, "MOM
LEFT."

THE FLAVOR WILL BE CALLED, "MOM
LEFT."
I LIKE THIS CROWD A LOT, MAN.

LEFT."
I LIKE THIS CROWD A LOT, MAN.
>> YEAH.

I LIKE THIS CROWD A LOT, MAN.
>> YEAH.
YEAH, ME TOO.

>> YEAH.
YEAH, ME TOO.
AGREED.

YEAH, ME TOO.
AGREED.
AN 89-YEAR-OLD JAPANESE MAN HAS

AGREED.
AN 89-YEAR-OLD JAPANESE MAN HAS
BEEN RECOGNIZED AS THE OLDEST

AN 89-YEAR-OLD JAPANESE MAN HAS
BEEN RECOGNIZED AS THE OLDEST
MALE SURFER EVER.

BEEN RECOGNIZED AS THE OLDEST
MALE SURFER EVER.
HE TRULY EMBODIES THE SURFING

MALE SURFER EVER.
HE TRULY EMBODIES THE SURFING
LIFESTYLE BECAUSE EVERY PART OF

HE TRULY EMBODIES THE SURFING
LIFESTYLE BECAUSE EVERY PART OF
HIS BODY HANGS LOOSE.

LIFESTYLE BECAUSE EVERY PART OF
HIS BODY HANGS LOOSE.
NEW YORK CITY IS EXPECTED TO END

HIS BODY HANGS LOOSE.
NEW YORK CITY IS EXPECTED TO END
THE WINTER WITH THE LOWEST

NEW YORK CITY IS EXPECTED TO END
THE WINTER WITH THE LOWEST
SNOWFALL ON RECORD.

THE WINTER WITH THE LOWEST
SNOWFALL ON RECORD.
YOU LYING SON OF A BITCH.

SNOWFALL ON RECORD.
YOU LYING SON OF A BITCH.
>> NEW YORK CITY FIRE DEPARTMENT

YOU LYING SON OF A BITCH.
>> NEW YORK CITY FIRE DEPARTMENT
RESCUED FIVE CHILDREN WHO GOT

>> NEW YORK CITY FIRE DEPARTMENT
RESCUED FIVE CHILDREN WHO GOT
THEMSELVES LOST IN THE STATEN

RESCUED FIVE CHILDREN WHO GOT
THEMSELVES LOST IN THE STATEN
ISLAND SUER SYSTEM.

THEMSELVES LOST IN THE STATEN
ISLAND SUER SYSTEM.
IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE A PLACE

ISLAND SUER SYSTEM.
IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE A PLACE
THAT FILTHY AND DISGUSTING HAS A

IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE A PLACE
THAT FILTHY AND DISGUSTING HAS A
SUER SYSTEM.

THAT FILTHY AND DISGUSTING HAS A
SUER SYSTEM.
BUILD A BEAR HAS INTRODUCED A

SUER SYSTEM.
BUILD A BEAR HAS INTRODUCED A
NEW RUE PAUL DOLL.

BUILD A BEAR HAS INTRODUCED A
NEW RUE PAUL DOLL.
AND HONESTLY, AFTER A FEW BEERS,

NEW RUE PAUL DOLL.
AND HONESTLY, AFTER A FEW BEERS,
I WOULD.

AND HONESTLY, AFTER A FEW BEERS,
I WOULD.
>> NEW YORK CITY OFFICIALS

I WOULD.
>> NEW YORK CITY OFFICIALS
ANNOUNCED THEY WILL STOP CALLING

>> NEW YORK CITY OFFICIALS
ANNOUNCED THEY WILL STOP CALLING
THE CITY'S PARK BATHROOMS

ANNOUNCED THEY WILL STOP CALLING
THE CITY'S PARK BATHROOMS
COMFORT STATIONS AND WILL

THE CITY'S PARK BATHROOMS
COMFORT STATIONS AND WILL
INSTEAD CALL THEM THE MORE

COMFORT STATIONS AND WILL
INSTEAD CALL THEM THE MORE
ACCURATE STANK SHACKS.

INSTEAD CALL THEM THE MORE
ACCURATE STANK SHACKS.
SAVED A MAN AFTER HE INSERTED A

ACCURATE STANK SHACKS.
SAVED A MAN AFTER HE INSERTED A
WATER GLASS INTO HIS RECTUM FOR

SAVED A MAN AFTER HE INSERTED A
WATER GLASS INTO HIS RECTUM FOR
SEXUAL GRATIFICATION, AND IT GOT

WATER GLASS INTO HIS RECTUM FOR
SEXUAL GRATIFICATION, AND IT GOT
STUFF.

SEXUAL GRATIFICATION, AND IT GOT
STUFF.
I THINK HE FELT POSITIVE ABOUT

STUFF.
I THINK HE FELT POSITIVE ABOUT
THE EXPERIENCE BECAUSE HE SAID

I THINK HE FELT POSITIVE ABOUT
THE EXPERIENCE BECAUSE HE SAID
THE GLASS WAS HALF FULL.

THE EXPERIENCE BECAUSE HE SAID
THE GLASS WAS HALF FULL.
>> THE FIRST MARIJUANA

THE GLASS WAS HALF FULL.
>> THE FIRST MARIJUANA
DISPENSARY OWNED BY A WOMAN HAS

>> THE FIRST MARIJUANA
DISPENSARY OWNED BY A WOMAN HAS
OPENED IN QUEENS NEW YORK.

DISPENSARY OWNED BY A WOMAN HAS
OPENED IN QUEENS NEW YORK.
UNFORTUNATELY, THEY HAD TO SHUT

OPENED IN QUEENS NEW YORK.
UNFORTUNATELY, THEY HAD TO SHUT
DOWN BECAUSE SHE COULDN'T OPEN

UNFORTUNATELY, THEY HAD TO SHUT
DOWN BECAUSE SHE COULDN'T OPEN
THE WEED JARS ON HER OWN.

DOWN BECAUSE SHE COULDN'T OPEN
THE WEED JARS ON HER OWN.
>> SIMMER DOWN.

THE WEED JARS ON HER OWN.
>> SIMMER DOWN.
A SPERM DONOR IN THE NETHERLANDS

>> SIMMER DOWN.
A SPERM DONOR IN THE NETHERLANDS
WHO ALLEGEDLY FATHERED MORE THAN

A SPERM DONOR IN THE NETHERLANDS
WHO ALLEGEDLY FATHERED MORE THAN
500 CHILDREN IS BEING SUED FOR

WHO ALLEGEDLY FATHERED MORE THAN
500 CHILDREN IS BEING SUED FOR
INCREASING THE RISK OF

500 CHILDREN IS BEING SUED FOR
INCREASING THE RISK OF
ACCIDENTAL INCEST AMONG THE

INCREASING THE RISK OF
ACCIDENTAL INCEST AMONG THE
KIDS.

ACCIDENTAL INCEST AMONG THE
KIDS.
ACCIDENTAL INCEST IS ALSO THE

KIDS.
ACCIDENTAL INCEST IS ALSO THE
TITLE OF THE WORST AMERICAN PIE

ACCIDENTAL INCEST IS ALSO THE
TITLE OF THE WORST AMERICAN PIE
SEQUEL.

TITLE OF THE WORST AMERICAN PIE
SEQUEL.
WELL, GUYS, IT'S APRIL, AND THAT

SEQUEL.
WELL, GUYS, IT'S APRIL, AND THAT
CAN ONLY MEAN ONE THING, THE

WELL, GUYS, IT'S APRIL, AND THAT
CAN ONLY MEAN ONE THING, THE
CELEBRATION OF SHORT MEN THAT

CAN ONLY MEAN ONE THING, THE
CELEBRATION OF SHORT MEN THAT
THE INTERNET HAS DUBBED SHORT

CELEBRATION OF SHORT MEN THAT
THE INTERNET HAS DUBBED SHORT
KING SPRING.

THE INTERNET HAS DUBBED SHORT
KING SPRING.
HERE TO COMMENT IS OUR VERY OWN

KING SPRING.
HERE TO COMMENT IS OUR VERY OWN
SHORT KING, MARCELLO HERNANDEZ.

HERE TO COMMENT IS OUR VERY OWN
SHORT KING, MARCELLO HERNANDEZ.
>> HEY, COLIN.

SHORT KING, MARCELLO HERNANDEZ.
>> HEY, COLIN.
IT'S GREAT TO BE HERE.

>> HEY, COLIN.
IT'S GREAT TO BE HERE.
>> HEY, MARCELLO.

IT'S GREAT TO BE HERE.
>> HEY, MARCELLO.
THANKS FOR BEING HERE.

>> HEY, MARCELLO.
THANKS FOR BEING HERE.
CAN YOU WALK US THROUGH WHAT IT

THANKS FOR BEING HERE.
CAN YOU WALK US THROUGH WHAT IT
MEANS TO BE A SHORT KING?

CAN YOU WALK US THROUGH WHAT IT
MEANS TO BE A SHORT KING?
>> COLIN, IT'S BASICALLY

MEANS TO BE A SHORT KING?
>> COLIN, IT'S BASICALLY
SOMETHING WOMEN SAY AS IF IT'S A

>> COLIN, IT'S BASICALLY
SOMETHING WOMEN SAY AS IF IT'S A
COMPLIMENT.

SOMETHING WOMEN SAY AS IF IT'S A
COMPLIMENT.
BUT IT'S KIND OF CONDESCENDING.

COMPLIMENT.
BUT IT'S KIND OF CONDESCENDING.
>> WELL, IF IT HELPS, I NEVER

BUT IT'S KIND OF CONDESCENDING.
>> WELL, IF IT HELPS, I NEVER
THOUGHT OF YOU AS A SHORT MAN,

>> WELL, IF IT HELPS, I NEVER
THOUGHT OF YOU AS A SHORT MAN,
AND YOU'RE WELCOME FOR THAT.

THOUGHT OF YOU AS A SHORT MAN,
AND YOU'RE WELCOME FOR THAT.
>> I KNOW I'M SHORT.

AND YOU'RE WELCOME FOR THAT.
>> I KNOW I'M SHORT.
WHEN I LIE ABOUT MY HEIGHT, I

>> I KNOW I'M SHORT.
WHEN I LIE ABOUT MY HEIGHT, I
SAY I'M 5'9", WHICH MEANS I'M

WHEN I LIE ABOUT MY HEIGHT, I
SAY I'M 5'9", WHICH MEANS I'M
REALLY 5'7" 1/2, AND I'M LYING

SAY I'M 5'9", WHICH MEANS I'M
REALLY 5'7" 1/2, AND I'M LYING
ABOUT THE HALF.

REALLY 5'7" 1/2, AND I'M LYING
ABOUT THE HALF.
WHAT HEIGHT DO YOU SAY, COLIN?

ABOUT THE HALF.
WHAT HEIGHT DO YOU SAY, COLIN?
>> I'M 6 FEET.

WHAT HEIGHT DO YOU SAY, COLIN?
>> I'M 6 FEET.
>> SO YOU'RE 5'9"?

>> I'M 6 FEET.
>> SO YOU'RE 5'9"?
>> NO, I'M 6 FEET.

>> SO YOU'RE 5'9"?
>> NO, I'M 6 FEET.
>> IF YOU WERE 6 FEET, YOU WOULD

>> NO, I'M 6 FEET.
>> IF YOU WERE 6 FEET, YOU WOULD
SAY 6'2".

>> IF YOU WERE 6 FEET, YOU WOULD
SAY 6'2".
>> I'M EXACTLY 6 FEET.

SAY 6'2".
>> I'M EXACTLY 6 FEET.
>> THEN LET'S STAND BACK TO

>> I'M EXACTLY 6 FEET.
>> THEN LET'S STAND BACK TO
BACK.

>> THEN LET'S STAND BACK TO
BACK.
>> I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT.

BACK.
>> I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT.
>> INTERESTING.

>> I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT.
>> INTERESTING.
COLIN, SHORT INC. CANS LIKE US

>> INTERESTING.
COLIN, SHORT INC. CANS LIKE US
SHOULD BE PROUD OF OUR HERITAGE.

COLIN, SHORT INC. CANS LIKE US
SHOULD BE PROUD OF OUR HERITAGE.
WE COME FROM A LONG LINE OF

SHOULD BE PROUD OF OUR HERITAGE.
WE COME FROM A LONG LINE OF
GREATS, KEVIN HART, BRUNO MARS,

WE COME FROM A LONG LINE OF
GREATS, KEVIN HART, BRUNO MARS,
PRINCE, THE MINIONS, AL PACINO,

GREATS, KEVIN HART, BRUNO MARS,
PRINCE, THE MINIONS, AL PACINO,
MARK WAHLBERG, JACK BLACK, YODA,

PRINCE, THE MINIONS, AL PACINO,
MARK WAHLBERG, JACK BLACK, YODA,
TOM HOLLAND, LIL WANE, RIGHT

MARK WAHLBERG, JACK BLACK, YODA,
TOM HOLLAND, LIL WANE, RIGHT
THERE IN THE NAME, MARTIN SHORT,

TOM HOLLAND, LIL WANE, RIGHT
THERE IN THE NAME, MARTIN SHORT,
AGAIN, RIGHT THERE IN THE NAME.

THERE IN THE NAME, MARTIN SHORT,
AGAIN, RIGHT THERE IN THE NAME.
BEETHOVEN, THE COMPOSER, WAS

AGAIN, RIGHT THERE IN THE NAME.
BEETHOVEN, THE COMPOSER, WAS
5'6", AND THE DOG WAS EVEN

BEETHOVEN, THE COMPOSER, WAS
5'6", AND THE DOG WAS EVEN
SHORTER.

5'6", AND THE DOG WAS EVEN
SHORTER.
>> GREAT TO KNOW.

SHORTER.
>> GREAT TO KNOW.
I THINK WE GET IT.

>> GREAT TO KNOW.
I THINK WE GET IT.
>> NOW LET'S THINK OF SOME TALL

I THINK WE GET IT.
>> NOW LET'S THINK OF SOME TALL
GUYS.

>> NOW LET'S THINK OF SOME TALL
GUYS.
OSAMA BIN LADEN IS 6'4", ARMIE

GUYS.
OSAMA BIN LADEN IS 6'4", ARMIE
HAMMER, 7'3".

OSAMA BIN LADEN IS 6'4", ARMIE
HAMMER, 7'3".
>> ARMIE HAMMER IS NOT 7'3".

HAMMER, 7'3".
>> ARMIE HAMMER IS NOT 7'3".
>> OKAY.

>> ARMIE HAMMER IS NOT 7'3".
>> OKAY.
SORRY, I FORGOT YOU TWO WERE

>> OKAY.
SORRY, I FORGOT YOU TWO WERE
FRIENDS.

SORRY, I FORGOT YOU TWO WERE
FRIENDS.
>> WE'RE FRIENDLY.

FRIENDS.
>> WE'RE FRIENDLY.
>> YOU KNOW, THE WORST THING

>> WE'RE FRIENDLY.
>> YOU KNOW, THE WORST THING
ABOUT TALL MEN IS WHEN THEY SAY

>> YOU KNOW, THE WORST THING
ABOUT TALL MEN IS WHEN THEY SAY
HELLO TO US PETITE PRINCES.

ABOUT TALL MEN IS WHEN THEY SAY
HELLO TO US PETITE PRINCES.
THEY GO LOW AND USE A BABY

HELLO TO US PETITE PRINCES.
THEY GO LOW AND USE A BABY
VOICE.

THEY GO LOW AND USE A BABY
VOICE.
THEY GO, HEY, MAN, EVERYTHING

VOICE.
THEY GO, HEY, MAN, EVERYTHING
GOOD DOWN THERE.

THEY GO, HEY, MAN, EVERYTHING
GOOD DOWN THERE.
AND WHEN THEY' DONE TALKING TO

GOOD DOWN THERE.
AND WHEN THEY' DONE TALKING TO
YOU, IT FEELS LIKE THEY SAY IT,

AND WHEN THEY' DONE TALKING TO
YOU, IT FEELS LIKE THEY SAY IT,
WHEN THEY'RE DONE TALKING, THEY

YOU, IT FEELS LIKE THEY SAY IT,
WHEN THEY'RE DONE TALKING, THEY
GO, ALL RIGHT, I GOT TO GO BACK

WHEN THEY'RE DONE TALKING, THEY
GO, ALL RIGHT, I GOT TO GO BACK
UP.

GO, ALL RIGHT, I GOT TO GO BACK
UP.
COLIN, WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY IS

UP.
COLIN, WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY IS
US TINY TITANS, WE GOT TO

COLIN, WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY IS
US TINY TITANS, WE GOT TO
STICK --

US TINY TITANS, WE GOT TO
STICK --
>> STOP SAYING US.

STICK --
>> STOP SAYING US.
>> THEN STAND BACK TO BACK WITH

>> STOP SAYING US.
>> THEN STAND BACK TO BACK WITH
ME.

>> THEN STAND BACK TO BACK WITH
ME.
>> NO.

ME.
>> NO.
>> OKAY.

>> NO.
>> OKAY.
WELL, LOOK, SHORT KINGS, WE WERE

>> OKAY.
WELL, LOOK, SHORT KINGS, WE WERE
BORN KINGS.

WELL, LOOK, SHORT KINGS, WE WERE
BORN KINGS.
WE'VE BECOME KINGS.

BORN KINGS.
WE'VE BECOME KINGS.
WE'VE DONE THE WORK.

WE'VE BECOME KINGS.
WE'VE DONE THE WORK.
WE LEARNED HOW TO DANCE, NOT

WE'VE DONE THE WORK.
WE LEARNED HOW TO DANCE, NOT
BECAUSE WE WANTED TO BUT BECAUSE

WE LEARNED HOW TO DANCE, NOT
BECAUSE WE WANTED TO BUT BECAUSE
WE HAD TO.

BECAUSE WE WANTED TO BUT BECAUSE
WE HAD TO.
TALL GUYS LIKE MICHAEL CHE DON'T

WE HAD TO.
TALL GUYS LIKE MICHAEL CHE DON'T
GOT TO LEARN HOW TO DANCE.

TALL GUYS LIKE MICHAEL CHE DON'T
GOT TO LEARN HOW TO DANCE.
THEY STAND AT THE BACK OF THE

GOT TO LEARN HOW TO DANCE.
THEY STAND AT THE BACK OF THE
PARTY LIKE -- MEANWHILE, YOU AND

THEY STAND AT THE BACK OF THE
PARTY LIKE -- MEANWHILE, YOU AND
ME ARE ON THE DANCE FLOOR

PARTY LIKE -- MEANWHILE, YOU AND
ME ARE ON THE DANCE FLOOR
WORKING, COLIN.

ME ARE ON THE DANCE FLOOR
WORKING, COLIN.
NOT BECAUSE WE WANT TO BUT

WORKING, COLIN.
NOT BECAUSE WE WANT TO BUT
BECAUSE WE HAD TO.

NOT BECAUSE WE WANT TO BUT
BECAUSE WE HAD TO.
>> AGAIN, I'M 6 FEET TALL.

BECAUSE WE HAD TO.
>> AGAIN, I'M 6 FEET TALL.
>> YEAH, YOU'RE A TOWER.

>> AGAIN, I'M 6 FEET TALL.
>> YEAH, YOU'RE A TOWER.
ANYWAY.

>> YEAH, YOU'RE A TOWER.
ANYWAY.
FOR ALL MY SHORT KINGS WATCHING

ANYWAY.
FOR ALL MY SHORT KINGS WATCHING
AT HOME, STAY STRONG, LIVE

FOR ALL MY SHORT KINGS WATCHING
AT HOME, STAY STRONG, LIVE
LARGE, AND BE PROUD OF THE TINY

AT HOME, STAY STRONG, LIVE
LARGE, AND BE PROUD OF THE TINY
LITTLE PERSON THAT YOU ARE.

LARGE, AND BE PROUD OF THE TINY
LITTLE PERSON THAT YOU ARE.
SO LET'S SHOW THEM, COLIN.

LITTLE PERSON THAT YOU ARE.
SO LET'S SHOW THEM, COLIN.
STAND UP AND GO BACK TO BACK

SO LET'S SHOW THEM, COLIN.
STAND UP AND GO BACK TO BACK
WITH ME.

STAND UP AND GO BACK TO BACK
WITH ME.
>> FOR THE LAST TIME, I CAN'T DO

WITH ME.
>> FOR THE LAST TIME, I CAN'T DO
THAT.

>> FOR THE LAST TIME, I CAN'T DO
THAT.
>> WHY NOT?

THAT.
>> WHY NOT?
>> BECAUSE, MARCELLO, I'M

>> WHY NOT?
>> BECAUSE, MARCELLO, I'M
ALREADY STANDING.

>> BECAUSE, MARCELLO, I'M
ALREADY STANDING.
>> I KNEW IT!

ALREADY STANDING.
>> I KNEW IT!
I KNEW IT!

>> I KNEW IT!
I KNEW IT!
>> MARCELLO SHORT KING

I KNEW IT!
>> MARCELLO SHORT KING
HERNANDEZ.

>> MARCELLO SHORT KING
HERNANDEZ.
I'M COLIN JOST.

HERNANDEZ.
I'M COLIN JOST.
>> I'M

>>> OKAY, MRS. MURPHY, YOUR
CONTRACTIONS ARE 30 SECONDS
APART.

CONTRACTIONS ARE 30 SECONDS
APART.
THIS BABY IS COMING.

APART.
THIS BABY IS COMING.
>> BUT I'M NOT DUE FOR ANOTHER

THIS BABY IS COMING.
>> BUT I'M NOT DUE FOR ANOTHER
TWO WEEKS.

>> BUT I'M NOT DUE FOR ANOTHER
TWO WEEKS.
>> I KNOW IT'S SCARY, BUT LISTEN

TWO WEEKS.
>> I KNOW IT'S SCARY, BUT LISTEN
TO ME AND BREATHE.

>> I KNOW IT'S SCARY, BUT LISTEN
TO ME AND BREATHE.
>> WHAT ABOUT MY MIDWIFE?

TO ME AND BREATHE.
>> WHAT ABOUT MY MIDWIFE?
>> HE'S ON HIS WAY.

>> WHAT ABOUT MY MIDWIFE?
>> HE'S ON HIS WAY.
>> I NEED HIM HERE!

>> HE'S ON HIS WAY.
>> I NEED HIM HERE!
>> CLEAR A PATH, CLEAR A PATH.

>> I NEED HIM HERE!
>> CLEAR A PATH, CLEAR A PATH.
I'M THE MIDWIFE.

>> CLEAR A PATH, CLEAR A PATH.
I'M THE MIDWIFE.
>> BARRY, THANK GOD.

I'M THE MIDWIFE.
>> BARRY, THANK GOD.

>> BARRY, THANK GOD.

THIS IS MY MIDWIFE BARRY.
>> NICE TO MEET YOU, BARRY.

THIS IS MY MIDWIFE BARRY.
>> NICE TO MEET YOU, BARRY.
>> ACTUALLY, WE'VE MET.

>> NICE TO MEET YOU, BARRY.
>> ACTUALLY, WE'VE MET.
>> I'M SORRY.

>> ACTUALLY, WE'VE MET.
>> I'M SORRY.
OF COURSE.

>> I'M SORRY.
OF COURSE.
IT IS NICE TO SEE YOU.

OF COURSE.
IT IS NICE TO SEE YOU.
SO SHE'S ALREADY DILATED 10

IT IS NICE TO SEE YOU.
SO SHE'S ALREADY DILATED 10
CENTIMETERS, WE'VE GOT TO MOVE

SO SHE'S ALREADY DILATED 10
CENTIMETERS, WE'VE GOT TO MOVE
FAST.

CENTIMETERS, WE'VE GOT TO MOVE
FAST.
>> DO YOU REALLY NOT REMEMBER

FAST.
>> DO YOU REALLY NOT REMEMBER
ME?

>> DO YOU REALLY NOT REMEMBER
ME?
>> SHE'S CROWNING.

ME?
>> SHE'S CROWNING.
>> WE MET AT DANIELLE'S

>> SHE'S CROWNING.
>> WE MET AT DANIELLE'S
BARBECUE.

>> WE MET AT DANIELLE'S
BARBECUE.
>> CAN YOU ASK HER ABOUT THIS

BARBECUE.
>> CAN YOU ASK HER ABOUT THIS
LATER?

>> CAN YOU ASK HER ABOUT THIS
LATER?
>> FOR SURE.

LATER?
>> FOR SURE.
IT WAS THE BARBECUE BEFORE THE

>> FOR SURE.
IT WAS THE BARBECUE BEFORE THE
MACKLEMORE CONCERT?

IT WAS THE BARBECUE BEFORE THE
MACKLEMORE CONCERT?
>> SO WE MET IN 2012 ONE TIME?

MACKLEMORE CONCERT?
>> SO WE MET IN 2012 ONE TIME?
I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS ONE TIME?

>> SO WE MET IN 2012 ONE TIME?
I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS ONE TIME?
>> REALLY?

I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS ONE TIME?
>> REALLY?
HOW COME WHILE YOU WERE BEING

>> REALLY?
HOW COME WHILE YOU WERE BEING
DEFENSIVE, I WAS DELIVERING THIS

HOW COME WHILE YOU WERE BEING
DEFENSIVE, I WAS DELIVERING THIS
BABY?

DEFENSIVE, I WAS DELIVERING THIS
BABY?
>> PUSH, MRS. SULLIVAN, PUSH.

BABY?
>> PUSH, MRS. SULLIVAN, PUSH.
>> IS MY MIDWIFE HERE YET?

>> PUSH, MRS. SULLIVAN, PUSH.
>> IS MY MIDWIFE HERE YET?
>> CLEAR A PATH.

>> IS MY MIDWIFE HERE YET?
>> CLEAR A PATH.
IT'S BARRY, THE MIDWIFE.

>> CLEAR A PATH.
IT'S BARRY, THE MIDWIFE.
>> THAT'S HIM.

IT'S BARRY, THE MIDWIFE.
>> THAT'S HIM.
THANK GOD.

>> THAT'S HIM.
THANK GOD.
>> BARRY, IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU

THANK GOD.
>> BARRY, IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU
AGAIN.

>> BARRY, IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU
AGAIN.
>> AGAIN?

AGAIN.
>> AGAIN?
OH, HAVE WE MET?

>> AGAIN?
OH, HAVE WE MET?
>> ARE YOU SERIOUS?

OH, HAVE WE MET?
>> ARE YOU SERIOUS?
>> YEAH.

>> ARE YOU SERIOUS?
>> YEAH.
NEVER SEEN YOU BEFORE IN MY

>> YEAH.
NEVER SEEN YOU BEFORE IN MY
LIFE.

NEVER SEEN YOU BEFORE IN MY
LIFE.
>> I PROMISE YOU HAVE.

LIFE.
>> I PROMISE YOU HAVE.
WE MET AT THIS HOSPITAL IN THIS

>> I PROMISE YOU HAVE.
WE MET AT THIS HOSPITAL IN THIS
EXACT ROOM.

WE MET AT THIS HOSPITAL IN THIS
EXACT ROOM.
>> WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF THIS?

EXACT ROOM.
>> WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF THIS?
TO EMBARRASS ME?

>> WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF THIS?
TO EMBARRASS ME?
WE'VE NEVER MET.

TO EMBARRASS ME?
WE'VE NEVER MET.
GIRL, RESPECT YOURSELF.

WE'VE NEVER MET.
GIRL, RESPECT YOURSELF.
>> WHAT'S GOING ON?

GIRL, RESPECT YOURSELF.
>> WHAT'S GOING ON?
>> DON'T WORRY.

>> WHAT'S GOING ON?
>> DON'T WORRY.
I'LL EXPLAIN.

>> DON'T WORRY.
I'LL EXPLAIN.
BARRY IS PRETENDING NOT TO

I'LL EXPLAIN.
BARRY IS PRETENDING NOT TO
REMEMBER DR. ROGERS BECAUSE

BARRY IS PRETENDING NOT TO
REMEMBER DR. ROGERS BECAUSE
THREE YEARS AGO SHE DIDN'T

REMEMBER DR. ROGERS BECAUSE
THREE YEARS AGO SHE DIDN'T
REMEMBER MEETING HIM AT A

THREE YEARS AGO SHE DIDN'T
REMEMBER MEETING HIM AT A
BARBECUE.

REMEMBER MEETING HIM AT A
BARBECUE.
>> BEFORE A MACKLEMORE CONCERT.

BARBECUE.
>> BEFORE A MACKLEMORE CONCERT.
>> MACKLEMORE?

>> BEFORE A MACKLEMORE CONCERT.
>> MACKLEMORE?
YOU REALLY REMEMBER ME.

>> MACKLEMORE?
YOU REALLY REMEMBER ME.
I'M CURIOUS AS TO WHY.

YOU REALLY REMEMBER ME.
I'M CURIOUS AS TO WHY.
ANYWAY, WHILE YOU WERE BEING

I'M CURIOUS AS TO WHY.
ANYWAY, WHILE YOU WERE BEING
DR. GASLIGHT, I WAS DELIVERING

ANYWAY, WHILE YOU WERE BEING
DR. GASLIGHT, I WAS DELIVERING
THIS BABY.

DR. GASLIGHT, I WAS DELIVERING
THIS BABY.
>> THANKS FOR HAVING US AT YOUR

THIS BABY.
>> THANKS FOR HAVING US AT YOUR
BARBECUE, DANIELLE.

>> THANKS FOR HAVING US AT YOUR
BARBECUE, DANIELLE.
>> NO PROBLEM.

BARBECUE, DANIELLE.
>> NO PROBLEM.
I WISH YOU COULD COME TO THE

>> NO PROBLEM.
I WISH YOU COULD COME TO THE
MACKLEMORE CONCERT LATER.

I WISH YOU COULD COME TO THE
MACKLEMORE CONCERT LATER.
>> I CAN'T.

MACKLEMORE CONCERT LATER.
>> I CAN'T.
I HAVE WORK.

>> I CAN'T.
I HAVE WORK.
THAT'S WHY I'M DRESSED LIKE

I HAVE WORK.
THAT'S WHY I'M DRESSED LIKE
THIS.

THAT'S WHY I'M DRESSED LIKE
THIS.
>> CLEAR A PATH FOR BARRY THE

THIS.
>> CLEAR A PATH FOR BARRY THE
HUNGRY MIDWIFE.

>> CLEAR A PATH FOR BARRY THE
HUNGRY MIDWIFE.
>> HI, I'M JILL.

HUNGRY MIDWIFE.
>> HI, I'M JILL.
IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU.

>> HI, I'M JILL.
IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU.
>> IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU TOO.

IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU.
>> IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU TOO.
WOW, YOU LOVE YOUR HAIR.

>> IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU TOO.
WOW, YOU LOVE YOUR HAIR.
I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO LONG.

WOW, YOU LOVE YOUR HAIR.
I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO LONG.
>> REALLY?

I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO LONG.
>> REALLY?
I DON'T THINK THAT'S A GOOD

>> REALLY?
I DON'T THINK THAT'S A GOOD
IDEA.

I DON'T THINK THAT'S A GOOD
IDEA.
I WOULDN'T RECOGNIZE YOU IF I

IDEA.
I WOULDN'T RECOGNIZE YOU IF I
SAW YOU AGAIN IN THE FUTURE.

I WOULDN'T RECOGNIZE YOU IF I
SAW YOU AGAIN IN THE FUTURE.
>> IS THAT A THREAT?

SAW YOU AGAIN IN THE FUTURE.
>> IS THAT A THREAT?
>> MRS. MURPHY, LONG TIME NO

>> IS THAT A THREAT?
>> MRS. MURPHY, LONG TIME NO
SEE.

>> MRS. MURPHY, LONG TIME NO
SEE.
I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS BABY

SEE.
I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS BABY
NUMBER TWO.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS BABY
NUMBER TWO.
>> I KNOW.

NUMBER TWO.
>> I KNOW.
LIFE HAPPENS SO FAST.

>> I KNOW.
LIFE HAPPENS SO FAST.
OH, AND THIS IS MY MIDWIFE.

LIFE HAPPENS SO FAST.
OH, AND THIS IS MY MIDWIFE.
YOU GUYS REMEMBER EACH OTHER,

OH, AND THIS IS MY MIDWIFE.
YOU GUYS REMEMBER EACH OTHER,
RIGHT?

YOU GUYS REMEMBER EACH OTHER,
RIGHT?
>> ACTUALLY, WE DO.

RIGHT?
>> ACTUALLY, WE DO.
I'M SO SORRY, DR. ROGERS.

>> ACTUALLY, WE DO.
I'M SO SORRY, DR. ROGERS.
I OWE YOU AN APOLL.

I'M SO SORRY, DR. ROGERS.
I OWE YOU AN APOLL.
I PRETENDED NOT TO REMEMBER YOU

I OWE YOU AN APOLL.
I PRETENDED NOT TO REMEMBER YOU
BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T REMEMBER ME,

I PRETENDED NOT TO REMEMBER YOU
BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T REMEMBER ME,
AND IT MADE ME SO FURIOUS.

BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T REMEMBER ME,
AND IT MADE ME SO FURIOUS.
>> I'M SORRY, BARRY.

AND IT MADE ME SO FURIOUS.
>> I'M SORRY, BARRY.
I FELT SO BAD THAT I DIDN'T

>> I'M SORRY, BARRY.
I FELT SO BAD THAT I DIDN'T
REMEMBER YOU, IT MADE ME FEEL

I FELT SO BAD THAT I DIDN'T
REMEMBER YOU, IT MADE ME FEEL
EMBARRASSED.

REMEMBER YOU, IT MADE ME FEEL
EMBARRASSED.
>> ARE YOU SERIOUS?

EMBARRASSED.
>> ARE YOU SERIOUS?
I WAS BEING AN EMOTIONAL JERK.

>> ARE YOU SERIOUS?
I WAS BEING AN EMOTIONAL JERK.
>> OH, MY GOD.

I WAS BEING AN EMOTIONAL JERK.
>> OH, MY GOD.
DID WE MISS IT?

>> OH, MY GOD.
DID WE MISS IT?
HONEY, WE GOT HERE AS FAST AS WE

DID WE MISS IT?
HONEY, WE GOT HERE AS FAST AS WE
COULD.

HONEY, WE GOT HERE AS FAST AS WE
COULD.
>> IT'S OKAY.

COULD.
>> IT'S OKAY.
THIS IS MY HUSBAND AND MY FIRST

>> IT'S OKAY.
THIS IS MY HUSBAND AND MY FIRST
DAUGHTER KAYLA, YOU DELIVERED

THIS IS MY HUSBAND AND MY FIRST
DAUGHTER KAYLA, YOU DELIVERED
HER.

DAUGHTER KAYLA, YOU DELIVERED
HER.
>> HI, KAYLA!

HER.
>> HI, KAYLA!
>> NICE TO MEET YOU.

>> HI, KAYLA!
>> NICE TO MEET YOU.
>> ACTUALLY, WE'VE MET.

>> NICE TO MEET YOU.
>> ACTUALLY, WE'VE MET.
>> WELL, THEN IT'S NICE TO SEE

>> ACTUALLY, WE'VE MET.
>> WELL, THEN IT'S NICE TO SEE
YOU, OKAY?

>> WELL, THEN IT'S NICE TO SEE
YOU, OKAY?
>>> ONCE AGAIN, LIL YACHTY.

YOU, OKAY?
>>> ONCE AGAIN, LIL YACHTY.
♪

>>> ONCE AGAIN, LIL YACHTY.
♪
♪

♪
♪
♪

♪
♪
♪ IMAGINE LIFE WITHOUT ME

♪
♪ IMAGINE LIFE WITHOUT ME
IT'S A WASTE OF TIME

♪ IMAGINE LIFE WITHOUT ME
IT'S A WASTE OF TIME
YOU WANT THE KIND OF LOVE

IT'S A WASTE OF TIME
YOU WANT THE KIND OF LOVE
THAT CAN MAKE A CHILD ♪

YOU WANT THE KIND OF LOVE
THAT CAN MAKE A CHILD ♪
♪ DON'T WANT JUST ANYBODY

THAT CAN MAKE A CHILD ♪
♪ DON'T WANT JUST ANYBODY
MM YEAH ♪

♪ DON'T WANT JUST ANYBODY
MM YEAH ♪
♪ GOOD LOVE FILLS

MM YEAH ♪
♪ GOOD LOVE FILLS
MY BODY UP LIKE A GLASS

♪ GOOD LOVE FILLS
MY BODY UP LIKE A GLASS
WHEN YOU POUR IT ALL OUT ♪

MY BODY UP LIKE A GLASS
WHEN YOU POUR IT ALL OUT ♪
♪ IF YOU KNOW ME

WHEN YOU POUR IT ALL OUT ♪
♪ IF YOU KNOW ME
YOU KNOW I MIND

♪ IF YOU KNOW ME
YOU KNOW I MIND
SOMEONE LIKE ME

YOU KNOW I MIND
SOMEONE LIKE ME
IS HARD TO FIND ♪

SOMEONE LIKE ME
IS HARD TO FIND ♪
♪ NOT MISTAKEN

IS HARD TO FIND ♪
♪ NOT MISTAKEN
IF I'M THERE

♪ NOT MISTAKEN
IF I'M THERE
WELL AWARE

IF I'M THERE
WELL AWARE
YOU ARE ALWAYS MINE ♪

WELL AWARE
YOU ARE ALWAYS MINE ♪
♪ AND STILL

YOU ARE ALWAYS MINE ♪
♪ AND STILL
YOU SEEM SO SURPRISED

♪ AND STILL
YOU SEEM SO SURPRISED
WHEN YOU'RE ALWAYS

YOU SEEM SO SURPRISED
WHEN YOU'RE ALWAYS
GON' BE MINE ♪

WHEN YOU'RE ALWAYS
GON' BE MINE ♪
♪ I WANNA BE WHERE YOU ARE

GON' BE MINE ♪
♪ I WANNA BE WHERE YOU ARE
I JUST CAN'T WALK AWAY

♪ I WANNA BE WHERE YOU ARE
I JUST CAN'T WALK AWAY
YOU DRIVE ME CRAZY AH

I JUST CAN'T WALK AWAY
YOU DRIVE ME CRAZY AH
I LOSE IT LOSE IT ♪

YOU DRIVE ME CRAZY AH
I LOSE IT LOSE IT ♪
♪ AND I WANNA

I LOSE IT LOSE IT ♪
♪ AND I WANNA
BE WHERE YOU ARE

♪ AND I WANNA
BE WHERE YOU ARE
I JUST CAN'T WALK AWAY ♪

BE WHERE YOU ARE
I JUST CAN'T WALK AWAY ♪
♪ YOU DRIVE ME CRAZY AH

I JUST CAN'T WALK AWAY ♪
♪ YOU DRIVE ME CRAZY AH
I LOSE IT LOSE IT ♪

♪ YOU DRIVE ME CRAZY AH
I LOSE IT LOSE IT ♪
♪ IMAGINE ME

I LOSE IT LOSE IT ♪
♪ IMAGINE ME
CIRCLIN' THROUGH LIFE

♪ IMAGINE ME
CIRCLIN' THROUGH LIFE
WITHOUT A PIECE OF YOU ♪

CIRCLIN' THROUGH LIFE
WITHOUT A PIECE OF YOU ♪
♪ SEVEN OUT OF SEVEN DAYS

WITHOUT A PIECE OF YOU ♪
♪ SEVEN OUT OF SEVEN DAYS
I'M NEEDIN' YOU

♪ SEVEN OUT OF SEVEN DAYS
I'M NEEDIN' YOU
YOU BRIN' LIFE

I'M NEEDIN' YOU
YOU BRIN' LIFE
TO THE PARTY ♪

YOU BRIN' LIFE
TO THE PARTY ♪
♪ MM-MM AH AH AH

TO THE PARTY ♪
♪ MM-MM AH AH AH
GOOD LOVE FEELS LIKE

♪ MM-MM AH AH AH
GOOD LOVE FEELS LIKE
BUTTERFLIES SUFFOCATIN'

GOOD LOVE FEELS LIKE
BUTTERFLIES SUFFOCATIN'
YOUR INSIDES ♪

BUTTERFLIES SUFFOCATIN'
YOUR INSIDES ♪
♪ OH IT'S A LATE NIGHT

YOUR INSIDES ♪
♪ OH IT'S A LATE NIGHT
YOU KNOW I TRY

♪ OH IT'S A LATE NIGHT
YOU KNOW I TRY
I CANNOT PICTURE

YOU KNOW I TRY
I CANNOT PICTURE
WHEN YOU RIDE ♪

I CANNOT PICTURE
WHEN YOU RIDE ♪
♪ I'M MISTAKEN

WHEN YOU RIDE ♪
♪ I'M MISTAKEN
THINKIN' YOU WERE TAKEN

♪ I'M MISTAKEN
THINKIN' YOU WERE TAKEN
KNOWIN' NOW

THINKIN' YOU WERE TAKEN
KNOWIN' NOW
YOU WERE ALWAYS MINE ♪

KNOWIN' NOW
YOU WERE ALWAYS MINE ♪
♪ AND STILL

YOU WERE ALWAYS MINE ♪
♪ AND STILL
YOU SEEM SO SURPRISE ED

♪ AND STILL
YOU SEEM SO SURPRISE ED
WHEN YOU'RE ALWAYS

YOU SEEM SO SURPRISE ED
WHEN YOU'RE ALWAYS
GON' BE MINE ♪

WHEN YOU'RE ALWAYS
GON' BE MINE ♪
♪

GON' BE MINE ♪
♪
♪ YEAH YEAH YEAH

♪
♪ YEAH YEAH YEAH
MM HMM

♪ YEAH YEAH YEAH
MM HMM
MM HMM-MM ♪

MM HMM
MM HMM-MM ♪
♪

MM HMM-MM ♪
♪
♪ RARELY EVER MISSIN'

♪
♪ RARELY EVER MISSIN'
TALK IS CHEAP

♪ RARELY EVER MISSIN'
TALK IS CHEAP
AND TIME IS TICKIN' ♪

TALK IS CHEAP
AND TIME IS TICKIN' ♪
♪ RARELY EVER TRICKIN'

AND TIME IS TICKIN' ♪
♪ RARELY EVER TRICKIN'
CATCH ME SLIPPIN'

♪ RARELY EVER TRICKIN'
CATCH ME SLIPPIN'
♪ I'M ON MISSION' ♪

CATCH ME SLIPPIN'
♪ I'M ON MISSION' ♪
PAYIN' MILLIONS

♪ I'M ON MISSION' ♪
PAYIN' MILLIONS
I'M TAKING YOU OUT TO EAT

PAYIN' MILLIONS
I'M TAKING YOU OUT TO EAT
OKAY OKAY OKAY ♪

I'M TAKING YOU OUT TO EAT
OKAY OKAY OKAY ♪
♪ OUT LATE NIGHT

OKAY OKAY OKAY ♪
♪ OUT LATE NIGHT
I'M SINNIN'

♪ OUT LATE NIGHT
I'M SINNIN'
STILL A CHRISTIAN

I'M SINNIN'
STILL A CHRISTIAN
DON'T TELL MY DEACON ♪

STILL A CHRISTIAN
DON'T TELL MY DEACON ♪
♪ I MEAN PASTOR

DON'T TELL MY DEACON ♪
♪ I MEAN PASTOR
OIL HER DOWN

♪ I MEAN PASTOR
OIL HER DOWN
NOT TALKIN' CASTOR ♪

OIL HER DOWN
NOT TALKIN' CASTOR ♪
♪ RIDIN' 'ROUND WITH

NOT TALKIN' CASTOR ♪
♪ RIDIN' 'ROUND WITH
SIX-SEVEN WITH NO TINT

♪ RIDIN' 'ROUND WITH
SIX-SEVEN WITH NO TINT
YOU CAN TELL I'M PIMPIN' ♪

SIX-SEVEN WITH NO TINT
YOU CAN TELL I'M PIMPIN' ♪
♪ BIG FOUR-FIVE ON MY HIP

YOU CAN TELL I'M PIMPIN' ♪
♪ BIG FOUR-FIVE ON MY HIP
LOOK LIKE I'M LIMPIN'

♪ BIG FOUR-FIVE ON MY HIP
LOOK LIKE I'M LIMPIN'
ALWAYS SIMPIN ♪

LOOK LIKE I'M LIMPIN'
ALWAYS SIMPIN ♪
♪ ONE OF MY COUSINS CRIPPIN'

ALWAYS SIMPIN ♪
♪ ONE OF MY COUSINS CRIPPIN'
ALWAYS GRIPPIN'

♪ ONE OF MY COUSINS CRIPPIN'
ALWAYS GRIPPIN'
STUFF GET DANGEROUS ♪

ALWAYS GRIPPIN'
STUFF GET DANGEROUS ♪
♪ ALWAYS KEEP IT PLAYER

STUFF GET DANGEROUS ♪
♪ ALWAYS KEEP IT PLAYER
WE CAN SWAP OUT

♪ ALWAYS KEEP IT PLAYER
WE CAN SWAP OUT
SWAP OUT SWAP OUT SWAP OUT

WE CAN SWAP OUT
SWAP OUT SWAP OUT SWAP OUT
♪ OKAY

SWAP OUT SWAP OUT SWAP OUT
♪ OKAY
ONLY LOVE MY MOTHER

♪ OKAY
ONLY LOVE MY MOTHER
MY SISTER MY DAUGHTER ♪

ONLY LOVE MY MOTHER
MY SISTER MY DAUGHTER ♪
♪ ALL Y'ALL GET SLAUGHTERED,

MY SISTER MY DAUGHTER ♪
♪ ALL Y'ALL GET SLAUGHTERED,
CAN'T BE MINE

♪ ALL Y'ALL GET SLAUGHTERED,
CAN'T BE MINE
PRAY TO THE FATHER ♪

CAN'T BE MINE
PRAY TO THE FATHER ♪
♪ MM HM

PRAY TO THE FATHER ♪
♪ MM HM
MMM HMM

♪ MM HM
MMM HMM
MM-HM ♪

MMM HMM
MM-HM ♪
♪

MM-HM ♪
♪
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

♪
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>>> SO, JANET, HOW'S YOUR FIRST

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>>> SO, JANET, HOW'S YOUR FIRST
MONTH HERE BEEN?

>>> SO, JANET, HOW'S YOUR FIRST
MONTH HERE BEEN?
>> IT'S BEEN GREAT.

MONTH HERE BEEN?
>> IT'S BEEN GREAT.
I'M SO HAPPY TO BE WORKING HERE.

>> IT'S BEEN GREAT.
I'M SO HAPPY TO BE WORKING HERE.
>> WE'RE LUCKY TO HAVE YOU.

I'M SO HAPPY TO BE WORKING HERE.
>> WE'RE LUCKY TO HAVE YOU.
>> I DON'T WANT TO MAKE THIS A

>> WE'RE LUCKY TO HAVE YOU.
>> I DON'T WANT TO MAKE THIS A
BIG DEAL.

>> I DON'T WANT TO MAKE THIS A
BIG DEAL.
I THINK DANIELS HAS BEEN WEIRD

BIG DEAL.
I THINK DANIELS HAS BEEN WEIRD
TO ME.

I THINK DANIELS HAS BEEN WEIRD
TO ME.
>> HE'S ALWAYS BEEN COOL TO ME.

TO ME.
>> HE'S ALWAYS BEEN COOL TO ME.
>> IT'S PROBABLY NOTHING.

>> HE'S ALWAYS BEEN COOL TO ME.
>> IT'S PROBABLY NOTHING.
FORGET I SAID ANYTHING.

>> IT'S PROBABLY NOTHING.
FORGET I SAID ANYTHING.
>> HEY, MURPHY, HOW ARE YOU?

FORGET I SAID ANYTHING.
>> HEY, MURPHY, HOW ARE YOU?
HOW ARE THE KIDS?

>> HEY, MURPHY, HOW ARE YOU?
HOW ARE THE KIDS?
>> THEY'RE GOOD.

HOW ARE THE KIDS?
>> THEY'RE GOOD.
JUST SENT MY OLDEST OFF TO PENN

>> THEY'RE GOOD.
JUST SENT MY OLDEST OFF TO PENN
STATE.

JUST SENT MY OLDEST OFF TO PENN
STATE.
>> GOSH, THAT MUST BE HARD -- ON

STATE.
>> GOSH, THAT MUST BE HARD -- ON
THE OLD BANK ACCOUNT.

>> GOSH, THAT MUST BE HARD -- ON
THE OLD BANK ACCOUNT.
AND WE HITTING THE LINKS LATER

THE OLD BANK ACCOUNT.
AND WE HITTING THE LINKS LATER
OR WHAT, BUDDY?

AND WE HITTING THE LINKS LATER
OR WHAT, BUDDY?
>> 5:00 ON THE DOT, DANIELS.

OR WHAT, BUDDY?
>> 5:00 ON THE DOT, DANIELS.
>> LOOKING FORWARD TO IT.

>> 5:00 ON THE DOT, DANIELS.
>> LOOKING FORWARD TO IT.
AND SIMMONS, BIG BUTT, SETTING

>> LOOKING FORWARD TO IT.
AND SIMMONS, BIG BUTT, SETTING
OFF THE PENIS ALARM.

AND SIMMONS, BIG BUTT, SETTING
OFF THE PENIS ALARM.
MURPHY, YOU GET THAT REPORT INTO

OFF THE PENIS ALARM.
MURPHY, YOU GET THAT REPORT INTO
ME BY MONDAY OR WHAT?

MURPHY, YOU GET THAT REPORT INTO
ME BY MONDAY OR WHAT?
>> ABSOLUTELY.

ME BY MONDAY OR WHAT?
>> ABSOLUTELY.
>> AND BEFORE I FORGET, WE GOT A

>> ABSOLUTELY.
>> AND BEFORE I FORGET, WE GOT A
COMPANY WIDE ZOOM MEETING AT

>> AND BEFORE I FORGET, WE GOT A
COMPANY WIDE ZOOM MEETING AT
6:00 WHERE I'LL BE ZOOMING IN ON

COMPANY WIDE ZOOM MEETING AT
6:00 WHERE I'LL BE ZOOMING IN ON
THOSE BOOBIES.

6:00 WHERE I'LL BE ZOOMING IN ON
THOSE BOOBIES.
COMPUTER ENHANCE, ENGAGING X-RAY

THOSE BOOBIES.
COMPUTER ENHANCE, ENGAGING X-RAY
VISION.

COMPUTER ENHANCE, ENGAGING X-RAY
VISION.
HOUSTON, WE HAVE NIPPLE!

VISION.
HOUSTON, WE HAVE NIPPLE!
>> MURPHY, LISTEN, THAT TURNER

HOUSTON, WE HAVE NIPPLE!
>> MURPHY, LISTEN, THAT TURNER
FILE IS NOT GOING TO FILE

>> MURPHY, LISTEN, THAT TURNER
FILE IS NOT GOING TO FILE
ITSELF, A RIGHT?

FILE IS NOT GOING TO FILE
ITSELF, A RIGHT?
>> SO YOU GUYS SAW THAT, RIGHT?

ITSELF, A RIGHT?
>> SO YOU GUYS SAW THAT, RIGHT?
>> SAW WHAT?

>> SO YOU GUYS SAW THAT, RIGHT?
>> SAW WHAT?
>> DANIELS, WHEN HE TALKED TO

>> SAW WHAT?
>> DANIELS, WHEN HE TALKED TO
ME, HE DID AN IMPRESSION OF A

>> DANIELS, WHEN HE TALKED TO
ME, HE DID AN IMPRESSION OF A
SEX COMPUTER.

ME, HE DID AN IMPRESSION OF A
SEX COMPUTER.
>> I THOUGHT HE WAS BEING GOOFY,

SEX COMPUTER.
>> I THOUGHT HE WAS BEING GOOFY,
BUT I'M OLD SCHOOL.

>> I THOUGHT HE WAS BEING GOOFY,
BUT I'M OLD SCHOOL.
>> IF YOU'RE HAVING A PROBLEM

BUT I'M OLD SCHOOL.
>> IF YOU'RE HAVING A PROBLEM
WITH HIM, YOU CAN ALWAYS TALK TO

>> IF YOU'RE HAVING A PROBLEM
WITH HIM, YOU CAN ALWAYS TALK TO
BENSON.

WITH HIM, YOU CAN ALWAYS TALK TO
BENSON.
>> BENSON?

BENSON.
>> BENSON?
REALLY?

>> BENSON?
REALLY?
>> TOTALLY.

REALLY?
>> TOTALLY.
HE'S BEEN HERE FOREVER.

>> TOTALLY.
HE'S BEEN HERE FOREVER.
HE JUST GETS IT.

HE'S BEEN HERE FOREVER.
HE JUST GETS IT.
SPEAKING OF THE DEVIL.

HE JUST GETS IT.
SPEAKING OF THE DEVIL.
>> LOOKY HERE, ALL OF MY

SPEAKING OF THE DEVIL.
>> LOOKY HERE, ALL OF MY
FAVORITE PEOPLE.

>> LOOKY HERE, ALL OF MY
FAVORITE PEOPLE.
>> HOW ARE YOU?

FAVORITE PEOPLE.
>> HOW ARE YOU?
>> I WANT TO THANK YOU AGAIN FOR

>> HOW ARE YOU?
>> I WANT TO THANK YOU AGAIN FOR
SHOWING UP TO MY GRANDDAUGHTER'S

>> I WANT TO THANK YOU AGAIN FOR
SHOWING UP TO MY GRANDDAUGHTER'S
FOOD DRIVE.

SHOWING UP TO MY GRANDDAUGHTER'S
FOOD DRIVE.
IT MEANT THE WORLD.

FOOD DRIVE.
IT MEANT THE WORLD.
>> ANYTHING FOR YOU, BENSON.

IT MEANT THE WORLD.
>> ANYTHING FOR YOU, BENSON.
>> WE FED 500 FAMILIES IN NEED

>> ANYTHING FOR YOU, BENSON.
>> WE FED 500 FAMILIES IN NEED
BECAUSE OF YOU GUYS.

>> WE FED 500 FAMILIES IN NEED
BECAUSE OF YOU GUYS.
I MEAN, SIMMONS, I KNOW IT MEANT

BECAUSE OF YOU GUYS.
I MEAN, SIMMONS, I KNOW IT MEANT
THE WORLD TO MY GRANDDAUGHTER

I MEAN, SIMMONS, I KNOW IT MEANT
THE WORLD TO MY GRANDDAUGHTER
THAT YOU BROUGHT THOSE.

THE WORLD TO MY GRANDDAUGHTER
THAT YOU BROUGHT THOSE.
>> THOSE WHAT?

THAT YOU BROUGHT THOSE.
>> THOSE WHAT?
>> WHY, THOSE BIG BUTTERED YAMS,

>> THOSE WHAT?
>> WHY, THOSE BIG BUTTERED YAMS,
OF COURSE.

>> WHY, THOSE BIG BUTTERED YAMS,
OF COURSE.
WHAT I WOULD DO TO JUMP OFF A

OF COURSE.
WHAT I WOULD DO TO JUMP OFF A
DIVING BOARD AND CANNON BALL

WHAT I WOULD DO TO JUMP OFF A
DIVING BOARD AND CANNON BALL
INTO THAT CLEAVAGE.

DIVING BOARD AND CANNON BALL
INTO THAT CLEAVAGE.
HELP!

INTO THAT CLEAVAGE.
HELP!
I'MDROWNING!

HELP!
I'MDROWNING!
BUT DON'T SAVE I WANT TO DIE

I'MDROWNING!
BUT DON'T SAVE I WANT TO DIE
IN THERE.

BUT DON'T SAVE I WANT TO DIE
IN THERE.
ALL RIGHT, TEAM, IF YOU NEED

IN THERE.
ALL RIGHT, TEAM, IF YOU NEED
ANYTHING AT ALL, GIVE ME A CALL.

ALL RIGHT, TEAM, IF YOU NEED
ANYTHING AT ALL, GIVE ME A CALL.
I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR YOU

ANYTHING AT ALL, GIVE ME A CALL.
I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR YOU
GUYS.

I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR YOU
GUYS.
I WOULD EVEN ADOPT THOSE

GUYS.
I WOULD EVEN ADOPT THOSE
GORGEOUS TWINS AND RAISE THEM IN

I WOULD EVEN ADOPT THOSE
GORGEOUS TWINS AND RAISE THEM IN
A HOTEL LIKE ZACK AND CODY.

GORGEOUS TWINS AND RAISE THEM IN
A HOTEL LIKE ZACK AND CODY.
DUTY CALLS, SEE YOU GUYS LATER.

A HOTEL LIKE ZACK AND CODY.
DUTY CALLS, SEE YOU GUYS LATER.
LOVE YOU GUYS.

DUTY CALLS, SEE YOU GUYS LATER.
LOVE YOU GUYS.
>> LOVE YOU, MAN.

LOVE YOU GUYS.
>> LOVE YOU, MAN.
>> YOU GUYS NOTICED THAT, RIGHT?

>> LOVE YOU, MAN.
>> YOU GUYS NOTICED THAT, RIGHT?
>> I WANT TO SAY YES SO YOU

>> YOU GUYS NOTICED THAT, RIGHT?
>> I WANT TO SAY YES SO YOU
DON'T FEEL CRAZY, BUT NO.

>> I WANT TO SAY YES SO YOU
DON'T FEEL CRAZY, BUT NO.
>> HOW?

DON'T FEEL CRAZY, BUT NO.
>> HOW?
>> THIS IS INSANE.

>> HOW?
>> THIS IS INSANE.
>> I'M HEATHER FROM HR, AND IF

>> THIS IS INSANE.
>> I'M HEATHER FROM HR, AND IF
ANYONE IS MAKING YOU

>> I'M HEATHER FROM HR, AND IF
ANYONE IS MAKING YOU
UNCOMFORTABLE, WE WILL HANDLE IT

ANYONE IS MAKING YOU
UNCOMFORTABLE, WE WILL HANDLE IT
RIGHT NOW IN A COMPANY-WIDE

UNCOMFORTABLE, WE WILL HANDLE IT
RIGHT NOW IN A COMPANY-WIDE
MEETING.

RIGHT NOW IN A COMPANY-WIDE
MEETING.
>> THANK YOU.

MEETING.
>> THANK YOU.
>> BUT FIRST, WE HAVE A MUSICAL

>> THANK YOU.
>> BUT FIRST, WE HAVE A MUSICAL
PERFORMANCE FROM THE PENIS

>> BUT FIRST, WE HAVE A MUSICAL
PERFORMANCE FROM THE PENIS
BROTHERS.

PERFORMANCE FROM THE PENIS
BROTHERS.
>> WHAT IS GOING ON?

BROTHERS.
>> WHAT IS GOING ON?
>> COME ON, Y'ALL.

>> WHAT IS GOING ON?
>> COME ON, Y'ALL.
THIS ONE GOES OUT TO OUR TWO

>> COME ON, Y'ALL.
THIS ONE GOES OUT TO OUR TWO
FAVORITE LADIES.

THIS ONE GOES OUT TO OUR TWO
FAVORITE LADIES.
SIMMONS LEFT, AND SIMMONS RIGHT,

FAVORITE LADIES.
SIMMONS LEFT, AND SIMMONS RIGHT,
Y'ALL.

SIMMONS LEFT, AND SIMMONS RIGHT,
Y'ALL.
>> OH, MY GOD, THE PENIS

Y'ALL.
>> OH, MY GOD, THE PENIS
BROTHERS.

>> OH, MY GOD, THE PENIS
BROTHERS.
>> THE MOMENT YOU'VE ALL BEEN

BROTHERS.
>> THE MOMENT YOU'VE ALL BEEN
WAITING FOR, THE BROTHERS BONGO

>> THE MOMENT YOU'VE ALL BEEN
WAITING FOR, THE BROTHERS BONGO
BOOB EXPERIENCE.

WAITING FOR, THE BROTHERS BONGO
BOOB EXPERIENCE.
♪

BOOB EXPERIENCE.
♪
>> HOW I IT MAKING THAT SOUND?

♪
>> HOW I IT MAKING THAT SOUND?
>> MURPHY, YOU GOT THAT FILE FOR

>> HOW I IT MAKING THAT SOUND?
>> MURPHY, YOU GOT THAT FILE FOR
ME OR WHAT?

>> MURPHY, YOU GOT THAT FILE FOR
ME OR WHAT?
>> HEY, I DO, DANIELS.

ME OR WHAT?
>> HEY, I DO, DANIELS.
BY THE WAY, I GOT AN EMAIL FROM

>> HEY, I DO, DANIELS.
BY THE WAY, I GOT AN EMAIL FROM
CORPORATE, AND YOU'RE BOTH

BY THE WAY, I GOT AN EMAIL FROM
CORPORATE, AND YOU'RE BOTH
FIRED.

CORPORATE, AND YOU'RE BOTH
FIRED.
>>> THIS IS NEW YORK.

FIRED.
>>> THIS IS NEW YORK.
THE MELTING POT OF OVER THREE

>>> THIS IS NEW YORK.
THE MELTING POT OF OVER THREE
CULTURES, AND FOOD IS ITS

THE MELTING POT OF OVER THREE
CULTURES, AND FOOD IS ITS
UNIVERSAL LANGUAGE.

CULTURES, AND FOOD IS ITS
UNIVERSAL LANGUAGE.
>> MY NAME IS ROCCO.

UNIVERSAL LANGUAGE.
>> MY NAME IS ROCCO.
>> HEAVY CAT.

>> MY NAME IS ROCCO.
>> HEAVY CAT.
>> AND MY NAME IS DONALD TRUMP.

>> HEAVY CAT.
>> AND MY NAME IS DONALD TRUMP.
WE MOVED HERE FOR COLLEGE, AND

>> AND MY NAME IS DONALD TRUMP.
WE MOVED HERE FOR COLLEGE, AND
WE'VE BEEN HERE EVER SINCE

WE MOVED HERE FOR COLLEGE, AND
WE'VE BEEN HERE EVER SINCE
EXCEPT FOR COVID.

WE'VE BEEN HERE EVER SINCE
EXCEPT FOR COVID.
>> TODAY, WE'RE GOING TO SHOW

EXCEPT FOR COVID.
>> TODAY, WE'RE GOING TO SHOW
YOU OUR NEW YORK, THE REAL NEW

>> TODAY, WE'RE GOING TO SHOW
YOU OUR NEW YORK, THE REAL NEW
YORK, ONE BITE AT A TIME.

YOU OUR NEW YORK, THE REAL NEW
YORK, ONE BITE AT A TIME.
>> THIS IS STREET EATS.

YORK, ONE BITE AT A TIME.
>> THIS IS STREET EATS.
TODAY, WE ARE IN THE MIDDLE OF

>> THIS IS STREET EATS.
TODAY, WE ARE IN THE MIDDLE OF
JAMAICAN PART OF THE CITY,

TODAY, WE ARE IN THE MIDDLE OF
JAMAICAN PART OF THE CITY,
JAMAICAN QUEEN, AND WE ARE ON

JAMAICAN PART OF THE CITY,
JAMAICAN QUEEN, AND WE ARE ON
THE HUNT FOR SOME AUTHENTIC JERK

JAMAICAN QUEEN, AND WE ARE ON
THE HUNT FOR SOME AUTHENTIC JERK
CHICKEN.

THE HUNT FOR SOME AUTHENTIC JERK
CHICKEN.
>> AND QUEENS MAKE SOME NOISE!

CHICKEN.
>> AND QUEENS MAKE SOME NOISE!
>> RICE, THE STINKING MAN'S

>> AND QUEENS MAKE SOME NOISE!
>> RICE, THE STINKING MAN'S
CHIPS.

>> RICE, THE STINKING MAN'S
CHIPS.
>> WHAT THE HELL ARE Y'ALL

CHIPS.
>> WHAT THE HELL ARE Y'ALL
DOING?

>> WHAT THE HELL ARE Y'ALL
DOING?
>> WE'RE JUST HERE TO FIND OUT

DOING?
>> WE'RE JUST HERE TO FIND OUT
WHAT JA-MAKES YOUR FOOD SO

>> WE'RE JUST HERE TO FIND OUT
WHAT JA-MAKES YOUR FOOD SO
SPECIAL.

WHAT JA-MAKES YOUR FOOD SO
SPECIAL.
>> GOT IT.

SPECIAL.
>> GOT IT.
SO Y'ALL JUST MOVED HERE FOR

>> GOT IT.
SO Y'ALL JUST MOVED HERE FOR
CONNECTICUT, RIGHT?

SO Y'ALL JUST MOVED HERE FOR
CONNECTICUT, RIGHT?
YOU HAVE TO STOP YELLING.

CONNECTICUT, RIGHT?
YOU HAVE TO STOP YELLING.
>> WELL, I NOTICED YOU WERE

YOU HAVE TO STOP YELLING.
>> WELL, I NOTICED YOU WERE
SELLING DELICIOUS JAMAICAN FOOD,

>> WELL, I NOTICED YOU WERE
SELLING DELICIOUS JAMAICAN FOOD,
BUT YOU YOURSELF ARE NOT

SELLING DELICIOUS JAMAICAN FOOD,
BUT YOU YOURSELF ARE NOT
JAMAICAN.

BUT YOU YOURSELF ARE NOT
JAMAICAN.
TELL US ABOUT THAT.

JAMAICAN.
TELL US ABOUT THAT.
>> NO, I'M JAMAICAN.

TELL US ABOUT THAT.
>> NO, I'M JAMAICAN.
>> HOW WOULD THAT BE --

>> NO, I'M JAMAICAN.
>> HOW WOULD THAT BE --
>> SPOTS LIKE THAT ARE EXACTLY

>> HOW WOULD THAT BE --
>> SPOTS LIKE THAT ARE EXACTLY
WHAT MAKES NEW YORK SO GREAT.

>> SPOTS LIKE THAT ARE EXACTLY
WHAT MAKES NEW YORK SO GREAT.
TACO, OH, SPICY.

WHAT MAKES NEW YORK SO GREAT.
TACO, OH, SPICY.
>> SO YOU WANT JERK CHICKEN WITH

TACO, OH, SPICY.
>> SO YOU WANT JERK CHICKEN WITH
NO CAYENNE, NO CUMIN, SALT,

>> SO YOU WANT JERK CHICKEN WITH
NO CAYENNE, NO CUMIN, SALT,
PEPPER?

NO CAYENNE, NO CUMIN, SALT,
PEPPER?
>> NOPE, CAN'T DO IT.

PEPPER?
>> NOPE, CAN'T DO IT.
>> SO YOU JUST WANT A BLANK ASS

>> NOPE, CAN'T DO IT.
>> SO YOU JUST WANT A BLANK ASS
PIECE OF CHICKEN?

>> SO YOU JUST WANT A BLANK ASS
PIECE OF CHICKEN?
>> WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?

PIECE OF CHICKEN?
>> WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
>> IN NEW YORK.

>> WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
>> IN NEW YORK.
>> NEXT, WE DECIDED TO HIT UP A

>> IN NEW YORK.
>> NEXT, WE DECIDED TO HIT UP A
NEW YORK STAPLE, SO WE HEADED

>> NEXT, WE DECIDED TO HIT UP A
NEW YORK STAPLE, SO WE HEADED
ALL THE WAY UP AND WE WALKED

NEW YORK STAPLE, SO WE HEADED
ALL THE WAY UP AND WE WALKED
HERE BECAUSE WE COULD NOT FIND

ALL THE WAY UP AND WE WALKED
HERE BECAUSE WE COULD NOT FIND
THE ONE SAY.

HERE BECAUSE WE COULD NOT FIND
THE ONE SAY.
>> KEEP GOING THIS WAY?

THE ONE SAY.
>> KEEP GOING THIS WAY?
>> RULE NUMBER ONE, YOU'VE GOT

>> KEEP GOING THIS WAY?
>> RULE NUMBER ONE, YOU'VE GOT
TO ORDER LIKE A NEW YORKER.

>> RULE NUMBER ONE, YOU'VE GOT
TO ORDER LIKE A NEW YORKER.
HEY, YO, BOSS, LET ME GET SOME

TO ORDER LIKE A NEW YORKER.
HEY, YO, BOSS, LET ME GET SOME
MAYO AND BREAD.

HEY, YO, BOSS, LET ME GET SOME
MAYO AND BREAD.
>> HEY, THERE'S A LINE.

MAYO AND BREAD.
>> HEY, THERE'S A LINE.
>> I GOT IT.

>> HEY, THERE'S A LINE.
>> I GOT IT.
HEY, FORGET ABOUT --

>> I GOT IT.
HEY, FORGET ABOUT --
>> MY FATHER IS A LAWYER!

HEY, FORGET ABOUT --
>> MY FATHER IS A LAWYER!
>> CAN'T CUT THE LINE, MAN.

>> MY FATHER IS A LAWYER!
>> CAN'T CUT THE LINE, MAN.
WE'VE BEEN WORKING ALL DAY.

>> CAN'T CUT THE LINE, MAN.
WE'VE BEEN WORKING ALL DAY.
>> WELL, I HOPE THE BUILDING

WE'VE BEEN WORKING ALL DAY.
>> WELL, I HOPE THE BUILDING
YOU'RE WORKING ON EXPLODES.

>> WELL, I HOPE THE BUILDING
YOU'RE WORKING ON EXPLODES.
THEY HATED US THERE.

YOU'RE WORKING ON EXPLODES.
THEY HATED US THERE.
BUT AT LEAST WE HAVE FRIENDS IN

THEY HATED US THERE.
BUT AT LEAST WE HAVE FRIENDS IN
THAT FAKE JAMAICAN LADY.

BUT AT LEAST WE HAVE FRIENDS IN
THAT FAKE JAMAICAN LADY.
SHE LOVED US.

THAT FAKE JAMAICAN LADY.
SHE LOVED US.
>> I HATED THEM, BUT I READ THE

SHE LOVED US.
>> I HATED THEM, BUT I READ THE
COMMENTS ON THEIR VIDEOS, AND NO

>> I HATED THEM, BUT I READ THE
COMMENTS ON THEIR VIDEOS, AND NO
ONE SHOULD HAVE TO READ THAT

COMMENTS ON THEIR VIDEOS, AND NO
ONE SHOULD HAVE TO READ THAT
ABOUT THEMSELVES.

ONE SHOULD HAVE TO READ THAT
ABOUT THEMSELVES.
THE NICEST ONE I SAW SAID GAY

ABOUT THEMSELVES.
THE NICEST ONE I SAW SAID GAY
FAIL.

THE NICEST ONE I SAW SAID GAY
FAIL.
I MADE THEM SOME PLAIN ASS

FAIL.
I MADE THEM SOME PLAIN ASS
CHICKEN, AND THEY LOVED IT.

I MADE THEM SOME PLAIN ASS
CHICKEN, AND THEY LOVED IT.
>> AUTHENTIC JERK CHICKEN.

CHICKEN, AND THEY LOVED IT.
>> AUTHENTIC JERK CHICKEN.
>> WHAT A BEAUTIFUL NEW YORK

>> AUTHENTIC JERK CHICKEN.
>> WHAT A BEAUTIFUL NEW YORK
DAY.

>> WHAT A BEAUTIFUL NEW YORK
DAY.
WE HAD SOME CHICKEN.

DAY.
WE HAD SOME CHICKEN.
NO ONE CAN DO IT LIKE US.

WE HAD SOME CHICKEN.
NO ONE CAN DO IT LIKE US.
>> NEW YORK!

NO ONE CAN DO IT LIKE US.
>> NEW YORK!
AND THEIR INCREDIBLE BAND.

>> NEW YORK!
AND THEIR INCREDIBLE BAND.
I WANT TO SAY THANK YOU TO MY

AND THEIR INCREDIBLE BAND.
I WANT TO SAY THANK YOU TO MY
ENTIRE CAST THAT DID A

I WANT TO SAY THANK YOU TO MY
ENTIRE CAST THAT DID A
WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL -- THEY DID

ENTIRE CAST THAT DID A
WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL -- THEY DID
IT -- WHAT DO YOU CALL IT?

WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL -- THEY DID
IT -- WHAT DO YOU CALL IT?
PANEL WITHOUT ME TODAY BECAUSE I

IT -- WHAT DO YOU CALL IT?
PANEL WITHOUT ME TODAY BECAUSE I
WAS HOSTING SNL.

PANEL WITHOUT ME TODAY BECAUSE I
WAS HOSTING SNL.
I WANT TO THANK EVERYBODY AT

WAS HOSTING SNL.
I WANT TO THANK EVERYBODY AT
ABBOTT ELEMENTARY FOR HELPING ME

I WANT TO THANK EVERYBODY AT
ABBOTT ELEMENTARY FOR HELPING ME
GET HERE.

ABBOTT ELEMENTARY FOR HELPING ME
GET HERE.
THANK YOU TO MY FANS AND FAMILY,

GET HERE.
THANK YOU TO MY FANS AND FAMILY,
WHO SOME OF THEM ARE HERE

THANK YOU TO MY FANS AND FAMILY,
WHO SOME OF THEM ARE HERE
TONIGHT.

WHO SOME OF THEM ARE HERE
TONIGHT.
I WANT TO SAY THANK YOU TO THIS

TONIGHT.
I WANT TO SAY THANK YOU TO THIS
INCREDIBLE CREW, THE PEOPLE AT

I WANT TO SAY THANK YOU TO THIS
INCREDIBLE CREW, THE PEOPLE AT
SNL WORK SO HARD, AND THEY ARE

INCREDIBLE CREW, THE PEOPLE AT
SNL WORK SO HARD, AND THEY ARE
UNREAL, AND THEY DO IT EVERY

SNL WORK SO HARD, AND THEY ARE
UNREAL, AND THEY DO IT EVERY
WEEK, AND IT'S NUTS, THE CAST,

UNREAL, AND THEY DO IT EVERY
WEEK, AND IT'S NUTS, THE CAST,
THE EW, IT'S I