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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 WWW.MY-SUBS.CO 1 00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:04,838 You know the human vagina can lift over 200 pounds? 2 00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:08,507 No, uh... no, it is 20 pounds. 3 00:00:08,509 --> 00:00:11,927 I don't know, I-I saw, like, a YouTube thing about it. 4 00:00:11,929 --> 00:00:15,039 Oh. I think I got too high to do this. 5 00:00:15,041 --> 00:00:16,515 Don't say that. Are you joking? 6 00:00:16,517 --> 00:00:17,766 - N... Okay. - That's so irresponsible. 7 00:00:17,768 --> 00:00:19,520 It's fine. I can do it. I can do it. 8 00:00:19,522 --> 00:00:21,679 I can do it. I just, like, got freaked out, 9 00:00:21,681 --> 00:00:23,445 'cause I felt like I was gonna perform, like, a real surgery, 10 00:00:23,447 --> 00:00:25,606 so I thought I would just get, like, a little toasted 11 00:00:25,608 --> 00:00:27,317 and it would give me confidence and I would just do it, 12 00:00:27,319 --> 00:00:29,027 and I figured, you know, we're gonna write after this anyway. 13 00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:31,613 Well, yeah, we're not gonna write, like, right after this. 14 00:00:31,615 --> 00:00:33,323 We're not? 15 00:00:33,325 --> 00:00:35,617 Yeah, we're writing a show about female friendship, right? 16 00:00:35,619 --> 00:00:37,619 - Yeah. - Yeah, so don't you think 17 00:00:37,621 --> 00:00:39,420 we should, like, actually become friends first? 18 00:00:39,422 --> 00:00:41,498 What do you call this? 19 00:00:41,500 --> 00:00:44,000 Okay, yes, you installing my new vagina would be, like, 20 00:00:44,002 --> 00:00:45,460 an amazing beginning to an episode, 21 00:00:45,462 --> 00:00:47,337 but all I'm saying is, so far, all we've done is, like, 22 00:00:47,339 --> 00:00:49,589 sit in your apartment and talk about Dan. 23 00:00:49,591 --> 00:00:52,001 I just feel like it's kind of a no-brainer that, like, we should 24 00:00:52,003 --> 00:00:54,461 go on some adventures together before we start writing. 25 00:00:54,463 --> 00:00:57,264 - Come on, man. Can't we just... - So I was thinking, after this, 26 00:00:57,266 --> 00:00:59,616 we pack our bags, we hit the road for a few days 27 00:00:59,618 --> 00:01:01,935 and camp under the stars, we have some laughs. 28 00:01:01,937 --> 00:01:03,916 I don't know, like... what, today? 29 00:01:03,918 --> 00:01:05,438 Why not? 30 00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:07,315 I'm busy. I've got stuff to do. 31 00:01:07,317 --> 00:01:10,383 Ugh. You have Dan's podcast, Dan's weekly podcast 32 00:01:10,385 --> 00:01:12,195 - you go to every week. - Come on, man, just... 33 00:01:12,197 --> 00:01:14,072 I'm just saying I'm sorry, I feel like you would have 34 00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:15,949 a lot more power in your relationship if you actually 35 00:01:15,951 --> 00:01:18,076 had your own things going on every once in a while. 36 00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:20,170 Barbara, I understand that you represent a part of me 37 00:01:20,172 --> 00:01:23,320 that feels the need to question my very happy relationship with Dan, 38 00:01:23,322 --> 00:01:25,005 but that doesn't mean that you're right. 39 00:01:25,007 --> 00:01:26,708 I don't need to play games 40 00:01:26,710 --> 00:01:29,527 and, like, you know, make myself unavailable 41 00:01:29,529 --> 00:01:31,298 - to, like, prove myself to him. - Mm. 42 00:01:31,300 --> 00:01:33,665 We're past that. We poop with the door open sometimes. 43 00:01:33,667 --> 00:01:35,177 Yeah, right there, right there. 44 00:01:35,179 --> 00:01:36,469 - Like, we tell each other everything. - Mm-hmm. 45 00:01:36,471 --> 00:01:37,772 Except for the fact that I, like, 46 00:01:37,774 --> 00:01:39,922 formed this unhealthy codependent relationship 47 00:01:39,924 --> 00:01:41,349 with his former sex doll. 48 00:01:41,351 --> 00:01:42,851 - Mm-hmm. - I'm, like, currently giving her 49 00:01:42,853 --> 00:01:44,102 a vaginal rejuvenation, 50 00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:45,937 'cause she can talk me into anything and... 51 00:01:45,939 --> 00:01:48,023 Goddamn it! Is this thing in yet? 52 00:01:48,025 --> 00:01:49,401 Yeah. It is. 53 00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:51,610 What? 54 00:01:51,612 --> 00:01:53,111 It has been for a while. 55 00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:54,446 Like, you can feel this? 56 00:01:54,448 --> 00:01:56,156 Oh, yeah. 57 00:01:56,158 --> 00:01:57,324 Oh, you are such an asshole! 58 00:01:57,326 --> 00:01:59,784 Oh, Codes, a girls' trip, you and me. 59 00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:01,286 Oh! It'll be so fun. 60 00:02:01,288 --> 00:02:04,039 We'll show Dan what an independent codependent woman you are. 61 00:02:04,041 --> 00:02:06,124 We'll let go of the things that no longer serve us. 62 00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:09,004 Wait! I want to hold on to that. 63 00:02:15,010 --> 00:02:16,927 Road trip... ! 64 00:02:16,929 --> 00:02:19,471 I can't believe I let you talk me into this. 65 00:02:19,473 --> 00:02:21,556 - That looks ridiculous, by the way. - What? 66 00:02:21,558 --> 00:02:23,683 The dirty vagina you made me tie around your neck. 67 00:02:23,685 --> 00:02:25,769 Fuckin' Ed Gein-lookin' motherfucker. 68 00:02:25,771 --> 00:02:27,437 Whatever. It's so cute. You're just jelly. 69 00:02:27,439 --> 00:02:29,664 - Nah. You look insane. - As insane as the patriarchy 70 00:02:29,666 --> 00:02:31,107 upon which I'm, like, commenting? 71 00:02:31,109 --> 00:02:32,651 No, I didn't think so. 72 00:02:32,653 --> 00:02:36,268 Codes, ever since I got this new vagina, 73 00:02:36,270 --> 00:02:38,073 I honestly, like, I feel like a new woman. 74 00:02:38,075 --> 00:02:40,116 Like, my own woman. 75 00:02:40,118 --> 00:02:42,202 - That's great, Barbara. - You should try it sometime. 76 00:02:42,204 --> 00:02:44,496 What, removing my vagina and getting a new one? 77 00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:46,331 No. 78 00:02:46,333 --> 00:02:48,532 Not letting every single moment of your life be consumed 79 00:02:48,534 --> 00:02:50,126 - by your boyfriend. - What? It's not. 80 00:02:50,128 --> 00:02:51,628 Then why do you keep looking at your phone? 81 00:02:51,630 --> 00:02:53,905 No, that... I just... I wanted to make sure 82 00:02:53,907 --> 00:02:55,382 he got my text earlier, like, 83 00:02:55,384 --> 00:02:57,450 'cause he dot-dot-dotted, but then the bubble disappeared, 84 00:02:57,452 --> 00:02:58,510 and I just felt like... 85 00:02:58,512 --> 00:03:00,470 Cody! Do you fucking hear yourself? 86 00:03:00,472 --> 00:03:02,639 All you ever do is talk about Dan. 87 00:03:02,641 --> 00:03:05,090 Dan, Dan, Dan this, Dan that, I'm obsessed with Dan, 88 00:03:05,092 --> 00:03:07,060 I love Dan's dick, even when it smells like curry. 89 00:03:07,062 --> 00:03:08,937 I don't feel like I've said that before. 90 00:03:08,939 --> 00:03:10,666 How are we gonna write a feminist masterpiece 91 00:03:10,668 --> 00:03:12,234 if we can't even pass the Bechdel test? 92 00:03:13,735 --> 00:03:16,361 Oh, shit. You do know what the Bechdel test is, right? 93 00:03:16,363 --> 00:03:19,421 Yeah, Barbara, yes, I know what the Bechdel test is. 94 00:03:19,423 --> 00:03:21,199 We know the same amount of stuff. 95 00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:23,827 We're the same person. Stop trying to act like you're smarter than me. 96 00:03:23,829 --> 00:03:27,664 Created by cartoonist Alison Bechdel, it asks whether... 97 00:03:27,666 --> 00:03:29,884 Sorry. I have pee anxiety. 98 00:03:29,886 --> 00:03:31,042 Can you, like... ? 99 00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:36,464 It asks whether a movie or, like, a work of fiction, 100 00:03:36,466 --> 00:03:39,381 um, has at least two female characters, 101 00:03:39,383 --> 00:03:42,055 and then the two characters have to talk about something 102 00:03:42,057 --> 00:03:43,305 other than a man. 103 00:03:43,307 --> 00:03:45,056 But aren't there, like, three things? 104 00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:46,975 Yeah. There's, like, more to it than that. 105 00:03:46,977 --> 00:03:50,437 I think, um, one of the things is, like... 106 00:03:50,439 --> 00:03:53,064 - um, do they both have names? - Yeah. We have names. 107 00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:55,150 Yeah. I mean, mine's kind of a boy's name. I don't... 108 00:03:55,152 --> 00:03:57,319 - Yeah, I don't think that matters. - Okay. It doesn't matter. Um... 109 00:03:57,321 --> 00:03:59,833 So, then... What's the third thing? 110 00:03:59,835 --> 00:04:02,157 Isn't it just, like, that there are two women? 111 00:04:02,159 --> 00:04:04,534 - Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so one... - Yeah. 112 00:04:04,536 --> 00:04:05,952 - Are there two women? - Yeah. 113 00:04:05,954 --> 00:04:07,329 Which, you know, there are. 114 00:04:07,331 --> 00:04:09,414 And then two, do they both have names? 115 00:04:09,416 --> 00:04:11,013 - They have names. - And three, do they talk 116 00:04:11,015 --> 00:04:12,292 - about something other than a man? - Yeah. 117 00:04:12,294 --> 00:04:15,086 Okay. So all we have to do to pass this is just not talk about men. 118 00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:16,588 Oh, my God, we're gonna be so good at this. 119 00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:18,404 Okay, so, Bechdel test? 120 00:04:18,406 --> 00:04:20,175 - Yes! - Starting... 121 00:04:20,177 --> 00:04:21,760 - now! - Now! 122 00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:24,054 Oh, my God, we're gonna be the best feminist-y feminists 123 00:04:24,056 --> 00:04:25,347 that were ever feminists! 124 00:04:25,349 --> 00:04:27,599 ♪ Let me go on ♪ 125 00:04:27,601 --> 00:04:30,227 ♪ Like I blister in the sun ♪ 126 00:04:30,229 --> 00:04:33,230 ♪ Let me go on... ♪ 127 00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:37,275 Really pretty out here, huh? 128 00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:39,713 Yeah. I love it. 129 00:04:39,715 --> 00:04:41,758 Growing up, my dad used to take... 130 00:04:41,760 --> 00:04:43,406 - Ooh! - What? 131 00:04:43,408 --> 00:04:44,991 Oh, just like, your dad. 132 00:04:44,993 --> 00:04:46,368 He's a man, right? 133 00:04:46,370 --> 00:04:48,674 Oh. Oh, right. Shit! 134 00:04:48,676 --> 00:04:50,792 Okay. Yeah, okay, start over, start over? 135 00:04:50,794 --> 00:04:52,123 - Yeah. Okay, ready? - Okay, okay, ready? 136 00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:53,542 - Bechdel test starting... - Starting... 137 00:04:53,544 --> 00:04:55,001 - now. - now. Okay. 138 00:04:55,003 --> 00:04:57,087 ♪ I know you're the one... ♪ 139 00:04:57,089 --> 00:04:59,983 Ugh. Look at that. 140 00:04:59,985 --> 00:05:02,820 The fact that 53% of white women 141 00:05:02,822 --> 00:05:05,929 hated themselves enough to vote for that bloated orangutan... 142 00:05:05,931 --> 00:05:07,722 - Ooh. - What? 143 00:05:07,724 --> 00:05:09,224 Well... 144 00:05:09,226 --> 00:05:11,685 Oh, my God, you fucking voted for Trump. 145 00:05:11,687 --> 00:05:13,412 Oh, that makes so much sense. 146 00:05:13,414 --> 00:05:15,127 What? No. No! Oh, my God. 147 00:05:15,129 --> 00:05:18,441 No, I'm saying, Trump is a man, Bechdel. 148 00:05:18,443 --> 00:05:20,235 - Oh, shit! - Right? 149 00:05:20,237 --> 00:05:23,113 Oh, my God, this is so much harder than I thought. 150 00:05:23,115 --> 00:05:24,213 I know! Jesus! 151 00:05:24,215 --> 00:05:25,490 - Ooh. - What? 152 00:05:25,492 --> 00:05:27,450 Well, Jesus, like, that's kind of a guy, right? 153 00:05:27,452 --> 00:05:29,369 Oh, come on. Come on. 154 00:05:29,371 --> 00:05:31,614 #BechdelFail on you right now, bitch. 155 00:05:31,616 --> 00:05:33,418 No. Okay, okay, okay, come on, come on, come on. 156 00:05:33,420 --> 00:05:35,041 - Okay. - Ready? And... 157 00:05:35,043 --> 00:05:36,209 - Bechdel! - Bechdel! 158 00:05:41,960 --> 00:05:43,285 - What's your, um... - You know... 159 00:05:43,287 --> 00:05:45,010 No. Uh, no, no, no, sorry, you go ahead. 160 00:05:45,012 --> 00:05:46,344 You absolutely can go. 161 00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:48,388 I didn't have anything. 162 00:05:48,390 --> 00:05:50,559 - Me, neither. - Fuck! 163 00:05:50,561 --> 00:05:52,726 Why is it so hard to talk about something that isn't a dude? 164 00:05:52,728 --> 00:05:55,270 I don't know! I hate this! 165 00:05:55,272 --> 00:05:58,648 We shouldn't be forcing it, you know? 166 00:05:58,650 --> 00:06:00,979 Yeah. Like, I feel like if we stop 167 00:06:00,981 --> 00:06:03,111 thinking about it, it'll just, like, come to us. 168 00:06:03,113 --> 00:06:05,363 We should just, like, think about something else. 169 00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:07,434 Yeah, we can talk about... 170 00:06:07,436 --> 00:06:09,562 - anything else. - Yeah, like, anything. 171 00:06:09,564 --> 00:06:11,913 Yeah. I mean, we can talk about this beer 172 00:06:11,915 --> 00:06:13,413 - and, like, the... - Uh-huh. 173 00:06:13,415 --> 00:06:15,055 ... store, how gross it is. 174 00:06:15,057 --> 00:06:16,683 We can talk about... 175 00:06:16,685 --> 00:06:19,432 - that woman over there. - Yes, we could totally talk 176 00:06:19,434 --> 00:06:21,546 - about the crack whore. - Oh, my God, you're so bad. 177 00:06:21,548 --> 00:06:22,957 - Do you know what I'm thinking? - What? 178 00:06:22,959 --> 00:06:25,467 I feel like her discharge would be, like, booger-y. 179 00:06:25,469 --> 00:06:26,760 My God, you're so gross. 180 00:06:26,762 --> 00:06:28,053 I know what you're talking about. 181 00:06:28,055 --> 00:06:30,064 Like, when it's, like, you could use it 182 00:06:30,066 --> 00:06:32,265 - as an adhesive for arts and crafts. Gross. - Yes! 183 00:06:32,267 --> 00:06:34,935 - It's, like, go bedazzle some shit. - Oh, my God, shut up. 184 00:06:38,398 --> 00:06:40,232 I don't know, does that seem weird? 185 00:06:40,234 --> 00:06:42,734 - What? - I don't know, just, like... 186 00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:45,153 you know, that we could be, like, talking shit 187 00:06:45,155 --> 00:06:47,447 about another woman and still pass the Bechdel test? 188 00:06:47,449 --> 00:06:48,823 Yeah, I do know what you mean. 189 00:06:48,825 --> 00:06:50,692 And, like, also, are you saying that, like, 190 00:06:50,694 --> 00:06:52,495 we could have one conversation? 191 00:06:52,497 --> 00:06:53,928 Like, we could talk about dudes all day, 192 00:06:53,930 --> 00:06:55,197 and we have one conversation about, like, 193 00:06:55,199 --> 00:06:56,414 "How many calories are in these plantain chips?" 194 00:06:56,416 --> 00:06:58,416 - and we'd still pass? - Yeah, we're thinking about it 195 00:06:58,418 --> 00:07:00,390 like we can't talk about dudes, but really, we just have to 196 00:07:00,392 --> 00:07:02,420 talk shit about a lady first, and then we can go back 197 00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:04,765 - to talking about dudes, right? - I mean, like, we did it. 198 00:07:04,767 --> 00:07:06,366 - We totally passed! - All right! 199 00:07:06,368 --> 00:07:07,680 - Okay, amazing. - That is so good. 200 00:07:07,682 --> 00:07:08,995 Yay, we can talk about guys again, 201 00:07:08,997 --> 00:07:10,700 because I've been wanting to tell you, there's this guy... 202 00:07:10,702 --> 00:07:13,088 Open the fucking register now! 203 00:07:13,090 --> 00:07:15,175 Now! Come on, I want everything, you hear me? 204 00:07:15,177 --> 00:07:16,213 I want everything! 205 00:07:16,215 --> 00:07:18,239 - Everybody get your hands up. - Barbara, get down! 206 00:07:18,241 --> 00:07:20,541 - Synced and corrected by Firefly - - www.MY-SUBS.com - 16272