Original subtitles

Gennaro... Shhh, Gennaro! Gennaro!

What's up, Carlo? - A new guy just came in.

There, next to the Norwegian.

I'm not Norwegian, I'm Swedish!

And who's that? - I don't know. Ask him.

Maybe he doesn't understand Italian.

Look at his feet... They look Spanish to me.

Shhh, Spanish guy... Obrigado, hey! Obrigado...

"Obrigado" is a Portuguese word, guys.

He's one of ours!

Hello, guys. It's a bit stuffy in here...

Anybody got a cigarette?

No, smoking is not allowed here!

He got you, he, he...

And how do you intend to smoke, Carlo?

Hey, unknown... What's your name?

Santino.

Hello, Santino. We're Italians,

those guys there are Frenchmen...

Enchante'!

The one next to you is Knut the Dan...

I am Swedish!

Well, whatever! Then Kurt the German...

Then sergeant John...

Thanks, guys. Where are we, anyway?

This is a fridge. This is where they store us, the

dead people, in these compartments.

Oh, fuck! - Hey, Santino, how come they labelled

you "unknown"? - We all have our ending, boys:

Some die from old age, others from tumours,

I died because of my blood brother!

Your blood bro' killed you, eh?

No, I got killed because of the son of the blood bro' of

my father... Ah, it's all very complicated!

Use your own words, Santino.

Ok, then! My story begins a long time ago,

in Macedonia. Do you know what Macedonia is?

Sure! It's a kind of salad.

Carlo! How can a person be born in a salad?

"Macedonia" is the brand of cigarettes that

Monica Bellucci smokes in "Malena".

You don't know shit, guys. Macedonia is a country,

down in the Balkans. Let's start from the beginning.

Some fifty years ago...

After the Second World War, Macedonia was a part of

Tito's Yugoslavia. Very important historical period,

ruling of the proletariat... all ideology, you know? Quite a

limited environment for a dynamic young man

like my father Vitomir.

His blood brother Seraphim was his best friend.

Vitomir and Seraphim were like Little Caesars:

They dressed better than Fred Buscaglione,

and boxed harder that Rocky Marciano.

When they showed up to parties, they immediately

broke the girls' hearts...

and also the jaws of their jealous boyfriends!

Those were poor times, but even poor people like to dress up.

Vitomir and Seraphim started to make profit from

this human weakness, buying goods in Italy and selling

them for five times their price in Yugoslavia.

But the Yugoslav customs showed no understanding

for their business determination...

Anything to declare?

Well, personal luggage, reference books...

Small stuff! - Small stuff, yeah.

Down on your knees!

The search for easy money against the limitations

imposed by the law led these talented young men

to embrace their destiny: Shefket Ramadani!

Good job, money easy.

Train arrive Friday.

Two.

In Dubrovnik get shipped on boat...

Two hundred twenty box! And in Dubrovnik:

My guards, my people, my policeman, my engineer...

nobody touch you. We split fifty-fifty!

Why fifty-fifty, eh? Why not in thirds?

Why? Why because fucking shit why!

Whattya got? - Two pairs.

Me better. Straight. That's why!

Fucking why...

Can ya see anythin', bro'?

I can see shit, bro'. Well, fuck it.

Watch the wire, bro'! Ouch!

They've turned on the electricity.

Wanna play hard, eh? Fuckin' bastards!

Gimme them pliers.

Don't have 'em, bro'... - So fuck ya, bro'...

So fuck me, bro', I didn't bring them.

Never mind, bro'. I'll lift it up and we'll go under.

Ready, set, go... Arghhh!

Hold on, bro'!

Don't give up, bro', I beg ya!

Fuckin' commies!

Eh, we should be stealin' in America...

...even the electricity is less powerful there.

Less powerful, ya say? Eh, that West...

Is this the carriage, bro'?

Got no idea, bro', guess so. - Gimme the crowbar, bro'!

Don't have it, bro', didn't bring it.

Sorry to say this, bro', but you're a real piece of...

Halt! You've been caught in the act of stealing the

property of the Yugoslav People's Army.

Better surrender, you're surrounded!

Beat it, bro'! - Get lost, bro'!

Comrade soldiers, fire!

We're screwed... - Run to the sea!

Unleash the dogs, soldiers!

Wait for me, bro'!

I'll wait for ya on the shore, bro'...

Don't waste the bullets! Catch them alive!

Please wait for me, bro'...

Show some character, bro'... Ouch!

Argh! Ya wanna play hard, eh?

Hold on, bro'! Don't give up!

That evening, while the laments of his blood brother

Seraphim echoed in the night, my father Vitomir

swam across the entire Adriatic Sea,

with his eyes full with tears...

The next day he swam into Bari

and applied for asylum in Italy.

Name and surname? - Vito.

Don Vito... Genovese.

In Italy Vitomir continued to pursue intellectual goals:

He worked as a gigolo, smuggled cigarettes, fixed

football games, he built himself a solid career,

got married... But never, not even in the last moments

of his life, did he forget his blood brother.

Santino, my son... My life is coming to its end...

But don't you ever forget what Pat O'Brien says

in the movie "Angels With Dirty Faces"...

"Let us pray for the boy who couldn't run

as fast as I could"...

That also goes for my blood brother Seraphim...

I heard he died, a few years ago...

But he has a son...

If you ever find that your little blood brother

is in trouble, help him!

Yes, daddy! I give you my word!

Of course, I completely forgot about the promise

I made my father. I moved to Rome, as a real Roman,

and opened a nightclub, a fancy place.

Until one day, my phone rang...

Hello? - Good afternoon.

May I speak to Santino Genovese?

That day, for the first time in my life, I heard the voice

of Trendafil Karanfilov. - Who's Trendafil Karanfilov?

Trendafil is the son of the blood brother Seraphim,

born out of wedlock between Seraphim and an anonymous

female prisoner serving a life sentence.

On the day of his birth, with a sudden attack Israel declared

war to Egypt, Syria, Jordan and Iraq.

By chance or not, little Trendafil was born on the

day when a war began... and wars shall mark

his entire existence!

Trendafil grew up in an orphanage. His guardians

believed that watching war movies best hardens the

child's spirit. But while all the other children had fun,

little Trendafil was scared to death!

Children, today we shall learn the letter "A".

"A" is the first letter of our alphabet...

That feeling of fear developed in the years that

followed: On his first day at school, General Augusto

Pinochet carried out a military coup in Chile.

Trendafil! Don't tempt me!

He graduated when the civil war in Nicaragua began...

Turn off the TV, you ass!

...He met the love of his life on the day when

the conflict in Slovenia and Croatia began...

...His first day at work was the day when

the war in Bosnia began...

...He got married when NATO attacked Serbia...

As years went by, the gap between wars

got smaller and smaller.

Deep down inside, he was afraid. Deep inside

his heart, Trendafil was preparing for war!

Until that spring, 2001...

During the day, the Albanian terrorists have

been opening fire at the special forces of the

Macedonian army and police, all over the

front-line declared as the so-called

"free territory of Albanians in Macedonia".

Supposedly these terrorist groups have been

entering Macedonia through illegal crossings from Kosovo,

however the origin of their heavy artillery remains

unknown. The fighting is approaching

the suburbs of the Macedonian capital...

Oh, dear!

THE CAPITAL BESIEGED BY TERRORISTS

You really are driving me crazy...

Why won't you open the door?

If I were able to get up, I'd be outside with a machinegun!

You're not missing much... They've been shooting all

day long, but haven't shot anything yet!

You've been trying to walk again, eh?

He took my remote control... - Oh, for God's sake, mother!

He took my remote, and he's been watching

documentaries about animals all day. While outside

patriots get killed, your husband is watching

giraffes in Africa. Moron!

Did you take your pills this morning?

If your father were alive, he would have instantly died

of shame! Thank you Lord, for taking him in time.

Mother, Trendafil is a peaceful person...

You don't say? Then why did he marry an Army Officer's

daughter, if he's so afraid of wars?

If he had the balls...

he would have given you five children by now!

Trendafil, give her the remote... Trendafil!

Come on, give it back... - What a moron, tsk, tsk, tsk...

Let go of it... Let go, I said...

If this schmuck gets you pregnant,

you'll have a crocodile! - Let go! Let go, you fucking...

Don't beg, hit the bastard!

Hell, mama! Do you have any idea how expensive

food is in wartime?

Give me those eggs... Give them!

Make him give me the remote first!

Trendafil, give her the remote, you assholes,

you're gonna fuck up my bloody nerves!

Look, even the neighbours are complaining...

You'll both pay for this!

Jango the Soap! - Jango the Soap?

Now you're fucked, my little son-in-law...

Come in, Jango... Jango, come!

Hey, Jango! Come in, Jango boy...

Keep quiet, for heavens sake!

Oh, Jango?

Oooh, Ruza... How are you?

Oh, just doing some house work... And how about you?

Doing my job, Ruza. - Really? - Yeah...

And when did you get out of prison?

Oh, that's past, Ruza. I'm a volunteer now.

Everything for the fatherland! - Right, well done.

By the way... Trendafil? Is he at home?

Trendafil... has gone to a spa.

Really? Is he there to cure his...?

No, he isn't.

- Well then?

He took my mother to the spa.

Granny Zumbula is ill? - Spondylosis.

Uh-huh... Anyway, Ruza, I've got this little letter for

Trendafil: An invitation for military therapy, heh, heh...

Reservist. He has to call in by Monday.

It's no use, Jango, he won't be back by Monday.

But he'll have to come back sometime, Ruza...

He can't hide forever!

Ah, Ruza, Ruza...

Eh, Jango...

So, you'll see Trendafil when he comes back,

and you can settle things with him... some time.

I'll see him for sure, Ruza. It's easy now...

It's war.

Well then, Jango. - Well then, Ruza...

Spondilosis, eh?

Stop!

Stop, you cunt of a deserter,

I'm gonna kill you!

Trendafil, don't provoke me, you'll make me go

back to prison, I swear you will!

Now you're dead, you fag!

Traitor! Freemason pussy!

It's not safe. Jango waits in ambush in the elevator.

He bribed the housekeeper into mining the basement.

There's no way you can get away from him!

Some policemen came yesterday...

they want you for the police reserve troops.

I told them to make arrangements with

the army, either here or there...

They tried to pull a fast one on me: If you got killed I

would get two military pensions instead of one!

What's up now?

I can't take it any more, Ruza. If they catch me I won't even

make it to the front line... I'll die on the road...

Come on, this war won't last long... we just have to

hide for a bit. If we leave early in the morning,

we'll be in Bulgaria in an hour.

What do you mean Bulgaria? - On the Black Sea.

The tourist season is about to begin there, we'll get jobs

on the black labor market... you as a bartender,

me as a waitress, mama will help out...

What do you mean, mama?

You ruthless animal!

You would leave mama here to get bombed

by the mujahedins, you scoundrel!

She's an old woman, she'll forget something

plugged in, she'll burn down the flat,

you retarded vermin! - Bulgaria!

Ruza, my child, where are we going so early?

To the sea, mommy, to the sea.

The sea, love? And what about your good-for-nothing loser?

Let's send him to the Army first,

maybe a grenade will kill him, no?

Don't say that, mama, it's a pity.

A pity, why? I say, from my mouth into God's ears!

Ruza, my child...

There he is! - Quiet, mama, quiet!

Hell, quiet! Where's Jango? Jango! Jango, come!

Shhh! Quit it! - Where are you, Jango!

Jango, come! Jango, boy! - Be quiet, mama, be quiet!

Jango, where are you, Jango...

Jango, where are you, Jango...

Wake up, Jango!

Now you're fucked, neighbour!

Now you're fucked...

And so, my blood brother began his journey East,

towards the rising sun... As Alan Bourdillion Traherne

said in one western: "Over the mountains of the Moon,

and through the valley of the shadow, he rides,

boldly rides, until he finds El Dorado".

And what happened next, Santino? - Did they make it?

Well, it was a close call, but then nature decided to play

its part. That spring was unusually hot. Veeeery hot...

original traditional handicrafts

The engine. Looks like the engine has overheated!

I'm cold. - Oh, please, you're such a child.

Why didn't you say so, we would've stopped...

I was hot. - Oh, is that so? And now you're not?

Now I'm cold. - Cold? In this heat?

Oh, come on, mother, don't screw with me...

"...check diphthongs."

Where could those diphthongs be?

I gave her two valiums. - For her stool?

No, for the nerves. - Oh, yeah...

Oh, it's so hot. The air is heavy...

Hey, here it is: "...check the pressure in the valves

of the internal combustion engine..."

We'll be there by tonight.

Wow, I haven't seen the sea in seven years.

Nowadays even the seas aren't as safe as they used to be,

Russians with submarines everywhere... clutch...

If we find jobs, we can stay longer.

Mom's nerves might settle down...

Maybe you'll get better, too.

The sea air has healing powers. - For my ulcer?

I'm not talking about your ulcer. I'm talking about...

...children! - Oh, that...

If I could choose, I'd have twins. I'd do that maybe

five or six more times, until I've had enough.

Damn you're clumsy!

Here, take this towel, come on.

And go get mama, we should be going!

Ruza sent me, to take you to the car.

Granny Zumbula?

Look, I'll take you now, very carefully,

but don't resist, okay?

Ruzaaaa!

Well... she looks dead to me!

She's dead, very dead.

What was her name? - Zumbula (Hyacinth).

Zumbula... Like the flower, hyacinth? - Yes.

Zum-bu-la... And the lady is...?

Her daughter, my wife.

I'm asking for her name. - Ah, the name... Ruza (Rose).

Also like the flower? - Well, yes... Like a rose.

Okay, Ru-za... And you are...

Trendafil (Rosebud).

Also... flower? - Also!

And your last name? - Karanfilov (Flowerson).

Okay... if you say so!

And the certificate? - What?

The death certificate, stating that she's dead.

Ah, that certificate? Eh, Karanfilov, Karanfilov...

And how am I supposed to know that she's really dead?

But you just said she looked dead.

Well, of course she does, how can she not look dead...

But what if she's in a coma and then wakes up?

Well, we could wait, but I doubt...

And you, how come you're so persistent?

All I want is the certificate, so that we can bury her...

And who's to say you didn't cut her throat?

Cut her throat? - Hypothetically speaking.

Excuse me, officer, but I'm an unemployed worker...

Sure, I believe you, but put yourself in my shoes.

There has to be a procedure: The doctors must come,

examine her, confirm that she's dead,

and then give you the certificate... That's it!

And now? Where will I find you those doctors now?

Don't go to the village infirmary,

everyone is a dentist there. Try downtown.

And have a nice time by the sea!

The door!

Good afternoon.

Dupuytren contracture...

from bending of the palmar aponeurosis.

Vaginal cytology...

Abdominal hysterectomy...

Pharyngoesophageal diverticulum!

Say "Pharyngoesophageal diverticulum"!

Pharyngoesophageal.

Take your clothes off!

Actually, doctor, I'm here for something else...

I studied medicine and natural sciences, sacrificed

three decades of my life in order to save myself from

primitive creatures trying to place themselves above

the level of their own competence.

Outside, in the little pigsty you call your home,

you can make decisions, give orders,

but in here: You are mine. Take off your underpants!

Erection? - I can.

Ejaculation?

Doctor, I'm not really comfortable with this...

Me neither. Got any children?

No.

Does it hurt? - No.

Does it burn? - No.

Does it itch? - A little bit.

It's good. - Is it really good, doctor?

Good. No side effects. Enlargement is not a

risky surgery, but it requires sexual abstinence

We'll slice it a little... - Slice what?

Your penis. In order to extend it, I have to slice it!

No, doctor, please, I'm here for the granny.

What granny?

For a sex change?

No... Look doctor. My granny Zumbula. She's dead.

Did you notify the police?

Sure I did. They referred me to you...

Yes, but I'm a gynaecologist. Go to the city council.

I can't go there, doctor. She was a foreign citizen.

Go to your embassy, then!

Doctor, have some understanding for my

misfortune. I'm a political refugee!

Aren't we all?

Tell them that doctor Safarafov sent you.

Doctor Safarafov sent me...

Where's the document from the cemetery?

What cemetery? - For elephants!

Where are you going to bury her?

Well... Wherever you say, we will...

Then you need a receipt for a purchased grave.

What purchased grave?

Trying to pull a fast one on me, aren't you?

First I give you a certificate, and then you

people bury yourselves in gardens and basements,

just to save some money. Well, that won't work!

It won't work!

No use in begging, why didn't you make a reservation

in time? - It's not like we planned it, the granny was a

foreigner, just passing through.

Oh, great! We have no space for our own folks,

and now we even have to bury foreigners!

We don't wish to impose, it just happened...

But there's no space, buddy! No free space!

This is a cemetery, not "McDonald's"!

You have to make a reservation before hand... Ouch!

Hey, be careful, man!

The other day they brought in a guy, died in a car crash.

I buried him together with another guy

who died from a heart attack. The relatives complained:

How could I bury him with a total stranger? I said:

Now they have all the time in the world, they'll get

acquainted. What can I do when there's no space?

And how about burning her?

The crematorium doesn't work!

We called the repairmen two weeks ago,

and we're still waiting for them.

There must be some solution...

Two, gimme two...

To get myself some beer. - Is that so?

Now look: We're planning to rent another two acres.

I'll put you on the waiting list. If it happens,

you'll be first in line! - No, not me, the granny.

All same to me! Call me, okay?

Okay... Hey, when should I call you?

Well, either June or July. There are procedures

for everything. First we have to get permission from

the land registration office, then we have to go to the city

council, in the end we have to notify the police...

This is a modern country, there are procedures for everything!

She started to smell...

At the restaurant they told me they won't give us

any more ice... They need it for the customers.

Want a beer?

Well, gimme one. - Here, it'll refresh you.

May God rest her soul! - God rest her soul...

Oh, mother, mother... - Ruza! I have an idea!

It's so cheap, Ruza! For every three carpets you

buy, you get a free tapestry!

Geez! - Put it down.

I made sure it matched the curtains...

Which curtains? - The ones in our living room.

Which curtains? - The ones in our living room.

You don't think we'll throw it away?

We paid money for it...

Well, it's nice. - Of course it's nice.

With ethnic motifs. Do you know how much a

carpet like this would cost in America?

God help us now! Take her from the head.

She wasn't so heavy when she was alive.

Maybe she soaked up some of the water...

What do you think she is, a sponge? Put her down!

It's a shame for the carpet. We should have squeezed

out the water first... - It's hot, she'll dry out.

Take that side!

Hey, are you sure about this? - It's too late to turn back

now. C'mon, ready, steady, go?

Steady, ready, go! - Oh, c'mon, wrap!

Another 20 kilometres to the border. When you

get home, go straight to the hospital!

Get the certificate, buy the coffin,

organize the funeral, if anyone asks for a bribe

bribe him, of course! When you're home,

everything is easier. - And what about you?

I'm not coming back until the war is over.

You'll have to cross the border without me.

Take it easy! Don't get nervous! Just act normal,

like we're acting normal at this minute!

What if they unwrap the carpet?

Don't worry, I have a plan for everything!

Check how much money we have left?

Bulgarian or German? - Both. We'll buy

meat, cans, dairy products... We'll fill the entire trailer!

- Geez!

The customs officers will think you're

smuggling food. They'll all be looking inside the

trailer, no one will look at the carpet!

You know something? - Huh?

You weren't like this before...

Now you're somehow... more determined.

It's the war, honey. I saw this program on TV once,

they said that when a man faces death, something like

an instinct suddenly woke up inside him...

Survival instinct, you mean. - Yeah, yeah, that's it.

Well. Makes sense to me.

Bastards! Half of this stuff is past its "best before" date...

So what. These days everyone is afraid of

the mad cow disease. And if you're carrying

bad food, no one will even ask about...

...the carpet! - Oh, mama!

Damn Bulgarians! They've stolen the carpet!

Ruza!

You murderer! Bloodsucker!

You'll send us all to our graves!

I'll listen to you once, and this is what happens...

You monster!

Mother was right, we should have turned you over to

Jango the Soap, to be court-martialed, you animal!

Go ahead, cry, just keep on crying! You'll do whatever

it takes to find mom!

If you want to kill me, kill me on the spot...

Where could I find your mother now?

Where?

Stolen things are where the thieves are, that's where.

But you're such a schmuck, they'll steal you, too!

You can't just do that on your own.

Your late father, Seraphim... - Don't even mention him!

...he used to tell stories about his friend in Italy,

some rascal that could sell his own mother...

Vitomir. But he's dead. - Yes, but he had a son...

What was his name?

Santino. Santino Genovese.

That's right!

If we want justice, we must go to Don Genovese!

Hello? - Good afternoon.

May I speak to... - May I speak to.

May I speak to Santino Genovese?

That very moment, I heard the terrible voice of the past!

"Santino... Help your little blood brother

if he's ever in trouble..."

I am Santino Genovese, the son of the late Vitomir.

I came to pay off an old debt.

The essence of every suspense action, bro', is to keep cool.

Like Jackie Chan in "Shanghai Noon", or Dolph Lundgren

in "Red Scorpion"...More salt! Or the blond chick

in "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre", get it?

What's he saying? - Just a moment...

Ah, here it is: Chainsaw! - What about Chainsaw?

Chainsaw, that's it, chainsaw, bravo! So, no panic.

What are we looking for? A granny inside a stolen

carpet? Okay, no problem! Where do we look for stolen

carpets? In a supermarket? Don't be ridiculous, bro'.

The stolen stuff is where the stolen stuff dealers are.

And who works with the stolen-stuff dealers?

Everybody knows: The Pope! Just a moment...

Hello, Pope? Ciao, Sonny here, Vito's boy.

How are you? Celebrating? Your brother is out on parole?

His bro' is a paedophile. He traded on the Internet

with stolen credit cards. What a son of a bitch!

That's great, give him my congratulations!

Listen, Pope, I need some information: Who runs the

stolen furniture business in Southeast Europe?

Wait a second...

Uh-huh... And what's the address?

You sure? No, I'm not in a mess, just helpin' out...

I'm just helpin'... Papa, don't preach!

Thanks, Pope, you're a dogma!

Dirty motherfucker...

Have you ever heard of some Greek guy named...

...what the fuck is his name...

...Homer?

Can't have strong lights.

Because of eyes.

Live with blinds down. Sleep during day,

do business night. Like Batman, he, he...

So, you search carpet, eh? And something in carpet.

And what in carpet? Don't want say me, eh?

I have bathroom tiles. Italian tiles. Very pretty.

Madam could put tiles instead carpet.

Tiles, tiles, tiles...

So, you want carpet only? Why, is that carpet fly?

Homer jokes.

Aha, fish tank! Want to buy fish tank?

Very pretty. All glass. Gold fish swim.

Ouch! Easy, bro'... - Sorry, bro'...

Wait, wait, wait! I know everything about carpet...

Carpet brought one Romanian, lousy player,

steals cheep stuff only...

And carpets no good, don't sell...

Wait, wait, wait! In my job technique is: Keep good

stuff, ship out bad stuff. Carpet shipped out.

Where to? - To Belgrade, the Serbia. Have business

partner there, powerful man, great man,

holds territory from Danube to Drina... Carpet there.

Enough!

Ruza!

You listen to me, Ruza, and go back home.

This is a man's job. Blood brother! - Oh, Bro'...

Do you know what Chucky Chelmer says

in "The Last Cowboy"? Let's ride!

Okay, you'll translate later!

Belgrade in Serbia.

Guys, I'm no innocent Little Red Riding Hood,

but that city is stranger that the strangest forest.

The misery and glory of a former empire!

While two gorillas were touching my balls,

I'd the feeling that perhaps old Homer had set us up...

...but I was wrong!

Told you, man, I'm not lying I don't carry guns,

it's not my style... Where's your boss?

Mr. Veselin will receive you later.

At the moment he's busy with his afternoon jogging.

Tell them that they've come to the wrong place...

Mr. Veselin says you've come to the wrong place...

Tell them that this is not a tavern,

but the honest home of an honest man.

He says that this isn't a tavern,

but the honest home of an honest man...

It's true that I am Veselin Kabadajich,

but it's not true that I'm a carpet dealer.

It's true that his name is Veselin Kabadajich,

but it's not true that he deals with carepets!

Carpets. - Carpets...

I'm a serious Serbian businessman, I publish

one... No, two daily newspapers and two

magazines, I own a TV and a radio station,

I have two factories, one for packaging,

the other for meat products...

He's a serious Serbian businessman, he publishes

three daily newspapers and two magazines,

he owns a TV and a radio station, he has two...

C'mon, faster, faster! - He has two factories, one

for packaging and the other for meat products!

And what's this fucking carpet?

What would I want a carpet for, I could have

millions of carpets, fuck you and your fucking carpets!

Am I right? - Right, right.

And you know what? Tell him not to fuck with me,

'cause I could kill him on the spot,

or I'll call the police! - And he's warning you not to

fuck with him, he's an emotional person and he'll

kill you on the spot, or he'll call the police!

You can choose!

Well... better police, then. - Get the fuck out of here!

Calm down.

Let's talk about it, eh?

Tell your boss that Santino Genovese is not a dickhead.

I have friends who keep me informed, so it's no use

trying to fool me. Tell him, I know that he's hiding

from the new government because of his involvement

in organized crime, I know that he fucked up in the

Balkan Wars, and I know that an international

warrant for war crimes has been issued on him.

Translate.

He says that he has friends who keep him informed...

And he knows, errr... that you were in Srebrenica...

Shut your trap!

That's what the times were like. Hungry bums on one

side, and piles of money on the other.

And then what? Leave the money to the bums?

Do you think I'm crazy?

As for the war thing... First of all, it's not true!

And second - if it were true, they provoked us!

Am I right or not? - Right, always right!

Right, of course! And if I've killed somebody, I've done

it by accident, and always for my people!

And when the bastards come to take me to Hague,

my people will defend me. I've had this printed in

10.000 copies. I'm going to organize spontaneous

demonstrations. I'll make a minefield in front of this

house! I'm going to mine myself if I have to!

I didn't make this fortune to spend it in jail, clear?

I have nothing to do with your carpet. You think I

made my millions by stealing carpets? Look!

Stolen cars - one million. Saving houses with

pyramid interest rates - two million. Smuggled

cigarettes - three million. Forged foreign currencies,

false Schengen visas, secret transportation of

Arabs into the EU countries...

Homer said that he had sent our carpet to you.

Homer is full of shit!

Know what? I'll kill him when I see him!

I'm a merchant: Buy here, sell there. I didn't even

open Homer's truck, just shipped it further...

Further, where? - To Montenegro!

But you never heard this from me, get it?

But why to Montenegro, shit? - Because Italy is on

the other side, and they ship the merchandise via

sea to your Rome, because all shit leads

to Rome. That's why! - Right, right!

And who the fuck are you?

Karanfilov Trendafil.

Krfl... Listen, you Karanfil, why is that carpet

so damn important? - There's a granny inside it.

You have a granny wrapped in the carpet?

Well, it kind of happened...

He, he, you mother fuckers...

And then they call me a war criminal, he, he...

Eh, ya see?

C'mon, get out of here... or your granny will

take a tour around the Colosseum, he, he...

It's OK, they're free to go.

Oh, fuck!

Hello? Hello, Ruza... We're going to the sea.

What do you want me to bring you? Hello?

Okay, the carpet, but besides that carpet,

is there anything else you want?

She really likes seashells. - Ruza, eh?

Hello? - Romance.

What? - Not Milano-mance.

Not Napoli-mance.

Roma-nce!

Hallo? Listen, I'll call you from the beach, okay?

Great! Like the beaches of Haliakaloa.

Fog. I've been afraid of the fog ever since I was a little

boy. I used to believe that ghosts lived in the fog...

They said that the King of the ghosts was called

Karaconjool, and his wife was Kurawella... Childish stuff!

Shhh! - Don't shhh me, it's all true!

Be quiet!

Ghosts...

With this kiss I swear there'll be no evil blood

between us. On my honor, good name, and

faith inside me. Amen.

So, honor, name, faith inside me, amen...

Your turn, man!

Hell! They don't know the password!

Please, don't! Don't, for God's sake... - God's sake!

God is for friends, a bullet is for enemies.

What are you? - Macedonians!

Macedonians, eh? I had this chick over there...

This... Samantha. Do you know her?

Samantha? - Samantha, Samantha!

Kill him, he doesn't know! - Answer clearly and precisely:

Do you work for Teddy Bear? Yes or no?

Yes! - No!

Look, we're here for the carpet... To bargain for...

Oh, you want a bargain?

Why didn't you say so, you almost got killed...

Lower your guns, reveal the merchandise...

These are customers!

Here it is: Pure heroin, first class cocaine, LSD, ecstasy,

...if you want something lighter, I have some

smooth hashish, a dead mouth could smoke it!

Here, see for yourself! - Thanks, I don't smoke.

C'mon, it's never too late to start.

Okay, then...

It's good, isn't it? - It's a bit strong.

But we're here for something else...

We're looking for a carpet. - A carpet?

A carpet! From Belgrade, for the floor...

To be honest, this one is wrapped up,

but it's still a carpet... Go ahead, you tell him...

Carpet. Granny. - That's it, bravo!

There's a granny in it. - A granny?

A dead granny. - Gra-nny. Gimme a smoke...

Totally wrapped up granny!

What's the word for "wrapped"?

How the fuck should I know, gimme the weed...

Rolled! Rolled in the middle of the carpet.

Oh, fuck! Have you been putting mushrooms

in our hashish again?

Hello? Teddy Bear, is that you?

Fuck your daddy, Teddy! Where the fuck are those

fuckin' boats? Never mind that I'm waiting, fuck me,

but the clients in Rotterdam are waiting!

The carpet! - Hey, Bear, wait! Do you happen to have

some kind of carpets? Don't have any?

There aren't any, fuck it! Hey you, hurry up, a police

patrol could show up... - Thanks, bro'!

I don't care if they confiscate it, but the

bastards will resell it for a lower price, get it?

Savo?

Punisha, get your ass down to the sea, and wait

for Teddy Bear. - Savo? Savo! - Eh?

I know where the carpet is. - Where?

When we were trading with the Tsutsi clan, during the raid...

...there was a Bosnian there, buying carpets for

his dusk... I mean, his mosque.

Wow, Blindy is right! The one from Chaprljane!

Yeah! - The carpet you're looking for could be there.

Chepprljaneh? - Chaprljane!

Japprljane, yeah...

It's up there, in Bosnia, South of Sarajevo.

Cool, it's Punisha!

It's a patrol!

Chepprljaneh, Chaprljane, Japprljane...

Run away, brave men!

What the fuck did you smoke? Napalm?

Slow down, bro'... - Get in the car! Step on it!

Savo, save yourself!

No way! I'm not leaving it to the enemy!

Hey, it's the police! - What police, they're murderers!

Step on it! Step on it!

My goods!

I'm ruined...

Wait, brother! Wait!

Oh my, oh my, I'm a black cuckoo,

Oh my, oh my, I'm a black cuckoo,

Oh my, oh my, I'm a black cuckoo,

Black heart, black eye, where are you my Luka,

rise from the grave, stand up alive,

kill our foes, make them die!

Ah, Luka, my brother...

Killed by those damned Rizvanbegovichs!

You are the ninth from our house that they've killed...

But their end is nigh: The head of Osman

Rizvanbegovich will hang from our tower,

or my name is not Mate Prkachin!

Hey, Prkachins!

Give us back our mosque, before we kill you all!

Jozo, wait! Wait! - Hey, Prkachins...

Wait until he shows himself.

As soon as you see his fat head, fire!

Osman! If you don't turn on the pipe...

...I'll shit in the middle of your mosque!

You'll die of thirst, you filthy bastards!

Mate... - Eh? - Look at that!

Who the fuck are they?

They have some foreign plates, like UN forces.

Maybe they are members of some foreign mission?

If they are... we're fucked!

Hello, Ruza, we're in Bosnia. Ruz... No signal!

It's deserted just like in "The Law Of The Colt",

when Chaba Hogan comes to Mexico

to avenge his father Enrique.

Osman, the whore is back!

Faik, take aim! Don't let her come!

There's a girl. - Eh?

A girl, I said. It's some girl. - Oh, a girl?

Eh? - I said, it's a girl.

Hey, girl! Girl! - Girl! Hey, girl!

Look at the slut, fuckin' bitch of a whore... Shoot!

Fire her ass, Faik!

Oh, fuck it! Give me my eye drops...

Fuck you, blind fucks! You shot my Luka full of holes,

and didn't even scratch the whore!

Scratch her yourself, she's yours, not ours.

Looks like it's over...

Ours? I'll fuck both of you, that's how ours she is!

Watch your tongue, Mate, or a bomb could blow you off!

Or I could blow your head off with my bare hands, eh?

Or those hands of yours could jerk my cock, eh?

Or I could bite off that cock of yours with my teeth, eh?

Osman! The UNPROFOR guys are alive!

Alive? How the fuck...?

Good afternoon. Keep doing what you're doing,

we'll be out of here in a second... Ciao!

Italians! - You don't say?

Move your ass! Hurry up! - No afraid, we friends.

We Croatians, they Muslims. - That's true!

One face, one race!

Long live the European Union!

Don't ask for it, you bitch!

How do you like the lamb? A dead mouth would eat it!

Here's some brandy, ten years old!

Ask them about the carpet...

It's a modest feast, but what the fuck,

we weren't expecting you!

I hope, what see here, no report in Brussels?

If necessary, we prepared to pay!

Eh, it is necessary, it is...

If they find out about this in Brussels... Wow!

Carpet... - Taste the lamb, will you?

Look: Here, during the war, everything was okay.

By the book: We bombed them with grenades, they

burned our houses down. But then your people

came, declared peace, and ruined our relations!

Our people ruined your relations?

What is he saying? - Wait a second, can't ya see

I'm talking with this gentleman... - Oh, pardon me!

According to the peace plan, the territory of

Chaprljane divided in: Muslim part,

and Croatian part. But not were divided...

...er, the resources. - The resources?

The commercial resources!

Hey, tell him about the resources!

Don't be rude, let me finish, damn it! - Oh, pardon!

Before, we had a deal: We sell artillery...

Ya know, artillery, boom-boom!

...they sell handguns! And we exported to Iran, Iraq,

Afghanistan, Kurdistan, Chechnya, Russia,

Belarus... - Ireland, Scotland, Sweden,

Denmark, Finland, Slovenia!

But Osman took over our business:

Began selling depleted uranium bombs!

No, no uranium... cluster bombs!

And so - we got conflict! They shut down the water

supply, 'cause the water pipe is on their side...

...and we took over their mosque...

'cause the mosque's on our side of the village!

Pardon me! They're using a mediaeval mosque,

historical monument, as a military warehouse! Phew!

Our common interest is this conflict remains secret.

Your predecessor, before you, cooperated very well.

We paid him money...

...and he minded his own fucking business.

And the girl?

The girl.

What, is he asking for a Coca-Cola?

Sorry, no Coc...

Oh, he's asking about the whore, eh?

Mhm-yeah! - Now we're fucked!

Did they say something about the carpet?

She was a woman of my late brother, Gojko.

When the war started, Bakir,

Osmars brother-in-law, killed Gojko...

My relative, Bakir! - We killed Bakir, so his

son Shukro raped her for revenge.

Then we killed Shukro... - Poor little Shukro!

...but, fuck, she got pregnant! - And?

And what? What? She's a whore. - A whore!

We kicked her out at once. No Muslim bastard is

going to live in a catholic home. - A whore!

She went to them, but they're honourable

people, so they kicked her out immediately! - Whore!

And the child?

We had nothing to do with that.

She drowned it in the river!

What's the matter with him?

How should I know? You know these UN guys

all of them a bunch of pussies...

Let's sing a song, to cheer him up a bit, eh?

"The youngster was playing his mandolin..."

"...his mandolin, made of pure gold..."

"...ooh, its thin strings, made of virgirs hair..."

"he pulled them so gently, with a falcon feather..."

Hey, Osman! If these guys report that we're still in

war, we're fucked together with our business!

But why don't we just cut up the two of them, bro'?

Fuck my mama if this isn't the smartest of ideas!

Scusi, signori.

What the fuck is wrong now?

Bro'... They'll send us to join granny Zumbula, bro'.

I've had enough of this granny Zumbula!

If it wasn't for bloody granny Zumbula

and her bloody carpet, I wouldn't be here

with these hyenas!

"Little baby, get it, take it, oh..."

"...climb on my cock, look at Sarajevooo!"

Our woman! Fuck!

What the hell have you done, you fuckin' baldy?

Sorry, the kid didn't mean to do it, I swear to mama...

Whatta ya mean he didn't mean to, he killed my wife!

Fuck the wife, ya've killed nine of ours, so what?

Well, you've also killed nine of ours! - What nine?

But Elvis doesn't count! An agreement, remember?

Kids and old men do not count!

Oh, they don't count, eh? Pardon me then!

Granddad is done for!

Fine. Now we're fifty-fifty!

Fucking circumsized assholes! Pardon me!

Oh, is that so?

Meho! Faik! Fire!

Oh, fuck!

It's over... - The carpet!

Breathe, breathe... Don't die on me now, breathe!

You're not... Italian... you speak our language...

The carpet... Was there a carpet here?

How... how do you know about the carpet?

What do you mean how? It's my carpet, my granny!

Osman bought twenty carpets, to put them in the

mosque... but the late Luka stole them...

that's why they killed him, Rizvanbegovich shit!

And the carpet? - Luka lost them at poker,

down there, in Kosovo... He had two pairs...

but that shit Ramadani had a straight!

Who is Ramadani?

Shefket Ramadani... The bloody mother fucker!

Shefket Ramadani...

Hello?

Kosovo 2001... Terrible!

It sounds like the title of some sci-fi movie.

Want some?

As you like it!

You're right, it's disgusting!

And this entire place is disgusting...

You tear down each other's temples, burn

down each other's houses, rape each other's wives...

Countries so small, and yet so evil!

And your history keeps repeating itself, going

round, again and again... Shefket Ramadani!

Because of that man my father left yours in a mess.

Because of him Seraphim died in prison, and

Vitomir fled the country! And now the same Shefket

Ramadani stole your carpet!

That man is dangerous! He must be a hundred years

old below the belt, with a 100 murders in his career!

I'm no Robin Hood. I've been involved in a fight

only once in my entire life, and it was against

someone weaker than me. I mind my own

business and try to snatch things from others

if I can, and that's all.

I'm not a hero! I'm not going into the liors den

to look for your crazy granny!

You don't understand a word I'm saying, do you?

Let's sleep.

Good night, bro'.

Granny Zumbula...

Why are you looking at me like that?

You can stand... you don't need the wheelchair.

Everything is easier when you're dead.

And why are you so sweaty?

I had a dream... All the people I know were in it.

And we were all sick of some strange illness, but

no one wanted to admit it. We were dying slowly,

our flesh was rotting... And we pretended to be

alive and healthy. - It's a sign of change.

Mars is entering the fifth house, and Jupiter is

dominating over Saturn... Or Saturn over Jupiter, it's

not important. What's important is that you

will take a long trip... a trip that will not leave

you unchanged! - But will I stay alive?

Death is also a change... Trendafil!

Oh, go to hell!

They're unloading something...

Must be the carpet! - And now what?

We'll go and say: Good afternoon, do you have

a granny in a carpet? You do? Fantastic!

Can I have 200 grams, please?

They stock everything in the warehouse.

If we could just go in... - We have to be quick like

Kurt Russell in "Escape from New York".

Or we have to shoot like Rambo in "Rambo 3".

Or mine the factory...

...Like Franco Nero in "The Battle On Neretva"!

A war spectacle! - Never heard of it.

Children! - Bambini!

Yes, bambini! - What is Shefket

Ramadani doing with all these children?

Andiamo! Let's go!

Wait, blood brother! Wait... Bro'!

Oh, daddy... The next time you die, please leave

me debts that I can pay off with money, eh?

Does it hurt?

It hurts... - It will pass.

Are you going to kill me? - Of course I will.

Allah will punish you for my pain...

No Allah, nor Devil here. Only me. Carlito!

They've seen you talking to the US intelligence

officer. What did you tell him, you little swine?

I fought under your command. I trusted you...

My family was killed defending you from the

Serbian army! Damn you to hell...

...Shefket Ramadani!

My name is a legend. Do not utter it!

You are a disgrace to our cause... We didn't fight the

war for the likes of you... - You're wrong, Kreshnik!

Wars are fought for the likes of me...

...and against the fools like you!

Throw his body into the sewer.

What's going on?

What's going on, Ismet? Americans?

We caught these two trying to break into the

warehouse... - Who sent you?

They don't understand Albanian, Shefket.

One is Italian, the other is pagan.

Shefket Ramadani! How can you be so young?

How do you know my name?

You framed our fathers... fifty years ago...

Shefket Ramadani, king of the underground!

Shefket, I think he's talking about your father.

How the fuck could he know my father?

Who sent you here? - My wife Ruza, sir!

She told me: Do whatever it takes to find Zumbula!

Zumbula? - Zumbula, sir, Zumbula! In the carpet.

Give us the carpet and we'll leave. Please, sir...

It's too late now, neighbour!

You should have listened to my advice...

Jango the Soap!

If you had joined the army, you might have

stood a chance of surviving.

But now... I don't think so!

What are you doing here? - Business, neighbour.

Anything for the fatherland!

The question is, what are you doing here?

Arert you at the spa? - Carlito!

C'mon tell us now, who sent you: Americans,

KFOR, or Interpol? Talk, you yellow deserter!

I don't know who you are, don't know how come you

know my father, but I give you one hour to remember

why you're here and who do you work for!

Lock them up in the basement!

How are you doing, bro'?

It hurts, eh? Bastards!

Don't move him. Something might be

broken. - And who are you?

He shouldn't be moved, in case he has broken bones!

If I'd only known that I was going to meet a

charming lady like you, I would have made an effort

to look nicer... - Lara.

Pleased to meet you. Santino Genovese.

The girl is... with you? - Nadya. My daughter.

Take it easy, bro', ya might have something broken...

Are you from Milan? - What Milan? I'm from

Rome. Don't joke about such sensitive things, okay?

And what about you?

I'm from a small town in Romania. When I was

younger, I wanted to go to Milan and be a model.

That's why I've learned to speak Italian.

And? Did you go? - I made it to Germany...

and there I met Shefket Ramadani!

Shefket brought you here?

We've been traveling for years

...and now he doesn't need me anymore.

Ha! Did he promise to marry you?

I'm not his girlfriend, but his property. I'm a whore.

I misunderstood. I thought, that the child...

Maybe she isn't his child.

I'm not even sure who her father is.

I'm no better myself. A crook, a liar, small time

smuggler... I'm not helping him out of the goodness of

my heart, but out of superstition. I think I'm

being punished by God, being locked up here in...

What is this place? - Factory.

Meat factory.

So, Shefket Ramadani makes cat food?

Heh, that's where granny Zumbula ended up!

You have no idea where you are, do you?

What did I say now?

This is a factory for producing human

flesh. Shefket brings in children from all over

Europe, stolen children, he keeps them and feeds

them, like in a farm... - What for? Prostitution?

For organs! When rich mens' kidneys, hearts,

livers or spleens malfunction - they call

Shefket to supply them with spare parts.

...like a car service... - Oh, my God!

...but those parts come from childrens bodies!

But what are you doing here?

You, Italian! Get out!

So, one hour has passed! Time to tell me your story.

Better begin... Sandokan!

My name is Santino Genovese. I came to the

Balkans to pay off an old debt. Together with my

blood brother Trendafil, we have been looking for

an old woman, wrapped inside a carpet.

We've traveled a long journey, filled with

laughter and tears. A strange adventure...

Carlito! ...that is about to end!

If I had known that they were going to bring me

back to you, I would have shaved...

Shefket Ramadani won't make a big profit

from this body.

"It doesn't become me to be a hero. But it's obvious

that the problems of two little people like us mean

nothing to this crazy world"...

Humphrey Bogart... "Casablanca".

All my life I dreamt about saying this to a beautiful

woman. And now that I found her...

...Santino must die!

Good bye, bro'! Remember what Ralph Meeker says...

...in "The Naked Spur"...

Animals!

Animals!

Mama!

Listen... Do you understand Russian?

You go first... I'll unlock the cells. You understand?

Drop gun or I'll kill her.

Drop gun!

I'll spill her brains out, drop fucking gun!

My daughter... - What did you say?

Promise to save my daughter!

What did you tell him?

Oh, neighbour... Okay, neighbour, you win, alright?

Look, Trendafil... let's leave the past behind...

Get me an ambulance!

Neighbour, I'm bleeding to death, neighbour...

The carpet...

The carpet! Granny Zumbula's carpet!

Don't be a shit, neighbour...

Call the ambulance...

Well done!

You are Nadya, right?

Listen, Nadya... We both had a tough day...

you lost your mother, I lost a friend...

It's okay to cry.

We're going to have a good cry, and then we'll

go home... I don't have any children, Nadya,

but I have a wife that makes really good

pancakes. If you like, she can be your

mommy, and I can be your daddy. Deal?

And if anyone asks if you have a granny...

pretend you don't understand anything, okay?

And so, my blood brother headed south, towards his

home. Some things, like his fear of war and mean granny

Zumbula, he lost forever... But, on the other hand,

he found the things he was looking for: A carpet,

and many, many children!

And what about you, Santino?

Well, guys, I don't want to sound immodest, but I hope

that after all I've done, I finally deserve my place in heaven.

That one is the Little Dipper, the other one is the

Big Dipper, the one over there is the morning star...

Oh, that one? That's where all the angels from our

galaxy live. It's called "The Milky Way"

...or as people here call it "Blood Brother's Straw"!

Sweet dreams, brother!

Rip & edit by C H E D O