Original subtitles

LIAR! LIAR!

Fifty, sixty, sixty-five...

- Twelve. - Shut up!

- Seventy-five... - Twenty-five cents.

- Sixty-nine. - Number two.

Eighty-three... eighty-four... Shut up!

- Eighty-five... Eighty-six... - Zero.

O! One! One! One!

It's still short, fellas.

- Better count it again, sir. - Yeah, you didn't get all the pennies.

No way, guys, we're still missing money.

I didn't do it! I didn't do it!

It was, like, some foreigner.

Yeah.

- This chick doesn't sing very good. - Yeah.

She should, like, just talk or something.

Okay, that's better.

Is she, like, telling a joke?

Oh yeah, yeah, I think it is.

Why don't you shut up, so we can hear it!

Beavis...

�but the guy, he's dogging my every move.

That'd piss me off too.

Hey Miss, he says, don't miss this!

Now that's a good joke.

It's like, it's like, she is... talking about all this stuff

and then that guy grabs his wiener!

I'm gonna have to tell that one to my Uncle Mike.

Yeah, he'd get it.

Whoa! That chick is all over him! Check it out.

Yeah... it's like, he was just minding his own business, trying to grab his wiener�

I heard that, yeah.

And then she just came up and got in his face.

It's like, you know, he was just trying to grab his wiener, you know...

She came and just jumped on him!

That never happens to me.

I grab my wiener all the time.

Besides... I think I'm gonna grab my wiener right now.

Dammit Beavis.

- Do that outside. - Oh yeah.

BIG EYE SYSTEM'S POLYGRAPH TESTING

I didn't do it.

It was a foreigner.

- What are you doing, Beavis? - I'm practicing.

Hey Butt-Head, what are they gonna do to us?

I think they're gonna, like, make us take one of those poly-grip tests?

Oh, yeah, that stuff's cool. I found some of that stuff

at Anderson's house... and it's like...

I put it on my teeth and I was walking around going...

No, dumbass.

Not that stuff. It's like, this lie detector test.

- I didn't do it! - Shut up, Beavis!

Check this out. There's, like, this trick to taking these lie detector tests.

Really? Cool.

It's like, all you have to do is hold your breath.

Not now, assmunch!

I knew that, I was just, like, practicing.

Beavis, you suck as a liar.

Liar! Liar! Liar, pants on!

- Head? Butt-Head? - Yeah?

Mr. O'Brien will see you now.

I didn't do it!

All right, now, I'm gonna ask you some questions,

failure to be truthful in your responses

will be interpreted as an acknowledgement of guilt, do you understand?

Yeah.

I mean, no.

Just tell the truth and you have nothing to worry about. Let's begin.

Okay, now. Please tell me your name.

Butt-Head.

Okay, good. Now Butt-Head, could you tell me how many fingers I'm holding up?

Four?

Well, it's three, actually, but since you think it's four, you didn't really lie.

So that's good. Now Butt-Head, tell me, in all of your life

have you ever stolen anything?

I didn't do it, bunghole!

I'lll repeat the question, Butt-Head. Have you ever stolen anything?

Butt-Head did it!

Beavis, Mr. O'Brien will see you now.

You're not gonna put those on my nads, are you?

Julia, I'm not getting a reading. Could you check those connections?

You can if you want, you know... put 'em on my nads.

Good. Well, young man...

I'd like to get a base reading, here. Could you say something?

Yeah.

Just say anything, the first thing that comes to mind.

I killed a bunch of people once.

- So you think you're gonna live your life alone? - Yeah.

- In darkness and seclusion... - Darkness rules!

- the feeling of loneliness never leaves you... - Sort of.

It haunts you everywhere you go.

- And then you meet me. - I'd like to meet you. That'd be cool.

He's talking to a chick, Beavis.

- You wanna know why? - Yeah, yeah. Why, why?

- Why? Why? - Because I'm a liar!

Rock!

Lie! Lie!

Lie! Lie! Lie!

I'm a liar too! Yeah, we should hook up!

Beavis, this guy wouldn't want hang out with you!

Yeah he would, shut up, I'm a liar too.

Yeah but you're not as good as liar as this guy.

- I hide behind a smile. - That guy's got a a cool smile.

I got a cool smile too. Check this out.

See? We should hook up.

And I'll tell you things that you already know.

Ok.

- I really identify with you, so much! - No.

Isn't that the wrong letter on his chest?

Isn't it supposed to be like a... "5" on there, or something?

Yeah. Maybe because, like, he's a liar

- he put the wrong letter on there? - Yeah, yeah. He's a liar! Liar!

- Lying rules! - Yeah, yeah.

- I will never tell a lie. - He's lying. Check it out! He's lying!

- He's lying! - Lie! Lie!

- Lie! Liar! - Rock! Rock! Rock!

Kicks ass!

I'll lie again and again... And I'll keep lying. I promise.

See? He is not a liar.

Authorities are saying tonight that they believe they have finally found the killer

in the infamous "In A Gadda Da Vida" slaying some twenty-five years ago.

Police say this boy is the so called "Hippie Ripper"

who in 1969 killed sixteen hippies who were living in a van...

Sixty-nine!

Asked how a teenage boy could've committed a crime that happened

more than two decades ago, a police spokesman explained...

"He's very clever!"

Get a haircut, hippie.

Hey Butt-Head, I think the TV's on slow. Fix it.

Beavis, you can't put the TV on slow.

Oh, really?

- You're thinking of, like, the VCR or something. - Oh, oh yeah.

I think this chick just, like, woke up or something.

Yeah. She probably doesn't start really rocking

until later, like in the afternoon or something.

Yeah. She probably rocks it around 4 and then like,

you know, she has a late lunch, and then goes to the mall.

She goes shopping for a new nightie, and then she, like, takes a nap,

and then she gets something that rocks, like, until 3

or 4 in the morning, and then she sleeps 'till noon.

Yeah.

Musicians rule!

Check it out, her guitar's broken.

They should, like, break more guitars.

Yeah.

They should break that escalator too. Yeah, that would rule!

Yeah! stomp on it! Kick it!

Yeah.

I hate those things.

Everytime someone brings one of those into class

I just, like, stick my hand on top of it and like, like, flip off the whole class.

Ace Ventura, pet detective!

Yeah.

She's horny.

Chicks get that look when, like, I talk to them and stuff.

Then they just, like, leave.

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