Original subtitles

GENERATION IN CRISIS

Class? Class?

Guys, let's cooperate, okay?

We have a very special guest with us today. His name is Ken Alder.

And he's a graduate student in film

and anthropology.

Mr. Alder is working on a very important project

- he'd like to share with us. - Thank you, Mr. Van Driessen.

Now I'm sure you cats are all familiar with "documentary filmmaking".

The fine art of capturing real life on film.

That's what I do for a living. Thought it's not really a living actually, but anyway,

that's what I do. I think you'll find

the project I'm working on now extremely relevant.

I'm calling it "Generation in Crisis." And it's about you.

That's right, it's about you, people your age... teenagers.

That's cool.

But this film is not about achievement-oriented

academically successful young people like yourselves. Frankly, it's about so-called

problem teens, losers, dead-end kids,

dirtbags, call them what you will. So what I wanna know is,

does anyone here know any kids like that?

Hey Beavis, check this out.

Where's the drums?

Yeah, yeah, and the guitars and stuff.

- Maybe this is rap. - Yeah, yeah.

- It's missing something though. - Yeah.

- It doesn't rhyme. - Yeah, yeah.

- He needs to bust a move or something. - Yeah.

He needs to take off those damn glasses too.

No way Butt-Head, maybe he needs them to see. Did you ever think of that?

- Whoa, hey Butt-Head, that's your Uncle Jack! - No it's not.

Yeah it is.

Hey Jack, how's it goin'?

- That was him. - No it wasn't, Beavis.

He's alot fatter than that.

That must've been him 'cause he was comin' outta, like, one of those... naked places.

Oh yeah! I think that was him.

But I'm a substitute�

Did he say "prostitute"? I think he said prostitute, Butt-Head, yeah.

No he didn't, he's talking about, y'know, like, substitute teachers.

Oh yeah... Kojak!

So, uh...

- What was I saying? - You said something about Kojak.

Oh yeah, yeah... yeah.

They should have, like... prostitute teachers.

Yeah!

They could get your mom to come in.

Oh yeah.

She's a slut!

Hey Butt-Head, check it out, it's Lemmy! And that chick from White Zombie! Yeah!

- Yeah, that is Lemmy. - What's he doing in this video?

He's Lemmy.

He can walk into any damn video he wants.

Oh yeah. That's probably because he rules!

Hey look, Butt-Head, someone's hassling your Uncle Jack!

Yeah. He's not supposed to be in a bar.

He always gets all drunk and gets in a fight,

- and then he calls up. - Yeah.

He says: "Hey Butt-Head...

you think you could come down here?"

Next time he does that, we should go.

Yes! Yes, perfect.

Golden! Don't lose it fellas, don't lose it fellas!

Hey Butt-Head, check this out.

I am the great Cornholio!

I come from Lake Titicaca, Titicaca, Titicaca.

That's cool.

Excellent.

I am a genius!

Quick, Dave, roll sound. I don't wanna miss a thing.

Please, just forget the camera and be yourselves.

Okay. So you said this is where you guys hang out. So...

what do you do?

FOOTAGE

- Come on, do something! - Like what?

I don't know, engage in some anti-social behavior or something.

This sucks. Let's get out of here.

Stop! You can't! My film!

Wait!

Here's five bucks.

- This is cool. - Great. Will you just do something?

GENERATION IN CRISIS

It could be any American town.

Hard-working men and women go about their daily lives,

raising families, pursuing the American dream.

Where are the children? Where are the young people

who constitute this nation's future?

- You're a wuss. - No way, buttmunch, you're a wuss.

- No way, you're a wuss. - We'll call them Steven and Bernard.

Although those are not in fact their real names. In the wealthiest and most

scientifically advanced nation the world has ever seen,

they lead an existence devoid of meaning,

and barren of intellectual content.

- It's flat. - Yeah, flat. And it's dead.

That's cool.

Their primary influences seem to be a steady diet of bland television

and loud mindless heavy metal music.

- Look! That guy's touching his wiener! - So?

- You are too. - Yeah.

- But that's different. - What's different about it?

It's a different wiener!

Yeah.

It's probably bigger too.

Oh yeah.

Whoa, check it out! I-I'd like to trying peeing on a snail some time.

Tha-that'd be cool, yeah.

You wanna pee on a snail?

Yeah, yeah, it's like, it's like, I'd like to pee anywhere outside, but y'know,

I just feel like, y'know, peeing on a snail, y'know, that'd be something different.

How about peeing in the toilet?

Oh yeah. I haven't done that in a while.

- Check it out, a wolf. - Whoa, really?

I'd like to try peeing on a wolf some time, yeah, that'd be cool.

Beavis, if you try to pee on a wolf, he would bite your wiener off.

Oh yeah.

I'd like to try maybe peeing on one of these guys

some time, y'know, like, while they're asleep.

Yeah. You must get tired of peeing on yourself all the time.

Shut up Butt-Head.

Y'know, when I was like, y'know, talkin' about peeing on those wolves and stuff?

I wasn't really gonna do it, y'know.

It's just like, y'know, it like, helps to talk about it.

Tempting though it may be,

it is not for the documentary filmmaker to pass judgment on his subject.

Let us hear from Steven and Bernard in their own words.

In a word, Steven, what is your "raison d'�tre"?

It's in my pants.

Where do you picture yourself in ten years?

You know, the 21st century marketplace you're going to enter will be a

global electronic village. How are you preparing yourself

for what's bound to be a complex and challenging world?

You said "enter".

What are you feeling right now?

My left nad, it itches.

- Can I say nad? - There's no censorship of any kind.

This is an independent documentary film.

With a generous grant from our friends at the Ex-co Corporation.

- Censorship is cool. - Yeah. Censorship is cool.

I like when they put those black boxes on people's thingies.

Yeah. Like when somebody's talking and then they say: Get the...

Cut!

Snow.

Yeah. Snow.

These guys are going get their asses kicked for like,

making a bunch of noise on this dude's farm.

Ye-yeah.

Screw.

Yeah. Screw! Screw! Screw!

- A dog. - Yeah.

And if you look after at your right, you will see a barn.

A barn.

You think they're gonna close the barn door?

Yeah.

That reminds me of this joke.

There is this traveling salesman and it's like, he went to this farmer's house.

And then his car broke down.

And so, like, the farmer wanted to do it with his daughter...

but... he told him not to.

- And then he had all these eggs... - I understand, yeah.

And then he like, did it with the farmer's daughter.

They did it!

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