Original subtitles

BEAVIS AND BUTT-HEAD VS. THE VENDING MACHINE

I'm hungry. I wish they had something big, like nachos.

Yeah.

We need something with a lot of ingredients.

Like sour cream and salsa pork rinds.

Sour cream and salsa pork rinds? Where? Where?

Right there, dude. Bottom row. F2.

Oh yeah!

Pork!

- F-2. - You sunk my battleship!

- Come to Butt-Head! - Yeah.

Wait a minute.

No!

This sucks.

Are those butts in that bottle?

Did you know that, like, every time someone smokes a cigarette down to the end,

it's like, kissing a butt?

Oh yeah.

That's cool.

- You know what, Beavis? - No, what?

I don't really feel like watching this right now.

Yeah, maybe we should, you know, like, try watching it again later.

Yeah, I thought of that, too.

- You know, if it's on. - I understand, yeah.

But if it's not on... who gives a rat's ass.

Now what?

Yeah, this isn't much better.

What the hell is this?

That's that dude who would, like, rather be a girl.

I wonder why that chick's hanging out with him?

I don't know.

I don't feel like watching this either right now.

I don't think I feel like watching this ever.

Well, I've seen enough, Beavis, how about you?

Yeah. Let's never watch this again.

OVER 5 ZILLION BICYCLES ARE STOLEN EVERY YEAR

What happened to the sound?

- These guys seem pretty cool. - Yeah, yeah.

It's like, they kinda remind me of myself.

Yeah, right...

- You remind me of, like, Urkel! - Shut up, Butt-Head! I'm cool!

Hey, hey, that's my bike! Remember, my bike was stolen last week? That's it!

- That's not your bike, Beavis. - Yeah it is! That's my bike.

That dude ripped off my bike!

Did you lock it?

Maybe not.

These fartknockers ripped off my bike!

Dammit Beavis, that's not your bike!

That's my bike, Butt-Head, how do you know?

Because, Beavis, I stole your bike.

It was cool.

No way, Butt-Head! You didn't steal my bike, you just got a new one last week.

It looks just like mine.

Okay, Beavis. You're stupid.

You know what else, someone stole five bucks from me last week.

Hey Beavis, since you don't have that bike anymore...

can I like, have your lock?

I guess.

- I'll give you five bucks for it. - Okay.

Dumbass.

Hurry up, Butt-Head. I'm really hungry.

I'm, like, starving.

There's, like, a trap door that won't let me get it.

Give me the pork rinds now! I'll kick your ass!

That sucks! This glass must be, like, plastic or something.

The vending machine stole our money.

And it didn't give us our food.

Well, there's nothing I can do to help you.

You gotta write to the company that owns the machine.

There's an address on the side.

Hey Beavis, I just thought of something.

Whoever buys the next pork rinds is gonna get our bag, plus another one.

Cool! Yeah. Let's wait 'till they come and then kick their ass.

No, dumbass.

I mean, like, if we get another sixty cents,

we could, like, get two for the price of one.

Two for the price of one?

That would be cool.

Yeah.

Okay, I'm gonna go, like, get sixty cents.

Don't leave here until I get back.

And make sure nobody, like, buys anything.

Cool. You mean, like, gas, too?

No, fartknocker, I mean the vending machine.

Oh, oh yeah, yeah.

Vending machine.

- Hey, how's it going? - Hi.

Going to the bathroom, huh?

I need, like, sixty cents 'cause my friend's, like, starving and stuff.

Oh really? Well, where is your friend?

He's like, overseas or something.

- I've seen those commercials. - Yeah.

Me too.

It's so sad.

Here you go.

No, I said I need sixty cents, buttmunch.

That's okay. I don't mind giving a little more.

Ok.

Yes?

I thought you said you were gonna give me some more?

Plop!

- Now, where's that dime? - No way, asswipe!

Damn it, boy, what in the hell is your problem?

Sorry about that. It's, like, out of order.

And... and I'd hate to see you waste your money and stuff.

Well, all right then. They ought to put a sign up there.

- Now, what about getting my money back? - You have to write to the company.

The address is on the side. Thank you, drive through.

I need, like, change or something.

Well, you gotta buy something.

Whoa! Nachos!

How much?

All I got is some stuff left over from last night.

I was gonna throw them out but... name your price.

Ten cents?

- Okay, you got a deal. - Cool.

Give me, like, a dozen.

Whoa! There's, like, a mouth in those pants!

Yeah.

I think it's your mom.

Really? I don't think that's her, Butt-Head.

Well... your mom's a road slut.

Yeah, but not with M�tley Cr�e. She like, hangs out with bands

like, you know, Foghat and stuff.

She's a slut!

Yeah. My mom's a slut!

Is that that Howard Stern dude singing?

That's that dude with the tiny wiener.

Hooligan's Holiday...

- Bennigan's holiday? - I thought they were open all the time.

Someday, like, when I'll have a lot of money, I'm gonna go eat at Bennigan's.

That would be cool. I heard they got, like, chicks in referee outfits.

If they'd just got rid of all these damn words, it would be pretty cool.

There's like, some cool stuff they talk about here,

but it's like, it's all happening so fast.

You gotta be fast Butt-Head, you gotta be fast, like this...

Cool! Monkey head!

Tattoos are cool!

That wasn't very good, Butt-Head. Check it out. Check it out there's a snake!

Snakes are cool, Beavis!

That was cool.

Butt-Head!

Where are you? Come on, I'm hungry!

I'm, like, gonna die... of starvation and stuff.

That might be cool.

M&M... M&M!

... like an old friend: always there.

I couldn't understand it, Chuck, he said he would be right back,

but he just left me standing by the vending machine.

Hey, aren't you forgetting something? Sour cream and salsa pork rinds!

These nachos rule.

Butt-Head!

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