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TEEN TALK
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Captain Dick Jackman, live with a
very special event here in Highland High.
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Principal McVicker, tell us
what we're about to see.
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00:00:27,896 --> 00:00:31,031
To promote this year's food drive,
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00:00:31,074 --> 00:00:35,963
our National Honor Society
has glued together some canned goods
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to spell the word
"cares".
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right under the Highland High name.
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00:00:40,712 --> 00:00:43,928
"Highland High cares".
Isn't that wonderful?
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00:00:44,229 --> 00:00:46,251
Let's take a look, principal.
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HIGHLAND HIGH SCHOOL
SUKS
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00:00:50,519 --> 00:00:54,873
What the...? Well,
back to you, Britney.
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00:00:56,606 --> 00:01:01,927
I would like nothing more than
to kill you both with my bare hands!
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00:01:02,827 --> 00:01:05,229
But I'm forced to
give you a choice.
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00:01:05,263 --> 00:01:08,232
Either you stay after
school for a week,
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00:01:08,273 --> 00:01:11,008
removing asbestos
from the cafeteria,
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or you go on "Teen Talk" with
Captain Dick Jackman and confess.
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Is that, like, on TV?
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He makes all the parents in town
feel better about their own kids
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by publicly humiliating
losers like you.
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We're gonna be on TV!
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This is gonna be cool.
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00:01:38,538 --> 00:01:42,596
Whoa! They turned that dude
into, like, a guitar or something!
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If I'd turn myself
into an instrument,
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I'd be an M-80.
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- That's not an instrument, Beavis.
- No way, Butt-Head.
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My music teacher told me you can
make an instrument out of anything.
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So I'd be like, you know,
an M-80 or a chainsaw.
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Okay, Beavis.
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That's weird!
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Cool!
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Some of the guys in this band, it's
like, they just look like regular guys.
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And they're old.
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Like, if you saw that drummer,
like, in a grocery store,
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you'd just like, probably
just walk right past him.
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Or you'd say like:
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"The light beer is over
in aisle 14a, sir".
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And then he'd say:
thank you young man.
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I bet when that drummer dude
is like, drinking beer with his friends...
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he like, bogarts all the beer.
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And they'd like: "Don't bogart it dude!"
And he'd like:
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"No way! No way!
I'm in Cheap Trick.
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And I'll drink all the beer
I want! Get out of here!"
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He's pretty cool.
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I might knock back a few beers later.
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You never had a
beer, dumbass.
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Oh yeah! I mean later
like, you know, in a few years...
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All right, listen up!
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If you're here to wise off on TV for
your dropout friends watching at home,
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remember that you signed
a piece of paper
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giving me legal right to kick
your asses and sue you in court.
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Now, everybody smile
and lots of energy, okay?
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Hi, I'm Lolita, and this
here is Tanqueray.
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Hey Beavis...
check this out.
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He, baby...
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You're pretty hot.
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You should, like,
be on a video or something.
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I am on a video.
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Like, I wouldn't be here if
my principal hadn't rented it.
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00:04:10,273 --> 00:04:12,507
From the home of the
Channel 4 News Centre,
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it's "Teen Talk"
with Captain Dick Jackman.
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Hey kids. Welcome aboard Teen Talk.
I'm Captain Dick Jackman.
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And, as always,
at 6:30 Sunday morning
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I trade in my weather-casting gear
to rap with young people about
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what's going down
in their world.
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Hi.
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- You're cute, sugar-britches.
- Let's talk about parents.
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Any of you guys ever gotten real,
real mad at your folks?
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- It's okay to admit feelings of anger.
- Well, Captain Dick,
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I guess we never got along too good.
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My dad beat me up a lot,
and my mom, like, ran off...
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How about you?
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What do your parents do
that makes you really, really mad?
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This is boring.
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00:05:03,196 --> 00:05:07,379
Y'all want to go down behind the risers
and make out or something?
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I don't care if they're pre-schoolers.
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They can kiss my ass if they think
I'm gonna wear an Easter Bunny suit!
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Dick, you're on!
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Captain Dick Jackman here, hanging
with my homepersons on Teen Talk.
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00:05:29,978 --> 00:05:33,604
Today, we're gonna rap
about vandalism.
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Hey y'all. Hurry up, before
we stop being horny.
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Hey Beavis, I think we're
really gonna get some.
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On TV.
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Hey guys, no talking without
sharing. Let me ask you...
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have you ever wanted
to just break something?
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00:05:50,708 --> 00:05:52,798
Yeah, yeah. I like
to break stuff.
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- No sir. Can we go?
- Hey, not so fast, young man.
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I just want all our young
friends here to listen up.
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You've had
destructive impulses, right?
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- No.
- Yeah, no. No. We're gonna score.
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You heard that, kids?
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These young folks are saying down with
destruction and up with cooperation.
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Right on, guys.
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Hey Butt-Head,
someone, like, stole our women.
94
00:06:22,157 --> 00:06:27,512
Hey, my man, don't you wanna be
cool and positive like these guys?
95
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That sucks!
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Yeah. It doesn't just suck, Butt-Head.
It's like... It's like, it really sucks!
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If we, like, never score, we're gonna
be wussies! Forever! And it's gonna suck!
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- Settle down, Beavis.
- No, no, Butt-Head!
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No, I can't settle down! It's not fair!
We're not gonna score!
100
00:06:45,524 --> 00:06:49,727
It's like, we'll get cars, and like, we'll have,
like, a job, and we'll like, have to go, like,
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like, mow lawns and, and like...
102
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scrub the grill, and we're
not gonna score! Ever!
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I warned you about that!
Don't make me come up there!
104
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Shut up, asswipe!
You probably score, and you're a dork!
105
00:07:03,346 --> 00:07:05,664
- I'm never gonna score!
- You little...
106
00:07:08,316 --> 00:07:11,339
Whoa! This is cool.
107
00:07:13,829 --> 00:07:15,350
I feel like such an ass.
108
00:07:15,452 --> 00:07:18,771
Yeah. I feel like an
ass too. Beavis...
109
00:07:18,901 --> 00:07:21,126
go out and get me
an ass, please.
110
00:07:21,167 --> 00:07:23,587
Okay. Would you like
some boobs to go with that?
111
00:07:25,089 --> 00:07:26,212
What was that?
112
00:07:26,306 --> 00:07:28,328
- What's going on?!
- You wuss.
113
00:07:28,978 --> 00:07:31,102
That was just a
chick screaming.
114
00:07:33,104 --> 00:07:36,821
They should like, warn you if
they're gonna do that crap. Dammit!
115
00:07:47,205 --> 00:07:51,332
This song is about, like, this chick
doing it with some other chick's boyfriend.
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00:07:52,177 --> 00:07:56,497
- Yeah, yeah. That's pretty harsh.
- Yeah.
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00:07:57,892 --> 00:08:02,280
So like, this chick will like, only do you
if you already have a girlfriend?
118
00:08:02,558 --> 00:08:04,566
A lot of chicks are like that.
They don't wanna go out
119
00:08:04,594 --> 00:08:06,688
with you unless you already
have a girlfriend but like,
120
00:08:06,717 --> 00:08:10,142
you can't get a girlfriend because, like,
you don't have a girlfriend, so like...
121
00:08:10,438 --> 00:08:12,760
It's like... struss-frating.
122
00:08:15,645 --> 00:08:18,970
Dammit, what's going on here?
This chick is talking.
123
00:08:19,331 --> 00:08:20,899
Is this a commercial
or a video?
124
00:08:20,921 --> 00:08:24,757
- What is this?!
- Beavis, just shut up, and like,
125
00:08:24,810 --> 00:08:26,627
free your mind or something!
126
00:08:27,853 --> 00:08:30,621
I wanna know what it is, it's like,
I can't pay attention to this!
127
00:08:30,660 --> 00:08:33,696
Dammit Beavis! Can't you just
like, cool out and listen?
128
00:08:33,737 --> 00:08:37,305
Dammit Butt-Head, what kind of crap are
you talking? You sound like a damn hippie!
129
00:08:37,356 --> 00:08:40,174
Beavis, I'm gonna pretend
I didn't hear that.
130
00:08:40,635 --> 00:08:42,725
I'm not gonna smack you today.
131
00:08:46,182 --> 00:08:49,000
REMOVAL-DANGER
ASBESTOS
132
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Damn it, Beavis! I'm sick and
tired of never getting any.
133
00:08:56,428 --> 00:08:58,416
Yeah. Me too.
134
00:08:59,065 --> 00:09:00,381
Hey Beavis,
135
00:09:01,027 --> 00:09:04,312
I bet we're gonna score now
'cause we were, like, on TV.
136
00:09:05,355 --> 00:09:08,173
Oh yeah. Chicks are cool.
137
00:09:21,351 --> 00:09:25,842
Hey Beavis. This song
is about a boner.
138
00:09:26,423 --> 00:09:29,844
Oh yeah, yeah!
It's about a bad boner, isn't it?
139
00:09:30,988 --> 00:09:33,909
There's no such thing
as a "bad boner", Beavis.
140
00:09:34,607 --> 00:09:35,607
Oh yeah, yeah.
141
00:09:37,244 --> 00:09:39,800
No, wait a minute, Butt-Head,
I had a bad boner once.
142
00:09:40,389 --> 00:09:43,605
That's when I had the chicken pox,
and I had my hands duct taped.
143
00:09:44,955 --> 00:09:46,112
That sucked.
144
00:09:47,592 --> 00:09:48,592
Oh yeah.
145
00:09:49,350 --> 00:09:51,770
I'm sorry. I stand corrected.
146
00:09:57,230 --> 00:10:00,253
Hey Butt-Head, sometimes
when I play pool...
147
00:10:00,408 --> 00:10:03,811
like, when nobody's looking,
I like to take that blue chalk,
148
00:10:03,858 --> 00:10:08,747
and like... like, chalk up
the end of my wiener.
149
00:10:11,534 --> 00:10:13,157
It's pretty cool.
150
00:10:14,781 --> 00:10:17,997
Yeah. That's cool.
151
00:10:18,974 --> 00:10:20,893
Doesn't that, like,
hurt, though?
152
00:10:22,085 --> 00:10:25,040
Yeah, but, you know,
no pain, no gain.
153
00:10:28,070 --> 00:10:30,991
Hey check it out, it's one of
those magic 8-balls.
154
00:10:31,115 --> 00:10:33,137
You like, ask one of those
things a question,
155
00:10:33,165 --> 00:10:35,177
and you shake it up,
and it tells you the answer.
156
00:10:35,205 --> 00:10:36,205
Yeah.
157
00:10:36,525 --> 00:10:37,792
We should ask it:
158
00:10:37,810 --> 00:10:39,968
"Does this video suck?"
159
00:10:41,800 --> 00:10:43,788
Signs point to yes.
160
00:10:43,838 --> 00:10:48,388
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