Original subtitles

BUTT IS IT ART?

Now, class, when we went on our field trip to the zoo,

there was a lot of goofing around.

Now, I know when we come face-to-face with these magnificent wild beasts,

the wilderness within us yearns to respond.

But this is an art museum, people.

We can't have that kind of behavior here.

Now, the works we'll see here took years of careful crafting.

If they're tampered with in even the tiniest way...

...their beauty is ruined and the meaning is lost.

Now, this is exactly what I'm talking about, people.

This sculpture couldn't depict the agonizing horror

of modern society so perfectly

if every little thing weren't just so.

He said "little thing".

Yeah.

Little thing.

Nirvana rules.

This is cool!

But, I mean, you know, this is cool and everything, but it's like,

this video's been giving me nightmares, Butt-Head.

Cool!

I wish I had nightmares about this video.

No you don't, Butt-Head, these are pretty scary.

It's like, I had this dream that I'm, like, Santa Claus, and I'm, like, on a cross,

and there's these crows, like, picking at me.

That's cool!

This part rules.

Rock! ROCK!

Hey Beavis.

You know the bass player in this band? He looks like just a regular guy.

Oh yeah, yeah.

If you just saw him at school, he'd probably,

like, you know, get his ass kicked.

Yeah.

Check this out. It's like, he pulls his hair out of his eyes,

but then it just falls back in his eyes.

Yeah? So what? You got a problem with that?

Yeah.

Whoa, check it out! That room is cool.

- Yeah. - I think that's Kurt Cobain's bedroom.

I'm gonna get my room set up like that, with all, like, lit-up stars and stuff,

and then, like, it's gonna be cool.

No you're not!

You're never gonna get your room fixed up like that,

- and you're never gonna score. - Shut up!

You're just gonna sit around for the rest of your life, spanking your monkey.

Shut up, Butt-Head! I am too gonna fix my room up! Butthole!

They say great art is difficult to understand but easy to enjoy.

Hey Beavis...

It's hard but it's not, like, "hard"?

Very good, Butt-Head, that's right.

Now, works by the master painters of the century.

He said "Master painters".

Oh.

Master painting is cool.

Just think of it, people. Right now we're surrounded

by a Renoir, a Monet and a Picasso.

And yes, even a Dali.

That's not that "Dolly" chick.

She doesn't look like that. She's got really big thingies.

Like this.

No way Beavis, they're bigger than that. Check this out.

Oh, yeah-yeah, yeah.

That looks cool, now.

Yeah.

In the Romantic period, artists began to celebrate

the sumptuous beauty of the human form,

giving us a vision that's very uplifting.

Butt naked.

It's uplifting.

Uplifting...

Yeah.

This would be cool to, like, have.

- Like, for the bathroom and stuff? - Yeah.

Hold it right there.

You see that rope, boy?

You know, I could have you arrested for standing behind that rope.

Yeah, dumbass.

Now, you got a choice.

You got two seconds to get back on this side of the rope,

or I slap the handcuffs on you.

Oh yeah, sorry about that.

That's what I thought.

Most of the artists who did these paintings passed away some time ago.

So their value is immeasurable because they're impossible to replace.

Now, most of the Impressionists passed away sometime in the early part of the century.

Now, if you look at some of the older paintings...

Art is cool.

Boobs are cool, too.

Are those, like, statues?

I don't think so. I think statues, like, stay still.

I think these are just, like, wussies.

Oh yeah. If I was a statue, I'd be, like, naked, and I'd be, like, riding a horse,

and I'd have a big sword. Yeah, that would be cool.

And then, like, pigeons would sit on your wiener.

Oh yeah, and then they'd, like, take a dump on my nads.

Look at the nostrils on that wuss.

Yeah, yeah.

- Really. - It looks like a human butthole.

I think it looks like... like, like a horse butthole.

Yeah, actually now that you mention it,

it does look like a horse butthole.

This must be, like, a place in heaven where they put you if you, like, suck

but you didn't do anything really bad.

Yeah but, like, isn't it bad to suck?

Yeah, I guess so.

"Thou shalt not suck".

That some psychotic would vandalize

these great works of art is simply unconscionable.

I'm sorry it had to happen on the day we were at the museum.

But I hope, like me, you were still able to have

a beautiful experience that you'll never forget.

Why don't we each tell what impressions we took away from the museum. Cassandra?

I took away a feeling of deep inner joy,

a feeling of something larger than life filling me.

Hey Butt-Head, what did you take away?

One giant boob.

That's pretty cool. But check this out.

What's that?

It's a butt.

Cool.

Whoa, check it out Butt-Head! It's a Penisaurus!

Yeah.

It's a Penisaurus Rex.

And this guy is just a wuss.

Yeah, yeah. I heard that, like, back in medieval days

they used to, like, walk people in a cage for, like, sucking.

Yeah.

That was back in the 50s,

when they knew how to deal with wussies.

That chick is gonna see a monster too.

Dammit Beavis! I bet you can't go five minutes without talking about, like,

wieners, or boobs, or butts.

I can do that. I bet you couldn't do it.

Yeah I can, check this out.

Hey Butt-Head. I bet you...

Nevermind.

Do you think he's got a...

Nevermind.

Hey Butt-Head, we can talk about nads, right?

I guess.

Nads.

I won Beavis, gimme a dollar.

No way Butt-Head, you said we couldn't talk about boobs and wieners and butts!

You didn't say anything 'bout nads!

No, I said "boobs and wieners and butts and stuff".

Nads is, like, stuff.

Oh yeah.

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