Original subtitles

BLACKOUT

The Crap Network, home of the crap family hour.

- And now back to... - Melissa Gilbert in

"Asbestos in Obstetrics".

Hey Butt-Head, what is "astesbos"?

It's like, health food or something.

Tell the commissioner we need the helicopter!

I don't care what it costs!

- No, I'm not chipping in! - This sucks. Change it.

What is this?

Don't worry Butt-Head, it gets cool in a minute.

It better start rocking or I'll really give 'em something to cry about.

Shut up Butt-Head, it's cool. Check it out. Check it out.

Here it comes...

Rock!

This is pretty cool.

What? What's going on?

How come they don't just, like, play the cool part through the whole song?

Well Beavis...

If they didn't have, like, a part of the song that sucked,

then it's like, the other part wouldn't be as cool.

Really, you're pretty smart Butt-Head.

Here it comes again!

I like that part where it goes:

This guy is like, like... he's down on himself.

Repeat after me.

- I am somebody. - I am somebody.

We now return to Robert Urich, Melissa Gilbert and Lou Ferrigno in

"Asbestos in Obstetrics".

You own this building? And there are hundreds

of women trapped up there ready to deliver?

Women you made pregnant? Now you're telling me it's not your problem?

Wait.

If they can manage not to breathe until we get them out of there...

This sucks. Change it.

Uh, the remote's broken.

Attention citizens! Do not panic.

There has been a small transformer explosion at the electric plant.

Power will be restored shortly.

Citizens are advised to store fresh water supplies and canned goods.

Or you should have already done that, I guess. Hope you did.

Attention citizens! Do not panic.

Hey Butt-Head, what's wrong with the TV?

I don't know.

Let's kick it.

Yeah, let's kick it, let's kick it! Kick it!

Uh, wait a minute.

I just, like, figured something out.

What?

We gotta go watch TV somewhere else.

I said hold it, police!

Are they having another one of those midnight madness sales?

We're slashing prices! Everything must go!

That was cool.

We gotta find a place to watch TV.

- Hey, they've got one. - Yeah.

- Hey, wait up, dude. - Freeze, police!

Nevermind.

That's right, everyone.

If we all work together and respect one another's space,

we'll get through this crisis with a newfound sense of community.

Get out of the street, you longhaired panty-waist!

Oh, Beavis and Butt-Head, what a break.

I'm so glad you guys came by. I've got to go coordinate

the emergency shelter at the Y, but I can't move from here until I'm relieved.

Just go behind a building, dude. No one will see.

No, no, I mean, can you guys take over directing traffic here?

Uh, do we get arm bands?

Yeah, and like, tasers. Taser, taser!

Well, I might be able to find you a couple of helmets.

- We'll find our own helmets, dude. - Yeah, mine's right here.

Now, look, fellas, this isn't hard.

Just wave the traffic through in one direction,

count to fifty and then change, okay?

Cool.

Thanks, guys. And I'll think you'll be surprised

at the way doing good will have you feeling good.

- Feeling good? - Yeah, yeah.

Feeling-- Good.

Were we supposed to, like, do something?

Yeah.

What did he say again?

I think he said wave the cars through in, like, one direction.

- You take that one, I'll take this one. - Oh yeah, yeah.

Uh, one.

- You're not doing it right, ass-munch. - Oh, sorry about that.

This time, count to fifty.

Uh, one.

Uh, yeah, one.

- Two. - Two.

Six.

Yeah, sixty.

- Two. - We already did two.

- No, we didn't. - Yes, we did.

- You're thinking of sixtytwo. - No way, Butt-Head.

Shut up, butt dumpling!

Uh, maybe we did do two.

Um, yeah, I don't think so.

Watch it, Beavis!

I know this sucks, but that doesn't mean you have to spit on me.

You're lucky I didn't barf on you.

He's trying to hump a rock.

Yeah, that would be cool if he pulled it down on top of him

and like, crushed him.

Whoa! Did you see that? He had a band-aid on one of his boobs.

Really? Why?

Maybe he's like, trying to shave the hair off of his chest, and it's like...

Don't say stuff like that, Butt-Head.

Why not, Beavis?

- It's like he shaved off his nipple. - Ow! Ow! Stop it!

This is really beginning to piss me off, Beavis.

Yeah yeah, really!

Get up off the ground and stop whining, you wuss!

Get up! Get up, stand up straight, and quit acting like a wuss!

Quit whining, go out and get a job and some good clothes!

- You tell him, Beavis! - Yeah, yeah, yeah! And another thing,

stay away from those rocks!

Five.

Seven.

Eleventeen.

Whoa, what's that?

Oh my God! Oh my God!

Hey Beavis, check it out. It's Stewart's dad.

He doesn't look so good.

Where am I? I think I'm bleeding internally.

Mr. Stevenson? Is that you?

Beavis! Butt-Head! Thank God!

What happened? Tell me what happened!

Our TV broke.

Yeah. Can we watch at your house?

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