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WATER SAFETY
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Fall in, people.
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Today I'm gonna teach you
about basic water safety.
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Is that clear?
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Butt-Head, what is your problem?
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I can't seem to take my
eyes off this girl's butt, sir.
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Well, I'm gonna take your
eyes out of your sockets
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and stick 'em up your butt
if you don't pay attention.
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Now, lesson one,
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- the doggy paddle.
- Doggy style?
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Yeah. Doggy style.
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Now, when you arrive
at the point of exhaustion
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you might utilize the body's
natural tendency to float.
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He's a "flatuer".
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Yeah.
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Butt-Head, do you
find this amusing?
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No.
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No.
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There's like,
a bunch of water falling down.
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Yeah, yeah, and some mud!
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Yeah.
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- A chick in the rain.
- Yeah, yeah. And a dog.
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- I guess that's pretty cool.
- Yeah, yeah.
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Water, water, WATER! WATER!
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- That chick needs a raincoat.
- Yeah.
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Hey Beavis.
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Do you like, uh... have a raincoat?
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Yeah.
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When was the last
time you used it?
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Last night! On your mom!
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Dammit, Beavis!
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Hey Butt-Head, you know
how, like, when it rains
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like, aftewards you go on the street
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like, all the earth worms come
out, step on 'em and they go:
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Yeah.
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Mud is cool!
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Mud rules!
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How come these guys are,
like, playing out in the mud?
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Well, it's either because they're
really stupid or really cool.
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Shut up, Beavis!
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Thank you, miss Morgendorffer.
Next! Butt-Head!
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Please demonstrate your
mastery of floating.
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I said Butt-Head!
Where are you, Butt-Head?
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He's over there.
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- Daaamn!
- Beavis!
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You will save your
friend's life! NOW!
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Okay.
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Ah! It's too cold.
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Miss Morgendorffer, please
commandeer my clipboard and whistle.
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This sucks!
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Butt-Head, do you have an explanation
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for your unspeakable behavior?
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I was dead.
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- Yeah. He looks dead.
- Do your or do you not
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have a reason for placing my
life and accreditation at risk?
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I can't swim.
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Yeah. Me too.
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And what about your
patent disregard for Beavis?
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Do you not care a rat's ass for the
safety of your closest companion?
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No.
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- Yeah. No.
- Listen up, people!
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I am moving this class to the
nurse's station immediatly!
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It's obvious you people need to
learn life saving techniques
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as well as the code of the sea.
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Ok, class.
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Beavis and Butt-Head
have volunteered
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to serve as CPR dummies for
our medical emergency lesson.
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Oh, gross.
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Their extremities have been incapacitated
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to simulate the paralysis characteristic
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to a pool trauma victim.
Fall in, people!
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That sucks!
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Do I have a volunteer? Stevenson?
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I can't do it!
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That man fails! By now
our victims would be braindead!
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Cool.
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- Yeah yeah, cool.
- Kimberly, revive the trauma victims.
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Uh, baby.
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- Come to Butt-Head.
- Yeah, and then come to me.
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I don't think so. I have a doctor's note
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excusing me from any emotionally
destructive school activities.
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- It's valid all the way through college.
- Students, I'm extremely disappointed
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by today's performance.
Do you require that I
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00:06:33,466 --> 00:06:37,266
personally demonstrate the
correct resuscitation technique?
85
00:06:38,075 --> 00:06:39,372
- No.
- Yeah.
86
00:06:39,374 --> 00:06:40,174
No.
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- No.
- It's like Jaws the movie.
88
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- No.
- First, it is essential
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to establish an air tight
seal over the mouth
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of the trauma victim.
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- This sucks.
- Which victim wishes to go first?
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- No!
- No!
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Noooo!
94
00:07:07,467 --> 00:07:09,428
Is he gonna vomit?
95
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Yeah, VOMIT, VOMIT! VOMIT!
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- Vomit, dammit!
- Settle down, Beavis.
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- When he was six weeks...
- Buttcheeks?
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WHERE, WHERE, WHERE? Buttcheeks?
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00:07:40,665 --> 00:07:44,367
They didn't show buttcheeks,
dumbass, he just said "buttcheeks".
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That's cool.
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Mr. Blue Veins...
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Mr. Blue Vein!
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Yeah.
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Hey Butt-Head. I have a blue vein.
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Okay, Beavis.
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00:08:06,616 --> 00:08:07,908
Hey, Butt-Head...
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00:08:08,420 --> 00:08:10,218
Hey Butt-Head, check it out.
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00:08:10,524 --> 00:08:13,402
Come on, hey Butt-Head!
Butt-Head! Check it out.
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00:08:13,406 --> 00:08:15,820
Put Mr. Blue Vein
away, Beavis!
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00:08:42,587 --> 00:08:44,477
Don't bogart it, dude.
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"Kills millions of
germs on contract".
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A marine can stand anything!
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A marine can stand anything!
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A marine can stand anything!
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"Excuse me, son. You're busted
for stealing shopping carts".
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It's like: "My partner wants
to send you to the juvy home
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00:09:24,660 --> 00:09:26,938
but if you, like, tell us who
stole the shopping carts
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00:09:26,941 --> 00:09:30,436
I might, like, convince him to let you
get off with, like, just an ass kicking".
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Okay.
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00:09:35,425 --> 00:09:37,757
I don't want to look at
some dude's hairy butt!
121
00:09:39,967 --> 00:09:44,035
If they would, like, just show a chick's
butt maybe it would be a buzz clip.
122
00:09:44,475 --> 00:09:45,569
Yeah, yeah.
123
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That's not how it goes, Beavis.
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Dumbass.
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00:10:03,513 --> 00:10:06,407
Whoa, look at that!
They almost showed that chick's butt!
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00:10:07,187 --> 00:10:08,215
Yeah.
127
00:10:08,824 --> 00:10:14,087
But "close" only counts in horse
shoes and, like... lemonade or something.
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00:10:16,138 --> 00:10:18,404
Sometimes they have showed horses butt.
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What?
130
00:10:23,352 --> 00:10:24,448
What?
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00:10:25,824 --> 00:10:26,920
I don't know.
132
00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:30,325
- Wait a minute. What's going on here?
- Yeah, yeah.
133
00:10:30,433 --> 00:10:33,525
This looks like one of those
"Obsession" commercials.
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00:10:33,575 --> 00:10:38,125
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