Original subtitles

THEY'RE COMING TO TAKE ME AWAY, HUH HUH

Hey, Beavis. Check this out.

Big deal, I can do that.

Oh, yeah?

Watch this.

Now listen up, people!

I am not an unreasonable man,

but I say there's nothing wrong with you little monsters

that can't be cured by a quick return to the days of corporal punishment!

Now, here to talk to you about your feelings

is our new school psychiatrist, Dr. Floss.

Thank you, Mr. Buzzcut. Today, being my first day here at Highland High,

I'm trying to meet as many students as possible

and to let you know that I'm here to help at your request.

If you have problems or worries, my door is always open,

but on a strictly voluntary basis.

Let me assure you that no one will be required to see me.

That's cool.

You two! My office, now!

Check it out, that guy's about to score! Stop the truck!

Pull over, buttmunch!

Today is the greatest day I've ever known�

He thinks it's the greatest day because he, like, stole an ice-cream truck.

Yeah, that's cool.

If I stole one of those, I'd like go out to the desert

and then I'd just like start eating all the Rocket Pops, and the Chocolate Chippety Crunches,

and... and the Dreamsicles, yeah, and the Nutty-Buddies�

- Shut up, Beavis! - and the Froggies.

These guys are called the Smashing Pumpkins.

- I don't see 'em smashing anything. - Yeah.

And I don't see any pumpkins.

Like, this part of the song, right here

this is pretty cool. This is where they should, like, smash stuff.

Right there, they could be smashing stuff, see?

Instead of like, you know, doing that other stuff.

These guys should like, get together with

the Spin Doctors, and like, paint stuff.

Yeah, and throw paint around.

Seems like every time, like, a bunch of guys get together

and throw paint around, there's always some chicks there.

Yeah. I wonder why.

Yeah, yeah, yeah! Throw stuff at him! Yeah, throw stuff at him! Yeah, yeah!

That's pretty cool.

Why don't you start by telling me your earliest memories?

Uh, I woke up and, like, took a whiz.

I see.

Only I had to, like, stand way back from the toilet.

And why is that?

Yes. I'm interested in anything

either of you might want to tell me about your boyhood.

Uh, I just did.

How about your parents? Your mother, for example.

How do you feel about your mother?

Um, like this?

Kind of like this.

- That's not how I feel your mother. - Shut up, fart knocker!

That was cool.

Hey, Beavis, check this out.

- I got the last grape. - No way, Beavis, I saw it first!

Cut it out!

My germs.

No way!

Bunghole!

No way!

Come on, Butt-Head, I always get the grape!

It's not gonna taste like grape when it's up your butt.

Now...

I'd like you boys to look at these drawings

and tell me what you see.

What?

It's like this dude.

And he's, you know, auditioning his finger puppets.

He's shining his helmet.

I see.

And what do you see here?

He's really corralling the tadpoles.

He's really peeling some chilis.

I see.

And how about this one?

Leave a little for next time, dude.

He's really, like, having a tug o' war with Cyclops.

Paper or plastic, sir?

He's masturbating.

Hmm, I see.

And how about this last drawing?

That's, like, just a bunch of weird shapes.

Fascinating.

Principal McVicker, could you come in here immediately?

We've got big problems.

How you doing, baby?

Pretty good, how's it going?

She is talking to me.

Shut up, Butt-Head. Hey baby, what high school do you go to?

Beavis... you don't know how to talk to chicks.

Yeah I do. Check this out.

How's it going?

Nice butt!

Dumbass.

Hey Butt-Head, check this out.

That was cool!

- Lick him like a lollipop should be licked. - Lick him?

Hey Butt-Head, she said, she said "lick him"!

No she didn't, Beavis.

They wouldn't her say that on TV.

Oh well, it would've been cool if she did tho.

Girl, look at him.

He's the cutest brother in here.

He's the only brother in there.

He said his hot rod is twelve inches to a yard!

Really? That's pretty big, 'cause

usually those model race cars

are just like, I don't know, like, I don't know, like,

the Revell ones are like, you know, six inches and stuff.

Now remember to be especially kind to our new friends,

because the sudden change from being students to patients

in a psychiatric ward could be very hard on them.

She said "very hard".

Then she said "on".

Look! Butt-Head! Butt-Head! It's GWAR! It's GWAR! It's GWAR!

I can't believe it! It's GWAR!

This is what it's all about.

It's like, it's like, you watch all these videos,

you watch TV, you watch TV, everything sucks, and then something like this comes on,

- and it's like, it's like, it's cool! - Yeah!

- Look at that dude! - Yeah, look at that! That's cool!

Check it out. That's cool too!

It's like, there's too much cool stuff to keep track of.

It's like, you have to watch TV for like hours and hours

and hours before you see this video,

but it's like, when you do it's all worth it.

It sure is.

You know what they should do? They should, like, tell you

what time the video's like in TV Guide or something.

That would be cool. But then it's like,

you'd still have to like, watch for hours and hours and hours until it came on.

No you wouldn't, Beavis!

It's like, if they say it's gonna be on like, at eleven o'clock or something,

- then like, you know when it's gonna be on. - Yeah, but like, if it's like

six o'clock, then it's like, you have to keep watching it, because it's not on.

Oh yeah.

Well, at least you what time it's on, though.

But like, how do you know what time it is?

I don't know.

I guess you'd have to keep watching until the video came on.

Then it's like, you'd know what time it is.

That'd be a good idea.

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