Original subtitles

BABY MAKES UH, THREE

- Fix the picture, dude. - I'm trying.

Come on, dude, we're missing it.

Got it.

- You're doing great, honey. - Come on, one more big push.

I love you so much, honey.

Hey Butt-Head, the TV is out of focus.

Focus, focus, ass wipe.

- What's Bono's problem? - Yeah, what's Boner's problem?

Black and white sucks.

- Whoa! That's a big dog! - That's a buffalo, dumbass.

They should shoot it.

That would be cool.

Yeah, like that movie "Dancing With Wolves".

Ahni.

Weehee.

Ogee.

Oohni.

Oohni.

- Is this, like, a quiz? - This is like school.

Push th' little daisies and make 'em come up.

Push th' little daisies and make 'em come up.

That's not funny. Dumbass.

Is this art?

This means something.

Yeah, it means something stupid.

Joey Buttafuoco.

You said "Buttafuoco".

Hey Beavis, what do you think "Buttafuoco" means?

He said "back door".

Dude looks like a lady.

This is the coolest video I've ever seen in my life.

Cool!

Beavis, I thought you were daddy's little cutie.

Shut up, bunghole!

Yes!

Check it out, she is pissed. She hates it.

Everybody thinks babies are cute. Cute!

Well, they are not so damn cute when they are yours. I tell you that right now.

Crapping and puking all over you.

They cost a damn fortune to feed and clothe and all they end up doing is

making you miserable, like you people are doing to your parents right now!

It's time that you teen pregnancy candidates

learn a thing or two about responsibility.

Does anybody know what this is?

Half his wife's butt?

It is a baby. And everybody is getting one.

I have divided the class into male/female pairs.

And every couple gets one of these for a week of nurturing and cooperation.

Everywhere you go you take it with you.

If you can not take it with you, you arrange for a sitter.

Is that clear!?

Mr. Buzzcut? Mr. Buzzcut?

Yes, Butt-Head.

I can't do the assignment. I'm diatetic.

I'm sure you mean diabetic, Butt-Head. And you will do this assignment.

Each couple keeps a journal of its activities with the baby.

Any gaps - you fail.

Any mistakes - you fail. Any damage to the baby - you fail.

And if you fail this project, you fail the course,

because having a child is a pass/ fail situation, people.

There's the list of partners, find yours and get a baby.

Is that clear?

Hey, it says my partner is Butt-Head.

Yes, I making an exception in your case.

All right!

Every girl in the class asked me privately not to be paired with either of you.

So, I thought this was the best solution.

Besides, with homosexual couples increasingly adopting babies,

this will making our situation even more realistic.

Do you find that amusing, Butt-Head?

One week from today.

We all meet back here with our sugar babies and our journals. Is that clear?

Good luck and good parenting, people.

I don't know how to take care of a baby. What do you do?

Hey, let's give it a bath.

I'm gonna slap you around like a redheaded stepchild.

You drowned it, dude.

We'll never get to see it grow up.

- Aerobics suck. - Yeah.

What the hell is this crap?

This sucks.

- It's "Curly" from the Three Stooges. - Yeah.

Hey Beavis, check this out: "somewhere that he never should have been".

- He looks like a zombie. - Yeah.

"Thunder rolls".

What ever happened to country songs about whiskey drinking and butt kicking?

Yeah. They should have, like, Ice Cube come out and start kicking this guy.

Yeah. Then this video would be cool.

Whoa! Come on, show it!

This sucks, they never show the good stuff.

I hate sitcoms.

"And so, it is with utmost regret,

that I must report that our baby was stolen by gypsies in the night".

Yeah. Sorry about that.

And it is with equal regret that I must report that you boys both fail!

Not only fail, but fail more miserably than any student

I have ever had the misfortune to teach!

What the hell. It was fine this morning.

Damn catalytic converter.

What is your major malfunction!?

Why are you sputtering?

What's that noise?

Is this like that movie, Beyond Superdome?

Yeah, that was cool.

How come all these videos have cages in them?

Because they're cool.

This is like a zoo. Where they keep cool people.

Yeah.

Hey Beavis, do you have a Nine Inch Nail?

This is pretty cool.

Yeah, nails are cool.

That guy is pulling his rope.

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