Original subtitles

LOVE AND SLAPS

What was it that we asked of him as students?

Something you can't ask of your own father:

to not judge us.

He showed us the way.

He left us to follow our choices with a smile.

His smile.

He never judged us for our errors.

I remember what he always said...

"Well done,

the intention was good."

Thank you, Prof. Heinz-Loup,

for believing in our good intentions.

Thanks to you,

my classmates and I still sometimes feel...

like jackasses.

Ma'am?

- Are you okay? - I'm fine.

I made him this promise.

My knee...

My knee's going!

Call a fucking gravedigger!

He was translating "The Magic Mountain".

He was under pressure.

Under so much pressure!

Under pelvic pressure...

Duccio, please.

True.

He was a great thinker.

- And a big eater. - Stop it!

Ulrike closed his eyes.

Was Ulrike in our class?

We were on a flowery knoll.

You were nursing me.

Your breast was huge

and I sucked on it with joy.

What did the milk taste like?

Like a mountain hut. Like eggnog...

Act on that impulse. Suck!

Forpity's sake, Fornari! Use a coin.

Stealing snacks is so pathetic.

- So is Berlusconi. - Why mention him?

Berlusconi's everywhere.

So I can put anything I like in this bottle?

Anything, within reason.

Thanks.

.. to the bipolar disorder of Italian politics

.. we'll respond wlth force!

Marina!

God, Ettore Maria!

I need a prescription.

I don't prescribe pills, I'm a psychologist.

Fine! I'll go home and defecate on my mom's white rug.

This time I'll really do it, doctor!

That's not howit works!

The damn Defense Secretary was late for the interview.

Luca's not well. Coffee!

- The flu? - Are you kidding?

- Why? - Rosa dumped him, honey.

- I didn't know. I'm sorry. - Sorry?

Rosa didn't tellyou?

- I knew things weren't great but... - Your daughter's smart.

Luca's a jerk with women, like his dad.

Pay.

Shitty day!

He's glued to his PS3, he skips school.

That's nothing new.

- What do you mean? - You know.

Rosa had to ring the doorbell non-stop to wake him.

- Luca isn't narcoleptic. - Plus, all those joints...

-They all smoke joints. Didn't you? - Only once, I threw up on a guy.

- I'm scared to leave Luca alone. - So stay in.

- We can't stay home at our age. - Why not?

The world will forget us!

Gotta go.

Tell Rosa Luxemburg to get off her pedestal!

She copied my Greek translation. I'd made two dumb mistakes.

She corrected them and didn't tell me, she got an A, I got a B.

Bitch!

- What was her excuse? - Her battery was dead.

- Huh? - Her Bluetooth was down.

We used to write notes on our hands.

Bluetooth, crazy!

- I'm off. - Finish up.

Kiss!

- Bye. - Bye!

Who's she going out with?

- No idea. Francipoly maybe. - Francipoly...

What a cruel nickname, it's like calling her Fatso.

- Nonsense. - Seriously...

It's my birthday. I turn 50.

I wanted a family dinner, champagne in bed...

my wife and daughter singing "Forhe's a jolly good fellow"...

- Your birthday's tomorrow. - But it starts at midnight.

You, young boy!

I'm still a stud baby, ok?!

Mr.Architect birthday tomorrow.

Yes Cornelia, thanks.

Life is fading away.

It fades away...

You fade away!

The garden metaphor: marked by a tree,

the polestar between the kindergarten and old people's club.

.. Senior citizens.

The architect imagines a large waterless pool

where children and seniors swim together.

Rosa!

What do you think?

I look trashy?

Is it Luca?

Being a drag?

- Know what I'd like? - What, darling?

A kilt.

Tie on bed.

No, I want the thin black one with red stripes.

- That one for little boy. - Stylist bac khome?

- No, I was... - I know, an engineer.

Wear it, or I send to Adriano.

- The TV host? - The economist.

Some cultured nation!

Coming, dad? You're gonna see stars.

So that's where my tie ended up.

It suits you.

A stellar birthday, father.

- Thanks, daughter. - Cheers, husband.

- Thanks, wife. - I have to go.

Will you be back to have some cake?

Bye, honey.

For he's a jolly good fellow

Marcello!

Try to understand the deeper meaning of this.

- You're the best. - Thanks.

The deeper meaning?

"The Origin of the World", Gustave Courbet.

A revolutionary.

Art isn't redundant when it portrays reality.

It's a way of seeing the world.

Beautiful.That's nature.

Put it away.

It's the source of everything, dear.

Lacan kept ithidden in his study for 20 years.

Yes, mom.

I sense some tension...

Hi dad.

- Hi Luca. - Hi.

I came to see if Rosa got over her fever.

Her fever?

- Rosa isn't out with you? - No.

Actually, she didn't feel good, then felt better...

..and went out. Want a drink?

I don't drink, ljust smoke joints.

I'll wait for her.

Something to eat?

- It's black, can't see a thing. - The shitty sky of our dear city.

- It's a gift from Rosa. - Stellar daughter.

You said it, Valentino.

One day she'll help me walk, climb the stairs, and feed me.

One day, she'll be like a mother to me.

- So? - So?

So?

So who am I raising? My mother.

My son drags me to the stores.

I buy him everything he wants: shoes, clothes...

Pythons.

- So he won't hit me. - I'd opt for a care-giver.

I'm saving up.

When we're old, maybe euthanasia will be legal.

They're all dead, we get ancient light.

It's my birthday.

See the glass half full, not half empty.

He's not well.

Raimonda...

- Let's go home. - He's gloomy.

Your husband wants you.

So gloomy.

For he's a jolly good fellow

Come over here.

Lights off.

- Aldo honey! - Hi moms, hi pops.

- Spying on me? - You said you had a fever.

If I want to go out, I don't need your permission!

- What are you laughing at, fatso? - I can't laugh?

You're wired from playing Commando 2 all day.

He took you to the reptile house?

- Come on... - Mom, shut up and sit down.

My fever died down, okay?

- Nice outfiit! - What?

Ripe for a Swiss finishing school.

I don't want a guy who has no opinion!

- My opinion: fuck you! - Luca!

- Dad, shut up. - Idiot, moron,jerk!

Bozo!

I can't believe you're dating this dumb ape now.

Stop it!

Valentino...

Help her!

Your wife's in bad shape.

She won't pull through. You're a free man.

She crushed the cake!

Clean her up!

My solo!

Luca was a bit aggressive last night.

Bye everybody!

Take care, Rome's full of cokeheads.

It's 8 in the moming!

- Shall I top up your phone? - No, thanks.

Bye, honey. Take care.

If it's not Luca or Aldo, who's the other guy?

She doesn't want to talk about it.

Marcello, you're my mentor

Enough with the cell, it creates interference.

Sorry.

I love Marina, she's important to me.

But this girl... she touches me.

She's a good architect too.

In the office and on site, she puts her soul.

And leaves her ass at home?

What?

When did she last put her soul into you?

Just a little arrhythmia.

You'll bury us all, Marcello.

- Lollipop? - No.

Do you mind if I bring Delfina to the country?

-You're back together? - No.

But Alison threw me out

and Delfina has a nice loft, so...

True love.

Bye, Marcello.

Bastards!

Bastards!

I saw Rosa leaving school.

-With a colored boy. - No!

"Yes we can! "Black is totally "in" now!

He can come to the gypsy camp clean-up.

- She said it's out of the question. - That's Rosa for you.

Eat up, it's full of Omega 3.

- It's good for you. - Too much mercury.

Be optimistic! Eat some rice and beans.

Look, Father: the beauty of the roofs, the pathway...

the toilet cabins...

Yet we refuse to see this beauty.

Why, Father? Because...

Are you listening?

The concept of a camp for closeted gays like us,

is unacceptable.

We seek refuge behind the notion of community.

We're preoccupied, afraid.

We hide our terror in consumerism,

spewing out words like "sharing", "acceptance", "communication"...

It's absurd, Fr. Pulimanti!

Bringing anyone to the country for the holiday?

Francipoly. And maybe a male friend.

Rosa dear, I'm so happy.

You might judge me.

Sweetheart, I wish I'd been like you at your age.

So full of dignity. I love you and I admire you as well.

I'll never judge you.

Hornets like those are killers.

- Got any DDT? - DDT was banned 32 years ago, mom.

Girls, do your boyfriends eat pork?

What?

I need to know my son-in-law's nationality.

Wouldn't want to offer him salami if it's against his religion.

Excuse me.

Halloween cookies, dead men's bones, sugar skulls...

- It's All Saints' Day. - And divine wine...

Isn't this boy a darling? So beautiful!

My little Giulio's a genius. Not like his brother.

Rosa was right to dump him.

- A genius like his mom. - No, like me!

When I was doing research in the USA...

- But you came back! - For love.

- Right. Love ruined you. - Better love than Wall Street...

To be honest, blow jobs ruined me.

A woman kneels, I marry her.

Got wifi?

Wifi, of course.

Marina, don't say anything.

I can't afford alimony for two ex-wives.

Alison ran off to Dubai...

Delfina's always away, her loft is...

.. right across from my hospital.

What else can I do? You're as beautiful as ever.

Stop it, silly!

Divorce andwe'll go to Corsica. All right?

- How gross! - It's traditional.

Slaughtered animals are full of toxins.

Dumb bitch.

Come see the donkey.

- Is that a spaceship? - Alternative energy...

Valentino has eczema.

Down below.

Must be a drag.

We can't have sex, his scrotum's like sandpaper.

- Can you imagine? - No.

How often do you do it: monthly, bimonthly, biannually?

Like them, honey?

- Are they trashy enough? - Super trashy.

I had to invite them... It's Halloween.

Good morning.

Good morning.

Beautiful, they're like stage lights.

Lights on the sea, from the sea, in the sea...

Is she all there?

The sea is far away but light moves fast.

- Duccio. - Lory.

- Moo-cow! - Come on up.

Interesting girl.

Is there a DVD player in my room?

- Yes, there is. - I have the perfect film.

"The Seventh Seal"

She invited the loonies?

We have an open, welcoming home,

I like intermixing.

I like bizarre people.

He's here.

- Screw the middle class. - I'm totally middle class.

- And we totally say screw you. - Don't touch me.

Kidding...

- You must be Armando. - Actually...

Baby!

No, dad.

That's Armando.

Armando, the father of...

I don'thave children.

Hi, honey.

What's wrong?

Oh, my God! Did a homet sting you?

Let me see...

- Mom, meet Armando. - Nice to meet you.

Delighted.

Rum babas and cassatas...

I'll take his bag up.

Comelia!

She'll take you to your room.

Good morning.

- Speak Romanian? - I used to be a vampire.

You said he was colored.

I was wrong.

It's a joke, it has to be...

A Futurist provocation.

Answer him!

- Berlusconi or Sarkozy? - What?

Prosecco or champagne?

I'll get the canapÈs!

I prefer red, I'm an old sold-out Communist.

Nice to meet you.

Wild boar canapÈs.

I love wild boar.

- Who's that old gentleman? - Stay out of it, mom.

- You're a doormat to everyone. - No, I'm not.

- What did I do wrong? - You made me.

Life is so beautiful, you should thank me.

Here comes the old lady!

- Coming down? -When I finish my triceps.

Who is old man?

Never see before. Looks like president.

He is president.

I use real plates then?

Yes.

Where did they meet?

Probably at one of your dumb volunteer events.

- Cornelia, who's the old gentleman? - President.

Shit!

A quick game?

Want to play?

- I'm a little rusty. - Don't worry, we all are.

- Help me dust the books. - What a drag!

- How are you? - Fine mom, I told you already.

- Do you need anything? - Just towels.

- You miss grandpa Livio? - Who?

Close...

- The hell it was! - That one landed in Umbria.

You want to piss me off?

- Is the old man a director? - No. Leave us, Lory.

- What's his field? - People.

Is he with UNESCO or a gossip mag?

Had your bottle?

Dad lent him grandpa's mallet.

- Where did you meet him, Marina? - At the movies.

- What did you see, Marina? - "Harold and Maude".

So sweet!

Cat Stevens, pre-lslam period.

Sorry, I don't see my daughter much.

I see you Monday, Wednesday and Friday for 45 minutes. So...

- Am I a nuisance? - No, not at all.

We have no secrets.

Just bullshit.

Call it bullshit...

You're playing well.

As a young man, I won tournaments in India.

In India? How awesome!

Awesome? India's anything but awesome.

My friend isn't out of puberty, he chases schoolgirls.

No, this gigolo needs a home.

A gigolo has a six-pack, not a beer gut.

You'll never leam English.

So what were you doing in India?

I was at the embassy.

As ambassador, consul, president...?

A permanent guest.

I made a delicious "zabaglione" so they didn't want me to leave.

- I fled on Jacques Mayol's boat. - The free diver?

He's a genius, he's lived my dream life!

Aguest, the sea, and babes a-plenty.

There weren't many babes on Jacques' boat.

In a documentary about him there was a Korean chick.

- Where did you meet Mayol? - In Cartagena.

I monitored his heart rate.

You're a fellow cardiologist?

No, I'm an expert on the heart, not as a muscle,

but as a planet.

Slowing the heartbeat until it stops.

Controlling life.

Without the least violence.

By just letting go... while waiting for the chair.

Which chair?

Inside each one ofus,

there's an empty chair...

and the old man

waiting at the end of the corridor.

Dang, I'm not even out of my high chair yet!

- What's wrong with him? - Suicidal tendencies.

- I know the feeling. - You tried?

With cream puffs: 20 in 20 minutes.

My diabetes went wild.

- What's he president of? - Everything.

- He's a genius! - Everything, how?

I think I've won the game.

What were the stakes?

I see it!

Death will approach from behind...

and raise its scythe

with its threatening gleam!

Help!

Help...

He's a mythomaniac.

- Who? - The president.

- You lent him my dad's mallet! - Was he to play with a broom?

- Dad... - Kitten!

Can Armando have a gorgonzola pizza?

Gorgonzola, sure.

Let's keep calm.

I said let's keep calm...

Get it off ofhim!

Sorry!

Get the damn endive!

Are you high school friends?

Yes, a suicidal instinct impels us to stay in touch.

Tuna behave the same way before they're slaughtered.

- Before dying... - Okay.

- What? - I hate seeing you eat.

Everyone's eating.

People gorging sicken me, the West sickens me.

It's just a pizza party.

Eat up, honey.

Before dying...

I don't believe in family, I believe in encounters.

I believe in the family you choose.

- What's your field? - Entertainer at kids' parties.

- You give consolation prizes too? - Sure.

Who's the elderly gentleman?

- Your mom's boyfriend? - Endive pizza?

- Why's she yelling? - Menopause.

Endive...

In here!

- What are you doing? - Putting him in your mom's room.

Not with mom!

He can't sleep with the kids in bunkbeds, the elderly have needs.

- What needs? - How do I know?

Dentures, diapers, God knows!

All right.

Mom... I was thinking...

I'll put the president in your room with you.

No, I don't want an old man in my room.

I prefer young guys.

Ettore!

Go, my hero!

- Mom says she prefers young guys. - Your family's never any help!

My family?

We'll put him with the maid.

If we do that, she'll walk out.

I can't manage without her.

Caretakers should sleep in old people's rooms.

What's wrong?

- Beds no good? - Yes...

I break back to put sheet on top bed.

It's perfect, Comelia, thank you.

- No singing tonight, Mr.Architect? - No, because he...

Why do you suck up to your maid?

You suck!

Don't do that!

It's wrong.

We don't do... What is it?

- "The Force of Character". - Excellent book.

Oh my God! Dad's slippers...

What are they?

Blue pills.

Those are pills for...

Even men your age take them.

I've never needed them.

Of course.

How was the pizza? Too stodgy?

I don't know, I didn't have any.

Rosa is unpredictable.

Like you.

A fair-trade fan, like you.

- It must be a spiritual friendship. - Right.

With an old boy scout.

He plays the bongos.

So what?

An archetypical call to sex.

Goodnight.

Have we been absent parents?

We took her everywhere.

She's been a ball-buster from day one.

- Maybe she needed a guide. - Sure, an Apache chief!

Goodnight.

Let's hope so.

- What's wrong? - I'm thirsty.

Use your cream down there.

Aldo, it's mom. I left a lasagna in the oven for you.

How was the game?

Goodnight.

- Cornelia! What are you doing? - Patrol.

Goodnight, Mr.Architect.

Goodnight, Ms. Engineer.

- Who are you? - I'm Death.

Have you come for me?

- Are you ready? - My splrit Is ready.

- What's that? - Piss.

His own.

Urine on an empty stomach: Mesopotamian remedy.

Right?

At times I think this country needs a dictatorship.

Moming!

Moming.

You're up early, president.

Yes, before dawn. The finest hour.

It's a shame to spoil it.

What happened?

I helped a ewe in labor to give birth.

She was lost.

- Why didn't you wake me? - You were sleeping beautifully.

- Come on. - Excuse me, everyone.

I'll go wash my hands.

- Where are you going? - Coffee for president.

It's Aldo! My little Aldo!

My God...

- Yo, dad! - Yo, son!

Still doing that English shit?

You brought Morgan!

- You brought a cobra? - A python, please.

- It didn't strangle you? - It recognizes its master's smell.

- You're an X-Man? - Who are you?

Luca's brother.

- That freak's here? - No, his mom is.

Hey mom, I'm starving.

Where are we?

In Italy.

A royal python, a magnificent specimen.

A very shy creature.

- It's name? - Morgan.

- Where did we go wrong? - Told you we needed more fettuccine!

Capture the flag?

I'm starving.

Want some chicory and porklard roll?

The old guy's neat. Who is he?

- He was kissing Rosa. - C'mon!

A kiss on the cheek.

Mouth.

Mouth?

Rosa's too cool for her age.

Old is good.

Less work. Here, too many fools and plates.

Dork.

Twit.

Dingbat.

Dope.

Birdbrain.

- Are you okay? - Fine.

Act your age.

- Are you okay, honey? - I can't feel my arm.

He looks ashy.

- Before dying... - No, he's blue in the face.

We need to talk to you.

What do you want? Always unhappy with me!

I can do no right! You make me feel like shit.

If anyone looks like shit, it's us... Kitten...

Daddy just had an attack.

- He lost the flag... - Huh?

Is there a problem with Armando?

She's asking you.

Tell me. Spit it out!

He's 50 years older than you.

You're so narrow-minded.

At least allowus to express our... perplexity.

No!

- I cried on New Year's. - The hairdresser got your highlights wrong.

Handy excuse...

Call it handy... 150 euros!

- Hairdressers make more than I do! - Don't start.

At least I never made anybody cry...

She's hideous when she cries.

It's over... Do something, Marina!

Please, you're her mother!

Rosa...

-We've always given you freedom. -What freedom?

To be like you?

Every year in Haugesund,

I'm not taking that goddam fjord ferry again!

You're right, I'm sick ofit too.

Haugesund's a drag. We'll change.

No, I'll change on my own.

Kitten, we're your parents...

We raised you step by step.

Dad put training wheels on your bicycle for you

and cut his hand removing them.

Seven stitches!

An important scar.

- Are you two on drugs? - What are you saying?

Loads of parents use drugs.

On Saturdays, Francipoly's folks open the windows

to air out the smell of weed.

Freezing cold there.

Joints at age 50. Pathetic!

Duccio smokes too.

- Occasionally. - Who gives him weed?

His son.

His son sells it to him!

I didn't know.

He doubles his pocket money.

Disaster.

Pocket money isn't enough. You deal to buy your girlfriend a pizza!

You don't deal, do you?

Of course not, mom!

I don't need to. Armando buys me pizza.

You don't need to have that old man pay for you...

..that gentleman.

- I always taught you to pay your way. - She's right.

Think Armando's the kind of guy to go Dutch?

- He's not some teenager! - I know what he is.

A man in his seventies.

Shameful...

No, you two are shameful.

Dad, for making Cornelia do your math.

Only once, I was behind on a job.

And you, mom, with these people glued to you.

Your mother is my mother, symbolically...

Lory, we're not even related!

- At 18, I'll move in with Armando. - You can't!

Mom, you know... a girl must detach from her mother,

asserting herself with a symbolic murder.

Right, Lory?

Goneril!

- The perfect Goneril in "King Lear". - Enough!

Go suck somewhere else.

Enough now!

No more pocket money!

No, she needs her pocket money.

Keep the pocket money... for now!

Pathetic.

- Can someone stitch my button on? - I haven't done that since '68.

- I have to go on-site for work. - Is that what they call it?

- Don't leave me alone. - Have Mr. Scythe help you.

I can't exploit my patients.

Don't exert yourself!

He's making fun of me. It's war.

How can you eat with that damn snake here?

I prefer animals to people. Who's the real animal?

A snake is like any other animal.

A dog's acceptable, so is a donkey...

- Why not snakes? - They're gross.

You consider them gross,

but my son doesn't. He's curious.

Pass the cheese.

Quit blubbering!

Look, I'm a school principal. I'm in the real world,

you only exist in print....

You neglect your wife.

You must channel a teenager's energy

or he'll gun down people.

Then don't complain about school massacres...

I'd rather let my son have a cobra!

- A python. - Same difference!

- You're nuts... - No!

As a motherand a principal, I don't hide behind my mom's skirt.

She'd need a curtain to cover her!

Got that?

Typical...

It's great they're so frank with each other.

They're old friends.

You've never even made your son a hard-boiled egg!

- Then you give speeches. - I'm in demand, you Fascist cow!

You hack!

Anorexic!

Bitch!

What do you know? I'm in the front line.

- You're hiding away. - On Via Giulia.

What do you know...

..about young people?

They bring home surprises.

Aldo's into his snake.

And Rosa's into the president!

Right, Marina?

We accept it.

We... accept it!

What else can we do?

We accept it!

I pity snakes.

Always slithering around without feet.

A hated symbol.

But it has one huge advantage.

It casts off its old skin.

That's a symbol of hope for all of us.

Than kyou, president!

Thank God for Filippinos!

You helped me cast off my old skin.

I'll make coffee.

- Stuff your face. - Fuck off!

Intellectuals, all of them.

Call me. I have news.

Don't you feel the age gap?

No,just the gap between idiocy and intelligence...

- ..kindness and meanness. - Is this your revolution?

The president's fucking Rosa Luxemburg?

How dare you!

- She and Luca fucked. - Don't use that word!

How can a sexual phobic be a shrink?

Rosa's a minor. You'll end up in jail.

A great scoop for my newspaper.

Your whole profession will turn on you.

When?

Now.

Slut!

No, Gladis.

We must go back to building walls.

This is leading nowhere.

But you wanted to knock walls down.

Let's face the facts, Gladis.

You need protein, I need liquids.

It's been good, really good.

You're so beautiful.

Butit's over.

Let's be reasonable.

I wouldn't call it a mistake...

Try to cry discreetly, please.

Eversince Professor Heinz-Loup passed away...

something has changed in my life.

You need to view yourself...

in a more natural way, understand?

That young surveyor you used to date...

You've forgotten...

Our meetings on the impounded site?

Assholes!

- Good evening, sir. - Hello, Giulio.

..I didn't move it.

- Unfortunately, nothing's moving. - I'm done playing.

It's like Ulysses' retum: the suitors have taken over.

I miss dad so much.

And our conversations about the Lacanian void.

Marina... why isn't our maid wearing an apron?

I'm not cooking tonight.

The suitors can roast chestnuts if they want.

Sorry, I've felt unwelcome.

You're no longer my therapist.

I'm moving to the tents. I'm killing you symbolically.

Sorry.

I can force her back.

- No, that's not how it works. - It worked with that joumalist.

You can't feed me two different inputs.

You can't destabilize me.

Slut!

- He wants Milady. Is that his mom? - No, his nanny.

His mom's in Dubai.

What are you doing?

Taking blankets to the Dead Poets' Society.

It's cold tonight.

Let's go, Giulio.

Me Filipina, me your nanny.

- Are you an actress? - An actress manquÈ.

Futile things can be of use.

Sleeping in tents...

Awesome.

- Totally awesome! - Reminds me of Corsica.

French pastis, French bread...

- French pussy! - Cut it out!

Now's not the time! I'm at home, with my family.

We'll talk tomorrow.

That takes guts...

giving up a mountain of fresh pussy.

Scared you'll be sucked dry like Heinz-Loup?

Cut it out!

"There will be time.

There will be time to prepare a face

to meet the faces you meet.

There will be time

to murder and create..."

When we were kids, kids didn't count for shit.

Nowadays, parents don't count for shit.

The wheel turns... Kids change though.

They bring home a defrocked priest, an American lesbian...

That's the great thing. Kids are on fire.

"In the room, the women come and go,

talking of Michelangelo."

Watch out, Marcello. This guy looks harmless

but he'll bang your entire family, maid included.

He's part of a strong generation,

he'll only leave you, your eyes to cry with!

We're a generation offaggots.

Semi-faggots.

We won't get pensions.

Our kids won't have work. They're right...

to chase after people who have a pension!

These mood-altering pills are dynamite, want one?

They make your dick limp but who cares,

It's just trouble anyway.

What a pain in the ass...

Cut it out!

Talk to her!

Get me out of this mess!

- Can he have some Coke? - No, never.

- He wants Coke orhe leaves. - Give him Coke.

- Nice discipline. - I don't do discipline at this hour.

Want Diet Coke?

She hung up.

Want a fritter?

I fritter my life away!

"There will be time to prepare a face to meet the faces you meet."

What?

The only "no" Rosa everheard was from me.

Call yourself a father? You're like her friend.

Are you accusing me?

Not at all, I'm giving you tools.

That's my job.

Act more mature, enough of the ageless boy.

The "Senex" is what your daughter needs, the old man!

Stop acting like a stud!

It's been a bad day for everyone but...

There are men of my age and my social standing

with a young mistress atheel.

Not me, Marina.

I'm anything but a stud.

- I'll take the president out tomorrow. - Alone?

Yes. Why? Think I want to seduce him?

Don't make me laugh!

I have an effect on patients.

Ettore Maria pulled out his member during a session.

He pulled out the Seventh Seal?

He's surprisingly well-endowed.

Really?

Flies are like the subconscious,

you never know what lies beneath.

I need love, more than you think.

And passion.

- Who drewthis little snake? - I did it alone.

I do everything alone.

I am Death.

Killing off this minor character is the only solution.

Marina, why are you wearing make-up?

- Can't l? -You look weird.

Like a transvestite.

You're a great shopper.

Marcello always buys soapy Parmesan.

- Ever been married? - No, and I'm too old for it now.

-An old stud. - Stud?

Let's consume! Why not?

Look, an aphrodisiac food section!

Oysters, caviar, truffles...

I believe desire lies within us.

I don't believe in caviar.

Three years ago, a patient crashed into the hearse

carrying her father's coffin.

Since then, her sex life has been on hold.

She wears a neck brace to bed.

It was just an accident...

a heel caught under the pedal.

The best things begin with accidents.

What should my patient do?

Elude the guard.

Get out! Quick!

Ma'am? Your father wants you.

- My father? - Your father.

Sorry, I have to file charges,

old people don't want to pay anymore.

Maybe they've paid enough.

It's no country for old men!

My father was a top psychoanalyst. People stole his life, his soul.

What did you take, dad?

- I must set an example... - You'll be an old man one day too.

- I'm only 23. - You can age fast.

Come on, dad.

Anything else?

Let's go, dad.

Fuck you, Mr. Guard.

Thanks for saving me from jail.

Did you take garlic pills today?

- Blue pills? - I was wondering...

They lower blood pressure...

To the waters, you rabble!

Uncle Vanya...

You can't leave this ancient land of underground waters

without seeing the great karstic explosion.

What a drag!

He's dressed like Lawnence of Arabia.

Your dad's pathetic.

You belong to a gelatinous generation.

You need bearing walls, to use an architectural metaphor.

The search for a father figure is typically Italian.

Excuse me!

Can you pull over?

- What's he doing, kitten? - Buying weed!

Catch!

- Okay? - Yes, thanks.

Bye!

Why do you smoke, guys?

Let's talk about it.

- We like smoking in silence. - Okay.

- We had ideals... - Not again!

I remember...

Woodstock, Pink Floyd's concert in Pompeii,

and Martin Luther King... You know, Nick?

- Pass the joint! - Wait!

Kennedy at the Berlin Wall.

One human nation!

Aldo, Nick, Poly, I'm on your side.

we'll never get it.

It's good.

What did you do? 1968... Knocked down the Berlin Wall...

..and brought pieces home to put on the dresser.

You searched for God in the desert and Iittered it with bottles.

You fucked Africa for diamonds and Ieft us what?

AlDS, nuclear waste, ozone holes...

"Big Brother"... "Big Shit"...

Dad bitched about mom, now he bitches about his girlfriend.

I never existed for him!

You adopted us and Ieft us with nannies.

"Why do you eat so much?"

- "Why don't you study?" - "Use condoms".

But what do you know?

You'd ride on my shoulders when you were little...

You never said a word.

What were you thinking?

You both pissed me off.

Three hours spent buying newspapers. What for?

To stay informed.

Mom's obsessed with culture.

I bought you plastic rackets...

It's hard to feel successful...

when inside you feel...

this emptiness.

What emptiness?

Your grandmother was a stewardess.

She flew on the first Boeings.

One day she had a very turbulent flight.

She thought they'd die, so with a passenger...

Your dad isn't a stud.

I'm an orphan.

Son of an unknown father.

I never had pocket money!

No more joints for you, dad.

Hello? Yes...

Are you serious?

Are you...

- Moming. - Good morning.

Marcello's the only man who made me laugh.

He was my first patient.

One day, he shows up and says:

"I feel emptiness right here."

So I sayto him, "Let's talk."

He pulls out a roast pork sandwich and says:

"No, let's eat."

That was the night we conceived Rosa.

I'll be right back.

I feel like some cakes.

She's crazy!

Why are you here?

Suckers!

Marcello!

Get inside, you damn slut!

You're nuts!

Inside, you damn slut!

Quit shouting!

- I'll ruin your career! - Shut up!

You slut!

She said she wanted to invest!

Then she tied me up!

Marcello, please...

Sorry to tell you this, but you're not credible.

- Take off that wig! - I haven't fucked in 3 years!

- Officer... - Is he with you?

- What do you think? - To each his own...

Jesus...

Hey dad, blond suits you.

Hi.

I'm following the pilgrims' route to Santiago de Compostela.

God's awesome. He enters you.

You find Him everywhere.

- How about school? - I'll fail Latin...

Greek for sure. And maybe Italian.

I'm safe in P.E., I skipped fewer classes.

- You're dating an oldie? - Yes.

- What's he like? - Awesome, like God.

Do you miss me?

To be honest, no.

I'm touched by how well you've taken care of Giulio.

I suspect you and I could get along.

Get along how?

For starters, if you could...

..take him every Thursday, it's a crazy day for me.

Morgan has escaped!

I told you to keep an eye on him!

- A homet stung me! - I treat with piss.

Marcello, is the python dangerous?

- If it's Romanian. - Not funny, doctor.

You're here!

I've made you a cake, Marcello. I owed you one.

I smoked a joint with my daughter, Marina.

I told her the truth.

I like the truth, Marina.

Cocteau, "The Liar's Monologue".

I'm signing up for a pastry class.

I want to get fat

and I want to relax.

I want to become...

a damn slut!

Marina, listen to me.

It was a big mistake.

Your big mistake has a big ass!

I'm at the bank...

Oh, God. Sorry Valentino!

Sorry!

I made sure my family had everything it needed!

You don't know what a family is.

Don't forget who your mom was, on land and in the air!

How dare you talk about my mother, Marina?

Give me dad's jacket.

Your father was a nice guy, but...

You're not worthy of wearing his jacket!

He loved fancy bookshelves but I paid the carpenter!

How dare you? You bricklayer!

- My father was a great Lacanian. - And a great lecher.

Your mom's words! He cost me a fortune in cocaine too!

Tell me about it!

- Freud snorted too! -Your father wasn't Freud!

Exactly!

You need help.

You need intensive therapy.

You're right. But with a real professional,

not with some colleague in your department!

Lay off my department!

They beat up the snack machine!

The payis poor.

We aren't paid fortunes to build hospices.Think about it!

You took your daughter to hand out cookies to inmates,

and condoms to trannies.

If she picks up old wnecks now there must be a reason!

Think about that!

Rosa is just fine. Her boyfriend is gallant,

caring, charming...

And sensual!

I'm buying a motorbike.

No motorbike!

We never got Rosa a scooter.

We can split up, but you can't buy a motorbike.

Go fuck old men in a hospice with your daughter!

Love and Hare Krishna.

I'll buy a red Harley Davidson. Totally awesome!

Duccio, lnternet, please.

- Look inside yourself! - I'll look around myself!

Mr. Oldster.

I tried but I can't do it...

I'm still a junior.

Here are my keys, make yourself at home.

Dive in!

This family needs spiritual guides,

Apache chiefs, boy scouts, skirt chasers...

But above all, an old man.

Not a pensioner, senior citizen...

But...

an old man!

The older you get, the more you like indecency.

How dare you? Who are you?

Who am I?

I'm your father, you little bitch!

Mom...

Dad slapped me.

Slow Food, neck braces, arthouse films...

Always pleasing these two ball breakers!

Why those faces?

He's right.

I am old.

That was one hell of a smack!

Awesome, my dad never hit me.

If my dad slapped me I'd choke him. At least we'd touch.

Your dad's right, you can be a bitch.

Just because you get good grades and we copy from you,

doesn't mean you're always right.

You treated me like shit, but I forgive you.

Poly, say something.

You're thin, I'm fat.

You're a winner, I'm a loser, that's why I'm your friend.

If she were hot you'd ignore her.

My parents are splitting up.

Offer them a roast pork sandwich.

I'll come live with you.

You know what you have to do.

But you just like...

to beat around the bush, kicking up a fuss.

You liked the fuss I kick up, don't you anymore?

I'll always like it, I'll die thinking of it.

You won't die.

People are born and people die.

The old before the young.

A boy at high school killed himself.

That's a brutal aberration.

He jumped out a window.

Those who jump, hope to be caught.

You think about suicide?

When things tum to shit, I think of my funeral,

my friends crying, class being canceled...

Now I see why you "courted" me.

You like radical escapes.

It's suicide for you, right?

Is that why you won't make love?

I should've never kissed you...

the day you gave me...

that tiny oak.

But I kissed you.

I shouldn't have given in.

But the plant tricked me.

You're going to leave me?

Guess I need to find a new home.

- Roll a joint. - I quit, dad.

Smart move.

Weed's no good anymore, they put chemicals in it...

The times I waited for you...

I'd hear the elevator and hope it was you...

but it never was.

I'll take you to Corsica this summer.

Giulio needs you. Keep your promises with him.

Don't let him down.

Listen Luca,

while on this spiritual journey,

could you get an apartment through the Church?

- I'm a crap father. - Sort of.

Sort of.

- Are you black? - Clearly.

- Were you adopted? - Obviously.

Do you feel rejected and abandoned?

Frankly, no.

- Are you happy? - Frankly, yes.

No, Ettore dear... Come stay with me.

You can poop on my rug. After all, I have dogs.

Morgan must have opted for freedom.

Maybe he fell in love with a local snake.

Dad...

I'm still a virgin.

That's okay.

There'll be time.

You're...

a true master.

There are no masters, just experts in each field.

Hold on...

keep dad's mallet as a souvenir.

Let's leave it to the past.

Why are you so angry, Marcello?

I'm afraid of growing old,

afraid of dying.

You grow old when you start looking like your father.

I never knew my father,

I was conceived in flight.

I'm leaving Rosa.

If you leave her, she'll hate us forever.

She never forgets.

Like her mother.

- I love my wife. - She has a nice neck.

Just a second.

What gives you the right to talk like this?

I could be your father...

you bastard.

I feel emptiness right here.

Need a ride?

Yes, thank you.

I have to tell you...

l drive fast. I want to die.

No problem.

It's a brief moment

so sweet.

Subrip: easytobeaman

Subtitles: LaserS. Film s.r.l. - Rome