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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,569 --> 00:00:04,970 When I get nervous, I have a little bit of a drinking problem. 2 00:00:04,972 --> 00:00:06,672 I have never seen you sober. 3 00:00:06,674 --> 00:00:08,574 Whitney: This is not "under control." 4 00:00:08,576 --> 00:00:10,976 This is the definition of "out of control"! 5 00:00:10,978 --> 00:00:12,845 [Retching] 6 00:00:12,847 --> 00:00:16,415 You really think our actions are meaningless? 7 00:00:17,385 --> 00:00:18,684 [Screaming] 8 00:00:18,686 --> 00:00:20,352 Oh, shit! 9 00:00:20,354 --> 00:00:23,322 When you're really ready to go down the rabbit hole, 10 00:00:23,324 --> 00:00:24,923 call me. 11 00:00:26,192 --> 00:00:28,027 [Dog barks in distance] 12 00:00:28,029 --> 00:00:29,695 [Nicole clears throat, bottle clinks] 13 00:00:29,697 --> 00:00:34,133 [Indistinct conversations] 14 00:00:35,503 --> 00:00:36,502 Hey. 15 00:00:36,504 --> 00:00:38,103 You have chlamydia. 16 00:00:38,105 --> 00:00:39,338 What? 17 00:00:39,340 --> 00:00:40,873 I said, "You have chlamydia." 18 00:00:40,875 --> 00:00:42,441 How do you know? 19 00:00:42,443 --> 00:00:45,310 Because you rawdogged me. And I have chlamydia. 20 00:00:46,714 --> 00:00:48,614 Excellent. 21 00:00:50,017 --> 00:00:51,884 [Grunts] Your place is kind of gross. 22 00:00:51,886 --> 00:00:54,920 Well, gee, I'm -- I'm real embarrassed about that, 23 00:00:54,922 --> 00:00:57,089 uh, woman who just gave me chlamydia. 24 00:00:57,091 --> 00:00:59,258 Normally, I have a surprisingly tidy, 25 00:00:59,260 --> 00:01:00,592 young black man come in 26 00:01:00,594 --> 00:01:02,561 and clean up after me, but, um... 27 00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:04,263 [Smacks lips] 28 00:01:04,265 --> 00:01:06,532 You know, I realize that just sounded like he was my servant. 29 00:01:06,534 --> 00:01:08,634 He's not my servant. 30 00:01:08,636 --> 00:01:10,636 Also just realized that it sounded like 31 00:01:10,638 --> 00:01:12,805 I'd be surprised that a black man was tidy. 32 00:01:12,807 --> 00:01:14,706 You know, I think I'm at my most problematic 33 00:01:14,708 --> 00:01:15,908 before I've had my coffee. 34 00:01:15,910 --> 00:01:17,810 Yeah. What are you talking about? 35 00:01:17,812 --> 00:01:20,779 [Toilet flushes in distance] That's a good question. [Sighs] 36 00:01:20,781 --> 00:01:22,748 My roommate recently moved out on me, 37 00:01:22,750 --> 00:01:24,817 and I'm still adjusting to that. 38 00:01:24,819 --> 00:01:27,219 You know? Doing pretty well overall. 39 00:01:27,221 --> 00:01:30,155 Did I shit over there in that corner? 40 00:01:30,157 --> 00:01:31,723 No. That was Rick. 41 00:01:31,725 --> 00:01:33,392 Oh. 42 00:01:33,394 --> 00:01:35,094 Seems like a very nice young man. 43 00:01:35,096 --> 00:01:38,664 Oh, you have syphilis. You're welcome. 44 00:01:38,666 --> 00:01:39,965 Maybe Rick does, too. 45 00:01:39,967 --> 00:01:41,166 I don't remember every little thing 46 00:01:41,168 --> 00:01:42,267 that happened here last night. 47 00:01:42,269 --> 00:01:43,735 [Grunts] 48 00:01:43,737 --> 00:01:45,737 I think it's infected. 49 00:01:45,739 --> 00:01:47,139 What? 50 00:01:47,141 --> 00:01:49,308 That. Shit. 51 00:01:49,310 --> 00:01:51,009 The hell is that? 52 00:01:51,011 --> 00:01:55,681 It's two lizards 69ing each other. 53 00:01:55,683 --> 00:01:58,250 Well, that's less than ideal. 54 00:01:58,252 --> 00:01:59,251 Oh, boy. 55 00:01:59,253 --> 00:02:02,788 Damn it. Man. 56 00:02:06,360 --> 00:02:07,392 Oh. 57 00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:12,931 Does anyone know where this guy keeps his drugs? 58 00:02:12,933 --> 00:02:15,467 [Muffled, indistinct chatter] 59 00:02:18,339 --> 00:02:19,805 [Monitor beeping steadily] 60 00:02:19,807 --> 00:02:21,707 Hey. Hi. 61 00:02:21,709 --> 00:02:22,808 Oh, Mr. Brockmire. 62 00:02:22,810 --> 00:02:24,343 Oh, I hope you don't mind. 63 00:02:24,345 --> 00:02:26,545 My students were hoping to observe. 64 00:02:26,547 --> 00:02:29,515 It's not every day they get to see a case like this. 65 00:02:29,517 --> 00:02:30,883 What, you mean like a celebrity? 66 00:02:30,885 --> 00:02:32,217 Sure. 67 00:02:32,219 --> 00:02:34,219 Yeah, hey, more, the merrier, right? 68 00:02:34,221 --> 00:02:36,388 It might help us if you could just take us 69 00:02:36,390 --> 00:02:37,956 through the last few weeks. 70 00:02:37,958 --> 00:02:40,058 Well, best I can remember, 71 00:02:40,060 --> 00:02:42,027 I threw away my dream job, 72 00:02:42,029 --> 00:02:43,462 and then I became the focal point 73 00:02:43,464 --> 00:02:45,731 for a national conversation about race. 74 00:02:45,733 --> 00:02:47,166 Oh, right. 75 00:02:47,168 --> 00:02:48,834 Yeah. Yeah, I'm that guy. 76 00:02:48,836 --> 00:02:50,636 Just, you know, out of curiosity, 77 00:02:50,638 --> 00:02:53,372 how many of you are on my side in all that? 78 00:02:54,708 --> 00:02:56,475 Alright. One, two. 79 00:02:56,477 --> 00:02:59,711 And how many of you are on that racist Art Newlie's side? 80 00:03:01,682 --> 00:03:03,549 Really?! Wow. 81 00:03:03,551 --> 00:03:05,517 I mean, I know this is the South and everything, 82 00:03:05,519 --> 00:03:08,153 but y'all, you're highly educated medical doctors. 83 00:03:08,155 --> 00:03:10,155 You're not ashamed to admit that in public? 84 00:03:10,157 --> 00:03:11,190 Well... 85 00:03:11,192 --> 00:03:12,824 Let's get back to you. 86 00:03:12,826 --> 00:03:16,862 Well, I have definitely been in a cycle of blacking out 87 00:03:16,864 --> 00:03:19,264 and waking up in very strange places lately. 88 00:03:19,266 --> 00:03:20,566 Recently came to 89 00:03:20,568 --> 00:03:23,101 at a strip club as it was closing. 90 00:03:23,103 --> 00:03:25,037 It wasn't late -- just the health inspector 91 00:03:25,039 --> 00:03:26,772 had walked in and shut the place down. 92 00:03:26,774 --> 00:03:29,007 After that, I remember waking up 93 00:03:29,009 --> 00:03:32,044 next to a young lady with very few inhibitions 94 00:03:32,046 --> 00:03:33,712 and quite a lot of chlamydia. 95 00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:36,114 But, well, you probably know that, right? 96 00:03:36,116 --> 00:03:37,616 You got my chart right there. 97 00:03:37,618 --> 00:03:40,185 You -- You actually have two strains of chlamydia -- 98 00:03:40,187 --> 00:03:42,621 one on your penis and one in your throat. 99 00:03:42,623 --> 00:03:46,725 Is that what I'm tasting? Oh, Rick, you sneaky bastard. 100 00:03:46,727 --> 00:03:48,260 Well, you also have liver damage... 101 00:03:48,262 --> 00:03:51,129 Ugh. ...blunt-force trauma, and scurvy, 102 00:03:51,131 --> 00:03:53,198 which is actually why we're all here. 103 00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:55,734 This is the only case we'll ever get to see 104 00:03:55,736 --> 00:03:57,035 outside of a textbook. 105 00:03:57,037 --> 00:03:58,971 Scurvy, huh? 106 00:03:58,973 --> 00:04:01,106 It's that why my -- my teeth are getting loose? 107 00:04:01,108 --> 00:04:04,042 I was just hoping that my gums were getting more flexible. 108 00:04:04,044 --> 00:04:08,213 Well, I always have referred to orange juice 109 00:04:08,215 --> 00:04:12,251 as a glass of vodka wasted, so, uh... 110 00:04:12,253 --> 00:04:14,386 I guess scurvy makes sense. 111 00:04:14,388 --> 00:04:16,521 [Telephone rings] 112 00:04:19,827 --> 00:04:21,226 Can I talk to you a minute? 113 00:04:21,228 --> 00:04:22,794 Yeah. 114 00:04:22,796 --> 00:04:24,630 So, what is your relationship with the patient? 115 00:04:24,632 --> 00:04:27,766 His, uh, ex-business partner. 116 00:04:27,768 --> 00:04:29,001 You didn't have that on the thing, 117 00:04:29,003 --> 00:04:30,569 so I just wrote it in. 118 00:04:30,571 --> 00:04:31,837 Don't worry. I'll make sure he gets home safe. 119 00:04:31,839 --> 00:04:32,971 No, no, no, no, no, no. 120 00:04:32,973 --> 00:04:34,172 He shouldn't be going anywhere, 121 00:04:34,174 --> 00:04:35,641 not in his condition. 122 00:04:35,643 --> 00:04:37,476 What's wrong with him, exactly? 123 00:04:37,478 --> 00:04:39,278 Honestly? Everything. 124 00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:41,980 His body is literally shutting down, 125 00:04:41,982 --> 00:04:45,250 and if your friend does not stop drinking, and soon, 126 00:04:45,252 --> 00:04:46,418 your friend is gonna die. 127 00:04:46,420 --> 00:04:48,520 I should not have left him alone. 128 00:04:48,522 --> 00:04:50,956 Okay. I'll take care of everything. 129 00:04:50,958 --> 00:04:54,092 I'll make sure he does not leave my...sight. 130 00:04:54,094 --> 00:04:56,094 [Sighs] 131 00:04:56,096 --> 00:04:57,963 Have you seen a bottle of champagne? 132 00:04:57,965 --> 00:04:59,631 The old man next door swears that he brought it in 133 00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:00,932 to celebrate his new grandson. 134 00:05:00,934 --> 00:05:02,100 [P.A. system beeps] 135 00:05:02,102 --> 00:05:03,435 Man: Doctor on call, dial ER. 136 00:05:03,437 --> 00:05:05,971 Doctor on call, dial ER. 137 00:05:05,973 --> 00:05:09,975 Well, I want to thank everyone for being here. 138 00:05:09,977 --> 00:05:13,478 Jean, you have some experience with interventions 'cause... 139 00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:15,447 -Because I was a filthy drunk. 140 00:05:15,449 --> 00:05:17,449 It's okay. You can say it. 141 00:05:17,451 --> 00:05:20,118 Nature and nurture both pushed me and Jim towards the bottle, 142 00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:21,820 but now, I have the tools to help him. 143 00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:24,122 -What made you get sober, Jean? 144 00:05:24,124 --> 00:05:25,624 -At my intervention, 145 00:05:25,626 --> 00:05:27,492 when it was my husband Norm's turn to speak, 146 00:05:27,494 --> 00:05:30,195 he said, "Stop, Jean, please." 147 00:05:30,197 --> 00:05:32,964 Now, Norm doesn't normally carry on like that, 148 00:05:32,966 --> 00:05:34,466 so it cut me to the bone. 149 00:05:34,468 --> 00:05:36,535 I'm really nervous, you guys. 150 00:05:36,537 --> 00:05:39,538 Jim is so good at turning an argument against you. 151 00:05:39,540 --> 00:05:40,972 -[Scoffs] -Word. -That's true. 152 00:05:40,974 --> 00:05:42,974 I once apologized 153 00:05:42,976 --> 00:05:45,377 for the skidmarks on his underwear. 154 00:05:45,379 --> 00:05:48,513 That's why I had each of you write a letter to read from, 155 00:05:48,515 --> 00:05:50,082 so it isn't a conversation. 156 00:05:50,084 --> 00:05:51,650 You get to say everything you need to. 157 00:05:51,652 --> 00:05:55,153 Now, I suggest you start with an "I feel" sentence. 158 00:05:55,155 --> 00:05:56,855 Okay, okay. 159 00:05:56,857 --> 00:06:00,425 I feel like there's a lot of love in this room right now. 160 00:06:00,427 --> 00:06:03,995 No, start with something that's not quite that stupid. 161 00:06:03,997 --> 00:06:05,230 Okay, guys. You know, it's almost 11:00. 162 00:06:05,232 --> 00:06:06,398 We should really go. 163 00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:08,400 Actually, we shouldn't go anywhere. 164 00:06:08,402 --> 00:06:11,603 Three...two...one. 165 00:06:11,605 --> 00:06:13,705 [Door opens] 166 00:06:13,707 --> 00:06:15,907 Jack, my friend, give me a lunchtime special. 167 00:06:15,909 --> 00:06:17,376 Why don't you make it a double? 168 00:06:17,378 --> 00:06:19,711 Throw it on the rocks -- little change of pace. 169 00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:21,079 Jim. 170 00:06:21,081 --> 00:06:22,114 Charles. 171 00:06:25,252 --> 00:06:27,619 This is an intervention. 172 00:06:27,621 --> 00:06:30,789 Oh, Charles, you clever, little S.O.B. 173 00:06:30,791 --> 00:06:33,225 My goodness. Look at you all. 174 00:06:33,227 --> 00:06:35,394 Guess I'm trapped, huh? 175 00:06:35,396 --> 00:06:37,696 No sense chewing off my own leg here. 176 00:06:37,698 --> 00:06:39,030 [Chuckles] 177 00:06:39,032 --> 00:06:40,432 Who knows? 178 00:06:40,434 --> 00:06:42,367 Maybe the eighth time will be the charm. 179 00:06:43,498 --> 00:06:46,133 [Chuckling] Oh, boy. Well, I got to say. 180 00:06:46,135 --> 00:06:49,036 Seeing y'all come together like this, trying to save me 181 00:06:49,038 --> 00:06:52,906 from the self-destructive spiral that I'm in, it's -- 182 00:06:52,908 --> 00:06:54,041 I'm underwhelmed. 183 00:06:54,043 --> 00:06:55,742 Oh, come on, Jim! Jim. 184 00:06:55,744 --> 00:06:57,244 I'm just saying, when they throw 185 00:06:57,246 --> 00:06:58,312 an intervention for you in the Philippines, 186 00:06:58,314 --> 00:06:59,613 they put out a spread, you know? 187 00:06:59,615 --> 00:07:01,982 Some adobo, a full pot of bulalo, 188 00:07:01,984 --> 00:07:04,418 a couple of trays of pastillas de leche. 189 00:07:04,420 --> 00:07:05,819 Last intervention I was at, 190 00:07:05,821 --> 00:07:07,721 they roasted a pig, an entire pig. 191 00:07:07,723 --> 00:07:09,556 Hey, that takes eight hours. 192 00:07:09,558 --> 00:07:11,592 You know, I came for the pig, I stayed for the intervention. 193 00:07:11,594 --> 00:07:13,727 I mean, no, I had to at that point. 194 00:07:13,729 --> 00:07:16,396 I was, uh -- I was pig-committed, as they say. 195 00:07:16,398 --> 00:07:17,431 What have you guys got here? 196 00:07:17,433 --> 00:07:18,432 Bagels. Okay. 197 00:07:18,434 --> 00:07:19,800 'Cause, yeah, 198 00:07:19,802 --> 00:07:21,235 that's what New Orleans is known for. 199 00:07:21,237 --> 00:07:22,503 Let me ask you a question. 200 00:07:22,505 --> 00:07:23,504 How the hell did Raj make the cut? 201 00:07:23,506 --> 00:07:25,339 I love you, too, bro. 202 00:07:25,341 --> 00:07:28,342 Well, our biggest guest hasn't even made it yet. 203 00:07:28,344 --> 00:07:30,110 Oh, boy. Charles: Look who's Skyping in. 204 00:07:30,112 --> 00:07:31,278 What the hell is this? 205 00:07:31,280 --> 00:07:33,747 Oh! Joe Buck, ladies and gentlemen. 206 00:07:33,749 --> 00:07:35,516 Ta-da! Hey, everyone. 207 00:07:35,518 --> 00:07:36,817 Let's get Jim healthy. 208 00:07:36,819 --> 00:07:38,352 [Scoffs] 209 00:07:38,354 --> 00:07:40,087 Are you seriously not even remotely impressed? 210 00:07:40,089 --> 00:07:41,522 Not even a little bit. 211 00:07:41,524 --> 00:07:42,990 Joe Buck's schedule alone was a nightmare. 212 00:07:42,992 --> 00:07:45,092 Joe Buck is not here, Charlie. You understand that? 213 00:07:45,094 --> 00:07:48,128 It's just his gigantic head staring at me on the screen 214 00:07:48,130 --> 00:07:50,264 like the darkest version of "1984." 215 00:07:50,266 --> 00:07:54,301 Hey, I'm calling a senior LPGA skins game today, 216 00:07:54,303 --> 00:07:57,371 but I carved out time for you 217 00:07:57,373 --> 00:07:59,806 because I care and... 218 00:07:59,808 --> 00:08:02,376 Hold on. 219 00:08:02,378 --> 00:08:05,946 And welcome back to French Lick Resort, 220 00:08:05,948 --> 00:08:09,516 the jewel here in Southeastern Indiana 221 00:08:09,518 --> 00:08:12,119 where dozens of silver-haired ladies 222 00:08:12,121 --> 00:08:13,954 are duking it out... I'll find a way to mute Joe Buck in a second. 223 00:08:13,956 --> 00:08:15,455 Just -- No, wait. I actually want to see this. 224 00:08:15,457 --> 00:08:17,858 I got 200 bucks on Barb Moxness. 225 00:08:17,860 --> 00:08:19,026 Come on, Jim. 226 00:08:19,028 --> 00:08:21,461 Take this seriously! 227 00:08:21,463 --> 00:08:23,664 We are all very worried about you. 228 00:08:23,666 --> 00:08:27,534 So sit your ass down, get ready to take a goddamn moral inventory, 229 00:08:27,536 --> 00:08:29,503 you ungrateful piece of shit. 230 00:08:29,505 --> 00:08:32,706 Ooh. You see why I can't stay, right? 231 00:08:32,708 --> 00:08:33,740 Jim! 232 00:08:36,211 --> 00:08:38,278 All I ask is that you give this a try. 233 00:08:40,816 --> 00:08:42,182 As a favor to you. 234 00:08:42,184 --> 00:08:43,684 You could literally die if you don't. 235 00:08:43,686 --> 00:08:45,252 Learn how to accept a favor, okay? 236 00:08:45,254 --> 00:08:46,486 Just -- Just -- Okay? 237 00:08:46,488 --> 00:08:48,055 Thank you. 238 00:08:48,057 --> 00:08:50,257 Gonna have a bagel. 239 00:08:50,259 --> 00:08:52,859 No cream cheese? Really? Are you kidding? 240 00:08:52,861 --> 00:08:56,763 Alright. I'll eat it dry. Tastes like a Nerf ball. 241 00:08:56,765 --> 00:08:58,498 [Sighs] 242 00:08:59,455 --> 00:09:00,955 Lucy, you want to start us off? 243 00:09:00,957 --> 00:09:02,857 [Sighing] Okay. 244 00:09:02,859 --> 00:09:04,759 Hi, Jim. 245 00:09:04,761 --> 00:09:05,760 [Chuckles nervously] 246 00:09:05,762 --> 00:09:09,297 This is really hard. 247 00:09:09,299 --> 00:09:12,267 I'm here today to say I love you. 248 00:09:12,269 --> 00:09:14,469 Well, thank you, Lucy. 249 00:09:14,471 --> 00:09:17,305 You know, I-I hear that, and-- and I accept it. 250 00:09:17,307 --> 00:09:19,474 That means a lot to me. 251 00:09:19,476 --> 00:09:21,142 But I also came here to tell you 252 00:09:21,144 --> 00:09:23,144 how your drinking has hurt me in the following ways. 253 00:09:23,146 --> 00:09:26,414 Nope. I hurt you? Excuse me. I hurt you? Are you kidding me? 254 00:09:26,416 --> 00:09:28,116 'Cause you know what hurt me? 255 00:09:28,118 --> 00:09:30,151 No, when you were dildo-deep in our neighbor's asshole. 256 00:09:30,153 --> 00:09:32,487 Jim! Little too much? I do apologize. 257 00:09:32,489 --> 00:09:34,289 I'm sorry. Intervene away. 258 00:09:34,291 --> 00:09:37,559 We would end up at the stripper's houseboat 259 00:09:37,561 --> 00:09:40,161 drinking mezcal from her shoe. 260 00:09:40,163 --> 00:09:43,298 [Chuckles] It was the best night of my life! 261 00:09:43,300 --> 00:09:45,266 [Laughs] 262 00:09:47,637 --> 00:09:51,005 Uh, I think Uribe did this wrong. 263 00:09:51,007 --> 00:09:52,574 [Scoffs] 264 00:09:52,576 --> 00:09:58,947 3,426 days -- that's how long I've been sober. 265 00:09:58,949 --> 00:10:02,617 Each day is just as hard as the last, maybe harder. 266 00:10:02,619 --> 00:10:05,019 Every day, a part of me wants to drink again. 267 00:10:05,021 --> 00:10:07,622 Every morning, I wake up and I wonder, 268 00:10:07,624 --> 00:10:10,325 "Today, will I embrace step seven 269 00:10:10,327 --> 00:10:13,661 and ask for help to overcome my shortcomings, 270 00:10:13,663 --> 00:10:16,464 or will I kiss my miserable children goodbye, 271 00:10:16,466 --> 00:10:19,000 lock myself in the garage, and take down 40 ounces 272 00:10:19,002 --> 00:10:21,536 of drug-store vodka before lunch?" 273 00:10:21,538 --> 00:10:24,372 ♪♪ 274 00:10:24,374 --> 00:10:27,108 I can almost taste it. 275 00:10:27,110 --> 00:10:30,211 ♪♪ 276 00:10:30,213 --> 00:10:32,313 Hey, guys. I hope you don't mind. 277 00:10:32,315 --> 00:10:34,516 I had them put mine in teleprompter. 278 00:10:34,518 --> 00:10:38,453 Eye contact is how I tend to connect with my audience. 279 00:10:38,455 --> 00:10:40,021 Jim, I thought it only appropriate 280 00:10:40,023 --> 00:10:42,957 to start with a quote by the great Maya Angelou. 281 00:10:42,959 --> 00:10:45,326 "Love recognizes no barriers. 282 00:10:45,328 --> 00:10:46,995 It jumps hurdles, 283 00:10:46,997 --> 00:10:48,329 it leaps fence--" 284 00:10:48,331 --> 00:10:50,198 Anybody object to me putting a bullet 285 00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:52,133 in the head of whatever the hell that was about to be? 286 00:10:52,135 --> 00:10:53,201 Together: No. 287 00:10:53,203 --> 00:10:55,136 Jim, you've been a mentor, 288 00:10:55,138 --> 00:10:59,174 a hero, a rival, a friend. 289 00:10:59,176 --> 00:11:02,677 But through it all, there's been one thing 290 00:11:02,679 --> 00:11:06,714 that I have really, really wanted to say to you. 291 00:11:06,716 --> 00:11:09,150 ♪♪ 292 00:11:09,152 --> 00:11:11,319 Milwaukee just hired me. 293 00:11:11,321 --> 00:11:13,488 [Paper rustles] 294 00:11:13,490 --> 00:11:18,393 Fuck you, you goddamn vampire, 295 00:11:18,395 --> 00:11:20,261 you wrinkly has-been! 296 00:11:20,263 --> 00:11:22,897 I'm a Major League broadcaster!" 297 00:11:22,899 --> 00:11:25,233 [Growls] 298 00:11:29,439 --> 00:11:33,408 [Laughs] 299 00:11:33,410 --> 00:11:35,910 [Laughs] Hey? 300 00:11:35,912 --> 00:11:38,413 Holy shit, that's a good bit. 301 00:11:38,415 --> 00:11:40,048 Damn it, Raj. Yes. Yes. 302 00:11:40,050 --> 00:11:42,283 [Chuckling] I didn't know you had that in you. 303 00:11:42,285 --> 00:11:43,751 Oh, man. Look at that. 304 00:11:43,753 --> 00:11:45,887 You did win me over in the end. Good for you. 305 00:11:45,889 --> 00:11:48,890 I told you I would. I wasn't sure, but we just did it. 306 00:11:48,892 --> 00:11:50,391 Don't change, Jim. 307 00:11:50,393 --> 00:11:51,793 Good luck in Milwaukee. 308 00:11:51,795 --> 00:11:53,394 So, that's it? Huh? 309 00:11:53,396 --> 00:11:54,929 Well, that was -- that was your whole thing? 310 00:11:54,931 --> 00:11:57,298 Yeah, yep. That's pretty much all I got. 311 00:11:57,300 --> 00:11:58,633 Hey. 312 00:11:58,635 --> 00:12:01,035 Jean: And now our father's in the ground. 313 00:12:01,037 --> 00:12:02,270 He's dead. 314 00:12:02,272 --> 00:12:04,105 I've been thinking a lot about that. 315 00:12:04,107 --> 00:12:06,975 Not because I miss him. I don't. He was a prick. 316 00:12:06,977 --> 00:12:11,145 But because [Sighs] now I know what it would feel like 317 00:12:11,147 --> 00:12:14,082 to bury someone I did care about. 318 00:12:14,084 --> 00:12:17,252 Someone like you. 319 00:12:17,254 --> 00:12:20,121 And I'm not ready for that yet. 320 00:12:20,123 --> 00:12:23,892 ♪♪ 321 00:12:23,894 --> 00:12:28,496 Uribe parties because he love life. 322 00:12:28,498 --> 00:12:30,665 You do it because you hate it. 323 00:12:30,667 --> 00:12:32,634 ♪♪ 324 00:12:32,636 --> 00:12:36,137 I think part of you is happy I cheated on you 325 00:12:36,139 --> 00:12:38,573 because now, you don't have to hide it. 326 00:12:38,575 --> 00:12:44,178 You get a free pass to drink as much as you want forever. 327 00:12:44,180 --> 00:12:47,015 But I'm asking you not to, Jim. 328 00:12:47,017 --> 00:12:49,651 ♪♪ 329 00:12:49,653 --> 00:12:53,187 You just... 330 00:12:53,189 --> 00:12:56,958 You just came back into my life, 331 00:12:56,960 --> 00:12:59,060 and I don't want to lose you again. 332 00:13:11,341 --> 00:13:16,044 Look, I know this is hard to hear, but it's important. 333 00:13:18,515 --> 00:13:20,281 [Slurping] Wait a minute. 334 00:13:20,283 --> 00:13:21,816 Are you -- 335 00:13:21,818 --> 00:13:23,151 Are you drinking right now?! 336 00:13:23,153 --> 00:13:25,553 Now, don't make this a thing, alright? 337 00:13:25,555 --> 00:13:28,289 Oh, my God. We should have known. 338 00:13:28,291 --> 00:13:32,060 How could you drink at your own intervention? 339 00:13:32,062 --> 00:13:33,728 Well, if you didn't want me to drink, 340 00:13:33,730 --> 00:13:35,863 you shouldn't have held my intervention in a bar. 341 00:13:35,865 --> 00:13:37,899 Although, to be fair, if I couldn't drink, 342 00:13:37,901 --> 00:13:40,034 there's no way I would have stayed for this, 343 00:13:40,036 --> 00:13:42,070 so good call holding it in a bar, Charles. 344 00:13:42,072 --> 00:13:43,805 In fact, I could use another round. 345 00:13:43,807 --> 00:13:44,906 Who's with me here? 346 00:13:44,908 --> 00:13:46,541 No! No! No more drinking. 347 00:13:46,543 --> 00:13:48,977 Then can we at least skip the lame opening acts 348 00:13:48,979 --> 00:13:51,312 and get right to the main attraction, please? 349 00:13:51,314 --> 00:13:52,880 See, Charles knows the only shot in hell 350 00:13:52,882 --> 00:13:54,482 that this has of actually working 351 00:13:54,484 --> 00:13:56,718 is if he brings in Jules as a surprise closer, 352 00:13:56,720 --> 00:13:58,553 so can we bring her out? 353 00:13:58,555 --> 00:14:00,888 Jules? Hello? Help me! 354 00:14:00,890 --> 00:14:01,889 Jules isn't here. 355 00:14:02,892 --> 00:14:05,026 I invited her, told her to come down. 356 00:14:05,028 --> 00:14:08,096 She said no, said it wasn't gonna work. 357 00:14:08,098 --> 00:14:09,330 -Well -- -Apparently she was right. 358 00:14:09,332 --> 00:14:10,999 Yeah, well, what'd you expect? 359 00:14:11,001 --> 00:14:12,600 You brought me into a room full of addicts, Charles. 360 00:14:12,602 --> 00:14:14,102 I mean -- -We're not addicts. 361 00:14:14,104 --> 00:14:15,703 Oh, really? 362 00:14:15,705 --> 00:14:17,505 What if I told you you, uh, couldn't have sex again? 363 00:14:17,507 --> 00:14:19,173 Today? 364 00:14:19,175 --> 00:14:20,508 I guess -- I guess that would be hard. 365 00:14:20,510 --> 00:14:21,943 Yeah, I guess. 366 00:14:21,945 --> 00:14:23,344 Look, we all have our own little coping mechanisms 367 00:14:23,346 --> 00:14:24,679 to get through 368 00:14:24,681 --> 00:14:26,547 this charnel house called life, alright? 369 00:14:26,549 --> 00:14:29,851 Lucy has to have sex with every single person that she meets. 370 00:14:29,853 --> 00:14:31,853 Pedro staves off oblivion 371 00:14:31,855 --> 00:14:34,222 through constant and relentless procreation. 372 00:14:34,224 --> 00:14:35,890 Oye, papi, that's a stretch, okay? 373 00:14:35,892 --> 00:14:36,891 You have 14 children. 374 00:14:36,893 --> 00:14:38,593 And hopefully, 15, okay, 375 00:14:38,595 --> 00:14:41,062 because Uribe has been painting Polly's uterine wall 376 00:14:41,064 --> 00:14:42,730 with at least three coats a day, papi. 377 00:14:42,732 --> 00:14:44,799 Jim, nobody's perfect. 378 00:14:44,801 --> 00:14:46,734 That's why step 10 has us continually taking -- 379 00:14:46,736 --> 00:14:49,537 You're addicted to the 12 steps! You understand that? 380 00:14:49,539 --> 00:14:51,572 Course I am, you arrogant prick. 381 00:14:51,574 --> 00:14:53,074 That's how they work. 382 00:14:53,076 --> 00:14:54,108 [Scoffs] 383 00:14:54,110 --> 00:14:55,610 Raj, hi. Raj. 384 00:14:55,612 --> 00:14:57,111 He's so desperate 385 00:14:57,113 --> 00:14:59,647 to please every, single person that he meets 386 00:14:59,649 --> 00:15:01,382 that despite being a very polite man, 387 00:15:01,384 --> 00:15:03,451 he just flipped me off at my own intervention 388 00:15:03,453 --> 00:15:05,653 because he thought that I might find it amusing. 389 00:15:05,655 --> 00:15:06,988 But you did like it, though, right? 390 00:15:06,990 --> 00:15:08,389 Yeah, it was great. 391 00:15:08,391 --> 00:15:10,258 Joe Buck, if he were here, I would tell him 392 00:15:10,260 --> 00:15:12,727 that he has to say yes to every single gig that he is offered 393 00:15:12,729 --> 00:15:14,629 because God forbid the man should be alone 394 00:15:14,631 --> 00:15:16,330 with his own thoughts for a second and a half. 395 00:15:16,332 --> 00:15:19,067 But instead of attending, he's off proving that point 396 00:15:19,069 --> 00:15:23,271 by calling women's senior golf for Fox Sports Online! 397 00:15:23,273 --> 00:15:26,574 And Charles, God damn it, let's not forget how you -- 398 00:15:26,576 --> 00:15:28,142 Hey! Hey! Hello?! -- 399 00:15:28,144 --> 00:15:29,677 how you betrayed me 400 00:15:29,679 --> 00:15:32,914 by leaving to do this podcast thing of yours. 401 00:15:32,916 --> 00:15:35,616 which, you know, I gotta tell ya.. 402 00:15:35,618 --> 00:15:42,623 [Sighing] 403 00:15:42,625 --> 00:15:44,292 ...is a smart play. 404 00:15:44,294 --> 00:15:45,793 Good for you. Seriously. 405 00:15:45,795 --> 00:15:47,762 It breaks this destructive pattern you're in 406 00:15:47,764 --> 00:15:49,697 of putting everybody's needs in front of your own, 407 00:15:49,699 --> 00:15:51,466 especially mine, okay? 408 00:15:51,468 --> 00:15:53,134 I guess unlike everybody else 409 00:15:53,136 --> 00:15:55,436 in this little circle of adult dysfunction, 410 00:15:55,438 --> 00:15:56,938 you seem to be actually growing, 411 00:15:56,940 --> 00:15:58,773 so go ahead, say your thing, 412 00:15:58,775 --> 00:16:02,210 then, you know, we can all order a drink before happy hour ends. 413 00:16:02,212 --> 00:16:04,112 [Inhales deeply] 414 00:16:04,114 --> 00:16:05,813 [Sighs] 415 00:16:09,519 --> 00:16:10,518 Okay, come o-- 416 00:16:10,520 --> 00:16:11,719 Charles? [Door opens] 417 00:16:11,721 --> 00:16:13,121 Don't do that. [Sighs] 418 00:16:13,123 --> 00:16:14,622 [Door closes] You happy? 419 00:16:14,624 --> 00:16:17,024 No, I hope you're happy. You mad Charles sad! 420 00:16:17,026 --> 00:16:18,292 Great. 421 00:16:18,294 --> 00:16:20,027 Had to have an intervention for Jim. 422 00:16:20,029 --> 00:16:22,196 God damn it. 423 00:16:26,922 --> 00:16:28,489 I mean, the best part 424 00:16:28,491 --> 00:16:29,924 is that I get to work with Bob Uecker. 425 00:16:29,926 --> 00:16:31,492 I mean, I don't know much about baseball, 426 00:16:31,494 --> 00:16:32,860 but I can tell you this. 427 00:16:32,862 --> 00:16:35,529 I do know who the dad from "Mr. Belvedere" is. 428 00:16:35,531 --> 00:16:37,031 I mean, this dude is like the original 429 00:16:37,033 --> 00:16:39,000 sports-entertainment crossover star. 430 00:16:39,002 --> 00:16:41,335 He was Strahan before Strahan. 431 00:16:41,337 --> 00:16:43,604 Did you know that Uribe -- 432 00:16:43,606 --> 00:16:45,806 I spent my best years in Milwaukee? 433 00:16:45,808 --> 00:16:46,841 Word? Mm. 434 00:16:46,843 --> 00:16:48,509 Well, what's it like? Mm. 435 00:16:48,511 --> 00:16:50,945 The whole town smells like beer farts, man. 436 00:16:50,947 --> 00:16:54,048 Sometimes, I have to learn that not all boundaries are bad. 437 00:16:54,050 --> 00:16:55,950 Maybe Jim's right. 438 00:16:55,952 --> 00:16:58,152 [Scoffs] Maybe I do have a problem. 439 00:16:58,154 --> 00:17:00,354 That is the worst thing about Jim. 440 00:17:00,356 --> 00:17:02,223 He's always a little bit right. 441 00:17:02,225 --> 00:17:04,825 He knows just what to say to make you question yourself, 442 00:17:04,827 --> 00:17:08,529 but also, try keeping your cooch in your pants 443 00:17:08,531 --> 00:17:10,031 just a few days a week. [Door opens] 444 00:17:10,033 --> 00:17:11,666 See what happens. 445 00:17:13,903 --> 00:17:16,170 Oh! You're late. 446 00:17:17,840 --> 00:17:19,507 I had to get a ride from my dad. 447 00:17:21,377 --> 00:17:23,044 Charles. 448 00:17:23,046 --> 00:17:25,546 Hey! Come on, Charles. 449 00:17:25,548 --> 00:17:28,382 What, are you mad I stopped and got a roadie? Come on. 450 00:17:28,384 --> 00:17:29,717 'Cause I'm what's known as a -- 451 00:17:29,719 --> 00:17:31,652 I'm a functional alcoholic. Really? 452 00:17:31,654 --> 00:17:32,653 Yeah. 453 00:17:32,655 --> 00:17:34,021 Yeah, really? 454 00:17:34,023 --> 00:17:35,656 What's your function? 455 00:17:35,658 --> 00:17:37,358 I-I -- 456 00:17:37,360 --> 00:17:39,160 Because it used to be calling games for the Major Leagues, 457 00:17:39,162 --> 00:17:40,661 but that's gone now. 458 00:17:40,663 --> 00:17:42,229 You used to get sober enough to call games, 459 00:17:42,231 --> 00:17:44,065 and now there's nothing to slow you down. 460 00:17:44,067 --> 00:17:45,533 What about a podcast, huh? 461 00:17:45,535 --> 00:17:46,867 Now, I know we were very angry with each other 462 00:17:46,869 --> 00:17:48,436 when I got back from Atlanta, 463 00:17:48,438 --> 00:17:50,237 but there's no reason for us to stop that thing, Charles. 464 00:17:50,239 --> 00:17:52,373 We got a good thing going there. 465 00:17:52,375 --> 00:17:54,375 We can use it as a platform 466 00:17:54,377 --> 00:17:57,578 to launch a new, um, network dealy. 467 00:17:58,681 --> 00:18:00,781 That is the logical thing to do, yes. 468 00:18:01,784 --> 00:18:05,219 And I will do it... if you do this. 469 00:18:06,255 --> 00:18:09,423 "Sobertunities Clean Leaving Center"? 470 00:18:09,425 --> 00:18:11,392 I've already set everything up. All you have to do is call. 471 00:18:11,394 --> 00:18:12,560 Oh, God, Ch-- 472 00:18:12,562 --> 00:18:14,061 Friends don't hand friends cards 473 00:18:14,063 --> 00:18:15,896 to horribly named rehab facilities, okay? 474 00:18:15,898 --> 00:18:20,034 Actually, that is exactly what friends do, okay? 475 00:18:20,036 --> 00:18:22,570 I can't make you call them. I know that. 476 00:18:22,572 --> 00:18:24,438 But if you don't call, 477 00:18:24,440 --> 00:18:26,941 I'm never speaking to you again. 478 00:18:26,943 --> 00:18:28,876 Aw, come on. What are you, serious with this shit? 479 00:18:28,878 --> 00:18:30,878 Yes, I am. Okay? 480 00:18:30,880 --> 00:18:35,116 Goodbye, podcast. Goodbye, you and me, forever. 481 00:18:35,118 --> 00:18:37,318 Okay? 482 00:18:37,320 --> 00:18:39,587 That is, unless you get sober. 483 00:18:39,589 --> 00:18:41,055 Unless I get sober. Yeah. 484 00:18:41,057 --> 00:18:42,590 And it's -- Part of it's my fault. I know that. 485 00:18:42,592 --> 00:18:43,824 I've been enabling you. 486 00:18:43,826 --> 00:18:45,593 We have a codependent relationship. 487 00:18:45,595 --> 00:18:47,895 [Groans] Where'd you pick up language like that, God damn it? 488 00:18:47,897 --> 00:18:49,563 I went to a few Al-Anon meetings. 489 00:18:49,565 --> 00:18:51,298 Oh, no, you didn't, Charles. 490 00:18:51,300 --> 00:18:52,967 The only thing worse than the program 491 00:18:52,969 --> 00:18:55,002 is the program about the program, okay? 492 00:18:55,004 --> 00:18:57,004 And there's nothing wrong with codependency, alright? 493 00:18:57,006 --> 00:18:59,640 It just lets you and me work through my problems together. 494 00:18:59,642 --> 00:19:01,575 Quit dicking around! 495 00:19:01,577 --> 00:19:03,944 Jim. 496 00:19:03,946 --> 00:19:06,447 If you don't stop drinking, you are going to die. 497 00:19:06,449 --> 00:19:08,616 [Sighs, snores] Just stop. Plea-- 498 00:19:08,618 --> 00:19:10,251 Why won't you stop?! 499 00:19:10,253 --> 00:19:11,986 Why is this such a problem for you?! 500 00:19:11,988 --> 00:19:15,623 People only like me when I am drunk, Charles, okay? 501 00:19:15,625 --> 00:19:16,991 You know it's true. 502 00:19:16,993 --> 00:19:18,826 You did the focus testing. 503 00:19:18,828 --> 00:19:20,194 It's science, right? 504 00:19:20,196 --> 00:19:21,595 Yes, alright. 505 00:19:21,597 --> 00:19:22,863 Everything bad in my life happened 506 00:19:22,865 --> 00:19:24,465 because of my drinking -- Okay. 507 00:19:24,467 --> 00:19:27,201 Also, everything good in my life, alright? 508 00:19:27,203 --> 00:19:29,170 First game I ever called in Kansas City, 509 00:19:29,172 --> 00:19:32,006 had to do four shots of whiskey to calm my nerves, alright? 510 00:19:32,008 --> 00:19:34,809 I was blackout drunk for George Brett's 3,000th hit. 511 00:19:34,811 --> 00:19:36,977 They still play that call at the Baseball Hall of Fame. 512 00:19:36,979 --> 00:19:39,814 Jules, she's the love of my life, right? 513 00:19:39,816 --> 00:19:42,483 That relationship was built on drinking! 514 00:19:42,485 --> 00:19:44,218 Okay, I don't know who the hell I would be 515 00:19:44,220 --> 00:19:45,219 if I was sober, Charles. 516 00:19:45,221 --> 00:19:46,620 But I do know nobody would 517 00:19:46,622 --> 00:19:49,023 give a shit about that guy, whoever he is. 518 00:19:49,025 --> 00:19:51,358 I would. 519 00:19:51,360 --> 00:19:52,726 [Sighs] 520 00:19:52,728 --> 00:19:53,961 And I hope one day I get to meet him. 521 00:19:53,963 --> 00:19:58,132 But, until then, goodbye, Jim. 522 00:19:58,134 --> 00:20:00,167 "Goodbye, Jim." 523 00:20:00,169 --> 00:20:02,136 Okay, well, fuck you, Charles. 524 00:20:02,138 --> 00:20:04,805 Okay? My back was sore from carrying you around, anyway. 525 00:20:04,807 --> 00:20:06,006 And you know what?! 526 00:20:06,008 --> 00:20:07,842 Your parents were right about you! 527 00:20:07,844 --> 00:20:09,743 You are a very selfish young man, 528 00:20:09,745 --> 00:20:13,247 and you are destined to fail with that attitude! 529 00:20:13,249 --> 00:20:15,749 Go on! Get out of here! 530 00:20:15,751 --> 00:20:18,719 Brush you off like dandruff! 531 00:20:18,721 --> 00:20:22,323 [Horn honks in distance] 532 00:20:22,325 --> 00:20:24,391 [Sighs] Oh, shit. 533 00:20:28,764 --> 00:20:31,932 [Scoffs] 534 00:20:31,934 --> 00:20:33,901 [Sighs] 535 00:20:38,407 --> 00:20:40,741 Unbelievable. 536 00:20:43,012 --> 00:20:44,745 Yeah, this is Jim Brockmire. 537 00:20:44,747 --> 00:20:47,948 Um, I'm ready to, uh... 538 00:20:50,553 --> 00:20:52,052 Well, where am I supposed to go? 539 00:20:52,054 --> 00:20:54,788 Your -- Your card doesn't have an address on it. 540 00:20:54,790 --> 00:20:56,790 [Crow caws] 541 00:20:56,792 --> 00:21:04,231 ♪♪ 542 00:21:04,233 --> 00:21:11,639 ♪♪ 543 00:21:11,641 --> 00:21:13,207 Hello? 544 00:21:13,209 --> 00:21:15,142 Woman: Hello again! 545 00:21:15,144 --> 00:21:17,645 I wasn't sure you'd call. 546 00:21:17,647 --> 00:21:19,446 Well, when everybody around you 547 00:21:19,448 --> 00:21:20,881 is telling you to hit the brakes, 548 00:21:20,883 --> 00:21:22,449 you kind of want to be with somebody 549 00:21:22,451 --> 00:21:24,151 who sees nothing but green lights. 550 00:21:24,153 --> 00:21:25,286 [Chuckles] 551 00:21:25,288 --> 00:21:26,954 ♪♪ 552 00:21:26,956 --> 00:21:29,089 [Lighter clicks] 553 00:21:29,091 --> 00:21:31,792 -[Exhales] You want a turn? 554 00:21:31,794 --> 00:21:34,929 -Oh, right now, this is exactly what I want. 555 00:21:34,931 --> 00:21:38,999 ♪♪ 556 00:21:39,001 --> 00:21:41,001 [Lighter clicks] 557 00:21:41,003 --> 00:21:44,605 ♪♪ 558 00:21:44,607 --> 00:21:47,474 [Smacks lips] 559 00:21:47,476 --> 00:21:49,276 Is this crack or meth? 42715

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