Original subtitles

Grrr!

Agh! Help me!

Ha-ha-ha!

That moth-bot is no match for my swat-a-pult.

Knuckles, we are code green for moth bait.

Hey! Look at me! I'm having an idea.

I need to model my robots

after something that's not so easily distracted.

Knuckles! You got a moth on your tail!

You can't trust moths, they read minds. Turn left!

No! My left!

He's under the moth's mind control now.

We have no choice but to destroy him.

-I'll release the mothballs. -OK, fine, we have a choice.

Ow! My neck! You cheated, hedgehog.

What? How do you cheat in a fight?

Fight's over, cheater. Pull me out of this piece of junk.

Be careful, I'm injured.

Yes! Victory is mine.

It's a tainted victory.

Yes! Tainted victory is mine.

Excuse me, sir, are you Sonic the Hedgehog?

Ha! Guilty as charged. So, what'll it be, kid?

Autograph? You want your picture taken with me?

Maybe a bite of this comically large sandwich, huh?

You've been served. Dr Eggman is suing you.

Sure you don't want a bite?

Most of it will go to waste.

Eggman is suing me? Nobody's gonna take this seriously.

It's the trial of the century

that everyone is taking very, very seriously.

This will ruin the life of whomever loses.

Brought to you by Meh Burger.

Mmm!

Let's get a statement from the defendant.

The only thing I'm guilty of is being awesome.

You heard it, Sonic says he's guilty.

Of being awesome.

Hey, who's the news reporter here?

Come on, Eggman, you're not fooling...

Agh! Help! Sonic's attacking me unprovoked again.

Leave me alone, you brute!

Thanks for making me your lawyer.

I couldn't be more proud if you actually believed in me

instead of thinking this trial is a joke.

I'm glad my contempt for the situation worked out for you.

Where did it go?

Ah-ha-ha!

All rise for the honourable and lithium-ion-powered judge-bot.

I'm OK.

Let all who come before me know

that I have been programmed to be fair and impartial

and to in no way favour Dr Eggman,

the great man who created me.

Heh-heh-heh!

Why are there cockroaches on my bench?

TW Barker, Your Honour. Counsel for the plaintiff.

I intend to prove that Sonic T Hedgehog

wilfully and maliciously attacked and permanently injured

my client, Dr Eggman.

Boo!

Please refrain from such outbursts in my courtroom.

Now commence your opening statement.

That... was my opening statement.

Isn't it true that Dr Eggman was attacked by Mr The Hedgehog

while doing nothing more than taking a leisurely evening drive

in a harmless moth-shaped vehicle?

Harmless?

Eggman's robots destroy mountains, level cities,

put songs in your head that you can't get out.

If frogs had wings and snakes had hair

And automobiles went flying through the air

No more music!

All Eggman's robots must be destroyed.

I mean... heh-heh-heh... not you, Your Holiness.

Oh, boy.

Mr Orbot, is it?

Would you describe Dr Eggman as kind and honest?

-No, not really. -Grrr!

Oh... because those words aren't strong enough.

He's kind-er and honest-est.

Good save, Orbot.

Turn off your internal dialogue switch, fool. Show the film!

Heh-heh!

Boss, now that we're done faking that evidence,

you want me to return this stuff to the costume shop?

Grrr!

Finally! A witness I can rely on.

Could you tell us what it is you admire

about Sonic the so-called Hedgehog?

So many things.

He's fast. He's cunning.

He can destroy any opponent with a single spin dash.

He's got a lovely singing voice...

My! He sounds like the total package.

You bet.

If total package means a fast, crafty menace to society

bent on the destruction of anyone who disagrees with him.

-Oh, man. -I never said that.

That's right. I left out "lovely singing voice".

Now, these opponents that Mr The Hedgehog mercilessly destroys,

can you name one that he battles

with a regularity that boarders on formulaic?

Um... I guess he battles Eggman a lot.

Aha! How long did you think you could keep that from us?

Objection, Your Majesty. We're losing.

Overruled. But yes... yes, you are. Badly.

I rest my case.

That guy's good. You should hire him as your lawyer.

I'll be fine. People know the truth about me.

The number one reason you might get attacked by Sonic...

you've been telling jokes about him all week on your late show.

Uh-oh.

We'll be right back... unless Sonic puts me in the hospital!

You, sir, are fearless in your comedy. Hey-o!

Well, now, I'm just a simple country lawyer.

I'm not as sharp as Mr Barker here.

I don't know how to do that fancy lawyering.

Heck, I don't know how to do simple things like...

putting on mittens.

I don't even know

which end of the toothbrush goes in your nose.

Why, I'm dumb as a rock... just like you good folks.

The defence calls... Knuckles.

You're not gonna trap me with your lawyer tricks.

I know how this works.

I've seen hospital shows on the radio

where they sometimes have lawyers who trap people.

What was the question again?

So tell me, Mr... Knuckles, is it?

Is Sonic capable of doing this kind of damage to Dr Eggman?

Are you kidding? No way.

He's scrawny, weak and pathetic.

I always have to bail him out of jams.

He's an embarrassment.

What a loser.

Quite frankly, it sickens me to look at him.

So, could Sonic hurt Eggman like this?

Well... um...

Answer the question!

No. No. Sonic is way too lame to do that kind of damage.

There, I said it. I said it.

Hey, I'm totally capable of whaling on Egg...

Eggs Florentine for breakfast. I call 'em "whaled-on eggs".

For the love of all that's holy! That save was worse than mine.

I'd rest my case but I hope there's another fist sandwich.

So, has the jury reached a verdict?

Actually, we need to deliberate first.

Yes, of course. That would be the impartial way to do it.

The jury shall go to the deliberation room

while the rest of us have a groovy, hippy-theme dance party.

Some party, huh? My mouth feels like it's full of socks.

Oh, wait. Urgh!

I was wondering where that was.

Here comes the jury. Oh, man, they look serious.

Has the jury reached a verdict?

Actually, we have, Your Honour.

And would the jury care to share it with us?

Actually, we would.

Am I going to have to make you say it?

Actually, what was the question again?

-Guilty! -Of being awesome?

To make the verdict official I'll just pound my gavel and...

- Not so fast! - Huh?

-Huh? -Huuuh?

That's not a gavel.

This is a gavel! Hi-yah!

Huh?

Hey, look at Egghead. He can move his head just fine.

What? I mean... yow! Ow!

Save it, Eggman.

Grrr!

Fine! You leave me no choice.

Not that I wasn't going to do this anyway. Ha!

Order in the court!

Yeah, I'll have one of those fist sandwiches.

Uh-oh. I... uh... well, you see...

I leave town for a bee-keeping seminar and look what happens.

I'm Soar the Eagle, reporting live from the courthouse

where we're told there is breaking news.

Ha!

I'll give you something to sue me about!

Grrr!

Well, that wraps things up.

Stay tuned for Comedy Chimp's

New Year's Eve Rockin' Bananaganza coming up next.

-Well, that was anticlimactic. -Hey-o!

Eclair Media

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