All language subtitles for Second Act

You know, you're not supposed
to buy your own birthday breakfast.

That's against the rules.

- I hate birthdays. But I love you though.
- Yeah.

So you want some?

- Yeah, when I get out of the shower, baby.
- I wasn't talking about that.

- Oh, no?
- No.

That's not what you're talking about?
Oh, happy birthday to me.

Uh-huh.

That's a hot outfit.

I need to look professional.

Relax, okay? Everyone there loves you.

I just... I don't know if I can do this.

Every manager at our company
has a college degree.

Yeah, well, I'd argue that...

fifteen years' experience is worth, what,
ten degrees?

- Not to these people.
- Oh.

But thank you.

I need you today, Abuela.

Just remember that they need you
more than you need them, okay?

- Look, I'm just trying to stay focused.
- Yeah.

Keep my eye on the ball.

- Did you just sports-metaphor me?
- Oh, God.

Hey, you know,
just take it one game at a time.

What if Weiskopf doesn't like me?

Well, it's a game of inches.
You've got to give them 110%.

I'm ignoring you.

Do you like, "It's an honor to meet you,
Mr. Weiskopf"? Or is that...

- Too ass-kissy.
- Yeah, okay.

I have to get this, Trey.

Hey, look...

The only thing with a prayer
of stopping you...

is you.

I'm going to be late.

Okay.

- Knock 'em dead.
- Okay.

Your ass looks great in those jeans,
by the way.

Again? You know, I'm not a piece of meat.

Okay, but we're gonna have to
make this quick.

Bye!

Okay. Bye!

It's a pleasure, Mr. Weiskopf,

to show you what we've been doing
at Value Shop 151.

The pleasure is ours.
Take note, Arthur.

Ozone Park Value Shop outsells
its nearest competition twice over.

Let me show you why.

Welcome to our online store.

My best friend, Joan Volpintesta,
fellow employee,

sends her son Dilly into the store
with his cell phone

to hold up every single cut of sirloin
for her beef braciola.

That's when it hit me.

It's a live feed. Interesting.

Yes. From home, our subscribers
can pick a certain cut of salmon,

the third lemon from the back.

Anything they want.

They shop before noon, we deliver by six,
20-mile radius.

Expands our community,
expands our volume.

And expands our profits nicely.

And this is where it all began.

- Monday Moms?
- Yes.

This was all Maya's idea.

Meet the aforementioned Joan.

- Hello.
- Well, hello.

Hi. I'm a mom of two kids

and I have a deadbeat ex

and I was sharing my woes
with some other moms

when Maya smartly suggested
that we start a weekly bitch fest...

- Social club.
- A social club.

You know, cater to Monday moms, or dads...

and it just grew from there.

Wait, are you talking customers or staff?

Both.

Suzi DaVinci.
I call it Value Shop therapy.

We're like shopping friends.

We swap stories, coupons...

- Husbands.
- Uh-uh, not mine.

I don't even know what to say,

except Arthur's going to be
extremely fortunate

to have you as a first lieutenant.

So I'm going to leave you alone
to get to know each other better.

Mr. Weiskopf, can I have a minute?

You can have two.

Thank you.

I prepared for this meeting for weeks.

And you did great.

I put...

fifteen years of my life into this store,

and after becoming assistant manager
six years ago,

sales have increased at a record pace.

Look, I mean no disrespect, but...

what do you know about this store
or the people who shop here?

I specialize in team-building.

Arthur got his MBA from Duke.

I think you'll find
he's the best man for the job.

No, sir.

I am.

Where did you go to college, dear?

I have my GED.

I respect that, I do, but we have minimum
job requirements in place for a reason.

And what is that reason?

I want you to know how much we value you

and your loyalty.

You would think management would want
someone from sales in that position.

Okay, perspective.

You have a great boyfriend, Trey,
who is ring shopping as we speak.

He's what?

Shit!

Why would you tell me that?

I said, "Shit," so obviously I know...

Anyway, it shouldn't be a surprise. You
guys have been together for five years.

It's not about...

He wants kids.

And that's a bad thing because...?

I'm not having this conversation
right now.

Okay, how do I say this nicely?

Okay, I can't.

How about this?
Tonight, you get messed up.

After the party, you get knocked up.
You can use my guest bedroom.

What party?

Shit!

- What party?
- Okay, do me a favor.

Act surprised. Can you do that for me?

Don't be selfish.

Nobody likes a selfish girl.

Surprise!

Hey!

Hey, everyone!
If you guys could all pipe down.

Kill the music.

I want... I want to say a couple of things
about the birthday girl.

Oh!

So, back when I was coaching
Babe Ruth League...

- Oh, no. No.
- Yeah.

There was this Friday night game
at Pensacola Field...

and this kid goes down
on a cold third strike.

And out of nowhere...

there's this shrieking
coming from the stands.

Ow!

Some crazy lady is just all over the ump.

So I turn around to get a look
at this wacko.

And bam.

There she is.

Beautiful,

brazen,

and completely on fire.

And anyone... Any...

corporate dickhead...

who doesn't appreciate
just how amazing this woman is...

Well, babe...

as they say...

It ain't over until it's over!

- Come on, dance with me.
- Oh, gosh, no.

- Come on.
- Really?

Yeah, yeah.

- Right now?
- Right now, in front of everyone.

Beautiful. You are.

You're not so bad.

Oh, okay.

I mean, cleaning up on my own birthday.
Nice.

Well, that's what real friends do.

I'm gonna have my birthday here
every year.

Shut up.

Are you okay?

- Screw 'em.
- Yeah, screw 'em.

Who?

"Them."

The educated people in their...

fancy houses,
who name their kids after fruit and...

climb Kilimanjaro.

Yes, screw them.

I mean, doesn't it make you crazy?

That just because you didn't get a degree
when you were 18,

you don't qualify for a job
when you're freaking 40?

Oh, my God. First of all, who said...

life is fair?

Right?

Come on, your godson going to Stanford
on a Google scholarship...

That kind of helps
to even things out, don't you think?

Come on, Maya, it's a title.
It doesn't define you.

Says the woman who can't say
her son's name without mentioning

that he's going to Stanford.

This is true. Okay. All right.

I mean... And you should!

You should.

It's amazing.

But I...

I don't know.

I just thought, by now, I...

I don't know.

Is this about Sarah?

Okay, when are you going to
forgive yourself for that?

Really.

Well, maybe I just need to stop
banging my head up against the wall.

The world tells you enough times
this is who you are,

maybe it's time to start believing it.

There are tons of other jobs out there.

Oh, my God, would you stop eavesdropping?

I'm not eavesdropping.

And now he brought cake
so I can't be mad at him.

Okay.

One wish...

on your birthday.

Okay.

I wish...

I wish...

that we lived in a world
where street smarts equal book smarts.

I wish...

Hey, hey.

You gave it your best, right?

- That's right.
- Yeah.

Come on.

Let's blow that out.

We know you know how to blow.

That's the word on the street. I don't...
I'm not...

- Please shut up. Just shut up.
- Well, blow it out.

You can't stay here all night.

I've always liked the idea
of round tables.

You know, as a boy, my favorite stories
were the ones where King...

Miss Davilla...

a minute.

Look, I'm aware
that you wanted this position.

And what's more, I sincerely believe
that you deserved it.

Your ideas, while rough, still have merit.

I mean...

What's rough about them?

But when you roll your eyes,
Miss Davilla,

you trivialize a team-building exercise,
and that divides us.

You're my right hand.

We're all at the same table.

Yeah?

As I was saying,

I'd like us to think of ourselves
as knights,

each with our own wisdom and fiefdoms.

So...

Sir Vondell Jones...

you will be our Knight of Legumes.

And Sir Alex Gibbeon,

you are the Marquis of Meat.

What the hell is a legume?

And, Shaniqua Harris...

you are the Knight of Feminine Hygiene.

I'm menopausal.

Apparently I deserve this.

Hey, some lady called for you.

Something about a job interview from F&C.

- Franklin & Clarke?
- I don't know.

The ones who make half the stuff
on Aisles 7, 8, and 11.

Oh, okay.

I didn't apply for a job there.

All right, you pulled it out of me.
Remember your birthday wish?

- What, Dilly?
- He used your legal name, don't worry.

He put you up for some jobs. He did.

I didn't ask him to.

Okay. All right.

Well, you know what,
you can either grow some balls

or spend the rest of your life
with Lord Bag of Dicks.

And if customer service comes in
and they want to fight,

here, let's fight,
I'll teach you some swordplay.

The knight...

Maya Davilla.

I'm sorry. It's under Maria Vargas.

I got a call from...

Your interview's on the 59th floor.

- Hi, I'm...
- Miss Vargas.

Yes, he's been expecting you.

"He"?

Miss Vargas is here.

Hi.

I'm Anderson Clarke.

Clarke? As in Franklin & Clarke?

My grandfather wanted it to be Clarke
& Franklin, but he lost the coin toss.

Still steams my clams. Come on in.
Come on in, Maria.

Please, call me Maya.

Oh, well, then, call me Anderson.

Are you, um...?

I mean, you're the head of...

- I just assumed Human Resources was...
- Your resume interests me.

You come from sales?

Fifteen years.

I'm sorry, what is this position for?

I've often thought that sales should have
a greater voice in product development.

I couldn't agree more.

The market's only getting
more competitive.

And consumers are only getting smarter.

Oh, yes, they are.

You live here in the city?

I'm in between apartments.

Family?

Just me.

Oh. I'm sorry,
I didn't know you had a meeting.

Uh, Maya, this is Zoe,
one of our vice-presidents.

- Hello.
- Hi.

- Maya works for Sam Weiskopf.
- Indirectly.

So what are you guys talking about?

I was thinking of bringing Maya on
for a consultancy.

You were?

Wow.

Uh, you must have a lot of experience
in product development.

Oh, I'm sure she's well-versed
in the efficacy of our products.

Maya?

Uh, you... you want me to?

Well, okay.

Uh, well, off the top of my head, um...

Your Rainforest Mountain shampoo
is excellent,

although we only stock
the regular version.

Um...

Your men's shaving gel really moves.

But your skincare line is...

Yes?

- A little behind the competition.
- Can you be more specific?

You launched your Avocado Jojoba line
last spring and we only sold 1,353 units,

which is about 70%
under the normal range.

- And that's just off the top of your head?
- Can I talk to you in private?

Just a second.
Why do you think they didn't sell, Maya?

Well...

your organic line isn't really organic.

Are you kidding me?

Look, I don't want to insult anyone, okay?
And I...

I realize that my...

credentials aren't typically...

Oh, you are right about that.

Harvard undergrad, magna cum laude.

Then there's your philanthropy,
all the work with the Peace Corps.

And, of course,
you have got to see the Facebook page.

Her Facebook page?

My Facebook page?

I have been training
for Kilimanjaro for months.

Is that right?

Well, Zoe?

What do you think?

I think I've seen enough.

Thank you for coming in, Maya.

Yeah, okay.

Thank you.

Shit!

Hey.

Uh-oh.

She doesn't look happy.

- She doesn't look happy.
- I'm not happy.

- They didn't like you?
- No,

they thought I was very accomplished.

Given my MBA and my stint
in the Peace Corps, who can blame them?

Peace Corps?

Yeah, it's all right there...

on my Facebook page.

But you're not on Facebo...

Dilly!

Do not move.

Did you create a Facebook page for Maya?

And do not lie.

- Yes.
- Okay, that was easy.

But it wasn't just Facebook.

Okay, give me some credit.

This is a work of art.

I mean, I gave you
a completely new identity.

You've got your own Wix site
and it's got social and corporate.

- What?
- Why, Dill?

For your birthday.

I mean, you said you wanted to be fancy,
so I just Cinderella'd your ass.

Ow.

I was going to use your porn name, but you
don't even use your legal name anymore.

- So...
- My porn name?

- Yeah.
- First pet, first street.

Mine's Fluffy Valley.

Okay, so it's a whole new you.

But it's still you,
because it's your real name.

I've got everything. I've got
your school records, employment history.

The FBI couldn't debunk this.

So it's basically real.

Except it's bullshit.

Yeah, it's bullshit!

Out!

It doesn't matter
because I'm not getting the job anyway.

And, look, next time I start
making birthday wishes, just...

hit me over the head.

- Bulbous Cockburn.
- What?

- It's my porn name.
- Don't say "bulbous."

- That's the...
- You're disgusting.

Don't curse in front of your godmother.

Little asshole.

Okay, all those in favor of renaming
to "Morning Masticators," raise your hand.

Nice and high, so I can count.

- It just sounds like mast...
- It means "eating". Okay?

Calling it "Moms" is sexist against men.

Okay.

You're a little stupid, aren't you?

Remember, you're supposed
to be my right hand.

I bet you he uses that right hand a lot.

Hello?

Tell me what mastication means.

- I know what mastication means.
- Yes.

Uh, I...

Thank you.

No, absolutely, I will.

What?

That was F&C.

They want to hire me.

Shut up! I thought that skinny bitch
kicked you out of her office.

She did.

I mean, I basically trashed
their entire skincare line.

Maybe that was a test
to see if you were a straight shooter.

The lie got you in the door.

But you got the job, baby.

Come on. You can do this.

- You can do this.
- Miss Davilla. A moment.

Hey, who's the champ?

- What?
- You're the champ.

Come on, who's the champ?

Who's the champ? Wake up.
Who's the champ? Let's go.

- Who's the champ?
- I'm the champ?

You're the champ.

- Come on.
- Stop doing that to me.

Excuse me, Arthur...

I've been thinking about...

all the things you've said this week.

Good.

And I don't think
I can be your right hand.

Are you quitting?

Best of luck to you.

Best of luck to you.

It's not easy getting a job
for a woman your age.

- Oop!
- Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Uh-uh.

No, this is not going to be good.

Oh, she's about to fuck you up.

Watch me.

Attaboy, Lucas! Nice turn.

Nice ass.

- Who are you talking about?
- You know who I'm talking about.

The team's looking great.
You guys are going all the way this year.

Yeah. Yeah, I'll be happy
if we make the tournament, but...

a lot of good teams to beat.

They don't have the best assistant coach
in the country.

I like your confidence.

I like your...

Ass. I know.

I was going to say "smile."

Hey, I have some great news
I want to talk to you about.

Yeah?

- Full Moon?
- Yeah, let me finish up here

and then I'll see you there at eight?

- Perfect.
- Okay.

- I just, I can't believe you said yes.
- I know!

I know, my head is still spinning.

Yeah, but you're going to come clean,
right?

Look, I admit that the way I got in
was less than honest, but...

what I did in that room...

I can do this.

Okay. I'm happy for you, babe.

Hey, maybe you take this offer...

You tell him we need a couple weeks
and we can go away and start a family.

- This could be a really good thing.
- Trey, I can't.

It's just...

not the right time.

Our timing never seems right.

Does it?

I mean, we've been talking about this
for three years.

I always...

thought we were heading to this.

You know, I want...

a family.

Maya, I want kids
and I want that with you.

We can even adopt.

Oh, baby.

No.

It's obvious we want different things.

Trey...

We shouldn't do this anymore.

Oh, oh, no. You look like Mrs. Doubtfire.

I'm trying to look respectable,
not too slutty.

Oh, all right. Well, no problem there.

That outfit's like dick repellent.

- What's dick repellent?
- Okay, out.

What? You say bad shit all the time.

Okay, you know what? Go brush your...

fricking teeth. Goodbye.

That's not even a word!

Hey, go with
Plan Anything Other Than That.

And...

wipe that face off your face, Missy Thing.
Okay?

All right. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Come on, let's do this, girls.

- No.
- Maya!

- No.
- Come down here.

- Maya!
- No!

- Get out of the way.

- That hurt my boob.
- Did it?

- Yes. Now out of my way.
- Where are you going?

No. Where are you going? No.

Come on! This is not eighth grade.
Come on.

Come on.

What! What!

Oh, you remember that part?

That's right.

Uh-uh. Where's she going?

Oh, my God, it doesn't work anymore!

- Come on, come on, come on.
- That's right, hit it.

Miss Vargas?

Hello.

Hi. Ariana Ng,
your probationary assistant.

Oh. Okay, well...

you can call me Maya.

Yes, Maya'am.

Ma'am.

Follow me, please.

There you are. Hi.
I'm Hildy Ostrander, your DE.

Oh, hi. Nice to meet you, Hildy.

- Sorry, "DE"?
- Development Executive.

Miss Ostrander came to F&C
from Vassar via Pfizer.

She also oversees the entire East Coast
and is very single...

Oh, Ng, say less.

Right this way.

- This is my office?
- Mm-hmm.

Wow.

This is...

I know, we'll have the decorators right up
so you can fix it.

This is really great.

Cancel the decorators.

Mr. Clarke's office sent down keys to one
of our corporate apartments in the city.

- Ariana?
- Yes.

I can't.

She's afraid of heights.

How long
have you been working here?

Three months.

She was talking to me. Six years.

Great.

Because I'm here to work my butt off,
so any wisdom you can impart...

Great. We'll start
with the morning meeting.

Development kicks off
the new quarterly cycle today,

so your timing's perfect.

Uh, what cycle?

It was men's grooming, but they switched
it to skincare at the last second.

You're kidding me.

I don't want this to sound like anything
but constructive advice.

We've never had a consultant
in development before,

so they're gonna be looking for any excuse
to tear you apart.

That's comforting.

That's Ron Ebsen, the other DE.

- He's cute.
- He knows it.

He actually studied dance
before he went to business school.

He'll come over as soon as he...
Yep, brace for impact.

- You must be Maya.
- Hi.

Ron Ebsen. I've been lobbying
for a consultant for a while now.

You went to Wharton, right?

Yes, I did.

- Wharton.
- And you had Professor Gumpart?

Of course. I love him.

Her.

Yeah, not anymore.

Oh, wow.

Hang on, are you sure?
Because she and I, we...

Oh, God.

Good morning, everyone.

Zoe, right?

Yes. Vice-president of Global Skincare.

- Skincare?
- Mm-hmm.

Oh, boy.

Some of you have already heard
our new mandate from on high

to replace our existing moisture line
with an organic alternative.

It's already all natural!

Apparently it needs to be more so.

By the end of the quarter?

That's not possible.

We're not talking 100% green.

Just greener.

This is ridiculous!

From the shrieks of wild enthusiasm,
I take it Zoe's just broken the news.

Are you kidding me?
He's old enough to be her...

- Father.
- You want to run this?

No, no. I just wanted to drop by
and formally introduce our new hire.

Maya Vargas
is an extremely accomplished consultant

and the new skincare direction
was partially inspired by her feedback.

Maya?

Sir, I think it's a great idea.

End of quarter is aggressive,
but I think we're up to the challenge.

Excellent. Thank you, Ron.

We'll start brainstorming, though it might
be helpful to hear Maya's game plan.

- Sorry?
- Yes. Maya, please, tell everyone

where you think
the existing skincare line falls short.

Okay. Um...

Respectfully...

F&C was skewered

when they tried to convince people that
Nutralis was a new hair-growth product

when, basically,
it was repackaged shampoo.

They felt scammed.

- So to repeat that pattern...
- It's not the same.

You can't say "all natural"
on the front of a bottle

and then have a whole list of chemicals
on the back.

All comfortably within FDA guidelines.

People don't want to "probably not"
get cancer from a skin cream.

That's ridiculous.
Launching an entirely new product line

is almost triple the cost
of evolving an existing one.

- I think people...
- Guys, we're all on the same team, okay?

- All right?
- Maybe we shouldn't be.

How about this?

Ron and I will thread the needle at
profitably organicifying the current line.

And Maya and Hildy can cook up
something new, all green,

within our profit margins.

Oh, Christ.

You want to compete?

Okay.

You've got three months.

And, uh...

may the best woman win.

The first and most imperative step
is landing Felix.

- Who's Felix?
- Inventor of Vitalize.

Oh, I love Vitalize.

He's F&C's chief chemist, the best.

He's got a vision for the market,
and the chemistry.

We cannot do this without Felix.

Great. Can we get him?

No.

Walt Benjamin is Felix's number two
and an incredibly talented scientist.

I'm not going against Felix.

Alicia Zhou is our latest hire
out of Cornell.

Yes.

Great!

- Oh, thank God.
- Thank you.

This is going to be so exciting.

No, it's not. That was sarcasm.

Did you not pick up on that? Or...

What the hell?

This guy was on Hildy's list?

We've gone through the list.
This is my idea.

Dinner's almost ready.

No, come back here!

Stay!

So you went from MIT
to developing cat food?

Maybe I like cats.

Or maybe Felix exiled him.

Well, maybe Felix is an ass panda.

Well, he teamed up with Zoe.

Yeah, everyone's teamed up with Zoe.

Except you.

Is that because of Felix?

Look, there are millions of words
in the English language,

but there is no combination
that accurately describes

the feeling I have
of wanting to beat his ass with a chair.

So, here's your chance
to beat that panda ass.

I'm in.

Yay.

Oh, my God! What the hell?

You know what? Screw the kid,
I am moving in with you.

He could learn to hunt or something.

This is crazy.

All of this is insane.

Look at this!

Oh, my God, you've got cards here.

Bergdorf Goodman. Hello, lover.

Those are for product research and stuff.

The big companies give you that
so you can keep up with everything.

Oh, my God, look at this!

Fifty levels of refrigerator.

Holy s-word!
The refrigerator is stocked!

- Holy what?
- Oh, yeah.

Otto got kicked out of school
because he called his teacher a dunt.

- A what?
- A dumb...

- Oh, wow.
- Yeah.

So I am endeavoring
to set a better example. Beer, dear.

- Good luck with that.
- Yeah.

Well, I'll need it.

Here you go. Cheers.

Mm-hmm!

Oh, my God.
Look at all these drawers even.

Have you heard from him?

Who?

Oh, Trey?

Um...

Uh, I don't really want... I don't...

You don't really what?

You know how it is. People...

hear that you guys broke up
and he's a wounded fish and...

you know, the sharks start circling.

It's only been a week.

What do you expect?

You never told him the truth.

And me telling him the truth was suddenly
going to make everything okay?

No, you're right, it's better
to lug your past around like a cross.

Maya...

You were 17 years old
when you gave the kid up.

You were a kid yourself.

You did the right thing.

Oh, come on.

Now that I've bummed you out
about Trey...

No, come on, I don't want to do that.

I don't know what I'm doing here.

You don't know what you're doing here?
I'll tell you what you're gonna do.

You're gonna...

take these cards here,

you're gonna dress the part.

You're gonna buy yourself
those fancy shoes with the red bottoms.

All right, you know what?

As your friend, I'm gonna take these
off your hands. Thank you.

- Don't you dare.
- No, I'm gonna take 'em,

'cause you don't seem to be
appreciative of it.

- No!
- Okay. And then I'm gonna take this.

Oh, it's a two-parter.

- I'm gonna take these and I'm gonna go.
- No!

- Oh, my God.
- This is crazy.

Come on. Let's show them
what Queens can do.

Holding!

One for you, two for me.

We can't spend all of it.

Okay, do you know what?
Gift cards are like horses.

They are meant to be ridden hard.

Now get your head in the game.
There you go.

And I'm gonna go ahead and try this on.

You can't buy that.

I'm not buying it. You are, bitch.
Thank you.

Okay. First thing we need to do,
outline a goal for our product.

Has to be 100% organic.

It has to be profitable.

It has to fill a hole in the marketplace.

Uh, it needs a wow factor.

Why are you smushed against the door?

Uh, none of your business.

What do people really want?

To be young.

To be thin.

Uh, to work underground.

To be loved.

Well, great.
All we need to do is invent a product

that makes people feel young, thin,
lovable, and...

subterranean.

We can do this.

- Wow!
- You should see the big room.

These are all the day creams, night
creams. La Mer, Valmont, Hauschka.

Dove, TRESemmé, Supergoop...

Ariana, say less.

Everything that is relevant.

Women like to be moist.

Turized. Moisturized.

Anyway, the first step is to have Research
put together a data package

that shows us
the top sellers in each sector.

Why?

It's standard procedure
in launching any new line.

Well, I think we should be in the stores.

You know, talking to the managers, looking
at the sell-throughs, the rates of return.

I mean, if we're gonna find
a hole in the market,

then we have to find
a hole in the market.

That's gonna eat up a lot of time
and we only have ten weeks.

Ah, there you are.

- Mr. Clarke, what a surprise.
- Hello, Hildy.

- Brushing up on the competition?
- Yes.

What can we do for you?

Well, these guys already know it,

but I like to torture my employees
once in a while

and I thought maybe you'd like to join us
out at the yacht club.

Yacht club?

Since you coxed on the club team
at Harvard,

I thought you could show us
a thing or two.

Sure.

I suck at this.

It's better than that
ziplining shit he made us do in the woods.

I mean, I got into science
so I wouldn't have to go outdoors.

Suck it up, ladies.

Now, this is what I call team-building.

Zoe rowed lightweight for Princeton.

Never could beat you Crimson
when she was there.

Said you guys always had their number.

We'll see if we still have
some of that old Crimson magic.

On the square!

On the square!

Sit ready!

Shit's ready!

Damn right, it is.

Hey, shall we power 20
right from the start?

Yes, of course.

Attention.

Go!

- Power 20!

Five.

Row!

Six.

Row!

Seven.

Row your boat!

Eight.

Yeah!

Go, go, go!

- Oh, my God.
- My God.

I lost my olive.

- I'm so sorry.
- No, don't get it.

They're pulling ahead of us.

Damn it, Zoe.

I've got this.

I've got this!

I so did not have that.

It's okay. We've had worse.

That was epic.

Where to begin?

I can think of a couple of places.

It's funny. I thought I heard "pull port"
as something different.

Really?

Pull port!

Pulled pork?

- Pulled pork?
- Right.

- Right?
- Yes!

No!

- The other right. The other right!
- Look out!

I just want to apologize...

I just want to say one thing, all right?

That was...

hilarious.

- But, Mr. Clarke, that scull was...
- That was a piece of crap.

Now we have an excuse to upgrade.

I'll see you guys tomorrow.

I hope somebody videotaped that
'cause that was some crazy shit.

Well, that worked out.

See you, Maya.

Okay.

First, we have to work for his daughter.
Now we get this one.

There's something bullshit about her.

Coxswain, my ass.

- What?
- Hmm?

Your dad is...

unique.

He's competitive
to the point of occasional insanity.

But it's made him who he is.

You worry about him.

I worry about some of his decisions...

since my mother passed away.

I'm sorry.

Six years and he hasn't been on a date
or a single vacation.

Although I finally talked him
into putting the apartment on Zillow.

He is always on me about
having more of a life outside of work,

and yet he can't see
the same about himself.

He's a dad. That's what they do, right?

I lost both my parents
when I was young, so...

my grandmother raised me until...

she died
and then I bounced around foster care,

so I wouldn't know.

Is that why you never married or had kids?

Something like that.

Well, now that we've analyzed each other,

I've got a big day tomorrow.

First shot at initial prototypes.

How are you guys coming?

We're close.

Hm.

Very close.

What the hell?
Oh, my God, it smells awful!

Yeah, that's because it's 100% organic,
as ordered.

Excuse me, can I ask you some questions
about your daily skincare routine?

All right, okay.

Hi. Hi.
What do you look for in a sunblock?

Excuse me, do you have time...

Do you have the time?

As a woman who wears...

all the make-up...

do you have any particular favorites?

Hello. Hi.

Hi.

It's cold out here. Glad you have
all that makeup on to keep you warm.

The paraben chemicals
are what make it smell better.

No!

We can't do that, right?

And what do we do
to make it a nicer color than vomit-green?

Methoxycinnamate?

Dumb it down for me, all right?

How do we get rid of the chemicals
and still make it look and smell nice?

We have to find the ingredients
in nature.

Good. All right then, start searching.

Do you have a minute, sir?

Oh, come on!

Oh, my God!

Are you okay?

That dickhead just kept walking.

Do you have mirrors at home?

And do you look at them before you leave?

Wow, you have really soft skin.
What kind of moisturizer do you use?

- Really?
- Yeah.

Office of the registrar.

Yes, er...

How do I verify if someone
who says they went to Harvard

actually graduated from there?

Do you have the name of the person
and the year of graduation?

Yes. Maria Vargas, class of '96.

Vargas...

Oh, yes, she graduated with honors.

Wow, magna cum laude.

You dick!

Excuse me?

No, sorry, Admissions gets really excited
when we ding a scholarship candidate.

Sorry!

Er...

Okay. Thank you very much.

No problem.

- Dude! Oh, God, did you see that?
- Damn it!

This is a first, man.
You suck at this game.

Edward Taylor's office.

Yes, is Mr. Taylor in?

I have a quick question
about a reference on a former employee.

Mr. Taylor's away until the 21st.
I can have him return.

I would appreciate that. Thank you.

I'm really proud to be here
with them, be a part of it, you know?

Woo! That was really cold!

Hello.

- What's this?
- Research.

You did all this in the field?

God, no.

We have wasted six weeks
talking to wackadoos from store to store.

I ordered this from downstairs.

That's not how we're doing this.

And yet it's how it's done.

Wow, 120,000 responses,
but no real consensus.

Which is exactly my point.

People are idiots.
They don't know what they want.

They want us to tell them what they want

so they can pick the prettiest bottle
and get on with their lives.

Maya, can I talk to you for a second?

Uh, yeah.

So, we are looking at taking on
a new Chinese distributor.

Their CEO is in town and wants to meet
me and Ron for dinner this Thursday.

His English is sketchy at best.

Dad thought...

you could help us out.

Okay.

Our go-to translator is on his honeymoon,

and the only employee we have
who speaks Mandarin is...

- Me?
- Yeah.

- Okay.
- Great.

- Great.
- Thursday.

- Yep.
- Okay.

Oh, my God, you are so buttfricked!

- It's not funny, Joan.
- It is.

I almost killed people in a boat race.

Now I'm gonna murder Mandarin.
I don't speak Chinese.

All right, so you do a lot of nodding.
I mean, men don't listen to us anyway.

I'm serious.

I just got an idea.

Our cat's veterinarian.

He's the nicest guy in the world
and he speaks Mandarin.

And how does that help me?

Well, if this works,

you owe me big time.

I haven't spoken in years.
My pronunciation is spotty.

So you understand our concerns?

We do, and our team
is very eager to...

familiarize you with our process, sir.

Call me Phillip.

Have you ever traveled extensively
in China?

Okay, he's asking you if you
have ever traveled extensively in China.

You say...

No. No, I haven't been
so fortunate as of yet.

You must come visit.

You say...

I'd love to...

check its scrotum.

Really feel for any swelling.

But I feel so bad

leaving everybody else
out of the conversation.

I'm sure that your English
is much better than my Mandarin.

I suspect it might be.

We would love to schedule a tour
for you and your colleagues

to visit our facilities firsthand.

But we would have to wait
for the deal to be closed,

due to the proprietary nature of R&D.

As long as there is a signed
non-disclosure agreement,

I feel perfectly comfortable
allowing Mr. Jiang to tour.

You may not be aware, Zoe, but that
directly contradicts company policy.

But I'm sure
Mr. Jiang can understand that.

I find Ron arrogant.

What's his problem?

Oh.

His anal gland needs milking.

I like her.

And thank you, Zoe. I will gladly
sign the NDA to tour your facilities.

Thank you.
That actually worked out great.

Ron didn't seem too happy.

Well, Ron is one of the reasons
I hate this job sometimes.

So, how is your project coming?

Honestly?

Slow.

I should have kept my big mouth shut.

Yeah, 100% organic is tough.

I took a run at it a few years ago.

You know, I still have some research
over at my dad's place.

If you don't mind helping me
search for it,

it might save you a few headaches.

Thanks. That would be really helpful.

Yeah, well, it's the least I can do
for you making Ron look like a dick.

I'll see ya.

What's up, Pops?

I'm heading out to meet Maya
at the apartment.

Actually, that's why I wanted to see you.

Uh-oh. Sounds serious.

Would you close the door, sweetheart?

Okay.

- Hey.
- Hey.

- Wow, when's he moving?
- Next month.

My apartment's so tiny,
he lets me keep a lot of my junk here.

This place is... huge.

You grew up here?

Most of my life.

Wow.

Dad likes to collect them.

Is that your mom?

- Mm-hmm.
- She's pretty.

- She was blonde?
- Yeah.

I was adopted.

Let's get you that research.

Sorry about the mess.
Dad saved everything.

And I mean...

everything.

Oh, my goodness.

Could you be any cuter?

This is all the early stuff.

First haircut.

First tooth.

Ah.

It's my first blanket.

It was from my birth mother.

It came with this.

It says, "Wherever you go..."

"I will always love you."

Oh, my...

- How?
- My dad.

I'm completely pissed at him.

You know, for years after my mom died,
I tried to find you.

But it was just a series of dead ends,
so I sort of gave up.

But apparently he didn't.

That was a good decision.

God, I used to always wonder
what your voice sounded like.

Oh, my God.

Did you ever search for me?

You know, the adoption agency
advised me not to.

They said...

that you were with a good family
and that I shouldn't.

But every time I saw a little girl,
I would think...

"Is that what Sarah looks like now?"

You called me Sarah?

So I would have been Sarah Rosalina
de la Santa Cruz Davilla Vargas?

You see why I shortened it?

Yeah.

Oh...

Can I ask?

What about my father?

I met him at a party.

Does he know about me?

I never even knew his last name.

But he was the most beautiful boy
I'd ever seen.

He was?

And very sweet.

But I was... 16.

And basically on my own and...

But I knew you had to be born.

It wasn't even a question.

I'd left school and got two jobs,
but I didn't have anybody to watch you.

They were going to take you away,
you know, put you back in the system.

And I just couldn't let that happen.

But knowing that I was given up
for adoption...

you can't help but grow up
with a sense of rejection.

"Am I good enough?"

"Is something wrong with me?"

Exactly.

I would have done anything to keep you.

You know, I know we haven't
exactly gotten along,

but I really admire you.

Just everything you've accomplished.

You're kind of who I want to be
when I grow up.

I found my old research!

You okay?

Well, I took out the really good stuff,

'cause I am still going to kick your ass.

By the way, I don't think we need
to tell people at work about this.

- Agreed.
- Cool.

Then let's go because I am starving.

So, that's where you've been?

Jiminy Cricket!

For God's sake,
would you please start cursing?

No. Whatever, come on.

So, what is she like?

You know, it's so bizarre.

Just last week, she was North Korea.

And now, when I think about her,
I can't stop smiling.

Aww.

That's so nice.

She wants to get to know me.

Oh.

Sh... oot.

Yeah, says she wants to make up
for lost time.

- Well, that's great.
- Mm!

- Not great. She wants to meet my friends.
- So?

- I'd be happy to.
- No.

My "friends" from Harvard
and the Peace Corps.

- Who don't actually...
- Yes.

Oh, f-word.

God, that's so annoying.

What's annoying? Your face?

Oh, God.

Thank you very much.

I want to explain myself to both of you.

- You don't have to, it's...
- Oh, no. He does.

We used to say Zoe got her spirited streak
from her mother,

but now we know that's only half true.

You know,
when Zoe started looking for you,

I didn't know if it was healthy or not.

And after a while, you gave up.

And... something went out in you.

I know what your mother would have said.
She would have said, "Fix it, Andy."

So I kept the feelers out,
and then suddenly,

miraculously, there you were online.

And impressively so.

I didn't know
if you would want to connect with Zoe,

and I didn't want to take the chance
on her being rejected,

so I brought you in under the guise
of a job interview to suss you out.

And you were terrific, you were fantastic.

I would have hired you
without this connection.

And then Zoe walked in, and seeing the two
of you butting heads together, I just...

You manipulated us.

Well... perhaps.

Although I wasn't the one
who suggested the competition.

Maya!

Is that Maria Maya Vargas?
What are the odds?

Hello.

Yes, we were just on our way
to the alumni social for Norton.

- Wharton.
- Wharton, Wharton, yeah.

Um, Zoe, Anderson,

- these are my friends from...
- Harvard.

We, uh... We, uh, did some time
in the Peace Corps together.

We saved whales.

Yes, so you're Maya's little girl, huh?
She has your eyes.

Aren't you guys gonna be late
for your mixer?

- Okay.
- Philanthropy never waits.

Always saving something.

I thought you said
it was an alumni social.

Well, we wanted to give our men
a reason to put their tuxes on.

Before we gave our men
a reason to take 'em off.

- Oh, I see. What an image.
- She's joking. We're not...

Okay, all right. Nice to meet you, ladies.

And you too.

It really is so nice
to finally meet some of Maya's friends.

Well, she seems nice.

- Yeah.
- Pretty, too.

- Uh-huh.
- Unlike the bug up your arse.

I mean, come on, Joan, seriously?

"Save the Whales"?

Well, she nailed it in rehearsal.

Anyway, we were helping.

Still coming to my birthday, right?

Of course.

I just wish you would have told me.

Well, she said
she wanted to meet your friends.

- Ugh.
- Oh, I'm sorry.

Suddenly we don't exist?

Hey...

don't confuse this new Facebook thing...

with who you really are, okay?

My daughter thinks I'm this
amazing person.

- What am I supposed to do?
- I don't know!

Try telling her the damn truth?

You don't understand.

All right? That would kill her. I...

Maybe... one day
when we get to know each other better...

One day when you get to know her.

I remember you saying the same thing
about Trey.

That's a shitty thing to say.

I'm sorry. Well, if the shite fits...

You know what?
You have no idea what it's been like.

You have no idea...

how many times I still thought about her
every day.

"Is she okay?"

"Is she happy?" "Is she alive?"

And, you're right, now I've found her
and it's a mess.

I'm a mess.
And, you know what, I hate the lie.

But I have to be the person
that she thinks I am or...

I could lose her again.

And I couldn't survive that.

You act like you don't have a choice.

I don't.

Well...

You know, it's sad
that she's not gonna meet the old Maya...

because she was pretty amazing.

Thanks.

Hey, don't be a stranger, huh?

I was kind of a regular.

When?

- We used to sit here.
- Oh.

You used to sleep or nurse

while I tried to figure out our next move.

Wait, we were...

homeless?

I mean, there was a while
where we didn't have a place, but...

I mean, I tried... I mean...

But...

It's okay.

I said goodbye to you here.

Kissed you for the last time.

December 23rd.

Christmas is not exactly
my favorite time of the year.

Maybe we should fix that.

All right, hold on!

Okay, got it. We're good.

- I'll put it on.
- Come on.

Ta-da!

Oh, it's perfect!

Hi, guys.

What's going on?

We have some good news.

And some of the other stuff.

First, the good news.

I have found the hole in the market.

- Fruit?
- Not just any fruit.

Tangerine.

No one has done it.

Our data shows a 37% increase in sales

on any cream
with a featured citrus component.

But it comes with a price.

How much of a price?

Oh, just give me that.

Thank you.

To make all three products entirely green
from the tangerine extract,

it'll cost 13% more
than Zoe and Ron's line.

My God, can we bring that down?

Change often comes at a cost.

The game was to create a line
that was more profitable, not less.

Well, maybe you could ask them
for more time.

That'd be admitting
that we couldn't do what we said we could.

What you said we could.

Oh, everything I touch gets ruined.

Oh, look who's back from the city.

What's wrong?

They fire you?

Not yet.

Nine weeks of work and I...

So you didn't come clean?

Everything happens
for a reason, right?

- You're with your daughter again.
- Who's drop-dead, by the way.

Thank you guys
for what you did the other day.

I mean, it was a little pathetic,
but it was...

sweet.

I just wish I didn't get so caught up
with all this data and spreadsheets.

I just should have stuck
with what got me there.

There's just...

so many products.

Oh, tell me about it.

You got your under-eye,
your face cream, your hand cream,

which, in my house, is called
my son's "don't ask" cream.

- Mine, too.
- All right. Really?

If only there was one thing
to cut through all the noise, you know?

One thing.

Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown!

Oh, my God.

What?

You guys are amazing.

I love you.

And I gotta go.

One product?

Yeah, that does the job of all three.

I mean, it definitely costs less.

We should run it by Hildy
to check with research.

No, that's what got us in this mess
in the first place.

Look, I have a good feeling about this.
We make one product that does everything.

Rejuvenates, blocks the sun,
moisturizes the whole body.

Maya, SPF formulas that block the sun
and stay on your skin

can be toxic
if you leave them on overnight.

Isn't there a natural compound
with sun protection that isn't toxic?

No.

Shit.

- What?
- The Christmas party.

Let's go. We can brainstorm later.

Um, I can't.

Why not?

Not invited.

Execs only.

Give me a break. You're my date.
Ariana, too.

You guys meet me there.
It's on the top floor.

She'll be thrilled.

You okay?

Another reason why I don't mind
banishment to cat food.

I'm not great at these things.

Why did Felix banish you?

The whole Nutralis scandal
was Felix's idea.

He wanted me to hide the fact
that we were repackaging shampoo

as hair growth product.

I wouldn't do it.

So he let you keep your job
if you kept your mouth shut,

but he banned you to Siberia.

Why didn't you just quit?

That's what he wants.

Oh, Team Green's in the house.

Hey.

You look... amazing.

Thank you.

You look pretty damn fine yourself.

My God, I love that ring.

It's my grandmother's.
The one thing she left me.

The only thing my grandmother left me
was a plant.

Yeah, I'll keep my diamonds.

I seem to have found the cool crowd.

Two of the most beautiful people here.

Thank you.

Right.

I'm going to go get a drink.

Would you like to dance?

Sure.

Another Scotch.

Did you accidentally push the "up" button
on the elevator?

Because I don't think
you're supposed to be on this floor.

I'm here with Maya.

Oh, are you?

Well, enjoy tonight.

You'll be back with your cat food
before you know it.

You look awesome.

I'm surprised you made it
off the elevator.

Yeah, I, um...

I barfed in my purse.

Ah, I see.

Um...

Do you trust me?

Yeah.

She really doesn't
belong here, you know.

She left college
to join me here at the company.

I probably shouldn't have let her, but...

we were both hurting and...

Anyway, it's time for her now to...

go and live her life...

go back to art school,

forget about the old man for a while.

Wait...

She went to art school?

You saw the apartment.

- Wait, those portraits were hers?
- Mm-hmm.

Cynthia and I used to joke about
which one of us she got her talent from.

You both did an incredible job with her.

Oh, my God, are we outside?

It's fine, okay? Everything's fine.
I got you.

- I'm going to take off the blindfold.
- No.

And when I do,
I want you to look right at me.

Can I say something?

Yeah, of course.

You don't have to pull some
Titanic bullshit just to get close to me.

Okay.

Good, 'cause I kinda hate that movie.

You know, the door that she's floating on
at the end, it's...

Big enough for both of them, yeah.

Yes, exactly!

Can we please move this conversation
inside?

One hundred percent. Absolutely, okay.

- Okay.
- Going back inside. We're turning.

- I got you.
- Okay.

Here you go.

Hail to the chief.

Congratulations on China.

Apparently that dinner went very well.
Jiang was so impressed with our facilities

he wants to make a deal.

Once I set him up with the tour,

- I was certain he'd be in.
- Wait, that was...

Mind if we cut in?

I underestimated you.

- Did you?
- Yeah.

You're a much bigger scumbag
than I thought you were.

Really? Because I have an inkling
you are, too.

Anyway, we completed our project
this afternoon.

That's impossible.

Is it?

Congratulations.

Sammy Weiskopf!
Look what the cat dragged in.

If it isn't the second worst poker player
in the world.

I live in your shadow.

- How'd you get past security?
- I own them.

I may have had a hand in it, sir.
Thank you for coming, Sam.

And, of course, you remember Miss Vargas
from her years at Value Shop.

I don't know that I do.

I consulted locally.

You've built a great business,
Mr. Weiskopf. You should be very proud.

Hmm. Does anyone else find it
just a little strange that...

Oh, God, I love this song!

I know what you're doing.
It's not gonna work.

What's your story, Ron?

I can dance like that.

I tend to lean to the nurture side
of the whole evolution thing,

- Meaning?
- Assholes aren't born,

they're made.

What made you an asshole, Ron?

- I come from an extremely long line.
- Really?

'Cause I get the feeling that there's
something smaller than your brain.

And it isn't your ego.

I really don't care how you got here,
Maria Vargas,

because once everyone realizes
what a disaster

you and your non-existent product are,
I guarantee you...

you'll be a fast memory.

What did you say?

You're a disaster.

That's it!

Hey, um, just to be clear...

I'm kinda kinky.

We should probably
come up with a safe word.

Chase, we gotta go.

- What?
- Now!

Where are we going?

I realized something at the party.

Even out of the biggest disaster,
there can still be hope.

Which disaster are we talking about?

- Hiroshima.
- Wait, what?

After we dropped the bomb,
the military sent a team into Japan

to see if the radiation had depleted.

The only thing left that hadn't been
destroyed was one single living tree.

The leaves had already
started growing back.

The citizens, they built a shrine
around this tree.

And the soldiers took clippings from it.

One of those soldiers was my grandpa.

What kind of a tree was it?

Silver Ginkgo.

After my grandpa returned home,

he took his clippings
and planted a tree for my grandma.

And it's resistant to radiation.

AKA, the sun.

- Here.
- What?

What, w-we're breaking in?

You know they have Ginkgo trees
in Central Park, right?

Not the same kind.
Besides, that's my plant in there.

Oh, hey, buddy. Hi.

All right, stop.

Ah.

Thank you, Abuela.

The next stop is Broadway.

Here's Maya. We're five days out.

Five days out.

If you look carefully,
you can almost see smoke coming off.

Stop it.

Maya, tell us.

Tell us, what's the first thing you're
gonna do when you get the big promotion?

Fire my annoying boyfriend?

No way, I've got tenure, baby.
My union would never allow it.

Oh, my... Stop!

Wait, you're leaving us for Ron?

It's not because everyone thinks
you're delusional

for trying to create a new product
with just three weeks to go, just...

Ron and I are actually going to
be working together next cycle...

Uh-uh! Say less.

God, that felt good.

I can still hear you.

Look, how long could this take?

To be honest, it could take a lifetime.

Don't worry. We got this.

I mean, I like the smell,
but no one else will.

Trying again.

Not me.

Nope.

Nada.

- Oh, you suck!
- What?

It's glowing.

It's glowing!

What's it mean?

Everything all right in here?

You need something?

No hard feelings with Hildy jumping ship.

Why? You didn't get my thank-you note?

See you in the morning.

What?

Tell her.

- What?
- Now.

Okay, what?!

It works.

Oh, my God! Yes, yes, yes!

Okay, we have our presentation tomorrow.

- We need a wow factor.
- Yes.

And I have an idea.

We've tasked two teams
with two different challenges.

Zoe's team set out to create
a slightly more organic alternative

to an existing product line,

while Maya's task was to create
a completely new one.

A totally green line.

Zoe?

You asked us to re-purpose
one organic line.

Well, we made two.

Skincare...

And make-up.

- Are these numbers accurate?
- Yes.

With a minimal cost, we made our product
6% more organic than our previous line.

We estimate we can raise our price
per unit by 4%

and increase our annual skincare revenue
by 23 million.

That's very impressive. Maya, your ball.

Well, my team,

Chase Horowitz, Ariana Ng, and I,

have challenged ourselves
to think outside the box.

And in keeping with that theme,
we'd like to move our presentation...

outside.

Everything's ready.

- Okay, but I still don't think we need...
- Please. Wow factor.

Okay.

We're standing beneath this tree
for a very special reason.

Consumers are always
looking for something natural and real,

but they're often overwhelmed by
the amount of choices that are out there.

Words, like "paralyzed,"
"confused," and "lost"

kept popping up in our research.

We use one bar of soap
for our entire body.

Why do we subdivide our face?

Uh, so we can make more money?

I think F&C has an opportunity
to double our market share

by giving people what they want
and what they need.

One organic product that does it all.

And that product...

comes from a Ginkgo tree...

similar to this one.

All-in-one Ginkgo cream. We estimate
we can raise our price per unit by 9%

and increase our annual skincare revenue
by 63 million.

It's a revolutionary idea that we think
is really gonna take off...

and signify a new era in skincare.

A product that will naturally
and delicately

make our beauty soar.

Wow!

Maybe they're just stunned.

Any questions?

No, I'm getting her in trouble.
It's not the...

Oh, look who showed up.

You owe me five bucks.

Well? Did the presentation go good?

Uh, define "good."

Did they like it?

Until Peter showed up.

Auntie M.

Dill! You're home!

Hi! How's Stanford?

Yes, how's Stanford? Tell her. I can't.

Why waste four years on a piece of paper
that says I know how to do

what I already know how to do?

Right.

Excuse me.

She's really pissed at me.

Yeah. She doesn't want you
to wind up like me.

What are you talking about?

You're killing it right now.

You're only allowed
so many bad decisions, Dill.

Dropping out now handicaps your ability
to make good ones.

Look who's back.

- Hey.
- Hey.

- I was hoping to see you.
- Yeah.

Yeah, you... You look different.

What? Is that bad?

Hey, everyone,
I want to thank you all for coming

to celebrate the only Christmas birthday
that actually matters.

Earmuffs, Jesus. You know you're my boo.

Cheers to me.

Can I talk to you?

Yeah.

Look, um...

There's something I never told you...

About your daughter.

Yeah, Joan... She told me.

I mean, all that talk about...

family and...

I thought it was me
you were hesitant about.

No, I was ashamed. I just...

I thought I didn't deserve to...

have...

- I should have told you.
- You should have told me.

You let me fall in love
with a version of you.

And no relationship built on a lie
can ever survive.

You were always good enough.

But you...

You're the only one that ever doubted it.

Hello?

What?

Now?

I can't believe you're still here.

Is everything okay?

Well, it could have waited till Monday,
but...

then I wouldn't be able
to say this to you personally and...

you wouldn't have the weekend
to prepare your speech.

Speech?

The board has voted unanimously
to endorse your product.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!
Even after the whole bird thing?

You know,
I've never seen a dove explode before.

Congratulations.

Now, apart from the donation we'll have
to make to the National Bird Society...

you are going to help make this company
a lot of money,

and that is good for us all.

Mm-hmm.

We want you to present at
our distributors conference this Monday.

It is a big deal. It's streamed online.

Business Weekly, Forbes, Fortune,
they all cover it.

Wow.

Yeah, and...

there is one more thing.

Go ahead.

We don't want you to consult anymore.

We want you to join us at the company
permanently.

- Excellent work today, Maya.
- Thank you.

Welcome to the family.

Oh!

- You want to celebrate?
- Yes.

What is the matter?
You should be ecstatic.

I am.

It's just been a crazy couple of weeks,
that's all.

Yeah, for us both.

- You're quite the photographer.
- Oh...

Why didn't you tell me that the
photographs in the apartment were yours?

I haven't even touched a camera
in, like, five years.

Do you miss it?

Sometimes.

But my dad needs me.

Your dad needs you to be happy.

Have you thought
about going back to school?

We just found each other.

- Yeah, but we can still...
- It's in London.

- Oh.
- Yeah.

Well...

I still think you should go.

Why?

Because it's time, Zoe.

What you thinking about?

Nothing. Just...

Something my ex-boyfriend said earlier.
I saw him tonight.

Oh, wow.

I didn't know you had a...

You just never talked about him.

Why'd you guys split?

I wasn't completely honest with him.

Why not?

I guess I was afraid to be.

Everything happens for a reason, right?

Here's to us working together.

We're building a company with Dad.

Our company.

Zoe, this is an amazing opportunity,
but just don't...

Look, I can tell there's something
holding you back from taking the job.

But just know...

I am so grateful
to have you back in my life.

I think this could be really good for us.

Maya, please.

Don't leave me again.

I need you.

Yep?

Okay, put him through.

Mr. Taylor.

Yes, Mr. Ebsen.
Sorry for the delayed response.

- I've been traveling the last few weeks.
- That's quite all right.

I got your message.
I must say, I'm a bit confused.

We never had a Maria Vargas work here.

Really?

I checked with personnel,
went through all our records, and...

as far as Estée Lauder is concerned,
that person never existed.

Okay. Thank you.

Hey.

What did you mean?

What did I mean?

Uh, when...

When you said the other night...
When you...

Yeah?

When you said that you were, um...

You're kinky?

Oh, that.

Oh. That's just something I say.

Huh, okay. Yeah.

Or is it?

Oh, man!

Thank you.

Now, my father would normally
be making this introduction,

but because of special circumstances,

he is, for once,
allowing someone else to get a word in.

In a world of increasing competition
and decreasing profits,

sometimes you need a fresh perspective.

Isn't that what you always say, Dad?

When I can get a word in.

So, we hired a woman who has achieved
her success not by going by the book,

but by trusting her gut.

Someone who is not afraid
to tell the truth,

even if the truth hurts.

Ladies and gentlemen, Maya Vargas.

Thank you, Zoe.

Anderson...

thank you for giving me a chance.

Some people never get a chance

because they can't afford
the right education,

or they don't have the degree
to get in the right doors.

And you're correct, Zoe.

Maybe I am where I am today
because I wasn't afraid to tell the truth.

Even if it hurts.

And the truth is...

The truth is...

The truth is a lie.

For the past seven years,
I've been an assistant manager

at the local Value Shop in Ozone Park.

My God. Oh, my God!

I invented my resume.

I never went to Wharton.

I never even graduated from high school.

- What?
- Holy cow.

Cool.

I thought it was what I had to do
to get in those doors.

And there you are.

I thought none of you would even
look at me if you knew the truth.

Because I thought I wasn't good enough.

So I gave you a version of me.

But for better or for worse...

I have to be who I really am.

And I'm Maya Davilla.

From Queens, New York.

That's the real me.

I'm sorry.

I shouldn't have lied.

To any of you.

But this product...

Not a lie.

It's amazing.

Chase, Ariana...

it's all yours.

What?

Was it all a lie?

Zoe.

The stuff about the adoption agency.
Them telling you not to look for me.

Was that a lie, too?

No, of course not.

Well, how can I trust anything you say?

Listen, this is why I tried calling you
last night.

I got my wish.

I got my girl back.

But I realized something.

Okay, no relationship built on a lie can...

Bullshit.

After my mom died, I put my entire life
on hold to be there for my dad.

That's what families do.

I'm not leaving you.

I'm not going anywhere.

But I am.

Zoe!

Dear Zoe.

I know that many people believe in fate,

and trust me,
there are times I wish I was one of them.

I believe we create our own fate,

that our lives are shaped
by a series of choices.

One decision leading to another,

bringing us times of great joy
or years of regret.

Mrs. Wagner's pies

In the end, it's up to us.

We get to write our own story.

I've made some spectacularly awful choices
in my life

and two good ones.

Alongside giving birth to you,

the best decision I ever made
was to give you up.

Because you never would've
become you

if it weren't for your parents.

And because you're exactly
the person I'd like to be...

when I grow up.

You will always be the best thing
that ever happened to me.

I'm sorry I messed it up. Again.

THINKING ABOUT YOU ALWAYS...
LOVE, MAYA.

MONDAYMOMZ.COM

So you did all this in one year?

That's right.

We created a nationwide service

where consumers could shop for groceries
locally from home.

And all you need to join
is an email address.

And 20 bucks.

You created an online store
specifically designed for each member?

Yeah. And our clients can even use their
phone to pick out a specific cut of meat

or a prepared salad
or the third lemon from the back.

My godson, Dilly, over there,
created the app in between finals.

He works here when he's not at Stanford.

He's a genius.

You basically said to Value Shop,
"We're going to build a better mousetrap."

And we said, "We'd like to partner."

He's our little angel investor.

He negotiated points on some
convertible debt.

It's a cute deal.

We spend half our lives
looking back, wishing.

If we'd only done it differently,

chosen smarter,

not made so many mistakes.

If he didn't eat it, then I wouldn't.

Hi.

Hi. Could we talk for a second?

Yeah.

So I got what you left on my doorstep.

You really mean all this?

Ask me anything.

Okay.

- Are you...
- Yes.

You don't know what I was gonna ask.

Whatever the question is,
the answer's yes.

Did you really lose your daughter
again?

Yes.

Are you ever gonna lie to me again?

Yes.

But that was the last time.

Funny.

Are you ready to...

have a family?

You are my family.

So, yes.

Sorry.

This is broken. I'm just gonna... Okay.

But the truth is...

our mistakes don't limit us.

Only our fears do.

And as unpredictable
as this journey has been,

I am so glad
it finally led me back to you.

Congratulations.

Your dad told me you were back.

Welcome home.

Thanks.

You got your degree.

Now what?

I don't know.

You think we could start over?

I was thinking of going for a run.

Okay.

Do you want to come with me?

Yeah.

I'd like that.

A lot.

I'm about to cry.

You guys are fricking pussies.

Oh, come on.

What? He said "fricking."

It's progress.

This time,
I'm not gonna be as easy on you.

- Oh, yeah?
- Uh-huh.

All right. Bring it.

Every day you wake up and have
a second chance to do whatever you want,

to be whoever you want.

The only thing stopping you...

is you.