Original subtitles

Oh, look at that runway.

Oh, to be a 17-year-old model again.

Oh, no. Oh, no. You're sitting next to Margo Langhorne.

Why don't they just stick her back by the coatroom?

The old bag can hang from the clothes rack.

Don't start anything.

If I wanted to hear two queens snipe at each other,

I would have stayed in the men's room.

Nina! Margo!

(BOTH KISSING)

I thought I smelled gin.

Oh, my, my. Look who's on the aisle. Best seat in the house.

How did you fare in the blackout?

What blackout?

Didn't you get dressed in the dark this morning?

By the way, I loved your piece on fashion disasters.

I see you got to keep the clothes.

(BOTH GRUMBLING)

Hey, Jack, I'm taking lunch orders from the Carnegie Deli. What do you want?

I'll have a roast beef on rye.

Great. One Donald Trump.

What do you mean, "Donald Trump"?

He's got a sandwich named after him.

I've been going to that deli longer than he has.

Why don't they name something after me?

I mean, what am I? Chopped liver?

Hmm, no, that's the Morey Amsterdam.

Oh, it was a nightmare. I've seen Margo and Nina go at it before,

but nothing like this. It was so brutal, I...

After 10 minutes, I couldn't even watch anymore.

I don't get it. Why do they hate each other so much?

You know, I don't know. I guess Nina's jealous

that Margo gets taken more seriously.

And Margo's jealous that Nina gets taken more often.

So, Elliott, how was the show last night?

Check out the cover of Women's Wear Daily.

"Catfight on the Catwalk."

Who's the broad covered in onion dip?

(LAUGHING)

That would be Nina.

(SIGHS)

Dennis!

Okay, you're in a meadow, high in the Alps.

A young Shirley Jones asks you to make her a woman.

Is she wearing a bonnet?

Yes, and leading a cow.

Would you stop with those cows?

God, everyone must be talking about this.

Can you imagine the humiliation?

Hey, look, everybody! I'm famous!

They said that I behaved like a jealous teenager.

Can you believe it? Teenager!

Nina, do you realize how this reflects on the magazine?

Oh, don't worry, Jack. I laid her out like a futon.

Here. Read the caption. "TKO at DKNY."

Oh, God. I'd better call Margo's boss and straighten this thing out.

What excuses haven't we used yet?

Uh, let's see.

The only two left are, "She's going through menopause"

and, "She's a sociopath."

Sociopath. Got it.

Hey, lunch orders. Nina?

No, thanks. I ate last week.

Okay. Maya?

Oh, it's so beautiful out, I'm gonna eat in the park.

I just started reading the most wonderful book called Jonathan's Attic.

Oh, isn't that the sequel to Jonathan Finds a Door in His Ceiling?

Finch, it happens to be a tender exploration of a relationship between...

No, no, no. Save it for the book club.

(WHISTLES)

Nina, you've gotta put an end to this insane competition with Margo.

Competition? I am simply doing the best job I can,

and Margo's doing the best job she can.

To call it a competition cheapens and belittles...

Hey, Margo Langhorne just retired.

Oh, my God, I won, I won!

MAYA: (READING) In her heart of hearts, Clarissa knew that one day,

she could teach Jonathan how to love again.

But until then, she would simply remain his devoted governess,

quelling her passion with...

Hey, are you okay? I'm so sorry. I...

Well, why don't you watch where you're throwing...

Hey, there.

Hey, new shoes?

Yeah. Gloria, the girl I'm dating, made them.

She's studying to be a designer. She's amazing.

Hmm, they're...

Nice.

Nice? These are a work of art.

The structure, the design. These shoes are going to take the world by storm.

How can you tell the left from the right?

I have no idea.

Hey, those are cool shoes.

You know what? You better put them on fast,

because the other elves are waiting in the tree and the fudge is getting cold.

A surprise from the Carnegie Deli!

You got them to name a sandwich after me?

I give you the Jack Gallo, Hold the Maya.

(LAUGHS)

Ah, Dennis, I gotta hand it to you. You really...

What the hell is this? A joke?

No, dude. You're gonna love it.

It's a pita filled with watercress, sprouts and avocado.

Used to be called the Liberace.

Damn it, Dennis, Trump has his name on everything.

What about me?

I'm way ahead of you.

For the right price, we can get you a library,

a small city park

or a prison for the criminally insane.

A park, that's perfect! Like Sullivan Field.

Ask any of the kids from the old neighborhood, that name meant something.

R.J. Sullivan.

Proudly mounted on a mighty block of granite.

His legacy will live on forever.

Who is R.J. Sullivan?

Robert James Sullivan?

"Old Sully" Sullivan?

"Irish Bob" Sullivan?

I'll find out and let you know. That'd be good.

Hey, great shoes.

Yeah, aren't they?

So, get this.

I'm walking down Broadway and who do I spot? Tommy Hilfiger.

And I blow him an air-kiss and he says, "Hey, let's do lunch,"

and I say, "Yeah, let's." And this is when it gets really weird.

We're actually having lunch.

Wow. Sounds like he's finally forgiven you for wrecking his birthday party.

Hey, if he didn't want his dog drinking margaritas,

he shouldn't have put him in a sombrero.

Anyway, without even asking,

he gave me first look at his new line. I was stunned.

Makes sense to me. Margo steps down, you step up.

It's called a power vacuum.

When the dominant faction grows old and weak, another rises up to take its place.

Which is why we humans have to keep an eye on those stinking monkeys.

Hey, this sounds like the start of a whole new era.

Yeah, the Age of Nina Van Horn.

I know this one. 62?

The grown-ups are talking, dear.

(LAUGHING)

STAN: ...and that was in Chicago.

And before I went back to grad school,

I had a career in international trade.

Really? So you're an ex-import/export expert.

(BOTH CHUCKLING)

I know I keep saying this,

but I'm sorry about hitting you in the head with the Frisbee the other day.

Don't worry about it, it was a total fluke.

I'm just glad you weren't playing horseshoes.

(LAUGHS) Wow, what a great day.

Yeah, it is.

It's so nice to be able to sit out...

(SIGHS)

Side

in a crowded restaurant.

Hey, hey, Dennis, what's the latest on that park dedication?

Got it right here.

Okay, ceremony's at 4:30.

First, you talk about what a surprise this is,

then you segueway into your poor-kid-from-Brooklyn routine,

and 4:38 I hustle you back into the limo.

Good plan, boy.

So, how are you coming with the speech?

Listen to this.

"The Empire State Building, Madison Square Garden and Jack Gallo Park.

"Three New York landmarks that will be around forever.

"Although, with the way the Rangers have been playing lately,

"I'm not so sure that's a good thing."

(CHUCKLING)

It's always smart to slip in a joke.

Yeah, I wanna hear it.

Well, Rebecca, I wouldn't call myself the Queen of High Fashion.

But feel free to run with it.

Well, so let me just leave you with this.

"Cashmere through May, always okay.

"Cleavage past October, not if you're sober."

So you might want to just button up, dear.

So, this is the main area. And my office is over there.

Oh, great, I want to see it.

(STAMMERING) They're filming, so we'd better wait.

Oh, that's too bad.

Oh, I'm sure it won't be too long. Keep your shirt on.

(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

Um, Elliott, this is Stan.

Hey, nice to meet you.

Great shoes.

Oh, yeah. They're really...

Elliott, why are you still wearing those things?

Hey, hey, there's nothing wrong with these shoes.

They just need a little breaking in, that's all.

Why don't you just tell Gloria that they still need a little work?

No, no, that would hurt her feelings.

I just have to get used to them by tonight.

She wants to take me dancing.

On a yacht.

Oh, man, I got some mustard on my shirt.

You know, I better run this under some water.

No, no, no!

I can fix that right here.

Here, see? See? We'll just

take a little bit of this and a little bit of that and...

See? All gone.

Thanks. I'll just dry this under a lamp.

Stop!

It'll dry faster if you wear it.

It's science.

Hey, hey, TV star. Nice job.

Yeah, this has been an amazing week for you.

Are you kidding? It's like I've died again and this time gone to heaven.

You know, for the past 12 years, I have had to fight for everything.

Every exclusive, every discovery, every inside tip.

And why?

Because I knew Margo Langhorne could pounce at any moment.

God, my life was exhausting.

My only consolation was knowing that if I could just persevere,

that my day would come.

And now, by the grace of God, the same God who gave us Lycra,

that glorious moment is finally here.

And now my life is, "Oh, can we send you some hats, Ms. Van Horn?"

"How is this fabric, Ms. Van Horn?" Damn, your boyfriend's handsome.

"Well, he's yours, Ms. Van Horn."

The whole world is my walk-in closet, 7th Avenue my hamper.

I want first look at the Prada line, done.

I need someone to model ski wear,

Cindy Crawford's in Alaska rubbing noses with the Eskimos.

And everything is mine for the taking.

And this is how it's going to be from now on.

No backstabbing, no adversary, no smug, condescending diva driving me

to do the best work I have ever done in my entire life.

God, I miss Margo!

(SOBBING)

Hey, you okay?

Ah, I was just thinking about the good old days.

I remember this one time, I was furious at Margo for taking my cardigan idea,

so I got back at her by stealing her boyfriend.

And then she got me audited and I had her framed for arson.

Hey, hey, let's go down to wardrobe and weigh you. That always cheers you up.

No, I'm not in the mood.

Ah, Nina, I don't get it. You should be happy. You're top dog now.

Oh, so what? It just landed at my feet. It's not like I earned it.

Oh, I get it, this is just like

The Flyin' Hawaiian and Bobby the Backbreaker Brubaker.

Well, thanks for stopping by.

No, no, no. When I was a kid, they were the two best pro wrestlers.

Backbreaker was the champ and The Hawaiian was always the number-one contender.

Then Backbreaker retired, and The Flyin' Hawaiian finally became the champ.

But it was a somber luau, because he never got the Backbreaker's respect.

You know, Elliott, it's funny you should be telling this story,

because, in a way, I'm sort of like that Hawaiian fellow.

Yeah, funny. That's funny.

So what ever happened to the Flyin' Hawaiian?

Oh, he was so distraught, he became The Cryin' Hawaiian,

and later, according to police, The Crack-Buyin' Hawaiian.

What it all boils down to is that you want Margo's respect.

Yeah, well, it's only fair. I mean, I respected her all these years.

Yeah, but does she know that?

What do you mean? I mean, you want her respect.

Did it ever occur to you that she might want yours?

What she would want.

Huh.

I never thought of it like that. Well, thanks, Elliott.

Come here.

Oh, no. It's okay. I don't need a hug.

No, no, catch me, catch me, catch me.

(WHISTLES)

Thank you.

Jack Gallo Park will be a place where man can be accepted with open arms.

A place where people come as strangers, and leave as friends.

Maybe we should move a little closer.

No, this is fine. I don't want to get any grass stains on my shirt.

Hey, have you seen Stan yet?

Is he gonna be here? In the flesh?

Yeah.

What is it with that guy?

So he's got big pecs. I mean, you don't see me walking around without pants.

...and so, while sandwiches may come and go,

nature, my friends, is here to stay.

Which reminds me of a story. These two squirrels were on their honeymoon.

(DENNIS CLEARS THROAT)

You know, I don't care what you think.

Stan is a very sweet man with one little idiosyncrasy.

And I for one am mature enough to look past that.

Good.

I'll kill the freak!

What the hell is wrong with you?

You haven't even been here for two minutes and you've already got your shirt off?

You sicko exhibitionist! (CHUCKLES) Oh, Maya.

Don't you have any dignity? Don't you have any shame?

But this little kitty cat fell into the sewer and almost drowned.

Oh.

(CROWD BOOING)

He takes his shirt off all the time!

(CROWD BOOING LOUDER)

I knew you'd come.

So, this is what Margo Langhorne gave up the fashion world for.

It's so peaceful.

It suits my needs.

The trees, that magnificent field,

that quaint scarecrow which bears a striking resemblance to me.

I wanted to take it down, but the local children like to throw rocks at it.

I like her blouse.

Richard Tyler. Yes, I know. Spring collection.

Yes, I know.

So, I assume you didn't come all the way to Connecticut to admire the scenery.

Uh, no. No, I didn't.

Listen, I just want to say that

I know over the years, we've had our battles.

And while I didn't appreciate it at the time,

I now realize that our competition pushed me to new creative heights.

And I'm a better woman for it. So, thank you.

Really?

Yes.

Well, I have to admit,

before you came along,

I had lost all faith in pastels.

(GASPS)

I don't know what to say.

And I liked your take on corduroy.

(QUAVERING) I'm floored.

You know, Nina, when I started out as an assistant editor

and you were a model, I thought you were kind of a flake.

And then when I heard you were becoming fashion editor,

I thought it was a joke.

But?

But, much to my surprise, you not only survived, you flourished.

You've become a force. And I admire you for that.

You do?

Who knows, under different circumstances, we might've been friends.

Well, that would've been nice.

So, have you heard about the new Todd Herman line?

What?

Well, let me just put it this way,

he's leading with silk shantung pants.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

(SNORTS)

Oh, Todd. When will you learn?

You know, it's like he just sets himself up.

Oh, my.

Oh, aren't you going to miss it?

Me? No. No. I'm over it.

The pettiness, the backstabbing.

Do you know that I once put a horse tranquilizer in someone's coffee

just to beat her to an exclusive?

Oh, that was me. I thought you were just being nice.

No.

No, that's all behind me.

I pass the torch to you.

(EXHALES)

I...

I can't tell you what this means to me.

This is like getting the approval of my own mother.

Isn't that sweet?

Your mother.

Back to hell with you!

Oh, after you!

Hey. So, how's it going with Gloria?

Ah, she dumped me.

What happened?

I'm on the yacht wearing her cockamamie shoes,

when I trip and land in Christy Turlington's lap.

Gloria sees me, thinks I'm making out with her,

she runs out screaming, "I never want to see you again."

Wow. That's awful. So what did you do?

What could I do? I started making out with Christy Turlington.

Hey, you guys, Jack's coming up on the news!

(WHISTLES)

Sure beats a sandwich, huh, Dad?

Maya, you can't imagine the pride I feel knowing that my name will live on forever.

Mmm-hmm.

Last night, behind those very shrubs, Congressman Michael Gara

was arrested for engaging in a lewd act with two male prostitutes.

Ironically, this comes just hours

after the park was renamed in honor of local humanitarian, Jack Gallo.

Jack Gallo Park will be a place where man can be accepted with open arms.

A place where people come as strangers, and leave as friends.

According to sources, the park is a hotbed for this particular type of act,

which local prostitutes now refer to as a "Gallo Sandwich."

* Life keeps bringing me back to you

* Keeps bringing me home

* It don't matter what I wanna do

* 'Cause it's got a mind of its own

* Life keeps bringing me back to you *

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