Original subtitles

[ music ]

- Hey! What's up, cookie?

Are ya ready to be chewed?

- Hey, Hen! Whatcha doin'?

- Ah, I'm just talkin' to this cookie I'm about to eat.

- Okay, what was the coolest game

we ever played when we were little?

- Uh, Booger Tag? - No.

- Kickballs? - No! Hide and Seek!

- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ha-ha, those were fun times... hidin'... seekin'.

- Well, the cool new thing now is for people our age

to play ultimate hide n' seek!

By using our phones to send video clues!

- That's the "cool" new thing? - Yeah!

- Who told you that?

- It doesn't matter.

- Was it your mom? - It doesn't matter!

You wanna play?

- Uh... I don't wanna hide.

- Oh! I'll hide! - Okay, I'll play.

- Awesome!

Uh, but you gotta remember not to look for me

until after you count to a hundred!

- Oh, I promise not to look for you.

- Ah...

Hey cookie, sorry we got interrupted.

Have fun in my mouth.

[ beeping ] - Aw, geez.

- Henry! - Dad!

- Dad's not here. - Why not?

- He went to play golf. - Ugh, why?

- 'Cause it's Saturday and he's a dad,

what else is he gonna do?

- Hey. - Oh! Henry, thank God

I got you, now tell me,

did you eat one of the cookies that Schwoz made?

- Okay, this is what you just sounded like:

[ babbles ]

- Sorry, I'll talk slower! Do you want to die?

- No.

- Well, did you eat one of the cookies that Schwoz made?

- Uh, not yet, but I was just about to.

- No, don't!

Schwoz accidentally put comodium acetate in his cookie batter!

- Okay, what's comodium acetate ?

- It's a dangerous chemical!

Now go find that cookie and destroy it!

- Okay!

[ grunts ]

- Ah! The cookie!

No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no.

I-I gotta' get it out of you!

[ screaming ]

- What are you doing? Ow! Ow! Ow!

- Spit it out! Spit it out!

- I eat one stupid cookie

and you have a wazz attack?

- I, I was just tryin--

Ow!

Okay! All right. Ah!

- It all just kind of happened.

- My dad was an irresponsible scientist.

- I wanted an afterschool job.

- And by accident, he made me indestructible.

Ah!

- I went into this crazy store and met

a pretty interesting guy.

- I'm going to blow your mind.

Now I protect the good citizens of Swellview

who call me... - And he turned out to be...

- You know the name. - Captain Man!

- That's right, Henry.

In time, I realized that being a superhero

is a lot to handle alone.

- He wanted some help. - I needed a sidekick.

- I, Henry Hart...

- Pledge to never ever ever tell anyone...

- That I'm Captain Man's secret sidekick.

- It is done. - Now we blow bubbles.

- And fight crime. - Feels good.

- Call it. - Up the tube!

Oh, my boot.

- Ha!

[ music ]

- How could you give Henry a cookie

contaminated with comodium acetate ?

- I'm sorry! It looks exactly like sugar!

And I keep it in the kitchen! Right next to the sugar!

- Well, where did you get that idea?

Poorjudgment.gov?

[ phone chimes ]

- Hey, Henry's on his way down.

- Okay, let's not freak Henry out any more

than he already is. All right?

When he gets down here, everybody just act normal,

happy, natural, okay?

- Mm-hmm. - All right.

- Got it.

[ beeping ]

- Hi! I'm here! - Hey.

- How are ya, Hen?

- Uh, what goes on? - Your sister won't die.

- What? - Schwoz!

- You told us to act like everything is okay!

- Then why talk about dying? - I said she won't!

- Well, we don't know that, do we?

- Oh my God! Is my sister gonna--

[ beeping ]

- Who's that?

- It's Jasper, he wants to video chat.

- Where are you going?

- To the elevator. I can't let him see me in the Man Cave.

- Hey, Jasper, I'm tryin' to handle

a big problem right now. Whatcha need?

- Are you ready for your first clue?

- Clue? Clue about what?

- Ultimate Hide and Seek!

- Oh.

- Okay, here goes-- I'm not in a bush, nor by a tree.

But where I be, those things I see.

Now seek me!

- I gotta get him a girlfriend.

Okay, Schwoz, what's gonna happen to my sister?

- This.

[ screaming ]

- Oh, whoa, what is wrong with that lady?

- She has eh...

- "Ox Pox"

Okay, what is Ox Pox?

- Ox Pox was, uh, kinda like a chicken pox,

or the measles, only way worse.

And it's caused by eating comodium acetate .

- But I thought no one's had Ox Pox for hundreds of years.

- Yeah! 'Til Scwhoz's diseased cookie gave it to my sister!

- Hey. I'm sorry for your loss.

- What?

- Piper, she was a sweet little girl.

- Okay, first, no, she wasn't.

Can, uh, can we please stop talking about her

in the past tense?

Okay, what's the cure for Ox Pox?

- Here!

It says, "In the 16 and 1700s,

doctors used to cure Ox Pox by making a special medicine

from the feathers of a bird known as the chica-willow."

- But the chica-willow's been extinct

for almost 300 years.

- Well, we need one or else...

What happens to my sister?

- I'm sorry for your loss.

- Okay, no one's allowed to say that again!

- Wait a second.

I think I know how we can get a chica-willow.

- There are no more chica-willows!

- Not now...

but we have something right here, in storage,

that could help us get a chica-willow from the past.

- The Time Jerker's time machine!

- Yep. - Yah yah yah!

And we could use it to go back in time,

to the early 1700s...

- And get a chica-willow!

- But, but wait... isn't that dangerous?

- Oh my God!

- Every time!

- Just once, Charlotte, could you not be Debbie Downer?

- Really.

- Oh, well, I'm so sorry I suggested that it might be

a little bit dangerous to send someone 300 years

back in time to get some stupid ancient bird,

so we can cure your sister's Ox Pox,

which was caused by this freak show's

comodio sassafras-contaminated cookies!

Yeah, I'm the crazy one here!

- Hey, hey!

Guess whose daddy got a hole in four today!

I'll give you a hint. It's--

Ew! Ah!

Oh! Oh!

- Do I look that bad?

- Uh, no. No, I just need to...

check the sink.

[ vomits ]

- Okay, I'm ready to test the time machine.

- How are we gonna test it?

- See, I will take this fris--

- No, no, no, no, no, no, no. - Nah!

- This flying disc.

- Okay.

- And I will throw it five seconds into the future.

Here goes.

- Four, three, two, one.

[ screams ]

- Yeah!

- Yes! The time machine works!

- And I'm okay, in case anyone cares.

- Just tell me where to send Ray.

- Yeah, where?

- Well, it says here...

"In the year 1709, the greatest number

of wild chica-willows lived in the northern region

of Alaska, now known as Prudhoe Bay."

- All right, Schwoz.

Send me to Prudhoe Bay, Alaska, 1709.

- Aye aye.

- Oh! Hey, you better put on a coat.

Alaska's pretty cold.

- I won't need a coat.

I'm just gonna pop back to the past, grab a chica-willow,

and Schwoz is gonna' pull me right back here.

And now...

To Alaska!

[ grunts ]

- I think the time portal needs to be on.

- Right.

- Okay, ready.

- And now... To Alaska!

And the year 1709!

[ clucking ]

- Captain Man to the Man Cave. Captain Man to the Man Cave.

- Yeah, yeah yeah! We hear ya, Ray.

- Man, Alaska be cold!

- Well, I told you to take a coat!

- Ooh, sorry mom!

- Yeah, you wish I was your mom!

- What does that mean? - I don't know!

[ phone rings ]

- Jasper again?

- Yup. Be right back.

- Hey, Jasper, what's up?

- Are you seeking me?

- Umm...

- I've been hiding for two hours.

- Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah, no. I-- I've been lookin' for you,

but whoa, you are tough to find.

- Well, here's your next clue.

To find where I'm hiding, I'm sure you're itchin'.

Just look in some bushes outside your kitchen.

Now seek me!

- Okay, but it might take a-

- How's it going, Ray? Did you get a chica-willow?

- Almost!

Get in the sack. That's a good bird.

Here we go. Got him!

- Yes! - Ah! Thank goodness!

- Now bring me back to the present.

- Stand by...

[ grunts ]

Oh!

Oh--I'm oh--

[ wheezes ]

--kay!

- Uh... Where... where am I?

- Schwoz! - Uh...

- That's not Ray!

- I am too!

- I-I think that's Ray,

but from the future.

[ gasps ]

- Henry! Ha! Ha!

You're a... You're a boy again.

Ha!

[ gasps ]

And President Charlotte, ha-ha,

you look just like you used to!

And Schwoz!

You're a man again!

- Guys? I'm ready to come home.

- Uh...

It's really cold in Alaska and I don't have a coat!

- Ha! What kind of idiot goes to Alaska without a coat?

- Uh... you.

- Oh my God! - What?

- Where'd my toilet paper go?

[ music ]

- Why are you guys staring at me?

Am I drooling?

- You guys!

It's like nine degrees here in Alaska!

So, please bring me back!

- Hang on, Ray. - Hang on to what?

- Not you.

Ray, hold on.

- No! Wait--

Ah, he put me on hold!

- Ray?

Are you really Ray Manchester?

- Of course I am, Henry.

What's the matter with you, huh?

And why does everything around here look like

it did 50 years ago?

- Wait... how old are you?

- I'm 85. But I still look great.

[ cracks ]

Oh!

- Uh-oh. I think I know what went wrong.

- What?

- Well, the time machine got the right Ray,

but instead of bringing him back from the year 1709,

it brought him back from 50 years in the future!

- Whoa! - Oh my God!

- Oh! Ha-ha! A blaster.

- Hey, whoa, whoa! - Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

- You know, I haven't seen one of these in a long ti--

- Oh!

- Oh you know what? I...

I forgot you have to put the setting on the--

[ shouts ]

- I don't know what to do--

Aww...

- You guys! Bring me back!

- C'mon Schwoz, you gotta get Ray back here before he freezes!

- And we need that stupid bird's feathers to cure my sister!

- Will you relax?

I'm sure your sister's doing fine.

[ screaming ]

- What's happening to me?

- I dunno! I don't know!

- Dad, I'm so scared!

- Ah! Don't touch me! Don't touch me!

I love you, but don't touch me!

- Ray? You there?

- Yeah. Uh, I'm here.

- Look, look, I know you're freezing,

but don't worry, we're gonna try to bring you back right now.

- Hurry!

[ phone rings ]

- Ah!

- Did you forget about your hide n' seek buddy?

- Yes! I'll be out in a minute.

- Hi, Jasper.

- I feel like I'm hiding harder than you're seeking.

- No, no, no, no.

I-- I'm tryin' really hard, trying to find you.

You're just, really good at hiding.

- But I've been hiding for four hours.

Why can't you find me?

- Uh, okay. Uh, gimme another hint.

- I'm in your backyard.

I'm in a bush, under your kitchen window.

- Hmm.

Okay, I'll do my best to find you.

- Your best? I just told you exactly where I'm hi--

- Okay, I've re-set the time machine.

Now let's bring Captain Man home.

- Do it.

- Oy! With the lights!

- Great Scott!

- Uhhh... where are we?

- I... I don't know.

Quick, let's get outta here!

- Whoa! This is heavy!

- Let me try that again.

- Ow! Dad, this bump really hurts!

- But, well don't squeeze it!

[ screaming ]

- Ray?

Ray!

Ray, do you hear me?

C'mon, answer me man! Ray!

- Huh? What?

- Henry.

Forget about me.

- No, no, no, no. We're gonna save you, man!

- It's too late for me, kid.

Just... remember how handsome I was.

- You guys, look!

It's nine degrees below zero in Alaska in 1709!

Ray-- Ray can't last ten more minutes out there.

What are we gonna do? - I don't know.

- Hey!

Schwoz can't make the machine bring Ray back here, right?

- Right.

- D'ah, sure, I designed and built every thing in

the whole Man Cave,

but let's all focus on one the thing I can't do!

- Just listen!

What if you open up the time portal to Prudhoe Bay in 1709,

then one of us reaches in,

grabs Ray and just yanks him back through?

- Would it work?

- Maybe-- if Ray is close enough for someone to reach him.

But it's dangerous.

- Hey! I gotta pee.

I'll be back in an hour.

- Why is it dangerous?

- Because whoever goes through the portal

must keep one part of their body on this side

of the machine at all times.

- Why? What happens if they go all the way through?

- The portal will close and they could end up

stuck in Alaska with Ray. - In 1709.

- And we might not be able to bring them back.

Ever. - Well...

If one of us is gonna try this, it's gonna be me.

- Well, duh. - You think I'd try it?

- All right.

Let's get this over with.

[ beeping ]

- Okay! Ready, Henry?

On two.

One... two!

[ shouting ]

- Ray!

Ray, it's me!

- Did-- did you bring me some pie?

- Ray! Give me your hand!

C'mon! C'mon!

Okay! Okay, now the other one! C'mon!

- Oy vey.

- Henry! - Be careful!

- Don't go all the way through!

[ grunting ]

- Okay, Charlotte, Schwoz!

Pull us back through!

[ grunting ]

- Okay. Okay, you guys!

You warm up Ray.

I'm gonna start takin' the feathers off this bird

so Schwoz can make the medicine for Piper!

- Wait!

You're not gonna hurt the bird, are you?

- Uh, nah, nah.

[ beeping ]

- See? Her pox are almost gone.

- Amazing. - Yeah.

- But... Where did you get this cure?

- Uh...

Oh look, she's waking up.

- She's sound asleep.

- I know.

Shh.

- But-- - Dude, I'm on the phone.

- Sorry.

- Hey Jasper, whatcha need?

- I've been hiding for nine hours.

- Right.

Uh, just give me another hint of where you are.

- I'm right here! Okay? Here I am! Here!

- Oh hey.

Good game.

- You wanna play again?

- Uh, sure, but I don't wanna hide.

- Oh! I'll hide!

Count to a hundred and then seek me!

- You gotta get him a girlfriend.

- Yep.

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