Original subtitles

[ music ]

[ beeping ]

- Hi! We're here!

- Especially me!

- Oh! Captain Man and Kid Danger!

I'm so glad to see you! We're so scared!

- I am Jafoon! - Well, hi, Jafoon.

I'm Captain Man.

This is my sidekick, Kid Da-- - Can we please

meet Jafoon later? - Right.

- 'kay, what's the emergency?!? - Yeah, tell us what's going on!

- Okay, okay! I was here, working with Jafoon--

- I'm Jafoon!

- And... and I got a phone call from some weirdo who said

there was a C-five disrupter somewhere in my store!

- A C-five disrupter? - Is that bad?

- Well, on a scale of C-one to C-ten, it's about a five.

- Wh... What does that mean?

- That it could destroy this entire store!

[ screams ]

- Kid Danger, call the police! - On it!

- Ma'am, you and Jafoon have to get outta here!

- I am Jafoon!

- We know!

- Come on!

- Did you get the police?

- Nah, it went to voice-mail.

- Ah, just hang up!

[ beeping intensifies ]

- Ah, it's so loud!

- Yeah, that's the C-five disrupter!

- Well, we got to find it before it blows!

- Kid, we gotta get outta here!

- Wait!

- What are you doing?

That's it! That's the C-five disrupter!

- Well, how do we turn it off?

- Oh come on! - We're running out of time!

- Ah! There! Open the window. I'll throw it into the alley!

- It's stuck!

- Ah! Move, Kid!

- Man, that's a quality window.

- I can't turn it off!

- Let's get out of here!

- Waaaaaaait!

- Whaaaaaaaat?

- I lefffftttt my phoooone in theeeerrrreee!

- Ohhhhh, maaaaaaan!

- I gotttttaaaaa gooooo geettttt iiiiiiittt!

- Noooooo!

Juuusssttt buyyyyy a neeeewwww phooooooone!

- Buuutttt I haaaaven't baaacked uuuuppp myyyy contaaaaacts!

- D'ahhhhh!

Aaalriight!!! Goooo geeettt yooouuurrr phoooone!

- Oookaayy

- Yooouuuu reeeaaaalllyy shooouuuuld hurrrrryyyy!

- IIIII gooottttt iiiiiiiit!

- Greeeaaaaat!

Noowwww huuuuuuuu--

- Kid?

- My phone's okay.

[ glass breaks ]

- Noooooooo!!!

- It all just kind of happened.

- My dad was an irresponsible scientist.

- I wanted an after-school job.

- And by accident, he made me indestructible.

Ah! - I went into this crazy store

met a pretty interesting guy - I'm going to blow your mind.

Now I protect the good citizens of Swellview

who call me... - And he turned out to be...

- You know the name. - Captain Man!

- That's right, Henry. In time, I realized

that being a superhero's

a lot to handle alone.

- He wanted some help. - I needed a sidekick.

- I, Henry Hart...

- Pledge to never ever ever tell anyone...

- That I'm Captain Man's secret sidekick.

- It is done.

- Now we blow bubbles.

- And fight crime.

- Feels good.

- Call it.

- Up the tube!

Oh, my boot.

- Ah!

- Aw. This is all my fault. I mean, if it wasn't for me,

this never would have happened to Henry.

I caused this. I'm to blame.

- Yeah.

- Okay... does that hurt?

- Nah, it tickles!

- I know, I do it to myself sometimes.

- Come on, Schwoz!

You've been examining Henry for twenty minutes,

will you say something?

- Will you order me a corned beef sandwich?

- Schwoz!

- What?

- Is Henry gonna be okay?

- I think so.

- Oh thank god.

I'll take tuna salad on whole wheat.

- Hey... - What?

- I'm not gonna get anybody any sandwiches.

- I don't mean to interrupt, but my butt still hurts.

- What's funny?

- He said "but my butt".

- Now Henry, pull your knees forward a bit.

- Okay.

- Now try to wiggle your hips.

- More wiggle. - More?

- Yeah. Wiggle them like you're a hula dancer,

trying really hard to get a hula job.

- Ow! Ow! Ah!

- Well?

- Henry has a dislocated buttock.

- What?

- Well, how do we fix him?

It... you know, the buttock.

- You, grab his ankles.

Charlotte and I will grab his wrists.

- Wait, what? That doesn't... What's going to happen here?

- On two, everyone yank and shake.

- Yank and shake? That doesn't sound good at all.

- One, two.

What are you doi-- Ow! Ow! Oh my god!

- Uhhh... Piper? - I'm busy.

- Yeah. Uhhh...

- Heyyy. - Oh hi, Piper's cooking dinner.

Is that a new jacket?

- Yeah, I saw it at Sunderland's and I just--

Piper's cooking dinner?!

- Shhhhh!

- Why is she cooking dinner? What's going on?

- She wants to get on that TV show, Junior Chefs,

so she's practicing and she wants us to eat her food.

- Well, I'm gettin' out of here.

- You can't leave me here... with her... all by myself!

- Do I need to remind you what happened

at our anniversary party two years ago

when Piper made dinner for everyone?

- Soo... How's everyone enjoying their dinner?

- Edible. - So good.

- Wonderful. - Terrific.

- Uh, Piper, will you run to the garage and make sure

that I turned off my car?

- Mmm!

- Uh, sure.

- What happened?

- Piper made dinner!

- Piper cooked food?! And you ate it?

Don't you guys remember what happened when Piper

made the cake for my tenth birthday party?

[ gagging ]

- Why would you let Piper feed us again

after our anniversary party disaster?

- That was two years ago! Maybe she's a better cook now!

- Fine, you take that risk.

- You are not leaving this house!

I'm not going to let you go!

- You're being childish! No! I can't do this!

- Almost got it...

- Ahhhhh!

[ crack ]

- Ahh!

Woo. I think it worked.

- Do you feel any pain?

- Nope.

Thanks guys. You re-located my buttock.

- Hey, I'm sorry you got hurt, Kid.

- C'mon, it wasn't your fault.

I'm the one who ran back in the store.

- I know, but... you're just a kid.

What right do I have to take you around with me,

and put you in all kinds of dangerous situations?

- Hey, I wanted this job. And you need a sidekick.

- I know but... maybe it's too risky.

- You take the risks.

- I'm indestructible.

- I wish we could make Henry indestructible.

- Yeah. Too bad the machine that made me indestructible

was destroyed.

- What are you talking about?

The densitizer was never destroyed.

- Yes it was, remember?

The accident... that destroyed the machine?

- Why are you talking to me like this?

The machine is downstairs!

- Geez, what do you not understand about this look?

- It means lie! I wanted you to lie!

Why won't you lie?

- You lied to us?

- Noooooo. Right, Schwoz?

I could show you the machine right now.

- Ray, the densitizer's been here the whole time

I've known you?

- Yes, it has.

- Then why can't Henry be densitized?

- Yeah, why can't I be indestructible like you?

- You want to know why? - Yeah.

- You really wanna know why? - I do.

- 'Cuz I'll show ya.

I'll take you to the densitizer right now.

I'll show you the machine that changed everything

if that's what you really want.

- That'd be great.

- Okay, let's go. - 'kay.

- This is the Room of Storage.

- So, where's the machine that made you indestructible?

- Right over there. Schwoz, pull off the tarp.

- Aye.

- This is the trans-molecular densitizer.

- Ughhh... Can someone please help me?

- So, this is really the thing that made you indestructible?

- Yeah. Waaaay back when.

I remember it like a well-edited video...

- Daddy! Daddy! Whoa! Whoa!

- Raymond!

- Son! Are you alright?

- Yeah! I feel great!

- God, I was a handsome kid.

- Okay, come on!

Let's fire this thing up and make me indestructible!

- No!

- Hey, I can't get out of this tarp!

- Why can't we make Henry indestructible?

- Because it won't work.

- Why not? If it worked on you, it should work on me.

- That's what my dad thought. But it didn't.

After that made me indestructible, my dad

and his team of scientists tried it on other people.

- And what happened?

- You want to know what happened?

- Yeah.

- Do you really want to know? - I do.

- 'Cuz I'll show ya. I'll take you over there

and I'll show you what-- - Just show us! Just show us!

- Okay, let's go.

- Oww... D'ahhh... I'm having trouble breathing!

- What is that?

- This is a VHS tape.

It's how humans used to store videos.

You need to watch this.

- Okay.

Uh, where do I tap?

- I don't even see a screen.

- Ohhhhh, I know-I know...

- Give me that!

Now, after I was made indestructible as a kid,

my father tried the same process on three other men.

- So, what happened to those guys?

- Did they become indestructible?

- Oh no.

But the machine did change them.

- How?

- You want to know? - Yeah.

- You really want to know? 'Cuz I'll show you--

- Oh my god! - Stop that!

- Here's what happened to Dave Macallan.

[ garbled screams ]

- Who's making that noise? - Watch.

- Ah geez! - Turn that off!

- Here's what happened to John Walker.

- Ah! Ah! Ah! Why are they feet?

- That's just wrong. That's just wrong.

- And here's what the machine did to Glen Livet.

- He looks okay.

- Sure. Until a little arm comes out of his ear

and pokes him in the eye.

- Oh come on!

- That can't happen.

- Owwwww!!!

D'ohhhh! Make it stop!

Ow! Ow! Please god, make it... ow...stop!

- All right. All right. - Press stop!

- Ah.. Uh...

- Now you see why the densitizer can never be used again?

- But if it worked on you, why'd it do such awful things

to those other guys?

- No one knows.

Well, I've got tickets to go see Loggins and Messina.

Lock the door when you leave.

- Well... too bad.

- Yeah.

Do you know how cool it'd be if I was indestructible?

- Y'know what? I say you can be made indestructible.

- How?

- I have a theory. Come, I tell you out there.

- Cool. Hey Charlotte, let's go!

- No!

- Charlotte-- - I do not wanna see you grow

a face in your belly button!

- Just listen to what I have to s--

- I can't hear you! bloobidy-bloobidy-bloobidy...

bloobidy-bloobidy-bloobidy...

- You see, when Ray went into the densitizer,

he was a young boy, just like Henry is a young boy.

- Right, right, and the other three guys they tried it on,

when it failed, were grownups.

- They were grownups. Now they're mutant freaks.

- Charlotte come on... - I'm not gonna sit

beside you in science class if you have arms comin' out

of your ears tryin' to poke you.

- Listen. I've seen the security tapes.

Not only was Ray a young boy when he was densitized...

he was also on a skat-board.

- A skat-board?

- Yeah, you know, a board with the twirly wheels on the bottom.

- He means skate board.

- Yah, skaeet board.

- Right. He was moving.

- Yeah! So, I think if we re-create that same motion,

with a boy who's not yet a grownup, like Henry,

the machine will work on him the same way it worked on Ray

when he was a boy. What you think?

- I say we go for it.

- Yes! Yes! Yes! I go prep the machine!

- Alright. Char, let's go!

- No.

- Come on! If this works, I'll be the best sidekick

any superhero ever had!

- And if it doesn't work, you might end up with eyeballs

on your butt.

Have fun in the bathroom!

- Pfft, nah. Schwoz is a genius.

He thinks it'll work.

- Then you go play with Schwoz I'm not movin' from this chair.

- Man, I gotta start sittin' on things that don't roll.

- Okay, dinner's ready!

- Oh yay.

- But Henry's not here, we can't eat dinner without Henry.

Henry's not here.

- I wonder where he is.

- Maybe he got hit by a bus!

Let's all go check the hospitals!

- No! We're gonna eat my dinner now.

- Hey, sorry to bother you guys, but do you have any dog treats?

- Why would we have dog treats?

- And what are you doing with those dogs anyway?

- Oh, my neighbor's paying me ten bucks

to walk them every day. But they seem hungry

so I was wondering if you--whoa!

- Ahhhhhh!!!

- Noooo!

- Wait! No, no, no! Retreat!

- No. Bad! Bad dogs!

- Bad dogs! Sooo bad!

- Hey! Get away from my food!

- Obey me! I'm the alpha male!

- Ooh... I'm so upset this is happening!

- That is not okay!

- John! Paul! George! Spock! Outside!

Sorry.

- Well, it's too bad that your dinner was ruined.

- Yeah, I guess you'll probably never want to cook again.

- Noooo, we're doing this again tomorrow night.

I'm cooking dinner, and I want everyone in this family

at this table, ready to eat at seven PM sharp.

- I'll be here!

- Okay Henry. Are you ready?

- Yeah.

- Is there any way I can talk you guys out of this?

- Nope.

- Okay, Henry...

- Now don't forget to say: "Hey Daddy! Daddy! Whoooaaaaa!"

Hey daddy-daddy-whoa. Got it.

- Okay... Background...

and action!

- Hey Daddy! Daddy! Whoooaaaaa...

- Henry! You okay? How do you feel?

- I... I don't know.

I mean, it felt like the inside of my body was on fire,

but like in a good way, ya know?

- Well, do you think you're indestructible?

- I don't know. Maybe we should test--

- Owwwww!

- Did that hurt?!?

- Well, yeah, you cracked me over the head with a bat!

Hey... hey it stopped hurting.

- Really?! No scratches, no bump, no throbbing?

- Nope!

- And no side-effects?

- Nope! I'm okay!

- Oh my god, you're indestructible!

- Yeah, I am! Woooo! You did it!

- Oh... We gotta go tell Ray!

- Oh. No! No! He's at the moosic show.

- Ooo, I know! We'll come back to work tomorrow,

and Schwoz'll break another bat over my head in front of Ray.

- Okay!

- Yah, that's good!

- Hey hey...

- Can I? Just for fun?

- Whack me.

- Heh? Heh?

- Wow!

- Haha! I'm a genius!

- What?

[ alarm beeping ]

- ...all right Swellview, it's Mojo in the morning.

I'm Mojo, and as always, sitting next to me

is my co-host, Dangl and it's time to start

the Saturday Morning Sillies.

And here we go. First joke of the morning:

What did Jay-Z call his wife before they got married?

- I don't know, what?

- Fiancee!

- Ha ha... Ah!

- Oh man. This is not goooooood.

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