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♪
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00:00:04,787 --> 00:00:07,268
[indistinct chatter]
3
00:00:07,311 --> 00:00:08,617
Hey, Coops.
What are you up to?
4
00:00:08,660 --> 00:00:10,575
Hey. Just signing copies
of my new book.
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00:00:10,619 --> 00:00:12,012
Oh, right!Oh, yeah, your book,
6
00:00:12,055 --> 00:00:14,144
which we totally read
like you asked us to.
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00:00:16,059 --> 00:00:18,844
Guys, it's okay if
you haven't read it.
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00:00:18,888 --> 00:00:20,890
No, we support
everything that you do.What? No!
9
00:00:20,933 --> 00:00:22,196
Oh. All right.
10
00:00:22,239 --> 00:00:24,241
Well, uh, I'm going on
a press tour for it.
11
00:00:24,285 --> 00:00:25,982
Are there any favorite parts
you think I should bring up?
12
00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:28,550
Claire, it's your house--
why don't you go first.
13
00:00:28,593 --> 00:00:29,942
Oh.
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00:00:29,986 --> 00:00:34,208
Well, for one, I loved the...
15
00:00:34,251 --> 00:00:36,123
title.Mm.
16
00:00:37,211 --> 00:00:39,213
That's Not a Life,
This Is a Life.
17
00:00:39,256 --> 00:00:40,866
Nice.
18
00:00:40,910 --> 00:00:41,998
And...
19
00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:43,956
and I...
20
00:00:48,091 --> 00:00:50,354
How did you read it
with all that plastic on it?
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00:00:50,398 --> 00:00:52,748
Huh.Uh...
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00:00:52,791 --> 00:00:54,358
So, there's a--
I was at the airport.
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00:00:54,402 --> 00:00:56,447
There he is!Jake...
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00:00:56,491 --> 00:00:58,101
My man!
Come on in.
25
00:00:58,145 --> 00:00:59,450
Get in here,
my favorite son-in-law.
26
00:00:59,494 --> 00:01:01,757
[squeals]This is a nice greeting.
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00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:04,890
[chuckles]: I like that.
Your parents here all happy.
28
00:01:04,934 --> 00:01:07,023
Wait, are you divorcing me?
29
00:01:08,546 --> 00:01:10,722
No. We're just
excited to see you.
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JAKE:
Oh.
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00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:14,117
Well, prepare to be
even more excited.
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Uh, my firm just landed
33
00:01:16,163 --> 00:01:18,121
a big sales pitch
at a talent agency.
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And guess who my boss picked
to give the presentation?
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00:01:20,341 --> 00:01:21,429
That's right.
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00:01:21,472 --> 00:01:24,171
The coolest guy
at the accounting firm!
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00:01:25,433 --> 00:01:27,435
Does that just mean
you're the only one there
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that's ever gotten
to second base?
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00:01:31,787 --> 00:01:34,094
With our daughter.
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00:01:36,966 --> 00:01:38,272
I mean, it's
a huge opportunity,
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00:01:38,315 --> 00:01:40,839
but I have to say,
I'm a little nervous.
42
00:01:40,883 --> 00:01:42,319
Yeah, you should be.
43
00:01:42,363 --> 00:01:43,494
Wait, what?
44
00:01:43,538 --> 00:01:45,148
No, you're not
supposed to say that.
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You're supposed to be like,
"It's okay, baby.
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You're gonna do great."
47
00:01:49,805 --> 00:01:53,722
Why am I talking like
a phone sex operator?
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00:01:53,765 --> 00:01:56,333
Uh, because you're hot, Claire.
That's what you sound like.
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00:01:56,377 --> 00:01:58,030
CLAIRE:
Look, it's just
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00:01:58,074 --> 00:02:00,903
you do so many things well...
51
00:02:00,946 --> 00:02:03,166
but public speaking
isn't exactly one of them.
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00:02:03,210 --> 00:02:04,080
BONNIE:
Yeah,
53
00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:05,081
you fully panicked
54
00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:06,300
during your wedding speech.
55
00:02:06,343 --> 00:02:09,216
You were sweating
and st-st-stuttering.
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00:02:10,260 --> 00:02:12,001
GERALD:
You got
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00:02:12,044 --> 00:02:15,135
that weird lip twitch that
made you look like an angry dog.
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00:02:18,790 --> 00:02:20,227
Okay, all right, guys, okay,
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00:02:20,270 --> 00:02:22,054
that was a long time ago.
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00:02:22,098 --> 00:02:24,622
I have given speeches
since then.
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00:02:24,666 --> 00:02:27,147
Oh, are you referring
to the time that you scolded
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00:02:27,190 --> 00:02:30,628
an entire movie theater
for talking during Boss Baby?
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00:02:30,672 --> 00:02:33,457
It was the beginning,
and I didn't want to miss
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00:02:33,501 --> 00:02:35,503
how the baby became a boss.
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00:02:37,505 --> 00:02:39,550
You know, Jake, if you're
nervous, I'm happy to help out.
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00:02:39,594 --> 00:02:41,117
We can go to my studio tomorrow
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00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:42,640
and work on it
with my creative team.
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00:02:42,684 --> 00:02:44,860
Oh, well, look at that.
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00:02:44,903 --> 00:02:46,644
A little support.
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00:02:46,688 --> 00:02:48,168
Of course,
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I would love to go there.
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00:02:50,257 --> 00:02:53,085
Right. Performing in front of
a crowd is all about confidence.
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You want to own your stage.
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00:02:55,131 --> 00:02:56,393
You want to make eye contact.
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00:02:56,437 --> 00:02:58,265
You want to connect
with your audience.Oh.
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00:02:58,308 --> 00:03:00,745
You want to make everyone feel
like they're the only person
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in the room.Ha!
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00:03:03,313 --> 00:03:04,749
All right? And
if you ever feel
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00:03:04,793 --> 00:03:06,751
like you're losing them,
just yell out the name
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00:03:06,795 --> 00:03:08,753
of the city you're in.
"Am I right, Encino?!"
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00:03:08,797 --> 00:03:10,451
Yay!That's where welive!
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00:03:10,494 --> 00:03:11,930
Take off your shirt!
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00:03:11,974 --> 00:03:13,149
And then at
the height
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00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:15,369
of your performance,
just take off.
85
00:03:15,412 --> 00:03:16,587
Oh...
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00:03:16,631 --> 00:03:17,501
he's gone.
87
00:03:17,545 --> 00:03:19,199
And come back for the encore!
88
00:03:19,242 --> 00:03:20,765
Whoo!
Yay!
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00:03:20,809 --> 00:03:22,854
Wow, this is not how you do
an accounting presentation.
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00:03:22,898 --> 00:03:24,465
But I don't care!
This is exciting!
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00:03:24,508 --> 00:03:26,206
Whoo!Whoo!
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00:03:27,250 --> 00:03:30,427
♪ Imagine me and you, I do
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00:03:30,471 --> 00:03:33,430
♪ I think about you
day and night ♪
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00:03:33,474 --> 00:03:35,084
♪ It's only right
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00:03:35,127 --> 00:03:37,782
♪ So happy together...
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00:03:37,826 --> 00:03:40,132
[vocalizing]
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00:03:51,187 --> 00:03:54,190
"And together we can
optimize savings for both KPG and its talent,
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00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:55,800
"so in conclusion...
[clears throat]
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00:03:55,844 --> 00:03:58,673
"let's make KPG stand
for 'Kapow, Profitability Guys.'
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00:03:58,716 --> 00:04:00,892
"Oh, come on,
I can't hear you. Say it with me.
101
00:04:00,936 --> 00:04:02,503
"'Kapow, Profitability Guys.'
102
00:04:02,546 --> 00:04:05,506
Hell yeah, that's the stuff.
Okay, thank you."
103
00:04:07,203 --> 00:04:08,204
[sighs]
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00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:10,293
So?
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00:04:12,121 --> 00:04:13,644
Wow.
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00:04:13,688 --> 00:04:15,820
Is what I was gonna say. "Wow!"
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00:04:15,864 --> 00:04:16,604
Crushed it.
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00:04:16,647 --> 00:04:17,909
Kapow.Awesome job.
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00:04:17,953 --> 00:04:19,563
Thanks, Cooper's team,
and, uh...
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00:04:19,607 --> 00:04:21,783
guy who looks like
he invented ecstasy.
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00:04:25,003 --> 00:04:27,919
You know, people usually
think accountants are just these boring,
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00:04:27,963 --> 00:04:30,226
uptight nerds.COOPER:
Actually, I meant
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00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:33,142
"Wow, Jake has
a lot of work to do."
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00:04:33,185 --> 00:04:37,189
And the lesson we've
all learned here is that stereotypes are true.
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00:04:38,800 --> 00:04:42,238
Hard pass.
Really sucked, bro.Really, really bad, man.
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00:04:43,892 --> 00:04:45,328
Sorry, guys,
could I have the room?
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00:04:45,372 --> 00:04:47,678
All right, you heard Cooper.
Everybody out.
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00:04:48,853 --> 00:04:50,594
You, too, Wayne,
if-if that's okay.
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00:04:50,638 --> 00:04:52,248
Okay? [chuckle]
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00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:54,555
I love leaving places.
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00:04:58,689 --> 00:05:00,952
I didn't want to say this
with all them in here,
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00:05:00,996 --> 00:05:03,041
but your speech was
kind of a disaster.
123
00:05:03,085 --> 00:05:04,565
Really?
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00:05:04,608 --> 00:05:07,568
It was like watching someone
read their own ransom note.
125
00:05:10,527 --> 00:05:12,747
Damn, man.
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00:05:12,790 --> 00:05:14,270
When your team was,
like, praising me,
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00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:16,272
I thought I was doing well,
but then they just, like,
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00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:18,883
changed their minds.Yeah, that was weird.
129
00:05:18,927 --> 00:05:20,668
They usually give
their best feedback right away.
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00:05:20,711 --> 00:05:22,887
I don't know, man,
I think they were just saying
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00:05:22,931 --> 00:05:24,149
whatever you wanted to hear.
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00:05:24,193 --> 00:05:25,586
Cooper, is it possible
that your crew
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00:05:25,629 --> 00:05:27,327
might be a bunch of yes-men?
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00:05:27,370 --> 00:05:29,329
What? No.
My group of friends,
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00:05:29,372 --> 00:05:31,374
who are technically paid
to be here,
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00:05:31,418 --> 00:05:34,595
always give me
their honest opinions.
137
00:05:34,638 --> 00:05:36,031
Okay. Uh, well...
138
00:05:36,074 --> 00:05:39,904
what did they say about
your outfit in this poster?
139
00:05:39,948 --> 00:05:41,471
They said they loved it. Why?
140
00:05:41,515 --> 00:05:44,953
I think you look like the
villain in the Care Bears movie.
141
00:05:44,996 --> 00:05:47,608
COOPER:
I wasn't sure when I put it on,
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00:05:47,651 --> 00:05:50,001
but they told me I look great.
143
00:05:51,307 --> 00:05:54,919
What did they say about your,
uh, super sexy Christmas single?
144
00:05:54,963 --> 00:05:57,400
What, "U up, Mrs. Claus?"
145
00:05:57,444 --> 00:05:58,445
It went platinum.
146
00:05:58,488 --> 00:06:00,272
What? Did you not like it?
147
00:06:00,316 --> 00:06:01,665
You combined the two talks
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00:06:01,709 --> 00:06:04,451
that parents don't want
to have with their kids.
149
00:06:06,453 --> 00:06:07,584
All right.
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00:06:07,628 --> 00:06:09,281
Man, but who cares
what I think?
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00:06:09,325 --> 00:06:11,240
I would love to
have a yes-man,
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00:06:11,283 --> 00:06:12,720
because they totally
work for you.
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00:06:12,763 --> 00:06:14,330
I mean, they gave you
the confidence
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00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:16,114
to record that single
in Mandarin,
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00:06:16,158 --> 00:06:18,160
a language you do not speak.
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00:06:23,470 --> 00:06:27,387
Uh, the other room
has also asked me to leave.
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00:06:29,476 --> 00:06:31,478
♪
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00:06:35,873 --> 00:06:37,875
[sighs]
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00:06:37,919 --> 00:06:39,529
Hey, babe.
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00:06:39,573 --> 00:06:42,314
So, how did the practice
presentation go?
161
00:06:42,358 --> 00:06:44,142
Turns out you were right.
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00:06:44,186 --> 00:06:46,144
I am terrible at
public speaking,
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00:06:46,188 --> 00:06:47,929
and I should probably
call my boss
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00:06:47,972 --> 00:06:49,757
and tell him I
can't do this.
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00:06:49,800 --> 00:06:52,368
[takes deep breath]
166
00:06:57,547 --> 00:06:59,070
Nothing?
167
00:06:59,114 --> 00:07:01,464
Not gonna...? Claire, I was
fishing for you to tell me
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00:07:01,508 --> 00:07:03,161
I have nothing
to worry about.
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00:07:03,205 --> 00:07:04,467
Oh...
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00:07:04,511 --> 00:07:05,947
Yeah.
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00:07:05,990 --> 00:07:07,557
[sputters]
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00:07:09,820 --> 00:07:11,431
Still nothing?!
173
00:07:11,474 --> 00:07:13,302
Claire, why can't
you just pump me up
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00:07:13,345 --> 00:07:14,869
even if you don't
believe it?
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00:07:14,912 --> 00:07:17,480
Because I think there are things
that you could work on.
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00:07:17,524 --> 00:07:19,743
Like what?Well...
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00:07:19,787 --> 00:07:22,354
sometimes when you're nervous
you start licking your lips
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00:07:22,398 --> 00:07:23,747
and blinking all weird.
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00:07:23,791 --> 00:07:26,968
No, I don't. What are
you talking about?
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00:07:27,011 --> 00:07:29,710
Well, now I'm doing it because
you got me thinking about it.
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00:07:29,753 --> 00:07:31,189
Well, you asked me
to tell you.
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00:07:31,233 --> 00:07:32,800
Well, I didn't
mean it, okay?
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00:07:32,843 --> 00:07:34,323
I wanted blind support.
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00:07:34,366 --> 00:07:37,413
God, it's like you never
been married before.
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00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:39,502
Look, I'm just trying
to be honest with you
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00:07:39,546 --> 00:07:41,461
so you can be the best
version of yourself.
187
00:07:41,504 --> 00:07:44,551
What, would you rather
I just blow a bunch of smoke up your butt?
188
00:07:44,594 --> 00:07:47,641
It's what Cooper's crew does,
and I think it's a big part of why he's successful.
189
00:07:47,684 --> 00:07:51,514
So yes, I would love for you
to blow some smoke up my butt.
190
00:07:51,558 --> 00:07:52,820
Matter of fact,
191
00:07:52,863 --> 00:07:56,345
why don't you light up
a fatty and fill 'er up.
192
00:07:56,388 --> 00:07:57,912
Come on, honey.
193
00:08:01,350 --> 00:08:03,308
Hey.
Hey, what's up, man?
194
00:08:03,352 --> 00:08:05,223
Hey. You don't look
so good.
195
00:08:05,267 --> 00:08:07,356
That's 'cause
I don't feel good.
196
00:08:07,399 --> 00:08:09,532
And beauty comes
from the inside.
197
00:08:09,576 --> 00:08:11,882
At least that's
what Shrek taught me.
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00:08:11,926 --> 00:08:15,146
Unless he's lying to me, too.
199
00:08:15,190 --> 00:08:17,409
Oh, what's-what's
going on?Well,
200
00:08:17,453 --> 00:08:19,368
after Jake told me
I was surrounded by yes-men,
201
00:08:19,411 --> 00:08:22,632
I couldn't stop thinking about
every choice I've ever made.
202
00:08:22,676 --> 00:08:25,417
Come on, man, you are being way
too hard on yourself, all right?
203
00:08:25,461 --> 00:08:27,637
A little self-reflection
can be good for you.
204
00:08:27,681 --> 00:08:32,555
Not when it happens
on a live interview on The Talk.
205
00:08:32,599 --> 00:08:34,470
CLAIRE:
Uh... I-I think
206
00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:35,689
the screen is frozen.
207
00:08:35,732 --> 00:08:37,691
No. I am.
208
00:08:39,040 --> 00:08:41,782
Hey, Cooper.
209
00:08:41,825 --> 00:08:43,392
You all right, baby?
210
00:08:43,435 --> 00:08:45,568
Um...
211
00:08:45,612 --> 00:08:47,178
That's Not a Life, This Is a Life
212
00:08:47,222 --> 00:08:49,398
by Cooper James
is in stores now.
213
00:08:49,441 --> 00:08:51,139
Yeah!
214
00:08:51,182 --> 00:08:52,532
[applause]
215
00:08:52,575 --> 00:08:54,098
I couldn't stop second-guessing
216
00:08:54,142 --> 00:08:55,578
every life choice
I've ever made.
217
00:08:55,622 --> 00:08:58,450
Like, is my shirt lame?
Are my friends fake?
218
00:08:58,494 --> 00:09:01,497
Did my Christmas album imply
that I cuckolded Santa?
219
00:09:02,933 --> 00:09:05,588
In the music video,
she used the North Pole
220
00:09:05,632 --> 00:09:07,764
as a stripper pole.
221
00:09:07,808 --> 00:09:11,507
Anyway, I was spiraling,
so after the interview,
222
00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:13,944
I did something
I've never done before.
223
00:09:13,988 --> 00:09:16,556
I, uh, googled myself.
224
00:09:16,599 --> 00:09:17,948
No!No!
225
00:09:19,297 --> 00:09:20,821
And then I started reading
the comments.
226
00:09:20,864 --> 00:09:23,432
No!No!
227
00:09:23,475 --> 00:09:26,391
Do you guys know that people on
the Internet can be really mean?
228
00:09:26,435 --> 00:09:30,091
Oh, you mean the place where
racists go to make friends?
229
00:09:33,224 --> 00:09:35,270
[groans]:
Ooh...
230
00:09:35,313 --> 00:09:36,532
Yikes. These are
pretty harsh.
231
00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:37,925
[chuckles]
232
00:09:37,968 --> 00:09:40,057
"I wanted to listen
to Cooper James's audiobook,
233
00:09:40,101 --> 00:09:43,713
but it was only available
on iTurds."
234
00:09:46,629 --> 00:09:48,196
Dude, who cares what
these trolls think?
235
00:09:48,239 --> 00:09:49,501
They're not even
that funny.
236
00:09:49,545 --> 00:09:51,547
[suppressed laugh]
237
00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:54,419
I do. My crew has been telling
me I'm so great for years,
238
00:09:54,463 --> 00:09:57,422
but it turns out a ton
of people don't think that.Oh, look, Cooper,
239
00:09:57,466 --> 00:09:58,772
you just need to take a break.
240
00:09:58,815 --> 00:10:00,556
All this negativity
is messing with your head.
241
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:01,818
JAKE:
It is, man. She's right.
242
00:10:01,862 --> 00:10:03,646
I mean, you're normally
such a positive guy.
243
00:10:03,690 --> 00:10:06,431
Maybe just try to unplug
for a bit, you know?
244
00:10:06,475 --> 00:10:08,216
Just, uh, take
a weekend hiatus,
245
00:10:08,259 --> 00:10:10,479
and by Monday, you'll be ready
to finish your book tour.
246
00:10:10,522 --> 00:10:12,307
Unplug?Yeah.
247
00:10:12,350 --> 00:10:15,049
Yeah, that actually makes
a lot of sense.
248
00:10:15,092 --> 00:10:17,573
Yeah, thanks, guys.Yeah.
249
00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:18,618
[groans]
250
00:10:18,661 --> 00:10:20,532
I feel so bad for Cooper.
251
00:10:20,576 --> 00:10:21,751
Yeah, me, too.
252
00:10:21,795 --> 00:10:23,318
But he made $10,000
253
00:10:23,361 --> 00:10:26,190
just by existing today,
so I think he'll be okay.
254
00:10:34,546 --> 00:10:36,461
Okay, so I revised
my presentation,
255
00:10:36,505 --> 00:10:39,029
and I need you to tell me
how great it is no matter what.
256
00:10:39,073 --> 00:10:40,944
Just pretend like
you're one of Cooper's yes-men.
257
00:10:40,988 --> 00:10:42,424
[sighs]
Okay.
258
00:10:42,467 --> 00:10:44,644
You're amazing! [laughs]
259
00:10:45,949 --> 00:10:48,865
Can I borrow a Bitcoin
to fix my butt implants?
260
00:10:50,824 --> 00:10:53,304
All right, here we go.
[clears throat]
261
00:10:53,348 --> 00:10:55,437
Hey, guys. Uh...
262
00:10:55,480 --> 00:10:58,048
What?
263
00:10:58,092 --> 00:10:59,441
I didn't say anything.
264
00:10:59,484 --> 00:11:01,486
I know, but you're making
the same face you make
265
00:11:01,530 --> 00:11:05,186
whenever I pronounce bruschetta
"broosketa."
266
00:11:05,229 --> 00:11:09,581
It's just, "Hey, guys" sounds
like you're a youth group leader
267
00:11:09,625 --> 00:11:11,496
about to tell a story about
a cool carpenter who had
268
00:11:11,540 --> 00:11:13,673
a lot of crazy ideas.
269
00:11:15,413 --> 00:11:17,415
Hey, look who got
a good night's sleep.
270
00:11:17,459 --> 00:11:19,548
Yeah. Yeah,
I decided to
271
00:11:19,591 --> 00:11:21,202
take your advice
and really unplug.
272
00:11:21,245 --> 00:11:22,725
Ooh, you're gonna do
an acoustic show?
273
00:11:22,769 --> 00:11:25,467
You know, I play a mean
one of those large sticks
274
00:11:25,510 --> 00:11:27,730
with rice in it that
you have to keep turning over.
275
00:11:27,774 --> 00:11:29,732
[hissing rhythmically]
276
00:11:36,652 --> 00:11:38,915
No, I meant,
unplug from the world for a bit.
277
00:11:38,959 --> 00:11:40,482
Uh, I'm gonna cancel
my book tour.
278
00:11:40,525 --> 00:11:42,223
What?
Are you serious?
279
00:11:42,266 --> 00:11:43,615
Yeah. Yeah,
I've realized
280
00:11:43,659 --> 00:11:45,400
I'm approaching
the twilight years of my life.
281
00:11:45,443 --> 00:11:47,576
Well, hold on. [laughs]
282
00:11:47,619 --> 00:11:49,273
You're barely 20.
283
00:11:49,317 --> 00:11:52,624
I mean, we have sheets
that are older than you.
284
00:11:52,668 --> 00:11:54,104
Okay, gross, but...
285
00:11:54,148 --> 00:11:55,671
And-and, Cooper,
don't you have, like,
286
00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:57,629
a bunch of people
around the country
287
00:11:57,673 --> 00:11:59,806
who are excited to see you
on your book tour?
288
00:11:59,849 --> 00:12:02,634
Yeah, but I can't face 'em
like this.
289
00:12:02,678 --> 00:12:04,549
My critics are right,
and I'm so grateful
290
00:12:04,593 --> 00:12:06,160
to you guys
for finally opening my eyes.
291
00:12:06,203 --> 00:12:07,552
Come on, man!
292
00:12:07,596 --> 00:12:09,990
You can't do this, man!
You're too talented!
293
00:12:10,033 --> 00:12:11,208
CLAIRE:
Yeah!
294
00:12:11,252 --> 00:12:12,906
What the hell, Jake?
We just read this tweet
295
00:12:12,949 --> 00:12:15,473
from Cooper, said he's
"taking a career hiatus."
296
00:12:15,517 --> 00:12:18,302
You broke
our beautiful boy.
297
00:12:19,564 --> 00:12:23,351
And now who am I going
to brag about at bridge club?
298
00:12:23,394 --> 00:12:25,657
Me?
299
00:12:25,701 --> 00:12:27,224
[laughs]
300
00:12:27,268 --> 00:12:29,661
Right, Claire.
301
00:12:31,707 --> 00:12:33,491
All right, all right,
hey, hey, hey.
302
00:12:33,535 --> 00:12:35,624
Okay, all right, all right,
everybody calm down.
303
00:12:35,667 --> 00:12:38,105
All I did was accidentally
make Cooper realize
304
00:12:38,148 --> 00:12:39,323
he's surrounded by yes-men,
305
00:12:39,367 --> 00:12:40,716
and so, he went
in search for criticism,
306
00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:42,196
found so much
that he got depressed,
307
00:12:42,239 --> 00:12:43,501
and then stopped
doing what he loves.
308
00:12:43,545 --> 00:12:46,200
[high-pitched]:
That's not my fault. I didn't!
309
00:12:46,243 --> 00:12:47,549
That's not me. I...
310
00:12:47,592 --> 00:12:49,290
Oh, okay, okay.
311
00:12:49,333 --> 00:12:51,509
It's not my fault. I...Stop!
312
00:12:53,337 --> 00:12:55,513
We have to stop panicking.
All we have to do is just
313
00:12:55,557 --> 00:12:57,385
figure out how to get
Cooper back on track.
314
00:12:57,428 --> 00:12:59,648
Aah. If only there
was a way we could
315
00:12:59,691 --> 00:13:02,825
crack open Cooper's head and
read what was inside it.
316
00:13:02,869 --> 00:13:04,827
[scoffs]
317
00:13:04,871 --> 00:13:06,176
Oh, my gosh, Dad.
318
00:13:06,220 --> 00:13:07,961
That's a great idea!
We can read Cooper's book.
319
00:13:08,004 --> 00:13:10,790
Oh, yeah, he wrote a book.He did.
320
00:13:14,445 --> 00:13:16,578
Oh, man, I really thought
321
00:13:16,621 --> 00:13:18,841
Cooper's book was gonna
be lame celebrity drivel,
322
00:13:18,885 --> 00:13:20,800
but it's really good.
323
00:13:20,843 --> 00:13:23,585
I mean, this part about
his grandma-- it's so touching.
324
00:13:23,628 --> 00:13:26,631
[high-pitched]:
Mm-hmm.
325
00:13:27,676 --> 00:13:29,504
She taught him...
326
00:13:29,547 --> 00:13:31,375
how to post his...
327
00:13:32,202 --> 00:13:34,422
...first YouTube video.
328
00:13:35,553 --> 00:13:37,860
Wow, Jake,
you're really crying a lot,
329
00:13:37,904 --> 00:13:40,254
[voice breaking]:
you big baby.
330
00:13:40,297 --> 00:13:41,864
You're crying, too, Dad.
331
00:13:41,908 --> 00:13:43,605
No, I'm not.
332
00:13:43,648 --> 00:13:46,216
Look at Jake.
Jake's the one who's crying!
333
00:13:46,260 --> 00:13:48,653
BONNIE: Ooh, I've
got something.
334
00:13:48,697 --> 00:13:51,178
Everyone turn
to page 247.
335
00:13:51,221 --> 00:13:52,919
Mom, I really hope
you're not showing us
336
00:13:52,962 --> 00:13:55,486
that picture
of Cooper's butt again.
337
00:13:55,530 --> 00:13:58,315
All right, fine.
Turn to page 248.
338
00:13:59,926 --> 00:14:03,799
That's where he starts talking
about why he got into music.
339
00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:05,496
Dang, I'm only on chapter nine.
340
00:14:05,540 --> 00:14:06,933
How'd you get there so fast?
341
00:14:06,976 --> 00:14:08,717
Oh, I'm great at
speed reading.
342
00:14:16,812 --> 00:14:19,554
Okay, okay, listen to this.
Okay.
343
00:14:19,597 --> 00:14:22,687
"My mom was my first fan
and is still my biggest.
344
00:14:22,731 --> 00:14:25,560
"When I started out, I didn't
think I was good enough,
345
00:14:25,603 --> 00:14:29,781
and until I found my confidence,
I borrowed some of hers."
346
00:14:31,609 --> 00:14:34,917
[crying]: His mom was
his biggest fan.
347
00:14:34,961 --> 00:14:36,745
[phone chimes]
348
00:14:36,788 --> 00:14:38,834
Oh, crap.
349
00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:40,531
I have to go do my presentation.
350
00:14:40,575 --> 00:14:41,924
This is gonna be
351
00:14:41,968 --> 00:14:43,621
a frickin' disaster.
352
00:14:46,842 --> 00:14:49,584
Real nightmare.
353
00:14:51,586 --> 00:14:53,544
Here I go...
354
00:14:53,588 --> 00:14:55,590
all alone.
355
00:14:56,634 --> 00:14:58,114
Claire! Come on!
Seriously?!
356
00:14:58,158 --> 00:14:59,855
Okay. I'm sorry. Okay.
357
00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:02,075
While you're up there,
just remember,
358
00:15:02,118 --> 00:15:04,512
you are so good...
359
00:15:04,555 --> 00:15:07,428
at other things.
360
00:15:16,176 --> 00:15:18,221
Ugh. Cooper.
361
00:15:18,265 --> 00:15:20,223
Those clothes-- you...
362
00:15:20,267 --> 00:15:23,792
You look like a Gap mannequin
who wished to be a real boy.
363
00:15:23,835 --> 00:15:25,707
What?
364
00:15:25,750 --> 00:15:28,666
Mm, if I'm gonna take a break
from my rock star life,
365
00:15:28,710 --> 00:15:31,147
I need to take a break
from my rock star clothes,
366
00:15:31,191 --> 00:15:34,020
so I just went into Jake's
closet and picked up a pair of,
367
00:15:34,063 --> 00:15:36,326
uh... Dockers.
368
00:15:36,370 --> 00:15:39,547
More like Dorkers.
[laughs]
369
00:15:39,590 --> 00:15:41,636
Oh, wait. I bought
those for Jake.
370
00:15:41,679 --> 00:15:44,987
Well, look, we clearly can't
talk any sense into you,
371
00:15:45,031 --> 00:15:47,772
so I found someone
who hopefully can.
372
00:15:47,816 --> 00:15:49,687
Oh, my gosh. Mum.
373
00:15:49,731 --> 00:15:52,690
Good day, son.
How's my wee bub?
374
00:15:52,734 --> 00:15:54,214
What are you doing up
at sparrow's fart?
375
00:15:54,257 --> 00:15:55,563
Have you even had
your brekkie yet?
376
00:15:55,606 --> 00:15:57,173
Well, had me Weet-Bix,
377
00:15:57,217 --> 00:15:58,827
and now I'm just giving the
blue-tongues a bit of a nibble
378
00:15:58,870 --> 00:16:00,394
before the arvo sets in.
379
00:16:00,437 --> 00:16:02,091
[laughs]
Good on ya.
380
00:16:02,135 --> 00:16:03,832
You know, a lorikeet died
in the feeder,
381
00:16:03,875 --> 00:16:05,660
and a kookaburra's been gnawing
on the deck,
382
00:16:05,703 --> 00:16:07,792
and me gutters are stuffed
with gumnuts!
383
00:16:07,836 --> 00:16:10,143
No way!
Claire, can you believe that?
384
00:16:10,186 --> 00:16:11,927
I can't.
385
00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:15,235
Or can. I'm so lost.
386
00:16:15,278 --> 00:16:17,454
Now, Cooper,
what's this Claire tells me
387
00:16:17,498 --> 00:16:19,195
about you cancelling
your book tour?
388
00:16:19,239 --> 00:16:21,328
Yeah, I just need some time
to reassess
389
00:16:21,371 --> 00:16:22,807
what I'm doing with my life.
390
00:16:22,851 --> 00:16:24,722
I've realized
I'm surrounded by yes-men
391
00:16:24,766 --> 00:16:26,724
who only tell me how great I am.
392
00:16:26,768 --> 00:16:27,812
[laughing]:
Oh, son.
393
00:16:27,856 --> 00:16:30,119
Who cares
what the bludgers say?
394
00:16:30,163 --> 00:16:32,904
All that matters is
how you feel.
395
00:16:32,948 --> 00:16:35,907
Well, that's the thing.
I can't really tell anymore.
396
00:16:35,951 --> 00:16:40,260
Cooper, do you remember
your first big concert?
397
00:16:40,303 --> 00:16:43,741
You were so nervous, you nearly
chundered your Maccas.
398
00:16:43,785 --> 00:16:47,354
And I looked out into the crowd
and saw you in the first row
399
00:16:47,397 --> 00:16:49,878
holding up a sign
telling me how awesome I was.
400
00:16:49,921 --> 00:16:51,836
I knew you just needed
a little encouragement
401
00:16:51,880 --> 00:16:56,537
from someone you love to give
you the confidence to succeed.
402
00:16:56,580 --> 00:16:58,713
And if I could hold up a sign
right now,
403
00:16:58,756 --> 00:17:01,455
it'd say get your ass
back on the book tour!
404
00:17:01,498 --> 00:17:05,415
Maybe it was a bit dramatic
to cancel the whole thing.
405
00:17:05,459 --> 00:17:07,635
Thanks, Mum. Love you.
406
00:17:08,853 --> 00:17:11,769
And, uh,
407
00:17:11,813 --> 00:17:13,423
thanks to you Claire.
408
00:17:13,467 --> 00:17:15,077
You know, sometimes
this bizzo makes me sweat
409
00:17:15,121 --> 00:17:16,426
like a gypsy with a mortgage,
410
00:17:16,470 --> 00:17:18,776
but after having a chin wag
with my mum-mum,
411
00:17:18,820 --> 00:17:20,126
grinning like a shot fox again.
412
00:17:23,390 --> 00:17:25,653
What?
413
00:17:25,696 --> 00:17:26,871
Now I'm off to the studio.
414
00:17:26,915 --> 00:17:28,830
Oh. To write some songs?
415
00:17:28,873 --> 00:17:30,832
No. To ask my team what
they think of these Dockers.
416
00:17:30,875 --> 00:17:33,748
Anyone who says I look great
is getting bloody fired.
417
00:17:37,839 --> 00:17:40,407
But, uh...
[clears throat]
418
00:17:40,450 --> 00:17:43,497
[clears throat]
But as we like to say in the accounting game,
419
00:17:43,540 --> 00:17:47,805
"It's accrualworld,
so be audityou can be."
420
00:17:47,849 --> 00:17:50,069
Pause for laughter.
421
00:17:51,853 --> 00:17:52,767
[clears throat]
422
00:17:52,810 --> 00:17:54,986
God, I'm thirsty.
423
00:17:56,727 --> 00:17:58,033
[coughs]
424
00:17:59,861 --> 00:18:01,645
I am?
425
00:18:02,646 --> 00:18:04,561
Uh, confident
426
00:18:04,605 --> 00:18:07,129
that our firm can be
a one-stop shop
427
00:18:07,173 --> 00:18:09,131
for all your client's
accounting needs.
428
00:18:09,175 --> 00:18:11,829
Yeah. Yeah, no one canstop me,
429
00:18:11,873 --> 00:18:15,355
or my firm
430
00:18:15,398 --> 00:18:17,922
from saving your clients
tons of money
431
00:18:17,966 --> 00:18:19,968
by leveraging the new tax laws
432
00:18:20,011 --> 00:18:23,885
to minimize their tax exposure
and maximize their bottom line.
433
00:18:23,928 --> 00:18:25,365
Hmm?
434
00:18:27,976 --> 00:18:29,151
[high-pitched]: Is it
a little tight in here, guys?
435
00:18:29,195 --> 00:18:30,805
Does it feel
a little tight? Hmm?
436
00:18:30,848 --> 00:18:31,936
Maybe loosen up.
Maybe get a little loose.
437
00:18:31,980 --> 00:18:33,329
You know what I'm saying, girl?
438
00:18:33,373 --> 00:18:35,331
Boop.Oh.
439
00:18:35,375 --> 00:18:38,291
Are you feeling me, KPG?
440
00:18:38,334 --> 00:18:39,814
ALL:
Yes.
441
00:18:39,857 --> 00:18:41,772
I can't hear you.
442
00:18:41,816 --> 00:18:44,514
Are you feeling me, KPG?
443
00:18:44,558 --> 00:18:46,125
ALL:
Yes!
444
00:18:46,168 --> 00:18:49,911
Now, I could sit here and throw
numbers at you all day, right?
445
00:18:49,954 --> 00:18:52,653
Or I can tell you
right here, right now
446
00:18:52,696 --> 00:18:55,221
that together,
we can make KPG stand
447
00:18:55,264 --> 00:18:58,180
for "Kapow! Profitability Guys."
448
00:18:58,224 --> 00:18:59,790
Come on, say it with me!
449
00:18:59,834 --> 00:19:02,010
ALL:
Kapow, Profitability Guys.
450
00:19:02,053 --> 00:19:04,186
Mm-mm. Mm-mm-mm.
451
00:19:04,230 --> 00:19:08,016
I need some stank on that.
Say it louder!
452
00:19:08,059 --> 00:19:10,801
ALL:
Kapow, Profitability Guys!
453
00:19:10,845 --> 00:19:12,977
[high-pitched]:
Yes! Yes!
454
00:19:13,021 --> 00:19:15,241
Yes! That's what
I'm talking about.
455
00:19:15,284 --> 00:19:17,025
That's the stuff!
That's the ticket!
456
00:19:17,068 --> 00:19:18,287
I'm going home!
457
00:19:18,331 --> 00:19:20,333
Good night, Los Angeles!
458
00:19:20,376 --> 00:19:24,032
[applause]
459
00:19:26,904 --> 00:19:28,602
Did he just leave?
460
00:19:29,951 --> 00:19:32,301
Who wants to hear
some actual numbers?!
461
00:19:32,345 --> 00:19:34,999
[applause and cheering]
462
00:19:40,353 --> 00:19:43,269
Congratulations on
landing the account.
463
00:19:43,312 --> 00:19:45,096
I never had any doubt.
464
00:19:45,140 --> 00:19:47,664
Nah. Right. [laughs]
465
00:19:47,708 --> 00:19:48,752
[tablet ringing]
466
00:19:48,796 --> 00:19:50,232
Oh.
467
00:19:50,276 --> 00:19:51,886
Hey, Cooper,
your mom's on FaceTime.
468
00:19:51,929 --> 00:19:53,583
Oh, I don't think he's home.
469
00:19:53,627 --> 00:19:54,802
Ooh, you should answer, though,
470
00:19:54,845 --> 00:19:56,847
so you can see
how she talks all weird.
471
00:19:56,891 --> 00:19:58,849
Claire, don't be
a colonialist.
472
00:19:58,893 --> 00:20:00,286
Hey, Cooper's mom.
473
00:20:00,329 --> 00:20:02,505
Oh, good day there, Jake.
Is Cooper in?
474
00:20:02,549 --> 00:20:04,855
Uh, no, he's not,
but we can take a message.Right.
475
00:20:04,899 --> 00:20:06,683
You see, Cooper's dad
was coming home
476
00:20:06,727 --> 00:20:09,033
after some hard yukka
beyond the black stump,
477
00:20:09,077 --> 00:20:11,645
and an ambo went by,
driving like the clappers
478
00:20:11,688 --> 00:20:13,690
'cause they had
some shark biscuit in the back.
479
00:20:13,734 --> 00:20:15,431
Oh, wow. That's...
480
00:20:15,475 --> 00:20:17,303
hilarious?
481
00:20:17,346 --> 00:20:19,174
You've got a sick sense
of humor, Claire.
482
00:20:19,218 --> 00:20:21,307
The guy lost his leg.
483
00:20:21,350 --> 00:20:23,352
Anyway, it was dark
as a dog's guts out,
484
00:20:23,396 --> 00:20:25,963
and the ambo didn't see him,
so they had a bit of a bingle.
485
00:20:26,007 --> 00:20:29,576
Now the ambo's trying
to blame it all on Cooper's dad,
486
00:20:29,619 --> 00:20:32,056
so, of course,
he's mad as a cut snake.
487
00:20:32,100 --> 00:20:35,756
Well, we'll be sure to
give Cooper the message.
488
00:20:35,799 --> 00:20:36,539
Hooroo.
489
00:20:36,583 --> 00:20:38,889
Hooroo.
490
00:20:38,933 --> 00:20:40,543
All right.
491
00:20:40,587 --> 00:20:41,892
Oh, hey, Coop.
Your mom just called.
492
00:20:41,936 --> 00:20:43,285
Oh. What'd she say?
493
00:20:43,329 --> 00:20:44,504
[laughing]:
We have no idea.
494
00:20:44,547 --> 00:20:46,201
Your dad was driving home
from work,
495
00:20:46,245 --> 00:20:47,637
and he got into a fender bender
with an ambulance.
496
00:20:47,681 --> 00:20:49,204
Everything's fine, but
the ambulance driver's trying
497
00:20:49,248 --> 00:20:50,684
to act like it was his fault.
498
00:20:50,727 --> 00:20:52,294
Ah, he'll be mad
as a cut snake then.
499
00:20:52,338 --> 00:20:53,948
[laughs]
Hooroo.
500
00:20:53,991 --> 00:20:56,342
Hooroo.
501
00:20:56,385 --> 00:20:57,604
How did you...?
502
00:20:57,647 --> 00:20:59,736
Literally
just guessed. [laughs]
503
00:21:04,132 --> 00:21:07,178
Captioning sponsored by
CBS
504
00:21:07,222 --> 00:21:10,225
Captioned by
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00:21:10,275 --> 00:21:14,825
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