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1
00:00:03,786 --> 00:00:06,615
Look at my sexy lady
on her business trip.
2
00:00:08,095 --> 00:00:09,400
How's it going
up in San Francisco?
3
00:00:09,444 --> 00:00:10,749
CLAIRE:
Well, it's a sports bar,
4
00:00:10,793 --> 00:00:12,969
so the redesign's
pretty simple.
5
00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:14,492
I'm basically
just putting in everything
6
00:00:14,536 --> 00:00:16,538
eight-year-old you would have
wanted in our house.
7
00:00:17,887 --> 00:00:19,715
Anyway, I can't believe
your dad decided to make
8
00:00:19,758 --> 00:00:22,239
a last minute trip;
that's so not like him.
9
00:00:22,283 --> 00:00:23,893
Yeah, he loves planning ahead.
10
00:00:23,936 --> 00:00:25,503
In third grade, they asked him
what he wanted to be
11
00:00:25,547 --> 00:00:28,898
when he grew up, and he said,
"15 minutes early."
12
00:00:28,941 --> 00:00:30,508
Well, I'm bummed to miss him.
13
00:00:30,552 --> 00:00:32,249
You guys are so cute together.
14
00:00:32,293 --> 00:00:34,077
You sing the same songs,
15
00:00:34,121 --> 00:00:36,253
and tell jokes and work stories,
16
00:00:36,297 --> 00:00:39,822
you're always dancing.
[laughs]
17
00:00:39,865 --> 00:00:42,912
You know what, actually, I'm
fine to be missing this weekend.
18
00:00:43,826 --> 00:00:45,828
But I am sad to be missing
19
00:00:45,871 --> 00:00:48,657
our little Saturday night
routine.
20
00:00:48,700 --> 00:00:51,921
Ooh. You mean,
60 minutes of intense,
21
00:00:51,964 --> 00:00:54,228
mind-bending pleasure?
22
00:00:54,271 --> 00:00:57,970
[laughs] More like seven minutes
of that,
23
00:00:58,014 --> 00:01:00,321
followed by 53 of us just
housing Ben & Jerry's.
24
00:01:03,324 --> 00:01:06,544
Well, either way,
this hubby's getting chubby.
25
00:01:06,588 --> 00:01:08,198
Well, you know, we could, uh,
26
00:01:08,242 --> 00:01:11,158
try a little something
over FaceTime.
27
00:01:11,201 --> 00:01:13,116
Ooh, you bad.
28
00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:15,379
I'm about to get all up
in that bandwidth.
29
00:01:15,423 --> 00:01:17,990
'Cause you know you drive me
crazy even in pixel form.
30
00:01:18,034 --> 00:01:21,037
With those gorgeous eyes
and that adorable--
31
00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:23,909
Hold on, Cooper's in the house.
32
00:01:23,953 --> 00:01:25,563
Okay.
33
00:01:25,607 --> 00:01:27,391
Cooper, you've met my spouse,
Claire Davis.
34
00:01:27,435 --> 00:01:29,915
Hi, Claire.Hi.
35
00:01:29,959 --> 00:01:32,135
Don't mind Jake. He gets weird
when people hear us
36
00:01:32,179 --> 00:01:33,745
being romantic on the phone.
37
00:01:33,789 --> 00:01:37,793
All right, well,
bye, Jakey-poo. I love you.
38
00:01:37,836 --> 00:01:39,447
My little buttercup,
you're just so cute.
39
00:01:39,490 --> 00:01:43,929
Interesting. And for thee,
I, too, feel affection.
40
00:01:43,973 --> 00:01:46,541
All the best and good day,
madame.[knocking on door]
41
00:01:46,584 --> 00:01:50,371
MIKE:
I have a delivery for Jake Davis.
42
00:01:50,414 --> 00:01:52,808
[laughing]: Oh-ho-ho.
Who might that be?
43
00:01:52,851 --> 00:01:55,593
It's your daddy!
Daddy!
44
00:01:55,637 --> 00:01:58,161
[both laughing]
45
00:01:58,205 --> 00:02:00,337
Oh, good to see you.
46
00:02:00,381 --> 00:02:01,686
Oh.
Oh, man.
47
00:02:01,730 --> 00:02:04,472
Oh, it's so good
to see you, Jake.
48
00:02:04,515 --> 00:02:05,908
It's good
to see you, too, man.
49
00:02:05,951 --> 00:02:07,083
You never come visit
out of the blue.
50
00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:08,215
What brings you out here?
51
00:02:08,258 --> 00:02:10,130
Well, I found out
I was dying. What?
52
00:02:10,173 --> 00:02:12,697
To see you!
53
00:02:12,741 --> 00:02:13,916
I miss you.
54
00:02:13,959 --> 00:02:16,048
Plus, I'm curious
about this, uh,
55
00:02:16,092 --> 00:02:18,007
pop star roommate of yours.
56
00:02:18,050 --> 00:02:19,443
Oh, right.
Okay, well,
57
00:02:19,487 --> 00:02:21,358
just remember, Cooper likes
living a simple life,
58
00:02:21,402 --> 00:02:23,143
so it's best just
to act normal around him.
59
00:02:23,186 --> 00:02:26,581
Jake, I'm a lead accountant
with the Boston Celtics.
60
00:02:26,624 --> 00:02:28,452
I'm around celebrities
all the time.
61
00:02:28,496 --> 00:02:29,453
Hey, Mr. Davis.
62
00:02:29,497 --> 00:02:32,021
[squealing]
63
00:02:32,064 --> 00:02:33,718
Coop-burger.
64
00:02:33,762 --> 00:02:35,372
I love you, man.
Oh.
65
00:02:35,416 --> 00:02:36,721
I love your tunes.
66
00:02:36,765 --> 00:02:38,201
You're just awesome.
67
00:02:38,245 --> 00:02:40,072
Thanks. It's so
nice to meet you.
68
00:02:40,116 --> 00:02:43,946
Yeah, same.
69
00:02:43,989 --> 00:02:46,383
In fact...
70
00:02:46,427 --> 00:02:48,559
♪ I feel like I've known you
71
00:02:48,603 --> 00:02:50,387
♪ My whole life...
72
00:02:50,431 --> 00:02:52,302
One of my songs.
Yeah.
73
00:02:52,346 --> 00:02:54,522
With a, with a lot more eye
contact than I'm used to.
74
00:02:54,565 --> 00:02:55,827
♪ When I'm with you
75
00:02:55,871 --> 00:02:58,395
♪ My whole world disappears
76
00:02:58,439 --> 00:03:00,702
♪ Gone are my worries
77
00:03:00,745 --> 00:03:02,225
♪ And erased are my fears
78
00:03:02,269 --> 00:03:05,359
Dad. Dad. Dad. Dad, stop.♪ When I'm with you.
79
00:03:05,402 --> 00:03:06,577
Stop, dude.
80
00:03:06,621 --> 00:03:07,926
Geez.
81
00:03:07,970 --> 00:03:10,059
So we can hit him with that
[sing-songy]: remix.
82
00:03:10,102 --> 00:03:12,627
Re-re-remix![beatboxing]
83
00:03:12,670 --> 00:03:14,106
JAKE and MIKE:
♪ When I'm with you
84
00:03:14,150 --> 00:03:16,413
♪ My whole world disappears
85
00:03:16,457 --> 00:03:17,588
♪ When I'm with you
86
00:03:17,632 --> 00:03:19,503
♪ My whole world disappears
87
00:03:19,547 --> 00:03:21,157
♪ Gone are my worries
88
00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:23,072
♪ Erased are my fears
89
00:03:23,115 --> 00:03:26,467
♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah.
90
00:03:26,510 --> 00:03:28,077
Hey, guys. Hey, guys,
guys, stop, stop.[Jake and Mike continue singing]
91
00:03:28,120 --> 00:03:29,818
Stop. Stop.
Stop. Come on.
92
00:03:29,861 --> 00:03:30,862
It goes like this.
93
00:03:30,906 --> 00:03:32,603
One, two, three, four.
94
00:03:32,647 --> 00:03:33,865
♪ When I'm with you
95
00:03:33,909 --> 00:03:36,085
♪ My whole world disappears
96
00:03:36,128 --> 00:03:37,434
♪ Gone are my worries
97
00:03:37,478 --> 00:03:39,523
♪ Erased are my fears
98
00:03:39,567 --> 00:03:42,787
♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah.
99
00:03:43,919 --> 00:03:47,270
♪ Imagine me and you, I do
100
00:03:47,314 --> 00:03:50,142
♪ I think about you
day and night ♪
101
00:03:50,186 --> 00:03:51,709
♪ It's only right
102
00:03:51,753 --> 00:03:54,321
♪ So happy together
103
00:03:54,364 --> 00:03:56,758
[vocalizing]
104
00:04:08,291 --> 00:04:11,773
So I look up at the clock,
time is running out.
105
00:04:11,816 --> 00:04:14,645
The whole year has led
to this moment.
106
00:04:14,689 --> 00:04:18,040
And my team,
they're counting on me.
107
00:04:18,083 --> 00:04:19,128
It's April 15,
108
00:04:19,171 --> 00:04:20,347
tax day.
109
00:04:20,390 --> 00:04:22,740
Tax day.
110
00:04:22,784 --> 00:04:25,482
And I only have ten minutes
111
00:04:25,526 --> 00:04:27,832
to finish Paul Pierce's
tax return
112
00:04:27,876 --> 00:04:30,313
or I got to file the extension.JAKE: Ah.
113
00:04:30,357 --> 00:04:33,447
This is why you get
in the accounting gig.
114
00:04:33,490 --> 00:04:34,926
MIKE:
I got a receipt
115
00:04:34,970 --> 00:04:36,972
for a mango Jamba Juice
right next
116
00:04:37,015 --> 00:04:39,322
to a receipt
for a mango Ferrari.
117
00:04:40,976 --> 00:04:44,371
And that's when the roller ball
on my mouse gives out
118
00:04:44,414 --> 00:04:47,809
just like my fake tooth
when I bite into an apple.
119
00:04:47,852 --> 00:04:49,767
He's got a fake tooth,
when he bites into a...
120
00:04:49,811 --> 00:04:52,466
Yeah, I heard. That's the one
part I do understand.
121
00:04:52,509 --> 00:04:56,383
So now, I'm filing deductions
using the toggle column
122
00:04:56,426 --> 00:04:58,820
on the scroll bar,
and lowering
123
00:04:58,863 --> 00:05:01,475
the track piece like it's 1996.
124
00:05:01,518 --> 00:05:02,911
Oh!
125
00:05:04,608 --> 00:05:08,177
You got to tell me how it ends,
Cooper, I'm too nervous.
126
00:05:08,220 --> 00:05:12,660
And that, my friend,
is when my computer freezes.
127
00:05:12,703 --> 00:05:14,183
No!
128
00:05:14,226 --> 00:05:15,576
You were listening.
129
00:05:15,619 --> 00:05:17,360
I was listening.
130
00:05:17,404 --> 00:05:20,363
So I did the only thing I could,
131
00:05:20,407 --> 00:05:22,017
I hit the back button
132
00:05:22,060 --> 00:05:23,975
and re-entered
the tier one deductions
133
00:05:24,019 --> 00:05:25,542
from memory.
134
00:05:25,586 --> 00:05:28,502
Are you not entertained?!
135
00:05:32,070 --> 00:05:34,334
Judging from that reaction,
136
00:05:34,377 --> 00:05:36,379
that's a great story,
Mr. Davis.
137
00:05:36,423 --> 00:05:37,554
Oh, yeah, man.
Oh, yeah.
138
00:05:37,598 --> 00:05:39,251
Speaking of basketball,
139
00:05:39,295 --> 00:05:40,775
I'm singing the national anthem
at the Lakers game tomorrow
140
00:05:40,818 --> 00:05:42,211
if you guys want to come.
141
00:05:42,254 --> 00:05:44,213
Uh, that depends on who
they're playing.
142
00:05:44,256 --> 00:05:46,215
They're floor seats.That's my favorite team.
143
00:05:46,258 --> 00:05:47,782
[laughs]
144
00:05:47,825 --> 00:05:49,392
Thanks, Coop.
145
00:05:49,436 --> 00:05:51,438
Uh, I'll go get us
some more beers. Yeah, sure.
146
00:05:51,481 --> 00:05:54,484
[laughs]
147
00:05:54,528 --> 00:05:56,660
So, Cooper,
what's with you living here?
148
00:05:56,704 --> 00:06:01,404
Is this like a reverse
Make-A-Wish kind of thing?
149
00:06:01,448 --> 00:06:03,537
Yeah, I know people
think it's weird,
150
00:06:03,580 --> 00:06:05,843
but I recently went
through a bad breakup,
151
00:06:05,887 --> 00:06:08,759
and wanted to escape the
public eye and hide for a while.
152
00:06:08,803 --> 00:06:12,589
Oh. I know what it's like
to want to hide.
153
00:06:13,590 --> 00:06:15,679
You just want to escape.
154
00:06:15,723 --> 00:06:18,987
Find a little cottage
out in the woods.
155
00:06:19,030 --> 00:06:22,730
Away from everyone
and everything.
156
00:06:22,773 --> 00:06:25,297
But then I'd be all alone
in my thoughts.
157
00:06:25,341 --> 00:06:27,299
Nothing but my harmonica.
158
00:06:29,258 --> 00:06:33,393
Which I really
can't even play.
159
00:06:40,617 --> 00:06:42,619
Mr. Davis, are...
are you okay?
160
00:06:42,663 --> 00:06:44,360
JAKE:
I got the beers. [laughs]
161
00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:45,622
I got the beer.
162
00:06:45,666 --> 00:06:47,450
What are we talking about?Oh, nothing.
163
00:06:47,494 --> 00:06:49,409
Cooper's just sitting here
bumming me out.
164
00:06:54,370 --> 00:06:56,981
[sighs]
So it's Saturday night.
165
00:06:57,025 --> 00:07:01,333
Are you ready to forget that the
government is likely watching
166
00:07:01,377 --> 00:07:04,598
and get nasty?[Claire laughs]
167
00:07:04,641 --> 00:07:06,774
Yeah. [laughs]
I'm also kind of nervous
168
00:07:06,817 --> 00:07:08,602
'cause I've never
done this before.
169
00:07:08,645 --> 00:07:11,474
Me, either.
But how hard can it be?
170
00:07:11,518 --> 00:07:15,173
Which is a question I should
probably be asking you.
171
00:07:15,217 --> 00:07:17,524
[laughs]
172
00:07:21,049 --> 00:07:23,312
All right. Okay.
173
00:07:23,355 --> 00:07:25,749
[laughing]
174
00:07:25,793 --> 00:07:27,577
I'm sorry, that was so good.
175
00:07:27,621 --> 00:07:29,884
Okay. Ah, here we go.
176
00:07:29,927 --> 00:07:32,452
All right, here we go.
Here we go.Mm-hmm.
177
00:07:32,495 --> 00:07:34,715
[laughs] Hey, baby.
178
00:07:34,758 --> 00:07:36,891
Hey.[both laugh]
179
00:07:36,934 --> 00:07:38,022
Yeah.
180
00:07:38,066 --> 00:07:39,850
Ah.Ah.
181
00:07:39,894 --> 00:07:41,852
Mmm. Spicy.
182
00:07:41,896 --> 00:07:43,506
Mm-hmm.
183
00:07:43,550 --> 00:07:46,466
Hot-ta-ta-ta.[Claire giggles]
184
00:07:46,509 --> 00:07:48,555
Jake, is this working?
185
00:07:48,598 --> 00:07:50,165
I'm not sure.
So far, we just sound
186
00:07:50,208 --> 00:07:52,341
like Guy Fieri eating
a cheesesteak.
187
00:07:52,384 --> 00:07:54,474
You know what, I'm gonna Google
what we should say.
188
00:07:54,517 --> 00:07:55,736
That's smart.
189
00:07:55,779 --> 00:07:59,130
Let me just answer this e-mail
really fast.
190
00:07:59,174 --> 00:08:00,436
Babe, focus.
191
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:01,742
What? Sorry. Okay.
192
00:08:01,785 --> 00:08:04,701
So, hey, boo.
193
00:08:04,745 --> 00:08:06,964
That's you. [laughs]
194
00:08:07,008 --> 00:08:10,620
Why don't you unbutton your
shirt and stroke your chest?
195
00:08:10,664 --> 00:08:14,755
Oh. Don't mind if I do-skees.
196
00:08:14,798 --> 00:08:16,060
[laughs]
197
00:08:16,104 --> 00:08:17,497
Ah.
198
00:08:17,540 --> 00:08:19,150
Now push 'em together.
199
00:08:19,194 --> 00:08:21,762
All right,
it's a little bit weird,
200
00:08:21,805 --> 00:08:23,459
but... how's that?
201
00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:25,417
Mm-hmm.Are they together enough?
202
00:08:25,461 --> 00:08:26,636
[both laugh]
203
00:08:26,680 --> 00:08:29,160
Now put a pencil between them.
204
00:08:30,379 --> 00:08:31,685
Uh...
205
00:08:35,863 --> 00:08:36,951
Now spit on it.
206
00:08:36,994 --> 00:08:38,474
Spit on it? What?
207
00:08:38,518 --> 00:08:40,607
Oh! Oh, no. I'm reading
what the guy should say.
208
00:08:40,650 --> 00:08:41,695
Okay, hold on.
209
00:08:42,391 --> 00:08:43,610
Ah! Someone's in here!
210
00:08:44,611 --> 00:08:46,438
Oh, there's my pencil.
211
00:08:46,482 --> 00:08:48,005
Always between the nipples,
am I right?
212
00:08:48,049 --> 00:08:49,572
Well, sorry to interrupt,
213
00:08:49,616 --> 00:08:51,487
but can I talk to you
about your dad?
214
00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:53,141
I'm a little worried he might
be going through something.
215
00:08:53,184 --> 00:08:55,665
What? Oh, come on, man,
that's crazy. [grunts]
216
00:08:55,709 --> 00:08:57,319
No offense, Cooper,
but if something was wrong,
217
00:08:57,362 --> 00:08:58,668
why would he talk to you
and not me?
218
00:08:58,712 --> 00:09:00,583
People open up to me
all the time.
219
00:09:00,627 --> 00:09:01,628
It might be because
of my single,
220
00:09:01,671 --> 00:09:02,890
"You Can Tell Me Anything--
221
00:09:02,933 --> 00:09:04,761
parentheses Yes, Anything."
222
00:09:06,633 --> 00:09:08,983
I'm just saying it might be
worth checking in with him.
223
00:09:09,026 --> 00:09:10,811
Oh, please. What would that
even sound like?
224
00:09:10,854 --> 00:09:12,943
[stupid voice]:
"Hey, Dad, are you okay?"
225
00:09:12,987 --> 00:09:14,815
[normal voice]:
He's okay.
226
00:09:14,858 --> 00:09:16,512
I don't know why
you'd use that voice,
227
00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:17,905
but, yeah, that's the gist.
228
00:09:17,948 --> 00:09:20,472
Anyway, I'll let you get back
to your FaceTime sex.
229
00:09:20,516 --> 00:09:22,170
I wasn't-- that's not what I was
doing. I wasn't doing that.
230
00:09:22,213 --> 00:09:23,563
Mate, I'd believe you,
but you're still connected
231
00:09:23,606 --> 00:09:25,129
to the Bluetooth speaker
downstairs.
232
00:09:29,830 --> 00:09:32,267
I'm a little nervous about
singing the national anthem.
233
00:09:32,310 --> 00:09:34,965
Do I say "spangled" weird?
234
00:09:35,009 --> 00:09:38,316
You say everything weird.
235
00:09:39,666 --> 00:09:41,537
Oh, uh...
236
00:09:42,669 --> 00:09:44,018
All right.
237
00:09:44,061 --> 00:09:45,672
Hey, uh, Pop.
238
00:09:45,715 --> 00:09:47,282
Um, how you doing?
239
00:09:47,325 --> 00:09:48,718
What's going on?
Everything good?
240
00:09:48,762 --> 00:09:50,154
Oh, everything's great.
241
00:09:50,198 --> 00:09:52,156
[laughs]
242
00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:53,636
Just rocking and rolling.
243
00:09:53,680 --> 00:09:54,855
Rocking and rolling.Yeah, yeah.
244
00:09:54,898 --> 00:09:56,291
Righteous. Righteous.Yeah, yeah.
245
00:09:56,334 --> 00:09:57,988
So everything's good at home?
246
00:09:58,032 --> 00:09:59,816
Oh, yeah.
Everything's great.
247
00:09:59,860 --> 00:10:01,035
So you're okay.
248
00:10:01,078 --> 00:10:02,558
Of course I'm okay.
249
00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:03,951
What kind of question is that?
250
00:10:03,994 --> 00:10:06,431
[stupid voice]:
Hey, Dad, are you okay?
251
00:10:07,824 --> 00:10:09,739
[stupid voice]:
Hey, Dad, are you okay?
252
00:10:10,784 --> 00:10:12,481
[phone rings]Oh, that is my phone.
253
00:10:12,524 --> 00:10:15,571
Must be Claire, my wife.
254
00:10:17,834 --> 00:10:19,749
I'm just gonna grab
one of these pencils
255
00:10:19,793 --> 00:10:21,751
for no reason whatsoever.
256
00:10:21,795 --> 00:10:23,753
[phone continues ringing]
257
00:10:28,497 --> 00:10:31,979
So, Cooper, how do you like
your eggs, buddy?
258
00:10:32,022 --> 00:10:33,720
Uh, over easy.
259
00:10:33,763 --> 00:10:37,767
Huh. I'll tell you
what was over easy.
260
00:10:38,725 --> 00:10:40,727
My marriage.
261
00:10:42,293 --> 00:10:43,817
I'm so sorry to hear that, Mike.
262
00:10:43,860 --> 00:10:45,819
Maybe we should tell Jake. Jake?
263
00:10:45,862 --> 00:10:47,559
It's been
six years
264
00:10:47,603 --> 00:10:49,387
since Jake's mom left me,
265
00:10:49,431 --> 00:10:53,957
and every day hurts
just a little bit more.
266
00:10:54,001 --> 00:10:55,655
Wow.
267
00:10:55,698 --> 00:10:57,657
Mike, could you just
give me one second?
268
00:10:57,700 --> 00:10:59,223
Jake?!
269
00:10:59,267 --> 00:11:00,572
Jake?
270
00:11:00,616 --> 00:11:02,662
Coop? Cooper?
271
00:11:06,361 --> 00:11:08,319
You know, I guess
272
00:11:08,363 --> 00:11:10,757
I thought somewhere,
in the back of my mind,
273
00:11:10,800 --> 00:11:13,107
that she would always
come back to me.
274
00:11:13,150 --> 00:11:15,675
Look, Mike, I wrote that
"You Can Tell Me Anything" song
275
00:11:15,718 --> 00:11:20,114
for the Trollsmovie, and
they didn't even use it, so...
276
00:11:20,157 --> 00:11:21,855
Well,
now she's getting remarried,
277
00:11:21,898 --> 00:11:24,118
so I guess
I just have to move on.
278
00:11:28,078 --> 00:11:30,994
You know what? I'm just
gonna go take a jog.
279
00:11:31,038 --> 00:11:35,607
[crying]:
Maybe the sweat will camouflage my tears.
280
00:11:37,914 --> 00:11:40,351
Hey, where'd my dad go?Oh, he went for a run.
281
00:11:40,395 --> 00:11:42,745
Oh. Well, uh, that was my mom.
282
00:11:42,789 --> 00:11:45,574
Apparently,
she's getting remarried.
283
00:11:45,617 --> 00:11:48,708
Wonder if that's why
my dad's upset.
284
00:11:48,751 --> 00:11:50,710
[Mike wailing]
285
00:11:54,888 --> 00:11:56,933
Think it might be.
286
00:12:04,985 --> 00:12:07,074
Wow. So your mom's
getting remarried?
287
00:12:07,117 --> 00:12:09,859
Can't believe my dad hasn't
talked to me about this.
288
00:12:09,903 --> 00:12:11,426
You know, this whole time,
I thought
289
00:12:11,469 --> 00:12:13,558
I had this great relationship
with my dad, but...
290
00:12:13,602 --> 00:12:14,777
[sighs]
291
00:12:14,821 --> 00:12:16,779
Why won't he talk to me
about my mom?
292
00:12:16,823 --> 00:12:19,956
It's okay.
I mean, most dads don't talk
293
00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:21,958
to their sons
about their love lives.
294
00:12:22,002 --> 00:12:24,700
Yeah, but we're not just father
and son. We're best friends.
295
00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:27,007
And how many people can say
they started life
296
00:12:27,050 --> 00:12:28,356
in their best friend's scrotum?
297
00:12:28,399 --> 00:12:30,793
Okay.
298
00:12:30,837 --> 00:12:32,839
You know,
when we first started dating,
299
00:12:32,882 --> 00:12:34,841
you were pretty closed off
emotionally, too.
300
00:12:34,884 --> 00:12:37,626
And then, that one night,
we had a few drinks,
301
00:12:37,669 --> 00:12:39,759
and we played that game
"Never Have I Ever."
302
00:12:39,802 --> 00:12:42,239
We learned
that I was the first girl
303
00:12:42,283 --> 00:12:44,241
you ever said "I love you" to.
304
00:12:44,285 --> 00:12:46,809
And I felt way closer
to you after that night.
305
00:12:46,853 --> 00:12:48,811
Oh, honey, I was just trying
to get some.
306
00:12:48,855 --> 00:12:49,769
[Claire laughs]
307
00:12:49,812 --> 00:12:51,118
Well, it worked.
308
00:12:51,161 --> 00:12:53,903
Yeah. Yeah,
that's a great idea, babe.
309
00:12:53,947 --> 00:12:55,557
Yeah, I'll-I'll invite
your parents over
310
00:12:55,600 --> 00:12:58,821
for a little game night and try
to get my dad comfortable enough
311
00:12:58,865 --> 00:13:00,127
to open up to me.
312
00:13:00,170 --> 00:13:01,563
[laughs]
Mm-hmm.
313
00:13:01,606 --> 00:13:04,131
You know, we could start playing
right now,
314
00:13:04,174 --> 00:13:07,917
'cause never have I ever
had FaceTime sex.
315
00:13:07,961 --> 00:13:09,701
Ooh. [laughs]
316
00:13:09,745 --> 00:13:11,703
So, hey there, big boy.
317
00:13:11,747 --> 00:13:13,140
[static]
318
00:13:13,183 --> 00:13:14,750
So you like what you see?
319
00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:16,578
Screen froze.CLAIRE:
How is this?
320
00:13:16,621 --> 00:13:18,101
You look like you sell chins.
321
00:13:18,145 --> 00:13:20,843
Well, why don't you come up
to my hotel room, and...?
322
00:13:20,887 --> 00:13:22,932
Uh, rain check, okay?
Rain check....throw me down onto the bed?
323
00:13:25,717 --> 00:13:27,110
Is this turning you on?
324
00:13:27,154 --> 00:13:29,373
All right.
325
00:13:31,985 --> 00:13:34,552
[laughing]:
Oh. Mike, it has been such a long time.
326
00:13:34,596 --> 00:13:36,250
Yeah, I haven't
seen you since
327
00:13:36,293 --> 00:13:39,775
you accidentally grabbed my butt
at the wedding.
328
00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:42,299
BOTH:
Sorry, I thought you were someone else.
329
00:13:44,519 --> 00:13:46,608
[knocking at door]
330
00:13:49,132 --> 00:13:50,873
Hey, g'day.Hey there, Cooper.
331
00:13:50,917 --> 00:13:53,310
Hey.Check out our courtside
tickets for tomorrow's game.
332
00:13:53,354 --> 00:13:54,921
I am very excited!
333
00:13:54,964 --> 00:13:56,923
So sorry. This is for
me, Jake and his dad.
334
00:13:56,966 --> 00:13:58,968
For you guys!
335
00:13:59,012 --> 00:14:00,796
Don't worry.
This isn't the first time
336
00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:04,321
I've been excluded
from a threesome.
337
00:14:04,365 --> 00:14:06,193
Thanks. Thanks. Thanks.
338
00:14:06,236 --> 00:14:07,585
Guys, you know
my manager Wayne.
339
00:14:07,629 --> 00:14:08,717
Hey.
Hi, Wayne. Hey.
340
00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:10,545
Hey, buddy. Have a seat.
341
00:14:10,588 --> 00:14:12,634
So, tonight, I was thinking
we all play a little
342
00:14:12,677 --> 00:14:14,157
"get to know each other"
kind of game.
343
00:14:14,201 --> 00:14:16,507
Oh, great. I'll find a bowl
for us to put our keys in.
344
00:14:19,293 --> 00:14:21,861
Uh, no, no. I was,
uh, thinking more like
345
00:14:21,904 --> 00:14:23,384
"Never Have I Ever." Right?
346
00:14:23,427 --> 00:14:25,429
So, you say something
that you've never done,
347
00:14:25,473 --> 00:14:27,214
and if someone has
done it, they drink.
348
00:14:27,257 --> 00:14:32,741
Ooh, well, I have
never played this game.
349
00:14:32,784 --> 00:14:34,917
Uh, Bonnie, no. You-you drink
if you havedone it.
350
00:14:34,961 --> 00:14:39,269
Oh, well, now I have.
[laughs]
351
00:14:39,313 --> 00:14:41,402
Well, I'll go first.
Uh... hmm.
352
00:14:41,445 --> 00:14:42,882
At the top of my head.
353
00:14:42,925 --> 00:14:45,754
I don't know.
Uh, never have I ever...
354
00:14:45,797 --> 00:14:48,888
hidden my feelings
from my best friend.
355
00:14:55,372 --> 00:14:57,070
All right,
that was a lame one. I'll go.
356
00:14:57,113 --> 00:15:00,160
Never have I ever...
had sex at work.
357
00:15:00,203 --> 00:15:01,857
Oh. [scoffs]
358
00:15:04,425 --> 00:15:07,210
[laughter]
Hey-oh! Hey-oh!
359
00:15:11,606 --> 00:15:16,002
Uh, Gerald, we've worked
together our entire careers.
360
00:15:16,045 --> 00:15:18,395
Oh, honey, this was before we
met, when I worked at the zoo.
361
00:15:18,439 --> 00:15:20,702
Oh...
362
00:15:23,009 --> 00:15:25,925
Oh.
363
00:15:25,968 --> 00:15:27,622
Oh, I got another one.
364
00:15:27,665 --> 00:15:29,972
Uh, never have I ever
buried my feelings
365
00:15:30,016 --> 00:15:32,192
because I felt like I had
to be strong for everyone else.
366
00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:43,203
Jake, did I leave my journal
lying around the office?
367
00:15:43,246 --> 00:15:44,987
[laughing]:
'Cause...
368
00:15:45,031 --> 00:15:46,380
All right, Dad, you're up.
369
00:15:46,423 --> 00:15:48,948
It can be anything,
anything you're feeling at all.
370
00:15:48,991 --> 00:15:50,950
Okay, uh...
371
00:15:50,993 --> 00:15:53,648
never have I ever...
372
00:15:53,691 --> 00:15:56,346
tried gazpacho.
373
00:15:56,390 --> 00:15:59,045
Ooh.
374
00:15:59,088 --> 00:16:01,917
Tried gazpacho?
Yeah.
375
00:16:03,179 --> 00:16:06,139
Is that all you got?
376
00:16:08,663 --> 00:16:11,057
Ah. I love a cold soup.
377
00:16:12,493 --> 00:16:14,016
It's so surprising.
378
00:16:14,060 --> 00:16:15,887
It's like stepping
onto an escalator that's broken.
379
00:16:15,931 --> 00:16:17,454
Oh...
380
00:16:17,498 --> 00:16:19,500
Hey, I got one. I got one.
381
00:16:19,543 --> 00:16:21,893
Never have I ever found out
382
00:16:21,937 --> 00:16:23,765
that my ex-wife
is getting remarried,
383
00:16:23,808 --> 00:16:25,245
which made the
reality of my divorce
384
00:16:25,288 --> 00:16:27,769
hit home in a way
it hadn't in six years,
385
00:16:27,812 --> 00:16:29,858
and I'd rather talk
to a stranger about it
386
00:16:29,901 --> 00:16:31,033
than my own son!
387
00:16:32,861 --> 00:16:34,776
Boy, you read me like a book.
388
00:16:37,735 --> 00:16:39,215
What the hell, Jake?
389
00:16:39,259 --> 00:16:41,478
This was supposed
to be a fun game.
390
00:16:41,522 --> 00:16:43,959
Yeah, well, it would be fun
if you would just open up to me.
391
00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:46,701
Look, I know you're upset
about Mom getting remarried.
392
00:16:46,744 --> 00:16:50,096
Well, that's my problem, and
it's up to me to deal with it.
393
00:16:50,139 --> 00:16:52,489
But I want to help you.
We're best friends.
394
00:16:52,533 --> 00:16:55,188
Yeah, well, best friends
don't trick each other
395
00:16:55,231 --> 00:16:58,017
into talking about things
that they don't want to.
396
00:16:58,060 --> 00:17:01,063
Damn. To think that's how
you repay the guy
397
00:17:01,107 --> 00:17:03,283
who carried you around
in his scrotum.
398
00:17:10,681 --> 00:17:13,902
[indistinct shouting]
399
00:17:13,945 --> 00:17:15,034
[cheering]
400
00:17:17,210 --> 00:17:18,689
Right.
401
00:17:18,733 --> 00:17:21,170
Pretty good seats, huh?
402
00:17:21,214 --> 00:17:23,129
Little tip. Uh, when
the cheerleaders come out,
403
00:17:23,172 --> 00:17:24,521
make sure you stare
at the ceiling.
404
00:17:24,565 --> 00:17:26,001
Otherwise, the tabloids
will make it look
405
00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:28,743
like you're staring
at their butts.
406
00:17:28,786 --> 00:17:29,961
[organ plays cheer]
407
00:17:30,005 --> 00:17:32,051
Well, this is fun.
408
00:17:32,094 --> 00:17:34,705
You know, Justin Timberlake
and Kevin Hart wanted
409
00:17:34,749 --> 00:17:37,491
to come tonight, but I'm super
glad I brought you guys instead.
410
00:17:37,534 --> 00:17:40,146
[organ plays cheer]
411
00:17:40,189 --> 00:17:42,539
He's right, Dad.
You know, um,
412
00:17:42,583 --> 00:17:44,106
this is your last night here,
413
00:17:44,150 --> 00:17:47,066
and these seats
are insane, so...
414
00:17:47,109 --> 00:17:49,764
can we just go back to only
talking about sports and stuff?
415
00:17:49,807 --> 00:17:51,722
Yeah.
[cheering]
416
00:17:51,766 --> 00:17:53,550
ANNOUNCER:
LeBron James, for three!
417
00:17:53,594 --> 00:17:55,596
[cheering, whooping]
418
00:17:59,208 --> 00:18:01,993
I can't believe
LeBron left Cleveland.
419
00:18:02,037 --> 00:18:03,691
Right? Must have
been devastating
420
00:18:03,734 --> 00:18:07,173
for those Cleveland fans,
getting left behind like that.
421
00:18:09,218 --> 00:18:11,177
Oh, totally.
422
00:18:11,220 --> 00:18:13,222
Yeah. Uh,
423
00:18:13,266 --> 00:18:16,225
you know, it's-it's got
to be painful as hell
424
00:18:16,269 --> 00:18:17,661
when someone
you thought would be
425
00:18:17,705 --> 00:18:19,750
on your team forever
leaves for another team.
426
00:18:19,794 --> 00:18:22,753
But, uh, doesn't mean
that the Cavs should just
427
00:18:22,797 --> 00:18:24,320
shut down and stop playing.
428
00:18:24,364 --> 00:18:26,148
They got to get
back out there,
429
00:18:26,192 --> 00:18:28,237
maybe even find a new LeMom...
I mean, LeBron.
430
00:18:28,281 --> 00:18:31,110
[organ plays cheer]
431
00:18:31,153 --> 00:18:34,025
I'm just scared
that Cleveland
432
00:18:34,069 --> 00:18:37,464
will never be the
same without LeBron.
433
00:18:37,507 --> 00:18:39,248
Dad, come on.
That's impossible.
434
00:18:39,292 --> 00:18:40,684
Cleveland needs
to look back
435
00:18:40,728 --> 00:18:42,904
on all the times
it had with LeBron fondly.
436
00:18:42,947 --> 00:18:45,472
Remember that
they'll always have
437
00:18:45,515 --> 00:18:48,170
that sexy championship
they made together.
438
00:18:48,214 --> 00:18:51,652
I'll always love
that championship.
439
00:18:51,695 --> 00:18:54,785
Well, Dad, all the championship
wants is for Cleveland
440
00:18:54,829 --> 00:18:56,787
to open up to it
from time to time.
441
00:18:56,831 --> 00:19:00,139
It's just, I know how much
you look up to me, Jake,
442
00:19:00,182 --> 00:19:04,273
and I'm afraid that if I
burden you with my problems,
443
00:19:04,317 --> 00:19:06,449
you might start
thinking less of me.
444
00:19:06,493 --> 00:19:08,973
Dad, you've been my hero
since I was a little kid.
445
00:19:09,017 --> 00:19:12,499
You're the coolest dad ever, and
you've always been there for me.
446
00:19:12,542 --> 00:19:14,718
And nothing would
make me happier
447
00:19:14,762 --> 00:19:17,286
than to have the chance
to repay the favor.
448
00:19:17,330 --> 00:19:18,896
Oh, man.
449
00:19:18,940 --> 00:19:20,202
[voice breaking]:
Dad, don't do that.
450
00:19:20,246 --> 00:19:22,204
Yo... and...
451
00:19:22,248 --> 00:19:24,424
No, 'cause when your lip
quivers, my lip quivers.
452
00:19:24,467 --> 00:19:26,208
I know, and it's
just, I love you, man.
453
00:19:26,252 --> 00:19:28,167
When you cry,
then I feel like...
454
00:19:28,210 --> 00:19:30,212
I love you so much, Dad.[horn blows]
455
00:19:30,256 --> 00:19:32,214
ANNOUNCER:
The Los Angeles Lakers would like to once again thank
456
00:19:32,258 --> 00:19:36,218
multi-platinum recording artist,
Cooper James,
457
00:19:36,262 --> 00:19:38,699
for singing today's
National Anthem.
458
00:19:38,742 --> 00:19:41,528
[both crying,
phone ringing]
459
00:19:41,571 --> 00:19:44,357
That was good. Oh.
460
00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:46,010
Oh. Oh, babe.
461
00:19:46,054 --> 00:19:49,013
You'll never guess
what just happened. Claire?
462
00:19:49,057 --> 00:19:52,147
Hey, babe. I hope that
you're ready for some cybersex.
463
00:19:52,191 --> 00:19:54,105
ALL THREE:
No! No!
464
00:19:54,149 --> 00:19:56,151
No!
465
00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:58,327
Jake, what the hell?!
466
00:19:58,371 --> 00:20:00,155
I'm sorry, baby.
I forgot to tell you
467
00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:01,635
I was at a basketball game
tonight.
468
00:20:01,678 --> 00:20:03,463
I'll call you later, okay?
I'm super impressed.
469
00:20:03,506 --> 00:20:05,508
So was everyone else. Bye.
470
00:20:12,950 --> 00:20:15,388
[Jake and Claire moaning]
471
00:20:16,911 --> 00:20:19,609
I can't believe we're finally
doing this on FaceTime.
472
00:20:19,653 --> 00:20:21,916
CLAIRE:
I know. I've been so hungry for it.
473
00:20:21,959 --> 00:20:23,526
[Jake laughs]
474
00:20:23,570 --> 00:20:25,354
[both moan]
475
00:20:25,398 --> 00:20:27,965
BOTH:
Mmm!
476
00:20:28,009 --> 00:20:29,184
Ah.
477
00:20:29,228 --> 00:20:31,230
Such a good call
to just bail on the sex
478
00:20:31,273 --> 00:20:33,797
and just skip to the part where
we eat the ice cream together.
479
00:20:33,841 --> 00:20:37,366
Yeah, and for once, we can both
finish at the same time.
480
00:20:37,410 --> 00:20:38,976
[both laugh]
481
00:20:39,020 --> 00:20:40,108
Mmm.CLAIRE:
Oh.
482
00:20:40,151 --> 00:20:41,501
Ah, don't tease me.
483
00:20:41,544 --> 00:20:43,720
[Jake and Claire moaning]
484
00:20:46,680 --> 00:20:48,116
[both moaning]
485
00:20:48,159 --> 00:20:50,597
JAKE:
Look how thick that piece of chocolate is.
486
00:20:50,640 --> 00:20:52,381
CLAIRE:
Mmm. Oh.
487
00:20:52,425 --> 00:20:54,078
JAKE:
Thick.
488
00:20:54,122 --> 00:20:55,993
CLAIRE:
Ah, it's going straight to my butt, but I don't care.
489
00:20:56,037 --> 00:21:00,128
For God's sake, Jake, get
your damn phone off Bluetooth!
490
00:21:04,480 --> 00:21:06,526
Captioning sponsored by
CBS
491
00:21:06,569 --> 00:21:08,571
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
492
00:21:08,621 --> 00:21:13,171
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
35448
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