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1
00:00:04,091 --> 00:00:05,092
Hey, babe.
2
00:00:05,135 --> 00:00:07,050
Hi.
3
00:00:07,094 --> 00:00:08,399
I am so glad
it's Friday night.
4
00:00:08,443 --> 00:00:10,488
Ooh.
5
00:00:10,532 --> 00:00:12,055
Jake, look at you,
looking all sexy
6
00:00:12,099 --> 00:00:14,797
in your "bidness" clothes.
7
00:00:14,840 --> 00:00:16,538
Claire, don't objectify me.
8
00:00:16,581 --> 00:00:19,062
Let me objectify myself. Uh.Ooh.
9
00:00:19,106 --> 00:00:20,759
Yes. Ooh, ooh.
Shh.
10
00:00:20,803 --> 00:00:21,673
So sexy.
11
00:00:21,717 --> 00:00:23,719
Yes! Ooh, yes.
12
00:00:23,762 --> 00:00:25,590
Slay, slay, slay, slay.Oh, slay, yes.
13
00:00:25,634 --> 00:00:26,852
Very Chicago.
14
00:00:26,896 --> 00:00:29,855
Yes. [chuckles]Here we go.
15
00:00:29,899 --> 00:00:32,858
[grunts]
Sweatpants me, babe.
16
00:00:32,902 --> 00:00:34,991
Thank you.Mm-hmm.
17
00:00:37,559 --> 00:00:38,516
Ooh, they're on backwards.
18
00:00:38,560 --> 00:00:39,735
Don't care.
It's the weekend.
19
00:00:39,778 --> 00:00:40,997
[laughs]
Right.
20
00:00:44,522 --> 00:00:46,742
Um... what...
21
00:00:46,785 --> 00:00:49,397
Babe, what-what's happening?
22
00:00:49,440 --> 00:00:52,748
So, you know how the best part
of eating some cheese puffs
23
00:00:52,791 --> 00:00:54,706
is licking all the dust off
your fingers at the end?
24
00:00:54,750 --> 00:00:58,275
Well, I crushed up
an entire bag
25
00:00:58,319 --> 00:01:01,496
and now the whole
thing is dust.
26
00:01:01,539 --> 00:01:02,714
[chuckles]
27
00:01:04,673 --> 00:01:07,023
Wait, you think
I'm gross?
28
00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:09,373
No, I think
you're a genius.
29
00:01:09,417 --> 00:01:10,809
[both laugh]
30
00:01:10,853 --> 00:01:13,551
If I get my entire
hand wet...
31
00:01:13,595 --> 00:01:15,292
I can make a whole glove
32
00:01:15,336 --> 00:01:18,252
like Michael Jackson's,
except, you know, made of...
33
00:01:18,295 --> 00:01:19,601
[singsongy]: cheese.
34
00:01:19,644 --> 00:01:21,864
[laughs]
35
00:01:21,907 --> 00:01:23,779
[imitating Michael Jackson]:
♪ I got the cheese-ah
36
00:01:23,822 --> 00:01:26,303
♪ I got the cheese
on my finger-ah. ♪
37
00:01:26,347 --> 00:01:28,175
Hi, guys.
Hi.
38
00:01:28,218 --> 00:01:29,959
Hey, man.Guess who
you're looking at.
39
00:01:30,002 --> 00:01:33,093
As of today, the new face
of Calvin Klein underwear.
40
00:01:33,136 --> 00:01:35,443
Hey.Oh.
41
00:01:35,486 --> 00:01:36,966
Underwear models,
accountants,
42
00:01:37,009 --> 00:01:40,535
we both do our
best work in briefs.
43
00:01:40,578 --> 00:01:42,319
Yeah, they're giving me
a lot of money for this.
44
00:01:42,363 --> 00:01:43,712
Are you sure I can't
pay you guys rent
45
00:01:43,755 --> 00:01:45,496
for letting me crash here?
46
00:01:45,540 --> 00:01:48,064
No, just save us the underwear
that you wear in the shoot.
47
00:01:48,108 --> 00:01:51,415
I'm sorry, what?And we'll put it on eBay
48
00:01:51,459 --> 00:01:52,938
and we can probably
pay off the house.
49
00:01:52,982 --> 00:01:54,679
Oh, yeah. Give me
them drawers, man.
50
00:01:54,723 --> 00:01:55,680
CLAIRE:
Mm-hmm.
51
00:01:55,724 --> 00:01:57,073
Hey, well, this is
great news, man.
52
00:01:57,117 --> 00:01:58,161
Come sit down
and celebrate.
53
00:01:58,205 --> 00:01:59,641
Oh, I don't want to interrupt.
54
00:01:59,684 --> 00:02:01,556
You guys are obviously
having people over.
55
00:02:01,599 --> 00:02:02,774
What makes you say that?
56
00:02:02,818 --> 00:02:06,126
Well, that table
full of snacks and...
57
00:02:06,169 --> 00:02:07,127
that second table
full of snacks.
58
00:02:08,563 --> 00:02:11,870
Oh, no, this is
just for us. Yep.
59
00:02:11,914 --> 00:02:13,611
But I can see how
it looks like
60
00:02:13,655 --> 00:02:16,136
we're feeding a
peewee soccer team.
61
00:02:16,179 --> 00:02:17,963
It's so great
to be around people
62
00:02:18,007 --> 00:02:19,965
who aren't afraid
to eat for pleasure.
63
00:02:20,009 --> 00:02:22,316
We just like to treat ourselves
at the end of a hard week
64
00:02:22,359 --> 00:02:23,621
to all our favorite foods.
65
00:02:23,665 --> 00:02:24,840
JAKE:
That's right.
66
00:02:24,883 --> 00:02:26,276
We work our asses off,
so on Friday nights
67
00:02:26,320 --> 00:02:28,800
we like to kick back and
get our weekend started
68
00:02:28,844 --> 00:02:30,585
like pregame LeBron.Mm.
69
00:02:30,628 --> 00:02:32,326
Ready, babe?Oh, yeah.
70
00:02:32,369 --> 00:02:33,457
Let's do this.
71
00:02:33,501 --> 00:02:34,502
And...
72
00:02:34,545 --> 00:02:36,591
Yeah!
73
00:02:36,634 --> 00:02:38,288
[both coughing]
74
00:02:42,771 --> 00:02:44,555
I should not have
crushed up the puffs.
75
00:02:44,599 --> 00:02:46,688
[coughing]:
No. I'll go get the vacuum.
76
00:02:46,731 --> 00:02:48,472
Mistakes were made.
77
00:02:50,082 --> 00:02:53,390
♪ Imagine me and you, I do
78
00:02:53,434 --> 00:02:56,045
♪ I think about you
day and night ♪
79
00:02:56,088 --> 00:02:57,786
♪ It's only right
80
00:02:57,829 --> 00:03:00,484
♪ So happy together
81
00:03:00,528 --> 00:03:02,530
[vocalizing]
82
00:03:15,064 --> 00:03:17,893
Couldn't decide what I wanted
to make for breakfast, so, uh,
83
00:03:17,936 --> 00:03:21,244
I made everything.Oh, wow. Hi.
84
00:03:21,288 --> 00:03:24,247
This looks delicious.Oh, yeah.
85
00:03:24,291 --> 00:03:28,251
Um, but have our eating habits
gotten a bit out of control?
86
00:03:28,295 --> 00:03:30,166
What? No.
This is breakfast--
87
00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:31,863
it's the most important meal
of the day.
88
00:03:31,907 --> 00:03:34,083
Yeah, but, uh, you know,
Cooper's so healthy,
89
00:03:34,126 --> 00:03:35,563
and we pretty much eat like
90
00:03:35,606 --> 00:03:36,781
we're Macaulay Culkin
in Home Alone.
91
00:03:39,393 --> 00:03:41,830
Which we can do
because we have memberships
92
00:03:41,873 --> 00:03:43,658
at that 24 Hour Fitness.
93
00:03:43,701 --> 00:03:46,313
Um, which we haven't been
to since the day we signed up.
94
00:03:46,356 --> 00:03:49,141
And, uh, I drove by
the other day.
95
00:03:49,185 --> 00:03:52,449
It's now a Sephora.Oh.
96
00:03:52,493 --> 00:03:55,278
So what? You know, like, I know
you're too classy to admit it,
97
00:03:55,322 --> 00:03:57,149
but you've always been
one of those girls
98
00:03:57,193 --> 00:03:58,847
that can eat whatever she wants
without gaining weight.
99
00:03:58,890 --> 00:04:01,023
Hmm.Boop. Now come over here
100
00:04:01,066 --> 00:04:03,068
and, uh, Lady and the Tramp
this maple bacon.
101
00:04:03,112 --> 00:04:04,200
[laughs]
102
00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:06,420
Jake.
103
00:04:06,463 --> 00:04:08,900
I can't believe I have to say
this for the third day in a row,
104
00:04:08,944 --> 00:04:09,988
but you've got bacon
hanging out your mouth.
105
00:04:10,032 --> 00:04:12,077
And you can,
too, my man.
106
00:04:12,121 --> 00:04:15,167
Boop.
107
00:04:15,211 --> 00:04:18,083
Claire, his, uh, bacon
hole's not working.
108
00:04:18,127 --> 00:04:19,171
CLAIRE:
Stop.
109
00:04:19,215 --> 00:04:22,131
I'm sorry, mate,
110
00:04:22,174 --> 00:04:24,133
but my trainer Antoine keeps me
on this insane no-sugar,
111
00:04:24,176 --> 00:04:25,787
raw food diet.
112
00:04:25,830 --> 00:04:28,180
Well, eats like a rabbit,
talks like a koala.
113
00:04:31,314 --> 00:04:33,098
And I'd love to have breakfast
with you guys, but, um,
114
00:04:33,142 --> 00:04:35,362
the truth is I have
to watch what I eat,
115
00:04:35,405 --> 00:04:37,059
'cause I used to be
a little bit overweight.
116
00:04:37,102 --> 00:04:38,887
[laughing]: What?What?!
117
00:04:38,930 --> 00:04:39,888
That's terrible.
118
00:04:39,931 --> 00:04:41,150
CLAIRE [laughing]:
Oh, really?
119
00:04:41,193 --> 00:04:42,369
[stifled laughter]
120
00:04:42,412 --> 00:04:44,153
Wait, you-you guys
are happy about this?
121
00:04:44,196 --> 00:04:45,981
No. No.
122
00:04:46,024 --> 00:04:47,287
No.
123
00:04:47,330 --> 00:04:48,200
Maybe a little.
124
00:04:48,244 --> 00:04:49,854
[Claire chuckles]
125
00:04:49,898 --> 00:04:51,465
I mean, it's kind
of fun to find out
126
00:04:51,508 --> 00:04:53,554
that our hot pop star
roommate used to be a...
127
00:04:53,597 --> 00:04:55,991
[Australian accent]:
chubby "wittle" wallaby.
128
00:04:56,034 --> 00:04:57,427
[Jake laughs]
129
00:04:57,471 --> 00:04:59,255
[Australian accent]:
The Chunkstah from Down Undah.
130
00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:00,822
[laughs]
131
00:05:00,865 --> 00:05:03,259
Oh, Huge Jackman.[laughs]
132
00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:05,217
Yeah, I heard them all
during my fat Cooper days,
133
00:05:05,261 --> 00:05:07,176
which is why I burnt
all the photos,
134
00:05:07,219 --> 00:05:08,656
except for the one
that Antoine makes me keep
135
00:05:08,699 --> 00:05:10,353
as a reminder to work out.
136
00:05:10,397 --> 00:05:12,224
Well, I'm sorry you had
to go through that, buddy.
137
00:05:12,268 --> 00:05:13,530
I never had to worry
about weight,
138
00:05:13,574 --> 00:05:15,445
'cause I'm a college athlete.
139
00:05:17,229 --> 00:05:18,709
[laughs]
140
00:05:20,537 --> 00:05:22,322
What's-what's funny?
What...
141
00:05:22,365 --> 00:05:24,454
I'm sorry, babe, but we
have been out of college
142
00:05:24,498 --> 00:05:27,022
for over a decade.
143
00:05:27,065 --> 00:05:30,460
Uh, it's a lifetime title,
Claire. [chuckles]
144
00:05:30,504 --> 00:05:32,680
Like "the pope" or, uh,
or "the grape lady."
145
00:05:32,723 --> 00:05:36,292
[grunting]:
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
146
00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:38,033
I can't breathe.
147
00:05:38,076 --> 00:05:40,122
Stop the tape.
148
00:05:40,165 --> 00:05:42,080
Chew on this, Coop-dawg.
149
00:05:43,386 --> 00:05:45,475
COOPER:
Wow.
150
00:05:45,519 --> 00:05:47,172
Man, that's so cool
you used to be able to dunk.
151
00:05:47,216 --> 00:05:48,478
What?
152
00:05:48,522 --> 00:05:50,393
You used to be
able to dunk.
153
00:05:50,437 --> 00:05:53,265
No, I think you misunderstood
this, uh, Cooper Gooding, Jr.
154
00:05:53,309 --> 00:05:57,269
I... I still can dunk, okay?
155
00:05:57,313 --> 00:05:59,968
I just stopped because I got
tired of making grown men cry.
156
00:06:00,011 --> 00:06:02,057
[scoffs]
157
00:06:02,100 --> 00:06:03,624
[scoffs] Yeah, that's
the sound of my dunks
158
00:06:03,667 --> 00:06:05,190
going through the net.
159
00:06:05,234 --> 00:06:06,409
Followed by...
160
00:06:06,453 --> 00:06:08,411
[imitating people shouting]
161
00:06:08,455 --> 00:06:11,283
That's our neighbors crowding
around to cheer me on.
162
00:06:11,327 --> 00:06:15,200
Followed by
"beep, beep, beep."
163
00:06:15,244 --> 00:06:17,725
That's the ambulance
backing into our driveway.
164
00:06:20,467 --> 00:06:22,382
Ooh, all right.
165
00:06:22,425 --> 00:06:24,122
Cooper, give me
some drumroll.
166
00:06:24,166 --> 00:06:25,515
[drumming on chair]
167
00:06:25,559 --> 00:06:27,561
Claire, sexy fan scream.
168
00:06:27,604 --> 00:06:29,345
I love you, Dr. Dunk!
169
00:06:29,389 --> 00:06:31,608
Ha-ha, I love you, too,
whoever you are.
170
00:06:31,652 --> 00:06:33,697
Ah. I have to admit
I'm a little nervous.
171
00:06:33,741 --> 00:06:36,700
That you can't do it?No. That I'll burn up
on reentry.
172
00:06:36,744 --> 00:06:38,920
♪
173
00:06:50,235 --> 00:06:52,324
[car alarm blaring]
174
00:06:52,368 --> 00:06:55,545
[grunting]:
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
175
00:06:59,114 --> 00:07:02,552
Okay, Jake, I want you
to just relax
176
00:07:02,596 --> 00:07:05,163
and tell us
exactly what happened.
177
00:07:05,207 --> 00:07:08,297
Right, um, so, something
was definitely off out there.
178
00:07:08,340 --> 00:07:09,994
You know? I mean,
by my tenth dunk...
179
00:07:10,038 --> 00:07:11,735
Attempt.
180
00:07:11,779 --> 00:07:14,869
Thank you, Gerald.
181
00:07:14,912 --> 00:07:17,088
It was really scary, you know?
182
00:07:17,132 --> 00:07:19,613
I was sweating,
my pulse was racing
183
00:07:19,656 --> 00:07:22,442
and I was, like,
short of breath.
184
00:07:22,485 --> 00:07:25,575
[whispering]
185
00:07:25,619 --> 00:07:26,663
Mom.
186
00:07:27,664 --> 00:07:28,970
What's wrong with him?
187
00:07:29,013 --> 00:07:31,320
Jake, in our
expert opinion,
188
00:07:31,363 --> 00:07:33,714
we think you might have
experienced something
189
00:07:33,757 --> 00:07:37,500
we in the medical community
call exercising.
190
00:07:42,374 --> 00:07:46,161
What? No way.
No-no-no way.
191
00:07:46,204 --> 00:07:47,728
I worked out all the
time back in college.
192
00:07:47,771 --> 00:07:49,425
I've never felt
anything like this.
193
00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:52,559
Well, that's because your
body chemistry has changed.
194
00:07:52,602 --> 00:07:54,561
I mean, you still have the same
heart that you had back then,
195
00:07:54,604 --> 00:07:57,520
except now it's trapped inside
a bunch of cheese. [laughs]
196
00:07:59,783 --> 00:08:03,265
Okay. Why don't you just
drink your morning margs
197
00:08:03,308 --> 00:08:06,834
and lay off Jake.Great. Then we can
198
00:08:06,877 --> 00:08:09,880
move on to you,
Ms. Maternity Jeans.
199
00:08:12,056 --> 00:08:15,190
[laughs]: I am not
wearing maternity jea...
200
00:08:15,233 --> 00:08:18,193
Okay, well, these ones
are maternity jeans.
201
00:08:18,236 --> 00:08:20,195
ButI only bought them
202
00:08:20,238 --> 00:08:23,894
because I thought that
"stork-style" meant skinny legs.
203
00:08:23,938 --> 00:08:26,114
It makes sense.
204
00:08:26,157 --> 00:08:28,072
Look, it's nothing
to be ashamed about.
205
00:08:28,116 --> 00:08:30,161
The fact is you're
both over 30 now,
206
00:08:30,205 --> 00:08:32,337
and your metabolism
is slowing down.
207
00:08:32,381 --> 00:08:33,556
Okay, you guys
are overreacting.
208
00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:35,340
'Cause we're not fat.
209
00:08:35,384 --> 00:08:39,040
No. But you are pre-fat.
210
00:08:40,650 --> 00:08:42,304
As in, just about to pop.
211
00:08:42,347 --> 00:08:44,132
Just like the Nutty Professor
212
00:08:44,175 --> 00:08:46,221
right before his
potion wears off.
213
00:08:46,264 --> 00:08:48,484
He's going along,
thinks he looks good, and...
214
00:08:48,528 --> 00:08:51,226
[sputtering]
215
00:08:51,269 --> 00:08:54,664
Get back in there, shoulder!
216
00:08:56,144 --> 00:08:58,102
Whoa!Yeah.
217
00:08:58,146 --> 00:09:01,018
Oh, no! Oh!
218
00:09:01,062 --> 00:09:03,281
It's true, and you better
make some big changes soon,
219
00:09:03,325 --> 00:09:04,979
or you'll end up like
my poor cousin Tommy.
220
00:09:05,022 --> 00:09:06,589
Oh, cousin To...
I love that guy.
221
00:09:06,633 --> 00:09:07,634
What happened to him?
222
00:09:07,677 --> 00:09:09,331
Oh, he's dead.
223
00:09:11,028 --> 00:09:12,987
And he was only 50, Jake.
224
00:09:13,030 --> 00:09:14,728
Oh, my God.
That's horrible.
225
00:09:14,771 --> 00:09:16,381
Horrible and tragic.
226
00:09:16,425 --> 00:09:17,861
Like your dunk.
227
00:09:19,471 --> 00:09:20,560
Attempt.
228
00:09:24,781 --> 00:09:26,043
What?
229
00:09:26,087 --> 00:09:28,089
Aw.Uh, Jake.
230
00:09:28,132 --> 00:09:29,612
Come on,
it's past midnight.
231
00:09:29,656 --> 00:09:31,614
Can we please
just go to sleep?Claire,
232
00:09:31,658 --> 00:09:34,356
cousin Tommy played college
football and had a heart attack.
233
00:09:34,399 --> 00:09:38,055
I sit when I pee.
I'm a goner.[groans]
234
00:09:38,099 --> 00:09:41,581
So we're not in peak
physical shape anymore.
235
00:09:41,624 --> 00:09:42,930
It's not that big a deal.
236
00:09:42,973 --> 00:09:44,409
Claire, I am 20
pounds heavier
237
00:09:44,453 --> 00:09:46,368
than I was in college.
238
00:09:46,411 --> 00:09:49,023
If we don't make serious
changes, I may never dunk again,
239
00:09:49,066 --> 00:09:51,852
and you might never
fit in your old jeans.
240
00:09:51,895 --> 00:09:54,594
What? I can fit in my old jeans.
241
00:09:54,637 --> 00:09:55,638
Eh, sure you can.
242
00:09:55,682 --> 00:09:58,075
[scoffs]
243
00:09:58,119 --> 00:10:00,687
Ooh.You'll probably die
244
00:10:00,730 --> 00:10:02,384
right after me.
[laughs]
245
00:10:02,427 --> 00:10:04,952
Which would be
super sweet.
246
00:10:04,995 --> 00:10:06,780
Our last words
will probably be,
247
00:10:06,823 --> 00:10:09,521
"Are you gonna finish that?"
248
00:10:12,481 --> 00:10:14,135
[thumping]Baby?
249
00:10:14,178 --> 00:10:16,311
Babe, you okay in there?[grunting]
250
00:10:16,354 --> 00:10:18,443
Sounds like you're
flipping a tire.
251
00:10:19,662 --> 00:10:21,229
Ba-bam!
252
00:10:21,272 --> 00:10:23,187
Oh.
253
00:10:23,231 --> 00:10:24,580
You see?
254
00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:26,190
Yeah, those are nice.
255
00:10:26,234 --> 00:10:27,714
Now, uh, turn around.
256
00:10:29,193 --> 00:10:31,543
I really don't want to.
257
00:10:31,587 --> 00:10:33,197
Button popped off, didn't it?
258
00:10:33,241 --> 00:10:35,722
Yeah, I'm gonna need
a sewing kit, um...
259
00:10:35,765 --> 00:10:38,072
and a drywall patch.Oh.
260
00:10:42,990 --> 00:10:45,296
I am so glad you guys
asked for my help.
261
00:10:45,340 --> 00:10:46,950
As my trainer Antoine says,
the first step
262
00:10:46,994 --> 00:10:48,299
to getting in shape
is getting rid
263
00:10:48,343 --> 00:10:49,561
of all the junk food.
264
00:10:49,605 --> 00:10:51,955
Or, in your case,
just food.
265
00:10:55,002 --> 00:10:58,614
Uh, only thing left in there is,
uh, some milk,
266
00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:00,790
a box of baking soda
267
00:11:00,834 --> 00:11:02,879
and the tops
of some strawberries.
268
00:11:02,923 --> 00:11:05,186
Ah...Yeah.
269
00:11:05,229 --> 00:11:06,230
I had to cut them
because the bottoms
270
00:11:06,274 --> 00:11:07,449
were all dipped
in chocolate.
271
00:11:09,016 --> 00:11:12,628
Now, let's
do your pantry.
272
00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:14,456
Toss all of this
273
00:11:14,499 --> 00:11:16,371
in these boxes, and
I will throw it away.
274
00:11:16,414 --> 00:11:19,069
Antoine says junk food
can be as addictive as heroin.
275
00:11:19,113 --> 00:11:21,028
[snorts] Yeah, right.Okay, that's a little dramatic.
276
00:11:21,071 --> 00:11:22,725
Give me those back,
you son of a bitch!
277
00:11:26,947 --> 00:11:29,601
Uh...[thudding]
278
00:11:29,645 --> 00:11:32,561
I get it. You know, back when I
was Fat Cooper, I threw a tizzy
279
00:11:32,604 --> 00:11:35,303
when my parents pollywogged
my Tim Tams in the bin.
280
00:11:37,740 --> 00:11:39,655
I don't know
what you just said, uh...
281
00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:42,266
But I did think
of a new Fat Cooper name.
282
00:11:42,310 --> 00:11:43,659
Meal Gibson.
283
00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:45,661
[laughs]
284
00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:48,490
Or Olivia Fig Newton-John.
285
00:11:48,533 --> 00:11:50,753
[both laugh]
286
00:11:50,797 --> 00:11:52,581
Ha, ha. Ha.
Great bullying, guys.
287
00:11:52,624 --> 00:11:53,495
Now get to work.
288
00:11:54,757 --> 00:11:56,716
All right.
289
00:11:56,759 --> 00:11:58,500
Well, Cap'n Crunch,
290
00:11:58,543 --> 00:12:00,197
looks like it's Chips Ahoy.
291
00:12:02,330 --> 00:12:05,507
[humming "Taps"]Silly rabbit, looks like
292
00:12:05,550 --> 00:12:07,727
Trix are for nobody now.
293
00:12:10,512 --> 00:12:13,080
Twizzlers.
294
00:12:13,123 --> 00:12:14,908
Now, who's ready for breakfast?
295
00:12:14,951 --> 00:12:15,778
Oh, I am.Me!
296
00:12:17,345 --> 00:12:19,390
Hey. There...Oh.
297
00:12:21,262 --> 00:12:23,743
Jake, what did he put
in our milkshake machine?
298
00:12:26,049 --> 00:12:28,704
I have no idea. Look at
the size of those grapes.
299
00:12:30,924 --> 00:12:33,056
Those are beets, Jake.
300
00:12:34,884 --> 00:12:37,278
[sniffing]
Oh. Oh.
301
00:12:37,321 --> 00:12:38,714
Oh, you know what?
This reminds me:
302
00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:40,368
we need to change the filter
in the aquarium.
303
00:12:40,411 --> 00:12:41,238
Oh.
304
00:12:42,544 --> 00:12:43,980
Uh...
305
00:12:44,024 --> 00:12:45,199
all right, now let's toast
306
00:12:45,242 --> 00:12:46,809
to a long and healthy
future together.
307
00:12:46,853 --> 00:12:48,942
Come on. Come on.[groans]
308
00:12:48,985 --> 00:12:50,421
Cheers.
309
00:12:50,465 --> 00:12:52,249
[grunts]Ooh.
310
00:12:56,863 --> 00:12:57,733
Wow. It's, uh...
311
00:13:05,567 --> 00:13:07,482
Nope.
312
00:13:12,748 --> 00:13:13,836
It's like one of those old
dollars in a vending machine.
313
00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:16,534
It just won't go down.
314
00:13:16,578 --> 00:13:19,537
Oh. I...
315
00:13:19,581 --> 00:13:21,670
Ugh.
316
00:13:21,713 --> 00:13:23,106
I think I just got
a whole onion. [chuckles]
317
00:13:25,456 --> 00:13:28,720
You guys can do it, I promise.
318
00:13:28,764 --> 00:13:30,113
Bottoms up, come on.
319
00:13:30,157 --> 00:13:31,419
[moaning]Go on. Come on.
320
00:13:36,728 --> 00:13:39,209
Ugh...
321
00:13:39,253 --> 00:13:42,169
My compliments to the goose
that pooped in this glass.
322
00:13:46,695 --> 00:13:48,915
[stomach rumbling]
323
00:13:51,700 --> 00:13:53,658
It's only been three
days and our bodies
324
00:13:53,702 --> 00:13:56,705
are already settling into
their sexy new shapes.
325
00:13:56,748 --> 00:13:59,621
Oh, my God, this is torture.
I'm starving!
326
00:13:59,664 --> 00:14:01,231
[groans]
327
00:14:01,275 --> 00:14:03,538
And all our old food
is just downstairs,
328
00:14:03,581 --> 00:14:05,279
waiting for garbage day.
329
00:14:05,322 --> 00:14:08,238
Baby Ruth.Mmm.
330
00:14:08,282 --> 00:14:11,111
Little Debbie.Oh...
331
00:14:11,154 --> 00:14:13,765
The Sour Patch Kids.
332
00:14:13,809 --> 00:14:15,855
They're just children, Jake.
333
00:14:15,898 --> 00:14:17,857
Not the babies.[cries]: No!
334
00:14:17,900 --> 00:14:19,293
We should go check on them,
see how they're doing.
335
00:14:19,336 --> 00:14:22,035
No, no, no. We have to stop
enabling each other.
336
00:14:22,078 --> 00:14:23,906
[sighs]
337
00:14:23,950 --> 00:14:25,908
You're right.
You're right.
338
00:14:25,952 --> 00:14:28,998
Let's just turn off the
lights, go to sleep.
339
00:14:29,042 --> 00:14:30,695
Yeah.
340
00:14:30,739 --> 00:14:33,350
[squeals]
341
00:14:33,394 --> 00:14:34,786
Whoa!What the hell?
342
00:14:44,753 --> 00:14:47,495
Guys, I think we'd
better call Antoine.
343
00:14:52,413 --> 00:14:54,067
Fat Cooper's back.
344
00:15:04,555 --> 00:15:06,122
Hey, thanks
for seeing us, Antoine.
345
00:15:06,166 --> 00:15:09,082
My shoot's in a week, and
I was literally eating garbage.
346
00:15:09,125 --> 00:15:11,998
Uh-huh. Well, Cooper, before
I got fit, I used to roll over
347
00:15:12,041 --> 00:15:14,914
at 1:00 a.m. and text
Taco Bell, "You up?"
348
00:15:17,046 --> 00:15:19,135
We're gonna get
you back on track.
349
00:15:19,179 --> 00:15:22,095
Well, we are also ready
to start living healthier lives.
350
00:15:22,138 --> 00:15:23,966
Yeah.And your gym is so cool.
351
00:15:24,010 --> 00:15:26,099
Oh, thank you. Yeah, it
was very important for me
352
00:15:26,142 --> 00:15:28,710
to maintain the vibe of the
building's rich, rich history.
353
00:15:28,753 --> 00:15:29,885
What did this
space used to be?
354
00:15:29,929 --> 00:15:31,626
A slaughterhouse.
355
00:15:31,669 --> 00:15:35,499
Now, the next seven days
will not be easy,
356
00:15:35,543 --> 00:15:36,848
but I promise
they'll be worth it.
357
00:15:36,892 --> 00:15:38,111
All right?
Claire,
358
00:15:38,154 --> 00:15:39,721
why don't you, uh,
hit the heavy bag.
359
00:15:39,764 --> 00:15:41,810
Boys, let's start
with some burpees.
360
00:15:41,853 --> 00:15:44,987
Burpees. Okay, uh...
361
00:15:45,031 --> 00:15:47,250
[grunts]
362
00:15:47,294 --> 00:15:50,427
Should we, uh,
be... [grunts]
363
00:15:50,471 --> 00:15:52,777
Shouldn't we be easing
into this stuff?Excellent point.
364
00:15:52,821 --> 00:15:55,128
If you're struggling, feel free
to take things down a notch.
365
00:15:55,171 --> 00:15:57,391
Try some lunges. Yeah.Oh, cool.
366
00:15:57,434 --> 00:15:58,914
That should provide
plenty of time
367
00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:00,220
for another guy
to move in on Claire.
368
00:16:00,263 --> 00:16:02,396
Sorry, what?
369
00:16:02,439 --> 00:16:04,485
I'm just talking about
all the beefcake dudes
370
00:16:04,528 --> 00:16:06,878
on her Facebook page,
lurking,
371
00:16:06,922 --> 00:16:08,706
just waiting to take her
to pound town
372
00:16:08,750 --> 00:16:10,230
after you die!
373
00:16:10,273 --> 00:16:13,102
What... what the hell?
374
00:16:13,146 --> 00:16:15,931
Oh, Cooper let me in on
all your weaknesses and fears
375
00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:18,020
to help me motivate you.
376
00:16:18,064 --> 00:16:20,283
Well, I respond better
to positive reinforcements.
377
00:16:20,327 --> 00:16:23,634
Okay. Well, I'm positive that
Jeff Killroy's gonna be the man
378
00:16:23,678 --> 00:16:25,462
that teaches your son
how to ride a bike
379
00:16:25,506 --> 00:16:26,986
after you die!
380
00:16:28,552 --> 00:16:32,078
And Patrick Watson
is a sexy surfer
381
00:16:32,121 --> 00:16:34,428
with a shark bite scar that's
gonna fornicate with Claire
382
00:16:34,471 --> 00:16:35,646
after you die!
383
00:16:37,257 --> 00:16:38,780
Take it easy on him, Antoine.
384
00:16:38,823 --> 00:16:42,088
[laughs]
Oh, okay.
385
00:16:42,131 --> 00:16:45,395
Well, you know who's not gonna
take it easy on you, Claire?
386
00:16:45,439 --> 00:16:48,398
Society's physical expectations
of women over 30.
387
00:16:48,442 --> 00:16:51,445
Now, make like a widow
whose pension just ran out
388
00:16:51,488 --> 00:16:53,882
and get back to work!
Punch!
389
00:16:53,925 --> 00:16:55,710
You can do this, Claire!
390
00:16:55,753 --> 00:16:58,191
Shut your trap,
you bloated Bieber.
391
00:16:58,234 --> 00:16:59,844
Don't listen
to him, Cooper.
392
00:16:59,888 --> 00:17:01,542
He's just using
our fears against us.
393
00:17:01,585 --> 00:17:04,023
I know. Isn't
he the best?
394
00:17:04,066 --> 00:17:05,415
Faster!
395
00:17:05,459 --> 00:17:08,201
Harder! Come on![all groaning]
396
00:17:08,244 --> 00:17:09,550
Can I have some water?
397
00:17:09,593 --> 00:17:10,507
Yeah, I'll get you some water.
398
00:17:10,551 --> 00:17:12,988
After you die!
399
00:17:13,032 --> 00:17:14,990
[groaning, whimpering]
400
00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:16,731
Come on!
Hup, hup, hup!
401
00:17:24,043 --> 00:17:26,915
[groans]
Bad news, Claire.
402
00:17:26,958 --> 00:17:29,048
Dinner's ready.
403
00:17:31,006 --> 00:17:33,400
CLAIRE:
Man, these last six days working out
404
00:17:33,443 --> 00:17:36,664
have left me
sore as hell, but I...
405
00:17:36,707 --> 00:17:39,797
[chuckles]
...have a surprise for you.
406
00:17:39,841 --> 00:17:41,582
Ba-bam.
407
00:17:41,625 --> 00:17:43,540
Ooh.
408
00:17:43,584 --> 00:17:45,934
Jeans buttoned andzipped.
409
00:17:45,977 --> 00:17:47,544
[laughs]Mm-hmm.
410
00:17:47,588 --> 00:17:50,112
Daddy likes what he sees
411
00:17:50,156 --> 00:17:51,896
and he sees what he likes.Ooh.
412
00:17:55,117 --> 00:17:57,946
I mean, these pants are-are so
tight that I can barely breathe,
413
00:17:57,989 --> 00:18:01,558
but, uh, maybe Dr. Dunk wants to
give me some mouth-to-mouth.
414
00:18:01,602 --> 00:18:03,430
Why don't you come down here
415
00:18:03,473 --> 00:18:05,997
so we can squish
our bodies together?
416
00:18:06,041 --> 00:18:07,477
Oh, your pants.
417
00:18:07,521 --> 00:18:09,392
Okay, here I come.Yeah.
418
00:18:09,436 --> 00:18:11,829
You better bring it to me,
little granny.
419
00:18:11,873 --> 00:18:13,744
[Claire grunts]Yeah, come here.
420
00:18:13,788 --> 00:18:16,878
[groans] Ow.
421
00:18:16,921 --> 00:18:18,880
[grunts]
422
00:18:18,923 --> 00:18:20,969
Okay.
423
00:18:21,012 --> 00:18:22,666
[both grunting]
424
00:18:22,710 --> 00:18:26,192
Ah, yeah.[both moan]
425
00:18:26,235 --> 00:18:27,628
Mmm.
Wait.
426
00:18:27,671 --> 00:18:29,020
Hold on,
I think I have to sneeze.
427
00:18:29,064 --> 00:18:30,370
No, no, no, no, no.
Don't do that.
428
00:18:30,413 --> 00:18:31,806
Don't do that.
No, no, no, no, no.
429
00:18:31,849 --> 00:18:32,807
You're too close,
you'll make...
430
00:18:32,850 --> 00:18:34,374
[sneezes]Ow!
431
00:18:34,417 --> 00:18:36,202
Ow, ow, ow,
ow, ow, ow.Ow, ow.
432
00:18:36,245 --> 00:18:37,681
JAKE: My muscles.CLAIRE: Ow. Ooh.
433
00:18:37,725 --> 00:18:40,467
Hiya, guys, we're... Okay!
434
00:18:40,510 --> 00:18:41,685
[whimpering]
435
00:18:41,729 --> 00:18:42,991
That's how you guys have sex?
436
00:18:43,034 --> 00:18:43,992
[Claire whimpers]
437
00:18:44,035 --> 00:18:45,950
Ugh.
438
00:18:45,994 --> 00:18:48,039
No, we're just too sore to move.
439
00:18:48,083 --> 00:18:49,563
Can you please
just help us get up?[moans]
440
00:18:49,606 --> 00:18:52,000
Yes, of course.Ow.
Please.
441
00:18:52,043 --> 00:18:53,741
[grunts][groans]
442
00:18:53,784 --> 00:18:56,004
[laughs][groans] Ooh.
443
00:18:56,047 --> 00:18:57,179
[both continue groaning]
444
00:18:57,223 --> 00:18:58,963
JAKE:
Thank you, Coops.
445
00:18:59,007 --> 00:19:00,182
How'd the photo shoot go?
446
00:19:00,226 --> 00:19:01,966
So amazing.
And I'm really grateful
447
00:19:02,010 --> 00:19:04,143
to you guys for helping me
get back into shape.
448
00:19:04,186 --> 00:19:05,970
And, and because of that,
449
00:19:06,014 --> 00:19:09,191
I wanted to share
something special with you.
450
00:19:09,235 --> 00:19:10,888
Oh.Good God.
451
00:19:10,932 --> 00:19:13,848
You look amazing.
452
00:19:13,891 --> 00:19:15,893
Wow, man. Is this
the, uh, one,
453
00:19:15,937 --> 00:19:17,765
Calvin Klein's gonna
put on the billboards?
454
00:19:17,808 --> 00:19:18,896
What?
455
00:19:20,507 --> 00:19:22,639
No, that's Fat Cooper.
456
00:19:25,164 --> 00:19:28,471
Are you kidding me?What the hell?
457
00:19:28,515 --> 00:19:30,212
I know. I barely
even have a six-pack.
458
00:19:30,256 --> 00:19:32,867
Oh, my... Dude,
you look the same.
459
00:19:32,910 --> 00:19:35,391
That's the meanest thing
anyone's ever said to me.
460
00:19:39,221 --> 00:19:40,570
Can you believe this kid?
461
00:19:40,614 --> 00:19:42,920
Ugh, I know. G...
462
00:19:42,964 --> 00:19:44,835
I just got to keep looking
at this photo
463
00:19:44,879 --> 00:19:47,969
to remind myself
how mad I am.
464
00:19:51,842 --> 00:19:53,627
Stop.
465
00:19:56,804 --> 00:19:59,502
You know, honey, Cooper's
not the only reason
466
00:19:59,546 --> 00:20:01,200
I wanted to get into shape.
467
00:20:01,243 --> 00:20:03,376
I mean, my favorite
thing in life
468
00:20:03,419 --> 00:20:05,508
is to spend Friday nights
with you on the couch,
469
00:20:05,552 --> 00:20:07,858
and I want to do that
as long as I can.
470
00:20:07,902 --> 00:20:10,252
Yeah, same. [laughs]
471
00:20:10,296 --> 00:20:14,213
But I don't want to live forever
if this is how it's gonna feel.
472
00:20:16,171 --> 00:20:17,912
I mean, one of
the joys of marriage
473
00:20:17,955 --> 00:20:19,914
is being able
to let yourself go.
474
00:20:19,957 --> 00:20:22,133
Yeah.
475
00:20:22,177 --> 00:20:23,700
I never realized that health
476
00:20:23,744 --> 00:20:25,224
was the worst part of
"in sickness and in health."
477
00:20:29,924 --> 00:20:31,969
Let's just try to live healthier
during the week,
478
00:20:32,013 --> 00:20:33,710
but then on weekends
479
00:20:33,754 --> 00:20:35,277
just be garbage people.
480
00:20:37,018 --> 00:20:38,672
Absolutely.
481
00:20:38,715 --> 00:20:40,761
And, uh, since we're
on the same page here,
482
00:20:40,804 --> 00:20:43,285
I feel like I can
admit to you that I...
483
00:20:43,329 --> 00:20:44,721
never actually
threw away our food.
484
00:20:44,765 --> 00:20:45,548
You didn't?
485
00:20:47,115 --> 00:20:49,073
[gasps]
486
00:20:49,117 --> 00:20:51,032
[both scream]
487
00:20:51,075 --> 00:20:52,816
[laughs]
488
00:20:52,860 --> 00:20:54,557
Our babies.Yes.
489
00:20:54,601 --> 00:20:56,298
[screams]
490
00:20:56,342 --> 00:20:59,301
Oh, Mommy and Daddy
love you so much.
491
00:20:59,345 --> 00:21:00,346
Mmm.
492
00:21:05,089 --> 00:21:08,136
Captioning sponsored by
CBS
493
00:21:08,179 --> 00:21:10,181
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
494
00:21:10,231 --> 00:21:14,781
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
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