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1
00:00:19,640 --> 00:00:23,310
We told you, you cannot get the
refrigerator door all the way open
2
00:00:23,310 --> 00:00:24,530
before the light comes on.
3
00:00:24,530 --> 00:00:26,740
So that's why
you called us here, Al?
4
00:00:26,740 --> 00:00:31,370
No! I signed us up for the Northside
Kickball Classic this weekend.
5
00:00:31,370 --> 00:00:33,340
And Shayla is sponsoring our team!
6
00:00:33,340 --> 00:00:34,080
What's Shayla?
7
00:00:34,080 --> 00:00:36,270
Uh, Shayla's my store. Duh!
8
00:00:36,270 --> 00:00:40,180
No, not "duh".
X-E-L-A spells Shayla?
9
00:00:40,180 --> 00:00:41,670
I didn't know you could say it.
10
00:00:41,670 --> 00:00:44,360
I thought it was a four-letter
Celtic symbol for "failure".
11
00:00:44,360 --> 00:00:45,820
LAUGHTER
12
00:00:46,800 --> 00:00:49,970
Stop. C'mon! Guys! It'll be fun.
13
00:00:49,970 --> 00:00:51,700
Plus, it's great advertising.
14
00:00:51,700 --> 00:00:54,120
I mean, that bakery for dogs
sponsored a team,
15
00:00:54,120 --> 00:00:55,610
and it really helped their business.
16
00:00:55,610 --> 00:00:58,060
Until the recession hit and they
realised it's a bakery for dogs.
17
00:00:58,060 --> 00:01:00,510
They closed, All Dogs Go To Evans?
18
00:01:00,510 --> 00:01:03,200
Well, we have
a really busy weekend, Al.
19
00:01:03,200 --> 00:01:06,600
I'm getting my hair done, and my
book club is doing a brunch crawl.
20
00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:09,320
I will be observing
the live birth of a baby calf.
21
00:01:09,320 --> 00:01:12,240
I know it might sound stupid,
but I started going to church.
22
00:01:12,240 --> 00:01:15,680
Guys! This could be our last chance
to do something all together.
23
00:01:15,680 --> 00:01:17,860
Next year,
Brad and Jane could have a baby.
24
00:01:17,860 --> 00:01:18,600
Aww! Aww!
25
00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:19,320
No! No!
26
00:01:19,320 --> 00:01:22,280
Dave could go out of business.
He might not even stay in Chicago.
27
00:01:22,280 --> 00:01:23,500
Why would I leave Chicago?
28
00:01:23,500 --> 00:01:25,200
Max could be dead
or presumed missing.
29
00:01:25,200 --> 00:01:25,950
Or presumed dead.
30
00:01:25,950 --> 00:01:27,890
And Penny'll probably be divorcing.
31
00:01:27,890 --> 00:01:29,860
(GASPS) Thank you!
32
00:01:29,860 --> 00:01:32,550
You bet. So come on, please! Please!
33
00:01:32,550 --> 00:01:34,010
Oh, I'm getting a call. Sorry.
34
00:01:34,010 --> 00:01:35,240
Hello?
35
00:01:35,240 --> 00:01:36,460
It's Pretty Please.
36
00:01:36,460 --> 00:01:37,440
Let me talk to her!
37
00:01:37,440 --> 00:01:39,150
What?
38
00:01:39,150 --> 00:01:42,100
HELLO! (LAUGHS) Hey, Pretty Please.
39
00:01:42,100 --> 00:01:44,550
No, you're cute.
Girl, what you up to?
40
00:01:44,550 --> 00:01:48,200
Oh, still asking people
to play kickball? OK.
41
00:01:48,200 --> 00:01:50,910
Guys, this bitch is like a dog
with a bone. I think we gotta play.
42
00:01:56,760 --> 00:02:00,440
All right, if you guys want me to be
the lovable, gruff player/manager...
43
00:02:00,440 --> 00:02:01,420
Nobody wants you to be that.
44
00:02:01,420 --> 00:02:03,360
...then we need to talk salary.
45
00:02:03,360 --> 00:02:05,090
I'm willing to work
for league maximum,
46
00:02:05,090 --> 00:02:07,540
cos there's no way
you are getting Max for the minimum.
47
00:02:07,540 --> 00:02:09,000
There'll be warm beer in the dugout.
48
00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:11,930
OK, throw in a lifetime of memories
I can cherish now and always
49
00:02:11,930 --> 00:02:13,660
and you got yourself a manager.
50
00:02:23,690 --> 00:02:27,360
Guys, look what I found
for the big game - my old eyeblack.
51
00:02:27,360 --> 00:02:28,830
Take that, sun.
52
00:02:28,830 --> 00:02:31,760
I got nature's eyeblack right here.
Melanin, baby.
53
00:02:31,760 --> 00:02:32,500
It's what makes me brown.
54
00:02:32,500 --> 00:02:34,440
Dave, I got to talk to you.
55
00:02:34,440 --> 00:02:36,890
As the team's
self-appointed player/manager,
56
00:02:36,890 --> 00:02:39,100
I got to let you know I'm dropping
you down to the six-hole, champ.
57
00:02:39,100 --> 00:02:42,270
I'm kicking six? That's last.
I should be kicking clean-up.
58
00:02:42,270 --> 00:02:43,760
Have you forgotten
that my right foot
59
00:02:43,760 --> 00:02:46,440
is a half-size bigger than
my left - size eight, bitches?
60
00:02:46,440 --> 00:02:48,890
No-one is questioning
your freakish feet, Dave.
61
00:02:48,890 --> 00:02:51,340
It's just you haven't been the same
since the incident.
62
00:02:59,160 --> 00:03:01,110
You went 0 for 33 after that.
63
00:03:01,110 --> 00:03:04,060
Something happened up here,
you haven't been able to kick since.
64
00:03:04,060 --> 00:03:05,760
You got a bad case of the yips,
hammy.
65
00:03:05,760 --> 00:03:07,970
Like when Chuck Knoblauch
couldn't throw
66
00:03:07,970 --> 00:03:10,180
or Wang Chung tried to have fun
the following night.
67
00:03:10,180 --> 00:03:11,400
Yips don't lie, hammy.
68
00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:12,360
You got yips, hammy.
69
00:03:12,360 --> 00:03:14,810
I'm over that!
That was a long time ago, hammies.
70
00:03:14,810 --> 00:03:17,500
Whoa, Dave... Dave! Racist.
71
00:03:17,500 --> 00:03:19,470
Face it, you're prone to the yips.
72
00:03:19,470 --> 00:03:21,920
Remember when you forgot the words
to Gangsta's Paradise?
73
00:03:21,920 --> 00:03:23,620
You still can't perform a eulogy.
74
00:03:23,620 --> 00:03:27,290
You should be worrying about you.
All you do is bunt.
75
00:03:27,290 --> 00:03:29,980
You're damn right I do.
I love a big bunt, all right?
76
00:03:29,980 --> 00:03:32,430
I play kick-moneyball,
and I get on base every time.
77
00:03:32,430 --> 00:03:33,890
It's all about numbers, baby,
78
00:03:33,890 --> 00:03:36,840
and the numbers say I'm kicking
1,000. People call me Bunt Cake.
79
00:03:36,840 --> 00:03:37,830
No-one calls you that.
80
00:03:37,830 --> 00:03:39,050
Nobody calls me
81
00:03:39,050 --> 00:03:41,480
the guy who defuses situations
with unexpected compliments,
82
00:03:41,480 --> 00:03:44,670
but that doesn't mean it's not true.
Dave, have your fingers lost weight?
83
00:03:44,670 --> 00:03:45,890
Thank you for noticing.
84
00:03:45,890 --> 00:03:49,800
Yeah, man, they're lean and mean,
especially for a guy with the yips.
85
00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:53,000
All right, you know what?
It's ridiculous. That is ridiculous!
86
00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:54,940
LAUGHTER
87
00:03:54,940 --> 00:03:56,910
You can't get the yips in kickball.
88
00:03:56,910 --> 00:03:59,360
Oh, yeah? David, then kick this.
89
00:03:59,360 --> 00:04:00,820
What? Max!
90
00:04:00,820 --> 00:04:03,270
That's a bowling ball!
91
00:04:03,270 --> 00:04:04,490
Yi-yips!
92
00:04:04,490 --> 00:04:06,200
(BOTH) # Yi-yi-yi-yips!
93
00:04:06,200 --> 00:04:08,640
I'm actually getting pumped
for kickball.
94
00:04:08,640 --> 00:04:10,350
It is a great place to meet guys.
95
00:04:10,350 --> 00:04:12,080
Last year, my friend Cory
96
00:04:12,080 --> 00:04:15,240
collided at home plate
with this really cute catcher.
97
00:04:15,240 --> 00:04:17,690
She still can't see colours
and he has a titanium knee,
98
00:04:17,690 --> 00:04:18,920
but they're getting married!
99
00:04:18,920 --> 00:04:19,900
Oh, cute!
100
00:04:19,900 --> 00:04:21,120
So cute!
101
00:04:21,120 --> 00:04:22,830
Jane, what's wrong with your car?
102
00:04:22,830 --> 00:04:26,740
Oh, routine maintenance. Boring
car stuff, intake manifold, whatnot.
103
00:04:26,740 --> 00:04:30,680
Hey, Jane, first game's
at ten tomorrow. Here's your jersey.
104
00:04:30,680 --> 00:04:32,620
Good on you for hyphenating.
105
00:04:32,620 --> 00:04:35,550
What, you're playing kickball
for their team?
106
00:04:35,550 --> 00:04:37,520
I'm sorry.
I signed up with them months ago,
107
00:04:37,520 --> 00:04:39,480
and when I commit, I stay committed.
108
00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:42,170
What about that Guatemalan kid you
stopped sponsoring after a month?
109
00:04:42,170 --> 00:04:45,840
When I send $25,
I expect a letter, Adolfo.
110
00:04:45,840 --> 00:04:48,290
OK, come on, quit them.
Join us. It'll be fun!
111
00:04:48,290 --> 00:04:50,240
Oh, no.
112
00:04:50,240 --> 00:04:51,700
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
113
00:04:54,650 --> 00:04:56,120
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
114
00:04:56,120 --> 00:04:58,060
You see, I like to win,
115
00:04:58,060 --> 00:05:01,490
so I'm taking my talents
to Southside Kaz's Auto Body Shop.
116
00:05:01,490 --> 00:05:04,420
That is cold-blooded, LaBlonde Jane.
117
00:05:04,420 --> 00:05:05,640
Typical Ruthless Jane.
118
00:05:05,640 --> 00:05:07,610
Just like when we were kids
119
00:05:07,610 --> 00:05:10,780
and you stole my spot on
Baboo the Green Monkey Funky Hour.
120
00:05:10,780 --> 00:05:14,450
And the last little poacher to get
to join us for the Baboo Boogie,
121
00:05:14,450 --> 00:05:15,440
Alex Kerkovich!
122
00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:16,660
Yay!
123
00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:20,810
Oh, Jane, I wish we both coulda won.
124
00:05:20,810 --> 00:05:22,540
Yeah, me too. Oh, well.
125
00:05:22,540 --> 00:05:24,240
Come on up here, Alex!
126
00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:26,930
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's me, Alex!
127
00:05:26,930 --> 00:05:28,900
Let's boogie!
128
00:05:28,900 --> 00:05:31,350
I remember that!
You took your prize trip
129
00:05:31,350 --> 00:05:34,040
and you contracted
that flesh-eating strep bacteria.
130
00:05:34,040 --> 00:05:36,720
That should've been
my flesh-eating strep bacteria.
131
00:05:36,720 --> 00:05:39,410
But it's all good, Jane.
You play for your auto-body team.
132
00:05:39,410 --> 00:05:41,380
But Team Xela is gonna have fun.
133
00:05:41,380 --> 00:05:42,360
And we're gonna win!
134
00:05:42,360 --> 00:05:44,550
Oh, silly Alex.
135
00:05:44,550 --> 00:05:45,770
Wins are for winners.
136
00:05:47,500 --> 00:05:51,410
So, uh, are you in a bad mood now,
or can we still go and try on wigs?
137
00:05:51,410 --> 00:05:52,880
I'm not great.
138
00:05:52,880 --> 00:05:53,860
Hm.
139
00:05:54,500 --> 00:05:55,140
"The Stars and Stripes Forever"
140
00:05:55,460 --> 00:05:57,190
"The Stars and Stripes Forever".
141
00:06:12,600 --> 00:06:14,300
Play ball!
142
00:06:14,300 --> 00:06:16,030
Hello, Chicago,
143
00:06:16,030 --> 00:06:20,420
and welcome to the first day of the
annual Northside Kickball Classic.
144
00:06:20,420 --> 00:06:22,630
I am Duckie Blenkinship.
145
00:06:22,630 --> 00:06:25,320
Fun fact - two teenagers locked me
in that Porta Potty last year.
146
00:06:25,320 --> 00:06:28,000
I've seen it all, folks.
Duckie has seen it all.
147
00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:29,970
All right, everybody,
this is what we do.
148
00:06:29,970 --> 00:06:32,180
We're gonna start
with some light stretching.
149
00:06:32,180 --> 00:06:34,120
That will be followed
by some heavy losing,
150
00:06:34,120 --> 00:06:36,810
which will then be followed
by some even heavier drinking.
151
00:06:36,810 --> 00:06:40,240
Come on, Max, I think
we could win this whole damn thing.
152
00:06:40,240 --> 00:06:41,950
My right fielder's
in six-inch heels.
153
00:06:41,950 --> 00:06:44,900
My kickball shoes
make me look like a lesbian!
154
00:06:44,900 --> 00:06:47,830
I got this guy over here. I can't
tell if he's practising his kicking
155
00:06:47,830 --> 00:06:51,260
or gently nudging that thing
to make sure it's still alive.
156
00:06:51,260 --> 00:06:53,200
My third baseman's priorities
are way out of whack.
157
00:06:53,200 --> 00:06:54,690
Which eyeblack should I choose,
158
00:06:54,690 --> 00:06:56,880
Ebony Heat or Midnight Storm?
159
00:06:56,880 --> 00:06:59,560
Face it, Jane was
the only good player on this team,
160
00:06:59,560 --> 00:07:01,530
and she crap-damn bailed on us.
161
00:07:01,530 --> 00:07:03,740
Look at that traitor.
162
00:07:03,740 --> 00:07:05,200
I hate her.
163
00:07:05,200 --> 00:07:09,860
Those long, lithe legs just sticking
out of those teeny-tiny shorts,
164
00:07:09,860 --> 00:07:14,010
just teasing. I'm gonna hate her,
like, five times tonight.
165
00:07:14,010 --> 00:07:14,730
Guys, I'm talking about sex.
166
00:07:14,730 --> 00:07:15,480
Got it.
167
00:07:15,480 --> 00:07:17,920
Well, at least we got Scotty.
168
00:07:22,320 --> 00:07:25,750
Hey, guys. Sorry I'm late.
I was getting juiced up.
169
00:07:25,750 --> 00:07:27,210
Mango and orange.
170
00:07:27,210 --> 00:07:28,940
Also doing steroids.
171
00:07:28,940 --> 00:07:30,640
For my thyroid condition.
172
00:07:30,640 --> 00:07:31,870
And for strength.
173
00:07:31,870 --> 00:07:33,090
Cos of my weak spine.
174
00:07:33,090 --> 00:07:34,800
Cos I do too many steroids.
175
00:07:34,800 --> 00:07:37,750
Ooh, sunflower seeds!
These are good roughage.
176
00:07:37,750 --> 00:07:39,450
Swallowed a plastic bag
I'm trying to pass.
177
00:07:41,160 --> 00:07:43,120
(DUCKIE) Bottom of the fifth,
and Team...
178
00:07:43,120 --> 00:07:45,810
I don't know how to say this,
folks. Exceller?
179
00:07:45,810 --> 00:07:48,740
...Is two outs away from being
knocked out in the first round,
180
00:07:48,740 --> 00:07:51,190
much like I got knocked out
by that teenage girl
181
00:07:51,190 --> 00:07:54,380
when I politely asked her if her dog
could quit biting my hands.
182
00:07:54,380 --> 00:07:56,080
Here we go.
183
00:07:57,810 --> 00:07:58,770
'Here's the pitch.'
184
00:08:00,740 --> 00:08:01,720
Strike two!
185
00:08:01,720 --> 00:08:02,200
Time-out.
186
00:08:02,200 --> 00:08:06,120
'Oh, another swing and a miss,
and that is strike two.'
187
00:08:06,120 --> 00:08:08,560
Dave, you're 0 for 4,
you've left seven men on base.
188
00:08:08,560 --> 00:08:11,010
This pitcher's got my number, man.
189
00:08:12,480 --> 00:08:14,680
What did we talk about, huh?
Visualisation.
190
00:08:14,680 --> 00:08:16,390
You see the ball, you kick the ball.
191
00:08:16,390 --> 00:08:18,360
See the ball, you kick the ball.
192
00:08:18,360 --> 00:08:20,560
See the ball, kick the ball.
193
00:08:20,560 --> 00:08:23,490
'Rose steps back in after a pep talk.
The pitch...'
194
00:08:26,420 --> 00:08:28,870
And Dave Rose is down on strikes.
195
00:08:28,870 --> 00:08:30,360
Grab some bench.
196
00:08:30,360 --> 00:08:33,280
And Team Seelo
is down to their final out.
197
00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:34,990
Well, we had a good run.
198
00:08:34,990 --> 00:08:37,200
Actually, we had no runs.
Where are we getting pizza?
199
00:08:37,200 --> 00:08:40,120
Amici's. I overheard in the men's
room that's where everyone's going.
200
00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:42,090
That was me in the men's room!
I love Amici's!
201
00:08:42,090 --> 00:08:45,760
Guys, stop it! We still have
a chance. Max, you're the manager.
202
00:08:45,760 --> 00:08:47,230
You're supposed to inspire.
203
00:08:47,230 --> 00:08:48,210
I got nothing left.
204
00:08:48,210 --> 00:08:51,880
Dare it out. Brad, I still haven't
heard anyone chant "Bunt Cake" yet.
205
00:08:51,880 --> 00:08:52,600
No-one chants that.
206
00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:54,330
But they could.
207
00:08:54,330 --> 00:08:58,000
Penny, you came here to met guys.
I don't see no ring on that finger.
208
00:08:58,000 --> 00:08:58,720
(GASPS)
209
00:08:58,720 --> 00:09:02,400
Dave, you can still get over
your yips. We've got one out left,
210
00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:04,360
and we will win this,
because we're a team!
211
00:09:04,360 --> 00:09:04,840
You didn't do me.
212
00:09:04,840 --> 00:09:07,290
Shut up! I'm gonna go out there
and I'm gonna start a rally!
213
00:09:08,520 --> 00:09:09,240
Come on!
214
00:09:09,240 --> 00:09:11,950
It's Kerkovich at the plate.
The pitch...
215
00:09:15,120 --> 00:09:16,340
It's out of here!
216
00:09:17,800 --> 00:09:22,460
Unbelievable, folks, a gigantic
home run from a child-sized woman.
217
00:09:33,480 --> 00:09:35,660
Very impressive for a chubby!
218
00:09:36,880 --> 00:09:38,850
Dave Rose...
219
00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:40,820
He is terrible!
220
00:09:40,820 --> 00:09:42,520
And Penny Hartz...
221
00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:48,140
And Team Zazou wins.
222
00:09:48,140 --> 00:09:50,110
Wow, what a comeback!
223
00:09:50,110 --> 00:09:54,260
Yeah! We did it! Yeah!
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yeah!
224
00:09:57,930 --> 00:09:59,160
You might not suck!
225
00:10:17,280 --> 00:10:18,980
Left foot, right? Left, left...
226
00:10:27,550 --> 00:10:29,010
Yesss!
227
00:10:29,010 --> 00:10:32,680
And Team Zazou wins 11-5,
228
00:10:32,680 --> 00:10:35,610
and they're just one win away
from the championship game.
229
00:10:35,610 --> 00:10:37,580
That was so amazing today!
230
00:10:37,580 --> 00:10:40,030
Yep, I managed
a hell of a game out there.
231
00:10:40,030 --> 00:10:41,970
OK, game ball time. OK, bring it in.
232
00:10:41,970 --> 00:10:43,440
And the game ball goes to...
233
00:10:43,440 --> 00:10:45,640
Max, for managing
a hell of a game out there.
234
00:10:45,640 --> 00:10:49,560
Oh, looky, looky,
it's Jane-edict Arnold.
235
00:10:49,560 --> 00:10:50,300
Hello, Jane.
236
00:10:50,300 --> 00:10:51,520
Hello, Newman.
237
00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:55,200
I don't know if you've heard,
but we got game. Kickball game.
238
00:10:55,200 --> 00:10:58,870
Looks like we're meeting
Kaz's Auto Body in the semifinals.
239
00:10:58,870 --> 00:11:00,330
The kickball semifinals.
240
00:11:00,330 --> 00:11:03,500
Classic battle, good versus evil,
Bulls versus Pistons,
241
00:11:03,500 --> 00:11:05,950
My Aunt Michelle versus hepatitis B.
242
00:11:05,950 --> 00:11:08,900
And we got moves
you don't even know about.
243
00:11:08,900 --> 00:11:11,830
I know your one move. Bunt.
244
00:11:11,830 --> 00:11:13,770
They call me Bunt Cake.
245
00:11:13,770 --> 00:11:15,260
Man, no-one calls you that!
246
00:11:15,260 --> 00:11:17,950
Anyway, you're only as good
as your weakest link.
247
00:11:17,950 --> 00:11:20,880
I'm talking about yipsy-kye-ay
motherfailure over there.
248
00:11:20,880 --> 00:11:22,340
See the ball, kick the ball.
249
00:11:22,340 --> 00:11:25,530
See the kick, kick the Penny.
No, David!
250
00:11:25,530 --> 00:11:27,240
Ohhhh! Good luck with that.
251
00:11:27,240 --> 00:11:28,460
Yeah, don't worry
252
00:11:28,460 --> 00:11:31,150
about my team, Jane, all right?
Cos we're a team.
253
00:11:31,150 --> 00:11:33,840
We stick together.
It's called loyalty.
254
00:11:33,840 --> 00:11:35,560
You don't know nothing about that.
255
00:11:35,560 --> 00:11:36,550
Nothing!
256
00:11:36,550 --> 00:11:38,490
We gotta cut that sad motherfailure.
257
00:11:38,490 --> 00:11:39,720
You're damn right we do.
258
00:11:39,720 --> 00:11:41,180
But you gotta do it. He's used
to hearing crap from you.
259
00:11:41,180 --> 00:11:43,630
You got it.
260
00:11:43,630 --> 00:11:47,300
Yo, team-mates! You ready to throw
another W up on the board today?
261
00:11:47,300 --> 00:11:50,730
(IMITATES STEAM TRAIN)
262
00:11:50,730 --> 00:11:54,400
Choo-choo! Next stop, championship.
All aboard!
263
00:11:54,400 --> 00:11:55,870
M-Slice!
264
00:11:55,870 --> 00:11:57,810
B-Rad! Big A!
265
00:11:57,810 --> 00:11:59,040
Weird S...
266
00:11:59,040 --> 00:12:00,020
P-Dog!
267
00:12:00,020 --> 00:12:01,990
And Lance Briggs!
268
00:12:01,990 --> 00:12:05,660
That's the name on my state ID.
I don't drive. It's too dangerous.
269
00:12:05,660 --> 00:12:09,330
What is Chicago Bears linebacker
Lance Briggs doing in our dug-out?
270
00:12:09,330 --> 00:12:10,290
Listen, Dave...
271
00:12:10,290 --> 00:12:10,800
D-Town.
272
00:12:10,800 --> 00:12:13,480
Dave. Lance works out at Brad's
Pilates gym.
273
00:12:13,480 --> 00:12:15,430
That's how I keep the cord tight.
274
00:12:15,430 --> 00:12:15,930
Heard that.
275
00:12:15,930 --> 00:12:16,920
No, you didn't.
276
00:12:16,920 --> 00:12:19,600
We asked him to join the team, bud.
277
00:12:19,600 --> 00:12:22,050
So that means we're gonna have to
replace somebody, buddy.
278
00:12:22,050 --> 00:12:24,000
Ouch! That's some harsh barley.
279
00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:26,200
But what's good for the gander
is good for the geese.
280
00:12:26,200 --> 00:12:28,170
Sorry, Scotty,
you're pretty weird anyway.
281
00:12:28,170 --> 00:12:29,130
Oh, it's not me, Doug.
282
00:12:29,130 --> 00:12:32,320
Dave. Well, if it's not Scotty,
then who...
283
00:12:32,320 --> 00:12:35,760
Ohhh! It's me, isn't it?
284
00:12:35,760 --> 00:12:37,460
Dave,
we just can't get eliminated now.
285
00:12:37,460 --> 00:12:40,390
Bunt Cake's gotten addicted
to people calling him Bunt Cake.
286
00:12:40,390 --> 00:12:40,890
No-one calls you that.
287
00:12:40,890 --> 00:12:42,360
But they will.
288
00:12:42,360 --> 00:12:44,560
Sorry, but it's not gonna be me.
289
00:12:44,560 --> 00:12:47,970
You know, I haven't hooked up yet,
and I'm mad horny, son!
290
00:12:47,970 --> 00:12:48,960
Ooh, I'll do stuff to you.
291
00:12:48,960 --> 00:12:49,940
Please no.
292
00:12:49,940 --> 00:12:52,870
Look, guys, have I been in a slump?
Yes.
293
00:12:52,870 --> 00:12:55,560
Is Lance Briggs a superior athlete?
Doy!
294
00:12:55,560 --> 00:12:58,990
Does he have
the body of a Greek god? Amen!
295
00:12:58,990 --> 00:13:00,450
But the point is, Lance...
296
00:13:00,450 --> 00:13:04,120
would it be weird if I asked you
for your autograph right now?
297
00:13:04,120 --> 00:13:07,800
I usually only give these to sick
kids, but... you look in bad shape.
298
00:13:09,020 --> 00:13:15,380
(DUCKIE) 'Well, here we are, the score
is 5-4, Kaz's Auto Body in the lead.'
299
00:13:15,380 --> 00:13:18,810
Coming to their final out
of the tournament,
300
00:13:18,810 --> 00:13:21,740
Team Zoola's last hopes
rest on Alex Kerkovich,
301
00:13:21,740 --> 00:13:24,930
who'll be facing up
against Jane Kerkovich-Williams.
302
00:13:24,930 --> 00:13:26,160
Wow, they're sisters.
303
00:13:26,160 --> 00:13:27,380
'I just found that out.'
304
00:13:27,380 --> 00:13:30,310
Hashtag-WhoKnewTheyWereSisters!
305
00:13:38,640 --> 00:13:42,550
Baboo! That should be my T-shirt.
306
00:13:42,550 --> 00:13:45,480
(BABOO ECHOES) T-shirt... T-shirt...
Alex... Alex... Kerkovich...
307
00:13:45,480 --> 00:13:48,400
Ruthless. Just ruthless.
308
00:13:48,400 --> 00:13:50,370
'Wait, that's a fair ball!'
309
00:13:50,370 --> 00:13:51,600
You're out.
310
00:13:51,600 --> 00:13:54,760
'Oops,
she didn't see that pitch coming!'
311
00:13:54,760 --> 00:13:57,960
And that's the ball game, folks!
312
00:13:57,960 --> 00:14:00,640
'Kaz's Auto Body
are going to the championship game!'
313
00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:02,610
And I got to see female belly
314
00:14:02,610 --> 00:14:06,280
for the first time since my wife
moved into the second bedroom.
315
00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:09,930
Ooh, Baboo the Monkey.
I loved that show.
316
00:14:09,930 --> 00:14:12,140
Hey, Lance Briggs, shut it!
317
00:14:13,120 --> 00:14:16,560
Come on, even though it's over,
I don't want to see any long faces.
318
00:14:16,560 --> 00:14:19,240
We're Team Xela.
We got to pick our chins up.
319
00:14:19,240 --> 00:14:20,470
Max, are you crying?
320
00:14:20,470 --> 00:14:22,410
Yeah. Turns out
there is crying in kickball.
321
00:14:23,640 --> 00:14:26,320
God, I hate losing.
I hate it so much. It sucks!
322
00:14:26,320 --> 00:14:28,530
And I hate being humiliated by Jane.
323
00:14:28,530 --> 00:14:30,980
Unless it's on my terms.
With a safe word.
324
00:14:30,980 --> 00:14:32,950
And I screwed over Dave.
325
00:14:32,950 --> 00:14:35,130
I mean, what did Lance Briggs
even do for us?
326
00:14:40,030 --> 00:14:42,480
Well, Robbie Gould, the Bears kicker,
also goes to my gym.
327
00:14:42,480 --> 00:14:42,980
What?
328
00:14:42,980 --> 00:14:44,680
Oh, I should've asked him, huh?
329
00:14:44,680 --> 00:14:46,650
No, no, no, this is on me.
330
00:14:46,650 --> 00:14:49,580
It was supposed to be about fun,
and I got drunk on winning
331
00:14:49,580 --> 00:14:52,270
and I forgot what was important,
and now it's all over.
332
00:14:52,270 --> 00:14:53,010
It's not over.
333
00:14:53,010 --> 00:14:53,730
(ALL) What?
334
00:14:53,730 --> 00:14:56,180
You guys are playing Ivanov
in the championship.
335
00:14:56,180 --> 00:14:58,870
Kaz's got disqualified for
corking their sneakers with steel.
336
00:14:58,870 --> 00:15:02,300
Uhhh! If you can't trust
an auto-body shop, who can you trust?
337
00:15:02,300 --> 00:15:03,280
I turned them in to the league.
338
00:15:03,280 --> 00:15:07,200
Really? But you said you wanted to
"Taste the sweet nectar of victory",
339
00:15:07,200 --> 00:15:10,630
because you were, "Pretty sure
it'd taste like blood. Human blood."
340
00:15:10,630 --> 00:15:12,570
Oh, it so does.
341
00:15:14,040 --> 00:15:16,990
But I wanna be ruthless with you,
not against you.
342
00:15:16,990 --> 00:15:20,400
Awww! Yay, Team Xela
is back together.
343
00:15:20,400 --> 00:15:21,620
Yay, I said Xela right!
344
00:15:27,500 --> 00:15:32,400
Look, Dave, I feel terrible
about this Lance Briggs thing,
345
00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:34,100
so I made you apology soup.
346
00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:37,050
Is it the same recipe as, "I'm sorry
you saw my mom naked" soup?
347
00:15:37,050 --> 00:15:38,010
Yep, corn chowder.
348
00:15:38,010 --> 00:15:40,720
I get it. You guys wanted to win.
349
00:15:40,720 --> 00:15:43,170
Yeah, but I realised
that it's not about winning.
350
00:15:43,170 --> 00:15:45,360
It's about having fun
with your friends.
351
00:15:45,360 --> 00:15:47,560
So I want you to come back tomorrow
and play.
352
00:15:47,560 --> 00:15:48,550
I can't do that.
353
00:15:48,550 --> 00:15:51,720
You're that mad? Look, I don't have
time to break out the soul cooker
354
00:15:51,720 --> 00:15:54,670
and make apology pork loin
with a side of super-sorry glaze.
355
00:15:54,670 --> 00:15:55,890
I just don't have the time.
356
00:15:55,890 --> 00:15:59,560
I'm not mad. Kickball is about
friendship. I want my friends to win
357
00:15:59,560 --> 00:16:01,990
so I'm gonna let Scotty play for me
tomorrow.
358
00:16:01,990 --> 00:16:05,180
But I will be there supporting
my team like a total badass.
359
00:16:05,180 --> 00:16:07,150
Really?
360
00:16:07,150 --> 00:16:08,370
High five.
361
00:16:08,370 --> 00:16:10,080
Let's try it again.
362
00:16:10,080 --> 00:16:11,300
I got a piece of it.
363
00:16:48,740 --> 00:16:49,960
Yikes.
364
00:16:49,960 --> 00:16:53,880
It is the fifth and final inning,
folks. Ivanov Nail Salon
365
00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:55,100
leads 3-0.
366
00:16:55,100 --> 00:16:58,270
We're one out away from finishing
this year's championship.
367
00:16:58,270 --> 00:17:02,180
Team Shammy has Kerkovich
on second and Hartz on first.
368
00:17:02,180 --> 00:17:05,610
And that brings up
Brad Williammmmmmmmzzz!
369
00:17:05,610 --> 00:17:08,300
(TEAM CHANT) Bunt Cake! Bunt Cake!
370
00:17:08,300 --> 00:17:10,030
Bunt Cake! Bunt Cake!
371
00:17:10,030 --> 00:17:10,510
I'm here!
372
00:17:10,510 --> 00:17:12,720
Bunt Cake! Bunt Cake!
373
00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:15,160
All right, you guys, come on.
I gotta concentrate.
374
00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:16,390
Jeez!
375
00:17:16,390 --> 00:17:17,850
I'm notched at this point.
376
00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:22,240
Now, in a page from the Bambino...
377
00:17:22,240 --> 00:17:25,200
he is calling a home run...
378
00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:28,360
No, wait, in a page from no-one,
he is calling a bunt.
379
00:17:28,360 --> 00:17:31,290
In my 36 hours
of covering kickball, folks,
380
00:17:31,290 --> 00:17:34,720
I've never seen anything
so confusing.
381
00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:36,190
Here's the pitch.
382
00:17:40,360 --> 00:17:42,070
Oh, my God, he didn't bunt,
383
00:17:42,070 --> 00:17:44,040
he kicked a single!
384
00:17:44,040 --> 00:17:47,440
Oh, my God! It's the exact
same result as a bunt!
385
00:17:47,440 --> 00:17:49,890
But it feels so much better!
386
00:17:49,890 --> 00:17:51,360
Bases loaded!
387
00:17:51,360 --> 00:17:54,790
Right, Scotty, you got this,
go bring 'em home.
388
00:17:54,790 --> 00:17:58,460
You got the right guy, Max.
I despise Soviets. You know why?
389
00:17:58,460 --> 00:18:01,890
Because they rendered every
single one of my old globes obsolete.
390
00:18:01,890 --> 00:18:02,610
OK, go get 'em.
391
00:18:02,610 --> 00:18:04,580
Ohh, my weak spine!
392
00:18:04,580 --> 00:18:07,030
Ohhh, my weak knees!
393
00:18:07,030 --> 00:18:08,730
I need steroids!
394
00:18:08,730 --> 00:18:11,420
Time-out. Who you got?
395
00:18:11,420 --> 00:18:12,910
Hey!
396
00:18:12,910 --> 00:18:13,870
What?
397
00:18:13,870 --> 00:18:15,330
Can you do this for me, D-Town?
398
00:18:15,330 --> 00:18:18,520
Yeah. Nope. No. Yeah. No, I can't.
399
00:18:18,520 --> 00:18:23,180
Dave, listen,
stop blaming yourself for hitting me.
400
00:18:23,180 --> 00:18:25,630
It was an accident!
It'd be hardnot to hit me.
401
00:18:25,630 --> 00:18:27,330
Look at this melon!
402
00:18:27,330 --> 00:18:30,760
Even Tim Russert would be, "Damn,
girl, your head's all swelled up!"
403
00:18:30,760 --> 00:18:31,720
It's so big!
404
00:18:31,720 --> 00:18:33,690
All right, all right. That's enough.
405
00:18:33,690 --> 00:18:36,880
Look, just stop putting
so much pressure on yourself, OK?
406
00:18:36,880 --> 00:18:39,810
Kick it, don't kick it -
just have fun.
407
00:18:39,810 --> 00:18:41,280
Yeah!
408
00:18:41,280 --> 00:18:42,500
Thanks, guys.
409
00:18:44,470 --> 00:18:46,170
Let's do this.
410
00:18:46,170 --> 00:18:47,640
Dave Rose?
411
00:18:48,860 --> 00:18:50,320
But he's terrible!
412
00:18:51,550 --> 00:18:53,010
Right, come on, baby, big kick!
413
00:18:53,010 --> 00:18:54,740
The tension here is high.
414
00:18:54,740 --> 00:18:57,190
All right, here's the pitch.
415
00:19:27,020 --> 00:19:27,760
We won!
416
00:19:27,760 --> 00:19:31,920
And it's over! Ivanov wins
the Northside Kickball Classic!
417
00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:33,880
They lost.
418
00:19:33,880 --> 00:19:34,870
Why are they celebrating?
419
00:19:36,570 --> 00:19:39,020
An inexplicable
celebration from Team Shayla.
420
00:19:39,020 --> 00:19:41,470
Sorry, folks, I must be drunk.
I said their name wrong.
421
00:19:42,930 --> 00:19:45,140
Perhaps is moral victory.
422
00:19:49,290 --> 00:19:51,000
(SOBS)
423
00:19:55,650 --> 00:19:58,100
Do you ever see stuff in the stars?
424
00:19:58,100 --> 00:20:02,250
Sure do.
See right there, under Ursa Minor?
425
00:20:02,250 --> 00:20:06,430
I see a wide receiver running
a slant as we drop into cover two.
426
00:20:06,430 --> 00:20:07,410
Oh, yeah!
427
00:20:07,410 --> 00:20:08,370
Mm-hm.
428
00:20:08,370 --> 00:20:10,580
What about up there?
429
00:20:10,580 --> 00:20:13,770
Oh, right there?
Just above Orion's Belt?
430
00:20:13,770 --> 00:20:16,460
I see an H-back in spread formation.
431
00:20:16,460 --> 00:20:18,160
He's about to run a checkdown.
432
00:20:19,150 --> 00:20:20,370
What do you see?
433
00:20:20,370 --> 00:20:22,080
I see a puppy.
434
00:20:22,080 --> 00:20:24,760
We are so in sync.
435
00:20:24,760 --> 00:20:26,230
Agreed.
436
00:20:29,660 --> 00:20:31,630
(THEY BOTH SIGH HAPPILY)
437
00:20:31,680 --> 00:20:36,230
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