Original subtitles

Yeah, this is a story of famous dogs.

For the dog that chases its tail will be dizzy.

Dog.

- Hey, you. I left somethin' on your desk. - I've got it.

- Yo, man. - Man, when are we gonna hang out?

We gonna hang out soon. Slow down with that thing, Bony.

- Mornin', ladies. - Hi, Marcus.

- So I'm here on the right. I'm like this. - Yo, man, I'm tryin' to work.

- Hey. Whassup? - Yo. Whassup?

- I'll see y'all at lunch. - OK. Peace.

Good morning. Hey, stranger, nice to see you again.

Morning, cuteness. How you doin'? Whassup?

Morning. Morning. Morning.

- Good morning. - Morning.

- Hey, you. - Hello.

- Morning, Noreen. - Good morning, Marcus.

Do me a favour and send a single long-stemmed rose to Carrie, Tracy,

Miranda, Cassandra, Alegra, Shirrel and Mai-Lai.

- With the usual card? - "Thinking only of you."

Right. You have a meeting with Lady Eloise tomorrow at nine.

- Cool. - Nelson's waiting. And Anita called.

I forgot. Will you get her on the phone?

- Sure. - Thank you.

- Nelson. - Hello, Marcus.

I can't wait to show you this. I have recut the Kissable spot.

You recut it? But is it sexy?

Is it sexy?

It is sexational.

- I like it. - Good.

I like the orange, and I like the ice cream.

You gotta get rid of the cherries and the banana.

Cherry and banana? But that's a little Bu�uel, a little Dali. It's... you know.

It's too overt. We should go a little more subtle.

- Some women might get offended. - All right.

But I dug it. I dug it. Don't make that "he didn't dig it" face. I dug it.

It just got a little nasty, like you always do.

- OK. - All right.

- Nasty Nelson. - That's me.

Least there wasn't no sausages in this one.

- Yeah? - Anita on line one.

Great.

Hey, you.

Let me... Can I explain what happened? Have you been watching the news?

You haven't been watching the news. The big accident in midtown,

where the cabs busted into the other cab,

it knocked into a bus and a water main bust - I was in that.

It's on the news right now. It just went off Channel 4, just went off.

Yeah, but I was... No, I'm cool. I'm all right, yeah.

No, my neck's a little stiff, that's all.

Actually, a massage sounds kinda fly.

Yeah, I'm all with that. That, too.

Can I call you next week? Cool.

Later.

- What's next? - Casting for the body lotion spot.

Tell the fellas I might be a little late for lunch today.

Yo, man. I saw somethin' on cable last night - freaked me.

There was this woman, right? Baby had body.

She's lyin' there, totally naked, right? You could see everything.

But she had a dick, man.

Fucked me up.

It was a 976 number for hermaphrodites.

You're talkin' about 9-7-6-D-l-C-K, Chicks With Dicks.

How could you put that in your mental Rolodex? He's a closet freak.

- You got problems. - You're comin' out.

- Yeah. - No, man, I was just, you know, kiddin'.

Oh, man. That ain't regular, man.

There's a whole world out there we don't know about.

Like the shit you read in Penthouse - that stuff never happens to me.

Man, stuff like that never happens to anybody, except for Marcus.

The only reason stuff like that happens to me is I pay attention to women.

- Y'all don't pay attention to women. - I pay attention.

- You have to study their movements. - Get outta here.

- It's an art form. - I can't do that, man.

- That's why you get no pussy. - Exactly.

Tyler, there's other things in life besides sex.

Sharing, commitment. You gotta get in touch with your feminine side like me.

Startin' to sound a little on the soft side. Startin' to sound soft.

- Borderline bitch. - You know what your problem is?

You need more romance and less Doberman pinscher.

That's true. You have too much dog and no romance.

Don't even try that. You ain't got no romance.

Excuse me. I am the most romantic cat both of you know.

When I meet a woman, I am flowers, I am candy, I am soft music...

And Mr Milk-Bones.

I am Mr Romance when I meet a woman.

Once I hit it, I lose interest. But that ain't my fault.

So, in other words, right at that moment of orgasm,

all the romance just skeets right outta you.

No, but you can't put that on me. The onus is not on me.

- Hi. - How are you?

- Good. - You have a beautiful accent.

- Where are you from? - Holland. Nice meeting you.

- Nice meeting you, too. - Bye.

Bye-bye, cuteness.

I'm from Detroit.

Shit, that shit makes me mad, man. Bitches never do that to me, man.

Maybe it's because you call them bitches.

Yeah, man. You need to straighten up, show some respect, man. Come on.

Yo, man. Excuse me. Excuse me, waitress.

- Yeah. - Look, I ordered the duck, right?

- Yeah. - What vegetable comes with that?

That's a good one. It's saut�ed asparagus spears, and it is good.

- Flavour. - Delicious. Yeah.

- That sounds good. Oh, God. - You'll love 'em.

- All right. - That sounds good.

- "That sounds good." Come on. - What?

Why don't she just come out and call us jungle bunnies?

- What? - Asparagus spears.

- What? - For white guys, it'd be asparagus tips.

- Racial, man. Racial. - Man, you trippin' now.

- No, you trippin'. - Definitely, definitely. No, you def...

You are gonna have to process some of this anger, man.

- No. - Yo...

- Y'all excuse me. - You know what?

You need to get in touch with Tyler, and say "Tyler, I love you, man".

What? Nigger, please.

OK, go take your walk, honey.

I'll give you $20 for that leash.

Take it, fool. Turnin' down good money.

Yes, baby.

Kirby.

Kirby.

Come on, Kirb.

- Kirby. - Did you lose your dog?

Yeah, I lost a white springer spaniel with brown spots on, named Kirby.

- Real energetic dog. Did you see him? - I haven't seen him.

I only took him off the leash for a couple of seconds.

Kirby.

- He's like a family member, you know? - I know. I feel the same about Brutus.

- I love my Brutus. - I can see why.

- Do you walk him here every day? - Yeah, I do.

Could you do me a favour? My name is Marcus Graham. Here's my card.

If you bump into Kirby, could you call? I'll have somebody pick him up.

OK. Well, good luck. I sure hope you find him.

Thanks.

Kirb.

Kirby.

Let me give you my number. I won't sleep until I know you've found him.

- Do you have a pen? - Do I?

I have a pen right here, and...

- Thank you. - Thank you.

- Bye-bye. - Good luck.

Bye-bye.

Kirby?

Kirb?

Kirbster?

Marcus. Marcus.

I know you hear me, you slimy, sleazy, sneaky, slitherin' son of a bitch.

Keep it down. I'm gettin' ready to have some company, OK?

- So, who's the victim tonight? - Yvonne, I don't feel like playin'. Stop.

Why don't you just tell her you're gonna use her, then dump her like you did me?

Excuse me. Excuse me. I did not dump you.

We went out, it was whack, and it was your fault, and I wish...

Look, why don't you get over it and go find another man? Get outta here.

I hope you catch a disease and your dick falls off.

I'd expect you to say something crass.

Don't forget I have the court order for you to stay away.

- I'm gonna call your probation officer. - Court order?

I don't give a damn about no court order.

- Hey. - Hi.

- Nice to see you again. - Nice to see you, too.

- Wow. Nice place. - Thank you.

- Where's Kirby? Kirby. Kirby. - He's at the groomer's.

He got caught under a truck and got grease on his coat. He's OK.

- You look great. - Thank you.

Gold star for Marcus. Dinner was yummy.

I never met a man who cooked so well. How'd you learn how to cook like that?

Well, you kinda pick those things up, you know, when you're...

when you're alone as much as I am.

Really?

Yeah. See...

Marcus.

Marcus, you know you wrong.

You no-good... Marcus.

Let's go in the living room. We'll be much more comfortable in there.

- OK. - Come on.

Girlfriend.

Girlfriend.

Girlfriend.

Knock, knock.

- Who's there? - A scared little boy named Marcus.

And he's just dying to come out.

He's been hurt, too, hasn't he?

Tell me about him. Tell me all about Marcus.

Well, I haven't been out with anybody in about two years.

Not since Debra - that's the girl I almost married.

Day of my wedding, I went to the church early, cos I had a bad feeling,

and I go in the back, and that's when I saw it.

She was on the ground with the best man.

And the priest.

Freakin'.

You poor baby.

Yeah, that's when I realised that you can't trust anybody.

You can trust me.

I'm not ready for this.

I think I should take you home. I think it's best.

I can't tell you how helpful this has been. Gold star for Christie.

Thanks. You really helped me in here. I felt that.

- You don't have to thank me. Come on. - No, no, I shouldn't come in.

- Come on. - Christie, don't. I shouldn't be in here.

I'm not ready for this. Are we by ourselves?

- Of course we're by ourselves. - Christie.

- Marcus, spend the night with me. - Christie, no, it's just too soon. I c...

I just don't wanna be hurt again.

I won't hurt you.

Please be gentle.

- So what happened with this girl? - Man, she was beautiful.

She was beautiful, but her feet were jacked up.

- Were they? - Yeah. I pulled the covers back...

- Yeah? - ..it was Hammer time.

I should've known. I seen her shoes had little bumps on the top,

but I thought it was an old shoe.

You'd never think a woman that fine would have Hammer time in her shoe.

Come on, man, you don't fuck her feet.

I hope I'm not outta line, but don't you think you were just a little bit too picky?

- Yeah. - What happened with Tracy?

You met that girl. She's not very smart.

- Come on, you don't fuck her brains. - I'm looking for perfection.

- Hi, Marcus. - Hey.

- Yo, Marcus. - What's up?

Hey, you on your way to meet Lady Eloise to discuss that merger, right?

- How do you know everything? - I read it in your office.

You not supposed to be in my office, or goin' through my mail, OK?

No, man, I wasn't goin' through your stuff, man. Here. Hold it up. Hold it up.

- You're gonna read right through? - Right through.

It says "..lunch tomorrow

at Houlihan's".

Open it up.

"How about lunch at Hou..." v ery impressive.

Told you, man. Told you, man. Check this out, man.

I been workin' here nine days.

I been on time, even when it rains. Don't you think it's time we talked promotion?

Come on, man. I get my own office, man, bring my ho's in here.

We have a little party, set this motherfucker off, man.

Marcus Graham.

Lady Eloise? I can't tell you how excited you got everybody up here.

You're like a breath of fresh air. I've never seen everybody so excited. It's...

Lady Eloise? I think you requested to see me. Marcus Graham.

I know.

- May I have a seat? - Please.

Keep standing.

The rest of my administrative team will be arriving tomorrow.

However, when I decided to take over this company,

I considered you a prime asset.

Thank you very much.

We need strong department heads to oversee this merger.

- Beet juice? - No, thank you.

It keeps the skin tight, and none of us are getting any younger.

Well, some women have a girlish quality that lasts a lifetime.

I've always heard you were very beguiling to women.

But my schedule is also very tight.

Meet me at my house tonight.

Todd, see to it that he's at Lavender Hill.

- Good evening, Mr Graham. - Good evening.

Lady Eloise has been eagerly anticipating you.

Marcus Graham, Lady Eloise.

Marcus, darling.

Welcome to Lavender Hill.

Lady Eloise, I cannot begin to tell you how happy I am to be working with you.

I grew up using your products - my mother used your products, you know.

You were in my medicine cabinet all my life,

and now I'm, like, working with you, and it's just very exciting.

I find it very exciting as well.

I'm lookin' forward to a long, strong, productive relationship.

You know, I don't wanna blow my own horn...

but I'm really qualified.

You shouldn't have to blow your own horn.

You should leave that for someone else to do.

Marcus, darling.

Wouldn't you like to get a little bit more...

comfortable?

Yeah, sure, why not?

Wouldn't you like to get out of that tight shirt?

Yeah, I was just thinking about doin' it myself.

You know, it's a little bright in here.

Wouldn't you like to dim it, make it a little more romantic, you know?

Could you get it just a little darker?

Excuse me. I'm sorry to bother you, but I just had to say somethin' to you.

You're breathtaking. You're the most gorgeous woman I've ever laid eyes on.

I had to come over and meet you.

- I'm sorry. - Why are you laughing?

I'm sorry, it's just that what you said was pretty pathetic.

- That was not pathetic. - Come on.

I mean, if I walked up to you and I said

"Excuse me, sir, I'm sorry to bother you, but, well, I just had to meet you

because you are the most handsome,

the most virile man I have ever seen in all of my entire life,"

now, would you believe me?

Honestly? Yeah, I would, but that's just the way I am.

- I'm going to work. - OK.

- OK. - Well, I'm goin' this way, too.

It's not like I'm followin' you. I'm goin' upstairs too.

I'm goin' to the 18th floor, too.

You're auditioning for one of the commercials. Are you a model?

No. No, I'm not a model. I'm gonna go work for the company.

- Really? - Marketing, yeah.

Really? That's my department. I'm Marcus Graham.

You're Marcus Graham? You're Marcus Graham?

This is pretty funny that we're meeting like this.

- I'm sorry, I'm Jacqueline Broyer. - OK.

- I'm a huge fan of your work. - Thank you very much.

You're very, very talented.

You was treatin' me like my name was Stanley. But you're a fan of my work.

I'll let you in on a secret cos you're a pretty girl.

When this merger goes through, I'm gonna be in charge of all of marketing.

You are?

Marcus, I'm afraid that there's been some kind of misunderstanding.

I'm sorry. You see, I'm in charge of marketing.

No, that's impossible.

Sorry.

I'm the logical choice. I'm vice President of Marketing for Chantress.

Good morning. Thank you.

I know, but I'm director of marketing for Lady Eloise, and we are acquiring you.

But I had a very good indication from someone that the job was mine.

- Really? From whom? - From Lady Eloise. Lady Eloise.

- Really? - Yes.

Marcus, Lady Eloise doesn't make any decisions.

She's the name on the package.

- No, it's her company. The Lady Eloise. - She hasn't run it for 15 years.

All of the decisions are made by the board of directors in Paris.

But it's Lady Eloise.

She has no power.

She's a very sweet woman. She's a little detached from reality.

You should see the way she just... she throws herself

at young, handsome, virile men.

Are you tryin' to imply that I hit it? No, I see...

- Marcus, darling. - How you doin', Lady Eloise?

I don't have any panties on.

Lady Eloise, please, we have a meeting. Can we just please go?

I'm sorry.

It's warm in here.

Just cos somebody takes off their drawers, don't mean I did somethin'.

- So, yo, man, you gonna quit, right? - Of course he's gonna quit, man.

That's right. Say "Look, girl, I'm outta there".

That's what I'm thinkin' about doin'.

I'm thinkin' about steppin'... There she is, right there.

- That's her? - Yeah.

Psych. Yo, you can't quit, man. You gotta stay.

- Yeah, she's bad. - Hello, Marcus.

- Hello, Jacqueline. - You look great.

- And so do you. - Thank you.

This is my man Tyler, and this is Gerard. Jacqueline.

This is Angela Lewis. She works in our art department. She's very talented.

I think the two of you should probably be working together.

- Excuse me, Jacqueline. It's that time. - Thank you, Todd. Nice meeting you.

Marcus, would you join me for a second? Thanks.

Come on, girl. Get on.

Ladies and gentlemen, I have a very exciting announcement to make.

Since 1948, the name Lady Eloise has been synonymous with glamour, grace,

sensuality, and stunning natural beauty.

In the next century, that tradition continues.

Introducing the new face of Lady Eloise cosmetics: Strang�.

Yes.

- Hey. - Hi.

- How are you? - Good. You look lost. Can I help you?

I'm just looking for Jacqueline, basically, is what I'm doing.

You're interested in her, right?

- Now, what would make you say that? - Most men are. She's fantastic.

I mean, if I were a guy, I would probably be interested in Jacqueline.

- If you were a guy. - Not that I have those thoughts,

because I don't, I'm just saying she's attractive and I would go out with her.

Women do stuff like that. You say "She's cute" or "Her hair's nice",

but guys don't go "Look at his shoulders". We don't do that.

Sure you have. You've seen a movie, and you've seen a man and you've said

"There is a nice-looking man." You have.

I can't believe we're havin' this conversation.

I saw Billy Dee Williams in Lady Sings the Blues.

He came down the steps, and I thought he was cool,

but I didn't wanna get with him, you know. That's a whole entire...

Wait, I have someone you should meet.

Gerard. I think I met someone that's perfect for you.

Why don't you guys come chitchat? I...

Hi.

Good evening, boss.

Please do not call me that.

I want you to think of me as your colleague.

So tell me something. Are you excited about working with Strang�?

Stop. You know I didn't come up here to talk about no Strang�.

I came up here to talk to you about us.

I'm rapping. This is my mack-daddy vibe I'm giving you, in all of its splendour.

- What's up? - Really?

Yes. I mean, eleganz a mack daddy of the month.

I see. Well, let me get a good look.

Check it. Just like Jet magazine.

- Whassup? - You are absolutely wonderful.

But I think that we should kind of make this clear right from the start,

so there's no misunderstanding.

You see, I don't date men I work with.

- Well, then, I quit. - You can't quit

because I need you.

No, hon, wait one sec.

You have an eyelash. It's gonna go in your eye. Wait. Come here.

- Are you all right? Huh? - Yeah, I'm fine.

- Tryin' to seduce me. - What?

- That was very seductive. - What?

- You know... - You had something in your eye.

- I saved your eye. - No, no, no, no, no.

I know what it's like when you have somethin' in your eye.

Your mother opens your eye and blows. Your eyeball comes out.

It was never like you just did. Come on. That was very seductive.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no. No.

And let me assure you of something.

When I seduce you,

if I decide to seduce you,

don't worry, you'll know.

- Yo, Marcus. - Hey, man.

Me and the minimum-wage brothers in the mailroom

wanna know how long do you think it'll take you to bone that new executrix.

I need to know cos we got a little office-pool thing.

Look, that's very crass. Miss Broyer and I are colleagues,

and I have great respect for her. It's professional. Totally professional.

So what you sayin', man? It's gonna take a week?

Not you, Marcus, you the man.

- I hate it. - But this fragrance tested very well.

Jacqueline, I said I wanted the essence of sex.

- Yes. - Well, I think this is it.

You would.

But let me show you...

what I'm talking about.

- Unbelievable. - This...

is the essence of sex.

Lloyd. Come on, Lloyd. Wait, Lloyd. Lloyd, man. Lloyd.

Lloyd, look, wait. Look, wait, hold it. Come on, man. Wait, wait, wait.

The fragrance is fine. Nobody's changin' anything.

That woman doesn't deserve her own fragrance.

Do you think Liz Taylor would have thrown her panties in my face?

You could ask her, Lloyd. Look, it was a joke.

I'm just tryin' to be... I'm being funny. Come on, look... All right, Lloyd?

Marcus. You're a devil.

I love you. Come on back.

Please! You make me feel ridiculous.

It's mon image, c'est mon visage. Alors. And you, where you been, you?

- I had to go... - Shut up. Look at this.

This is ridiculous. Why are my concepts being ignored?

I'm not a fool. I know what the people want.

They want to be shocked, they want to be stunned, and they want to be jolted.

So, I have prepared a list of names for the fragrance.

"Wet Spot". No, sorry. I crossed out that one.

"Love Puss". "Pig Puke".

- "Afterbirth". - After what?

"Afterbirth".

- I'm sorry, I thought you said "bath". - No. It's English. B-l-R-T-H. Birth.

I was just making a distinction between "birth" or "bath".

- Birth, birth, birth. - Thank you, darling.

Don't make fun of me, OK? My English is not so good.

"Steel v agina".

- You understand that one. - Yeah.

"Steel v agina" - marvellous.

What do you think?

- I... - Those are really creative.

- Thank you. - But the name of this fragrance

has to be something that catches the eye.

It has to incite passion, and it has be electric,

and it has to say glamour, and it has to say sexy.

It has to say smart. It has to...

Wait a minute.

Strang�. Your name is all of those things.

You're powerful, you're glamorous, you're sexy, you're intelligent.

That's what we should call the perf... Strang�. Strang�.

- Strang�. - Strang�.

- Strang�. - Strang�.

OK, OK, OK, OK.

- I like it. - Strang�.

Strang�.

Strut, girl, strut.

Go on, girl. It's you, girl.

Work it, girl. Strang� girl.

Thank you for introducing me to Gerard. We're goin' out tonight.

Now, that's some good news. That's good news. Great.

You do realise we're never gonna be able to control her.

Why would you wanna control Strang�? We'll get more coverage that way.

Strang� is buck wild.

Yes, you're probably right.

We've got this meeting in New Orleans on the 24th.

All of the sales reps are gonna be there. There's a lot of work to be done.

Yeah. OK, so, we'll have dinner or somethin', go over it.

Marcus.

- What? - Come on.

Stop. Excuse me. Excuse me. You're... Wait a minute, wait a minute.

If we were both men, we could have a business dinner.

You're the one flippin' this into a man-woman thing. I said dinner,

and let's discuss our workload. That's what I'm talking about.

- Just dinner? - Just our workload over a meal.

We've got a hell of a load.

- OK. - Dinner?

- Dinner. - OK, I'll see you at dinner.

Great.

- Hey. - Hey. You're here. I was gonna leave.

- I didn't think anyone was home. - I'm sorry. I dozed off.

Come on in.

- You look great. You're all dressed up. - You're lookin' casually fine tonight.

- Let me get that coat for you. - Thank you.

v ery nice.

Marcus, this is a very nice place you have here.

Thank you very much. Thank you. Check out over here.

- That's a big, wonderful bed. - Yeah, well, I need my space.

- Yeah. - Cool. Music.

Have a look around. Go check out upstairs.

What you're trying to say is, Marcus is a...

A ho. He's a straight-up ho.

- Don't... Come on, stop. - He's a no-good barking mutt.

- Really? - Nothin' really happened between us...

- She's crazy. - No, this is very interesting.

- She's bugged. - v ery interesting.

I ain't crazy. Hey, girlfriend. Don't let him do it to you. He got a plan.

What, you 'bout my size, my height, my weight? Doggy style.

Doggy style. I know, girlfriend. I'm tryin' to help you out. It's a sister thing.

Damn.

- Wow, you look great. - Thank you.

You look neat.

- Thanks. - Come on in.

- Yeah. These are for you. - Thank you.

This is wild. Man, did you do all the decoration yourself?

Every bit. I know you think it's a little weird...

- No, no, no. - It's really...

- It's eclectic. Yeah. - Eclectic, yeah.

- So you like it? - v ery interesting.

That's a mask, a Goli mask. I got it from Africa.

That's weird. I didn't know Africans were into hockey.

No, no, no, no, no. Goli is the name of the tribe. The tribe.

It's a joke.

You know, the secret to my salmon is the rosemary in the butter sauce. Cos...

Excuse me? You were saying something?

I use fresh rosemary on my salmon. That's why it has that...

I'm sorry, Marcus. My mind is actually someplace else.

The Knicks game starts in a minute. Do you mind if we eat in front of the Tv?

- No, not at all. Sure. - No? Great.

OK, do you want Italian, or Indian?

- So, like, women like guys that just... - Yeah. Decide.

All right, I'm gonna decide. I will choose Chinese.

- No. - That's cool. Whatever you say.

Sorry.

- I'm bein' indecisive. - Yes. You're being indecisive.

Can I ask you, like, a personal question?

- Sure. - Do you like kids?

I love kids. I paint kids.

So, do you wanna have a lot of kids when you get married?

I want a huge family. At least ten children.

Ten children?

That's not a family. That's an African village.

This is absolutely ridiculous. Are you watchin' this? This is incredible.

I'm goin' to get some espresso. You want some?

No. No, no, thanks.

Listen, Marcus. While you're up, will you grab me a beer?

Thanks.

All right, I had a wonderful evening.

- Thank you. So did I. - Even though we never got to eat.

I know, but next time, I'll take control. I'll order.

- So, next week, dinner? - You got it.

Followed by hot, butt-naked sex? Just kidding. I'm just kidding.

So, now's the most difficult part of the evening. Kiss goodnight.

I know. But I got an idea. Count from five backwards real fast, and go for it.

- All right. Close your eyes. - Go.

Five, four, three, two, one, go.

God, I'm sorry. I missed.

- I guess I'll have to do it again. - No. I'll do it.

OK.

- Goodbye. - Night, Angela.

- Night. Thank you. - See you next week.

Bye.

Adios.

Bye.

It's Korean for "I'm sorry I shot you, but I thought you were robbing my store".

Bye-bye.

What an incredible evening.

Did you see Jordan's last shot? The man must've been 60ft up, huh?

Yeah, he really can jump.

Want me to come get a cab with you or somethin'?

No. No. I'm fine.

- But you can walk me to the elevator. - What a treat.

- Yo, man, she a lesbo. - Man, the term is gay, all right, Tyler?

Just cos she won't sleep with you doesn't mean she's gay.

- She's not a lesbian, OK? - Yo, man, it's been about three weeks.

She's not a lesbian, man.

Personally, if I was datin' somebody that fine, I'd wait eight or nine months.

You could wait eight or nine years and you'd never have no woman that fine.

You wild. But at least my lady didn't leave me for no damn Guardian Angel.

Why you do that, man? I'd have fucked him up but they do that karate shit.

Come on, stop. You gonna give the brother a heart attack.

- Breathe. Let the brother relax. - I'm sorry, man. I was just playin'.

Can I ask you somethin' though, man? Did you bang Angela yet?

Good question. Good question.

Angela and I are just tryin' to get to know each other on a platonic level.

OK. So, in other words, you ain't hit the twizzer.

- Not a drop. - Twizzer? What's that?

Another one of your colloquialisms for a vagina, Tyler?

You think, just cos I have a low sperm count, that I can't function normally.

But I don't know why it's low. It should be high. You ain't shootin' nothin'.

Man, will you stop? You shouldn't make fun of the afflicted. He got a problem.

- He got handicapped balls. - Stop that, man.

A very well-known doctor told me that by wearing the proper underwear, man,

that will cool my testicle walls, and that can reverse my condition.

OK. Well, let me get you some Icy Hot.

Howdy Doody. At least I have had sex in the '90s.

- What's that? - You know what.

- Don't even try. You know I gets mine. - Brother, please.

You are the no-pussy-gettingest, talkingest-shittingest cat I know.

Marcus, yo, don't even try it. You know me, for real.

And all I'm sayin' is that if you ain't bangin' Jacqueline yet,

there's somethin' wrong with her, or somethin' wrong with her twizzer.

There's nothin' wrong with Jacqueline, and nothin' wrong with me.

It's gonna take a little longer than I thought.

- Are you OK? - Yeah, I'm fine.

These sales conventions are really boring. I'm not lookin' forward to it.

Yeah, but we're going to New Orleans. Have you ever been to New Orleans?

No. It seems like it's a sexy town.

Yeah, it's a real... it's a romantic town.

You know? It's the kind of place where you just take somebody that you love,

and just sit back, relax, throw on the jazz, and just chill.

You know?

That's something you can do when Jacqueline gets to town, you know.

- Now, where'd that come from? - I don't know.

Where did that come from? Who said that?

I think you said it. It sounded like it came out of your mouth, from nowhere.

I just, you know, I think you're cool.

I like you, and I was just being concerned.

- All up in my business. - I wasn't tryin' to pry, really.

- Do I look like the kinda girl to pry? - Not five minutes ago,

but now you look like the one. If you looked up "pry" in the dictionary,

there'd be your picture next to it, like...

Look who's cookin' now.

Marcus.

- What's the matter with you? - Stop it.

- What? - Stop.

OK, OK. Stop it, Marcus. I think that we should go home.

Let's go home.

Well, that was pretty great, huh?

Yeah, pretty great.

Well, you enjoy that mint.

I hope it's refreshing, and chocolaty.

My key won't work.

Shit.

Hey, Marcus. Why don't you come here for a second?

I'm not playin'. My key really is not working. You know?

Please?

Yes.

Yes.

- She even has pretty feet. - Oh, yeah? How's the coochie?

- Man, that is crass. - May I help you?

No, we're OK, we're just browsin'.

- He's trippin'. - Look, I'm a realist, right?

If the coochie's good, everything else falls into place.

It's more than sex with this girl. I dig her - her spirit, her mind, everything.

You know, she could be Mrs Graham. You think I'm jokin'. She's that bad.

Marcus is in love.

Yo. Yo, I'm gettin' this, Marcus. Step off.

That jacket is $1800.

No refunds.

- What, you think I can't pay for it? - Well, there is no layaway plan.

We're OK. We don't need any help.

We don't keep cash in the store.

- He's a sucker, man. - Racial.

- You right, man. Don't even trip on it. - No refund?

What's he think, you're gonna wear it, stink it all up to be damned,

- and, like, give it back to him? - We can't get over this...

There are certain people with a natural fear of black people.

They're programmed. Watch. Now!

See how frightened he was, just from a black man screaming "now"?

He thought it was the end of the world.

- What do you think? - People are gonna love this.

I think that this is gonna be great for her image.

- Well, look at this one. - Angela. Wow.

- You like it? Really? - Yes. I like it. I like it a lot.

Great. Thank you. Guess what?

Marcus thinks we ought to go to the Caribbean to shoot this.

The Caribbean?

That's expensive.

- I know. - But it's nice. No, it's a nice idea.

- You know Marcus and his big ideas. - I do.

You know, speaking of Marcus...

I hear he's got a real reputation.

Bony T told you that, right?

Well, Angela,

I can confirm that Marcus's reputation

is extremely well-deserved.

You can confirm it? Like, you and Marcus have...?

God, this man, he's wonderful. I mean, he's kind of... he's magnificent.

And he just happens to have the best ass I have ever seen.

- Hey, babe, you got a sec? - Marcus, hi.

- Hi. - Oh, God.

What did I walk in on? What are y'all talkin' about?

- God, we're talking about work. - Work.

No, no, no. You're both blushing. What's up?

Art. Art.

No, there's a girlishness happening. What's up? Talk to me.

- Some girliness. Girliness. - Nothing.

- Why you leavin'? - It's time to go.

- Gerard hit it, didn't he? - No. Hit it?

- Gerard could not hit it if he had a bat. - You want to keep it a secret, huh?

- But he hit it. It's Gerard, isn't it? - I don't know.

I came here to tell you what a wonderful time I had in New Orleans...

Marcus, hon, I don't think that we should do this in the office.

- What? - I really gotta stop.

Get on top of the desk and get frisky and go crazy.

Listen.

- You're not gettin' serious, are you? - What you talkin' about? What is that?

Well, you know. Where you want this to...

to grow into a relationship where...

God, we're together all the time, stuff like that.

- Are you? - Excuse me.

I-I know that you're not tellin' me that New Orleans was a fling.

No. No, no.

I had a great time in New Orleans. You know I had a great time in New Orleans.

- So what's the problem? - Well, I just think that...

New Orleans was New Orleans, and we should leave it at that.

I'm not tryin' to pressure you or anything.

- No. No. No, no, no. - I'm not proposing or anything.

- Of course not. - My tuxedo isn't ironed or nothin'.

- I believe in takin' things slow, too. - That's what I'm talking about.

I was just wonderin' when we could see each other again, that's all.

I don't know. I'm kinda busy right now.

I just found out that I'm gonna have to be spending a lot of time outta town,

so, I'll get back to you, OK?

You'll get back to me?

I don't have my schedule, my secretary's outta town, so I'll call you.

"Marcus, with regards to us doing it again, I'll get back to you."

That's a new one on Marcus.

Just don't make me wait too long, cos it's not like I gotta sit by the phone

and wait for somebody to get back to me.

No. No, I realise that you of all people will not be waiting alone,

so I will try and get back to you soon.

You gonna call?

Hello? Yes? Yes?

- Hello? - Yes?

- Mr Graham? - Yes.

Miss Broyer asked me to tell you she is free the evening of the 12th.

The 12th is three weeks from now.

Sorry. That's her first opening.

Should I pencil you in?

Yeah.

- Thank you. - Thank you.

Marcus.

Yo, brother, man. Gold watches, gold chains.

Yo, you gotta show some gold to get that girl.

I already have a watch. But thank you. Gucci.

- Brother, that's a nice watch. - Thank you.

Watch your back.