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[ Birds chirping ]
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[ Alarm beeps ]
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??
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[ Snores ]
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??
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[ Water running ]
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??
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??
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[ Device buzzing ]
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??
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[ Blow dryer whirring ]
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[ Snores ]
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[ Alarm rings ]
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??
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00:00:49,413 --> 00:00:54,448
??
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[ Alarm rings ]
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00:00:56,793 --> 00:01:01,724
??
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00:01:01,827 --> 00:01:07,620
??
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00:01:07,724 --> 00:01:13,379
??
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Matt,
looking dapper today.
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00:01:16,517 --> 00:01:18,896
Kate, you okay?
You look tired.
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[ Elevator bell dings ]
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??
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??
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??
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Americans are obese, drunk,
and addicted to pills.
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Everyone is hooked on something.
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00:01:48,137 --> 00:01:50,379
Addiction in this country
is an epidemic.
29
00:01:50,482 --> 00:01:54,551
And it is fantastic
for business.
30
00:01:54,655 --> 00:01:57,620
90 percent of shopping
is done by shopaholics.
31
00:01:57,724 --> 00:02:00,517
90 percent of chocolate
is consumed by chocoholics.
32
00:02:00,620 --> 00:02:02,344
90 percent of alcohol
is consumed
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00:02:02,448 --> 00:02:04,586
by people addicted to alcohol.
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00:02:04,689 --> 00:02:06,344
That's why I'm announcing
an open call
35
00:02:06,448 --> 00:02:09,620
for pitches on new addictions.
36
00:02:09,724 --> 00:02:12,275
So, let's put on
our thinking caps.
37
00:02:12,379 --> 00:02:15,172
Kate: All right, let's open
the room to addiction.
38
00:02:15,275 --> 00:02:17,000
Matt, that's gross.
39
00:02:17,103 --> 00:02:19,275
There's no reason to have
a visible pimple as an adult.
40
00:02:19,379 --> 00:02:21,344
Use some concealer
for Christ's sake.
41
00:02:21,448 --> 00:02:22,379
I don't wear makeup.
42
00:02:22,482 --> 00:02:24,034
Well,
then you're an idiot.
43
00:02:24,137 --> 00:02:25,965
-Wait, do you wear makeup?
-Of course.
44
00:02:26,068 --> 00:02:27,758
Hot people do better
at business.
45
00:02:27,862 --> 00:02:29,034
I've never noticed.
46
00:02:29,137 --> 00:02:30,275
That's because
I'm a master of the craft
47
00:02:30,379 --> 00:02:31,965
and you're blinded
by my beauty.
48
00:02:32,068 --> 00:02:34,206
You look good.
I've always thought that.
49
00:02:34,310 --> 00:02:35,586
Painkillers can be good.
50
00:02:35,689 --> 00:02:37,068
Do you have any specific
painkillers that you prefer?
51
00:02:37,172 --> 00:02:38,413
Kate:
Have you used Fentanyl?
52
00:02:38,517 --> 00:02:40,068
I don't know
what the names are.
53
00:02:40,172 --> 00:02:41,344
I just --
I know the colors.
54
00:02:41,448 --> 00:02:42,758
Do you think
you could be convinced
55
00:02:42,862 --> 00:02:43,758
to start
wearing makeup?
56
00:02:43,862 --> 00:02:45,413
[ Scoffs ]
No way.
57
00:02:45,517 --> 00:02:47,103
Because you're insecure
about your masculinity.
58
00:02:47,206 --> 00:02:48,827
I'm not insecure
about my masculinity.
59
00:02:48,931 --> 00:02:51,827
I just don't think anybody
should wear makeup personally.
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00:02:51,931 --> 00:02:53,068
Not even women.
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00:02:53,172 --> 00:02:54,448
If women liked
the way they look,
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00:02:54,551 --> 00:02:56,758
the entire American economy
would collapse.
63
00:02:56,862 --> 00:02:58,620
The fact that Hampton DeVille
isn't capitalizing
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00:02:58,724 --> 00:03:00,551
on men's shame
is a huge mistake.
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00:03:00,655 --> 00:03:04,068
Kate and I will be pre-screening
the pitches on Wednesday
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00:03:04,172 --> 00:03:05,517
in the Oasis
conference room --
67
00:03:05,620 --> 00:03:07,620
The Oasis is too small.
Let's do the Driskoll.
68
00:03:07,724 --> 00:03:11,482
But I already booked
the Oasis room. Who cares?
69
00:03:11,586 --> 00:03:14,241
It takes one e-mail
to change the reservation.
70
00:03:14,344 --> 00:03:17,758
We'll see everyone
Wednesday in the Driskoll.
71
00:03:17,862 --> 00:03:20,413
Oh, damn it,
I'm late for my ZenCycle class.
72
00:03:20,517 --> 00:03:21,724
If I'm not screamed at
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00:03:21,827 --> 00:03:23,310
by a tiny woman
at least once a day,
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00:03:23,413 --> 00:03:24,965
I simply cannot function.
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00:03:25,068 --> 00:03:26,310
[ Indistinct conversations ]
76
00:03:26,413 --> 00:03:29,448
Kate, I understand
you're tired today,
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00:03:29,551 --> 00:03:32,827
but you should
really watch your tone.
78
00:03:34,241 --> 00:03:35,206
My tone?
79
00:03:35,310 --> 00:03:36,620
You have a sharp,
cutting tone
80
00:03:36,724 --> 00:03:39,310
that marginalizes
and diminishes people.
81
00:03:39,413 --> 00:03:41,310
Is this about
the Oasis room?
82
00:03:41,413 --> 00:03:42,689
Don't be so sensitive.
83
00:03:42,793 --> 00:03:45,206
Ooh, do you hear
your tone right now?
84
00:03:45,310 --> 00:03:46,413
You might not.
85
00:03:46,517 --> 00:03:48,655
It's combative.
It's aggressive.
86
00:03:48,758 --> 00:03:50,379
And honestly,
if I didn't know you,
87
00:03:50,482 --> 00:03:53,758
I'd feel physically
unsafe right now.
88
00:03:53,862 --> 00:03:55,724
Whereas my tone is calm
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00:03:55,827 --> 00:03:57,793
because I'm in control
of my emotions,
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00:03:57,896 --> 00:04:03,551
and I will never,
ever let them loose.
91
00:04:03,655 --> 00:04:06,000
You have a vein popping out
of your forehead.
92
00:04:06,103 --> 00:04:08,620
I'm telling you all this
for your benefit, Kate.
93
00:04:08,724 --> 00:04:15,862
??
94
00:04:15,965 --> 00:04:17,793
-What?
-Nothing.
95
00:04:17,896 --> 00:04:21,689
It's just, um, you don't
wear makeup, do you?
96
00:04:21,793 --> 00:04:24,172
Every evening,
I destroy my face,
97
00:04:24,275 --> 00:04:27,000
and every morning,
I rebuilt it anew.
98
00:04:27,103 --> 00:04:29,862
Really? I always thought
you were a natural beauty.
99
00:04:29,965 --> 00:04:32,206
Doesn't matter what
Mother Nature gives you --
100
00:04:32,310 --> 00:04:34,068
all women are taught
at a young age
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00:04:34,172 --> 00:04:35,620
to hate
the way they look.
102
00:04:35,724 --> 00:04:37,620
Paige, you don't
wear makeup, do you?
103
00:04:37,724 --> 00:04:38,862
[ Scoffs ]
104
00:04:38,965 --> 00:04:40,931
Why don't you ask
the 200,000 makeup addicts
105
00:04:41,034 --> 00:04:42,482
who watch
my makeup tutorials?
106
00:04:42,586 --> 00:04:45,931
Only men can get away with
looking like shit every day.
107
00:04:46,034 --> 00:04:48,172
You think I look
like shit?
108
00:04:48,275 --> 00:04:50,655
You have...
flaws.
109
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What are they?
110
00:04:52,310 --> 00:04:54,689
??
111
00:04:54,793 --> 00:04:57,310
Matt,
you have to understand,
112
00:04:57,413 --> 00:05:00,655
if we tell you,
there's no going back.
113
00:05:01,586 --> 00:05:04,758
Pick the azure eyeliner,
and the conversation ends here.
114
00:05:04,862 --> 00:05:08,482
You wake up in your bed
and believe you're beautiful.
115
00:05:08,586 --> 00:05:10,931
Pick this scarlet lip liner,
and we'll show you
116
00:05:11,034 --> 00:05:14,172
how deep the rabbit hole
of insecurity goes.
117
00:05:14,275 --> 00:05:21,448
??
118
00:05:23,275 --> 00:05:25,482
Your pores are visible
from four feet away.Your skin is both oily and flaky.
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00:05:25,586 --> 00:05:27,413
I don't understand
how that's possible.
120
00:05:27,517 --> 00:05:29,310
You remind me of the Green Giant
from the green bean can.Your face has a dull,
121
00:05:29,413 --> 00:05:31,068
dingy yellow
undertone to it --The bags underneath your eyes
122
00:05:31,172 --> 00:05:32,551
are like deflated basketballs...
123
00:05:32,655 --> 00:05:34,793
-The beard's not...
-...like, inbred or something.
124
00:05:34,896 --> 00:05:36,586
Men are ugly.
125
00:05:36,689 --> 00:05:38,344
They just don't know it yet.
126
00:05:38,448 --> 00:05:41,137
You, sir, did you know
that you're ugly?
127
00:05:41,241 --> 00:05:42,482
Well, it's true.
128
00:05:42,586 --> 00:05:45,241
But I've got a cure
for your ugly face --
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00:05:45,344 --> 00:05:46,793
male makeup.
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00:05:46,896 --> 00:05:49,793
Matt: Jake,
will you help me?
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I need help.
132
00:05:52,655 --> 00:05:54,551
I knew this day
would come.
133
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Come here, boy.[ Cries softly ]
134
00:05:57,758 --> 00:06:00,724
You look so bad, bro.
I'll fix you up good.
135
00:06:03,068 --> 00:06:06,241
I want to tell you a story
about my grandfather.
136
00:06:06,344 --> 00:06:08,965
My grandfather was never
a beautiful man.
137
00:06:09,068 --> 00:06:11,241
He always struggled
with his looks.
138
00:06:11,344 --> 00:06:14,862
But then, one day, I saw him
at his most handsome --
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00:06:14,965 --> 00:06:18,655
in a casket,
covered in makeup.
140
00:06:18,758 --> 00:06:22,551
The beauty industry
pulls in $430 billion
141
00:06:22,655 --> 00:06:24,931
in sales every single year.
142
00:06:25,034 --> 00:06:26,793
Who are these sales to?
143
00:06:26,896 --> 00:06:28,310
Women.
144
00:06:28,413 --> 00:06:32,241
By my estimation, women are
only half the human population.
145
00:06:32,344 --> 00:06:34,206
The other half?
146
00:06:34,310 --> 00:06:36,551
Men.
Guys.
147
00:06:36,655 --> 00:06:39,034
Fellas.
Daddy-Os.
148
00:06:39,137 --> 00:06:42,034
Let's take a look at Matt.
149
00:06:42,137 --> 00:06:44,827
Matt used to think
he was a natural beauty.
150
00:06:44,931 --> 00:06:47,517
Until this past week,
no one had ever thought
151
00:06:47,620 --> 00:06:51,517
to tell him that he is,
in fact, an uggo.
152
00:06:51,620 --> 00:06:53,965
However,
with the power of makeup,
153
00:06:54,068 --> 00:06:57,206
I have managed
to transform this pauper...
154
00:06:57,310 --> 00:06:58,448
into a prince.
155
00:06:58,551 --> 00:07:00,206
[ Executives gasp ]
156
00:07:00,310 --> 00:07:01,862
[ Chuckles ]
157
00:07:01,965 --> 00:07:05,034
Makeup has given him
a newfound confidence.
158
00:07:05,137 --> 00:07:08,000
We have forgiven
his many intellectual
159
00:07:08,103 --> 00:07:09,103
and personal failings
160
00:07:09,206 --> 00:07:13,000
because, quite simply,
he looks stunning.
161
00:07:13,103 --> 00:07:16,000
I believe that
with a little convincing,
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00:07:16,103 --> 00:07:19,103
we could not only get men
to start wearing makeup,
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00:07:19,206 --> 00:07:22,034
we could get them addicted
164
00:07:22,137 --> 00:07:27,620
and change the face of
the beauty industry forever.
165
00:07:27,724 --> 00:07:29,000
[ Cheers and applause ]
166
00:07:29,103 --> 00:07:31,448
Great stuff.Hot dog!
167
00:07:31,551 --> 00:07:34,724
[ Laughs ]
168
00:07:38,482 --> 00:07:40,137
I think we're all
in agreement here
169
00:07:40,241 --> 00:07:41,275
that the stand-out pitch
170
00:07:41,379 --> 00:07:42,586
was Jake's Male Makeup idea,
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00:07:42,689 --> 00:07:45,068
the first good idea
he's had
172
00:07:45,172 --> 00:07:46,344
maybe ever?
Right.
173
00:07:46,448 --> 00:07:47,896
I think we should
all work together
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to develop this idea.
175
00:07:48,965 --> 00:07:50,310
Well, I think Christian
will want
176
00:07:50,413 --> 00:07:51,965
more than one idea
to choose from,
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00:07:52,068 --> 00:07:54,206
so how 'bout I lead
the male makeup team --
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00:07:54,310 --> 00:07:56,172
after all, I am a male --
179
00:07:56,275 --> 00:08:00,482
and you can take your pick
of the other great ideas?
180
00:08:00,586 --> 00:08:02,758
But seeing as
I'm the only one here
181
00:08:02,862 --> 00:08:06,103
who actually wears
makeup every single day --
182
00:08:06,206 --> 00:08:08,758
You wear makeup?
Huh.
183
00:08:08,862 --> 00:08:11,241
I always thought you were
a natural beauty.
184
00:08:11,344 --> 00:08:12,689
Guess not.
185
00:08:12,793 --> 00:08:15,241
My point is, I think
I'm more equipped
186
00:08:15,344 --> 00:08:16,793
to lead
the male makeup team.
187
00:08:16,896 --> 00:08:18,413
You think I don't know
about makeup? Mnh-mnh.
188
00:08:18,517 --> 00:08:20,344
I bet I know
just as much as you do.
189
00:08:20,448 --> 00:08:22,896
-Let's find out.
-Let's.
190
00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:27,827
How much does this
lipstick cost?
191
00:08:27,931 --> 00:08:29,758
Okay. [ Clears throat ]
What do we got here?
192
00:08:29,862 --> 00:08:33,310
This looks small,
so really cheap plastic.
193
00:08:33,413 --> 00:08:34,793
[ Sniffs ]
Smells domestic
194
00:08:34,896 --> 00:08:37,103
as opposed
to European imported.
195
00:08:37,206 --> 00:08:40,413
So, I want to say,
89 cents.
196
00:08:40,517 --> 00:08:43,724
No!
79 cents.
197
00:08:44,689 --> 00:08:45,413
$60!
198
00:08:45,517 --> 00:08:47,827
-What?
-Jesus Christ!
199
00:08:47,931 --> 00:08:52,413
You clearly know
nothing about makeup.
200
00:08:52,517 --> 00:08:54,379
Kate, I didn't want to have
to call this out
201
00:08:54,482 --> 00:08:57,034
in front of everyone,
but...
202
00:08:57,137 --> 00:08:58,551
there's that tone
again!
203
00:08:58,655 --> 00:08:59,793
There's nothing
204
00:08:59,896 --> 00:09:02,551
wrong with my tone.Let's find out.
205
00:09:02,655 --> 00:09:05,758
Who here has ever felt
silenced or diminished
206
00:09:05,862 --> 00:09:08,655
by Kate's harsh,
knifey tone?
207
00:09:10,517 --> 00:09:13,000
Oh.
Every last one.
208
00:09:15,793 --> 00:09:16,931
Fine.
209
00:09:17,034 --> 00:09:19,379
You take
the male makeup team...Okay.
210
00:09:19,482 --> 00:09:23,172
...and I'll take...
nicotine toothpaste.
211
00:09:23,275 --> 00:09:24,586
Good one.
Great.
212
00:09:24,689 --> 00:09:27,379
So, who wants to be
on the male makeup team?
213
00:09:27,482 --> 00:09:29,689
Oh.
All of 'em again.
214
00:09:30,793 --> 00:09:34,000
Grace, I'd like to file
a complaint against John.
215
00:09:34,103 --> 00:09:36,517
He just filed
a complaint against you.
216
00:09:36,620 --> 00:09:39,413
Really?
About what?
217
00:09:39,517 --> 00:09:41,000
Your aggressive tone.
218
00:09:41,103 --> 00:09:42,413
That little bitch.
219
00:09:42,517 --> 00:09:43,793
Don't take it
personally.
220
00:09:43,896 --> 00:09:46,206
Men have been complaining
about women's tones
221
00:09:46,310 --> 00:09:50,655
ever since women started working
at Hampton DeVille in 1993.
222
00:09:50,758 --> 00:09:53,827
Have other men complained
about my tone?
223
00:09:53,931 --> 00:09:56,103
A few...
224
00:09:56,206 --> 00:09:57,931
dozen...
225
00:09:58,034 --> 00:09:59,310
hundred.
226
00:09:59,413 --> 00:10:02,137
A few dozen hundred?
227
00:10:02,241 --> 00:10:03,517
Let me see what they said.
228
00:10:03,620 --> 00:10:06,413
Kate, if I let you read
what your male co-workers
229
00:10:06,517 --> 00:10:10,275
have said about you,
there is no going back.
230
00:10:10,379 --> 00:10:11,758
[ Thunder rumbles ]
231
00:10:11,862 --> 00:10:14,655
If you pick the blue pen,
you'll wake up --
232
00:10:14,758 --> 00:10:17,103
Just show it to me!
[ Sighs ]
233
00:10:17,206 --> 00:10:19,137
-Her tone was too harsh...
-Feel emasculated...
234
00:10:19,241 --> 00:10:21,068
-It was the way she said it...
-She's taller than me...
235
00:10:21,172 --> 00:10:22,517
-Cuts like a dagger...
-Knifey...
236
00:10:22,620 --> 00:10:23,862
-Like a sword...
-Piercing...
237
00:10:23,965 --> 00:10:25,344
-Like a knife-hatchet...
-Knife-blade...
238
00:10:25,448 --> 00:10:26,793
Thank you.
239
00:10:26,896 --> 00:10:29,413
It's always so cold
in this building.
240
00:10:29,517 --> 00:10:33,068
The temperature in offices is
set to accommodate men in suits
241
00:10:33,172 --> 00:10:35,655
who get to keep
the hair on their bodies.
242
00:10:35,758 --> 00:10:39,379
But luckily, I have developed
ways of adapting.
243
00:10:39,482 --> 00:10:41,965
It is always shocking
to be reminded
244
00:10:42,068 --> 00:10:45,034
how pathetically sensitive
the men in this office are.
245
00:10:45,137 --> 00:10:48,206
That's why I've compiled
a list of the best tones
246
00:10:48,310 --> 00:10:50,413
to use for men in the office.
247
00:10:50,517 --> 00:10:52,724
I could teach you,
and, in exchange,
248
00:10:52,827 --> 00:10:55,310
maybe you could pull
some strings with the guy
249
00:10:55,413 --> 00:10:57,241
who controls
the AC around here.
250
00:10:57,344 --> 00:10:58,724
Deal.
251
00:10:58,827 --> 00:11:01,931
The most popular tone
among men in the office
252
00:11:02,034 --> 00:11:06,103
is one I like to call
"Horny Toddler."
253
00:11:06,206 --> 00:11:14,068
??
254
00:11:14,172 --> 00:11:16,896
We are going to manipulate
male insecurity
255
00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:18,482
through a propaganda campaign.
256
00:11:18,586 --> 00:11:20,965
We'll target entertainment
for boys as young as possible
257
00:11:21,068 --> 00:11:22,620
so they'll be hooked for life.
258
00:11:22,724 --> 00:11:25,137
If little boys don't feel
like unlovable garbage,
259
00:11:25,241 --> 00:11:27,068
we haven't done our jobs!
260
00:11:27,172 --> 00:11:28,620
Try Shy Ghost.
261
00:11:28,724 --> 00:11:30,758
[ Breathy voice ] I hope
it's not totally weird
262
00:11:30,862 --> 00:11:32,034
that I'm saying this,
263
00:11:32,137 --> 00:11:34,034
but you look
really good today.
264
00:11:34,137 --> 00:11:37,482
Remember, tone isn't just
about the pitch of your voice.
265
00:11:37,586 --> 00:11:40,896
Make sure to start and end
every sentence with an apology.
266
00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:43,241
[ Normal voice ] I'm sorry.Perfect.
267
00:11:43,344 --> 00:11:44,827
Hi, guys.
It's Paige.
268
00:11:44,931 --> 00:11:47,758
And there are two types
of people in this world --
269
00:11:47,862 --> 00:11:49,482
those who know
how to contour,
270
00:11:49,586 --> 00:11:52,137
and those who are abandoned
by everyone that they love.
271
00:11:52,241 --> 00:11:54,862
Jake: We want to create
a culture of shame.
272
00:11:54,965 --> 00:11:57,758
So, what are some things
you feel ashamed of?
273
00:11:57,862 --> 00:12:00,551
-Redness. A lot of redness.
-My son.
274
00:12:00,655 --> 00:12:02,862
Let's stick to physical
attributes for now.
275
00:12:02,965 --> 00:12:05,724
All right,
my son's weak arms.
276
00:12:06,551 --> 00:12:08,103
Okay.
277
00:12:08,206 --> 00:12:09,517
[ Breathes sharply ]
278
00:12:09,620 --> 00:12:11,517
Hey, Matt, I'm sorry,
279
00:12:11,620 --> 00:12:14,655
but you look, like,
so super good today.
280
00:12:14,758 --> 00:12:15,931
[ Chuckling ]
I'm sorry.
281
00:12:16,034 --> 00:12:18,482
Thanks, Kate.
I really appreciate that.
282
00:12:18,586 --> 00:12:20,862
And I'm sorry,
but would you be willing
283
00:12:20,965 --> 00:12:23,068
to maybe
work late tonight?
284
00:12:23,172 --> 00:12:24,862
Yeah, of course.
I'd love to help out.
285
00:12:24,965 --> 00:12:27,206
You look like you could
use the break anyway.
286
00:12:27,310 --> 00:12:28,931
Jake: We need to normalize
makeup for men
287
00:12:29,034 --> 00:12:31,724
by associating it
with things men already like.
288
00:12:31,827 --> 00:12:33,724
So, what do men like?
289
00:12:33,827 --> 00:12:35,137
-World War II?
-Yep.
290
00:12:35,241 --> 00:12:36,655
-Sex.
-Yeah.
291
00:12:36,758 --> 00:12:39,172
-Football.
-Exotic jungle birds.
292
00:12:39,275 --> 00:12:40,862
Okay, what else?
293
00:12:40,965 --> 00:12:43,379
Keeping secrets
from my fucking wife!
294
00:12:43,482 --> 00:12:46,413
Jake, it's
"exotic jungle" birds.
295
00:12:46,517 --> 00:12:49,034
??
296
00:12:49,137 --> 00:12:51,586
Jessica: Hey, Matt,
nice contouring.
297
00:12:51,689 --> 00:12:53,103
Thanks, Jessica.
298
00:12:53,206 --> 00:12:55,413
Have you thought about doing
something with your lashes?
299
00:12:55,517 --> 00:12:57,896
-Yeah.
-Be really cute.
300
00:12:58,000 --> 00:13:05,827
??
301
00:13:05,931 --> 00:13:07,206
Dying ballerina!
302
00:13:07,310 --> 00:13:10,103
[ Weakly ] Sorry, I'm like,
so totally sorry.
303
00:13:10,206 --> 00:13:11,620
Anthropomorphized
sparrow!
304
00:13:11,724 --> 00:13:13,034
[ Squeaky voice ]
I'm sure you have, like,
305
00:13:13,137 --> 00:13:14,413
a million different things
to do than talk to me today,
306
00:13:14,517 --> 00:13:16,241
but [ Normal voice ]
a lot of women in the office
307
00:13:16,344 --> 00:13:18,206
have been talking about
how it's, like, too cold.
308
00:13:18,310 --> 00:13:21,068
So, I was wondering
if you could do me, like,
309
00:13:21,172 --> 00:13:25,068
a tiny, huge favor and maybe
make it a little bit warmer.
310
00:13:25,172 --> 00:13:26,241
Sorry.
311
00:13:26,344 --> 00:13:31,965
??
312
00:13:33,206 --> 00:13:35,206
Announcer:
Whether it's mid-game,
313
00:13:35,241 --> 00:13:37,413
mid-east, or mid-ages...
314
00:13:37,517 --> 00:13:38,896
[ Gun cocks, gunshots ]
315
00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:42,000
[ Cat yowls ]...you need to bring your armor.
316
00:13:42,103 --> 00:13:46,137
Whatever your battlefield,
we've got your back...
317
00:13:46,241 --> 00:13:47,793
and your front.
318
00:13:47,896 --> 00:13:51,275
R-More -- wear it proud.
319
00:13:51,379 --> 00:13:53,206
[ Gunshot ]
320
00:13:53,310 --> 00:13:55,275
Jake: We want to get
your honest feedback.
321
00:13:55,379 --> 00:13:57,793
Would you try R-More?
322
00:13:59,310 --> 00:14:00,793
Well, I...
323
00:14:00,896 --> 00:14:04,379
I have always hated these
dark circles under my eyes.
324
00:14:04,482 --> 00:14:05,448
Could R-More
help me with that?
325
00:14:05,551 --> 00:14:07,172
-Definitely.
-Absolutely.
326
00:14:07,275 --> 00:14:08,896
I've been trying to get
a promotion at work.
327
00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:10,827
Maybe this could
give me a leg up.
328
00:14:10,931 --> 00:14:12,310
Maybe so.
And good luck.
329
00:14:12,413 --> 00:14:13,482
Chad: I use Chap Stick,
330
00:14:13,586 --> 00:14:15,724
so sort of like
the same thing.
331
00:14:15,827 --> 00:14:17,310
So, Chap Stick.
332
00:14:17,413 --> 00:14:20,310
But isn't makeup for girls?
333
00:14:22,620 --> 00:14:24,413
Yeah, but that's only
because society
334
00:14:24,517 --> 00:14:26,344
has programmed us
to think that.
335
00:14:26,448 --> 00:14:27,551
But if I wear makeup,
336
00:14:27,655 --> 00:14:30,034
people will think
I'm, like, a girl.
337
00:14:30,137 --> 00:14:32,517
Excellent point. We should have
thought about that.
338
00:14:32,620 --> 00:14:34,310
I'm a boy.
339
00:14:34,413 --> 00:14:35,965
On second thought,
maybe I wouldn't try it.
340
00:14:36,068 --> 00:14:37,689
Yeah, actually,
I think women like
341
00:14:37,793 --> 00:14:39,689
these dark circles
under my eyes, so...
342
00:14:39,793 --> 00:14:41,620
I'm gonna stop
using Chap Stick.
343
00:14:41,724 --> 00:14:43,413
-Mm-hmm.
-Me, too. I hate Chap Stick.
344
00:14:43,517 --> 00:14:45,172
Well,
that was a disaster!
345
00:14:45,275 --> 00:14:47,068
There's only one man
who should wear makeup,
346
00:14:47,172 --> 00:14:49,172
and that is Christopher,
the sweet Goth teen
347
00:14:49,275 --> 00:14:51,034
who gives me pretzel samples
at the mall!
348
00:14:51,137 --> 00:14:53,000
Those guys wanted
to wear makeup until you let
349
00:14:53,103 --> 00:14:55,586
the whole conversation
be swayed by one insecure guy!
350
00:14:55,689 --> 00:14:58,103
Jake, watch your tone!
351
00:14:58,206 --> 00:14:59,827
[ Sighs ]
352
00:14:59,931 --> 00:15:01,689
[ Telephone rings ]
353
00:15:01,793 --> 00:15:03,068
[ Gasps ]
Hey, John!
354
00:15:03,172 --> 00:15:04,724
You look, like,
super good today.
355
00:15:04,827 --> 00:15:08,034
Thanks, Kate.
Oh. You know what, Kate?
356
00:15:08,137 --> 00:15:11,896
Um,
I owe you an apology.
357
00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:13,827
Yeah, you were right.
358
00:15:13,931 --> 00:15:15,241
You know more
about makeup than me.
359
00:15:15,344 --> 00:15:18,310
[ Chuckles ]
And to make it up to you,
360
00:15:18,413 --> 00:15:21,896
how would you like to take
over the male makeup project?
361
00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:24,793
Oh, my God!
[ Gasps ]
362
00:15:24,896 --> 00:15:26,620
John,
you're, like, the best.
363
00:15:26,724 --> 00:15:27,896
I know it.
I know.
364
00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:30,172
I'm sorry.No, it's okay.
365
00:15:30,275 --> 00:15:34,000
??
366
00:15:34,103 --> 00:15:35,758
I would fuck every character
on "Society of Tomorrow."
367
00:15:35,862 --> 00:15:37,068
-Yeah, same here!
-Mm-hmm!
368
00:15:37,172 --> 00:15:38,758
It's like
they make them so hot.
369
00:15:38,862 --> 00:15:40,965
-So hot.
-Yeah.
370
00:15:42,172 --> 00:15:44,206
Notice anything different
about me?
371
00:15:44,310 --> 00:15:45,758
Not really.
372
00:15:45,862 --> 00:15:47,655
My lashes?
373
00:15:47,758 --> 00:15:50,310
They're a little clumpy.
374
00:15:50,413 --> 00:15:52,206
I guess I'm used to you
with makeup now.
375
00:15:52,310 --> 00:15:54,413
There's no going back!
[ Laughs ]
376
00:15:54,517 --> 00:15:56,689
I mean, it's like
they oversexualize everybody.
377
00:15:56,793 --> 00:15:58,413
-I love it!
-I do love it.
378
00:15:58,517 --> 00:16:00,689
That bald little bitch!
379
00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:02,344
Whoa, Kate,
take it easy.
380
00:16:02,448 --> 00:16:05,413
No, I've been talking like
a fucking toddler all week!
381
00:16:05,517 --> 00:16:07,241
No wonder he wanted me
to take over male makeup.
382
00:16:07,344 --> 00:16:09,551
These focus-group results
are terrible.
383
00:16:09,655 --> 00:16:11,103
I still believe
in this idea.
384
00:16:11,206 --> 00:16:12,448
We just need
a new angle.
385
00:16:12,551 --> 00:16:15,344
Your mistake is you've
been underestimating
386
00:16:15,448 --> 00:16:17,827
how insecure men are.[ Bird cries ]
387
00:16:17,931 --> 00:16:22,206
It's the same mistake
I've made my entire life.
388
00:16:22,310 --> 00:16:24,034
[ Bird cries ]
389
00:16:24,137 --> 00:16:26,103
??
390
00:16:26,206 --> 00:16:27,620
Shh.
391
00:16:27,724 --> 00:16:29,965
[ Alarm rings ]
392
00:16:33,551 --> 00:16:35,586
[ Birds chirping ]
393
00:16:37,827 --> 00:16:40,034
[ Engine revs ]
394
00:16:42,172 --> 00:16:43,103
Shit!
395
00:16:43,206 --> 00:16:48,206
??
396
00:16:48,310 --> 00:16:53,379
??
397
00:16:55,413 --> 00:16:57,862
??
398
00:16:57,965 --> 00:16:59,206
[ Door closes ]
399
00:16:59,310 --> 00:17:01,241
[ Elevator bell dings ]Hold the elevator.
400
00:17:02,551 --> 00:17:04,862
Whew.Matt, you okay?
401
00:17:04,965 --> 00:17:07,034
[ Elevator bell dings ]You look tired.
402
00:17:08,310 --> 00:17:14,448
??
403
00:17:14,551 --> 00:17:21,000
My makeup!
404
00:17:21,103 --> 00:17:22,931
or a date.
405
00:17:23,034 --> 00:17:25,655
He looks good,
406
00:17:25,758 --> 00:17:29,482
and he looks
like he doesn't care.
407
00:17:29,586 --> 00:17:32,689
He's everything
a man should be
408
00:17:32,793 --> 00:17:37,379
plus a little more.
409
00:17:37,482 --> 00:17:40,344
How does he do it?
410
00:17:40,448 --> 00:17:43,103
? Baby
411
00:17:43,206 --> 00:17:46,103
??
412
00:17:46,206 --> 00:17:47,448
? Baby
413
00:17:47,551 --> 00:17:49,482
It's my little secret.
414
00:17:49,586 --> 00:17:51,448
Announcer:
No one has to know...
415
00:17:51,551 --> 00:17:53,758
Shh.? Baby?
416
00:17:53,862 --> 00:17:55,620
Thanks for coming back in.
417
00:17:55,724 --> 00:17:57,965
We'd love your thoughts
on My Little Secret,
418
00:17:58,068 --> 00:18:00,724
but this time, we're doing
an anonymous survey.
419
00:18:00,827 --> 00:18:03,655
You do not have
to write your name,
420
00:18:03,758 --> 00:18:07,551
and no other man will ever
know what you wrote.
421
00:18:07,655 --> 00:18:10,448
? Baby
422
00:18:10,551 --> 00:18:12,862
Shh.
423
00:18:12,965 --> 00:18:17,000
??
424
00:18:17,103 --> 00:18:19,137
Grace?
425
00:18:19,241 --> 00:18:21,068
[ Drawer opens ]
426
00:18:21,172 --> 00:18:23,724
Come on.
Daddy-O needs his makeup.
427
00:18:23,827 --> 00:18:27,103
[ Gasps ]
Yes.
428
00:18:28,275 --> 00:18:29,724
Well, well, well.
429
00:18:29,827 --> 00:18:31,620
If it isn't
a dirty raccoon
430
00:18:31,724 --> 00:18:35,689
caught rifling through
some nasty garbage.
431
00:18:36,034 --> 00:18:38,931
I'm sorry I rummaged
through your stuff, Grace.
432
00:18:39,034 --> 00:18:41,103
It's just
really exhausting
433
00:18:41,206 --> 00:18:43,034
to have to look my best
every day.
434
00:18:43,137 --> 00:18:46,000
You can stop wearing makeup
any time you want.
435
00:18:46,103 --> 00:18:47,931
But then
I'll look like shit.
436
00:18:48,034 --> 00:18:50,758
Yeah, but then people will get
used to you looking like shit,
437
00:18:50,862 --> 00:18:53,793
and then nobody will care
because you're a guy.
438
00:18:53,896 --> 00:18:55,896
So what you're saying is
there's a double standard?
439
00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:57,103
Exactly.
440
00:18:57,206 --> 00:18:59,551
Between people like me,
who are natural beauties,
441
00:18:59,655 --> 00:19:02,241
and people like you
who aren't.
442
00:19:02,344 --> 00:19:03,482
Ah.
443
00:19:03,586 --> 00:19:05,103
You're prettier
when you don't talk.
444
00:19:05,206 --> 00:19:06,724
Well, then I'd better
keep my mouth shut
445
00:19:06,827 --> 00:19:09,034
because I want to go
to the ball.
446
00:19:10,068 --> 00:19:12,827
[ Indistinct conversations ]
447
00:19:12,931 --> 00:19:15,344
Jake,
are you nervous?
448
00:19:15,448 --> 00:19:16,620
Well, this is
my first time
449
00:19:16,724 --> 00:19:18,448
presenting directly
to Christian.
450
00:19:18,551 --> 00:19:20,655
Look at me.
451
00:19:20,758 --> 00:19:23,206
There is nothing
to worry about.
452
00:19:23,310 --> 00:19:27,206
The focus group results
were off the charts.
453
00:19:27,310 --> 00:19:29,689
This is a slam dunk.
454
00:19:29,793 --> 00:19:31,724
But fix your blush.
455
00:19:31,827 --> 00:19:33,448
Your face is too wide.
456
00:19:33,551 --> 00:19:35,517
You should know that.
457
00:19:35,620 --> 00:19:37,931
Oh, you're right.
458
00:19:38,034 --> 00:19:40,551
Okay.
Let's see what you've got.
459
00:19:40,655 --> 00:19:42,000
[ Breathes sharply ]
460
00:19:42,103 --> 00:19:45,655
We all know
men are insecure.
461
00:19:45,758 --> 00:19:48,000
But they're too insecure --
462
00:19:48,103 --> 00:19:51,068
I'm going to stop you
right there.
463
00:19:51,172 --> 00:19:55,379
[ Sighs ]
Men are not insecure.
464
00:19:59,103 --> 00:20:01,034
[ Sighs ]
465
00:20:01,137 --> 00:20:02,068
John: I agree.
466
00:20:02,172 --> 00:20:04,724
Men are definitely
not insecure.
467
00:20:04,827 --> 00:20:06,862
Great note, Christian.
-Thank you, John.
468
00:20:06,965 --> 00:20:08,448
So, uh, what's the next idea?
469
00:20:08,551 --> 00:20:10,620
[ Pops lips ]
470
00:20:10,724 --> 00:20:12,206
??
471
00:20:12,310 --> 00:20:15,827
We all know brushing your teeth
is a healthy habit.
472
00:20:15,931 --> 00:20:17,793
Well, my idea asks,
473
00:20:17,896 --> 00:20:22,000
"What if it were
an uncontrollable addiction?"
474
00:20:22,103 --> 00:20:25,655
Introducing
Nicotine Toothpaste.
475
00:20:25,758 --> 00:20:29,206
We'll have people brushing
20 times a day.
476
00:20:29,310 --> 00:20:30,931
Christian: Hmm.
477
00:20:31,034 --> 00:20:35,482
Well, it's, uh,
not the most original idea.
478
00:20:35,586 --> 00:20:37,517
But...
479
00:20:37,620 --> 00:20:40,620
original ideas are rarely good.
480
00:20:40,724 --> 00:20:42,000
Okay, let's do it.
481
00:20:42,103 --> 00:20:43,827
Nice work, John.
-Thank you.
482
00:20:43,931 --> 00:20:46,655
[ Sighs ] Say, is anyone else
hot in here?
483
00:20:46,758 --> 00:20:48,689
Oh, definitely.
484
00:20:48,793 --> 00:20:51,000
Kate, why don't you see
about turning up the AC?
485
00:20:51,103 --> 00:20:52,172
Yes, sir.
486
00:20:52,275 --> 00:20:54,586
I'm off to another
ZenCycle class.
487
00:20:54,689 --> 00:20:56,137
I simply cannot get enough.
488
00:20:56,241 --> 00:20:57,517
[ Laughs ]
489
00:20:57,620 --> 00:21:00,241
[ Indistinct conversations ]
490
00:21:05,517 --> 00:21:08,310
[ Birds chirping ]
491
00:21:09,931 --> 00:21:12,482
I actually have an addiction
I've never really talked about.
492
00:21:12,586 --> 00:21:14,344
Uh, I'm addicted
to eating earplugs.
493
00:21:14,448 --> 00:21:16,103
-Fascinating.
-It's weird, but you remember
494
00:21:16,206 --> 00:21:17,620
that woman who ate
her own couch?
495
00:21:17,724 --> 00:21:18,724
-Yes, we do.
-Start to finish?
496
00:21:18,827 --> 00:21:19,862
Well, it's a similar
kind of thing,
497
00:21:19,965 --> 00:21:21,586
but with silicone
earplugs.
498
00:21:21,689 --> 00:21:22,896
Cotton will not do it
for me.
499
00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:24,206
Has to be silicone?Got to be silicone.
500
00:21:24,256 --> 00:21:28,806
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