Original subtitles

The more I love myself, the more I will be loved.

The more I love myself, the more I will be loved.

Today we hear of another kind of frontier -

a strange, alien place...

I will be thin and fabulous, live even second to the fullest.

This is not my fat. It has followed me from another existence.

It is not the fat of now.

All around my hat

I will wear the green willow

Think bad thoughts away. Find a happy place to go.

♪ I'm so glad to be me

♪ All of those things that I've yet to

That's fantastic.

- Come on, Flip. - Let's hug. let's exchange auras.

And if anyone should ask me...

They call him Flipper, Flipper

♪ Under the sea ♪

I can't believe they never saw you for that movie. Ridiculous, isn't it?

D'you want this in there?

Will you rope me in, sweetheart? Rope me in.

Flipper! Not so fast, sweetheart. I haven't said goodbye to him.

Where is he? You've upset him.

♪ This wheel's on fire

♪ Rollin' down the road

♪ Best notify my next of kin

♪ This wheel shall explode ♪

Today...

Oh...

- Mum. - Oh, God, are you here?

- Think happy thoughts. - ♪ I'm so glad to be me ♪

What? What?

When are you going to release that dolphin?

Oh, darling, I rescued that dolphin!

He gives me unconditional love.

People pay thousands of pounds for that kind of therapy, darling.

We exchange auras. I mean, he...

he fills me with fish love and fish vibes and I fill him with...

The car crash of emotions you call your life.

Anyway, I'm in talks with Conran for a new three-level tank

as the centerpiece at the seafood bar in Mezzo. All right?

Will you feed him while I ring Patsy?

- Mum, this is smoked salmon. - I know.

Didn't get that swimming for the customers at the Al Shalimar in Malta. lucky boy.

Up, darling, up! Get up, up. Get up. Get up now!

Awake, awake, awake now, Eddy.

- Good. Today's the day, darling. - Oh, Go... Val d'lsère!

But, Eddy, Eddy, I'm not ready. I haven't packed or...

The plane doesn't go till midday. You've got a job to get before that.

- Oh, do I have to? - Come on, darling. Think.

You know. Say, "I'm young, I'm vibrant."

I'm... I need a drink, Eddy.

You need to find the child within, darling.

No!

Just get dressed and come over. Dress funky. All right?

See you later. Cheers.

It's a bit early for her, isn't it?

It'll do her good. She's been a bit low recently.

Low? She'd get vertigo in a sewer.

- Mum, I think he's sick. - What d'you mean, sick?

No, darling, it's just a bit of fin flop.

- He doesn't want that, does he? - Here, darling...

♪ When everything starts to bring me down

♪ just one word can tum it all around

- ♪ Slip into my little hideaway - Oh, Pats...

- Cheers, darling. - ♪ Somewhere deep inside my mind

♪ Where the world's an open flower

♪ Cheer me on like a movie star

♪ Give it up in the Hollywood way

♪ Today is my day...

- Now, Gran, you're going to the terminal. - Sounds rather ominous, dear.

You've got to pick up Mac and Millie and they'll be on the flight from Orlando.

"But where's it going to?" we ask ourselves.

Is that where they live now?

Oh, no, dear. They're snowbirds.

They follow the sun. They live in camper vans with 200 other old people.

- I haven't seen them since 1952. - Are you sure you'll recognise them?

Oh, yes, dear. I've got a snapshot of Mal and Milkie taken about that time.

- I should be all right. - I'll give you a sign to hold up.

I've got one.

Darling. Sweetheart, have you seen my, er... my vibrating thing?

By your bed, dear?

No, my bleeper, my bleeper! This thing. My bleeper.

Oh.

It's fantastic, this, darling. I can get bleeped

and get a miniature finger massage at the same time. look. Brrrrr!

Don't you dare threaten me with Greenpeace, sweetie!

They owe me. I bumper-stickered this organization into existence, darling.

What d'you think this is, Free Willy?

Was that a '60s thing, dear?

- Do something for him. - Darling, I am doing something for him.

He's got a two-year tape deal with Polygram

and a tampon advert. What more could he want?

I'll do the right thing, darling. Not the correct thing, sweetheart. The right thing.

Might be wrong, but it's right. That's my motto, anyway.

- Oh, well, that's clear, then. - Only applies to dolphins, not old women.

I won't have any qualms about shoving a cork in your breathe-hole

- when the time comes. - Ooh!

- You'd better go, Gran. - All right, dear. I'll see you later.

Oh, dear. I'd forget my head if it wasn't screwed on.

That can be remedied.

- Passport. - You don't need it.

Are you sure, dear? I know that's right for Europe now

but I thought I'd read somewhere that you need a passport...

Shuffle off to shuffletown, old shufflewoman.

- Yes, all right, I'm going now. - Shuff, shuff, shuff.

..discoveries are made...

Do we have to listen to this today, darling? Mm? Is this Radio 4?

Wanna move to more upbeat today, sweetheart. Mm?

No wonder you're the way you are, you know, old glum-glum,

listening to these moaning old gloom-mongers all day.

- The Archies, is it? And Kaleidobox? - Look, shut up!

All those feminist bleatings on Woman's Hour.

"Oh, Jenni, I still has to do the washing-up." Ching, ching. Clink, clink.

Well, get a dishwasher, woman. This is 1996.

Or just don't do it. What are they talking about, hm? listen to this.

In a change to our schedule, Edina Monsoon will be this week's castaway

- on Desert Island Discs... - No'.!

No.

Desert Discs? Is that Radio 4?

Nobody told me that, darling. I thought FM was hip.

- You can't be on it. They wouldn't do you. - They would.

Why didn't you tell me? It's my favourite programme. Why you?

- I'm a leader in my field, darling. - Someone must have dropped out.

Better take the Thermos. You never know.

Gran, you'd better go or you'll miss them.

We were never really that close, dear.

Oh, God, that'll be Patsy.

Oh, no. No. It... It'll be Paolo.

Is that your boyfriend?

Note cool reaction from Mother, darling. Note cool reaction.

We have quite a cool relationship now, don't we, darling? Hm?

Slowly, it happens.

You're gonna turn into me one day, you know.

And you'll turn into me, dear.

Yeah, well, I've got Dr Euthanasia's home number for that eventuality.

- Hello. - Hello.

Oh, still no tongue.

Mum, how dare you?

- What? What? What? What? - Please... sit down.

- Thanks. - She's going in a minute, don't worn.

Yeah, I'm going in a minute, don't worn. I'm off. I'm outta here.

- Don't put it on there. - Oh, sorry.

Look at him. Big improvement on the last one, isn't it?

The one you picked up in Covent Garden Piazza -

old clown face, bad breath and sandals, eh? Always jiggling his balls about.

Maybe this one'll last, sweetie darling. Hm?

Maybe this'll be the one to finally break the seal on that cat box.

Mum!

I check it regularly, you know. I worn about rubber rot.

Stop it!

Sissy. Ung tang tong tang tong.

What is he? French or something?

- I'm sorry about this. - It's OK.

- Can I get you something? - Yeah, can I have a coffee?

Yes. I'll see if I can remember to do it the way you like it.

Are you very fond of that old cardigan?

- Oh. This is a new cardigan. - Oh, is it?

Looks like viscose.

- Morning, Eddy. - Morning, darling.

- Ed, how's this? - Fabulous. Fabulous.

You look like a sad reject from Ready Steady Go!

Darling, that is a very now look, the sad-reject look.

Actually, not this hair... Oh.

- Not that hair, darling. Not that hair. - No? No.

Anyway... Today's the day we're off to Val d'lsère ♪

- I can't wait. - Val d'lsère.

- Who was Val d'lsère, darling? Mm? - A French film star.

Was he? Valérie d'lsère.

Why are we suddenly getting all this mail?

I've redesigned my office, darling. It's now a paper-free environment.

You can e-mail me or hook me up to the Net.

- Soon, it'll be a virtual office. - You virtually won't have to be there.

Hopefully.

- God, you know that radio thing I did? - Yup.

That radio Desert Discs thing. You know, with Sue whatsit.

Lumley?

- Lawley. - Sue Lawley, yeah. That's Radio 4.

- No! - Radio 4.

- I could do instant. - No, thanks.

They want me to do something on the Millennium Committee.

Want me to do something for the millennium. D'you think I should do that?

Well, when is it?

It doesn't say. Darling, when is it? When is it, the millennium?

The year 2000.

Why are they bothering me now, eh?

Anyway, I know exactly what they should do.

What? let me guess. A free Stones concert in Hyde Park?

No. No. No.

A huge, worldwide Bacchanalian feast. They should just live it, darling, live it.

- And a free Stones concert. - Yeah, and a free Stones concert.

Sorry. 30"'!-

No, it's OK. I'm here, you're talking to them.

- That's fine. - No. I'm sorry.

All right, darling, we'll go off to the

office and I can drop you at your interview.

Interview? I thought she just slept with the publisher.

Even repelling magazine magnates nowadays, are you?

Little menstruating budgerigar with us again, is she? Hm? Hm?

It's harder for Pats these days. There's younger people coming up.

- No, not younger. Not younger. - No, not younger people.

- No, it's the gay Mafia. - It's the gay Mafia.

Let's face it. You're past it. Sleeping with you must be akin to necrophilia.

Aggh!

Never turn your back on her, you silly girl! Stupid...

Oh, come on, girls. Can we stop this now, please?

Oo-oo-ooh!

Duh-duh duh duh, duh-duh duh duh, duh-duh duh duh.

- What d'you think of this one, Pats? - Go away. He's too clever for you.

Too small. I expect sex with him would be a rather... localized experience.

I've got one rule in life and I've always kept to it -

I've never slept with a man whose bum is bigger than mine.

- Oh, good. Yeah, neither have I. - No, well... Well, you know.

Well, it's smaller now. Been in the gym, haven't I, darling?

Could crack a peanut in these. Mm.

- I can blow smoke rings with mine. - I know. I've seen you.

Remind me to tell you about Nan Scrager's hand-lift on the way.

Oh! Oh...

Oh, sorry, I'll get a cloth.

- She's had a hand-lift, darling. - A hand-job?

No, not a hand-job. A hand-lift.

She can't bend her fingers. Think crab claws. Think crab claws.

Oh... Oh, I'd better do this. Better do this.

Ung Kong korang Kong tong.

Ung korang... Oh, that's nice. Ong korang...

- Still doing that, Eddy? - Almost religiously, darling.

- Have you tried this? - Hm? Oh.

- It's nice. What is it? - Elizabeth Taylor's Recovery.

- It's her new perfume. - I liked her last one. Dependency.

- I'm pushing her Relapse at Christmas. - Are you?

- It's just a shirt. - It's not just a shirt.

- I've got to wear it tonight. - You can hardly see it.

Oh, it'll have to be washed.

What are you wearing?

It's just supper with your friends, isn't it?

- Show me what you're wearing tonight. - It's erm...

It's... It's in my bedroom. Erm...

My... mother's going away for a week.

Aha.

So, er...

there won't be anyone here and, er...

- D'you want me to soak that? - Yes, please.

They haven't done it, you know. I don't think she's ever done it.

She can't be that unattractive. Is she?

She is a virgin in a world where men will even turn to soft fruit for pleasure.

Draw your own conclusions.

Please. D'you remember your first time, darling?

You know, it's all a blank with me until 1968.

Yeah.

- God, I remember mine. - Mm?

- What did you feel? - Well, I was grateful, really, you know.

- Why? - Because you were always on my back.

Oh, you'd think I'd remember that.

Oh, put the radio on! I'm on that Desert Discs. Radio 4. Put it on.

On a desert island without those friends, how would you cope?

- What? just on my own? - Mm-hm.

Are you mad?

I'm doing this because I want to, not because you asked me.

OK. Good.

- I don't need your permission. - Good. OK. Well done.

- And I don't need your approval. - No.

- How's this? - Erm... l think you'd better do it again.

- I've got to move. - From Oddbins? Why?

They're gonna expand. They're gonna make a separate section for spirits.

- It's a very good idea. - Yeah.

- Where are you gonna go? - Well, I was wondering, erm...

Yeah, well, there's loads of Oddbins. That's the great thing, isn't it?

- But they're not all in good areas. - Shh! I'm on the radio. Shh. That's me.

Tell me about your next record, Edina, because it's an unusual one.

Er, yeah. It is, Sue. I first heard this one on the Armani advert

and I liked it because I really like his stuff.

There's the wine warehouse.

You can speed yours up, you know. Speed up. Yeah. like me.

It's good for the biceps.

- Eddy. Eddy. - Yeah?

Damn. It's my bleeper, darling. I'm expecting a call from Bubble.

Look after it for me. It's a vibrator.

Has Madonna been here again, swapping the weights around?

Who are... family and self-fulfillment and friends

- and, you know, children. - Huh.

To her, children are just part of the sentence.

Tell me about your next record.

I'm thinking, have we had enough of Lulu?

- We've had three of her records so far - Have we? Have we?

She's got a wonderful back-catalogue, though, you see, Sue.

- Saff. - Mm?

You shouldn't buy olives in tins, really. Come here.

Go to Luigi's. You know that place I told you about?

Get fresh ones with garlic. They're much nicer.

Try that.

- What d'you think? - Delicious.

No. "Eugh."

♪ I don't dig what's in So I guess I'm out...

- You're so oppressive. - Am I?

Since when was teaching oppressive?

If I teach you something, am I oppressing you?

- No. - Darling?

Mm?

- Cuffs. Cuffs. - Oh.

Collars, cuffs.

Side sleeve. Collars, cuffs, side sleeve.

♪ So you understand what I'm all about

♪ The boat that I row Won't cross no ocean

♪ The boat that I row Won't get me there soon

♪ But I got the love if you got the notion

♪ The boat that I row's big enough for two

♪ Me and you...

- You'd be quicker walking. - Are you mad?

I've just walked five miles back there. I've done my walking.

Sit in the Caribbean...

Why hasn't Bubble called me? Where's my bleeper?

Have you got my bleeper? Where is it?

How did it get down there, darling?

Bleeper?

- Has she called? - Repeatedly.

No, keep it now. I don't want it now.

- Look, I can get it. - I don't want it now.

♪ Everything is starting to bring me down

♪ There's just one way To tum it all around

God, walk, walk, bloody walk. Where's this anyway?

- What's this? The King's Road? - Yeah. There's no scene here any more, Ed.

It's like some old high street, isn't it?

- It used to be fantastic, but you know... - Yeah.

- It's all so drab now. - Everyone looks so gloomy.

Gloom, gloom.

Come on, everybody, cheer up.

Swing.

Sex is fun and mini-skirts are just cheeky.

Come on. You can take drugs and be happy, you know.

Sex is fun!

Where's Bubble?

She's editing French Vogue this week so...

- God. Has she shown you the ropes? - The...?

- The ropes. You know. - Ah. Hello?

- Is that the sort of thing? - Yeah, well, that's... that's a rope.

Right, down to business. Why am I hindered at even turn?

- Shall I slap her? - No, it's all right.

- Look. - What?

- They've discovered a new weather girl - No! God, are they breeding them somewhere?

Is there a secret island somewhere,

just breeding these little Annekas and Tanias and Ulrikas and...?

I know. These impossibly blonde young girls in thin-strap mini dresses

with these shiny, shiny, shiny faces. How do they get their faces that shiny?

Rubbing themselves on... the front of cricketers' trousers?

I don't think they restrict themselves to cricketers.

Don't settle down, darling. You've got to go. Come on.

Oh, yeah. Val. Val d'lsère.

No, the interview, darling. The interview.

- Oh... - What have you prepared?

Well, I thought... "it's been a terrific year for the trans-seasonal trouser."

Yeah, that says hip, happenin' dude to me.

Which was, Edina, another record from the '60s.

Erm, was that perhaps the time when you were really at your happiest?

No, no, I'm a very now person.

- Are you? - Mm.

OK, come on.

- Hit me with what's happening in 1996. - Hm. Well...

Erm...

You've had some really lovely messages from some really sweet people.

Jane Asher called about her cake book.

Terence Stamp wants to send you his latest range of vegetable crepes.

Crisps. Sony.

Linda McCartney's launching some sausages.

- ♪ Baby, I'll try to love again... - Charlotte Rampling's looking...

But I know...

The first cut is the deepest

- ♪ Baby, I know - Michael Caine's opening a new eatery.

That's lovely.

Cos when it comes to being lucky He's cursed

- ♪ When it comes to lovin' me... - Trudie says she can't wait for lunch.

He's worse

But when it comes to being loved He's first

- ♪ That's how I know... - Julie Christie's doing a film...

The first cut is the deepest

Baby, I know

- ♪ The first cut is the deepest... - And Sandie Shaw needs help.

♪ I still want you by my side

♪ just to have you...

Terrific year for the trans-seasonal trouser.

♪ And I'm sure gonna give you a try

You think that, as a woman, I have no self-determination -

that only you, as a man, can give me what I want.

- Could you pass the starch? - I think it's good that you're a feminist.

As if you know what that means.

To you, it means anyone who isn't a doormat or a prostitute.

You have to categorize women as this or that.

Well, I don't want to be seen as some sex object.

I don't think of you as a sex object.

Don't you?

- Are you sure? - It's never crossed my mind.

Well, that's good. Because my sexuality is mine to give, not yours to take.

Anyway, that's not the point. You see women as either whores...

- Or goddesses. - As mistresses and Jezebels.

Or brides and mothers.

Then you just want control and we must bear the burden of the passive destiny.

Saffy.

- Will you many me? - Yes.

Good year for the trans-seasonal trouser.

♪ Oh...

♪ Whoa

♪ Yeah ♪

Oh, I'm so happy!

- D'you think Mum will be happy? - I know she'll be happy.

- But are you happy? - Oh, yes.

He... We want to get married quite soon.

- Oh! - Oh, no, no, no. No, nothing like that.

- You do like him, don't you? - Oh, I think he's... great.

He is great, especially when you really get to know him.

And he just likes me for what I am.

Darling, darling, watch Mama, darling! Watch!

It's all right. I'm here. There's nothing to worn about. It's your moment.

You.

Why will you never fully relegate yourself to my past? Mm?

- I'm here for a... special reason. - Oh, what?

- Mum. - I'd better sit down.

What, darling? What, darling? The shoosh of the piste is yodelling to me now.

- Is Patsy here? - Mum...

- Eddy, are you here? - Fantastic, darling.

I'm nearly ready. How did it go today? Hm? Hm?

I think they must have moved offices or something.

Oh, never mind. We're off to Val d'lsère.

Yeah, off onto the pages of Hello! Magazine.

Vogue Diary, international champagne jet-set.

Mum, Paolo's asked me to many him and I said yes.

♪ I'm so...

She's getting married!

That's you taken care of. That's you out of the way, isn't it?

- Come on, Eddy, let's go. - Come on, say something.

Don't try and entwine her in all this!

What, she's getting married? She's getting married?

- Aren't you happy for me? - Yes, I'm very happy.

Well, why is it, darling? Mm?

Why is it even time I clear a space for myself,

you have to pathologically fill it again? Hm?

What? Who? When? When?

- When are you getting married? - Soon.

- You won't be able to go. - I can't go.

You've gotta be there. You're the mother of the bride!

- Mother of the bride? Mother of the bride? - Mother of the bride?

There isn't even a film called Mother Of The Bride, is there? Mm?

- Don't you even want to see the ring? - Do I want to see that ring?

Oh... Eee-oo, eee-oo, eee-oo!

We'll have to rope down the Hubble telescope.

- We haven't got time for that. let's go. - Dad, say something.

- But... But erm... But... - But what? But what?

- Well, you can't even ski. - Ski.

No one's skiing any more. Snowboarding's the thing.

Well.. I think that went... pretty well.

Ah! Is this it? Is this the... chalet of Philip?

Mais oui, madame.

It's fabulous, darling.

Here we are, darling. Val d'lsère in the Alps.

- Oxygen, Ed? - No, darling, not right now.

What shall we do on our first day?

I think a little liquid refreshment, then some shopping.

Yeah, that...

ls there any duty-free?

Come on, Ed, it's fabulous.

Ed, are you ready yet?

Had another crisis.

- These earrings with a snowboard? - Fabulous.

OK, I'm ready.

Eddy. Not that hat.

Oh, all right. I've got others.

It's going very well. Just needs warming up. More wax on it.

Too loose. Bindings.

Photo! Take the photo, Pats! Take the photo now!

Did you get that?

Ohh... Pats!

Hi, darling. Are we having lunch here?

At least I'm gonna go home with a skill. That's the way I think of it.

Darling, nothing on God's earth would get me onto a pair of skis.

Yeah, it's er... It's always better if I do that myself.

Oh, Eddy, I wasn't expecting you back so soon.

D'you want some er... après?

Or shall I send him home?

Oh, I'm all right. I'm a little bit bruised actually, so I'll just have a bath.

This is good. This is my favourite. But she doesn't like it.

Come on, darling, give it a chance.

What d'you think?

- I think she looks lovely. - Yes. She does look lovely, doesn't she?

But seriously...

- You don't have to get serious. - Yes, I do.

This is important. Look at this beautiful face.

When I first saw this face I thought, "My God.

"Why's she hiding all that?

"Why's she apologizing? Why's she dressing like that?"

Because she doesn't want to make her mother happy.

- Oh, now... - No, it's true, Dad.

Yeah.

- Now that's gone, hasn't it? - Mm.

Now you've got me, so you can be yourself.

Mm.

Mm-hm.

Can we go back tomorrow and get the blue and orange dress? I loved that one.

No, darling. It made you look like a tart.

Oh.

Bit of Deep Heat, that's done the trick. All

ready for a night on the town now, Pats.

Actually, there's a bit of a melt happening out there, Eddy.

No, that's just the junior piste there. Yeah.

You didn't see anyone you recognised, did you, this afternoon? I was too goggled up.

- No. - What, no... no Cher? No Ivana?

No minor royalty? No crowned heads?

- How can you tell through ski pants? - I don't know.

Still, it's odd, isn't it? You'd think, end of

March, Val d'lsère'd just be crawling with them.

Yeah.

Anyway, it's just the start of our jet-set life.

Too right, babe.

- Next year we'll be skiing in Aspen and... - Klosters.

- St Moritz, darling. - St Tropez.

Yeah. We'll be there.

We'll probably come across a few tonight, snuggling up in a little Swiss bistro

with lvana and Jack Nicholson, darling, you know.

Fresh from snorting up a few moguls here and there.

Probably just sit in front of a log fire,

having a little grappa with Jean Paul Mondo.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

And relax and recline on a gorgeous fur rug made of...

- Elke Sommer. - Yes. It would be fantastic.

They'll all be there, darling.

What d'you think? Versace.

- It's fabulous. - Good.

Ooh...

Right, here we come, Val d'lsère.

- Tits like my... - Would you like to give him money?

- Come on. - Forget her.

Come on, darling, it's not our kind of place. That's not the jet-set.

Yes, this is it, darling. This is the place.

- Look who's been here. Frank... - Oh, look. Sophia.

Sophia. Solid jet-set. The place will be filling up with people any minute.

We're probably lucky we got this table.

Thank you very much. They'll all be here.

Now... Give me that cigarette, darling.

Thank you.

Order some wine, Eddy, would you?

Fondue?

It takes time, darling. It's like a form of food torture.

Go back and... have a little bit.

- I'll have this lot in here, Eddy. - That's tender.

That's going to take forever now.

What's it like raw?

- Oh, Eddy. Not raw. - Why, darling?

It's just the same, except not hot.

I do it at home.

Saves time.

♪ And you sip your Napoleon brandy...

- How do they do that, then? - What?

♪ But you never get your lips wet

Sip their Napoleon brandy and never get their lips wet.

You just drink it straight from the bottle. Like that.

I could do that. I could do that. Watch.

- I got my lips... - You got your lips wet, Eddy.

- I'll take a picture of that. - ♪ I want to look inside your head

- Yes, I do - It's great.

Just for fun, for a laugh Oh, ha-ha... ♪

Come on, Eddy, I need a slash.

Oh, Christ, I can't make this grid, darling. I can't make that.

Oh, come on, darling.

- ♪ Ooh ya, ooh, ooh - Go on. Go on, Eddy. Go on.

- Go on. Go on. - ♪ ..Back on Suffragette City...

No, of course it's OK. I wasn't expecting you.

Sony, you'll have to speak up. It sounds like a bit of a party.

Oh, yes. OK, I'll get my beauty sleep. Bye.

No, you hang up. Bye.

No, you... Oh.

- Now... - Gran, where have you been?

Oh, it was most exciting, dear. I was on a plane.

- Where? - Oh, well, it didn't take off.

But they strip-searched me.

And blew up my suitcase.

And then this lovely lady recognised me and brought me back here.

Did you get Mac and Millie?

Oh, that's what I was meant to do!

I'm sorry. Goodbye, dear. See you later. Thank you.

- Who are you? - It's me, Bo.

Safy, isn't it? Whoa'.!

Ah, hi, hi, hi. Marshall isn't with me.

To cut a tong long short, he's still with the Scientotogists.

But don't worn, he's not one of them. He's not stupid.

Just trying to get to John Travolta.

He's perfect for the movie. Absolutely perfect.

It's a whole new concept, but we ran out of money.

Anyhoo, I escaped, got away. I'm on the run.

Marshall's still with them, the brave, crazy fool.

Has he or anyone with his voice phoned here?

- Erm, no. - You sure? OK.

That wasn't much fun tonight, was it, Pats?

It was fabulous, Eddy.

Yeah, but it wasn't really, you know,

like, much fun there, was it, darling?

- Well, we always have fun, Ed. - Yeah, we always have fun.

We always have fun if there's fun to be had. We're always in transit, aren't we?

From fun to fun to fun to fun.

What if there just isn't any fun, darling?

- What are you saying, Eddy? - What if there isn't any fun? Huh?

- What are you saying? - Huh? Huh?

What if it's just... What if it's just us, you know?

What d'you mean, Eddy? It's always been just us. Come on, sweetie, it's great.

Yeah, it's always been just us, darling.

Yeah, I know that. It's always been just us, darling, in this life.

And the last life.

The life before that life, darling. It's always just been us. Always just been you.

God, I long for the day someone brings me an axe.

Hello. Good day. Good evening, s...

You're driving my customers away now, aren't you?

- 'Ello. - You're driving the customers away.

Pick yourself up, girl Come on.

And the only reason I've survived to this life

is cos we've never shared a liver, darling.

You died before me and I had to lug you around like some dead weight for 2O years.

That is nonsense! You're lying!

That is not nonsense. I've done regression therapy, darling.

That is nonsense shit!

That is expensive nonsense shit, sweetheart!

- What are you doing? - You were a dead weight then. You're a...

- And what? And? - And...

- And? - I wanna go home.

- Oh, no, you do not! - I'm gonna phone Saff.

Don't phone! Don't phone!

Give me that phone! Do not phone her!

I'm getting married.

Hallelujah! Praise the lord! Let's speak in tongues.

- Oh, your mother must be so happy. - Well...

Excuse me.

Hem?

Pffffffffff!

Give me that, you bitch! You bitch!

- You b... - Don't you do that!

You don't throw s... throw stuff at me like that!

Don't you...!

- Hey! Hey! Hey! This is fun! - This is fantastic!

Wey'hey'hey!

Wey'hey'hey!

Fantastic!

Not many people here, are there, darling? Want a drink?

- Want a drink? Have a drink. - Yeah.

- Oh, thanks, babe. - Where d'you think people are, then?

- Skiing somewhere else. - Aspen.

- Huskers. - Huskers. Mm.

- Do we get off now, Eddy? - No, wait until the ground comes up.

You have to wait until the ground comes up. Up here. Get ready.

- Do we get off now? - No, not now. Wait until it comes up.

- Get ready, though. - Oh, all right. I'm ready.

- Have you got the Bolly? Got your bag? - Yep.

- Ready. Ready. Ready? - All right.

Ready. Ready...

Ready? Now.

Eddy, I'm going round again.

All right, I'll see you at the bottom.

Cheers, sweetie!

Hi! let's... let's ski!

Yes, I'm skiing.

- I'll see you down the bottom. - I'm going round again.

Hello, Madonna! Hello, Cher! See you at Aspen next year.

♪ Good morning, starshine

♪ You lead us along

♪ My love and me as we sing

♪ Our early morning singing song

♪ Gliddy glub gloopy

♪ Nibby flabby noopy, a a-a 0 0

♪ Sabba sibbi sabba

♪ Nooby Abba nabba

♪ lee oh o

♪ Tooby ooby walla nooby Abba nabba

♪ Early morning singing song ♪

Where are all the people?

Hello?

Snowplough. I must snowplough. Snowplough. I must snow...

Ah.

Help!

Help!

Think happy thoughts.

Whaa-a-a.

Oh...!

Welcome to heaven, darling.

Heaven?

Yes. It doesn't look like much, I know, but I had to get rid of that old stuff.

It was always Michelangelo's vision, not mine.

This is minimalist, but I like it.

- What d'you think? - Yeah, it's fabulous.

Thought I might let Conran have a go when he gets here.

That's a great idea. No, I love his shop.

He does your shopping for you. He's a very clever boy.

- You know, you should do an AmEx ad. - I don't really need to.

I mean, who does your PR? You could be really big.

I am big. I exist. I am real

- Real things don't need PR. - Don't they?

- You can't stay here, you know. - Why?

Oh, didn't I tell you? It's not your time, Eddy.

- You have to go back. - But...

You've been saved. You'll know what to do. I'll be watching you.

We've gotta get out of this place

If it's the last thing we ever do

- ♪ We've gotta get out of this place - I don't want to go.

Girl, there's a better life for me and you...

I don't want to go.

Somehow

- ♪ Somewhere, baby - How come I wasn't made in your image?

Girl, you're so young and pretty

♪ And one thing I know is true

♪ You'll be dead before your time...

♪ Watch my daddy in bed a-dying

♪ Watched his hair been turnin' Grey

♪ He's been workin' and slavin' his life away

♪ Yeah, yeah

♪ He's been workin' so hard

♪ I've been workin' too, baby

♪ Every night and day

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah

♪ We gotta get out of this place

♪ h' it's the last thing we ever do

♪ We gotta get out of this place

♪ Girl, there's a better life

♪ For me and you

♪ Believe me, baby

♪ I know it, baby

♪ You know it too...

Eddy? Eddy!

Now.

Eddy, now.

♪ Girl, there's a better life for me and you

♪ Oh, yes there is ♪