Original subtitles

I reiterate that environment

is the keynote of social distinction.

Nonsense.

Heredity is the backbone of social life.

I say, environment.

Bah! Heredity!

I'll wager you $10,000

that I can take a man from the lowest strata of life

and with three months' time,

with environment, make him a gentleman.

Well, of course there are exceptions.

Ah. I'll make it two men.

Make it three and I'll accept your wager.

Three it is,

and in three months from today,

I'll collect from you.

Come on, get to work.

Heave!

Ho!

Well, professor, I'll call a taxi.

Hey! What are you doing over there?!

Stop that!

Do you realize you men have assaulted us?

I'll call the police!

Now, listen, mister. Listen.

I can explain the whole thing.

Certainly.

You stay out of this.

Oh!

And you too.

I didn't say nothing.

Well, that was in case you do.

Seek no further, professor.

Here are your three subjects.

Yeah. Right out of the rubbish can.

I'll forget what happened

if you men will promise to do something for me.

Okay, we'll do it. What is it?

Permit me to transform you men into gentlemen.

Oh, no, no.

Police, help! Police!

Now, wait, hold on.

You know, it'd break the old man's heart,

but you've got the drop on us.

It'll disgrace us for life.

I won't be able to look my children in the face. Ooh!

Oh!

Okay, we'll do it.

There's my car. Climb into it.

Okay.

Wait a minute. I forgot my coat.

What happened?

You're all canned up.

Oh! Oh.

Now you're all bottled up.

Gentlemen, are you ready for today's lesson

in table etiquette?

Certainly.

Sure.

Well, we'll, uh--

Ah! Ah-ah-ah!

What are you eating?

Beans.

Hey. Ya dropped one.

Ow! My bean.

Uh, by the by, how is the countess?

I said, how is the countess?

No, no!

Get it right. Get it right!

How can I get it right when he won't answer me?

I beg your pardon.

How can I answer with my mouth full of food?

Quite right. Quite right.

Say, you ain't got a toothpick on you, have you, bud?

Oh! Aah!

Commence.

"Oh, see the cat.

Does the mouse see the cat?"

Yes. The dirty rat.

Who?

Proceed.

"Oh, see the deer.

Has the deer a little doe?"

Why, certainly. Two bucks.

Ooh! Ooh.

Boys!

I don't want to lose my temper,

but this has been going on for two months.

Listen! I have $10,000 at stake!

Now, please, please...

concentrate!

Can you spell "cat"?

Certainly. Spell it!

Cat.

Pussy.

Oh!

Ooh!

Now, in order to become good dancers,

you must follow me closely and do exactly as I do,

do you understand?

Okay. All right.

One, two, three, dip.

One, two, three, dip.

Now, can you do it?

It ain't the dipping. It's the counting that's got me.

Oh, never mind that. I'll count for you.

Come on, now.

One, two, three, dip.

Oh!

Come on, now.

One, two, three, dip.

What's with you? Leave him alone.

Come on. I'm quitting.

Put up your hands.

Ah!

You're quitting, eh?

Hm. There.

What's the matter? Leave him alone.

Get out of here. I am not dancing.

Hey, put your hand on your ear.

Come here. Aah!

Here's a dance that's popular in society.

You'll never go amiss doing this.

Now, follow me closely and do exactly what I do.

Ready?

Well, get started. Ooh!

Come on.

Gentlemen.

Gentlemen! Gentlemen! Eh.

Spread out!

This is the day you're to make your debut in society.

And it's up to you boys

to prove that my experiment is correct.

Professor Nichols is coming to the reception,

and your behavior tonight will decide our wager.

Please, do not fail me.

Don't worry, prof. It's in the sack.

Certainly. Eh...

Now, then, gentlemen,

remember your etiquette.

Ooh! Oh!

What's that for?

We didn't do nothing.

That's in case you do and I'm not around.

Now, remember,

no liquor, no fooling around, et cetera.

Are we allowed to smoke?

You don't see any signs around, do you?

Tonight I will prove to you

that you have lost your wager.

We'll see.

Gentlemen, allow me to present

the Professor Nichols' two daughters.

Brother, can you spare a nickel?

Always the little clown.

Now, prof, I don't mean to misrepresent you

and cast my lower jurisdiction upon you

by using such high influential language, but, uh...

He means, it's okay.

Certainly.

Ladies, I am charmed.

What happened?

Nothing.

Come here.

Aah! Oh! Oh!

Oh!

What?!

Psst.

It's the most gorgeous color...

Would you care to dance?

With pleasure.

I changed my mind. I think we'll sit it out.

Oh. All right.

Oh!

Your dancing is atrocious.

Oh, thank you.

I couldn't dance a step last year.

Oh!

Don't go away. Wait a minute.

Oh!

Is there a traffic light around here?

What happened?

I know. It's that left pivot.

Let's try it again.

Pardon me. Are you dancing?

Are you asking?

Yes, I'm asking.

Then I'm dancing.

Get off me!

Thanks for the dance,

and cut yourself a slice of throat.

Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.

Don't go.

Oh!

I'm caught!

Well, hold on.

Spread out.

Pick out two.

One, two.

Ah!

Look, I found a big one.

Aah!

Ah!

Uh, ahem, uh,

now, uh, where were we?

Ah, a mascasino cherry.

Oh, drinky.

Thank you.

Hey.

Are you drinking?

Why, certainly not.

Where's that bottle?

I don't know.

Oh, there you are.

Shall we dance?

Why, certainly.

Oh!

Aah!

Ah-oh!

What happened here?

Get away from here.

So you didn't take the bottle, eh?

Get on.

What else did you take?

Nothing!

Come on. Oh!

Oh, what was that you were trying

to tell me on the dance floor?

Well, I was thinking, a guy like me, like I--

Ooh.

Like, well, I-- I was just wondering if, uh...

If I, uh-- If we--

Yes?

You must believe

in the hypothesis of occult power.

Well, I guess so.

Put your hands on my forehead.

The other one.

When I gaze into your burning eyes,

I know that you have studied

the mystic powers of Brahma.

Some day, you will find the eternal spring.

Find it? Lady, I got it.

What are you going to do with it?

Get rid of it.

Aah!

Nice gentlemen you brought into our house.

Looks like I'm gonna lose my wager.

Whoop!

Ooh!

Oh, a backbiter, eh?

See that?

Whoa.

Oh!

Hey, where's your dignity?

Spread out. Where's your dignity?

Here it is.

Hm!

Ooh!

Ooh!

Well, here's your check, Professor Nichols.

You certainly won the wager.

Well, that's very nice.

Please forgive me, Mrs. Rich,

for annoying you with these rowdies.

What do you mean, "rowdies"?

Spread out!

Spread out!

Oh!

My dear fellows, this is our punishment

for associating with the hoi polloi.

Gentlemen?

Did you call?

You see that?

Oh!