All language subtitles for Eight Is Enough s01e09 The Gipper Caper.eng

[MACHINE DINGING]

You like to win, Dad? Like in
the touch football games we have?

- Sure. Everybody likes to win.
- But it's not okay to cheat.

- Oh, no, it certainly is not.
- Good.

Because I didn't cheat
in arithmetic today.

- Oh? Why is that such a big deal?
- Because I got an F.

- Is that your first F, Nicholas?
- Yeah.

But I'll get a G
next time, I promise.

[DINGING RAPIDLY]

[ALL YELLING INDISTINCTLY]

[CHANTING] Let's go!
Let's fight! Bradfords go!

[ALL SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

GREG: Let's go. All right,
Maxwells. Ready? One, two...

Hut. Hut. Hyah!

[ALL GRUNTING]

BOY: Over here!

Over here!

[GIRLS CHEERING]

[ALL CONTINUE
SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]

GREG: Over here.

[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

ALL [CHANTING]: Arriba,
arraba, sis-boom-bah.

Bradfords, Bradfords,
rah, rah, rah!

- All right. Let's go.
DAVID: All right. Ready.

GIRL: Come on. Kill. DAVID:
Get your blocks this time.

Hey, hut. Hey, hut.

SUSAN: Joanie.
MARY: All right, Joanie.

SUSAN: Joanie, get it. Come on.

TOM: Throw it, Mary.

SUSAN: Come on.

[ALL YELLING]

Time-out. Time-out.

Time-out. That's
half-time. That's time-out.

- Ten minutes. Come on.
GREG: Come on, time-out, gang.

[ALL CHATTERING]

- Yeah.
- Dad, what's the score?

- Who counts?
- That means we're behind.

- A little.
- How little?

Well, uh, 30 to 18. But we
can make that up in no time.

- Or in no time will we make that up.
- Come on.

- Heh.
- That's funny.

JOANIE: Yeah. MARY: Oh.

JOANIE: Okay,
where's the can opener?

[ALL CHATTERING]

You are so lucky.

Because I got my health...

and when you got your
health you've got everything.

No. Because we
should be beating you...

by at least three touchdowns.

Second half, we're
gonna make a comeback.

Right, you and Harold Stassen.

Hey, Greg.

Hey. Neil.

- Michael. How are you?
- Winded and thirsty.

That's as subtle a
hint as I can give.

Well, let me do the honors.

Uh, Tom, this is Dr. Hammer.
And his son, Michael.

- Pleased to meet you, doctor.
- Excuse the glove.

- Yeah, Michael, how are you?
- Fine.

They just moved into town.

Neil's in the same
medical building I am.

- Oh, really? That's good.
- Yeah. Thanks.

There are some, uh, snacks and
things over there if you want some.

Oh, no thanks, we'll pass.

That kind of stuff is
poison to a healthy mouth.

Uh, that's the stuff my
kids are having for lunch.

Well, they're your children,
Mr. Bradford. Not mine.

As I always say,
to each his own.

- What's the occasion?
- Touch football.

Couple times a month.

I have a fee splitting arrangement
with a chiropractor across the hall.

You're just in time
for the half-time show.

- Yeah, what's that?
- Well, that's when all my kids...

eat the poison that my
wife prepared for them.

There's some, uh, carrots
and celery sticks too.

Okay, if I chow
down a little bit, Dad?

Hey, hey, we still
have 12 miles to go...

if we're going to
do that 20 today.

- I know. I'll be right back.
- Okay.

Eh!

[CHUCKLES]

Twenty miles? You're into
this thing pretty seriously.

As I always say, if you're
going to do a thing...

you might as well do it
all the way or not at all.

Oh, really? Don't they say
moderation in all things?

Well, moderation in all things
implies moderation in moderation too.

Hey, tell me, can somebody else
get into these games out here?

Like, uh, maybe another
team challenging the winner?

Well, it's kind of a closed
shop, Neil. It's mostly, uh...

- family and friends.
- Ah.

- Well, that's just as well.
- Why?

Well, I mean your
Sacramento-style football

looks a little too
social than I'm used to.

By the looks of that
football, I'd say so.

Yeah, it's real leather.
Forty-seven fifty. Wholesale.

Holy mackerel. Fifty
dollars for a football?

Fifty-eight seventy-five retail.

That's where Mike and I are
going. To play a little touch football...

with a bunch of guys
from the health club.

After biking 20 miles?

Well, you gotta get
loosened up a little bit.

Well, uh, I have to give
my team a little pep talk.

- Nice meeting you, Dr. Hammer.
- You betcha.

Heh.

Pardon me.

You play in this game?

Yeah.

- I'm Mike Hammer.
- Uh, David Bradford.

How do you do?

You know who that girl is over
there? The one in the yellow sweatshirt?

- Yeah, that's, uh, my sister Nancy.
- Your sister.

- Yeah.
- Uh-huh.

Well, how about that one
there? Strawberry blonde, kind of.

Ah, that's my sister, Susan.

What about the
one in the glasses?

That's my sister, Mary.

Well, how about the
one in the pony tail?

That's Joanie.

And, uh, the one next to her
in the red shirt is Elizabeth.

- Your sister, Elizabeth?
- Yeah, right.

- You're putting me on.
- No, I'm not. Just ask my brothers.

[TOMMY YELLS]

Far out.

ELIZABETH: Mary, come
here, take a look at Maria's letter.

It doesn't make any sense.

- Who's Maria?
- Um, she's my Colombian pen pal.

Why doesn't it make any
sense? You've studied Spanish.

Well, she says here that her
father's company has gone on eggs.

- What's that supposed to mean?
- Let's see.

- The mirror's all fogged up.
SUSAN: Well, then wipe it off.

- I can't reach. SUSAN: Grow.

Your Spanish needs working on.

Maria's father's
company is on strike.

The word for strike is huelga
and the word for egg is huevo.

That's where you
made your mistake.

- Oh, no.
- What now?

For two years I've been going
down to Pedro's Chile Place...

and ordering fried
strikes. Oh, I could die.

- That is so embarrassing.
- Ha, ha. It's okay. That's all right.

Sacramento-style football.

Where does he come
off talking like that?

Tom, we're not exactly playing
in the Super Bowl, you know.

I know. It's just that I
resent it when these guys...

come into town from a bigger place
and then they start lording it all over us.

Who said Dr. Hammer
was from someplace bigger?

- Huh? You did. Didn't you?
- No, he's from a little town in Ohio.

I don't think I've ever seen you
with such a chip on your shoulder...

about someone you barely know.

Agreed. How come?

I... I... Well, I don't know. I
think it's the name Hammer.

Oh. That's a good
reason. Terrific.

No, no, no. It's not the
reason. It's the association.

When I was a sophomore in
college, I, uh... I used to date this girl.

Beverly Powlsdorf.
She had a figure like...

She... Ahem. She
had a figure period.

Don't worry about us, Dad.

Everyone says it's all right to
lust in your heart this season.

Even if it is an
exercise in nostalgia.

Yes, well, at any rate, I
take Beverly to the, uh...

Michigan State/Notre
Dame football game...

and I bet her a kiss
that Notre Dame will win.

I know it sounds crazy...

but there was a time when
people actually were so warped...

that they actually bet kisses
on the outcome of a game.

- That's twisted.
- Yes, it's twisted.

Well, anyway, it's
the last quarter, right?

There's five seconds to go,
Notre Dame is on the five...

and they're just about to make a
field goal and win the whole game.

At this moment, there are visions
of sugarplums dancing in my head.

A rotten defensive back by the
name of Hammer blocks the kick.

And Powlsdorf, the
body, dumped daddy.

Mm. I didn't want to
marry Beverly Powlsdorf.

I just wanted to kiss her.

[ALL LAUGH]

That's all?

I could use some
help setting the table...

before this conversation
gets out of hand.

- Sure, you've got it.
NANCY: The more the merrier.

- Let's go.
- Okay.

- Tom.
- Yeah?

- It's the same guy.
- What's the same guy?

Dr. Hammer and the guy who
blocked the Notre Dame football kick.

- It's the same guy.
- No, no, no.

The guy who blocked the
kick was Richard Hammer...

and your friend
the doctor is Neil.

The sign on his door
reads R. Neil Hammer.

He doesn't use his first name.

I remember him.

I remember how he
jumped up in the air...

and waves his
arms over his head.

And I was thinking what an
arrogant so-and-so he must be.

Tom...

you're not carrying around
some 25-year-old grudge, are you?

Huh? Me? No, no.
That would be childish.

But I'll tell you one
thing about that doctor.

Yeah, what's that?

He certainly hasn't changed
much in 25 years, has he?

- But no grudge.
- No grudge.

Then let me ask you something.

Why are you putting chip dip in a
bowl that's already full of potato chips?

Because it's there.

Try and get ahold
of Mr. Schumaker.

I'll need more information
on the art festival...

- if he wants me to do a column on it.
- Right.

He could come by
here this afternoon.

We could talk about
it. That would be great.

- That's not a good idea.
- This is important.

Ho, ho, I almost forgot.
Drop this in the mail.

It's Elizabeth's
letter to her pen pal.

Joanie told me at the
house. She said don't forget...

because Elizabeth and
her pen pal are close.

- You know what that could mean.
- I know what it means.

I'll mail the letter, but Mr. Schumaker
will not be able to come in.

- No, why not?
- Because you will not be here.

- I won't be here. Where will I be?
- The dentist. Yearly checkup.

You can't get out of it because
you've already canceled twice.

Tell Dr. Reynolds I'll
be there this afternoon.

It's not Dr. Reynolds.

He's retired and turned his
practice over to a new guy.

Tell the new guy in town I
will be there this afternoon.

Okay, good.

- New guy in town.
- Yeah.

Poison to a healthy mouth.

What was that?

Oh, nothing.

HAMMER: Hmm.

It's not good, but it's not bad.

But it's not good either.

Do you think you're
gonna have to drill?

I don't know yet. We'll
have to take a look...

and see what's going on.

You've got a sweet
tooth though...

because that, uh, little pot
of yours is a dead giveaway.

[CHUCKLES]

Yeah, most men your age all forget that
staying in shape is more important now...

than when we were younger.

Now, take me for example.
I'm still 200 pounds.

Same as I weighed when I
played football for Michigan State.

That's me in that picture
there blocking that kick.

I know.

Oh, you do?

Well, I guess a lot of
people saw that picture.

Went on the wire services
from coast to coast.

I know.

[CHUCKLES]

Lot of people lost a lot of bets that
day when I busted through there...

and got a piece of that thing.

- Yeah, that was quite a moment.
- I know.

Yes, there's nothing like it.

- You play any kind of sports?
- Sure.

You saw me playing football in the
park last Sunday. Don't you remember?

Ha, ha. I mean real sports.
Like in your college days.

Yes. I played football
on the college team.

You played football?
You gotta be kidding.

No, I'm not kidding.

- What string?
- First string.

- And, uh, what position did you play?
- Blocking back.

Blocking back. What do
you mean blocking back?

- We played single wing.
- Single wing?

You played for a school that
still used the single wing? Ha!

I thought that went out
at the turn of the century.

No, no, no. A lot of the schools
played single wing formation...

- right up until the 1950s.
- Ha, ha. Come on, open up.

The single wing?

Ah, tell me something, doctor.

What did you mean last Sunday when
you said football Sacramento-style?

Well, it's just that your kind of football
was a little bit too casual for my tastes.

That's why I didn't
challenge the winner.

Really, I thought
you backed off...

because you were afraid
you might not be able to win.

I beg your pardon, Mr. Bradford.

Oh, my...

I said, I thought
you backed off...

because you didn't
think you'd be able to win.

That was two-hand
touch, wasn't it?

Two-hand touch.

- Twelve minute quarters?
- Twelve minute quarters.

Is a week from this coming
Sunday all right with you?

That's just fine.

Well, you've got yourself a
football game, Mr. Bradford.

And you'd better bear down...

because this is gonna hurt you.

JOANIE: No way,
Dad. Really, no way.

Come on, kids. Let's do it.
Come on. It'll be a lot of fun.

- Dad, we don't even know these people.
- Yes, you do know him in a way.

- He's your dentist.
- I don't even have a dental appointment...

- for eight months.
- You don't want to meet your dentist...

in a dentist office for the first time. I
mean that's so cold and sterile. Agh.

Daddy, have you met who this
Dr. Hammer's got for players?

He might have eight
guys on his team.

- All right, so what?
NANCY: So what?

- They'll kill us, that's what. So what?
- Don't be so negative.

Touch football is a game of
quickness, cunning and guile.

It has nothing to do
with brute strength.

No, Dad's right. It's
a game of quickness.

Thank you.

- What if they're quicker than we are?
- Ha-ha-ha.

Big Foot's quicker than Dad is.

NICHOLAS: I think Daddy's right.

JOANIE: Nicholas, do you even
know what we're talking about?

We're talking about all you guys ganging
up on Dad and I don't think that's fair.

I'm going to give
some pizza to my turtle.

Pizza isn't good for turtles.

Don't tell the turtle, he
ordered the anchovies.

[ALL LAUGH]

Come on, let's not
change the subject.

Let's get back to
Dr. Hammer's football game.

Dad, Dad, maybe, uh... Maybe
we're all overlooking something.

I mean what's the big deal? Why
is this game so important to you?

You know...

I don't know. It's because
I'm a middle-aged man.

And middle-aged men are
supposed to be mature and adult.

But somewhere deep inside
there's this 10-year-old boy...

that wants nothing more...

than to get that smug Dr. Hammer
and wipe up the football field with him.

That's unrealistic
and silly and I know it.

But that 10-year-old boy
doesn't know it and he never will.

I better go and help
Nicholas feed his turtle.

Well, brothers and sisters
of the jury, may I sum up?

The facts in this case
haven't changed...

and, uh, the defendant admits to
having a kind of temporary insanity...

that seems, uh, to affect men
at a certain time in their life.

- Like from age eight to 80.
- Ha-ha-ha. Yeah. Eh.

So if we vote to turn him
down, I'll respect that vote.

Mary, it's dumb. I mean,
you know it's dumb.

Dumb, it's dumb.

Is it as dumb as me
joining a sorority...

and having to dye my
hair purple for a week?

Or Elizabeth, is it as dumb as writing
a love letter to, uh, Donny Osmond?

- And David to talk...
- As dumb as continuing to talk...

when you've already laid enough
guilt on us to make us honorary Nazis.

Okay, okay. I made
my point then, yeah?

- Yeah, like Captain Kangaroo.
- Yes.

MARY: We agree. There
will be a football game.

We don't have
much choice, do we?

- Good, then I think I'll celebrate.
- Eh!

Ah-ah-ah.

- You can't.
- Why not?

Big game coming up, Sis.

- You're in training.
- Look who's talking.

[ALL CHATTERING]

- Hi, Dad, what you doing?
- Hi, Nicholas. Washing the car.

What for? It'll just
get dirty again.

Yeah. But I mean, if I never
wash it, it would always be dirty.

This way it's only
dirty half the time. Heh.

What's wrong with being dirty?

Well, doesn't it look
better when it's clean?

That's what's nice about
just having a skateboard.

- What?
- It always runs great...

and I never have to wash it.

Hey, you want to trade?

JOANIE: How many more
laps? SUSAN: Two, just two.

MARY: Just two.

I never thought equality meant
I had to be a wide receiver.

I've had it you guys.
Really, come on, let's stop.

Hey, wait, you can't quit
now. That's Dr. Hammer's son.

Morning.

- Hi.
- I'm Mike Hammer.

- You guys run out here every day?
- Sure do.

- How far?
- Three miles and that's it, right here.

- Nancy.
- Three miles?

- You guys run it every day?
- That's it. Three miles.

- Love it, don't we? Just love it.
- Why?

Oh, you mean... [STAMMERS]

apart from the, uh,
cardiovascular benefits, you mean?

Apart from that, yeah.

Uh, well, the benefits involve
getting into good enough shape...

to beat your team next
Sunday, that's the benefit.

You mean your father
is gonna let girls play?

- Ugh.
- Heh.

You're putting me on.

You guys are going to get
your heads handed to you.

- He's cute, huh?
- Yeah.

Hey, touch football is a game of
guile and quickness not brute strength.

Yeah. But it's pretty hard to be quick
when you get knocked on your fannies.

Oh, ha, ha. I wouldn't be
too sure about that, Michael.

Remember in the movie Rocky...

when everyone was laughing
when he was out doing his...

Don't spoil it. I haven't
seen Rocky yet.

I know all about the
road work sequence...

but remember what happened
when he got into the fight?

Please, let's
change the subject.

I haven't seen Rocky
or the fight sequence.

He was already over the
hill. We're just in our prime.

Right! You know, when
he fought in that fight...

I don't wanna hear anymore
about the movie, okay? No more.

- I mean, he...
- Come on, Joanie.

Come on, come on. We've
still got more running to do.

Yeah.

You guys can run from
here to the border...

but it's not gonna
do you any good.

There's no way you're gonna win.

- No way. MARY: Hey, Hammer?

Huh?

- You ever seen Citizen Kane?
- No.

Good.

Rosebud's a sled.

[GIRLS LAUGHING]

Rosebud.

- Hi, Nicholas, did the mail get here yet?
- I don't know.

- Is anybody home?
- Just Tommy.

He said not to bother him unless
it was about the earthquake.

What earthquake? What
are you talking about?

MARY: I get the shower first.

NANCY: We're gonna flip for it.
JOANIE: We have four people...

- and two sides of a coin...
- Would you guys please shut up?

Now, Nicholas slowly.

What are you talking
about? Earthquake?

The one in Colombia
by where your friend lives.

- You mean Maria?
- Yeah.

Tommy said they talked on the radio about
a bad earthquake around where she lives.

Oh, God.

Elizabeth, these things
are hard to tell about, really.

Maria's probably fine.

SUSAN: There aren't
any tall skyscrapers.

I bet there's hardly
any damage at all.

What can I do? I've
gotta do something.

Anybody wanna play catch?

Gotta get some practice.

You nitwit.

- What's going on? NANCY: Tommy.

- What's the matter?
- Tommy.

What did I do?

All I'm trying to do is
read Tommy Atomic.

What does a guy have to
do around here to get privacy?

Girls!

[JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING ON PIANO]

- Wrong.
- What?

- What's wrong?
- Eighty six the olive.

I can drink the martini,
but I can't eat the olive?

That's a heck of a diet, doctor.

It was your idea to go into training
for this idiotic football game. Well, fine.

You're on a high protein,
low carbohydrate diet.

Many carbohydrates in olives.
A bozo no-no. Hand it over.

Agh, greater love hath no man to
give up his olive for the sake of the team.

I have something I
want to show you.

I want your opinion on this.

I think we should notify the family
or send the poor devil to Lourdes.

What am I looking at?

This is a play that we
used in high school.

This is a triple spinner
reverse. Let me show you.

The ball was hiked back here
like this and then I would come...

Ha-ha-ha! A triple
spinner reverse.

Sounds more like a chapter heading
out of Captain Billy's Whizbang.

Oh, really, well, we'll see how
funny you think it is on Sunday, doctor.

He has a very interesting
strategy. As we fall down laughing...

they go down the field and
make a touchdown. Ha-ha-ha.

You're coming
on a little strong.

After all, Tom's a pretty
fair country athlete.

Oh?

What country is that? Lapland?

Do you see what I told you about
being arrogant? Now do you see?

Listen, Bradford, I'm
not being arrogant.

Arrogant is if I should say...

I should be playing
quarterback for the 49ers.

Now, that is arrogant.

But I'm not saying that.

All I'm saying is that
we're gonna beat you guys.

That's not arrogant.
That's factual.

- What'd I tell you?
- Tom, stay out of this.

If you're so sure of winning,
uh, how about a little wager?

- Between me and you?
- Between you and Tom.

- What are we betting on?
- Yeah, that's what I'd like to know.

If you lose, you will
provide the Bradford family...

with free dental
care for the next year.

- How many kids he have?
- He has eight.

Eight.

You're talking a very heavy
outlay of inlay, my friend.

- Put up or shut up, my friend.
- Yeah, put up or shut up my...

Well, uh, what's
he got to put up?

Well, if you win...

Tom will publicly acknowledge
the defeat in his column...

mentioning your name and
the final score of the game.

Newspaper column. Heh.

Tell me, do, uh, a lot of
people read his column?

Sure, a lot of people read his
column. His column? My column.

Well?

Okay, you're on.
Let's drink to it.

Fine. Bartender?

One Bloody Mary
and two martinis.

[IN UNISON] Hold the olives.

- What's the matter?
- Bad dream.

Oh, well...

if it's between bad
dreams and my snoring...

I think you got the
worst of the bargain.

[ELIZABETH SPEAKING IN SPANISH]

Thanks.

[ELIZABETH CONTINUES
SPEAKING IN SPANISH]

- Elizabeth, who are you calling?
- Maria. Gracias, se�ora.

- At 3:00 in the morning?
- She lives in a different time zone.

- And besides the rates are lower.
- Oh.

She lives in Colombia!

[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]

- Elizabeth.
- Silencio, por favor.

Wha...? I'll pour your
favor all over the place...

- if you don't get off this phone.
- What are you doing?

Would you explain
to your sister...?

Who are you
calling at this hour?

- She's calling...
- Would you let me talk?

- Go ahead. Talk.
- I wanna tell her my side.

You don't have a side.
Don't you understand?

There is no side to calling
Colombia at 3:00 in the morning.

MARY: Colombia?
- Not "Columbia, the Gem of the Ocean"...

not Columbia the
motion picture company.

She is calling Colombia!

The Colombia!

What's going on?

Don't you guys
realize what time it is?

Oh, do I realize what time it is?
Yes, yes, I do realize what time it is.

She's calling Colombia
because that's where Maria lives...

- and they had an earthquake.
- I wanna make sure she's all right.

Is that so awful?

Oh.

Oh, sure, that's
all right. I'm sorry.

It's just that you should
have asked us first...

Yes, operator.

That line has been
open the whole time.

[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]

They can't get ahold of her.

- They said to try again tomorrow.
- She'll say to try again tomorrow.

She works for the
telephone company.

I'm hungry.

There's some cold
macaroni in the refrigerator.

Hey, come on. We're
up already. Let's go.

Joanie, Joanie, macaroni.

TOMMY: Dad.

Has anyone seen Nicholas?

- He's not in his bed.
- Don't worry about Nicholas.

He's in my bed. He
had a bad dream.

I intend to join him
there as soon as possible.

NANCY: Dad?

What's going on down
there? Where is everybody?

Everybody is downstairs.

Why are you so late in
joining the convention?

Huh?

Oh. Well, I had to
put something on.

I don't wear nightgowns
anymore, Daddy.

Don't ask.

Don't ask.
Definitely do not ask.

Just let it go.

ALL [CHANTING]: Dynamo,
let's go. Dynamite, let's fight.

Dynamo, dynamite. All right.

NANCY: Let's go. JOANIE: Whoo!

Mary, hurry up, will you?

How come I can't play? How
come I have to be a cheerleader?

Because you're not old
enough to wear a truss.

- What's a truss?
- I'll tell you something.

When you're old enough to wear
one, you'll be old enough to play.

Now, get in the car.

[ENGINE STARTS]

Get in back.

TOM: Nicholas, did
you go to the bathroom?

NICHOLAS: Yes, sir.

TOM: Good, we don't want to
waste a time-out for a thing like that.

ALL [CHANTING]: Dynamo, let's
go. Dynamite let's fight. Dynamo.

MAN: Ready.

Set. Hut one. Hut
two. Hut three. Hut four.

[MEN SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]

- Hut three. Hut four. Hut. Hut.
HAMMER: Set it up right there.

MAN: Set.

Well, you ready?

Sure, we're ready.

- Hike. HAMMER: Agh! Oh!

- I've been watching them play, Tom.
- Yeah?

You're not ready.

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

GREG: Get him, David.
You can... Tommy!

Nancy! Watch out for...

Tom, you're the last man, Tom!

Oof.

Touchdown, Hammers.

HAMMER: Way to go team.
Way to go. Looking mighty good.

Hey, pops, how're
you doing? Ha, ha!

NANCY: Dad, are you okay?
- Are you all right?

Yeah, I'm okay. I'm fine,
I'm fine. Come on, let's play.

Come on, let's go.

Hike.

Go, Mary, go.

[HAMMER LAUGHING]

Hey, way to go.

Touchdown, Hammers.

Play ball.

[ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]

Touchdown Hammers.

HAMMER: Attaboy! Ha-ha-ha!

- Touchdown.
- Touchdown.

[WHISTLES]

Half-time. Ten minute break.

HAMMER: Hey, ref...

- what's the score?
- Forty-two to nothing. Hammers.

Hey, all right, all right. Huh?

- Will you put me in the game, Dad?
- I'm sorry, son, I can't.

It's too rough
out there for you.

I'm not afraid of those big
guys. I can rip their tails off.

I'm sorry, son. But you've gotta
pick on somebody your own size.

We're beat. I know it.

And you know it
and they know it.

They've got us 42 to nothing, there's
no way we can overcome a lead like that.

But we've got to score.

We can't let them skunk us.
They'll never let us hear the end of it.

- They will have humiliated us.
- So then we'll score.

And if that's what
it comes to, we will.

If that's what we've got to do, that's
what we'll do, that's all. We'll score.

I don't know how and
I don't know when...

but I know one thing,
we're gonna score.

So let's go score. Come on.

The ayes have it. The
Bradfords are going to score.

ALL [CHANTING]: Dynamo,
let's go. Dynamite, let's fight.

Bradfords, Bradfords, all right.

[ALL CHEERING]

[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

HAMMER: Ready!
Set. Hike. Hut two.

[ALL GROANING]

Whoo-hoo!

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

GREG: Touchdown!

[MEN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

[GRUNTING]

- Hey! Ha, ha.
- Get him. Get him.

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

- Time-out! Time-out. HAMMER:
What do you mean time-out?

- Time-out.
- Why?

Referee wants a drink.

- How much time is there?
- Little over two minutes.

- And what's the score?
- Seventy-two to nothing or 78 to nothing.

- I forget which. Does it matter?
- No, it doesn't. I guess.

Listen, uh, I could speed
the clock up a little bit.

End the misery.

No, that would be surrendering
and that would be cheating.

I know what it is. Do
you want me to do it?

HAMMER: Come on!
Let's get this over with.

Hey, this is the one.

Ready, set, hike.

[ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

What's the matter with
you? Come on. Get up.

TOM: That was
great. That was great.

[MARY LAUGHING AND CHEERING]

- It's all right. It's all right.
- Just call the plays. Okay?

- Hey. HAMMER: Come on.

Let's get some life
here now. Come on.

Get on now. Come on.

We want this to be no
score for that team. Come on.

Now, look, thanks to
Mary, we're alive again.

- Yeah.
- Let's take advantage of it, okay?

- Okay.
- Here's what we're gonna do.

HAMMER: Catch the ball, now.

MARY: Let's go, one two, three,
go. HAMMER: No score, right?

No score. Okay, no score.

TOM: Hut, two, three, blow.

HAMMER: Get it!

Hey, get it, get it, get it.

[SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

HAMMER: Just plain
lucky. Just plain lucky.

- All right, Dad. JOANIE:
Hey, Dad, we're gonna do it.

Look, we're so close.

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

One minute to play.

Bradfords, you got
one time-out left!

- All right, now is the time.
- Uh, for what?

- The triple spinner reverse.
- All right.

[BRADFORDS SHOUTING
AND WHISTLE BLOWING]

GREG: Forty-five seconds.
- You guys ready?

TOM: Okay. All
right. NANCY: Ready?

Hut, two, three, blow. Hut.

[ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]

[WHISTLE BLOWING]

What was that? Triple
spinner reverse? Ha-ha-ha!

- Triple spinner reverse.
- Used to work all the time.

TOM: I gave it to you. Nobody would
take it. GREG: Thirty five seconds.

- Time-out! GREG: Time-out.

Listen, Mary and Tommy,
you go out for a pass long.

The rest of us will block.

And David, just heave it as far as you
can and we'll just hope that we get lucky.

Let's go.

- You guys ready? On this side?
- Ready!

Hike.

Come on, Tommy,
we need a touchdown.

HAMMER: Watch it, now. Leave
it in the clear. Move in the clear.

Go, Tommy. Go, go, go.

Oh, no, no.

HAMMER: Way to go.
- Tommy.

Tough luck, kid.

Tommy!

HAMMER: Way to go.

I don't believe what I just saw.

How could you drop that thing?

It's impossible what I just saw.

That ball had touchdown
written all over it.

[STAMMERS]

There wasn't a soul
within 10 yards of you.

Anybody with half a brain
could have just taken that out.

[PHONE RINGING]

Hello.

[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]

Elizabeth, it's Maria.

Maria?

[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]

She's fine and
her family's fine.

- They didn't get hurt at all.
- Oh, good, I'm glad.

Susan keep my dinner
warm. I'll eat later.

Sure, Dad.

[WHOOPING ON TV]

Elizabeth, I'm glad your
friend is okay. I really am.

I know you are, Daddy.

Well, I guess I'll turn in now.

Good night. See
you all tomorrow.

Night, Tommy.

Right.

- How about a little supper?
- I'm going to skip supper.

I'll see you
tomorrow. Good night.

You guys ought to hear this.

Mary!

- I want you to hear something.
- What is it?

It's Dad's column for tomorrow.

Sit down. Please,
just listen. Okay?

Yeah, I think you ought
to hear this, all of you.

"Yesterday, my family
lost a touch football game.

The score was 72 to 0.

The other team was headed
by Dr. Richard Hammer...

ex-Michigan State, all-American and
a new resident here in Sacramento.

When I say we lost the game...

I mean much more than
losing the point total...

that gets added
up when it's all over.

I mean, we actually
lost the game.

Lost sight of the reason
we were all out there.

We made it war, we
made it life and death.

We made it
important. And it's not.

It won't matter in the
slightest a day from now...

who scored more points
or intercepted more passes.

What will matter is
finding a cure for cancer...

or feeding people
who are starving...

or being able to
predict earthquakes.

Those things will matter.

What I will remember is not
who scored or how they scored...

but the look in my son's eyes when
I screamed at him like a 3-year-old.

My son is a graceful and gifted
athlete and I love him very much.

I do not love him
because he's an athlete.

I love him because
he's my son...

he's part of our family and
he ought to have the right...

to go on dropping passes from
now till the turn of the century...

without feeling that
each drop in any way...

threatens the love
his father holds for him.

So we got beat yesterday.

That's happened before.

It'll happen again.

But when it happens, it's
going to happen in a game...

a silly dopey game...

not in some macho
test of honor or courage.

This family's honor...

and maybe the country's honor,
doesn't depend on winning contests.

It depends on us being
straight with us, that's all.

With us being straight
with each other."

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Oh, come in.

- Hi, Tommy.
- Hi.

What can I do for you?

I forgot to kiss you good night.

Tommy...

I'm glad you remembered.

- Yeah, so am I, and Dad?
- Yeah?

Don't worry. We'll
get them next year.

Touchdown.

[ALL CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

Who ripped off
my slice of pizza?

[MUMBLING]

- That was my piece of pizza.
- It didn't have your name on it.

I've been thinking about
that pizza all morning.

Oh, well, the early
bird catches the pizza.

Good morning.

NANCY: Morning, Dad.
- Oh, what is this? Salami, pizza, cookies.

- This is breakfast?
MARY: Mm-hm.

- Oh. TOMMY: We're
breaking training.

Oh, one loss and all the nutrition
and discipline goes right down the drain.

SUSAN: Yeah.

Nicholas...

what kind of sandwich
are you eating?

Peanut butter and jelly bean.

A peanut butter and
jelly bean sandwich?

The peanut butter's there to
keep the jelly beans from falling off.

[ALL LAUGHING]

Oh, that's awful
and terrible for you.

- I know. TOM: Well,
then why are you eating it?

Because we ate all that good
junk and lost 72 to nothing.

No, no we lost 72 to nothing
because the other team was better.

[ALL GRUMBLE]

NICHOLAS: Okay, then I'll have some cereal.
- I'll get it for you, Nicky.

You're putting a peanut butter and
jelly bean sandwich in your pocket.

I know. I'm going
to eat it for lunch.

Has anybody got an olive?

[ALL CHATTERING]

[English - US -SDH]

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