Original subtitles

Dad, do you remember when you were my age?

Oh, uh, yeah, vaguely. Vaguely, Nicholas.

It was many moons ago.

Do you remember what you wanted to be when you grew up?

Uh...

Yes, I wanted to be Clark Gable.

Who was he?

Who was Clark Gable? Ah.

He was the king.

When the king walked in a room, women's pulses fluttered.

He had acquired manly strength.

Why didn't you?

- Why didn't I what? - Become Clark Gable?

Oh, well, because I, uh...

Well, there already was one...

and then I went to college and I got interested in writing...

and, uh, I wound up in the newspaper business.

Boy, you really blew it, huh?

Yeah, I guess I did.

Frankly, Nicholas, I don't give a damn.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Uh, the soccer team looks pretty good this year.

Think you'll make the cut?

Oh, it's not the cut that I'm worried about.

It's just that I'm aiming for first string.

- I'm getting tired of warming the bench. - Yeah.

Hey, you know that looks pretty good. Like a shooting gallery.

[GLASS BREAKS]

Hey, wait a minute. We just can't...

Oh, yes, we can.

- Okay, now we, um, season and stir. - Okay.

Ahem. You stir, I'll season.

Okay, season and stir.

- Um, salt and pepper to taste. - Salt and pepper.

Okay. Two tablespoons garlic powder, oregano, um...

Will you wait? Okay.

You know, it doesn't say how long to stir this stuff.

- Two tablespoons garlic powder? - Yeah, two tablespoons.

Two.

Nancy, that seems like an awful lot. Are you sure?

Look, Mary. It says so right here in the book.

Okay, okay. Lasagna by the book.

[PHONE RINGS]

Hello?

No, Mr. Blair. My father's not home yet.

As I promised you the second time you called...

I'll tell him you called again.

Okay, bye.

Some people never get the message.

It smells like an Italian Army barracks in here.

I don't get it. We followed the recipe exactly.

Do you think I stirred too long?

Let me see. Onions, oregano...

two teaspoons garlic powder.

Nancy, it's teaspoons.

I thought it said tablespoons.

Maybe they shouldn't use abbreviations in beginners' cookbooks.

NANCY: Do you think it's ruined?

MARY: No, we'll just, uh, doctor it up and, uh, serve dinner a couple hours late.

They'll be so hungry, they'll never notice.

Hey, don't fill up on crackers. I'm making a fabulous Italian dinner.

No, thanks. I'll stick to these.

I'm gonna shoot some baskets with Tom.

Ugh. Tonight, my dear, you and I had better be galloping gourmets.

What?

It's a lot harder to hit a moving target.

- Hey. My turn. - Gotta get the ball first.

[ICE CREAM TRUCK MUSIC PLAYING NEARBY]

Hey, ice cream!

- Fifteen cents. - We could split one.

- Okay, what do you want? - Oh, the usual, I guess.

- The usual? - Yeah, you know. Anything.

Hi, boys.

- Tommy, Nicholas. - An orange popsicle, Mr. Longuevan.

There you are. That'll be fifteen cents.

Uh, say, it was you I saw at St. Patrick's this afternoon, wasn't it?

- Uh, me? - You did straighten out...

that little problem you had, didn't you?

Problem? Mr. Longuevan, I don't know what you're talking about.

The window, Tommy. The window.

I'm sure once you get in touch with Mother Superior...

you'll straighten things out.

You know, Mother Superior's a regular customer of mine too.

In fact, her only vice is my sidewalk sundaes.

[LONGUEVAN CHUCKLES]

Well. Ahem.

So long, Tommy.

- Here's your half before it melts. - Keep it.

Boy, older brothers sure are weird.

Tommy, would you be our official sauce taster?

JOANIE: What smells? - Tommy?

- Tommy smells? - No, it's my home ec assignment.

I think you flunked.

What's wrong with Tommy?

Oh, hi, Tommy.

[DOOR SLAMS]

Oh, hi, Susan. How's it going?

Oh, just going, just fine. Thanks so much for asking.

- Oh, somebody take out the garbage. - Very funny.

Ooh, big sale on garlic, or keeping the werewolves at bay?

[JOANIE LAUGHS]

Listen, has anybody noticed what Tommy's problem is today?

Maybe Nicholas finally beat him at basketball.

Somebody ought to check out what his problem is.

Not me. I'm in training. Excuse me.

Nancy and I are in open sauce surgery. Besides, it was your idea.

Okay, I'll check out Dr. Spock's dropout.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Yeah?

Hey.

What's the matter?

Nothing.

Oh.

You always say nothing when it's something.

Hey, come on, Tommy. What are big sisters for, huh?

That old busybody Longuevan said he saw me...

bust a window at St. Patrick's today.

- Well, did you? - Hey, it was an accident.

I mean, I didn't mean to break it.

You'd better tell Dad when he gets home.

What? Are you crazy? He'll hand me my head.

Ah, Tommy, nobody's gonna hand you anything, honest.

Just tell him that it was an accident.

I'm sure Dad will help you out.

Besides, the longer you wait, the harder it's gonna be all the way around.

Believe me, Tommy, it's gonna be easier than trying to hide it from him.

You know... [SIGHS]

part of growing up is just learning to face facts.

Yeah, well, I'm just happy being a kid.

Yeah, I know, but it doesn't last.

All right. I'll tell him.

But I'm not gonna like it.

Aw. Ha, ha.

Hey, that's the way to go, little fella.

Because a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.

[JOANIE CHUCKLES]

Well, yes, of course, every opinion merits consideration, Mr. Blair...

and my column expresses mine.

Yes, I see.

- No, I suppose not. - How's it going?

With some guy named Blair, not good.

TOM: Yes. - With me, the jury's still out.

TOM: Mr. Blair, there's really nothing further to say.

Joanie.

Hold on a second, Mr. Blair.

It's school, Dad. I have rehearsal. Can I use the car?

Oh, sure, fine. Have a good time.

Uh, yes.

You're a very persistent young man, Mr. Blair.

All right, 3:30, tomorrow. My office. I'll be there.

Right. Bye-bye.

- I gotta stop giving out my home number. - Oh, Dad. Thanks a lot.

TOM: Well, Tommy?

It was an accident, Dad. It didn't happen on purpose.

Yeah. Well, here's what I think you should do.

You should go to the convent and tell Mother Superior what you told me.

See if she has any suggestions. I'm sure she will have.

- Yes, sir. - Tommy, you did right in coming to me.

The confession is the toughest part.

Do I really have to talk to Mother Superior?

Dad, will someone get Elizabeth off the phone?

- She's hogging it again. - Yes, you do, Tommy.

- Tell Elizabeth that I said to cool it. - All right.

- Dad. - What?

- Where are the antacids? - Why? What's the matter?

Mussolini's revenge.

That lasagna that Nancy made is enough to violate the Geneva Convention.

Oh, a terrible feeling.

Elizabeth, Dad said to get off the phone right now.

Sure, I want to go to the prom, Billy.

Well, let's see.

I do want to go to the prom, and I have been keeping myself free.

Elizabeth. Dad said now.

Well, look, Billy, I have to get off the phone.

I'll talk to you at school, okay? Right, bye.

Okay, okay, I'm off.

Can I help it if some jerk wants to take me to the prom?

- Yeah, who? Godzilla? - No, not Godzilla.

I wouldn't take a boyfriend away from you, Nan.

CHUCK: This is not a publicity piece.

This is the environmental impact report, written by an independent agency.

Oh, then, uh, get them to do the column for you.

Look, Mr. Bradford, this Riverboat Marina is going to create something of value.

For you and me, for our children.

Oh, do you have children?

Well, no. It's a figure of speech.

Not in my house, it isn't.

[DOOR OPENS]

Sorry to interrupt, Dad, but, uh, the play must go on.

- I've got a rehearsal tonight. - Joanie, Mr. Blair.

Mr. Blair, this is my daughter.

- Hi. - Hello.

Car keys?

Car keys?

Oh.

Mr. Blair, try to understand my position.

We all have a job to do and mine is to express a certain viewpoint.

Oh, here they are.

- Nice to have met you, Mr. Blair. - Same here.

Bye, Dad. Thanks.

Mr. Blair, my job is to have opinions on things that will interest our readers.

We're agreed on one thing.

The other guy doesn't know what he's talking about.

Mr. Bradford, you have a responsibility to the public.

Now, you just read that report.

[CRASH]

Hey, Miss Bradford!

[TIRES SCREECH]

MOTHER SUPERIOR: This is a very unfortunate circumstance, Thomas.

Perhaps you don't realize it...

but that window that you so accidentally damaged...

was handmade by monks in Italy.

Would you like me to write them an apology?

That won't be necessary.

However, we will have to work something out.

The leaves can be a big problem this time of the year.

Not to mention the overgrown hedges and the lawns that need mowing.

- Yes, Sister. - Now, work at your own pace.

But remember, everything must be in perfect shape in time...

- for Mass on Sunday. - Yes, Sister.

There are several more trash barrels in the storage shed...

should you find you need them.

Yes, Sister, I'm sure I will.

You catch on quickly, Thomas.

We'll be seeing a lot of each other in the next three or four weeks.

[TOMMY SIGHS]

Yes, Sister.

DAVID: You'll have to excuse the apartment.

You mean the car's really not broken?

No, no. The car's fine. The taillight isn't so fine.

Oh, well, ha, ha.

You know, just once I wish someone would stop by here and say hello instead of help.

Hello.

You never did say how it happened.

Yeah. Well, you know, I backed into a guard rail at school is all.

David, they put those things in the dumbest places.

The rail wasn't even scratched, either.

- You think you can fix it? - Well, sure, I guess so.

If we can get to the parts store before closing.

I'll owe you the world...

if you can get it fixed before I take the car back.

The world? Hmm.

No, I'll settle for a little light housekeeping.

Let's negotiate on the way to the parts store.

- All right. - All right.

[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]

- That comes to $300 even. - Three hundred?

Look, I'm sorry. It's the best I can do. All right, park the car in the back.

I see you next week.

[CHUCKLES]

- Hey, Mr. DiGioia, wait a minute. - Eh?

I, uh, don't think I can let you fix it right now.

You see, at the moment the car is worth more to me as is.

[DiGlOlA STAMMERS]

In fact, the more banged up it is, the better.

You kids are all crazy in the head.

I don't know, Patty. Billy's all right, but he doesn't exactly race my motor.

You know what I mean?

Awful.

Barry Cappello looks like a cantaloupe. I wouldn't wait for a bus with him.

Hey, what do you think about Mike Thompson?

Yeah, and he's got a gold-colored Corvette too.

No, I'm not going out with a car, Patty, but you've got to admit it doesn't hurt.

- Elizabeth, what are you doing? - I'm talking on the phone, Daddy.

Oh, is that what you're doing? I thought you were eating.

- I'm doing both. - Well, both are bound to suffer.

Oh, Daddy.

It's your stomach and it's my phone bill.

Hey, Patty? Mike's Corvette has plush carpeting and quad speakers...

with an eight-track stereo deck.

[CHUCKLES]

Yeah.

JOANIE [IN SOUTHERN ACCENT]: He was a handyman in our town.

A black man, and his name was Willie.

And I introduced myself and my dog to Willie...

and we commenced to talk.

Willie didn't talk to me the way grown-ups talk to a child.

He talked to me just the way adults talk to each other.

And I told him how much I loved my dog...

and Willie said that it always seemed more than a coincidence to him...

that D-O-G spells dog...

and G-O-D spelled God.

[JOANIE CHUCKLES]

Um...

I, um... What's the line, Mitch? I'm up.

Uh, don't worry. We've gotta be out of here in two minutes.

We'll get on it tomorrow.

- Well, how was it? MITCH: Good.

Ugh. That's all? Just good?

Not great, not bad. Between those is good.

And you were good.

- I'll talk to you tomorrow. - Okay.

Hi, there.

Well, hi.

I mean, what're you doing? I mean, how'd you find me?

Oh, intuition.

I heard you tell you dad about getting to rehearsals...

so I just did some scouting around.

That's very resourceful.

Hey, you were really excellent.

Uh, no, just good.

- Well, I'm no drama critic but I think... - It's really nice.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

Hey, how about a cup of coffee?

- Well, what would my dad say? - I'm not asking your dad. I'm asking you.

How about a cup of coffee?

- I'd love to. - Great, come on.

- Well, where shall we go? - Anywhere.

Really, it doesn't matter.

Joanie...

I think we're gonna get along just great...

Yeah?

If we can get one thing straightened out.

You, uh, like my car? It was on its way to becoming a classic.

Dig this.

They're getting divorced.

- Can you believe that? - I can't believe they got married.

- Oh, really. - Hi, guys.

- Hi, guy. - Hi, Nancy.

- You wanna hear a terrific joke? - Sure.

Okay, get ready for this. This is a funny one.

Well, there was this explorer, see, and he decided to go on an African safari...

so he took an Englishman, a Frenchman...

and a sheepdog. And on the first day out...

Slow pygmies.

[MARY AND SUSAN LAUGH]

- Mary, you just said the punch line. - I know.

- You ruined my joke. - Try another one.

- Go ahead. - I'm sorry.

Did you hear the one about the electrician and the old lady?

One to hold the light bulb and 99 to turn the building.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

- Susan. - What?

- You ruined my joke. - Oh, I couldn't resist.

- She's leaving. Heh. - Uh-oh. Nancy, we didn't mean it.

- Come on, try another one. - Come on. Give us one more.

- I don't know. - We'll be serious.

Okay, there's one more. Did you hear the one about the...

I can't hear you, Nancy. I got a banana in my ear.

That's funny. You're real funny.

- Did you know I was gonna say that? - Did you hear the one about the...

[SUSAN LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY]

Here's the bad news.

[MELLOW JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]

Three hundred dollars?

I mean, I could buy another car for $300.

Yeah, but not quite like mine.

You see, she's got eight coats of paint, and they're all rubbed out by hand.

By trolls in the Black Forest.

I don't know where I'm gonna get this kind of money.

Well, maybe there is a way you won't have to.

What could I do that's worth $300?

Well, Joanie, as I'm sure you know...

your dad has really been, uh, sabotaging me in his column.

But I'm sure he'd change his mind if he only knew all the facts.

I just can't get him to read the full environmental impact report.

Oh, that's where I come in. I get him to read the report.

Believe me, that's worth at least $300 to me.

I don't know. It just doesn't seem right.

Look, Joanie, all I want is a fair shake from your dad.

- And what's wrong with that? - It just... It seems shady.

Oh, no, no, shady...

Shady would be if I asked you to change his mind.

All I want is for your dad to read the report.

Oh, Chuck, you don't know what you're asking.

I mean, if my father gets his mind set, it is set in concrete.

I mean, I remember times the entire family, all eight of us...

You know, I think it's terrible the way you underestimate yourself.

You take it from me, when you talk, men listen.

- I don't know. - Come on, Joanie.

This project is gonna create something of value for you and me...

for our children, for their children.

Something lasting for generations to come.

Okay, I'll give it a try.

No promises.

- Hi, I'm home. - Yeah, hi, you're late.

- Dinner's in the oven. - I had soccer practice.

- You know, I made first team. - Oh, yeah? Good going.

Glad to see somebody else taking an interest in sports in this family.

Yeah, well, just wait till you see one of our games.

I'm going to the library. Need anything?

Yeah, Elizabeth. She's supposed to be drying these.

Uh, she's occupied at the moment. Acute telephonitis.

I'm afraid the diagnosis is terminal busy signal.

Come on, Elizabeth. Put her in gear. You're on kitchen duty tonight.

Okay, I'm coming. Uh, it's been nice talking to you, Jeremy...

but I really have to go.

Oh, sure, sure.

But the reason I called you wasn't only about how your frog dissection turned out.

I, uh...

I was wondering if you would go to the prom with me.

Jeremy, it's so sweet of you to choose me, but I have to get off the phone now.

I'll talk to you soon. Bye.

Nothing to it.

So has the belle of the ball made her date?

Let's just say I'm keeping my options open.

Let's just say I'm picking up your option on kitchen duty.

March.

Pen.

Scalpel.

All right, Doctor, just fix it. Don't operate.

Patient's gonna live.

Boy, that's terrific. I didn't know you could repair typewriters.

- I can't. - Oh, that's my tie clip.

You really got into that column this morning.

Yes, I really let our Mr. Blair have it. I came at him with both guns blazing.

And a flaming tie.

I'm gonna take off early this afternoon...

because Tommy may appreciate a lift home...

after raking leaves for the mother superior.

How's he doing?

Well, after he gets through complaining...

- he starts moping. - That bad, huh?

Yes. What we have here, my dear, is a true martyr.

I can see it all now, Saint Tommy of the Leaves.

- Mm-hm. Out. - I'm going, I'm going. Goodbye.

Goodbye.

- Mr. Bradford. - Oh, yes, good afternoon, Sister.

I just came by to give your groundskeeper a ride home.

- I wonder if you might spare a moment. - Oh, of course, Sister.

What seems to be the trouble?

The trouble concerns my groundskeeper.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

- Yeah, who is it? JOANIE: It's me.

- What do you want? - What do you mean, what do I want?

I wanna come in.

Well, then, uh, what are you standing out there for?

Hi, are you busy?

Of course, I'm busy. I'm always busy.

I never have a moment to myself anymore.

Cut off the sympathy bit, would you?

I was just wondering how, uh, things are going for you at the church.

- You see these? - Mm-hm.

I'll never play the piano.

Well, Tommy...

do you feel better now that you've owned up to what you did?

- Yeah, I guess so. - Yeah?

Well...

What if you had it to do all over again...

and, uh, nobody saw you break that window...

- would you still go to Mother Superior? - Well, heck no. Why invite trouble?

Wait a minute, don't I get some kind of lecture?

[JOANIE CHUCKLES]

No.

I'm not in a lecturing position.

[DOOR OPENS]

JOANIE: Hi.

- Hi, Dad. How was your day? - It started out fine.

You know, I read your, uh, column on the marina project the other day.

- What's the story on that anyway? - There's no story.

Chuck Blair's an overly ambitious young man...

who is trading the river's ecology for his own profit. It's as simple as that.

- Dad, why do you say that? - Because I read the report.

There's nothing that can help this county.

Oh, you mean you read the entire environmental impact report?

No, no, no. What I said is, I had a summary given to me, which I read.

I felt that was adequate so then I wrote my little column.

Do you understand? Did I do my job properly?

Do I have to go back to school and start all over?

Oh, Dad, I thought your column was great.

- Really, I did. - You did? Really?

- Yeah. - Oh, thank you.

I'm sorry if I overreacted now. It's just that... I don't know.

- Where is everybody? - It depends who you want.

- Tommy. - Well, he's in his room.

Oh, God.

Oh, hi, Dad. I was just taking a break.

- We've got a problem. - I'm getting the math grade up, really.

No, no, no. I'm referring to the broken window, Mother Superior...

and the fact that you did not live up to your obligation.

- That. - When you first came to me...

we discussed this, came up with a solution...

I figured, this kid's taken a step forward.

- Instead, you've let us both down. - Wait a minute. I can explain.

The coach thought that soccer practice ought to be earlier in the day...

so I figured I could clean up the leaves on weekends.

And then after soccer season was over I could go back to doing it full time.

Oh, did you bother to discuss this with Mother Superior?

No, but I was planning to. Tomorrow.

- Don't bother. It's too late. - What?

I told Mother Superior that you would be there tomorrow...

the way we originally planned.

But what about the team? I finally made first string.

If I miss three weeks of practice, I'll get cut.

Probably. It's too late to do anything about it now.

But...

Mother Superior, tomorrow, 3:30 sharp.

- Hi, Dad. - Oh, hi, Joanie.

- Uh, you busy? - No, not very. Come on in.

Oh, heh, you know, I was thinking, Dad...

it might be kind of nice to have a marina on the river.

Why are you interested in that?

Oh, I'm not interested.

I mean, I just think that it would be nice.

Huh?

Of course, um, if you made up your mind already...

I guess you're not gonna be reading this report, huh?

No, it's long and boring. I don't wanna waste my time on that.

Dad, you know, I think you're wrong.

I think that this marina could create something of value.

Something lasting, for generations to come.

Something of value?

Something lasting, for generations to come.

How did you happen on that phrase...

that Chuck Blair so proudly wears upon his sleeve?

What's going on, Joanie?

Chuck Blair asked me out to coffee after rehearsal the other night.

Oh, I get it.

You've got a crush on this jerk, so you're using me to get in with him.

Or he's using you to get in with me, or something or other.

I like your style, Joanie, not to mention your loyalty.

- You don't understand. - What are you?

- Some kind of lobbyist or something? - Oh, why don't you just admit it?

You won't change your mind because you can't stand the idea...

you just might be wrong about something.

Oh, you're so stubborn!

That's right. I take after my children.

Aren't you just dying for some chocolate ripple ice cream?

- Chocolate gives you pimples. - Okay, then you can have strawberry.

But we better go soon in case they run out.

Nicholas, I don't feel like ice cream right now, okay?

- Then, will you walk with me? - Maybe later. Right now I...

[CAR HORN HONKS]

Are we going now?

[HORN HONKING]

Hi, Mike.

Hi, yourself.

Babysitting?

Sort of.

- Who are you? - Mike Thompson.

I'm Nicholas.

Nicholas, don't you have something better to do?

No.

Well, I gotta run anyway.

- You want to go to the prom? - I'd love to.

I'll see you Saturday night.

- Eight o'clock. - Okay.

I thought you already had a date for Saturday night.

Well, you thought wrong.

Oh, don't tell me. You need another taillight.

Heh. That's not funny.

- Hey, what's the matter? - I'm in trouble, David. I need your help.

Okay.

I need...$300.

Three hundred dollars? That's not trouble. That's the national debt.

What happened?

Well, I didn't exactly break that taillight on a guard rail.

What exactly did you break it on?

I broke it on some guy's car.

And it's gonna cost $300 to get it fixed.

- Have you told Dad? - Not exactly.

"Not exactly" does not exactly answer a yes or no question.

Well, the guy I hit...

I mean, the car I hit belongs to this guy and he's having some trouble with Dad.

But he was nice enough to let me off the hook if I would just...

get Dad to...

reconsider what he wrote about this guy's business.

The whole thing would have worked out great if Dad just wasn't so stubborn.

Oh, you think so, huh?

Well, are you gonna loan me the money or do I burn at the stake?

Before I chew you out, I want to make sure I have good enough reason.

See, uh, first you have an accident.

Then you trick me into helping you out.

Then you do a con job on Dad to cover up the first lie.

When that doesn't work, you come to your big brother...

so you can buy your way out of this mess. Is that right?

- Do I have it straight? - It's not that simple.

Not that simple?

Do you realize how you made Dad look...

if you had conned him into changing his mind?

This is the age of paranoia, Joanie.

If it got out, it would have looked like a payoff.

Dad's reputation would have been in the toilet.

I didn't think of any of that.

[SOBBING] Honest, David, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean for any of this to happen.

I feel like such a coward.

Okay, take it easy. It's not the end of the world.

What am I gonna do?

Well, first off, you're gonna pay off that $300 debt.

I have some money. I'll lend it to you.

Oh, David, thank you. Oh, thank you. I'll pay you back.

- I promise, every cent. - I'll hold you to that.

But there's a heavier part.

What could be heavier than paying back a $300 debt?

That you tell Dad everything that happened.

Oh, David.

Look, you take my money, you take my advice.

Come on, it can't be that bad.

[CHUCKLES]

Want to trade places with me?

Thank you, but no thank you.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

- Uh, Dad? - Oh, hi.

Hi.

Uh, listen, um, Chuck Blair and I are going out on a date tonight and, um...

and I was wondering if the three of us could have a talk before we leave.

Sure. I think there are a few things that we ought to clear up.

Well, I better go get dressed.

Thanks.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Hi. I'm Billy Kleinkenecht . I'm here for Elizabeth.

Oh, sure. Come in.

- Hi. I'm Nancy. - I'm Billy Kleinkenecht.

- I'm here for Elizabeth. - Yeah, I kind of guessed.

Uh, I have to get dressed. Do you mind?

Okay. Why don't you come into the den and I'll tell her you're here?

Dad, uh, this is Billy Kleinkenecht. My father, Mr. Bradford.

- Oh, hello, nice to meet you. - I'm Billy Kleinkenecht.

I'm here for Elizabeth.

I'll let you two get acquainted.

Uh, no, no, wait... All right. Uh, sit down, Billy.

Make yourself at home.

Well.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

- Hi. - Hi.

I'm Jeremy Belcher. I'm here for Elizabeth.

Sure. Come in.

[MARY CHUCKLES]

Uh, why don't you come in here, Jeremy, and,

uh, I'll tell Elizabeth that you're here?

Have a seat.

- Elizabeth, your date's here. - Thanks, we know.

You know? Have a good time.

It looks good.

That's a nice outfit you have on. Everything matches.

Listen, why don't I go and see what's taking her so long?

I'm sure it's nothing to worry about.

Just make yourself at home, I'll be...

Hi, I'm here for Elizabeth.

Yeah, I kind of had a hunch.

I better warn her you're here.

We have a bit of a problem.

There are two guys downstairs waiting to take you to the prom.

- Jeremy, what are you doing here? - You mean tonight isn't the prom?

Billy?

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Good evening. I'm Mike Thompson. I'm here for Elizabeth.

Welcome to the party.

Hi, Mike.

- Is the prom being held here? - I can explain everything.

I think it's pretty clear. You like making three dates at a time.

I'm afraid that's just not my style.

So if you don't mind, I think I'm just gonna go stag.

Good night, everybody.

Jeremy, Billy, I'm sure we can work something out.

- Thanks, but I think I'd better go stag. - Yeah, me too.

I can't believe this is happening. How could they do this to me?

No, no, no, they didn't do it to you, you did it to you.

I don't know what's happening to this family.

First Tommy, then Joan, now you.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

If that's one of those boys coming back for you...

you tell them to just forget it.

You're grounded for the evening and that's final.

ELIZABETH: Hi, come on in.

Elizabeth, I thought I told you to...

You're in the wrong dress. And we're in the wrong room. Come on.

Uh, well, heh...

Well, all this standing like this kind of makes me nervous.

Why don't you sit down?

Uh...

I don't exactly know how to begin this...

except to say that I've made a complete mess of things.

The reason I wanted you to read the report...

was because I banged up Chuck's car and that's how I planned to repay him.

I'm sorry I tried it, and I'm glad you didn't fall for it.

And here's your $300.

Joanie, what are you talking about? Your father wrote a retraction.

What? Why, that's impossible.

Why is that impossible? Don't you read my column?

Not always. Almost.

Well, I read the full report.

But only because I was looking for ammunition to blast Blair with.

But I had to admit it, it's a good project.

Oh.

[JOANIE AND CHUCK LAUGH]

Wow.

Oh. Um...

No, still, there's the money for your car, Chuck.

Now, hold on a minute, Joanie. Look, I got what I wanted.

- So we're even. A deal is a deal. - No, there wasn't any deal.

There was. We agreed that if your father wrote...

Maybe you and I agreed, but I don't have any right to agree to a deal that...

When the person taking the risk is my dad.

See, it would look like he changed his mind for the wrong reasons...

and I can't do that to him.

Hey, am I still taking you to dinner tonight?

I hope so.

Uh, but there's still one person that deserves an explanation.

I'll be right back.

- How about a drink, Mr. Blair? - Sure.

Hey, Mr. Bradford, you wouldn't be interested in a condominium...

- out by the marina, would you? - A condominium?

I doubt if you carry my size.

[CHUCK CHUCKLES]

- Tommy. TOMMY: Yeah, what do you want?

I want to talk to you.

TOMMY: All right. But it better be important.

Hey, Dad, remember how you said if any of us kids...

has an accident we should go to you?

- Yes. - Well, I borrowed Willie's baseball, see.

And then I loaned it to Jimmy and Jimmy lost it.

- Oh, that's too bad, Nicholas. - I know, but for who?

Am I supposed to go to you?

Or is Jimmy supposed to be going to his dad?

Dad, oh, Dad, I need your help, okay?

I was backing the car out of the garage and I ran over Tommy's bike.

What am I gonna do?

Dad, my first payment to David is due next week...

and I'm not able to find a job. What am I gonna do?

Hey, come on, you guys, I was here first.

What am I gonna do?

Dad, every guy in school knows about what happened prom night.

I'll never have another date the rest of my life.

- What am I gonna do? - Dad, I just burned tonight's dinner.

What're we gonna do?

I don't know what you're all gonna do.

But I know what I'm going to do.

I'm going to take my book and my glass and myself...

and go up to my room and mind my own business.

- That is what I'm going to do. - Dad.

- Come on. - Come on.

Don't get me wrong, kids.

I want you to come to me with your problem.

But do old Dad a favor, try to have one problem at a time...

or find a few more fathers.

ELIZABETH: Wait. NANCY: Dad, I just found a...

[ALL CHATTERING]

[English - US -SDH]

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