Original subtitles

NICHOLAS: Hey, Dad.

- Is snow bad? - Snow? I don't think so. Why?

Well, do they have snow in the place I'm not supposed to talk about?

Nicholas, what are you talking about?

Well, you said Susan had as much chance...

of going skiing all by herself with her boyfriend...

as a snowball in that place.

Nicholas, what I meant was...

that your sister Susan would be alone with her boyfriend, and...

Look, you see, let me explain it a little better.

Your sister is a very attractive young girl, and...

Son, I guess it defies explanation.

You'll understand when you become a parent and have daughters of your own.

I'd rather have puppies.

Sometimes, so would I.

MARY: The way I figure it, Matilda can move into my room...

you know, so no one else is inconvenienced.

Then I'll double up with Susan, Joanie can move in with Nancy...

and Elizabeth can use the rollaway. Easy, right?

I don't see any reason why she can't stay here for a couple of days.

Uh...

Does, uh...?

Does the fact that she's very pregnant give you any reasons?

JOANIE: Good one. MATILDA: Oh.

- You can move them both. - I can?

- Yeah. MATILDA: One, two three.

MATILDA & JOANIE: One, two, three, four, five, six.

- How come you're so fat? - Nicholas.

Ha-ha-ha. Oh, that's okay, really.

I have a baby in here, Nicholas.

It's gonna smother if you're not careful.

[GIRLS LAUGH]

NICHOLAS: Going to Johnny's. JOAN: Oh, wear your jacket.

NICHOLAS: Can't. Left it at Johnny's.

[JOAN SIGHS]

Uh, Mom, this is Matilda Bailey.

Matilda, this is my mom.

- Hi. JOAN: Hi.

I understand you're gonna be with us for a while.

MATILDA: Well, if you don't mind.

My old place didn't allow children, and I couldn't hide it anymore.

[ALL CHUCKLE]

Oh, we certainly don't mind as long as you understand...

that a house this size with a family this size is...

What she means is if my father finds panty hose on the shower curtain...

- he tends to come unglued. MARY: Ha, ha.

Yeah. Oh, well, I don't wear panty hose. Unh. They're sexist.

That's okay. He gets mad if you hang your Jockey shorts there too.

ALL: Ha-ha-ha. MARY: Tommy, would you...?

Uh, Matilda, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you a couple of awkward questions.

Like why I'm not married?

Well, for starters.

Because I don't wanna be.

Stop, Rick Henderson.

Rick, that's not fair. You're always stealing my drink.

Well, I can't think of anyone else's I'd rather steal.

Oh, yeah? Well, flattery will get you everywhere.

What?

What's wrong?

Do I have a smudge on my nose or something?

Your nose is perfect. Just like everything else about you.

Well, tell that to my trig professor.

I'm still trying to figure out what a tangent is.

Well, a tangent is something you go off on.

Like a Tangent 6, a great little car.

As a matter of fact, why don't you and I hop into my Tangent 6...

and go up to Squaw Valley for some skiing this weekend?

Hey, that sounds super. Who else is going?

Well, in our little party, no one.

Does that pose any obstacle?

I never like going up in a big group anyway.

Okay.

I'll make reservations just for the two of us, then.

Sure, why not?

First time for everything.

Tommy, did you leave your bike in the driveway again?

- Hi, honey. - Oh, hi. How are you?

- Okay. How are you? - All right.

Tommy, please don't abandon your bike in the driveway like that.

- How many times have I told you? - Oh, sure, Dad. I'll get it right away.

I'm getting right on it, I promise. Really, I promise. I'll do it right now.

Incredible.

Honey, he and Nicholas have been terrific.

They cleaned up the entire backyard.

Really? All that lumber that was out there?

- All gone. It's beautiful. - Amazing.

I don't know why they ignore me and listen to you.

- Well, because I feed them. - Hi, Dad.

- Hello, Father. Did you have a nice day? - Yeah, fine.

- Can I fix you a drink? - Yeah, sure.

Um, I was speaking to my sociology professor today...

and he just loved that column you wrote.

You know, the one a couple of weeks ago on unwed mothers.

Which? Oh, yeah. Yeah, that was a good one.

The courage of a woman's devotion to her child, the joy of birth.

That is good. No wonder he liked it.

MARY: Unusually perceptive of you.

- Here you go, Dad. - Oh, thanks.

Nothing like warm vodka to top off the day.

- Would you get me my slippers, please? - Slippers?

JOAN: What do you want your slippers for? - I'm being buttered up for something.

I wanna take advantage of it before I ruin the whole thing by saying no.

Joanie?

Hey, Joanie? I... Oh.

Hi.

You must be Mr. Bradford.

- Uh, oh, Dad, this is Matilda Bailey. - Hi.

Listen, I have this wild craving for sour cream.

Well, let's go see if we can find some, hmm?

She's really very nice, Dad. You know how it is when you're pregnant.

- Ha, ha. - Only second hand.

We've invited her to be our houseguest. I hope you don't mind.

Well, I guess it'll be all right for a few days.

Dad, Matilda's manager hassled her out of her apartment.

Who knows how long it's gonna be till she finds another one?

She's all alone with no place to go.

Mary, forget the slippers. I don't wanna bargain.

[DOOR OPENS THEN CLOSES]

- Hi. - Oh, hello again.

- Well, I see that Joan fixed you up okay. - Mm.

I never met anybody before that could eat sour cream like that all by itself.

Really? Oh, it's terrific.

Not as good as it is with raisins, but it's still pretty good.

Uh, aren't pregnant women supposed to sit down a lot or something like that?

Well, I like to eat standing up. It makes me feel less guilty.

I guess I don't have too much self-control.

I think I know what you mean.

Is your husband planning to stay here too?

- No. - Oh, what a relief.

What I mean is, we don't really have all that much room.

Is he, uh, out of town, huh?

He doesn't exist.

I've never been married.

- Ooh. - Oh, you poor thing.

I didn't know that. I... Mary never told me.

We'd be happy to let you stay here until you find another place.

I mean, Mary should have told me that you weren't married.

Oh, it's no big deal.

Frankly, from what I've seen of marriage, it's not worth the effort.

Huh?

Well, I believe a person should accept sole responsibility for her actions.

Yes, so do I.

I mean, responsibility and I are old friends.

But what I mean is...

I know it's hard for you to accept the idea of women bearing children out of wedlock.

I mean, even my parents have a difficult time with it.

I find that older people feel that way.

Yes, I'm getting older every second.

But the plain and simple of it is...

I planned on getting pregnant and I got my wish.

But Californians plan on earthquakes...

but I never met anybody who wished for one.

[CHUCKLES]

[LAUGHS]

Oh, it's not like that.

The times are changing, Mr. Bradford. You might as well get used to it.

Why, I would not be at all surprised if one of your own daughters just decided...

Matilda, please don't.

Don't say it.

It's hard enough getting used to straight sour cream.

Mm.

Heh. You're putting me on.

You are putting me on?

Oh, Mary, of all the times to bring home a stray, this has to be the worst.

MARY: Matilda is not a stray.

She happens to be a very good friend.

And right now she happens to need a place to stay.

And you happen to be very selfish.

Well, how else am I supposed to act?

I come home expecting to ask Dad a very delicate question...

and your very good friend has him walking through the halls talking to himself.

You know, Susan, your problem is not with Matilda.

Your problem's with your approach.

- What are you talking about? - It's very simple.

Look, you wanna go skiing for the weekend with Rick Henderson, right?

Mm-hm.

MARY: Okay, you don't ask Dad, you tell Dad.

You see, by asking him, you give him an opportunity to say no.

But if you tell him, you take away that option.

Oh, I don't know. Hmm. I'm gonna have to sleep on this one.

Susan, are you planning to sleep in the same room with him?

- Ugh. Nancy. - Oh!

[SUSAN SHUDDERING]

Mm. Something smells great.

Oh, no, Matilda, no bread. You're eating entirely too many starches.

Yeah, I know, but I don't have any willpower.

Well, we're just gonna have to keep an enormous eye on you.

- Would you put that on the table? - Oh, sure.

Thank you. Ah-ah.

Honey, what did you wanna talk about?

[PHONE RINGS]

I'll get it.

Hello?

I just wanted to tell you that...

[NANCY CLEARS THROAT]

One moment, please. I'll see if she's in.

A Mr. Rick Henderson.

Honey, make it short, okay? Dinner's on the table.

- Hello. - Hi, it's me.

I'm over at the reservation office.

I thought I'd double-check with you before I paid the deposit.

[OVER PHONE] Can you definitely go?

Yes. Definitely.

Great. Gotta run. I'll catch you tomorrow.

Okay. Bye.

Dinner's on the table.

That is, if you're still hungry.

The idea is to totally relax so that you save your strength.

And when you do feel a contraction coming on...

use your breathing to ease the pressure.

Mm-hm.

In theory, Matilda, what you're doing is concentrating on everything but the pain.

- Okay? - Yeah. Okay.

- So let's start with early labor, okay? - Yeah.

All right. You feel a contraction coming on.

Now, find your focal point.

JOAN: Come on, Nicholas. You're on. It's your big chance now, okay?

Now, it's very important for you to remain very still and quiet, okay?

- What's a focus point? - A "focal" point.

That is something that Matilda stares at when she's in labor.

Oh. What's labor?

Nicholas, I think now is the time for you to learn some facts of life.

Labor is...

um, something you need a focal point for.

- Oh. Okay. - You're on.

Ready? Contraction starts.

Take that cleansing breath. That's good.

Good girl. Okay, don't forget your effleurage.

That's it. There you go.

Joan, do you realize how much...?

David, I didn't know you were here.

I thought you were your mother.

And judging by the amount of wash, I wasn't that far off, now, was I?

Well, I'm finding that moving out comes with its own fair share of liabilities.

Yes.

And it also has its own fair share of assets.

Speaking of which...

how is your love life?

You sound like a mouthwash commercial.

Are you still seeing that cute little redhead?

What's her name? Joyce?

- Jill. - Jill.

No, she moved on and, uh... You know, but I'm seeing a lot of, uh...

Well, several other young ladies.

Boy, I'll tell you, sometimes I really envy your generation.

You kids go out and have a good time.

You do things that our generation never even dreamed of.

[CHUCKLES]

Oh, you dreamed of them okay, you just never did anything about it.

- David. - Yeah?

Count your blessings. And don't forget the prewash.

[CHUCKLES]

- Joan, could I talk to you for a moment? MARY: Good girl, there you go.

Slow breathing. That's it.

And contraction ends.

Joan could you step outside for a moment?

I think we should both get a breath of fresh air.

- What is she doing in there? - She's doing her Lamaze exercises.

- What did you wanna see me about? - Hmm?

Oh, yes, yes. Look, about our bank account.

It's the last two numbers this side of the decimal.

Now look at our grocery bill. Do you notice anything?

Yeah, I can't believe the prices these days.

Mom? Dad?

JOAN: Yes, dear?

I just wanted to let you know that I'm going skiing this weekend.

- That's terrific. - Yes, as long as you don't need any money.

Oh, no, no. I've got enough, thanks.

JOAN: Who are the other girls going?

Oh, no girls.

Um, anything wrong?

Well, you don't usually go anywhere alone.

Well, I won't be alone. Rick Henderson's gonna be there.

What? What do you mean? What do you mean "be there"?

Well, he'll be in the room next door.

The connecting room next door.

I just wanted to let you know, that's all.

No, wait, that is not all.

Hey, I'll be back later for the rest of my laundry.

Don't let me interrupt.

- Did you know your sister was planning...? - Is planning.

Was planning to go to Squaw Valley.

I'm going with a boy and we're taking connecting rooms.

David, tell your sister that she shouldn't go.

You shouldn't go.

I told her. Anything else you want?

Susan, your father's just trying to be understanding.

TOM: Please, don't apologize for me.

I am definitely not understanding about these kind of things.

Dad, really, what can happen?

[MATILDA GROANING]

My back is killing me. I'm going for a walk.

That's what could happen. She could get a backache.

Dad.

[SOBBING]

TOM: I don't know, how else were we supposed to react?

The times say be permissive.

Let them have their freedom, let them do what they want.

They're only young once.

But connecting rooms, away from home, a warm fire?

How can you be permissive with your own daughter?

You know what I think? Hmm?

I think we should stay out of it, that's what I think.

Susan's 19. She's not a little girl anymore.

When she's a grandmother, she'll still be my little girl.

TOM: You really think that we should back off?

Don't you?

[TOM SIGHS]

[DOORBELL RINGS]

DAVID: Coming.

Oh, hi. Are you alone?

Of course. Come on in.

You must think I'm some kind of Casanova.

Oh, no, it's just when you left the old homestead to move in here...

I figured you might have an ulterior motive.

I had several. They were all busy last night.

Yeah. Heh.

- Juice? - Uh, no.

Help.

Your sister is about to make the biggest mistake of her life...

and I'm running out of options.

Well, uh, you've just lost another one.

Dad, I'm not gonna let you pit me against my own sister.

Especially when I agree with her.

I don't even know this Rick Henderson boy.

And that's what I was wondering, if maybe you could, uh, nose around...

you know, ask questions, check him out.

You don't give up, do you?

It's not just me, David, it's your mother.

This thing is really coming between Susan and your mother.

[PHONE RINGS]

- Hello. - Hi, did I wake you up?

DAVID [OVER PHONE]: No, no, I've been up a while.

Good, I wanna talk to you about your father and Susan.

[OVER PHONE] This weekend thing has kind of come between them.

Heh. No, I didn't know that.

Yeah. Look, I'm trying to find a way to defuse the situation.

If you come up with any brainstorms, will you let me know?

Yeah, yeah. Sure, you bet.

David, is there someone there with you?

Well, uh, sort of, yeah.

Listen, I know when to split. We'll talk about this some other time.

- I'll talk to you later, okay? - Don't mention anything to your mother.

And don't you dare say a word about this to your father. Bye.

Goodbye.

Now, remember, Stan, no last names. Just introduce me as David.

I got the scenario.

Until I can tell my parents that this guy isn't an ax murderer...

I'm not gonna get peace.

If this works out, I'll be known as the Henry Kissinger of your sister's sex life.

Henry's been replaced, Stan.

Yeah.

[FUNK MUSIC PLAYING]

Oh. There he is.

Let's get this over with.

Hey, Rick, how you doing?

- Fine. Here are the notes you wanted. STAN: Thanks a lot.

I still don't see why I couldn't drop them by the dorm.

Because then I couldn't have bought you a beer and thanked you.

This is David, Rick. Rick, David.

- How you doing? - Sounds like a rerun of Ozzie and Harriet.

I'll go get some beers.

Nice place.

- Come here often? - Once in a while.

Lots of action.

RICK: Heh. Yeah.

Yeah, but for real action, give me a ski lodge any time.

- You ever go to Squaw Valley? - Yeah.

I figured. Well, I mean, you look like a skier. You've got that sun-bronzed look.

Where do you usually stay up at Squaw?

A friend of mine has an interest in this place, Crestline Lodge.

Oh, yeah, I hear there's a lot of action there.

RICK: It's a nice place.

Look, pal, I don't know if you're always this nosey...

or you're just trying to make small talk, but if I were you, I would just...

Don't get uptight. Just trying to be friendly.

David, hi.

Listen, I left a message with Joanie for her to have Susan call me, okay?

But if you see her first, will you tell her it's really important?

DAVID: Yeah, sure. CHRIS: Okay? All right, thanks.

Chris, Rick Henderson.

- Rick, Chris Butler. RICK: Hi.

Hi. Rick Henderson? Susan's told me all about you.

[CHUCKLES]

Don't forget, okay? It's really important. Please.

Okay, I gotta go. I'll check you out later. Bye.

Joanie and Susan...

and David.

Okay.

Your name couldn't be Bradford, could it?

Listen, I'm not sure how to explain this.

RICK: Try straight.

Yeah. Okay.

I had Stan bring me here, uh...

because I wanted to check up on you, that's all.

I can't believe Susan would put you up to this.

Susan had nothing to do with this.

All right, I made a mistake.

But I'm a concerned brother. Susan never did anything like this before.

Like what?

Like whatever it is you and Susan are going to do between skiing...

and, uh, more skiing, that's what.

To the ladies, huh, guys?

Cheers.

Since when is a weekend skiing with a boy something to be ashamed of, huh?

Since Dad thinks you're gonna become another Matilda.

[SUSAN GROANS]

If I wanted to get in that kind of trouble...

I wouldn't have to go all the way to Squaw Valley.

Well, I don't think that kind of reasoning is gonna help your case.

Morning.

I, um, think I'll go get some breakfast.

All set for your weekend?

Yup, all set.

You all set on going too?

David tells me Rick's a very nice young man.

Couldn't keep from checking him out, could you?

Come on, Susan. For once, I wish you'd understand my side.

I do. Nothing's changed, has it?

[SIGHS]

You know, Susan, in this wonderful age of liberation...

a lot of women feel tremendous pressure to, um, be equal...

to feel free and aggressive.

The only pressure I feel is from this family.

How do you mean?

Everybody's always jumping to conclusions, taking sides.

Okay, you and Dad say one thing, Mary and Nancy say something else...

David makes his jokes: Ha-ha-ha.

Tommy asks his questions.

Mom, I don't know what's gonna happen this weekend. I'm just playing it by ear.

Your father and I do not mean to interfere but...

No. There's no "but."

I mean, this is my decision and my life and there's no "but."

Well, I think our mother-daughter talk has ended.

I certainly hope so.

Remember, now, be extra careful.

I will, Nicholas, and thank you.

Hey, what's the problem?

Parents.

- They're always telling you what to do. - That's their job.

Ours is deciding whether or not what they tell us makes sense.

Yeah, well, let me give you a warning.

Next time Mary tries to give you some of her good advice, tell her to sit on it.

Mary made me a sandwich once that looked like someone sat on it.

Nicholas, sometimes you can be really yucky. Mm.

Not as yucky as that sandwich was. It was all yucky and mushed up.

It was still okay.

- Good morning, girls. - What will you have?

Oh, just a sweet roll and coffee. I'm not too hungry this morning.

MARY: I shouldn't wonder.

We heard that you had David check out Susan's boyfriend.

A parent should never mix in his daughter's affairs.

I didn't mix in her affairs.

Please don't use that word.

You did too, Daddy.

Personally, I think Susan should be allowed to make her own mistakes.

- There aren't any sweet rolls. - What? There's got to be.

I saw a whole package of them there last night before I went to bed.

Yeah, so did Matilda. I wanted some myself.

All right, then I'll just settle for coffee and peace.

MARY: Here's your coffee.

The peace, you'll have to arrange for yourself.

Morning.

Oh, hi.

Glad to see you're keeping up with your exercises.

Well, I'm not so sure my exercises are keeping up with my eating habits.

I just can't thank you guys enough for letting me stay here.

I don't know what I would've done otherwise.

Matilda, what are you gonna do afterward?

Afterwards?

Oh.

- You mean when it's just me and my baby? - Mm-hm.

Try to be a good mother.

Well, I'd like to say that's an incomplete answer.

But it's honest.

I appreciate your helping me with a place to stay...

but I'm not so sure I appreciate your concern.

Matilda, I think what I am trying to say is that, uh...

well, I've been there eight times.

And I'm just hoping that some of my unappreciated concern...

might come in handy someday.

I'm having one baby, not eight.

Well, does that make it any less important?

Could you hand me that bag?

Thanks.

Mary's been after me to pack my Lamaze bag just in case.

- She's a tough coach. - You should see her on the football field.

- Look. My focal point. - Aw.

- Ha, ha. - Nicholas loaned it to me this morning.

That is his favorite T-shirt in the whole wide, wide world.

Oh. I figured it was kind of important when he warned me not to break it.

[CHUCKLES]

You got a wonderful family, Mrs. Bradford.

Why is it families like yours always belong to other people?

Oh, not that my own family made me bitter.

Only wiser.

A lot wiser.

Anyway...

getting pregnant wasn't an accident.

It was a conscious choice.

And I know I'm gonna be a good mother.

Matilda, it's gonna take an awful lot of strength to raise a child on your own.

I know all that.

And I think about it all the time...

but it doesn't help.

The problem with getting married...

is it doesn't come with a money-back guarantee.

Who's to say it's gonna turn out like yours and Mr. Bradford's?

You don't know until you give it a chance.

But first, I have to give my way a chance.

And if it doesn't work out...

then I'll be the first to admit it.

Oh, Matilda...

please know that we're your friends...

and if it doesn't work out for you, we'll always be here to help.

Okay?

Okay.

Thanks.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Joan, Susan is gone. Her suitcase is gone, her skis are gone.

Now we're going. Give me the keys to the wagon.

JOAN: Tom, now, just calm down.

We're not gonna go driving up to Squaw Valley.

It's not a 1920s melodrama. Whatever happens happens.

Oh, isn't that nice, Joan?

You're being very logical, very mature, very adult. I commend you for that.

- Well, thank you. - Right. Now give me the keys to the car?

Oh, excuse me.

I'm feeling energetic, so I thought I'd go look at a couple apartments.

Yes, well, we might not be here when you get back.

- [WHISPERS] The keys. - [WHISPERS] No.

MATILDA: Anybody see Mary?

[IN NORMAL VOICE] Oh, she's at her study group.

Oh.

Well, maybe you can tell me.

How do you like Jedediah for a boy or Genevieve for a little girl?

[IN NORMAL VOICE] Pregnant women should not name children.

- Jedediah? - Jedediah's pretty.

You don't like Jede...?

- Oh. JOAN: Okay, come on.

It's all right. Don't be scared. Sit down.

It's okay. Relax.

- Just take it easy. Now, find a focal point.

JOAN: And breathe deeply and concentrate.

- Right. - Right, okay.

Inhale, that's right, and out your mouth.

Inhale. Out your mouth. That's good.

You're doing just fine. Very good.

Now, relax.

Oh, wow, it kind of takes you by surprise.

- You okay? - Yeah, I'm fine except...

- Ah. Oh, here it comes again. - Okay, okay. Focus. Focus.

Now, take a cleansing breath.

TOM: Keep it slow.

That's right.

Either her contractions are very irregular or very close.

Let's leave that up to the experts. Go get her coat and bag. Call the hospital.

All right, now.

And get the keys to the car.

All right. You're doing just fine.

It's almost over.

I'm scared, Mr. Bradford.

[ENGINE STOPS]

TOM: Okay, we're here.

- That wasn't bad, huh? - No, not yet.

[TOM CHUCKLES]

Okay.

- Do they know we're coming? - They know we're coming.

Everything is all set.

- Nothing to worry about. MATILDA: I'm not worried.

TOM: All right, easy.

JOAN: She's all right. TOM: I know, I know. I always do that.

WOMAN 1 [OVER PA]: Dr. Sing, please go to the orthopedic wing.

- Now I'm out of dimes. - Any luck?

All bad. Joan is checking the campus. Nancy's got the library.

Elizabeth is calling friends. Where is Mary when we need her?

Oh, honey, it's not her fault.

- Why don't you just relax? - I know, I know.

This place had the same issues when Nicholas was born.

WOMAN 2: Excuse me. Are you the Bradfords?

Yes, why? Is something wrong?

Oh, nothing serious. I'm Dr. Abbott, Matilda's OB.

Matilda's progressing nicely.

But she is experiencing some severe back labor...

and the pain is kind of wearing her out.

But you said it was nothing serious.

Mr. Bradford, we don't call it labor because it's fun.

Now, there's a good nurse in attendance...

but I think she'd feel better if there was someone with her she knew.

Our daughter was supposed to be her labor coach...

Oh, Joan, maybe you ought to go.

I think that would be a good idea.

Well, Mr. Bradford, Matilda asked for you.

Nurse, would you show Mr. Bradford where to change for the labor room?

NURSE: Yes, doctor. - I'll see you in a bit.

Have you done this before, Mr. Bradford?

Oh, if he told you how many times, you'd think he was crazy.

- And she'd be right. NURSE: Please follow me.

The changing room is on the left and down the end of the hall.

WOMAN 1 [OVER PA]: Dr. Regan, go to X-ray please.

[HEART BEATING ON MONITOR]

Junior's doing fine.

How about you?

- I'm kind of dry. - Oh.

Thanks.

I often thought they should put a couple of shots of Scotch into that bowl.

[CHUCKLES]

[GIRLS CHATTERING]

ELIZABETH: Mom. JOANIE: Come on, Nance.

- Mom, Mom. NANCY: Did she have it yet?

I lied about my age so they let me in.

JOANIE: Mom, what's happening? - Just keep it cool, keep it cool.

Everything is fine. You just have to relax and be patient.

- We couldn't find Mary. - We left her a note.

JOANIE: Where's Daddy? - Am I too late?

Well, where's Matilda? I'm supposed to be with her.

Mary, Mary, calm down. Your dad's with her. Everything's fine.

- What? - You're kidding.

- Daddy? - What does Daddy know about childbirth?

Were all your kids delivered by natural childbirth?

Oh, no. When we started, it was definitely not the in thing to do.

The first five, I said goodbye to Joan at the door...

went across the street, had a couple beers...

then came back to find out if I should get a pink or blue blanket.

Oh, all right, all right. All right, pant. Okay, breathe.

All right.

Pant, pant, pant, breathe.

Pant, pant, pant, breathe.

Pant, pant, pant, breathe. That's it.

Atta girl. That's fine. Very good.

Oh, there, you're doing just great. That's not so bad, is it?

[MATILDA MOANS]

Is that what you said to your wife each time?

"There, now, that wasn't so bad"?

Yeah, I suppose I did, come to think of it.

Well, you're lucky she didn't kill you.

Keeping me alive has been her sweetest revenge.

Oh, wow, I'll be so glad when this is over.

Matilda, sweetheart...

when it's over, it's just beginning.

All right. Okay. Easy now.

Atta girl.

WOMAN [OVER PA]: Dr. Schmutzer, report immediately to emergency surgery.

Dr. Schmutzer, report immediately to emergency surgery.

Would anyone care to see an 8-pound 5-ounce fighting Irishman?

[JOANIE LAUGHS]

Dad, you did it.

Oh, let's see.

Oh, how precious.

[CRYING]

NURSE: He's lovely. MARY: Dad, you did it.

Mwah. I'm proud of you.

After Nicholas, I swore I'd never go through anything like this again...

but, honey, even for an old veteran like me...

it's very special.

I gotta go blow my nose.

I'm gonna go call Matilda's parents, okay?

ELIZABETH: Isn't he beautiful?

- Look at him. MARY: Daddy did a beautiful job.

[GIRLS CHATTERING AND LAUGHING]

MARY: Look at the size of those toes.

ELIZABETH: Oh, he's beautiful, Mom, he really is.

I know he is.

JOANIE: His little hands and those fingernails.

Well, the kids are all checked in for the night.

The boys made me tell the whole story again.

And I promised them that we would take them to see the baby.

- Are you all right? - Hmm?

Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay.

Just wondering about Susan.

Oh, Tom, it's been a long day.

Let's go to bed. Come on.

[ENGINE STOPS]

- I'll grab these, you grab your stuff. - Okay.

Nicholas, give me back Johnny Bench.

Hey, stop.

No running in the house.

TOMMY: Come on, Nicholas.

And, Tommy, thanks for getting the paper like I asked.

SUSAN: Call me, okay? RICK: Yeah, I will.

What happened? Why are you back so soon?

- If he did anything to... - Daddy, nobody did anything.

Then why are you standing here?

Why aren't you schussbooming up in Squaw Valley?

- There was no snow. - What?

We went up to ski and there was no snow. Guess we should've checked first.

Anyway, we figured we'd save our money and try again in a few weeks.

If that's okay with you.

You went up skiing and there was no snow.

I don't believe it.

I mean, I believe you. It's myself that I don't...

Susan, I'm sorry I was so hard on you.

It's just that I've been through all this before with Mary and Joanie...

and it wasn't easy.

I doubt if it's going to be any easier with Nancy or Elizabeth.

Boys are just a lot simpler, I guess.

Heh. Well, with five daughters, I guess that's just a cross you have to bear.

When you help someone grow up for 19 years...

it all comes down to trust, doesn't it?

Does that mean you don't mind me going back up with Rick in a few weeks?

Oh, I mind.

It's a father's right.

[CHUCKLES]

You go wash up.

I'll fix you up the best breakfast you ever had in your whole life.

Oh, great. Can we have waffles?

Yes, and hot cocoa and bacon, anything you want.

Oh, Matilda's parents are flying in from Los Angeles.

We'll pick them up on our way to see Matilda and her baby.

Oh! She had it already? Why didn't she wait for me? What was it?

For her sake, thank God, it wasn't a daughter.

SUSAN: Oh, Dad.

TOM: Susan's home!

[HUMMING]

- Hi, Tom, what have you got? - Oh, a little something.

What did you buy?

Sweet rolls. Sour cream.

- Raisins, three boxes. - Mm-hm.

- Peanut butter. Pickles? - Uh-huh.

- What'd you buy all this for? - Oh, just replenishing our food supply.

With Matilda gone, I can be reasonably sure that some of this stuff will be around...

- if I should have a craving. - Ah.

Yeah, she's so happy. She called today. She loves that apartment.

Not as happy as I am, believe me.

I love her, but she was eating us out of house and home.

There is a dog in my room.

- There's a what? MARY: A dog.

Oh, Tommy... Oh-ho-ho.

Do you know anything about this?

- Well, sort of. JOAN: What do you mean, "Well, sort of"?

Well, her name's Felicia and she didn't have a home.

I thought since we were taking in pregnant women...

we might as well take in pregnant dogs too.

I think she's due any day now.

Tommy, are you kidding? Why my room?

Where else would I put her?

Anywhere but here.

- Get rid of her, son. - Oh, Tom, don't be cruel.

You can't send that poor little puppy out in the cold.

I knew it wouldn't last.

This house is turning into a home for unwed mothers.

Show me our new guest.

TOMMY: You'll love her, Mom. JOAN: Yeah?

TOM: Hold it.

You'd better take this.

Our expectant mother may be famished.

[English - US -SDH]

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