Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:17,123 --> 00:00:19,403
Aye, aye!
Someone's happy.
2
00:00:19,403 --> 00:00:22,483
Probably still pissed.
Simon, the breathalyser.
3
00:00:23,843 --> 00:00:25,803
It won't register.
I've put 2p under my tongue.
4
00:00:25,803 --> 00:00:27,643
That's never worked!
5
00:00:29,123 --> 00:00:31,003
Went to see the Mondays
last night, didn't I?
6
00:00:31,003 --> 00:00:32,483
No way.
7
00:00:32,483 --> 00:00:35,403
♪ Son, I'm 30...
8
00:00:35,403 --> 00:00:39,363
♪ I only went with your
mother cos she's dirty... ♪
9
00:00:39,363 --> 00:00:40,443
You went with my mum?
10
00:00:40,443 --> 00:00:42,643
Oh, put that back, dipshit.
11
00:00:42,643 --> 00:00:44,403
Were they any good, then?
12
00:00:44,403 --> 00:00:46,683
Oh, my God, they were awesome.
Just like the old days.
13
00:00:46,683 --> 00:00:48,643
I can't believe you went to see
the Happy Mondays
14
00:00:48,643 --> 00:00:49,763
and didn't get me a ticket.
15
00:00:49,763 --> 00:00:52,363
You could have come. Weasel's mum
wouldn't let him out,
16
00:00:52,363 --> 00:00:54,803
cos he'd been nicking
from her purse. Oh, bugger it.
17
00:00:54,803 --> 00:00:56,003
What happened here, then?
18
00:00:56,003 --> 00:00:57,643
Oh, this is a mental one.
19
00:00:57,643 --> 00:01:00,483
Holiday home here.
Next house along is a farm.
20
00:01:00,483 --> 00:01:02,683
Old MacDonald's driving past,
21
00:01:02,683 --> 00:01:04,643
he sees it's being burgled,
22
00:01:04,643 --> 00:01:07,003
he decided he's Jason Statham,
kicks the door in
23
00:01:07,003 --> 00:01:09,563
and lets the poor bastard
have it with both barrels.
24
00:01:09,563 --> 00:01:11,243
Oh, God. Is he dead?
25
00:01:11,243 --> 00:01:12,443
No, but he's a mess.
26
00:01:12,443 --> 00:01:13,523
Guess who it was.
27
00:01:13,523 --> 00:01:15,603
Who? Tubby.
28
00:01:15,603 --> 00:01:17,563
Tubby Rogers?
29
00:01:17,563 --> 00:01:20,443
Ah, he was never going to be
a brain surgeon, Tubs, was he?
30
00:01:20,443 --> 00:01:22,723
No, not any more.
One of his arms got blown off.
31
00:01:22,723 --> 00:01:24,563
Oh, God. Having two hands
32
00:01:24,563 --> 00:01:27,123
was sort of top of his list
of best qualities, wasn't it?
33
00:01:27,123 --> 00:01:28,843
The area is secure of OSG
34
00:01:28,843 --> 00:01:31,003
and ready for
a decontamination sweep.
35
00:01:31,003 --> 00:01:32,843
Been watching Line Of Duty again?
36
00:01:32,843 --> 00:01:34,763
I told him. Right, ta-ra.
37
00:01:34,763 --> 00:01:37,003
Oh, the owner's in,
and she doesn't like blood.
38
00:01:49,723 --> 00:01:50,803
Hello?
39
00:01:50,803 --> 00:01:51,963
Yes?
40
00:01:51,963 --> 00:01:53,083
Crime scene cleaner.
41
00:01:53,083 --> 00:01:54,963
I'm here to clean up?
42
00:01:54,963 --> 00:01:57,163
Oh, um, well,
it's through the kitchen.
43
00:01:57,163 --> 00:01:58,963
I can't come down.
Blood makes me gip.
44
00:01:58,963 --> 00:02:00,643
Gip!
45
00:02:00,643 --> 00:02:03,963
Right, well, we can't have
the lady gipping, can we, Wicky?
46
00:02:03,963 --> 00:02:06,683
♪ Crucify some brother today
47
00:02:06,683 --> 00:02:08,043
♪ And I... ♪
48
00:02:08,043 --> 00:02:09,683
Ah, Tubby!
49
00:02:09,683 --> 00:02:11,643
Course you had a massive hand.
50
00:02:55,563 --> 00:02:58,923
"Hey, babe, just got back.
I love our little getaway.
51
00:02:58,923 --> 00:03:01,963
"Here's a silly poem for you
to read before bed.
52
00:03:01,963 --> 00:03:03,563
"It's called For Jamie.
53
00:03:03,563 --> 00:03:06,123
"When we became we, I let I die
54
00:03:06,123 --> 00:03:09,723
"But she watches down
with a smile from the sky."
55
00:03:10,843 --> 00:03:12,403
Absolute shit.
56
00:03:12,403 --> 00:03:13,603
What's shit?
57
00:03:15,083 --> 00:03:16,123
Oh...
58
00:03:16,123 --> 00:03:17,563
I was just thinking about...
59
00:03:17,563 --> 00:03:19,563
..cats. Aren't they shit?
60
00:03:19,563 --> 00:03:22,203
OK. Um, I've made tea,
but you're going to have to
61
00:03:22,203 --> 00:03:24,443
come and get it cos I can't...
I can't go over there.
62
00:03:24,443 --> 00:03:26,003
I don't want to see it. Blimey!
63
00:03:26,003 --> 00:03:28,003
you really don't like blood, do you?
64
00:03:28,003 --> 00:03:29,163
Don't, don't.
65
00:03:29,163 --> 00:03:31,323
I'll heave if you even
speak about it, honestly.
66
00:03:31,323 --> 00:03:32,883
I can't... Is it bad?
67
00:03:32,883 --> 00:03:34,003
Uh...
68
00:03:35,163 --> 00:03:36,523
..yeah...
69
00:03:37,683 --> 00:03:38,963
Quite bad.
70
00:03:38,963 --> 00:03:40,563
What happened to the burglar?
71
00:03:40,563 --> 00:03:42,963
Ah, poor Tubby.
72
00:03:42,963 --> 00:03:45,883
Put it like this, he's not
going to play the piano again.
73
00:03:45,883 --> 00:03:48,123
I'm joking. He can't read music.
74
00:03:48,123 --> 00:03:49,163
He can't read.
75
00:03:49,163 --> 00:03:50,643
He can't drive...
76
00:03:52,203 --> 00:03:53,923
..or see his kids.
77
00:03:53,923 --> 00:03:55,323
Good job you weren't home, hey?
78
00:03:55,323 --> 00:03:57,323
I don't live here.
It's a holiday home.
79
00:03:57,323 --> 00:03:59,563
Yeah, I've just come down
from Manchester.
80
00:03:59,563 --> 00:04:01,883
Ooh, nice little hideaway.
81
00:04:01,883 --> 00:04:03,763
It's a nightmare, to be honest.
82
00:04:03,763 --> 00:04:06,083
Who wants to holiday
where they grew up?
83
00:04:06,083 --> 00:04:07,483
What? You're not a Brummie.
84
00:04:07,483 --> 00:04:09,603
Yeah, I was born in Stourbridge,
thank you.
85
00:04:09,603 --> 00:04:11,363
Do a bit of Brummie, then.
86
00:04:11,363 --> 00:04:12,683
No. It's fine if you can't.
87
00:04:12,683 --> 00:04:15,603
I can. I just don't want to,
under the circumstances.
88
00:04:15,603 --> 00:04:17,283
I've got a good way
of getting back into it
89
00:04:17,283 --> 00:04:18,443
if you want, you know.
90
00:04:18,443 --> 00:04:20,243
You just have to say the sentence,
91
00:04:20,243 --> 00:04:21,363
"I'm not fit to babysit."
92
00:04:21,363 --> 00:04:24,083
Mate, what's wrong with you?
It works every time, honest.
93
00:04:24,083 --> 00:04:26,203
Yes, I know.
Yeah, I'll show you, look.
94
00:04:26,203 --> 00:04:28,963
Oi!
You're not fit to babysit!
95
00:04:28,963 --> 00:04:30,643
You're not fit to babysit.
96
00:04:30,643 --> 00:04:33,323
I'm perfectly fit to babysit.
You ain't, babs!
97
00:04:33,323 --> 00:04:34,843
You ain't fit to babysit. I am!
98
00:04:34,843 --> 00:04:37,523
You're not fit... You're not fit to
babysit. I'm fit to babysit!
99
00:04:37,523 --> 00:04:39,363
You're not fit to babysit!
100
00:04:43,043 --> 00:04:44,203
Maggie?
101
00:04:46,603 --> 00:04:48,483
Oh, my God! Wicky.
102
00:04:54,443 --> 00:04:56,003
Blood. Oh, uh...
103
00:04:57,243 --> 00:04:58,843
Don't you, because I'll...
104
00:04:59,923 --> 00:05:01,363
A finger.
105
00:05:01,363 --> 00:05:03,883
It's just a finger...
106
00:05:03,883 --> 00:05:05,483
Sorry, I'll be outside. Yeah.
107
00:05:19,963 --> 00:05:22,323
I managed to hold it in.
108
00:05:22,323 --> 00:05:25,323
Oh... Can't believe a bit of blood
still does that to you.
109
00:05:25,323 --> 00:05:28,323
A bit? It's like a pissed werewolf's
been in there.
110
00:05:28,323 --> 00:05:29,363
And that's it, is it?
111
00:05:29,363 --> 00:05:32,163
That's the first thing you're going
to say to me after 20 years?
112
00:05:36,323 --> 00:05:37,603
Oh...
113
00:05:37,603 --> 00:05:39,563
It's never been 20 years, has it?
114
00:05:39,563 --> 00:05:42,163
Oh, it is. I can give you
the exact date, if you want.
115
00:05:42,163 --> 00:05:45,043
Oh. What you doing here, Wicky?
116
00:05:45,043 --> 00:05:47,363
Is this your job now? Cleaner?
117
00:05:47,363 --> 00:05:48,443
Crime scene cleaner.
118
00:05:48,443 --> 00:05:49,963
It's a bit more specialist, like.
119
00:05:49,963 --> 00:05:52,163
You was the messiest bugger
I've ever known.
120
00:05:52,163 --> 00:05:54,363
You can talk. Taking your tights
and your pants off
121
00:05:54,363 --> 00:05:56,283
all at once and leaving them
all over the floor.
122
00:05:56,283 --> 00:05:57,683
I still do that.
123
00:05:57,683 --> 00:05:59,843
A figure of eight,
you used to call it.
124
00:05:59,843 --> 00:06:01,603
Yeah, the smelly figure of eight.
125
00:06:01,603 --> 00:06:03,323
Smelly?
126
00:06:03,323 --> 00:06:04,683
Ah, it's good to see you, though.
127
00:06:04,683 --> 00:06:07,523
Two houses now, is it,
you flash twat?
128
00:06:07,523 --> 00:06:09,603
Sod off. My husband bought it.
129
00:06:11,163 --> 00:06:13,643
Oh. Oh, you got married.
130
00:06:13,643 --> 00:06:17,243
Course I did. Because
I'm incredibly beautiful,
131
00:06:17,243 --> 00:06:18,763
and it's been years since we...
132
00:06:18,763 --> 00:06:21,483
Since you dumped me, yeah. Did I?
133
00:06:21,483 --> 00:06:23,363
I didn't, did I? Did I?
134
00:06:25,603 --> 00:06:26,923
I've got to make a call.
135
00:06:28,163 --> 00:06:31,403
Maggie? Yeah? Are you not going to
ask if I'm married?
136
00:06:31,403 --> 00:06:33,563
Do I need to, Wicky?
What do you mean?
137
00:06:33,563 --> 00:06:35,443
Well, do you even have a partner?
138
00:06:35,443 --> 00:06:36,683
Yes, I have a partner.
139
00:06:36,683 --> 00:06:38,363
Oh, what's her name?
140
00:06:38,363 --> 00:06:40,283
Amanda Louise Hibbert.
141
00:06:41,643 --> 00:06:43,483
That's her full name, like.
142
00:06:43,483 --> 00:06:45,483
I would think so. It's massive.
143
00:06:45,483 --> 00:06:46,563
Yeah, isn't it?
144
00:06:54,723 --> 00:06:56,163
She's back, it seems.
145
00:06:57,483 --> 00:06:59,363
And she writes shit poems.
146
00:07:19,163 --> 00:07:20,403
There you are.
147
00:07:20,403 --> 00:07:22,363
No blood? All clean?
148
00:07:22,363 --> 00:07:23,963
It is scientifically impossible
149
00:07:23,963 --> 00:07:25,923
for those to be any cleaner
than they are.
150
00:07:25,923 --> 00:07:27,123
Hey, I found something
151
00:07:27,123 --> 00:07:29,163
you might like earlier.
Where is it?
152
00:07:29,163 --> 00:07:31,723
What are you doing now, then?
You working?
153
00:07:31,723 --> 00:07:33,963
Or do you just live off
your super-rich husband now?
154
00:07:33,963 --> 00:07:36,243
That's it, 1970s man.
155
00:07:36,243 --> 00:07:39,243
I've got my own little gallery,
for your information. Art?
156
00:07:39,243 --> 00:07:41,363
Yeah. Oh, no, that's good.
157
00:07:41,363 --> 00:07:42,843
It's good that you stuck with it.
158
00:07:44,203 --> 00:07:46,683
Glasto?
159
00:07:46,683 --> 00:07:48,523
Yeah. '91, '92?
160
00:07:49,563 --> 00:07:50,603
Oh. Look at that.
161
00:07:50,603 --> 00:07:52,523
The whole gang, look.
Look at them all.
162
00:07:52,523 --> 00:07:54,843
What a bunch of losers.
Do you remember them all?
163
00:07:54,843 --> 00:07:57,243
Well, yeah.
164
00:07:57,243 --> 00:07:59,723
What was the weirdo's name?
165
00:07:59,723 --> 00:08:01,723
It's Weasel. Weasel.
166
00:08:01,723 --> 00:08:04,443
I once watched him drink
a glass of his own piss for a bet.
167
00:08:04,443 --> 00:08:06,883
I saw him drink a glass of
someone else's piss last week
168
00:08:06,883 --> 00:08:08,243
just because he was thirsty.
169
00:08:08,243 --> 00:08:11,403
Wicky, you don't still
go down the White Horse?
170
00:08:13,403 --> 00:08:14,523
Every Friday.
171
00:08:14,523 --> 00:08:15,643
No.
172
00:08:15,643 --> 00:08:16,843
It's better now, like.
173
00:08:16,843 --> 00:08:19,643
They've got Sky
and a Tipping Point quiz machine.
174
00:08:19,643 --> 00:08:20,763
Bloody hell.
175
00:08:28,123 --> 00:08:29,483
Oh!
176
00:08:32,563 --> 00:08:35,683
Pretty rock'n'roll place for us
to get together, though, eh?
177
00:08:35,683 --> 00:08:37,163
Do you think?
178
00:08:37,163 --> 00:08:38,683
A festival? Are you joking?
179
00:08:38,683 --> 00:08:41,803
Ah, forgotten
the rush of a live band?
180
00:08:41,803 --> 00:08:44,083
We didn't see any live bands
that weekend, Wicky.
181
00:08:44,083 --> 00:08:46,483
I spent the whole of the Saturday
in the medical tent
182
00:08:46,483 --> 00:08:47,603
with you.
183
00:08:47,603 --> 00:08:49,043
The bad trip!
184
00:08:49,043 --> 00:08:50,323
You was a right mess.
185
00:08:50,323 --> 00:08:52,043
You still got off with me,
didn't you?
186
00:08:52,043 --> 00:08:55,563
Yes, well, you was vulnerable
and I've had therapy since,
187
00:08:55,563 --> 00:08:57,403
so I no longer find weakness horny.
188
00:08:58,443 --> 00:09:00,843
I don't suppose you take drugs
any more, do you, you square?
189
00:09:00,843 --> 00:09:03,243
Oh, yeah, that's me, big square.
190
00:09:03,243 --> 00:09:05,443
Or a mum. Up to you.
191
00:09:07,243 --> 00:09:08,323
You...
192
00:09:08,323 --> 00:09:09,603
You've had kids?
193
00:09:09,603 --> 00:09:10,963
Yeah, I've got one.
194
00:09:10,963 --> 00:09:13,243
Well, he's not a kid any more.
He leaves uni soon.
195
00:09:13,243 --> 00:09:14,643
Huh.
196
00:09:14,643 --> 00:09:16,363
Right, well...
197
00:09:17,723 --> 00:09:19,163
I'd better get on. Good.
198
00:09:22,323 --> 00:09:26,083
It's funny. I do remember
you saying you never wanted kids.
199
00:09:26,083 --> 00:09:27,203
I didn't, did I?
200
00:09:27,203 --> 00:09:28,643
Oh, you did, you definitely did.
201
00:09:28,643 --> 00:09:29,923
You said they were parasites.
202
00:09:29,923 --> 00:09:32,203
You said they're parasites
that make your tits flat.
203
00:09:32,203 --> 00:09:34,243
Huh, well, that proves what I know,
204
00:09:34,243 --> 00:09:36,563
cos my tits remain perky.
205
00:09:36,563 --> 00:09:39,243
Well, too perky, if anything.
206
00:09:40,283 --> 00:09:42,363
Hurgh! Blood.
207
00:09:42,363 --> 00:09:44,443
It's never been 20 years.
208
00:09:44,443 --> 00:09:45,723
No, it has,
209
00:09:45,723 --> 00:09:47,923
because I'm nearly 50
210
00:09:47,923 --> 00:09:50,523
and you left me on the night
of my 30th birthday.
211
00:09:50,523 --> 00:09:51,963
Do you remember?
212
00:09:51,963 --> 00:09:53,723
Oh, God.
213
00:10:17,243 --> 00:10:21,003
"Oh, Jay, what did I do
before we met? Who was I?
214
00:10:21,003 --> 00:10:23,843
"Just a pooh stick waiting to
be plucked from the water
215
00:10:23,843 --> 00:10:25,203
"by a real man."
216
00:10:25,203 --> 00:10:28,643
Oh, yeah, right, because
real men love pooh sticks.
217
00:10:28,643 --> 00:10:30,203
"When you wooed me, Jamie,
218
00:10:30,203 --> 00:10:32,803
"my eyes opened
like petals in spring.
219
00:10:32,803 --> 00:10:36,323
"You lit the first candle
in this little heart."
220
00:10:36,323 --> 00:10:38,163
The first, yeah?
221
00:10:40,523 --> 00:10:42,003
All right.
222
00:10:42,003 --> 00:10:44,643
Time to put the cat
amongst the pigeons.
223
00:10:50,723 --> 00:10:52,803
Thought I'd save you
a load of journeys.
224
00:10:55,563 --> 00:10:56,963
I hadn't taken any.
225
00:10:56,963 --> 00:10:59,643
What? Drugs at Glasto.
226
00:10:59,643 --> 00:11:00,963
I hadn't taken any.
227
00:11:00,963 --> 00:11:02,923
There was no bad trip.
228
00:11:02,923 --> 00:11:04,683
What are you talking about?
229
00:11:04,683 --> 00:11:07,843
I wanted to spend time with you,
so I pretended.
230
00:11:07,843 --> 00:11:09,763
I knew you'd look after me, so...
231
00:11:09,763 --> 00:11:12,163
No, Wicky, you said
you was hallucinating.
232
00:11:12,163 --> 00:11:13,283
Yeah, it was an act.
233
00:11:13,283 --> 00:11:14,843
A brilliant act.
234
00:11:14,843 --> 00:11:16,043
No, you kept saying,
235
00:11:16,043 --> 00:11:18,323
"My hands are like meat.
My hands are as heavy as meat."
236
00:11:18,323 --> 00:11:22,763
"My hands are like...they're heavy
as meat, yeah! Maggie!"
237
00:11:22,763 --> 00:11:23,963
Sweet, though, right?
238
00:11:23,963 --> 00:11:26,403
And ten years later...
239
00:11:26,403 --> 00:11:28,083
No, it's bloody mental.
240
00:11:29,283 --> 00:11:32,523
Are you all right?
You seem really wound up.
241
00:11:32,523 --> 00:11:34,603
Yes! I'm fine.
242
00:11:34,603 --> 00:11:36,483
Bells.
243
00:11:36,483 --> 00:11:39,803
I just think it's sweet
I tried to get you on your own.
244
00:11:39,803 --> 00:11:41,403
Well, it backfired, didn't it?
245
00:11:41,403 --> 00:11:43,843
Cos we had to get
a bloody taxi back to Brum.
246
00:11:43,843 --> 00:11:47,363
Yeah, with that weirdo.
Who takes a taxi to a festival?
247
00:11:47,363 --> 00:11:49,123
Besserman.
248
00:11:50,363 --> 00:11:53,163
Jamie Besserman, that little gimp.
249
00:11:53,163 --> 00:11:56,763
Mmm. He was a hero that weekend
because he took us home.
250
00:11:56,763 --> 00:11:59,723
Not really, Maggie. He kept
his meter on. He charged me.
251
00:11:59,723 --> 00:12:01,563
That's about right.
252
00:12:01,563 --> 00:12:04,123
He was always going to make money,
that boy.
253
00:12:04,123 --> 00:12:06,763
That's not the reason
why I married him, of course.
254
00:12:09,643 --> 00:12:11,323
No...
255
00:12:11,323 --> 00:12:12,483
Not Besserman.
256
00:12:12,483 --> 00:12:15,843
Besserman didn't pluck
the pooh stick, Maggie?
257
00:12:19,763 --> 00:12:22,163
You married Jamie Besserman?
Not being rude, Maggie,
258
00:12:22,163 --> 00:12:24,043
but he's a boring,
money-grubbing turd.
259
00:12:24,043 --> 00:12:25,243
He isn't boring.
260
00:12:25,243 --> 00:12:27,523
He's not boring? He used to
have a feather collection.
261
00:12:27,523 --> 00:12:29,283
They weren't even good feathers.
262
00:12:29,283 --> 00:12:30,443
Most of them were pigeon.
263
00:12:30,443 --> 00:12:32,163
What does it matter, Wicky?
264
00:12:32,163 --> 00:12:34,523
I just thought,
when you and I split up,
265
00:12:34,523 --> 00:12:36,483
you'd end up with someone good.
266
00:12:36,483 --> 00:12:38,123
Not a taxi driver
with a massive head.
267
00:12:38,123 --> 00:12:39,243
Massive head?
268
00:12:39,243 --> 00:12:41,403
Grow up. He's a pumpkin-head.
269
00:12:42,843 --> 00:12:45,363
Hey, and I'll tell you
something else -
270
00:12:45,363 --> 00:12:48,123
he looks like someone balancing
a wheel of cheese on his head.
271
00:12:53,203 --> 00:12:55,443
He stopped talking long enough
about his taxi empire
272
00:12:55,443 --> 00:12:57,483
to have a kid, then, did he?
Piss off.
273
00:12:57,483 --> 00:13:00,203
He worked so hard in the early days,
he was barely home.
274
00:13:00,203 --> 00:13:01,483
Well, that's a result.
275
00:13:01,483 --> 00:13:03,883
You wouldn't have to listen
to his rubbish stories.
276
00:13:03,883 --> 00:13:05,883
Oh, come on. You come on.
277
00:13:05,883 --> 00:13:07,243
I once sat in a pub for an hour
278
00:13:07,243 --> 00:13:09,923
listening to him tell me about
a time he did a massive hop.
279
00:13:09,923 --> 00:13:11,963
He was bloody good to me.
280
00:13:11,963 --> 00:13:14,763
He worked his arse off
so I could get that gallery.
281
00:13:14,763 --> 00:13:16,483
Well, who wouldn't have?
282
00:13:16,483 --> 00:13:18,803
I didn't know you were
that serious about your art.
283
00:13:18,803 --> 00:13:19,883
Well, you never asked.
284
00:13:19,883 --> 00:13:21,483
I only took up painting
285
00:13:21,483 --> 00:13:24,123
to avoid being dragged down
that bloody pub.
286
00:13:24,123 --> 00:13:26,843
The Horse?
You loved it down the Horse.
287
00:13:26,843 --> 00:13:29,603
I once spent the entire weekend
watching you and your mates
288
00:13:29,603 --> 00:13:31,763
perfect an impersonation
of a local butcher.
289
00:13:33,523 --> 00:13:35,203
Bob Taylor?
290
00:13:35,203 --> 00:13:36,923
Oh, my...
291
00:13:36,923 --> 00:13:38,163
"If you want shome chops
292
00:13:38,163 --> 00:13:39,923
"or shome offcutsh, that'sh fine,
293
00:13:39,923 --> 00:13:41,843
"but if you want shomething
more shpecialisht
294
00:13:41,843 --> 00:13:45,043
"like a shirloin, you'll have
to come back on Shaturday."
295
00:13:45,043 --> 00:13:46,643
What a legend.
296
00:13:46,643 --> 00:13:49,163
Ah, not with us any more, sadly.
297
00:13:49,163 --> 00:13:50,723
Cansher.
298
00:13:50,723 --> 00:13:54,163
Oh, God, it's like
being back down there.
299
00:13:54,163 --> 00:13:56,843
Maggie... Well, show us
some of your art, then.
300
00:13:56,843 --> 00:13:58,083
I'm interested.
301
00:14:05,763 --> 00:14:07,043
Ohh!
302
00:14:08,603 --> 00:14:10,283
This is the sort of stuff
you're doing.
303
00:14:10,283 --> 00:14:11,963
Yeah, we sell a lot of those.
304
00:14:11,963 --> 00:14:14,163
It's sweet. I still can't believe
305
00:14:14,163 --> 00:14:16,163
you married that taxi driver,
but it's sweet.
306
00:14:16,163 --> 00:14:19,803
That was just a practice one
when my Tommy was born.
307
00:14:19,803 --> 00:14:21,643
It's his 20th tomorrow.
308
00:14:21,643 --> 00:14:22,723
He's 20?
309
00:14:25,043 --> 00:14:27,163
And when did you and Besserman
get together?
310
00:14:28,243 --> 00:14:29,603
Oh, don't start.
311
00:14:30,763 --> 00:14:32,283
It was way after we broke up.
312
00:14:32,283 --> 00:14:34,083
Oh, my God.
313
00:14:34,083 --> 00:14:35,523
What?
314
00:14:36,723 --> 00:14:38,043
I knew it.
315
00:14:38,043 --> 00:14:39,443
Knew what?
316
00:14:39,443 --> 00:14:41,563
I knew it as soon as I saw him.
317
00:14:42,603 --> 00:14:44,363
My sweet child.
318
00:14:46,043 --> 00:14:47,563
He's got Dad's eyes.
319
00:14:49,363 --> 00:14:50,523
Now you laugh at me.
320
00:14:50,523 --> 00:14:53,563
You deny me my son for 20 years,
then you laugh at me?
321
00:14:53,563 --> 00:14:55,203
Then I deny my son!
322
00:14:57,563 --> 00:15:00,683
Plastic? You would emboss my son
upon plastic?
323
00:15:00,683 --> 00:15:02,963
He's not yours, you tit.
324
00:15:02,963 --> 00:15:05,643
He's five-foot three
and likes vegetables.
325
00:15:05,643 --> 00:15:08,083
Right, well, you must have got
together with Besserman
326
00:15:08,083 --> 00:15:11,043
pretty quickly after we split up,
Maggie. Well, we obviously did,
327
00:15:11,043 --> 00:15:12,683
but, Wicky,
what would you have done?
328
00:15:12,683 --> 00:15:15,403
Taught him how to do impressions
of a local butcher?
329
00:15:15,403 --> 00:15:17,403
Oh, yeah, that's funny, is it?
330
00:15:19,723 --> 00:15:21,163
Is this funny?
331
00:15:23,483 --> 00:15:25,203
Blood!
332
00:15:25,203 --> 00:15:26,243
Yeah.
333
00:15:26,243 --> 00:15:27,883
Wicky, close it.
334
00:15:27,883 --> 00:15:29,643
Away with you...
335
00:15:29,643 --> 00:15:32,323
..gip queen.
336
00:15:36,643 --> 00:15:37,683
Wicky...
337
00:15:39,123 --> 00:15:40,163
It's safe.
338
00:15:41,843 --> 00:15:43,483
Ooh.
339
00:15:43,483 --> 00:15:45,363
You're good, you, aren't you?
340
00:15:45,363 --> 00:15:46,483
Yeah.
341
00:15:47,883 --> 00:15:49,603
Sorry. I was a bit mean before.
342
00:15:50,643 --> 00:15:52,483
We had a good time, didn't we?
343
00:15:52,483 --> 00:15:54,443
Course we did.
344
00:15:55,723 --> 00:15:57,843
Do you want another cup of tea?
345
00:15:57,843 --> 00:15:59,123
Yeah.
346
00:16:12,803 --> 00:16:14,003
"When you make love to me,
347
00:16:14,003 --> 00:16:16,163
"I know that I've never
been touched before.
348
00:16:16,163 --> 00:16:19,283
"All previous lovers were dust
thrown into the wind.
349
00:16:19,283 --> 00:16:22,763
"To tickle and tease me before
I opened my petals for you."
350
00:16:22,763 --> 00:16:24,403
Oh, come on!
351
00:16:24,403 --> 00:16:25,443
You come on!
352
00:16:28,643 --> 00:16:30,563
Do you remember our holiday
to Greece?
353
00:16:30,563 --> 00:16:32,083
I do.
354
00:16:32,083 --> 00:16:33,243
Perfect, wasn't it?
355
00:16:33,243 --> 00:16:35,643
No. You brought Weasel.
356
00:16:35,643 --> 00:16:37,523
Yeah, yeah, well,
I had to bring him, didn't I?
357
00:16:37,523 --> 00:16:39,443
He'd just had a hernia operation.
358
00:16:39,443 --> 00:16:41,603
That's not the reason
I remember Greece anyway.
359
00:16:41,603 --> 00:16:43,883
Eh? Come on.
360
00:16:43,883 --> 00:16:46,443
We were shagging for the whole trip,
weren't we? Oh, yeah.
361
00:16:46,443 --> 00:16:48,323
It was a bit early-days frenetic,
wasn't it?
362
00:16:49,683 --> 00:16:51,083
Yeah, yeah.
363
00:16:51,083 --> 00:16:52,763
We always did have good sex.
364
00:16:54,483 --> 00:16:56,003
We did, yeah.
365
00:16:57,963 --> 00:16:59,523
What was that? What?
366
00:16:59,523 --> 00:17:00,723
That...
367
00:17:00,723 --> 00:17:03,163
No, nothing. No, it was good.
It was good.
368
00:17:03,163 --> 00:17:06,283
What? Well, it was a bit samey.
369
00:17:07,723 --> 00:17:09,003
Samey?
370
00:17:09,003 --> 00:17:11,723
Yeah, but that's all right.
I mean, it's not your fault.
371
00:17:11,723 --> 00:17:13,803
You're not built
for a variety of angles,
372
00:17:13,803 --> 00:17:15,083
are you? You're so tall.
373
00:17:15,083 --> 00:17:18,403
I'm all about the angles.
People know me for the angles.
374
00:17:18,403 --> 00:17:21,283
Wicky, it's like being taken
from behind
375
00:17:21,283 --> 00:17:22,763
by the Eiffel Tower,
376
00:17:22,763 --> 00:17:25,203
and you can't go on top,
which is...
377
00:17:25,203 --> 00:17:27,083
Are you actually joking?
378
00:17:27,083 --> 00:17:28,563
I'm amazing on top.
379
00:17:28,563 --> 00:17:31,443
It's easy for you to say.
You're not trapped under this.
380
00:17:32,843 --> 00:17:34,363
You're shit at art.
381
00:17:35,363 --> 00:17:37,963
I knew it.
You've been dying to say that.
382
00:17:37,963 --> 00:17:39,563
Well, there you go.
383
00:17:39,563 --> 00:17:40,963
Sorry I wasn't the first one
384
00:17:40,963 --> 00:17:42,803
to open up your dusty petals
or whatever.
385
00:17:42,803 --> 00:17:44,523
What?
386
00:17:44,523 --> 00:17:47,163
Yeah, don't even...
I found the letters
387
00:17:47,163 --> 00:17:49,243
and I don't even feel bad
about reading them.
388
00:17:49,243 --> 00:17:51,763
Honestly, I feel like
I dodged a bullet.
389
00:17:51,763 --> 00:17:54,443
I'm amazed you weren't gipping
while you were writing these.
390
00:17:54,443 --> 00:17:57,163
"Oh, I love
our little holiday home.
391
00:17:57,163 --> 00:17:59,923
"As soon as I see you,
it makes my pooky all wet."
392
00:17:59,923 --> 00:18:02,243
Named your vagina, have you,
you monster?
393
00:18:02,243 --> 00:18:04,363
"Even if I have to share you
with her..."
394
00:18:04,363 --> 00:18:07,443
"Share you with her,"
whoever that...
395
00:18:08,803 --> 00:18:13,603
Because the...
the sharing is, um, with...
396
00:18:14,603 --> 00:18:15,803
Yeah.
397
00:18:17,083 --> 00:18:19,883
I never sent Jamie letters, Wicky.
398
00:18:20,923 --> 00:18:22,163
These aren't your letters.
399
00:18:22,163 --> 00:18:23,963
They're not my letters.
400
00:18:25,403 --> 00:18:29,803
So these would have been
written by someone to...
401
00:18:29,803 --> 00:18:31,283
To my husband, yeah.
402
00:18:31,283 --> 00:18:33,403
That's what the, uh...
403
00:18:35,323 --> 00:18:36,683
Meant you.
404
00:18:44,523 --> 00:18:46,523
What a knobhead.
405
00:18:53,963 --> 00:18:55,323
She means Besserman.
406
00:18:59,083 --> 00:19:01,683
"Oh, Jay,
what did I do before we met?
407
00:19:01,683 --> 00:19:04,363
"You deflowered me." I hope
it wasn't in my bathroom.
408
00:19:04,363 --> 00:19:05,643
There she goes, yeah.
409
00:19:05,643 --> 00:19:07,283
"When you make love to me,
410
00:19:07,283 --> 00:19:10,043
"I know that I've never been
touched before."
411
00:19:10,043 --> 00:19:11,123
What? Bullshit.
412
00:19:11,123 --> 00:19:13,803
Jay? He hated being called Jay.
413
00:19:13,803 --> 00:19:17,043
That is not a proper use
of an apostrophe. Look.
414
00:19:17,043 --> 00:19:19,043
Who calls her snatch a pooky?
415
00:19:20,883 --> 00:19:21,963
Ugh!
416
00:19:21,963 --> 00:19:23,243
Jamie Besserman.
417
00:19:23,243 --> 00:19:24,843
This is the size of his head.
418
00:19:24,843 --> 00:19:28,683
This is what I think of
your pooh sticks, Pooky.
419
00:19:28,683 --> 00:19:30,083
He was shit in bed anyway.
420
00:19:31,523 --> 00:19:33,763
Ah, I'm so sorry, Mags.
421
00:19:33,763 --> 00:19:34,803
It's OK.
422
00:19:34,803 --> 00:19:35,883
Do you know what?
423
00:19:35,883 --> 00:19:38,523
I think I always knew he was
cheating, really. I don't know.
424
00:19:38,523 --> 00:19:40,483
Yeah. He must have been
meeting her here
425
00:19:40,483 --> 00:19:41,723
for years, then, was he?
426
00:19:41,723 --> 00:19:43,203
Yeah, on business trips.
427
00:19:44,243 --> 00:19:46,843
Brainstorming new ideas, eh? Alone.
428
00:19:46,843 --> 00:19:49,563
What a bastard.
In our holiday home, too.
429
00:19:49,563 --> 00:19:53,043
Bet you wish you'd come to
that birthday party now, eh?
430
00:19:53,043 --> 00:19:54,523
Oh, here we go.
431
00:19:58,043 --> 00:19:59,363
You missed a great party...
432
00:19:59,363 --> 00:20:01,763
..forward slash,
faithful life partner.
433
00:20:03,083 --> 00:20:04,883
I was waiting for you, you know.
434
00:20:06,763 --> 00:20:08,563
Had such a bloody laugh
down the pub.
435
00:20:08,563 --> 00:20:11,803
Then the boys
had organised that rave.
436
00:20:12,963 --> 00:20:16,083
I felt so stupidly free...
437
00:20:17,083 --> 00:20:18,363
..but I was looking for you.
438
00:20:20,603 --> 00:20:23,123
And you just never came.
439
00:20:23,123 --> 00:20:25,243
Maggie!
440
00:20:27,043 --> 00:20:28,363
I know.
441
00:20:28,363 --> 00:20:31,723
You were the only one
I wanted there.
442
00:20:33,003 --> 00:20:34,163
I'm here now.
443
00:21:10,043 --> 00:21:13,443
Right, trousers off, lie down.
What do you mean?
444
00:21:13,443 --> 00:21:16,243
Come on, Wicky. We both know
it only works one way for us.
445
00:21:16,243 --> 00:21:18,923
It does not only work
one way for us.
446
00:21:18,923 --> 00:21:20,043
You just watch.
447
00:21:20,043 --> 00:21:21,843
There you go -
this would nearly work.
448
00:21:21,843 --> 00:21:22,923
Nearly, yeah.
449
00:21:22,923 --> 00:21:24,563
Well, go up on your tiptoes.
450
00:21:24,563 --> 00:21:25,923
That's going to hurt my feet.
451
00:21:25,923 --> 00:21:28,403
All right, Nana.
452
00:21:28,403 --> 00:21:31,123
You could get on these.
You're not jacking me up.
453
00:21:31,123 --> 00:21:32,603
I'm not a bloody car.
454
00:21:32,603 --> 00:21:33,723
What's this?
455
00:21:33,723 --> 00:21:35,963
Just looked it up online.
It's froggy style.
456
00:21:35,963 --> 00:21:37,403
Who's the frog? I'm the frog!
457
00:21:37,403 --> 00:21:39,563
Agh!
Oh, you all right?
458
00:21:41,043 --> 00:21:43,203
There, what's wrong with this?
459
00:21:43,203 --> 00:21:44,563
How long can you keep that up?
460
00:21:44,563 --> 00:21:47,003
You've got no upper-body strength,
love. Yeah.
461
00:21:47,003 --> 00:21:48,323
Yay!
462
00:21:50,163 --> 00:21:52,043
Oh, this is better than sex
anyway.
463
00:21:52,043 --> 00:21:53,763
Suck my toe.
464
00:21:53,763 --> 00:21:56,403
Stop being weird.
465
00:21:56,403 --> 00:21:58,523
You still get
lower-back problems?
466
00:21:58,523 --> 00:22:00,643
Yeah, it does spasm a bit, yeah.
467
00:22:00,643 --> 00:22:01,803
Yeah.
468
00:22:01,803 --> 00:22:03,123
Put me down.
469
00:22:07,643 --> 00:22:08,803
Yeah.
470
00:22:08,803 --> 00:22:10,403
Maybe it didn't work.
471
00:22:10,403 --> 00:22:11,843
I told you.
472
00:22:19,083 --> 00:22:20,363
See?
473
00:22:21,443 --> 00:22:25,083
Just like the old days.
474
00:22:35,243 --> 00:22:37,603
Stay still. Sorry.
475
00:22:37,603 --> 00:22:39,323
I've got a point to prove too.
476
00:22:42,443 --> 00:22:44,323
What are you going to do?
477
00:22:44,323 --> 00:22:46,243
Go home for my son's birthday.
478
00:22:46,243 --> 00:22:47,843
Really? Yeah.
479
00:22:47,843 --> 00:22:49,883
I have to be there
for his birthday.
480
00:22:49,883 --> 00:22:52,283
You understand that,
being his dad.
481
00:22:55,643 --> 00:22:58,283
What about Besserman?
Are you going to forgive him?
482
00:22:59,363 --> 00:23:00,403
What do you think?
483
00:23:07,203 --> 00:23:08,443
What?
484
00:23:08,443 --> 00:23:09,643
Nothing.
485
00:23:11,843 --> 00:23:14,523
I know that face.
Say what's on your mind.
486
00:23:14,523 --> 00:23:16,523
It's funny, isn't it?
487
00:23:16,523 --> 00:23:18,123
I've thought loads over the years
488
00:23:18,123 --> 00:23:19,403
about what I'd say to you,
489
00:23:19,403 --> 00:23:21,483
but, now you're here,
I haven't got a voice.
490
00:23:21,483 --> 00:23:23,523
Well, what would he say?
491
00:23:23,523 --> 00:23:24,643
Who?
492
00:23:24,643 --> 00:23:26,923
The legend, of course. Bob Taylor.
493
00:23:26,923 --> 00:23:28,163
Oh! Oh...
494
00:23:30,243 --> 00:23:33,203
Well, I shupposhe,
fundamentally shpeaking,
495
00:23:33,203 --> 00:23:35,603
if I wash being honesht,
496
00:23:35,603 --> 00:23:39,443
if I was shpeaking, if I may,
from the shentre of my shoul...
497
00:23:39,443 --> 00:23:41,483
Get on with it, Bob.
498
00:23:41,483 --> 00:23:43,203
..that shince you left...
499
00:23:44,323 --> 00:23:48,083
..I have been waiting for you...
500
00:23:52,883 --> 00:23:56,043
..and that with every birthday
that passes,
501
00:23:56,043 --> 00:23:57,843
I wonder if, this time...
502
00:23:58,843 --> 00:24:00,683
..you'll come back.
503
00:24:02,643 --> 00:24:04,243
Oh, Wicky.
504
00:24:12,403 --> 00:24:14,083
I have to go.
505
00:24:29,483 --> 00:24:31,203
He's not a big man,
is he, Besserman?
506
00:24:31,203 --> 00:24:34,243
Yeah, cos he's
the freaky-size one.
507
00:24:35,843 --> 00:24:36,883
Oh...
508
00:24:45,763 --> 00:24:47,723
Off, then? Yeah.
509
00:24:47,723 --> 00:24:49,763
Good. Listen,
I've got stuff to do.
510
00:24:49,763 --> 00:24:53,083
I've got to fumigate the place
anyway... Of course, yeah, yeah.
511
00:24:53,083 --> 00:24:54,803
So, yeah, do a good job, innit?
512
00:24:54,803 --> 00:24:55,923
I guess, uh...
513
00:24:57,403 --> 00:24:59,083
..we'll never know,
then, will we,
514
00:24:59,083 --> 00:25:02,603
you know, what would have happened
if you'd turned up to the birthday?
515
00:25:02,603 --> 00:25:05,323
I think we do, yeah.
Loads of nights in the White Horse
516
00:25:05,323 --> 00:25:07,043
watching a man drink his own piss.
517
00:25:08,243 --> 00:25:09,803
You can't go back to him.
518
00:25:09,803 --> 00:25:12,563
I'm not going back to him, Wicky.
519
00:25:12,563 --> 00:25:14,683
Well, good. That's good.
520
00:25:14,683 --> 00:25:16,043
You left me for the wrong bloke.
521
00:25:16,043 --> 00:25:18,643
I didn't leave you for Jamie.
522
00:25:18,643 --> 00:25:20,763
Or because of your weird friends.
523
00:25:20,763 --> 00:25:23,283
Or because of any other
conspiracy theory.
524
00:25:23,283 --> 00:25:25,483
Right, OK,
so I'll pack and I'll...
525
00:25:25,483 --> 00:25:26,803
No.
526
00:25:27,883 --> 00:25:29,283
We had our time, Wicky,
527
00:25:29,283 --> 00:25:32,043
and a bloody good time it was, too,
528
00:25:32,043 --> 00:25:33,723
but it just wasn't enough.
529
00:25:35,163 --> 00:25:36,843
Is it enough for you any more?
530
00:25:36,843 --> 00:25:39,763
I mean, the Happy Mondays are not
going to tour forever, are they?
531
00:26:10,723 --> 00:26:13,043
Yep. Still shit.
532
00:26:13,043 --> 00:26:16,083
Kinky Afro by Happy Mondays
533
00:26:19,163 --> 00:26:21,603
♪ You go spooky in a band
534
00:26:37,763 --> 00:26:41,203
♪ Son, I'm 30
535
00:26:41,203 --> 00:26:45,363
♪ I only went with your mother
cos she's dirty
536
00:26:45,363 --> 00:26:49,003
♪ And I don't have
a decent bone in me
537
00:26:49,003 --> 00:26:53,523
♪ What you get
is just what you see, yeah... ♪
538
00:26:53,523 --> 00:26:57,643
Lads! Let's stay like this forever!
539
00:27:01,723 --> 00:27:05,443
♪ ..I never help or give
to the needy
540
00:27:05,443 --> 00:27:08,163
♪ Come on and see me... ♪
541
00:27:09,443 --> 00:27:11,483
Take me away from all this.
542
00:27:11,483 --> 00:27:12,963
Where to?
543
00:27:14,403 --> 00:27:16,323
Anywhere, Jamie.
544
00:27:17,523 --> 00:27:18,763
Anywhere.
545
00:27:21,763 --> 00:27:24,523
♪ ..So come on and say it
546
00:27:25,723 --> 00:27:28,763
♪ Now, come on and tell me twice
547
00:27:42,363 --> 00:27:46,243
♪ I said, "Dad, you are shabby."
548
00:27:46,243 --> 00:27:50,603
♪ You run around and groove
like a baggy
549
00:27:50,603 --> 00:27:54,723
♪ You're only here
just out of habit... ♪
550
00:27:54,723 --> 00:27:56,883
All right?
551
00:27:56,883 --> 00:27:58,043
Well, well, well.
552
00:27:58,043 --> 00:27:59,803
Yeah, I've just finished.
553
00:27:59,803 --> 00:28:02,603
It was a messy one. Very messy.
554
00:28:02,603 --> 00:28:04,483
I'm sure you've done
a lovely job, Mr Mop.
555
00:28:04,483 --> 00:28:06,163
Yeah, of course I have.
556
00:28:06,163 --> 00:28:07,923
I'll tell you what, though.
557
00:28:07,923 --> 00:28:09,923
First job in years
that's made me gip.
558
00:28:09,923 --> 00:28:11,283
Don't tell anyone, eh?
559
00:28:11,283 --> 00:28:14,363
Right, well, you buy me a drink
when I see you on Friday
560
00:28:14,363 --> 00:28:16,883
and I'll, um...
I'll keep it quiet.
561
00:28:18,963 --> 00:28:21,603
Friday? Am I seeing you on Friday?
562
00:28:21,603 --> 00:28:23,923
Yeah, at the Horse.
It's your birthday, isn't it?
563
00:28:23,923 --> 00:28:26,003
Oh, yeah.
564
00:28:26,003 --> 00:28:27,603
Yeah, it is.
565
00:28:27,603 --> 00:28:29,163
See you then, then.
566
00:28:29,163 --> 00:28:30,803
See you then.
567
00:28:32,643 --> 00:28:35,963
♪ ..Go on and say it
568
00:28:37,763 --> 00:28:41,203
♪ Yippee-yippee aye-aye-ay
yay-yay
569
00:28:41,203 --> 00:28:45,083
♪ I had to crucify some
brother today
570
00:28:45,083 --> 00:28:48,963
♪ And I don't hear what
you gotta say
571
00:28:48,963 --> 00:28:52,083
♪ So come on and say it
572
00:28:53,203 --> 00:28:56,203
♪ Come on and tell me twice. ♪
40170
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof