Original subtitles

♪

-♪ Hey, everybody, have you heard the news? ♪

♪ Joe Bob is back in town ♪

♪ He's over at the drive-in, hanging around ♪

♪ Watching crazy movies, so come on down ♪

♪ To Joe Bob's "Last Drive-In" show ♪

♪ Blood, beasties, boobies, and more ♪

♪ Joe Bob's "Last Drive-In" show ♪

♪ It's a spooky good time with monsters and ghosts ♪

♪ Crazy, kooky fun with the world's greatest host ♪

♪ Joe Bob's "Last Drive-In" show ♪

♪ It's gonna be legendary ♪

♪ Joe Bob's "Last Drive-In" show ♪

♪ It's gonna be very scary ♪

♪ Joe Bob's "Last Drive-In" show ♪

♪ Let's go ♪

♪

[School bell rings]

-Welcome, students, to week three

of Joe Bob's Summer School.

Whether you're sitting in class

or whether you're joining us through our online fake college,

where we get money from the government

for giving out degrees that people pay for

and then regret later, however

you've chosen to improve your life,

this is your big chance to get rich.

Because tonight's summer school is med school.

You will be able to buy a leather valise

and a stethoscope and pretend to know what you're talking about

before this night is over, right, Darcy?

-I am sure.

-And you have how much medical training, Darcy?

-Oh, none at all. None.

-Okay, well, it doesn't matter because I don't, either.

And, actually -- Actually, I take that back.

I spent a summer as a, I don't know what you call it now,

but as a candy striper.

Do they still have candy stripers?

-I think they're called student medical volunteers now.

-Okay, well, we called them candy stripers.

Mostly it was girls who volunteered for it,

so the guys got all the orderly-type jobs,

like, you know, pushing gurneys down the hallway

and lifting heavy dudes all day at the V.A. hospital.

We were mostly there because of the 10-to-1 female-to-male ratio,

but I actually aced that system.

I became the DJ at the hospital.

They had a radio station, but the only music

they had were, like, these military marches

by the Marine Band and stuff like that.

And then when I wasn't deejaying,

I was in charge of the pool hall.

And those Vietnam vets,

they could hustle pool like nobody's business.

They took all my candy striped lunch tokens.

Anyway, the first thing I learned about

having a medical career -- don't work for the V.A.

Damn, that place was depressing.

But the main thing I want to --

I want to teach you about becoming a healthy, wealthy,

and wise medical professional is it's all about the billing.

I mean, did you know there's a job category called

medical coding and billing

you can get a degree in that, you can major in that,

and there's a quarter of a million medical billers out there today?

And that profession is growing at 8% a year.

So what do we learn from those statistics?

Class? anybody?

-Well, um, that medicine in America is all about money.

-Exactly. -Yay!

-Now, fortunately, my old buddy Steven Brill

did an examination of medical billing practices.

He wrote this up for Timemagazine.

And we can take home a lot of tips

just from knowing a few simple facts.

For example, here is a list -- I've put it on the blackboard --

of the top 12 countries in the world,

ranked by amount of money they spend on healthcare.

Now, as you can see,

see up here, we're at $13,000 per capita.

Nobody's even close to us!

Look at our friends down here in Canada and England.

Down here, $5,000, $6,000. That's just pitiful.

Plus, most of this money you see over here, like this Swiss money --

Switzerland is up at $8,000 --

that's government spending.

But our 13 thou,

that's mostly soaking the cash directly out

of the bone marrow of the general public.

But it gets better.

These are just per capita numbers.

And since we have a larger population than any

of these other countries, we spend more medical dollars

than all these other 11 countries combined!

$4.5 trillion!

17% of our gross domestic product.

The money is there, people. Let's go get it!

-All right, well, maybe we should talk about the movie first.

-All right. I'm trying to motivate the class. -Okay!

-Okay. Motivated. -All right, I'm sorry. All right, Darcy the Mail Girl.

ladies and gentlemen. One of her duties --

Yeah. One of her duties is to keep us on subject. -I try.

-And she has directed me to the title of the evening,

which is the late great Larry Drake in "Dr. Giggles."

-Yeah! Whoo! Come on! -Yes.

-"Dr. Giggles," people! Come on.

-Talk about a doctor who always got what he wanted,

and what he wanted was your heart.

He collected them in a bucket for reuse later.

Anyway, Darcy will be here all evening

to field your social media comments or emails

or Instas or TikToks,

you're what-have-you's.

So lots of us follow us on X, better known as Twitter.

Uh, do we have a poll tonight, Darcy? -We do.

Who is the scariest doctor in horror history?

-Scariest doctor. Okay. Lots of candidates for that one.

Starting with Dr. Frankenstein. He was probably the first one.

-Well, I don't think he was that scary.

-Hannibal Lecter was -- Was Hannibal Lecter a doctor?

-He was, but I don't think he's gonna win.

-You have somebody in mind?

-I do, but I do not want to prejudice the poll.

-All right, well, I'm gonna look forward to that journey into

"Doctor, Doctor, don't give me the news" territory.

But right now, I want to give you a line from a medical bill

at the famous MD Anderson hospital in Houston.

And, uh, you -- you tell me --

Now, this is the way they're listed on the medical bills.

And this first one is from MD Anderson hospital in Houston.

Uh, tell me what this means.

See where it says, see right up here,

Acetaminophe tabs, 325 MG.

-Mm-hmm. -$1.50.

Okay.

Observant viewers will nail this right away

as the smallest dose of Acetaminophen,

even though we have left off the final "N" in the word

"Acetaminophen" so that, "A," it'll look like an official computer-generated charge

and, "B," it won't be searchable.

So the charge for this one tiny pill is...

$1.50.

It's generic Tylenol.

Now, 100 of these generic Tylenol pills sell for $1.49

on Amazon, meaning they cost about 1.5 cents each.

So the hospital markup on generic Tylenol

from the retail price is --

This is beautiful. I love this.

You divide $1.50 by 1.5.

So that's like 3 cents per pill would be a 100% markup.

So it would be exactly 50 times that.

So it's a 5,000% markup on generic Tylenol.

Now, why do people pay that? Why don't they --

Why don't they keep a stash of generic Tylenol

by the front door of their home

so that when the ambulance arrives,

they can take those to the hospital,

save 5,000%?

Because they're lazy!

Because they're unprepared!

Because they don't plan ahead for their healthcare.

You need to keep this principle in mind

throughout your medical career.

And, hey, they came to us.

They expect us to, you know,

to store all their personal generic Tylenol

for their entire lives instead of acting responsibly.

So we're not a charity. All right.

Let's continue down this road.

Remember when George Clooney would order a CBC on "E.R."?

He was always ordering a CBC. A CBC is a complete blood count.

And George would need those all the time.

Must have been a thing in the writers' room.

"What's George's next line? Hmm.

Well, it's obvious he needs to order a CBC."

So if you -- if you get a CBC

at Stamford Hospital in Connecticut,

you get charged $157.61...

unless you're on Medicare,

and then it costs $11.02 because you're not paying it.

The government is paying it.

And the government says any hospital can already make

a profit on a CBC at the price of $11.02.

So what do we learn from this, class?

When they fill out that form in the waiting room,

the first question should be, "Do you have Medicare

or Medicaid with strict instructions

that these people are to be sent down to County General?

We can't help them." -Wow.

-And George Clooney can't help them, either.

All right, I'll just use one more example

to get you thinking like a true medical professional. -All right.

-If you have surgery at Mercy Hospital in Oklahoma City,

you will find the following items on your bill.

And I want to thank expert medical coder

and biller Wilhelmina Travis of Tulsa

for translating these for me.

Uh, marker skin reg-tip ruler.

This is 3 bucks for the pen that marks the place

they make the incision on your body.

Okay.

Strap or table 8X27 in.

This is 31 bucks for the strap

that holds you on the operating table. -Wow.

-All right. Blnkt warm upper bdy 42268.

This is $32 for a blanket that keeps you warm during surgery.

A brand-new one is available on eBay for 13 bucks.

Gown surg ultra XLG 95121.

This is the gown that the surgeon wears

while he is operating on you.

You can get 30 of these for 180 bucks.

If you're doing your job correctly,

basic medical and surgical supplies

for your outpatient day surgery

will be $7,862 just for the supplies!

That's not for the treatment,

that's not for the drugs, that's not for anything else.

-Wow. -All right, when you leave class tonight,

I'm going to make sure everybody gets a list

of the customary charges for common items,

like diabetes test strips, $18 each.

Amazon sells them in boxes of 50 for $27 each.

Niacin pills -- $1.50.

Drugstores sell them for a nickel.

Box of sterile gauze pads -- $77.

I mean, I think I made my point, right?

People who show up in your office

with no sterile gauze pads because of some lame excuse

like, "I forgot to buy sterile pads,"

give them sterile gauze pads, but make them pay.

People are so irresponsible.

All right, we'll continue with this primer

on medical professionalism as the night goes on.

But right now, we're going to watch the sensitive story

of Evan Rendell Jr.,

a genius who wanted to grow up to be a doctor like his dad.

Only his dad snapped when Evan's mom developed a heart condition.

And so, he started murdering his patients to try

and replace her heart,

and then got stoned to death by a mob of angry townsfolk.

But his son Evan escaped

and eventually wound up in a mental institution.

And now, 35 years later, Evan thinks he's a doctor

and breaks out of the asylum to come home

and take revenge on the town that killed his father

and dashed his dreams of a lucrative career in the medical arts.

Oh, and Evan gives a high-pitched,

creepy giggle as he murders people.

So that's how we get the title.

And, sure, we've seen it before, but have we seen it

where the kills are done with every piece of medical equipment

that ever fit into one of those doctors' black bags,

plus more bad medical puns than you can shake a tongue depressor at?

I think not.

Let's look at those drive-in totals.

We have 25 dead bodies,

two breasts, open-heart surgery without a license,

one catchy nursery rhyme about medical murder,

one teen prank gone wrong,

one nosy neighbor, one fatal pill switcheroo,

accidental condom dropping, multiple tragic backstories,

multiple sepia-toned flashbacks about tragic backstories,

seductive saxophone- mouthpiece tonguing,

one cheating boyfriend,

one reverse C-section, dueling doctors,

one flaming doctor's bag, heart flinging, arms roll,

gratuitous mitral-valve prolapse,

gratuitous mirror maze,

gratuitous cat-and-mouse, scalpel fu,

hypodermic fu, otoscope fu.

You know what an otoscope is?

I think it's that thing that goes in your ear,

but apparently it can also go in your nose.

Thermometer fu, stomach pump fu,

the rarely-seen Band-Aid fu,

bone saw fu, golf club fu, reflex hammer fu,

blood pressure cuff fu, surgical scissors fu,

defibrillator fu.

Academy Award nominations for Holly Marie Combs as Jen,

the emotional teen with mitral valve prolapse

for saying, "Take two, and call me in the morning."

Glenn Quinn as her cheating boyfriend, Max,

for saying, "We don't have to get drunk,

but it's a damn good start." -Hey!

-Richard Bradford as Officer Frank Magruder --

Hank Magruder, sorry --

for an emo flashback speech revealing exactly

how young Evan escaped the townspeople's revenge

and for saying, "That crazy broad sees rapists in her hemorrhoid cream."

And, of course, Larry Drake as Dr. Giggles

for handling medical puns and medical equipment with equal aplomb,

and for saying, "My problem is I care too much."

Three and a half stars. Joe Bob says, "Check it out."

Do you know the Dr. Giggles nursery rhyme, Darcy?

-Of course I do. Yeah.

-I love serial killer nursery rhyme.

-Oh. Who doesn't? They're so creepy.

-Our town has a doctor. His name is Rendell.

-Stay away from his house. He's a doctor from hell.

-Yeah. He chopped up his patients, every last one.

-And cut out their hearts purely for fun.

-So if you're from Moorehigh...

-And you should get sick...

-Both: Then fall on your knees and pray you die quick.

-Yeah!

[Laughter]

♪

[School bell rings]

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

[Monitor beeping]

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

[Heart beating]

♪

-We've negotiated the outer epidermis

and the subcutaneous fat layer.

[Flatline]

Notice that the incision runs parallel to the muscle cells.

This is to ensure proper healing.

Continuing with a lateral incision across the myocardium,

we expose the chordae tendinae.

As you can see,

premature ventricular contraction has set in...

and is followed by full cardiac arrest.

Respiration has bottomed out.

All brain function has ceased.

The patient has expired.

You win some, you lose some.

And now, ladies and gentlemen,

you are about to experience the cutting edge of medicine.

[Tool whirs]

Let's open this baby up and see what it'll do.

[Bones cracking]

[Giggling manically]

-What is it, Doc? -It's patient 193.

-Oh, shoot. That's Dr. Giggles. -Who?

-Oh, it's his nickname. Nobody knows his real I.D.

-Highly delusional, acute schizophrenic

with an I.Q. somewhere in the stratosphere.

We're talking prodigy.

-He thinks he's a...

doctor.

-Jesus...

♪

-Mm. Dr. Phillips.

Dr. Phillips, this isn't really the place.

[Gasps]

[Gasps]

-He should have kept his hands to himself.

[Giggles manically]

Aah!

[Screaming]

[Maniacal giggling]

[Maniacal laughter]

-Oh, my God.

-The patients.

He's released the patients.

[Laughter continues]

[Feedback]

-Laughter is the best medicine.

[Laughter continues]

♪

♪

[Tires squeal]

-[Sighs]

♪

[Bones crack] -Aah!

-Checkout time.

-[Gurgling]

-[Giggles]

[Scanner beeps]

[Alarms blaring]

♪

[Vehicles passing]

♪

♪

[School bell ringing]

♪

[Students cheering]

-All right! All right!

[Cheering continues]

♪

-[Sighs]

♪

-Hey, Jen. -[Chuckles]

-Ask me why summer's off to a great start.

-Why is Summer off to a great start?

-Well, I called Johnson at lunch.

I got a job playing old favorites for the locals

at his restaurant every Wednesday.

-That's great, Max. -And I don't know, my math's

pretty shitty,

but I think that leaves us six nights of the week

to engage in, uh, unsafe practice.

-[Chuckles] You wish.

-Why do I detect a disturbing lack of jubilation here?

I mean, maybe you haven't heard, but school's out.

You know? Central government's collapsed.

The people are free.

-I, uh -- I just didn't get much sleep last night, that's all.

-Maybe it's time for the famous Max Anderson stress test.

♪

-I hope you two can breathe through your ears.

-Yeah, as long as you don't plug them up.

-First time I've ever been accused of talking too much.

So you guys know where to meet tonight?

-8:00, Breeders Hill.

-A fitting name, don't you think?

-You know, we might be a little bit on the tardy side.

-Oh, yeah. We're going on a little expedition.

-Expedition? What, are you guys bringing tents?

-No. These guys have some kind of big surprise planned.

-Yeah, right. -Speaking of big surprises,

the Twin Peaks.

Let's climb.

-See you guys later. -Party down tonight.

[Indistinct conversations]

-Hi, guys. -Yeah. I better get going.

I gotta stop by Johnson's and fill out some stuff.

-Okay. -You sure nothing's wrong?

-Yeah. Pick me up at quarter till 8:00?

-Quarter till 8:00.

[Indistinct conversations]

-All right, look up for me.

Now, just sit up straight.

How's your dad doing? Give me a deep breath.

-[Exhales deeply]

-Good. Again.

-[Exhales deeply]

-Huh.

-When will you know if you need to, you know...?

-Replace the valve? Well, it's way too early to tell.

We'll have to wait and see what we get on the monitor

when you come back next week.

-Next week?

-Jennifer...

don't forget that a mitral valve prolapse

is not that serious.

Even if we have to operate, we do them all the time.

-I'll try to remember that. -It's more important

that you remember to avoid strenuous activity.

No coffee, no tea, and especially no alcohol.

It's all in here.

And I'll show you how to put the monitor on.

I'll see you next week. [Clicks tongue]

[Birds cawing]

♪

♪

[Banging]

-[Grunting]

♪

[Grunting continues]

♪

[Birds chirping]

[Banging in distance]

♪

[Banging continues]

[Dog barks]

-Erica! What in the world is the matter with you?

-Oh, it's okay, Miss Henderson.

-Hey, that's an odd-looking radio.

-I-It's not really a radio. -It isn't?

What is it, then? -Um, I'm kind of in a hurry.

Can I talk to you later? Okay?

-Hmm. [Dog barks]

-Watch out. [Bike bell rings]

[Dog barks in distance]

♪

[Bike bell rings]

♪

-Jen, honey, is that you?

[Chopping]

[Keyboard clacking]

-Hi, Daddy.

-Hey. Hi. Sport, come on in.

[Clacking continues, computer beeps]

Ah, yeah. Look, I'm sorry I couldn't get to the doctor's today,

but if I don't upload these figures by 6:00,

I'm going to be selling door to door.

So, what did Chamberlain say?

-Same thing he said last week.

Wait and see. -Ah.

-Got a new fashion accessory.

-Whoa! Yes! Wow. That's a good color for you.

-Thanks. -Hey, at least school's out.

-[Sighs] It might as well be fall. I can't do anything.

-Yeah, I know, but you have to take it easy, Jen,

or you're not going to get any better.

I thought dinner was almost ready.

-You know what they say --

An apple a day keeps the doctor away.

-I know you're worried.

Especially with what happened to your mother.

-It's not that, Daddy.

It's, uh...

It's her.

-Tamara?

Oh.

You know, I think you're going to get to like her.

I think it's going to take some time.

[Both laugh]

[Bird caws]

[Door opens]

[Door creaking]

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

-He's in the den.

♪

♪

♪

-Daddy, Daddy! I want to be a doctor just like you.

-You will someday. -I promise.

[Both laugh]

-[Giggling]

♪

Yes, yes, I know.

First things first.

This town murdered you.

It's sick.

It must cured.

[Tires screech, radio playing]

[Gear clicks]

-Surprise! -Shut up!

-What are we doing here? -We'll be opening a case.

-Beer, right? -Whoo-hoo! All right!

[Laughs]

-♪ Town's got a doctor, and his name is Randell ♪

♪ Stay away from his house 'cause he's the doctor from hell ♪

♪ He chopped up his patients, every last one ♪

♪ And he cut out their hearts purely for fun ♪

-So just what is this big mystery?

-What's the big mystery? Remember the facts of the case.

[Door closes]

Citizens of Moorehigh surrounded the house, broke in,

and they dragged the town doctor into the streets.

-And they stoned him to death, right?

-Yeah. That's right. And then they came in after his son.

But he disappeared. Never found him.

-So how did little Evan get out the house?

-The suspense is killing me.

-Well, some say Dr. Rendell cremated him.

Some say he ate him. -Oh, sick!

-But I think Evan never left the house.

I think he's still here... alive.

[Creaking]

[Footsteps]

That way.

-What is this --

Shit!

I don't believe this.

♪

-This is where we start.

[Knocking]

-Stu, what are you doing? -He's in the walls.

-He's in the what? -Secret passageways.

-Ugh! -Come on, guys,

it's how he's managed to stay hidden for so long.

Duh!

Don't just stand there. Start banging.

-[Sighs] I'm not doing this.

-[Knocking]

So what exactly are we listening for?

-A hollow sound. -Try your head.

-A hollow sound.

-Where are you going?

[Knocking]

[Door creaks]

[Knocking continues] -Hey.

-[Chuckles]

[Floorboards creak, wind whistles]

-[Knocks]

-How long are we going to keep banging on the walls

before we give up this shit?

[Door slams] [Gasps]

-[Grunts] -Stu!

Stu, what are you doing? Let us out of here!

[Door opens] Stu, let me out!

[Both laughing]

-[Chuckling] Oh!

Are you sure they're gonna be all right?

-Sure. As long as they don't wake up Evan.

All they gotta worry about is what to do with each other.

[Both laugh]

[Smooching]

-Oh, fuck.

[Grunts] Oh, I think it's dislocated.

-Oh, this is just great.

Real mature. This was your idea, wasn't it?

-My idea? -Yeah. Your idea.

You made up this whole bogus expedition

just to get us alone in the dark, right?

Well, you aren't getting any.

So you wasted your time. -Oh, that offends me.

-Oh, yeah? Then get me out of here.

Trotter, I'm telling you, just get me out of here

and -- and just... get me out of here,

and maybe you will get something.

-Ooh.

[Grunting]

[Door creaking]

♪

♪

[Watch ticking]

♪

♪

-Get ready to take your medicine, Moorehigh.

The doctor is in.

[Giggles]

-[Grunts]

[Owl hoots, creaking in distance]

[Bang]

-That butthead.

[Sighs]

-What's he doing?

-He's just trying to make us nervous.

-He's doing a good job of it.

-Stu!

Stu, this is stupid!

-I don't like this.

-Come on.

Don't you notice a classic Stu-ism when you hear one?

-[Giggles]

-That does not sound like Stu.

[Footsteps approach, creaking]

♪

-Come on. Who else could it be?

[Singsong voice] Stu.

Stu!

-Oh! -Trotter, what's wrong?

What's wrong?!

-[Groans]

-What happened?! Let me see!

-[Laughs]

-That is not funny, you asshole!

That's not funny!

-[Laughing] -Get me out of here!

-I'm just joking!

-You're full of shit.

-[Groans]

Mm!

[Groans, thuds]

-Trotter! Trotter, get up!

-[Gasps]

♪

♪

-I'm not really seeing patients yet.

But I guess I can make an exception.

[Giggles]

-And, of course, that's Larry Drake as Dr. Giggles,

popping off the one-liners using every medical cliché ever invented.

This movie came out in 1992,

and it was the first movie ever commissioned

by Dark Horse Comics.

Do you know a Dark Horse Comics, Darcy?

-Of course. -Yeah.

Um, would you say they're number three in the comics world?

-I would say so.

It's Marvel, DC, and then Dark Horse,

I would say, is the third most successful.

-They are very successful now.

But the founder of the company, Mike Richardson,

he was venturing into film for the first time

when he made "Dr. Giggles."

And he partnered with Largo Entertainment,

which was run by this producer named Lawrence Gordon,

who was very hot at the time.

He had produced "Die Hard" and "Predator" and "48 HRS.",

and he'd been in Hollywood a while.

Um, back in the day, he ran production

at American International Pictures.

Back in the '70s, he did a bunch of Burt Reynolds movies,

Uh, "Blacula," lots of blaxploitation movies.

"Boxcar Bertha."

Anyway, he was a hardened Hollywood veteran by this time,

and he talked the Japanese into giving him $100 million

to form this company, Largo Entertainment.

And that was the first big Japanese investment in Hollywood

during the '90s, which was the decade

when everybody was afraid

that Japan was going to totally take over Hollywood.

There's always somebody taking over Hollywood.

And so, in the '90s, it was the Japanese.

So anyway, he had all this money from JVC.

JVC is the big Japanese electronics company

that invented VHS-format tapes and went to war

against Sony's Betamax format and won that battle.

And so, now they had all this money,

and they gave it to Lawrence Gordon,

and it took him 10 years to spend it all

before Largo went out of business.

Anyway, one of the things Lawrence Gordon did

when he was running Largo is he paid $1.2 million

for a script written by Manny Coto and Brian Helgeland.

Um, bear with me. This is -- T-This is going somewhere.

-Sure it is. -He paid the most money at that time

that has ever been paid for a spec script.

A script -- A spec script is a script that's just a script.

Nobody's attached to it. It's just the script.

And the script was called "The Ticking Man,"

and I've always wanted to read it 'cause nobody ever produced it.

It's still unproduced 34 years later.

Must be a hell of a read.

So now, Mike Richardson comes along, and he says to Largo,

"I want to make movies under the Dark Horse imprint,"

to go with his comic book company.

"And the first one I want to make is this script

I have called 'Mr. Giggles' written by Graeme Whifler."

"Mr.Giggles." All right, who's Graeme Whifler?

He's this writer who made a movie called "Sonny Boy" in 1989,

about a gangster who raises a baby to be a hit man.

Quirky movie.

Okay, so Lawrence Gordon says, "Okay, I'll make 'Mr. Giggles,'

but I want a franchise.

I want a horror franchise that goes on for years and years.

So we need a rewrite by my million-dollar screenwriter

Manny Coto," the guy he just gave $1.2 million to.

And so, he gives it to Manny Coto and tells him,

"You can do whatever you want to with it."

So Manny Coto totally rewrites it.

And he writes a prequel comic for Dark Horse

to be published when the movie comes out, and he directs it.

So almost nothing from "Mr. Giggles"

was left in "Dr. Giggles."

And this did not make Graeme Whifler,

the writer of "Mr. Giggles," happy.

And so, if you watch a movie called "Neighborhood Watch,"

alternate title "Deadly End" that came out in 2005,

that is Graeme Whifler finally making

his original script for "Mr. Giggles."

So my question would be

if Dark Horse Comics wanted to make movies,

why didn't they take one of their excellent comics

and turn it into a movie

instead of using a spec script from the guy who made "Sonny Boy"?

And when I meet Mike Richardson, I'm going to ask him that question

because, later on,

Dark Horse did make a lot of hit movies, like "Hellboy,"

"Sin City," "The Mask," "Alien vs. Predator," "Timecop."

-"Timecop"! [Laughter]

-Dark Horse movies have made more than $1 billion at the box office,

and that's not including all the Dark Horse TV series

like "Dark Matter," "Timecop" TV series. -"Timecop."

-Is that too much information, Darcy?

-No, not at all. I am just glad that "Dr. Giggles" exists. -Okay.

Okay, you love this movie. -I do!

-I know why you love it, though. It's because they were trying to do "Scream"

before Wes Craven came along and did "Scream" right.

-Sure. That's why. Why not?

-Well, I say that

because they took every horror cliché

and every horror trope and every horror tradition,

and they crammed them all into one movie

with a sort of self-awareness that had not been used before.

This was 1992, and the Slasher was all but dead.

All you had were sequels to movies

that were 10 years old or more.

And so, this -- this was refreshing because it was horror,

but it was also a wink and a nod as you did the horror.

-And Larry Drake is amazing. -Larry Drake is amazing.

And Larry Drake was best known as Benny on "L.A. Law."

He won two Emmys as the developmentally-challenged

legal assistant on that show.

But we know him from his earlier developmentally-challenged role

in "Dark Night of the Scarecrow"... -Yeah!

-...which is one of the most popular movies

we have ever shown on "The Last Drive-In."

And, of course, he was the evil Robert J. Durant

in "Darkman." -Yeah.

-Larry Drake had this ability to play extremes.

He could be extremely innocent and extremely evil.

He was never anything in between.

Um...

Plus, when he started out -- I always have to say this.

His first movie, when he was still living

in his native Tulsa,

was the Hershel Gordon Lewis hillbilly cheapie

"This Stuff'll Kill Ya!" in 1971.

Anyway, since Dark Horse Comics is based in Portland, Oregon,

and -- actually, they're based in Milwaukee,

a suburb of Portland --

and since this was their first movie,

they decided to shoot it in Portland.

But the Portland people did not welcome this crew being there.

They wanted to -- For example,

they wanted to use the Eastmoreland neighborhood.

But the citizens of Eastmoreland revolted

against the idea of a horror movie sullying their enclaves.

So they actually built that spooky abandoned house

that Dr. Giggles returns to, the one on Breeders Hill

as they say in the high-school make-out scene,

they used a corner of a public park to build that thing,

Metzger Park in Tigard, for that set.

But unfortunately,

the people who live around Metzger Park

didn't like the production, either.

So future Dark Horse movie productions

did not insist on being in Portland.

And that's Franklin High School, by the way,

in the opening scene in the fictional town of Moorehigh.

All right, I was gonna lecture on heart conditions at this break

because our lead actress has a heart condition,

but since I ate up all the time talking about Dark Horse,

you'll have to wait, Darcy, for that knowledge.

-All right. -So how's the ticker, though?

-Mine? -Yeah.

-Fine as far as I know.

-Okay, good, because Dr. Giggles loves hearts.

His whole mission is to find a new heart for his dead mother.

-I feel like his mission is revenge.

-That too. -Yeah.

-Heart for his mother and revenge. -Cool.

-All right, roll the movie.

That heart monitor that the doctor gave to Jennifer,

looks like a Sony Walkman with extra wires attached to it.

You know? Did people really walk around with those things?

Is that how you monitored a heartbeat in 1992?

I guess they did. -You're the doctor.

-"Nah, we don't think anything is wrong with your heart,

but here, clamp this giant metal box on your belt,

and we'll run wires up to your chest

and make sure you don't drop dead."

You know? [Laughs]

How would you accessorize that, Darcy?

Let's say you had to --

you had to wear a Sony Walkman heart monitor.

How would you turn that into a fashion statement?

-I would paint it Barbie pink and put stickers all over it.

Right? That would be cute. -I actually think that is

exactly what you would do. -Yes, it is.

-What if you had to wear one of those

court-ordered ankle monitors?

-Same thing. Make it Barbie pink.

I could, like, match my nails to it. It'd be cute.

It's a look. -Oh, God.

People would want to get arrested

and confined to house arrest so they could match your coolness,

Darcy. -Of course they would.

[Laughter]

[School bell rings]

-[Screaming]

[Dog growls, barks]

[Music plays on TV]

[TV shuts off]

[Screaming]

[Bird caws]

-Hello?

[Insects chirping]

Anyone in here?

Is anybody in there?!

Well, I'm gonna call the police!

-[Giggles]

♪

♪

-[Screams] [Dog barks]

-Hmm.

[Barking continues]

-[Giggles]

[Barking continues]

-Party time! -Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

-Yeehaw!

[Indistinct conversations]

♪

[Vehicles approaching]

♪

[Indistinct conversations continue]

-[Chuckles]

I remember riding the Ferris wheel when I was a little kid.

We'd stop at the top, and I could see all the big kids parked on the hill

where we are now.

I wanted to be with the big kids so bad.

-Yeah, well, now you are with the big kids.

-Uh, you know, Max, I'm really not that thirsty.

-Hey, what's thirst got to do with it?

-I just don't want to drink right now, okay?

Come on. Why do we have to get drunk to have fun?

-We don't have to get drunk, but it's a damn good start.

-Not for me.

-Hey. [Glass shatters]

Trouble in paradise?

[Laughter]

-Whoo!

[Indistinct conversations]

[Siren chirps, brakes squeal]

-Let's go. -Oh, man!

-Shit. [Car doors closing]

-Hey! Party's moving to the bash.

It's every man for himself.

-Most of you are probably too wet behind the ears

to remember this old chart-buster.

Judy Holliday made it famous way back in 1960,

when I would have been just old enough to join you.

And it's called "The Party's Over."

[Laughs]

That's right. The party's over.

-Good night, Officer! Asshole!

-Now, Officer Magruder is going to wind it up,

and anyone still on the premises will be partying in beautiful,

recently repainted Moorehigh lockup.

You mind if I turn this noise off now?

-[Laughs]

-You live for that shit, don't you?

-[Laughs] Ooh!

Magruder's raid on Breeders Hill.

That's a Moorehigh tradition, son.

-You got any other Moorehigh traditions I should know about?

-Unit three, possible 3-11 at 5714 Tivoli Court.

Please respond. Code 2.

-10-4, station.

[Walkie clicks]

You're asking about Moorehigh traditions.

Ten to one Elaine Henderson called that in.

That crazy broad sees rapists in her hemorrhoid cream.

[Engine starts]

-[Sighs]

[Water running]

[Erica barking]

Oh.

Erica, when are you gonna figure out

how to use the doggy door?

Come on, come on.

And stop barking.

You're gonna lose your voice again.

♪

Get in bed, Erica.

♪

The cops never come when you want them.

♪

[Sighs]

♪

[Gasping]

♪

-[Barking]

♪

[Grunting]

[Groaning]

♪

[Buttons beeping]

Operator, I need a doctor.

[Groaning]

♪

[Erica barking]

[Gasps]

It's a good thing I make house calls.

-[Yelping]

♪

-[Gasping]

♪

-These things happen when you neglect your regular checkups.

Now open up wide

and say, "Ah."

-[Grunting]

-No, "Ah."

Ah!

♪

-Mm-hmm. -[Gasps]

-Let's have a look at that nose.

-[Whimpering]

♪

-A good physician

always has the right instrument for the job.

♪

Now, now. This won't hurt a bit.

♪

-[Crying]

[Screams]

-Hmm. I think I found the problem.

[Tires screech]

-So this is it.

Some of the guys back at the station

warned me about this place.

-Yeah? What did they say?

-They didn't get into much detail.

-[Chuckles]

Surprised those are the kind of details

most people around here'd rather forget.

-Well, I've always had a way of figuring things out

by what people don'tsay.

-[Chuckles]

I think that's called reading between the lines.

-Mm-hmm.

♪

[Scoffs]

So this guy was a doctor?

-Yeah, Evan Rendell. He was the town doctor.

He offed seven of his patients.

♪

Cut out their hearts while they were still alive.

-Shit. What would make a guy crack like that?

-His wife took sick. Heart problems.

He was trying to save her.

Somewhere along the line

the old doctor suddenly threw a piston.

♪

The sicker she got, the crazier he got.

One day, folks just started disappearing.

Seems he was trying to find his wife a new ticker.

[Chuckles]

Well, who knows, if they hadn't killed him

maybe he'd have pulled off

the world's first heart transplant.

-Ahead of his time, but out of his mind.

-[Sighs] It was ugly business clearing all that up.

♪

[Ironing board creaking]

♪

-[Gasps]

-Reitz.

-It's nothing.

Didn't he have a son?

♪

Wasn't his kid involved,

helping the father out or something?

-That's what they say.

-There was supposed to be this big mystery.

You know, how did the kid get out of the house?

-That's what they say.

-What do yousay?

-I don't say.

♪

Mnh-mnh. I'm not going up that staircase,

not till I drop another 30 pounds

and that ain't gonna be for a long time.

♪

-Do you smell that?

-What?

-Smells like rubbing alcohol.

-No, I don't smell nothing.

Come on, I gotta make a pit stop.

♪

♪

Hey. Hey, come on, let's go.

♪

-How serious is it?

-Well, the doctor says it isn't very serious at all.

But depending on what this piece of junk says

they might have to operate to fix the valve.

-Operate?

-Yeah.

They're telling me it's a routine operation.

-Why didn't you tell me about this before?

-I didn't want you to feel sorry for me.

-Shit, Jen, you know, I'm your boyfriend.

We're supposed to face things like this together.

Remember, you and me?

♪

I love you.

♪

-There's something else.

It's about my mom.

I never told you the way she died.

She went into the hospital for a routine operation.

♪

I never saw her again.

-Jen, I'm sorry.

-I had nightmares for the longest time

and after a while, they went away.

But now they're back.

-Okay, folks, exit to the right.

Watch your step.

-Listen to me, some hero, huh?

My mom died, and all I talk about is stupid nightmares.

I don't give a shit about anyone but myself.

-That's not true.

-My dad's trying to get on with his life

and all I do is bitch and moan.

[Sighs]

♪

I'm sorry, Max. I gotta be alone tonight.

♪

♪

♪

[Object clatters] -[Moans]

Oh, yeah. Don't stop.

[Moaning]

Oh, baby. You are king.

You are king. [Moaning]

-Sorry, guys.

Guess I'm destined to screw up everyone's night.

♪

[Vehicle rumbling]

♪

♪

-Hey, wait up. [Chuckles]

♪

-Aah!

[Video game beeping]

♪

♪

[Video game continues beeping]

♪

♪

-[Humming]

♪

-[Chuckles]

♪

-Swiped from my mom's suitcase

before she and Dad left for vacation.

♪

-You expect me to wear this?

-Look, right now, my mom's probably pretty pissed off,

not to mention my dad.

Don't let their pain be in vain.

♪

-Okay.

♪

But if I'm dressing up

so are you.

♪

-Where did you get this?

-They pass 'em out in gym class.

-Must've skipped.

♪

Guess I'll go and powder up.

♪

[Video game beeping]

♪

♪

♪

Shit.

♪

♪

♪

-[Sighs]

Ready.

-I'm coming, I'm coming.

♪

-Could it possibly be any colder in here?

♪

♪

♪

65?

These people are Eskimos.

♪

[Gasps] -Shh, shh, shh, shh

shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.

You'll catch your death of cold running around like this.

♪

I think we should take your temperature.

Now, don't make a sound.

♪

There's a good girl.

♪

Tongue up.

♪

-[Whimpering]

♪

Lucky for you, I've discovered

the only known cure for the common cold.

♪

-Aah!

-Leave it in for at least a minute.

[Water trickling]

Maybe she won't notice.

[Sniffs]

Ready or not, here I come.

[Clothes rustling]

You know, ever since I found

my mom's Victoria's Secrets catalog

I have been dying for this.

♪

-I hope you have protection.

-[Screaming]

[Video game beeping]

♪

♪

♪

-Hmm. Hmm.

[Video game continues beeping]

♪

Terminal.

♪

[Door opens]

[Static]

-So, Darcy, I know you love brutal kills,

and, um, I know you love this movie,

but, like, that girl who's killed in the house,

that's just a scream.

You see nothing.

And then the killing of Stu in the -- in the bed,

all you see is a red blotch in his crotch.

And, uh, I mean, even though a blotch in the crotch

is a very powerful image, it doesn't exactly kick ass

in a movie that has Greg Nicotero

doing the special effects.

-They build up to the bigger effects.

It's going to pay off later. I promise.

-Alright. I'm going to talk about mitral valve prolapse now.

-Okay. Let's do it.

-Because I know you want to know about it, don't you?

Aren't you the world's biggest fan of the series "Charmed"?

-No, but, I mean, I've seen it.

-Okay, well, I thought you were, but --

-I like it. -Alright, well,

so then you must be loving this performance by Holly Marie Combs

as Jennifer, the heart patient who hates her stepmom.

-I mean, she was the most boring of the three on "Charmed."

-Really? -Yeah.

-So you're not a fan of Piper Halliwell,

the middle witch sister in "Charmed"?

She was the only actor to be in all 178 episodes of the show.

-Piper was always the buzzkill.

-Really? -Mm-hmm.

-Well, she's had an interesting life.

She was born in San Diego to a 15-year-old mom

who was in a punk band... -Nice.

-...and then they moved to New York City when Holly was 7,

and she ended up being a child model and an actor.

She went to that professional children's school in New York,

and then she made her film debut at age 14,

as the daughter of Susan Sarandon and Don Johnson

in "Sweet Heart's Dance."

But she was still an unknown when she made "Dr. Giggles."

But the same year that "Dr. Giggles" came out, whammo,

she gets cast as Kimberly in the TV drama "Picket Fences,"

and she does that for four years

and she wins all kinds of awards as -- she's the eldest child

of Sheriff Tom Skerritt in that show.

And then she gets "Charmed" and does that for eight years,

and she actually married the key grip on "Charmed"...

-Aww. -...David Donoho,

and they had three sons together.

And then she got yet another long-running show.

She was one of the moms on "Pretty Little Liars."

She did 62 episodes of that between 2010 and 2017.

And then in 2019, she married some other guy,

and she sort of retired from acting.

So, anyway, in this movie, she's got mitral valve prolapse.

Now, all you aspiring doctors who are studying with me

tonight, including those who are watching online,

here's what you need to know about mitral valve prolapse.

It's probably nothing.

[Laughter]

It means one of the flaps in the chamber of the heart

is sticking a little bit, you know?

You know how they flap back and forth?

Sticking a little bit. No big deal.

And that's how you're going to describe it to the patient.

No big deal.

But all the time you're describing it to the patient,

you're going to use, "A," big words,

and, "B," emotionally charged words

to terrify the patient and get him or her

to spend money on testing.

You understand the concept? So, for example,

you describe how sometimes that flap

in the left heart chamber bulges backward

so that blood leaks in the wrong direction.

"But it probably isn't true in your case."

And so you're not going to describe it that way.

You're going to say the blood is regurgitated.

You're also going to say that mitral valve prolapse is

something called Barlow syndrome.

It has different names. It has --

It's also called billowing mitral valve

or click-murmur syndrome

or floppy valve syndrome.

Because floppy is a word you want to use over and over,

implying that something is flopping around

inside your heart, right? -Floppy.

-And then -- yeah, write that down.

-Got it. -And then you want to say

the actual name of it

is myxomatous mitral valve disease.

You know, something that's impossible to spell or remember.

And -- And -- And you make the patient think,

"Wow. Has so many names.

They must not know exactly what it is --

all over the world."

But don't stop there.

Point out that mitral valve prolapse can be linked to --

don't say how it's linked to.

It just canbe linked to Ebstein anomaly,

Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, Graves disease...

...Marfan syndrome, muscular dystrophy,

and scoliosis due to the irregular heartbeat

whenever you have severe regurgitation causing swelling

of the upper left heart chamber or atrium.

Say all this, use all those words,

"But it probably doesn't apply to you."

[Laughter]

And you'll have done your job, and they'll be back.

They'll be begging for the surgical solution,

and you're going to give it to them.

Alright, let's see what Dr. Giggles has in store for

the still-living-and-breathing youth of Moorehigh.

Roll the flick.

One other thing you can do is mention

weird medical machines and -- and procedures,

you know, and say it like this.

"Don't worry. We probably won't need

an implantable cardioverter-defibrillator

or a biventricular pacemaker or a cardiac loop recorder.

I don't believe that any of these devices

will be required in your case,

but we do have all of them if they're ever needed,

because we use them all the time."

♪

See what we're doing here, Darcy?

-Being mean?

-No, no, we're giving people their medical choices.

We are observing patient rights.

-By scaring them to death.

-No, not to death, because that would be self-defeating.

-[Chuckles] -You want to be a doctor or not?

-No, I do not want to be a doctor.

-Well, pretend you do for three more breaks, okay?

-I want to be a doctor. Yay. [Laughter]

[Static]

[School bell rings]

♪

[Static]

♪

♪

♪

♪

[Page turns]

♪

♪

[Photo album closes]

♪

♪

[Door closes]

-Oh, Jennifer's home. -No.

-No, I just wanna see if she's okay.

-[Sighs] She's never okay.

-Come on, she needs time to adjust.

I mean, the girl is sick.

She just lost her mother for God's sake.

-You just lost your wife. You've adjusted.

I'll be right back.

-[Sighs]

-Hey, Jen. [Knocks on door]

♪

What the...?

♪

Jennifer!

♪

[Scoffs]

♪

-What's the matter? -[Gasps]

-Sorry.

-Jennifer was here.

W-We have to go look for her.

-Look for her? Where?

-I don't know. The fair. Something is wrong.

I found her heart monitor. She'd been drinking.

-[Chuckles] Right where she wanted you to find it.

-What are you talking about?

-She's trying to tear us apart. Don't you see that?

-All I can see is that my daughter is sick

and that she might be in trouble.

So are you coming or not?

-No. I'm not.

-If Jennifer comes back, you tell her to stay here.

[Door closes]

-Unbelievable.

[Engine starts in distance]

[Tires squeal]

[Dog barking]

[Indistinct conversations]

♪

♪

-Hey, Max.

-Where's Jennifer?

-I don't know, we got separated.

♪

-So you hear about that top-secret bash

going on over in the main building?

We were just gonna crash it.

Do you wanna come?

♪

-Sure. Why the hell not?

[Crickets chirping]

-[Sniffles]

[Sighs]

[Grunts]

[Crying]

♪

[Screams]

[Grunting] -[Clicking tongue]

All that fat.

All that sugar.

♪

We've got to start taking better care of ourselves.

-[Gasps] -Remember, we are what we eat.

-[Grunting] -But not to worry.

-[Whimpering]

-We'll get it out of your system.

♪

[Giggling]

♪

They have a saying.

-[Grunting]

[Device whirring]

What goes down...

♪

...must come up.

-[Screaming]

[Grunting]

♪

[Device whirring]

[Gagging]

-I know, I know.

♪

It sucks.

♪

-[Screams]

♪

-First of all, you gotta use the right fingerings.

There.

♪

-Okay, now, you just gotta blow the thing right there.

-♪ I'm going home♪

♪ I've been gone much too long♪

♪ She said she missed me♪

♪ Since I've been gone♪

♪ I'll be back soon♪

♪ Ain't no doubt♪

[Saxophone honks] -[Giggles]

-You just can't blow it like that.

-Why not?

-Oh, you gotta use the right embouchure.

-What's that?

-It's the way you place your, uh, lips.

-I've never had a problem with my lips before.

Maybe you better show me what I'm doing wrong.

♪

-♪ No holding back, I'm going home♪

♪ No holding back, I'm going home♪

♪ I'm going stateside♪

♪ With my convictions♪

♪

♪

-Heart problems.

♪

Heart.

♪

-It's your heart.

♪

Just a broken heart.

♪

[Crying]

♪

[Laughing]

♪

-[Giggling]

♪

Ooh.

[Giggling]

♪

♪

Just like Mother.

♪

No.

♪

Moorehigh can wait.

♪

I wanna make you proud.

♪

I want to carry on your work.

♪

♪

[Indistinct conversations]

♪

[Riders screaming]

♪

♪

-Looking for someone?

♪

-Uh, yeah, Max.

♪

-I think I can help you.

♪

[Both moaning]

♪

-I guess I should thank you, Max.

-Jen?

♪

Fuck.

-At least now I know which one of us is really sick.

♪

[Riders screaming]

♪

♪

♪

♪

[PA system chatter]

♪

-Jen!

♪

♪

♪

Jen!

♪

Jen!

♪

Jennifer, come on. I saw you come in here.

Just let me talk to you.

♪

-[Echoing] Leave me alone.

♪

-[Echoing] Jennifer.

-[Exhales softly]

[Echoing] You broke my heart, Max.

♪

And some things just can't be fixed.

♪

-Jennifer, wait.

♪

-Max.

Oh! Shit.

♪

Oh. This is just choice.

Now I'm bleeding.

♪

-Have an accident?

Probably just needs a Band-Aid.

♪

[Giggling]

-[Gasps]

-[Giggling continues]

-Max?

♪

Max?

♪

Max, if you're screwing around,

this is a really stupid time.

♪

[Door whirs]

♪

Max?

♪

[Gasps]

♪

[Breathing shakily]

-Don't worry. -[Gasps]

-It's ouchless.

Aah!

Aah!

♪

-[Echoing] Trust me.

[Giggles]

I'm a doctor.

[Giggles]

♪

-[Panting]

♪

Whoa! -What happened?

What's the matter?

-It's Coreen. -What?

-[Giggling]

♪

-Jennifer, get out! Run!

♪

-[Grunting]

♪

♪

[Screams]

[Grunting]

♪

♪

♪

-Are you feeling any discomfort?

♪

[Both grunt]

♪

[Groans]

♪

[Groans]

-[Panting]

♪

Help! Ms. Henderson, help me!

♪

[Tires screech]

[Grunts]

♪

-What in the hell are you doing?

♪

-He's trying to kill me. -Who?

-A doctor.

♪

[Static]

-Two scenes in that sequence I thought were very inventive.

The first one was the stomach pump

on the ice-cream-binging stepmom.

-You agree? -Yes.

-Okay. -[Chuckling] Agreed.

-And then that house-of-mirrors scene.

That was excellent.

All those carnival scenes were shot

at the Oaks Amusement Park in southeast Portland.

Their slogan is, "Where the Fun Never Ends!"

[Laughter]

Manny Coto, the writer/director,

has been praised for that mirror scene, and rightly so.

Let's -- Let's talk about him a little bit.

Manny Coto was Cuban, born in Havana,

but his family fled Cuba in 1963 to get away from Castro and, um,

actually, Manny Coto always pointed out

that he was Galician,

meaning his family came from that area of Spain

that has its own dialect,

you know, the northwestern corner of Spain?

The part that's north of Portugal?

I'm not sure why that was important to him.

He was not Cuban. He was Galician.

So what is important for this movie

is that his father was a doctor.

And when he -- when Manny was a kid,

he would send off for animal dissection kits.

Now, I've never heard of this,

but you could buy dead animals so you could learn

how to dissect them,

like in biology class. -Oh, no.

-I guess if your father's a doctor,

you can get these. -Gross.

-Because he admired his dad

and he wanted to do what his dad did.

So actually, kind of spooky, given what this movie is about.

Anyway, his family settled in Orlando,

and Manny became fascinated with Disney

and with "Star Trek."

He worked summers at Haunted Mansion in Disney World,

and he started making Super 8 films

when he was a teenager.

And then he spent some time

at Loyola University in New Orleans.

But he made the big move to L.A. in 1983,

and he got into the American Film Institute training program

by talking Tippi Hedren into being in his short film.

And apparently the results of that film were stellar.

And when he got out, he was writing screenplays.

He wrote an episode of, um, "Alfred Hitchcock Presents."

And really, the reason he's not better known

as a horror director is that he spent most of his life doing TV.

He had his own Showtime sci-fi series called "Odyssey 5,"

starring Peter Weller as the captain of a space shuttle crew

that has to go back in time

to prevent the destruction of Earth.

Critically acclaimed but canceled after 19 episodes.

He was the showrunner on Season 4

of "Star Trek: Enterprise,"

and he's credited with taking the series back to its roots.

Very much admired for that.

He worked on the series "24," um, the series "Dexter,"

and he wrote a whole bunch of stuff

for "American Horror Story" and "American Horror Stories,"

11 episodes of each one of those.

Um, very well known as a nice guy.

He could apparently do a spot-on imitation

of William Shatner,

although he never did it in front of Shatner.

Uh, just used it to amuse his crews and his fellow writers.

Unfortunately, Manny Coto is no longer with us.

Pancreatic cancer got him last July

at the age of 62. -Aw.

-But actors loved Manny Coto,

and he attracted a cast of pros for this movie.

Cliff De Young plays Jennifer's dad.

He had starred in "Hair" on Broadway.

He would later star in "The Craft."

Um, in his youth, he was the lead singer

in a band called Clear Light.

Uh, Glenn Quinn plays Max, the boyfriend.

He was Irish, actually.

He almost never got to use his natural Irish brogue.

He was always doing that American accent.

Probably best known as Mark Healy.

Uh, seven seasons on "Roseanne."

Sadly, he died of a heroin overdose in 2002.

Uh, Keith Diamond, excellent job as Officer Joe Reitz.

Um, he would later be in "Charmed."

-Yeah. -He was also in "Charmed"

as, uh, Inspector Reece Davidson.

And he was on the show "LAX." From Jamaica, Queens.

And then I also really like the older officer, Magruder,

played by Richard Bradford.

He's a Texan. He grew up in Conroe.

Sounds a lot like Ben Johnson to me.

Has the same sort of accent.

Was a longtime character actor in "The Untouchables,"

uh, "The Legend of Billie Jean," "American Graffiti."

Actors Studio dude.

His credits go back to "The Chase" in 1966,

and he starred in the British spy series "Man in a Suitcase."

Alright, Darcy, I think I have imparted

all the medical knowledge that I have.

What else can I tell you?

-That we're going back to the movie?

-Okay, we're going back to the movie.

-Yeah. -Roll it.

Who do you think is scarier --

Larry Drake in "Dr. Giggles"

or Corbin Bernsen in "The Dentist"?

-Hmm, I don't know.

Probably Dr. Giggles. -I agree with you,

because Corbin Bernsen might occasionally,

theoretically let somebody live,

but Larry Drake is just a nonstop killing machine.

-Yeah, and also, Dr. Giggles has killing in his DNA

because his father was a notorious serial killer, so...

-Whereas the dentist might think you have --

the dentist would think something like,

"You have exceptionally good dental hygiene,

so I'm not going to kill you."

-True. Plus, Dr. Giggles thinks he's saving your life

when he takes out one heart and puts in another.

So he's evil and crazy.

-Well, like, Corbin Bernsen is not crazy?

-I mean, there's, like, crazy and then batshit crazy.

-Okay. True. Good point.

[Laughter]

♪

[Static]

[School bell rings]

♪

[Static]

♪

-Look, Chief, I'm telling you,

there was someone after her.

-I know, I know, a doctor.

Look, there's only one doctor in this town

and I've known him since he was your age.

-He lookedlike a doctor. I don't know what he was.

Maybe he just thinks he's a doctor.

Maybe he wanted to be a doctor and never got the chance.

-How's that?

-I know this is gonna sound a bit crazy

but has anyone here considered

this guy might be be Dr. Rendell's son?

-Not anyone who is serious about keeping his job.

Charlie?

Look, why don't you go back and take 10?

I'll call you when your parents get here.

-Come on, buddy.

-Promise me you'll look after her.

-I don't have to promise you doodly squat.

Have we heard from the fair yet?

-Bill found the broken glass, no dead girl.

-I don't doubt it, Chief. [Chuckles]

Did you get a whiff of those kids?

You ask me, they were having too much fun in the fun house.

-Oh, come on. You saying they both imagined it?

-I finished checking her out. -How is she?

-She's stable, but I wanna take her down to the office,

put her on the EKG.

-Sure thing.

Oh, and if you see any of your marauding doctors out there

you'll let us know?

-Why the EKG?

-She has a heart condition.

Could become serious.

-Dr. Rendell's wife died of a heart problem.

-So did my mama and my daddy, my grandma, and grandpa.

-How the hell did we get back into Dr. Rendell again?

-Hold it in, Chief.

My new partner just got a little bump on the head.

-That has nothing to do with it, and you know it.

-Nor does Dr. Rendell.

-Alright. That's enough.

-Look, Chief -- - I said that's enough

or you'll be handing out parking tickets with Ol' Annie.

Listen, these kids are pulling your chain. Relax.

Oh, why don't you go and see

if you can catch the girl's father?

I'll call, leave a message in case he beats you there.

-Sure thing, Chief. -Reitz, station duty.

And next time, wear your seatbelt a little tighter.

-Magruder.

Magruder.

You didsmell something in that Rendell house, didn't you?

-I didn't smell nothing.

-You saw that girl.

She was fucking scared to death.

-That little girl probably just had too much to drink.

It happens to the best of us.

-And what about the boy, huh?

Did he have too much to drink?

-Let go of me. -Not until you level with me.

-I'm going to level you if you don't let go.

-Do what you feel, man, but it might be easier

to just tell me what the fuck you're hiding.

Is it Rendell's son?

♪

-I'm sorry.

♪

[Sighs]

♪

[Sighs]

♪

[Sighs]

♪

I haven't opened this bottle for 35 years.

♪

I haven't had a drink in all that time, either.

♪

-How come?

-[Sighs]

-I'm your partner, man. Tell me.

-[Sighs]

It was 1957.

The night after they found all the bodies.

♪

All the other officers were gone.

♪

The mob had already offed Dr. Rendell,

but the search was still on for Evan Jr.

♪

We'd moved all of Rendell's victims out of the house...

♪

...and I was left alone to watch over the bodies.

♪

I don't need to tell you, I was plenty spooked.

♪

Thank God for Mr. Moon-Glo.

♪

-[Giggling]

-It was around midnight when I heard it.

♪

-[Giggling continues]

♪

♪

♪

♪

[Giggling]

♪

-Who's in here?

♪

-[Giggling]

♪

[Giggles]

♪

-[Sighs]

[Stomach gurgling]

♪

[Grunts]

♪

♪

-[Gasping]

♪

-And I watched him come out. -[Giggles]

-It was like he was being born again.

That was how Dr. Rendell got his son out of the house.

He'd sewn him up in what was left of his wife's corpse.

♪

-[Hisses]

[Giggling]

-And when I came to, little Evan was gone.

Everything was clean.

It was like it never happened.

Evan's mom was even sewed back up.

♪

-Jesus, this is a major league fucked-up town.

Why haven't you told anyone?

-Who'd believe a 20-year-old kid under too much pressure

and too much Moon-Glo?

"Our town has a doctor,

and his name is Rendell.

Stay away from his house. He's a doctor from hell.

He chopped up his patients, every last one.

And cut out their hearts purely for fun.

So if you're from Moorehigh and you should get sick.

Then fall on your knees and pray you die quick."

Don't go chasing nursery rhymes, Reitz.

[Telephone rings]

[Answering machine beeps] -Hi.

You've reached the Campbell residence.

Neither I... -Or Jennifer.

...can come to the phone right now.

But Please leave a message, and we'll call you right back.

-Bye-bye. [Answering machine beeps]

-Uh, hello. Mr. Campbell? This is Chief Harper

at the Moorehigh Station on West Street.

Would you please call me as soon as you get in

concerning your daughter?

She's safe here with us, not in any trouble.

I'm at 555-9122, extension 3.

Thanks.

[Answering machine beeps, clicks]

♪

♪

-Jennifer?

Jen?

Tamara? Tamara? Now, where the hell did you go?

[Phone beeps]

-Uh, hello, Mr. Campbell.

This is Sheriff Harper

at the Moorehigh Station on West Street.

Please call me as soon as you get in

concerning your daughter.

She's safe here with us. She's not in any trouble.

I'm at 555-9122, extension 3. Thanks.

[Phone beeps]

-Hello, this is your new doctor,

and I'm standing right behind you.

-Now, what the hell is that? -[Beeps]

[Saw whirring]

[Screams]

-If you think that's bad, wait till you get my bill.

[Evan giggling]

[Doorbell chimes]

[Knock on door]

-Mr. Campbell?

Mr. Campbell?

[Gun clicks]

[Crickets chirping]

Mother of God.

[Screams]

Oh, my God.

-[Giggling]

-[Gagging]

You owe me 35 years of sleep.

-You sick son of a bitch. -[Gunshot]

[Evan gasps]

[Harper groans and grunts]

[Evan groaning]

[Crying]

[Giggling]

-This is gonna take about 40 minutes.

You try to relax.

I'll be right in the next room, okay?

[Beeping]

-Unit 13...

-Is Jennifer okay?

-Yeah, she's with the doctor.

-The doctor?

-Dr. Chamberlain. The girl's okay.

-You believe us, don't you?

-Why you grabbing me?

-Don't you?

-Let's just say I'm getting there. Grab a seat.

-What are you doing?

-Chasing nursery rhymes.

[Machine beeping]

-Scalpel.

[Whimpering]

[Giggling]

Ooh. Oh.

That smarts. Oh.

Retractor.

Suction.

[Giggling]

[Groaning]

[EKG beeping rapidly]

Forceps.

[Evan groaning]

[Giggles]

Prepare to close.

-[Giggling and groaning]

-Physician, heal thyself.

-Just how long are you gonna sit there?

-As long as it takes.

We're scanning every felony in a radius of...

Why the fuck am I telling you? Tss.

-This guy's out there, Reitz, I saw him.

He's out there.

[Computer beeps]

-You may be right.

Tarawood.

[Typing]

Escaped from Tarawood State Hospital two weeks ago.

A 42-year old male schizophrenic.

Killed three hospital personnel.

ID unknown, orphaned at age 7.

He's 40.

That means born in 1952 and orphaned in 1959.

-What does all this mean?

-I doubt I could convince anyone else around here,

but I'm taking another look at that Rendell house.

-And I'm going with you. -Like hell you are.

Sit down and wait for your parents.

-Like hell I'm not.

-Hello. Is this Chief Harper?

This is Joe Campbell, Jennifer's father.

I see.

I'm on my way.

[EKG beeping steadily]

[EKG continues beeping steadily]

[EKG beeping flatly]

-Dr. Chamberlain.

Dr. Chamberlain!

-You're supposed to be relaxing.

-The machine.

-I'm sorry, Jennifer. I'm afraid we have to go in.

[Chamberlain grunting]

-Dr. Chamberlain, what are you doing?

-Don't worry, Jennifer. It's just a routine operation.

-[Screaming]

-[Giggling]

-Jennifer, Jennifer. whoa, whoa, whoa.

It's Dr. Chamberlain. It's Dr. Chamberlain.

You're in my office, everything's fine,

you had a nightmare.

Come on, sit up.

Take a deep breath. You all right?

Let me just check the readout, okay?

[EKG beeping steadily]

Well, up until just now, things looked pretty good.

Wave patterns seem to be just about where they should be.

I think you're gonna be fine.

-[Knife squelches] -[Grunts]

-If I were you, I'd get a second opinion.

-[Screams]

[EKG beeping rapidly]

-Well, here we are.

[Giggling]

-[Grunts]

-Jennifer.

My problem is...

[Jen sobs]

...I care too much.

[Grunts]

[Groaning]

-This isn't happening.

[Evan grunting]

-That is very unprofessional of you, doctor.

-Stay away from her.

-Still I'm not above showing a little professional courtesy.

How about a free examination?

[Both grunting]

Shh.

[Jen shrieks]

[Chamberlain screams and grunts]

-Reflexes seem normal.

Let's check the blood pressure.

[Giggling]

-Oh!

[Chamberlain grunts]

-Now...

relax and breathe normally.

[Air hissing]

[Jen sobbing]

I'm afraid the news is bad.

I give you six seconds to live.

Any last words, doctor?

-[Gasping]

[Air hissing]

-[Whimpering]

-Either you're dead or my watch has stopped.

[Jen screams]

Lights out. Doctor's orders.

-Hmm.

[Static crackles]

-And now we get that classic scene

where the evil monster literally has the heroine cradled

in his arms, carrying her off to some horrible fate.

And speaking of evil monsters,

who ended up winning the scariest evil doctor poll?

-Oh, it's still going.

-Really? -Yeah.

-Okay, who's in the running?

Because, you know, here's what we can do instead,

so that we don't prejudice the polling of the doctors.

What's the greatest medical horror movie?

We got the Doctor Moreau films.

We got "The Surgeon", we got "The Nurse", we got "Nurse 3D".

"Visiting hours", the Canadian movie.

"Horror Hospital." "Blood Work."

All the Dr. Jekyll films. There's a parcel of those.

"Inmate Zero." "X-Ray."

Larry Cohen film, "The Ambulance."

-"X-Ray" is good,

but I actually think it might be "Doctor Giggles".

Or -- oh, oh. No.

"Human Centipede."

-Oh, "Human Centipede"? That's just gross.

-It's scary. It could happen.

-Okay. It could not happen. -It could happen.

-It could not.

"The Facility." Remember that one?

"The Void."

"The Fly"?

-I'm sticking with -- -He's a doctor.

-Nah, it's "Human Centipede." The end.

No poll necessary.

-You know, they just came out with a new version

of "The Surgeon."

The one I was talking about,

the original is just traditional horror,

but the new one is all about this performance artist

who uses surgery to get off sexually.

Have you seen that one?

-I have not, but I think I might watch it later tonight.

-Got your attention, right? -A little bit.

-So what do you think of the music in "Doctor Giggles"?

-It's very powerful.

-I think it's too powerful, actually.

The music sometimes overpowers the story.

It starts to sound like a parody of dramatic music.

Or maybe they wanted that.

-I disagree, I think it is emotional and beautiful.

-It's the last film score of Brian May,

the guy who did, um, "Mad Max", "Freddy's Dead",

many other movies.

I just like it because it's a full orchestral score

at a time when most filmmakers

were not using orchestras anymore.

Everything was synthesizer.

And just one more thing

before we go on to the thrilling multiple endings

of "Doctor Giggles".

That Greg Nicotero special effect

where the little kid scalpels his way out

of his dead mother's body because his dad sewed him up

inside there to keep him safe.

Such a strong image that it just stays with you forever.

I mean, just on the basis of that, this movie is a classic.

-Agreed.

-And now to the very messy conclusion of "Doctor Giggles."

So roll it.

Medicine is messy.

Do you think that someday we will look back on the 20th

and the 21st centuries and will say, "You know

they used to actually cut people open as a way

to cure medical conditions?

What a barbaric age."

-What would they use instead, like lasers?

-No, I'm thinking drugs.

Eventually it's just invent new drugs that fix everything.

-We have a really good track record with that.

-Well... -Just saying.

-I mean, penicillin. That's a good track record.

Penicillin got rid of syphilis.

-There was never surgery for syphilis, though.

-No, I guess you just went raving mad

as your brain got eaten away from syphilis.

-Nice.

-Yeah. You know, the broken condom,

cute joke in this movie.

100 years ago, an unknown wang doodle could be

like playing Russian roulette.

-I mean, it still kind of is.

-Not or syphilis, though. I mean, syphilis could kill you.

-I think we should just agree that condoms are our friends.

-Okay. -Scientifically.

-Condoms are our friends.

-Science! -Okay. Agreed.

Not sure why, but all right, yeah.

[Static crackles]

[Bell ringing]

[Static crackles]

[Tires screech]

Oh.

Oh, shit.

[Dialing]

-Doctor.

-I'm calling the hospital now.

-No, no, no...

A doctor...

did this.

[Jennifer gasps]

-And how are we feeling?

Just relax.

It'll all be over before you know it.

-No.

-No need to be shy around me, young lady.

Oh, sorry. These things get cold.

[Sighs]

It's broken, all right.

[Tires screech]

[Door creaking]

[Stairs creaking]

[Lamp squeaking]

[Machine beeping]

-Never a nurse around when you need one.

[Jennifer crying]

Too small.

[Heart splats]

Too big.

Hmm.

Just right.

-Shit.

[Retches and coughs]

[Panting]

-My father finished this after my mother died.

He never got to use it.

It was too late.

You'll be the first, Jennifer.

[Jen crying]

-[Gasps]

-You see, Jennifer,

before we can replace the broken heart,

we have to stop it from beating.

Plain and simple.

[Electricity crackling]

[Jen crying]

[Evan grunting]

There will be no medication.

Just a single jolt of electricity.

It's a necessary step.

I promise.

[Jennifer screams]

You may be having second thoughts,

but when you wake up,

you'll have a change of heart.

[Jennifer screams distantly]

[EKG chimes flatly]

[Electricity crackling]

-Don't move.

-I don't believe you had an appointment.

-Get the fuck away from her.

-Have a heart.

-Ah!

Shit.

[Electricity booms]

[Reitz gasping]

[Door clatters]

[Door thuds]

-One, two.

[Evan panting]

[Evan inhales and exhales sharply]

-Time to do what doctors do best.

-4, 5 , 6, 7, 8,

9, 10, 11, 12.

[EKG beeping steadily]

[Jen coughing]

-Help me.

-Shh. I'm Officer Reitz, okay?

Listen to me. I'm going to get you out of here,

but first, I'm gonna go down that hall

to make sure it's clear.

Now, I need your help, kid.

I need you to be quiet and don't move.

I'll be right back.

-[Coughs]

[Grunts]

Officer Reitz?

-Stay there, okay? Don't move.

-Jen! -Geez.

What the fuck are you doing here?

-It's all right.

I'm sorry.

-Look, look, look.

We don't have no time for this shit. Come on.

-Let's go. I got you.

What the fuck happened here?

-Just move.

Keep moving. Keep moving.

-Don't look, Jen. Just shut your eyes, okay?

Just shut your eyes.

Jen, are you okay?

-Shit.

-Get up, come on.

[Max grunts]

I'm getting you out of here, Jen, okay?

Getting you out of here.

-Cover your eyes.

-Max.

-Visiting hours are over. -Ah!

[Both grunting]

[Gunshot blasts]

-Should have used an eight iron.

[Jen grunts]

You know what happens when children play with guns?

[Reitz gasping]

-No!

[Gunshot blasts]

-Over here, motherfucker.

[Gunshot blasts]

-Come on, Max. Max.

[Max grunting]

Max, come on.

[Bottles clank and shatter]

-This is going to hurt you more than it hurts me.

[Both scream]

[Table clanging]

[Glass shatters]

-No.

[Gunshot blasts]

-Ah!

[Gun clicking]

[Evan grunts]

[Both grunting]

-I haven't discharged you!

-Max?

-We can still make it.

[Reitz grunting]

[Evan gagging]

-Don't make me laugh.

[Saw whirring]

[-Screams]

-Grab my hand.

[Jen grunting]

-I can't hold on.

[Jen screaming]

[Max grunts]

-I've never lost a patient, Jennifer.

[Evan grunts]

[Evan giggles]

[Jen grunting]

Jennifer!

[Footsteps patter]

[Evan giggling]

[Jennifer screams]

[Explosions booming]

[Fairgoers screaming]

-[Explosions booming] -[Glass shattering]

[Jennifer coughing]

-I can't breathe, Max.

- Dr. Alfred and Dr. Jones to OR stat.

-The strain was too much on the valve.

We're going to have to replace it now.

-I'm scared.

-You're gonna be just fine, honey.

- Maintenance to 107 East.

Maintenance to 107 East.

-Okay, Jennifer. Scoot over, please.

[EKG beeping steadily]

[Nurse gasping]

-Oh, my God.

-Okay, honey. Here we go.

[EKG continues beeping steadily]

Now, I want you to count backwards,

slowly from 100.

-100, 99, 98

97, 96.

[Tool clatters]

-Who the hell are you?

-I'm her doctor.

[Jen grunts]

-What in God's name are those?

-Just a little something I threw together.

Of course, they haven't been tested yet.

[Evan giggling]

[Jen sobs]

-[Grunts]

You were dead.

-I'm not that good a doctor.

Jennifer, there's still time.

Let's pick up where we left off.

[Evan giggling]

[Door handle rattling]

[Evan grunting]

Is it my bedside manners?

-[Grunts]

-Jennifer, it's time to take your medicine.

-Try some of your own medicine.

[Electricity crackling]

[Evan groaning and giggling]

-Ah!

-Ahhhh.

-[Panting]

-[Grunts] -Ah!

[Evan groaning]

-I don't feel well.

-Take two and call me in the morning.

[Evan giggles and grunts]

[Evan gasping]

-Is there a...

doctor in the house?

[Groans]

-[Crying]

[EKG beeping steadily]

-Hey, sport.

♪

-Hi, Daddy.

-[Sighs]

How you feeling?

-Feeling okay.

-Heck of a way to start off the summer, huh?

-[Chuckles]

[EKG continues beeping steadily]

[EKG beeping rapidly]

-♪ Oh, yes

♪ A hot summer night, fell like a net ♪

♪ I've gotta find my baby yet

♪ I need you to soothe my head ♪

♪ And turn my blues on to red

♪ Doctor, doctor, gimme the news ♪

♪ I got a bad case of lovin' you ♪

♪ No pill's gonna cure my ill ♪

♪ I got a bad case of lovin' you ♪

♪ A pretty face don't make no pretty heart ♪

♪ I learned that from the start ♪

♪ You think I'm cute, a little bit shy ♪

♪ Mama, I ain't that kind of guy ♪

♪ Doctor, doctor, gimme the news ♪

♪ I got a bad case of lovin' you ♪

♪ No pill's gonna cure my ill ♪

♪ I got a bad case of lovin' you ♪

♪ Oh, yeah

♪ Yeah

♪ I know you like it, you like it on top ♪

♪ Tell me mama, are you gonna stop ♪

♪ You had me down 21 to zip ♪

♪ Smile of Judas, honey, on your lips ♪

♪ Shake my fist, pound on wood

♪ I got it bad, baby, I got it good ♪

♪ Whoa, doctor, doctor, won't you gimme the news ♪

♪ I got a bad case of lovin' you ♪

♪ No pill's gonna cure my ill ♪

♪ I got a bad case of lovin' you ♪

[Static crackles]

-Okay, I think Larry Drake dies four times in that movie.

Manny Coto was like, "Oh, hell, let's do another set piece.

We got Japanese money to work with.

All the people involved with "Doctor Giggles"

were trying to establish a horror franchise,

and they were so optimistic about doing that

that they had Larry Drake already signed for three movies,

but there was never even a single sequel

to "Doctor Giggles" for a simple reason.

It did not make any money.

The budget for the film was 7 million bucks.

And the box office gross was $8.4 million.

So normally you have to make twice the budget

to cover all the marketing costs and get to the break even.

Anyway, it came out at Halloween 1992.

It opened in seventh place at the box office,

finishing behind several holdover films

from previous weeks, including "Candyman."

Fortunately, Mike Richardson was not discouraged,

and he kept making films at Dark Horse anyway,

and as I said, he would later have big success

with "Timecop." -"Timecop"!

Sorry. -"The Mask."

You really love "Timecop." -"Timecop"!

-All right, and several others.

But "Doctor Giggles" was dead as a franchise.

I guess theoretically, you could still make a sequel today.

-Yeah, and we should.

-But without Larry Drake, how would you do that?

-Like his son or something?

I mean, you have to work around it,

but I think enough time has passed to do a remake

or a prequel -- not a remake. -All right.

-A sequel. -Well, you're the film's

biggest cheerleader, so maybe it'll happen.

Actually, I know the Dark Horse guys now.

I'll pass along your encouragement.

-Thank you. Please do.

And today's mailbag is going to make you very happy.

You always tell me you want critical mail, and I have some.

-Critical mail?

Okay.

Good. We have way too much sappy mail.

That's why I say that.

-I know, and this one's from Ryan K. Peterson via email.

-Okay. We don't know where he's from?

I guess not. -It was email.

-Dear Joe Bob and Darcy, I love "The Last Drive In",

but I was disappointed in Joe Bob's Creepy Christmas,

and I hate saying that.

Please reconsider how you feature movies

like "The Gingerbread Man."

It wasn't "The Gingerbread Man",

it was "The Gingerdead Man".

"Sharknado", and yes, "Hogzilla".

[Crew chanting "Hogzilla! Hogzilla!"]

-Alright, alright.

There is high concept.

Then there are these what I call low concept.

Lazy filmmakers will rely on cutesy punchline titles

like "Sharknado", rather than create anything

that runs the slightest risk of challenging audiences.

If you have to air one of these movies

for "The Last Drive In", pair it with something substantive.

Hell, even a sincerely made movie that turns out bad

can be interesting, sometimes profoundly so.

Like "The Baby."

"The Brain", not so much.

-Beg to differ, sir. -I beg to differ, also.

An intentionally made bad or cult movie is insulting

and nothing but a money grab by left brained posers.

Let's not encourage them. Forgive me for being critical.

I am critical because I care.

-Ryan K. Peterson. -[Laughter]

Okay, Ryan, first of all,

I take zero responsibility for "Hogzilla."

[Crew chanting "Hogzilla! Hogzilla!"]

You know, it's been a while since that movie,

but people still do that to me at conventions.

They love to do that to me at conventions.

But anyway, "Hogzilla" is all Darcy.

-Yes, it is, and I am still proud of it.

-All right.

-Yeah! -[Crew chanting "Hogzilla!"]

-All right, all right, all right.

Right, right. -Never!

-"Sharknado", though.

I would defend "Sharknado" as a highly entertaining movie

and an amazing achievement in low budget CGI,

which how many people are good at that?

I do not think "Sharknado" is a crummy, low concept movie,

unless you believe that every movie made by The Asylum

is a crummy, low concept movie.

I mean, there are a lot of them.

But in fact, their movies are the definition of high concept,

because high concept means movies based

on a specific single hook.

And the hook in this case, in the case of "Sharknado",

was sharks in a tornado.

-Heck yeah. -So that's high concept.

-Okay, now "The Brain", normally I would agree with you

on "The Brain", but I have shown that movie at several theaters

across the country, and it definitely plays with a crowd.

You've been at some of those screenings.

-Oh. yeah. -You see how

a crowd loves that movie.

So it's a party movie.

And we have different rules for the holiday specials.

It's a party. It's not a film school lecture.

So "The Brain" has been proven again and again

and again to be a crowd pleaser.

It's not one of my all time favorite movies,

but it was perfect for Christmas.

"Gingerdead Man" not so much.

-What? I love it.

-The reason it worked is we had the effervescent

Robin Sydney available as a guest,

and who doesn't want her around at the holiday?

She just exudes Christmas cheer 365 days a year.

-She does. -And people loved that

interview with Robin Sydney, but I get your point.

Limit the number of cheapies,

especially if they're kind of cynical cheapies

like "The Brain."

But in this particular case, I defend our choices.

But I do appreciate that you do care, though, Ryan.

And that's it for Joe Bob's Summer School.

Um, I guess you're a you're a practical nurse now, Darcy.

-Wow. -Just for being in this.

-Yeah, I thought it was going to be a doctor.

-No, you have to come to next year's summer school

to go that far.

But you got to head nurse level this year.

But keep working.

-All you talked about was how to bill patients.

-What do you think doctors do, Darcy?

You know? -Fair.

-All right, that's it for me,

Joe Bob Briggs and Darcy the Mail Girl,

reminding you that in the spirit of "Doctor Giggles",

life is a terminal disease and is sexually transmitted.

And the drive in will never die.

-Wow, that's good. Writing it down.

-Guy wants a talking parrot, so he goes to the pet store

and he buys a talking parrot, and he brings it home,

and he finds out it starts cussing almost nonstop.

So he begs the shop for a refund,

but they won't give him one, so he tries everything.

He tries bribing the parrot with food,

yelling at the parrot,

giving the parrot the silent treatment,

threatening the parrot, but nothing works.

His friends stop coming over. His family is embarrassed.

His neighbors start complaining.

Finally he's totally exasperated,

so he angrily opens the cage.

He grabs the parrot. He marches to the kitchen.

He opens the freezer.

He throws the bird into the freezer and then shuts the door.

10 minutes later, he opens the door again

and the parrot immediately starts begging forgiveness.

He says, "I'm sorry, I'm really sorry.

I won't do it again.

I swear I'll never talk like that anymore."

The bird is shivering and shaking, and he says,

"I just got to know one thing though."

The guy says, "What's that?"

And the bird says, "What did the chicken do?"

[Light laughter]

-Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

-Well, that was the bomb of the year, wasn't it?

-Good on!

Yeah! Chicken!

-♪ We are drive-in mutants

-♪ Drive-in mutants ♪

-♪ We are not like other people ♪

♪ We are sick -♪ Sick ♪

-♪ We are disgusting -♪ Disgusting ♪

-♪ We believe in, yeah, we believe in ♪

-♪ Blood ♪

♪ And breasts ♪

♪ And beasts ♪

-♪ Yeah, we believe in ♪

-♪ Blood ♪

♪ And breasts ♪

♪ And beasts ♪

-♪ If life had a vomit meter ♪

♪ We'd be off the scale -♪ Off the scale ♪

-♪ As long as one drive-in remains on the planet Earth ♪

♪ We will party like jungle animals ♪

♪ We will boogie till we puke

-♪ Boogie till we puke ♪

-♪ The drive-in will never die ♪

♪ We will boogie till we puke ♪

-♪ Boogie till we puke ♪

-♪ The drive-in will never die ♪

-♪ We believe in ♪

♪ Blood ♪

♪ And breasts ♪

♪ And beasts ♪

-♪ We believe in ♪

-♪ Blood ♪

♪ And breasts ♪

♪ And beasts ♪

-♪ Yeah, we believe in ♪

-Made in Georgia.