All language subtitles for The Last Drive-In with Joe Bob Briggs S28E08 Dr Giggles 1080p AMZN WEB-DL DDP2 0 H 264-BFM_track3_[eng]

♪

-♪ Hey, everybody,
have you heard the news? ♪

♪ Joe Bob is back in town ♪

♪ He's over at the drive-in,
hanging around ♪

♪ Watching crazy movies,
so come on down ♪

♪ To Joe Bob's
"Last Drive-In" show ♪

♪ Blood, beasties,
boobies, and more ♪

♪ Joe Bob's
"Last Drive-In" show ♪

♪ It's a spooky good time
with monsters and ghosts ♪

♪ Crazy, kooky fun with
the world's greatest host ♪

♪ Joe Bob's
"Last Drive-In" show ♪

♪ It's gonna be legendary ♪

♪ Joe Bob's
"Last Drive-In" show ♪

♪ It's gonna be very scary ♪

♪ Joe Bob's
"Last Drive-In" show ♪

♪ Let's go ♪

♪

[School bell rings]

-Welcome, students,
to week three

of Joe Bob's Summer School.

Whether you're sitting in class

or whether you're joining us
through our online fake college,

where we get money
from the government

for giving out degrees
that people pay for

and then regret later, however

you've chosen
to improve your life,

this is your big chance
to get rich.

Because tonight's
summer school is med school.

You will be able to buy
a leather valise

and a stethoscope and pretend to
know what you're talking about

before this night is over,
right, Darcy?

-I am sure.

-And you have how much
medical training, Darcy?

-Oh, none at all. None.

-Okay, well, it doesn't matter
because I don't, either.

And, actually --
Actually, I take that back.

I spent a summer as a, I don't
know what you call it now,

but as a candy striper.

Do they still have
candy stripers?

-I think they're called
student medical volunteers now.

-Okay, well,
we called them candy stripers.

Mostly it was girls
who volunteered for it,

so the guys got all
the orderly-type jobs,

like, you know,
pushing gurneys down the hallway

and lifting heavy dudes
all day at the V.A. hospital.

We were mostly there because of
the 10-to-1 female-to-male
ratio,

but I actually aced that system.

I became the DJ at the hospital.

They had a radio station,
but the only music

they had were, like,
these military marches

by the Marine Band
and stuff like that.

And then
when I wasn't deejaying,

I was in charge
of the pool hall.

And those Vietnam vets,

they could hustle pool
like nobody's business.

They took all my
candy striped lunch tokens.

Anyway, the first thing
I learned about

having a medical career --
don't work for the V.A.

Damn, that place was depressing.

But the main thing I want to --

I want to teach you about
becoming a healthy, wealthy,

and wise medical professional
is it's all about the billing.

I mean, did you know there's
a job category called

medical coding and billing

you can get a degree in that,
you can major in that,

and there's a quarter
of a million medical billers
out there today?

And that profession
is growing at 8% a year.

So what do we learn from
those statistics?

Class? anybody?

-Well, um, that medicine
in America is all about money.

-Exactly.
-Yay!

-Now, fortunately,
my old buddy Steven Brill

did an examination
of medical billing practices.

He wrote this up
for Timemagazine.

And we can take home
a lot of tips

just from knowing
a few simple facts.

For example, here is a list --
I've put it on the blackboard --

of the top 12 countries
in the world,

ranked by amount of money
they spend on healthcare.

Now, as you can see,

see up here,
we're at $13,000 per capita.

Nobody's even close to us!

Look at our friends
down here in Canada and England.

Down here, $5,000, $6,000.
That's just pitiful.

Plus, most of this money you see
over here, like this
Swiss money --

Switzerland is up at $8,000 --

that's government spending.

But our 13 thou,

that's mostly soaking
the cash directly out

of the bone marrow
of the general public.

But it gets better.

These are just
per capita numbers.

And since we have
a larger population than any

of these other countries,
we spend more medical dollars

than all these other
11 countries combined!

$4.5 trillion!

17% of our gross domestic
product.

The money is there, people.
Let's go get it!

-All right, well, maybe
we should talk about
the movie first.

-All right. I'm trying
to motivate the class.
-Okay!

-Okay. Motivated.
-All right, I'm sorry.
All right, Darcy the Mail Girl.

ladies and gentlemen.
One of her duties --

Yeah. One of her duties
is to keep us on subject.
-I try.

-And she has directed me
to the title of the evening,

which is the late great
Larry Drake in "Dr. Giggles."

-Yeah! Whoo! Come on!
-Yes.

-"Dr. Giggles," people!
Come on.

-Talk about a doctor
who always got what he wanted,

and what he wanted was
your heart.

He collected them
in a bucket for reuse later.

Anyway, Darcy will be
here all evening

to field your
social media comments or emails

or Instas or TikToks,

you're what-have-you's.

So lots of us follow us on X,
better known as Twitter.

Uh, do we have a poll
tonight, Darcy?
-We do.

Who is the scariest doctor
in horror history?

-Scariest doctor. Okay. Lots of
candidates for that one.

Starting with Dr. Frankenstein.
He was probably the first one.

-Well, I don't think
he was that scary.

-Hannibal Lecter was --
Was Hannibal Lecter a doctor?

-He was, but I don't think
he's gonna win.

-You have somebody in mind?

-I do, but I do not want to
prejudice the poll.

-All right, well, I'm gonna look
forward to that journey into

"Doctor, Doctor, don't give me
the news" territory.

But right now, I want to give
you a line from a medical bill

at the famous
MD Anderson hospital in Houston.

And, uh, you --
you tell me --

Now, this is the way they're
listed on the medical bills.

And this first one is from
MD Anderson hospital in Houston.

Uh, tell me what this means.

See where it says,
see right up here,

Acetaminophe tabs, 325 MG.

-Mm-hmm.
-$1.50.

Okay.

Observant viewers will
nail this right away

as the smallest dose
of Acetaminophen,

even though we have left off
the final "N" in the word

"Acetaminophen" so that, "A,"
it'll look like an official
computer-generated charge

and, "B,"
it won't be searchable.

So the charge
for this one tiny pill is...

$1.50.

It's generic Tylenol.

Now, 100 of these generic
Tylenol pills sell for $1.49

on Amazon, meaning
they cost about 1.5 cents each.

So the hospital markup
on generic Tylenol

from the retail price is --

This is beautiful. I love this.

You divide $1.50 by 1.5.

So that's like 3 cents
per pill would be a 100% markup.

So it would be exactly
50 times that.

So it's a 5,000% markup
on generic Tylenol.

Now, why do people pay that?
Why don't they --

Why don't they keep a stash
of generic Tylenol

by the front door
of their home

so that when
the ambulance arrives,

they can take those
to the hospital,

save 5,000%?

Because they're lazy!

Because they're unprepared!

Because they don't plan ahead
for their healthcare.

You need to keep
this principle in mind

throughout your medical career.

And, hey, they came to us.

They expect us to, you know,

to store all their
personal generic Tylenol

for their entire lives
instead of acting responsibly.

So we're not a charity.
All right.

Let's continue down this road.

Remember when George Clooney
would order a CBC on "E.R."?

He was always ordering a CBC.
A CBC is a complete blood count.

And George would need those
all the time.

Must have been a thing
in the writers' room.

"What's George's next line?
Hmm.

Well, it's obvious
he needs to order a CBC."

So if you -- if you get a CBC

at Stamford Hospital
in Connecticut,

you get charged $157.61...

unless you're on Medicare,

and then it costs $11.02
because you're not paying it.

The government is paying it.

And the government says
any hospital can already make

a profit on a CBC
at the price of $11.02.

So what do we learn
from this, class?

When they fill out
that form in the waiting room,

the first question should be,
"Do you have Medicare

or Medicaid
with strict instructions

that these people are to
be sent down to County General?

We can't help them."
-Wow.

-And George Clooney
can't help them, either.

All right, I'll just use
one more example

to get you thinking like a true
medical professional.
-All right.

-If you have surgery at
Mercy Hospital in Oklahoma City,

you will find the following
items on your bill.

And I want to thank
expert medical coder

and biller Wilhelmina Travis
of Tulsa

for translating these for me.

Uh, marker skin reg-tip ruler.

This is 3 bucks for the pen
that marks the place

they make the incision
on your body.

Okay.

Strap or table 8X27 in.

This is 31 bucks for the strap

that holds you
on the operating table.
-Wow.

-All right.
Blnkt warm upper bdy 42268.

This is $32 for a blanket that
keeps you warm during surgery.

A brand-new one is
available on eBay for 13 bucks.

Gown surg ultra XLG 95121.

This is the gown
that the surgeon wears

while he is operating on you.

You can get 30 of these
for 180 bucks.

If you're doing your job
correctly,

basic medical
and surgical supplies

for your outpatient day surgery

will be $7,862 just
for the supplies!

That's not for the treatment,

that's not for the drugs,
that's not for anything else.

-Wow.
-All right, when you
leave class tonight,

I'm going to make sure
everybody gets a list

of the customary charges
for common items,

like diabetes test strips,
$18 each.

Amazon sells them in boxes of 50
for $27 each.

Niacin pills -- $1.50.

Drugstores sell them
for a nickel.

Box of sterile gauze pads --
$77.

I mean, I think I made my point,
right?

People who show up
in your office

with no sterile gauze pads
because of some lame excuse

like, "I forgot to buy
sterile pads,"

give them sterile gauze pads,
but make them pay.

People are so irresponsible.

All right,
we'll continue with this primer

on medical professionalism
as the night goes on.

But right now, we're going
to watch the sensitive story

of Evan Rendell Jr.,

a genius who wanted to grow up
to be a doctor like his dad.

Only his dad snapped when Evan's
mom developed a heart condition.

And so, he started
murdering his patients to try

and replace her heart,

and then got stoned to death
by a mob of angry townsfolk.

But his son Evan escaped

and eventually wound up
in a mental institution.

And now, 35 years later,
Evan thinks he's a doctor

and breaks out of the asylum
to come home

and take revenge on the town
that killed his father

and dashed his dreams
of a lucrative career
in the medical arts.

Oh, and Evan gives a
high-pitched,

creepy giggle
as he murders people.

So that's how we get the title.

And, sure, we've seen it before,
but have we seen it

where the kills are done with
every piece of medical equipment

that ever fit into one
of those doctors' black bags,

plus more bad medical puns than
you can shake a tongue
depressor at?

I think not.

Let's look at those
drive-in totals.

We have 25 dead bodies,

two breasts, open-heart surgery
without a license,

one catchy nursery rhyme
about medical murder,

one teen prank gone wrong,

one nosy neighbor,
one fatal pill switcheroo,

accidental condom dropping,
multiple tragic backstories,

multiple sepia-toned flashbacks
about tragic backstories,

seductive saxophone-
mouthpiece tonguing,

one cheating boyfriend,

one reverse C-section,
dueling doctors,

one flaming doctor's bag,
heart flinging, arms roll,

gratuitous
mitral-valve prolapse,

gratuitous mirror maze,

gratuitous cat-and-mouse,
scalpel fu,

hypodermic fu, otoscope fu.

You know what an otoscope is?

I think it's that thing
that goes in your ear,

but apparently it
can also go in your nose.

Thermometer fu,
stomach pump fu,

the rarely-seen Band-Aid fu,

bone saw fu, golf club fu,
reflex hammer fu,

blood pressure cuff fu,
surgical scissors fu,

defibrillator fu.

Academy Award nominations
for Holly Marie Combs as Jen,

the emotional teen
with mitral valve prolapse

for saying, "Take two,
and call me in the morning."

Glenn Quinn
as her cheating boyfriend, Max,

for saying, "We don't
have to get drunk,

but it's a damn good start."
-Hey!

-Richard Bradford
as Officer Frank Magruder --

Hank Magruder, sorry --

for an emo flashback speech
revealing exactly

how young Evan escaped
the townspeople's revenge

and for saying,
"That crazy broad sees rapists
in her hemorrhoid cream."

And, of course,
Larry Drake as Dr. Giggles

for handling medical puns
and medical equipment
with equal aplomb,

and for saying,
"My problem is I care too much."

Three and a half stars.
Joe Bob says, "Check it out."

Do you know the Dr. Giggles
nursery rhyme, Darcy?

-Of course I do. Yeah.

-I love serial killer
nursery rhyme.

-Oh. Who doesn't?
They're so creepy.

-Our town has a doctor.
His name is Rendell.

-Stay away from his house.
He's a doctor from hell.

-Yeah. He chopped up his
patients, every last one.

-And cut out their hearts
purely for fun.

-So if you're from Moorehigh...

-And you should get sick...

-Both: Then fall on your knees
and pray you die quick.

-Yeah!

[Laughter]

♪

[School bell rings]

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

[Monitor beeping]

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

[Heart beating]

♪

-We've negotiated
the outer epidermis

and the subcutaneous fat layer.

[Flatline]

Notice that the incision runs
parallel to the muscle cells.

This is to ensure
proper healing.

Continuing with a lateral
incision across the myocardium,

we expose the chordae tendinae.

As you can see,

premature ventricular
contraction has set in...

and is followed
by full cardiac arrest.

Respiration has bottomed out.

All brain function has ceased.

The patient has expired.

You win some,
you lose some.

And now, ladies and gentlemen,

you are about to experience
the cutting edge of medicine.

[Tool whirs]

Let's open this baby up
and see what it'll do.

[Bones cracking]

[Giggling manically]

-What is it, Doc?
-It's patient 193.

-Oh, shoot.
That's Dr. Giggles.
-Who?

-Oh, it's his nickname.
Nobody knows his real I.D.

-Highly delusional,
acute schizophrenic

with an I.Q.
somewhere in the stratosphere.

We're talking prodigy.

-He thinks he's a...

doctor.

-Jesus...

♪

-Mm. Dr. Phillips.

Dr. Phillips,
this isn't really the place.

[Gasps]

[Gasps]

-He should have kept
his hands to himself.

[Giggles manically]

Aah!

[Screaming]

[Maniacal giggling]

[Maniacal laughter]

-Oh, my God.

-The patients.

He's released the patients.

[Laughter continues]

[Feedback]

-Laughter is
the best medicine.

[Laughter continues]

♪

♪

[Tires squeal]

-[Sighs]

♪

[Bones crack]
-Aah!

-Checkout time.

-[Gurgling]

-[Giggles]

[Scanner beeps]

[Alarms blaring]

♪

[Vehicles passing]

♪

♪

[School bell ringing]

♪

[Students cheering]

-All right! All right!

[Cheering continues]

♪

-[Sighs]

♪

-Hey, Jen.
-[Chuckles]

-Ask me why
summer's off to a great start.

-Why is Summer off
to a great start?

-Well,
I called Johnson at lunch.

I got a job playing
old favorites for the locals

at his restaurant
every Wednesday.

-That's great, Max.
-And I don't know, my math's

pretty shitty,

but I think that leaves
us six nights of the week

to engage in, uh,
unsafe practice.

-[Chuckles] You wish.

-Why do I detect a disturbing
lack of jubilation here?

I mean, maybe you haven't heard,
but school's out.

You know?
Central government's collapsed.

The people are free.

-I, uh -- I just didn't get much
sleep last night, that's all.

-Maybe it's time for the
famous Max Anderson stress test.

♪

-I hope you two can breathe
through your ears.

-Yeah, as long
as you don't plug them up.

-First time I've ever been
accused of talking too much.

So you guys know
where to meet tonight?

-8:00, Breeders Hill.

-A fitting name,
don't you think?

-You know, we might be
a little bit on the tardy side.

-Oh, yeah. We're going on
a little expedition.

-Expedition? What, are you guys
bringing tents?

-No. These guys have some kind
of big surprise planned.

-Yeah, right.
-Speaking of big surprises,

the Twin Peaks.

Let's climb.

-See you guys later.
-Party down tonight.

[Indistinct conversations]

-Hi, guys.
-Yeah. I better get going.

I gotta stop by Johnson's
and fill out some stuff.

-Okay.
-You sure nothing's wrong?

-Yeah. Pick me up
at quarter till 8:00?

-Quarter till 8:00.

[Indistinct conversations]

-All right, look up for me.

Now, just sit up straight.

How's your dad doing?
Give me a deep breath.

-[Exhales deeply]

-Good. Again.

-[Exhales deeply]

-Huh.

-When will you know
if you need to, you know...?

-Replace the valve? Well,
it's way too early to tell.

We'll have to wait and see
what we get on the monitor

when you come back next week.

-Next week?

-Jennifer...

don't forget
that a mitral valve prolapse

is not that serious.

Even if we have to operate,
we do them all the time.

-I'll try to remember that.
-It's more important

that you remember
to avoid strenuous activity.

No coffee, no tea,
and especially no alcohol.

It's all in here.

And I'll show you
how to put the monitor on.

I'll see you next week.
[Clicks tongue]

[Birds cawing]

♪

♪

[Banging]

-[Grunting]

♪

[Grunting continues]

♪

[Birds chirping]

[Banging in distance]

♪

[Banging continues]

[Dog barks]

-Erica! What in the world
is the matter with you?

-Oh, it's okay, Miss Henderson.

-Hey,
that's an odd-looking radio.

-I-It's not really a radio.
-It isn't?

What is it, then?
-Um, I'm kind of in a hurry.

Can I talk to you later?
Okay?

-Hmm.
[Dog barks]

-Watch out.
[Bike bell rings]

[Dog barks in distance]

♪

[Bike bell rings]

♪

-Jen, honey, is that you?

[Chopping]

[Keyboard clacking]

-Hi, Daddy.

-Hey. Hi.
Sport, come on in.

[Clacking continues,
computer beeps]

Ah, yeah. Look, I'm sorry
I couldn't get to the doctor's
today,

but if I don't upload
these figures by 6:00,

I'm going to be selling
door to door.

So, what did Chamberlain say?

-Same thing
he said last week.

Wait and see.
-Ah.

-Got a new fashion accessory.

-Whoa! Yes! Wow.
That's a good color for you.

-Thanks.
-Hey, at least school's out.

-[Sighs] It might as well be
fall. I can't do anything.

-Yeah, I know, but you have to
take it easy, Jen,

or you're not going to
get any better.

I thought dinner was
almost ready.

-You know what they say --

An apple a day
keeps the doctor away.

-I know you're worried.

Especially with what happened
to your mother.

-It's not that, Daddy.

It's, uh...

It's her.

-Tamara?

Oh.

You know, I think
you're going to get to like her.

I think it's going to take
some time.

[Both laugh]

[Bird caws]

[Door opens]

[Door creaking]

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

-He's in the den.

♪

♪

♪

-Daddy, Daddy! I want to be
a doctor just like you.

-You will someday.
-I promise.

[Both laugh]

-[Giggling]

♪

Yes, yes, I know.

First things first.

This town murdered you.

It's sick.

It must cured.

[Tires screech, radio playing]

[Gear clicks]

-Surprise!
-Shut up!

-What are we doing here?
-We'll be opening a case.

-Beer, right?
-Whoo-hoo! All right!

[Laughs]

-♪ Town's got a doctor,
and his name is Randell ♪

♪ Stay away from his house
'cause he's the doctor
from hell ♪

♪ He chopped up his patients,
every last one ♪

♪ And he cut out their hearts
purely for fun ♪

-So just what is
this big mystery?

-What's the big mystery?
Remember the facts of the case.

[Door closes]

Citizens of Moorehigh
surrounded the house, broke in,

and they dragged the town doctor
into the streets.

-And they stoned him
to death, right?

-Yeah. That's right. And then
they came in after his son.

But he disappeared.
Never found him.

-So how did little Evan
get out the house?

-The suspense is killing me.

-Well, some say
Dr. Rendell cremated him.

Some say he ate him.
-Oh, sick!

-But I think Evan
never left the house.

I think he's still here...
alive.

[Creaking]

[Footsteps]

That way.

-What is this --

Shit!

I don't believe this.

♪

-This is where we start.

[Knocking]

-Stu, what are you doing?
-He's in the walls.

-He's in the what?
-Secret passageways.

-Ugh!
-Come on, guys,

it's how he's managed
to stay hidden for so long.

Duh!

Don't just stand there.
Start banging.

-[Sighs]
I'm not doing this.

-[Knocking]

So what exactly
are we listening for?

-A hollow sound.
-Try your head.

-A hollow sound.

-Where are you going?

[Knocking]

[Door creaks]

[Knocking continues]
-Hey.

-[Chuckles]

[Floorboards creak,
wind whistles]

-[Knocks]

-How long are we going to keep
banging on the walls

before we give up this shit?

[Door slams]
[Gasps]

-[Grunts]
-Stu!

Stu, what are you doing?
Let us out of here!

[Door opens]
Stu, let me out!

[Both laughing]

-[Chuckling] Oh!

Are you sure
they're gonna be all right?

-Sure. As long
as they don't wake up Evan.

All they gotta worry about
is what to do with each other.

[Both laugh]

[Smooching]

-Oh, fuck.

[Grunts] Oh,
I think it's dislocated.

-Oh, this is just great.

Real mature.
This was your idea, wasn't it?

-My idea?
-Yeah. Your idea.

You made up
this whole bogus expedition

just to get us alone
in the dark, right?

Well, you
aren't getting any.

So you wasted your time.
-Oh, that offends me.

-Oh, yeah?
Then get me out of here.

Trotter, I'm telling you,
just get me out of here

and -- and just...
get me out of here,

and maybe you will
get something.

-Ooh.

[Grunting]

[Door creaking]

♪

♪

[Watch ticking]

♪

♪

-Get ready to take
your medicine, Moorehigh.

The doctor is in.

[Giggles]

-[Grunts]

[Owl hoots,
creaking in distance]

[Bang]

-That butthead.

[Sighs]

-What's he doing?

-He's just trying
to make us nervous.

-He's doing a good job of it.

-Stu!

Stu, this is stupid!

-I don't like this.

-Come on.

Don't you notice a classic
Stu-ism when you hear one?

-[Giggles]

-That does not sound like Stu.

[Footsteps approach, creaking]

♪

-Come on.
Who else could it be?

[Singsong voice] Stu.

Stu!

-Oh!
-Trotter, what's wrong?

What's wrong?!

-[Groans]

-What happened?!
Let me see!

-[Laughs]

-That is not funny,
you asshole!

That's not funny!

-[Laughing]
-Get me out of here!

-I'm just joking!

-You're full of shit.

-[Groans]

Mm!

[Groans, thuds]

-Trotter! Trotter, get up!

-[Gasps]

♪

♪

-I'm not really
seeing patients yet.

But I guess I can make
an exception.

[Giggles]

-And, of course, that's
Larry Drake as Dr. Giggles,

popping off the one-liners using
every medical cliché
ever invented.

This movie came out in 1992,

and it was the first movie
ever commissioned

by Dark Horse Comics.

Do you know a
Dark Horse Comics, Darcy?

-Of course.
-Yeah.

Um, would you say they're number
three in the comics world?

-I would say so.

It's Marvel, DC,
and then Dark Horse,

I would say,
is the third most successful.

-They are very successful now.

But the founder of the company,
Mike Richardson,

he was venturing into film
for the first time

when he made "Dr. Giggles."

And he partnered
with Largo Entertainment,

which was run by this producer
named Lawrence Gordon,

who was very hot at the time.

He had produced "Die Hard"
and "Predator" and "48 HRS.",

and he'd been in Hollywood
a while.

Um, back in the day,
he ran production

at American International
Pictures.

Back in the '70s, he did a bunch
of Burt Reynolds movies,

Uh, "Blacula,"
lots of blaxploitation movies.

"Boxcar Bertha."

Anyway, he was a hardened
Hollywood veteran by this time,

and he talked the Japanese
into giving him $100 million

to form this company,
Largo Entertainment.

And that was the first big
Japanese investment in Hollywood

during the '90s,
which was the decade

when everybody was afraid

that Japan was going to
totally take over Hollywood.

There's always somebody
taking over Hollywood.

And so, in the '90s,
it was the Japanese.

So anyway,
he had all this money from JVC.

JVC is the big
Japanese electronics company

that invented VHS-format tapes
and went to war

against Sony's Betamax format
and won that battle.

And so, now they had
all this money,

and they gave it
to Lawrence Gordon,

and it took him 10 years
to spend it all

before Largo went out
of business.

Anyway, one of the things
Lawrence Gordon did

when he was running Largo
is he paid $1.2 million

for a script written by
Manny Coto and Brian Helgeland.

Um, bear with me. This is --
T-This is going somewhere.

-Sure it is.
-He paid the most money
at that time

that has ever been paid
for a spec script.

A script -- A spec script is
a script that's just a script.

Nobody's attached to it.
It's just the script.

And the script was called
"The Ticking Man,"

and I've always wanted to
read it 'cause nobody
ever produced it.

It's still unproduced
34 years later.

Must be a hell of a read.

So now, Mike Richardson comes
along, and he says to Largo,

"I want to make movies
under the Dark Horse imprint,"

to go with his
comic book company.

"And the first one
I want to make is this script

I have called 'Mr. Giggles'
written by Graeme Whifler."

"Mr.Giggles."
All right, who's Graeme Whifler?

He's this writer who made a
movie called "Sonny Boy"
in 1989,

about a gangster who raises
a baby to be a hit man.

Quirky movie.

Okay, so Lawrence Gordon says,
"Okay, I'll make 'Mr. Giggles,'

but I want a franchise.

I want a horror franchise that
goes on for years and years.

So we need a rewrite by
my million-dollar screenwriter

Manny Coto," the guy
he just gave $1.2 million to.

And so, he gives it to
Manny Coto and tells him,

"You can do whatever
you want to with it."

So Manny Coto
totally rewrites it.

And he writes a prequel comic
for Dark Horse

to be published when the movie
comes out, and he directs it.

So almost nothing
from "Mr. Giggles"

was left in "Dr. Giggles."

And this did not make
Graeme Whifler,

the writer of "Mr. Giggles,"
happy.

And so, if you watch a movie
called "Neighborhood Watch,"

alternate title "Deadly End"
that came out in 2005,

that is Graeme Whifler
finally making

his original script
for "Mr. Giggles."

So my question would be

if Dark Horse Comics
wanted to make movies,

why didn't they take one
of their excellent comics

and turn it into a movie

instead of using a spec script
from the guy who made
"Sonny Boy"?

And when I meet Mike Richardson,
I'm going to ask him
that question

because, later on,

Dark Horse did make a lot
of hit movies, like "Hellboy,"

"Sin City," "The Mask,"
"Alien vs. Predator," "Timecop."

-"Timecop"!
[Laughter]

-Dark Horse movies
have made more than $1 billion
at the box office,

and that's not including
all the Dark Horse TV series

like "Dark Matter,"
"Timecop" TV series.
-"Timecop."

-Is that too much information,
Darcy?

-No, not at all. I am just glad
that "Dr. Giggles" exists.
-Okay.

Okay, you love this movie.
-I do!

-I know why you love it, though.
It's because they were trying
to do "Scream"

before Wes Craven came along
and did "Scream" right.

-Sure. That's why.
Why not?

-Well, I say that

because they took
every horror cliché

and every horror trope
and every horror tradition,

and they crammed them all
into one movie

with a sort of self-awareness
that had not been used before.

This was 1992, and
the Slasher was all but dead.

All you had
were sequels to movies

that were 10 years old or more.

And so, this -- this was
refreshing because
it was horror,

but it was also a wink
and a nod as you did the horror.

-And Larry Drake is amazing.
-Larry Drake is amazing.

And Larry Drake was best known
as Benny on "L.A. Law."

He won two Emmys as
the developmentally-challenged

legal assistant on that show.

But we know him from his earlier
developmentally-challenged role

in "Dark Night of
the Scarecrow"...
-Yeah!

-...which is one of the
most popular movies

we have ever shown
on "The Last Drive-In."

And, of course,
he was the evil Robert J. Durant

in "Darkman."
-Yeah.

-Larry Drake had this ability
to play extremes.

He could be extremely innocent
and extremely evil.

He was never anything
in between.

Um...

Plus, when he started out --
I always have to say this.

His first movie,
when he was still living

in his native Tulsa,

was the Hershel Gordon Lewis
hillbilly cheapie

"This Stuff'll Kill Ya!"
in 1971.

Anyway, since Dark Horse Comics
is based in Portland, Oregon,

and -- actually, they're based
in Milwaukee,

a suburb of Portland --

and since this was
their first movie,

they decided to shoot it
in Portland.

But the Portland people did not
welcome this crew being there.

They wanted to -- For example,

they wanted to use
the Eastmoreland neighborhood.

But the citizens
of Eastmoreland revolted

against the idea of a horror
movie sullying their enclaves.

So they actually built
that spooky abandoned house

that Dr. Giggles returns to,
the one on Breeders Hill

as they say in the
high-school make-out scene,

they used a corner of a
public park to build that thing,

Metzger Park in Tigard,
for that set.

But unfortunately,

the people who live
around Metzger Park

didn't like the production,
either.

So future Dark Horse
movie productions

did not insist
on being in Portland.

And that's Franklin High
School, by the way,

in the opening scene in the
fictional town of Moorehigh.

All right, I was gonna lecture
on heart conditions
at this break

because our lead actress has
a heart condition,

but since I ate up all the time
talking about Dark Horse,

you'll have to wait,
Darcy, for that knowledge.

-All right.
-So how's the ticker, though?

-Mine?
-Yeah.

-Fine as far as I know.

-Okay, good, because
Dr. Giggles loves hearts.

His whole mission is to find
a new heart for his dead mother.

-I feel like
his mission is revenge.

-That too.
-Yeah.

-Heart for his mother
and revenge.
-Cool.

-All right, roll the movie.

That heart monitor that
the doctor gave to Jennifer,

looks like a Sony Walkman
with extra wires attached to it.

You know? Did people really walk
around with those things?

Is that how you monitored
a heartbeat in 1992?

I guess they did.
-You're the doctor.

-"Nah, we don't think anything
is wrong with your heart,

but here, clamp this
giant metal box on your belt,

and we'll run wires up
to your chest

and make sure you
don't drop dead."

You know? [Laughs]

How would you
accessorize that, Darcy?

Let's say you had to --

you had to wear
a Sony Walkman heart monitor.

How would you turn that
into a fashion statement?

-I would paint it Barbie pink
and put stickers all over it.

Right? That would be cute.
-I actually think that is

exactly what you would do.
-Yes, it is.

-What if you had to wear
one of those

court-ordered ankle monitors?

-Same thing.
Make it Barbie pink.

I could, like, match my nails
to it. It'd be cute.

It's a look.
-Oh, God.

People would want to
get arrested

and confined to house arrest so
they could match your coolness,

Darcy.
-Of course they would.

[Laughter]

[School bell rings]

-[Screaming]

[Dog growls, barks]

[Music plays on TV]

[TV shuts off]

[Screaming]

[Bird caws]

-Hello?

[Insects chirping]

Anyone in here?

Is anybody in there?!

Well,
I'm gonna call the police!

-[Giggles]

♪

♪

-[Screams]
[Dog barks]

-Hmm.

[Barking continues]

-[Giggles]

[Barking continues]

-Party time!
-Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

-Yeehaw!

[Indistinct conversations]

♪

[Vehicles approaching]

♪

[Indistinct conversations
continue]

-[Chuckles]

I remember riding the Ferris
wheel when I was a little kid.

We'd stop at the top, and
I could see all the big kids
parked on the hill

where we are now.

I wanted to be
with the big kids so bad.

-Yeah, well,
now you are with the big kids.

-Uh, you know, Max,
I'm really not that thirsty.

-Hey, what's thirst
got to do with it?

-I just don't want to drink
right now, okay?

Come on. Why do we have to
get drunk to have fun?

-We don't have to get drunk,
but it's a damn good start.

-Not for me.

-Hey.
[Glass shatters]

Trouble in paradise?

[Laughter]

-Whoo!

[Indistinct conversations]

[Siren chirps, brakes squeal]

-Let's go.
-Oh, man!

-Shit.
[Car doors closing]

-Hey!
Party's moving to the bash.

It's every man for himself.

-Most of you are probably
too wet behind the ears

to remember
this old chart-buster.

Judy Holliday made it famous
way back in 1960,

when I would have been just
old enough to join you.

And it's called
"The Party's Over."

[Laughs]

That's right.
The party's over.

-Good night, Officer!
Asshole!

-Now, Officer Magruder
is going to wind it up,

and anyone still on the premises
will be partying in beautiful,

recently repainted
Moorehigh lockup.

You mind
if I turn this noise off now?

-[Laughs]

-You live for that shit,
don't you?

-[Laughs] Ooh!

Magruder's raid
on Breeders Hill.

That's a Moorehigh tradition,
son.

-You got any other Moorehigh
traditions I should know about?

-Unit three, possible 3-11
at 5714 Tivoli Court.

Please respond. Code 2.

-10-4, station.

[Walkie clicks]

You're asking about
Moorehigh traditions.

Ten to one Elaine Henderson
called that in.

That crazy broad sees rapists
in her hemorrhoid cream.

[Engine starts]

-[Sighs]

[Water running]

[Erica barking]

Oh.

Erica, when are you
gonna figure out

how to use the doggy door?

Come on, come on.

And stop barking.

You're gonna lose
your voice again.

♪

Get in bed, Erica.

♪

The cops never come
when you want them.

♪

[Sighs]

♪

[Gasping]

♪

-[Barking]

♪

[Grunting]

[Groaning]

♪

[Buttons beeping]

Operator, I need a doctor.

[Groaning]

♪

[Erica barking]

[Gasps]

It's a good thing
I make house calls.

-[Yelping]

♪

-[Gasping]

♪

-These things happen when you
neglect your regular checkups.

Now open up wide

and say, "Ah."

-[Grunting]

-No, "Ah."

Ah!

♪

-Mm-hmm.
-[Gasps]

-Let's have a look at that nose.

-[Whimpering]

♪

-A good physician

always has the right
instrument for the job.

♪

Now, now. This won't hurt a bit.

♪

-[Crying]

[Screams]

-Hmm. I think I
found the problem.

[Tires screech]

-So this is it.

Some of the guys
back at the station

warned me about this place.

-Yeah? What did they say?

-They didn't get
into much detail.

-[Chuckles]

Surprised those are
the kind of details

most people around
here'd rather forget.

-Well, I've always had a
way of figuring things out

by what people don'tsay.

-[Chuckles]

I think that's called
reading between the lines.

-Mm-hmm.

♪

[Scoffs]

So this guy was a doctor?

-Yeah, Evan Rendell.
He was the town doctor.

He offed seven of his patients.

♪

Cut out their hearts while
they were still alive.

-Shit. What would make
a guy crack like that?

-His wife took sick.
Heart problems.

He was trying to save her.

Somewhere along the line

the old doctor suddenly
threw a piston.

♪

The sicker she got,
the crazier he got.

One day, folks just
started disappearing.

Seems he was trying to
find his wife a new ticker.

[Chuckles]

Well, who knows, if
they hadn't killed him

maybe he'd have pulled off

the world's first
heart transplant.

-Ahead of his time,
but out of his mind.

-[Sighs] It was ugly
business clearing all that up.

♪

[Ironing board creaking]

♪

-[Gasps]

-Reitz.

-It's nothing.

Didn't he have a son?

♪

Wasn't his kid involved,

helping the father
out or something?

-That's what they say.

-There was supposed to
be this big mystery.

You know, how did the
kid get out of the house?

-That's what they say.

-What do yousay?

-I don't say.

♪

Mnh-mnh. I'm not going
up that staircase,

not till I drop
another 30 pounds

and that ain't gonna
be for a long time.

♪

-Do you smell that?

-What?

-Smells like rubbing alcohol.

-No, I don't smell nothing.

Come on, I gotta
make a pit stop.

♪

♪

Hey. Hey, come on, let's go.

♪

-How serious is it?

-Well, the doctor says it
isn't very serious at all.

But depending on what
this piece of junk says

they might have to
operate to fix the valve.

-Operate?

-Yeah.

They're telling me it's
a routine operation.

-Why didn't you tell
me about this before?

-I didn't want you
to feel sorry for me.

-Shit, Jen, you know,
I'm your boyfriend.

We're supposed to face
things like this together.

Remember, you and me?

♪

I love you.

♪

-There's something else.

It's about my mom.

I never told you
the way she died.

She went into the hospital
for a routine operation.

♪

I never saw her again.

-Jen, I'm sorry.

-I had nightmares
for the longest time

and after a while,
they went away.

But now they're back.

-Okay, folks,
exit to the right.

Watch your step.

-Listen to me, some hero, huh?

My mom died, and all I talk
about is stupid nightmares.

I don't give a shit
about anyone but myself.

-That's not true.

-My dad's trying to
get on with his life

and all I do is bitch and moan.

[Sighs]

♪

I'm sorry, Max.
I gotta be alone tonight.

♪

♪

♪

[Object clatters]
-[Moans]

Oh, yeah. Don't stop.

[Moaning]

Oh, baby. You are king.

You are king. [Moaning]

-Sorry, guys.

Guess I'm destined to
screw up everyone's night.

♪

[Vehicle rumbling]

♪

♪

-Hey, wait up. [Chuckles]

♪

-Aah!

[Video game beeping]

♪

♪

[Video game continues beeping]

♪

♪

-[Humming]

♪

-[Chuckles]

♪

-Swiped from my mom's suitcase

before she and Dad
left for vacation.

♪

-You expect me to wear this?

-Look, right now, my mom's
probably pretty pissed off,

not to mention my dad.

Don't let their pain be in vain.

♪

-Okay.

♪

But if I'm dressing up

so are you.

♪

-Where did you get this?

-They pass 'em out
in gym class.

-Must've skipped.

♪

Guess I'll go and powder up.

♪

[Video game beeping]

♪

♪

♪

Shit.

♪

♪

♪

-[Sighs]

Ready.

-I'm coming, I'm coming.

♪

-Could it possibly
be any colder in here?

♪

♪

♪

65?

These people are Eskimos.

♪

[Gasps]
-Shh, shh, shh, shh

shh, shh, shh, shh,
shh, shh, shh, shh.

You'll catch your death of
cold running around like this.

♪

I think we should
take your temperature.

Now, don't make a sound.

♪

There's a good girl.

♪

Tongue up.

♪

-[Whimpering]

♪

Lucky for you, I've discovered

the only known cure
for the common cold.

♪

-Aah!

-Leave it in for
at least a minute.

[Water trickling]

Maybe she won't notice.

[Sniffs]

Ready or not, here I come.

[Clothes rustling]

You know, ever since I found

my mom's
Victoria's Secrets catalog

I have been dying for this.

♪

-I hope you have protection.

-[Screaming]

[Video game beeping]

♪

♪

♪

-Hmm. Hmm.

[Video game continues beeping]

♪

Terminal.

♪

[Door opens]

[Static]

-So, Darcy, I know
you love brutal kills,

and, um,
I know you love this movie,

but, like, that girl
who's killed in the house,

that's just a scream.

You see nothing.

And then the killing of Stu
in the -- in the bed,

all you see
is a red blotch in his crotch.

And, uh, I mean, even though
a blotch in the crotch

is a very powerful image,
it doesn't exactly kick ass

in a movie
that has Greg Nicotero

doing the special effects.

-They build up
to the bigger effects.

It's going to pay off later.
I promise.

-Alright. I'm going to talk
about mitral valve prolapse now.

-Okay. Let's do it.

-Because I know you want
to know about it, don't you?

Aren't you the world's biggest
fan of the series "Charmed"?

-No, but, I mean, I've seen it.

-Okay, well,
I thought you were, but --

-I like it.
-Alright, well,

so then you must be loving this
performance by Holly Marie Combs

as Jennifer, the heart patient
who hates her stepmom.

-I mean, she was the most boring
of the three on "Charmed."

-Really?
-Yeah.

-So you're not a fan
of Piper Halliwell,

the middle witch sister
in "Charmed"?

She was the only actor to be
in all 178 episodes of the show.

-Piper was always
the buzzkill.

-Really?
-Mm-hmm.

-Well, she's had
an interesting life.

She was born in San Diego
to a 15-year-old mom

who was in a punk band...
-Nice.

-...and then they moved to
New York City when Holly was 7,

and she ended up being
a child model and an actor.

She went to that professional
children's school in New York,

and then she made
her film debut at age 14,

as the daughter of
Susan Sarandon and Don Johnson

in "Sweet Heart's Dance."

But she was still an unknown
when she made "Dr. Giggles."

But the same year that
"Dr. Giggles" came out, whammo,

she gets cast as Kimberly
in the TV drama "Picket Fences,"

and she does that for four years

and she wins all kinds of awards
as -- she's the eldest child

of Sheriff Tom Skerritt
in that show.

And then she gets "Charmed"
and does that for eight years,

and she actually married
the key grip on "Charmed"...

-Aww.
-...David Donoho,

and they had three sons
together.

And then she got yet
another long-running show.

She was one of the moms
on "Pretty Little Liars."

She did 62 episodes of that
between 2010 and 2017.

And then in 2019,
she married some other guy,

and she sort of retired
from acting.

So, anyway, in this movie,
she's got mitral valve prolapse.

Now, all you aspiring doctors
who are studying with me

tonight, including those
who are watching online,

here's what you need to know
about mitral valve prolapse.

It's probably nothing.

[Laughter]

It means one of the flaps
in the chamber of the heart

is sticking a little bit,
you know?

You know how they flap back
and forth?

Sticking a little bit.
No big deal.

And that's how you're going
to describe it to the patient.

No big deal.

But all the time you're
describing it to the patient,

you're going to use,
"A," big words,

and, "B,"
emotionally charged words

to terrify the patient
and get him or her

to spend money on testing.

You understand the concept?
So, for example,

you describe
how sometimes that flap

in the left heart chamber
bulges backward

so that blood leaks
in the wrong direction.

"But it probably isn't true
in your case."

And so you're not going
to describe it that way.

You're going to say
the blood is regurgitated.

You're also going to say
that mitral valve prolapse is

something called
Barlow syndrome.

It has different names.
It has --

It's also called
billowing mitral valve

or click-murmur syndrome

or floppy valve syndrome.

Because floppy is a word
you want to use over and over,

implying that
something is flopping around

inside your heart, right?
-Floppy.

-And then --
yeah, write that down.

-Got it.
-And then you want to say

the actual name of it

is myxomatous
mitral valve disease.

You know, something that's
impossible to spell or remember.

And -- And -- And you make
the patient think,

"Wow. Has so many names.

They must not know
exactly what it is --

all over the world."

But don't stop there.

Point out that mitral valve
prolapse can be linked to --

don't say how it's linked to.

It just canbe linked to
Ebstein anomaly,

Ehlers-Danlos syndrome,
Graves disease...

...Marfan syndrome,
muscular dystrophy,

and scoliosis due
to the irregular heartbeat

whenever you have severe
regurgitation causing swelling

of the upper left heart
chamber or atrium.

Say all this,
use all those words,

"But it probably doesn't apply
to you."

[Laughter]

And you'll have done your job,
and they'll be back.

They'll be begging
for the surgical solution,

and you're going to give it
to them.

Alright, let's see what
Dr. Giggles has in store for

the still-living-and-breathing
youth of Moorehigh.

Roll the flick.

One other thing you can do
is mention

weird medical machines
and -- and procedures,

you know, and say it like this.

"Don't worry.
We probably won't need

an implantable
cardioverter-defibrillator

or a biventricular pacemaker
or a cardiac loop recorder.

I don't believe
that any of these devices

will be required in your case,

but we do have all of them
if they're ever needed,

because we use them
all the time."

♪

See what we're doing here,
Darcy?

-Being mean?

-No, no, we're giving people
their medical choices.

We are observing patient rights.

-By scaring them to death.

-No, not to death, because
that would be self-defeating.

-[Chuckles]
-You want to be a doctor or not?

-No,
I do not want to be a doctor.

-Well, pretend you do
for three more breaks, okay?

-I want to be a doctor. Yay.
[Laughter]

[Static]

[School bell rings]

♪

[Static]

♪

♪

♪

♪

[Page turns]

♪

♪

[Photo album closes]

♪

♪

[Door closes]

-Oh, Jennifer's home.
-No.

-No, I just wanna
see if she's okay.

-[Sighs] She's never okay.

-Come on, she needs
time to adjust.

I mean, the girl is sick.

She just lost her
mother for God's sake.

-You just lost your wife.
You've adjusted.

I'll be right back.

-[Sighs]

-Hey, Jen.
[Knocks on door]

♪

What the...?

♪

Jennifer!

♪

[Scoffs]

♪

-What's the matter?
-[Gasps]

-Sorry.

-Jennifer was here.

W-We have to go look for her.

-Look for her? Where?

-I don't know. The fair.
Something is wrong.

I found her heart monitor.
She'd been drinking.

-[Chuckles] Right where
she wanted you to find it.

-What are you talking about?

-She's trying to tear us apart.
Don't you see that?

-All I can see is that
my daughter is sick

and that she might
be in trouble.

So are you coming or not?

-No. I'm not.

-If Jennifer comes back,
you tell her to stay here.

[Door closes]

-Unbelievable.

[Engine starts in distance]

[Tires squeal]

[Dog barking]

[Indistinct conversations]

♪

♪

-Hey, Max.

-Where's Jennifer?

-I don't know,
we got separated.

♪

-So you hear about
that top-secret bash

going on over in
the main building?

We were just gonna crash it.

Do you wanna come?

♪

-Sure. Why the hell not?

[Crickets chirping]

-[Sniffles]

[Sighs]

[Grunts]

[Crying]

♪

[Screams]

[Grunting]
-[Clicking tongue]

All that fat.

All that sugar.

♪

We've got to start taking
better care of ourselves.

-[Gasps]
-Remember, we are what we eat.

-[Grunting]
-But not to worry.

-[Whimpering]

-We'll get it
out of your system.

♪

[Giggling]

♪

They have a saying.

-[Grunting]

[Device whirring]

What goes down...

♪

...must come up.

-[Screaming]

[Grunting]

♪

[Device whirring]

[Gagging]

-I know, I know.

♪

It sucks.

♪

-[Screams]

♪

-First of all, you gotta
use the right fingerings.

There.

♪

-Okay, now, you just gotta
blow the thing right there.

-♪ I'm going home♪

♪ I've been gone much too long♪

♪ She said she missed me♪

♪ Since I've been gone♪

♪ I'll be back soon♪

♪ Ain't no doubt♪

[Saxophone honks]
-[Giggles]

-You just can't
blow it like that.

-Why not?

-Oh, you gotta use
the right embouchure.

-What's that?

-It's the way you
place your, uh, lips.

-I've never had a problem
with my lips before.

Maybe you better show
me what I'm doing wrong.

♪

-♪ No holding back,
I'm going home♪

♪ No holding back,
I'm going home♪

♪ I'm going stateside♪

♪ With my convictions♪

♪

♪

-Heart problems.

♪

Heart.

♪

-It's your heart.

♪

Just a broken heart.

♪

[Crying]

♪

[Laughing]

♪

-[Giggling]

♪

Ooh.

[Giggling]

♪

♪

Just like Mother.

♪

No.

♪

Moorehigh can wait.

♪

I wanna make you proud.

♪

I want to carry on your work.

♪

♪

[Indistinct conversations]

♪

[Riders screaming]

♪

♪

-Looking for someone?

♪

-Uh, yeah, Max.

♪

-I think I can help you.

♪

[Both moaning]

♪

-I guess I should
thank you, Max.

-Jen?

♪

Fuck.

-At least now I know which
one of us is really sick.

♪

[Riders screaming]

♪

♪

♪

♪

[PA system chatter]

♪

-Jen!

♪

♪

♪

Jen!

♪

Jen!

♪

Jennifer, come on.
I saw you come in here.

Just let me talk to you.

♪

-[Echoing] Leave me alone.

♪

-[Echoing] Jennifer.

-[Exhales softly]

[Echoing]
You broke my heart, Max.

♪

And some things
just can't be fixed.

♪

-Jennifer, wait.

♪

-Max.

Oh! Shit.

♪

Oh. This is just choice.

Now I'm bleeding.

♪

-Have an accident?

Probably just needs a Band-Aid.

♪

[Giggling]

-[Gasps]

-[Giggling continues]

-Max?

♪

Max?

♪

Max, if you're screwing around,

this is a really stupid time.

♪

[Door whirs]

♪

Max?

♪

[Gasps]

♪

[Breathing shakily]

-Don't worry.
-[Gasps]

-It's ouchless.

Aah!

Aah!

♪

-[Echoing] Trust me.

[Giggles]

I'm a doctor.

[Giggles]

♪

-[Panting]

♪

Whoa!
-What happened?

What's the matter?

-It's Coreen.
-What?

-[Giggling]

♪

-Jennifer, get out! Run!

♪

-[Grunting]

♪

♪

[Screams]

[Grunting]

♪

♪

♪

-Are you feeling
any discomfort?

♪

[Both grunt]

♪

[Groans]

♪

[Groans]

-[Panting]

♪

Help!
Ms. Henderson, help me!

♪

[Tires screech]

[Grunts]

♪

-What in the hell
are you doing?

♪

-He's trying to kill me.
-Who?

-A doctor.

♪

[Static]

-Two scenes in that sequence
I thought were very inventive.

The first one was
the stomach pump

on the ice-cream-binging
stepmom.

-You agree?
-Yes.

-Okay.
-[Chuckling] Agreed.

-And then that
house-of-mirrors scene.

That was excellent.

All those carnival scenes
were shot

at the Oaks Amusement Park
in southeast Portland.

Their slogan is,
"Where the Fun Never Ends!"

[Laughter]

Manny Coto, the writer/director,

has been praised for that
mirror scene, and rightly so.

Let's -- Let's talk about
him a little bit.

Manny Coto was Cuban,
born in Havana,

but his family fled Cuba in 1963
to get away from Castro and, um,

actually, Manny Coto
always pointed out

that he was Galician,

meaning his family came from
that area of Spain

that has its own dialect,

you know, the northwestern
corner of Spain?

The part that's north
of Portugal?

I'm not sure
why that was important to him.

He was not Cuban.
He was Galician.

So what is important
for this movie

is that his father was a doctor.

And when he --
when Manny was a kid,

he would send off
for animal dissection kits.

Now, I've never heard of this,

but you could buy dead animals
so you could learn

how to dissect them,

like in biology class.
-Oh, no.

-I guess if your father's
a doctor,

you can get these.
-Gross.

-Because he admired his dad

and he wanted to do
what his dad did.

So actually, kind of spooky,
given what this movie is about.

Anyway, his family settled
in Orlando,

and Manny became fascinated
with Disney

and with "Star Trek."

He worked summers at
Haunted Mansion in Disney World,

and he started making
Super 8 films

when he was a teenager.

And then he spent some time

at Loyola University
in New Orleans.

But he made the big move to L.A.
in 1983,

and he got into the American
Film Institute training program

by talking Tippi Hedren
into being in his short film.

And apparently the results
of that film were stellar.

And when he got out,
he was writing screenplays.

He wrote an episode of,
um, "Alfred Hitchcock Presents."

And really, the reason
he's not better known

as a horror director is that he
spent most of his life doing TV.

He had his own Showtime sci-fi
series called "Odyssey 5,"

starring Peter Weller as the
captain of a space shuttle crew

that has to go back in time

to prevent the destruction
of Earth.

Critically acclaimed
but canceled after 19 episodes.

He was the showrunner
on Season 4

of "Star Trek: Enterprise,"

and he's credited with taking
the series back to its roots.

Very much admired for that.

He worked on the series "24,"
um, the series "Dexter,"

and he wrote a whole bunch
of stuff

for "American Horror Story"
and "American Horror Stories,"

11 episodes of each one
of those.

Um, very well known
as a nice guy.

He could apparently do
a spot-on imitation

of William Shatner,

although he never did it
in front of Shatner.

Uh, just used it to amuse his
crews and his fellow writers.

Unfortunately,
Manny Coto is no longer with us.

Pancreatic cancer got him
last July

at the age of 62.
-Aw.

-But actors loved Manny Coto,

and he attracted a cast of pros
for this movie.

Cliff De Young plays
Jennifer's dad.

He had starred in "Hair"
on Broadway.

He would later star
in "The Craft."

Um, in his youth,
he was the lead singer

in a band called Clear Light.

Uh, Glenn Quinn plays Max,
the boyfriend.

He was Irish, actually.

He almost never got to use
his natural Irish brogue.

He was always doing
that American accent.

Probably best known
as Mark Healy.

Uh, seven seasons on "Roseanne."

Sadly, he died
of a heroin overdose in 2002.

Uh, Keith Diamond, excellent job
as Officer Joe Reitz.

Um, he would later be
in "Charmed."

-Yeah.
-He was also in "Charmed"

as, uh,
Inspector Reece Davidson.

And he was on the show "LAX."
From Jamaica, Queens.

And then I also really like
the older officer, Magruder,

played by Richard Bradford.

He's a Texan.
He grew up in Conroe.

Sounds a lot like Ben Johnson
to me.

Has the same sort of accent.

Was a longtime character actor
in "The Untouchables,"

uh, "The Legend of Billie Jean,"
"American Graffiti."

Actors Studio dude.

His credits go back
to "The Chase" in 1966,

and he starred in the British
spy series "Man in a Suitcase."

Alright, Darcy,
I think I have imparted

all the medical knowledge
that I have.

What else can I tell you?

-That we're going back
to the movie?

-Okay,
we're going back to the movie.

-Yeah.
-Roll it.

Who do you think is scarier --

Larry Drake in "Dr. Giggles"

or Corbin Bernsen
in "The Dentist"?

-Hmm, I don't know.

Probably Dr. Giggles.
-I agree with you,

because Corbin Bernsen
might occasionally,

theoretically let somebody live,

but Larry Drake is
just a nonstop killing machine.

-Yeah, and also, Dr. Giggles
has killing in his DNA

because his father was
a notorious serial killer, so...

-Whereas the dentist
might think you have --

the dentist would think
something like,

"You have exceptionally good
dental hygiene,

so I'm not going to kill you."

-True. Plus, Dr. Giggles thinks
he's saving your life

when he takes out one heart
and puts in another.

So he's evil and crazy.

-Well, like,
Corbin Bernsen is not crazy?

-I mean, there's, like,
crazy and then batshit crazy.

-Okay.
True. Good point.

[Laughter]

♪

[Static]

[School bell rings]

♪

[Static]

♪

-Look, Chief,
I'm telling you,

there was someone after her.

-I know, I know, a doctor.

Look, there's only one
doctor in this town

and I've known him
since he was your age.

-He lookedlike a doctor.
I don't know what he was.

Maybe he just thinks
he's a doctor.

Maybe he wanted to be a doctor
and never got the chance.

-How's that?

-I know this is gonna sound
a bit crazy

but has anyone here considered

this guy might be be
Dr. Rendell's son?

-Not anyone who is serious
about keeping his job.

Charlie?

Look, why don't you
go back and take 10?

I'll call you when
your parents get here.

-Come on, buddy.

-Promise me you'll
look after her.

-I don't have to
promise you doodly squat.

Have we heard from the fair yet?

-Bill found the broken
glass, no dead girl.

-I don't doubt it, Chief.
[Chuckles]

Did you get a whiff
of those kids?

You ask me, they were having
too much fun in the fun house.

-Oh, come on. You saying
they both imagined it?

-I finished checking her out.
-How is she?

-She's stable, but I wanna
take her down to the office,

put her on the EKG.

-Sure thing.

Oh, and if you see any of your
marauding doctors out there

you'll let us know?

-Why the EKG?

-She has a heart condition.

Could become serious.

-Dr. Rendell's wife
died of a heart problem.

-So did my mama and my daddy,
my grandma, and grandpa.

-How the hell did we get back
into Dr. Rendell again?

-Hold it in, Chief.

My new partner just got
a little bump on the head.

-That has nothing to do
with it, and you know it.

-Nor does Dr. Rendell.

-Alright.
That's enough.

-Look, Chief --
- I said that's enough

or you'll be handing out
parking tickets with Ol' Annie.

Listen, these kids are
pulling your chain. Relax.

Oh, why don't you go and see

if you can catch
the girl's father?

I'll call, leave a message in
case he beats you there.

-Sure thing, Chief.
-Reitz, station duty.

And next time, wear your
seatbelt a little tighter.

-Magruder.

Magruder.

You didsmell something in
that Rendell house, didn't you?

-I didn't smell nothing.

-You saw that girl.

She was fucking scared to death.

-That little girl probably
just had too much to drink.

It happens to the best of us.

-And what about the boy, huh?

Did he have too much to drink?

-Let go of me.
-Not until you level with me.

-I'm going to level you
if you don't let go.

-Do what you feel, man,
but it might be easier

to just tell me what
the fuck you're hiding.

Is it Rendell's son?

♪

-I'm sorry.

♪

[Sighs]

♪

[Sighs]

♪

[Sighs]

♪

I haven't opened this
bottle for 35 years.

♪

I haven't had a drink
in all that time, either.

♪

-How come?

-[Sighs]

-I'm your partner, man. Tell me.

-[Sighs]

It was 1957.

The night after they
found all the bodies.

♪

All the other
officers were gone.

♪

The mob had already
offed Dr. Rendell,

but the search was
still on for Evan Jr.

♪

We'd moved all of Rendell's
victims out of the house...

♪

...and I was left alone
to watch over the bodies.

♪

I don't need to tell you,
I was plenty spooked.

♪

Thank God for Mr. Moon-Glo.

♪

-[Giggling]

-It was around midnight
when I heard it.

♪

-[Giggling continues]

♪

♪

♪

♪

[Giggling]

♪

-Who's in here?

♪

-[Giggling]

♪

[Giggles]

♪

-[Sighs]

[Stomach gurgling]

♪

[Grunts]

♪

♪

-[Gasping]

♪

-And I watched him come out.
-[Giggles]

-It was like he was
being born again.

That was how Dr. Rendell got
his son out of the house.

He'd sewn him up in what was
left of his wife's corpse.

♪

-[Hisses]

[Giggling]

-And when I came to,
little Evan was gone.

Everything was clean.

It was like it never happened.

Evan's mom was
even sewed back up.

♪

-Jesus, this is a major
league fucked-up town.

Why haven't you told anyone?

-Who'd believe a 20-year-old
kid under too much pressure

and too much Moon-Glo?

"Our town has a doctor,

and his name is Rendell.

Stay away from his house.
He's a doctor from hell.

He chopped up his
patients, every last one.

And cut out their
hearts purely for fun.

So if you're from Moorehigh
and you should get sick.

Then fall on your knees
and pray you die quick."

Don't go chasing
nursery rhymes, Reitz.

[Telephone rings]

[Answering machine beeps]
-Hi.

You've reached
the Campbell residence.

Neither I...
-Or Jennifer.

...can come to
the phone right now.

But Please leave a message,
and we'll call you right back.

-Bye-bye.
[Answering machine beeps]

-Uh, hello. Mr. Campbell?
This is Chief Harper

at the Moorehigh Station
on West Street.

Would you please call me
as soon as you get in

concerning your daughter?

She's safe here with us,
not in any trouble.

I'm at 555-9122,
extension 3.

Thanks.

[Answering machine beeps,
clicks]

♪

♪

-Jennifer?

Jen?

Tamara? Tamara?
Now, where the hell did you go?

[Phone beeps]

-Uh, hello, Mr. Campbell.

This is Sheriff Harper

at the Moorehigh
Station on West Street.

Please call me as
soon as you get in

concerning your daughter.

She's safe here with us.
She's not in any trouble.

I'm at 555-9122,
extension 3. Thanks.

[Phone beeps]

-Hello, this
is your new doctor,

and I'm standing
right behind you.

-Now, what the hell is that?
-[Beeps]

[Saw whirring]

[Screams]

-If you think that's bad,
wait till you get my bill.

[Evan giggling]

[Doorbell chimes]

[Knock on door]

-Mr. Campbell?

Mr. Campbell?

[Gun clicks]

[Crickets chirping]

Mother of God.

[Screams]

Oh, my God.

-[Giggling]

-[Gagging]

You owe me 35 years of sleep.

-You sick son of a bitch.
-[Gunshot]

[Evan gasps]

[Harper groans and grunts]

[Evan groaning]

[Crying]

[Giggling]

-This is gonna take
about 40 minutes.

You try to relax.

I'll be right in
the next room, okay?

[Beeping]

-Unit 13...

-Is Jennifer okay?

-Yeah, she's with the doctor.

-The doctor?

-Dr. Chamberlain.
The girl's okay.

-You believe us, don't you?

-Why you grabbing me?

-Don't you?

-Let's just say I'm
getting there. Grab a seat.

-What are you doing?

-Chasing nursery rhymes.

[Machine beeping]

-Scalpel.

[Whimpering]

[Giggling]

Ooh. Oh.

That smarts. Oh.

Retractor.

Suction.

[Giggling]

[Groaning]

[EKG beeping rapidly]

Forceps.

[Evan groaning]

[Giggles]

Prepare to close.

-[Giggling and groaning]

-Physician, heal thyself.

-Just how long are
you gonna sit there?

-As long as it takes.

We're scanning every
felony in a radius of...

Why the fuck am I
telling you? Tss.

-This guy's out there,
Reitz, I saw him.

He's out there.

[Computer beeps]

-You may be right.

Tarawood.

[Typing]

Escaped from Tarawood
State Hospital two weeks ago.

A 42-year old male
schizophrenic.

Killed three hospital personnel.

ID unknown, orphaned at age 7.

He's 40.

That means born in 1952
and orphaned in 1959.

-What does all this mean?

-I doubt I could convince
anyone else around here,

but I'm taking another
look at that Rendell house.

-And I'm going with you.
-Like hell you are.

Sit down and wait
for your parents.

-Like hell I'm not.

-Hello. Is this Chief Harper?

This is Joe Campbell,
Jennifer's father.

I see.

I'm on my way.

[EKG beeping steadily]

[EKG continues beeping steadily]

[EKG beeping flatly]

-Dr. Chamberlain.

Dr. Chamberlain!

-You're supposed
to be relaxing.

-The machine.

-I'm sorry, Jennifer.
I'm afraid we have to go in.

[Chamberlain grunting]

-Dr. Chamberlain,
what are you doing?

-Don't worry, Jennifer.
It's just a routine operation.

-[Screaming]

-[Giggling]

-Jennifer, Jennifer.
whoa, whoa, whoa.

It's Dr. Chamberlain.
It's Dr. Chamberlain.

You're in my office,
everything's fine,

you had a nightmare.

Come on, sit up.

Take a deep breath.
You all right?

Let me just check
the readout, okay?

[EKG beeping steadily]

Well, up until just now,
things looked pretty good.

Wave patterns seem to be just
about where they should be.

I think you're gonna be fine.

-[Knife squelches]
-[Grunts]

-If I were you, I'd
get a second opinion.

-[Screams]

[EKG beeping rapidly]

-Well, here we are.

[Giggling]

-[Grunts]

-Jennifer.

My problem is...

[Jen sobs]

...I care too much.

[Grunts]

[Groaning]

-This isn't happening.

[Evan grunting]

-That is very unprofessional
of you, doctor.

-Stay away from her.

-Still I'm not above showing
a little professional courtesy.

How about a free examination?

[Both grunting]

Shh.

[Jen shrieks]

[Chamberlain screams and grunts]

-Reflexes seem normal.

Let's check the blood pressure.

[Giggling]

-Oh!

[Chamberlain grunts]

-Now...

relax and breathe normally.

[Air hissing]

[Jen sobbing]

I'm afraid the news is bad.

I give you six seconds to live.

Any last words, doctor?

-[Gasping]

[Air hissing]

-[Whimpering]

-Either you're dead or
my watch has stopped.

[Jen screams]

Lights out. Doctor's orders.

-Hmm.

[Static crackles]

-And now we get
that classic scene

where the evil monster literally
has the heroine cradled

in his arms, carrying her
off to some horrible fate.

And speaking of evil monsters,

who ended up winning
the scariest evil doctor poll?

-Oh, it's still going.

-Really?
-Yeah.

-Okay, who's in the running?

Because, you know,
here's what we can do instead,

so that we don't prejudice
the polling of the doctors.

What's the greatest
medical horror movie?

We got the Doctor Moreau films.

We got "The Surgeon", we got
"The Nurse", we got "Nurse 3D".

"Visiting hours",
the Canadian movie.

"Horror Hospital."
"Blood Work."

All the Dr. Jekyll films.
There's a parcel of those.

"Inmate Zero."
"X-Ray."

Larry Cohen film,
"The Ambulance."

-"X-Ray" is good,

but I actually think it might be
"Doctor Giggles".

Or -- oh, oh. No.

"Human Centipede."

-Oh, "Human Centipede"?
That's just gross.

-It's scary.
It could happen.

-Okay. It could not happen.
-It could happen.

-It could not.

"The Facility."
Remember that one?

"The Void."

"The Fly"?

-I'm sticking with --
-He's a doctor.

-Nah, it's "Human Centipede."
The end.

No poll necessary.

-You know, they just came out
with a new version

of "The Surgeon."

The one I was talking about,

the original is
just traditional horror,

but the new one is all
about this performance artist

who uses surgery
to get off sexually.

Have you seen that one?

-I have not, but I think
I might watch it later tonight.

-Got your attention, right?
-A little bit.

-So what do you think of
the music in "Doctor Giggles"?

-It's very powerful.

-I think it's too powerful,
actually.

The music sometimes
overpowers the story.

It starts to sound
like a parody of dramatic music.

Or maybe they wanted that.

-I disagree, I think
it is emotional and beautiful.

-It's the last film score
of Brian May,

the guy who did, um,
"Mad Max", "Freddy's Dead",

many other movies.

I just like it because it's
a full orchestral score

at a time when most filmmakers

were not using
orchestras anymore.

Everything was synthesizer.

And just one more thing

before we go on to
the thrilling multiple endings

of "Doctor Giggles".

That Greg Nicotero
special effect

where the little kid
scalpels his way out

of his dead mother's body
because his dad sewed him up

inside there to keep him safe.

Such a strong image that
it just stays with you forever.

I mean, just on the basis of
that, this movie is a classic.

-Agreed.

-And now to the very messy
conclusion of "Doctor Giggles."

So roll it.

Medicine is messy.

Do you think that someday
we will look back on the 20th

and the 21st centuries
and will say, "You know

they used to actually cut
people open as a way

to cure medical conditions?

What a barbaric age."

-What would they use instead,
like lasers?

-No, I'm thinking drugs.

Eventually it's just invent new
drugs that fix everything.

-We have a really good
track record with that.

-Well...
-Just saying.

-I mean, penicillin.
That's a good track record.

Penicillin got rid of syphilis.

-There was never surgery
for syphilis, though.

-No, I guess you just
went raving mad

as your brain got eaten away
from syphilis.

-Nice.

-Yeah.
You know, the broken condom,

cute joke in this movie.

100 years ago, an unknown
wang doodle could be

like playing Russian roulette.

-I mean, it still kind of is.

-Not or syphilis, though.
I mean, syphilis could kill you.

-I think we should just agree
that condoms are our friends.

-Okay.
-Scientifically.

-Condoms are our friends.

-Science!
-Okay. Agreed.

Not sure why,
but all right, yeah.

[Static crackles]

[Bell ringing]

[Static crackles]

[Tires screech]

Oh.

Oh, shit.

[Dialing]

-Doctor.

-I'm calling the hospital now.

-No, no, no...

A doctor...

did this.

[Jennifer gasps]

-And how are we feeling?

Just relax.

It'll all be over
before you know it.

-No.

-No need to be shy
around me, young lady.

Oh, sorry. These
things get cold.

[Sighs]

It's broken, all right.

[Tires screech]

[Door creaking]

[Stairs creaking]

[Lamp squeaking]

[Machine beeping]

-Never a nurse around
when you need one.

[Jennifer crying]

Too small.

[Heart splats]

Too big.

Hmm.

Just right.

-Shit.

[Retches and coughs]

[Panting]

-My father finished this
after my mother died.

He never got to use it.

It was too late.

You'll be the first, Jennifer.

[Jen crying]

-[Gasps]

-You see, Jennifer,

before we can replace
the broken heart,

we have to stop it from beating.

Plain and simple.

[Electricity crackling]

[Jen crying]

[Evan grunting]

There will be no medication.

Just a single jolt
of electricity.

It's a necessary step.

I promise.

[Jennifer screams]

You may be having
second thoughts,

but when you wake up,

you'll have a change of heart.

[Jennifer screams distantly]

[EKG chimes flatly]

[Electricity crackling]

-Don't move.

-I don't believe you
had an appointment.

-Get the fuck away from her.

-Have a heart.

-Ah!

Shit.

[Electricity booms]

[Reitz gasping]

[Door clatters]

[Door thuds]

-One, two.

[Evan panting]

[Evan inhales and
exhales sharply]

-Time to do what
doctors do best.

-4, 5 , 6, 7, 8,

9, 10, 11, 12.

[EKG beeping steadily]

[Jen coughing]

-Help me.

-Shh. I'm Officer Reitz, okay?

Listen to me. I'm going
to get you out of here,

but first, I'm gonna
go down that hall

to make sure it's clear.

Now, I need your help, kid.

I need you to be
quiet and don't move.

I'll be right back.

-[Coughs]

[Grunts]

Officer Reitz?

-Stay there, okay? Don't move.

-Jen!
-Geez.

What the fuck are
you doing here?

-It's all right.

I'm sorry.

-Look, look, look.

We don't have no time
for this shit. Come on.

-Let's go. I got you.

What the fuck happened here?

-Just move.

Keep moving. Keep moving.

-Don't look, Jen. Just
shut your eyes, okay?

Just shut your eyes.

Jen, are you okay?

-Shit.

-Get up, come on.

[Max grunts]

I'm getting you out
of here, Jen, okay?

Getting you out of here.

-Cover your eyes.

-Max.

-Visiting hours are over.
-Ah!

[Both grunting]

[Gunshot blasts]

-Should have used
an eight iron.

[Jen grunts]

You know what happens when
children play with guns?

[Reitz gasping]

-No!

[Gunshot blasts]

-Over here, motherfucker.

[Gunshot blasts]

-Come on, Max. Max.

[Max grunting]

Max, come on.

[Bottles clank and shatter]

-This is going to hurt
you more than it hurts me.

[Both scream]

[Table clanging]

[Glass shatters]

-No.

[Gunshot blasts]

-Ah!

[Gun clicking]

[Evan grunts]

[Both grunting]

-I haven't discharged you!

-Max?

-We can still make it.

[Reitz grunting]

[Evan gagging]

-Don't make me laugh.

[Saw whirring]

[-Screams]

-Grab my hand.

[Jen grunting]

-I can't hold on.

[Jen screaming]

[Max grunts]

-I've never lost
a patient, Jennifer.

[Evan grunts]

[Evan giggles]

[Jen grunting]

Jennifer!

[Footsteps patter]

[Evan giggling]

[Jennifer screams]

[Explosions booming]

[Fairgoers screaming]

-[Explosions booming]
-[Glass shattering]

[Jennifer coughing]

-I can't breathe, Max.

- Dr. Alfred and
Dr. Jones to OR stat.

-The strain
was too much on the valve.

We're going to have
to replace it now.

-I'm scared.

-You're gonna be
just fine, honey.

- Maintenance to 107 East.

Maintenance to 107 East.

-Okay, Jennifer.
Scoot over, please.

[EKG beeping steadily]

[Nurse gasping]

-Oh, my God.

-Okay, honey. Here we go.

[EKG continues beeping steadily]

Now, I want you to
count backwards,

slowly from 100.

-100, 99, 98

97, 96.

[Tool clatters]

-Who the hell are you?

-I'm her doctor.

[Jen grunts]

-What in God's name are those?

-Just a little something
I threw together.

Of course, they haven't
been tested yet.

[Evan giggling]

[Jen sobs]

-[Grunts]

You were dead.

-I'm not that good a doctor.

Jennifer, there's still time.

Let's pick up where we left off.

[Evan giggling]

[Door handle rattling]

[Evan grunting]

Is it my bedside manners?

-[Grunts]

-Jennifer, it's time
to take your medicine.

-Try some of your own medicine.

[Electricity crackling]

[Evan groaning and giggling]

-Ah!

-Ahhhh.

-[Panting]

-[Grunts]
-Ah!

[Evan groaning]

-I don't feel well.

-Take two and call
me in the morning.

[Evan giggles and grunts]

[Evan gasping]

-Is there a...

doctor in the house?

[Groans]

-[Crying]

[EKG beeping steadily]

-Hey, sport.

♪

-Hi, Daddy.

-[Sighs]

How you feeling?

-Feeling okay.

-Heck of a way to start
off the summer, huh?

-[Chuckles]

[EKG continues beeping steadily]

[EKG beeping rapidly]

-♪ Oh, yes

♪ A hot summer night,
fell like a net ♪

♪ I've gotta find my baby yet

♪ I need you to
soothe my head ♪

♪ And turn my blues on to red

♪ Doctor, doctor,
gimme the news ♪

♪ I got a bad case
of lovin' you ♪

♪ No pill's gonna cure my ill ♪

♪ I got a bad case
of lovin' you ♪

♪ A pretty face don't
make no pretty heart ♪

♪ I learned that
from the start ♪

♪ You think I'm cute,
a little bit shy ♪

♪ Mama, I ain't
that kind of guy ♪

♪ Doctor, doctor,
gimme the news ♪

♪ I got a bad case
of lovin' you ♪

♪ No pill's gonna cure my ill ♪

♪ I got a bad case
of lovin' you ♪

♪ Oh, yeah

♪ Yeah

♪ I know you like it,
you like it on top ♪

♪ Tell me mama,
are you gonna stop ♪

♪ You had me down
21 to zip ♪

♪ Smile of Judas, honey,
on your lips ♪

♪ Shake my fist, pound on wood

♪ I got it bad,
baby, I got it good ♪

♪ Whoa, doctor, doctor,
won't you gimme the news ♪

♪ I got a bad case
of lovin' you ♪

♪ No pill's gonna cure my ill ♪

♪ I got a bad case
of lovin' you ♪

[Static crackles]

-Okay, I think Larry Drake dies
four times in that movie.

Manny Coto was like, "Oh, hell,
let's do another set piece.

We got Japanese money
to work with.

All the people involved
with "Doctor Giggles"

were trying
to establish a horror franchise,

and they were so optimistic
about doing that

that they had Larry Drake
already signed for three movies,

but there was never even
a single sequel

to "Doctor Giggles"
for a simple reason.

It did not make any money.

The budget for the film
was 7 million bucks.

And the box office gross was
$8.4 million.

So normally you have to make
twice the budget

to cover all the marketing costs
and get to the break even.

Anyway, it came out
at Halloween 1992.

It opened in seventh place
at the box office,

finishing behind
several holdover films

from previous weeks,
including "Candyman."

Fortunately, Mike Richardson
was not discouraged,

and he kept making
films at Dark Horse anyway,

and as I said,
he would later have big success

with "Timecop."
-"Timecop"!

Sorry.
-"The Mask."

You really love "Timecop."
-"Timecop"!

-All right, and several
others.

But "Doctor Giggles" was
dead as a franchise.

I guess theoretically, you
could still make a sequel today.

-Yeah, and we should.

-But without Larry Drake,
how would you do that?

-Like his son or something?

I mean,
you have to work around it,

but I think enough time
has passed to do a remake

or a prequel -- not a remake.
-All right.

-A sequel.
-Well, you're the film's

biggest cheerleader,
so maybe it'll happen.

Actually, I know
the Dark Horse guys now.

I'll pass along
your encouragement.

-Thank you. Please do.

And today's mailbag
is going to make you very happy.

You always tell me you want
critical mail, and I have some.

-Critical mail?

Okay.

Good.
We have way too much sappy mail.

That's why I say that.

-I know, and this one's
from Ryan K. Peterson via email.

-Okay.
We don't know where he's from?

I guess not.
-It was email.

-Dear Joe Bob and Darcy,
I love "The Last Drive In",

but I was disappointed
in Joe Bob's Creepy Christmas,

and I hate saying that.

Please reconsider
how you feature movies

like "The Gingerbread Man."

It wasn't "The Gingerbread Man",

it was "The Gingerdead Man".

"Sharknado", and yes,
"Hogzilla".

[Crew chanting
"Hogzilla! Hogzilla!"]

-Alright, alright.

There is high concept.

Then there are these
what I call low concept.

Lazy filmmakers will rely
on cutesy punchline titles

like "Sharknado",
rather than create anything

that runs the slightest risk
of challenging audiences.

If you have to air one
of these movies

for "The Last Drive In", pair it
with something substantive.

Hell, even a sincerely
made movie that turns out bad

can be interesting,
sometimes profoundly so.

Like "The Baby."

"The Brain", not so much.

-Beg to differ, sir.
-I beg to differ, also.

An intentionally made bad
or cult movie is insulting

and nothing but a money grab
by left brained posers.

Let's not encourage them.
Forgive me for being critical.

I am critical because I care.

-Ryan K. Peterson.
-[Laughter]

Okay, Ryan, first of all,

I take zero responsibility
for "Hogzilla."

[Crew chanting
"Hogzilla! Hogzilla!"]

You know, it's been a while
since that movie,

but people still do that to me
at conventions.

They love to do that to me
at conventions.

But anyway,
"Hogzilla" is all Darcy.

-Yes, it is,
and I am still proud of it.

-All right.

-Yeah!
-[Crew chanting "Hogzilla!"]

-All right, all right,
all right.

Right, right.
-Never!

-"Sharknado", though.

I would defend "Sharknado"
as a highly entertaining movie

and an amazing achievement
in low budget CGI,

which how many people are
good at that?

I do not think "Sharknado" is
a crummy, low concept movie,

unless you believe that
every movie made by The Asylum

is a crummy, low concept movie.

I mean, there are a lot of them.

But in fact, their movies are
the definition of high concept,

because high concept means
movies based

on a specific single hook.

And the hook in this case,
in the case of "Sharknado",

was sharks in a tornado.

-Heck yeah.
-So that's high concept.

-Okay, now "The Brain",
normally I would agree with you

on "The Brain", but I have shown
that movie at several theaters

across the country, and it
definitely plays with a crowd.

You've been at some
of those screenings.

-Oh. yeah.
-You see how

a crowd loves that movie.

So it's a party movie.

And we have different rules
for the holiday specials.

It's a party.
It's not a film school lecture.

So "The Brain" has
been proven again and again

and again to be a crowd pleaser.

It's not one of my
all time favorite movies,

but it was perfect
for Christmas.

"Gingerdead Man" not so much.

-What? I love it.

-The reason it worked
is we had the effervescent

Robin Sydney available
as a guest,

and who doesn't want her
around at the holiday?

She just exudes
Christmas cheer 365 days a year.

-She does.
-And people loved that

interview with Robin Sydney,
but I get your point.

Limit the number of cheapies,

especially if they're kind of
cynical cheapies

like "The Brain."

But in this particular case,
I defend our choices.

But I do appreciate that you do
care, though, Ryan.

And that's it
for Joe Bob's Summer School.

Um, I guess you're a you're
a practical nurse now, Darcy.

-Wow.
-Just for being in this.

-Yeah, I thought
it was going to be a doctor.

-No, you have to come
to next year's summer school

to go that far.

But you got to
head nurse level this year.

But keep working.

-All you talked about
was how to bill patients.

-What do you think doctors do,
Darcy?

You know?
-Fair.

-All right, that's it for me,

Joe Bob Briggs
and Darcy the Mail Girl,

reminding you that in the spirit
of "Doctor Giggles",

life is a terminal disease
and is sexually transmitted.

And the drive in
will never die.

-Wow, that's good.
Writing it down.

-Guy wants a talking parrot,
so he goes to the pet store

and he buys a talking parrot,
and he brings it home,

and he finds out it starts
cussing almost nonstop.

So he begs the shop
for a refund,

but they won't give him one,
so he tries everything.

He tries bribing the parrot
with food,

yelling at the parrot,

giving the parrot
the silent treatment,

threatening the parrot,
but nothing works.

His friends stop coming over.
His family is embarrassed.

His neighbors start
complaining.

Finally he's
totally exasperated,

so he angrily opens the cage.

He grabs the parrot.
He marches to the kitchen.

He opens the freezer.

He throws the bird into the
freezer and then shuts the door.

10 minutes later,
he opens the door again

and the parrot immediately
starts begging forgiveness.

He says, "I'm sorry,
I'm really sorry.

I won't do it again.

I swear I'll never talk
like that anymore."

The bird is shivering
and shaking, and he says,

"I just got to know
one thing though."

The guy says, "What's that?"

And the bird says,
"What did the chicken do?"

[Light laughter]

-Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

-Well, that was the bomb
of the year, wasn't it?

-Good on!

Yeah! Chicken!

-♪ We are drive-in mutants

-♪ Drive-in mutants ♪

-♪ We are not like
other people ♪

♪ We are sick
-♪ Sick ♪

-♪ We are disgusting
-♪ Disgusting ♪

-♪ We believe in,
yeah, we believe in ♪

-♪ Blood ♪

♪ And breasts ♪

♪ And beasts ♪

-♪ Yeah, we believe in ♪

-♪ Blood ♪

♪ And breasts ♪

♪ And beasts ♪

-♪ If life had a vomit meter ♪

♪ We'd be off the scale
-♪ Off the scale ♪

-♪ As long as one drive-in
remains on the planet Earth ♪

♪ We will party like
jungle animals ♪

♪ We will boogie till we puke

-♪ Boogie till we puke ♪

-♪ The drive-in will never die ♪

♪ We will boogie till we puke ♪

-♪ Boogie till we puke ♪

-♪ The drive-in will never die ♪

-♪ We believe in ♪

♪ Blood ♪

♪ And breasts ♪

♪ And beasts ♪

-♪ We believe in ♪

-♪ Blood ♪

♪ And breasts ♪

♪ And beasts ♪

-♪ Yeah, we believe in ♪

-Made in Georgia.