Original subtitles

Hey, here's one of you and me.

Can you bring it a bit closer? I can't quite see.

- No. - There.

Ah! Yeah, I remember that. That's a beauty!

That was your very first victory breakfast.

Biggest swing to a first-time opposition candidate

in a non-safe seat in a First World federal election

anywhere in the world ever.

Well, no wonder we look so smug.

Well, that was my proudest achievement as a campaign manager.

Remember what I said to you just after that was taken?

Something about me picking up the bill?

I said, "Andrew, you might just be a humble backbencher at this stage,

but within four years you'll be in The Lodge

and I'm coming with you every step of the goddamn way."

That's interesting 'cause my memory was

you were too drunk to form a coherent sentence.

Put that in the book. It'd be a good caption for that picture.

- Put it in the book. - Mmm...

Ellen wants me to find something that'll unlock

some genuine emotional moments for the last chapter.

Says I'm still coming off 'stiff and guarded'.

Yeah, well, if Proust can get 11 volumes

out of a cup of tea and a Tim Tam,

you'll piss it in with a box of polaroids, Andrew.

Has he teared up yet, Henry?

He got a little misty, Ellen, at the lovely picture of Bob Hawke

being hit in the face with a cricket ball.

What can I say, I'm not an emotional person.

I think the last time I cried, I was eight and a horse trod on my foot.

The picture should be here somewhere. Look what I found.

- The wedding album. - The smell of camphor might do it.

- Anniversary next week. - I know. 35 years.

- ? The look of love... ? - 35 years.

? Is in your eyes ?

? A look ?

? Your smile ?

? Can't disguise ?

? The look of love ?

? Is saying so much more than just words could ever say ?

? And what my heart has heard ?

? Well, it takes my breath away ?

? I can hardly wait to hold you ?

? Feel my arms around you... ?

- (BLOWS NOSE) - (GASPS)

- What? - Nothing. Nothing. No, nothing.

Um, would you like to have a hit later on?

Oh. I just booked a session with Javier.

I'm so sorry, darling.

No, no, no, that's alright. No, no, no, just wondering.

(THEME MUSIC)

(SNORES)

Uh, yep.

What about this one of you holding Carol?

Nuh, nothing.

Wow, if a baby picture can't crack him, we might be in some trouble.

No, no, it's not a baby photo -

that's from the night of her 16th birthday

when she got stoned and fell in the pool.

- This one of your mother? - That's a good one.

She's dead.

You know, I don't understand this need for emotional vulnerability.

I read Lazarus Rising, all I learned was how tedious a book could be

and still sell 100,000 copies.

Yeah, well, Andrew Dugdale is no John Howard.

Good tagline. Put it on the cover next to the 'remaindered' sticker.

We wouldn't need insight into how you tick if we ended on fireworks.

If something exciting happened in your autumn years,

instead of good health and contentment.

Oh, I'm very sorry. I'm sorry.

Maybe I should go to a Memphis hotel and lose my trousers

or have a fling with Wendi Deng.

Andrew Peacock took Shirley MacLaine UFO-spotting once.

- Really? - On a Mexican volcano.

Well, that's not a bad idea. I'm game.

Henry, could you ring Andrew Peacock

and see if he'll go on a date with me?

Henry?

Yoo-hoo! Henry?

Oh, it's probably nothing.

He's gone to the toilet or making a cup of tea.

- Both probably. - Well, there's still no answer.

You should probably drop by.

Yeah. Rita, could you ask Curtis to get out the car?

- I don't think he's in it, Mr Andrew. - Hm.

It's bin day today. I'll pop my head in.

It'd be a good photo for the cover.

I'll grab Curtis.

Why are you worried about looking like you care about somebody?

You're as bad as she is!

I have no problem expressing feelings or showing people I care.

Show Poppa what you made for his and Gaga's anniversary.

Teacher says it looks like a Chagall.

Yeah, yeah, not now, boy, I got enough on my plate as it is.

- Andrew. - Oh, right.

Carol... Carol, I'm sorry. Sorry.

Look, see Sonny and make an appointment.

Oh. Well, Chagall?

You validate these kids too much and they grow up very needy.

His car's not here. Maybe he went down to the shops.

He's on home detention, Curtis.

His ankle monitor goes off if he goes outside the gate.

Well, these aren't his: they're obviously way too small.

See, we're worrying unnecessarily.

Women's underwear on the footpath,

we've got a recycle bin full of empty champagne bottles,

which I probably paid for, and the women too, no doubt.

He's absolutely fine.

Bloody hell! He's been ransacked!

- I'll call the police. - No, no, no, no.

Ever since Cindy left him, the place always looks like this.

Henry! Where are you, you old bugger?

Oh.

Uh-uh, Mr Dugdale! Fingerprints.

Yes. Yes, you're right, Curtis.

Ellen, I think you better ring the police.

(DOOR SHUTS, FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

- Two people. - Yes?

- Neither of them Henry. - (FOOTSTEPS DRAWING CLOSER)

- Hide! - Yeah, yeah, you're right. Hide, hide.

- No, no, I'm in here. Get out. No. - What?

(DOOR SHUTS)

No, Mr Dugdale - the five iron.

- Much better. - (FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

(GLASS SHATTERS)

It's a five iron.

(WHISPERS) Put those away!

- They're evidence. - (WHISPERS) Put them away!

WOMAN: And if you hear anything from Mr Coates,

please be sure and let us know.

- Absolutely. - That goes for you too, Mr Dugdale.

Aiding and abetting a fugitive is an offence, even for an ex-PM.

Oh, sure. Yeah, absolutely.

I'm as keen to get a hold of him as you are.

Are you sure you can't just track the ankle monitor?

The signal went dead about the same time you noticed he went missing.

You don't think that he's...

You don't suspect anything, do you?

It's too early to be getting worried.

Or rule anything out. If you'll excuse us, please.

- Yeah, sure. - Ma'am.

Officer, are you sure you don't want these pantyhose?

- Positive, sir. Thank you. - But...

No, Curtis! They know what they're doing, alright?

Now, go and clean the egg off your windscreen.

My friend too, you know?

I think 'friend' might be overstating it a bit.

You're really worried about him as well, aren't you?

No, no, I mean, Henry's survived two wives, three heart attacks

and an ATO probe the size of the Rialto Tower.

I'm more worried about my money.

- That's not our car, Curtis! - Oh, not again.

- CURTIS: Rightio! - (METALLIC BANGING)

Well, get off the top of it. You'll dent it.

Henry Coates was one of the small fry

caught up when Wickenby pulled its nets in.

Offshore money laundering in the Channel Islands.

Over a million bucks in tax fraud that we know of.

Two years' home detention.

Yeah, Glenn Wheatley got three

and had to spend half of that at Beechworth.

WOMAN: Meaning?

Glenn Wheatley only had John Farnham as a client.

We're just saying, some people don't have as much pull

in the Federal Court as others, that's all.

Yeah, I didn't vote for Dugdale,

but I don't reckon he knew or did anything.

Two of the hallmarks of his administration,

according to the late Mr Blanchard.

God rest his soul.

Isn't that Henry's A5, Mr Dugdale, sir?

Hey, there you go. I told you not to worry.

Want me to ring the police and let them know?

Uh, no. No, it might be better for Henry to do that himself.

Actually, let me find out what's going on first.

What are you doing?

After I finish kicking him up the bum for worrying us sick,

I'm gonna give the old bugger a great big hug from me.

- Go and hose the albumen off the duco. - Rightio.

(DOOR OPENS AND SHUTS)

Henry, what the hell have you got yourself into this time?

What's going on?

Welcome home, Mr Dugdale.

I was just discussing with your family

how to best get out your friend from what he's got into.

- Is everyone alright? - He punched Javier in the face.

- Twice. - Is everyone alright apart from that?

Sergei gets carried away. He thought that this man was you.

Me?! Well, he looks nothing like me.

We found him lying in bed next to your wife.

You can see how a mistake like that can happen.

Sonny warned me about you two,

but I was too stupid to believe him, wasn't I, Sonny?

- You don't know the half of it. - It's not true, Mr Dugdale, I swear.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I want no more unnecessary violence.

No, no, let's just confine it to the tennis instructor.

Your friend Henry is a very unlucky man

on the races, football games, oil explorations in Belarus.

He owes us much money. He said we should talk to you.

- Me? Well... - (GUN COCKS)

Once, uh, most important man in the country.

"He will know what to do," is what he said.

Mr Dugdale, I swear it to you, I was limbering up,

using the bed frame to stretch out my iliopsoas muscle.

- (GASPS AND SOBS) - (CHUCKLES)

I know this man was never prime minister straightaway.

He cried like a little girl.

Yes, my own crying tends to have a deeper, more masculine edge to it.

(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

Sorry, I tend to ramble a little bit when I'm in fear of my life.

Why have you got, um... Sonny, why has he got Ellen's laptop?

(MUFFLED SPEECH)

Your chief of staff has been very helpful.

He has given me all your online banking passwords.

- Has he? Has he? - What are you so worried about?

It's not like they can transfer your triple overdraft to Cyprus.

Regrettably, this is true, Mr Dugdale.

You have no money.

But I find this very difficult to understand for an ex-world leader.

Well, you know, world leader...

Prime ministers from Australia aren't really world leaders.

I mean, yes, we get invited to the NATO conferences,

but they tend to put us off in the corner on a wobbly table

with some butcher's paper and some crayons.

(BOTH LAUGH)

(IMPATIENTLY) Andrew, could you deal with this please?

We are hostages here, darling.

We are not hosting a fucking dinner party!

Sorry, darling. I didn't hear that. There's a gun barrel in my ear!

The adulteress is right.

You find money, you get friend back and we will go.

Well, where is Henry?

They've been friends a long time, haven't they?

40 years, man and beast.

Longer than his marriage to Mrs Dugdale.

In fact, I was there the day that Mr Dugdale

very generously bought this for him.

- (KNOCKS ON CAR BOOT) - Wow, that is generous.

An anniversary present for winning pre-selection

his first year in politics.

That's exactly what I need for the book -

- some kind of insight into... - (KNOCKING)

- (KNOCKING CONTINUES) - I think it needs a service.

- MAN: Hello? - Henry, is that you?

- Ellen? - Yes.

Henry, don't worry, we'll get you out of there.

God bless you, Ellen, you sweet girl.

I can't see a thing in here. They've put a bag over my head.

I'm here too, Henry, me old friend.

Oh! It is good to hear your voice.

- Who's that? - Curtis.

Mr Dugdale's COMCAR driver.

Oh, right, yeah. Hi, Curtis.

We don't have a key. Can you get to the lock mechanism on your side?

No, they've zip-locked my hands behind my back.

Oh, Myles has got some housebreaking equipment

in his office around the back.

Maybe we can break in,

retrieve the equipment and use it to break in.

What?

Yeah, I've got boltcutters, hacksaws, C4, skeleton keys.

Even got a crossbow that feeds out a high-tensile wire to slide down.

- What's up? - Where have you been?

Went to get a Slurpee.

Popped in to the paintball place for a quick skirmish.

- There's a man locked in the boot! - (SLURPS)

402, huh? Follow me.

But who locked him in the boot?!

So, how much money are we talking about here?

Your friend, as I say, was a very unlucky man.

Yeah, but how very unlucky? Five? Ten?

$25.

Plus interest, fees and charges, now closer to 125.

I have 125 in birthday money, Poppa.

- Do you have it with you? - No, no, no, boy, he means $125,000.

You do mean that, don't you? You don't mean $125?

You are a very generous little boy, aren't you?

Let's hope you grow up to be a generous man, huh?

You get away from him.

I just meant that I hoped that he would remain a nice boy as he grows.

Is that anyway to talk in front of a child, you fucking arsehole?!

It was not a threat. I meant it sincerely.

As people grow up, they become more selfish.

I'm a businessman, not a monster.

Your friend used your money in an investment.

It didn't pay off.

He borrowed from us to make up the loss.

It did not work out.

I'm just here to reclaim my money, that's all.

- I'm not here to hurt anyone. - You punched Javier in the face.

Three times.

Except for him, obviously.

Oh, great, so I'm the exception that proves the rule.

(GASPS AND WHEEZES)

(SPLUTTERS)

Who the hell are these guys?

And why has that one got my laptop?

Listen, $125,000 is a lot of money.

We can't scrape it together

from what we find down the back of the couches.

That's the trouble with this country.

You think you can live off credit, never have to repay it,

and there'll never be consequences.

Hey, I'll have you know when I left office

we had the smallest deficit -

adjusted for population and GDP - that this country has ever seen.

In fact, Alan Ramsey described me

as the most fiscally conservative prime minister

since, uh, Stanley Bruce.

Andrew, you're not on AM, alright? Or talking to Michael Brissenden.

I don't know, Michael Brissenden,

he gets a bee in his bonnet, he's pretty tough!

- (CLOCK SMASHES) - Ohh!

You try to be like America too much. They owe trillions to China.

China doesn't call on its debt

because they want US to have the money to buy their products.

- Everybody in bed with each other. - No.

No, it's not true, Mr Dugdale. Don't listen to him.

In Russia, if Ukraine doesn't pay its gas bill,

we pay them a little visit.

Did he just hit that tennis instructor across the face?

Looked like it from this angle.

Do you want me to replay it?

- (CLICKS KEYS ON KEYBOARD) - (TAPE WHIRS)

JAVIER: No, it's not true, Mr Dugdale. Don't listen to him.

Yeah, but if the Ukraine doesn't pay its gas bill,

you don't invade Hawaii to get your money back, do you?

You want to be like America?

America pays bailout to Ukraine to pay our bill.

Same thing. You're in business with Henry Coates.

He invest your money for a fee, you take profits, yes?

- Yes, that's true... - He makes loss, you take loss.

Yeah, but this place is triple-mortgaged.

Anything of value here is on credit

or leased back through a charitable trust.

You do debt drawdown or something.

Please don't make me conform to stereotype of Russian mafia.

Yeah, well, let me tell you something -

the Dugdales do not negotiate with terrorists.

Take him outside. Explain terms and conditions.

Well, let's not be too rash.

Oh, him.

- HENCHMAN: You. Up. - JAVIER: (FEEBLY) No.

I think it's getting serious in there, Myles.

They're on their way. Ten minutes, they reckon.

I don't reckon Javier's got ten minutes.

Observe and report, that's all I can do, Ellen.

Unless the first family themselves are compromised.

That tennis instructor's been compromising Mrs Dugdale

for a couple of weeks now.

I preferred it when you could actually see him

- here in the room, being punched. - I know I did.

Even if we could hear him shrieking, that'd be better.

I quite agree, but we must be strong.

Sorry, boss.

What did you do to him, you inhuman monster?

Nothing. Sit him down in chair, he fainted.

For God's sake, Mum, give 'em the details of your secret account.

Carol! Ixnay on the ecret accountsay.

Hang on, hang on. What ecret accountsay?

Mum's been stashing money away for ages now just in case.

Just in case what?

In case she worked up the guts to finally leave you.

Catherine, is this true?

Well, either I didn't have the guts to leave you

or I didn't want to leave you.

But either way I stuck with you, didn't I?

No, no, no, about the account. This could solve everything, right?

It depends how much she has secreted.

- What? - You are a disgusting pig.

No, Rita, you will catch your bus home tonight.

I've got an idea. How much money have you got?

I thought Dugdales didn't negotiate with terrorists.

No, this isn't so much a negotiation as a capitulation, so, how much?

Half a mil.

Honey, I could kiss you.

- Couldn't punch him in the face? - Not necessary now.

We do some online banking and then we're finished.

Well, I have to get my PIN number from my purse up in my room.

Look after her, Sergei.

Make sure she doesn't try anything funny.

OK. Come with me. Up.

OK, they're taking Catherine away now. What do we do?

Containment.

And when necessary, termination of threat with extreme prejudice.

Stay behind me at all times, OK?

Now is not the time to play movie hero.

This isn't White House Down.

That's right, none of us are rabbits or have ESP.

I think he's thinking of Watership Down.

- (SIREN BLARES) - What?

It's like a siren and a flashing light mean nothing anymore.

(SIREN WHOOPS)

- Back up, back up. - (SIGHS) God.

What are these guys doing?!

They have faster dial-up in mountains of Estonia.

Bloody NBN rollout. I told them.

- Your book on this? - My memoirs? Yes, yes, they are. Why?

I see on desktop, I have a quick skim.

- What did you think? - Needs a stronger third act.

Interesting, interesting.

(WHISPERS) So, what's the difference between White House Down

and Olympus Has Fallen?

(WHISPERS) In White House Down,

it's the Secretary of State that takes over the White House,

and in Olympus Has Fallen, it's the North Koreans.

(GASPS) Oh, my God, they've killed the tennis instructor.

Come on. Come on!

When are you gonna let us go? My son needs to go to the toilet.

- I don't anymore, Mum. - Oh, for...

We go when transfer of funds is complete.

Assuming we have first not all died of old age!

If they'd voted me back in, we'd would've had optical fibres -

no nodes, 30 Mbps just like the US.

- No doubt perfect for data mining. - No, no, we never did data mining.

- Tell that to East Timor. - Well, we... Hey, we tried.

(SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN)

- This yours? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's ours.

You own and not lease back from charitable trust?

No, we own that. It's probably the only thing in the place we do own.

It is Marc Chagall, yes?

Yes. Yes, you have a very good eye.

- Yes, that's very valuable. - It's original?

Yes, yes, a very early work, obviously,

but still quite priceless.

- Beautiful. - (BOTH SPEAK IN RUSSIAN)

We estimate value of Chagall approximately money you owe us.

We propose we take painting

in lieu of paralysed snail internet transfer of funds.

Oh, what? Oh...

Well, OK, assuming it's alright with my wife.

Oh, it does have great sentimental value.

- I wouldn't push it. - Mm.

Why are Gaga and Poppa giving my present to the man?

Uh, Gaga and Poppa love your present, sweetie.

It's just... We'll talk about it later.

- Present? - Yeah, present.

Yeah, it's our wedding anniversary, and God bless him,

the little boy went all the way down to the auction house

to pick it out himself.

You must love your grandparents very much.

- Yes? - Mm-hm.

Yes, he does.

Yeah, you know, just occurred to me,

I think... thinking about it, I think my wife is right,

this has great sentimental value.

- I think you better take the money. - What?!

I think they better take the money.

I think they better take that money, because...

You look at this picture there

of that couple flying over the rooftops there,

that's... that's us, isn't it, that's us?

That picture is a perfect representation of our marriage.

It's, uh, frightening at times, yet we're able to rise above it,

but the journey's not over yet, is it?

I guess not.

- Well, if you're sure. - Yeah, I don't see we have a choice.

We wouldn't give this picture up for the world.

(SIREN BLARES IN THE DISTANCE)

(SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN) We go.

When transfer is complete, we telephone where to find your friend.

Sure, that's great, but my book is on there.

If you leave the laptop,

we promise we won't cancel the transfer, will we?

No, no, not at all.

I take with me. Fingerprints on keyboard not so good for me.

No, no, we... we...

(SIREN BLARES)

You're worried about noise? We pulled up with the siren on.

Well, don't just stand there, Sonny, get them a ladder.

Sonny will get you a ladder.

- What was that for? - Oh, for proving me wrong.

Aww.

And that is for proving that I made the right decision 35 years ago.

- Aww. - (CATHERINE GIGGLES)

(LAPTOP CHIMES)

Wi-fi coverage for your property is excellent. Transfer complete.

- You can have book back. - Oh, good.

MYLES: Drop it, Boris!

Don't tell him to drop it. He's holding my laptop!

Don't slap a man when he's holding a gun, Ellen.

- It's dangerous. - (SIGHS)

Shooter at three o'clock! Drop it, mate.

No, no, no, I'm one of you.

- Ivan, the book. - Drop the weapon!

Don't forget, you need a more dramatic ending.

- FEMALE COP: Drop it, mate! - It's containment until you arrived.

- I was just... - (GUNSHOT)

(SCREAMING) Andrew!

- Dad! - (MUFFLED SCREAMING, WATER BUBBLING)

Dad!

Daddy!

- (BUBBLING STOPS) - (GASPS)

- You do back up your work, don't you? - ELLEN: I do, yes.

Good news is I did it just after our last session.

The bad news is I left the USB in the laptop.

This one?

(GASPS)

(GUNSHOT, PARROTS SQUAWKING)

To fresh beginnings, a future filled with hope and the realisation,

late in life, that no man is a failure who has friends.

- L'chaim. - ALL: L'chaim!

- I too would like to make a toast. - Oh, God.

So, I call on you to charge your glasses

as we drink to one of the finest men who ever lived,

Andy Dugdale.

- It's really not necessary, Curtis. - More wine!

- ALL: More wine! - No, there's no more wine, alright?

One bottle doesn't last too long with eight people.

Then get some more from the cellar, you scabby old bastard!

(CATHERINE LAUGHS)

Only kidding.

You know I love you, Duggy, you old fish.

- Mwah! - Thank you.

Maybe one more bottle, darling. Just for Curtis.

What about that '59 Grange that Barry O'Farrell sent you?

Sure, about time we got rid of the evidence.

(CHUCKLES) Apricot.

Come on, Sonny, you're better at choosing wine than I am.

(EXHALES)

Javier!

- Javier! - (MOANS)

- Javier! - (GRUNTS)

- Javier! - (MOANS)

Let me try.

(GROANS) What?

You're fired.

It's about time I started working on my marriage.

Although, could you tell Catherine? It's better coming from you.

- Leave it with me. - Good.

- What were we doing? - Wine.

Yes, yes, yes, yes. I must work on my memory too.

- (KNOCKING) - HENRY: Hello?

- (KNOCKING) - Hello?

Hello!

- (KNOCKING) - Hello!

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