Original subtitles

[Waves crashing]

[Car passing, honking]

Tape [Yiddish]: "Vie heist eer?"

"What's your name?"

HARRY: "Vie heist eer?"

Tape [Yiddish]: "Eech heist 'name'."

"My name is 'name'."

HARRY: "Eech heist..."

"Harry."

Tape [Yiddish]: "Vegen vus hostu geshribin?"

"What did you write about?"

HARRY: "Vegen vus hostus.."

Tape [Yiddish]: "Oy a Broch"

"What bad luck-"

[Sighs] [Switches to radio]

HARRY: I can't believe we went to see "Cats-ablanca".

MARTY: Hey, it got two thumbs up.

HARRY: Two thumbs up their asses.

MARTY: People enjoyed it.

HARRY: I mean, what the hell do they think?

That they can just take classics and defile them?

[Scoffs] Cats...

MARTY: The cats were cute.

MARTY: Next thing you know, there'll be a movie about a talking penguin.

[Cellphone ringing]

MARTY: Hello?

Who?

Did you give Rachel my number?

HARRY: Hello?

Yeah, hey. Uh-huh.

Tomorrow?

Um [chuckles] No, I can do it. That's fine.

No, it's no problem.

Okay. Yeah.

Bye.

MARTY: What's up?

HARRY: Nothin'. She uh...

No, I told her I'd help her with something.

MARTY: What, her broomstick is broken?

[Music playing]

[Sarcastic laugh]

HARRY: Very funny.

[Door creaks] [Out-of-tune electric guitar playing]

HARRY: From your dad?

[Dog barks]

MARTY: Yeah. One of the positive aspects of having parents that hate each other, you know?

HARRY: Yeah, well, it's better than teaching the Hora.

[Guitar playing continues]

HARRY: [sighs]

[Stove igniting]

[Outside]: You call yourself a guitar player?

You suck!

[Car alarm]

MARTY: Hey, uh, clean up the room okay?

HARRY: Huh? No, that's my little section. That's my room.

MARTY: Yeah, yeah, your room in my apartment.

[Guitar playing continues]

MARTY: What?

What? What is it?

HARRY: You want me to get outta' here, don't you?

MARTY: Did I say I wanted you outta' here?

HARRY: You want me to get outta' here.

MARTY: Again, did I say that I wanted you to get out of here?

HARRY: I can't believe you want me to get outta' here.

MARTY: Listen, if I wanted you to get out of here, I would tell you I want you to get out of here.

HARRY: I know I said two weeks, but it's been...what...like three months already...

MARTY: Four.

HARRY: ...Four months already, but it's a difficult quarter for real estate,

and as soon as I get an apartment I'll be outta' here.

MARTY: No, no, no, it's okay.

You can stay as long as you need.

Here.

HARRY: You see, deep down, deep down we know there is a good man hiding in there.

It's deep, it's buried, but...cheers.

[Yelling outside]

MARTY: Are you listening to yourself?

HARRY: Yes, and I'm right.

Most of the people on the blacklist were Jewish. It was blatant anti-Semitism.

MARTY: It was against Hollywood, not Jews.

They just so happened to be, and still today, that a lot of the people in Hollywood are Jewish.

HARRY: No, I'm telling you, I read about this.

The government was hiding anti-Semitism behind political patriotism.

MARTY: Oh, so the government was simply anti-Semitic?

HARRY [sarcastic]: Nah, nah, no way. No, nobody's anti-Semitic.

MARTY: Everything is anti-Semitic to you! The war in Rwanda is anti-Semitic to you!

HARRY: Wait, wait, wait, you think it wasn't?

MARTY: I can't believe it. Only you.

HARRY: No, you see, you grew up in Israel and so you take your Judaism for granted.

Alright, you lived amongst the Jews. I had to practice my religion so I wouldn't forget who I am.

It's like Americans; they take their freedom for granted.

Israelis take their Judaism for granted.

MARTY: Yeah, yeah, keep reading your books.

[Door opens]

MENACHEM [Thick Jewish Accent]: Ah! Vell Shulem Alaichem! You boyz are finally here.

I told you, Shmulik, you treat dem too good, and dell trow "drek" all over you.

HARRY: Menachem Mendelberg.

Vus macht a Yid?

MENACHEM: I see you've been studying the Yiddish tape I gave you.

Everything vill be fine when you finish my "fekockte" movie, Harry.

MARTY: Don't worry, your "fekokte" movie'll be done by Sunday.

Shmuel: Not to worry. They're good boys, talented.

Besides, if they don't finish by Sunday, we'll re-circumsize their little "dacziks".

[Laughter]

[Nervous laughter]

MENACHEM: Ah!

Shmuel: Come on, Menachem, let's go. Get to work, boys.

Come on.

[MENACHEM and SHMUEL grunting]

HARRY: Hey, tonight we go see Elijah's play.

MARTY: Oh, fuck.

HARRY: Come on, Elijah's our friend, and when his class puts on a scene, we have to go.

MARTY: You know I hate those artsy-fartsy, actor wannabe, friends of his.

I've seen porn stars act better.

HARRY: Yeah, well, we have to go.

MARTY: Fuck.

[Video playing]

[Mouse clicking]

HARRY: Do you ever get worried?

MARTY: About what?

HARRY: I don't know...

Like if we're ever gonna' do what we came out here to do?

MARTY: We'll do it. We just have to be a little bit more disciplined, that's all.

HARRY: Yeah 'cause, you know, I don't want to edit Bar Mitzvah's for the rest of my life.

That is not why I came out here.

MARTY: Harry!

HARRY: Yeah?

MARTY: Don't worry, we'll do it.

HARRY: Maybe we should write these things down.

[Video]: Mazel Tov! [Clapping]

MARTY: You know what?

I think I'm ready to get married.

HARRY: Maybe I should work on the weddings.

MARTY: No, seriously. I think I'm ready.

HARRY: You are not ready for marriage. You don't know how to treat women.

The last month you wanted to be a single parent, because you hate to share in decision-making.

MARTY: Wait, I don't know how to treat women?

HARRY: No, you don't.

What was her name, the last date?

MARTY: Who?

HARRY: The last girl you had a date with?

MARTY: Marry?

HARRY: Yeah, Marry. And why didn't it work out?

MARTY: What are you talking- HARRY: Wh-what

MARTY: Wait a second HARRY: What did you tell her when you were alone

in a room with her, and she asked you what you thought about her?

MARTY: Hey, hey, hey.

She said "honestly" what I thought about her.

HARRY: Yeah, and you told her she wasn't ugly.

MARTY: Right, because she wasn't ugly.

If she were ugly, then I would have said she was ugly.

That's honesty.

HARRY: Yes, it's honesty, but honesty doesn't have a place when it comes to treating women right.

MARTY: Oh so what? I should lie to women?

HARRY: Well, it's not lying...it's a white lie.

MARTY: You know what? I will find the girl who appreciates me for my honesty

and she will be the one that I marry.

HARRY [Chuckle]: You sound like "Fiddler on the Roof". [Keyboard clacking]

MARTY: Yeah, well

At least I'm not still in love with my ex-girlfriend that left me for another guy two years ago.

HARRY: Hey, hey, she broke up with him three months later, okay?

MARTY: Please.

You pretend to be her close little friend so you can hook up with her again.

You haven't dated for two years.

HARRY: Yes I did.

MARTY: You call that a date?

It was as blind date and she was blind.

HARRY: She was not blind. She still had 20% of her eyesight.

MARTY: She brought her guide dog to the restaurant.

HARRY: You belong in hell, you know that?

MARTY: Yeah, well, so does Rachel.

HARRY: Hey, hey. Don't say that.

That's messed up. Don't say that.

MARTY: Just sayin', man. I'm just sayin'. HARRY: No, that's a terrible thing to say.

HARRY: Alright, fuck this. I'm going to lunch.

[Under his breath] This is...stupid.

MARTY: Hey, hey! I can see a nipple!

[Keyboard clacking] [Footsteps running]

[Knocking]

[Loud neighborhood kids] [Dog barking]

[Door opens] [Squeaks]

RACHEL: Hi. You're early.

HARRY: Oh yeah, I got off early.

Is it ok?

RACHEL: Yeah, yeah, sure. Come in.

RACHEL: Do you, uh, want something to drink?

Coffee? [Shuts door]

HARRY: Yeah, sure.

Is this a new couch?

RACHEL: Yeah, I got tired of the old one. I needed a change in color.

HARRY: It's nice.

[Footsteps]

RACHEL: It works better, no?

HARRY: Yeah, yeah, works great.

RACHEL: So, what's new?

HARRY: Oh, nothin' really. Uh..

Still teaching the dance class at the synagogue.

Uh..last night was funny actually.

There's this old lady, and uhh she couldn't get the steps so I was-

[Softly] What?

RACHEL: You should do something with your hair.

HARRY: What?

RACHEL: If you comb it back, you could really look good.

HARRY: Yeah? Comb it back?

[Chuckles]

RACHEL: I miss you, Harry.

HARRY: I miss you...

[Phone rings]

RACHEL: One sec.

[Phone ringing]

RACHEL: Hello?

[Enthusiastically] Oh, hey you.

Yeah, the other night was amazing.

[Cont'd] Yes I love your present. I just hope I keep getting the same present

over and over again.

[Cont'd] Yeah I switched out of that shift.

Didn't want to be distracted.

Okay.

Me, too.

See ya, then.

Bye.

HARRY: So uh...where's that cabinet?

HARRY: So...new guy!

RACHEL: Oh, Sean. Yeah, we've been hanging out lately.

HARRY: Is he Jewish?

RACHEL: No, no. Not at all.

HARRY: Well, where'd you meet him?

RACHEL: In the E.R. He's also a resident.

HARRY: There's a part missing.

RACHEL: What part?

HARRY: The thing...that holds the whole thing together.

RACHEL: No, it's fine. I like that way it looks now. I think it's fine.

HARRY: No, give me the phone, I'll call them.

RACHEL: Are you sure? It's fine.

HARRY: No, without it the whole thing's gonna' fall apart.

[Door opens]

RACHEL: Hey.

We should go out to dinner sometime.

HARRY: Okay. Yeah, sure. And uh..good luck with that Sean guy.

[Nervous chuckle]

Okay, I'll call you later.

RACHEL: Ok, bye. Thanks.

[Door slams shut]

[Dog barking]

[Intense Hip-hop music]

MARTY: Did you hear that?

HARRY: What?

MARTY: That song.

HARRY: What about it?

MARTY: They censored that word.

HARRY: What word?

MARTY: They kept the "ass" and censored the "hole".

HARRY: Huh?

MARTY: Did you know you can say "hoe" on national radio?

HARRY: Yeah...?

MARTY: You can say "hoe", but you can't say "shit".

HARRY: So?

MARTY: So do you shit? Do you take a shit sometimes?

HARRY: Yeah.

MARTY: I'd just like to meet the guy who kept the "ass" and censored the "hole".

He'll need to do some censoring then.

[Music continues]

HARRY: We could use that.

MARTY: Nah.

It'd be good if you could see the actual meeting. That would be good.

HARRY: No, no, no. This could be good.

[Cont'd] In the beginning of the movie, we're having this conversation

and you're getting all passionate and shit

and then you meet him face-to-face and you freeze.

MARTY: Maybe we should start writing these things down.

HARRY: No, I got it. It's all up here, baby.

All up here. [Cellphone ringing]

[Cellphone ringing]

MARTY: Hello?

[Cont'd] Hi, Shmuel.

Yeah, we're almost done with the movie. We just have to do a little bit more editing.

Okay. Yeah. Alright, no problem. Yeah bye, Shmuel.

HARRY: What did he want?

MARTY: The client wasn't happy with the titles.

HARRY: I hate this job.

MARTY: Hey, it's a start.

GENERAL: You don’t want the truth. Because deep down in places you don’t talk about at parties.

[Cont'd] You want me on the wall. You need me on the wall.

We use words like honor, code, loyalty.

We use these words as a backbone of a life spent defending something.

You use them as a punch line. I have neither the time nor the inclination

to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps

under the blanket of the very freedom in which I provide and then questions the matter in which I provide it.

I would rather you just said “merci” and went on your way.

Otherwise I suggest you pick up a weapon and stand at post.

[Cont'd] You want answers?

OFFICER: I think I’m entitled.

GENERAL: You want answers?!

OFFICER: I want the truth!

GENERAL: You can’t handle the truth!

[Scattered applause]

[Restaurant music]

HARRY: Hey, do not be honest tonight, okay. Elijah’s our friend, I wanna’ keep it that way.

PASCAL: Allison, I thought what you did tonight was so brilliant. You should come over later...

ELIJAH: Hey Harry, how’s it goin' man? This is Allison and Pascal.

MARTY: After we eat, we gonna' rob a bank or something?

ELIJAH: Uh first of all, I would just like to say

Harry...and Marty, of course.

Thank you guys for coming tonight.

And I think you saw probably one of our best shows, right?

ALLISON: Yeah..

ELIJAH: I mean, oh God, it was so amazing tonight!

We were...ah! Just! [Excited noises]

PASCAL: Privileged!

[Laughter]

ELIJAH: Definitely privileged.

ALLISON: No, we’re privileged.

ELIJAH: I felt like we captured the essence of the characters.

All of us. Just...

Ah! My God. It was..hey, cheers.

[Laughter] [Glasses clinking]

HARRY: Cheers. [Laughter continues]

ELIJAH: Definitely privileged. ALLISON: No, we're privileged.

MARTY: You think?

HARRY [Nervous laughter]: You think. You think. That's funny.

No, cheers guys, cheers. Great job.

MARTY: You think you really captured the essence?

ELIJAH: You didn't think so?

HARRY: Oh yes he did think. He thought. We both thought.

We both thought it was a lovely performance.

And this man, this man was moved to tears.

PASCAL [French accent]: No, wait.

What did you really think about the play tonight, Marty?

MARTY: Do you want the truth?

PASCAL: Yes of course, only the truth.

MARTY [Mockingly]: You can't handle the truth.

HARRY: Ha! Ha! That's hilarious!

[Cont'd] No, no. We could use that. We could use that.That's good.

MARTY: Don't worry, I got it all up here.

Listen to me.

If Arron Sorkin saw what you did to his play tonight, he would retire out of guilt to society.

PASCAL: Your problem is...

You came to this play tonight expecting the Hollywood performances of Tom Cruise and Jack Nicholson.

No.

We, as actors of the method, we don’t believe in the short attention span of the average person.

You see, theater is the pulpit which is the most powerful means of influence-

MARTY [Interrupts]: Influence?

[Cont'd] You think because you can quote Stanislavski that makes you an actor? You can’t act, period.

[Angrily bangs table]

HARRY: Okay, that’s uh..that’s dialogue.

That’s uh...he uses that for dialogue, cause’ he’s a writer.

And...it’s funny, Marty.

ELIJAH: Well, that is just your opinion.

MARTY: Opinion? No, it’s way beyond opinion. You guys stink.

HARRY: Check please! Could we, um. Yeah...

ALLISON: Actually, I appreciate your honesty.

But I mean you as a writer, of course, I’m sure, will write scripts in the future

that other people might think “stink”.

MARTY: Yeah...I mean, yeah.

But if I wrote, say, a movie about...

a talking penguin

so that, you know, I could sit back and work on my masterpiece

you wouldn’t find me here

toasting my...

[Nervous scoff]

The shitty...uh

shitty-

ALLISON: For a writer, you sure are at a loss for words.

PASCAL [Mockingly]: Hah! Tushe’ Allison!

Why don’t you go out to your little cinema at the strip mall

and see your Spielberg film with the combo butter popcorn meal?

HARRY: That’s funny. Come on, Marty, that’s...

What?

Spielberg?

PASCAL: Spielberg.

HARRY: Uh, what about "Schindler's List" buddy?

PASCAL: No. That movie was merely considered for its subject matter.

No.

[Cont'd] Stephen Spielberg is an artistic coward.

HARRY: Oh God. MARTY: Did we order a check over here?

HARRY: The Holocaust? The Holocaust!

You French, European, pompous, shitty-actor, son of a bitch.

PASCAL: Shitty?

HARRY: Yeah shitty. MARTY: Buddy, buddy, calm down.

HARRY: Yeah shitty. “Artistic coward”?

You guys are cowards.

[Cont'd]: You come from a nation of cowards. You just let Hitler waltz into your country...

PASCAL: Oh, well, you know, I wasn’t working immigration that day.

HARRY: Ahh! I saw him on his pulpit for two and a half hours

I couldn’t understand a word you fuckin’ said!

PASCAL: You can’t hear genius, because you’re not a genius!

[Hits table, glasses clink]

HARRY: Oh my God. You want some, here I am, alright?

Here I am! Here I am, with Israel behind me you anti-Semite cock-sucker!

PASCAL: Viva La’France!

[Struggling]

MARTY: No La’France!

[Mug shatters]

[Painful yell]

MARTY: With Israel behind me?

HARRY: Yeah, yeah. I know, I know.

MARTY: What about that Allison, though?

HARRY: Oh yeah, she’s cute. You like that?

MARTY: Yeah, we had a nice little moment goin’ there.

HARRY: Yeah, you did, you had a really nice moment.

I think right after you told everyone that they stink

was that the moment...oh you don’t think that’ll be a problem?

MARTY: No. You heard her. She appreciates honesty.

HARRY [Light chuckle]: Okay man, whatever.

Now you’re gonna’ have to get her phone number.

MARTY: Yeah, maybe you could get 'em from Elijah after he recovers from those second degree burns.

HARRY: Hey, I was aiming for Pascal.

Hey you wouldn’t really write a movie about a fucking talking penguin, would you?

MARTY: Sure I would.

HARRY: No really, would you?

MARTY: Yeah. You wouldn’t?

HARRY: You would really write a movie about a talking penguin?

MARTY: Yeah, if that’s what it takes to get me going in this town, hell yeah.

HARRY: You have no problem with that?

MARTY: No, none whatsoever.

HARRY: You would stoop that low?

MARTY: Listen, if the guy who gave me “The Sixth Sense”

could write a movie about a talking mouse

then I can write a movie about a talking penguin, okay?

HARRY: What are you talking about? What are you saying?

That is selling your soul to the devil!

MARTY: It’s money in the bank.

HARRY: Money in the bank? Is that all this is to you?

MARTY: With the money in the bank, I can sit down and work on my masterpiece.

HARRY: What about your permanent record?

MARTY: What permanent record?

[Car door opens] HARRY: IMDB.

[Slams car door]

[Rushes in, slams car door]

HARRY: Listen.

There are other ways.

There are many very successful screenwriters who didn’t have to write shit to make it.

MARTY: Okay, so keep editing the Labovich weddings and the Paikovsky barmitzvas

and I’ll sell my shitty penguin script and sit back and work on my masterpiece.

[Sighs]

HARRY: It's a stupid job, isn't it?

MARTY: Hey, it’s a start.

[Sighs]

HARRY: Let’s go to Chad’s. I need some weed.

[Car engine starts]

Tape [Yiddish]: Men ken nisht tantsn af tszvey khasenes af eyn mol.

[Car screeches]

Tape [Yiddish] Cont'd: You can’t dance at two weddings at once.

HARRY: Men ken nisht tantsn af tszvey khasenes af eyn mol-

[Clicks]

HARRY: Hey, what are you doing? [Tape hits ground] That’s my Yiddish.

MARTY: Fuck your Yiddish.

[Comedic music]

HARRY: Listen, you gotta’ stop throwing my Yiddish tapes out the window.

MARTY: Well, it's annoying.

[Removing shoes]

HARRY: Take off your shoes.

MARTY: Are you kidding me?

HARRY: Take off your shoes, you know how he hates germs.

MARTY: I don’t know why I come with you to see this guy. I hate him.

[Knocking]

[Sighs]

[Tapping] [Door opens]

CHAD: Harryman!

CHADMAN: Chadman!

CHAD: Harryman comes with the Martyman!

HARRY: Harryman and the Martyman here to see the Chadman!

CHAD: Harryman is in desperate need of the weedman!

JOSH: Harryman!

HARRY: Joshman!

JOSH: Harryman!

HARRY: Joshman! Looking very stoned, man!

JOSH: Harryman knows Joshman!

MARTY: Last night I saw "Rain Man"!

[Techno-like music playing]

[Josh cackling]

[Josh cackling continues]

MARTY: He got it. It’s funny.

[Cont'd] It’s funny, right?

[Door shuts]

[Techno-like music playing]

CHAD [Ruffling]: Harry, you don't look so good.

Are you still taking those vitamins I gave you?

HARRY: Yeah, yeah.

No, no. Actually, I stopped.

CHAD: Harry what the hell?

The vitamins are essential for keeping a healthy, trimmed body, man.

[Lighter clicking in back]

HARRY: Yeah...

CHAD: Look at me.

[Bottle rattling]

HARRY: No, I know. Yeah, I should take them, you’re right.

CHAD: So what’ve you guys been up to lately?

HARRY: Uh. Well, we’re writing a script.

[Chuckles]

CHAD: Really?

HARRY: Yeah...

CHAD: You know, one of my best clients happens to be a head honcho over at the Misney studios.

HARRY: Really? CHAD: Yeah.

HARRY: Misney?

CHAD: How do you think they come up with that shit, man?

I could probably call him and set you guys up with a meeting or somethin’.

HARRY: Well, I don’t know. We’re not really Misney material, but uh...

But, yeah, yeah. Thanks.

CHAD: So how much shit did you need?

[Bubbling] [Music continues]

[Inhaling]

[Coughing]

JOSH: Duuuude.

MARTY: Yeah?

JOSH: You know, dude, you paid for that.

MARTY: For this? No, this isn't mine. It was just here-

JOSH: No, dude. I mean-

I mean people, man. They paid for that.

MARTY: Okay?

JOSH: No, man, don’t you get it? You pay for everything, man.

I mean everything you have, man, you pay for it, dude.

Okay?

Listen here. Okay?

You pay for your glasses.

Your...your shoes.

You pay for the shirt on your back.

Your hair.

Your board, man.

You pay for your board.

Dude!

Your board!

[Cont'd] Imagine, man. You’re walkin’ into a restaurant...

You eat, you drink, you socialize...

[Snaps fingers]

“Hey! Gustavo! How’s it hangin’ man?”.

You know. And then you walk back out without paying.

I mean, dude. That’s the life, man.

That is the life.

That.

[Emphasis]

[Laughs]

Dude.

MARTY: That...yeah.

Josh, right?

JOSH: Yeah.

MARTY: See... I'm gonna' go.

I'm uh... Due back on planet Earth.

[Footsteps]

JOSH: Hey that’s Woody Allen’s, man.

[Footsteps]

CHAD: Harry what the Christ is this?

[Cont'd] Do you know how bad that is for you?

There is so much bacteria under your nails.

And that, my friend, is probably why you get sick all the time.

Here’s your dope. Don’t smoke it all at once.

[Clears throat]

HARRY: Hey, one of Chad’s clients is a head honcho at Misney...

MARTY: At Misney?

HARRY: Mmm. Where do you think they come up with that shit?

MARTY: At Misney?

CHAD: Yeah, Misney.

I could probably hook you guys up with a meeting or something.

HARRY: Nah. We’re not really Misney material I told him.

MARTY: What? Are you nuts? Chad, when could you do it?

CHAD: Anytime, man. I can call him anytime.

I’ll call him now.

[Footsteps]

CHAD: Hey, Markman, it’s me.

No, don't worry about it. We're cool.

[Cont'd] Listen, I have got two writers here that you have to meet.

Dude, they have an amazing idea for a movie.

[Cont'd] Hey, did I ever steer you wrong?

Who gave you the idea of the lion and his son and all that shit, man?

[Taps]

JOSH [Whispers]: That was my idea.

CHAD: Okay, great.

No, just have somebody stop by and pick it up.

Alright, man. Talk to ya’.

Bye.

HARRY: I uh..

Actually, we don’t have an idea-

[Nervous chuckle]

MARTY: Yes, yes. We do, we do.

What did he say?

CHAD: He’s gonna’ call me in a few days and set up a meeting.

[Snaps]

JOSH: Simba!

Yeah, man. That was a funny name, dude.

[Wheeze laughter]

JOSH: Simba!

[Door opens]

[Dog barks]

[Door squeaks, shuts]

MARTY: What a great guy, huh?

[Shoes clattering] Is he a great guy or what?

Misney? Holy Moses.

HARRY: Yeah, yeah...great. What the hell are we gonna’ write for them?

I didn’t come out here to write “Catsablanca 2”.

MARTY: Oh don’t worry.

Come on, when we get home,

we’re going to write the best screenplay they ever laid eyes on.

[Crunches]

[Sighs]

[Crunching]

[Silence, ambient noise]

HARRY: Oy a broch.

I can't think of anything. This is...

[Sighs]

MARTY: Yeah, me neither.

[Bag crumbles]

MARTY: We should write.

[Car alarm going off]

HARRY: Yep.

[Car alarm continues] [Dog barking]

MARTY: No! I mean now!

[Cont'd] We should get up now and write! Let’s get up and write.

Write something, anything.

A sentence. A word. A monologue. A dialogue. A title. Anything!

Let’s get up and write that we got up to write!

Let’s get up and write about what it felt like to get up and write.

I don’t know! Let’s write something! Just write something! My God!

HARRY: You mean now?

[Struggles] [Muffling]

[Slow music]

MARTY: Okay, start writing.

HARRY: What the hell am I supposed to write?!

MARTY: Open the “Final Draft”.

HARRY: No shit, you got “Final Draft”?

MARTY: Yeah, yeah. Let’s go, let’s go.

HARRY: Where’d you get “Final Draft”?

MARTY: I burned it. Okay? Let’s go!

[Claps]

MARTY: Okay, we need an idea.

HARRY: Okay, an idea.

MARTY: Let’s see...

[Cont'd] I got one!

Nope, done already.

HARRY: Well, let’s just start with something simple?

Come on, we always think of shit when we’re just talking.

MARTY: Yeah...

HARRY: So let’s just write one of those.

MARTY: What, like about ourselves?

HARRY: No, not about ourselves, just what we say.

MARTY [Unsurely]: O-okay...

HARRY: Alright, how bout’ this?

[Typing] "Interior...

[Jazzy music plays] Car...

Night..."

[Music intensifies]

PARALLEL MARTY: Do you hear that?

PARALLEL HARRY: Hear what?

PARALLEL MARTY: That song.

PARALLEL HARRY: What about it?

PARALLEL MARTY: They censored that word.

PARALLEL HARRY: What word?

PARALLEL MARTY: They kept the “ass” and they censored the “hole”.

PARALLEL HARRY: Yeah...

PARALLEL MARTY: You know you can say “hoe” on national radio?

PARALLEL HARRY: Ha!

PARALLEL MARTY: You can say “hoe”, but you can’t say “shit”.

PARALLEL HARRY: So?

PARALLEL MARTY: So, do you shit?

Do you take a shit sometimes?

PARALLEL HARRY: Yeah...

[Silence, ambient noise]

MARTY: Good God, that is boring.

HARRY: Yeah, you’re right. That’s shit. Shit.

[Heavy sigh]

[Electric guitar riff]

Neighbor: Hey, could you keep it down with the guitar?

MARTY: You know, um... we could continue tomorrow.

HARRY: Yeah, yeah, no pressure.

[Israeli Folk Music]

[People chattering]

[Music gets closer]

[Music ends]

HARRY [Clapping]: Beautiful!

Alright, everybody form a circle for a circle dance!

HARRY: Good, good.

[Cont'd] Alright! So for the first eight counts we have simple:

Right foot, close. Left foot, close. Right slide. Right slide.

Beautiful! Look at this class, experts already.

[Cont'd] Okay, here we go. Alright, five, six, seven, eight.

One, two, three. One, two...

Five, six, seven, eight.

One, two, three. One, two, three.

Five, six, seven, eight.

[Claps] Beautiful!

[Cont'd] Alright, so four counts. Right, left, face center, step behind.

Right, left, leap, step behind. Right, left, leap, step behind.

Left, leap, step behind.

Left. Leap, step behind.

Good! Right. Left.

Arms up, stay on your toes. Keep your heels off the ground.

[Claps] Beautiful!

VOICE: Does this ever happen to you?

[Israeli Folk Music]

VOICE: Well, never again!

[Cont'd] “Keepah Incorporated” realized the ever so common problem and invented the ultimate solution!

Introducing, “Keep’a Keepa”!

[Music ends]

VOICE: And this is how it works!

After years of research, “Keepah Incorporated”

found that by putting special electrical magnets on the rims of the Yarmulke,

the Yarmulke sticks to your head. Even without a hair clip!

[Folk music starts again]

[Music ends] VOICE: Get your “Keep’a Keepa” now! For only $19.95!

And that’s not all!

Call within the next ten minutes and we’ll send you two for the price of one!

Please send check or money order to P.O. Box number 6574 Fairfax, California 90027

Or call 555-0155.

[Whip sound effect] Sidur and Tallith not included.

MENACHEM: Beautiful! Way to go, boys. I love it!

SHMUEL: You see, I told you they could do it. Good job, boys.

MARTY: Thanks. We’re glad you’re happy.

Right, Harry?

HARRY: Yeah, yeah. Great.

MENACHEM: You know what? I’m going to the car to get you two a “Keep’a Keepa”.

MARTY: No, no. We’re okay. It’s fine.

MENACHEM: Ah! I insist.

[Happy relief sigh]

SHMUEL: I’m proud of you guys. You did good.

HARRY: So, great, we done for the day?

SHMUEL: Get back to work, boys.

HARRY: Goddamn it.

MARTY: Hey. I got a date with Allison tonight, but later, when I get home, we should write.

HARRY: Man, I thought he was gonna’ let us go home.

[Sighs]

[Cars passing]

MARTY: So, when he was ready to return to his people at the bottom of the mountain

God tells him

"And remember, Moses, never cook a calf in his mother's milk, it's cruel."

And Moses says, "Oh I see. You mean, don't eat meat and milk."

And God says, "No, no. Moses, never cook a calf in its mother's milk, it's cruel."

And Moses says, "Oh, oh, I get it. You mean don’t mix dishes used for meat with dishes used for milk".

[Cont'd] And God says, "No Moses, listen to me, please. Never cook a calf in its mothers milk, it's cruel."

And Moses says, "Oh! I get it. I get it. I get it.

You mean, if we do eat meat, we have to wait at least six hours before we eat milk."

And God says, "You know what, Moses, just do whatever the fuck you want."

[Laughs whole-heartedly]

MARTY: It's a damn good hummus, no? It's the best in LA. Believe me, I tried them all.

ALLISON: I have to kind of admit, though, that I was a little surprised you took me to a hummus place.

MARTY: Well, I was hungry and this is mine and Harry’s favorite place.

ALLISON: How did you get my number, by the way?

MARTY: Harry got it from Elijah. How's he doing?

ALLISON: Oh, Elijah? He's better.

He going on Thursday to get the bandages removed.

MARTY: That's good.

ALLISON: Your friend is kind of a nutcase, huh?

MARTY: We all have our own little mishegas', but he's a good guy.

[Restaurant music playing]

ALLISON: Is this a date?

MARTY: Excuse me?

ALLISON: What we're doing here, you and I, is it a date?

MARTY: Well, yeah. I called you up. I asked if you liked to go out, it's a date.

ALLISON: It doesn't feel like a date.

MARTY: What do you mean?

ALLISON: I mean, usually on dates, it's like twenty questions.

MARTY: Twenty questions?

ALLISON: Yeah. Like, what’s your favorite color?

What kind of music do you like to listen to? Favorite movie?

You know, the usual stuff.

MARTY: Uh, okay.

Blue, classic rock, don’t have one. Your turn.

ALLISON: You don't have a favorite movie?

MARTY: No, I don't like people who have one favorite movie. It's ignorance.

ALLISON: I have a favorite movie.

MARTY: Oh...

Huh... Uh what is it?

ALLISON: I'm not telling you.

MARTY: You're not telling me?

ALLISON: No. You'll laugh.

MARTY: Why would I laugh?

ALLISON: Because you're into this honesty shit

and you'll tell me straight to my face that I'm an idiot.

MARTY: No I wouldn't. Yes, I mean, I probably would if it is a stupid movie.

ALLISON: You see.

MARTY: But wouldn't you want me to be honest?

ALLISON: Marty, nobody ever taught you how to treat a woman?

MARTY: Yeah. My father did.

ALLISON: So I take it your mother was a happy woman?

MARTY: No. She’s a recovering alcoholic.

ALLISON: I'm sorry.

MARTY: Eh. It’s okay.

They were separated when I was ten.

[Chuckles]

What about you?

ALLISON: Well...

I grew up here in good ol’ Southern Cal'. With my mother.

[Cont'd] She was a crazy woman though. And I never met my father.

MARTY: Must have been hard.

ALLISON: Well, I am who I am, because of it.

And I wouldn’t change who I am. Not for a second.

[Rock song playing]

ALLISON: You probably have this whole date figured out, don't you?

MARTY: What do you mean?

ALLISON: I mean...

You didn't take me to that hummus place, because you love eating hummus.

[Cont'd] You took me there cause’ you wanted to show me that you're not like everyone else.

MARTY: Well, I'm not.

ALLISON: You probably thought of everything you were gonna’ tell me too.

MARTY [Chuckles]: It's not true.

ALLISON: Yes it is.

You probably know exactly how this date is gonna' end too, right?

MARTY: Oh yeah?

ALLISON: Yeah.

MARTY: What was my plan?

ALLISON: Well, you're waiting for me to tell you that I'm tired.

MARTY: Yeah...

ALLISON: And that I want you to take me home.

Then you'll drive me home and you’ll walk me to my front door,

and you'll say, “I had a really great time tonight.

[Cont'd] Could we do it again sometime?"

And I'll say, "Sure."

[Motorcycle passing]

ALLISON: And then...

You'll tell me that from the moment you met me, you wanted to kiss me.

But you were waiting for my permission first.

And then you'll kiss me.

MARTY: Ah ha! You see, you're wrong.

ALLISON: I am? MARTY: Yeah.

MARTY [Cont'd]: Cause' I was gonna' kiss you right now without your permission.

ALLISON: [Giggles]: I so knew you were gonna’ say that.

MARTY: Oh yeah? Did you know I was gonna’ kiss you on your stomach?

ALLISON: No.

[Enjoyable laughter]

MARTY: Come here.

MARTY: So, I had a nice time tonight.

You think we could do it again sometime?

[Laughs]

ALLISON: Sure.

[Synagogue music playing]

[Music ends]

[Clapping, cheering]

[Footsteps]

HELGA: Hello.

HARRY: Oh...

Hello.

HELGA: I liked the music tonight.

HARRY: Oh yeah...

Hey, you have an accent. Where’s that from?

HELGA: Germany.

HARRY: Oh, wow!

Germany.

Well, that’s nice...

Germany...

Good people.

HARRY [Cont'd]: So, what’s a nice German girl like you doing taking an Israeli folk dancing class?

HELGA: I am studying at UCLA.

HARRY: What? They make you take mandatory Israeli folk dancing at UCLA?

HELGA [Chuckles]: No.

No. I spent a year on a kibbutz... And I miss it.

HARRY: Oh yeah?

Wow.

HELGA: I'm Helga.

HARRY: Oh, Helga?

Whoa...that’s a nice name.

I’m Harry.

HELGA: Hello, Harry.

HARRY [Nervous]: Hello...Helga.

[Nervous chuckle]

[Door squeaks open]

[Door closes with excitement]

[Typing]

[Romantic drama music plays]

ALLISON: So...do you like my dress?

Marty: I prefer the blue one.

ALLISON: Wow!

I love your honesty.

MARTY: Did you know, you can’t say “hoe” on national radio?

[Romantic music intensifies]

[Music stops abruptly] [Door slams]

MARTY: Hey, come here. Read this.

[Romantic music plays again]

[Music stops]

MARTY: What?

No?

It's what people want to see!

[Funky music plays]

[Music stops]

MARTY: Goal tending! That was goal tending!

[Cont'd] That was goal tending, no? Wasn’t it? Did you see that?

HARRY: Hey, so how was it? How’d it go with Allison?

MARTY: Eh, I don’t know. It was okay.

We kissed.

HARRY: Really?

MARTY: Yeah, we kissed.

[Cont'd] It was amazing.

HARRY: Wow, great.

Great.

MARTY: Something felt right. It was really special, you know?

HARRY: Really, great... How about her acting?

MARTY: How about it?

HARRY: Well, I don’t know. Did you tell her that you think she stinks?

MARTY: Oh, that’s okay. She appreciates honesty.

HARRY: So you told her?

MARTY: Foul! Oh, that was a foul!

[Deep sigh]

MARTY [Cont'd]: So uh... How’s the succubus?

HARRY: Asshole. You are an asshole. You know that?

[Cont'd] Oh, God. She started seeing some other guy.

MARTY: Shit.

HARRY: Yeah, I know.

MARTY: Yeah, usually the first boyfriend after the break up hurts.

It’s just that...it has been two years and she’s had fifty already!

HARRY: I know. Alright? I know. It’s just, we sat together the other day and...

We were talking and...

It just felt good... It just felt-

HARRY [Yelling]: He’s open! Pass the ball, you schmuck!

[Regular tone] It always feels good to come back to things you know, but

I’m tellin’ you, she's moved on and you haven’t.

She keeps you close because it’s comfortable for her.

Don’t you get it? You’re her safety.

HARRY: I know, I know. Okay? I know.

MARTY: Yeah man, you gotta’ get out there.

[Sighs]

HARRY: Well, there is this one girl.

MARTY: What girl?

Jesus! The guy doesn’t pass the ball. Unbelievable.

HARRY: She’s taking the dance class, actually.

MARTY: Well, at least she’s Jewish, huh.

HARRY: Yeah. Yeah. That’s the problem.

Her name is Helga.

MARTY: Helga?

[Clears throat]

MARTY: Isn’t that a...?

HARRY: Yeah, that’s a German name. Yeah.

[Obnoxious Laugh]

HARRY: You like that? Oh, good.

MARTY: That’s hilarious.

HARRY: You like that.

No, that’s really nice.

You’re really a... a very compassionate person.

[Continues laughing]

HARRY: Alright, alright. We’re supposed to be thinking of ideas.

Can we think of ideas?

MARTY: No, you’re right. You’re right. You’re right.

[Clears throat]

HARRY: I can’t think of anything. Man, I can’t concentrate. This is bullshit.

MARTY: Yeah, we need some kind of conflict, you know.

[Sigh]

[Running on court]

HARRY: Foul! That’s a foul! Will you call your foul!

[Cont'd] Guy...what a prick.

I mean, every time we come out here the guy-

[Basketball bounce echo]

[Relaxing piano music]

HARRY: So...believe it or not, ever since World War 2, almost every American Jew has been bugged.

Whether they know it or not, because the anti-Semites believed

that Israel would become a communist regime. Is that chalushes’ or what?

[Light laughter]

RACHEL: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, what’s new with you, Harry?

HARRY: Uh...nothin’ much, really.

Someone set up a meeting for us to pitch something at Misney.

RACHEL: Wow! Really?

Get out! That’s wonderful!

I always knew you were gonna' make it.

HARRY: Yeah well, it’s uh...

It’s a little pre-mature for that.

We don’t really have an idea yet and we're still-

Trying to come up with some kind of conflict...

[Clears throat uncomfortably]

RACHEL [Giggles]: Sean um...

Harry, this is Sean.

Sean, this is Harry.

RACHEL [Cont'd]: Sean, look at him. [Chuckles]

SEAN: Oh, Harry.

[Hands clap]

HARRY: Ow...

SEAN: Rachel, you never told me about Harry.

HARRY: So...

Sean...

It's very nice to meet you. I hear you're a doctor.

SEAN [Smugly]: Yeah.

[Obnoxious chuckle]

[Kiss noises]

HARRY: Mm...

Yeah...

[Laughter]

[Relaxing piano music continues]

[Tapping]

[Crickets chirping]

[Typing]

[Film-Noir music]

SEAN: Who the hell are you?

HARRY: I'm here for the girl, see?

SEAN: Well, then you came to the wrong place, sonny boy.

HARRY: Now you listen to me, Kofax. And you listen good.

I’m done playing games.

Now let her go.

SEAN: Now you listen to me and you listen good.

I don’t know who you are or where you came from

but you better pack your bags and leave before something bad happens to you, see.

HARRY: Let me ask you something, Kofax.

Do you shit?

Do you take a shit sometimes?

SEAN: Huh?

HARRY: I’m sick of people like you running this world.

[Music crescendos]

[Gunshot]

[Screams]

[Thud]

[Classic romantic music]

RACHEL: Oh, Harry.

HARRY: Don’t worry, Slim. You’re alright now.

MARTY: No.

HARRY: Why not? Let's bring back film noir!

MARTY [From distance]: To Misney?

[Subtle song playing]

ALLISON: Promise you won't get mad?

Elijah [Over phone]: Yeah, yeah. I promise.

RACHEL: It's Marty.

Elijah: Harry’s Marty?

ALLISON: Yep.

Elijah: Are you crazy?

RACHEL: Come on, you promised.

Elijah: Allison, you heard what he said.

He doesn’t have the slightest appreciation for what we’re trying to do.

RACHEL: Yeah, well...

You know we all have our own little mishegas’.

ELIJAH: Our own what?

[Buzzing]

RACHEL: Look, Elijah just don’t worry about it, okay? I know what I’m doing.

Besides...

I like him.

I had a really nice time with him.

He’s different from all the superficial guys I date usually.

ELIJAH: What'd he say about your one-man play?

ALLISON: Well, I didn’t tell him yet.

ELIJAH: You're scared he might not be there for you, right?

ALLISON: No, you know...?

I really think that deep down inside there’s a good guy hiding there.

ELIJAH: Well, if there is, he’s doing a good job.

Just promise me one thing.

Take it slow.

RACHEL: I promise. I will.

[Knocking]

ELIJAH: No, really Allison. Take it slow. Promise me.

ALLISON: Yeah, yeah. I promise.

Don't worry.

I know what I’m doing.

[Music increases]

[Catches breath]

[Deep, satisfactory breathing]

[Satisfactory sigh]

ALLISON: So, did I tell you about my one-man play?

MARTY: Baby...

You just saw a one-man play.

[Punches]

MARTY: [Painfully]: No, no. You didn’t tell me...

RACHEL: Well, yeah...

I’m putting on a one-man play.

You should come.

MARTY: Again?

[Punches again]

[Screams]

RACHEL: Well?

Are you coming?

MARTY [High-pitched]: Yeah!

Yeah.

Oh you know, I didn’t tell you this.

Harry and I got this big pitch meeting with Misney coming up.

RACHEL: Really? Misney?

MARTY: Yeah. RACHEL: Wow.

MARTY: And uh... We haven’t come up with an idea yet.

Um...

We need to do a little bit of writing.

[Both chuckle]

MARTY: But yeah, yeah. I’ll come you know, if we’re not working or anything.

When is it?

RACHEL: Here.

MARTY: Wow.

Great.

We should talk about this.

RACHEL: Really?

[Sigh]

HARRY: See, I told you you’d get those steps. It was good.

HELGA: I love it. It’s quite a workout.

[Awkwardly chuckles]

HELGA: Thank you. HARRY: Thanks.

HELGA: So...

Do you live alone?

HARRY: No. I’m living with someone now.

HELGA: Oh...

That's nice...

HARRY: Oh no, no no. Uh..

[Nervous chuckle]

HARRY: No, I’m living with my partner, Marty.

HELGA [Surprised]: Oh!

Oh...

I see, I...I understand.

HARRY [Nervous laugh]: No, no. No, no, no.

HELGA [Embarrassed giggle]: Oh!

HARRY: No, uh, we’re writing partners.

HELGA [Giggles]: Oh! HERRY: Yeah...

We write together.

HELGA: Wow, you are a writer?

What do you write about?

HARRY: We write, you know, screenwriting stuff.

We actually have a pitch with Misney.

HELGA: What’s it about?

HARRY: Well, we haven’t gotten to that stage yet, but...

[Light awkward chuckle]

HELGA: How did you meet Marty?

HARRY: Uh...

Way back in at elementary school when we were, like, ten years old.

I was the smallest kid in class, always.

All the other kids were usually playing sports, and I hated getting picked last, so...

I would sneak out and go home and watch movies.

[Cont'd] You know “Raiders of the Lost Ark”?

Alright, so, that was my favorite movie...

which I'd watch five times a day.

So one day...

I was at the water fountain and, you know, I cut the biggest kid in the class above me.

I cut him in line.

And uh... he got very enraged.

And started pushing me, and uh...

And then this new kid came flying in, this kid from Israel and started pushing them back.

He got suspended for three days, because they went off into this huge fight.

And so, I go over to his house afterwards to thank him.

Go up to his room, he opens the door...

and there’s this huge poster of “Indiana Jones”.

So [Snaps], like that, I knew we’re gonna be great friends.

And I had someone to watch the movie five times a day with.

[Laughs] Uh, he had the..

He had the hat, you know the “Indiana Jones” hat.

He still has it.

Yeah, well, you know so... we were best friends ever since.

HELGA: That’s a great story. Why don’t you write about that?

HARRY: Oh, come on, who would see a movie about that?

[Answering machine]

CHAD [Phone]: Hey dudes...

Listen, the meeting is set for tomorrow at nine.

[Cont'd] His name is Mark Finberg and his office is on the top floor of the Misney building.

I’m sure you guys came up with something killer that’ll blow him away.

Alright, I'll see ya’ later.

JOSH [In background]: Good luck, dudes!

[Dial tone]

CHAD [Phone]: Hey dudes...

Listen, the meeting is set for tomorrow at nine.

His name is Mark Finberg and his office is on the top floor-

HARRY: What the hell are you doing? [Chad background] -of the Misney building.

I’m sure you guys came up with something killer that’ll blow him away.

[Stops machine]

MARTY: I’m just reminding us we have less than six hours to come up with a story, and we aint’ got shit.

HARRY: Yes, yes, I know that.

This I know.

[Cont'd] Let's just start. Let's just start with a scene, and we'll see where it takes us.

MARTY: A scene? What scene?

HARRY: I don't know. Any scene.

MARTY: Oh, any scene.

HARRY: Yes a scene, any scene.

Come on.

Come on, lets just go. Lets go.

[Claps]

[Light clap]

HARRY: "Interior"...

[Typing]

MARTY: "Interior"? You sure?

HARRY: What? No?

MARTY: What about...

"Interior, exterior".

HARRY [Questioning]: What?

MARTY: Yeah, you know, the action is inside...

But the camera... is outside.

HARRY [Types]: "Exterior".

MARTY: Okay, okay. "Exterior".

HARRY: "Exterior...street".

MARTY: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Street? Nothing a little more exiting than street?

HARRY: Okay, okay. Uh...

So...what? What do you have?

MARTY: Graveyard.

HARRY: Graveyard?

MARTY: No, you're right. Depressing.

HARRY: Yeah...

[Snaps]

HARRY [Cont'd]: "Exterior. Hospital".

[Typing]

MARTY [Sarcastic]: Oh, that's not depressing.

[Backspaces]

HARRY: Okay. Alright. Uh...yeah. So...what? "Exterior..."?

MARTY: Deli.

[Snaps]

MARTY: Deli!

[Starts typing again]

HARRY: "Exterior...Deli".

HARRY [Cont'd]: Wait. "Exterior...Deli"?

MARTY: Yeah, yeah. You know, they're eating outside.

HARRY: Okay. "Exterior. Deli...Night".

MARTY: Night? Why night?

HARRY: Why? Uh...why not?

MARTY: No, no, no. We start in the day and we end in the night.

HARRY: Why?

MARTY: Why, not?

PARALLEL HARRY: Wait, wait, wait, wait.

PARALLEL HARRY [Cont'd]: Guys. You start with characters.

MARTY: What do you mean?

PARALLEL MARTY: First, think of the characters and the story will evolve.

HARRY: Yeah, uh...okay, thanks. But there are a lot of ways to do that.

We could do that differently. We could start with place and time

and let the characters evolve from there.

PARALLEL HARRY: Um... [Chuckles]

Isn’t that what you’ve been trying to do? And uh...

I don’t think that’s been working for you.

MARTY: Hey, hey. Calm down.

PARALLEL MARTY: Hey, he’s just trying to help.

Tell your meshiganeh friend over there to calm down.

HARRY: What the hell did I say?

PARALLEL HARRY: You guys really stink.

MARTY: Stink?

PARALLEL MARTY: Totally stink.

HARRY: Stink!

PARALLEL HARRY: [Mocking]

HARRY: Why don't you come over here? Be my guest, man.

PARALLEL HARRY: It stinks so bright, I’m putting my sunglass on.

HARRY: Come on, you wanna do it? It’s so easy? Come on.

PARALLEL MARTY: Made of poopoo. PARALLEL HARRY: Dudi.

HARRY: Come on. Oh yeah-

MARTY: Wait!

MARTY [Cont'd]: You know what?

It's Misney.

Let's do Misney.

[Cont'd] Let's write a movie... About a talking penguin.

HARRY: Um...No. [Scoffs]

No. No. No, no, no, no, no, no.

I am not writing a movie about a fucking talking penguin!

MARTY: Why not? Stop being so pretentious. Just listen.

HARRY: No! No, I’m not stooping to that level. Forget it.

MARTY: Okay, okay. I got one. I got one.

MARTY: It’s a story of a penguin...

Who talks... and uh...there's a kid

who doesn't...talk.

HARRY: Oh.

HARRY: Oh yeah, oh that’s good. I mean it’s good conflict. That right there, I mean-

[Crumples paper]: Yeah, no fucking way.

MARTY: But why, man? Let's give them what they want.

HARRY: Come on man, we are better than that. A talking penguin?

MARTY: Come on. Do you want to sell a script? This is our chance. Let's give them what they want.

HARRY: Okay, so what happens in our talking penguin script?

MARTY: It's a journey...

[stuttering] about this kid who...doesn’t talk.

And somehow his parents bring home a penguin who talks, and the kid changes.

And at the end, he speaks. I mean it’s a journey.

HARRY: Listen to yourself!

Okay. Marty-

No.

No, no.

We have a once in a lifetime opportunity to go in there and show some of these-

these very important people in Hollywood, how good we are. How good you are.

I don’t wanna do that!

We’re better than that. You know it. I know it. We are better.

So talking penguin? Mmm...no. [Scoffs]

Uh..no.

[Cont'd] That is lazy. That is just laziness. Why-

Come on!

Marty. Marty. Please.

Let's...

Let's do something good, here. Let's come up with something really

admirable.

Make them think.

Make them- make them...

Laugh and cry. And, and, and-

I like your idea about- about the journey.

[Soft tense music]

SECRETARY: Harryman?... Martyman?

[Cont'd] It'll be just one more minute.

HARRY: Let me do all the talking, alright? No sudden outbursts of anything, okay?

No, really. This is important. We got a great idea here, and it's gonna' walk on it’s own.

No funny stuff, just-

GUY 1: It was a good script... GUY 2: It's okay, it's okay.

[Phone rings]

GUY 2: Don't worry about it.

SECRETARY: Yeah... Okay.

[Hangs up]

SECRETARY: You can go in now.

[Soft tense music]

ROSENBERG: Well, if it’s not Harryman and Martyman.

Chad's told me a lot about you guys.

HARRY: Well, We are- we are very happy to be here sir.

I love your work. Love it.

ROSENBERG: Nice!

[Cont'd]: Okay, guys come on in have a seat.

[Door closes]

ROSENBERG: I apologize, but I gotta to run out of here in five minutes.

I have a budget meeting for “Catsablanca 2”.

I’m sure you guys saw the first one?

So?

What do you think?

HARRY: Oh. Yes...

Yes, that was great. That...

was...great. We loved it.

ROSENBERG [Excited]: Yeah!

[Cat-like hiss] [Chuckles]

ROSENBERG: Okay... [Smacks]

Come on.

To business.

What do you got for me?

HARRY: [Claps] Now, we got a really great idea.

A really great story. Um...

It's a journey.

And uh... there's this man.

And uh...

He’s going through this mid-life crisis. He has a family; wife, two kids.

And he hates his job.

He hates his friends. Uh, he just finds them really annoying.

And uh... and he is in his pit. This man is in the hole.

ROSENBERG: [Gestures to continue]

And?

HARRY: And he takes it out on his family. I mean, he treats his family like crap.

He takes his family for granted. His wife like crap, kids like crap.

And his wife feels completely alone.

Completely...

...alone.

And desolate.

ROSENBERG: [Continues to gesture]

And?

Ah, one day, she’s up in the attic...

[Searching motion]

...looking around for something.

She finds this present that he gave her when they were really young. This gift that means so much to her.

And she cries.

Because of all the nostalgia and the memories that come flooding back.

She cries big tears, real tears.

In grief, for herself.

For her children.

And for her husband, her husband.

Whom she used to love, love lost.

ROSENBERG: [Smacks] HARRY: Lost love.

ROSENBERG: [Smacks harder, gestures impatiently]

And?

HARRY [Nervous]: And, um...

And, well then, uh...

Then uh...you know, uh...she goes off, it’s action time.

She goes off, uh...

She takes action.

And she goes right to the... to the family doctor.

Um...

Who's also a family friend.

And uh...

She confides in him.

Shows him her pain. Her inner self. Her soul.

[Grunts] Bears it all.

And, uh , and convinces him...

...to, uh, tell the husband...

...that he only has three weeks left to live.

ROSENBERG: [Annoyed] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and?

HARRY: Um, well, that's uh...

Uh, that's, uh...

He...he finds out... that he has changed.

I mean, he has gone through this... this incredible...

This...

He, uh, has gone through this incredible...

...life-changing experience.

Uh, through this ordeal.

And he realizes how lucky he is.

To have these great kids.

And this, this great wife.

And he wants... to try to make it happy again.

ROSENBERG: [Clears throat]

Anything else?

HARRY: Anything else? Oh yes.

Yes, yes. There is something else.

There is the fact that he falls in love again.

With his wife.

And he... falls in love.

And they...

...renew their vows. [Nervous sigh]

And they are very happy. Happy, happy.

You know?

ROSENBERG: I really have to go.

HARRY [Stammers]: Whoa, hey! There's more! I mean, there is more to this story!

ROSENBERG: Okay, guys please. I really have to go. I’ve wasted enough time already.

[Intercom beep] Uh, Judy, tell Rick to get ready.

JUDY [On speaker]: Yes, Mr. Finberg.

HARRY [Stammers]: Uh, whoa! Uh...

I mean because there’s also a talking penguin!

ROSENBERG: Talking penguin?

MARTY [Confused]: Talking penguin?

ROSENBERG [Intrigued]: Talking penguin?

HARRY: There's a talking penguin.

[Soft music]

Yes.

MARTY: Talking penguin.

[Intercom beeps]

ROSENBERG: Judy, hold my calls.

[Chair squeaks]

ROSENBERG: Go on, go on.

HARRY [smacks lips]: There’s this penguin...

...who talks...

...and he's delivered in a box.

ROSENBERG [Excited]: By the wife! The wife brought home the penguin!

HARRY: Yes, that's right.

ROSENBERG [Chuckle]: You know what?

[In awe]: I can see it.

[Dreamy music]

[Cont'd] A miserable man...

...a journey...

...and a penguin.

[Music intensifies]

ROSENBERG: The only thing that can cure an estranged man.

ROSENBERG [Cont'd]: Listen Harryman, let’s forget about all that pessimistic bullshit.

People don’t like to watch misery.

ROSENBERG [Cont'd]: Instead of the wife going to the doctor, she goes to uh...

...to the zoo!

[Smacks forehead]

ROSENBERG: And finds a talking penguin.

I like it. I like it very, very much.

[Cont'd]: Okay, boys. You have a lot of work to do.

I can’t promise anything, but I want a working draft on spec by the end of the month.

Then we'll talk money.

[Leans back, chair squeaks]

DreamWorks, kiss my ass! [Chuckles]

HARRY: Oy a’ broch. [Clapping]

HARRY [Cont'd]: What have I done? What have I done?

MARTY: Holy Moses, we did it! We made it! We’re in!

HARRY: I can’t believe I’m going to make a movie about a talking penguin!

MARTY [Surprised]: Are you nuts?

We just had a meeting at Misney, and they want us to write a script!

Get off your pedestal, buckle up, and let's go to the bank!

HARRY: Yeah, yeah, great. A movie about a penguin. A movie about a talking penguin.

What are we gonna’ do? This is your fault!

MARTY: My fault? You’re the one who said “talking penguin” in there, not me!

HARRY: I didn’t come out here to make a movie about a talking penguin!

A talking penguin! No!

We came out here to make good movies, good movies, great movies.

But no, no. Not for you. No.

MARTY: Get off the high horse. Who the fuck do you think you are?

HARRY: Yeah, my high horse. Yeah, okay.

First, you make me take the job editing weddings and Bar-mitzvahs!

Second, you push me into this penguin shit! [Pushes Marty]

Third, you want me to come-

[Pushes Harry] MARTY: [Grunts]

HARRY: [Breathes heavily]

[Tackles Marty]

[Struggling] HARRY: Get off me!

[Struggling to put Harry in car]

[Kicking dashboard]

[Slams car door]

[Heavy breathing]

MARTY: [Sighs]

MARTY: Now, listen.

MARTY [Cont'd]: Do you remember when we were kids?

Growing up in the neighborhood?

And we wanted to go outside and play. And your mother always said

“Herschele...

Not until you finish all your homework.”?

Well, just think about this movie as homework...

and when we get finished...

we go out and play.

HARRY [Mocking]: We go out and play.

[Grabbing something]

MARTY: Look what I got you.

Just for you.

HARRY: [Heavily breathing] MARTY: [Puts tape in deck]

TAPE [Yiddish]: “Vee nemt mir a bissele mazal.”

“Where do we find a little bit of luck?”

MARTY: “Vee nemt mir a bissele mazal?”

TAPE [Yiddish]: “Vee nemt mir a bissele glick?”

"Where do we find a little bit of happiness?”

MARTY: “Vee nemt mir a bissele glick?”

TAPE [Yiddish]: “Dus leben is blois a kleine chulem.”

"Life is but a short dream.”

MARTY [Pats shoulder]: "Dus leben is blois a kleine chulem.”

TAPE [Yiddish]: “Vus mir kennen nisht dre-in zurick.”

“Which we can never play back.”

MARTY: “Vus mire kenen nishty dre-in...zurick.”

[Bright song plays, montage]

[Song fades] [Door closes]

MARTY [Apologetic]: Hey.

SHMUEL: Marty! You're early. What's wrong?

[Laughs]

SHMUEL: Where's the schloch?

MARTY: Uh...he’s... not coming today.

SHMUEL: Why not?

MARTY: Can we talk?

SHMUEL: Yeah, sure Have a seat.

SHMUEL [Cont'd] Nu, what's wrong?

MARTY: [Avoids eye contact, sighs]

SHMUEL: Do you want to say something?

SHMUEL [Cont'd]: Oh. You don't want to work here anymore.

MARTY: ...Yes.

SHMUEL: What happened?

MARTY: We go a writing job at a big studio.

SHMUEL: What? That’s terrific a writing job, for a big studio. Great!

MARTY: We have to dedicate every second to this project.

I mean, don’t get me wrong. I'm grateful-

I mean, Harry and I are really grateful...

SHMUEL: Shh, shh, shh. Enough.

[Cont'd] So you finally wrote a script, huh?

MARTY: Yeah.

[Cont'd] It’s not as easy as it seems to come up with a good idea.

I guess all you have to do, is use your own life for inspiration.

You get a feeling, you sit down, and you write it.

SHMUEL: Yeah...

[Cont'd] I'm happy for you.

MARTY: You're not upset?

SHMUEL: Of course I'm upset. I still have to find somebody to do the Lavkovski wedding.

[Cont'd] Anyway, You know what they say.

When good fortune comes, pull up a chair for it.

MARTY: Yeah.

SHMUEL: So you’ll make some good movies, like uh...

"Casablanca". Now that's a good movie. Or "On the Waterfront", ohhh what movie.

Anyway, you'll uh... you'll make a good movie, right?

MARTY: Bye, Shmuel.

[Door opens]

[Sighs]

[Door closes]

[Door opens]

HARRY [Laughing]: I like it, I like it no, no, I like it. HELGA: No, no, no.

HARRY: It’s a very good picture I want it for my mantel piece.

[Both Laugh]

HARRY: It’s very solemn and serious and flattering.

[Keys jingle on table]

[Soft guitar riff]

HELGA: Where's Marty?

HARRY: I don't know. Probably with Allison.

HELGA: Are you guys okay?

HARRY: Who? Me and Marty? Yeah.

HARRY: Yeah. I don’t know. People grow apart.

Everything is money with that guy.

[Cont'd] You want something to drink?

HELGA: No. No, thank you.

So...

What do you think about LA?

HARRY [In kitchen]: Oh, you don’t like it either?

HELGA: [Chuckles]

It’s okay. The weather is nice.

HARRY: Ah ha. Yes, the weather is very, very nice. It’s perfect.

No.

I don't know.

Something about this place is just...

...devoid of character, you know?

[Cont'd] It’s like people come out here from all over the place

from these little towns and these little cities that are filled with character to this place...

that has absolutely no character and then you know, they all come out here for the same reason.

It’s just...I don’t know. You feel like they-

HELGA [Understands]: They try to get this character back that they left behind with their art.

HARRY: Yeah...

HELGA: That was very nice. I like the way you express your thoughts.

HARRY: I like the way you express my thoughts.

[Neighbor]: Hey, knock off that guitar!

[Cont'd] Um...you want to watch a movie? I have “The Producers”.

HELGA: How come all the time we met, you never try to kiss me?

HARRY: Uh well...

HARRY [Chuckles]: I don't know...

I didn’t know that you wanted me too.

HELGA [Chuckles]: Well...

I do.

HARRY: Um...

[Shifts closer] Okay...

[Guitar riffing]

[Phone rings]

[Disgruntled noise]

[Phone rings again] HARRY: I'll get that...

[Phone rings, answers]

HARRY: Hello.

RACHEL [On phone]: Hi.

HARRY: Hi.

RACHEL: How are you?

HARRY: Who, me?

Good. Good.

RACHEL: Well, you remember the cabinet? The part that was missing, it came today.

HARRY: That's good. Good.

RACHEL: Would you like to come and put it together?

HARRY: Well, why don’t you get your friend Sean to do that?

RACHEL: Oh, Sean. No, that didn’t really work out.

He wasn’t for me.

HARRY: Really? Um...

Hey, can you hang on a second?

[Cont'd] Uh huh.

Uh... well...

I don't know.

RACHEL: Come over. It’ll also give us a chance to talk about things, you know?

HARRY: Talk about things?

[Cont'd] I don't know...

RACHEL: Please?

HARRY: I'll be there in half an hour.

[Hangs up]

HARRY: I'm sorry...

[Cont'd] Uh...I have to go.

No, a friend of mine... they need something and I promise that-

[Smacks phone down, grabs keys]

Where are my fucking cigarettes?

Um...

But look, uh... can I just take you home?

HELGA: Is something wrong?

HARRY: No, no, no, no. Everything's fine...really. I just uh...

I should go. So...I'll call you later, alright?

Uh...

HELGA: Are you going to come back? Should I wait for you?

HARRY: Uh...I don't know.

[Keys fiddle] I don't know. Let me call you later, alright?

[Opens door]

[Slams door]

[Birds crowing]

ALLISON: So, did they like it?

MARTY: Yeah. Very much.

I think they’re really interested in making this movie.

ALLISON: That's great.

I'm proud of you guys.

So, what happens next?

MARTY: Yeah, they told us to get a lawyer, probably negotiate the contract.

I don't know much, but it seems like in this town, if you have something they want

it just takes off from there.

ALLISON: So you gonna’ be rich and famous, huh?

MARTY: I hope so. That’s the plan.

ALLISON: Are you going to take me with you?

MARTY: Of course!

Wherever I go, you go. You know that.

[Kisses head] [Giggling]

[Giggles]

ALLISON: Where's Harry been?

MARTY: I don't know. Probably with Helga.

ALLISON: I like Helga.

Are you guys okay?

MARTY: Yeah, we're fine.

People grow apart. You know.

[Chuckle] The guy is all heart, but he’s not very much brains.

[Cont'd] You know, I really like this. Lying here, like this.

ALLISON: What do you mean?

MARTY: I mean, it’s like...

...nice.

We’re quiet, just talking. No bullshit, you know?

ALLISON: Yeah, it is nice.

MARTY: I mean, we don’t argue. We have nothing to argue about.

ALLISON: We argue. MARTY: Yeah. I mean, yeah.

MARTY [Cont'd]: But not like crazy couples that go nuts, you know?

It's like we fit.

ALLISON: Yeah, it is nice.

MARTY [Relaxed]: Yeah.

ALLISON [Inhales deeply]: So, who am I gonna’ play?

MARTY [Confused]: What do you mean?

ALLISON [Eager]: I mean like, what part am I gonna' play?

In the movie.

MARTY [Still confused]: Which movie?

[Chuckles]

ALLISON: Your movie, silly.

I mean...

Who, you know, who can I be?

[Cont'd] Jessica, maybe?

...Or Aya?

MARTY: I um... don't know.

I...guess, they have their own casting people.

I'm really not involved with that sort of thing.

ALLISON: Well, yeah. I know, but...

I mean if you had a say.

Who do you think I could be?

MARTY [Stammers]: I don't know. Uh...

It's not my job. [Nervous chuckle]

ALLISON: Yeah, I know that.

But...

Hypothetically speaking.

I mean...

How would you cast me?

MARTY: I don't like hypothetical questions.

[Birds cawing louder]

ALLISON: You wouldn't cast me in your movie, would you?

MARTY: Well...

Allison, it’s a professional movie and they’ll need to use professional actors.

[Nervous chuckle]

ALLISON: I can't believe this.

MARTY: Well, you still have a long way to go. You know, to become a pro actress.

ALLISON: That's besides the point!

I am aware that I have a ways to go, but...

you don't appreciate me as an actress.

MARTY: Well, I'm being honest. And honestly, that play you guys put on was terrible.

ALLISON: The play?

From that little play, you decide I'm a fake?

That's what you decide? Well you know what? Fuck you!

I'm outta' here!

MARTY: Hey!

I thought you appreciated my honesty!

ALLISON: You can shove your honesty up your ass!

MARTY: Come on! Honesty? No?

Remember?

[Mutters] Shit...

[Running]

MARTY: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

ALLISON: No! What do you want?

MARTY: Look, I know I said some shitty things- ALLISON: Well, I don't want to hear it!

MARTY: Wait! Just hear me out...

MARTY: It doesn't matter to me if you're a shitty actor or the best actor in the world.

I want to be with you and that is the most important thing.

And I will put you in every movie that I would ever be involved in.

What?

ALLISON [Opens car door]: No, you just don't get it, do you?

MARTY [Confused]: Get what?..

[Closes car door]

ALLISON: No, Marty. You just don't get it.

How could you possibly be with me if you don't have the slightest appreciation for what I do?

How could you look in my face...

How can I tell you about my dreams and my passions...

if you don't believe in me.

I know I can't.

[Opens car door]

MARTY: Wait, didn’t we built this relationship on honesty?

ALLISON [Slams car door]: Honesty? You want honesty? I'll give you honesty.

Remember I wouldn’t tell you what my favorite movie is, because I was afraid you’d laugh?

Well, I don’t give a shit if you laugh.

My favorite movie is “Raiders of the Lost Ark”!

[Opens car door, gets inside]

[Slams car door]

[Starts car, backs out]

MARTY: What?

[Drives off] MARTY: Hey!

How am I gonna' get home?

[Knocking, door opens]

HARRY: Hey. RACHEL: Hey.

RACHEL: Come in.

You look better.

Have you been working out?

HARRY [Chuckles]: No.

Not really.

RACHEL [Closes door]: Do you want something to drink?

MARTY: Uh... RACHEL: Some wine, maybe?

MARTY: No, No, thanks. I'm fine.

RACHEL: So how's the script going?

HARRY: Uh... We finished it.

We're negotiating with Misney now. [Scoffs]

RACHEL: Wow. Really?

HARRY: Yeah...

RACHEL: I always knew you were gonna' make it.

HARRY: Yeah, well... I don't think of it that way.

So uh... What happened with you and Sean?

RACHEL: I told you. He wasn’t the guy for me.

HARRY: What does that mean?

RACHEL: He was just too self-centered, everything was always about him.

It made me appreciate what you and I had.

I guess I was looking for the wrong things.

People do that, you know. They take the good stuff in life for granted.

HARRY: Yeah... I never did that.

RACHEL: I know.

[Kids playing outside]

RACHEL: I really missed you.

HARRY: The part...

RACHEL: What?

HARRY: Um...

The part of the cabinet.

RACHEL: Oh, right.

I’ll go and get it, it’s in the bedroom.

HARRY: Is this a new couch?

RACHEL: Yeah...

You know me, got bored with the other one.

[Scoffs]

[Soft guitar music]

[Sighs]

RACHEL: Here it is.

HARRY: Oh...

RACHEL: So it’s uh... these things that keep bottom part together.

HARRY: You know what? I think...

it just looks fine the way it is.

I have to go.

RACHEL: What's wrong?

HARRY: Nothing. Uh...

I got somebody waiting for me.

[Chuckles]

[Opens door]

[Door closes]

[Soft guitar music intensifies]

[Knocks]

MARTY: So, uh...almost finished huh?

HARRY: Yep. You got your check on the table.

[Cont'd] So you're gonna' be living alone again. Happy?

MARTY: I don't know if "happy" is the right word. Try "thrilled".

HARRY [Chuckles]: Yeah, thrilled.

Well, Helga will be here in a second.

[Throws book on table] And I’ll be out of your hair.

MARTY: You know what? I don't understand you.

I mean, you hated working at Schmuel’s, now you don’t have to anymore.

What the fuck’s your problem?

HARRY: Oh, what the fuck is my problem?

You know what? This is not the place where your dreams come to life.

It's a fucking industry!

It’s a fucking milk bottle factory.

Here I am sucked in the bullshit like everyone else.

Steeped in it.

[Zips bag]

Eating my heart out because I made a movie about a fucking talking penguin.

Oh Jesus...

Oh, well...

why am I talking to you? You don't care. You couldn't care less.

MARTY: I couldn't care less?

You know what? Who the fuck do you think you are?

[Cont'd] You think you could have change this place working at Schmuel's?

No? Well now we do have the chance to change it. And I think that’s great.

You know what? Soon we’re gonna' be in a position

where we’d be able to make the kinds of movies we always wanted to make.

HARRY [Mockingly]: We’re gonna make movies we always dreamed of.

No. You know what happens?

You come here. You make your movie, you make it. Then what do you do?

You want the next thing, you want the next thing, and so you just keep fucking feeding the machine!

MARTY: How the fuck do you know that, though?

I mean how the fuck do you know that the next movie we make

won’t be the masterpiece that we always dreamed about.

HARRY: Because your name is fucking Mordechai!

Why the fuck would you change it to Martin?

Yeah my name is Harry, but when I put my name on that script, I put Hershel!

The name my parents gave me!

[Cont'd] And what about Allison? This girl that you love.

And then you won't call her for two weeks? For what? Why?

Because she's a "shitty actress'?

Look at you, buddy.

[Scoffs]

We wrote a movie about a fucking talking penguin. Honesty, my ass.

MARTY: Hey, man things have to be compromised, that's fucking life.

HARRY [Zips bag]: Well, you know what, I don’t think I’m willing to compromise as much as you are.

[Car honks]

HARRY: Oh, that's Helga.

I'm outta' here. [Grabs stuff]

MARTY: You know what they say... [Clears throat]

[Cont'd] You can't choose your childhood friends, they're just there.

HARRY: Yeah, you know....

If I met you today, I don’t know...

I don’t know if I want you to be my friend.

[Opens door, slams shut]

[Sad guitar song]

[Inaudible dialogue]

[Audience clapping]

[Songs ends]

[Restaurant chatter]

HARRY: Hey.

[Chuckles] How you doin'?

MARTY: What're you doing here?

HARRY: Uh, Helga told me to meet her here.

She said she's gonna' be here around two.

MARTY: That’s funny, cause’ Allison told me to...

HARRY: [Chuckles]

MARTY: Well, sit down, man.

HARRY [Awkward]: So...

MARTY [Awkward]: So...

HARRY: [Awkward chuckle]

HARRY: Allison and Helga.

MARTY: Yeah, I guess so.

HARRY: I saw you in the trades a few times.

MARTY: Yeah, yeah.

I bet you can’t wait to see the sequel to “The Penguin, Pascal”.

HARRY: Any good?

MARTY: It's complete shit.

What about you? What have you been up to?

HARRY: Uh...

[Cont'd] I’ve been making small movies. Very, very small movies.

I finished my last one about a month ago.

MARTY: How was it?

HARRY: Uh... It's a little too dark.

MARTY: What do you mean? Like dark comedy? Or avant-garde dark?

HARRY: Mm...no, no. We didn’t have enough money to light the sets properly, so it’s a little too dark.

[Smacks lips] You couldn't see the actors.

[Both laugh]

MARTY: You know...

You uh... were right.

I do have to feed the machine.

HARRY: Yeah, well...what's worse? Feeding the machine or...

Having no machine?...

MARTY: You know...

Most people don't know this, but uh...

Indiana Jones was actually a superhero.

HARRY [Confused]: Huh?

MARTY: I mean, of course, he wasn't based on a comic book, but...

He is just like Superman, Batman, and Spider-Man.

HARRY [Confused]: Superman, Spider-Man, and even Batman all have costumes.

MARTY: Well, yeah so does Indiana Jones. He has the hat, the brown leather jacket.

He even has a special weapon: That whip!

HARRY: No, he just wore that so his real clothes won’t get dirty.

And anyway,

in every superhero story, we see how the superhero came to be a superhero.

Like Batman...

was an orphan.

And Superman, also.

And Spider-Man got stung by a spider.

Whereas, Indiana Jones,

was always Indiana Jones.

MARTY: What are you talking- What about "The Last Crusade"?

I mean the whole beginning was his story as a boy becoming a “superhero”.

HARRY: No, it wasn't.

No, it wasn't!

[Cont'd] No, that was just to show the relationship with the father.

Don’t you remember, he is on the adventure on the train

and then he goes home to see Sean Connery

who doesn't support him

he tells him to do his homework.

MARTY: Exactly!

Ah!

The fact that his father didn’t support him in his passions

that is what made him become who he is.

HARRY: Alright, granted.

[Cont'd] But Indiana Jones... Are you ready for this? Are you ready for this?

No, I'm serious, brace yourself.

Because Indiana Jones does not hide his true identity from the public.

MARTY: [Laughs]

HARRY: [Laugh]

MARTY: You know, we could use that.

HARRY: Yeah? You think?

[Soft guitar music]

MARTY: Yeah.

Yeah.

HARRY: Yeah.

Yeah, that could be nice.

[Soft guitar music continues]

[Busy street noises]

MARTY: You think we should write something?

HARRY: Together? MARTY [Quickly]: Yeah, together.

HARRY: So another screenplay by Herschel Liphshitz and Marty Shapiro?

MARTY: No, no, no.

Herschel Liphshitz and Mordechai Shapiro.

HARRY [Chuckles]: Okay...

We need story though.

MARTY: We have a story.

HARRY: No talking penguins this time.

MARTY: We might have to mention it, though.

HARRY: Alright, well, I guess. If we have to.

Well, what else we got?

MARTY: It’s a story about a friendship.

A friendship between two guys from Brooklyn, who come to Hollywood to become screenwriters.

HARRY: Okay...

But we need conflict. What's our conflict?

MARTY: Hey...

It's a start.

[Rock music]

DIRECTOR: Okay, guys. We're rolling. Ian's gonna' mark it, and we'll go.

MARTY: Come on in, Ian. HARRY: Come on in, Ian.

IAN: Scene 23. Take three. Marker. [Slate claps]

HARRY: Bye, Ian. MARTY: See ya later, Ian.

[Closes door]

HARRY: Excellent! Excellent [Stammers] Stand in place..

[Laughs, claps] Beautiful! That's perfect! Uh...

Bye.

[Laughter, applause]

[Beep]

[Laughing, spits]

GENERAL: You want answer?

OFFICER: I think I'm entitled to- GENERAL: You want answers!

OFFICER: I want the truth! GENERAL: You can't handle the truth!

[Breaks down, laughing] [Background laughter]

[Beep]

OFFICER: I want the truth!

GENERAL: You can't handle the truth!

[Laughter]

[Israeli folk music]

HARRY: Guy's a fucking prick. Every time, man. I see the guy-

[Basketball hit]

[Beep]

HARRY: I mean, every time we come out here, the guy-

[Basketball hit]

[Beep]

HARRY: Every time he's out here- [Basketball smack]

[Beep]

HARRY: Did you see that? That was a foul. Blatant foul. My, God- [Basketball smack]

[Laughter]

[Beep]

[Basketball misses, hits fence]

HARRY: Did you see-

[Laughter] HARRY: You see that?

HARRY: He just threw the ball. MARTY: Out of bounds!

[Car door slams] [Ignition]

MARTY: I love riggers.

ALLISON: What?

[Beep]

[Car reverses]

[Beep]

[Car reverses] [Laughter]

[Beep]

SOUND: Speeding. ALLISON: Let me do just one.

2nd AC: Scene 61A. Take five. Marker.

[Slate claps]

[Beep]

ALLISON: [Struggling]

[Ignition]

[Car turns off]

MARTY: You know what's funny is-

[Car starts again]

MARTY: That's my-

I probably won't-

Probably put it in reverse to go that way.

ALLISON: Shut up! MARTY: Sorry. [Beep]

MARTY: It's a complicated automobile.

[Laughs] Here, let me put this in the back for now.

Let me push you. [Grunts]

ALLISON: Why's it not moving?

MARTY: You're in first, maybe?

[Music ends]

DIRECTOR: Action!

JOSH: What am I doing?

[Beep]

JOSH: You eat, you drink, you socialize.

"Hey!" [Comedic music]

[Imitating] "Gustavo! How's it hangin', man?"

[Speaks in Italian]

[Inaudible]

[Beep]

[Snapping] "Hey!"

"What's up there, homie?"

"What you doin' today, huh?"

[Beep]

"Hey, it's good to see you my friend." [Inaudible]

[Beep] "Hey!"

[Inaudible imitation]

"Happy day!"

"To you! Like that, man."

[Beep]

CHAD: Harry, what the Christ is this?

[Laughter] DIRECTOR: Still rolling, still rolling!

RACHEL: Oh, Harry!

HARRY: Don't worry, sweetheart. You're alright now.

[Laughter] [Israeli music plays]

[Beep]

[Typing]

[Coughing] AD: Safety is up. Safety is up.

[Beep]

MARTY: I'm driving. I'm driving. I'm really driving fast.

[Beep]

[Chip bag crumpling] MARTY: We should write.

[Music ends]

[Singing Jewish song]

[Singing ends]