Original subtitles

THE APE WOMAN

St Theophilus too, Mother. - Yes, I didn't think of that.

May we start, Father?

My son, I can never remember your name.

Antonio, like the saint. - How nice.

To make the loudspeaker work, press the button.

Careful.

May we?

Excuse me, Father, may I say a few words?

Yes, Mother Superior.

My dear seniors…

No, no, don't take off your hats or you'll catch cold.

Now you'll see a showing…

Take off your hat! - …the missionary father,

After the showing, you'll offer up…

He always has his hat on! - …and stamps

that we've collected for the salvation of the poor black… - Quiet!

My dear friends,

My dear friends, these documents that you'll behold,

are evidence of an apostolate,

painful,

glorious,

but necessary.

God weeps as long as there is one pagan on the face of the earth.

Quiet! Silence!

God weeps as long as there is one pagan on the face of the earth!

What? Silence! This is a scientific film.

Silence. Be still!

Change it, change it! - Right away, Father.

Look, our missionary with a beautiful black woman!

Check that out!

Yeah, yeah, he scares people! Just look!

Missionary life's quite the thing, eh? - Silence!

A nice device. It's German.

It reminds me of one I bought in Monte Carlo a long time ago.

But this one's more perfect though.

You have laughed.

Rossi. - What?

Can you work this? - Sure.

I've worked with more complex devices. - OK, I'm going to see what's to eat.

Continue it. These are already done. - Go ahead.

Then do these. - Leave it to me. Don't worry.

Follow the missionary father. - Cruel!

Reflect on what I tell you.

Cruel!

Excuse me. May I?

Good day. - Anna.

Good day, Miss. - Good day. Who are you?

The projectionist. - And who sent you?

The Mother Superior for the lunch. - And what's lunch?

Something to eat. - Eat? This is home cooking.

Self service. I'll serve myself. - Peppers, potatoes, fish.

I don't like fish. Is this chard? - Help yourself.

There's meat for the pizzaiola too. - If I may, I'll taste it.

Hot. - Meat for the pizzaiola.

Try some. If the Mother Superior said so, take whatever you want.

Yes, thanks. You go right ahead with the work and leave it to me.

You keep cutting. What are you looking at?

Antonietta, finish cleaning. Hurry up.

Do you have any bread, please? - There.

I see that there's also cheese. Just a little bite.

Here.

Thanks. - The bread's very good.

A little bread. I don't eat much. Beat it, cat.

There's a lot here. - I would gladly drink some wine.

Without wine, I can't eat. - Right away. I didn't think of that.

Turn off the burner!

Get away! Hasn't it eaten? - It's just a little one.

It only takes a little milk.

Here's the wine. -Thanks a million.

How dirty! Make room…! - Sunday, I'll take you dancing, eh?

Dancing? I'm married, 10 kids! If my husband heard you, he'd kill you!

Even with 10 kids, one can still go dancing, no?

I can't go dancing. - We'll go dancing! We'll go!

My girlfriend too. - I'll take you all dancing. All.

To dance the polka. - You too, Miss? The polka?

They don't dance the polka anymore.

Ah, well, this… - I'll teach you the Hully-Gully.

I know it, but she… - You know how? Good!

Let's go dancing.

We'll bring that young lady too. Right, Miss?

Miss, I'm talking to you.

Don't you want to come dancing with us on Sunday?

Is she deaf? Miss, I'm talking to you!

Who do you think you are? Sofia Loren?

Come here. Come here.

She has hair all over her body

and even on her face.

Her mother is crazy. - Crazy?

Quiet. Quiet.

Hair all over?

But there's nothing wrong with that!

She likes it like that, so be it. - "Hairy woman, holy woman."

You see what you've done?

Now look, she's crying. See what you've done?

But what have I done? - She's crying!

I didn't know it would offend her. Miss, I apologize!

Miss! - She's crying. Stop it.

Miss!

Miss, I'm sorry.

I didn't know it would offend you. Forgive me, Miss.

Will you forgive me? - Yes.

Now that you've forgiven me, can you show yourself?

Come on, let's not be a baby. C'mon! Fine, I'll stay here all night.

You'll need to eat, no? - Let him see your face.

Leave me alone!

She's under my protection. - What's your name?

Maria.

Maria, won't you show me a little? Just for a second. One moment. C'mon.

You must be kidding me.

I didn't see anything. Let me have a good look. C'mon.

Why are you so familiar? It's not like we've eaten soup together.

Are we putting on airs? Let me see.

Well, I thought I would see who knows what? And what do I see?

A bit of beard and that's it. I've been to Cottolengo, ya know?

I've seen more than that there.

Such a thing wasn't even worth interrupting eating.

You see? The gentleman didn't die.

He's very affectionate. He loves you. He'll marry you, understand?

Yes, but her hands are hairy too.

And her body too. She looks like an ape.

It's like this.

What are you crying for?

So, now I'm the upsetting one? Excuse me!

Wait a second, who has the beard? You or me?

Then I'm the one who should be afraid, pardon me!

Why are you running away? - There she goes again.

Mind your own business!

Be quiet! Be still!

Calm down! I'm not going to eat her! Turn around.

Let me see. Let me see! What are you doing? Crying?

Go on, blow. - You're mean!

Blow your nose!

Blow. Do you know that you're unique in the world?

I'm an orphan! - I have certain things in mind…

Come, you're beautiful, wonderful.

Come, come into the light where I can see you better.

How old are you? - I don't know.

You don't know how old you are? - No.

Have you been here long? - I don't know.

Wouldn't you like to go away? Tell the truth, wouldn't you?

But I have never gone away! - Why not? Never gone away?

I know why: you're ashamed and… Will you leave me in peace?

I'm talking about serious things.

Here… here I have my bed, I eat every day…

Nonsense, you're here because you don't know where to go.

But I can put you in a position you'd be proud of. Look at me.

Wouldn't you like to live like others? To go out with me?

Tell the truth that you'd like it. And that you find me a genius.

A genius, understand?

I'll you get out of here. - But…

Do you know what an artist is?

But I'm fine here! - Peeling potatoes?

But I can't go out! - Why can't you?

I'll make you an artist. They'll ask for your autograph, admire you.

Don't you understand? I'm an impresario.

Do you know the Cavallini Brothers? I was their impresario.

Antonio!

Anto'!

I'm coming! I'm coming!

Hold your horses!

I brought the tree but these jerks won't let me pass!

There are bunches of stuff! - Ma'am, please.

And these jerks?

Hey! Well? What's all this? This is my business!

You do your job and I'll do mine! OK?

And where is this tree going? - Into my garage. You mind?

Can we speak one at a time, please?

Speak to me! - Then say something.

I wanna know where this tree's going!

Shall we live and let live?

What does "live and let live" mean? Tell me, Sir.

I'll explain it right away if I may speak. Shall we talk about stamps?

Of taxes on appliances? - Everything's in order here!

But we need to talk to the police and the sergeants!

Come on, let the tree pass.

Let's go.

You understand or not? Don't destroy things!

This way. Make room!

You understand in this area there are millions! Money, you see?

Don't you worry about it. Go away. Go.

Anto', is this good? - Forward, come on!

Careful! Careful!

Anto', 20,000 lire! Look at those beautiful branches!

20,000 lire! - Yes, I know.

Lower the trunk!

Stop!

Hold it, I'll deal with him. - Here, put it in the hole.

Gimme 20,000 lire and I'll put it there. - That 20,000 lire! You trust me?

It's better not to trust you, Anto'! - Put the plant in.

Where are we putting it in then? - Lower it, kid. Nice and easy.

Don't break the branches. It's important.

Maria! Maria!

Get up, the tree's here.

Maria?

What are you doing there? C'mon, don't peel the potatoes so early.

And don't cover yourself, by our Lady!

I'm used to it by now, no? Uncover.

But I'm ashamed. - Why? Nobody's here.

The tree's here, we can start working.

Give me 20,000 lire or he won't go away.

I got nothing.

Don't act dumb: "I got nothing!", "I got nothing!"

You keep your money… hid under the bed.

I got nothing, I swear. - You know you're stubborn?

Can't you see that for every 1000 you put in, you'll get back 10,000.

Or don't you trust me? Eh? C'mon!

But how did you know the money was under the bed?

I know everything, my dear.

Give me some money because he's waiting.

It's not that I don't want to give it to you but if you kick me out,

I can't go back to the hospice. What can I do without money?

Go back? What are you saying?

We have to work and that's all. Gimme another 10,000.

We have to put together the number.

You were peeling the potatoes. What are you making?

Minestrone. - Very good.

How is it going?

Well. Very well. - Going well?

Very well. A fine job. Beautiful. Do you like it?

Fine. - An original!

And now you'll give me a nice gift.

Here you go: 10,000 lire. - 10,000? We made a deal for 20,000!

C'mon, you probably stole the plant. - What do you care? I took the risk!

It's enough. Calm down. - You'll pay the boys?

What? 2000 lire will do. - 2000 lire?

C'mon, please. For a plant like this?

What do you care if it's stolen? - Don't presume too much! Go!

Don't call me anymore! - Let's go!

Let's beat it! Let's go! That jerk!

In distant Africa…

Maria!

Just a moment. - Come here!

But I'm making the potatoes. - Leave the potatoes alone.

Come here, this is more important.

Up! Up! Get up, don't attack me. Be good.

Be good, get up. Climb the tree! Up!

Up! You don't understand. You don't understand.

You are the ape woman. I captured you in Africa!

You were in the wild. You understand? In the wild.

You have to try to attack me when I say "Up!" with the whip.

Like that, see? Then try to jump on me and climb the tree at the end.

But I'm making the minestrone. - What do I care about minestrone? Up!

We got the tree and we need to try it out. We must focus on the act.

You see the sooner you learn, the sooner I can return your money.

Come on, don't make me mad. Try to learn.

This is a show here. We must put on a number.

The public will pay and will want to see something.

They won't be satisfied looking at your face and nothing else.

You must try to learn how to creep, to act like some kind of Tarzan.

Come on, try to climb. I tried myself, it's fine.

You hold on to a branch like this and let yourself dangle a little. Up!

But I don't know how. - Up!

I don't know how! - Up!

I don't know how!

Antonio!

You only know how to make soup.

It hurts! - Up!

Come on!

Climb up.

Up! - Antonio!

Help! Help…

No, keep your shoulders up! Only let your arms down.

Like this? -No, that's a ghost! A rag!

C'mon, look at him well.

You need to… to watch how he eats… - He isn't do anything.

Nothing? Look at him! Hey, you, move it. Do something.

Get busy! You too, try to imitate him, like this.

Hey, are you two plotting together to make me mad?

Well? Are you getting up? You want me to…

Damn it!

Idiot… You see how he moved then?

You just need some rocks. What's so funny?

Hey, the chimpanzee is dangerous. Now's not the time.

He has the strength of 50 men. Take it from me.

You hafta act like him. One moment, he seems all rubber

and then he reacts like a chimpanzee. You understand?

Come on, pull down the veil. - Here?

Yes, don't be afraid. Nobody can see us.

Yes, it makes a nice difference.

But your nose is too straight. Make it more like this.

No, out more. Put your tongue before your teeth.

But I can't. I'm embarrassed. - Look what he's doing now. Look…

Hey, do what you did before. - But he does nothing.

Do what you did…! Now only rocks will work!

Young man! What are you doing?

Doing? Playing around. - By throwing rocks at the animals?

What did I do? He's no chimp, he's a cat! He does no tricks!

Can't you see he has rheumatism?

What? - Rheumatism. - Him? - Yes.

He was jumping like a cricket! - Because you threw rocks.

Please, come with me. - Where?

To the director. - What director?

The director. - Gimme a break!

I paid 200 lire. I brought a tourist…

You're right but I'm not wrong. Come a moment with me.

Beasts are expected to perform and you must make them!

Even by hitting them on the head with a hammer.

- Please, come with me.

I don't feel like arguing and keep your hands off! Go where?

To the director. - What director?

Come on, don't argue.

Excusez-moi, Madame. Yes, I'll go to the manager.

And I'll get you fired too! - Very nice! Go on!

Go and do your job! - Get out!

And don't speak! I told you a 1000 times.

I dress you like an Arab so you won't be recognized and you start speaking!

Watch what you're doing!

Now we'll have to learn the act without the ape.

I wanted to learn but he didn't do anything!

What the… Don't cry, please. Don't cry! Apes don't cry. - I'm not.

Nothing can be done: you're not intelligent. Not at all!

You have hair on your brain!

Venturing into the thick of the forest,

I had to take off my shoes and walk barefoot.

To better pinpoint my subject…, - Follow the master.

I'll now take you to the place where I found the ape woman.

Here we are: Central Africa.

Cute guy! - 3 months of long searching.

Cute guy! - 3 months in the virgin forest tracking down the ape woman!

Be still, don't move! - Come here!

And I was saying, 3 months and always barefoot! Be still, damn you!

Upsy-daisy! Still!

Sorry. Sorry, she's like a wild animal.

Be still.

As you know, the ape woman is quite the libidinous animal. Come with me.

And I'll now show you, in these six panels,

the illustrations by one of the more famous painters of the city

to whom I recounted my odyssey.

Six panels which he has reproduced impressionisticaly and faithfully,

and which represent the six most salient moments

of the ape woman's capture.

My hair stands on end just at the thought.

Unforgettable moments. Unforgettable.

Look at this: "Meeting the Lion". 3 hours of struggling. 3.

"Struggle with the Wild Crocodile". In the water, for 4 days.

"Escape from the Cannibal."

Take note: This is a cannibal who ate the foot

of my loyal and faithful servant, but I alone escaped.

What? What? Stop! Slave, protect the public.

Excuse me, but today the phenomenon is moody.

Get back! - Come down!

Get down! Get down, by Jove!

Get back, please. The phenomenon's tired and needs rest.

It'll be prudent to send her into the pit. You go down. Go down.

Good! Good.

Be still. Attention, everybody, be careful, everybody.

Go into the cage. Go on. Be good. Please don't get too close.

Don't get too close. She's agitated.

I'll make her go in her cage. Stay back, please. Don't give her cigarettes.

Don't… I said don't give her any cigarettes!

Are you trying to upset her or not?

You want to be end of Bubu? - Go away, go away. Calm down.

Slave, keep the people back. Hold them back. Hold them back!

What did I say, Ma'am? What did I say, Ma'am!

Now calm down, eh? Calm down. Go on, return her purse.

I say return it! Want me to kill you, filthy beast?

Pick it up, Ma'am, go on. Don't be afraid to pick it up.

I warned you to be prudent. You want to be the end of Bubu?

Note how Bubu would've ended up if he went against the ape woman.

See! Now go inside the cage.

Go, make a nice jump. Go inside. Go inside your cage.

Inside. You understand?

Get inside!

Dirty beast!

Close it.

Be good. Good. That's it. Come here. Come here, I'll give you a candy.

Come here. The people may approach the cage.

The ape woman is almost completely domesticated.

You can even talk to her. She will answer in our language.

What's your name? - Maria!

How old are you? - 65!

A liar like all women. What do you eat?

Bananas. - Bananas.

And no tobacco, understand? Bananas.

Ladies and gentlemen, if one of you wants to touch her hair,

to ascertain its solidity, to verify the authenticity of this hair,

you may do so. Come forward.

Come here, slave. Bring alcohol! - Yes, Master.

And cotton wool to prevent infection.

The ape's hair is very delicate and may suffer upon contact of any microbe.

So disinfect it thoroughly, please. There, go. Go.

How about you, ladies? Anybody? Come now.

Do any of you want to try… - Be brave. Come, please. Be brave.

This way, Sir. Very nice, Sir.

That's it, disinfect your hands thoroughly. Well done.

Go on, touch her. Touch within the limits of decency, eh?

You feel the softness of that hair? Better than beaver! Than chinchilla!

Do you know an Indian emir wanted to buy her to make a winter coat?

And… Easy! Easy! Careful with your watch! Careful!

Stop! No biting!

Enough for today. Enough. Sorry but due to police regulations,

I am prohibited from showing the phenomenon when she gets angry.

Goodbye, ladies and gentlemen. Goodbye.

Goodbye, ladies and gentlemen. Goodbye.

Get the cigarettes or they'll get wet.

Good day, explorer. - Hello, beggar.

And once again, we're finished for today.

Anto', the cigarettes!

For you the lion's share, for me the mouse's. Never mind.

Let's go. Open the cage.

Hey, Anto', the day is done. Goodbye.

Maria! Not at all badly today, eh? A rough guess would be 8000 lire.

I'm very happy.

Also not a bad haul on cigarettes.

Who put this here?

Antonio?

Will you get mad if I tell you something?

What?

Swear. - I swear.

Why don't we change it? - Change what?

Their touching me.

They're some pigs who take advantage. - Why should you care?

But they touch me and I don't like it. I'm a proper woman.

That's your fixation.

Don't you see that to the public you're not a woman but a phenomenon?

You're just an ape woman. Hey, make me some coffee.

It's made. - And don't touch the money.

Leave it be. I hafta to do the accounts.

You don't mind them touching me?

Don't I always have you disinfected with alcohol?

You smell really bad. - I know I smell like alcohol.

I don't like it. - There are worse things in life.

Don't you know this is the biggest find of the century?

In a month, I can give back all the money I borrowed. All of it.

To every last cent.

Then I have very big things in mind. Very big.

I want to buy two new spotlights to make fantastic lighting.

Then music. I also put in music.

Hand me the sheets.

Maria!

Maria!

Here I am. - I got an idea.

You know what we'll do? We'll make some photographs.

Yours, right? - Yes.

Yes, we'll give them to the paying public. In a costume, leave it to me.

Tomorrow, I'll call the photographer.

This way, we'll do it right away. One need always new ideas.

And don't throw the banana peel in my face, please!

But you told me too. - Yes, but here or here!

I told you to throw it but not in my face! It's gross.

Never mind, I can't sleep. - Don't you want a sheet?

You'll get cold. - Don't worry.

Why are you always biting? You mustn't bite the public, eh?

If someone hits you, what could I possibly do?

Do something different. Lick their arms, for example.

That's disgusting. - Disgusting?

Just some lady… Not with everybody.

Pretend to do it. Te… te… test it out on me.

What do you want?

I don't understand you. You got everything you can wish for!

You've become a free woman. I took you from the hospice.

I freed you from all your complexes. You can look anyone in the face…

What do you want?

Me, nothing. You always talk about work.

And what should I talk about?

Nothing.

Go, go to sleep. I must think.

Good night.

This way, if you please. Through here.

The professor will see you at once. I'll let him know.

Sir, please remove your hat. I know you'll excuse me.

You saw that? I don't like this place.

Speak quietly. I've instructed you we're in the house of others.

But I am afraid! - Of what?

He's a scholar, interested in phenomena.

Maybe, he'll help us. And you need the publicity.

You should look at the palace I brought you to.

You never would've dreamed this. From the stall…

to the stars. - Yes but…

Antonio…

Antonio… - He's here. Rise and greet him.

Dear kids, I'm pleased that you've accepted my invitation.

You are Mr Antonio? A great pleasure.

And please sit down,

Mrs or Miss…? - Miss.

A delight.

I didn't know there were other people who were interested in phenomena.

But excuse me, sit down too. Sorry, I was distracted.

Usually, people don't know the interest raised by the study of these phenomena.

From a biological point of view. - Certainly.

My servant tells me the phenomenon was discovered in Africa.

Yes, in the forest.

I've devoted my whole life to studying these beings, you see?

Maybe professor, you'd prefer to see better…?

To be sure - No problem.

Maria!

I gave her the name of Maria. Uncover, he wants to look in your face.

Maria, uncover, please.

Excuse me, eh?

The girl is still in a wild state.

If you knew the effort I've made to train her.

Up! Up! Maria! Uncover, go on!

There, you may look. - If I may?

Excuse me.

Extraordinary. - Caress her. Feel how soft she is.

Extraordinary. Excuse me, may I? - By all means.

Do you know you have a rare fortune?

Rare. Extraordinary, extraordinary…

Perhaps Miss would be more at ease in the garden.

There are bushes. - Yes!

Maybe some fresh air might… - The professor would like to see you…

in the garden or the terrace. OK?

Maria? Yes, of course. She doesn't answer but she's happy.

I did it for the young lady. - Yes, just what we like. Right, Maria?

Then, I'll show you the way. Let's go.

Come on!

This way, please.

The most ancient sin of the world!

Sure.

Beautiful. A fine palace, Professor. My compliments.

You like it? I'm glad. - The terrace is really fantastic.

Yes, it's an old facade from the 1700s.

Do you like it too, Miss? - She sure does.

So sorry, I'll draw the curtain now.

I don't like the excessive familiarity of these seamstresses.

There are 50 of them, just imagine.

Hey, is this man crazy?

Crazy? He's a true gentleman. You wouldn't know.

Remember what you gotta say? You were born where?

In the middle of the forest. - But where?

In the virgin forest, in Africa.

And who discovered you? - You.

Would you like to sit down? - Yes, thanks.

This is my little garden. - A little jungle at home.

Very kind of you.

I'm sure we can come easily to an agreement, correct?

Naturally, Professor.

Come, Miss. Don't be afraid.

You must see in me a friend.

Look how marvelously green!

And just think, we're in the heart of the city.

May I?

Upsy-daisy! - If I may?

Please sit. - Thank you.

This is my favorite nook.

This garden, green all over…

And then there is water. Can you hear the water as it flows?

I like it so much.

Do you think I can remove this hood? I'd like to see…

May I? - Please, be my guest.

But I see that the hair continues… - Of course.

It's a part of her. Else, she'd just be a bearded lady.

Instead we have here a real chimpanzee.

Her whole body is a kind of forest of hair that covers her arms.

You think that I might…?

See? You want to see more? No problem. Maria!

Maria, the professor needs to see something more,

to better analyze, shall we say, the phenomenon. There.

Here we go. See?

You can observe the hair continues over all the body and even the arms.

See? - Let me see. Let's see.

Let's see… - I've also given her some underwear.

Just like a normal lady. - Can you turn around here? Yes.

Turn around.

Good! Good.

Wait, I'd say she's a cross between a monkey and a Negro.

I don't think so, Professor. I don't.

Because you'd say she has light hair? - Exactly.

Perhaps an explorer with an ape? - Well, it could be.

An ape, perhaps.

I can't believe it unless I see more. I don't know, maybe the muscle makeup?

Of course. No problem.

Listen, the profess would like to analyze more. Go on, take it off.

No. - What do you mean "no"? Take it off.

No! - Don't make me look bad.

Sorry, but she's… - Maybe you need to insist.

Yes, she's an animal but she also has some modesty.

Let's try.

I said don't make me look bad… - I said no.

Why not? - I don't want to!

There's nothing special to see!

Listen, let it alone. Come with me.

Pardon. - All phenomena are sometimes timid.

It's almost as if they were human beings. It's natural. Quite.

Sorry. - I get the impression the phenomenon

hasn't begun her sex life yet.

Come again, please? - I meant she is innocent, no?

That is she hasn't had any sexual relations?

No, that I can promise you.

You can? - For heaven's sake…

Well, if it could be arranged for you to leave the phenomenon here

for a few days? So that way, I could study her.

In her true love life, in her evolutionary capacity. Understand?

You understand me, right? - Yeah, I do.

Well, look I… well…

I mean I'm willing to leave my phenomenon for scientific studies.

But you must understand that I too,

with the young lady, put on what is called a running number.

And… and then, I work everyday.

You ask for indemnity? Fine, I'm ready to indemnify her.

But it's not so much a matter of a material nature,

as of an artistic nature. So, let' say,

to stop the show would be a loss,

apart from, let's say, the 20,000 lire I earn everyday.

20,000 lire? - Yes, with Maria.

Fine. But in case that the observations

must be prolonged, in that case…

It'd surely be a loss to stop my number for even a few days.

And in this case, unfortunately, it's not just about a show…

I've willing to give my phenomenon over to scientific studies but…

in that case, I really don't know.

The show would be over, you see?

It's a matter of handing over the Miss for a study of a personal nature,

even if it's scientific but…

This would be her first time? - Yes.

You guarantee it?

100,000?

For three days? - For two.

Not three?

You see, I already explained. I'm willing to do anything but…

OK, we'll do that and not say another word.

Maybe, it'd be better to hear from the young lady too.

Of course, I'll let her know. - Yes.

Or at least you'll guarantee me that in two days… that's all…

Well, if I need to prolong the business then…

150,000.

OK, then I'll write you a check? - I'll tell her.

She needs to hear it too.

I'm just the messenger. - OK.

Maria? - What is it?

Listen, Maria, I had a talk with the professor.

That guy wants you to stay here with him for a few days.

I don't want to. - Please, let's not argue.

He'd like you to stay in his house. He wants to study you a bit.

He'll pay us for that. You know we need the money.

Yes, but I'm not staying.

Please, stop contradicting me whenever I propose something!

Why do I have to stay? - Why? I said so!

Why? - Because this is our job.

And you must do it too. Besides, the professor's really nice.

Why you wouldn't want to stay, heaven knows!

Because, I don't!

Why not? You've been alone with me. - Yes, but…

Then why not with him? - It's not the same thing!

Why not the same thing? - Did you see how he touches me?

What do you mean? He touches you because he's a professor, a scholar.

Don't you know you're a phenomenon? - I'm not a phenomenon! I'm a woman!

Will you not speak loudly?

You must stay here. - I won't.

I'm responsible for you! - I won't!

I say you're staying here. - No! - Look me in the face. - No!

You're staying here! - I'm not!

We'll take the money. That's why you must stay, get it?

I'm leaving!

Not so loud! - I'm leaving!

Don't raise your voice! - I'm going because you're a pig!

At least smile at the professor. - He's a pig too!

Shut up! - You're both pigs!

I'm leaving!

Where are you going? - You're both shameless! Both pigs!

Excuse me, Professor. - I'm leaving! - C'mere!

Up! Up! Come back! Up!

Lower your voice, please. I'll be right back!

You're in my house! Understand? - The phenomenon's a bit nervous.

No scandals! Please, I cannot have any scandals.

Look, go away. Who the hell knows you? Go away!

Don't worry, I'll bring her back right…

That damned ape!

I'll pay you back, I'll… I'll destroy you!

Idiot! An idiot! - Mr Antonio.

Who is it? - Maria sends you this.

She wants her suitcase and savings book.

She sends me this and wants her bankbook?

Here's what I do with her stuff!

And the contract? She thinks she can just break a contract?

For a whim? That'll be the day!

I didn't build all this for nothing, got it?

Tell her that I give her 24 hours to return here.

Or I'll press charges! - Don't kill the messenger.

I'll press charges! For breaking a contract for real.

Miss Maria told me to return with her suitcase and savings book.

Really? The young lady said that? Then tell the young lady

she has 24 hours to return here and get her suitcase if she wants!

We won't even talk about the book! - My arm! My arm, please!

Go and tell her. This is my business!

Go and tell her! Go on! - Mother Rosaria!

Your savings book, eh? A lovely poem, yes.

But she'll have to come back here.

Mother, I insisted but he hit me. - Have a seat, Mother.

The suitcase and savings book now!

One moment, it's necessary I explain all to you calmly.

No, no need for compliments! The suitcase and the savings book!

Have a seat. - He wanted to hit me.

What hitting? - Nudity!

Nudity! The horror! - Nudity? No!

Absolutely no nudity! - What a scoundrel!

It was the professor. I didn't know…

I won't report you to the police because ugly things repulse me.

But look, if you persist, eh?

I'll give you the book and the suitcase.

But regarding the professor, you must believe me.

Believe you?

I didn't know… I couldn't know.

It was the professor who suddenly… - Why are you laughing, spiteful?

You are a monster of wickedness! - No, c'mon…

What you did to that poor creature is unmistakable!

Not inexcusable. - Unmistakable!

It was the professor who mistook my good faith…

Where are you going? Put down that suitcase!

Come, Baron, don't listen to him! - Put it down!

Come! - I break but not bend!

Come in.

Praised be Jesus Christ. - May He always be praised. Yes?

I am Antonio Setola. Remember?

I already know your history. - No, Mother, first you must pardon me.

There's nothing to be done. - You may not forgive me

but I must absolutely speak to you.

Even murderers get a hearing, no?

I took the liberty to bring a small offering

for the memory of that holy woman, my poor mother.

You can do whatever you like with it: for the aged or for masses.

Nobody better than you could interpret the wishes of my poor mother.

It's 10,000 lire, a small thing, according to my means.

Please.

Thank you very much.

Mother, I have to talk to Maria.

Mother, I must speak to her.

Maria is at peace. Let her be. - Yes, but I'm not at peace.

Feeling guilty for something I haven't done…

You understand, I feel guilty and I didn't do anything.

Do you realize that I can't live, sleep or eat anymore?

Mother Superior, lunch.

I'm coming! - We are ready for it to be tasted.

Though you were rather rude

a few days ago, eh? - Yeah, OK.

Very good, thank you. - No, thank you.

You must understand the situation. - I do understand it.

There are moral obligations! - Yes, I know.

You're not Maria's relative.

And then Maria can't live with a man alone.

Look, I'm prepared to do everything. I could even adopt her.

Adopt her? Do you know how many old men come here to "adopt"

young girls around 14 or 15 years old?

Well, first of all, I'm not old and Maria's not a child.

Excuse me, Mother. - But what assurance can you give me?

You're a bachelor. - Granted.

Granted, but I'll take all responsibility.

I'll offer you all the guarantees, Mother.

No, believe me, give it up.

Maria is a good and fine girl.

Give it up for once and for all.

It's impossible. Truly impossible for her.

The microphone ready? - All's ready.

Don't let me down, eh?

Then we're agreed: while along the road up to the house door

you'll sing. - Peace to all!

You'll sing the song that I taught you, "The Bride."

From the church to door of the house. - I don't want to sing.

Why? - Everybody'll laugh at me. I'm your wife.

And as you're my wife, you must do as I say. Come, they're waiting.

You won't have to do what you did before, eh? Sing and smile.

Come on.

Hurrah for the newlyweds!

Turn on the microphone.

Turn it on.

"The Bride", one two…

White and bright…

I'm embarrassed.

White and bright…

goes the bride…

White and bright…

goes the bride… - Thank you, people.

While hidden among the crowd,

behind a tear,

undecided,

I see my illusions fall away.

Touch me, baby, you look like a saint! How beautiful you are!

Did you see her? She looks like a saint!

There, on the altar, she is crying.

Hey! Hey! Some civility, by Jove!

Everybody will say that it's from joy,

while her heart is crying out.

Ave Maria…

Where are you going? We gotta go down there. Excuse me. Keep singing.

Ave Maria…

Stop!

C'mon, keep still!

Let's go back! Dessert for everyone! Let's go!

For everybody! - Antonio, let's go home!

Hey? Hold it right there. What are you doing?

What are you doing? But…

Have you gone crazy? Have you? - I am your wife.

What wife? We're a "dummy" business. - No!

I'm your wife! - You're drunk.

Your wife and a woman! - Now, let's stop this.

I do the cooking, make soup,

play the ape, climb up the tree and do everything!

I don't like it! - Leave it be!

There. - I do everything you command.

I sing, I climb, I show my ass!

Everything and I speak with respect but I'm your wife!

You know why we got married. Everything's like before.

It continues exactly… Be still! …as before.

You're too smart not to get things.

Knock it off now, so I can sleep!

Tomorrow will be a day like any other day.

Will you knock it off for once? Yes…?

Or no? - Come here, Antonio.

But I'm sleepy! - Come!

Maria, let's behave seriously, please.

Antonio, come.

Come. - Forget it, c'mon.

I said forget it!

Don't you understand why you're not like any other woman?

"I'm not a woman, I'm a phenomenon."

Come to bed, Antonio. - For a man it's different, you see?

You're still like a child and can't understand certain things.

You can't understand. But you see, you gotta get used to it.

We're married… Let me go to sleep. Come on.

Come. - Don't you see we won't fit?

The bed is small. Look, we can't.

Look, tomorrow, I'll buy a nice big bed and

then we'll do whatever but now…

Let me go. Let me go.

And tomorrow, I'll ask for an annulment.

What? - I'll ask for an annulment.

Is that what they taught you in that nasty place?

You want to put into your head that the love between us…

Yes, I do love you. But I love you like one loves a brother or a sister.

It's not the same thing.

I understand.

But when this morning, you told me to sing,

You said, "You're my wife, sing." And I sang.

Now you're my husband and you must sleep here.

All right, all right. Wait.

I don't get how these things get into your head.

An annulment! Have you gone crazy?

Yes, sure, we're married but certain things must be taken slowly.

Look, I'll be comfortable over here.

This way, I'll be close-by, eh?

But it's uncomfortable. - Oh, no, I like it hard.

You'll get cold. - Oh, no.

Antonio?

I love you. You don't understand anything.

Antonio? Are you asleep?

Of course, I'm asleep.

Antonio?

What is it?

Handsome! - I was sleeping…

What is it you want? - Come here.

That's crazy talk. Crazy… - Why?

I already told you: You and I are like brother and sister.

But that's not true.

We're husband and wife.

Oh, no… - Yes.

C'mon, let me sleep. - Come here.

Come here. - We won't fit.

Tomorrow, we'll get a big bed. - Come here.

But I'm not ready. - Come here.

But this is sheer madness.

It's sheer madness, you know?

You know you're something else? - I'll make myself teeny-weeny.

We can't fit here… - Yes!

You're quite the hardhead, you know?

You're tickling me!

Mr Antonio!

Mr Antonio!

Over here. Pompa Marcelli. - Antonio Setola, a pleasure.

My wife. - A pleasure, Ma'am.

Please, have a seat. - Thank you.

Things of the highest class and very important.

Look here at the Margherita Salon.

All the great glories of the Neapolitan Variety have passed through here:

Pasquariello, Donnarumma. You hear that music?

The Commendatore has come on purpose to sign us up.

By now we've won. The money is ours. Don't be afraid.

I don't know how to sing. - You know how to sing very well.

You always undervalue yourself, darling.

Please, it won't do. Absolutely not. In Paris, this would never do.

Go away! Leave the Commendatore in peace.

You want anything? - No, thanks.

Did you see the phenomenon I brought you? I was right, eh?

Maestro, the bride. - Beautiful.

Very good. Your face uncovered like that is really beautiful.

That's beautiful. A huge success. - Excuse me, Maria

knows many songs but unfortunately, the Maestro only knows "The Bride".

She'll let you hear "The Bride", OK? - A hint would suffice.

You must forgive her if she's nervous. - Of course.

Thanks so much. May we begin? Thank you.

Maestro, "The Bride."

Silence.

Bright and white goes the bride.

While hidden… - A hairy angel! Lovely! Lovely!

A beautiful voice, eh? - You see, in Paris, they're tired,

they're nauseated with sex. Sex. Sex. Always sex!

They want something striking, something strong.

And here it is. We'll prepare a big number.

"The Hairy Angel".

And I'm eager to sign immediately an exclusive contract for your lady.

Excuse me, Commendatore, but we do this number together.

Yes, we work as a couple. I built the act, you see?

My wife won't work alone. - We can come to an agreement.

Better to clear up some things now. - Listen, we'll find a way. We will.

All I just need is to see your wife naked once.

Completely naked and that's all. - No, no, look,

I'm sorry but my wife doesn't strip. My wife naked in Paris? No.

You keep quiet! - We can come to an agreement.

There's been a mistake, my act's scientific. Sorry, bye.

Let's go. - You'll regret it, Mr Antonio.

Look, it was a mistake. It's a matter of principles, you see?

My wife and I were married legally in church.

France is another mentality. - Allow me, dear, this is important!

I'm Italian like you. Very much so.

Be patient. Come here, listen. - No, we won't speak of a contract.

My wife won't go on naked. - Now, let me try to persuade her.

Be nice, Ma'am, look, let's sit down here.

Some chairs. Quick, chairs! - Coming, Commendatore.

Sit here. Sit here, Ma'am, please. - Have a seat, Sir.

There, is that good? - Ma'am, I'll tell you upfront that

the striptease is not… - Shall I go, Commendatore?

…is not a big deal. You see, in Paris, there are ladies who do the striptease:

Mothers of families, very virtuous wives.

Yet they do the striptease. - I don't think it's something dirty.

However, I'm a woman. My husband's the one who decides.

No, we decide together. You're my wife, please.

You wanted me, Sir? - Yes, dear. But we'll take you both.

No, you think I should send my wife around like that?

Why not? - No, this is a mistake. We're going.

No, no, sit down! Be patient, just one more minute.

Look, let them see it, OK? Let them see.

Here, have the goodness to tell me what is…

what's wrong with seeing a person like this? Nothing.

Nothing wrong. She's a statue, a statue of flesh.

Listen, what should I do then? - What do you know how to do?

I do some Afro-Cuban dances. - Good.

Later, you can do an Afro-Cuban dance for me too.

Pasquale, don't get too excited. - You see that?

And my wife should sashay like that for all of Paris? You make me laugh.

But I didn't say she had to be completely naked.

Oh, no! Oh, no… Just think, think of l'argent!

L'argent, the money that you'll earn.

Think of the publicity in Paris alone! Such a creature…

It'll become worldwide.

Global! A number that the entire world will seek out.

While here in Naples, you'll be wasted. L'argent. L'argent!

Here your beard and hair are serviced.

Would the lady like a massage? Coming right up, eh?

Just where you like it: the cranium.

You know it's as tender as a child's.

You think I'll get used to life in Paris?

Oh, of course.

That city frightens me.

The whole world's a country. Besides, we're not going like beggars.

We'll be respectable, have a regular contract, nice parts…

There you are. Does the lady have any other orders?

We'll remove the bib.

Careful with the hairs of the beard. There.

If the nuns knew that I'm going to Paris to do the striptease!

What do you care what the nuns think now? You're married.

But you know I don't believe it. I don't believe this good luck.

You better believe it.

How many times I have told you what a genius I am? Eh? How many?

Yes, but I'm sad.

Why?

To leave the house so, now that everything's done…

Certainly, this house has cost me much sacrifice.

That's true.

And the theater…

Come.

Ladies and gentlemen, the show will now begin!

Here is the forest.

How much effort, how much sacrifice.

Up! Up! - You remember the ape woman?

All over now.

A new life.

This is the life of the artist: one day here, the other in Paris…

Then, even another day in New York! Who knows?

Let's go to our big bed. Come on!

But what will I do in Paris? I've never been out of Naples.

You'll get used to it.

Our nice big bed!

Then, please, won't I be there? Hotel life from now on!

Will we go to America too? - Sure.

To America, everywhere.

Meanwhile, we have our beautiful photo in the newspaper, eh?

It's always a satisfaction.

France Soir, a million copies sold. - Really?

Just think, a million copies. - A million…

What's written there?

"Behold, the courageous man is going to get married to this monkey."

My father!

My father!

My father!

My papa!

Thou shalt die!

Go away!

Devil!

Look at me

Bitch…

Bitch - Look at me

Go away.

Come here.

Yes…

Yes…

Yes…

Yes…

Yes…

Shit!

Behold!

Bravo!

Bravo!

Behold the ape woman!

Hello, everybody! They must have been the oysters.

How's it going? - Not bad, thank you.

The legion of honor! And you, Franceschina, how are you?

Leave Franceschina alone! Go on! - Fine, I'm going. Neapolitan…

Hello.

Hello! Hello!

What's good today. My usual for me. - Of course.

Maria! How is it going? - Fine.

You remember me? I'm Antoine.

Remember? - Yeah.

Is work good? - Yes, thanks.

Nice sandwich, eh? Very good.

The chicken croquettes, like yesterday, with a little watercress.

I really like that. - OK.

Hello! - The duck tonight is really disgusting.

Goodnight, Miss. Good job!

Good job. Ah, your bouquet!

Your bouquet! Mademoiselle!

Mademoiselle!

Mademoiselle, your bouquet. - Thanks.

May Saint Lucy preserve my sight!

Bye, Antonio. - Bye, bye!

Bye, bye!

Oh, finally. But where were you? - Nowhere, just over there.

Yeah, hitting on the black girl. - Please, she's a co-worker.

Yeah, a co-worker… They're all co-workers to you.

I want to know what she said. - Nothing.

She said, "Get my bouquet" and I brought it to her.

And you kissed her. - Kissed?

Me? Kiss a co-worker?

You should hurry, we're late.

Women here have a different attitude. They think differently.

Understand? You're different from the others.

Yes, but I don't kiss. I don't kiss anybody.

You're right. Don't kiss anyone or don't get kissed.

What is this? - Antonio! Come on!

I'm coming! For God's sake!

Oh, there, there, little piggy…

I don't feel well this evening. This double schedule is killing me.

My stomach hurts. - Be patient a bit longer.

We'll call a doctor tomorrow.

You always exaggerate. It's probably the oysters.

No, it really is my stomach.

To be sure, the weather here is really nasty.

Always grey. It makes you depressed.

And there's a cemetery down there too.

That must be the doctor. Give it to me.

Here, get ready. Can't you take out those curlers?

It's bad to be seen by the doctor in curlers.

I'm going, eh?

This is the doctor. - Hello.

Please, come in. - Avancez.

Please, come in.

Morning, Ma'am. How are you? - Hello.

So-so. Thank you, Elvira.

C'est un monstre!

What did he say? - He said, "She's a monster."

But pardon me, Ma'am.

He says she's a monster!

We know. Does he need to tell us that?

Est-ce vous avez des antécedents? - Ma'am doesn't understand French.

Excuse me, Ma'am. The doctor wants to know if it runs in the family.

In other words, if your mother was this way.

Tell the doctor it's not the head we're interested in but the stomach.

She vomits, is nauseous… - Vous comprenez, Monsieur le Docteur?

Ce ne pas la tête qui l'intéresse, mais c'est le ventre qui est malade.

And you, Ma'am, don't worry: A nice purge and tomorrow you'll be like new.

Alors, déshabillez vous. Déshabillez vous.

What is he saying? - She must undress. - OK.

Alors, monsieur, s'il vous plaît… - Sure.

Miss, come.

What is it?

Peek at what's happening. - It's nothing.

He's doing his doctor stuff.

All right.

Don't look. Don't look.

Looking is bad. - I'm like a kid here.

It makes a bad impression. - Are we being put in the corner?

Besides, I'm the husband, no? - Mademoiselle!

Est-ce-que monsieur a eu des rapports sexuels avec madame?

"Has the gentleman had sexual relations with the lady?"

Of course, she's my wife!

He didn't know? - Are you sure?

Sure? Didn't you know?

Didn't you know? - Yes, I did but I didn't want to say so.

I'm a lady of discretion. - Mademoiselle, oui ou non?

Oui, oui, Monsieur le Docteur. Il a eu des rapports.

Bon, merci.

It hurts, Doctor. - Excusez-moi, Madame.

What a bore!

Tell me, you that are a Miss, have you had sexual relations?

What? Me? I'm single lady. That nonsense?

Alors, Monsieur, Madame est enceinte.

Oh, the lady is pregnant! How wonderful! Congratulations!

You hear that, Antonio? I'm expecting a baby.

Are you happy? - Very happy.

A little kiss. Now calm down, eh?

Please, this way. - My towel, how annoying!

I'm really happy for you, dear beautiful lady.

Hurry up, Miss.

Monsieur, s' il vous plaît. - What?

Je voudrais vous parler, car la situation est quand même...

The doctor says he needs to talk to you.

C'est grave. - It's serious.

Evidemment, le cas n'est pas tellement fréquent.

How much, please? - Combien?

Trois. Mais c'est pas la question.

Thank you. - Vous êtes… Merci.

Vous êtes un homme et vous devez comprendre la situation qui passe.

He says, "You're a man…" - Excuse me, so?

…n'est pas tellement… - It's not so…

…facile.

Ah, easy… - Et les issues sont assez…

He said that… - …difficiles à voir.

But… - Nous allons parler dans le couloir.

He said it's better to go into the corridor.

Right. Outside.

I'll be back soon, eh? Excuse me.

Alors? - Mademoiselle, vous pouvez dire…

Translate for me. - Hold your horses.

Les circonstances sont assez particulières.

Les lois d' hérédité jouant, l'enfant risque de naître taré.

Poor lady! - Un monstre, sûrement.

What did he say? - He said it'll be necessary to bring her to the clinic…

because a monster will be born.

A child will come like its mother, with all the hair on its face.

A monster! A monster!

Say, did she understand you right? - Poor lady, so good and so nice!

But that's life for you.

Mademoiselle, voulez-vous dire à monsieur que s' il était décidé,

je pourrais lui donner l'adresse d'une clinique pour l'avortement.

I'm a lady and won't say such things. No! No! No!

You were asked to interpret! - I'm a lady!

There he is with those shoes. You really want me to shine them now?

Will you translate? - Merde alors! Elle m'agace!

Go on, pick them up!

Will you translate what he said, please?

I'm a lady! - We know!

And I don't believe in such things… - But just this once and we're done.

You should abort it! OK? You must abort it and that's all!

I could never say such things.

Look here, I didn't choose a single life

so I could hear about abortions. - C'est vrai?

Pour moi, oui, Monsieur. Vous ferez ce que vous voudrez,

mais pour moi, il n'y a pas d'autre solution.

Mais c'est impossible.

En Italie… - Peut-être.

Mais, pour moi, ici il faut faire cela. - But…

Au revoir, si vous voulez.

Maria? - Yes, Antonio.

You know, that maybe this thing can't…

go on? - What did you say?

Yes, the doctor says you must abort.

Abort?

He's crazy! Why should I? - Because…

You know why. Because there might come…

Because he might be born unlucky. That's why.

Why unlucky?

Sorry, eh?

What do I know? Maria, unfortunately, you know how things are.

The doctor said so and he should know. - Doctors make mistakes too.

Let's hope so. - And even if he's unfortunate,

he's still our child, no?

Yes, I know! Maria, you think I don't know that?

Really, won't you understand me? It's not me who wants this.

The doctor recommended it. - The doctor is a monster.

"The doctor is a monster!"

Try to be reasonable. Come on! Maria!

I'd be pleased to be a father but when he's born,

if he's a poor thing, what will we do? - He won't be a poor thing.

Let's not just think of ourselves and be selfish.

Let's think about him. He will be a wretch.

Then I'm a wretch too.

But I'm still happy, no? Didn't I find you? Marry you?

I am happy.

Aren't you happy with our life together?

Yes, I'm happy.

Well then?

But it's not easy to find someone like me.

Believe me. - Why?

Why? Why? Never mind.

Here. - Always pasta with butter.

You know I can't digest French butter. It lies on my stomach.

But there's nothing else. - Pasta with butter! - Here.

Oil. We could use oil, no?

I'll eat it plain.

Go on, eat.

Go on, eat. - I'm not hungry.

"I'm not hungry."

What's the use of not eating? Have something.

But you're not. Go on, eat. Eat. You like butter.

No, I don't like it. I want nothing.

What do you think? That I haven't thought of this before?

Don't you know it would be a boon to me? You don't believe me?

You with the child, both hairy, we'd make a ton of money.

You're a pig! You only think about your business!

Always money! It's you who are the monster!

You better stop! Stop…

Wretch!

You're hysterical! I forgive you because you're hysterical.

Go away, monster! I'm enough for my child.

I'll bring it to the doctors.

I'll have him cured. Everything they never could do for me.

You threw all the pasta on me. You're hysterical.

No! No, I'm not hysterical!

I'm a poor wretch!

I'll go away with my child.

Then we'll go to the Sayonara Hotel, eh? It's nice, comfortable.

As you wish, Antonio. - Contented? Good.

Hey, let's turn right.

Antonio, turn right.

Why to the right?

Because he's a true saint. Please, let's go.

I've told you that's just superstition.

Fine, call it superstition. Carla, who used to bring milk

to the hospice, was paralyzed in her hand and went there.

Is it really necessary to come here? - Yes, I beg you, please.

Good day.

How can I help you? - I like to order some prayers.

First and last name? - Maria Setola.

What are you writing?

Address? - Sayonara Hotel.

Don't be funny. - Is this the third degree? Write it.

What do you expect? Don't you know we pay taxes here?

We have to keep records. If you have a complaint, take it to City Hall.

What sad eyes you have. Are you a Muslim?

Muslim? - What have you brought here?

A Muslim person? I pray only to the saints in heaven!

Then why all this paperwork? First name, last name, address…

Or is there some confusion up there? - No, there's no confusion up there!

It's down here!

I pray only to Catholic saints. - Bravo.

Go sign up, go with faith!

The amount offered?

How much are we doing? - 100.

We just returned from France. We only have francs.

100 francs.

Let's see the exchange.

You see how organized they are?

What are you doing? The exchange rate too?

Sailors come here from all parts of the world.

And if every time, we had to go to the bank to exchange, we'd be screwed.

Sir, worry about yourself!

You must ask for everything, else they'll come to contest it.

What's written down remains. Specify your reason.

Specify your reason. - For the salvation of a child.

Excuse me?

How is this child? Is it alive, dead, or not yet born?

It's not yet born.

To whom should we pray to? St Antonio or the Madonna?

How beautiful.

What do you think?

I would say both. It'd be better, no?

Well, have you decided who the prayers will go to? St Antonio or the Madonna?

To both equally.

I'm counting on you.

Ma'am, leave him be… - It's urgent.

Please. - I'll do what I can.

Come, Ma'am. - Thank you.

Maria.

Maria, look. - You're really crazy, you know? - Look at this child.

You like it? I've been cutting like mad, you know?

I was at the newsstand. I took all of these.

Here's one with a baby bottle that's very nice. You like it?

Keep looking at this picture. - You'll think it'll help?

Sure, it's just a matter of suggestion.

If you want your child to be born beautiful as this,

you must always look at the photo, and never get tired of it.

I know what I'm talking about.

But I'm here looking at the photo and I'm not calm.

But you must be calm. Darling, think about nothing else.

You mustn't worry. Just let the photo influence you.

Got it? Don't worry.

Who knows what your mother was thinking when she was pregnant with you?

How is he? Kicking? - And how!

Quite strong. - Naughty.

And then… this hotel is expensive.

We'll have no money left. - Will you knock that off?

Where will he born? The middle of the street?

At least, it's a bit elegant here and sunny.

Don't bother about these things. Look.

Look at the piazza, the view. Distract yourself, have fun, OK?

Alright. - Leave the rest to me.

But I'm worried… - I'll find a way to make money.

We're paid up until the end of the month.

I've pratically already sold the car.

But you need the car, Antonio.

Oh, please. I didn't have it before and I won't have it now. Who cares?

Besides Majeroni will come soon.

And you know after it's born, we'll start working again.

I hope so. - What nonsense!

How are you, eh? - Fine.

I'm losing hair. - A few hairs have gone away.

That's nothing. The doctor said it would. It's the pregnancy.

It'll grow back later. Don't worry.

Do you know what the doctor said? He once had in his care a bald woman.

During the pregnancy, her hair grew incredibly long.

Stay here. - Sure, I'll put up the picture and be right back.

Come, this way? - How is he? Is it a shock?

Don't be afraid. He's normal. Very much so.

You know, considering the mother's condition…

He's a very nice child. Just look at him.

One, two, three, there he is! - That one?

But he's quite normal. - I told you so.

Can I see him in the incubator? - No, you can't.

But doesn't he look too small?

Don't worry. What matters is that he's alive and will grow.

Come now. Come and convince your wife who is worried.

More worried than you.

I saw him. - Is it true, he's beautiful?

Very beautiful. - Very beautiful.

Convince your wife that he's alright, normal.

How beautiful he is! Small but beautiful.

He looks small to me.

But there's nothing? No hair? - Nothing, nothing. Smooth, smooth

like a billiard ball!

I told you so. Are you really happy? - Of course I am.

Why shouldn't I be? I'm a dad. You wanted a family, ya know?

We need to go to work though. Work!

Get away! Away with these hairs!

You see, there's no more hair.

It's not important. It'll grow lovelier, stronger.

Look there's nothing. Nothing! - It won't do anything for a while.

It'll be lovely. You'll see.

How strange, I feel… - Really?

I don't recognize you. - Why?

I don't know. Without a beard, I don't recognize you. - Well.

You knew with hair. It's normal. - Ah, don't you worry!

Leave it to me: a nice skin rub and there'll be more beard.

A flowing beard! We need get it all back.

By the way,

Did you see the telegram I got from Majeroni?

Look here. London, you see? "The Ape Woman". Know that means?

"The Ape Woman"

That means, "Ape Woman"! I see…

Are you sure it'll grow back? Because I feel… strange.

It's like as if I were naked.

Oh, no. No way.

Well done.

Sister. - Is that so? Is that right?

Listen, Maria,

I understand you. Antonio is good, just like you say,

But… like this…

We can't keep going on like this. This is not a restaurant, eh?

It's been two months. Two months, eh!

This can't go on.

What can I do, dear sister?

Fine, we thank you. In the name of myself, my wife and this innocent.

But it's not our fault!

He's cuter than Mama. - OK, lemme talk.

It's not our fault that this misfortune happened.

What do you mean? - Her misfortune!

What misfortune? Come to me!

A miracle!

A true miracle! - A miracle?

We thank God Almighty for this miracle.

If it weren't for her hair loss, we'd be in London, putting on a show.

We'd be at the expense of the Orsoline and not living on charity here.

No! What show?

Show?

Look, if the Mother Superior found out about the show, she'd have a seizure!

A seizure!

Right. Well… - Nonetheless,

you're a family man. You're a good man.

And no more show. That's done with! - Got it.

Enough. It can't go on.

It absolutely can't go on.

Alright, fine! I'll provide. I'll fix this anyway I can.

God! God help me! - Antonio.

Eat some meat at least. The meat is good. You love meat.

I'm not hungry. - Why?

Because I don't like insincere charity.

I don't… - Are you crazy?

You like steak very much.

I don't know. Look, I gotta give it a try. I gotta find something.

Look, I'll make you a sandwich. We will.

I… - Yes, but eat something.

Why treat him like that, Sister?

It's not his fault after all. It's the situation.

Work! Work! You never wanted to work.

Did you work my job? 30 years!

I've worked for the sister for 30 years.

Here.

Antonio, take this.

Bye, baby.

Bye, dear.

An apple? Blessed heaven!

Some wine?

We're a bunch of desperate people without a lira.

Look, give me a plate and a fork.

OK, we got food and drink here. - And a quart of wine. - OK.

May I sit down? - Please, it'll be a pleasure.

Dear Mr Antonio! - Hello. Good day.

And some stuffed olives, please.

Take a glass with us? - There's just pasta and beans.

Willingly. Thank you. - Prosit?

Thank you.

I'll take the occasion to introduce my friends.

They've been waiting.

They want you as an impresario.

And if you wanted it, you could.

Father, mother, daughter and uncle.

Baron, what could I do with them? They need somebody else.

But…

Do they at least know how to do anything? Sing? Dance?

Nothing. They're phenomenons!

No, they won't do. They won't. I'm sorry but…

You need somebody else nowadays.

Look, I gotta talk to you about something else. Come here.

Wait for me a moment, please. - We're very sorry!

Yes?

Don't you have more decent, more presentable clothes?

Yes, that white, handsome suit. It suits me well.

It looked really good on me… - Which one?

The one at the marriage. Don't you remember?

The long silk one? - Silk, double breasted… - Good.

Then you can come with that suit? - Yes.

We must organize something very important.

Please! - I'm always at your disposal.

I admire you greatly.

Will my calling cards be useful?

It depends. You have the crest?

Certainly. It's due to my blood!

Then bring them. - Naturally, I'm going right away.

Go get changed, then come here. - Fine. I'm going now.

Twist! Twist!

Twist! Twist!

Then, you got the card? - Of course.

It's the last but I'll sacrifice it willingly.

Keep it ready for when the doctors show up.

Of course. - Here they are.

Go now. Go on.

May I, Doctor? - You again, Antonio? What do you want?

Allow me to introduce myself: Baron Rossi.

A pleasure but… - My lawyer.

I found out, you see. You have no right!

You've no right to change my wife.

Will you please? - What "please"?

I did that out of humane interest for your wife.

But what "humane interest"? Please!

All you had to do was deliver my child!

Who ever told to you about her beard? Gimme patience.

It was fine for me and my wife.

We had our life and we were fine.

You tell him, tell him that I have damages! - To be sure!

Profoundly damaged!

Have you no shame? Shame on both of you!

This is the last time I want to see you, Antonio.

Next time, we'll call the police. - What police? Please! - Let it be.

Don't you know how I live with my wife?

I live by charity! You know it. And it's your fault!

Because I should've been in London now, you understand?

Yes, London! Excuse me, Dr, but maybe I liked my wife with hair?

Tell him, Councilor? - I believe it. I do.

Antonio, I do understand. From one man to another,

find a job, maintain your family.

But she maintains you. Don't let her do that.

You want to work? - I've always worked, Dr.

Very good. Wait here a minute.

Baron!

What are we doing? Say something.

Leave it be.

Leave it be? You're letting me do all the talking. - All is well.

Speak a little like a lawyer.

I must worry about the moral question.

But you could've intervened when we confronted the financial question.

I've intervened at the right moment! - Yeah.

It's not enough to show a card. See what they're doing. Check.

He's writing. - Who knows what?

That I don't know.

He's coming. - What did he write? - I don't know. He's coming.

Maybe a payout? - Yeah, maybe.

And don't disturb the doctor again.

Well, let's see.

A payout!

A freight company, see?

He says I should go work at the harbor! Me? An artist?

From Paris to a harbor!

Clowns!

Clowns!

Anto', come here. - Yeah, I'm coming.

Come here, stay here.

Stay here.

Come on! Come on! Well, I'm here!

Come on!

Come on, put your back into it! Careful.

Come on! Pull!

Go on! Go higher! Go on! Higher!

Keep going.

Ah, be careful!

Stop, eh? Sto…

Hey! Where are you going? Come here!

Come on!

Come on, boys.

Come here.

Anto', let's go eat.

Hi. - Hi, Antonio.

What? What's the matter? - Put this on or you'll get cold.

Good. - I brought breakfast.

Come here. Up.

Let's find a place to sit.

Straight ahead.

What's with the boy?

Here. Come here, little one.

Come here. - Here he is!

Mommy's darling.

Does he have worms? - How should I know?

He's cranky. - Come here! Come here!

Come, now we'll give you garlic.

There we go.

And the worms will go away soon, eh?

Antonio, do you like it? Look, it's cashmere.

I paid 3000 lire for it. - Nice belly!

Did you bring France Soir? - Yes, here it is.

And look, the broth is nice and warm.

You open it up, I'll read a bit.

There's nothing. Not even in Paris.

Majeroni is finished.

What's so funny?

I'm happy.

He who is happy is rich.

Ah, good, he's calmed down. Are you hungry, little boy?

Try it. - What is it?

There. - It's good. Good.

Revised English subtitles by sineintegral@KG