All language subtitles for How.I.Met.Your.Mother.S02E22.WEBRip.x264-ION10

Ladies and gentlemen,
for the first time ever

Mr. and Mrs. Marshall Eriksen

and Lily Aldrin.

Does it make you
kind of sad

that we don't share
the same last name?

You know,
in a totally evolved

21st-century kind
of way, yeah, a little.

Oh, you know what
we should do?

We should come up with
a whole new last name.

Oh, that's easy-- Lily
and Marshall Skywalker.

Lily and Marshall
Hasselhoff.

I got it. You ready?
Mm-hmm.

You ready?
Yeah.

Lily and Marshall Awesome.

Have you met
the Awesomes?

Marshall, Lily,
their son, Totally

and their daughter,
Freakin'?

I love you, Mr. Awesome.

I love you, Mrs. Awesome.

So...

So...

Wedding's over.

Yes, it is.

I guess starting
tomorrow,

we can tell people.

Mm-hmm.
Tell people what?

Hi, Barney.

Tell people what?

The food looks
delicious, doesn't it?

Tell people what?

Nothing.

Oh, okay.
Tell people what?

Can we talk about
this later?

Absolutely.
Tell people what?

Hi. Have you met Barney?

Hey. Barney Stinson.
Lovely dress.

I know, I'm sick
of these things, too.

It's like the same wedding
over and over again.

You're totally right.
You want to dance?
Great, see you out there.

Tell people what?

Look, this is not something
we want to talk about
right now, okay, Barney?

Oh, okay.

Uh-huh.
Great.

Whoo, that was
a close one.

Think he'll actually
let it go?

(Barney over P.A.):
Tell people what?

Tell people what?
Tell people what?

Tell people what?

Tell people...

There's a black Nissan Stanza
in the parking lot

with its lights on.

Tell people what?
Tell people what?

Can I get a
water please?

Tell people what?
Oh, God!

Okay, look, we have
some... news.

TED:
But we don't want
to draw attention

away from Lily
and Marshall's big day.

So just forget about it

until they leave
for the honeymoon.

Fine.

It's pretty big, though.

Oh, my God, just tell me!

Oh, help us.
What's wrong?

We're starving.

We planned this amazing
meal with the caterers,

and we haven't had
a bite of it.

Every time we get
near the food,

we get cocktail
wiener blocked.

Marshall!

(glasses clinking)

(cheering)

We haven't eaten all day.

All right, let's
run some interference.

Yeah, we'll get you
back to your table.

Come on.

Oh, there you are.

My dear...

you look so beautiful.

Thanks, Grammie, but we
really need to...
And you...

You look like a 1940s
movie star.

And you look like a
pepper-crusted rack of
lamb with mint jelly.

All right, let's get
these two back to their table.

We will see you on the floor for
the conga line later, won't we?

TED:
The answer to that one
was decided weeks earlier.

Hmm... conga line.

Oh, yes, definitely.

How about a slide show
of you guys through the years

set to Green Day's
"Time of Your Life"

and ending with your baby photos
side by side.

Oh, that's great.

Going on the list.

What list?

Horrible wedding clichés

we're not going to touch
with a ten-foot limbo pole.

Oh, like First Corinthians?

That Bible verse? They do
that at every wedding.

How's it go?

"Love is patient
and kind.

"Love does not envy or boast.

"It is not arrogant or rude.

"Love does not insist
on it's own way.

"It is not irritable
or resentful.

"Love bears all things,

"believes all things,
hopes all things...

endures all things."

Lame.
Going on the list.

We've done it.

A wedding with zero clichés.

Wait, isn't doing it in
the reception hall bathroom

kind of a cliché?

Well, okay, one cliché.

Well, technically two.

No! They cleared
our plates again!

Pepper-crusted rack of lamb,
where did you go?!

It's my wedding night.

I was supposed to have
my way with you.

Oh, well, you
still have me.

Yeah...

Anyway, guys,

we're kind of in the middle
of something,

so if you could go bicker

or share a tense,
sexless silence

or whatever married people do
somewhere else, that'd be great.

No, Barney, this
is my wedding,

and I will sit wherever
I damn well...

Are those mini quiches?

Tell the secret.

Okay, uh... (clearing throat)
it was our anniversary,

so we went to this
restaurant Carmichael's,

which is where we went
on our first date.

Remember, the place
where I stole

the blue French horn
for Robin?

Oh, right, that was you.

I knew that was somebody
I knew.

What?

Dude, you were there.

That was like a big iconic
moment in all of our lives.

Maybe in your life--
I got a lot of stuff going on.

Okay, so we're
sitting there

and the waiter
comes over...

Champagne?

Um, we didn't order champagne.

Compliments of the house.

Wow.

Thanks.

Cheers.

And there, sitting
at the bottom

of my champagne glass is...

Mini quiche.

You're a mega-douche.

Oh, that's right,

they moved that table
back toward the kitchen,

because that's where
they're setting up

a surprise chocolate fountain.

Oh, no, I gave it away.

(Lily grunting)

So what was in the glass?

Right.

So the waiter comes up
with two glasses of Dom.

He says, "Champagne?"

"We didn't order
any champagne."

"Compliments of the house."
"Wow."

You said that already!

Right. So Robin looks down,

and there at the bottom
of her glass...

ROBIN:
Is an engagement ring.

Anything you want to say
to the bride and groom?

Don't get married.

Why don't I come back.

An engagement ring?

No. No, no, no, no, no, no.

Ted, you cannot
do this to me. No.

No, no, no!

That's what she said.

No.

No, no, no, no, no.

Ted, you cannot do this to me.

- No. No, no, no.
- What are you talking about?

This. This is what
I'm talking about.

What is this doing
in my champagne?

Oh, God, listen...
I just got to get out of here.

That's not mine.

What?

That's not mine.

Then whose is it?

It's mine.

Janna...

will you marry me?

Yes.

(chuckles)

(applause)

(chuckles)

Wow.

That was hilarious.

I was like... what?

Anyway.

What the hell was that?

What the hell
was what?

That reaction?

I thought you were proposing
to me.

Really? Because it sounded like

you thought I was trying
to set you on fire.

Ted, you know how I feel
about marriage.

Now more than ever.

I'm sorry, were you planning
on proposing tonight?

No.
Then why is this an issue?

Because even though you
don't want to get married,

I'd like to think the fact that
we've been together for a year,

and that we love each other
might get me a gentler reaction

than, "No. No, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no.

"Ted, you cannot do this to me.

No. No, no, no."

(sighs)
Okay, you're right, I just...
freaked out.

I don't know why.

I'm sorry.

Can we please just let it go?

No.

Hey, Stinson.

Never lie to a man
about a chocolate fountain.

So did you guys find
anything to eat?

I had four
strawberries.

Was there a side
of champagne

with each
of the strawberries?

(belching):
Yes.

MARSHALL:
Lily, you could have burped

or said the word "Yes,"

but the fact
that you did both

is exactly
why I married you.

Mmm.

Oh, look, more
strawberries!

(sighs)

(laughing)

So what happened next?

Ted, don't do this.

No, seriously.

Where do you see yourself
in five years?

Where do you see yourself?

Honestly, in five years...

I probably want to be married.

And I probably want
to be in Argentina.

Argentina?

Or Tokyo, or Paris.

Look, Ted, I don't know where
I'm going to be in five years.

And I don't want
to know.

I want my life
to be an adventure.

We have an expiration date,
don't we?

Oh, my God.

You guys broke up.

LILY:
Whoo!

You guys broke up.

I can't believe it.

Barney...

story's not over.

Can we please not talk
about this here.

Can we go home?

Yeah, of course.

Uh, excuse me,
I'm sorry about this.

Can we actually
have...
Oh, my God,
it's you.

Wha... what?

You're the son of a bitch

who stole our blue
French horn.

Run!

BARNEY:
Run?

Your strategy was run?

It was a perfectly
good idea.

They didn't have
our credit card information.

They didn't know us
from Adam.

I stand by it.

Yeah?

And how did that
work out for you?

Hey!
Oh!

(Robin screams)

I don't see
why they had

to keep my credit card
and driver's license

till we bring
the horn back.

Well, come on, Ted,
can you blame them?

Look, I'm sorry
about the French horn.

I want to make this right.

So what we're going to do
right now is, we're going

to run!

(glass breaking)
Ooh.

So...

Argentina.

Argentina.

Why is this the first I've heard
of Argentina?

Mmm, American schools suck
at geography.

What would be the point
in telling you

that I want to live
in Argentina?

You don't want to live there.
I could

want to live in Argentina.

No, you couldn't.

I mean, you life is here
and your career.

I'm a journalist, my career
could take me anywhere,

and I hope it does.
Hey.

I could be an architect
anywhere, too.

They have buildings
in Argentina.

And Paris.
And even Tokyo.

I don't know
if you ever saw Godzilla,

but he wasn't knocking down
a bunch of tents.

So, what?

You're saying you want to move
to Argentina?

Well, I always regretted

not taking a year in college
to live abroad.

I just finished
a big project at work.

I... I got some money saved up.

If ever there were a time
in my life

to do something like this,
it's right now.

Let's move to Argentina.

Oh, shut up.

You're scared I might
not be kidding.

Aren't you?

Nope.

Your move, Scherbatsky.

Okay.

Let's do it--
let's move to Argentina.

¡No es posible!

Nobody moves to Argentina.

The Argentinean peso

has dropped two-thirds
in five years,

the government is opposed
to free market reforms,

and the railroad has been a mess

since the breakup
of Ferrocarriles Argentinos.

I hooked up with
an Argentinean exchange student

in a Porta-John
outside Yankee Stadium.

Man, she was chatty.

Right? Right?

You caught
the bouquet?

Barney.

The story's not over yet.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

What?

I don't know if
I can do this to you.
Do what?

Well, you say you want
to move to Argentina,

but you want to have kids.

Oh, right. 'Cause
there are no kids there.

On Santa's map of the world,

there's a big black
"X" over Argentina.

You know what I mean.

No, I don't.

Okay, say we had kids.
Yeah.

They wouldn't
have to grow up

in some suburb somewhere.

They would grow up
on the road

having adventures
with us.

Think of all the
Hard Rock Cafe T-shirts
they could collect.

Ted, you know that kids were
never a part of my plan.

But if I was going
to have someone's babies,

I'd have your babies.

That's when you run.

Tell me you ran, Ted.

Wait, wait, wait.

We don't want to start having
babies right this second.

Do you have a...?

No, I don't.

Well, we probably shouldn't.

Yeah.

Risk it?

Risk it.

No.

All right, ladies and
gentlemen, if you will

gather around, Lily and Marshall
are going to cut the cake.

No.

Robin, you're not...

No, say the story's not over.

Come on, they're
cutting the cake.

Say the story's not over!

Oh, God, this is
the 12th most worried

I've ever been
that someone's pregnant.

(Lily laughing)

Okay, Lily.

I'm really hungry,
so let's just, uh,

aim for my mouth, okay?

Besides, the smearing the cake
thing's a cliché, remember?

No, it's going
to be so funny.

(distorted):
Lily.

Lily, just feed me the cake.

Please, baby, I am so hungry.

(guests gasping)

(Lily laughing)
MARSHALL:
Whoopsy-daisy.

And she's okay.

She's all right.

That was funny.
And it's time for
the honeymoon.

You know?

Guys, guys, guys.

Thank you so much.

We love you.

I love you.

Getting married,

having kids.

It's all a mistake.

It's a horrible,
horrible mistake.

God, this guy's
giving me nothing.

All right,
have fun in Scotland.

If you see the
Loch Ness Monster,

tell him Ted Mosby
says, "What's up?"

Nessie's a she,
Ted, come on.

Good-bye.

(cheering)

Hey, kiddo.

Tsk.

You are going to miss out
on a lot of awesome stuff.

You'll be
at home

with the kid
while I am out awesome-ing

all over the place.

And you're going to get fat.

The story's not
over, Barney.

Okay, time to get the
horn back to the bistro.

Oh, Ted, I don't know
if I can go again.

That tuckered me out.

Not a euphemism.

Oh.

(laughing):
Right.

Okay, let me just go change,
and we'll leave.

Whoa, whoa, you get
to change and I don't?

Uh-uh.

Solidarity, sister.

That is crazy.

I have a change of clothes
and you don't. Suck it up.

Well, if we'd actually
moved in together,

all my stuff would be
here, but we didn't, so...

Yeah.

We were all talk,
weren't we?

We're not doing
this, are we?

I don't want
to have kids in Argentina.

And I don't want

to have kids in Argentina.

So where does that leave us?

Well...

we could stay together and...

pretend this stuff
doesn't matter.

Or...

we could give back
the blue French horn.

You stole
a blue French horn for me.

I would have stolen
you a whole orchestra.

* *

You did break up.

Yep.

You're not pregnant?

Nope.

An-And Marshall
and Lily don't know?

Well, afterwards,

uh, we came by
to tell you guys,

but Lily was
pretty stressed out, so...

ROBIN:
We decided not to say anything
till after the wedding.

Whoa.

You guys okay?

Well, it hasn't been the easiest
two weeks of our lives, but...

But we're okay.

The open bar helps.

BOY:
Excuse me, Miss.

Hi.

Could I have this dance?

Well, we knew this day
would come eventually.

Take care of her, little man.

(sighs)

(squeals)
Mmm.

Uh-huh.

(both laughing)

This is by far the drunkest
I've ever seen you.

Uh, driver.

Hello!

(laughing):
Oh!
Ranjit.

Hey, can we make a stop before
we head back to the hotel?

You do not have to stop.

You can be together

as man and wife
right back there,

and because we are friends...

I will not watch.

Um, no, we actually had
something else in mind.

(both laughing)

Okay.

Lily, go sit down.

Welcome
to Wienerburger.

Hi.

Uh, can we get a
number one, please,

with no pickles?

And a number four
with no onions.

Let me guess.

Jefferson High prom?

No.

But thank you.

Uh, actually,

we just got married.

Wow.

Congratulations.
Thank you.

That's $7.80.

Hey, dude.

Yeah.

I don't know how to say this,

but your wife just threw up
in the trash.

My wife.

TED:
So Marshall and Lily
were married,

and Robin and I were broken up.

And as hard as it was
at the time,

in the end we both
got what we wanted.

She did go on
to live in Argentina

and Morocco, Greece, Russia,

even Japan for a little while.

And I... well, I met your mom.

I think for the most part
if you're really honest

with yourself about what you
want out of life,

life gives it to you.

Mmm.

Of course, at that moment,
all I really wanted

was a scotch and soda
and a cigar.

* *

Hey.

I'm really sorry
about you and Robin.

I know I was always joking
around about wanting you two

to break up, but you were
really good together.

Yeah... we were.

She just wasn't
the one, you know?

The one.

Oh, Ted, no.

Do not tell me
you're going

to start searching
for "the one" again.

The only time I want to hear
you saying "the one" is

if it's followed
by the word "hundredth."

(sing-songy):
What up?

No, I need a break
from all that, I...

I just want to
get out there

and have fun for
a while, you know?

Really?

(clearing throat):
'Cause...

you know, you've been
in a relationship for a year.

You're going to...
be a little rusty.

Yeah.

I'm just saying...

you're gonna need, need,
need some help out there.

Could be.

Ted?

Yes, Barney.

Do you think...

Do you think maybe you
might... need a wingman again?

I do.

Yes!

Yes!

We're back.

We are back.

And Ted, my boy,
it's going to be legend...

Wait for it.