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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,702 --> 00:00:03,572 TED: In the weeks leading up to Lily and Marshall's wedding, 2 00:00:03,637 --> 00:00:05,307 some weird stuff started happening. 3 00:00:05,373 --> 00:00:06,743 Why does my stomach hurt? 4 00:00:06,807 --> 00:00:10,477 I'm sorry, baby. I ate a bunch of ice cream earlier today. 5 00:00:10,544 --> 00:00:13,284 Oh, baby, you know we're lactose-intolerant. 6 00:00:13,347 --> 00:00:15,147 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 7 00:00:15,216 --> 00:00:16,616 Are you suggesting that 8 00:00:16,684 --> 00:00:19,124 when one of you feels something, the other feels it, too? 9 00:00:19,187 --> 00:00:20,617 BARNEY: Oh, God, 10 00:00:20,688 --> 00:00:22,118 you guys are so codependent. 11 00:00:22,190 --> 00:00:23,720 No, we're not. 12 00:00:23,791 --> 00:00:24,791 Oh, really? 13 00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:25,958 What about the other day? 14 00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:28,056 Oh, I need to get some eggs. 15 00:00:28,129 --> 00:00:30,199 Oh, I'll come with you. 16 00:00:37,638 --> 00:00:39,568 Just because we like spending time together 17 00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:41,040 doesn't mean we're codependent. 18 00:00:41,109 --> 00:00:42,479 Really? 19 00:00:42,543 --> 00:00:44,483 Then whatever happened to your plan of spending 20 00:00:44,545 --> 00:00:47,045 the last two weeks before your wedding sleeping apart? 21 00:00:47,115 --> 00:00:49,375 Okay, we decided 22 00:00:49,450 --> 00:00:52,520 not to do that because of... 23 00:00:52,586 --> 00:00:53,546 Logistics. 24 00:00:53,621 --> 00:00:54,391 Wedding logistics. 25 00:00:54,455 --> 00:00:55,655 Frickin' logistics, man. 26 00:00:55,723 --> 00:00:56,763 They mess everything up. 27 00:00:56,824 --> 00:00:58,794 You didn't do it because you couldn't do it. 28 00:00:58,859 --> 00:01:00,229 Sure we could. 29 00:01:00,294 --> 00:01:01,264 Then why don't you? 30 00:01:01,329 --> 00:01:02,499 You can stay with me. 31 00:01:05,299 --> 00:01:09,069 It would make our wedding night more special. 32 00:01:09,137 --> 00:01:10,537 Okay, let's do it. 33 00:01:10,604 --> 00:01:11,474 Done. 34 00:01:11,539 --> 00:01:12,769 I'm gonna go grab a beer. 35 00:01:12,840 --> 00:01:14,540 I'll come with you. 36 00:01:16,043 --> 00:01:18,683 No. I'll stay. 37 00:01:35,463 --> 00:01:37,003 Okay, I know. You know what? I got to go. 38 00:01:37,064 --> 00:01:38,104 Good-bye. 39 00:01:38,166 --> 00:01:39,126 My mom's driving me cra.... 40 00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:40,870 God, you guys are 41 00:01:40,934 --> 00:01:42,074 covered in sauce. 42 00:01:42,136 --> 00:01:43,236 We'll get to that. Me first. 43 00:01:43,304 --> 00:01:45,874 My mom is driving me crazy about the wedding music. 44 00:01:45,939 --> 00:01:47,069 The woman takes 45 00:01:47,141 --> 00:01:48,581 one cruise to Jamaica, 46 00:01:48,642 --> 00:01:51,852 and suddenly, it's "not a party without steel drums." 47 00:01:51,912 --> 00:01:54,082 Doesn't everybody know you're not supposed to stress out 48 00:01:54,148 --> 00:01:55,718 a bride right before her wedding?! 49 00:01:57,918 --> 00:01:58,788 Okay, sauce, go. 50 00:01:58,852 --> 00:02:00,492 Long story. 51 00:02:00,554 --> 00:02:02,164 I'll tell you later. Yeah. 52 00:02:02,223 --> 00:02:03,323 It's a dirty story, isn't it? 53 00:02:03,391 --> 00:02:05,131 You guys went out to dinner, 54 00:02:05,193 --> 00:02:07,463 did it in the kitchen and got caught. 55 00:02:07,528 --> 00:02:10,298 Scherbatsky reeks of someone who likes to get caught. 56 00:02:10,364 --> 00:02:13,234 Okay, now I have to wash up for two reasons. 57 00:02:15,603 --> 00:02:16,643 Oh, you didn't. Uh-huh. 58 00:02:16,704 --> 00:02:17,674 That's right. 59 00:02:19,673 --> 00:02:22,343 So you and Lily really think you can spend two weeks apart? 60 00:02:22,410 --> 00:02:23,810 You know what, Barney? 61 00:02:23,877 --> 00:02:26,647 Lily and I are a lot less cheesy than you make us out to be. 62 00:02:26,714 --> 00:02:29,854 Marshmallow, don't forget to pack my night-night tape. 63 00:02:29,917 --> 00:02:30,917 Oh! 64 00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:32,094 Night-night tape? 65 00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:34,022 Did you make a tape 66 00:02:34,087 --> 00:02:36,717 of you saying "night-night" to her? 67 00:02:36,790 --> 00:02:38,490 No. 68 00:02:38,559 --> 00:02:40,129 He doesn't say it. He sings it. 69 00:02:40,194 --> 00:02:43,104 Oh, that is so sweet. 70 00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:44,063 Why don't you kiss? 71 00:02:44,131 --> 00:02:45,901 I love it when two chicks make out. 72 00:02:45,966 --> 00:02:47,936 Damn it. 73 00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:50,971 Nobody's bought us anything cool yet off our registry. 74 00:02:51,038 --> 00:02:51,968 What's on there? 75 00:02:52,039 --> 00:02:53,009 Ooh, lots of stuff. 76 00:02:53,073 --> 00:02:56,683 Kitchen Aide Artisan Series tilt-head stand mixer... 77 00:02:56,744 --> 00:02:57,854 Retail price 78 00:02:57,911 --> 00:02:59,781 $319.99. What else? 79 00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:04,921 Um, the Dyson DC17 Animal vacuum. 80 00:03:04,985 --> 00:03:07,515 Ah, $549.99. 81 00:03:07,588 --> 00:03:09,258 A little greedy, don't you think? 82 00:03:10,624 --> 00:03:12,034 Did you memorize our registry? 83 00:03:12,092 --> 00:03:13,862 No, I'm training. 84 00:03:13,927 --> 00:03:15,827 Training? For what? 85 00:03:15,896 --> 00:03:17,056 I'm glad you asked. 86 00:03:17,130 --> 00:03:19,030 Ted, Robin, get in here! 87 00:03:19,099 --> 00:03:20,669 You guys know how 88 00:03:20,734 --> 00:03:23,404 it's hard to be friends with me 'cause I'm so awesome? 89 00:03:23,471 --> 00:03:25,011 Yes, it's hard to be friends with you. 90 00:03:25,072 --> 00:03:26,412 Go on. 91 00:03:26,474 --> 00:03:29,244 Well, this isn't going to make it any easier. 92 00:03:29,310 --> 00:03:31,980 I am going to be on... 93 00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:33,975 The Price Is Right. 94 00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:35,047 No way! What?! 95 00:03:35,115 --> 00:03:36,245 Yes, in a couple days, 96 00:03:36,317 --> 00:03:38,887 Rich Fields is going to call out my name, 97 00:03:38,952 --> 00:03:40,252 and I will come on down. 98 00:03:40,321 --> 00:03:41,591 (sighs): Oh... 99 00:03:41,655 --> 00:03:42,715 Whoa, that is so awesome. 100 00:03:42,790 --> 00:03:43,720 Barney, I didn't know you were 101 00:03:43,791 --> 00:03:45,131 such a fan of The Price is Right. 102 00:03:45,192 --> 00:03:47,092 Are you kidding? 103 00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:48,830 T.P.I.R. is not just 104 00:03:48,896 --> 00:03:51,796 an indescribably entertaining hour of television, 105 00:03:51,865 --> 00:03:52,895 it's a microcosm 106 00:03:52,966 --> 00:03:55,636 of our entire economic system-- 107 00:03:55,703 --> 00:03:59,373 a capitalist utopia, where consumers are rewarded 108 00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:01,910 for their persistence, market acumen 109 00:04:01,975 --> 00:04:03,875 and intrepid spirit. 110 00:04:05,413 --> 00:04:08,223 I gaze upon the glory of The Price Is Right, 111 00:04:08,282 --> 00:04:11,922 and I see the face of America. 112 00:04:11,985 --> 00:04:14,915 And it is divine. 113 00:04:14,988 --> 00:04:17,258 Plus, you know, hot chicks on sports cars. 114 00:04:18,992 --> 00:04:20,892 TED: Then Lily headed out to Robin's 115 00:04:20,961 --> 00:04:22,861 for her first night away from Marshall. 116 00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:23,930 LILY: I'm ready! 117 00:04:23,997 --> 00:04:26,597 (humming "Here Comes the Bride") 118 00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:33,035 Wow, Lily, you look so beautiful. 119 00:04:33,106 --> 00:04:34,906 I know! I'm beautiful! 120 00:04:34,975 --> 00:04:36,035 (squeals) 121 00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:36,979 I'm a fairy princess! 122 00:04:39,079 --> 00:04:41,479 I'm too skinny for my dress! 123 00:04:43,083 --> 00:04:45,923 TED: Meanwhile, I was testing out my best man toast on Marshall. 124 00:04:45,986 --> 00:04:46,916 Here goes. 125 00:04:46,987 --> 00:04:48,257 (clears throat) 126 00:04:48,322 --> 00:04:50,922 Hello, everyone, I'm Ted Mosby, Marshall's best man. 127 00:04:50,991 --> 00:04:52,631 Strong opening, right? That's fantastic. 128 00:04:52,693 --> 00:04:55,703 When Marshall graduates this spring, he'll be a lawyer. 129 00:04:55,763 --> 00:04:58,873 But did you know that Marshall has a criminal record? 130 00:04:58,932 --> 00:05:02,142 That's right, on a road trip up to Cape Cod, 131 00:05:02,202 --> 00:05:04,872 Marshall was pulled over for driving by himself 132 00:05:04,938 --> 00:05:06,068 in a car pool lane. 133 00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:07,339 (sirens blaring) 134 00:05:07,408 --> 00:05:09,278 Oh, crap. 135 00:05:09,343 --> 00:05:11,583 Oh, crap. 136 00:05:11,645 --> 00:05:12,845 MARSHALL: Are you crazy? 137 00:05:12,913 --> 00:05:15,923 You cannot tell that story at my wedding. 138 00:05:15,983 --> 00:05:16,823 My entire family's 139 00:05:16,884 --> 00:05:17,894 gonna be there. 140 00:05:17,951 --> 00:05:20,551 My little cousins, my mom, my grandma, 141 00:05:20,621 --> 00:05:21,821 my grandpa the minister. 142 00:05:21,889 --> 00:05:23,719 That grandpa died three years ago. 143 00:05:23,791 --> 00:05:26,561 His favorite grandson is getting married, Ted. 144 00:05:26,627 --> 00:05:28,327 I think he can take a day off 145 00:05:28,396 --> 00:05:30,056 from haunting the barn to make an appearance. 146 00:05:31,098 --> 00:05:33,368 Whoo! 147 00:05:33,434 --> 00:05:35,904 Whoo-whoo! 148 00:05:35,969 --> 00:05:37,069 Whoo! 149 00:05:37,137 --> 00:05:40,007 Whoo-hoo! 150 00:05:40,073 --> 00:05:43,013 Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! 151 00:05:43,076 --> 00:05:47,076 Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! 152 00:05:47,147 --> 00:05:49,517 Oh, yeah! 153 00:05:49,583 --> 00:05:51,023 So which one, "A" or "B"? 154 00:05:51,084 --> 00:05:52,024 What was that? 155 00:05:52,085 --> 00:05:54,755 I have to decide how to run to contestant's row 156 00:05:54,822 --> 00:05:57,122 when they say, "Barney Stinson, come on down!" 157 00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:58,560 Oh, I didn't realize that's what it was. 158 00:05:58,626 --> 00:05:59,826 Can you do them again? 159 00:05:59,893 --> 00:06:01,233 Yeah, of course. 160 00:06:01,294 --> 00:06:04,034 Okay. 161 00:06:04,097 --> 00:06:04,997 (loud thump) 162 00:06:05,065 --> 00:06:06,265 Ow! 163 00:06:06,333 --> 00:06:07,333 Hey! 164 00:06:07,401 --> 00:06:08,741 Very funny. 165 00:06:08,802 --> 00:06:09,742 (banging) 166 00:06:09,803 --> 00:06:11,473 Just for that, when I win all the prizes, 167 00:06:11,539 --> 00:06:12,739 the only thing you guys are getting 168 00:06:12,806 --> 00:06:14,706 is Rice-A-Roni and Turtle Wax. 169 00:06:16,544 --> 00:06:19,784 It's $300 just to take the bust in? 170 00:06:19,847 --> 00:06:22,917 Oh, please, you have to have some sympathy for me. 171 00:06:22,983 --> 00:06:24,823 I'm getting married next Saturday, 172 00:06:24,885 --> 00:06:26,745 and I'm too skinny for my dress. 173 00:06:26,820 --> 00:06:29,760 I lost all this weight without even trying. 174 00:06:29,823 --> 00:06:32,063 Hello? Hello? 175 00:06:32,125 --> 00:06:32,885 What happened? 176 00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:34,660 She called me a bitch and hung up. 177 00:06:35,563 --> 00:06:36,703 Oh, I don't know what to do. 178 00:06:36,764 --> 00:06:38,434 I guess I'll just have to pay the $300. 179 00:06:38,499 --> 00:06:39,929 Pay the $300? 180 00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:41,100 Lily, are you crazy? 181 00:06:41,168 --> 00:06:42,638 This isn't a problem. 182 00:06:42,703 --> 00:06:43,903 It's a license to eat. 183 00:06:44,672 --> 00:06:45,742 Look, what have you always 184 00:06:45,806 --> 00:06:46,766 wanted to eat but didn't 185 00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:48,680 because it was too ridiculously decadent? 186 00:06:48,742 --> 00:06:51,382 Ooh, a Valrhona chocolate soufflรƒยฉ 187 00:06:51,445 --> 00:06:53,745 with a raspberry brandy sauce 188 00:06:53,814 --> 00:06:57,954 topped with caramelized bananas and hazelnut gelato. 189 00:06:58,018 --> 00:07:00,848 I have Cool Whip and half a bag of Fritos. 190 00:07:00,921 --> 00:07:01,691 Done! 191 00:07:03,957 --> 00:07:07,087 Okay, think you're gonna be happy with my new toast. 192 00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:08,660 There's nothing sexual. 193 00:07:08,729 --> 00:07:09,899 It's, uh, it's just the story 194 00:07:09,963 --> 00:07:11,603 of an important moment in your relationship. 195 00:07:11,665 --> 00:07:12,995 I'm all ears. 196 00:07:13,066 --> 00:07:15,736 Hello, everyone, I'm Ted Mosby, Marshall's best man. 197 00:07:15,803 --> 00:07:16,373 Nice. 198 00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:17,736 Right? That's great. 199 00:07:17,805 --> 00:07:19,835 Back when we were all freshman and Marshall and Lily 200 00:07:19,907 --> 00:07:22,107 were just a few short weeks into their relationship... 201 00:07:22,175 --> 00:07:23,775 It was 4:00 in the morning, 202 00:07:23,844 --> 00:07:26,114 and I'm not gonna lie, we were a wee bit wasted. 203 00:07:26,179 --> 00:07:27,279 (both laughing) 204 00:07:27,347 --> 00:07:28,977 We were starving. 205 00:07:29,049 --> 00:07:32,619 So I'd gone out to get us some snacks, and when I got back... 206 00:07:34,855 --> 00:07:37,455 I love you. 207 00:07:37,525 --> 00:07:39,385 I love you, too. 208 00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:40,489 I know it's soon 209 00:07:40,561 --> 00:07:41,561 to say it, 210 00:07:41,629 --> 00:07:44,059 but I'm so glad you did. 211 00:07:44,131 --> 00:07:45,101 Oh. 212 00:07:46,133 --> 00:07:47,673 Yeah. 213 00:07:49,503 --> 00:07:50,903 So here's what you want to talk about 214 00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:53,071 in front of my entire family: 215 00:07:53,140 --> 00:07:56,580 drinking, having a girl in my room, eating junk food. 216 00:07:56,644 --> 00:07:57,854 Dude, you're almost 30. 217 00:07:57,911 --> 00:07:59,881 Your mom would be mad at you for eating junk food? 218 00:07:59,947 --> 00:08:02,917 Yeah, Ted, 'cause nutrition's not important. 219 00:08:02,983 --> 00:08:05,493 Also, so Lily's never heard that story before. 220 00:08:05,553 --> 00:08:07,123 How's she going to react when she finds out 221 00:08:07,187 --> 00:08:09,257 the first time I said "I love you" to her, 222 00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:11,862 I was actually saying it to you and a bag of Funyuns? 223 00:08:11,925 --> 00:08:13,655 But who cares? You did love her. 224 00:08:13,727 --> 00:08:14,997 And you still do. 225 00:08:15,062 --> 00:08:17,502 And you're totally over Funyuns, so it's not weird. 226 00:08:19,099 --> 00:08:20,969 Hey, Lil. 227 00:08:21,034 --> 00:08:22,004 Hey. 228 00:08:22,069 --> 00:08:22,869 Hey? 229 00:08:22,936 --> 00:08:23,896 (chuckles): That's it? 230 00:08:23,971 --> 00:08:26,611 What are you talking about? 231 00:08:26,674 --> 00:08:27,814 Well, you guys have been spending 232 00:08:27,875 --> 00:08:28,905 the last few nights apart. 233 00:08:28,976 --> 00:08:30,806 I figured there'd be a lot of giggling, crying, 234 00:08:30,878 --> 00:08:33,548 jumping up and down, and then whatever Lily would do. 235 00:08:33,614 --> 00:08:34,384 (all chuckling) 236 00:08:34,447 --> 00:08:35,917 TED: Now, one thing I remember 237 00:08:35,983 --> 00:08:37,993 about the bar menu at McClaren's is that there were 238 00:08:38,051 --> 00:08:40,691 no fewer than 11 different deep-fried appetizers. 239 00:08:40,754 --> 00:08:41,724 That night, 240 00:08:41,789 --> 00:08:43,719 Aunt Lily ordered them all. 241 00:08:45,559 --> 00:08:46,989 BARNEY: Check it out. 242 00:08:48,495 --> 00:08:51,355 Okay, imagine... imagine, if you will, 243 00:08:51,431 --> 00:08:54,431 that this is the $1 space 244 00:08:54,501 --> 00:08:55,971 on The Price Is Right wheel. 245 00:08:56,036 --> 00:08:57,566 Ready? 246 00:08:57,638 --> 00:09:00,208 (imitating beeping) 247 00:09:00,273 --> 00:09:02,283 (beeping slows down) 248 00:09:05,813 --> 00:09:07,313 Oh, wow, that was pretty close. 249 00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:09,980 Close? Close?! 250 00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:12,790 It's called The Price Is Right, not The Price Is Close! 251 00:09:12,853 --> 00:09:14,493 Oh, man, this is bad. 252 00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:15,424 If I don't win 253 00:09:15,488 --> 00:09:16,718 the spin-off, and I can't get 254 00:09:16,790 --> 00:09:18,130 into the Showcase Showdown, everything's ruined! 255 00:09:18,191 --> 00:09:19,361 It's all ruined! 256 00:09:19,426 --> 00:09:20,426 What is ruined? 257 00:09:20,493 --> 00:09:21,963 Why, why is this such a big deal? 258 00:09:22,029 --> 00:09:24,669 Okay, guys... 259 00:09:24,732 --> 00:09:26,932 sit down, I've got to tell you something. 260 00:09:29,737 --> 00:09:32,507 The reason I'm going on The Price Is Right 261 00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:33,712 is because I've decided 262 00:09:33,774 --> 00:09:37,314 that it's time for me to meet my real father. 263 00:09:37,377 --> 00:09:38,477 Your father? 264 00:09:38,545 --> 00:09:41,475 That's right. 265 00:09:41,548 --> 00:09:44,078 My father... 266 00:09:44,151 --> 00:09:45,991 is Bob Barker. 267 00:09:46,053 --> 00:09:48,123 ("The Price Is Right Theme" playing) 268 00:09:52,626 --> 00:09:54,526 Your dad... 269 00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:56,104 is Bob Barker? 270 00:09:56,163 --> 00:09:57,333 That's right. 271 00:09:57,397 --> 00:09:59,327 The host of The Price Is Right, Bob Barker? 272 00:09:59,399 --> 00:10:01,299 That's Pops. 273 00:10:01,368 --> 00:10:02,068 Barney? 274 00:10:02,135 --> 00:10:03,165 Yes, Robin? 275 00:10:03,236 --> 00:10:05,836 Why in the world do you think Bob Barker is your father? 276 00:10:05,906 --> 00:10:09,136 Uh, because my mother told me he was, 277 00:10:09,209 --> 00:10:10,409 that's why. 278 00:10:10,477 --> 00:10:12,877 Mom, who's my dad? 279 00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:15,776 All the other kids at school know who their dad is. 280 00:10:15,849 --> 00:10:16,879 Who's mine? 281 00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:19,520 Oh, I don't know. 282 00:10:19,586 --> 00:10:21,216 That guy. 283 00:10:23,590 --> 00:10:26,830 Look, Dad, I got straight A's! 284 00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:29,198 Hey, Dad, 285 00:10:29,262 --> 00:10:32,402 guess who I'm going as for Halloween? 286 00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:33,825 Want to play some catch, Pop? 287 00:10:37,805 --> 00:10:41,405 So now I'm gonna go to L.A., be on the show, 288 00:10:41,474 --> 00:10:42,984 win the Showcase Showdown, 289 00:10:43,043 --> 00:10:44,683 (voice cracking): make him proud of me, 290 00:10:44,745 --> 00:10:46,175 and then tell him who I am. 291 00:10:47,547 --> 00:10:48,817 You're gonna tell Bob Barker 292 00:10:48,882 --> 00:10:51,052 that you're his son on national television? 293 00:10:51,118 --> 00:10:54,318 Why is this so hard for you people to believe? 294 00:10:54,387 --> 00:10:56,257 Drop the popper! 295 00:10:56,323 --> 00:10:57,593 Lily has to gain 296 00:10:57,657 --> 00:10:58,957 five pounds in a week and a half, 297 00:10:59,026 --> 00:11:00,986 and it is my job to help her get there. 298 00:11:01,061 --> 00:11:04,431 This is the best wedding diet ever. 299 00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:06,567 I lost a pound. 300 00:11:06,633 --> 00:11:07,743 That is impossible. 301 00:11:07,801 --> 00:11:09,501 You ate McDonald's every meal for three days. 302 00:11:09,569 --> 00:11:12,169 I knew that Super Size Me guy was full of it. 303 00:11:12,239 --> 00:11:13,939 Well, it must be the wedding stress. 304 00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:15,337 We just got to up the intake. 305 00:11:15,408 --> 00:11:18,448 Lily Aldrin, drop and give me 20 bites of fudge! 306 00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:19,581 Okay. 307 00:11:19,646 --> 00:11:21,606 Okay? 308 00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:23,121 Don't nibble at it. Attack it! 309 00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:24,623 Come on, Lily. 310 00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:25,654 You can do better than that! 311 00:11:25,719 --> 00:11:26,619 I can't. 312 00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:27,956 Well, eat faster, 313 00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:29,461 before your body figures out it's full. 314 00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:31,322 (sobbing): I'm trying. 315 00:11:31,391 --> 00:11:32,431 Oh, are you gonna cry? 316 00:11:32,492 --> 00:11:33,592 You gonna cry? 317 00:11:33,660 --> 00:11:34,730 Skinny little baby's gonna cry? 318 00:11:34,795 --> 00:11:36,525 (muffled sobbing) Well, eat, damn it, eat! 319 00:11:36,596 --> 00:11:38,596 (muffled): Okay! 320 00:11:38,665 --> 00:11:42,495 (sobbing) 321 00:11:42,569 --> 00:11:44,469 Hey, so I think I figured out 322 00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:45,737 how to do your toast 323 00:11:45,806 --> 00:11:47,136 in a completely appropriate way. Finally. 324 00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:48,337 Huh. Yeah. 325 00:11:48,408 --> 00:11:49,538 (clearing throat) 326 00:11:49,609 --> 00:11:52,079 Good evening. I'm Ted Mosby, Marshall's best man. 327 00:11:52,145 --> 00:11:53,905 Still strong, right? Great, yeah. 328 00:11:53,981 --> 00:11:55,781 I'd like to share with you all a story 329 00:11:55,849 --> 00:11:57,449 about the momentous evening last fall 330 00:11:57,517 --> 00:11:59,947 when Marshall and Lily got back together. 331 00:12:00,020 --> 00:12:03,720 Afterward, we stayed up till 10:00 at night, 332 00:12:03,791 --> 00:12:06,091 doing shots of chocolate milk. 333 00:12:06,159 --> 00:12:08,359 Man, I'm well nourished right now! 334 00:12:08,428 --> 00:12:11,458 Calcium promotes healthy teeth and bones. 335 00:12:11,531 --> 00:12:12,671 Thanks, Marshall, 336 00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:14,272 for teaching us you don't need alcohol 337 00:12:14,334 --> 00:12:15,444 to have fun. 338 00:12:15,502 --> 00:12:16,842 Oh, don't thank me. 339 00:12:16,904 --> 00:12:19,144 Thank my parents for teaching me good values. 340 00:12:19,206 --> 00:12:20,406 Aww. 341 00:12:20,473 --> 00:12:22,213 Now, I wasn't supposed to hear this next part, 342 00:12:22,275 --> 00:12:24,275 but Marshall leaned over to Lily and whispered. 343 00:12:24,344 --> 00:12:27,184 You know what I'd like to do to you right now? 344 00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:30,177 I'd like to hold your hand. 345 00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:33,250 I'd like to hold your hand so hard 346 00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:36,590 that you're not able to shake hands for a week. 347 00:12:36,656 --> 00:12:37,926 Oh. 348 00:12:37,991 --> 00:12:40,491 Are you just going to talk about holding my hand 349 00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:42,960 or are you going to hold it? 350 00:12:43,030 --> 00:12:47,670 Then a little later, Robin caught them... 351 00:12:47,734 --> 00:12:49,004 Oh, um... 352 00:12:49,069 --> 00:12:52,209 ...holding hands. 353 00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:54,942 It was a lovely and responsible night. 354 00:12:55,008 --> 00:12:57,948 To Marshall and Lily. 355 00:12:59,146 --> 00:13:01,076 That's the worst toast I've ever heard, dude. 356 00:13:01,148 --> 00:13:02,418 It's totally boring. 357 00:13:02,482 --> 00:13:03,822 Exactly. 358 00:13:03,884 --> 00:13:05,394 It's impossible to write a good toast 359 00:13:05,452 --> 00:13:06,592 with you censoring me, man. 360 00:13:06,653 --> 00:13:07,963 I give up. 361 00:13:08,021 --> 00:13:09,521 I'm just going to read that thing 362 00:13:09,589 --> 00:13:10,619 about Jesus and the footprints. 363 00:13:10,690 --> 00:13:12,190 I give up, too. 364 00:13:12,259 --> 00:13:14,489 I don't care if my dress doesn't fit. 365 00:13:14,561 --> 00:13:15,531 I can't eat anymore. 366 00:13:15,595 --> 00:13:18,125 I-I feel like my stomach's going to explode. 367 00:13:18,198 --> 00:13:19,268 I know. 368 00:13:19,332 --> 00:13:22,472 And so, Lily and I were both about to give up, 369 00:13:22,535 --> 00:13:24,235 but as you can all see, 370 00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:26,244 Lily does look beautiful in that dress, 371 00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:27,906 and here I am 372 00:13:27,975 --> 00:13:29,235 giving a toast. 373 00:13:30,477 --> 00:13:31,777 You know, all this time, 374 00:13:31,845 --> 00:13:33,075 I'd been racking my brain 375 00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:35,316 trying to pick out the perfect moment 376 00:13:35,382 --> 00:13:37,582 to capture Lily and Marshall as a couple. 377 00:13:37,650 --> 00:13:39,520 But then I realized 378 00:13:39,586 --> 00:13:41,956 the perfect moment wasn't some needle lost in the haystack 379 00:13:42,022 --> 00:13:43,362 of their ten years together. 380 00:13:43,423 --> 00:13:45,193 The perfect 381 00:13:45,258 --> 00:13:48,358 Lily and Marshall moment happened two nights ago. 382 00:13:52,265 --> 00:13:54,665 Marshall, what are you doing? 383 00:13:54,734 --> 00:13:57,304 Going to the bathroom. 384 00:13:57,370 --> 00:13:58,310 In the hall? 385 00:13:58,371 --> 00:14:00,071 Sleepwalking? 386 00:14:00,140 --> 00:14:01,570 You're wide awake. 387 00:14:01,641 --> 00:14:03,111 Robbing us? 388 00:14:03,176 --> 00:14:03,906 Dude. 389 00:14:03,977 --> 00:14:05,207 Turns out, 390 00:14:05,278 --> 00:14:06,848 all week long he'd been sneaking out 391 00:14:06,914 --> 00:14:08,754 to a hotel on 72nd, 392 00:14:08,815 --> 00:14:10,345 to meet Lily. 393 00:14:10,417 --> 00:14:12,287 God, I missed you. 394 00:14:12,352 --> 00:14:14,392 I can't sleep without you. Mmm. 395 00:14:15,622 --> 00:14:17,462 Hey, baby? 396 00:14:17,524 --> 00:14:19,564 Would you be the big spoon for a while? 397 00:14:19,626 --> 00:14:21,026 Sure, baby. 398 00:14:25,765 --> 00:14:27,625 How's the weight gaining going? 399 00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:29,540 Ugh, terribly. 400 00:14:29,602 --> 00:14:32,112 I'm too stressed out without you around. 401 00:14:32,172 --> 00:14:33,472 Mmm. 402 00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:35,410 Well, I'm here now. 403 00:14:36,743 --> 00:14:38,013 Mmm. Mmm! 404 00:14:38,078 --> 00:14:39,408 And so Lily and Marshall failed 405 00:14:39,479 --> 00:14:41,449 in their experiment with apartness, 406 00:14:41,514 --> 00:14:43,984 but they succeeded in getting Lily into her dress. 407 00:14:45,285 --> 00:14:46,645 You know, there really are 408 00:14:46,719 --> 00:14:49,019 a million things I could tell you about Lily and Marshall, 409 00:14:49,089 --> 00:14:51,789 but really, the only thing you need to know is 410 00:14:51,858 --> 00:14:55,028 that ten years into their relationship, 411 00:14:55,095 --> 00:14:58,325 they still couldn't spend a single night apart. 412 00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:01,000 May they 413 00:15:01,068 --> 00:15:02,368 never have to again. 414 00:15:03,536 --> 00:15:04,966 To Lily and Marshall. 415 00:15:05,038 --> 00:15:07,068 ALL: To Lily and Marshall. 416 00:15:07,140 --> 00:15:08,640 Now, kids, the story 417 00:15:08,708 --> 00:15:11,508 of Lily and Marshall's wedding is a good one. 418 00:15:11,578 --> 00:15:12,978 No matter how perfectly you plan your... 419 00:15:13,046 --> 00:15:14,006 Wait a second. 420 00:15:14,081 --> 00:15:15,551 I'll get to that. 421 00:15:15,615 --> 00:15:17,475 First, I've got to tell you what happened with Barney. 422 00:15:17,550 --> 00:15:20,920 Rich, what is the name of our next participant? 423 00:15:20,988 --> 00:15:22,688 RICH: Bob, it's Barney Stinson! 424 00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:24,315 Come on down! 425 00:15:24,391 --> 00:15:26,691 You're the next contestant on ThePrice Is Right. 426 00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:28,199 Nooo. Oh, my God! 427 00:15:28,261 --> 00:15:30,261 BOB BARKER: Working his way out. 428 00:15:30,330 --> 00:15:32,770 High-five here, high-five there. 429 00:15:32,832 --> 00:15:34,302 A big old hug here. 430 00:15:34,367 --> 00:15:36,137 Oh, my God! Yeah, I know, 431 00:15:36,203 --> 00:15:38,013 the camera loves me. 432 00:15:38,071 --> 00:15:40,471 Welcome to contestant's row, Barney. 433 00:15:40,540 --> 00:15:41,140 Nice suit. 434 00:15:41,208 --> 00:15:42,608 Thanks, Da... Bob. 435 00:15:42,675 --> 00:15:44,205 Here is the next item up 436 00:15:44,277 --> 00:15:45,347 for bid! 437 00:15:45,412 --> 00:15:49,082 RICH: Bob, the stylish his-and-her watches 438 00:15:49,149 --> 00:15:51,079 feature an 18k gold bezel and crown 439 00:15:51,151 --> 00:15:53,121 and stainless steel bands. 440 00:15:53,186 --> 00:15:55,486 BOB: And Barney, what do you bid on that? 441 00:15:55,555 --> 00:15:56,785 Um... 442 00:15:56,856 --> 00:15:58,326 (audience shouting) 443 00:15:58,391 --> 00:15:59,561 Wrong. 444 00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:00,786 Wrong. 445 00:16:00,860 --> 00:16:01,960 Wrong. 446 00:16:02,029 --> 00:16:03,099 Wrong. 447 00:16:03,163 --> 00:16:06,203 Retail price is $1,349.99, 448 00:16:06,266 --> 00:16:08,466 so, since you round up, I'll say $1,350, Bob. 449 00:16:08,535 --> 00:16:10,165 $1,350 for Barney. 450 00:16:10,237 --> 00:16:12,167 So, was it $1,350? 451 00:16:12,239 --> 00:16:13,239 I don't know. 452 00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:14,766 Was it? 453 00:16:14,841 --> 00:16:16,511 Oh, my God! 454 00:16:16,576 --> 00:16:17,206 Happy wedding. 455 00:16:17,277 --> 00:16:18,747 (gasps) (Barney Chuckling) 456 00:16:18,811 --> 00:16:20,881 Barney, you won that camcorder 457 00:16:20,947 --> 00:16:23,777 in just one second! 458 00:16:23,850 --> 00:16:25,090 That is impressive. 459 00:16:25,152 --> 00:16:26,692 I mean impressive. 460 00:16:26,753 --> 00:16:28,523 Thank you, Bob. Now, 461 00:16:28,588 --> 00:16:30,258 to win the computer, 462 00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:31,993 you're going to have to bid again, 463 00:16:32,059 --> 00:16:34,489 and again I will say higher or lower. 464 00:16:34,561 --> 00:16:37,061 And let's show the audience the price 465 00:16:37,130 --> 00:16:39,100 of the computer, and audience, 466 00:16:39,166 --> 00:16:41,096 please, do not try to help us. 467 00:16:41,168 --> 00:16:43,798 And the clock will start with your first bid. 468 00:16:43,870 --> 00:16:46,070 $1 billion. 469 00:16:46,139 --> 00:16:47,439 Lower. So, I brought some photos 470 00:16:47,507 --> 00:16:49,177 that I thought you might like to see. 471 00:16:49,242 --> 00:16:50,682 This is me on my first birthday. 472 00:16:50,743 --> 00:16:52,513 Yes, Barney. This is... 473 00:16:52,579 --> 00:16:53,979 What are you doing? 474 00:16:54,047 --> 00:16:57,017 Uh, spending some quality time with my dad. 475 00:16:58,218 --> 00:17:01,048 That's very nice, but look, the clock is moving. 476 00:17:01,121 --> 00:17:02,291 You have only about 16 seconds. 477 00:17:02,355 --> 00:17:03,715 Right. Keep bidding. 478 00:17:03,790 --> 00:17:05,330 No, no, I want you to see this. This is great. Keep bidding. 479 00:17:05,392 --> 00:17:06,662 This is me at my graduation. 480 00:17:06,726 --> 00:17:08,956 I know, the hair. That, no, that's nice. 481 00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:10,228 That's nice. You have only 482 00:17:10,297 --> 00:17:13,927 five, four, three, two, one... Right, oh, look. 483 00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:14,900 $999. 484 00:17:14,967 --> 00:17:16,167 (bell ringing) Nine... 485 00:17:16,236 --> 00:17:19,266 Barney, you got it exactly right! 486 00:17:19,339 --> 00:17:21,739 Happy wedding again! Oh, my... 487 00:17:21,808 --> 00:17:24,008 Oh, my God! (laughing) 488 00:17:24,077 --> 00:17:25,307 I have to be honest, Bob. 489 00:17:25,378 --> 00:17:27,608 The big wheel is the only weak part of my game. 490 00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:29,680 I'm sure you'll do just fine, son. 491 00:17:29,749 --> 00:17:31,749 Did you just... 492 00:17:33,653 --> 00:17:35,163 I'm ready, Bob. 493 00:17:35,222 --> 00:17:36,762 Do it! Do it! 494 00:17:36,823 --> 00:17:37,963 Here we go! 495 00:17:38,024 --> 00:17:39,564 He's looking for the dollar. 496 00:17:39,626 --> 00:17:42,356 It's going around, and around... 497 00:17:42,429 --> 00:17:43,929 Oh, no, you spun it too hard. 498 00:17:43,996 --> 00:17:45,366 No, he didn't spin it hard enough. 499 00:17:45,432 --> 00:17:46,932 Here it comes, Barney. 500 00:17:46,999 --> 00:17:49,399 It's coming on down. 501 00:17:49,469 --> 00:17:50,639 You got it! 502 00:17:50,703 --> 00:17:51,873 You won... (screaming) 503 00:17:51,938 --> 00:17:53,968 (screaming) 504 00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:56,210 But Barney... 505 00:17:56,276 --> 00:17:58,176 Barney, you're not through. 506 00:17:58,245 --> 00:18:00,075 You're not through. (screaming) 507 00:18:00,147 --> 00:18:01,907 You've won $1,000. 508 00:18:01,981 --> 00:18:04,521 You've won a place in the showcase. 509 00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:06,924 You are doing splendidly so far. 510 00:18:06,986 --> 00:18:09,356 Thank you, would you, would you say you're proud of me? 511 00:18:09,422 --> 00:18:10,792 Sure. 512 00:18:13,226 --> 00:18:15,696 That was kind of a weird moment. 513 00:18:16,996 --> 00:18:18,096 Very well, Barney, 514 00:18:18,165 --> 00:18:19,295 you have seen the first showcase. 515 00:18:19,366 --> 00:18:21,366 Do you want to bid on it 516 00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:23,274 or do you want to pass it to Millie? 517 00:18:23,336 --> 00:18:25,366 Please, no car and an above-ground spa? 518 00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:26,568 Pass. 519 00:18:26,639 --> 00:18:30,409 BOB: Millie, he has passed this showcase to you. 520 00:18:30,477 --> 00:18:31,907 What do you bid on it? Uh... 521 00:18:31,978 --> 00:18:35,278 $17,640. 522 00:18:35,348 --> 00:18:37,978 BOB: $17,640. 523 00:18:38,050 --> 00:18:39,120 BARNEY (under breath): Overbid! 524 00:18:39,186 --> 00:18:42,456 Now, let's see Showcase #2. 525 00:18:42,522 --> 00:18:45,262 RICH: Barney, your showcase begins with a mystery. 526 00:18:45,325 --> 00:18:47,425 Oh, I love this. 527 00:18:47,494 --> 00:18:49,164 I can't believe how excited I am right now. 528 00:18:49,229 --> 00:18:51,099 Shh! Shh! Shh! 529 00:18:51,164 --> 00:18:52,774 Barney, you have seen your showcase. 530 00:18:52,832 --> 00:18:53,972 What do you bid on it? 531 00:18:54,033 --> 00:18:55,603 (audience shouting) 532 00:18:55,668 --> 00:18:56,868 Please, please. 533 00:18:56,936 --> 00:18:59,406 Please. 534 00:18:59,472 --> 00:19:01,212 Let me. 535 00:19:01,274 --> 00:19:05,014 (audience shouting) 536 00:19:05,077 --> 00:19:09,577 1-8-4-2-1. 537 00:19:09,649 --> 00:19:11,419 I don't even know what we're going to do 538 00:19:11,484 --> 00:19:13,154 with a dune buggy, but I want it! 539 00:19:13,220 --> 00:19:14,520 Yeah. Please. 540 00:19:14,587 --> 00:19:17,117 And the actual retail price 541 00:19:17,190 --> 00:19:19,030 of your showcase is... 542 00:19:19,091 --> 00:19:20,231 $14,628. 543 00:19:20,293 --> 00:19:22,803 BOB: $14,628. 544 00:19:22,862 --> 00:19:25,062 (buzzer buzzing) Millie, you are over. 545 00:19:25,131 --> 00:19:26,371 Too bad. 546 00:19:26,433 --> 00:19:31,373 Barney, you bid $18,421 on your showcase. 547 00:19:31,438 --> 00:19:33,508 And the actual retail price 548 00:19:33,573 --> 00:19:35,843 of Barney's showcase is... 549 00:19:35,908 --> 00:19:41,508 $18,421 exactly right! 550 00:19:41,581 --> 00:19:45,251 You win both showcases, Barney. 551 00:19:45,318 --> 00:19:47,118 Oh, my God! Oh, my God. 552 00:19:47,186 --> 00:19:49,056 (screaming) 553 00:19:49,121 --> 00:19:50,221 (cheering) 554 00:19:50,290 --> 00:19:52,230 Bob Barker, reminding you, 555 00:19:52,292 --> 00:19:53,332 help control the pet... 556 00:19:53,393 --> 00:19:54,463 Yeah. Bob, Bob, excuse me. 557 00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:55,897 Before, before we wrap up the show, 558 00:19:55,962 --> 00:19:57,962 there's just something I want to say to you. Yes? 559 00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:02,900 Congratulations 560 00:20:02,969 --> 00:20:05,239 on 35 wonderful years hosting The Price Is Right. 561 00:20:05,305 --> 00:20:07,535 Well, thank you, Barney. 562 00:20:07,607 --> 00:20:09,207 Thank you... Have your pets spayed or neutered. 563 00:20:09,276 --> 00:20:10,906 Good-bye, everybody. 564 00:20:14,046 --> 00:20:15,316 Why didn't you tell him? 565 00:20:15,382 --> 00:20:18,492 Well, it's just... 566 00:20:19,719 --> 00:20:22,219 If you lived your whole life thinking one thing, 567 00:20:22,289 --> 00:20:25,689 it would be pretty devastating to find out that wasn't true. 568 00:20:26,926 --> 00:20:30,226 I just don't think Bob could have handled it. 569 00:20:30,297 --> 00:20:32,497 Bob. Yeah. 570 00:20:32,565 --> 00:20:34,025 Probably a good choice. 571 00:20:34,100 --> 00:20:35,170 Yeah, he's really sensitive. 572 00:20:35,234 --> 00:20:38,674 Anyway, on the bright side. 573 00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:41,038 (gasps) Happy wedding again! 574 00:20:41,107 --> 00:20:42,737 And that's the story 575 00:20:42,809 --> 00:20:45,279 of how Uncle Barney gave Marshall and Lily a dune buggy 576 00:20:45,345 --> 00:20:47,475 for their wedding. 577 00:20:50,383 --> 00:20:52,593 Hey, Lily. 578 00:20:52,652 --> 00:20:55,222 I thought since we're going to be apart for two whole weeks, 579 00:20:55,288 --> 00:20:57,858 I would sing you your night-night song. 580 00:20:59,992 --> 00:21:01,192 Mmm. 581 00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:04,330 * Night-night, Lily * 582 00:21:04,397 --> 00:21:07,497 * Night-night, Lily * 583 00:21:07,567 --> 00:21:11,137 * It's time to go to bed, oh, my silly, little Lily * 584 00:21:11,203 --> 00:21:13,113 * Time to rest your little head * 585 00:21:13,172 --> 00:21:16,242 * Sha-la-la-la * 586 00:21:16,309 --> 00:21:19,209 * Sha-la-la-la * 587 00:21:19,278 --> 00:21:20,948 Come on, Ted. 588 00:21:21,013 --> 00:21:22,183 TED: No, it's weird. 589 00:21:22,248 --> 00:21:23,648 You promised. 590 00:21:23,716 --> 00:21:25,746 (sighing) 591 00:21:25,818 --> 00:21:28,758 * Sha-la-la-la * * Sha-la-la-la * 592 00:21:28,821 --> 00:21:32,021 * Sha-la-la-la * * Sha-la-la-la * 593 00:21:32,091 --> 00:21:34,361 * Sha-la-la-la. * * Sha-la-la-la. * 37632

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