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1
00:00:02,236 --> 00:00:03,736
TED:
Kids, you know that photo
in the den?
2
00:00:03,804 --> 00:00:06,514
It was taken back in 2006,
when Grandma and Grandpa
3
00:00:06,574 --> 00:00:09,084
came to visit me and we all
went out to brunch.
4
00:00:09,143 --> 00:00:10,513
We all look pretty happy,
right?
5
00:00:10,578 --> 00:00:11,478
(camera shutter clicking)
Wrong.
6
00:00:11,545 --> 00:00:13,275
I wish your face
would melt off.
7
00:00:13,347 --> 00:00:14,817
I wish your eyeballs
would explode.
8
00:00:14,882 --> 00:00:17,052
I hate you.
I hate you more.
9
00:00:17,118 --> 00:00:18,088
I'm going to kill him.
10
00:00:18,152 --> 00:00:19,422
I can't say
I blame you.
11
00:00:19,487 --> 00:00:21,617
No, I mean I'm seriously
going to kill him.
12
00:00:21,689 --> 00:00:23,119
I don't care how
unpleasant it is.
13
00:00:23,191 --> 00:00:24,931
You have to
talk to him.
Not now.
14
00:00:24,992 --> 00:00:25,932
Okay, if you
don't, I will.
15
00:00:25,993 --> 00:00:27,703
Robin...
16
00:00:27,761 --> 00:00:29,931
Okay, for any of this
to make sense,
17
00:00:29,997 --> 00:00:32,597
you got to understand, there
are three parts to this story.
18
00:00:32,666 --> 00:00:34,766
Let's start with the Marshall
and Lily part.
19
00:00:36,670 --> 00:00:38,710
As a 30th anniversary gift,
I had flown
20
00:00:38,772 --> 00:00:40,572
my parents
to New York for the weekend.
21
00:00:40,641 --> 00:00:43,181
Oh, I forgot to tell you,
your cousin Jimmy
22
00:00:43,244 --> 00:00:45,614
had a wonderful time
at that spa he visited.
23
00:00:45,679 --> 00:00:47,249
You mean the spa the judge
ordered him
24
00:00:47,315 --> 00:00:48,575
to go to to quit cocaine?
25
00:00:48,649 --> 00:00:50,279
Coffee?
26
00:00:50,351 --> 00:00:52,751
Now, Grandma and Grandpa
didn't like to talk
27
00:00:52,820 --> 00:00:55,090
about things that were
uncomfortable, emotional,
28
00:00:55,156 --> 00:00:58,186
or in any way... real.
29
00:00:58,259 --> 00:00:59,159
Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Mosby.
30
00:00:59,227 --> 00:01:01,597
Oh, Lily!
Hi, Marshall.
31
00:01:01,662 --> 00:01:02,702
Good to see you.
32
00:01:02,763 --> 00:01:03,933
I was just
stopping by
33
00:01:03,997 --> 00:01:05,727
to pick up some
of my things.
34
00:01:05,799 --> 00:01:08,639
Yes, we were so sorry
to hear about your...
35
00:01:08,702 --> 00:01:10,572
you know, the, the...
36
00:01:12,005 --> 00:01:14,235
Well...
37
00:01:14,308 --> 00:01:16,238
Lily calling off the
wedding and dumping me?
38
00:01:16,310 --> 00:01:19,110
Me begging Marshall to take
me back and him rejecting me?
39
00:01:19,180 --> 00:01:20,810
I love your hair.
40
00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:38,366
TED:
This was only the second time
Marshall and Lily
41
00:01:38,432 --> 00:01:40,272
had seen each other
since breaking up,
42
00:01:40,334 --> 00:01:42,174
but to their credit,
it wasn't that awkward.
43
00:01:42,236 --> 00:01:43,336
Actually, we're cool.
44
00:01:43,404 --> 00:01:44,944
We just divided
up CDs.
45
00:01:45,005 --> 00:01:46,835
It was all very civil.
46
00:01:46,907 --> 00:01:48,507
I'm proud of us;
we're, we're good.
47
00:01:48,576 --> 00:01:49,906
MRS. MOSBY:
Well, we were all
48
00:01:49,977 --> 00:01:52,247
going to go
to Casa a Pezzi at 8:00.
49
00:01:52,313 --> 00:01:53,853
Lily, would you like to join us?
50
00:01:53,914 --> 00:01:56,024
Um...
51
00:01:56,083 --> 00:01:57,223
What?
52
00:01:57,285 --> 00:01:59,015
Well, I-I don't want to go
53
00:01:59,086 --> 00:02:01,186
if it would make you
uncomfortable.
54
00:02:01,255 --> 00:02:02,855
Why would it?
55
00:02:02,923 --> 00:02:06,263
Well, I mean, yeah,
we're... we're good,
56
00:02:06,327 --> 00:02:10,527
but you got to admit
there's that stuff between us.
57
00:02:10,598 --> 00:02:12,268
Um, not for me.
58
00:02:12,333 --> 00:02:14,133
Now it's just like
we're friends.
59
00:02:14,202 --> 00:02:16,772
It's like we're
brother and sister.
60
00:02:18,172 --> 00:02:20,772
"Brother and sister"?!
61
00:02:21,575 --> 00:02:22,705
Okay.
62
00:02:22,776 --> 00:02:25,246
Fine, yeah, I'll see you
at the restaurant, bro.
63
00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:31,191
See? Not awkward at all.
64
00:02:31,252 --> 00:02:33,192
LILY:
Hello, everyone.
Hi.
Hi.
65
00:02:33,254 --> 00:02:34,264
Hello, Marshall.
66
00:02:34,322 --> 00:02:35,892
MRS. MOSBY:
Lily, that is
67
00:02:35,956 --> 00:02:37,086
a stunning dress.
68
00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:38,527
Oh, thanks.
69
00:02:38,592 --> 00:02:40,162
It's kind of revealing,
70
00:02:40,228 --> 00:02:42,958
but I thought, "Hey,
we're all family."
71
00:02:43,030 --> 00:02:44,200
(chuckling):
Right, bro?
72
00:02:44,265 --> 00:02:46,095
Ooh. Ow.
73
00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:47,236
What's wrong?
74
00:02:47,301 --> 00:02:49,901
Oh, I, I hurt my
ankle in yoga today.
75
00:02:49,970 --> 00:02:52,440
The instructor told me
to just take deep breaths
76
00:02:52,506 --> 00:02:55,176
to get through
the pain, just...
77
00:02:59,613 --> 00:03:00,713
(whimpers)
78
00:03:00,781 --> 00:03:02,851
Are you all right?
79
00:03:02,916 --> 00:03:04,846
You're kind of sweating.
80
00:03:04,918 --> 00:03:06,348
No, I'm fine.
81
00:03:06,420 --> 00:03:09,790
It's just...
this roll is really spicy.
82
00:03:10,791 --> 00:03:12,061
Lily is evil!
83
00:03:12,125 --> 00:03:14,355
She just wore that dress
to torture me.
84
00:03:14,428 --> 00:03:16,128
Well, you know what?
Two can play at that game.
85
00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:18,666
See, at brunch, I'm going
to torture Lily right back.
86
00:03:18,732 --> 00:03:20,232
Yeah.
87
00:03:20,301 --> 00:03:23,241
There's a part of my body that
she's got a weakness for, too.
88
00:03:23,304 --> 00:03:25,874
Dude, you can't whip that out
at brunch.
89
00:03:25,939 --> 00:03:28,209
No, not that.
90
00:03:28,276 --> 00:03:30,976
I'm going to unleash my calves.
91
00:03:32,179 --> 00:03:34,379
That's crazy.
92
00:03:34,448 --> 00:03:36,248
Nobody's turned on
by men's calves.
93
00:03:36,317 --> 00:03:38,947
They're a thoroughly
unerotic body part.
94
00:03:39,019 --> 00:03:40,249
Well, yeah, I'd say that, too,
95
00:03:40,321 --> 00:03:42,461
if I had those skinny little
chicken legs.
96
00:03:44,392 --> 00:03:46,832
I'll be waiting by the phone
for your apology.
97
00:03:48,629 --> 00:03:51,269
So Marshall showed up at brunch
with a plan.
98
00:03:51,332 --> 00:03:52,472
Hello.
Oh, hi.
99
00:03:52,533 --> 00:03:54,173
Hey, Marshall.
Hey.
100
00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:55,774
Hey. How are you feeling?
101
00:03:55,836 --> 00:03:57,666
You looked kind of feverish
last night.
102
00:03:57,738 --> 00:03:59,868
Oh, no, I actually
feel great.
103
00:03:59,940 --> 00:04:03,410
It is kind of warm in
here, though, isn't it?
104
00:04:03,477 --> 00:04:05,907
Oh, I don't know,
if anything, it's kind of...
105
00:04:05,979 --> 00:04:07,109
What are you doing?
106
00:04:07,180 --> 00:04:09,050
Oh, nothing. Nothing at all.
107
00:04:09,116 --> 00:04:12,616
I'm just making myself feel a
little bit more... comfortable.
108
00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:19,587
Oh.
109
00:04:19,660 --> 00:04:20,930
Oh, yes.
110
00:04:20,994 --> 00:04:24,574
I've been doing all these
toe lifts lately, and so...
111
00:04:24,632 --> 00:04:27,942
my calves have really
been cramping up.
112
00:04:28,001 --> 00:04:32,011
(sultry music playing)
113
00:04:36,176 --> 00:04:37,476
(both moaning)
114
00:04:37,545 --> 00:04:39,105
Take off your dress.
115
00:04:39,179 --> 00:04:40,349
Take off the rest
of your pants.
116
00:04:40,414 --> 00:04:42,724
Oh.
Oh.
117
00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:44,123
I really wasn't expecting
that to happen.
118
00:04:44,184 --> 00:04:45,724
Yeah, me neither.
119
00:04:45,786 --> 00:04:47,886
It kind of complicates
things, doesn't it?
Yeah, it does.
120
00:04:47,955 --> 00:04:50,715
Why did you have to throw
your magnificent calves at me?
121
00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:52,791
You know you have
a punter's leg.
122
00:04:52,860 --> 00:04:55,330
Well, why did you have to throw
your beautiful boobs at me?
123
00:04:55,396 --> 00:04:58,296
You know you have... boobs.
124
00:04:58,366 --> 00:05:01,536
Just admit it, you came here
trying to seduce me.
125
00:05:01,602 --> 00:05:03,502
Seduce you?
You seduced me.
126
00:05:03,571 --> 00:05:06,571
You sat down next to me
and took most of your pants off.
127
00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:08,280
You went to San Francisco
for three months.
128
00:05:08,342 --> 00:05:09,982
How is that seducing you?
129
00:05:10,043 --> 00:05:11,753
Well, it's not but I'm
still mad about it.
130
00:05:11,812 --> 00:05:14,522
All right, that's it--
I want TheBeatles Anthology.
131
00:05:14,582 --> 00:05:15,752
Oh, well, that's too
bad; I'm keeping it.
132
00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:17,586
And you know the U2
box set I gave you?
133
00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:19,721
Look inside--
all Dave Matthews.
134
00:05:19,787 --> 00:05:21,117
You are evil.
135
00:05:21,188 --> 00:05:22,518
Smile.
136
00:05:24,592 --> 00:05:25,732
I'm going to kill him.
137
00:05:25,793 --> 00:05:27,463
I can't say
I blame you.
138
00:05:27,528 --> 00:05:29,828
No, I mean I'm seriously
going to kill him.
139
00:05:29,897 --> 00:05:33,927
Now let's talk about
the Barney part of the story.
140
00:05:35,936 --> 00:05:38,106
This was going to be Robin's
first time meeting my parents,
141
00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:40,571
so we were both
a little nervous.
(knocking)
142
00:05:40,641 --> 00:05:43,541
(scoffs)
Barney, what are you doing here?
143
00:05:43,611 --> 00:05:45,211
Uh... I'm here to
meet your parents.
144
00:05:45,278 --> 00:05:47,078
They must be dying
to meet me after all
145
00:05:47,147 --> 00:05:49,077
the legendary Barney
stories you've told them.
146
00:05:49,149 --> 00:05:51,449
I haven't told them any
legendary Barney stories.
What?
147
00:05:51,519 --> 00:05:53,489
Barney, here is a list
of all the things
148
00:05:53,554 --> 00:05:57,734
I talk with my dad about:
baseball.
149
00:05:57,791 --> 00:06:00,361
But I'm your best friend.
150
00:06:00,428 --> 00:06:01,528
Well, actually Marshall's my...
151
00:06:01,595 --> 00:06:03,095
I'm the most important
person in your life.
152
00:06:03,163 --> 00:06:05,273
Well, Robin's actually...
BARNEY:
How could your parents
153
00:06:05,332 --> 00:06:06,432
not know about me?
154
00:06:06,500 --> 00:06:07,770
I'm delightful.
155
00:06:07,835 --> 00:06:11,705
To us, sure, in very small,
infrequent doses.
156
00:06:11,772 --> 00:06:13,472
I mean, come on,
you're not exactly
157
00:06:13,541 --> 00:06:15,741
the kind of friend
parents want their kid to have.
158
00:06:15,809 --> 00:06:17,239
Oh, really?
159
00:06:17,310 --> 00:06:19,650
Then I guess those
shoes aren't the thing
160
00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:21,553
you're most wrong
about today.
161
00:06:21,615 --> 00:06:23,275
(knock at door)
162
00:06:23,350 --> 00:06:25,350
Um...
163
00:06:25,419 --> 00:06:26,319
Hey, Mom.
164
00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:27,916
Hey, Dad.
MR. MOSBY:
Ted.
165
00:06:27,988 --> 00:06:29,188
I know you've all
been excited to meet...
166
00:06:29,256 --> 00:06:30,616
Barney Stinson.
167
00:06:30,691 --> 00:06:33,291
An honor to meet
the two of you.
168
00:06:33,360 --> 00:06:35,800
That needlepoint "Bless This
Mess" pillow you made for Ted--
169
00:06:35,863 --> 00:06:36,833
what a stitch.
170
00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:38,897
Stitch!
Did that just happen?
171
00:06:40,033 --> 00:06:42,073
Uh, Mom, Dad,
172
00:06:42,135 --> 00:06:42,995
this is my
girlfriend, Robin.
173
00:06:43,070 --> 00:06:43,900
Hello.
ROBIN:
Hello.
174
00:06:43,971 --> 00:06:45,141
MRS. MOSBY:
Oh, it's wonderful
175
00:06:45,205 --> 00:06:46,235
to meet you, Robin.
176
00:06:46,306 --> 00:06:47,636
Oh, you are so pretty.
177
00:06:47,708 --> 00:06:48,938
Isn't she pretty, Al?
178
00:06:49,009 --> 00:06:50,279
A real looker.
179
00:06:50,343 --> 00:06:52,913
That's funny, I didn't even
"look" in the mirror today.
180
00:06:54,314 --> 00:06:56,754
That's not anything,
is it?
181
00:06:58,151 --> 00:07:01,561
So, I made a reservation
at San Marino tonight for 8:00.
182
00:07:01,622 --> 00:07:04,262
(laughing):
San Marino.
183
00:07:04,324 --> 00:07:06,234
Oh, you're serious? Yikes.
184
00:07:06,293 --> 00:07:08,563
No. We have to try
Casa A Pezzi.
185
00:07:08,629 --> 00:07:11,399
Best salmon risotto
I have ever had.
186
00:07:11,465 --> 00:07:12,965
I love salmon risotto.
187
00:07:13,033 --> 00:07:14,203
I know.
188
00:07:15,636 --> 00:07:18,106
How are we supposed to get
a table at Casa A Pezzi?
189
00:07:18,171 --> 00:07:19,111
They're booked for weeks.
190
00:07:19,172 --> 00:07:20,272
Well, lucky for you,
191
00:07:20,340 --> 00:07:22,110
I happen to know
the head waitress,
192
00:07:22,175 --> 00:07:23,235
which is ironic
because...
193
00:07:23,310 --> 00:07:24,410
(muttering urgently)
194
00:07:24,478 --> 00:07:27,208
Ironic because we both work
195
00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:29,720
at a homeless shelter
where I serve the food.
196
00:07:29,783 --> 00:07:30,523
Ah...
197
00:07:30,584 --> 00:07:33,694
Where do you
volunteer, Robin?
198
00:07:33,754 --> 00:07:35,224
What's the
matter with you?
199
00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:37,688
I'm his girlfriend,
and I'm not even
trying that hard.
200
00:07:37,758 --> 00:07:39,528
Way to wreck the
curve, kiss-ass.
201
00:07:39,593 --> 00:07:41,733
Robin, I'm his
best friend.
202
00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:42,925
That's a commitment.
203
00:07:42,996 --> 00:07:45,496
Girlfriend, that's
like a bad flu.
204
00:07:45,566 --> 00:07:47,766
Out of your system
after a couple weeks in bed.
205
00:07:47,835 --> 00:07:48,995
(chuckling):
High five.
206
00:07:50,037 --> 00:07:50,697
Can I help?
207
00:07:50,771 --> 00:07:52,871
Yes, you can,
Virginia.
208
00:07:52,940 --> 00:07:54,580
There's a story
behind that broach,
209
00:07:54,642 --> 00:07:55,682
and I'm going to hear it.
210
00:07:55,743 --> 00:07:57,613
Well, funny you should ask.
211
00:07:57,678 --> 00:07:59,678
(playing emotive
classical piece)
212
00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:05,751
MR. MOSBY:
Whoa! Bravo, Barney.
213
00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:08,559
That is my all-time
favorite sonata.
214
00:08:08,622 --> 00:08:10,222
Barney, you are just delightful.
215
00:08:10,290 --> 00:08:13,330
No, Virginia, you're delightful,
I am deligh-ted.
216
00:08:13,393 --> 00:08:14,803
And he's just Ted.
217
00:08:14,862 --> 00:08:16,202
I'm really not
planning these things;
218
00:08:16,263 --> 00:08:17,633
they just keep happening.
219
00:08:17,698 --> 00:08:18,898
(laughter)
Whoops.
220
00:08:18,966 --> 00:08:21,596
I think I dropped
an ice cube down here.
221
00:08:21,669 --> 00:08:23,669
Ow, it's so cold.
222
00:08:23,737 --> 00:08:25,837
All right, that's it,
I'm out of here.
223
00:08:27,941 --> 00:08:29,581
In a minute.
224
00:08:29,643 --> 00:08:31,583
Anyone up for a drink
at MacLaren's?
225
00:08:31,645 --> 00:08:33,675
No, I'm kind of tired.
Me, too.
226
00:08:33,747 --> 00:08:34,947
Yeah, I'm sure my folks
are gonna want...
227
00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:37,885
I feel like I could knock
back a few cervezas.
228
00:08:37,951 --> 00:08:39,291
Cervezas?
229
00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:40,492
Did he fall?
230
00:08:40,554 --> 00:08:41,824
I'd join you, too,
231
00:08:41,889 --> 00:08:45,129
but I want to get up early
for Mass tomorrow.
232
00:08:45,192 --> 00:08:48,302
St. Peter's, 8:45 a.m.,
it's my favorite service.
233
00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:52,501
Wait a minute-- you're able to
cross the threshold of a church?
234
00:08:52,566 --> 00:08:54,166
I'll save you a seat.
235
00:08:54,234 --> 00:08:56,474
Oh, you are just terrific.
236
00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:58,136
Isn't he, Susan?
237
00:08:59,172 --> 00:09:00,372
Robin.
238
00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:02,640
Susan, her name is Virginia.
239
00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:08,449
Dude, I am sincerely ticked
at your dad right now.
240
00:09:08,515 --> 00:09:09,875
Why?
241
00:09:09,950 --> 00:09:12,550
Last night, we go to MacLaren's
for a drink, right?
242
00:09:12,620 --> 00:09:15,590
So Barney darts back
into the burning house,
243
00:09:15,656 --> 00:09:17,516
lifts up the refrigerator
I'm pinned under
244
00:09:17,591 --> 00:09:19,031
and pulls me to safety.
245
00:09:20,327 --> 00:09:21,927
Whoa. You're like a hero.
246
00:09:21,995 --> 00:09:24,095
Oh, I'm no hero, Wendy.
247
00:09:24,164 --> 00:09:25,474
You know who is a hero?
248
00:09:25,532 --> 00:09:28,642
My Dalmatian, Smokey.
249
00:09:28,702 --> 00:09:33,372
He... didn't... make it out.
250
00:09:33,440 --> 00:09:36,680
(sobbing):
I'm sorry.
251
00:09:38,311 --> 00:09:39,851
You poor, brave man.
252
00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:42,523
Why don't you give
the guy a hug?
253
00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:44,822
I'm... oh.
254
00:09:48,622 --> 00:09:50,122
My dad was your wingman?
255
00:09:50,190 --> 00:09:53,130
This is really
messing with my head.
256
00:09:53,193 --> 00:09:55,103
Barney, is my dad cool?
257
00:09:55,162 --> 00:09:56,732
I'm not done.
258
00:09:56,797 --> 00:09:59,467
So, your dad stays
to finish his drink,
but I take off
259
00:09:59,532 --> 00:10:02,472
because I have to be up early
for Mass with your mom.
260
00:10:02,535 --> 00:10:04,165
Sure.
261
00:10:04,237 --> 00:10:06,637
Anyway, I realize that I left
my phone on the bar,
262
00:10:06,707 --> 00:10:08,037
so I come back...
263
00:10:12,045 --> 00:10:13,605
(whispers):
Oh, my God...
264
00:10:13,681 --> 00:10:15,951
Mmm...
265
00:10:17,751 --> 00:10:19,691
Oh, my God.
266
00:10:19,753 --> 00:10:22,423
Is that really...
267
00:10:22,489 --> 00:10:24,359
Oh, my God!
268
00:10:24,424 --> 00:10:25,834
I know.
269
00:10:25,893 --> 00:10:28,963
Can you believe your dad
rack-jacked me like that?
270
00:10:35,568 --> 00:10:37,908
My dad made out with
Wendy the waitress?
271
00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:39,311
He cheated on my mom?
272
00:10:39,372 --> 00:10:40,512
No, that's impossible.
273
00:10:40,573 --> 00:10:43,913
Ted, it's a well-known statistic
that 83% of people
274
00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:46,807
married longer than six months
are seeing someone on the side.
275
00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:48,550
Do you know that
when you make up
276
00:10:48,615 --> 00:10:49,745
a statistic,
you always use "83%"?
277
00:10:49,817 --> 00:10:51,717
You think I'm lying.
278
00:10:51,785 --> 00:10:54,215
Well, have you done
any surveys on the subject?
279
00:10:54,287 --> 00:10:55,557
Because the good people at
280
00:10:55,622 --> 00:10:59,762
www.swingers.open-marriage-is
natural\legalize-polygamy.org
281
00:10:59,827 --> 00:11:01,697
have, and they beg to differ.
282
00:11:01,762 --> 00:11:03,202
That's not a real Web site.
283
00:11:03,263 --> 00:11:05,433
Oh, and I suppose
I didn't get a real T-shirt
284
00:11:05,498 --> 00:11:06,568
for running in their 10K.
285
00:11:06,633 --> 00:11:08,103
(knock at door)
286
00:11:11,271 --> 00:11:12,211
Hi, Dad.
Hey, Ted.
287
00:11:12,272 --> 00:11:13,212
Barney.
288
00:11:13,273 --> 00:11:14,473
TED:
Enjoying your
vacation so far?
289
00:11:14,541 --> 00:11:16,081
Oh, yeah.
290
00:11:16,143 --> 00:11:18,213
Uh, listen, can I speak
to you outside for a sec?
291
00:11:18,278 --> 00:11:19,278
Sure.
292
00:11:23,283 --> 00:11:25,323
So you went out
with Barney last night?
293
00:11:25,385 --> 00:11:26,585
Yeah.
294
00:11:26,653 --> 00:11:27,893
You have a good time?
295
00:11:27,955 --> 00:11:29,855
Oh, yeah, yeah. Sorry
you couldn't join us.
296
00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:34,662
Yeah.
297
00:11:34,728 --> 00:11:36,398
So...
298
00:11:36,463 --> 00:11:38,133
What?
299
00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:40,728
Well...
300
00:11:40,801 --> 00:11:42,701
Well what?
301
00:11:44,437 --> 00:11:47,407
You think Cerrano's got
a shot at the RBI title?
302
00:11:49,309 --> 00:11:51,009
I wanted to confront him,
but I couldn't.
303
00:11:51,078 --> 00:11:52,748
I guess I got
the let's-not-talk-about-
304
00:11:52,813 --> 00:11:54,113
anything-
uncomfortable gene.
305
00:11:54,181 --> 00:11:55,921
Well, you didn't get your
dad's close-the-deal gene,
306
00:11:55,983 --> 00:11:57,023
that's for sure.
307
00:11:57,084 --> 00:11:58,494
Smile.
308
00:11:58,551 --> 00:11:59,821
Great.
309
00:11:59,887 --> 00:12:01,857
I don't care how
unpleasant it is.
310
00:12:01,922 --> 00:12:03,262
You have to
talk to him.
311
00:12:03,323 --> 00:12:04,193
Not now.
312
00:12:04,257 --> 00:12:05,687
Okay, if you
don't, I will.
313
00:12:05,759 --> 00:12:06,929
Robin...!
314
00:12:06,994 --> 00:12:09,534
TED:
Okay, now I got to back up
315
00:12:09,596 --> 00:12:10,896
all the way
to the beginning
316
00:12:10,964 --> 00:12:13,334
to tell you the me
and Robin part of the story.
317
00:12:15,335 --> 00:12:17,565
We were expecting my parents
at any minute.
318
00:12:17,637 --> 00:12:19,067
One last thing about my mom.
319
00:12:19,139 --> 00:12:20,669
She grills every
single one of
320
00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:23,010
my girlfriends about when we're
gonna get married and have kids.
321
00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:24,946
But this is the first time
she's meeting me.
322
00:12:25,012 --> 00:12:25,912
Doesn't matter.
323
00:12:25,979 --> 00:12:27,379
And you'll know it's coming
324
00:12:27,447 --> 00:12:30,177
when she mentions my cousin
Stacy-- six kids in five years.
325
00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:32,120
The woman's basically
a ride at a water park.
326
00:12:32,185 --> 00:12:35,985
But I don't want
to get married and have kids.
327
00:12:36,056 --> 00:12:37,586
What am I supposed to say?
328
00:12:37,657 --> 00:12:39,327
You know what?
329
00:12:39,392 --> 00:12:41,492
You're an adult with
perfectly valid opinions.
330
00:12:41,561 --> 00:12:43,461
You shouldn't have to
apologize for them.
331
00:12:43,530 --> 00:12:45,770
I'm gonna lie.
I would.
332
00:12:45,833 --> 00:12:47,773
Thanks again for
letting me have
333
00:12:47,835 --> 00:12:49,195
the U2 box set.
334
00:12:49,269 --> 00:12:51,499
I know how important
it is to you.
335
00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:54,112
I talked to Aunt
Caroline the other day.
336
00:12:54,174 --> 00:12:56,444
Stacy's pregnant again.
337
00:12:56,509 --> 00:12:59,309
Oh, good for her.
338
00:12:59,379 --> 00:13:00,549
So, dear...
339
00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:02,923
Oh, boy.
Tell us what it's like
being a journalist.
340
00:13:02,983 --> 00:13:04,283
I'm just not ready.
341
00:13:04,351 --> 00:13:06,451
Okay. No pressure.
342
00:13:06,519 --> 00:13:07,989
Oh.
343
00:13:08,055 --> 00:13:10,515
Uh, I thought you, um...
344
00:13:10,590 --> 00:13:11,620
It's great.
345
00:13:11,691 --> 00:13:12,791
Good.
346
00:13:12,860 --> 00:13:13,960
Focus on your job now,
347
00:13:14,027 --> 00:13:16,127
because your career clock
is ticking.
348
00:13:16,196 --> 00:13:17,866
There's time
for marriage and kids
349
00:13:17,931 --> 00:13:19,871
and all that other stuff later.
350
00:13:21,568 --> 00:13:22,998
Ooh, a piano!
351
00:13:24,671 --> 00:13:26,011
TED:
You lucked out with
352
00:13:26,073 --> 00:13:27,373
my mom last
night, huh?
353
00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:28,840
What a relief, right?
354
00:13:28,909 --> 00:13:30,579
Oh, absolutely.
Whew, what a relief it is
355
00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:31,853
to know I'm the one girlfriend
356
00:13:31,912 --> 00:13:33,612
your mom doesn't want you
to have kids with.
357
00:13:33,680 --> 00:13:36,480
Hooray?
358
00:13:36,549 --> 00:13:39,019
I mean, did she really think
that your college girlfriend
359
00:13:39,086 --> 00:13:41,216
Cheryl would pop out
attractive children?
360
00:13:41,288 --> 00:13:43,258
'Cause I've seen pictures,
and, I'm sorry,
361
00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:45,433
that girl had a brow ridge
like a caveman.
362
00:13:45,492 --> 00:13:48,502
Come on, she was just
frowning under direct light.
363
00:13:48,561 --> 00:13:50,731
And besides, that's not even
what I liked about her.
364
00:13:50,797 --> 00:13:52,897
It was her...
It's not important.
365
00:13:55,435 --> 00:13:57,135
What happened to
Marshall and Lily?
366
00:13:57,204 --> 00:13:58,414
They've been fighting lately.
367
00:13:58,471 --> 00:14:00,541
They're probably off
somewhere going at it.
368
00:14:00,607 --> 00:14:02,007
More coffee?
369
00:14:02,075 --> 00:14:04,905
Oh, no, thank you.
370
00:14:04,978 --> 00:14:06,808
Isn't she sweet?
371
00:14:06,880 --> 00:14:09,720
Well, if she's so sweet, maybe
she should have Ted's babies.
372
00:14:09,782 --> 00:14:12,322
Excuse me?
373
00:14:12,385 --> 00:14:14,315
Nothing.
374
00:14:19,759 --> 00:14:20,889
LILY:
Just a minute.
375
00:14:20,961 --> 00:14:22,361
MARSHALL:
Maybe less.
376
00:14:22,429 --> 00:14:23,999
Robin, dear.
377
00:14:24,064 --> 00:14:25,974
Did I say something
to upset you?
378
00:14:26,033 --> 00:14:27,773
Why don't you want me
to have your grandkids?
379
00:14:27,834 --> 00:14:30,674
Do you want to have
my grandkids?
380
00:14:30,737 --> 00:14:31,907
No!
381
00:14:31,972 --> 00:14:33,612
I mean, I don't know.
382
00:14:33,673 --> 00:14:34,613
I just...
383
00:14:34,674 --> 00:14:35,914
I want you to want me
384
00:14:35,976 --> 00:14:37,036
to want to have your grandkids.
385
00:14:37,110 --> 00:14:38,110
And you should.
386
00:14:38,178 --> 00:14:39,578
I'm a genetic gold mine.
387
00:14:40,347 --> 00:14:41,547
No family history of diabetes
388
00:14:41,614 --> 00:14:42,684
or heart disease.
389
00:14:42,749 --> 00:14:45,589
Everyone has nonporous teeth
and perfect eyesight.
390
00:14:46,819 --> 00:14:48,019
I had one schizophrenic uncle,
391
00:14:48,088 --> 00:14:50,258
but even he had perfect vision.
392
00:14:50,323 --> 00:14:52,263
Which was unfortunate
for the people around
393
00:14:52,325 --> 00:14:55,025
the bell tower he was in,
but still he was
394
00:14:55,095 --> 00:14:56,625
a very fine man, and...
395
00:14:56,696 --> 00:14:57,896
Excuse me. Sorry.
396
00:14:57,965 --> 00:14:59,465
Didn't know that
there was a line.
397
00:14:59,532 --> 00:15:01,572
Marshall, your zipper.
398
00:15:01,634 --> 00:15:02,644
Oh.
399
00:15:09,442 --> 00:15:12,682
Robin, it's not that I
don't want grandkids.
400
00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:15,145
It's just I don't think
anyone should make the mistake
401
00:15:15,215 --> 00:15:17,015
of getting married too young.
402
00:15:17,084 --> 00:15:18,194
Why do you say that?
403
00:15:18,251 --> 00:15:19,791
I mean, you got married
pretty young.
404
00:15:19,852 --> 00:15:21,022
That wasn't a mistake.
405
00:15:22,322 --> 00:15:23,892
Was it?
406
00:15:23,957 --> 00:15:26,027
(whispers):
Well...
407
00:15:26,093 --> 00:15:27,763
Okay, there's something
you don't know.
408
00:15:27,827 --> 00:15:29,827
WAITRESS:
Smile.
409
00:15:29,896 --> 00:15:31,456
I wish your face
would melt off.
410
00:15:31,531 --> 00:15:32,931
I wish your eyeballs
would explode.
411
00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:34,000
I'm gonna kill him.
412
00:15:34,067 --> 00:15:35,067
I don't care how
unpleasant it is,
413
00:15:35,135 --> 00:15:36,295
you have to
talk to him.
414
00:15:36,369 --> 00:15:37,969
Not now.
Okay, if you
don't, I will.
415
00:15:38,038 --> 00:15:40,208
Robin...!
416
00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:42,743
Oh, gosh, let me help you
pick those up, sweetheart.
417
00:15:42,809 --> 00:15:44,409
Sweetheart?
418
00:15:44,477 --> 00:15:45,807
Sweetheart?!
419
00:15:45,878 --> 00:15:47,048
The only sweetheart in your life
420
00:15:47,114 --> 00:15:48,284
should be the woman you
married 30 years ago,
421
00:15:48,348 --> 00:15:49,978
not the waitress
at the bar last night
422
00:15:50,050 --> 00:15:51,280
and not this clumsy floozy!
423
00:15:51,351 --> 00:15:53,451
I'm sorry, you're
not a floozy.
424
00:15:53,520 --> 00:15:55,190
I'm upset, I don't know
what I'm saying.
425
00:15:56,123 --> 00:15:57,593
But stay away from my dad.
426
00:15:59,092 --> 00:16:00,692
Ted, what are you talking about?
427
00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:02,100
Dad?
428
00:16:02,162 --> 00:16:04,962
You, uh, want
to tell Mom
429
00:16:05,032 --> 00:16:06,672
what happened at the bar
last night?
430
00:16:09,002 --> 00:16:11,072
Okay.
431
00:16:11,138 --> 00:16:13,138
I hooked up with a waitress.
432
00:16:13,906 --> 00:16:15,376
Oh.
433
00:16:15,442 --> 00:16:16,942
Oh?
434
00:16:17,010 --> 00:16:18,750
I mean, oh!
435
00:16:19,779 --> 00:16:21,979
Oh! Ooh!
436
00:16:22,049 --> 00:16:23,349
We're going to have
a serious talk
437
00:16:23,416 --> 00:16:24,946
about this when
we get home, Al.
438
00:16:25,018 --> 00:16:26,488
Oh, ooh!
439
00:16:26,553 --> 00:16:28,423
Serious talk?
440
00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:29,288
Mom, what...?
441
00:16:29,356 --> 00:16:30,756
He was kissing another woman.
442
00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:31,693
Don't you care?
443
00:16:31,758 --> 00:16:33,228
Mrs. Mosby?
444
00:16:36,229 --> 00:16:38,929
Ted, we weren't quite sure
how to tell you this...
445
00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:41,468
Your mother and I
are divorced.
446
00:16:45,305 --> 00:16:47,005
You...
447
00:16:47,074 --> 00:16:48,044
What do you mean
you're divorced?
448
00:16:48,108 --> 00:16:49,308
Since when?
449
00:16:49,376 --> 00:16:52,046
Oh, gosh, it's been
about nine months now.
450
00:16:52,112 --> 00:16:53,612
Closer to ten, I think.
451
00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:55,380
Time flies.
(chuckles)
452
00:16:55,448 --> 00:16:58,118
So ten months ago,
you just up and decided
453
00:16:58,185 --> 00:16:59,815
to get divorced
without telling me?
454
00:16:59,886 --> 00:17:01,486
No, it wasn't a
snap decision.
455
00:17:01,554 --> 00:17:03,694
We'd been separated
almost two years.
456
00:17:03,756 --> 00:17:05,626
How could you not tell me this?!
457
00:17:05,692 --> 00:17:09,062
We meant to, it just never
seemed like the right time.
458
00:17:09,129 --> 00:17:11,329
So last Christmas...?
459
00:17:11,398 --> 00:17:13,368
We talked about
telling you kids then,
460
00:17:13,433 --> 00:17:15,343
but it didn't seem
very Christmasy.
461
00:17:15,402 --> 00:17:18,212
I got you a tandem bike.
462
00:17:18,271 --> 00:17:19,411
Oh, it didn't
go to waste.
463
00:17:19,472 --> 00:17:21,112
Your mother and Frank
ride it all the time.
464
00:17:21,174 --> 00:17:22,884
Who the hell is Frank?!
465
00:17:22,942 --> 00:17:24,742
(chuckling):
Oh, great guy.
466
00:17:24,811 --> 00:17:26,381
I actually set them up.
467
00:17:26,446 --> 00:17:27,846
You remember Dr. Muchnik.
468
00:17:27,914 --> 00:17:29,324
He did your braces.
469
00:17:33,019 --> 00:17:34,489
Okay, my head's
about to explode,
470
00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:36,894
and I don't want to get it
all over everyone's waffles,
471
00:17:36,956 --> 00:17:38,526
so I am leaving.
472
00:17:38,591 --> 00:17:40,261
Teddy bear, oh...
473
00:17:44,197 --> 00:17:47,127
You know, he mentioned
he was divorced last night.
474
00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:48,500
I totally spaced on that.
475
00:17:50,937 --> 00:17:52,537
Ooh, no line
at the omelet station.
476
00:17:59,146 --> 00:18:00,446
Lily...
477
00:18:00,513 --> 00:18:03,523
I'm sorry that I said
all those things.
478
00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:05,353
Me, too.
479
00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:10,060
I just find it really confusing
to be around you right now.
480
00:18:10,123 --> 00:18:11,293
It's the same for me.
481
00:18:12,692 --> 00:18:14,532
I think we're probably
both better off
482
00:18:14,594 --> 00:18:16,964
trying to keep some
distance for a while.
483
00:18:17,029 --> 00:18:19,269
Yeah, I think you're right.
484
00:18:27,507 --> 00:18:28,837
Are you wearing
a push-up bra?
485
00:18:28,908 --> 00:18:30,238
Did you Mystic
Tan your calves?
486
00:18:30,310 --> 00:18:33,080
I withdraw the question.
487
00:18:33,146 --> 00:18:36,946
We're sorry we didn't say
anything about the divorce.
488
00:18:37,016 --> 00:18:38,616
It was wrong
not to tell you.
489
00:18:38,685 --> 00:18:40,615
Thank you.
490
00:18:40,687 --> 00:18:42,047
But listen,
don't tell your sister.
491
00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:43,321
It would just
upset her.
492
00:18:43,390 --> 00:18:46,330
No, this is
ridiculous!
493
00:18:46,393 --> 00:18:49,163
We have to start talking about
stuff, and not just baseball.
494
00:18:49,229 --> 00:18:51,599
Indians won today
on a walk-off double.
495
00:18:51,664 --> 00:18:54,104
Against the Red Sox?
Boy, that's a big win.
496
00:18:54,167 --> 00:18:55,267
No. No. No.
497
00:18:55,335 --> 00:18:56,865
We're not gonna
blow past this.
498
00:18:56,936 --> 00:18:57,866
I mean, I don't even
499
00:18:57,937 --> 00:18:59,207
know who you people.
500
00:18:59,272 --> 00:19:00,672
I don't even know
how you met.
501
00:19:00,740 --> 00:19:02,840
I never told you
how I met your mother?
502
00:19:02,909 --> 00:19:03,709
No.
503
00:19:03,776 --> 00:19:04,936
Oh, great story.
504
00:19:05,011 --> 00:19:06,681
At a bar.
505
00:19:07,747 --> 00:19:09,817
That's it?
506
00:19:09,882 --> 00:19:12,192
That's what passes for
communication in our family?
507
00:19:12,252 --> 00:19:13,292
Man, when I have kids,
508
00:19:13,353 --> 00:19:15,393
and I tell them how
I met their mother,
509
00:19:15,455 --> 00:19:17,855
I'm gonna tell them everything,
the whole damn story.
510
00:19:19,826 --> 00:19:22,326
I think it was an Irish bar.
511
00:19:23,430 --> 00:19:25,830
I just, I don't...
I don't understand.
512
00:19:25,898 --> 00:19:26,998
You seemed so happy.
513
00:19:27,066 --> 00:19:28,166
When I was growing up,
514
00:19:28,235 --> 00:19:29,865
you seemed so...
515
00:19:29,936 --> 00:19:31,336
What happened?
516
00:19:31,404 --> 00:19:33,914
We just realized we're
very different people.
517
00:19:33,973 --> 00:19:36,313
Your father's kind of a
head-in-the-clouds romantic,
518
00:19:36,376 --> 00:19:38,106
and I'm much more
down to earth.
519
00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:39,977
So?
520
00:19:40,046 --> 00:19:41,246
Robin and I
are like that.
521
00:19:41,314 --> 00:19:42,324
That doesn't
mean anything.
522
00:19:42,382 --> 00:19:44,182
I wanted kids.
523
00:19:44,251 --> 00:19:46,291
And your mother...
524
00:19:46,353 --> 00:19:48,393
also wanted kids.
525
00:19:48,455 --> 00:19:51,485
Robin and I have
different views on families.
526
00:19:51,558 --> 00:19:53,458
We're not about to break up
because of it.
527
00:19:53,526 --> 00:19:55,956
On some level,
I always knew.
528
00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:58,428
I didn't even want to go out
with him in the beginning.
529
00:19:58,498 --> 00:20:01,728
But he spent months badgering
me until I finally gave in.
530
00:20:03,736 --> 00:20:05,236
Huh.
531
00:20:05,305 --> 00:20:07,435
Well, when you don't connect
on that many fundamental levels,
532
00:20:07,507 --> 00:20:09,277
it's only a matter of time
before you realize
533
00:20:09,342 --> 00:20:10,542
you're not meant
to be together.
534
00:20:12,312 --> 00:20:14,512
But we love Robin.
535
00:20:14,581 --> 00:20:15,851
MR. MOSBY:
Absolutely.
536
00:20:15,915 --> 00:20:18,075
Meeting you was
the highlight of my trip.
537
00:20:18,150 --> 00:20:20,720
Well, second highlight.
538
00:20:20,787 --> 00:20:22,487
MRS. MOSBY:
We'll see you inside.
539
00:20:22,555 --> 00:20:24,485
Sorry.
540
00:20:28,928 --> 00:20:30,198
Wow.
541
00:20:30,263 --> 00:20:31,933
I know.
542
00:20:31,998 --> 00:20:34,768
They love me!
543
00:20:34,834 --> 00:20:36,704
(chuckles)
544
00:20:39,439 --> 00:20:42,379
We are definitely going to
try and communicate more.
545
00:20:42,442 --> 00:20:43,842
From now on,
full disclosure.
546
00:20:43,910 --> 00:20:47,050
Good. Good, I think it'll be
really good for the family.
547
00:20:47,113 --> 00:20:48,283
By the way,
how's Grandma?
548
00:20:48,348 --> 00:20:50,448
She hasn't returned
my last couple calls.
549
00:20:57,290 --> 00:20:59,490
I'm gonna get
some juice.
550
00:21:01,828 --> 00:21:03,598
No.
551
00:21:04,697 --> 00:21:07,297
No.
552
00:21:07,367 --> 00:21:08,937
(chuckles)
553
00:21:09,001 --> 00:21:11,601
You missed a great game
last night. Real squeaker.
36175
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